Whose Line Is It Anyway? (2013–…): Season 12, Episode 2 - Special 2 - full transcript
Previously unaired scenes from recent shows.
Good evening, everybody,
and welcome
to a very special episode of
"Whose Line is it Anyway?"
Starring Wayne Brady,
Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles,
and our favorite
guest performers.
Let's have some fun!
[ Applause ]
Hello and welcome to
"Whose Line is it Anyway?"
The show where
everything is made up
and the points don't matter.
Now in every recording
that we do,
there's always
some amazing material
that we just can't make fit
into our final shows,
so we've put together
this special compilation
of the very best games,
moments, and outtakes
that you have never seen before.
Enjoy.
Now we're gonna play
a game called "Party Quirks."
[ Cheers and applause ]
In this game,
Ryan is hosting a party
and Wayne, Colin, and Ryan
are gonna be his guests.
Each one is gonna have
a strange quirk or identity.
What Brad has to do
is guess what those quirks are.
So, whenever you're ready, gentlemen,
Wayne, Colin, and Ryan,
you're gonna line up over there,
and I'll bring you in one
at a time with the doorbell.
And Brad,
whenever you are ready,
go ahead and start that party.
I've got everything I need.
Cool-Whip, bologna,
hot dogs, and beans.
It's going to be quite a treat.
I invited...
[ Doorbell rings ] Oh.
- Hello.
- Hey, what's up, man?
- Welcome to the party.
- It's great to see you.
[ Laughter ]
You are looking good, baby.
- Oh, thank you so much.
- Ooh, hey.
- Hey.
- Alright.
Come on in.
Have some dip or whatever.
Oh, yeah. Look at you.
- [ Doorbell rings ]
- Oh, come on in as well.
[ Short, whirring sound ]
Would you like some dip?
[Strained] You can't see me.
[ Laughter ]
Just talking to my reflection
in the floor mirror.
No, no, I'll get
the dip myself, baby.
Mm. [Slurping]
[ Slurping ]
[ Doorbell rings ]
Hi, welcome to the party.
[ Imitating Cookie Monster ]
Me so hungry!
Been too long!
[ Laughter ]
Mm, allergic to nuts.
[ Laughter ]
Ooo, me hungry!
[ Laughter ]
[ Slurping ]
That not helping.
What you hiding?
Must have!
I'm addicted to the sweetness!
[ Laughter ]
[ Doorbell rings ]
Thank God you're here. Whew.
Morning, Brad.
- Good morning.
- How are you?
- Good, come on in.
- Let me get that door.
Ahh!
Oh...
Is that champagne
I see over there?
- It is, please, have...
- Let me just get that.
[ Laughter ] Thank you.
You're welcome.
You need to get anything off
that top shelf,
please feel free.
Oh, I can reach it.
You must have some!
You must have some.
Wow, you're a frisky
little varmint, aren't ya?
[ Laughter ]
Perhaps the two of you met
my very close friend,
Mr. Chameleon?
Uh, yeah.
No, no!
He's one of a bunch of creatures
that can use camouflage.
And what are they trying to do?
Hey, baby. Hey, baby.
[ Slurping noise ]
Oh, yeah.
Can I get your number later?
Oh, you're a...
pick-up chameleon on Tinder.
- [ Buzzer ]
- I'll take that one.
I'll take it.
Mind if I help myself
to that fondue?
- Well, sure.
- Careful.
[ Laughter ]
[ Imitates sizzling sound ]
Oh, did you just burn
the very touchy-feely.
...Cookie Monster?
Yes! [ Buzzer ]
You bet I did.
- Well...
- Ow!
Oh, sorry.
I'm sorry,
Sheriff Lasso Penis.
[ Buzzer ]
I'm gonna take that.
I'm gonna take it, yeah.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪
We're here to play a game
now entitled "Dubbing."
This is a game for
Wayne, Ryan, and Colin,
so come on down!
In this game, we're also
gonna involve our star guest,
so please, give it up
for top television actress,
best known for the hit shows
"24" and "Riverdale,"
the lovely Marisol Nichols.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yay.
- Hi, how are you?
- Good.
- How are you?
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- Hello.
So here is how this game
is gonna work.
Ryan and Wayne are gonna act
out a scene with Marisol,
but you're not gonna use
your own voice.
Colin's gonna do the lines,
and you want to try to move
your lips when he's speaking
and make sense
of whatever babble
is falling from his face holes.
[ Laughter ]
And here is the scene.
Legendary, legendary flamenco
dancer El Ryan-o,
is getting his protege Marisol
to perform some new moves,
when suddenly, sexy dancer Wayne
appears to put them
both to shame.
- Oh.
- Of course.
And then whenever you cue them,
the brilliant Laura Hall
and Linda Taylor
will play some music.
Enjoy.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Smarmy European accent ]
I'm so glad you've decided
to take my class.
Yes, you are the most
legendary, legendary!
When I touch your neck,
I just want to dance.
Then dance!
Why hide your feelings
and your emotions?
Let them free.
I will let them free!
I will express what I feel
for you in a small dance,
using one leg!
Oh.
[ Laughter ]
I feel I should put my robe on.
Ah.
I just thought you were
wearing a very wrinkly shirt.
No.
[ Laughter ]
[ Fake cough ]
[ Laughter ]
Tonight is the big dance
in the town square.
I have to say,
I'm a little nervous,
I've never danced
in public before.
Don't be nervous.
I have danced in the Square
for many, many years.
Show me the moves.
With many, many different women.
- Show me the move!
- [ Trills tongue ]
[ Music begins ]
[ Cheering ]
Oh! Oh, my back.
Oh, El Ryan-o, El Ryan-o,
are you alright?
- I've thrown out my back.
- Let me massage you.
There will be no show tonight.
- Oh, there will be a show!
- I said my back!
[ Laughter ]
[ Trilling R's ] Pardon me.
[ Gasps ] Herbie!
My name is El Herbie
El Grande Negro.
[ Laughter ]
I have dreamed
of dancing with you!
You are the sexiest,
the most amazing dancer,
next to this guy.
[ Laughter ]
May I, please?
You may, please?
Who are you looking at?
Who are you looking at?
I'm looking at you!
Because I was just wondering
what you're going to do
that will make me...
Later that night,
in the town square...
[ Laughter ]
♪
[ Cheering ]
♪
After all of this dancing...
My back's better now!
No, we are leaving together.
No, my back's better.
It is time
for your legend to die!
It is time for
a new legend to be born.
My legend will never die!
- [ Imitates unsheathing ]
- Oh!
You have brought a sword
to a dance fight!
I've brought three swords.
We shall all three
fight to the death.
But the two of us
like each other, don't we?
Oh.
[ Imitates unsheathing sound ]
Oh!
[ Screams and applause ]
Oh!
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
Marisol Nichols!
- [ Cheers and applause ]
- Didn't see that coming!
Hey, stick around.
There's more "Whose Line?"
right after this.
Stay tuned!
Next we're gonna play
a game called "Piranha Tank."
This is for all four
of our performers.
Gentlemen, come on down.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Now, this game is.
"Whose Line" 's version
of a popular
business-based reality show that
you may or may not recognize.
Wayne and Gary, you're going
to be the judges of our show.
Have a seat.
And then Ryan and Colin
are gonna be inventors
pitching your new product,
which is sitting up here
on the stage.
When you arrive,
it'll be waiting for you.
So whenever you're ready,
come on in and take it away.
♪
Hi, welcome to the Piranha Tank.
- Hello, Piranhas.
- Hello.
I'm Neal Grotowski,
from Boise, Idaho,
and this is my lovely wife, Cynthia.
Hey.
That's great. We don't have
a lot of time to waste here.
I made most of my money
in croissants.
What do you guys have?
Well, we are asking $20
for 100% of our new product.
In other words,
if you give us $20,
we'll give you our new product.
Alright, counter offer.
Alright, well, Cynthia
will explain how this works.
[ Laughter ]
By the way, we have
a patent pending on this,
and a patent for the function,
the unusual function,
that Cynthia's
gonna show you now.
[ Laughter ]
Alright, Cynthia, go ahead and...
I love my husband.
I love him so much.
Show us what you're made of,
Cynthia, and don't forget...
I had a dream that my husband,
who's the smartest
person I know...
I wish I could know
half the stuff he does.
Then I came up with my
mind transference conductor.
It attracts protons and...
protons from the air
through the tube,
into Cynthia's head.
It takes it from his head.
And I'm absorbing all
of his knowledge right now.
Hey, where am I from?
Tum... coma.
[ Laughter ]
And I could put this
on a nuclear a scientist
and I could learn
how to nuclear scientize!
[ Laughter ]
So, Sharks...
or Piranha's.
Right, very different.
- Totally different!
- Very, very different.
Sea animals.
Why don't you suck knowledge
with us?
[ Laughter ]
Well, I earned most of my
money making clothing for dogs.
Yes, I know.
I'm gonna make a counter offer.
- Alright.
- Alright.
I'm gonna offer you 5 bucks
for 200% of your company
and the ability to make
sweet love to your bald wife.
[ Laughter ]
Do you mind if we talk
about this for a minute?
- Please.
- Thank you.
Surprised they didn't just put
the cone on their head and...
Doesn't sound very good
to me, but I think we...
[ Overlapping arguing ]
- To...
- Yeah, alright...
- Here's our...
- Two...
[ Laughter ]
$200 million dollars,
final deal.
[ Laughter ]
Okay.
I've never made that kind of
money in croissants before.
You know the thing about them
is they're flaky and buttery.
Yeah, and most people,
they really don't want clothes
on their dogs.
I'm a sham, basically.
This isn't even my real name.
Here's my counter offer.
You give us your croissant
dog clothing line,
and Cynthia and I will
both make mad, mad love to you.
That's it.
[ Laughter ]
Gentlemen, are you in?
- Deal.
- Deal.
- Are you in?
- Deal.
Alright, yes. [ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪
So here's how this game works.
You three are gonna sing like
a doo-wop group from the 50s,
but you're gonna sing
about Mandy,
who died tragically in
a garden store-related accident.
- Aww.
- Whenever you're ready.
♪
Oh, Mandy...
[ Doo-wop harmonizing ]
I miss you, baby.
♪ I remember Mandy,
her love was so pure ♪
♪ She went to get
some fertilizer ♪
♪ From the garden store ♪
♪ She tripped and fell
in row six ♪
♪ She's not with us anymore ♪
♪ Now she's six feet deep,
covered in manure ♪
♪ Mandy, baby,
I still don't know how ♪
♪ You ended up under tons
of poop from that cow ♪
♪ Someday I hoped you and I ♪
♪ Would live in a big hovel ♪
♪ But now I'm digging your hole
with this shovel ♪
♪ Shovel ♪
[ Speaking ]
Oh, Mandy, I love you so.
Just looking at you
makes my skin glow.
We were gonna make room...
Sup-a-deep-I-do.
[ Randomly scat singing ]
[ Doo-wop harmonizing ]
♪
Oh, Mandy, I beg your pardon.
You came to my store to get
some stuff to have a garden.
The shelf collapsed, that was
the last thing that you need.
My last thought of you
is lying there,
covered in my seed.
[ Laughter ]
♪ Oh, Mandy, oh, you died ♪
♪ Oh, Mandy ♪
♪ Oh, you're making me cry ♪
♪ I paint for you a picture
laid upon an easel ♪
♪ I killed you
with my garden weasel ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hey, don't move!
There's more "Whose Line?"
coming at you
right after these messages.
Stay put.
We're gonna play a game now
entitled "Scenes From a Hat."
Oh!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Wayne and Jonathan are here.
Before the show,
we asked our audience
to write down a few scenes
they'd like to see acted out
by our sensational
gentlemen performers.
I've got those suggestions
in this hat.
I'm gonna read them out.
Let's see how many
awesome things
our performers can come up with.
Here we go.
"Bad times to take a call."
- Give me your wallet.
- Okay.
- Give me your wallet right now.
- Okay, okay.
Come on, I'm not
playing with you man.
- [ Imitates phone call ]
- Oh, hang on a sec.
Hey. Hey.
It's for you.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
Yeah?
Uh, he can't come
to the phone right now.
[ Laughter ]
[ Groaning ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
Welcome, I'm Saint Peter.
Saint Peter? This is Heaven!
Welcome to the gates.
- Ohh.
- Inside, you...
[ Imitates phone call ]
Oh, hold on.
What's up?
[ Laughter ]
No, no, no. Some fool
trying to get in Heaven.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
Girl, you know I'm your saint.
What's up?
[ Imitates phone call ]
Hold on.
Hey, I've been waiting
for a long time.
Oh, wait. Let's FaceTime.
Okay. Ready?
Hey!
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
"The world's worst
dance crazes."
Come on, everybody!
Come on, everybody!
Come on, let's do the punch!
[ Beat boxing ]
Ow, ow!
- Ooh!
- Ow, ow!
Caught in your zipper,
caught in your zipper,
caught in the zipper,
caught in the zipper.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
"Pick up lines in the Army."
Hello, sweetheart.
You know that I hang
to the left...
right, left, right, left, left.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Applause ]
I'll give you 20!
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
I get it, it's good. Yeah.
You gonna hit me?
No, just come here.
Don't be afraid.
You want the boobs?
You can't handle the boobs!
Oh, oh...
I'm already at attention.
[ Buzzer ]
I see what you did there.
Uh-huh, yeah.
"If famous movies and TV shows
had only starred Munchkins."
[ Laughter ]
[ Doorbell rings ]
Oh, let me get the buzzer.
Where's the buzzer?
[ Doorbell and buzzer sounding ]
I'm a [beep] Munchkin.
I can't see!
[ Buzzer ]
"If all movies were directed
by Quentin Tarantino."
[ Laughter ]
They took her mother,
they burned her home,
and now...
Bambi's back for revenge,
mother[beep].
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
- Huh?
- Lie down.
- Alright.
- On your back, on your back.
I got it.
Gah!
[ Imitating Miss Piggy ]
Oh, Kermie.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
"Pig Fiction." "Pig Fiction."
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪
You know, one
of my favorite styles,
one of my favorite styles
of all time is Rockabilly.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
Baa. Baa.
Baaaaa.
Sounds like Bob Dylan. Baa!
[ Laughter ]
Rockabilly. Uh...
You haven't got a title,
have you?
I do. Oh, are you kidding?
It's right there, right in front
of me. It's on this CD album.
This great rockabilly
New Year's Eve song,
"My Ball Dropped
in Times Square."
[ Laughter ]
♪
♪ Well, it was
a little before 12:00 ♪
♪ And it was after dark ♪
♪ After the dark ♪
♪ I was sitting down outside,
waiting for Dick Clark ♪
♪ Dick Clark ♪
♪ Oh, it was almost 12:00,
you see ♪
♪ When a vagrant came
and he kicked me ♪
♪ And now I've got
news to share ♪
♪ My ball dropped in
Times Square ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ Before this day,
didn't know that I had two ♪
- ♪ Ah, boo, too, too ♪
- ♪ Had two ♪
♪ One fell off, hell, man,
what you gonna do? ♪
♪ Say, what you gonna do? ♪
♪ Life kicks you in the butt,
'cause it ain't fair ♪
♪ But look, I dropped a ball
on that Times Square ♪
♪ Oh, I dropped a ball,
dropped on Times Square ♪
♪ Oh, if you've got a ball
that needs dropping ♪
♪ Or there's a problem
that needs stopping ♪
♪ Oh, don't you see
it's time to rock, ball drop ♪
♪ Hey, it's nuts o'clock ♪
♪ Let me grab it, let's see ♪
♪ Is this yours?
Look out, I got three ♪
♪ Because balls
dropping on the Square ♪
♪ On the Square ♪
♪ Hey, look at this,
here's the trick ♪
♪ Hey, impression,
who is this? ♪
"Come on, man."
- ♪ I got your ball in my eye ♪
- ♪ Eye! ♪
Sammy Davis!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hey, stick around.
I'll tell you who won our show
after this short break.
There's more "Whose Line?"
right after this.
Hey, welcome back to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
That's our show.
Tonight, it seems as if
Colin Mochrie
- may have won the day.
- Wow!
So please, join our very
special guest, Marisol Nichols,
and read out credits as doctors
treating the others'
embarrassing injuries.
Oh.
Thanks for watching,
everybody. Good night!
- Okay, so.
- Dan Patterson.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Oh, dear. Look at that.
What's wrong with you?
- I don't know.
- I think I'm okay.
- You sure?
- I don't think so.
You better check me out.
Your Carrie Havel's drooping.
Oh, there. Let me get the glove.
Yes. Go ahead now.
Alright, I'm getting your...
I'm getting your Kris Sheets
right here.
Your Ed's a little Greene.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Under the B, 24.
Bingo!
I swear...
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
and welcome
to a very special episode of
"Whose Line is it Anyway?"
Starring Wayne Brady,
Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles,
and our favorite
guest performers.
Let's have some fun!
[ Applause ]
Hello and welcome to
"Whose Line is it Anyway?"
The show where
everything is made up
and the points don't matter.
Now in every recording
that we do,
there's always
some amazing material
that we just can't make fit
into our final shows,
so we've put together
this special compilation
of the very best games,
moments, and outtakes
that you have never seen before.
Enjoy.
Now we're gonna play
a game called "Party Quirks."
[ Cheers and applause ]
In this game,
Ryan is hosting a party
and Wayne, Colin, and Ryan
are gonna be his guests.
Each one is gonna have
a strange quirk or identity.
What Brad has to do
is guess what those quirks are.
So, whenever you're ready, gentlemen,
Wayne, Colin, and Ryan,
you're gonna line up over there,
and I'll bring you in one
at a time with the doorbell.
And Brad,
whenever you are ready,
go ahead and start that party.
I've got everything I need.
Cool-Whip, bologna,
hot dogs, and beans.
It's going to be quite a treat.
I invited...
[ Doorbell rings ] Oh.
- Hello.
- Hey, what's up, man?
- Welcome to the party.
- It's great to see you.
[ Laughter ]
You are looking good, baby.
- Oh, thank you so much.
- Ooh, hey.
- Hey.
- Alright.
Come on in.
Have some dip or whatever.
Oh, yeah. Look at you.
- [ Doorbell rings ]
- Oh, come on in as well.
[ Short, whirring sound ]
Would you like some dip?
[Strained] You can't see me.
[ Laughter ]
Just talking to my reflection
in the floor mirror.
No, no, I'll get
the dip myself, baby.
Mm. [Slurping]
[ Slurping ]
[ Doorbell rings ]
Hi, welcome to the party.
[ Imitating Cookie Monster ]
Me so hungry!
Been too long!
[ Laughter ]
Mm, allergic to nuts.
[ Laughter ]
Ooo, me hungry!
[ Laughter ]
[ Slurping ]
That not helping.
What you hiding?
Must have!
I'm addicted to the sweetness!
[ Laughter ]
[ Doorbell rings ]
Thank God you're here. Whew.
Morning, Brad.
- Good morning.
- How are you?
- Good, come on in.
- Let me get that door.
Ahh!
Oh...
Is that champagne
I see over there?
- It is, please, have...
- Let me just get that.
[ Laughter ] Thank you.
You're welcome.
You need to get anything off
that top shelf,
please feel free.
Oh, I can reach it.
You must have some!
You must have some.
Wow, you're a frisky
little varmint, aren't ya?
[ Laughter ]
Perhaps the two of you met
my very close friend,
Mr. Chameleon?
Uh, yeah.
No, no!
He's one of a bunch of creatures
that can use camouflage.
And what are they trying to do?
Hey, baby. Hey, baby.
[ Slurping noise ]
Oh, yeah.
Can I get your number later?
Oh, you're a...
pick-up chameleon on Tinder.
- [ Buzzer ]
- I'll take that one.
I'll take it.
Mind if I help myself
to that fondue?
- Well, sure.
- Careful.
[ Laughter ]
[ Imitates sizzling sound ]
Oh, did you just burn
the very touchy-feely.
...Cookie Monster?
Yes! [ Buzzer ]
You bet I did.
- Well...
- Ow!
Oh, sorry.
I'm sorry,
Sheriff Lasso Penis.
[ Buzzer ]
I'm gonna take that.
I'm gonna take it, yeah.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪
We're here to play a game
now entitled "Dubbing."
This is a game for
Wayne, Ryan, and Colin,
so come on down!
In this game, we're also
gonna involve our star guest,
so please, give it up
for top television actress,
best known for the hit shows
"24" and "Riverdale,"
the lovely Marisol Nichols.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yay.
- Hi, how are you?
- Good.
- How are you?
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- Hello.
So here is how this game
is gonna work.
Ryan and Wayne are gonna act
out a scene with Marisol,
but you're not gonna use
your own voice.
Colin's gonna do the lines,
and you want to try to move
your lips when he's speaking
and make sense
of whatever babble
is falling from his face holes.
[ Laughter ]
And here is the scene.
Legendary, legendary flamenco
dancer El Ryan-o,
is getting his protege Marisol
to perform some new moves,
when suddenly, sexy dancer Wayne
appears to put them
both to shame.
- Oh.
- Of course.
And then whenever you cue them,
the brilliant Laura Hall
and Linda Taylor
will play some music.
Enjoy.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Smarmy European accent ]
I'm so glad you've decided
to take my class.
Yes, you are the most
legendary, legendary!
When I touch your neck,
I just want to dance.
Then dance!
Why hide your feelings
and your emotions?
Let them free.
I will let them free!
I will express what I feel
for you in a small dance,
using one leg!
Oh.
[ Laughter ]
I feel I should put my robe on.
Ah.
I just thought you were
wearing a very wrinkly shirt.
No.
[ Laughter ]
[ Fake cough ]
[ Laughter ]
Tonight is the big dance
in the town square.
I have to say,
I'm a little nervous,
I've never danced
in public before.
Don't be nervous.
I have danced in the Square
for many, many years.
Show me the moves.
With many, many different women.
- Show me the move!
- [ Trills tongue ]
[ Music begins ]
[ Cheering ]
Oh! Oh, my back.
Oh, El Ryan-o, El Ryan-o,
are you alright?
- I've thrown out my back.
- Let me massage you.
There will be no show tonight.
- Oh, there will be a show!
- I said my back!
[ Laughter ]
[ Trilling R's ] Pardon me.
[ Gasps ] Herbie!
My name is El Herbie
El Grande Negro.
[ Laughter ]
I have dreamed
of dancing with you!
You are the sexiest,
the most amazing dancer,
next to this guy.
[ Laughter ]
May I, please?
You may, please?
Who are you looking at?
Who are you looking at?
I'm looking at you!
Because I was just wondering
what you're going to do
that will make me...
Later that night,
in the town square...
[ Laughter ]
♪
[ Cheering ]
♪
After all of this dancing...
My back's better now!
No, we are leaving together.
No, my back's better.
It is time
for your legend to die!
It is time for
a new legend to be born.
My legend will never die!
- [ Imitates unsheathing ]
- Oh!
You have brought a sword
to a dance fight!
I've brought three swords.
We shall all three
fight to the death.
But the two of us
like each other, don't we?
Oh.
[ Imitates unsheathing sound ]
Oh!
[ Screams and applause ]
Oh!
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
Marisol Nichols!
- [ Cheers and applause ]
- Didn't see that coming!
Hey, stick around.
There's more "Whose Line?"
right after this.
Stay tuned!
Next we're gonna play
a game called "Piranha Tank."
This is for all four
of our performers.
Gentlemen, come on down.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Now, this game is.
"Whose Line" 's version
of a popular
business-based reality show that
you may or may not recognize.
Wayne and Gary, you're going
to be the judges of our show.
Have a seat.
And then Ryan and Colin
are gonna be inventors
pitching your new product,
which is sitting up here
on the stage.
When you arrive,
it'll be waiting for you.
So whenever you're ready,
come on in and take it away.
♪
Hi, welcome to the Piranha Tank.
- Hello, Piranhas.
- Hello.
I'm Neal Grotowski,
from Boise, Idaho,
and this is my lovely wife, Cynthia.
Hey.
That's great. We don't have
a lot of time to waste here.
I made most of my money
in croissants.
What do you guys have?
Well, we are asking $20
for 100% of our new product.
In other words,
if you give us $20,
we'll give you our new product.
Alright, counter offer.
Alright, well, Cynthia
will explain how this works.
[ Laughter ]
By the way, we have
a patent pending on this,
and a patent for the function,
the unusual function,
that Cynthia's
gonna show you now.
[ Laughter ]
Alright, Cynthia, go ahead and...
I love my husband.
I love him so much.
Show us what you're made of,
Cynthia, and don't forget...
I had a dream that my husband,
who's the smartest
person I know...
I wish I could know
half the stuff he does.
Then I came up with my
mind transference conductor.
It attracts protons and...
protons from the air
through the tube,
into Cynthia's head.
It takes it from his head.
And I'm absorbing all
of his knowledge right now.
Hey, where am I from?
Tum... coma.
[ Laughter ]
And I could put this
on a nuclear a scientist
and I could learn
how to nuclear scientize!
[ Laughter ]
So, Sharks...
or Piranha's.
Right, very different.
- Totally different!
- Very, very different.
Sea animals.
Why don't you suck knowledge
with us?
[ Laughter ]
Well, I earned most of my
money making clothing for dogs.
Yes, I know.
I'm gonna make a counter offer.
- Alright.
- Alright.
I'm gonna offer you 5 bucks
for 200% of your company
and the ability to make
sweet love to your bald wife.
[ Laughter ]
Do you mind if we talk
about this for a minute?
- Please.
- Thank you.
Surprised they didn't just put
the cone on their head and...
Doesn't sound very good
to me, but I think we...
[ Overlapping arguing ]
- To...
- Yeah, alright...
- Here's our...
- Two...
[ Laughter ]
$200 million dollars,
final deal.
[ Laughter ]
Okay.
I've never made that kind of
money in croissants before.
You know the thing about them
is they're flaky and buttery.
Yeah, and most people,
they really don't want clothes
on their dogs.
I'm a sham, basically.
This isn't even my real name.
Here's my counter offer.
You give us your croissant
dog clothing line,
and Cynthia and I will
both make mad, mad love to you.
That's it.
[ Laughter ]
Gentlemen, are you in?
- Deal.
- Deal.
- Are you in?
- Deal.
Alright, yes. [ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪
So here's how this game works.
You three are gonna sing like
a doo-wop group from the 50s,
but you're gonna sing
about Mandy,
who died tragically in
a garden store-related accident.
- Aww.
- Whenever you're ready.
♪
Oh, Mandy...
[ Doo-wop harmonizing ]
I miss you, baby.
♪ I remember Mandy,
her love was so pure ♪
♪ She went to get
some fertilizer ♪
♪ From the garden store ♪
♪ She tripped and fell
in row six ♪
♪ She's not with us anymore ♪
♪ Now she's six feet deep,
covered in manure ♪
♪ Mandy, baby,
I still don't know how ♪
♪ You ended up under tons
of poop from that cow ♪
♪ Someday I hoped you and I ♪
♪ Would live in a big hovel ♪
♪ But now I'm digging your hole
with this shovel ♪
♪ Shovel ♪
[ Speaking ]
Oh, Mandy, I love you so.
Just looking at you
makes my skin glow.
We were gonna make room...
Sup-a-deep-I-do.
[ Randomly scat singing ]
[ Doo-wop harmonizing ]
♪
Oh, Mandy, I beg your pardon.
You came to my store to get
some stuff to have a garden.
The shelf collapsed, that was
the last thing that you need.
My last thought of you
is lying there,
covered in my seed.
[ Laughter ]
♪ Oh, Mandy, oh, you died ♪
♪ Oh, Mandy ♪
♪ Oh, you're making me cry ♪
♪ I paint for you a picture
laid upon an easel ♪
♪ I killed you
with my garden weasel ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hey, don't move!
There's more "Whose Line?"
coming at you
right after these messages.
Stay put.
We're gonna play a game now
entitled "Scenes From a Hat."
Oh!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Wayne and Jonathan are here.
Before the show,
we asked our audience
to write down a few scenes
they'd like to see acted out
by our sensational
gentlemen performers.
I've got those suggestions
in this hat.
I'm gonna read them out.
Let's see how many
awesome things
our performers can come up with.
Here we go.
"Bad times to take a call."
- Give me your wallet.
- Okay.
- Give me your wallet right now.
- Okay, okay.
Come on, I'm not
playing with you man.
- [ Imitates phone call ]
- Oh, hang on a sec.
Hey. Hey.
It's for you.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
Yeah?
Uh, he can't come
to the phone right now.
[ Laughter ]
[ Groaning ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
Welcome, I'm Saint Peter.
Saint Peter? This is Heaven!
Welcome to the gates.
- Ohh.
- Inside, you...
[ Imitates phone call ]
Oh, hold on.
What's up?
[ Laughter ]
No, no, no. Some fool
trying to get in Heaven.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
Girl, you know I'm your saint.
What's up?
[ Imitates phone call ]
Hold on.
Hey, I've been waiting
for a long time.
Oh, wait. Let's FaceTime.
Okay. Ready?
Hey!
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
"The world's worst
dance crazes."
Come on, everybody!
Come on, everybody!
Come on, let's do the punch!
[ Beat boxing ]
Ow, ow!
- Ooh!
- Ow, ow!
Caught in your zipper,
caught in your zipper,
caught in the zipper,
caught in the zipper.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
"Pick up lines in the Army."
Hello, sweetheart.
You know that I hang
to the left...
right, left, right, left, left.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Applause ]
I'll give you 20!
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
I get it, it's good. Yeah.
You gonna hit me?
No, just come here.
Don't be afraid.
You want the boobs?
You can't handle the boobs!
Oh, oh...
I'm already at attention.
[ Buzzer ]
I see what you did there.
Uh-huh, yeah.
"If famous movies and TV shows
had only starred Munchkins."
[ Laughter ]
[ Doorbell rings ]
Oh, let me get the buzzer.
Where's the buzzer?
[ Doorbell and buzzer sounding ]
I'm a [beep] Munchkin.
I can't see!
[ Buzzer ]
"If all movies were directed
by Quentin Tarantino."
[ Laughter ]
They took her mother,
they burned her home,
and now...
Bambi's back for revenge,
mother[beep].
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
- Huh?
- Lie down.
- Alright.
- On your back, on your back.
I got it.
Gah!
[ Imitating Miss Piggy ]
Oh, Kermie.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
"Pig Fiction." "Pig Fiction."
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪
You know, one
of my favorite styles,
one of my favorite styles
of all time is Rockabilly.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
Baa. Baa.
Baaaaa.
Sounds like Bob Dylan. Baa!
[ Laughter ]
Rockabilly. Uh...
You haven't got a title,
have you?
I do. Oh, are you kidding?
It's right there, right in front
of me. It's on this CD album.
This great rockabilly
New Year's Eve song,
"My Ball Dropped
in Times Square."
[ Laughter ]
♪
♪ Well, it was
a little before 12:00 ♪
♪ And it was after dark ♪
♪ After the dark ♪
♪ I was sitting down outside,
waiting for Dick Clark ♪
♪ Dick Clark ♪
♪ Oh, it was almost 12:00,
you see ♪
♪ When a vagrant came
and he kicked me ♪
♪ And now I've got
news to share ♪
♪ My ball dropped in
Times Square ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ Before this day,
didn't know that I had two ♪
- ♪ Ah, boo, too, too ♪
- ♪ Had two ♪
♪ One fell off, hell, man,
what you gonna do? ♪
♪ Say, what you gonna do? ♪
♪ Life kicks you in the butt,
'cause it ain't fair ♪
♪ But look, I dropped a ball
on that Times Square ♪
♪ Oh, I dropped a ball,
dropped on Times Square ♪
♪ Oh, if you've got a ball
that needs dropping ♪
♪ Or there's a problem
that needs stopping ♪
♪ Oh, don't you see
it's time to rock, ball drop ♪
♪ Hey, it's nuts o'clock ♪
♪ Let me grab it, let's see ♪
♪ Is this yours?
Look out, I got three ♪
♪ Because balls
dropping on the Square ♪
♪ On the Square ♪
♪ Hey, look at this,
here's the trick ♪
♪ Hey, impression,
who is this? ♪
"Come on, man."
- ♪ I got your ball in my eye ♪
- ♪ Eye! ♪
Sammy Davis!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hey, stick around.
I'll tell you who won our show
after this short break.
There's more "Whose Line?"
right after this.
Hey, welcome back to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
That's our show.
Tonight, it seems as if
Colin Mochrie
- may have won the day.
- Wow!
So please, join our very
special guest, Marisol Nichols,
and read out credits as doctors
treating the others'
embarrassing injuries.
Oh.
Thanks for watching,
everybody. Good night!
- Okay, so.
- Dan Patterson.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Oh, dear. Look at that.
What's wrong with you?
- I don't know.
- I think I'm okay.
- You sure?
- I don't think so.
You better check me out.
Your Carrie Havel's drooping.
Oh, there. Let me get the glove.
Yes. Go ahead now.
Alright, I'm getting your...
I'm getting your Kris Sheets
right here.
Your Ed's a little Greene.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Under the B, 24.
Bingo!
I swear...
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]