Whose Line Is It Anyway? (2013–…): Season 12, Episode 1 - Special 3 - full transcript
A special episode featuring a compilation of games, moments, and outtakes of never before seen footage.
-Good everyone, everybody,
and welcome
to a very special episode of
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
Starring Wayne Brady,
Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles,
and our favorite
guest performers.
Let's have some fun!
Hello, everyone, and welcome
to "Whose Line Is It Anyway"...
The show
where everything is made up
and the points don't matter.
In every recording that we do,
there's always amazing material
we just can't find a place for
in our final shows,
so we've put
together this compilation
of the very best games,
moments, and outtakes
that you have never seen before.
Hope you enjoy.
♪
Now, we're gonna play
a game called "Forward Rewind."
This is for all four
of our performers,
starting with Wayne and Colin.
So, guys, come on down.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Alright, our guys are gonna be
acting out a scene,
and at certain points,
we're gonna hear a command
that's gonna instruct them
to either rewind
or forward the action.
So can we hear those
sound effects now, please?
-Forward! Rewind!
-Now, your scene is that Wayne
is a young woman who...
- Wait a minute.
- Hold on a second.
- Did you not understand it?
- No, wait a minute.
-Wayne, say "forward" for me.
- Forward.
- Say "rewind."
-Rewind.
-Mystery solved, Ryan Stiles.
[ Laughter ]
- Forward!
- Mystery solved.
-Rewind!
-He would have gotten away
with it
if it wasn't
for those meddling kids.
- And that dog.
- And that dog.
-Now, the scene is that Wayne
is a young woman
who is possessed by demons
or the devil.
Colin is your frantic mother.
Frantic!
And Ryan is a priest
who enters and tries
to exorcise
the evil spirit out of Wayne.
Keegan is the evil demon
that materializes.
- Yes.
- What?!
Enjoy.
-Mother, I will not let you in.
I can't! I can't!
[ Sobbing ]
-There's another door here.
[ Laughter ]
What's wrong, dear?
What's wrong?
-[ Mutters, growls ]
-Oh! Aaahhhh!
- Aah! Aah!
- [ Growling ]
You will never have her.
[ High-pitched voice ]
Oh, please!
I will not!
Rewind!
[ Imitates tape rewinding ]
[ High-pitched voice ]
Please don't!
[ Laughter ]
-There's another door here.
-Forward!
- There's another door here.
- Open the...
I will now have you!
-[ Chanting indistinctly ]
-Oh! Run, Father, run! Oh!
[ Laughter ]
-[ Vocalizing operatically ]
-Oh! Oh!
Oh! Aah! Oh! Oh!
[ Vocalizing continues ]
-Aah! Aah!
[ Screaming ]
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Rewind!
-[ Imitating tape rewinding ]
-[ Vocalizing operatically ]
-[ Singing gibberish ]
-Forward!
[ Chanting indistinctly ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-[ Singing operatically ]
-My daughter! What have you done
to my daughter?
- She'll be alright.
- The spirit has left her now.
- Oh!
- [ Growling ]
- I'm out of here.
- Rewind!
-[ Growling ]
-Forward!
[ Growling ]
- I'm out of here.
- Rewind!
- I'm out of here.
- [ Growling ]
- Forward!
- [ Growling ]
-I'm out of here.
-This is
a one-bedroom apartment!
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Rewind! Back to the top.
-This is
a one-bedroom apartment!
-[ Growling ]
-I'm out of here.
-[ Growling ]
- She'll be alright.
- The spirit has left her.
-What have you done
to my daughter?!
- [ Chanting indistinctly ]
- [ Growling ]
-[ Vocalizing operatically ]
[ Chanting continues ]
-[ Growling ]
-[ Speaking gibberish ]
-[ Imitating tape rewinding ]
- [ High-pitched voice ]
- Mother, you don't understand!
- There's another door here!
- I can't let you in, Mother.
- [ Sobbing ]
- What's going on?
-[ Growls ] Ooh, soup.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Soup. [ Laughs ]
-That's just how we get
down here at "Whose Line."
You always know when some ladies
are screaming and shrieking,
some [bleep]
is about to jump off.
That's not gonna make it
into the show.
-When stuff gets Gregorian,
somethin' about to happen.
-Right?
[ Both chanting indistinctly ]
-Yeah, that was hot.
- [ Cheers and applause ]
- Yeah.
-Whoo!
♪
-Now we're gonna play
a game called "Hats."
This is for all four
of our performers. Come on down.
Wayne and Jeff are here.
Ryan and Colin are over there.
Grab your hats. Here's how
this game is gonna work.
This is a quick-fire game
in which each pair
must use their box of hats
to come up with as many examples
as possible of the world's
worst dating video, alright?
When you are ready gentlemen,
oh, dear Lord, take it away.
[ Laughter ]
-May I inspect the poop deck?
- Uh, yes.
- [ Buzzer ]
- Oh.
- Yay!
[ Laughter ]
-I'm ready to "four score."
[ Cheers and applause ]
- Very nice.
- [ Buzzer ]
-You're gonna feel
a small prick.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Oh, yeah, I'm "dragon."
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-I'm going in.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Why, yes,
I do prefer the caboose.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
You should be ashamed
of yourselves.
[ Laughter ]
-Like a horse.
- Ah!
- [ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Like a cow.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-How do you think I got
the name the Great Pumpkin?
[ Laughter ]
I have a big penis.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Baby, I've always
got protection.
[ Laughter ]
[ Imitates spray hissing ]
In your eye!
[ Buzzer ]
[ Imitates spray hissing ]
-Get away from there!
-[ Laughs ]
-I'm like the
New England Patriots...
My balls just don't feel
quite right.
[ Audience "ohhs" ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Ahhhh!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hey, everybody, there's more
"Whose Line Is It Anyway"
coming right after
these messages.
Don't go anyplace.
-Now we play a game called
"Daytime Talk Show."
This is
for all four of performers.
Come this way.
The way that works
is Colin's gonna be the host
of a daytime talk show
and Ryan and Keegan
are gonna be
members of the public
that are appearing
as guests on the show.
Wayne is gonna be a person
in the audience asking questions
of the guests, and the theme
of the daytime talk show
is going to be "Star Wars."
Colin, take it away.
-We're here with Luke Skywalker,
who's been trying to find some
inner peace using the Force.
How is that going for you?
-Well, it's going okay.
You know, it's just that I miss
my uncle and my aunt
- on Tatooine.
- What happened to them?
-Well, they got burnt alive.
- Yes.
- By the Empire.
And so I got a little...
You know,
I'm holding a little grudge
against the Empire.
- I see.
- Another thing is, I just
feel really alienated,
'cause I...
[Voice breaking] 'cause I don't
know who my dad is.
-That's alright, that's alright.
Maybe we can find out
who that is.
-And I was just wanting maybe
a DNA test or something.
If I could just find out...
If I could just find out
who my father is.
-Well, interesting, interesting.
Well, we also have here
someone who wants to share
the Empire's side...
A Mr. Darth Vader.
Darth?
- How are you?
- It's nice to be here today.
- I'm fine. How are you?
- I have to say,
you sound much more different
in person than you do...
-I had a little
throat surgery done.
-Oh, did you?
-Turns out
my larynx was oversized.
-Alright, what do you say to
charges that you are just evil,
and you are bringing evil
into the galaxy?
-I've changed
through meditation.
- Have you?
- Look...
I wanted a lot of things
in the past,
but I've mellowed out.
I moved up to Coeur d'Alene.
Things are just fine for me now.
-Oh, yes? Well, I don't know
if we should tell this
- right now...
- That's in Idaho.
-...but we have taken some of
your DNA, and you are, in fact,
Luke Skywalker's father!
-Oh!
Oh, my God, you're my...
Oh, my God, you're my father!
-I suppose you want
to borrow the car.
- [ Laughter ]
- This is outrageous!
Oh, we have someone
in the audience
who wants to ask a question.
Yes, sir?
-[ Imitating Chewbacca ]
- Yes.
- [ Imitating Chewbacca ]
- This is a friend of yours?
- No, no, no,
but he's already said
he's changed his ways.
-[ Imitating Chewbacca ]
-I should give you
the number of my throat guy.
-[ Imitating Chewbacca ]
-Listen, fuzz ball!
He said he moved
to Coeur d'Alene.
You don't do that unless
you've turned over a new leaf.
- That's true.
- Alright, let's calm down.
Let's calm down.
Thank you for your input, sir.
You must be just reeling
from this information.
-I just... I don't know
what to say.
Can I see your face?
I just want to see your face.
I just want to see
what the likenesses are,
- if there's any similarities.
- Alright.
- Oh, my God!
- [ Screaming ]
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, God!
- That's disgusting!
Yes, sir. You have a question?
-Yes, my name
is Shariko Calrissian.
- [ Laughter ]
- Nice to meet you.
-My husband, Lando,
he was killed trying
- to defeat the Empire.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
-And I just want to know
from your daddy
what he plans on doing
to try to help me
raise my 13 kids
in the Cloud City of Bespin.
-You're the First Lady
of Cloud City.
Can't you get a regular job?
Can't you get any job
you want in Cloud City?
-I could get a job...
if you had not upraised
all the factories
with your little ships
that were shaped like bow ties.
-Let's just keep it calm.
- You're a beautiful woman.
- Don't worry about it.
- No, we don't do this, sir.
- [ Imitates lightsaber buzzing ]
-Oh, you want lightsabers.
I got a lightsaber for you.
I got a lightsaber for you.
- Alright, this is outrageous.
- Stop.
-[ Imitates lightsaber buzzing ]
-Alright, alright, alright!
-Stop it! Stop it!
- [ Screams ]
- You cauterized my arm!
-This doesn't do anything
anymore!
[ Laughter ]
-Well, obviously
this is something
we're not gonna solve today.
But don't worry that this is
gonna be the last show.
- Oh, there it is.
- There is another.
-Nothing. Nothing.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪
-Well, as many people know,
I was born in Scotland.
- Oh, were you?
- Yeah.
-I didn't know that.
- [ Sighs ]
- [ Laughter ]
-Well, many other people know
that, and I still hold a...
-I did know that. I don't know
why I said I didn't know that.
-I don't know
why you say anything.
Alright, but I tell you, this...
When I hear this song,
I tell you,
I just want to whip on a kilt
and blow into a bladder.
[ Laughter ]
Bagpipes. You know, bagpipes.
[ Laughter ]
-Bad things to say
during a slow dance.
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughter ]
-I'm losing my erection.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, there it is. Okay.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Inappropriate times
to take a selfie.
-[ Crying ]
[ Whispering ] I set it up.
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Audience "ohhs" ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-This is the joy
of childbirth, man.
Look at my little ones.
Look at my little ones
coming into the world.
Here, let me just...
[ Laughter ]
-Yeah, yeah.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Crying ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Strange things to see
on an home improvement show.
-So, Barry, it's six
months later, and, now,
you buried the bodies here
six months ago,
and I can hardly smell a thing.
-That's because I used a layer
of charcoal and lime.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Now, when you're preparing meth,
ventilation is very important.
First thing I do is, I cut a...
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-[ Imitates hammer pounding ]
Okay, the room is finished.
Well, let's just move
onto the...
Oh, I should have
put a door in here probably.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Jobs you should never
give old people.
-No, no, you're gonna
to be great, okay? Just relax.
Get the fluffer.
[ Laughter ]
-[ Spits ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Spits ]
-Where you going?
-I got to...
My car's double parked.
-Alright.
Don't let that go to waste.
- Alright.
- [ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Don't move. There's more of
"Whose Line" coming at you
right after these messages.
Stick around.
-Alright, and now we're going
to keep it wholesome,
ladies and gentlemen.
We're going to play
a game called "Dubbing."
This is a game for Colin, Ryan,
and Wayne,
so come on down, guys.
In this game, we're also
going to involve our star guest
from "The Vampire Diaries,"
Candice Accola!
[ Cheers and applause ]
- Okay.
- Hi, again.
-So, the way that this game
works is that Ryan and Wayne
are gonna act out a scene
with Candice, okay?
But, Candice, you're not gonna
actually use your own voice.
Colin is gonna provide
the lines for you,
and you just have to, like,
kind of mouth along
with whatever madness
come out of his face hole.
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughs ]
You're gonna be acting out
a deleted scene
from "The Vampire Diaries"!
- Yes, interesting. Okay.
- Oh.
-And in the scene, vampire Ryan
is trying to suppress
his bloodlust
on a date with you, Candice.
And Wayne is Ryan's
evil vampire brother
who comes in to attack her.
Hmm. Sounds familiar.
Take it away.
-I often come up here at night.
- [ High-pitched voice ]
- I love it up here, too.
It's beautiful
and very romantic.
-Yes, it is.
-Oh, when you look at me
with those eyes, I...
I almost feel I would
do anything you asked.
- Really?
- I don't suppose you'd look
at something over there
like this, would you?
[ Laughter ]
-Watch. I can do it
the other way, too.
And the other way.
- That way's best!
- That way's best!
Oh, gorgeous...
Oh!
-Oh! What the hell?
[ Laughter ]
-He never told you about
his smolderingly dark brother?
-Hello, Victor.
-Hello, Trent.
-I didn't expect
to see you up here.
-The unexpected
is my calling card.
-Do you two know each other?
- We will now.
- [ Laughter ]
-Oh, I'm drawn to his... fingers.
I can't take my eyes
off his fingers.
They're like... fingers.
[ Singing gibberish ]
-Stop, stop!
Oh! The sun's coming out.
- Oh.
- I have sunscreen.
-Aw!
Thank you.
[ Laughter ]
-I guess there's something
I should tell you both.
- What?
- I, too, am a vampire!
- What?!
- Ah-ha-ha!
- I got your nipples!
- Oh! Oh!
-[ Laughs evilly ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Can we give it up
for Candice Accola?!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yay!
[ Cheers and applause continue ]
I totally watch
"Vampire Diaries."
I really enjoyed that.
She give you a little bit
of a pinch there?
- She really got it.
- 'Cause you asked her.
- [ Laughter ]
- She knows where they are.
-You were like,
"Harder, girl, harder."
-I'm gonna write this
in my vampire diary.
[ Laughter and applause ]
♪
-How about San Francisco?
So, we're gonna do
an album entitled.
"Songs of San Francisco."
Take it away, boys.
-You know, one of my favorite
groups throughout the years
has been the Dixie Chicks.
- [ Gasps ]
- I love the Dixie Chicks.
- Yeah.
- I drink from their cups.
-Yes. Totally different Dixies.
- Is it?
- Yes.
[ Laughter ]
[ Breathes deeply ]
Do they actually
even still make Dixie cups?
- I think they do.
- Alright.
-Yeah, it's a brand name,
so we can't mention it.
- Okay.
- [ Laughter ]
- But I think they do...
- Alright.
-...still make Dixie cups.
-Well, this is one of their
most unusual recordings.
-Oh.
-Because in this, the Dixie cu...
Chicks, they were singing
their song, and during it,
they actually starting
turning into chickens.
- What?
- Yeah.
-What?! Dixie Chicks
into Dixie chickens?
-During the course of the song.
You listen to this,
and you'll be amazed at.
"You Broke My Heart
on the Golden Gate."
[ Country music plays ]
- Howdy, y'all.
- How y'all doing tonight?
Y'all having fun?
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Alright.
♪
-[ Scatting ]
[ Both scatting ]
♪
Sing it, Natalie.
-♪ We first met, and you
took me on a date ♪
-[ Clucks ]
[ Laughter ]
-♪ To the Golden Gate ♪
♪ Well, you took me up there
on the bridge ♪
♪ As the fog was rolling in ♪
[ Laughter ]
♪ I didn't know when love
would begin ♪
-♪ Oh, I was waiting up there
[Clucks] ♪
♪ On top of the bridge ♪
♪ To be your girl
would be my world ♪
♪ It would be such a privilege ♪
- ♪ And I don't understand ♪
- [ Clucks ]
-♪ How we're a perfect match ♪
♪ But I just beg,
here, take this egg ♪
♪ Because it's about to hatch ♪
♪ So ♪
[ Both clucking ]
- [ Clucking ]
- [ Clucking ]
-[ Imitates machinery whirring ]
-[ Clucking loudly ]
[ Laughter ]
-[ Imitates machinery whirring ]
-[ Clucking loudly ]
-♪ That's why ♪
♪ I took him
to the Golden Gate ♪
-♪ Took him to the Golden Gate ♪
-♪ And you broke
my heart that day ♪
♪ I thought I was
gonna get some ♪
♪ But the eggs were
the only thing that I'd lay ♪
-[ Clucking ]
[ Both clucking ]
[ Music ends,
cheers and applause ]
- That is really weird.
- I don't remember dropping acid.
-No.
-Hey, everybody, don't move
because we've got more.
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?" for
you, right after these messages.
Stay there.
-Hey, welcome back to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
That is our show.
Tonight all four
of you lovely gentlemen
are our winners,
so I'd like you
to read out the credits
as if you're all skittish
woodland creatures
inspecting the camera.
Thanks for watching, everybody.
Good night.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪
[ Laughter ]
♪
[ Laughter ]
♪
-[ Laughs ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪
...Captions by VITAC...
and welcome
to a very special episode of
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
Starring Wayne Brady,
Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles,
and our favorite
guest performers.
Let's have some fun!
Hello, everyone, and welcome
to "Whose Line Is It Anyway"...
The show
where everything is made up
and the points don't matter.
In every recording that we do,
there's always amazing material
we just can't find a place for
in our final shows,
so we've put
together this compilation
of the very best games,
moments, and outtakes
that you have never seen before.
Hope you enjoy.
♪
Now, we're gonna play
a game called "Forward Rewind."
This is for all four
of our performers,
starting with Wayne and Colin.
So, guys, come on down.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Alright, our guys are gonna be
acting out a scene,
and at certain points,
we're gonna hear a command
that's gonna instruct them
to either rewind
or forward the action.
So can we hear those
sound effects now, please?
-Forward! Rewind!
-Now, your scene is that Wayne
is a young woman who...
- Wait a minute.
- Hold on a second.
- Did you not understand it?
- No, wait a minute.
-Wayne, say "forward" for me.
- Forward.
- Say "rewind."
-Rewind.
-Mystery solved, Ryan Stiles.
[ Laughter ]
- Forward!
- Mystery solved.
-Rewind!
-He would have gotten away
with it
if it wasn't
for those meddling kids.
- And that dog.
- And that dog.
-Now, the scene is that Wayne
is a young woman
who is possessed by demons
or the devil.
Colin is your frantic mother.
Frantic!
And Ryan is a priest
who enters and tries
to exorcise
the evil spirit out of Wayne.
Keegan is the evil demon
that materializes.
- Yes.
- What?!
Enjoy.
-Mother, I will not let you in.
I can't! I can't!
[ Sobbing ]
-There's another door here.
[ Laughter ]
What's wrong, dear?
What's wrong?
-[ Mutters, growls ]
-Oh! Aaahhhh!
- Aah! Aah!
- [ Growling ]
You will never have her.
[ High-pitched voice ]
Oh, please!
I will not!
Rewind!
[ Imitates tape rewinding ]
[ High-pitched voice ]
Please don't!
[ Laughter ]
-There's another door here.
-Forward!
- There's another door here.
- Open the...
I will now have you!
-[ Chanting indistinctly ]
-Oh! Run, Father, run! Oh!
[ Laughter ]
-[ Vocalizing operatically ]
-Oh! Oh!
Oh! Aah! Oh! Oh!
[ Vocalizing continues ]
-Aah! Aah!
[ Screaming ]
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Rewind!
-[ Imitating tape rewinding ]
-[ Vocalizing operatically ]
-[ Singing gibberish ]
-Forward!
[ Chanting indistinctly ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
-[ Singing operatically ]
-My daughter! What have you done
to my daughter?
- She'll be alright.
- The spirit has left her now.
- Oh!
- [ Growling ]
- I'm out of here.
- Rewind!
-[ Growling ]
-Forward!
[ Growling ]
- I'm out of here.
- Rewind!
- I'm out of here.
- [ Growling ]
- Forward!
- [ Growling ]
-I'm out of here.
-This is
a one-bedroom apartment!
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Rewind! Back to the top.
-This is
a one-bedroom apartment!
-[ Growling ]
-I'm out of here.
-[ Growling ]
- She'll be alright.
- The spirit has left her.
-What have you done
to my daughter?!
- [ Chanting indistinctly ]
- [ Growling ]
-[ Vocalizing operatically ]
[ Chanting continues ]
-[ Growling ]
-[ Speaking gibberish ]
-[ Imitating tape rewinding ]
- [ High-pitched voice ]
- Mother, you don't understand!
- There's another door here!
- I can't let you in, Mother.
- [ Sobbing ]
- What's going on?
-[ Growls ] Ooh, soup.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Soup. [ Laughs ]
-That's just how we get
down here at "Whose Line."
You always know when some ladies
are screaming and shrieking,
some [bleep]
is about to jump off.
That's not gonna make it
into the show.
-When stuff gets Gregorian,
somethin' about to happen.
-Right?
[ Both chanting indistinctly ]
-Yeah, that was hot.
- [ Cheers and applause ]
- Yeah.
-Whoo!
♪
-Now we're gonna play
a game called "Hats."
This is for all four
of our performers. Come on down.
Wayne and Jeff are here.
Ryan and Colin are over there.
Grab your hats. Here's how
this game is gonna work.
This is a quick-fire game
in which each pair
must use their box of hats
to come up with as many examples
as possible of the world's
worst dating video, alright?
When you are ready gentlemen,
oh, dear Lord, take it away.
[ Laughter ]
-May I inspect the poop deck?
- Uh, yes.
- [ Buzzer ]
- Oh.
- Yay!
[ Laughter ]
-I'm ready to "four score."
[ Cheers and applause ]
- Very nice.
- [ Buzzer ]
-You're gonna feel
a small prick.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Oh, yeah, I'm "dragon."
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-I'm going in.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Why, yes,
I do prefer the caboose.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
You should be ashamed
of yourselves.
[ Laughter ]
-Like a horse.
- Ah!
- [ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Like a cow.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Buzzer ]
-How do you think I got
the name the Great Pumpkin?
[ Laughter ]
I have a big penis.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Baby, I've always
got protection.
[ Laughter ]
[ Imitates spray hissing ]
In your eye!
[ Buzzer ]
[ Imitates spray hissing ]
-Get away from there!
-[ Laughs ]
-I'm like the
New England Patriots...
My balls just don't feel
quite right.
[ Audience "ohhs" ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Ahhhh!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hey, everybody, there's more
"Whose Line Is It Anyway"
coming right after
these messages.
Don't go anyplace.
-Now we play a game called
"Daytime Talk Show."
This is
for all four of performers.
Come this way.
The way that works
is Colin's gonna be the host
of a daytime talk show
and Ryan and Keegan
are gonna be
members of the public
that are appearing
as guests on the show.
Wayne is gonna be a person
in the audience asking questions
of the guests, and the theme
of the daytime talk show
is going to be "Star Wars."
Colin, take it away.
-We're here with Luke Skywalker,
who's been trying to find some
inner peace using the Force.
How is that going for you?
-Well, it's going okay.
You know, it's just that I miss
my uncle and my aunt
- on Tatooine.
- What happened to them?
-Well, they got burnt alive.
- Yes.
- By the Empire.
And so I got a little...
You know,
I'm holding a little grudge
against the Empire.
- I see.
- Another thing is, I just
feel really alienated,
'cause I...
[Voice breaking] 'cause I don't
know who my dad is.
-That's alright, that's alright.
Maybe we can find out
who that is.
-And I was just wanting maybe
a DNA test or something.
If I could just find out...
If I could just find out
who my father is.
-Well, interesting, interesting.
Well, we also have here
someone who wants to share
the Empire's side...
A Mr. Darth Vader.
Darth?
- How are you?
- It's nice to be here today.
- I'm fine. How are you?
- I have to say,
you sound much more different
in person than you do...
-I had a little
throat surgery done.
-Oh, did you?
-Turns out
my larynx was oversized.
-Alright, what do you say to
charges that you are just evil,
and you are bringing evil
into the galaxy?
-I've changed
through meditation.
- Have you?
- Look...
I wanted a lot of things
in the past,
but I've mellowed out.
I moved up to Coeur d'Alene.
Things are just fine for me now.
-Oh, yes? Well, I don't know
if we should tell this
- right now...
- That's in Idaho.
-...but we have taken some of
your DNA, and you are, in fact,
Luke Skywalker's father!
-Oh!
Oh, my God, you're my...
Oh, my God, you're my father!
-I suppose you want
to borrow the car.
- [ Laughter ]
- This is outrageous!
Oh, we have someone
in the audience
who wants to ask a question.
Yes, sir?
-[ Imitating Chewbacca ]
- Yes.
- [ Imitating Chewbacca ]
- This is a friend of yours?
- No, no, no,
but he's already said
he's changed his ways.
-[ Imitating Chewbacca ]
-I should give you
the number of my throat guy.
-[ Imitating Chewbacca ]
-Listen, fuzz ball!
He said he moved
to Coeur d'Alene.
You don't do that unless
you've turned over a new leaf.
- That's true.
- Alright, let's calm down.
Let's calm down.
Thank you for your input, sir.
You must be just reeling
from this information.
-I just... I don't know
what to say.
Can I see your face?
I just want to see your face.
I just want to see
what the likenesses are,
- if there's any similarities.
- Alright.
- Oh, my God!
- [ Screaming ]
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, God!
- That's disgusting!
Yes, sir. You have a question?
-Yes, my name
is Shariko Calrissian.
- [ Laughter ]
- Nice to meet you.
-My husband, Lando,
he was killed trying
- to defeat the Empire.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
-And I just want to know
from your daddy
what he plans on doing
to try to help me
raise my 13 kids
in the Cloud City of Bespin.
-You're the First Lady
of Cloud City.
Can't you get a regular job?
Can't you get any job
you want in Cloud City?
-I could get a job...
if you had not upraised
all the factories
with your little ships
that were shaped like bow ties.
-Let's just keep it calm.
- You're a beautiful woman.
- Don't worry about it.
- No, we don't do this, sir.
- [ Imitates lightsaber buzzing ]
-Oh, you want lightsabers.
I got a lightsaber for you.
I got a lightsaber for you.
- Alright, this is outrageous.
- Stop.
-[ Imitates lightsaber buzzing ]
-Alright, alright, alright!
-Stop it! Stop it!
- [ Screams ]
- You cauterized my arm!
-This doesn't do anything
anymore!
[ Laughter ]
-Well, obviously
this is something
we're not gonna solve today.
But don't worry that this is
gonna be the last show.
- Oh, there it is.
- There is another.
-Nothing. Nothing.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪
-Well, as many people know,
I was born in Scotland.
- Oh, were you?
- Yeah.
-I didn't know that.
- [ Sighs ]
- [ Laughter ]
-Well, many other people know
that, and I still hold a...
-I did know that. I don't know
why I said I didn't know that.
-I don't know
why you say anything.
Alright, but I tell you, this...
When I hear this song,
I tell you,
I just want to whip on a kilt
and blow into a bladder.
[ Laughter ]
Bagpipes. You know, bagpipes.
[ Laughter ]
-Bad things to say
during a slow dance.
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughter ]
-I'm losing my erection.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, there it is. Okay.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Inappropriate times
to take a selfie.
-[ Crying ]
[ Whispering ] I set it up.
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Audience "ohhs" ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-This is the joy
of childbirth, man.
Look at my little ones.
Look at my little ones
coming into the world.
Here, let me just...
[ Laughter ]
-Yeah, yeah.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-[ Crying ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Strange things to see
on an home improvement show.
-So, Barry, it's six
months later, and, now,
you buried the bodies here
six months ago,
and I can hardly smell a thing.
-That's because I used a layer
of charcoal and lime.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Now, when you're preparing meth,
ventilation is very important.
First thing I do is, I cut a...
[ Buzzer ]
[ Laughter ]
-[ Imitates hammer pounding ]
Okay, the room is finished.
Well, let's just move
onto the...
Oh, I should have
put a door in here probably.
[ Laughter ]
[ Buzzer ]
-Jobs you should never
give old people.
-No, no, you're gonna
to be great, okay? Just relax.
Get the fluffer.
[ Laughter ]
-[ Spits ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Spits ]
-Where you going?
-I got to...
My car's double parked.
-Alright.
Don't let that go to waste.
- Alright.
- [ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Don't move. There's more of
"Whose Line" coming at you
right after these messages.
Stick around.
-Alright, and now we're going
to keep it wholesome,
ladies and gentlemen.
We're going to play
a game called "Dubbing."
This is a game for Colin, Ryan,
and Wayne,
so come on down, guys.
In this game, we're also
going to involve our star guest
from "The Vampire Diaries,"
Candice Accola!
[ Cheers and applause ]
- Okay.
- Hi, again.
-So, the way that this game
works is that Ryan and Wayne
are gonna act out a scene
with Candice, okay?
But, Candice, you're not gonna
actually use your own voice.
Colin is gonna provide
the lines for you,
and you just have to, like,
kind of mouth along
with whatever madness
come out of his face hole.
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughs ]
You're gonna be acting out
a deleted scene
from "The Vampire Diaries"!
- Yes, interesting. Okay.
- Oh.
-And in the scene, vampire Ryan
is trying to suppress
his bloodlust
on a date with you, Candice.
And Wayne is Ryan's
evil vampire brother
who comes in to attack her.
Hmm. Sounds familiar.
Take it away.
-I often come up here at night.
- [ High-pitched voice ]
- I love it up here, too.
It's beautiful
and very romantic.
-Yes, it is.
-Oh, when you look at me
with those eyes, I...
I almost feel I would
do anything you asked.
- Really?
- I don't suppose you'd look
at something over there
like this, would you?
[ Laughter ]
-Watch. I can do it
the other way, too.
And the other way.
- That way's best!
- That way's best!
Oh, gorgeous...
Oh!
-Oh! What the hell?
[ Laughter ]
-He never told you about
his smolderingly dark brother?
-Hello, Victor.
-Hello, Trent.
-I didn't expect
to see you up here.
-The unexpected
is my calling card.
-Do you two know each other?
- We will now.
- [ Laughter ]
-Oh, I'm drawn to his... fingers.
I can't take my eyes
off his fingers.
They're like... fingers.
[ Singing gibberish ]
-Stop, stop!
Oh! The sun's coming out.
- Oh.
- I have sunscreen.
-Aw!
Thank you.
[ Laughter ]
-I guess there's something
I should tell you both.
- What?
- I, too, am a vampire!
- What?!
- Ah-ha-ha!
- I got your nipples!
- Oh! Oh!
-[ Laughs evilly ]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Can we give it up
for Candice Accola?!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yay!
[ Cheers and applause continue ]
I totally watch
"Vampire Diaries."
I really enjoyed that.
She give you a little bit
of a pinch there?
- She really got it.
- 'Cause you asked her.
- [ Laughter ]
- She knows where they are.
-You were like,
"Harder, girl, harder."
-I'm gonna write this
in my vampire diary.
[ Laughter and applause ]
♪
-How about San Francisco?
So, we're gonna do
an album entitled.
"Songs of San Francisco."
Take it away, boys.
-You know, one of my favorite
groups throughout the years
has been the Dixie Chicks.
- [ Gasps ]
- I love the Dixie Chicks.
- Yeah.
- I drink from their cups.
-Yes. Totally different Dixies.
- Is it?
- Yes.
[ Laughter ]
[ Breathes deeply ]
Do they actually
even still make Dixie cups?
- I think they do.
- Alright.
-Yeah, it's a brand name,
so we can't mention it.
- Okay.
- [ Laughter ]
- But I think they do...
- Alright.
-...still make Dixie cups.
-Well, this is one of their
most unusual recordings.
-Oh.
-Because in this, the Dixie cu...
Chicks, they were singing
their song, and during it,
they actually starting
turning into chickens.
- What?
- Yeah.
-What?! Dixie Chicks
into Dixie chickens?
-During the course of the song.
You listen to this,
and you'll be amazed at.
"You Broke My Heart
on the Golden Gate."
[ Country music plays ]
- Howdy, y'all.
- How y'all doing tonight?
Y'all having fun?
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Alright.
♪
-[ Scatting ]
[ Both scatting ]
♪
Sing it, Natalie.
-♪ We first met, and you
took me on a date ♪
-[ Clucks ]
[ Laughter ]
-♪ To the Golden Gate ♪
♪ Well, you took me up there
on the bridge ♪
♪ As the fog was rolling in ♪
[ Laughter ]
♪ I didn't know when love
would begin ♪
-♪ Oh, I was waiting up there
[Clucks] ♪
♪ On top of the bridge ♪
♪ To be your girl
would be my world ♪
♪ It would be such a privilege ♪
- ♪ And I don't understand ♪
- [ Clucks ]
-♪ How we're a perfect match ♪
♪ But I just beg,
here, take this egg ♪
♪ Because it's about to hatch ♪
♪ So ♪
[ Both clucking ]
- [ Clucking ]
- [ Clucking ]
-[ Imitates machinery whirring ]
-[ Clucking loudly ]
[ Laughter ]
-[ Imitates machinery whirring ]
-[ Clucking loudly ]
-♪ That's why ♪
♪ I took him
to the Golden Gate ♪
-♪ Took him to the Golden Gate ♪
-♪ And you broke
my heart that day ♪
♪ I thought I was
gonna get some ♪
♪ But the eggs were
the only thing that I'd lay ♪
-[ Clucking ]
[ Both clucking ]
[ Music ends,
cheers and applause ]
- That is really weird.
- I don't remember dropping acid.
-No.
-Hey, everybody, don't move
because we've got more.
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?" for
you, right after these messages.
Stay there.
-Hey, welcome back to
"Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
That is our show.
Tonight all four
of you lovely gentlemen
are our winners,
so I'd like you
to read out the credits
as if you're all skittish
woodland creatures
inspecting the camera.
Thanks for watching, everybody.
Good night.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪
[ Laughter ]
♪
[ Laughter ]
♪
-[ Laughs ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪
...Captions by VITAC...