Whose Line Is It Anyway? (2013–…): Season 12, Episode 3 - Penn & Teller 2 - full transcript
Games include: Hollywood director, Scenes from a hat, Radio show, Greatest hits.
Good evening, everybody,
and welcome to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show,
running back Wayne Brady,
wide receiver
Gary Anthony Williams,
tight end Colin Mochrie,
and end-zone fumble Ryan Stiles,
and I'm Aisha Tyler.
Let's make some stuff up.
[ Applause ]
Hi!
Hello.
Hello, everybody.
Welcome.
Welcome to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"...
The show where
everything is made up,
and like Twitter
at Ryan's house,
the points do not matter.
We've got a great show
for you tonight,
so let's get started with a game
called "Hollywood Director."
This is for all four
of our performers.
Gentlemen, come towards me.
Now, the way that this game
works is that Gary,
Ryan, and Wayne are going to be
acting out a film scene,
and Colin is going to be
the director giving them notes
on how to improve
the scene as they go along.
The scene you guys are
going to be acting out
is that flirtatious
golf pro Ryan
is showing a beautiful
young trophy wife, Gary...
[ Laughter ]
...how to improve her swing.
Suddenly, Gary's
nearsighted husband, Wayne,
[ Laughter ]
...arrives on a golf cart.
Whenever you're ready,
gentlemen, take it away.
I understand this
is your first lesson.
This is.
It's also my first time
wearing a skort.
I see.
Well, why don't I start off
by showing you
how to use the ball washer?
Okay.
It's right over here.
Put your ball in there.
Oh.
[ Imitating engine revving ]
- Uh-oh!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh.
Listen here!
Leave my woman alone!
- Derek, Derek...
- I love you!
- I love you so much!
- Derek!
You are the most amazing woman,
and why would you leave me?
- Derek!
- I love you.
I love you so much.
He was just showing me
how to wash his balls.
That's right.
I was just showing her how...
Just showing her
how to play golf.
I was just showing her.
Cut, cut, cut, cut,
cut, cut, cut, cut.
Oh, you guys are like
a horrific breakfast cereal.
Crack, crackle, pop.
[ Laughter ]
You know what?
It has nothing to it.
There's no energy.
There's no energy.
You need energy.
Do it like you're hyped up
on caffeine.
Action.
Well, I hope you don't mind
that everything on me
- is jiggling right now.
- Fore!
Huh? Oh.
You have to help me.
You have to help me.
You have to help me.
Hey, hey! Let's wash our balls.
Okay.
[ Laughter ]
- [ Imitating engine revving ]
- Whoa! Oh!
- Derek!
- Who is that?
- Who the hell was that?
- Derek!
Derek! Derek! Derek!
Derek!
Derek, you have to stop this.
You have to stop thi... Uh-oh.
Cut, cut, cut, cut,
cut, cut, cut.
Smells like almonds.
Did you smell almonds?
Huh?
Did you smell almonds?
- [ Laughter ]
- That was...
You smell almonds
when you faint like that.
Yeah.
I smell almonds.
Yes, I... Believe me.
It's my fervent wish
that you were smelling almonds.
You know, there's no contact
between you.
I don't see any relationship.
So do it like you're all
covered in super glue.
[ Laughter ]
I was won... Oh.
Perhaps you'd like
to put your ball...
- Oh, no.
- ...in the ball washer.
- Let me help you.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- Oh. Uh-oh!
- Oh.
- Oh! Oh!
- Uh-oh.
[ Imitates engine revving ]
- I smell almonds!
- Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.
- I smelled almonds again.
- Yes.
Yeah, I smell nuts, too.
[ Laughter and applause ]
From behind. Okay.
All right, no, hey!
Thank you!
You have given me inspiration!
- Just from nuts?
- Yes.
Do it like you're
in a cheesy adult movie.
Oh.
Action.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Perhaps you'd like to, uh,
grab my club
and have a few strokes.
I reckon I would.
- Wait.
- Oh?
I should put my ball
in the ball washer first.
Oh! Or would you rath...
[ Imitates engine revving ]
- Where are you, honey?
- Chika-dika-dow-wow!
I can't see you.
- I can't see you.
- She's right over there.
- Huh?
- Oh.
Cut, cut, cut, cut.
- [ Buzzer ]
- What was wrong with that?
What was wrong with that?
[ Cheers and applause ]
Uh...
Why would you stop it
right there?
- It was just about to get good.
- I could see what was coming.
That's what the Internet
is for, gentlemen.
I was just about
to replace a divot.
[ Laughter ]
You're making pictures
in my head.
Next up, ladies and gentlemen,
is a game called.
"Scenes From a Hat."
This is for all four
of our performers.
Ryan and Colin,
you're over there.
Wayne and Gary,
you're right here.
Now, before the show,
we asked the audience
to write down scenes
they wanted to see acted out
by our performers.
I've got the suggestions
here in this hat.
I'm going to read them out,
and we'll see how many
our performers can act out.
So, the first one is
"Unlikely Car Commercials."
The new Buick...
Very easy to break into.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
The new 2015, with more room
in the trunk
for bodies than ever before.
[ Laughter and applause,
buzzer ]
No? Okay.
We don't like that one.
Clearly.
[ Laughs ]
- Oh, this one's for you, Ry.
- Oh!
"Pickup Lines That
Would Never Work."
[ Audience oohs ]
You guys are too sensitive!
Can I buy you a drink?
[ Buzzer ]
Out of all the girls
that I've hit on
and I've been rejected by,
and finally I've settled on you.
You're the hottest one.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
This Buick... very easy
to break into.
I can't.
And there's a body in the trunk.
Get out of here.
What do you weigh?
[ Audience oohs ]
[ Buzzer ]
You know the doors
are locked, right?
Terrifying. [ Buzzer ]
It's this thing.
It's really strong.
- Try that.
- Oh!
- Hey.
- Wow!
Some of us are working.
[ Laughter and applause ]
My hand smell funny to you?
[ Buzzer ]
Mm, mm, mm!
You look fertile.
[ Laughter, audience oohs ]
[ Buzzer ]
"Bad Things to Do
on Your First Day at Work."
Ryan, Colin, Wayne,
y'all stupid!
True story, guys.
[ Laughter and applause ]
I really look forward
to working here, sir.
- Good.
- Is, uh, that your wife?
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
"If Famous Movie Scenes
Were Performed in the Nude."
"My friend Andy Dufresne
had chiseled his way
through that wall."
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Panting ]
[ Imitating Rocky Balboa ]
Adrian!
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
You said naked.
Come on! You can do it, Rock.
You can do it.
Come on! Hit it, Rock, hit it!
Last season, I actually did
that to his penis and balls.
Did you?
Oh, yeah.
No, not on the show, though.
[ Laughter, audience oohs ]
Just a lot of [bleep] jokes.
Okay.
- Well, what else...?
- You said to do it naked.
Should we have done
a lot of vagina jokes?
- Yes.
- All right, fine.
All right. Sure.
[ Imitating ship engine ]
We are falling into
the black hole.
Yes! Yes!
- You happy?
- I am.
Thank you.
- Ready, Thelma?
- Ready, Louise?
[ Laughter ]
Why just one?
Because that's where
the ignition was.
Because we were driving
into a really big vagina.
[ Buzzer ]
All right.
Do not go away.
We'll be right back with more
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
Right after this.
Hey, welcome back
to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
And now we're going to move on
to a game called "Radio Show."
This is for all four
of our performers.
Gentlemen, when you are ready,
come on down.
Wayne and Gary are going to be
morning radio DJs,
and Ryan and Colin
are going to play anybody else
who might call in or feature
on the show in any way.
But you're also going to have
some star guests
to interview on
your morning radio show,
so, ladies and gentlemen, please
welcome legendary illusionists.
Penn and Teller.
Hello.
Welcome.
- Sir, good to see you again.
- Sir!
Please have a seat.
Now, here's how this
is going to go.
Who do you think is taller?
- Who do I think is taller?
- Let's...
Uh, oh.
[Chanting]
Tall-off, tall-off, tall-off.
- He's taller.
- Interesting.
[ Audience oohs ]
Who's got bigger feet?
- He's got me?
- No, you got it.
- What size feet you got?
- I got a 15.
- Damn.
- What?
Oh, okay.
[ Laughter and applause ]
I was just going to
pull out enough to win.
All right.
Whenever you guys are ready,
take it away.
Do-do-do-do-do-do!
[ Imitates explosion ]
- It's K-Pet in the morning.
- K-Pet!
It's me, Dog,
the angriest man on radio.
And I'm Soothin' Sam.
Whoo! We balance each other off.
- [ Imitates explosion ]
- Aah!
♪ In the morning ♪
Not in the afternoon.
All right.
So, what's up today
for our listeners, baby?
I got to tell you
something, man.
We're going to get
really soothey with it today.
We got two fantastical
guests on here.
Callers and listeners,
Penn and Teller.
Oh, great to be here.
All right. Thanks.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Imitating telephone ringing ]
Oh, we have a caller
coming in on line nine.
Caller, you're on.
Yeah, why do you got to have
a guy who can't talk
on your radio show?
Oh, he said... I thought
you guys got a [Indistinct].
Why do we have a guy
that doesn't talk?
Oh, he's just got a golf ball
in his mouth.
That's why he doesn't talk,
because of the golf ball
in his mouth.
Now Teller is going to talk.
Teller will talk.
- Oh, he's got the...
- He got a...
Now Teller will talk on your
show for the first time ever.
- Here we go.
- All right.
Teller is going to talk.
Oh.
Ring-ring. Ring-ring.
Yeah, yeah.
Caller, you're also on.
Hi, it's Magnificent Otter.
I'm from Sausalito.
Both of your guests are,
like, things in a bank.
What's up with that?
What, a pen and a teller?
[ Laughing hysterically ]
This guy. This guy.
Oh!
Oh, no! Oh, no.
- My name is Penn.
- Right.
And although it's
spelled differently...
Uh-huh.
...it's the same as the word
"pen," and his name is Teller.
- Ring-ring.
- Caller three, you're in.
Yeah, I just noticed
it was spelled different.
Yeah, it is.
Thanks, Otter.
We'll be talking to you later.
We have a little jingle
from our sponsors.
"D"...
Boo.
D-Boo!
The number-one word
in chocolate.
Ring-ring. Ring-ring.
Now, caller.
Yeah, I just want to tell
your listeners,
a golf ball
just rolled by my car.
Let's go ahead and check with
Jimmy in the traffic 'copter
to see if he can see
the rolling ball.
[ Imitating helicopter blades
whirring ]
I see the ball.
It's heading down Hallassee,
and a guy just took a left
on Melrose.
Now, Jimmy,
I have a question for you.
Yes?
Is it wise that you're not
flying your helicopter?
You've just got your hands
back slapping your chest.
And why do you sound
like Gilbert Gottfried?
You hit your nipples for
an hour and see how you sound.
Fair enough.
Before we let you
go back to Vegas...
Yes. Yep.
Would you consider playing
a private show here
in Los Angeles for the
radio station and our listeners?
No.
Gentlemen, thank you so much
for listening to Penn and Teller
and the sensitive one radio.
- We are out.
- Out.
[ Buzzer ]
Ladies and gentlemen,
Penn and Teller!
Don't go anywhere.
We will be right back with more
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
Right after this.
Hey, there.
Welcome back to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
We are going to keep the fun
going now with a game
called "Greatest Hits."
It's a game for all four
of our players,
so, gentlemen, come on down.
You'll have to have the help
of Laura Hall
and Linda Taylor
on piano and guitar.
The way that this game works
is that Ryan and Colin
are two TV voiceover artists
talking about
the latest compilation album.
Wayne and Gary are going to sing
snippets of those songs,
so what I need from the audience
is a suggestion here.
Can you give me a big American
city one might go and visit?
[ Shouting suggestions ]
Oh, okay! Dallas.
- What?
- Dallas, ladies and gentlemen.
All right.
So the name of your album
is "Songs of Dallas."
Take it away.
Good morning, America.
Good morning.
We'll be right back
to our documentary on people
obsessed with pedicures,
in "Clip-tomaniacs,"
in just a second.
Hey, have you ever been
to Dallas?
I have never...
Yes, I have.
It's a lot like Houston...
- Yes.
- ...but without the culture.
[ Audience oohs ]
Well, that's one place
I wouldn't vacation in, for you.
Don't worry. I won't.
Anyway, on
this collection of, uh...
LPs?
Yeah. There are some
interesting pairings.
Pairings you wouldn't see
outside of Dallas.
Really?
Oh, I tell you, this one
fascinates me.
Really?
Because it's also
about something that I love.
You know, being a Canadian,
I love hockey,
and the Dallas Stars
are a hockey team.
And syrup.
You guys have syrup, too.
Yeah, that fits in beautifully
with what I'm about to say.
And beavers. Beavers.
You've got beavers
and snowshoes and Mounties.
All things that aren't
in Dallas.
But there is a hockey team,
which is sort of the basis
of this next song.
- Oh, the Dallas Stars?
- Yeah.
- Oh.
- Sung by Luther Vandross.
- [ Gasps ] "Vandrohs"?
- Yeah.
Is it "Drohs" or "Drahs"?
It depends if you're, uh...
pronounce it correctly.
Oh.
But it's him and Chris Rock.
- Chris Rock?
- Yeah.
So sit back and listen
to this novelty tune...
"Why Do We Have Hockey Here?"
[ Funky music plays ]
Uh, uh, uh.
♪ Oh, whoa, whoa ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Baby, baby,
this world is so nice ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ Why in the heck
do we have to be ♪
♪ Beating around on the ice? ♪
- ♪ Oh, oh ♪
- ♪ I don't know, darling ♪
♪ I don't give a pluck ♪
♪ Don't make no sense ♪
♪ Everyone running around
chasing these hockey pucks ♪
Y'all need to tell me
just one thing.
- ♪ Uh-huh ♪
- Tell me just one thing.
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
You don't see no brothers
on the ice.
- Unh-unh.
- Not unless he getting chased,
and he's running like this
in one place.
- ♪ Run, running ♪
- Maaaaaaan!
♪ Running, running ♪
♪ Yeah, oh ♪
♪ Why there hockey over here? ♪
♪ Hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ I guess we could have
curling ♪
♪ One of these days ♪
♪ People running on the ice,
baby ♪
♪ With that broom ♪
♪ Step back, my friend,
you got to make ♪
♪ Me some ice-skating room ♪
I'm about to go skating.
[ Imitating ice skates
scraping ]
One more time, now.
Come on, now.
The only way you're
going to get me on the ice
is if there's a hoop
on the other end.
- Hey.
- All right.
- That kind of makes sense.
- Yeah, it does.
All right. Go now.
All right.
[ Cheers and applause ]
You know what's great about
this particular
collection of songs?
Oh, hash browns.
What?
Oh, I thought you asked me
what food I like.
No.
Oh, because it would
be hash browns.
- Who cares?
- Okay.
As I said, there's many
great pairings on this album.
Is this another pairing
coming up?
Oh, wait till you hear
this great hit sung
by two people who have more
in common than their last name,
Ice-T and Mr. T...
[ Laughter ]
...when they sing
this great hit...
"Barbecue in the City."
[ Hip-hop music plays ]
[Rapping] ♪ I smell the food,
smell the food ♪
♪ I smell the food,
smell the food ♪
♪ Do you smell the food ♪
♪ Do you smell the food, food,
food, food, ? ♪
♪ Do you smell the food? ♪
[Rapping] ♪ Barbecue ♪
♪ B-A-R-cue ♪
♪ That's what I eat,
so I'm telling you ♪
♪ As I'm riding down the street,
I'm a hustler ♪
♪ Every day I get "B"
'cause I'm coming up ♪
- ♪ Fork and knife ♪
- Unh!
- ♪ In my hand ♪
- Unh!
♪ I'm ready for a barbecue,
understand? ♪
♪ It doesn't matter
because I smoke a cigarillo ♪
♪ Ooh, roadkill,
barbecuing' armadillo ♪
- Barbecue!
- ♪ That's what I do ♪
- ♪ Barbecue ♪
- ♪ You like the armadillo? ♪
♪ I'll tell you what,
I'm the killer ♪
♪ I club your man,
I club your man in the mane ♪
What?
♪ I don't know
what I'm sayin' no more ♪
No.
♪ I got so much gold
around my neck ♪
- ♪ I got an afro ♪
- Whoa.
♪ But it's only on the top,
see? ♪
- Yes.
- ♪ You call that a Mohawk? ♪
♪ Don't call me ♪
- ♪ Barbecue ♪
- Barbecue.
- Huh?
- Barbecue, I'm barbecue.
Go.
♪ I smell the food, barbecue ♪
You see me? Yeah.
- Barbecue, I barbecue.
- Barbecue.
Huh? I smell the food.
I pity the fool
who don't barbecue.
Sauce.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
That's good, huh?
Hey, find out who won
our show tonight
right after these messages.
Stick around.
Welcome back to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
That is our show
for the evening, and tonight,
all four of you lovely gentlemen
performers are our winners.
- Yes!
- So I would like you to read,
with our star guests,
Penn and Teller,
the credits as two magicians,
Ryan and Colin,
trying to make Penn
and Teller disappear.
Wayne and Gary, you will be
their glamorous assistants,
otherwise known as box jumpers,
by the way.
Thanks for watching, everybody.
- Oh, box jumpers.
- Goodnight.
♪
By the power of Mark Leveson
and Jed Leventhal,
disappear!
It's not working.
By the Wayne Brady
or the Neil...
Oh!
Ho-ho!
♪
Can we keep them around
a little bit longer?
Oh! Oh, yes!
Why, we...
[ Cheers and applause ]
and welcome to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
On tonight's show,
running back Wayne Brady,
wide receiver
Gary Anthony Williams,
tight end Colin Mochrie,
and end-zone fumble Ryan Stiles,
and I'm Aisha Tyler.
Let's make some stuff up.
[ Applause ]
Hi!
Hello.
Hello, everybody.
Welcome.
Welcome to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"...
The show where
everything is made up,
and like Twitter
at Ryan's house,
the points do not matter.
We've got a great show
for you tonight,
so let's get started with a game
called "Hollywood Director."
This is for all four
of our performers.
Gentlemen, come towards me.
Now, the way that this game
works is that Gary,
Ryan, and Wayne are going to be
acting out a film scene,
and Colin is going to be
the director giving them notes
on how to improve
the scene as they go along.
The scene you guys are
going to be acting out
is that flirtatious
golf pro Ryan
is showing a beautiful
young trophy wife, Gary...
[ Laughter ]
...how to improve her swing.
Suddenly, Gary's
nearsighted husband, Wayne,
[ Laughter ]
...arrives on a golf cart.
Whenever you're ready,
gentlemen, take it away.
I understand this
is your first lesson.
This is.
It's also my first time
wearing a skort.
I see.
Well, why don't I start off
by showing you
how to use the ball washer?
Okay.
It's right over here.
Put your ball in there.
Oh.
[ Imitating engine revving ]
- Uh-oh!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh.
Listen here!
Leave my woman alone!
- Derek, Derek...
- I love you!
- I love you so much!
- Derek!
You are the most amazing woman,
and why would you leave me?
- Derek!
- I love you.
I love you so much.
He was just showing me
how to wash his balls.
That's right.
I was just showing her how...
Just showing her
how to play golf.
I was just showing her.
Cut, cut, cut, cut,
cut, cut, cut, cut.
Oh, you guys are like
a horrific breakfast cereal.
Crack, crackle, pop.
[ Laughter ]
You know what?
It has nothing to it.
There's no energy.
There's no energy.
You need energy.
Do it like you're hyped up
on caffeine.
Action.
Well, I hope you don't mind
that everything on me
- is jiggling right now.
- Fore!
Huh? Oh.
You have to help me.
You have to help me.
You have to help me.
Hey, hey! Let's wash our balls.
Okay.
[ Laughter ]
- [ Imitating engine revving ]
- Whoa! Oh!
- Derek!
- Who is that?
- Who the hell was that?
- Derek!
Derek! Derek! Derek!
Derek!
Derek, you have to stop this.
You have to stop thi... Uh-oh.
Cut, cut, cut, cut,
cut, cut, cut.
Smells like almonds.
Did you smell almonds?
Huh?
Did you smell almonds?
- [ Laughter ]
- That was...
You smell almonds
when you faint like that.
Yeah.
I smell almonds.
Yes, I... Believe me.
It's my fervent wish
that you were smelling almonds.
You know, there's no contact
between you.
I don't see any relationship.
So do it like you're all
covered in super glue.
[ Laughter ]
I was won... Oh.
Perhaps you'd like
to put your ball...
- Oh, no.
- ...in the ball washer.
- Let me help you.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- Oh. Uh-oh!
- Oh.
- Oh! Oh!
- Uh-oh.
[ Imitates engine revving ]
- I smell almonds!
- Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.
- I smelled almonds again.
- Yes.
Yeah, I smell nuts, too.
[ Laughter and applause ]
From behind. Okay.
All right, no, hey!
Thank you!
You have given me inspiration!
- Just from nuts?
- Yes.
Do it like you're
in a cheesy adult movie.
Oh.
Action.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Perhaps you'd like to, uh,
grab my club
and have a few strokes.
I reckon I would.
- Wait.
- Oh?
I should put my ball
in the ball washer first.
Oh! Or would you rath...
[ Imitates engine revving ]
- Where are you, honey?
- Chika-dika-dow-wow!
I can't see you.
- I can't see you.
- She's right over there.
- Huh?
- Oh.
Cut, cut, cut, cut.
- [ Buzzer ]
- What was wrong with that?
What was wrong with that?
[ Cheers and applause ]
Uh...
Why would you stop it
right there?
- It was just about to get good.
- I could see what was coming.
That's what the Internet
is for, gentlemen.
I was just about
to replace a divot.
[ Laughter ]
You're making pictures
in my head.
Next up, ladies and gentlemen,
is a game called.
"Scenes From a Hat."
This is for all four
of our performers.
Ryan and Colin,
you're over there.
Wayne and Gary,
you're right here.
Now, before the show,
we asked the audience
to write down scenes
they wanted to see acted out
by our performers.
I've got the suggestions
here in this hat.
I'm going to read them out,
and we'll see how many
our performers can act out.
So, the first one is
"Unlikely Car Commercials."
The new Buick...
Very easy to break into.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
The new 2015, with more room
in the trunk
for bodies than ever before.
[ Laughter and applause,
buzzer ]
No? Okay.
We don't like that one.
Clearly.
[ Laughs ]
- Oh, this one's for you, Ry.
- Oh!
"Pickup Lines That
Would Never Work."
[ Audience oohs ]
You guys are too sensitive!
Can I buy you a drink?
[ Buzzer ]
Out of all the girls
that I've hit on
and I've been rejected by,
and finally I've settled on you.
You're the hottest one.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
This Buick... very easy
to break into.
I can't.
And there's a body in the trunk.
Get out of here.
What do you weigh?
[ Audience oohs ]
[ Buzzer ]
You know the doors
are locked, right?
Terrifying. [ Buzzer ]
It's this thing.
It's really strong.
- Try that.
- Oh!
- Hey.
- Wow!
Some of us are working.
[ Laughter and applause ]
My hand smell funny to you?
[ Buzzer ]
Mm, mm, mm!
You look fertile.
[ Laughter, audience oohs ]
[ Buzzer ]
"Bad Things to Do
on Your First Day at Work."
Ryan, Colin, Wayne,
y'all stupid!
True story, guys.
[ Laughter and applause ]
I really look forward
to working here, sir.
- Good.
- Is, uh, that your wife?
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
"If Famous Movie Scenes
Were Performed in the Nude."
"My friend Andy Dufresne
had chiseled his way
through that wall."
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Panting ]
[ Imitating Rocky Balboa ]
Adrian!
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
You said naked.
Come on! You can do it, Rock.
You can do it.
Come on! Hit it, Rock, hit it!
Last season, I actually did
that to his penis and balls.
Did you?
Oh, yeah.
No, not on the show, though.
[ Laughter, audience oohs ]
Just a lot of [bleep] jokes.
Okay.
- Well, what else...?
- You said to do it naked.
Should we have done
a lot of vagina jokes?
- Yes.
- All right, fine.
All right. Sure.
[ Imitating ship engine ]
We are falling into
the black hole.
Yes! Yes!
- You happy?
- I am.
Thank you.
- Ready, Thelma?
- Ready, Louise?
[ Laughter ]
Why just one?
Because that's where
the ignition was.
Because we were driving
into a really big vagina.
[ Buzzer ]
All right.
Do not go away.
We'll be right back with more
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
Right after this.
Hey, welcome back
to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
And now we're going to move on
to a game called "Radio Show."
This is for all four
of our performers.
Gentlemen, when you are ready,
come on down.
Wayne and Gary are going to be
morning radio DJs,
and Ryan and Colin
are going to play anybody else
who might call in or feature
on the show in any way.
But you're also going to have
some star guests
to interview on
your morning radio show,
so, ladies and gentlemen, please
welcome legendary illusionists.
Penn and Teller.
Hello.
Welcome.
- Sir, good to see you again.
- Sir!
Please have a seat.
Now, here's how this
is going to go.
Who do you think is taller?
- Who do I think is taller?
- Let's...
Uh, oh.
[Chanting]
Tall-off, tall-off, tall-off.
- He's taller.
- Interesting.
[ Audience oohs ]
Who's got bigger feet?
- He's got me?
- No, you got it.
- What size feet you got?
- I got a 15.
- Damn.
- What?
Oh, okay.
[ Laughter and applause ]
I was just going to
pull out enough to win.
All right.
Whenever you guys are ready,
take it away.
Do-do-do-do-do-do!
[ Imitates explosion ]
- It's K-Pet in the morning.
- K-Pet!
It's me, Dog,
the angriest man on radio.
And I'm Soothin' Sam.
Whoo! We balance each other off.
- [ Imitates explosion ]
- Aah!
♪ In the morning ♪
Not in the afternoon.
All right.
So, what's up today
for our listeners, baby?
I got to tell you
something, man.
We're going to get
really soothey with it today.
We got two fantastical
guests on here.
Callers and listeners,
Penn and Teller.
Oh, great to be here.
All right. Thanks.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Imitating telephone ringing ]
Oh, we have a caller
coming in on line nine.
Caller, you're on.
Yeah, why do you got to have
a guy who can't talk
on your radio show?
Oh, he said... I thought
you guys got a [Indistinct].
Why do we have a guy
that doesn't talk?
Oh, he's just got a golf ball
in his mouth.
That's why he doesn't talk,
because of the golf ball
in his mouth.
Now Teller is going to talk.
Teller will talk.
- Oh, he's got the...
- He got a...
Now Teller will talk on your
show for the first time ever.
- Here we go.
- All right.
Teller is going to talk.
Oh.
Ring-ring. Ring-ring.
Yeah, yeah.
Caller, you're also on.
Hi, it's Magnificent Otter.
I'm from Sausalito.
Both of your guests are,
like, things in a bank.
What's up with that?
What, a pen and a teller?
[ Laughing hysterically ]
This guy. This guy.
Oh!
Oh, no! Oh, no.
- My name is Penn.
- Right.
And although it's
spelled differently...
Uh-huh.
...it's the same as the word
"pen," and his name is Teller.
- Ring-ring.
- Caller three, you're in.
Yeah, I just noticed
it was spelled different.
Yeah, it is.
Thanks, Otter.
We'll be talking to you later.
We have a little jingle
from our sponsors.
"D"...
Boo.
D-Boo!
The number-one word
in chocolate.
Ring-ring. Ring-ring.
Now, caller.
Yeah, I just want to tell
your listeners,
a golf ball
just rolled by my car.
Let's go ahead and check with
Jimmy in the traffic 'copter
to see if he can see
the rolling ball.
[ Imitating helicopter blades
whirring ]
I see the ball.
It's heading down Hallassee,
and a guy just took a left
on Melrose.
Now, Jimmy,
I have a question for you.
Yes?
Is it wise that you're not
flying your helicopter?
You've just got your hands
back slapping your chest.
And why do you sound
like Gilbert Gottfried?
You hit your nipples for
an hour and see how you sound.
Fair enough.
Before we let you
go back to Vegas...
Yes. Yep.
Would you consider playing
a private show here
in Los Angeles for the
radio station and our listeners?
No.
Gentlemen, thank you so much
for listening to Penn and Teller
and the sensitive one radio.
- We are out.
- Out.
[ Buzzer ]
Ladies and gentlemen,
Penn and Teller!
Don't go anywhere.
We will be right back with more
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
Right after this.
Hey, there.
Welcome back to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
We are going to keep the fun
going now with a game
called "Greatest Hits."
It's a game for all four
of our players,
so, gentlemen, come on down.
You'll have to have the help
of Laura Hall
and Linda Taylor
on piano and guitar.
The way that this game works
is that Ryan and Colin
are two TV voiceover artists
talking about
the latest compilation album.
Wayne and Gary are going to sing
snippets of those songs,
so what I need from the audience
is a suggestion here.
Can you give me a big American
city one might go and visit?
[ Shouting suggestions ]
Oh, okay! Dallas.
- What?
- Dallas, ladies and gentlemen.
All right.
So the name of your album
is "Songs of Dallas."
Take it away.
Good morning, America.
Good morning.
We'll be right back
to our documentary on people
obsessed with pedicures,
in "Clip-tomaniacs,"
in just a second.
Hey, have you ever been
to Dallas?
I have never...
Yes, I have.
It's a lot like Houston...
- Yes.
- ...but without the culture.
[ Audience oohs ]
Well, that's one place
I wouldn't vacation in, for you.
Don't worry. I won't.
Anyway, on
this collection of, uh...
LPs?
Yeah. There are some
interesting pairings.
Pairings you wouldn't see
outside of Dallas.
Really?
Oh, I tell you, this one
fascinates me.
Really?
Because it's also
about something that I love.
You know, being a Canadian,
I love hockey,
and the Dallas Stars
are a hockey team.
And syrup.
You guys have syrup, too.
Yeah, that fits in beautifully
with what I'm about to say.
And beavers. Beavers.
You've got beavers
and snowshoes and Mounties.
All things that aren't
in Dallas.
But there is a hockey team,
which is sort of the basis
of this next song.
- Oh, the Dallas Stars?
- Yeah.
- Oh.
- Sung by Luther Vandross.
- [ Gasps ] "Vandrohs"?
- Yeah.
Is it "Drohs" or "Drahs"?
It depends if you're, uh...
pronounce it correctly.
Oh.
But it's him and Chris Rock.
- Chris Rock?
- Yeah.
So sit back and listen
to this novelty tune...
"Why Do We Have Hockey Here?"
[ Funky music plays ]
Uh, uh, uh.
♪ Oh, whoa, whoa ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Baby, baby,
this world is so nice ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ Why in the heck
do we have to be ♪
♪ Beating around on the ice? ♪
- ♪ Oh, oh ♪
- ♪ I don't know, darling ♪
♪ I don't give a pluck ♪
♪ Don't make no sense ♪
♪ Everyone running around
chasing these hockey pucks ♪
Y'all need to tell me
just one thing.
- ♪ Uh-huh ♪
- Tell me just one thing.
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
You don't see no brothers
on the ice.
- Unh-unh.
- Not unless he getting chased,
and he's running like this
in one place.
- ♪ Run, running ♪
- Maaaaaaan!
♪ Running, running ♪
♪ Yeah, oh ♪
♪ Why there hockey over here? ♪
♪ Hey, hey ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ I guess we could have
curling ♪
♪ One of these days ♪
♪ People running on the ice,
baby ♪
♪ With that broom ♪
♪ Step back, my friend,
you got to make ♪
♪ Me some ice-skating room ♪
I'm about to go skating.
[ Imitating ice skates
scraping ]
One more time, now.
Come on, now.
The only way you're
going to get me on the ice
is if there's a hoop
on the other end.
- Hey.
- All right.
- That kind of makes sense.
- Yeah, it does.
All right. Go now.
All right.
[ Cheers and applause ]
You know what's great about
this particular
collection of songs?
Oh, hash browns.
What?
Oh, I thought you asked me
what food I like.
No.
Oh, because it would
be hash browns.
- Who cares?
- Okay.
As I said, there's many
great pairings on this album.
Is this another pairing
coming up?
Oh, wait till you hear
this great hit sung
by two people who have more
in common than their last name,
Ice-T and Mr. T...
[ Laughter ]
...when they sing
this great hit...
"Barbecue in the City."
[ Hip-hop music plays ]
[Rapping] ♪ I smell the food,
smell the food ♪
♪ I smell the food,
smell the food ♪
♪ Do you smell the food ♪
♪ Do you smell the food, food,
food, food, ? ♪
♪ Do you smell the food? ♪
[Rapping] ♪ Barbecue ♪
♪ B-A-R-cue ♪
♪ That's what I eat,
so I'm telling you ♪
♪ As I'm riding down the street,
I'm a hustler ♪
♪ Every day I get "B"
'cause I'm coming up ♪
- ♪ Fork and knife ♪
- Unh!
- ♪ In my hand ♪
- Unh!
♪ I'm ready for a barbecue,
understand? ♪
♪ It doesn't matter
because I smoke a cigarillo ♪
♪ Ooh, roadkill,
barbecuing' armadillo ♪
- Barbecue!
- ♪ That's what I do ♪
- ♪ Barbecue ♪
- ♪ You like the armadillo? ♪
♪ I'll tell you what,
I'm the killer ♪
♪ I club your man,
I club your man in the mane ♪
What?
♪ I don't know
what I'm sayin' no more ♪
No.
♪ I got so much gold
around my neck ♪
- ♪ I got an afro ♪
- Whoa.
♪ But it's only on the top,
see? ♪
- Yes.
- ♪ You call that a Mohawk? ♪
♪ Don't call me ♪
- ♪ Barbecue ♪
- Barbecue.
- Huh?
- Barbecue, I'm barbecue.
Go.
♪ I smell the food, barbecue ♪
You see me? Yeah.
- Barbecue, I barbecue.
- Barbecue.
Huh? I smell the food.
I pity the fool
who don't barbecue.
Sauce.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
That's good, huh?
Hey, find out who won
our show tonight
right after these messages.
Stick around.
Welcome back to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
That is our show
for the evening, and tonight,
all four of you lovely gentlemen
performers are our winners.
- Yes!
- So I would like you to read,
with our star guests,
Penn and Teller,
the credits as two magicians,
Ryan and Colin,
trying to make Penn
and Teller disappear.
Wayne and Gary, you will be
their glamorous assistants,
otherwise known as box jumpers,
by the way.
Thanks for watching, everybody.
- Oh, box jumpers.
- Goodnight.
♪
By the power of Mark Leveson
and Jed Leventhal,
disappear!
It's not working.
By the Wayne Brady
or the Neil...
Oh!
Ho-ho!
♪
Can we keep them around
a little bit longer?
Oh! Oh, yes!
Why, we...
[ Cheers and applause ]