Whose Line Is It Anyway? (2013–…): Season 12, Episode 4 - Keegan-Michael Key 9 - full transcript
Games include: Scenes from a hat, Sideways scenes, "Stand, sit, bend", Irish drinking song.
Good evening, everybody,
and welcome to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight’s show,
pulling out the stops,
Wayne Brady,
pulling a fast one,
Keegan-Michael Key,
pulling teeth, Colin Mochrie,
and pulling down his pants,
Ryan Stiles.
And I’m Aisha Tyler.
Let’s make some stuff up!
Whoo-hoo!
Hey, everybody, welcome.
Welcome to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"--
the show
where everything is made up
and the points don’t matter.
So, let’s get started
with a game we call
"Scenes From a Hat,"
which is all four
of our performers.
All right.
Ryan and Colin there.
Wayne and Keegan here.
Before the show, we asked the
audience to write down scenes
they’d like to see acted out
by our performers.
I’ve got the suggestions
here in this hat.
I’m going to read them out,
and we’re going to see
how many of these you guys
can act out.
All right.
"Strange Things to Hear
From Your Waiter."
Today’s special is food.
I wouldn’t eat that
with you-- poison.
With a party of one or more,
there’s a 30 percent gratuity.
"Strange Things to Shout Out
During Sex."
For parties of one or more,
there’s a 30 percent gratuity.
There it is!
Tag!
Houston, we got a problem!
Is this your card?
Go Seahawks!
Oh, that feels sufficient!
"If Fairy Tale Characters
Appeared on ’Jerry Springer.’"
Yeah, she can keep the kids.
Nothing about her is real!
She told me, "Come to the tower,
I’ll let down my hair!"
I yanked on it,
came off in my hand.
It was a weave!
Nah, I’m serious, man.
Seems we should call the NSA
or whoever needs
to get him out of here
because he’s stealing children,
and then my brother wanted
to say something, too.
What’s going on, man?
Here, listen, I’m living
under this bridge.
I got these three goats up here
acting fools,
and another thing is,
I’m one of them fairy tales
don’t nobody remember anymore.
The daddy name
is Georgie Porgie.
He kissed me, and I cried.
Nobody remember that
or the damn goats.
Nobody remember me.
Read a book!
America has lost its innocence.
Ugh.
"Pick-Up Lines
That Won’t Work on Aisha."
Hey, girl, I would love
to read to you
from my book of obscure
fairy tales.
"Jack Sprat."
So, you like lepers?
And I’d be thinking of you the
whole time we was making love.
I mean, your-- your voice
and then the body
of the cartoon from "Archer."
"Strange Things to See or Hear
in a Children’s TV Show."
This is a book.
"Rumpelstiltskin."
Listen and learn!
Once upon a time!
If you send in $10,
I will send you a stone
that I have personally passed.
You know what?
The whole bunch of you here
are acting like a bunch
of little babies and children!
And I’ve had it!
Grow up!
Hey, kids, it’s Willy,
the dysfunctional penis.
Haaah!
No!
I cannot decide
who to give points to
because you’re all
so devastatingly
and moderately handsome,
so points to all of you.
And, also, I would like to
commend you all
on your restraint.
A minimum number of
jokes in that bit,
so good for you.
Show’s not over.
Now we’re going to play a game
called "Sideways Scene."
This is for Wayne,
Colin, and Keegan,
and it takes place in
a special area behind the set.
So, guys, head that way,
and while they’re doing that,
I’m going to tell you
how this game works.
The three guys are going to
perform a scene,
but the difference is that
they’re going to be doing it
lying down on our magic mat,
and then we’re going to relay
the pictures to the audience
here and at home on the screen,
and I may throw out
some different genres
as they go along
for them to act in.
The scenario, as they get
prepared, is that Colin
and Keegan are a bickering pair
of tired and hungry explorers
in the jungle
trying to set up camp.
Suddenly, a very angry Tarzan--
Wayne...
Eee!
...swings in from the trees.
Take it away, boys.
I don’t like the way
you’ve set up the camp.
Well, no,
I just finished the hammock.
What is the problem?
I don’t think we can
work like this!
Listen...
Don’t you walk away from me!
- I’ll walk away--
- And then come back to me!
Listen, we’ve got
to work together,
and it’s just not working out.
Okay, well, let’s try to find
some kindling
and then build a fire.
Here, there’s some rags
and stuff down here.
Okay. I’m just going to do
my daily exercises.
Okay.
You know what?
- What?
To stop the boredom,
I might walk on the slack rope.
Hup!
Hup, ho, ah!
Oh, you’re just so impressive,
aren’t you?
Whoa, whoa, hey!
I don’t know about you,
but I am starving.
Oh, me, too.
Oh, wait a minute!
There’s some coconuts up there!
I’ll help you.
Oh, God, there’s a spider!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Aah! Aah!
Oh, thanks. Aah!
Oh, ohh! Ohhhh!
Oh, my God!
Tarzan come help.
I help you with spider.
Hup!
That was amazing!
That was amazing!
Thank you, Tarzan.
You guys are in
a science-fiction movie.
- Oh!
- Oh, no.
Our T-A-R-Z-A-N unit
is going insane!
Here, let me undo his panel.
Hope he doesn’t turn around
and attack me.
- Oh!
- Defensive protocol.
What the-- Ohhh!
Now you’re in a-- Now...
- Aaaaaah!
Whoaaaah!
Now you’re in a
"Street Fighter" video game.
Hadouken!
- Pshew!
- Oh!
Aah!
Doh-seek!
Aaaah!
Houston, we got a problem!
100 points to each of you,
and I suggest you go to use it
for some kind of painkiller
or anti-inflammatory
because that looked physically
very, very painful.
Never slide on a floor
with your testicles facing it.
Rule of thumb.
Last time I did that,
it turned out just fine.
Okay.
Ah.
I don’t actually--
They’re not on my body.
I keep them in my pocket for...
Do not go away!
We’ll be right back with much
more "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
right after this!
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Welcome back to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"--
where everything is made up
and the points don’t matter,
and now it’s time
to play a game called
"Stand, Sit, Bend."
This is for Colin,
Ryan, and Wayne.
come on down.
In this game, one player must
always be standing,
one player must
always be sitting,
and one player must
always be bending over.
Please assume those positions
now, gentlemen,
like you haven’t
heard that before.
Whenever someone--
Whenever someone changes
their position,
the other has to take
that person’s place,
so one of you must
always be in one of
these positions right here.
The scene is that
panicking mother Colin
has called in a priest, Ryan,
to exorcise her daughter,
Wayne, who she believes
to be possessed.
And off you go.
She’s been like this for hours!
That’s the one you’re
talking about, then?
Oh! I’m scared.
I didn’t know what
other daughters you had.
Oh, just this one.
Mommy, help me!
Oh, I want to, dear!
No, don’t touch her!
- All right.
- Don’t touch her.
I’ll just stay right here.
- It hurts so much!
- Oh, I know.
It hurts so much.
How long has
she been like this?
Well, uh, it’s been
like three hours.
- Three hours?
- Yes.
That’s too long.
She vomited all over the wall.
Bleh!
- I’m going to have to paint.
- Ah!
Bleh!
Ah!
Wait, don’t change anything.
I’m going to have to look
this up in my exorcism book.
I haven’t used it
in a long time.
Please, my daughter
is obviously weird.
I’m going to exorcise her.
All right.
I’ve got some holy water.
Aah! Please!
- Oh, my God!
- Do something, do something!
Aah!
Oh, my God!
It’s worse than I thought!
Ugh!
You must be able
to do something!
What?
Somebody do something!
Oh, phew! Wait.
Oh!
- I feel better!
- Better?
I’ve done my job.
- Oh, good!
- Hallelujah!
- Yes!
- Hallelujah.
- Yes!
Yay, me!
I’m just staying here
for a while.
I love that game.
I have no idea what’s happening.
It’s confusing.
Welcome.
At some point,
you guys are hugging,
and then it looks
slightly sexual,
so I get 1,000 points
for enjoying it so much.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- Good for you.
- Yeah!
I’m a big fan of you guys.
All right, now we’re going to
play a game called
"Irish Drinking Song."
This is for all of you, gentlemen.
All of you, come here,
accompanied by the beautiful,
talented Laura Hall
on the piano.
Before you guys
make up your song,
I need a reason
from the audience,
a suggestion of a reason
to celebrate.
Oh, yes! Thank you.
You know what?
You said-- She said,
"Promotion."
That’s what we’re going to do,
but I heard "deep emotion."
Ooh, subtle and think-y!
All right, promotion is what
we’re going to do.
You are going to sing
the Irish drinking song
entitled "Promotion."
Take it away.
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Hi-dee-di-dee,
di-dee, di-dee ♪
♪ Di-dee, di-dee, di ♪
♪ Today I walked into my boss ♪
♪ I told him about
the new job ♪
♪ He said he was real happy ♪
♪ The man called me a knob ♪
♪ He said, "Do you
have what it takes?" ♪
♪ I said, "I definitely do!" ♪
♪ Then he gave me
a big, fat raise ♪
♪ And then I had a poo ♪
♪ Oh, hi-dee-di-dee,
di-dee, di-dee ♪
♪ Di-dee, di-dee, di ♪
♪ I saw my brand-new office ♪
♪ I saw my brand-new view ♪
♪ The whole wall was windows ♪
♪ I made more money than you ♪
♪ And then
I rub it in your face ♪
♪ My secretary’s a girl ♪
♪ I play golf every day ♪
♪ And now I rule the world ♪
♪ Oh, hi-dee-di-dee,
di-dee, di-dee ♪
♪ Di-dee, di-dee, di ♪
♪ My workload is amazing ♪
♪ I take many days off ♪
♪ I delegate where I see fit ♪
♪ And then I can always scoff ♪
♪ I walk around the office ♪
♪ And gaze upon my wealth ♪
♪ My head held high ♪
♪ I’m the only one
with health-- insurance ♪
♪ Oh, hi-dee-di-dee,
di-dee, di-dee ♪
♪ Di-dee, di-dee, di ♪
♪ I’ve invested in the market ♪
♪ I’ve invested so well ♪
♪ I always make the money ♪
♪ Oh, what the hell? ♪
♪ But I lost
my entire fortune ♪
♪ And now I’m at the bottom ♪
♪ So what do I do today
or tomorrow ♪
♪ [Bleep] ♪
♪ Oh, hi-dee-di-dee,
di-dee, di-dee ♪
♪ Di-dee, di-dee, di ♪
♪ Oh, hi-dee-di-dee,
di-dee, di-dee ♪
♪ Di-dee, di-dee ♪
♪ Diiii ♪
Hey!
Stay with us.
There will be much more
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
right after this!
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Welcome back to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
And it’s time to play a game
called "Greatest Hits."
This is a game for Ryan,
Colin, and Wayne with the help
of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor
on piano and guitar.
Guys, come on down.
Now, Ryan and Colin are two
TV voiceover artists
talking about
the latest compilation album.
Wayne is going to sing
snippets of those songs.
What I need from
the audience here
is a type of vacation
that one might take.
Spring break!
That’s a great suggestion.
Spring break.
So the name of this album
is called
"Songs of Spring Break."
Boys, take it away.
We’ll be right back
to our documentary
about a man who makes lingerie
for the dearly departed...
..."Brassiere to Eternity,"
in just a second.
"Brassiere to Eternity."
Please.
But first, have we got
something for you.
How many months
have we got till March?
What? It’s just
right around the corner.
I need a break!
- Do you?
- I need a spring break.
Oh, and what will you do
on a spring break?
I don’t know.
Hey, Colin.
- Yeah?
What comes to mind when I say,
"Cigars and Bay of Pigs"?
Oh, honeymoon.
Really?
I was actually thinking Cuba--
the far-off country of Cuba.
Oh.
You know, when I think
Cuban music
and I think about spring break,
I think of that song that was on
the top of the Cuban charts
for over a week straight,
that Cuban spring-break hit--
"I Can’t Stop Throwing Up."
Ah!
Okay.
This song is for you.
Hello!
♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ Oh, I don’t drink
too much last night ♪
♪ Oh, when I’m feeling
that feeling ♪
♪ And I’m hoping that
I’m feeling it right ♪
♪ I am laying cold on my back ♪
♪ With a little Jaegermeister
and a quart of yak ♪
♪ Yak, a-yak, yak ♪
♪ Oh, when the sun comes up ♪
♪ I can’t stop throwing up ♪
♪ Because I get my
on the floor ♪
Bleh!
Bleh!
Bleh!
♪ Ah, na-na-na-na, ay ♪
♪ Because I cannot ♪
♪ I cannot stop throwing up ♪
Gracias, gracias.
- You all right?
- I just-- I can’t...
I can’t hear people
throwing up.
It makes me want to throw up.
Oh.
It’s like scary movies,
you know?
You don’t look right at the
movie, you look off to the side.
I did that with the birth
of my child.
I didn’t look right at her,
just off to the...
"It’s beautiful!"
That kind of thing.
Too much information.
I know you’re
a big lover of ska.
Oh, I love ska.
That’s why I said it.
Ska is a s-song...
It’s not a song.
It’s a style.
A slong?
Ska is a schlong?
No, but it plays a song
to my heart.
You said ska is a schlong.
No, I said
a ding-ding stradong.
It’s a--
Ska is a type of music.
Well, you’ll hear.
I can explain all day, but why?
Let’s just listen to this,
because here is a ska hit.
Want to know the title?
Well, we all do.
Here it is.
It’s about spring break.
You’re going to hear it
right now.
This is not stalling in any way.
This is the--
All right.
- Shall I just tell them?
- Go ahead.
It’s called "Who Did You
Sleep with Last Night?"
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ I do not just want
to know exactly ♪
♪ Who did you sleep
with last night ♪
♪ Because I came from the club
and I can assume ♪
♪ Because I was looking at you ♪
♪ When I tap, tap, tap,
tap, tap at your door ♪
♪ There was a sock on the lock ♪
♪ And I should have known
knock, knock ♪
♪ That I couldn’t come in
anymore ♪
♪ I heard boom, bitty,
bang, bang, bang ♪
♪ Booty, bang, bang, bang
Booty, bang, bang, bang ♪
♪ Booty, bang, bang,
bitty, bing, bong ♪
♪ Bing, bing, bing, dong, dong ♪
♪ And I was click, click, click,
click, click, click, click ♪
♪ Open the di, di, di ♪
♪ And I opened up ♪
♪ Oh, my goodness,
schlo-dong-dong ♪
♪ Oh, who did you sleep
with late last night? ♪
♪ Oh, please just tell me
’cause I know it wasn’t right ♪
♪ Because I know
I look at that ♪
♪ Oh, no, I look at that ♪
♪ I know I look at that ♪
♪ You dropped off, oh,
my mom, mom, mom ♪
♪ Who did you sleep
with last night? ♪
♪ Is that my mom, mom, mom? ♪
♪ Who did you sleep
with last night? ♪
♪ Was that my mom, mom, mom? ♪
♪ No, no, no, no, no ♪
♪ You broke the code ♪
♪ Who did you sleep
with last night? ♪
♪ Because it ain’t right
to schlong-dong-dong my mom ♪
♪ It ain’t right ♪
Find out who’s won
the show tonight
right after these messages,
Don’t go anywhere.
♪ All the things I feel inside ♪
♪ when I see my mother’s eyes ♪
♪ Love is always in her smile ♪
♪ There is no home like a mom ♪
Celebrate everyone
who loves like a mom
with a gift from
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The best comedies of the year
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Great job!
Can you not do that right now?
It‘s funny.
Ted Lasso.
Shrinking.
The Big Door Prize.
I think I have everything
I ever wanted.
Maybe you didn‘t want enough.
There‘s a story here
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Ana Montoya.
Hello there,
fellow students...
♪ music (“I Swear”) plays ♪
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Oh my God, what?
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Got you, girl.
Welcome back to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
That’s the end of our show,
and tonight’s winners
are Wayne Brady
and Keegan-Michael Key,
and I’d like you guys
to read out the credits
as pro wrestlers
trash-talking
the camera, who you believe
is your opponent.
Thanks for watching, good night!
- You know what?
The best tag team in the world,
Mark Leveson and Dan Patterson.
Don’t think we’re not coming
for Jimmy Mulville today!
We’re going to snap
his head off!
That is what we are
going to do, brother!
Jed Leventhall, we met
last week on the cage,
and tonight
you’re going to get it
just like Aisha Tyler
got it last week!
We’re going to
get Aisha Tyler.
I’m going to take my Sidwell
and give you some
of that Sprague, baby!
- Oh, yeah!
- Whoo!
Laura Elwood
and Alison McGregor...
- Whoo!
- ...we’re coming for you next!
The greatest, baby!
The greatest!
Angst Productions, baby!
and welcome to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight’s show,
pulling out the stops,
Wayne Brady,
pulling a fast one,
Keegan-Michael Key,
pulling teeth, Colin Mochrie,
and pulling down his pants,
Ryan Stiles.
And I’m Aisha Tyler.
Let’s make some stuff up!
Whoo-hoo!
Hey, everybody, welcome.
Welcome to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"--
the show
where everything is made up
and the points don’t matter.
So, let’s get started
with a game we call
"Scenes From a Hat,"
which is all four
of our performers.
All right.
Ryan and Colin there.
Wayne and Keegan here.
Before the show, we asked the
audience to write down scenes
they’d like to see acted out
by our performers.
I’ve got the suggestions
here in this hat.
I’m going to read them out,
and we’re going to see
how many of these you guys
can act out.
All right.
"Strange Things to Hear
From Your Waiter."
Today’s special is food.
I wouldn’t eat that
with you-- poison.
With a party of one or more,
there’s a 30 percent gratuity.
"Strange Things to Shout Out
During Sex."
For parties of one or more,
there’s a 30 percent gratuity.
There it is!
Tag!
Houston, we got a problem!
Is this your card?
Go Seahawks!
Oh, that feels sufficient!
"If Fairy Tale Characters
Appeared on ’Jerry Springer.’"
Yeah, she can keep the kids.
Nothing about her is real!
She told me, "Come to the tower,
I’ll let down my hair!"
I yanked on it,
came off in my hand.
It was a weave!
Nah, I’m serious, man.
Seems we should call the NSA
or whoever needs
to get him out of here
because he’s stealing children,
and then my brother wanted
to say something, too.
What’s going on, man?
Here, listen, I’m living
under this bridge.
I got these three goats up here
acting fools,
and another thing is,
I’m one of them fairy tales
don’t nobody remember anymore.
The daddy name
is Georgie Porgie.
He kissed me, and I cried.
Nobody remember that
or the damn goats.
Nobody remember me.
Read a book!
America has lost its innocence.
Ugh.
"Pick-Up Lines
That Won’t Work on Aisha."
Hey, girl, I would love
to read to you
from my book of obscure
fairy tales.
"Jack Sprat."
So, you like lepers?
And I’d be thinking of you the
whole time we was making love.
I mean, your-- your voice
and then the body
of the cartoon from "Archer."
"Strange Things to See or Hear
in a Children’s TV Show."
This is a book.
"Rumpelstiltskin."
Listen and learn!
Once upon a time!
If you send in $10,
I will send you a stone
that I have personally passed.
You know what?
The whole bunch of you here
are acting like a bunch
of little babies and children!
And I’ve had it!
Grow up!
Hey, kids, it’s Willy,
the dysfunctional penis.
Haaah!
No!
I cannot decide
who to give points to
because you’re all
so devastatingly
and moderately handsome,
so points to all of you.
And, also, I would like to
commend you all
on your restraint.
A minimum number of
jokes in that bit,
so good for you.
Show’s not over.
Now we’re going to play a game
called "Sideways Scene."
This is for Wayne,
Colin, and Keegan,
and it takes place in
a special area behind the set.
So, guys, head that way,
and while they’re doing that,
I’m going to tell you
how this game works.
The three guys are going to
perform a scene,
but the difference is that
they’re going to be doing it
lying down on our magic mat,
and then we’re going to relay
the pictures to the audience
here and at home on the screen,
and I may throw out
some different genres
as they go along
for them to act in.
The scenario, as they get
prepared, is that Colin
and Keegan are a bickering pair
of tired and hungry explorers
in the jungle
trying to set up camp.
Suddenly, a very angry Tarzan--
Wayne...
Eee!
...swings in from the trees.
Take it away, boys.
I don’t like the way
you’ve set up the camp.
Well, no,
I just finished the hammock.
What is the problem?
I don’t think we can
work like this!
Listen...
Don’t you walk away from me!
- I’ll walk away--
- And then come back to me!
Listen, we’ve got
to work together,
and it’s just not working out.
Okay, well, let’s try to find
some kindling
and then build a fire.
Here, there’s some rags
and stuff down here.
Okay. I’m just going to do
my daily exercises.
Okay.
You know what?
- What?
To stop the boredom,
I might walk on the slack rope.
Hup!
Hup, ho, ah!
Oh, you’re just so impressive,
aren’t you?
Whoa, whoa, hey!
I don’t know about you,
but I am starving.
Oh, me, too.
Oh, wait a minute!
There’s some coconuts up there!
I’ll help you.
Oh, God, there’s a spider!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Aah! Aah!
Oh, thanks. Aah!
Oh, ohh! Ohhhh!
Oh, my God!
Tarzan come help.
I help you with spider.
Hup!
That was amazing!
That was amazing!
Thank you, Tarzan.
You guys are in
a science-fiction movie.
- Oh!
- Oh, no.
Our T-A-R-Z-A-N unit
is going insane!
Here, let me undo his panel.
Hope he doesn’t turn around
and attack me.
- Oh!
- Defensive protocol.
What the-- Ohhh!
Now you’re in a-- Now...
- Aaaaaah!
Whoaaaah!
Now you’re in a
"Street Fighter" video game.
Hadouken!
- Pshew!
- Oh!
Aah!
Doh-seek!
Aaaah!
Houston, we got a problem!
100 points to each of you,
and I suggest you go to use it
for some kind of painkiller
or anti-inflammatory
because that looked physically
very, very painful.
Never slide on a floor
with your testicles facing it.
Rule of thumb.
Last time I did that,
it turned out just fine.
Okay.
Ah.
I don’t actually--
They’re not on my body.
I keep them in my pocket for...
Do not go away!
We’ll be right back with much
more "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
right after this!
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Whole team is here!
Coffee?
Ah! Yes!
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Hello there,
fellow students...
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Welcome back to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"--
where everything is made up
and the points don’t matter,
and now it’s time
to play a game called
"Stand, Sit, Bend."
This is for Colin,
Ryan, and Wayne.
come on down.
In this game, one player must
always be standing,
one player must
always be sitting,
and one player must
always be bending over.
Please assume those positions
now, gentlemen,
like you haven’t
heard that before.
Whenever someone--
Whenever someone changes
their position,
the other has to take
that person’s place,
so one of you must
always be in one of
these positions right here.
The scene is that
panicking mother Colin
has called in a priest, Ryan,
to exorcise her daughter,
Wayne, who she believes
to be possessed.
And off you go.
She’s been like this for hours!
That’s the one you’re
talking about, then?
Oh! I’m scared.
I didn’t know what
other daughters you had.
Oh, just this one.
Mommy, help me!
Oh, I want to, dear!
No, don’t touch her!
- All right.
- Don’t touch her.
I’ll just stay right here.
- It hurts so much!
- Oh, I know.
It hurts so much.
How long has
she been like this?
Well, uh, it’s been
like three hours.
- Three hours?
- Yes.
That’s too long.
She vomited all over the wall.
Bleh!
- I’m going to have to paint.
- Ah!
Bleh!
Ah!
Wait, don’t change anything.
I’m going to have to look
this up in my exorcism book.
I haven’t used it
in a long time.
Please, my daughter
is obviously weird.
I’m going to exorcise her.
All right.
I’ve got some holy water.
Aah! Please!
- Oh, my God!
- Do something, do something!
Aah!
Oh, my God!
It’s worse than I thought!
Ugh!
You must be able
to do something!
What?
Somebody do something!
Oh, phew! Wait.
Oh!
- I feel better!
- Better?
I’ve done my job.
- Oh, good!
- Hallelujah!
- Yes!
- Hallelujah.
- Yes!
Yay, me!
I’m just staying here
for a while.
I love that game.
I have no idea what’s happening.
It’s confusing.
Welcome.
At some point,
you guys are hugging,
and then it looks
slightly sexual,
so I get 1,000 points
for enjoying it so much.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- Good for you.
- Yeah!
I’m a big fan of you guys.
All right, now we’re going to
play a game called
"Irish Drinking Song."
This is for all of you, gentlemen.
All of you, come here,
accompanied by the beautiful,
talented Laura Hall
on the piano.
Before you guys
make up your song,
I need a reason
from the audience,
a suggestion of a reason
to celebrate.
Oh, yes! Thank you.
You know what?
You said-- She said,
"Promotion."
That’s what we’re going to do,
but I heard "deep emotion."
Ooh, subtle and think-y!
All right, promotion is what
we’re going to do.
You are going to sing
the Irish drinking song
entitled "Promotion."
Take it away.
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Hi-dee-di-dee,
di-dee, di-dee ♪
♪ Di-dee, di-dee, di ♪
♪ Today I walked into my boss ♪
♪ I told him about
the new job ♪
♪ He said he was real happy ♪
♪ The man called me a knob ♪
♪ He said, "Do you
have what it takes?" ♪
♪ I said, "I definitely do!" ♪
♪ Then he gave me
a big, fat raise ♪
♪ And then I had a poo ♪
♪ Oh, hi-dee-di-dee,
di-dee, di-dee ♪
♪ Di-dee, di-dee, di ♪
♪ I saw my brand-new office ♪
♪ I saw my brand-new view ♪
♪ The whole wall was windows ♪
♪ I made more money than you ♪
♪ And then
I rub it in your face ♪
♪ My secretary’s a girl ♪
♪ I play golf every day ♪
♪ And now I rule the world ♪
♪ Oh, hi-dee-di-dee,
di-dee, di-dee ♪
♪ Di-dee, di-dee, di ♪
♪ My workload is amazing ♪
♪ I take many days off ♪
♪ I delegate where I see fit ♪
♪ And then I can always scoff ♪
♪ I walk around the office ♪
♪ And gaze upon my wealth ♪
♪ My head held high ♪
♪ I’m the only one
with health-- insurance ♪
♪ Oh, hi-dee-di-dee,
di-dee, di-dee ♪
♪ Di-dee, di-dee, di ♪
♪ I’ve invested in the market ♪
♪ I’ve invested so well ♪
♪ I always make the money ♪
♪ Oh, what the hell? ♪
♪ But I lost
my entire fortune ♪
♪ And now I’m at the bottom ♪
♪ So what do I do today
or tomorrow ♪
♪ [Bleep] ♪
♪ Oh, hi-dee-di-dee,
di-dee, di-dee ♪
♪ Di-dee, di-dee, di ♪
♪ Oh, hi-dee-di-dee,
di-dee, di-dee ♪
♪ Di-dee, di-dee ♪
♪ Diiii ♪
Hey!
Stay with us.
There will be much more
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
right after this!
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Welcome back to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
And it’s time to play a game
called "Greatest Hits."
This is a game for Ryan,
Colin, and Wayne with the help
of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor
on piano and guitar.
Guys, come on down.
Now, Ryan and Colin are two
TV voiceover artists
talking about
the latest compilation album.
Wayne is going to sing
snippets of those songs.
What I need from
the audience here
is a type of vacation
that one might take.
Spring break!
That’s a great suggestion.
Spring break.
So the name of this album
is called
"Songs of Spring Break."
Boys, take it away.
We’ll be right back
to our documentary
about a man who makes lingerie
for the dearly departed...
..."Brassiere to Eternity,"
in just a second.
"Brassiere to Eternity."
Please.
But first, have we got
something for you.
How many months
have we got till March?
What? It’s just
right around the corner.
I need a break!
- Do you?
- I need a spring break.
Oh, and what will you do
on a spring break?
I don’t know.
Hey, Colin.
- Yeah?
What comes to mind when I say,
"Cigars and Bay of Pigs"?
Oh, honeymoon.
Really?
I was actually thinking Cuba--
the far-off country of Cuba.
Oh.
You know, when I think
Cuban music
and I think about spring break,
I think of that song that was on
the top of the Cuban charts
for over a week straight,
that Cuban spring-break hit--
"I Can’t Stop Throwing Up."
Ah!
Okay.
This song is for you.
Hello!
♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ Oh, I don’t drink
too much last night ♪
♪ Oh, when I’m feeling
that feeling ♪
♪ And I’m hoping that
I’m feeling it right ♪
♪ I am laying cold on my back ♪
♪ With a little Jaegermeister
and a quart of yak ♪
♪ Yak, a-yak, yak ♪
♪ Oh, when the sun comes up ♪
♪ I can’t stop throwing up ♪
♪ Because I get my
on the floor ♪
Bleh!
Bleh!
Bleh!
♪ Ah, na-na-na-na, ay ♪
♪ Because I cannot ♪
♪ I cannot stop throwing up ♪
Gracias, gracias.
- You all right?
- I just-- I can’t...
I can’t hear people
throwing up.
It makes me want to throw up.
Oh.
It’s like scary movies,
you know?
You don’t look right at the
movie, you look off to the side.
I did that with the birth
of my child.
I didn’t look right at her,
just off to the...
"It’s beautiful!"
That kind of thing.
Too much information.
I know you’re
a big lover of ska.
Oh, I love ska.
That’s why I said it.
Ska is a s-song...
It’s not a song.
It’s a style.
A slong?
Ska is a schlong?
No, but it plays a song
to my heart.
You said ska is a schlong.
No, I said
a ding-ding stradong.
It’s a--
Ska is a type of music.
Well, you’ll hear.
I can explain all day, but why?
Let’s just listen to this,
because here is a ska hit.
Want to know the title?
Well, we all do.
Here it is.
It’s about spring break.
You’re going to hear it
right now.
This is not stalling in any way.
This is the--
All right.
- Shall I just tell them?
- Go ahead.
It’s called "Who Did You
Sleep with Last Night?"
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ I do not just want
to know exactly ♪
♪ Who did you sleep
with last night ♪
♪ Because I came from the club
and I can assume ♪
♪ Because I was looking at you ♪
♪ When I tap, tap, tap,
tap, tap at your door ♪
♪ There was a sock on the lock ♪
♪ And I should have known
knock, knock ♪
♪ That I couldn’t come in
anymore ♪
♪ I heard boom, bitty,
bang, bang, bang ♪
♪ Booty, bang, bang, bang
Booty, bang, bang, bang ♪
♪ Booty, bang, bang,
bitty, bing, bong ♪
♪ Bing, bing, bing, dong, dong ♪
♪ And I was click, click, click,
click, click, click, click ♪
♪ Open the di, di, di ♪
♪ And I opened up ♪
♪ Oh, my goodness,
schlo-dong-dong ♪
♪ Oh, who did you sleep
with late last night? ♪
♪ Oh, please just tell me
’cause I know it wasn’t right ♪
♪ Because I know
I look at that ♪
♪ Oh, no, I look at that ♪
♪ I know I look at that ♪
♪ You dropped off, oh,
my mom, mom, mom ♪
♪ Who did you sleep
with last night? ♪
♪ Is that my mom, mom, mom? ♪
♪ Who did you sleep
with last night? ♪
♪ Was that my mom, mom, mom? ♪
♪ No, no, no, no, no ♪
♪ You broke the code ♪
♪ Who did you sleep
with last night? ♪
♪ Because it ain’t right
to schlong-dong-dong my mom ♪
♪ It ain’t right ♪
Find out who’s won
the show tonight
right after these messages,
Don’t go anywhere.
♪ All the things I feel inside ♪
♪ when I see my mother’s eyes ♪
♪ Love is always in her smile ♪
♪ There is no home like a mom ♪
Celebrate everyone
who loves like a mom
with a gift from
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Knock-a-doodle-doo.
The best comedies of the year
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Great job!
Can you not do that right now?
It‘s funny.
Ted Lasso.
Shrinking.
The Big Door Prize.
I think I have everything
I ever wanted.
Maybe you didn‘t want enough.
There‘s a story here
worth telling.
Oh okay uhh...
Sure what the heck why not?
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And now please welcome
Ana Montoya.
Hello there,
fellow students...
♪ music (“I Swear”) plays ♪
Jaycee tried Gain Flings
for the first time
the other day...
and forgot where she was.
You can always
spot a first timer.
Oxi Boost and Febreze.
Let’s ace this thing!
I got you coffee.
Oh my God, what?
You literally read my mind.
Got you, girl.
Welcome back to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
That’s the end of our show,
and tonight’s winners
are Wayne Brady
and Keegan-Michael Key,
and I’d like you guys
to read out the credits
as pro wrestlers
trash-talking
the camera, who you believe
is your opponent.
Thanks for watching, good night!
- You know what?
The best tag team in the world,
Mark Leveson and Dan Patterson.
Don’t think we’re not coming
for Jimmy Mulville today!
We’re going to snap
his head off!
That is what we are
going to do, brother!
Jed Leventhall, we met
last week on the cage,
and tonight
you’re going to get it
just like Aisha Tyler
got it last week!
We’re going to
get Aisha Tyler.
I’m going to take my Sidwell
and give you some
of that Sprague, baby!
- Oh, yeah!
- Whoo!
Laura Elwood
and Alison McGregor...
- Whoo!
- ...we’re coming for you next!
The greatest, baby!
The greatest!
Angst Productions, baby!