Welcome Back, Kotter (1975–1979): Season 4, Episode 20 - Oo, Oo, I Do: Part 1 - full transcript
EPSTEIN, YOU'RE CRAZY!
I'M TELLING YOU
MAN, I'M TELLING YOU
THAT'S THE LAST TIME I'M
COMING TO YOUR HOUSE.
YEAH, WELL THAT'S THE LAST TIME
YOU'RE EVER GONNA BE INVITED!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!
WHAT HAPPENED WITH YOU TWO?
HE INVITED ME TO HIS HOUSE
LAST NIGHT TO WATCH THE KNICKS
PLAY THE LAKERS ON TELEVISION.
SO, WHAT ARE YOU MAD ABOUT?
WE STARTED WATCHING
THE GAME, RIGHT?
ALL OF A SUDDEN, MAN, ONE OF
THOSE EPSTEIN BROTHERS OF HIS
MAN, CAME OVER,
AND, AND THREW A FIT
AND HE PULLED THE COAT
HANGER OUT OF THE ANTENNA HOLE.
WE GOT A PICTURE DIDN'T WE?
YEAH, YOU GOT A PICTURE,
BUT IT WAS ALL SCRUNCHED UP
WITH A LOT OF SNOW
ALL OVER THE SCREEN.
MADE KAREEM ABDUL-JABBAR
LOOK LIKE MR. WOODMAN.
WELL, I FIXED IT, DIDN'T I?
OH, YEAH, YEAH, YOU
FIXED IT ALL RIGHT.
FIXED IT REAL GOOD!
YOU KNOW WHAT
HAPPENED THEN NEXT?
THAT LITTLE, THAT VERTICAL
UM, WHATCHAMACALLIT, MAN,
THAT WENT OUT OF WHACK
AND FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT
I HAD TO WATCH THE
TELEVISION LIKE THIS.
YOU'RE LUCKY YOU DIDN'T GET
CALLED FOR DOUBLE-DRIBBLING.
WELL, WHY DIDN'T WE WATCH THE
GAME ON YOUR TV SET FREDDIE?
DOWN AT THE PAWN SHOP, HUH?
OH, YEAH, WELL I DON'T NEED
TO WATCH TV AT YOUR HOUSE,
- I CAN GET GET MY TV...
- ARE YOU TALKIN' TO ME?
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!
- YOU MUST BE TALKING TO ME!
- YOU'RE CRAZY, YOU'RE...
LOOK, JUST SIT DOWN!
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT IS THIS?
IT'S ARNOLD.
SLEEPING LIKE A BABY.
I WONDER WHAT'S
THE MATTER WITH HIM?
I THINK HE WAS OUT WITH MARY
JOHNSON AGAIN LAST NIGHT.
OH, THAT'S FOUR NIGHTS IN A ROW.
I WONDER HOW SHE'S HOLDING UP?
ARNOLD!
ARNOLD!
ARNOLD!
IF THAT'S THE TOOTH FAIRY,
I GAVE HER THE DENTIST.
WAKE UP, ARNOLD!
LOOK HERE'S $15 FOR LAST NIGHT.
HEY, THAT'S NOT BAD
CONSIDERING WE STARTED SO LATE.
I GOTTA RUN.
- OKAY, BYE.
- SEE YA LATER.
SHE PAYS YOU TO TAKE HER OUT?
SHE DIDN'T PAY ME.
WE'RE WORKING TOGETHER.
I KNEW YOU COULDN'T GET
THAT POOPED FROM PUCKERING.
WILL YOU GUYS COME ON?
MARY'S UNCLE HAS THIS
SMALL MAIL-ORDER BUSINESS
AND WE'VE BEEN HELPING HIM OUT,
YOU KNOW, STUFFING ENVELOPES,
THAT SORT OF THING.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
ARNOLD'S GOT HIMSELF A JOB.
WELL, IF HE CAN GET A JOB, I
OUGHT TO BE ABLE TO GET A JOB.
IF YOU CAN GET A JOB, MY DOG
OUGHT TO BE ABLE TO GET A JOB.
SO, LITTLE GUY'S
GROWING UP, HUH?
YEAH, YOU KNOW MAN, SEEMS JUST
LIKE YESTERDAY WE WERE WIPING
THE PABLUM OFF HIS CHIN.
IT WAS YESTERDAY.
COME ON, Y'ALL, TIME TO GO.
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪
HELLO, MARY!
I'M SORRY I'M LATE.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, ARNOLD.
OH, I WAS SO EXHAUSTED
THAT I FELL ASLEEP
AT THE DINNER TABLE.
LUCKILY, MY LITTLE
BROTHER WOKE ME UP.
DID HE KNOW YOU
HAD TO GOT TO WORK?
NO, MY HEAD WAS ON THE
LAST PIECE OF ROAST BEEF.
DO YOU WANNA NAP SOME MORE?
NAH, ONCE YOU'VE HAD HOT
GRAVY POURED ON YOUR HEAD,
YOU'RE AWAKE.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
THOSE ENVELOPES AND PUT THEM
IN THE BOXES THERE
AND TIE 'EM UP?
OKIE-DOKIE SMOKY.
YOU KNOW, MARY?
WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER HERE
FOR FOUR OR FIVE NIGHTS
IN A ROW NOW?
WE HAD A LOT TO GET DONE.
IT'S ALMOST AS IF WE
WAS GOING STEADY.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
OH, UH, I JUST MEANT THAT IF
WE WEREN'T WORKING TOGETHER
YOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T HAVE
SEEN ME FOR FIVE NIGHTS IN A ROW.
OH, YES I WOULD.
OH!
ARNOLD... YOU'RE
REALLY SOMETHING.
MARY DO YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU JUST SAID?
YES, I SAID, "YOU'RE
REALLY SOMETHING."
NO, BEFORE THAT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
NO, AFTER THAT.
ARNOLD, START OVER.
WELL...
YOU PRACTICALLY SAY
YOU'D GO STEADY WITH ME.
ARNOLD, FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
I'VE BEEN GOING STEADY
WITH YOU FOR SOME TIME NOW.
HOW COME I'M ALWAYS
THE LAST TO KNOW?
OH, ARNOLD, I LOVE YOU.
OH, MARY.
OH, MARY LISTEN TO THE
POUNDING OF MY HEART.
THAT'S THE MIMEOGRAPH MACHINE.
MARY, I... I LO...
OH... UGH... I'LL CLEAN THIS UP.
ARNOLD NOT THAT,
IT HAS STICKUM ON IT.
YOU KNOW, MARY?
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT BEING IN LOVE
WOULD BE THIS TOUGH OF WORK.
ARNOLD, COME HERE.
I LOVE YOU.
HEY, WHAT'S
HAPPENING, MR. GIBBONS?
IF YOU THINK THAT'S MR. GIBBONS,
YOU JUST FLUNKED BIOLOGY.
UH, MR. GIBBONS
HAS THE FLU, GUYS.
OH, I KNEW HE WAS SICK
ON ACCOUNT OF THE WAY
HE WAS FOAMIN' AT THE
MOUTH AND EVERYTHING.
- OH, YEAH.
- OH, YEAH.
YOU KNOW, HE ALSO FORGOT
TO GIVE US HOMEWORK.
YOU KNOW, EPSTEIN,
THAT IS AMAZING,
SINCE I JUST HAPPENED TO HAVE
ALL THE ASSIGNMENTS HE GAVE OUT.
SIT DOWN.
NICE TRY, JUAN.
HEY, CAN'T BLAME
ME FOR TRYIN' HUH?
GOOD MORNING, EVERYBODY!
OH, I'M SO SORRY I'M
LATE, BUT I STOPPED
TO SMELL THE ROSES.
THAT'S PRETTY GOOD,
ARNOLD OLD MAN, UH,
MOST PEOPLE IN
THIS NEIGHBORHOOD,
THEY JUST STOP AND SMELL.
ARNOLD, DO YOU HAVE AN EXCUSE?
THAT'S GOOD.
I WOULDN'T TRY IT IN
WOOD SHOP, THOUGH.
SIT DOWN, ARNOLD.
YEAH!
DID YOU SMELL THE ROSES
OR DID YOU SMOKE 'EM?
I'VE ALWAYS ADMIRED YOUR WIT.
HE SMOKED 'EM.
ALL RIGHT, ARNOLD, WHAT HIT YA?
CEMENT TRUCK?
I HAVE BEEN STRUCK BY AN ARROW.
WELL, IT MUST HAVE
BEEN DIPPED IN LOCOWEED.
WE HAPPEN TO HAVE AN
ENGLISH CLASS GOING HERE.
OH, IS THIS ENGLISH?!
YES.
OH, THIS IS IS MY FAVORITE
CLASS IN THE WHOLE WIDE SCHOOL!
IN FACT, I EVEN WROTE A
LITTLE POEM FOR EXTRA CREDIT.
"AN ODE TO LOVE BY
ARNOLD HORSHACK."
"HOW DO I LOVE THEE?
LET ME COUNT THE WAYS.
ONE TWO THREE."
WAIT-WAIT-WAIT-WAIT.
"FOUR."
ARNOLD HORSHACK HERE?
THAT, MR. WOODMAN, IS DEBATABLE.
HIS BODY CAME IN ALL
RIGHT, BUT HIS BRAIN'S
STILL IN A HOLDING PATTERN.
HERE I AM, MR. WOODMAN!
WITH MY HEAD IN THE CLOUDS!
YOUR HEAD I DON'T CARE ABOUT,
GET YOUR BUNS DOWN TO MY OFFICE.
JULIE, WILL YOU COME
ALONG PLEASE, TOO?
ARNOLD, MY BOY, SIT DOWN.
WHAT'D I DO, MR. WOODMAN, WHAT?
YOU DIDN'T DO A THING,
MY BOY, JUST RELAX.
THIS IS PROBABLY THE
HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
ARNOLD, I HAVE ALL YOUR SCHOOL
TRANSFER FORMS RIGHT HERE.
TRANSFERRED, JUST
FOR BEING LATE?
I MEAN, YOU STOP AND
SMELL ONE LOUSY ROSE!
WHAT TRANSFER, I
HAVEN'T SEEN THESE.
NO, I DREW THESE UP MYSELF, I
WANTED TO MAKE PERSONALLY SURE
THERE ARE ABSOLUTELY
NO ERRORS IN THEM.
WAIT A MINUTE, I DON'T
UNDERSTAND THIS.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO UNDERSTAND
IT, JUST DO LIKE I DO, ENJOY IT!
ARNOLD, YOUR MOTHER CALLED ME
THIS MORNING FROM ATLANTIC CITY
AND GUESS WHAT?
SHE GOT MARRIED AGAIN.
THAT'S RIGHT,
AREN'T YOU EXCITED?
NO.
WELL, I AM, THAT'S
THE FIRST ANSWER
YOU'VE GOTTEN RIGHT
THE WHOLE SCHOOL YEAR.
WELL, WHO IS IT THIS TIME?
SHE IS NOW MRS. SWIFTY GRAUMAN.
HE'S A BLACKJACK DEALER IN
ONE OF THE ATLANTIC CITY CASINOS.
WELL, I GUESS IT'S
BETTER THAN THE LAST GUY.
HE WAS A CIRCUS PERFORMER,
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW I HATED
TAKING A BATH WITH
THAT TRAINED SEAL.
ARNOLD, I THINK YOU SHOULD
BE HAPPY FOR YOUR MOTHER.
YEAH, I GUESS I AM.
BUT WHY AM I BRING TRANSFERRED?
OH, YOUR MOTHER SAYS
YOUR NEW FATHER, SWIFTY,
WANTS YOU ALL TO LIVE
IN HIS MOTOR HOME...
BEHIND THE CASINO.
DO YOU MEAN TO SAY THAT
ME, MY BROTHER AND MY SISTERS
ARE ALL GONNA HAVE
TO LEAVE BROOKLYN?
YEAH.
AIN'T THAT WONDERFUL?
I CAN'T DO THAT.
I'M NOT GONNA LEAVE.
ARNOLD, IF YOU DON'T GO, YOU'RE
GONNA BREAK YOU MOTHER'S HEART.
YEAH, AND I'LL BREAK YOUR ARM.
I'M NOT GOING, I'M NOT
LEAVING BUCHANAN.
ARNOLD, YOU DON'T
HAVE ANY CHOICE!
LOOK AT THE BRIGHT
SIDE, YOUR NEW FATHER'S
A BLACKJACK DEALER,
YOU'LL LEARN TO COUNT TO 21!
ARNOLD, YOU'LL HAVE
TO EXCUSE MR. WOODMAN,
HE GOT UP UNDER THE
WRONG SIDE OF THE BED.
OH, MRS. KOTTER,
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
ARNOLD, I GUESS YOU'RE
JUST GONNA HAVE TO GO.
YOU SEE, YOUR MOTHER
REQUESTED THE TRANSFER PAPERS
AND MR. WOODMAN SIGNED THEM,
PROBABLY LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY.
YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND,
JULIE, SWEATHOGS ARE HARD
TO GET RID OF, THEY'RE
SORT OF LIKE WARTS.
I'M NOT GONNA GO
TO ATLANTIC CITY.
ARNOLD, YOU DON'T
HAVE ANY CHOICE!
YEAH, BUT, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!
THINGS ARE REALLY
STARTING TO GO GREAT FOR ME.
MY... MY GRADES ARE
COMING UP A LITTLE.
WHAT OTHER WAY COULD THEY GO?
I EVEN GOT A JOB WHERE
I'M MAKING A LITTLE MONEY
ON THE SIDE.
REALLY, DOING WHAT?
MARY JOHNSON AND I ARE DOING
SOME WORK FOR HER UNCLE.
OH, MARY JOHNSON!
HEY, YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN
SEEING A LOT OF EACH OTHER,
HAVEN'T YOU, ARNOLD?
YEAH.
WELL, THAT'S ANOTHER THING.
NEITHER ONE OF US HAS EVER
AMOUNTED TO MUCH IN HIGH SCHOOL
OR ANYWHERE ELSE.
BUT, WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER,
WE FEEL LIKE WE ARE SOMEBODY.
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OUR LIVES.
WE'VE GOT SOMETHING
WE'VE NEVER HAD BEFORE.
A LITTLE BIT OF HOPE
FOR THE FUTURE?
A WAY OUT?
AND I'M NOT GONNA GIVE
ANY OF THOSE THINGS UP!
AND THAT'S FINAL!
ARNOLD, COME ON,
DON'T-DON'T-DON'T TAKE IT
SO HARD, MY MAN.
WE'LL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.
YEAH, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT ARNOLD?
UH, YOU COULD JUST
MOVE INTO MY PLACE,
MY MOTHER, SHE
NEVER COUNTS KIDS.
COUNTS THEM?
SHE DON'T EVEN
NAME THEM ANYMORE.
AH, THANKS A LOT, LITTLE JUAN.
BUT I DON'T THINK YOUR
MOTHER COULD STAND
ANOTHER MOUTH TO FEED.
COME ON.
DON'T WORRY, ARNOLD MAN,
WE'LL TAKE CARE OF IT, MAN, WELL...
I TELL YOU WHAT ARNOLD, THE
PROBLEM IS WE GOTTA KEEP YOU
RIGHT WITHIN THIS
SCHOOL DISTRICT HERE.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE,
ARNOLD, ARNOLD!
THAT'S THE ANSWER!
YOU COULD STAY RIGHT HERE
IN THE SCHOOL, THAT'S PERFECT!
NO ONE HAS EVER CALLED
THIS SCHOOL PERFECT.
COME ON, I MEAN, I MEAN,
PERFECT FOR ARNOLD.
SEE, MAN, WHAT YOU
COULD DO IS YOU COULD, UM...
YOU COULD SLEEP IN
MR. WOODMAN'S OFFICE!
YEAH, AND YOU COULD
SHOWER IN THE LOCKER ROOMS!
AND EAT IN THE CAFETERIA.
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE NOW,
WE'RE TRYING TO FIND HIM
A PLACE TO LIVE,
NOT A PLACE TO DIE.
OH, GUYS...
WHY DON'T I JUST
PUT MYSELF IN A...
IN A PET SHOP WINDOW?
MAYBE SOME NICE FAMILY WOULD
TAKE ME HOME FOR THEIR KID?
I'M VERY GOOD AT
LOOKING SAD AND LONELY.
JUST GO ON THE PAPER.
I GOT IT, I GOT IT, I
GOT IT RIGHT UP HERE.
WE'RE GONNA GET YOU
INTO VINNIE'S HOSPITAL.
A ROOM, BED, THREE MEALS A DAY.
YEAH, HOW YOU GONNA
GET ME IN THERE?
BREAK MY ARM?
NAH, JUST A FINGER, ONE FINGER,
WE CAN KEEP YOU
IN THERE 10 WEEKS.
AH, THANK YOU, YOU GUYS.
I KNOW YOUR HEARTS ARE
ALL IN THE RIGHT PLACE.
WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN NOW?
YEAH, ANOTHER FOUR OR FIVE
YEARS, HE WOULD HAVE GRADUATED.
ARNOLD!
OH!
MARY, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
I WANTED THE PLACE TO
LOOK A LITTLE MORE COZY.
OH, LOOK!
THE CURTAINS!
MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A
REGULAR HEATHCLIFF.
WHO?
HEATHCLIFF, FROM
WUTHERING HEIGHTS?
OH, HE WAS THIS POOR,
BEDRAGGLED WAIF UNTIL HE CAME
TO MERLE OBERON'S
BEAUTIFUL HOME.
ANOTHER OLD MOVIE?
YEAH.
YOU LOVE THOSE
THINGS, DON'T YOU?
YEAH.
WELL...
IT'S A WAY TO GET
LOST IN YOUR FANTASIES.
I COULD SIT AND WATCH
MOVIES FOR DAYS ON END.
IN FACT I HAVE.
REALLY?
OH, YEAH, YEAH!
WELL, I UH, I EVEN SAW
GONE WITH THE WIND 15 TIMES!
FRANKLY ARNOLD, I
DON'T GIVE A DAMN.
THAT'S VERY FUNNY, MARY.
NOW, CAN I GET BACK
TO MY DECORATING?
HEY, BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL THE WORK
AND DON'T YOU HAVE A REPORT DUE
IN CLASS TOMORROW?
BOY, WE'VE BEEN GOING STEADY
FOR ONE DAY AND ALREADY
I'M IN THE DOG HOUSE.
YEAH...
BUT YOU'RE A VERY NICE
DOG HOUSE DECORATOR.
THANK YOU, ROVER.
OKAY, BACK TO WORK!
RIGHT!
I'LL DO THIS, YOU
DO YOUR REPORT.
WE AGREED THAT THAT
STUFF WOULD COME FIRST,
MARY STAYING IN BUCHANAN
IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
IN OUR LIVES RIGHT NOW.
SINCE WHEN DID SCHOOL
BECOME SO IMPORTANT TO YOU?
SINCE MY MOTHER
LEARNED TO COUNT TO 21.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
OH, NOTHING, NOTHING.
ARNOLD, DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM?
NAH!
I NEVER HAVE ANY
PROBLEMS WHEN I'M WITH YOU.
I KNEW IT, WHAT'S WRONG?
THERE IS NO PROBLEM,
MARY, NOW, WE GOT A LOT
TO DO HERE, PLEASE.
"MY DEAREST ARNOLD
I FINISHED ALL THE
ENVELOPES BUT ONE.
I'VE GONE TO SCHOOL EARLY
TO WORK ON MY REPORT,
SEE YOU IN CLASS,
I LOVE YOU, MARY."
AND NAPOLEON DIED OF A STOMACH
AILMENT ON THE SMALL ISLAND
OF ST. HELENA IN THE YEAR 1821.
ALL RIGHT, MARY,
YOU THE SMARTEST.
THAT WAS VERY GOOD,
MARY, ESPECIALLY THE PART
ABOUT NAPOLEON LOSING
TO THE BRITISH AT WATERLOO.
- THANK YOU.
- YOUR WELCOME.
HI, MRS. KOTTER,
I'M SORRY I'M LATE.
WHAT'D YOU STOP AND
SMELL THIS TIME, ARNOLD?
OH, I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO SMELL.
I OVERSLEPT.
WELL, YOU MISSED AN
EXCELLENT REPORT ON NAPOLEON.
OH!
CONGRATULATIONS, MAR.
I GOT THE COFFEE AND DONUTS
YOU LEFT ME THIS MORNING.
AND I ALSO GOT THE NEWS THAT
YOU'RE MOVING TO ATLANTIC CITY.
UH, DOES ANYBODY
HAVE ANY QUESTIONS
FOR MARY ON HER REPORT?
I DO.
I WANNA KNOW WHY
NAPOLEON WENT TO ST. HELENA
IF HE DIDN'T WANT TO GO?
THERE WAS NOTHING
HE COULD DO ABOUT IT.
HE HAD NO CHOICE, HE WAS FORCED
TO GO THERE BY OTHER PEOPLE.
ONE MAN HAS TO GO TO ST.
HELENA, ANOTHER MAN HAS TO GO
TO ATLANTIC CITY.
ATLANTIC CITY?
WAS NAPOLEON
HAPPY IN ST. HELENA?
NO, HE WAS PROBABLY VERY UNHAPPY
BECAUSE HE DIDN'T
WANT TO BE THERE.
MAYBE HE JUST DIDN'T
TRY HARD ENOUGH TO STAY
WHERE HE WANTED TO BE?
BUT HE MUST HAVE KNOWN THAT
I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO GO AWAY?
THEN WHY ARE YOU
GIVING UP ON HIM SO FAST?
ARNOLD, ARNOLD, GUY!
GO EASY, IT'S JUST A
REPORT ON NAPOLEON, HUH?
DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
THAT NAPOLEON HAS A JOB NOW
AND CAN TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF?
HAVE YOU GUYS GOT THE SAME
BOOK EVERYBODY ELSE HAS?
IT AIN'T IN MY BOOK.
GUYS, GUYS!
DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
THAT NAPOLEON HAS SOMEBODY
THAT HE CARED FOR VERY MUCH?
RIGHT HERE IN BROOKLYN?
YES, BUT THEY ALSO KNOW
THAT NAPOLEON HAS TO GO AWAY
BECAUSE HIS MOTHER'S
MARRYING A BLACKJACK DEALER!
WELL, LEMME ASK YOU THIS:
WHAT WOULD NAPOLEON DO IF
HE DIDN'T GO TO ATLANTIC CITY?
CERTAIN THINGS NAPOLEON
HAS TO FIGURE OUT FOR HIMSELF.
MAYBE... MAYBE NAPOLEON COULD
WORK FOR JOSEPHINE'S UNCLE?
AND LIVE RIGHT THERE
IN THE STOREFRONT?
I DON'T SEE WHY NOT?
THEN, I HAVE ONE LAST
QUESTION FOR YOU MARY JOHNSON.
YES, YOU HIGHNESS?
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
YES.
CAN YOU GUYS BELIEVE THIS?
OUR LITTLE ARNOLD HORSHACK,
GROWN UP AND GETTING MARRIED.
YEAH, I CAN BELIEVE HE'S GETTING
MARRIES, BUT THAT GROWING UP
PART'S A LITTLE HARD
FOR ME TO SWALLOW.
HEY, DO YOU GUYS REALLY THINK
HE'S GONNA GO THROUGH WITH IT?
OH, SURE, WHAT COULD GO WRONG?
I DUNNO, BUT IF THERE'S A
WRONG WAY OF GETTING MARRIED,
BELIEVE ME, ARNOLD WILL FIND IT.
ALL RIGHT!
HEY, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
WELL, I'VE NEVER SEEN A
SWEATHOG GET MARRIED
AND I LOVE FREAK SHOWS.
YOU'RE NERVOUS,
AREN'T YOU ARNOLD?
YOU KNOW, GENERALLY I DON'T
BELIEVE IN TEENAGE MARRIAGES,
BUT I'LL TELL YOU
SOMETHING I DO BELIEVE IN.
I BELIEVE IN LOVE.
ARNOLD'S GONE.
ARNOLD HORSHACK IS GONE
AND JOINED THE MARINES.
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪♪
I'M TELLING YOU
MAN, I'M TELLING YOU
THAT'S THE LAST TIME I'M
COMING TO YOUR HOUSE.
YEAH, WELL THAT'S THE LAST TIME
YOU'RE EVER GONNA BE INVITED!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!
WHAT HAPPENED WITH YOU TWO?
HE INVITED ME TO HIS HOUSE
LAST NIGHT TO WATCH THE KNICKS
PLAY THE LAKERS ON TELEVISION.
SO, WHAT ARE YOU MAD ABOUT?
WE STARTED WATCHING
THE GAME, RIGHT?
ALL OF A SUDDEN, MAN, ONE OF
THOSE EPSTEIN BROTHERS OF HIS
MAN, CAME OVER,
AND, AND THREW A FIT
AND HE PULLED THE COAT
HANGER OUT OF THE ANTENNA HOLE.
WE GOT A PICTURE DIDN'T WE?
YEAH, YOU GOT A PICTURE,
BUT IT WAS ALL SCRUNCHED UP
WITH A LOT OF SNOW
ALL OVER THE SCREEN.
MADE KAREEM ABDUL-JABBAR
LOOK LIKE MR. WOODMAN.
WELL, I FIXED IT, DIDN'T I?
OH, YEAH, YEAH, YOU
FIXED IT ALL RIGHT.
FIXED IT REAL GOOD!
YOU KNOW WHAT
HAPPENED THEN NEXT?
THAT LITTLE, THAT VERTICAL
UM, WHATCHAMACALLIT, MAN,
THAT WENT OUT OF WHACK
AND FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT
I HAD TO WATCH THE
TELEVISION LIKE THIS.
YOU'RE LUCKY YOU DIDN'T GET
CALLED FOR DOUBLE-DRIBBLING.
WELL, WHY DIDN'T WE WATCH THE
GAME ON YOUR TV SET FREDDIE?
DOWN AT THE PAWN SHOP, HUH?
OH, YEAH, WELL I DON'T NEED
TO WATCH TV AT YOUR HOUSE,
- I CAN GET GET MY TV...
- ARE YOU TALKIN' TO ME?
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!
- YOU MUST BE TALKING TO ME!
- YOU'RE CRAZY, YOU'RE...
LOOK, JUST SIT DOWN!
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT IS THIS?
IT'S ARNOLD.
SLEEPING LIKE A BABY.
I WONDER WHAT'S
THE MATTER WITH HIM?
I THINK HE WAS OUT WITH MARY
JOHNSON AGAIN LAST NIGHT.
OH, THAT'S FOUR NIGHTS IN A ROW.
I WONDER HOW SHE'S HOLDING UP?
ARNOLD!
ARNOLD!
ARNOLD!
IF THAT'S THE TOOTH FAIRY,
I GAVE HER THE DENTIST.
WAKE UP, ARNOLD!
LOOK HERE'S $15 FOR LAST NIGHT.
HEY, THAT'S NOT BAD
CONSIDERING WE STARTED SO LATE.
I GOTTA RUN.
- OKAY, BYE.
- SEE YA LATER.
SHE PAYS YOU TO TAKE HER OUT?
SHE DIDN'T PAY ME.
WE'RE WORKING TOGETHER.
I KNEW YOU COULDN'T GET
THAT POOPED FROM PUCKERING.
WILL YOU GUYS COME ON?
MARY'S UNCLE HAS THIS
SMALL MAIL-ORDER BUSINESS
AND WE'VE BEEN HELPING HIM OUT,
YOU KNOW, STUFFING ENVELOPES,
THAT SORT OF THING.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
ARNOLD'S GOT HIMSELF A JOB.
WELL, IF HE CAN GET A JOB, I
OUGHT TO BE ABLE TO GET A JOB.
IF YOU CAN GET A JOB, MY DOG
OUGHT TO BE ABLE TO GET A JOB.
SO, LITTLE GUY'S
GROWING UP, HUH?
YEAH, YOU KNOW MAN, SEEMS JUST
LIKE YESTERDAY WE WERE WIPING
THE PABLUM OFF HIS CHIN.
IT WAS YESTERDAY.
COME ON, Y'ALL, TIME TO GO.
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪
HELLO, MARY!
I'M SORRY I'M LATE.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, ARNOLD.
OH, I WAS SO EXHAUSTED
THAT I FELL ASLEEP
AT THE DINNER TABLE.
LUCKILY, MY LITTLE
BROTHER WOKE ME UP.
DID HE KNOW YOU
HAD TO GOT TO WORK?
NO, MY HEAD WAS ON THE
LAST PIECE OF ROAST BEEF.
DO YOU WANNA NAP SOME MORE?
NAH, ONCE YOU'VE HAD HOT
GRAVY POURED ON YOUR HEAD,
YOU'RE AWAKE.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
THOSE ENVELOPES AND PUT THEM
IN THE BOXES THERE
AND TIE 'EM UP?
OKIE-DOKIE SMOKY.
YOU KNOW, MARY?
WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER HERE
FOR FOUR OR FIVE NIGHTS
IN A ROW NOW?
WE HAD A LOT TO GET DONE.
IT'S ALMOST AS IF WE
WAS GOING STEADY.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
OH, UH, I JUST MEANT THAT IF
WE WEREN'T WORKING TOGETHER
YOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T HAVE
SEEN ME FOR FIVE NIGHTS IN A ROW.
OH, YES I WOULD.
OH!
ARNOLD... YOU'RE
REALLY SOMETHING.
MARY DO YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU JUST SAID?
YES, I SAID, "YOU'RE
REALLY SOMETHING."
NO, BEFORE THAT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
NO, AFTER THAT.
ARNOLD, START OVER.
WELL...
YOU PRACTICALLY SAY
YOU'D GO STEADY WITH ME.
ARNOLD, FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
I'VE BEEN GOING STEADY
WITH YOU FOR SOME TIME NOW.
HOW COME I'M ALWAYS
THE LAST TO KNOW?
OH, ARNOLD, I LOVE YOU.
OH, MARY.
OH, MARY LISTEN TO THE
POUNDING OF MY HEART.
THAT'S THE MIMEOGRAPH MACHINE.
MARY, I... I LO...
OH... UGH... I'LL CLEAN THIS UP.
ARNOLD NOT THAT,
IT HAS STICKUM ON IT.
YOU KNOW, MARY?
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT BEING IN LOVE
WOULD BE THIS TOUGH OF WORK.
ARNOLD, COME HERE.
I LOVE YOU.
HEY, WHAT'S
HAPPENING, MR. GIBBONS?
IF YOU THINK THAT'S MR. GIBBONS,
YOU JUST FLUNKED BIOLOGY.
UH, MR. GIBBONS
HAS THE FLU, GUYS.
OH, I KNEW HE WAS SICK
ON ACCOUNT OF THE WAY
HE WAS FOAMIN' AT THE
MOUTH AND EVERYTHING.
- OH, YEAH.
- OH, YEAH.
YOU KNOW, HE ALSO FORGOT
TO GIVE US HOMEWORK.
YOU KNOW, EPSTEIN,
THAT IS AMAZING,
SINCE I JUST HAPPENED TO HAVE
ALL THE ASSIGNMENTS HE GAVE OUT.
SIT DOWN.
NICE TRY, JUAN.
HEY, CAN'T BLAME
ME FOR TRYIN' HUH?
GOOD MORNING, EVERYBODY!
OH, I'M SO SORRY I'M
LATE, BUT I STOPPED
TO SMELL THE ROSES.
THAT'S PRETTY GOOD,
ARNOLD OLD MAN, UH,
MOST PEOPLE IN
THIS NEIGHBORHOOD,
THEY JUST STOP AND SMELL.
ARNOLD, DO YOU HAVE AN EXCUSE?
THAT'S GOOD.
I WOULDN'T TRY IT IN
WOOD SHOP, THOUGH.
SIT DOWN, ARNOLD.
YEAH!
DID YOU SMELL THE ROSES
OR DID YOU SMOKE 'EM?
I'VE ALWAYS ADMIRED YOUR WIT.
HE SMOKED 'EM.
ALL RIGHT, ARNOLD, WHAT HIT YA?
CEMENT TRUCK?
I HAVE BEEN STRUCK BY AN ARROW.
WELL, IT MUST HAVE
BEEN DIPPED IN LOCOWEED.
WE HAPPEN TO HAVE AN
ENGLISH CLASS GOING HERE.
OH, IS THIS ENGLISH?!
YES.
OH, THIS IS IS MY FAVORITE
CLASS IN THE WHOLE WIDE SCHOOL!
IN FACT, I EVEN WROTE A
LITTLE POEM FOR EXTRA CREDIT.
"AN ODE TO LOVE BY
ARNOLD HORSHACK."
"HOW DO I LOVE THEE?
LET ME COUNT THE WAYS.
ONE TWO THREE."
WAIT-WAIT-WAIT-WAIT.
"FOUR."
ARNOLD HORSHACK HERE?
THAT, MR. WOODMAN, IS DEBATABLE.
HIS BODY CAME IN ALL
RIGHT, BUT HIS BRAIN'S
STILL IN A HOLDING PATTERN.
HERE I AM, MR. WOODMAN!
WITH MY HEAD IN THE CLOUDS!
YOUR HEAD I DON'T CARE ABOUT,
GET YOUR BUNS DOWN TO MY OFFICE.
JULIE, WILL YOU COME
ALONG PLEASE, TOO?
ARNOLD, MY BOY, SIT DOWN.
WHAT'D I DO, MR. WOODMAN, WHAT?
YOU DIDN'T DO A THING,
MY BOY, JUST RELAX.
THIS IS PROBABLY THE
HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
ARNOLD, I HAVE ALL YOUR SCHOOL
TRANSFER FORMS RIGHT HERE.
TRANSFERRED, JUST
FOR BEING LATE?
I MEAN, YOU STOP AND
SMELL ONE LOUSY ROSE!
WHAT TRANSFER, I
HAVEN'T SEEN THESE.
NO, I DREW THESE UP MYSELF, I
WANTED TO MAKE PERSONALLY SURE
THERE ARE ABSOLUTELY
NO ERRORS IN THEM.
WAIT A MINUTE, I DON'T
UNDERSTAND THIS.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO UNDERSTAND
IT, JUST DO LIKE I DO, ENJOY IT!
ARNOLD, YOUR MOTHER CALLED ME
THIS MORNING FROM ATLANTIC CITY
AND GUESS WHAT?
SHE GOT MARRIED AGAIN.
THAT'S RIGHT,
AREN'T YOU EXCITED?
NO.
WELL, I AM, THAT'S
THE FIRST ANSWER
YOU'VE GOTTEN RIGHT
THE WHOLE SCHOOL YEAR.
WELL, WHO IS IT THIS TIME?
SHE IS NOW MRS. SWIFTY GRAUMAN.
HE'S A BLACKJACK DEALER IN
ONE OF THE ATLANTIC CITY CASINOS.
WELL, I GUESS IT'S
BETTER THAN THE LAST GUY.
HE WAS A CIRCUS PERFORMER,
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW I HATED
TAKING A BATH WITH
THAT TRAINED SEAL.
ARNOLD, I THINK YOU SHOULD
BE HAPPY FOR YOUR MOTHER.
YEAH, I GUESS I AM.
BUT WHY AM I BRING TRANSFERRED?
OH, YOUR MOTHER SAYS
YOUR NEW FATHER, SWIFTY,
WANTS YOU ALL TO LIVE
IN HIS MOTOR HOME...
BEHIND THE CASINO.
DO YOU MEAN TO SAY THAT
ME, MY BROTHER AND MY SISTERS
ARE ALL GONNA HAVE
TO LEAVE BROOKLYN?
YEAH.
AIN'T THAT WONDERFUL?
I CAN'T DO THAT.
I'M NOT GONNA LEAVE.
ARNOLD, IF YOU DON'T GO, YOU'RE
GONNA BREAK YOU MOTHER'S HEART.
YEAH, AND I'LL BREAK YOUR ARM.
I'M NOT GOING, I'M NOT
LEAVING BUCHANAN.
ARNOLD, YOU DON'T
HAVE ANY CHOICE!
LOOK AT THE BRIGHT
SIDE, YOUR NEW FATHER'S
A BLACKJACK DEALER,
YOU'LL LEARN TO COUNT TO 21!
ARNOLD, YOU'LL HAVE
TO EXCUSE MR. WOODMAN,
HE GOT UP UNDER THE
WRONG SIDE OF THE BED.
OH, MRS. KOTTER,
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
ARNOLD, I GUESS YOU'RE
JUST GONNA HAVE TO GO.
YOU SEE, YOUR MOTHER
REQUESTED THE TRANSFER PAPERS
AND MR. WOODMAN SIGNED THEM,
PROBABLY LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY.
YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND,
JULIE, SWEATHOGS ARE HARD
TO GET RID OF, THEY'RE
SORT OF LIKE WARTS.
I'M NOT GONNA GO
TO ATLANTIC CITY.
ARNOLD, YOU DON'T
HAVE ANY CHOICE!
YEAH, BUT, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!
THINGS ARE REALLY
STARTING TO GO GREAT FOR ME.
MY... MY GRADES ARE
COMING UP A LITTLE.
WHAT OTHER WAY COULD THEY GO?
I EVEN GOT A JOB WHERE
I'M MAKING A LITTLE MONEY
ON THE SIDE.
REALLY, DOING WHAT?
MARY JOHNSON AND I ARE DOING
SOME WORK FOR HER UNCLE.
OH, MARY JOHNSON!
HEY, YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN
SEEING A LOT OF EACH OTHER,
HAVEN'T YOU, ARNOLD?
YEAH.
WELL, THAT'S ANOTHER THING.
NEITHER ONE OF US HAS EVER
AMOUNTED TO MUCH IN HIGH SCHOOL
OR ANYWHERE ELSE.
BUT, WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER,
WE FEEL LIKE WE ARE SOMEBODY.
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OUR LIVES.
WE'VE GOT SOMETHING
WE'VE NEVER HAD BEFORE.
A LITTLE BIT OF HOPE
FOR THE FUTURE?
A WAY OUT?
AND I'M NOT GONNA GIVE
ANY OF THOSE THINGS UP!
AND THAT'S FINAL!
ARNOLD, COME ON,
DON'T-DON'T-DON'T TAKE IT
SO HARD, MY MAN.
WE'LL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.
YEAH, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT ARNOLD?
UH, YOU COULD JUST
MOVE INTO MY PLACE,
MY MOTHER, SHE
NEVER COUNTS KIDS.
COUNTS THEM?
SHE DON'T EVEN
NAME THEM ANYMORE.
AH, THANKS A LOT, LITTLE JUAN.
BUT I DON'T THINK YOUR
MOTHER COULD STAND
ANOTHER MOUTH TO FEED.
COME ON.
DON'T WORRY, ARNOLD MAN,
WE'LL TAKE CARE OF IT, MAN, WELL...
I TELL YOU WHAT ARNOLD, THE
PROBLEM IS WE GOTTA KEEP YOU
RIGHT WITHIN THIS
SCHOOL DISTRICT HERE.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE,
ARNOLD, ARNOLD!
THAT'S THE ANSWER!
YOU COULD STAY RIGHT HERE
IN THE SCHOOL, THAT'S PERFECT!
NO ONE HAS EVER CALLED
THIS SCHOOL PERFECT.
COME ON, I MEAN, I MEAN,
PERFECT FOR ARNOLD.
SEE, MAN, WHAT YOU
COULD DO IS YOU COULD, UM...
YOU COULD SLEEP IN
MR. WOODMAN'S OFFICE!
YEAH, AND YOU COULD
SHOWER IN THE LOCKER ROOMS!
AND EAT IN THE CAFETERIA.
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE NOW,
WE'RE TRYING TO FIND HIM
A PLACE TO LIVE,
NOT A PLACE TO DIE.
OH, GUYS...
WHY DON'T I JUST
PUT MYSELF IN A...
IN A PET SHOP WINDOW?
MAYBE SOME NICE FAMILY WOULD
TAKE ME HOME FOR THEIR KID?
I'M VERY GOOD AT
LOOKING SAD AND LONELY.
JUST GO ON THE PAPER.
I GOT IT, I GOT IT, I
GOT IT RIGHT UP HERE.
WE'RE GONNA GET YOU
INTO VINNIE'S HOSPITAL.
A ROOM, BED, THREE MEALS A DAY.
YEAH, HOW YOU GONNA
GET ME IN THERE?
BREAK MY ARM?
NAH, JUST A FINGER, ONE FINGER,
WE CAN KEEP YOU
IN THERE 10 WEEKS.
AH, THANK YOU, YOU GUYS.
I KNOW YOUR HEARTS ARE
ALL IN THE RIGHT PLACE.
WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN NOW?
YEAH, ANOTHER FOUR OR FIVE
YEARS, HE WOULD HAVE GRADUATED.
ARNOLD!
OH!
MARY, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
I WANTED THE PLACE TO
LOOK A LITTLE MORE COZY.
OH, LOOK!
THE CURTAINS!
MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A
REGULAR HEATHCLIFF.
WHO?
HEATHCLIFF, FROM
WUTHERING HEIGHTS?
OH, HE WAS THIS POOR,
BEDRAGGLED WAIF UNTIL HE CAME
TO MERLE OBERON'S
BEAUTIFUL HOME.
ANOTHER OLD MOVIE?
YEAH.
YOU LOVE THOSE
THINGS, DON'T YOU?
YEAH.
WELL...
IT'S A WAY TO GET
LOST IN YOUR FANTASIES.
I COULD SIT AND WATCH
MOVIES FOR DAYS ON END.
IN FACT I HAVE.
REALLY?
OH, YEAH, YEAH!
WELL, I UH, I EVEN SAW
GONE WITH THE WIND 15 TIMES!
FRANKLY ARNOLD, I
DON'T GIVE A DAMN.
THAT'S VERY FUNNY, MARY.
NOW, CAN I GET BACK
TO MY DECORATING?
HEY, BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL THE WORK
AND DON'T YOU HAVE A REPORT DUE
IN CLASS TOMORROW?
BOY, WE'VE BEEN GOING STEADY
FOR ONE DAY AND ALREADY
I'M IN THE DOG HOUSE.
YEAH...
BUT YOU'RE A VERY NICE
DOG HOUSE DECORATOR.
THANK YOU, ROVER.
OKAY, BACK TO WORK!
RIGHT!
I'LL DO THIS, YOU
DO YOUR REPORT.
WE AGREED THAT THAT
STUFF WOULD COME FIRST,
MARY STAYING IN BUCHANAN
IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
IN OUR LIVES RIGHT NOW.
SINCE WHEN DID SCHOOL
BECOME SO IMPORTANT TO YOU?
SINCE MY MOTHER
LEARNED TO COUNT TO 21.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
OH, NOTHING, NOTHING.
ARNOLD, DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM?
NAH!
I NEVER HAVE ANY
PROBLEMS WHEN I'M WITH YOU.
I KNEW IT, WHAT'S WRONG?
THERE IS NO PROBLEM,
MARY, NOW, WE GOT A LOT
TO DO HERE, PLEASE.
"MY DEAREST ARNOLD
I FINISHED ALL THE
ENVELOPES BUT ONE.
I'VE GONE TO SCHOOL EARLY
TO WORK ON MY REPORT,
SEE YOU IN CLASS,
I LOVE YOU, MARY."
AND NAPOLEON DIED OF A STOMACH
AILMENT ON THE SMALL ISLAND
OF ST. HELENA IN THE YEAR 1821.
ALL RIGHT, MARY,
YOU THE SMARTEST.
THAT WAS VERY GOOD,
MARY, ESPECIALLY THE PART
ABOUT NAPOLEON LOSING
TO THE BRITISH AT WATERLOO.
- THANK YOU.
- YOUR WELCOME.
HI, MRS. KOTTER,
I'M SORRY I'M LATE.
WHAT'D YOU STOP AND
SMELL THIS TIME, ARNOLD?
OH, I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO SMELL.
I OVERSLEPT.
WELL, YOU MISSED AN
EXCELLENT REPORT ON NAPOLEON.
OH!
CONGRATULATIONS, MAR.
I GOT THE COFFEE AND DONUTS
YOU LEFT ME THIS MORNING.
AND I ALSO GOT THE NEWS THAT
YOU'RE MOVING TO ATLANTIC CITY.
UH, DOES ANYBODY
HAVE ANY QUESTIONS
FOR MARY ON HER REPORT?
I DO.
I WANNA KNOW WHY
NAPOLEON WENT TO ST. HELENA
IF HE DIDN'T WANT TO GO?
THERE WAS NOTHING
HE COULD DO ABOUT IT.
HE HAD NO CHOICE, HE WAS FORCED
TO GO THERE BY OTHER PEOPLE.
ONE MAN HAS TO GO TO ST.
HELENA, ANOTHER MAN HAS TO GO
TO ATLANTIC CITY.
ATLANTIC CITY?
WAS NAPOLEON
HAPPY IN ST. HELENA?
NO, HE WAS PROBABLY VERY UNHAPPY
BECAUSE HE DIDN'T
WANT TO BE THERE.
MAYBE HE JUST DIDN'T
TRY HARD ENOUGH TO STAY
WHERE HE WANTED TO BE?
BUT HE MUST HAVE KNOWN THAT
I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO GO AWAY?
THEN WHY ARE YOU
GIVING UP ON HIM SO FAST?
ARNOLD, ARNOLD, GUY!
GO EASY, IT'S JUST A
REPORT ON NAPOLEON, HUH?
DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
THAT NAPOLEON HAS A JOB NOW
AND CAN TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF?
HAVE YOU GUYS GOT THE SAME
BOOK EVERYBODY ELSE HAS?
IT AIN'T IN MY BOOK.
GUYS, GUYS!
DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
THAT NAPOLEON HAS SOMEBODY
THAT HE CARED FOR VERY MUCH?
RIGHT HERE IN BROOKLYN?
YES, BUT THEY ALSO KNOW
THAT NAPOLEON HAS TO GO AWAY
BECAUSE HIS MOTHER'S
MARRYING A BLACKJACK DEALER!
WELL, LEMME ASK YOU THIS:
WHAT WOULD NAPOLEON DO IF
HE DIDN'T GO TO ATLANTIC CITY?
CERTAIN THINGS NAPOLEON
HAS TO FIGURE OUT FOR HIMSELF.
MAYBE... MAYBE NAPOLEON COULD
WORK FOR JOSEPHINE'S UNCLE?
AND LIVE RIGHT THERE
IN THE STOREFRONT?
I DON'T SEE WHY NOT?
THEN, I HAVE ONE LAST
QUESTION FOR YOU MARY JOHNSON.
YES, YOU HIGHNESS?
WILL YOU MARRY ME?
YES.
CAN YOU GUYS BELIEVE THIS?
OUR LITTLE ARNOLD HORSHACK,
GROWN UP AND GETTING MARRIED.
YEAH, I CAN BELIEVE HE'S GETTING
MARRIES, BUT THAT GROWING UP
PART'S A LITTLE HARD
FOR ME TO SWALLOW.
HEY, DO YOU GUYS REALLY THINK
HE'S GONNA GO THROUGH WITH IT?
OH, SURE, WHAT COULD GO WRONG?
I DUNNO, BUT IF THERE'S A
WRONG WAY OF GETTING MARRIED,
BELIEVE ME, ARNOLD WILL FIND IT.
ALL RIGHT!
HEY, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
WELL, I'VE NEVER SEEN A
SWEATHOG GET MARRIED
AND I LOVE FREAK SHOWS.
YOU'RE NERVOUS,
AREN'T YOU ARNOLD?
YOU KNOW, GENERALLY I DON'T
BELIEVE IN TEENAGE MARRIAGES,
BUT I'LL TELL YOU
SOMETHING I DO BELIEVE IN.
I BELIEVE IN LOVE.
ARNOLD'S GONE.
ARNOLD HORSHACK IS GONE
AND JOINED THE MARINES.
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪♪