Whose Line Is It Anyway? (2013–…): Season 9, Episode 4 - Greg Proops 7 - full transcript
Greg Proops is the fourth seater. Games played are Questions with Hats, Film Dub, Scene to Music, Sound Effects (with Audience Members), Scenes from a Hat, and Greatest Hits.
-Good
-Good evening,
-Good evening, everybody,
and welcome
to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show...
"Field of Dreams," Wayne Brady,
"The Revenant," Greg Proops,
"Million Dollar Baby,"
Colin Mochrie,
and "Mighty Ducks 2"...
it's Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler.
Let's make some stuff up!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hey, everybody.
Hello and welcome
to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"...
The show where everything
is made up
and the points don't matter.
We've got a great show
for you tonight,
so let's get started
with a game entitle "Questions."
This is for all four
of our performers, in two pairs.
Come on down.
Greg and Ryan will be there.
Colin and Wayne will be here.
Grab your hats and wigs.
Now, the way that
this game works is that
Wayne and Greg
will begin a scene,
but they can only speak
in questions.
I'll buzz when someone
makes a mistake,
and then the person behind them
has to step in
and take their place.
However, each time they come in,
they have to assume
a different character
according to the wig
or hat that they're wearing.
The scene you'll be acting out
is entitled
"Passions Erupt
at an Office Christmas Party."
[ Laughter ]
- Would you like me
to probe your inner space?
-UFO?
[ Laughter ] [ Buzzer ]
-Fresh.
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughter ]
-What do you look like?
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Would you like to touch me?
- Would you like
to make some bacon?
-Would you like to pork?
-Oh!
-[ Chuckles ] [ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
- [ High-pitched ]
Where's all the chicks?
-Do you his...
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Do you know you look like hell?
-Who has summoned Satan?
- If you could see your eyes
right now, you'd freak out.
-Not a question. [ Laughs ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-So what's new?
-What's new with you?!
-How come you look so bad?
- Isn't it apparent to you,
I'm on Via-a-a-gra!
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
- Morgan Freeman!
Would you sign this?
[ Laughter and applause ]
- How did you know me?
- Why are you here
at the office party?
- I-I-I... Well, it's...
[ Buzzer ]
Take your pen. Take your pen.
Take the pen, too.
- Thank you.
Space work. That's what we do.
-Yes.
- Oy!
Is it hot in here or is it me?
-Are you schvitzing?
-Am I?
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
- Want to play
with some snowballs?
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
- Aren't you in
the wrong country?
- [ Cockney accent ]
Well, does it look like to you
that I'm on the correct country?
- Is that an accent,
or are you having a stroke?
[ Laughter ]
-Aren't you the sly...
[ Buzzer ] Okay.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Welcome back the lovely
and talented Mr. Greg Proops,
everybody.
-Greg Proops!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Fresh out of the pen.
- Yes. Still got his suit he had
when they took him in.
- Oh, yeah. It's the one
I wore to my hearing.
- And I defended him.
[ Laughter ]
- Our game is entitled
"Film Dub."
This game is for all four
of you lovely gentlemen.
Come on down.
Take a look at the screen.
The way this works is that
we took an old piece of film.
We removed all the dialogue.
And now Ryan, Colin,
Greg, and Wayne
are gonna revoice the clip
using their imaginations.
And the scene I'd like to you
to improvise, gentlemen,
is entitled
"Arguing Over Dinner."
Take a look.
- Oh, my God.
I've got so much to do.
I've got so much.
I've got to set the table.
I've got to get the roast
out of the oven.
Help me, Cynthia. Help me.
I can't get it all done.
- Oh, come on.
It's only potatoes.
And they're frozen anyway.
Here, I'll go in the kitchen
and do it.
- I would like s... Mm.
[ Laughter ]
Here, madam.
The potatoes... are gone.
Sorry.
- The potatoes are
the main part of my dish.
Oh, what am I going to do
without the potatoes?
-I'll call.
[ Laughter ]
[ Humming ]
-Hello. Potato Shack.
[ Laughter ]
Can I help you? -Yes.
Is your refrigerator running?
Maybe you should catch it!
[ Laughter ]
-I would love some potatoes.
-You see, it's a play on words.
Your refrigerator
isn't actually running.
- You know
what's gonna be running
when I come over there
and beat your ass.
-Oh! Well, that's simply not on.
[ Laughter and applause ]
- Oh, this...
It is a total disaster!
- Oh, stop. Stop this.
I'm getting a drink!
- Oh! Why would I ever take on
a potato dinner like this?
I'm so above my base here.
-We're out of vodka!
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Potato Shack. -Potato Shack.
♪ Come on down to Potato Shack ♪
♪ Potatoes ♪
- ♪ When you want to hear
a white lady who sounds black ♪
♪ Come on down
to the Potato Shack ♪
You'd better eat 'em all
or I'm gonna come over
and beat your ass!
-[ Laughs ]
We're going to come to a game
now entitled "Scene the Music."
This game is for Ryan,
Colin, and Wayne.
So come this way!
The way this game works
is that you three are gonna
act out a scene.
We're gonna start normally
and then we're gonna supply
some music for you.
And then you'll act according
to whatever the music is
that starts playing
when it comes on.
The scene that you'll be acting
out is that Ryan and Colin,
you're two teens shoplifting
in a supermarket when, suddenly,
store detective Wayne
catches you red-handed.
Remember, at some point,
some music will come in
and you'll act according
to the music that you hear.
Take it away.
- [ Whispering ]
What's it look like?
- [ Whispering ] It's all clear.
It's all clear.
-There's a camera over here.
I'm just gonna cover up the
camera
while you put the chocolate bars
in your pants.
-All right. -[ Whistling ]
[ Laughter ]
- Got 'em. I got them all.
-We're ready to go? -Yeah!
- I want to get a lighter
so we can start a fire later.
-Oh! -Oh.
-Oh. Hello.
-Hi.
[ Italian folk music plays ]
- [ As Don Corleone ] You boys
come into my... my store.
[ Laughter and applause ]
I saw you.
I gave you a chance to... to not
do what you're about to do.
But the thing is
about expectations...
Somebody always
doesn't meet them.
[ Laughter and applause ]
- What... What you think,
we're here for your amusement?
- Yeah. You think that?
- You think that?
- What, we make you laugh?
- Yeah. No, no, no, we're not.
- What, we're funny?
We're gonna make you laugh?
Is that what you're saying?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-I got a lighter!
[ Up-tempo jazz rock plays ]
-Listen, fellas.
I think you may want to put down
the stuff that you've got,
or else the gig is up
and we're outta here.
[ Laughter and applause ]
You're eatin' the merchandise!
- Yeah, that's right!
You have no evidence now.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
- Look, I'm...
I'm sorry if we took things.
My... The power's been cut off
at home, and I took the lighter
so I could warm my baby brothers
and my mother.
-I'm so sorry. I...
- I've broken every bone
in my body twice.
I'm just standing
through gumption.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Dramatic music plays ]
My God. I have an erection.
[ Laughter ]
-Not just any erection!
That's the b... Ow! -Sorry.
-Turn that... Listen.
-Thank God for cargo pants.
- You two, you take that,
and you go out into the world
and you show them what for.
- There's nothing we can't do
with an erection like that.
- There's nothing you can't
do, gentlemen.
Nothing. Just point toward
the North Star.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Godspeed.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Music continues ]
-All right. Don't move.
There's more "Whose Line"
after these messages.
Stay tuned.
[ Cheers and applause ]
- Welcome back
to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
We're gonna play a game now
entitled "Sound Effects."
This game is for Ryan and Colin,
so come on down.
We're also gonna need
the help of two volunteers
from our audience,
so let's find them now!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Who are they?
Who are they? Who are they?
Hey, hi. What's your name?
- Craig.
-Craig! Head up on the stage!
Who else, who else, who else?
Hi!
Hi. What's your name? -Meera.
-Come with me, Meera.
Meera! [ Cheers and applause ]
Follow me, Meera.
All right. Here we go.
The way this game works
is that Ryan and Colin
are gonna perform a scene.
Craig and Meera are gonna
provide the sound effects,
but only when prompted to do so.
Craig, you'll do the sounds
for Colin.
And, Meera, you're gonna do
the sounds for Ryan.
And here's the scene.
Ryan and Colin are Marines
whose motorboat runs aground
on a mysterious island full
of weird and dangerous animals.
Okay? Whenever you're ready,
take it away.
- I suggest we should set out
for our nautical maneuverers.
- Yep. Let's go in the motorboat.
- All righty. Step in.
- Boy, budget cuts have really
screwed up the Marines a little,
haven't they?
- It'll be hard to land
a plane on this.
- All right.
Let me just start our motor.
-Pshhh! -Oh!
Are you all right? Are you okay?
-Someone shot at me! -Oh, no!
Get on this side. What the hell?
The maneuverers
have already started.
Here we are. Step foot on land.
Ah.
Let me, uh, let me get
the machine gun out.
-Pt-chh!
- Oh. Here's the shotgun.
There's the shotgun.
Let me get the machine gun now.
Careful. It's already cocked.
-All right. [ Laughter ]
Just in case we get in trouble,
I'm gonna test out
my machine gun.
Step back. -All right.
- Pk-chh-chh-chh.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Got water in it. -Yeah.
- Let me see if my shotgun's
any better.
I wouldn't do that.
-What? -Wouldn't do that.
- What's the worst
that could happen?
-Well, let me see if I can...
-Pop.
-Oh! [ Laughter ]
-I'll just pick up the cork.
- All right.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Wait! Do you hear that?
-What?
- An odd music
coming from in the trees.
-Nope. Don't hear it.
-No. Listen. [ Laughter ]
It's very faint,
but listen closely.
-H... -No. Don't hear it.
-Be quiet. It's...
You were right. Sorry.
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughing ] Thought I'd give it
a second chance.
- Hey, do we know anything
about this island at all?
-I don't think so.
Wait. I've got
an instructional video in here
that'll tell us
all about the island.
- You brought a Blu-ray with you?
- Yeah.
This will tell us
all about the island.
-All right.
-Beware of tigers.
[ Laughter ] -Beware of tigers?!
[ Laughter and applause ]
That's good to know!
That's good to know.
[ Cheers and applause ]
My God. Look!
That's the biggest tiger
I've ever seen.
-Meow. [ Laughter and applause ]
-Don't trust him. -I don't know.
Seems kind of sexy. -No.
[ Laughter ]
-Wait! Now I hear that music.
- P-chh, p-chh, p-chh, p-chh...
- ♪ La, la-la, la-la, la-la ♪
- See? You hear it that time?
- I did!
It must be putting a musical
to appease the tiger!
- We'd better head into the
jungle and see what's going on.
I've got my machine gun.
- I'm just gonna to radio back
and say we're going to
investigate it more.
-Pssh-shh, p-shh, wha-wha-wha...
-Hey, anyone there? -No.
-Okay. [ Laughter ]
-We're good? -Yeah.
Screwed.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
- Thank you.
- Craig and Meera, everybody!
Craig and Meera!
Thank you, guys.
Thank you.
Craig and Meera, everybody.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-♪ La, la-la, la-la, la-la ♪
[ Laughter ]
- You didn't say
what kind of music.
-Tribal, apparently.
- They were shooting
"La La Land 2" in that jungle.
Next up is a game entitled
"Scenes From a Hat."
This game is for all four
of our performers.
Ryan and Colin are there.
Greg and Wayne are here.
Before our show,
we asked our audience
to write down some scenes
they'd like to see acted out
by our gentlemen performers.
I've got those suggestions
in this hat.
I'm gonna read them out.
We'll see what our performers
come up with.
Here we go.
What the cast of "Sesame Street"
does
when the cameras stop rolling.
[ Laughter ]
- "Near, far. Near, far."
Who writes this crap? [ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-"W" is for "Whiskey."
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
- ♪ Where are the hookers
in my neighborhood? ♪
♪ In my neighborhood ♪
Oh. [ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
- [ As Snuffleupagus ]
I'm here to give a Ted Talk
on positivity
and an optimistic outlook.
[ Laughter ]
My life has been changed
by the power of "yes."
[ Laughter and applause ]
-If celebrities were doctors.
[ Laughter ]
- [ As Christopher Walken ]
Now... cough.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-That was pretty good. -Yeah?
[ Laughter ]
- [ As Bill Cosby ]
I'm your doctor for the day.
[ Laughter and applause ]
I'll be doing the surgery
on you,
but all you've got to do
is drink this.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
No. That's my childhood hero.
- [ As Woody Allen ] Little...
I'm a little squeamish.
If you don't mind, if you could
perform the operation yourself
and I'll...
I'll just sit over here
and collect the insurance money.
[ Laughter ]
[ Normal voice ] Woody Allen,
uh, has been an enduring star...
[ Laughter and applause ]
I like to say who I'm doing.
It cuts down on the chit-chat.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
- [ As Ed O'Neill ]
I give you six weeks.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Inept criminals.
-[ Imitating safe clicking ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
- Catchphrases that will never
catch on.
[ Laughter ]
-Not just smart. Trump smart.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Yes. -Don't go anywhere.
We'll be right back with more
"Whose Line is it Anyway?"
right after this.
Stay tuned.
[ Cheers and applause ]
- Welcome back
to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
We're gonna play a game now
entitled "Greatest Hits."
This is a game for Colin,
Greg, and Wayne,
with the help of Laura Hall
and Linda Taylor on piano
and guitar.
Come on down, boys.
Here's how this game works.
Greg and Colin are two
television voice-over performers
talking about
the latest compilation album.
Wayne's gonna sing snippets
of the songs on that album,
so what I need from the audience
is a suggestion of a place
or a thing you would do
on vacation.
What's a thing you would do
if you were going on vacation?
Give me your best shot, guys!
[ Shouting suggestions ]
Nice! Oh, man.
You guys are on fire.
A lot of great suggestions,
but I'm gonna go with safari.
So, the name of this album is
entitled "Songs of the Safari."
- Hey, you ever been on safari?
- Have I? No.
-Me neither.
Why don't we sell songs
about it?
-All right. [ Laughter ]
- You know, what I love
about our CD collections
is we celebrate
every style of music.
-You're right there.
-Thanks. [ Laughter ]
But one of my favorite styles...
And it's just come out
recently...
I think you know
what I'm talking about.
-Mm. -Rhythm and booze.
-Wow! -Yeah.
It's a new kind of, um, style...
where the singer gets
really drunk
and then sings a song
in a rhythmy-blues style.
- Did you say rhythm and booze?
- You heard me.
Rhythm and booze!
[ Laughter ]
So sit back and enjoy
this great song, "Africa Hot."
[ Laughter ]
[ Mid-tempo introduction plays ]
♪♪
♪ Shoo-ba-doop ♪
[ Clears throat ]
[ Laughter ]
♪ I... I confess, I'm a mess ♪
♪ Oh, there's so many ladies
I'd love to p... impress ♪
♪ Back in the States, I'm a 7 ♪
♪ That's what I've got ♪
♪ But in Africa, I'm a 10 ♪
♪ I'm Africa Hot ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪ But, of course baby,
as you walk along the street ♪
♪ You... ♪
[ Laughter and applause ]
♪ Oh ♪
♪ That's what I've got ♪
♪ 'Cause, baby, I'm... ♪
♪ Africa Hot ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ Hey, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, b-b-b-baby, b-b-b... ♪
[ Laughs ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Laughing ]
Whoo!
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Mm, mm, ooh ♪
♪ Ah... ♪ [ Laughs ]
Mm.
[ Exhales deeply ]
[ Music slows, ends ]
[ Exhales deeply ] Hot.
[ Laughter and applause ]
- You know, uh, one of
Elvis Presley's big movie hits
was, um, uh, "Surfing Surf."
[ Laughter ]
-I love that.
That was the sequel
to "Rock House Rock."
- Yeah, and it took place
in Africa.
-Really? -Oh, yeah.
- Uh, and one of the big,
big, big songs
from, uh, that great movie...
catch it if you can...
"Pith Helmet in Khakis."
[ Laughter ]
[ Up-tempo rock music plays ]
All right, Mama.
♪ Well, what do you dress in
when you get ready to go? ♪
♪ What you gonna do
when it gets wild and... ♪
[ Laughs ]
-[ Laughs ]
[ Music stops ]
- Stop and start over again.
I was gonna say something
so filthy.
[ Laughter ]
-No, no, no. -Not on this show.
-No. Let's go.
[ Music continues ]
[ Audience cheering,
clapping rhythmically ]
♪ When you're out
in the forest ♪
♪ Oh, baby, in the jungle too ♪
♪ A pair of Levis might be
too tight ♪
♪ Cause chafing for you ♪
♪ Oh, the sun beatin' down
on your head ♪
♪ Fry your brain
until you're dead ♪
♪ Oh, you see,
here's what you got to wear ♪
♪ Take this from me ♪
♪ Oh, a pith helmet and khakis ♪
♪ To cover up
nature's snackies ♪
[ Laughing ]
♪ That's what you got to wear ♪
♪ To... ♪ [ Laughs ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
♪ Pith, pith, pith ♪
♪ Oh, a little pith, pith,
pith ♪
♪ It's a helmet, it's a pith ♪
♪ And then this
for when you [bleep] ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ It's a pith helmet
and khakis ♪
♪ Pith helmet and khaki-i-i-is ♪
♪ What you gonna wear, 'cause
it's too hot for clothes? ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
Nature's snackies.
[ Buzzer ]
- Hey, find out who won our show
after this short break.
There's more "Whose Line"
right after this.
[ Cheers and applause ]
- [ Laughing ] Welcome back
to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
That's our show. Tonight,
all four of you won today,
so I'd like you
to read out the credits
as if you're all horror-movie
monsters attacking the camera.
Thanks for watching everybody.
Good night.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
♪♪
♪♪
-Boo.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
-Whaaa! Whaaa!
Whaaa! [ Cheers and applause ]
-Good evening,
-Good evening, everybody,
and welcome
to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show...
"Field of Dreams," Wayne Brady,
"The Revenant," Greg Proops,
"Million Dollar Baby,"
Colin Mochrie,
and "Mighty Ducks 2"...
it's Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler.
Let's make some stuff up!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hey, everybody.
Hello and welcome
to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"...
The show where everything
is made up
and the points don't matter.
We've got a great show
for you tonight,
so let's get started
with a game entitle "Questions."
This is for all four
of our performers, in two pairs.
Come on down.
Greg and Ryan will be there.
Colin and Wayne will be here.
Grab your hats and wigs.
Now, the way that
this game works is that
Wayne and Greg
will begin a scene,
but they can only speak
in questions.
I'll buzz when someone
makes a mistake,
and then the person behind them
has to step in
and take their place.
However, each time they come in,
they have to assume
a different character
according to the wig
or hat that they're wearing.
The scene you'll be acting out
is entitled
"Passions Erupt
at an Office Christmas Party."
[ Laughter ]
- Would you like me
to probe your inner space?
-UFO?
[ Laughter ] [ Buzzer ]
-Fresh.
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughter ]
-What do you look like?
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Would you like to touch me?
- Would you like
to make some bacon?
-Would you like to pork?
-Oh!
-[ Chuckles ] [ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
- [ High-pitched ]
Where's all the chicks?
-Do you his...
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Do you know you look like hell?
-Who has summoned Satan?
- If you could see your eyes
right now, you'd freak out.
-Not a question. [ Laughs ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-So what's new?
-What's new with you?!
-How come you look so bad?
- Isn't it apparent to you,
I'm on Via-a-a-gra!
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
- Morgan Freeman!
Would you sign this?
[ Laughter and applause ]
- How did you know me?
- Why are you here
at the office party?
- I-I-I... Well, it's...
[ Buzzer ]
Take your pen. Take your pen.
Take the pen, too.
- Thank you.
Space work. That's what we do.
-Yes.
- Oy!
Is it hot in here or is it me?
-Are you schvitzing?
-Am I?
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
- Want to play
with some snowballs?
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
- Aren't you in
the wrong country?
- [ Cockney accent ]
Well, does it look like to you
that I'm on the correct country?
- Is that an accent,
or are you having a stroke?
[ Laughter ]
-Aren't you the sly...
[ Buzzer ] Okay.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Welcome back the lovely
and talented Mr. Greg Proops,
everybody.
-Greg Proops!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Fresh out of the pen.
- Yes. Still got his suit he had
when they took him in.
- Oh, yeah. It's the one
I wore to my hearing.
- And I defended him.
[ Laughter ]
- Our game is entitled
"Film Dub."
This game is for all four
of you lovely gentlemen.
Come on down.
Take a look at the screen.
The way this works is that
we took an old piece of film.
We removed all the dialogue.
And now Ryan, Colin,
Greg, and Wayne
are gonna revoice the clip
using their imaginations.
And the scene I'd like to you
to improvise, gentlemen,
is entitled
"Arguing Over Dinner."
Take a look.
- Oh, my God.
I've got so much to do.
I've got so much.
I've got to set the table.
I've got to get the roast
out of the oven.
Help me, Cynthia. Help me.
I can't get it all done.
- Oh, come on.
It's only potatoes.
And they're frozen anyway.
Here, I'll go in the kitchen
and do it.
- I would like s... Mm.
[ Laughter ]
Here, madam.
The potatoes... are gone.
Sorry.
- The potatoes are
the main part of my dish.
Oh, what am I going to do
without the potatoes?
-I'll call.
[ Laughter ]
[ Humming ]
-Hello. Potato Shack.
[ Laughter ]
Can I help you? -Yes.
Is your refrigerator running?
Maybe you should catch it!
[ Laughter ]
-I would love some potatoes.
-You see, it's a play on words.
Your refrigerator
isn't actually running.
- You know
what's gonna be running
when I come over there
and beat your ass.
-Oh! Well, that's simply not on.
[ Laughter and applause ]
- Oh, this...
It is a total disaster!
- Oh, stop. Stop this.
I'm getting a drink!
- Oh! Why would I ever take on
a potato dinner like this?
I'm so above my base here.
-We're out of vodka!
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Potato Shack. -Potato Shack.
♪ Come on down to Potato Shack ♪
♪ Potatoes ♪
- ♪ When you want to hear
a white lady who sounds black ♪
♪ Come on down
to the Potato Shack ♪
You'd better eat 'em all
or I'm gonna come over
and beat your ass!
-[ Laughs ]
We're going to come to a game
now entitled "Scene the Music."
This game is for Ryan,
Colin, and Wayne.
So come this way!
The way this game works
is that you three are gonna
act out a scene.
We're gonna start normally
and then we're gonna supply
some music for you.
And then you'll act according
to whatever the music is
that starts playing
when it comes on.
The scene that you'll be acting
out is that Ryan and Colin,
you're two teens shoplifting
in a supermarket when, suddenly,
store detective Wayne
catches you red-handed.
Remember, at some point,
some music will come in
and you'll act according
to the music that you hear.
Take it away.
- [ Whispering ]
What's it look like?
- [ Whispering ] It's all clear.
It's all clear.
-There's a camera over here.
I'm just gonna cover up the
camera
while you put the chocolate bars
in your pants.
-All right. -[ Whistling ]
[ Laughter ]
- Got 'em. I got them all.
-We're ready to go? -Yeah!
- I want to get a lighter
so we can start a fire later.
-Oh! -Oh.
-Oh. Hello.
-Hi.
[ Italian folk music plays ]
- [ As Don Corleone ] You boys
come into my... my store.
[ Laughter and applause ]
I saw you.
I gave you a chance to... to not
do what you're about to do.
But the thing is
about expectations...
Somebody always
doesn't meet them.
[ Laughter and applause ]
- What... What you think,
we're here for your amusement?
- Yeah. You think that?
- You think that?
- What, we make you laugh?
- Yeah. No, no, no, we're not.
- What, we're funny?
We're gonna make you laugh?
Is that what you're saying?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-I got a lighter!
[ Up-tempo jazz rock plays ]
-Listen, fellas.
I think you may want to put down
the stuff that you've got,
or else the gig is up
and we're outta here.
[ Laughter and applause ]
You're eatin' the merchandise!
- Yeah, that's right!
You have no evidence now.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
- Look, I'm...
I'm sorry if we took things.
My... The power's been cut off
at home, and I took the lighter
so I could warm my baby brothers
and my mother.
-I'm so sorry. I...
- I've broken every bone
in my body twice.
I'm just standing
through gumption.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Dramatic music plays ]
My God. I have an erection.
[ Laughter ]
-Not just any erection!
That's the b... Ow! -Sorry.
-Turn that... Listen.
-Thank God for cargo pants.
- You two, you take that,
and you go out into the world
and you show them what for.
- There's nothing we can't do
with an erection like that.
- There's nothing you can't
do, gentlemen.
Nothing. Just point toward
the North Star.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Godspeed.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Music continues ]
-All right. Don't move.
There's more "Whose Line"
after these messages.
Stay tuned.
[ Cheers and applause ]
- Welcome back
to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
We're gonna play a game now
entitled "Sound Effects."
This game is for Ryan and Colin,
so come on down.
We're also gonna need
the help of two volunteers
from our audience,
so let's find them now!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Who are they?
Who are they? Who are they?
Hey, hi. What's your name?
- Craig.
-Craig! Head up on the stage!
Who else, who else, who else?
Hi!
Hi. What's your name? -Meera.
-Come with me, Meera.
Meera! [ Cheers and applause ]
Follow me, Meera.
All right. Here we go.
The way this game works
is that Ryan and Colin
are gonna perform a scene.
Craig and Meera are gonna
provide the sound effects,
but only when prompted to do so.
Craig, you'll do the sounds
for Colin.
And, Meera, you're gonna do
the sounds for Ryan.
And here's the scene.
Ryan and Colin are Marines
whose motorboat runs aground
on a mysterious island full
of weird and dangerous animals.
Okay? Whenever you're ready,
take it away.
- I suggest we should set out
for our nautical maneuverers.
- Yep. Let's go in the motorboat.
- All righty. Step in.
- Boy, budget cuts have really
screwed up the Marines a little,
haven't they?
- It'll be hard to land
a plane on this.
- All right.
Let me just start our motor.
-Pshhh! -Oh!
Are you all right? Are you okay?
-Someone shot at me! -Oh, no!
Get on this side. What the hell?
The maneuverers
have already started.
Here we are. Step foot on land.
Ah.
Let me, uh, let me get
the machine gun out.
-Pt-chh!
- Oh. Here's the shotgun.
There's the shotgun.
Let me get the machine gun now.
Careful. It's already cocked.
-All right. [ Laughter ]
Just in case we get in trouble,
I'm gonna test out
my machine gun.
Step back. -All right.
- Pk-chh-chh-chh.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Got water in it. -Yeah.
- Let me see if my shotgun's
any better.
I wouldn't do that.
-What? -Wouldn't do that.
- What's the worst
that could happen?
-Well, let me see if I can...
-Pop.
-Oh! [ Laughter ]
-I'll just pick up the cork.
- All right.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Wait! Do you hear that?
-What?
- An odd music
coming from in the trees.
-Nope. Don't hear it.
-No. Listen. [ Laughter ]
It's very faint,
but listen closely.
-H... -No. Don't hear it.
-Be quiet. It's...
You were right. Sorry.
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughing ] Thought I'd give it
a second chance.
- Hey, do we know anything
about this island at all?
-I don't think so.
Wait. I've got
an instructional video in here
that'll tell us
all about the island.
- You brought a Blu-ray with you?
- Yeah.
This will tell us
all about the island.
-All right.
-Beware of tigers.
[ Laughter ] -Beware of tigers?!
[ Laughter and applause ]
That's good to know!
That's good to know.
[ Cheers and applause ]
My God. Look!
That's the biggest tiger
I've ever seen.
-Meow. [ Laughter and applause ]
-Don't trust him. -I don't know.
Seems kind of sexy. -No.
[ Laughter ]
-Wait! Now I hear that music.
- P-chh, p-chh, p-chh, p-chh...
- ♪ La, la-la, la-la, la-la ♪
- See? You hear it that time?
- I did!
It must be putting a musical
to appease the tiger!
- We'd better head into the
jungle and see what's going on.
I've got my machine gun.
- I'm just gonna to radio back
and say we're going to
investigate it more.
-Pssh-shh, p-shh, wha-wha-wha...
-Hey, anyone there? -No.
-Okay. [ Laughter ]
-We're good? -Yeah.
Screwed.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
- Thank you.
- Craig and Meera, everybody!
Craig and Meera!
Thank you, guys.
Thank you.
Craig and Meera, everybody.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-♪ La, la-la, la-la, la-la ♪
[ Laughter ]
- You didn't say
what kind of music.
-Tribal, apparently.
- They were shooting
"La La Land 2" in that jungle.
Next up is a game entitled
"Scenes From a Hat."
This game is for all four
of our performers.
Ryan and Colin are there.
Greg and Wayne are here.
Before our show,
we asked our audience
to write down some scenes
they'd like to see acted out
by our gentlemen performers.
I've got those suggestions
in this hat.
I'm gonna read them out.
We'll see what our performers
come up with.
Here we go.
What the cast of "Sesame Street"
does
when the cameras stop rolling.
[ Laughter ]
- "Near, far. Near, far."
Who writes this crap? [ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-"W" is for "Whiskey."
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
- ♪ Where are the hookers
in my neighborhood? ♪
♪ In my neighborhood ♪
Oh. [ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
- [ As Snuffleupagus ]
I'm here to give a Ted Talk
on positivity
and an optimistic outlook.
[ Laughter ]
My life has been changed
by the power of "yes."
[ Laughter and applause ]
-If celebrities were doctors.
[ Laughter ]
- [ As Christopher Walken ]
Now... cough.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-That was pretty good. -Yeah?
[ Laughter ]
- [ As Bill Cosby ]
I'm your doctor for the day.
[ Laughter and applause ]
I'll be doing the surgery
on you,
but all you've got to do
is drink this.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
No. That's my childhood hero.
- [ As Woody Allen ] Little...
I'm a little squeamish.
If you don't mind, if you could
perform the operation yourself
and I'll...
I'll just sit over here
and collect the insurance money.
[ Laughter ]
[ Normal voice ] Woody Allen,
uh, has been an enduring star...
[ Laughter and applause ]
I like to say who I'm doing.
It cuts down on the chit-chat.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
- [ As Ed O'Neill ]
I give you six weeks.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Inept criminals.
-[ Imitating safe clicking ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
- Catchphrases that will never
catch on.
[ Laughter ]
-Not just smart. Trump smart.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Yes. -Don't go anywhere.
We'll be right back with more
"Whose Line is it Anyway?"
right after this.
Stay tuned.
[ Cheers and applause ]
- Welcome back
to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
We're gonna play a game now
entitled "Greatest Hits."
This is a game for Colin,
Greg, and Wayne,
with the help of Laura Hall
and Linda Taylor on piano
and guitar.
Come on down, boys.
Here's how this game works.
Greg and Colin are two
television voice-over performers
talking about
the latest compilation album.
Wayne's gonna sing snippets
of the songs on that album,
so what I need from the audience
is a suggestion of a place
or a thing you would do
on vacation.
What's a thing you would do
if you were going on vacation?
Give me your best shot, guys!
[ Shouting suggestions ]
Nice! Oh, man.
You guys are on fire.
A lot of great suggestions,
but I'm gonna go with safari.
So, the name of this album is
entitled "Songs of the Safari."
- Hey, you ever been on safari?
- Have I? No.
-Me neither.
Why don't we sell songs
about it?
-All right. [ Laughter ]
- You know, what I love
about our CD collections
is we celebrate
every style of music.
-You're right there.
-Thanks. [ Laughter ]
But one of my favorite styles...
And it's just come out
recently...
I think you know
what I'm talking about.
-Mm. -Rhythm and booze.
-Wow! -Yeah.
It's a new kind of, um, style...
where the singer gets
really drunk
and then sings a song
in a rhythmy-blues style.
- Did you say rhythm and booze?
- You heard me.
Rhythm and booze!
[ Laughter ]
So sit back and enjoy
this great song, "Africa Hot."
[ Laughter ]
[ Mid-tempo introduction plays ]
♪♪
♪ Shoo-ba-doop ♪
[ Clears throat ]
[ Laughter ]
♪ I... I confess, I'm a mess ♪
♪ Oh, there's so many ladies
I'd love to p... impress ♪
♪ Back in the States, I'm a 7 ♪
♪ That's what I've got ♪
♪ But in Africa, I'm a 10 ♪
♪ I'm Africa Hot ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪ But, of course baby,
as you walk along the street ♪
♪ You... ♪
[ Laughter and applause ]
♪ Oh ♪
♪ That's what I've got ♪
♪ 'Cause, baby, I'm... ♪
♪ Africa Hot ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ Hey, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, b-b-b-baby, b-b-b... ♪
[ Laughs ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Laughing ]
Whoo!
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Mm, mm, ooh ♪
♪ Ah... ♪ [ Laughs ]
Mm.
[ Exhales deeply ]
[ Music slows, ends ]
[ Exhales deeply ] Hot.
[ Laughter and applause ]
- You know, uh, one of
Elvis Presley's big movie hits
was, um, uh, "Surfing Surf."
[ Laughter ]
-I love that.
That was the sequel
to "Rock House Rock."
- Yeah, and it took place
in Africa.
-Really? -Oh, yeah.
- Uh, and one of the big,
big, big songs
from, uh, that great movie...
catch it if you can...
"Pith Helmet in Khakis."
[ Laughter ]
[ Up-tempo rock music plays ]
All right, Mama.
♪ Well, what do you dress in
when you get ready to go? ♪
♪ What you gonna do
when it gets wild and... ♪
[ Laughs ]
-[ Laughs ]
[ Music stops ]
- Stop and start over again.
I was gonna say something
so filthy.
[ Laughter ]
-No, no, no. -Not on this show.
-No. Let's go.
[ Music continues ]
[ Audience cheering,
clapping rhythmically ]
♪ When you're out
in the forest ♪
♪ Oh, baby, in the jungle too ♪
♪ A pair of Levis might be
too tight ♪
♪ Cause chafing for you ♪
♪ Oh, the sun beatin' down
on your head ♪
♪ Fry your brain
until you're dead ♪
♪ Oh, you see,
here's what you got to wear ♪
♪ Take this from me ♪
♪ Oh, a pith helmet and khakis ♪
♪ To cover up
nature's snackies ♪
[ Laughing ]
♪ That's what you got to wear ♪
♪ To... ♪ [ Laughs ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
♪ Pith, pith, pith ♪
♪ Oh, a little pith, pith,
pith ♪
♪ It's a helmet, it's a pith ♪
♪ And then this
for when you [bleep] ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ It's a pith helmet
and khakis ♪
♪ Pith helmet and khaki-i-i-is ♪
♪ What you gonna wear, 'cause
it's too hot for clothes? ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
Nature's snackies.
[ Buzzer ]
- Hey, find out who won our show
after this short break.
There's more "Whose Line"
right after this.
[ Cheers and applause ]
- [ Laughing ] Welcome back
to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
That's our show. Tonight,
all four of you won today,
so I'd like you
to read out the credits
as if you're all horror-movie
monsters attacking the camera.
Thanks for watching everybody.
Good night.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
♪♪
♪♪
-Boo.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
-Whaaa! Whaaa!
Whaaa! [ Cheers and applause ]