Whose Line Is It Anyway? (2013–…): Season 12, Episode 10 - Kat Graham 2 - full transcript
Good.
Good evening,
Good evening, everybody,
Good evening, everybody, and.
Good evening, everybody,
and welcome.
Good evening, everybody,
and welcome to.
Good evening, everybody,
"Whose Line is it Anyway?"
On tonight's show, hands across
America, it's Wayne Brady.
Hands in the air,
it's Greg Proops.
Look ma, no hands,
Colin Mochrie.
And hands down his pants,
Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler!
Let's have some fun!
Yes! Hello! Welcome!
Welcome to
"Whose Line is it Anyway?"...
The show where
everything is made up
and the points do not matter.
We've got a great show
for you tonight,
so let's get started with a game
we call "Weird Newscasters."
This is for all four
of our performers.
Gentlemen, come on down.
In this game,
Colin is the anchor
of a news program,
and Greg, Ryan, and Wayne
are his co-anchors,
each of whom is
a rather odd character.
Greg, you are the co-anchor
who is also
a fiendish super villain,
outlining the ingenious way
that you're going to kill Colin.
Wayne, you are a sportscaster
who is also
all of the characters
in an episode of
"The Biggest Loser."
And, Ryan, you are
the weather forecaster
who is also a Vegas act,
performing mass hypnosis
on the entire audience.
Gentlemen, take it away.
Welcome to the 6:00 news.
I'm your anchor Murray,
with the fringe on top.
Our top story... a scientist
cloned himself today.
A coworker said,
"That's just like him."
Now let's see what else
is happening around the world,
Dr. Megalon.
It's working perfectly, my plan!
I've implanted a porcupine
time-released capsule
inside you,
and just moments from now,
the quills will spring
through your head,
rendering you
full of hair and dead!
Can you feel the porcupine
coursing through your system?
Well, let's hurry
over to sports.
Oh, I love sports.
Hey, welcome to sports.
I haven't felt really good
about myself in a long time,
and I realized I needed
to make a change.
That's right you needed
to make a change!
I understand I needed
to make a...
Put that down!
But how am I going to do that?
All you need is
some encouragement
right here in the kitchen.
I'm making these
gluten-free berries.
I don't want
gluten-free berries.
That doesn't make
any sense, woman.
Just five weeks from now,
you can change!
I don't want to change anything.
Look at me, I'm changing.
I'm changing. I'm changing.
I'm changing.
I win, I lost.
Back to you.
I can see the pricks
coming out of your head!
Ow!
Now let's see what's happening
in the world of weather
with Sunny.
Sunrise today was at 5:55.
The sun will be setting
at 7:00 this evening.
It'll be a very still night,
very dark, very calm...
much as you're
feeling right now.
There's no anxiety.
All your troubles
are going away.
Everything's calming down
very much slowly.
You're filled with
a happy feeling,
a warm sensation
flowing over your body.
And sleep!
And sleep!
Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep,
sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep,
sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep.
Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!
Sleeeep!
Sleeeep!
Sleep. Sleep, sleep.
Sleep, all of you, sleep.
Sleep.
And sleep. You are asleep.
Take my hand, follow me.
You are still asleep,
you are still asleep.
A warm feeling is
coming over you.
A warm feeling.
Do not wake up.
You are totally asleep.
Everything that's bad
about life will be...
When you awake,
it will be no problem for you.
Turn around.
You are totally asleep.
When you hear the word
"cockroach,"
you will think you're handsome,
debonair actor Ryan Stiles.
And you will believe that
you are finishing up a bit
on the "Whose Line"
television show.
So you will wrap it up
with a huge laugh,
much as Ryan Stiles would.
And ready?
And cockroach!
Oh, my God,
he's channeling Colin.
- That was the 6:00 news.
- Good night, and good news.
Yay!
I am... For points on that one,
I'm going to take 500 points
from Ryan
- and give them to...
- Sleep, sleep!
Cockroach!
- What's your name?
- Shane.
Give it up for Shane.
And now we're going to play
a game called
"90-Second Alphabet."
This is for Greg,
Ryan, and Colin.
Gentlemen, come towards me.
Wayne, relax.
The way this works is that
you three are going to perform
a 90-second scene, alright,
and every line you say
has to begin with the word
beginning with the next letter
of the alphabet
from the sentence
previous to yours.
The scene is that,
Greg and Colin,
you are young newlyweds,
adorable newlyweds,
looking to buy a pet,
and Ryan is
the impatient pet store owner.
And so, can I have a suggestion
of a letter of the alphabet
to start this off,
from the audience?
"C!" Nice, yes.
So the first sentence
of this scene
has to start
with the letter "C."
And I'll be timing
you gentlemen.
Go.
Carl, I want a pet.
Don't you ever look cute.
Everybody wants a pet.
It's getting the right pet
that counts.
- Free pets?
- Do you have free pets?
God, no!
Hey, what about that kitty?
- I'm not sure that's for sale.
- That's my own personal kitty.
- Just a second.
- My wife wants that kitty.
Kitty!
Let me take it out of the cage,
see if you all get along.
Meow.
Nice.
Oh, can I say something?
I'm highly allergic to cats
ripping my face off.
Perhaps you'd like
to take a look at a cockatiel.
We have some right over here.
Quite a cockatiel
you have there.
- Right you are, dear.
- She knows stuff.
Snakes are always good
with the kids.
- Take that away from me!
- I'm allergic to reptiles.
- Understand...
- Even though I married one.
Uh-huh.
Very well, I don't think
there's a pet in this store
that you'll be happy with.
Well, I never!
"X" is a letter of the alphabet.
Yes, it is, darling.
You're so right.
Zippy the discount kangaroo
would be happy
to go home with you.
- Alright! We love discount pets!
- They love more!
Boy, oh, boy, is this
the kangaroo for you, then.
He's only $1.35.
- Crikey, that sounds good!
- Alright!
Nicely done, gentlemen,
nicely done.
That was it!
Do not go away.
We'll be right back
with much more.
"Whose Line is it Anyway?"
right after this.
Welcome back to
"Whose Line is it Anyway?"
Let's keep the fun going now
with a game called "Dubbing."
This is for Wayne,
Ryan, and Colin.
So come on down, gentlemen.
In this game, we're also going
to involve our special guest,
so please welcome Kat Graham!
Okay.
Now, the way that this game
works is that Ryan and Wayne
are going to act out
a scene with Kat,
but, Kat, you're not
going to actually use
your own beautiful voice
to do your lines.
Colin is going to provide
your lines for you.
- Okay.
- Now, you're scene... ooh...
Flirtatious choreographer Ryan
is training dancer Kat
to appear in a hip-hop video...
on behalf of my people.
Hmm.
Wayne is going to enter...
Guess what... as a rapper.
And...
Should he choose to.
As the rapper whose video
you're auditioning for, Kat,
and he wants to
change the routine.
And why Ryan would be
teaching you
how to hip-hop dance
I have no idea.
- They didn't say that.
- They said I was a choreographer.
Oh, yes, you're a choreographer.
Well, let's see what happens.
Let's go.
- I've read your resume.
- Why, thank you.
- I wrote it myself.
- Oh.
I notice you have quite a bit
of experience on Broadway.
- Absolutely.
- I was in "Hip-Hop-O-Rama,"
and I was in "Hip-Hop Story"
and I was in "How to Succeed in
Hip-Hop Without Really Trying."
Oh, no.
I find that hard to believe
because I remember
directing "Hip-hop Story,"
and I don't believe
I remember you in it.
Oh, I remember that one move
that you choreographed.
Can you show it to me again?
It was so amazing.
I'll try.
- Be careful.
- You'll hurt yourself.
Ah, my back.
It really should be done
by people under 30.
Shut up!
I'm flamboyant!
- Uh-oh.
- 'Sup, girl?
Oh, it's Cool Cool PW!
Hello, Cool Cool PW.
I didn't expect you walking by.
Yeah, I came in to check on
what was going on
with my choreography
for my video.
- Everything's fine here.
- I'm conducting the choreography.
Is it really, 'cause
I didn't see any dancing!
Cool Cool, Cool Cool,
he hasn't been doing the much.
But watch what I came up with.
It goes something like this.
Alright.
- And then a thrust.
- And then with the look.
- Uh-huh.
- And then what I call
the woogie woogie.
Nah, that's horrible, girl.
- You can't be in my video.
- You didn't even see one woogie.
I was right in the middle
of the woogie woogie.
Okay, well, finish the woogie,
then. Let me see it.
- Oh.
- Yeah!
Oh, if you think you're...
If you think you can do
so much better, Q-tip,
why don't you give it a try?
First of all,
my name isn't Q-Tip.
What is it?
It's Cool Cool PW!
Yeah, what she said.
- I can do better.
- Alright, Cool Cool Q-Tip PW.
What I'm thinking is
I want to do something low.
Going to get really low,
- going to put it like this.
- Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then I really want you
to get into it.
I want you to pull back
until your herniated part
is bent with your wrist
at an axis of 60 degrees.
If you can't do that,
you can't be in my video.
I will do something that no one
has ever seen before, like this.
Watch. Watch and be amazed.
You're aren't going to try
to do that handstand stuff
that you was doing outside,
are you?
Oh!
Just you watch and see, PW.
And you, too, tall skinny guy.
I think this calls
for a box full of tacks.
I don't care about tacks.
- No!
- Oh, I broke my wrist!
Someone's got a tack
in their ass.
Why don't you help her, Q-Tip?
- I told you my name...
- Never mind.
- Look, girl.
- Oh, someone's got a tack in his knee.
- Aah!
- Oh, now a tack in your butt.
Got a tack in your butt
and your knee.
You're being attacked by tacks.
But I do like
this choreography, though.
- Wait, it's working!
- This is hot!
The pain from the tacks.
- You are... Oh, my God!
- Everybody,
give it up for Kat Graham!
I'm calling the NAACP
as soon as I go offstage.
I think this is absolutely
the kind of thing they should...
Yeah, you know, voter fraud
or, like, redlining of mortgages
or Wayne
having his feelings hurt
because we made him
into a rapper.
All of those things
are on equal footing, yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen,
next up is a game
that we call
"Scenes from a Hat."
This is for all four
of our performers.
Boys, come on down!
Now, before the show,
we asked the audience
to write down scenes
they'd like to see acted out
by our gentlemen performers.
I've got those suggestions
in this hat right here.
I'm going to read them out,
and we're going to see
how many our performers
can act out.
Things you should keep to
yourself on a first date.
I had a giant injection
of Viagra before we came out.
You... You're so pretty.
I'm not going to kill you.
This is so much nicer
than just sneaking around,
looking at you through a window.
It's just lovely
having a dinner with you.
I'll get her to try
the dress on later.
Does that hurt?
Does that hurt?
What is happening?
What is happening?
A doll that looks like you.
Oh!
- See the little doll?
- It looks like you.
Do you know there's a rapper
named Q-Tip?
What the "Whose Line" cast
say in their sleep.
Must learn how to rap,
must learn how to rap,
must learn how to rap.
Hmm, can't play another rapper
in a scene.
Must call NAACP.
I have hair, I have hair
all over my head!
Oh, I can feel it!
Things you can say about your
house... but not your partner.
Wow, the backyard is huge!
I'm going to have to
hire someone to trim that.
I think I'm at that point
in my life
where I'd like to be
in a smaller place.
Ah, nothing makes me happier
than an old Victorian.
Ahh!
See?
Outtakes from the "Whose Line"
promo shoot.
Hey, Denver, I'm Greg Proops.
Wednesdays 8:00 Pacific
and 7:00 Central.
- They'll know it's a doll.
- Leave the comedy to me.
Alright, don't go away.
We'll be right back with more
"Whose Line is it Anyway?"
Right after this!
Welcome back to
"Whose Line is it Anyway?"
And now we come to a game
called "Greatest Hits."
This is a game for Ryan, Colin,
and Wayne,
with the help of Laura Hall
and Linda Taylor
- on piano and guitar.
- Let's go, man!
Ryan and Colin are two
television voiceover artists
talking about
the latest compilation album,
and I need a suggestion
from the audience here.
So could you give me a place
where you might be educated?
Where would one
might be educated?
College, we're gonna
go with college.
So the name of your album
is "Songs of College."
Take it away, boys.
Hi. We'll be back
to our documentary
on nuns who wear shoddy
home-knit trousers
in "Sisterhood
of Unraveling Pants"
in just a second.
Eh, it's okay, no.
Oh, has that flaking come back?
No.
I was speaking Italian!
- I don't think so.
- I was.
Because that... You know,
it's shaped like a boot.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- It's shaped like a boot,
kind of like Florida.
Florida's more like a sock,
I guess.
Yeah, it's like a sock.
It's like a condom,
I guess, Florida.
Not sure what it is.
But, you know, when I think
of Italian music
and I think songs about college,
I think of the one that
I married the third wife to.
- Oh.
- It's that classic,
that lovely, lovely Italian hit
"Four Credits Short."
♪ Hey, what are you gonna do ♪
♪ What are you gonna say ♪
♪ When you go on spring break ♪
♪ Your friends say,
"Come this way" ♪
♪ All you got to do is just
complete all your class ♪
♪ But guess what, you dumbass,
you don't have to pass ♪
♪ Four credits short ♪
♪ Four credits short ♪
♪ I'll go to summer school
and then you work, work, work ♪
♪ Your friends,
they go to Miami ♪
♪ They go and play and play ♪
♪ But you are
four credits short ♪
♪ In school you must stay ♪
♪ Hey, can I, can I go
to get a master's? ♪
♪ No, no, no,
four courses short, yes, sir ♪
♪ Because how can it be ♪
♪ You're short of a degree ♪
♪ Your credits don't transfer ♪
♪ Because you're four short,
you see ♪
♪ Ha ha ha ♪
♪ Ha ha ha ♪
♪ Ha ha ha ♪
♪ Oh, you should not
have transferred ♪
♪ From a state school ♪
♪ Thinking that maybe you would
have transferred those credits ♪
♪ To the other institution ♪
♪ But you didn't check to see ♪
♪ If those credits
would've transferred ♪
♪ Now you're kind of screwed ♪
♪ And you're going, "Oh, no,
financial assistance" ♪
♪ Did I just waste the last
four years of my life? ♪
♪ I got to move out
of my mama house ♪
♪ All 'cause
I'm four credits short ♪
Ahh.
Hey!
Alright, find out who the
winner is right after this.
Don't go anywhere!
Welcome back to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
Unfortunately,
that's the end of our show,
but tonight's winner is the
lovely and handsome Greg Proops.
And I'd like you
to read out the credits
as an announcer
at the Winter Olympics
introducing
the different competitors,
or the gentlemen behind you.
Thanks for watching. Good night.
Wow, what a pleasure it is
to be here.
The weather
is unseasonably warm.
And here comes our first
competitor in the luge,
delightful Ryan Stiles.
Oh, it's the double luge.
It's the triple ski luge.
You haven't seen this one
in a while.
Oh, my God, we happen to have
a couple of members
of the Jamaican bobsled team
on this one.
As they turn out in the corner.
Be careful, fellas. You can't...
They can't use poles and luge
at the same time.
Oh, no, there's a reindeer
in the car!
...Captions by VITAC...
Good evening,
Good evening, everybody,
Good evening, everybody, and.
Good evening, everybody,
and welcome.
Good evening, everybody,
and welcome to.
Good evening, everybody,
"Whose Line is it Anyway?"
On tonight's show, hands across
America, it's Wayne Brady.
Hands in the air,
it's Greg Proops.
Look ma, no hands,
Colin Mochrie.
And hands down his pants,
Ryan Stiles.
And I'm Aisha Tyler!
Let's have some fun!
Yes! Hello! Welcome!
Welcome to
"Whose Line is it Anyway?"...
The show where
everything is made up
and the points do not matter.
We've got a great show
for you tonight,
so let's get started with a game
we call "Weird Newscasters."
This is for all four
of our performers.
Gentlemen, come on down.
In this game,
Colin is the anchor
of a news program,
and Greg, Ryan, and Wayne
are his co-anchors,
each of whom is
a rather odd character.
Greg, you are the co-anchor
who is also
a fiendish super villain,
outlining the ingenious way
that you're going to kill Colin.
Wayne, you are a sportscaster
who is also
all of the characters
in an episode of
"The Biggest Loser."
And, Ryan, you are
the weather forecaster
who is also a Vegas act,
performing mass hypnosis
on the entire audience.
Gentlemen, take it away.
Welcome to the 6:00 news.
I'm your anchor Murray,
with the fringe on top.
Our top story... a scientist
cloned himself today.
A coworker said,
"That's just like him."
Now let's see what else
is happening around the world,
Dr. Megalon.
It's working perfectly, my plan!
I've implanted a porcupine
time-released capsule
inside you,
and just moments from now,
the quills will spring
through your head,
rendering you
full of hair and dead!
Can you feel the porcupine
coursing through your system?
Well, let's hurry
over to sports.
Oh, I love sports.
Hey, welcome to sports.
I haven't felt really good
about myself in a long time,
and I realized I needed
to make a change.
That's right you needed
to make a change!
I understand I needed
to make a...
Put that down!
But how am I going to do that?
All you need is
some encouragement
right here in the kitchen.
I'm making these
gluten-free berries.
I don't want
gluten-free berries.
That doesn't make
any sense, woman.
Just five weeks from now,
you can change!
I don't want to change anything.
Look at me, I'm changing.
I'm changing. I'm changing.
I'm changing.
I win, I lost.
Back to you.
I can see the pricks
coming out of your head!
Ow!
Now let's see what's happening
in the world of weather
with Sunny.
Sunrise today was at 5:55.
The sun will be setting
at 7:00 this evening.
It'll be a very still night,
very dark, very calm...
much as you're
feeling right now.
There's no anxiety.
All your troubles
are going away.
Everything's calming down
very much slowly.
You're filled with
a happy feeling,
a warm sensation
flowing over your body.
And sleep!
And sleep!
Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep,
sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep,
sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep.
Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!
Sleeeep!
Sleeeep!
Sleep. Sleep, sleep.
Sleep, all of you, sleep.
Sleep.
And sleep. You are asleep.
Take my hand, follow me.
You are still asleep,
you are still asleep.
A warm feeling is
coming over you.
A warm feeling.
Do not wake up.
You are totally asleep.
Everything that's bad
about life will be...
When you awake,
it will be no problem for you.
Turn around.
You are totally asleep.
When you hear the word
"cockroach,"
you will think you're handsome,
debonair actor Ryan Stiles.
And you will believe that
you are finishing up a bit
on the "Whose Line"
television show.
So you will wrap it up
with a huge laugh,
much as Ryan Stiles would.
And ready?
And cockroach!
Oh, my God,
he's channeling Colin.
- That was the 6:00 news.
- Good night, and good news.
Yay!
I am... For points on that one,
I'm going to take 500 points
from Ryan
- and give them to...
- Sleep, sleep!
Cockroach!
- What's your name?
- Shane.
Give it up for Shane.
And now we're going to play
a game called
"90-Second Alphabet."
This is for Greg,
Ryan, and Colin.
Gentlemen, come towards me.
Wayne, relax.
The way this works is that
you three are going to perform
a 90-second scene, alright,
and every line you say
has to begin with the word
beginning with the next letter
of the alphabet
from the sentence
previous to yours.
The scene is that,
Greg and Colin,
you are young newlyweds,
adorable newlyweds,
looking to buy a pet,
and Ryan is
the impatient pet store owner.
And so, can I have a suggestion
of a letter of the alphabet
to start this off,
from the audience?
"C!" Nice, yes.
So the first sentence
of this scene
has to start
with the letter "C."
And I'll be timing
you gentlemen.
Go.
Carl, I want a pet.
Don't you ever look cute.
Everybody wants a pet.
It's getting the right pet
that counts.
- Free pets?
- Do you have free pets?
God, no!
Hey, what about that kitty?
- I'm not sure that's for sale.
- That's my own personal kitty.
- Just a second.
- My wife wants that kitty.
Kitty!
Let me take it out of the cage,
see if you all get along.
Meow.
Nice.
Oh, can I say something?
I'm highly allergic to cats
ripping my face off.
Perhaps you'd like
to take a look at a cockatiel.
We have some right over here.
Quite a cockatiel
you have there.
- Right you are, dear.
- She knows stuff.
Snakes are always good
with the kids.
- Take that away from me!
- I'm allergic to reptiles.
- Understand...
- Even though I married one.
Uh-huh.
Very well, I don't think
there's a pet in this store
that you'll be happy with.
Well, I never!
"X" is a letter of the alphabet.
Yes, it is, darling.
You're so right.
Zippy the discount kangaroo
would be happy
to go home with you.
- Alright! We love discount pets!
- They love more!
Boy, oh, boy, is this
the kangaroo for you, then.
He's only $1.35.
- Crikey, that sounds good!
- Alright!
Nicely done, gentlemen,
nicely done.
That was it!
Do not go away.
We'll be right back
with much more.
"Whose Line is it Anyway?"
right after this.
Welcome back to
"Whose Line is it Anyway?"
Let's keep the fun going now
with a game called "Dubbing."
This is for Wayne,
Ryan, and Colin.
So come on down, gentlemen.
In this game, we're also going
to involve our special guest,
so please welcome Kat Graham!
Okay.
Now, the way that this game
works is that Ryan and Wayne
are going to act out
a scene with Kat,
but, Kat, you're not
going to actually use
your own beautiful voice
to do your lines.
Colin is going to provide
your lines for you.
- Okay.
- Now, you're scene... ooh...
Flirtatious choreographer Ryan
is training dancer Kat
to appear in a hip-hop video...
on behalf of my people.
Hmm.
Wayne is going to enter...
Guess what... as a rapper.
And...
Should he choose to.
As the rapper whose video
you're auditioning for, Kat,
and he wants to
change the routine.
And why Ryan would be
teaching you
how to hip-hop dance
I have no idea.
- They didn't say that.
- They said I was a choreographer.
Oh, yes, you're a choreographer.
Well, let's see what happens.
Let's go.
- I've read your resume.
- Why, thank you.
- I wrote it myself.
- Oh.
I notice you have quite a bit
of experience on Broadway.
- Absolutely.
- I was in "Hip-Hop-O-Rama,"
and I was in "Hip-Hop Story"
and I was in "How to Succeed in
Hip-Hop Without Really Trying."
Oh, no.
I find that hard to believe
because I remember
directing "Hip-hop Story,"
and I don't believe
I remember you in it.
Oh, I remember that one move
that you choreographed.
Can you show it to me again?
It was so amazing.
I'll try.
- Be careful.
- You'll hurt yourself.
Ah, my back.
It really should be done
by people under 30.
Shut up!
I'm flamboyant!
- Uh-oh.
- 'Sup, girl?
Oh, it's Cool Cool PW!
Hello, Cool Cool PW.
I didn't expect you walking by.
Yeah, I came in to check on
what was going on
with my choreography
for my video.
- Everything's fine here.
- I'm conducting the choreography.
Is it really, 'cause
I didn't see any dancing!
Cool Cool, Cool Cool,
he hasn't been doing the much.
But watch what I came up with.
It goes something like this.
Alright.
- And then a thrust.
- And then with the look.
- Uh-huh.
- And then what I call
the woogie woogie.
Nah, that's horrible, girl.
- You can't be in my video.
- You didn't even see one woogie.
I was right in the middle
of the woogie woogie.
Okay, well, finish the woogie,
then. Let me see it.
- Oh.
- Yeah!
Oh, if you think you're...
If you think you can do
so much better, Q-tip,
why don't you give it a try?
First of all,
my name isn't Q-Tip.
What is it?
It's Cool Cool PW!
Yeah, what she said.
- I can do better.
- Alright, Cool Cool Q-Tip PW.
What I'm thinking is
I want to do something low.
Going to get really low,
- going to put it like this.
- Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then I really want you
to get into it.
I want you to pull back
until your herniated part
is bent with your wrist
at an axis of 60 degrees.
If you can't do that,
you can't be in my video.
I will do something that no one
has ever seen before, like this.
Watch. Watch and be amazed.
You're aren't going to try
to do that handstand stuff
that you was doing outside,
are you?
Oh!
Just you watch and see, PW.
And you, too, tall skinny guy.
I think this calls
for a box full of tacks.
I don't care about tacks.
- No!
- Oh, I broke my wrist!
Someone's got a tack
in their ass.
Why don't you help her, Q-Tip?
- I told you my name...
- Never mind.
- Look, girl.
- Oh, someone's got a tack in his knee.
- Aah!
- Oh, now a tack in your butt.
Got a tack in your butt
and your knee.
You're being attacked by tacks.
But I do like
this choreography, though.
- Wait, it's working!
- This is hot!
The pain from the tacks.
- You are... Oh, my God!
- Everybody,
give it up for Kat Graham!
I'm calling the NAACP
as soon as I go offstage.
I think this is absolutely
the kind of thing they should...
Yeah, you know, voter fraud
or, like, redlining of mortgages
or Wayne
having his feelings hurt
because we made him
into a rapper.
All of those things
are on equal footing, yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen,
next up is a game
that we call
"Scenes from a Hat."
This is for all four
of our performers.
Boys, come on down!
Now, before the show,
we asked the audience
to write down scenes
they'd like to see acted out
by our gentlemen performers.
I've got those suggestions
in this hat right here.
I'm going to read them out,
and we're going to see
how many our performers
can act out.
Things you should keep to
yourself on a first date.
I had a giant injection
of Viagra before we came out.
You... You're so pretty.
I'm not going to kill you.
This is so much nicer
than just sneaking around,
looking at you through a window.
It's just lovely
having a dinner with you.
I'll get her to try
the dress on later.
Does that hurt?
Does that hurt?
What is happening?
What is happening?
A doll that looks like you.
Oh!
- See the little doll?
- It looks like you.
Do you know there's a rapper
named Q-Tip?
What the "Whose Line" cast
say in their sleep.
Must learn how to rap,
must learn how to rap,
must learn how to rap.
Hmm, can't play another rapper
in a scene.
Must call NAACP.
I have hair, I have hair
all over my head!
Oh, I can feel it!
Things you can say about your
house... but not your partner.
Wow, the backyard is huge!
I'm going to have to
hire someone to trim that.
I think I'm at that point
in my life
where I'd like to be
in a smaller place.
Ah, nothing makes me happier
than an old Victorian.
Ahh!
See?
Outtakes from the "Whose Line"
promo shoot.
Hey, Denver, I'm Greg Proops.
Wednesdays 8:00 Pacific
and 7:00 Central.
- They'll know it's a doll.
- Leave the comedy to me.
Alright, don't go away.
We'll be right back with more
"Whose Line is it Anyway?"
Right after this!
Welcome back to
"Whose Line is it Anyway?"
And now we come to a game
called "Greatest Hits."
This is a game for Ryan, Colin,
and Wayne,
with the help of Laura Hall
and Linda Taylor
- on piano and guitar.
- Let's go, man!
Ryan and Colin are two
television voiceover artists
talking about
the latest compilation album,
and I need a suggestion
from the audience here.
So could you give me a place
where you might be educated?
Where would one
might be educated?
College, we're gonna
go with college.
So the name of your album
is "Songs of College."
Take it away, boys.
Hi. We'll be back
to our documentary
on nuns who wear shoddy
home-knit trousers
in "Sisterhood
of Unraveling Pants"
in just a second.
Eh, it's okay, no.
Oh, has that flaking come back?
No.
I was speaking Italian!
- I don't think so.
- I was.
Because that... You know,
it's shaped like a boot.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- It's shaped like a boot,
kind of like Florida.
Florida's more like a sock,
I guess.
Yeah, it's like a sock.
It's like a condom,
I guess, Florida.
Not sure what it is.
But, you know, when I think
of Italian music
and I think songs about college,
I think of the one that
I married the third wife to.
- Oh.
- It's that classic,
that lovely, lovely Italian hit
"Four Credits Short."
♪ Hey, what are you gonna do ♪
♪ What are you gonna say ♪
♪ When you go on spring break ♪
♪ Your friends say,
"Come this way" ♪
♪ All you got to do is just
complete all your class ♪
♪ But guess what, you dumbass,
you don't have to pass ♪
♪ Four credits short ♪
♪ Four credits short ♪
♪ I'll go to summer school
and then you work, work, work ♪
♪ Your friends,
they go to Miami ♪
♪ They go and play and play ♪
♪ But you are
four credits short ♪
♪ In school you must stay ♪
♪ Hey, can I, can I go
to get a master's? ♪
♪ No, no, no,
four courses short, yes, sir ♪
♪ Because how can it be ♪
♪ You're short of a degree ♪
♪ Your credits don't transfer ♪
♪ Because you're four short,
you see ♪
♪ Ha ha ha ♪
♪ Ha ha ha ♪
♪ Ha ha ha ♪
♪ Oh, you should not
have transferred ♪
♪ From a state school ♪
♪ Thinking that maybe you would
have transferred those credits ♪
♪ To the other institution ♪
♪ But you didn't check to see ♪
♪ If those credits
would've transferred ♪
♪ Now you're kind of screwed ♪
♪ And you're going, "Oh, no,
financial assistance" ♪
♪ Did I just waste the last
four years of my life? ♪
♪ I got to move out
of my mama house ♪
♪ All 'cause
I'm four credits short ♪
Ahh.
Hey!
Alright, find out who the
winner is right after this.
Don't go anywhere!
Welcome back to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
Unfortunately,
that's the end of our show,
but tonight's winner is the
lovely and handsome Greg Proops.
And I'd like you
to read out the credits
as an announcer
at the Winter Olympics
introducing
the different competitors,
or the gentlemen behind you.
Thanks for watching. Good night.
Wow, what a pleasure it is
to be here.
The weather
is unseasonably warm.
And here comes our first
competitor in the luge,
delightful Ryan Stiles.
Oh, it's the double luge.
It's the triple ski luge.
You haven't seen this one
in a while.
Oh, my God, we happen to have
a couple of members
of the Jamaican bobsled team
on this one.
As they turn out in the corner.
Be careful, fellas. You can't...
They can't use poles and luge
at the same time.
Oh, no, there's a reindeer
in the car!
...Captions by VITAC...