What/If (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - full transcript

- Our wedding vase is broken?
- Shit! Lisa.

Thought you were still at the office.

Fell off the dresser when I ran out
to try to stop you

from going through
with whatever Anne had planned.

It's hard to believe how fast
something so meaningful

can shatter into a thousand pieces.

I've been calling
and texting you for an hour.

Really? I...

Ah, the... the phone's off.

I walked down to Benny's Tacos

and picked up an extra blackened shrimp,
if you're hungry.

I'm sorry, babe,
I didn't mean to worry you.

And now, suddenly, I'm the kind of wife

who uses GPS to track down her husband.

Wanna revise your story?

- It's not what you think.
- You can't imagine what I'm thinking.

I wanna know
why you went back to her tonight.

Lie again and I'm sleeping at my parent's.

I can't tell you
without breaking the contract.

The contract only covers
what you two did last night.

It's all connected.

How convenient.

You know, I always thought
we had a pretty...

solid sex life.

You must have really knocked
old Anne Montgomery's

Jimmy Choos off.

What did she do?

Make you a separate offer

too good to refuse?

Did she put you on a retainer?

Don't do this! The only reason I went
over there tonight was to protect us.

Protect us from what?

Right, you can't tell me.

You're acting like I'm the one who put
that fucking NDA clause in that contract!

We both jumped into this together, Lis,
eyes wide open.

Then why am I the only one
stuck in the dark?

Because that's the way she designed it!

And if you're already questioning
whether or not you could really trust me...


we're never gonna make it.

Of course, we're gonna make it.

The only way we end up...

shattered is if we start fighting
against each other

instead of for each other.

That's how she sees herself
winning this game.

Stealing your company from you.

I don't know if I have
what it takes to stop her.

Sure you do.

She left a road map.

All you have to do
is learn to think like she does.

And then what?

And then do it better than her.

What do you feel like?

A Greek god.


What do you want for breakfast?

I want what you want.

I thought I made that clear last night.

You can't put what happened
last night all on me.

You have to take responsibility.

I'll take all the responsibility
your guilty ass wants

as long as you'll admit you had fun.

And don't lie, I saw it on your face
multiple times. So did Jesus.

Great. So no I'm not just gay,
I'm gay, slutty, and hell-bound.

What is it with you and these labels?
Why can't you just be you?

Labels are useful,
especially when they're valid.

They're also limiting,
divisive and stressful.

I don't like seeing the man I love

beating himself up in the name of labels.


I will admit the reading one or two
might be the only thing

keeping you from whipping up
a batch of horseradish

and chocolate sauce omelets.

Mmm. Just like Mom used to make.

Morning, box boy.

How'd you sleep?

Not done yet.

Oh, damn. Early company conference.

Call later, sex machine.

Wait. You're leaving me with him?

You'll manage.


how long should I let him stay?

Long as it makes you happy.

You're welcome.

If you ever wanna know what
a bottomless glass of exquisite Cabernet

combined with an unhealthy obsession
for Anne Montgomery looks like,

feast your eyes.

I've seen worse.

Tell me I didn't talk to Anne
or vomit on her shoes or anything.

I don't think she took much notice.

Oh, great.

If there's anything Anne can't stand
more than incompetence,

it's insignificance,

which you seem to know, as you're
highlighting every word in her book.

I'm looking for inspiration for a gift.

Don't give peanuts
to an already bagged elephant.

What the hell does that even mean?

If you're gonna show gratitude
to your elephant,

make her a shit-ton of money
before she stomps you to death.

I plan to.

But right now, I need an excuse
to see her in her element.

Why? You already have all her money.

To send a message
that I won't be easily intimidated.

Look at you.

Tell me my notes
on the board candidates made sense

and I didn't send you
a bunch of wine-spackled gibberish.

Actually, all your pics were right in line
with mine and Anne's,

with one glaring exception.

Captain Charisma?

Morning, ladies.

Who's ready to blow up
a trillion dollar industry?

Cassidy, say hello

to Emigen Molecular Sequencing's new COO.


I thought this one belonged to Anne.

This one belongs to the universe.

Anne's just someone
the universe was kind enough

to put me in front of
on my path towards Lisa.

I'm gonna be sick.

Welcome, to Emigen officially.

Thank you.

And in honor
of this incredible opportunity,

I was hoping to steal you this morning
and put together a transition plan.

I think I can be a real asset
helping you navigate.

Anne's expectations going forward.


But how about we start
with my expectations first?

Of course. I didn't mean to...

I made us a lunch reservation
at Fleet Cafe.

Sophie will give you the details.
Until then...

Cassidy, can you catch Avery up to speed
on how things are done here?

And I'll find your workspace for you.

Where are you going?

Elephant shopping.

Listen up.

I'm Lieutenant Hall.

And for the next several months,
you are no longer people.

You are potential.

Before this journey is over,
half of you will fail to rise to it.

And the other half will be relying
on each other for your very lives.

Take a moment to decide
which description fits you.

Can I get a "Yes, Lieutenant"?

Yes, Lieutenant!

I don't ever want you to forget
that the trial ahead of you

is entirely pass-fail.

Either you can hack it, or you can't.

- Donovan, Archer.
- Yes, Lieutenant!

That same chief who skipped you
directly into my academy

past 38 other pieces of potential

patiently waiting their turns in line,

also gave me a very clear

seek and destroy mission.

You think you might wanna go back to your
private ambulance service at any point?

I suggest you do it now.

Because I'm the one who decides
if you make it through in one piece.

And I sure as shit don't care
who you schmoozed,

or if your face spent ten seconds
on a forgotten baseball card.

Miss Montgomery is unaccustomed
to surprise visits.

I'm afraid I can't guarantee
how you'll be received.

I'll take my chances.

A trait you two appear to share.

Didn't expect to see you again so soon.

Thought getting an 80 million dollar
company on its feet

might take precedence over...

whatever this intrusion is all about.

I wanted to reset the dynamic between us.

So I did a deep dive
into some of your old interviews,

and I stumbled on a Fortune article
where you mention an epiphany you had...

on the banks of the Zambezi River.

How nature's design,
with all its beauty and savagery,

inspired your business doctrine.

This scarf tells the story
of the African wildlife

that live and die
on the banks of that river.

It's just a small token of gratitude.

It is small.

As it happens,

I have a gift for you too.


Sean rushed out of here so quickly
when you started calling last night,

that he forgot his jacket.

I'd have had it dry-cleaned,
but since you're here...

Thank you. My husband tends to lose focus

when he's pushed into doing
unpleasant things he'd rather not.

Oh, he told you we were together?

As a scientist, truth is my highest value.

Sean knows that, respects it.

He and I always
tell each other everything.

With one significant exception, I assume.

Or is your true reason for being here

to cede ownership of Emigen?

Of course I'd prefer that
to a ruse of some contrived gift.

None of your terms have been broken.

Our agreement's intact.

Well, if you didn't come here
to get details about last night,

I'm guessing it's that first one

that's really gotten under
those nibbled down nails of yours.

Remember, it's your husband
who can't discuss it, not me.

If you have questions
you want answered... fire away.

I don't have any questions for you.

Just a civil request
between business partners.

Stay the hell away from my husband.

So sorry I won't be able to join you
and Avery for lunch today.

Fleet Cafe is one of my favorite
budget lunch spots.

I do hope you'll make frequent use
of your chosen COO's esteemed counsel.

Sorry, Mr. Willis.

If the keys don't come up
by the end of the day,

I'll just have to find another lock.

I'm sure Mr. Willis
has more important things to do.

Am I right?

Thank you anyway.

- He hates me.
- Mr. Willis hates everyone.

It's classic malcontent syndrome.
Here you go.

Where did you find these?
I've looked all over.

A guy came looking for you
after you left work last night.

What guy?

Joel, from Imaging.

Merry little fellow,
little puppy dog eyes.

I got the distinct impression that
he wanted to return them to you in person.

Yeah, must've dropped them
while picking up a scan or something.

Guess so.

Too much cortisol
can do strange things to the brain.

What does that mean?

It means you're under a lot of stress.

And I'd like to help.

So how about...

I take you out to dinner tonight?

- Out?
- Mm-hmm.

Don't you think that's, um...

- a little...?
- Risky?

Look, don't be worried.

I don't wanna give up our secret just yet.

I know a perfect spot.

- Trust me.
- Okay.

- Dr. Archer.
- Dr. Evans.

Move! Move! Move!

Off to the yard for hose drills,
then lunch.

Man, your hand still bothering you?

Ah, not too bad.

What gives? You can usually
hang with me stride for stride.

Running on fumes.

- Been a fucked up few days.
- Still riding that rough patch with Lisa?

Wow. What is with all my people
keeping secrets on me?

I finally got Angela above board
about the baby, now you're holding out?

Come on, D.
I've known you since high school.

All right, you're the mister
that tried to romance my sister,

and she looks like me with a fried wig.

Holy shit, is that Maddie?
The Maddie, bro?

What the hell?

She was serving drinks
at the vineyard last night.

Wait, at Lisa's boss lady thing?

- That is one hell of a coincidence.
- No.

No, it isn't.

Play it on speaker.

Hey, Donovan.

We need to meet up, today.

If you don't call me back in ten minutes,
you leave me no choice,

but to shred that Fortune 500 situation
you've carved out for yourself.

I know you know what I'm talking about.
Clock's ticking.

Yo, that's fucked up.

- Call her back.
- After hose drill.

After hose drills?

If Maddie starts talking, that could mean
serious trouble for the both of us.

And I, for one, did not come this far

to have some junkie prom queen
burn it all down.

Look, I'll tell Hall
that you re-injured your hand

and that you went
to get it X-rayed over lunch.

Call the crazy bitch back D, now.

Hustle up!

All right.

Compliments of Miss Montgomery.

"You can't launch a ship
without champagne."

Thank you.

Should I just assume that everything
I say goes directly back to her?

I could save a lot of money on your salary
if I just hired a hall monitor.

I did mention our lunch to Anne,

but as your COO, my job is to make sure
operations run flawlessly.

And in order to do that,
I need direct lines of communication

with both you and your investor.

I'm not a spy for Anne Montgomery, Lisa.

I'm your interpreter.

You're right about one thing.

I don't speak Anne.

I've worked for people like her
my entire career.

I speak Anne fluently.

And for what it's worth,
I don't expect you to fully trust me

until I've proven my value to you.

And how do you plan to do that?

By making sure that Emigen's transition
from a nearly bankrupt startup

to a fully-funded biotech powerhouse
goes as smoothly as possible.

And one way to ensure that
is to alleviate any outside pressure

that may be impeding your focus.

In particular...

financial pressure.

What's this?

First check out of the new account.

That should pay back the loan
you took out to keep the company afloat,

plus back salary.

She authorized this?

Might have taken a small nudge.

- Can I ask you a question?
- Mm-hmm.

That's a lot of money
for a college student to pull together.

- Where'd it come from?
- Inheritance mostly.

Both my parents died
when I was really little.

Can only imagine
how proud they would have been today.


In here.

Left the keys
for this afternoon's open house.

What are you up to?

Nothing? Why? You checking up on me?

I'm more the "checking you out"
than "checking in on you" guy.

He still here?

Left hours ago,

fully clothed and with way more
than his daily allowance of Vitamin C.

Manage to get anything done in his wake?

Aside from gnawing off
the clip of my pen...

absolutely nothing.


keep replaying last night in my head.


Our boy's quite the adventurist.

It's not an easy thing to do
on tips from dancing on a box.

You think he's a prostitute?

I think he's a mystery,
and I wouldn't want it any other way.

You really don't care that my mind's
been stuck in a Kevin loop all day?

I've been thinking about him, too.

But not just him.

- You were there.
- What were we doing again?

How much detail do you want?

How much time do you have?


Give it your best shot.

All right.

Talk Kevin to me.

You were on the bed...

and he was crawling up on you.


- And then you kissed me on the neck.
- Oh.

Ah, and then he wrapped his legs
around you.

These are all my kids.

Now that you've joined the team,
that makes you their protective uncle.

To be perfectly candid,

you and those kids
are the reason I'm here.

Big step towards trying to live
a more authentic life.

Choate to Harvard,

fancy job, designer suits,
expensive address.

Seems pretty real to me.

I've been a walking cliché.

Fast cars and loose women?

I did have an obscenely beautiful
Icelandic fiancée for a minute.

What else? Extreme base jumping?


Some guys I know talked me
into climbing Kilimanjaro with them.

Half a dozen millennial millionaires
slogging up a mountain

to take selfies at 19,000 feet.

Insta or it didn't happen.


Canned enlightenment.

That's when I realized I was so busy
curating this perfect life

that I'd forgotten
how to actually live it.

So... I left.

You left?

Walked straight down the mountain.

Didn't stop till I got to the airport.

When I got home,
making money wasn't enough anymore.

I wanted to try making meaning instead.

Whenever you're ready, no rush.

My company, my treat.

Thanks to you, I can finally afford it.

You're the boss.

I'll call us a Lyft.

I'll be right back.

That was really something.

Seeing you and your wife caught up
with all those heavy hitters last night.

Not that you don't know your way
around a baseball metaphor.

What's this all about, Maddie?

What do you think it's about?

Look, you know I've always had
a soft spot for you.


A hard one too.

That was a lifetime ago.

I've worked hard to move on
from the people we used to be,

both alone and as a couple.

- And...
- Sean.

I don't want you back.

I want money.

How much?

There's a number on the back.

I don't have that kind of money.

Your wife does.

Jesus, Maddie,
what the hell happened to you?

You used to be so...


You're not the only one
with plans for the future, Sean.

So unless you want me
to royally fuck yours

and little Miss Einstein's up...

you'll figure it out.

Note that the last six quarters
are all safely in line

with global market projections,

even with the fund's high rate
of asset turnover.

And all our major moves for the year
were quietly executed

while the media focused on my latest book.

Nothing to see here, folks.

As per usual, Liam.

Can always count on a shiny object
to distract the masses.

And who makes for a shinier object
than Anne Montgomery? Hmm?

I aim to please.

If there's nothing else...

Uh, there is.

I'm curious about your public
show of interest

in this nothing biotech startup,

Emigen Molecular Sequencing.

My interest is strictly personal.

You have zero exposure.

Which is what has me curious.

Our strategic arrangement
does not require me to notify you

of every independent investment I make.

Without me,
you would have no money to invest.

It's a dog of a company
and it sticks out like a sore thumb.

Dump it. There's too much at stake.

If the goal is not to raise eyebrows,

me arbitrarily taking a wrecking ball
to my own investment

in a dog company is counterintuitive.

I assure you, my stake here
is entirely short-term.

I'll hold you to that, Annie.

That's a precarious game
of brinksmanship you're playing.

Liam is an expensively-dressed criminal.

Nothing more.

The fact that you're smarter than he is
doesn't make him any less dangerous.

I know what I'm doing.

It's stunning.


It's painfully transparent.

I'm beginning to wonder
if I've overestimated that girl's value.

Something Liam may well
be wondering about you.

Lieutenant say anything?

Man, Hall's bullshit meter
is finely-tuned.

I tried to sell it, but she seems the type
who might want a note from the doctor.

I think we know one.

I'm on it.

What happened with Maddie?

If she said something, I need to know.

She wants 50 grand to stay quiet.

No! No! No!

Son of a bitch!

- How long did she give you?
- Till tomorrow morning.

She taking it in installments?

That's not how blackmail works.

Fuck, man.

I can't go to jail, I can't.

- I have a kid on the way.
- You're not going to jail.

She was gone by the time you got there.

And I sure as hell would never
say anything to anybody.

What are you gonna do?


What's that?

Your new executive contract
with Montgomery.

I know, not nearly as fun as the check
I dropped on you earlier,

but a necessary evil.

No rush, just need you to sign
and leave it on my desk when you go.

Yeah, sure.

Can I ask you a personal question?



obscenely beautiful Icelandic
fiancée you mentioned,

why didn't it work between you two?

Because the guy who asked her to marry
him never came down from Kilimanjaro.

People always say change is good.

They never tell you how painful it can be.

Okay, here are the checks to pay back
your family, signed and sealed.

Isn't that weekly dinner thing
that you have at seven?


Hey, buddy, I am watching you.

Hey, Miss Montgomery.
What can I do for you?

- I'm right here.
- Jesus, Ian!

What is the matter with you?

I'm just having a little fun. Are you...?

Why are you so jumpy?

See if you can guess.

Okay, listen, I've just the thing
that's gonna put your mind at ease.

What? Where are you taking me?

It's a surprise.

Oh, wow, Ian.

Uh... I hope you're hungry.
I may have gone a little overboard.

I can't believe you did all this for me.

Oh, this? No, this is just a taste.

If I get the chance, you'll have this
every minute of every day

you decide to keep me around.

What is this song?

My dad used to play me these old 45s

from his parent's record collection,

and this song stuck out for some reason.

Maybe it was because I knew
I was gonna dance to it one day with you.

Your mom says you've got
some sort of surprise for us.

You pregnant?

- That answer your questions?
- Go set the table while I watch the pibil.

Sean is coming, yes?

Your guess is as good as mine.

What's up?

The bottom of this glass.

Ugh. Your turn.

No, you're on your own.
I'm still recovering from last night.

Must have been a good one.

You haven't stopped smiling
since I walked in the door.

Remember that game we played
on my birthday?

Would you have sex with someone
while in a relationship with someone else?

Lionel and I did it.

- What?
- Oh, one of the best nights of my life.

You've only been living
with each other for six months

and you're already stepping out.

We stepped out together.

Well, technically,
the go-go boy stepped in.

You can't invite a vampire
in your front door

and expect it not to sink its fangs
into your relationship.

I see. So you two are human.

What happened?

Sean accidentally
leave the toilet seat up?

Okay, none of my business.

Don't say anything about anything
in front of Mom and Dad.

I'm good.

Are you?

What do you mean?

You haven't said a word
about how your talk went with Todd.

Well, I didn't do much talking.

Well, I know that's not because
you don't have something to say.

Clearly, whatever he said didn't stop you
from coming up here tonight.

So, guess I'm just a little confused.

That makes two of us.

Ian, I'm sorry.

Nobody should have to deal
with anybody who's half in.


if you want to end whatever
this is between us and...

I'm not going anywhere without a fight.

This is real for me.

This is real for me, too.


But Todd and I, we have a lot of history.

You know, he's a good man.

That doesn't make him the right man.

Look, Angela, I've never felt...

a connection like I feel with you...



Everything about being with you feels
like I'm doing it for the first time.

Your mother raised a good man, Ian.

No, she didn't.

I never knew my mother.

Oh, my God. I'm sorry, I didn't know that.

It's fine.

It's not something I usually put out there
unless I really trust someone.

Okay, well, did your mom, did she pass?


Quite painfully.



What are you doing?

Life is not a spectator sport, Angela.

You have to be willing
to do the scary things

or why bother taking up the space
you occupy?

Okay, you made your point.
Get down, please.

You didn't drink your wine tonight.

And if I'm not mistaken,

it's your favorite bottle.

You add to that
your heightened emotional state,

it doesn't take a medical degree
to understand what's happening.

Is it mine or Todd's?

I don't know.

I'm sorry.

I'm just curious why you felt like you
couldn't share that with me.

I wasn't trying to hide anything from you.
I just don't...

I haven't figured out
how I wanna handle it.

Well, that's entirely your prerogative.

I just want you to know
that there is nothing...

that I wouldn't do for you or this baby...

if you should choose that path.

I've waited a long time for you, Angela.

And now that I found you...

I have no plans to lose you.

Segundo, segundo.

Segundo, sí, segundo.

Mira, que deliciosa la comida.

You need to add this to your regular menu.

Hipsters would pay through the nose
for a taco this legit.

That's what I always say.

Cochinita Pibil takes too much time
and effort.

We opened this place to make money,

not to teach gringos taste.

Good thing I snuck in under the radar.

You know Papa printed out
the Emigen announcement online?

Already hung it by the counter.

No, he didn't.

We can't show off
how brilliant our little nene is?

Amelia te quería tanto.

You built your company for Amelia.

You named it for her.

And she knows it.

She's an angel,

watching over you.

She's watching over all of us.


- What's this?
- It's the money you and Lionel lent us.

Plus a little return.

For you and Papi.

Mija, I'm so proud of you.

Look what the cat dragged in.

Sean, mijo, come and sit down.

Yeah, Sean, come on, sit down.
Tell everybody about your special day.

- Or maybe keep it to yourself.
- It does sound like a trap.

- Lisa, can I...?
- Not here.

Go ahead, Sean, make up some lie about

why you had a clandestine
lunch date with your ex.

Or wait, let me guess, you can't tell me.

You have a confidentiality
agreement with Maddie, too?

I, I get what it looks like,
but it's not what you think.

It's no coincidence that Maddie was at
that winery, okay? Anne put her there.

We more or less established that
on the ride home.

Are you asking me to believe
that Anne put her in that cafe today, too?

Did she force you to hold her hand?

One night, Sean.
That was the agreement, one night!

Yeah, and we were fucking stupid,
and now it's too late!

Not if you tell me what happened
when you were alone with Anne,

right here, right now.

If I break the contract

we're in breach
and all this shit was pointless.

Look around.

We're alone.

No Anne.

Nobody to ever hear what you say to me.

So just say it.

I can't.

If I tell you what happened...

the truth, we won't come back from it.


Sorry to do this, but you forgot
to sign your contract before you ran out.

I'm outside La Cuchara
if you have two minutes.

I'll be right there.


Last night you told me
to start thinking like Anne.

Careful what you wish for.

Sorry to intrude, but it seems Anne's
working on a slightly different schedule.

Gave me a strict midnight deadline
for all the transition paperwork.

So your last stop is Anne's?


- Are you two all right?
- No. Let's go.

Lisa, wait!


I was expecting Avery.

He's waiting in the car.

I need to speak with you.


Did you set me up...

to see Sean and his ex today?

That would make me diabolical.

Is that what you think I am?

- Diabolical?
- Yes!

Foster, our guest was just leaving.

What happened that night
between you and Sean?

What did you make him do?

I didn't make him do anything.

He was here of his own free will.

- Sean was here because he loves me.
- So?


You wanna know...

just how much?

Or is there something else?

Was it up against the bar

or right here

in front of the fire?

Or is your curiosity piqued by how many...

Shut up!

You need to go home.

You're no use to anybody
in this ungoverned state,

least of all yourself.

I can't take you home
if you won't tell me where you live.

I don't wanna go home.

You hungry?


You wanna get some air?

I just wanna drive for a little while.

I can do that.

Speak or don't speak,

but for God's sake, don't lurk.

Do I know everything there is to know?

You'll have to narrow the parameters.

What really happened that night?

With the boy?

I executed a contract.

That's all you need to know.

Anything else?

An observation.

The worst kind of victim...

is the one that chooses to create another.

Never thought I'd...

have to repeat that to you.



no one's victim.

My apologies.

Bring the car around.
I'll meet you downstairs.

Oh, it's, it's late.

Perhaps you should rest a bit.

Do exactly as I say.



♪ Come closer and see ♪

♪ See into the trees ♪

♪ Follow the girl ♪

♪ While you can ♪

♪ Closer and see ♪

♪ See into the dark ♪

♪ Just follow your eyes ♪

♪ Just follow your eyes ♪

♪ I hear her voice ♪

♪ Calling my name ♪

♪ The sound is deep ♪

♪ In the dark ♪

♪ I hear her voice ♪

♪ And start to run ♪

♪ Into the trees ♪

♪ Into the trees ♪