Whose Line Is It Anyway? (2013–…): Season 12, Episode 8 - Special 4 - full transcript

Good evening, everybody,

and welcome to a very
special episode of.

"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
starring Wayne Brady,

Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles,

and our favorite
guest performers.

Let's have some fun!

Hello, everyone, and welcome to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"...

The show where everything
is made up

and the points don't matter.

Now, on every recording
that we do,

there's always amazing material



that we just can't make fit
into our final show,

so we put together
this compilation

of the very best games,
moments, and outtakes

that you have never seen before.

Enjoy.

Now we play a game
called "Get Down."

This is for all four performers,

accompanied by Laura Hall
and Linda Taylor

on piano and guitar.

The guys are going
to act out a scene

but when they hear
the phrase "get down,"

they have to break into a rap,

and then when they hear
the word "okay,"

they've got
to return to the scene.



So, guys, your scene is that
you're in the E.R.

and an injured Wayne
staggers in to get treatment

from stressed-out Dr. Jonathan.

After a while, sexy nurse Ryan
comes in to help,

and then Colin enters
with an even greater injury.

Have fun.

Oh, God, I lost another one!

Oh, Doctor,
you've got to help me.

I don't know if I can help you,

I've killed six people today.

- Oh! Okay!
- No, that's cool, that's cool.

I don't even have a gurney,
you'll have to lean backwards.

Doctor, am I going to make it?

Get down!

- Oh!
- Oh!

- Oh!
- Yeah!

- Yeah! Yeah!
- Yeah! Yeah!

Okay.

- Doc, I think I'm clotting.
- Thank you.

Pee in this cup and we'll know.

Doctor, do you need
some assistance?

We do. This man's about to die.

I don't know what to tell him.

Can I help you
in some sort of way?

Get down!

What are you doing?!

Okay.

What the hell was that?

Listen, Doctor,
that is not sanitary.

And here's your glove!

That's just not right.

Excuse me, I fell
out of a building

and all my bones disintegrated.

Get down!

Whoo!

[ Rapping

I...

I'm gonna die.
I should give you my bones.

- No.
- Okay.

- Doctor.
- No, that's not necessary.

That's not necessary.

I didn't...

I didn't mean it like that.

Are you sure you didn't
mean it like that?

- Oh, I did.
- Yeah.

Alright, now we're gonna come to
a game called "Lounge Lizards."

This is for all four
of our gentlemen players

with the help of Laura Hall and
Linda Taylor, so come on down.

What I need from our audience

is a suggestion
of an outdoor activity.

How about rowing?
Do you know how to do...

- What is row... rowing?
- I'll murder you, Ryan Stiles.

So whenever you gentlemen
are ready,

let's hear a song about rowing
in the style of lounge singers.

Take it away.

Heh heh heh.

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to the bank...
of the river.

Tonight, for your enjoyment,
let's hit it fellas.

And I heard "row,"
what do you do? ♪

Hey!

- Hey, Colin.
- Take it.

Tell the folks
a little something

about your rowing game.

I shall.

- Break it down, ladies.
- Make it smooth.

Oh, Colin.

- Oh.
- Oh, my goodness.

This is the most dangerous part

of the hair growing, um...

- Yes, it is.
- ...process.

And it's quite frankly
a last resort.

We do not like to use
the Suck-Sation 500

but sometimes it is needed.

Sometimes...

There must be something growing,

because I've got a hairball
in my throat.

That doesn't smell good at all.

Check under the microscope.

I don't want anymore,
my mouth tastes horrible.

- Well, maybe...
- Yeah, yeah, they're growing.

What the hell was in that?

Oh, God.

"Unlikely Things to Read
in a Fortune Cookie."

"You will suck
on a foul tube today."

"Unlikely Things to Hear
at Christmas."

And then I told her,
"I'm coming down your chimney!"

"The Worst Times
to Insult Someone."

Ass

"Bad Things to Say
Through a Megaphone."

Get out! My husband's home!

Don't move, everybody.

There's more "Whose Line"
coming at you

right after these messages.

Stick around.

Next up is a game called
"Newsflash."

This is a game for Ryan, Gary,
and Colin, so come on down.

Ryan and Gary are going to be
two news anchors in the studio,

Colin is going to be
in the field

as a reporter covering
a breaking news story.

He's not going to know
what the news story is

because he's standing
in front of a blank screen

like your weatherman
on your local news,

but by the magic of television,
Ryan and Gary

and everybody else here
in the studio and at home,

will see
that news story projected

onto their television screens,
and the challenge for Colin

is to figure out what the heck
is going on, and so here we go.

Over to Ryan and Gary
in the studio.

We have a special news report.

We're now going
out into the field

with our special reporter,
Colin Mochrie.

Colin, can you hear me?

I can hear you.

I don't want to be here.

I can imagine you wouldn't.

Colin, first of all...

Come on!

Let me just dig right into
the story and just ask you...

Just ask you a few questions.

How is it out there, Colin?

- What do you think?!
- I usually cover beauty contests.

I don't even know
where to begin with this!

Well, nobody "knows" a story
like you, Colin.

Nope.

- Oh!
- Ohh.

Oh! Somebody stop that.

- It's not another...
- Oh!

- Ohh.
- Oh.

Oh!

I tell you,
although I'm a professional,

this is making me sick.

Well, nobody "knows" a good
story like you do, Colin.

- Yeah, you said that before.
- You can pick 'em.

Now, Colin, now, I don't
want you to blow off

the meaning of this story here.

Give us in your

No, give us,
in your finest words...

Why do we have
to keep seeing that?

Why?! Because the news hurts!

Sometimes it's not pretty,
sometimes it's ugly,

but it's news!

And the more you're informed...

Everyone run away! Read a book!

- Oh!
- Oh!

Oh, that's gonna hurt.

It looks like it already did.

- Colin?
- Yeah?

I'm starting to feel
more confident as this goes on.

Colin, would you like to guess

what your story
you're reporting on?

Is it the cleaning out
of a nose or a nose job?

Yes, many, many noses. Yeah.

Very nice, very nice.

Eww! Eww! Eww, eww, eww!

Just gross.

So disgusting.

You know, before I thought seals

were one of the cutest animals
in the world.

I know. That was gross.

I've never seen that before
from a seal,

they usually look
so cuddly and...

How do you think you look
when you have a cold?

I have a seal coat,
but these ones were hit by cars.

Ryan!

You're dead inside.

That's... That's...

We're gonna move on
to a game right now called.

"Showstopping Number."

This game is for Ryan,
and Colin, and Wayne,

with the help
of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor.

So come on down.

Now, the way this game works
is that Colin and Ryan

are going to start a scene,

and Wayne is going to join them
at some point later.

At different points
during the scene,

you're going to hear a buzz.

That means the last person
to speak

must break into a big
showstopping musical number

based on the last words
that they said, okay?

And the scene
that you will be doing

is set
in a home improvement store.

- Oh.
- Home improvement store.

Whenever you're ready,
gentlemen. Take it away.

- Can I help you?
- I want to improve my home.

Oh.

Where did you want to start,
you're in the kitchen area now.

Would you like to start
with the kitchen?

I absolutely nothing about...

I just want my house to be nice
and warm and livable.

Alright, well,
what's in your kitchen now?

What's the main focal point
in your kitchen?

My fat-ass mother-in-law.

Okay, well, you know what?

Maybe we should build an island
for her to sit around.

- We'll start with that.
- Oh, you mean in the house.

I thought you meant
make an island...

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

- Alright.
- Not at all.

Alright, well, we'll stop
with some... this is granite.

This is freshly cut granite.
We make an island out of that.

Granite, I'd like something
a little more exotic.

Well, we could make it exotic,

and then we've got room
for eight stools.

I don't like that many people.

Alright, well then maybe
you should pick your own stuff.

Like a seal.

Like...

Look, I had a bad experience...

What kind of home improvement
guy are you?

Well, I had a bad experience
with a seal early in my life.

Ahh.

Hello, Morris.

Oh, this must be
your mother-in-law.

- Yes.
- I see he's talked about me.

Yes, he has.

That's the only thing
he's good for,

14 years with my daughter,

and all he does is talk
about his big dreams

and, "I'm gonna fix the house,
I'm gonna... ".

Maybe it's you,
because I find him to be

an outstanding young man.

Thank you. Listen to him, Moms.

Then maybe both of you
would be better off together

than with my daughter.

What?

Oh, really? So you're saying...

Maybe you should be with him

because my daughter's
too good for you.

- Well, that's...
- Are you Jewish?

- Heh?
- Oh.

You know what?

I had been feeling uncomfortable
in the relationship.

- Really?
- Maybe you're what I'm looking for.

I never thought about it,

but maybe I should be
with a man.

And my mother-in-law
is an ordained minister.

- An ordained minister?
- I'd love to see her marry us.

"See"?

I also speak Spanish.

Oh!

Hey! There's more "Whose Line"
coming at you

right after these messages.

Don't go anywhere!

What I need is a suggestion
from the audience

of an exciting American city.

What is an exciting
American city?

Ohhh!

Alright, we're gonna do
New York City.

- Songs of New York.
- Songs of New York.

- Okay.
- Take it away.

- There's so many great songs about New York City.
- Great songs.

Tell them about a few, Col.

Well, one of my favorite
groups, of course, is Creed.

- Geez, why did you do that?
- Because you just...

Bullied your way like a bull
in a China shop.

- You just bug me.
- Stay to your own stool.

Anyw... ohh.

Anyway, just sit back and listen
to this wonderful song

that will bring a tear
to your eye,

"Statue of Liberty..."

Yeah.

For freedom.

I'm not even gonna try to guess.

Hey, you know what the kids
are hip to these days?

Hey, why don't you tell me,

you seem to have your thumb
on their pulse.

You know, I like to get down
once in a while

to a little Daft Punk.

- Oh, do you?
- That just means "dumb punk."

I think it's French or Hungarian
or something, I'm not sure.

They wear masks. It could be
Milli Vanilli, I don't know.

Again, another reference
from last century.

You know when I think
Daft Punk's songs,

ohh, I think of one
that drives me crazy

and gets me a little moist,
that Daft Punk...

That Daft Punk hit, "Squirrels,
Squirrels, Squirrels."

Over there.

Look on the trees.

Find out who the winner is
after this short break.

There's more
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

Coming right after this.

- Welcome back to "Whose Line."
- That is our show tonight.

All four of you lovely gentlemen
have won the day.

I'd like you to read
out the credits

as if you were all seals,
swimming up to the camera.

- Okay.
- Good luck to you. Good night.

- Heidi?
- Heidi?

- Heidi?
- Heidi?

- Heidi Klum.
- Heidi Klum.

I'm Seal.

Oh, I was too.

You called Heidi Klum?

...Captions by VITAC...