Whose Line Is It Anyway? (2013–…): Season 12, Episode 5 - Special 1 - full transcript
The third compilation episode. Featuring the new game Scene with Masks.
-Good evening, everybody,
and welcome to a very
special episode of.
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
Starring Wayne Brady,
Colin Mochrie,
Ryan Stiles,
and our favorite
guest performers.
Let's have some fun!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hello, everyone, and welcome to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
The show where
everything is made up
and the points don't matter.
Now, in all of our recordings,
we've also had lots of
wonderful unseen material
that just couldn't fit
into the final show.
So we put together a compilation
of the very best
games, moments, and outtakes
that you have never seen before.
Hope you enjoy.
We start with a game
entitled "Scene to Music."
This is for
Ryan, Colin, and Wayne,
so come on down, guys.
The way this game works
is that you three are going
to act out a scene.
You're going to
start out normally,
and then we're going to supply
a little music for you,
and you'll act accordingly
to whatever the music
is that you hear as you're
moving through the scene.
- Makes no sense to you?
- Sure!
- Okay, great.
- I got it.
-The scene you'll be acting out
is that Ryan and Colin
are two inept plumbers...
- Oh.
- Oh.
-...working on a house,
when suddenly the owner, Wayne,
enters, furious at
the mess that they've made.
-Why, you...!
-Enjoy.
-I'm guessing
this is the toilet.
-Yeah.
-I'm going to take the plungie
thing and see what's in there.
- Alright.
- There might be something.
-[ Imitates plunging sound ]
-I'm doing with
the wrenchie thing.
- Oh.
- Oh!
- What happened?
- Well, it kind of broke off.
- All the water's coming out.
- You are so inept.
-Hey!
-You're inept.
-Don't...
[ Imitates plunging sounds ]
-♪ La la la la la la ♪
[ Spluttering ]
[ Spaghetti western
music playing ]
Alright, which one of you guys
had the plunger?
♪♪
-I had the plunger.
-This bathroom is going
to get finished.
-[ Imitates quick draw ]
[ Plunging ]
-[ Imitates quick draw ]
[ Plunging ]
-Ugh!
-Listen, Bad and Ugly,
this is no way
to settle problems.
-Then how do you think
we should settle it?
[ Thriller music playing ]
[ Screams ]
[ Laughter ]
-Where are you going?
You can't escape the bathroom!
[ Smooth R&B playing ]
-Who said I wanted to escape
the bathroom, baby?
Maybe I just wanted to make
the two of you comfortable
inside my bathroom.
Come on in.
-I notice you have one toilet
that squirts water up.
You don't mind if I try it out?
-Please, baby, go ahead.
Yeah, say hello
to my little friend.
- Wait a minute.
- That's not a water fountain?
[ Laughter ]
-It is now.
-It's whatever you want it
to be, baby.
This is your playground.
You guys make yourself
comfortable.
[ Square dance music playing ]
[ In country accent ]
But not too comfortable.
♪♪
Y'all done
messed up my outhouse!
[ Imitates playing washboard ]
♪ Well, look at me,
I'm yelling, shouting ♪
♪ Y'all just messed up
my grouting ♪
♪ Now I'm licking
and I'm pounding you ♪
♪ I'm so angry,
where's the stench? ♪
♪ Dude, on the floor
and grab that wrench ♪
♪ Come on now and tell me
what y'all gonna do ♪
[ Buzzer ]
-♪ You shouldn't let us,
you shouldn't let us ♪
♪ Because we're inept ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
-We're going to play a game now
entitled "Themed Restaurant."
This is for all four
of our performers.
Let's go!
We're going to need
some help to play this game,
so please welcome
the sensational
film and television actress
and star of "The Flash,"
the wonderful
Danielle Panabaker.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yay!
The way this game works
is that Gary and Danielle
are on a date
and Colin, Ryan, and Wayne
are the waiters in a restaurant
that's themed around the movies
of Tom Cruise.
Alright?
So enjoy.
-I love undersized men,
and that's why I thought
I'd bring you here for this.
-It really doesn't
work on carpet.
[ Laughter ]
-Sheila, this...
- Cocktail?
- Yes.
-Wow.
-Whoa.
Where'd it go?
-Wine list?
-Thank you.
-This is a special night.
I have to admit, I asked
you here for a certain...
-Would you like an appetizer?
- Oh, that would be wonderful.
- Thank you.
-Goose?
[ Audience groans ]
[ Laughter ]
-Very clever restaurant.
-Yes.
-Here's your menus.
-Thank you.
[ Laughter ]
-Would you like some water?
-Please.
-Damn, it still didn't work.
[ Laughter ]
-Let's cut to the chase.
- Yes.
- Will you marry me?
-Yes! Oh, my gosh, thank you.
-I don't have a ring or a job,
but I just...
-That's okay.
I love you just the way you are.
-I heard you were
getting married.
-We are.
-Oh, there's so few good men.
[ Laughter ]
Complimentary wines.
-Thank you. Well, cheers.
-Here is your check
that you can pay at the end.
Show me the money!
[ Laughter ]
-I have other news for you.
- Oh.
- You're pregnant.
-I... how did you know?
-Here you go.
Hi, I'm Tom Cruise.
[ Laughter ]
-Zzzzt.
Zzzz.
[Quietly] Ryan did this earlier.
[ Laughter ]
It's the sequel.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Danielle Panabaker, everybody!
♪♪
So "sushi" was
a suggestion that I took.
-Sushi.
-And the way this works
is that you three are going to
sing like a doo-wop group
from the '50s,
but you are going to
sing about Beatrice,
who died in a horrible sushi
restaurant-related accident.
When you are ready,
take it away.
[ Doo-wop music playing ]
[ Riffing in harmony ]
-♪ I'm talking about Beatrice ♪
♪ Whoaaa ♪
♪ Whoa ♪
♪ Golly gee, there was a girl
named Beatrice ♪
♪ She was such a treat ♪
♪ So I took her down
to Mr. Miyagi's place ♪
♪ For a bite to eat ♪
♪ But she had the worst death
that I've ever seen ♪
♪ She choked on
my edamame beans ♪
-♪ The guy came out, friend,
and fulfilled my wish ♪
♪ He filleted her open
like cutting open a fish ♪
♪ None of it was good,
none of it was nice ♪
♪ Till he laid her
on a bed of rice ♪
-[ Spoken ] Oh, Beatrice,
my Canadian gal.
You're so beautiful,
my friend, Al, told me.
Oh...
[ Laughter ]
-[ Doo-wop harmony continues ]
-Punch line!
-[ Doo-wop harmonizing ]
♪♪
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Singing final chord ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Beautiful! Don't go anywhere.
We'll be back with more
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
Right after this.
-Next, we play a game called
"Daytime Talk Show."
This is for all four
of our gentlemen players.
Come down, boys.
[ Cheers and applause ]
The way that
this game works is Colin,
you're going to be
the host of a daytime show.
And here you go.
There's your microphone.
And Ryan and Gary are going
to be members of the public
appearing on the show.
Wayne is gonna be
a person in the audience.
He's gonna be asking questions.
The theme of your show
is something very urgent
and important to
Americans everywhere...
"The Wizard of Oz."
Take it away.
-You are a cowardly lion,
is that not right?
- Right, right, right, right.
- That is my namica.
-Alright. What exactly
did you want from the Wizard?
-I asked him for courage!
- Yeah.
- He didn't deliver.
-What did he give you?
-Nothing.
-We have with us
also a young girl from Kansas.
[ Applause ]
A girl from the small town
who went to the big city,
and things went wrong
almost immediately.
Dorothy, tell us your tale.
-Well, the storm hit.
Everything turned to color.
[ Laughter ]
I'm waiting again
for another storm.
I'm throwing myself
up into that tornado.
-And then you turned
to drugs and men.
-That's right.
Not in that order.
-No.
Maybe it should have been.
Alright, we have someone
in the audience,
someone that you know...
The Scarecrow.
-Oh, not this fool.
-Mr. Scarecrow, you went there,
you had no learning.
You wanted the Wizard
to give you some fast learning.
How did that turn out?
-Well, the Wizard, uh...
he told me that he would help me
increase my knowledge
and be a better person,
and he did so
by turning me on
to online universities.
-Uh-huh.
-Phoenix University
has helped me.
[ Laughter ]
-I got to say, the entire trip,
he was the biggest
[bleep] of all.
- Alright, here we go.
- You know what?
You know what?
That's exactly what
- someone like you would say.
- Oh, is that right?
What do you think
about that, huh?
- [ Screaming ]
- Oh, you're on fire.
Oh, who's on fire?
Oh, who's on fire?
- Oh! Put me out!
- Put me out! Put me out!
Put me... Are you afraid
of human contact, you bitch?
- Put me out!
- And what do you say to that?
The scarecrow found it
within himself to become smart.
Why couldn't you
find it in yourself
to become more courageous
or you to get home?
-It is not up to me!
If I go to somebody and say,
"Can you help me
with this problem?"
I don't expect them to say,
"Help yourself
with this problem.
I'm not going to help you
with this problem."
-[ Munchkin voice ] That's
because you're a lazy bastard.
- Please, sir.
- Don't cause any problems.
-All he wants to do is rely
on the infrastructure of Oz.
-These guys told us to follow
the Yellow Brick Road.
We followed
the Yellow Brick Road.
For an hour and a half,
it went around and around
in their village.
-And if you'd pay your taxes
and contribute,
then you can say something
about the Yellow Brick Road.
-Well, maybe when your nuts
drop, you'll sound different!
- Alright, alright, alright!
- Oh, here we go.
Here we go!
-[ Thumping down stairs ]
-Uh-uh! Uh-uh!
- You want some of this?
- [ Imitates dog barking ]
-[ Screaming ]
-Get him, Toto! Get him, Toto!
-[ Imitates bone snap ]
-[ Gasps ]
[ Crowd groans ]
-Well, you're not in Kansas,
anymore, Dorothy.
-My little dog's neck.
-Good night.
- You broke my [bleep]
- dog's neck!
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
-You know, I'm going to try
to sell this CD the best I can,
because this is a CD
called "Songs About the Car."
-Oh, we all love cars.
-I sleep in mine sometimes.
- Do you?
- Yes, I do,
'cause the rent's cheap.
And you know where I park
my car most of the time?
- Parking lot?
- No. In my garage.
-You sleep in your car
that you park in your garage?
-That's right.
-Which I'm guessing
is attached to your house.
-I can't go inside.
The wife's having an affair.
But, you know...
-"Unlikely names for
men's deodorant."
- Excuse me.
- Yeah?
-I notice you're out
of the Pork Rind.
-Yeah.
-Would you like the Stink Stick?
-Yes, please.
I would like to...
-"If farmers did everything
in a sexy way."
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-We should have brought a pail.
-You should have brought a cow!
[ Laughter ]
-"Unlikely ways for a news
anchor to start the bulletin."
-Hey, listen up, y'all.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Chuckles ] They believe me.
Welcome to the 6:00 news.
I'm Aaron Tucker.
[ Buzzer ]
-Are you kidding me?
You're not going
to believe this!
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Laughing to self ]
And now, a tragedy in Toronto.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-"If people had to provide
their own sound effects
in everyday life."
- [ Imitating train ]
- Choo choo choo choo choo choo.
Woo-woo!
Choo choo choo choo.
Bloop.
Choo choo choo choo. Bloop.
Woo-woo!
-Choo choo choo choo choo.
[ Buzzer ]
-Hey, everybody,
don't go anywhere.
We'll be right back with more
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
Right after this.
Stay tuned.
-Alright, guys, we're going
to play a game now entitled.
"Scene with Masks."
This is for all four
of our performers,
starting with Wayne and Colin.
Alright, everyone's got a mask.
- This is Jeff's.
- Jeff's.
- And this is Ryan's.
- Ryan's.
- And this is Wayne's.
- Wayne's.
- And this is Colin's.
- Colin's.
-Now, the way this game works
is that you're gonna act out
a scene wearing a mask,
and you're going to assume
a character based on the mask
that you're wearing.
Wayne and his wife, Colin,
are at the doctor's.
Ryan enters as a doctor
before finally,
a nurse, played by Jeff,
arrives on the scene.
And the rest is up to you,
gentlemen. Take it away.
-Honey, I think my water broke.
- [ Elderly voice ] Oh, no.
- We got to get a doctor out here.
Oh, sweetheart, my little patoo.
-Oh, I love it when we just
steal moments
like this together.
- [ Doofy voice ]
- I'm sorry I was late.
I was with another patient.
-My wife's water just broke.
-Oh, she's crowning as we speak!
-I want to see your diploma!
-I've got walls
full of diplomas.
- [ Imitating Igor ] Doctor.
- Doctor, is everything okay?
-Well, yeah. Her water broke
and she's crowning.
We're going to have
to get that baby out of there.
-We got to boil some water
or something.
-Boil some water
and get me some scissors!
You're going to have
to lay down, ma'am.
-We got to do our exercises
like in Lamaze class, baby.
-Look at us, four grown men.
[ Laughter ]
- [ Laughing ]
- Let's have a look there.
Oop! Oh, I got her.
Oh, I'm gonna snip the cord.
-Put her in the boiling water!
-I'm going to tie a knot
in the cord for you.
No, not in the boiling water!
-Well, why did you tell me
to boil water then?
-I wanted to clean her up after.
-I am not having a good time!
-Look, if you don't like
the way we work here,
then you can
just go somewhere else.
-[ Screams ]
[ Buzzer sounds repeatedly ]
-Four grown men.
-Wow.
-That's gonna be a classic!
-I have Emmys.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
-And now we're going to play
a game entitled "Hoedown!"
This is for all four
of our performers
with the help of
Laura Hall at the piano.
And what I need
from our audience
is someone you would
share a house with.
[ Overlapping shouting ]
Well, I heard "mom."
Mom. That makes a lot of sense.
Yeah, sure.
So let's hear the Mom Hoedown.
♪♪
[ Crowd clapping in time ]
♪♪
-♪ I live with my mom ♪
♪ Yep, 'cause I'm grown ♪
♪ So now I find myself
living with my folks at home ♪
♪ A domicile is a place
that I am needing ♪
♪ I'm 46 ♪
♪ But I'm still breastfeeding ♪
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
-♪ Many people think that... ♪
[ Stumbles ]
♪♪
[ Applause ]
♪♪
God, I hate this [bleep] game.
[ Laughter ]
♪ I live with my mother ♪
♪ She nags me every day ♪
♪ She nags me
while I'm working ♪
♪ She nags me while I play ♪
♪ She is the total worst
person ever all around ♪
♪ Still,
she's 100 times better ♪
♪ Than singing a "Hoedown" ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-♪ My mother and I
don't get along real good ♪
♪ She's always got something
to say in the hood ♪
♪ I don't insults... they... ♪
[Bleep] [bleep] [bleep].
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
♪ My mother and I, she's always
got something to say ♪
♪ She throws out the insults
every single day ♪
♪ They come from the left
and right, what a barrage ♪
♪ Thank God I'm sleeping ♪
♪ In the car in the garage ♪
[ Laughter ]
-♪ Well, I love my mother,
I love her oh, so much ♪
♪ She raised me and reared me
and nurtured me and such ♪
♪ But she's laid back ♪
♪ I could smoke and drink
a million beers ♪
♪ But she don't say nothing ♪
♪ She's been dead for 15 years ♪
-♪ Dead for 15 years ♪
[ Buzzer ] ♪ Dead mother ♪
-Alright, everybody, don't move.
There's more "Whose Line?"
coming at you right after this.
-Hey, everybody, and
welcome back to "Whose Line?"
That is our show tonight.
Our winners are Ryan Stiles
and Wayne Brady,
so please join the others
and read out the credits...
-That's never happened before.
-...as if you were all party
goers drunkenly declaring
your love for the camera.
Thanks for watching,
everybody. Good night.
- You guys having a good time?
- Yeah.
-Party's awesome.
-Oh, hey. Excuse me, fellas.
-There's a camera there.
-Can I talk to you for a second?
Hey, girl. You are tall.
Hey.
- Hey, man.
- She's too tall for you.
-Hey, man. Okay, cool, cool.
-She's too tall for me, too.
-So what do you want,
you want tall or smooth?
-I've got cake pops.
-I work on a show
with no publicity budget.
-Oh, me, too!
[ Cheers and applause ]
- Cheers.
- Cheers!
♪♪
and welcome to a very
special episode of.
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
Starring Wayne Brady,
Colin Mochrie,
Ryan Stiles,
and our favorite
guest performers.
Let's have some fun!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hello, everyone, and welcome to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
The show where
everything is made up
and the points don't matter.
Now, in all of our recordings,
we've also had lots of
wonderful unseen material
that just couldn't fit
into the final show.
So we put together a compilation
of the very best
games, moments, and outtakes
that you have never seen before.
Hope you enjoy.
We start with a game
entitled "Scene to Music."
This is for
Ryan, Colin, and Wayne,
so come on down, guys.
The way this game works
is that you three are going
to act out a scene.
You're going to
start out normally,
and then we're going to supply
a little music for you,
and you'll act accordingly
to whatever the music
is that you hear as you're
moving through the scene.
- Makes no sense to you?
- Sure!
- Okay, great.
- I got it.
-The scene you'll be acting out
is that Ryan and Colin
are two inept plumbers...
- Oh.
- Oh.
-...working on a house,
when suddenly the owner, Wayne,
enters, furious at
the mess that they've made.
-Why, you...!
-Enjoy.
-I'm guessing
this is the toilet.
-Yeah.
-I'm going to take the plungie
thing and see what's in there.
- Alright.
- There might be something.
-[ Imitates plunging sound ]
-I'm doing with
the wrenchie thing.
- Oh.
- Oh!
- What happened?
- Well, it kind of broke off.
- All the water's coming out.
- You are so inept.
-Hey!
-You're inept.
-Don't...
[ Imitates plunging sounds ]
-♪ La la la la la la ♪
[ Spluttering ]
[ Spaghetti western
music playing ]
Alright, which one of you guys
had the plunger?
♪♪
-I had the plunger.
-This bathroom is going
to get finished.
-[ Imitates quick draw ]
[ Plunging ]
-[ Imitates quick draw ]
[ Plunging ]
-Ugh!
-Listen, Bad and Ugly,
this is no way
to settle problems.
-Then how do you think
we should settle it?
[ Thriller music playing ]
[ Screams ]
[ Laughter ]
-Where are you going?
You can't escape the bathroom!
[ Smooth R&B playing ]
-Who said I wanted to escape
the bathroom, baby?
Maybe I just wanted to make
the two of you comfortable
inside my bathroom.
Come on in.
-I notice you have one toilet
that squirts water up.
You don't mind if I try it out?
-Please, baby, go ahead.
Yeah, say hello
to my little friend.
- Wait a minute.
- That's not a water fountain?
[ Laughter ]
-It is now.
-It's whatever you want it
to be, baby.
This is your playground.
You guys make yourself
comfortable.
[ Square dance music playing ]
[ In country accent ]
But not too comfortable.
♪♪
Y'all done
messed up my outhouse!
[ Imitates playing washboard ]
♪ Well, look at me,
I'm yelling, shouting ♪
♪ Y'all just messed up
my grouting ♪
♪ Now I'm licking
and I'm pounding you ♪
♪ I'm so angry,
where's the stench? ♪
♪ Dude, on the floor
and grab that wrench ♪
♪ Come on now and tell me
what y'all gonna do ♪
[ Buzzer ]
-♪ You shouldn't let us,
you shouldn't let us ♪
♪ Because we're inept ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
-We're going to play a game now
entitled "Themed Restaurant."
This is for all four
of our performers.
Let's go!
We're going to need
some help to play this game,
so please welcome
the sensational
film and television actress
and star of "The Flash,"
the wonderful
Danielle Panabaker.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yay!
The way this game works
is that Gary and Danielle
are on a date
and Colin, Ryan, and Wayne
are the waiters in a restaurant
that's themed around the movies
of Tom Cruise.
Alright?
So enjoy.
-I love undersized men,
and that's why I thought
I'd bring you here for this.
-It really doesn't
work on carpet.
[ Laughter ]
-Sheila, this...
- Cocktail?
- Yes.
-Wow.
-Whoa.
Where'd it go?
-Wine list?
-Thank you.
-This is a special night.
I have to admit, I asked
you here for a certain...
-Would you like an appetizer?
- Oh, that would be wonderful.
- Thank you.
-Goose?
[ Audience groans ]
[ Laughter ]
-Very clever restaurant.
-Yes.
-Here's your menus.
-Thank you.
[ Laughter ]
-Would you like some water?
-Please.
-Damn, it still didn't work.
[ Laughter ]
-Let's cut to the chase.
- Yes.
- Will you marry me?
-Yes! Oh, my gosh, thank you.
-I don't have a ring or a job,
but I just...
-That's okay.
I love you just the way you are.
-I heard you were
getting married.
-We are.
-Oh, there's so few good men.
[ Laughter ]
Complimentary wines.
-Thank you. Well, cheers.
-Here is your check
that you can pay at the end.
Show me the money!
[ Laughter ]
-I have other news for you.
- Oh.
- You're pregnant.
-I... how did you know?
-Here you go.
Hi, I'm Tom Cruise.
[ Laughter ]
-Zzzzt.
Zzzz.
[Quietly] Ryan did this earlier.
[ Laughter ]
It's the sequel.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Danielle Panabaker, everybody!
♪♪
So "sushi" was
a suggestion that I took.
-Sushi.
-And the way this works
is that you three are going to
sing like a doo-wop group
from the '50s,
but you are going to
sing about Beatrice,
who died in a horrible sushi
restaurant-related accident.
When you are ready,
take it away.
[ Doo-wop music playing ]
[ Riffing in harmony ]
-♪ I'm talking about Beatrice ♪
♪ Whoaaa ♪
♪ Whoa ♪
♪ Golly gee, there was a girl
named Beatrice ♪
♪ She was such a treat ♪
♪ So I took her down
to Mr. Miyagi's place ♪
♪ For a bite to eat ♪
♪ But she had the worst death
that I've ever seen ♪
♪ She choked on
my edamame beans ♪
-♪ The guy came out, friend,
and fulfilled my wish ♪
♪ He filleted her open
like cutting open a fish ♪
♪ None of it was good,
none of it was nice ♪
♪ Till he laid her
on a bed of rice ♪
-[ Spoken ] Oh, Beatrice,
my Canadian gal.
You're so beautiful,
my friend, Al, told me.
Oh...
[ Laughter ]
-[ Doo-wop harmony continues ]
-Punch line!
-[ Doo-wop harmonizing ]
♪♪
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Singing final chord ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Beautiful! Don't go anywhere.
We'll be back with more
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
Right after this.
-Next, we play a game called
"Daytime Talk Show."
This is for all four
of our gentlemen players.
Come down, boys.
[ Cheers and applause ]
The way that
this game works is Colin,
you're going to be
the host of a daytime show.
And here you go.
There's your microphone.
And Ryan and Gary are going
to be members of the public
appearing on the show.
Wayne is gonna be
a person in the audience.
He's gonna be asking questions.
The theme of your show
is something very urgent
and important to
Americans everywhere...
"The Wizard of Oz."
Take it away.
-You are a cowardly lion,
is that not right?
- Right, right, right, right.
- That is my namica.
-Alright. What exactly
did you want from the Wizard?
-I asked him for courage!
- Yeah.
- He didn't deliver.
-What did he give you?
-Nothing.
-We have with us
also a young girl from Kansas.
[ Applause ]
A girl from the small town
who went to the big city,
and things went wrong
almost immediately.
Dorothy, tell us your tale.
-Well, the storm hit.
Everything turned to color.
[ Laughter ]
I'm waiting again
for another storm.
I'm throwing myself
up into that tornado.
-And then you turned
to drugs and men.
-That's right.
Not in that order.
-No.
Maybe it should have been.
Alright, we have someone
in the audience,
someone that you know...
The Scarecrow.
-Oh, not this fool.
-Mr. Scarecrow, you went there,
you had no learning.
You wanted the Wizard
to give you some fast learning.
How did that turn out?
-Well, the Wizard, uh...
he told me that he would help me
increase my knowledge
and be a better person,
and he did so
by turning me on
to online universities.
-Uh-huh.
-Phoenix University
has helped me.
[ Laughter ]
-I got to say, the entire trip,
he was the biggest
[bleep] of all.
- Alright, here we go.
- You know what?
You know what?
That's exactly what
- someone like you would say.
- Oh, is that right?
What do you think
about that, huh?
- [ Screaming ]
- Oh, you're on fire.
Oh, who's on fire?
Oh, who's on fire?
- Oh! Put me out!
- Put me out! Put me out!
Put me... Are you afraid
of human contact, you bitch?
- Put me out!
- And what do you say to that?
The scarecrow found it
within himself to become smart.
Why couldn't you
find it in yourself
to become more courageous
or you to get home?
-It is not up to me!
If I go to somebody and say,
"Can you help me
with this problem?"
I don't expect them to say,
"Help yourself
with this problem.
I'm not going to help you
with this problem."
-[ Munchkin voice ] That's
because you're a lazy bastard.
- Please, sir.
- Don't cause any problems.
-All he wants to do is rely
on the infrastructure of Oz.
-These guys told us to follow
the Yellow Brick Road.
We followed
the Yellow Brick Road.
For an hour and a half,
it went around and around
in their village.
-And if you'd pay your taxes
and contribute,
then you can say something
about the Yellow Brick Road.
-Well, maybe when your nuts
drop, you'll sound different!
- Alright, alright, alright!
- Oh, here we go.
Here we go!
-[ Thumping down stairs ]
-Uh-uh! Uh-uh!
- You want some of this?
- [ Imitates dog barking ]
-[ Screaming ]
-Get him, Toto! Get him, Toto!
-[ Imitates bone snap ]
-[ Gasps ]
[ Crowd groans ]
-Well, you're not in Kansas,
anymore, Dorothy.
-My little dog's neck.
-Good night.
- You broke my [bleep]
- dog's neck!
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
-You know, I'm going to try
to sell this CD the best I can,
because this is a CD
called "Songs About the Car."
-Oh, we all love cars.
-I sleep in mine sometimes.
- Do you?
- Yes, I do,
'cause the rent's cheap.
And you know where I park
my car most of the time?
- Parking lot?
- No. In my garage.
-You sleep in your car
that you park in your garage?
-That's right.
-Which I'm guessing
is attached to your house.
-I can't go inside.
The wife's having an affair.
But, you know...
-"Unlikely names for
men's deodorant."
- Excuse me.
- Yeah?
-I notice you're out
of the Pork Rind.
-Yeah.
-Would you like the Stink Stick?
-Yes, please.
I would like to...
-"If farmers did everything
in a sexy way."
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-We should have brought a pail.
-You should have brought a cow!
[ Laughter ]
-"Unlikely ways for a news
anchor to start the bulletin."
-Hey, listen up, y'all.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Chuckles ] They believe me.
Welcome to the 6:00 news.
I'm Aaron Tucker.
[ Buzzer ]
-Are you kidding me?
You're not going
to believe this!
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Laughing to self ]
And now, a tragedy in Toronto.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-"If people had to provide
their own sound effects
in everyday life."
- [ Imitating train ]
- Choo choo choo choo choo choo.
Woo-woo!
Choo choo choo choo.
Bloop.
Choo choo choo choo. Bloop.
Woo-woo!
-Choo choo choo choo choo.
[ Buzzer ]
-Hey, everybody,
don't go anywhere.
We'll be right back with more
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
Right after this.
Stay tuned.
-Alright, guys, we're going
to play a game now entitled.
"Scene with Masks."
This is for all four
of our performers,
starting with Wayne and Colin.
Alright, everyone's got a mask.
- This is Jeff's.
- Jeff's.
- And this is Ryan's.
- Ryan's.
- And this is Wayne's.
- Wayne's.
- And this is Colin's.
- Colin's.
-Now, the way this game works
is that you're gonna act out
a scene wearing a mask,
and you're going to assume
a character based on the mask
that you're wearing.
Wayne and his wife, Colin,
are at the doctor's.
Ryan enters as a doctor
before finally,
a nurse, played by Jeff,
arrives on the scene.
And the rest is up to you,
gentlemen. Take it away.
-Honey, I think my water broke.
- [ Elderly voice ] Oh, no.
- We got to get a doctor out here.
Oh, sweetheart, my little patoo.
-Oh, I love it when we just
steal moments
like this together.
- [ Doofy voice ]
- I'm sorry I was late.
I was with another patient.
-My wife's water just broke.
-Oh, she's crowning as we speak!
-I want to see your diploma!
-I've got walls
full of diplomas.
- [ Imitating Igor ] Doctor.
- Doctor, is everything okay?
-Well, yeah. Her water broke
and she's crowning.
We're going to have
to get that baby out of there.
-We got to boil some water
or something.
-Boil some water
and get me some scissors!
You're going to have
to lay down, ma'am.
-We got to do our exercises
like in Lamaze class, baby.
-Look at us, four grown men.
[ Laughter ]
- [ Laughing ]
- Let's have a look there.
Oop! Oh, I got her.
Oh, I'm gonna snip the cord.
-Put her in the boiling water!
-I'm going to tie a knot
in the cord for you.
No, not in the boiling water!
-Well, why did you tell me
to boil water then?
-I wanted to clean her up after.
-I am not having a good time!
-Look, if you don't like
the way we work here,
then you can
just go somewhere else.
-[ Screams ]
[ Buzzer sounds repeatedly ]
-Four grown men.
-Wow.
-That's gonna be a classic!
-I have Emmys.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
-And now we're going to play
a game entitled "Hoedown!"
This is for all four
of our performers
with the help of
Laura Hall at the piano.
And what I need
from our audience
is someone you would
share a house with.
[ Overlapping shouting ]
Well, I heard "mom."
Mom. That makes a lot of sense.
Yeah, sure.
So let's hear the Mom Hoedown.
♪♪
[ Crowd clapping in time ]
♪♪
-♪ I live with my mom ♪
♪ Yep, 'cause I'm grown ♪
♪ So now I find myself
living with my folks at home ♪
♪ A domicile is a place
that I am needing ♪
♪ I'm 46 ♪
♪ But I'm still breastfeeding ♪
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
-♪ Many people think that... ♪
[ Stumbles ]
♪♪
[ Applause ]
♪♪
God, I hate this [bleep] game.
[ Laughter ]
♪ I live with my mother ♪
♪ She nags me every day ♪
♪ She nags me
while I'm working ♪
♪ She nags me while I play ♪
♪ She is the total worst
person ever all around ♪
♪ Still,
she's 100 times better ♪
♪ Than singing a "Hoedown" ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-♪ My mother and I
don't get along real good ♪
♪ She's always got something
to say in the hood ♪
♪ I don't insults... they... ♪
[Bleep] [bleep] [bleep].
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
♪ My mother and I, she's always
got something to say ♪
♪ She throws out the insults
every single day ♪
♪ They come from the left
and right, what a barrage ♪
♪ Thank God I'm sleeping ♪
♪ In the car in the garage ♪
[ Laughter ]
-♪ Well, I love my mother,
I love her oh, so much ♪
♪ She raised me and reared me
and nurtured me and such ♪
♪ But she's laid back ♪
♪ I could smoke and drink
a million beers ♪
♪ But she don't say nothing ♪
♪ She's been dead for 15 years ♪
-♪ Dead for 15 years ♪
[ Buzzer ] ♪ Dead mother ♪
-Alright, everybody, don't move.
There's more "Whose Line?"
coming at you right after this.
-Hey, everybody, and
welcome back to "Whose Line?"
That is our show tonight.
Our winners are Ryan Stiles
and Wayne Brady,
so please join the others
and read out the credits...
-That's never happened before.
-...as if you were all party
goers drunkenly declaring
your love for the camera.
Thanks for watching,
everybody. Good night.
- You guys having a good time?
- Yeah.
-Party's awesome.
-Oh, hey. Excuse me, fellas.
-There's a camera there.
-Can I talk to you for a second?
Hey, girl. You are tall.
Hey.
- Hey, man.
- She's too tall for you.
-Hey, man. Okay, cool, cool.
-She's too tall for me, too.
-So what do you want,
you want tall or smooth?
-I've got cake pops.
-I work on a show
with no publicity budget.
-Oh, me, too!
[ Cheers and applause ]
- Cheers.
- Cheers!
♪♪