What I Like About You (2002–2006): Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot - full transcript
Holly's father is moving to Japan, so the teen moves in with her sister, but worries that she will not be wanted there.
Hey, Dad.
Uh...whatcha doin'?
Holly...
you remember that Japanese
restaurant, Katsu,
in the East Village
with the tempura that you love?
We're going there
for dinner?
No. We're moving to Japan!
No. Not again!
We are not moving
again, Dad!
Why does this have to
be such a big deal?
I am so tired of having
my entire world uprooted
every time you get
a promotion.
I know, sweetheart, but --
What if I go live with Nana?
Your grandmother?
She's a terrible influence.
I mean, she doesn't use
that stuff for glaucoma.
Holly, please, let me pack.
I've got a 6:00 a.m. flight.
We're moving
tomorrow morning?
No, I'm just going
for a week to get set up.
And I've got to call
your sister,
see if you can stay there
until I get back.
- No.
- Yes! It's perfect!
I can go live in the city
with Valerie!
She just got rid
of her roommate.
Yes, and she's very excited
about living alone.
Plus, she works crazy hours.
She's got her boyfriend.
It's not like she has to
watch me constantly.
I'm more mature now.
Ew, gross -- underpants.
If Val says yes,
then why not?
Well...
all right, I'll --
I'll talk to Val.
No, let me. You're not
that great a salesman.
Have you seen my plaque?
Yes...
and the picture
of the plaque.
Okay. All right.
Okay.
You talk to Val.
Thank you, Daddy.
[ doorbell rings ]
Oh -- that must be
my plane tickets.
Ow!
Hey, what's my bra doing
under here?
Hello!
Not my bra.
Hey, Val, I got the futon
set up for Holly
if you want to get
some...sheets.
Or just keep smiling
at the chair,
'cause that doesn't
scare me at all.
I'm sorry!
I just can't believe
Roberta's finally gone!
Not a trace --
nothing left of her
but that hideous
director's chair...
[ sniffs ]
and that weird stink
of hers.
Come here, Jeff.
You gotta smell this.
Come on, sniff it.
Sniff it!
No, I better not.
I gotta drive home later.
Remember how she would sit
in that chair for hours
wearing her depressing
black clothes
and hating pop culture?
"I'm Roberta.
Spielberg sucks."
God, film students ruin
everything.
Do you know
what this means, Jeff?
I can use up
all the hot water!
I can open up the curtains
and let the sunlight in!
Oh!
I can read my People magazine
right out in the open!
[ sighs ]
[ bell dings ]
Gary, help me out.
Oh -- sure.
[ grunting ]
[ bell dinging ]
What are you doing?
Oh, I'm just playing
a little game.
It's called "get killed
by the elevator
while Gary does nothing."
Help me.
Anything for the cause.
Hey, I don't want you
moving to Japan.
Have you seen their trees?
They're, like, yay big.
Okay. I have six days
to prove to Val
that I'd be the most amazing
roommate on the planet.
Why don't you just ask her
if you can move in?
Because she's psyched
to finally have the place
all to herself.
So, before I even
bring it up,
I've got to kiss
a whole new level of butt.
Why don't you just let me
talk to her?
Why would I do that?
Because you know she's got
a bad case of the "Garys."
That's weird...
'cause she thinks
your name is Glen.
Hey!
Hey, bug!
Ooh!
Wow! Your hair
looks awesome!
What'd you do to it?
I...brushed it.
With what?
A magic brush?
Yeah, it's like each strand
was combed by an angel.
Thanks.
Hey, you sticking around?
We were gonna go downstairs
and get something
to eat later.
Oh, uh, no, thanks.
I have to get going --
to the gym.
Today's, uh...
upper body.
Oh, oh -- um...
hang on a sec.
Since you're going down,
would you mind getting rid
of that for me?
You?
Y-you're giving me a chair?
Like -- like a present?
Okay. Sure.
I will sit on this
as soon as I get home.
Wow!
Your place looks amazing!
Wait --
there's something different.
Um, I think that picture
used to be on that table.
Yeah, actually, I liked it
better where it was.
Oh!
You have an eye!
One tiny move,
and you open up
the whole room!
Yeah, it's like a cathedral
in here now.
I don't know.
If I had the time and money,
I'd love to feng shui
this whole place.
Feng shui?
That band you were so into?
No, that was Wang Chung.
Oh.
I wasn't into them.
Hey, Val, it's cool.
You know, I totally used to
be into the Black Crowes --
oh, wait a minute.
They weren't lame.
Feng shui is a Chinese
interior design philosophy.
Okay, that is fascinating.
You -- you are fascinating!
What a life you've lived!
It's fascinating!
I should unpack.
Aw, the room's little again!
[ horns honking ]
Listen, I'm putting together
a major press event on Sunday
for that skateboarder guy
you like -- Tony Hawk.
You wanna go?
Yeah, I wanna go!
Can I meet him?
Can I get free stuff?
I love free stuff.
He's promoting
his new cologne --
Tony -- "Smell Like a Hawk."
Oh, my God!
That is so
my favorite-smelling bird!
[ gasps ] No way --
Lisa Lillien.
The fashion designer?
Oh, my God!
She was the hit of Milan!
And her new spring line
is shaking things up
all across Europe.
Hey, you read
my People magazine.
Yeah, and Demi Moore
is adjusting quite nicely
to life outside
the spotlight.
Man, if I could snag
a client like her,
my career would take off
like a rocket!
Bang!
I think you want "whoosh."
When you're talking rockets,
"bang" is bad.
Well, come on!
Let's whoosh that rocket!
Hey, Lisa?
Lisa Lillien!
Holly, Holly, stop!
Hi.
Hi.
You screamed for me?
Oh -- yeah.
This is my sister, Valerie,
and she's basically, like,
a public-relations superhero.
And she said if she could
snag a client like you
that she would take off --
Holly... [ chuckles ]
Sorry. She's --
No, it's fine.
I'm already snagged,
but do you have a card?
You never know, right?
Huh?
Card.
She's wearing
your underwear.
Thank you.
They're very...soft.
This is so nice of you.
I work for Harper & Diggs,
as you will see on my card
that I --
I do in fact have...
somewhere...please, God.
[ gagging ]
[ whimpering ]
Festus?
Festus?!
[ gagging ]
There's something stuck
in his throat.
- What?
- H-he can have broccoli, right?
[ gasps ]
D-do something!
Help!
Um...here --
I'll Heimlich him!
Ugh!
Come on, Festus!
Breathe!
Stay with me, baby!
Ow!
Oh...
Are you okay?
Sure.
Just a little broccoli
on my bare eyeball.
It was bound to happen
eventually.
I am so sorry!
It's okay...really.
It's my fault for coming
over to talk to you people.
Stupid dog!
Chokes on broccoli,
but has no problem
licking himself.
Yeah? Well, I never choke.
There's one thing
I'm good at --
swallowing stuff.
Like, circus good.
Seriously, when I was 5,
I swallowed
my Mr. Potato Head's legs,
arms, and both noses.
And let me tell you,
swallowing it
was the easy part.
Focus!
Wait.
I know what to do,
but you've gotta help me.
Know what feng shui is?
No...
but I bet
I could swallow it.
Holly, you hungry --
Aah! Aah!
Aah!
Ugh!
[ jingling, clattering ]
Are we dead?
If we are...
do I still have to watch
"Riding in Cars with Boys"?
Hi...ohhh.
Hi!
And also --
what the hell?!
Well, I feng shuied
the apartment --
like you wanted!
Um, see?
Uncooked rice
for prosperity,
mirrors for chi flow,
um, serenity pool
for relaxation,
and wind chimes for --
Holly, what did you --
Is that my bed?
In the kitchen?
It was the only place where
it could face north --
for quiet slumber.
Holly...
- You --
- Are the best?
No. No, actually,
what I was going to say --
[ water splashing ]
Holly, come on, it's okay.
Where you going?
Japan.
I'm gonna go to bed.
[ sighs ]
Uh, you want me to get
your night-light,
or should I just crack
the fridge?
No, it's easy -- like this.
- What's that?
- A skateboard.
- Whose?
- Gary's.
Why's it here?
Is he here? Who's Gary?
The guy you gave
the chair to.
Glen?
Yeah. You said I could get
it autographed for him.
I know that -- yes.
Um, I'll hold it.
Val...
Thanks for still letting me
come after I, you know,
"fenged" up your apartment.
Well, now that it's been
"unfenged,"
let's just pretend like
it never happened, okay?
Okay. I can do that.
So, the party is incredible.
Yeah, except they've
shorted me two waiters,
we're low on ice,
and I think the balloon-animal
guy is all liquored up.
Ah...that would explain
this...
monkey.
Val...
if you're short on people,
let me help.
Oh, no!
I'm okay -- really.
You...just...
stay right here
and, you know --
stay right here, okay?
Yeah.
Hey, uh, Tony,
where do you want me
to put your stuff?
Um, right there's fine.
[ mid-tempo rock music plays ]
No!
No, no, no, no, no!
2...3.
Yes! Hi.
That's my skateboard.
No, it isn't.
I found it on my balcony.
That's because I dropped it
off the roof.
Where do you think
it came from?
God.
Everything okay?
Tony's skateboard
is missing.
What?
I can't find it anywhere.
Oh, perfect!
[ sighs ]
Okay, does he absolutely
have to have it?
[ babbles ]
Okay, g-go.
Keep looking.
Right.
Dt-dt. Oh!
Listen, if I don't get
that skateboard back,
then my life as I know it
in America is over.
So I'm asking you --
Interesting.
I'll give you 20 bucks.
For a gift from God?
It's all I have.
What do you want?
Well...
you're kinda easy
on the peepers.
How about we make out
a little?
Ew -- perv!
Perv's got the skateboard.
Forget it.
All right -- one kiss.
No!
No kiss, no board.
All right, one kiss.
Uh, you wanna kiss me
or swallow my head?
Close your mouth.
Now close your eyes.
Mmm...
Mmmmmm...
Mm-mwah!
Holy!
I know.
Blows your mind, doesn't it?
Listen,
I got a trundle bed --
Uh -- eh...
call me!
Perv!
Hey, did my board turn up?
Uh, no, Tony, it didn't,
but it will --
any minute -- I'm sure.
Well, what about this?
Oh...
My sister brought that.
Well, it'll work.
Can I use it?
Uh...yes. Of course.
That is why we brought it --
as a backup for you.
See? I'm good.
[ laughs ]
[ sighs ]
[ rattling ]
Don't be locked.
Don't be locked.
Why be locked?
Ooh.
Hello.
[ upbeat music playing ]
[ cheering ]
[ suspenseful music plays ]
[ screaming ]
Ooh...Tony...
are you okay -- aah!
It's okay. It's okay.
Everything's fine. Oh!
[ clanging ]
Aah!
So, how'd it go?
I'm sorry.
I...I...I can't talk to you
right now.
You hate me.
Oh, I don't hate you.
I fear you!
Do you realize you could have
gotten me fired?
I really didn't mean to.
What were you thinking?
You're 16 years old.
Am I supposed to babysit you
every second?
[ grunting ]
I have a situation.
What kind of situation?
A "this mattress is kicking
my butt" situation.
What are you doing?
I'm gonna go stay with Nana
till Dad gets back.
You don't have to go stay
with Nana, okay?
No.
Val, it's a good thing.
I should spend time with her
while I still can.
What does that mean?
Oh, no!
Did Nana get busted?
It is for glaucoma.
You are so cute.
Look...Dad got
another promotion at work.
But they're moving
him -- us --
to Japan.
- Japan?
- Japan?
This sucks!
That's what I said --
well, in my head.
I still have to pay Dad
$1 every time I say "suck."
This is -- is unacceptable!
Wait, hold on a sec.
What if you were to say,
"hey, kid, don't suck
your thumb"?
You still gotta pay him?
Okay, sweetie, could you go
back to your situation
for a minute?
Sure.
This is unbelievable!
I...I'm your big sister,
for crying out loud.
I'm supposed to be giving you
the benefit of my experience.
Who's gonna give you that
in Japan?
Jackie Chan?
- Chinese.
- Chinese.
That's it.
You know, I'm just gonna
call Dad right now.
I think he can pass
on one promotion.
No, wait -- I don't want
Dad to give this up.
It's a great thing for him.
[ beep ]
All right.
Just let me think
for a second.
[ banging ]
Okay. Here's the deal.
You and I,
we, uh, have our moments,
but we get along
pretty well, right?
I like you, you like me.
Here's what I was thinking.
Um...maybe --
if you wanted to --
Dad would let you come
and live here...with me --
if you wanted to.
I thought you were psyched
about not having a roommate.
I was psyched about
not having that roommate,
but [ laughs ] you don't sit
in the dark all day.
You don't have hairy pits.
You don't invite strange men
to sleep over.
You don't invite
strange men to sleep over.
What about the choking dog
and the feng shui?
You are my sister.
You're supposed to
drive me crazy.
Come on.
I love you, bug.
This is gonna be so awesome!
We can stay up all night
watching old movies
like we used to.
Yes, absolutely!
- We can go shopping in Soho.
- Every weekend.
We can go to the East Village
and get matching tattoos!
Not a chance in hell.
[ laughs ]
Aaaaaah!
[ crash ]
I was nowhere near that.
[ "Everybody Have Fun Tonight"
by Wang Chung plays ]
⪠Everybody have fun tonight âª
⪠Everybody have fun tonight âª
⪠Everybody wang chung tonight âª
⪠Everybody have fun toni-- âª
See? [ laughs ]
"Wang Chung" -- "have fun."
[ laughs ]
You people are dead inside!
I liked it.
Uh...whatcha doin'?
Holly...
you remember that Japanese
restaurant, Katsu,
in the East Village
with the tempura that you love?
We're going there
for dinner?
No. We're moving to Japan!
No. Not again!
We are not moving
again, Dad!
Why does this have to
be such a big deal?
I am so tired of having
my entire world uprooted
every time you get
a promotion.
I know, sweetheart, but --
What if I go live with Nana?
Your grandmother?
She's a terrible influence.
I mean, she doesn't use
that stuff for glaucoma.
Holly, please, let me pack.
I've got a 6:00 a.m. flight.
We're moving
tomorrow morning?
No, I'm just going
for a week to get set up.
And I've got to call
your sister,
see if you can stay there
until I get back.
- No.
- Yes! It's perfect!
I can go live in the city
with Valerie!
She just got rid
of her roommate.
Yes, and she's very excited
about living alone.
Plus, she works crazy hours.
She's got her boyfriend.
It's not like she has to
watch me constantly.
I'm more mature now.
Ew, gross -- underpants.
If Val says yes,
then why not?
Well...
all right, I'll --
I'll talk to Val.
No, let me. You're not
that great a salesman.
Have you seen my plaque?
Yes...
and the picture
of the plaque.
Okay. All right.
Okay.
You talk to Val.
Thank you, Daddy.
[ doorbell rings ]
Oh -- that must be
my plane tickets.
Ow!
Hey, what's my bra doing
under here?
Hello!
Not my bra.
Hey, Val, I got the futon
set up for Holly
if you want to get
some...sheets.
Or just keep smiling
at the chair,
'cause that doesn't
scare me at all.
I'm sorry!
I just can't believe
Roberta's finally gone!
Not a trace --
nothing left of her
but that hideous
director's chair...
[ sniffs ]
and that weird stink
of hers.
Come here, Jeff.
You gotta smell this.
Come on, sniff it.
Sniff it!
No, I better not.
I gotta drive home later.
Remember how she would sit
in that chair for hours
wearing her depressing
black clothes
and hating pop culture?
"I'm Roberta.
Spielberg sucks."
God, film students ruin
everything.
Do you know
what this means, Jeff?
I can use up
all the hot water!
I can open up the curtains
and let the sunlight in!
Oh!
I can read my People magazine
right out in the open!
[ sighs ]
[ bell dings ]
Gary, help me out.
Oh -- sure.
[ grunting ]
[ bell dinging ]
What are you doing?
Oh, I'm just playing
a little game.
It's called "get killed
by the elevator
while Gary does nothing."
Help me.
Anything for the cause.
Hey, I don't want you
moving to Japan.
Have you seen their trees?
They're, like, yay big.
Okay. I have six days
to prove to Val
that I'd be the most amazing
roommate on the planet.
Why don't you just ask her
if you can move in?
Because she's psyched
to finally have the place
all to herself.
So, before I even
bring it up,
I've got to kiss
a whole new level of butt.
Why don't you just let me
talk to her?
Why would I do that?
Because you know she's got
a bad case of the "Garys."
That's weird...
'cause she thinks
your name is Glen.
Hey!
Hey, bug!
Ooh!
Wow! Your hair
looks awesome!
What'd you do to it?
I...brushed it.
With what?
A magic brush?
Yeah, it's like each strand
was combed by an angel.
Thanks.
Hey, you sticking around?
We were gonna go downstairs
and get something
to eat later.
Oh, uh, no, thanks.
I have to get going --
to the gym.
Today's, uh...
upper body.
Oh, oh -- um...
hang on a sec.
Since you're going down,
would you mind getting rid
of that for me?
You?
Y-you're giving me a chair?
Like -- like a present?
Okay. Sure.
I will sit on this
as soon as I get home.
Wow!
Your place looks amazing!
Wait --
there's something different.
Um, I think that picture
used to be on that table.
Yeah, actually, I liked it
better where it was.
Oh!
You have an eye!
One tiny move,
and you open up
the whole room!
Yeah, it's like a cathedral
in here now.
I don't know.
If I had the time and money,
I'd love to feng shui
this whole place.
Feng shui?
That band you were so into?
No, that was Wang Chung.
Oh.
I wasn't into them.
Hey, Val, it's cool.
You know, I totally used to
be into the Black Crowes --
oh, wait a minute.
They weren't lame.
Feng shui is a Chinese
interior design philosophy.
Okay, that is fascinating.
You -- you are fascinating!
What a life you've lived!
It's fascinating!
I should unpack.
Aw, the room's little again!
[ horns honking ]
Listen, I'm putting together
a major press event on Sunday
for that skateboarder guy
you like -- Tony Hawk.
You wanna go?
Yeah, I wanna go!
Can I meet him?
Can I get free stuff?
I love free stuff.
He's promoting
his new cologne --
Tony -- "Smell Like a Hawk."
Oh, my God!
That is so
my favorite-smelling bird!
[ gasps ] No way --
Lisa Lillien.
The fashion designer?
Oh, my God!
She was the hit of Milan!
And her new spring line
is shaking things up
all across Europe.
Hey, you read
my People magazine.
Yeah, and Demi Moore
is adjusting quite nicely
to life outside
the spotlight.
Man, if I could snag
a client like her,
my career would take off
like a rocket!
Bang!
I think you want "whoosh."
When you're talking rockets,
"bang" is bad.
Well, come on!
Let's whoosh that rocket!
Hey, Lisa?
Lisa Lillien!
Holly, Holly, stop!
Hi.
Hi.
You screamed for me?
Oh -- yeah.
This is my sister, Valerie,
and she's basically, like,
a public-relations superhero.
And she said if she could
snag a client like you
that she would take off --
Holly... [ chuckles ]
Sorry. She's --
No, it's fine.
I'm already snagged,
but do you have a card?
You never know, right?
Huh?
Card.
She's wearing
your underwear.
Thank you.
They're very...soft.
This is so nice of you.
I work for Harper & Diggs,
as you will see on my card
that I --
I do in fact have...
somewhere...please, God.
[ gagging ]
[ whimpering ]
Festus?
Festus?!
[ gagging ]
There's something stuck
in his throat.
- What?
- H-he can have broccoli, right?
[ gasps ]
D-do something!
Help!
Um...here --
I'll Heimlich him!
Ugh!
Come on, Festus!
Breathe!
Stay with me, baby!
Ow!
Oh...
Are you okay?
Sure.
Just a little broccoli
on my bare eyeball.
It was bound to happen
eventually.
I am so sorry!
It's okay...really.
It's my fault for coming
over to talk to you people.
Stupid dog!
Chokes on broccoli,
but has no problem
licking himself.
Yeah? Well, I never choke.
There's one thing
I'm good at --
swallowing stuff.
Like, circus good.
Seriously, when I was 5,
I swallowed
my Mr. Potato Head's legs,
arms, and both noses.
And let me tell you,
swallowing it
was the easy part.
Focus!
Wait.
I know what to do,
but you've gotta help me.
Know what feng shui is?
No...
but I bet
I could swallow it.
Holly, you hungry --
Aah! Aah!
Aah!
Ugh!
[ jingling, clattering ]
Are we dead?
If we are...
do I still have to watch
"Riding in Cars with Boys"?
Hi...ohhh.
Hi!
And also --
what the hell?!
Well, I feng shuied
the apartment --
like you wanted!
Um, see?
Uncooked rice
for prosperity,
mirrors for chi flow,
um, serenity pool
for relaxation,
and wind chimes for --
Holly, what did you --
Is that my bed?
In the kitchen?
It was the only place where
it could face north --
for quiet slumber.
Holly...
- You --
- Are the best?
No. No, actually,
what I was going to say --
[ water splashing ]
Holly, come on, it's okay.
Where you going?
Japan.
I'm gonna go to bed.
[ sighs ]
Uh, you want me to get
your night-light,
or should I just crack
the fridge?
No, it's easy -- like this.
- What's that?
- A skateboard.
- Whose?
- Gary's.
Why's it here?
Is he here? Who's Gary?
The guy you gave
the chair to.
Glen?
Yeah. You said I could get
it autographed for him.
I know that -- yes.
Um, I'll hold it.
Val...
Thanks for still letting me
come after I, you know,
"fenged" up your apartment.
Well, now that it's been
"unfenged,"
let's just pretend like
it never happened, okay?
Okay. I can do that.
So, the party is incredible.
Yeah, except they've
shorted me two waiters,
we're low on ice,
and I think the balloon-animal
guy is all liquored up.
Ah...that would explain
this...
monkey.
Val...
if you're short on people,
let me help.
Oh, no!
I'm okay -- really.
You...just...
stay right here
and, you know --
stay right here, okay?
Yeah.
Hey, uh, Tony,
where do you want me
to put your stuff?
Um, right there's fine.
[ mid-tempo rock music plays ]
No!
No, no, no, no, no!
2...3.
Yes! Hi.
That's my skateboard.
No, it isn't.
I found it on my balcony.
That's because I dropped it
off the roof.
Where do you think
it came from?
God.
Everything okay?
Tony's skateboard
is missing.
What?
I can't find it anywhere.
Oh, perfect!
[ sighs ]
Okay, does he absolutely
have to have it?
[ babbles ]
Okay, g-go.
Keep looking.
Right.
Dt-dt. Oh!
Listen, if I don't get
that skateboard back,
then my life as I know it
in America is over.
So I'm asking you --
Interesting.
I'll give you 20 bucks.
For a gift from God?
It's all I have.
What do you want?
Well...
you're kinda easy
on the peepers.
How about we make out
a little?
Ew -- perv!
Perv's got the skateboard.
Forget it.
All right -- one kiss.
No!
No kiss, no board.
All right, one kiss.
Uh, you wanna kiss me
or swallow my head?
Close your mouth.
Now close your eyes.
Mmm...
Mmmmmm...
Mm-mwah!
Holy!
I know.
Blows your mind, doesn't it?
Listen,
I got a trundle bed --
Uh -- eh...
call me!
Perv!
Hey, did my board turn up?
Uh, no, Tony, it didn't,
but it will --
any minute -- I'm sure.
Well, what about this?
Oh...
My sister brought that.
Well, it'll work.
Can I use it?
Uh...yes. Of course.
That is why we brought it --
as a backup for you.
See? I'm good.
[ laughs ]
[ sighs ]
[ rattling ]
Don't be locked.
Don't be locked.
Why be locked?
Ooh.
Hello.
[ upbeat music playing ]
[ cheering ]
[ suspenseful music plays ]
[ screaming ]
Ooh...Tony...
are you okay -- aah!
It's okay. It's okay.
Everything's fine. Oh!
[ clanging ]
Aah!
So, how'd it go?
I'm sorry.
I...I...I can't talk to you
right now.
You hate me.
Oh, I don't hate you.
I fear you!
Do you realize you could have
gotten me fired?
I really didn't mean to.
What were you thinking?
You're 16 years old.
Am I supposed to babysit you
every second?
[ grunting ]
I have a situation.
What kind of situation?
A "this mattress is kicking
my butt" situation.
What are you doing?
I'm gonna go stay with Nana
till Dad gets back.
You don't have to go stay
with Nana, okay?
No.
Val, it's a good thing.
I should spend time with her
while I still can.
What does that mean?
Oh, no!
Did Nana get busted?
It is for glaucoma.
You are so cute.
Look...Dad got
another promotion at work.
But they're moving
him -- us --
to Japan.
- Japan?
- Japan?
This sucks!
That's what I said --
well, in my head.
I still have to pay Dad
$1 every time I say "suck."
This is -- is unacceptable!
Wait, hold on a sec.
What if you were to say,
"hey, kid, don't suck
your thumb"?
You still gotta pay him?
Okay, sweetie, could you go
back to your situation
for a minute?
Sure.
This is unbelievable!
I...I'm your big sister,
for crying out loud.
I'm supposed to be giving you
the benefit of my experience.
Who's gonna give you that
in Japan?
Jackie Chan?
- Chinese.
- Chinese.
That's it.
You know, I'm just gonna
call Dad right now.
I think he can pass
on one promotion.
No, wait -- I don't want
Dad to give this up.
It's a great thing for him.
[ beep ]
All right.
Just let me think
for a second.
[ banging ]
Okay. Here's the deal.
You and I,
we, uh, have our moments,
but we get along
pretty well, right?
I like you, you like me.
Here's what I was thinking.
Um...maybe --
if you wanted to --
Dad would let you come
and live here...with me --
if you wanted to.
I thought you were psyched
about not having a roommate.
I was psyched about
not having that roommate,
but [ laughs ] you don't sit
in the dark all day.
You don't have hairy pits.
You don't invite strange men
to sleep over.
You don't invite
strange men to sleep over.
What about the choking dog
and the feng shui?
You are my sister.
You're supposed to
drive me crazy.
Come on.
I love you, bug.
This is gonna be so awesome!
We can stay up all night
watching old movies
like we used to.
Yes, absolutely!
- We can go shopping in Soho.
- Every weekend.
We can go to the East Village
and get matching tattoos!
Not a chance in hell.
[ laughs ]
Aaaaaah!
[ crash ]
I was nowhere near that.
[ "Everybody Have Fun Tonight"
by Wang Chung plays ]
⪠Everybody have fun tonight âª
⪠Everybody have fun tonight âª
⪠Everybody wang chung tonight âª
⪠Everybody have fun toni-- âª
See? [ laughs ]
"Wang Chung" -- "have fun."
[ laughs ]
You people are dead inside!
I liked it.