Welcome Back, Kotter (1975–1979): Season 4, Episode 2 - The Drop-Ins: Part 2 - full transcript
♪
WHERE'S VINNIE?
I DON'T KNOW, ARNOLD,
I REALLY HAVEN'T SEEN
HIM IN ABOUT A WEEK.
MURRAY AND CARVELLI, WHAT
ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
WELL, IT LOOKS
LIKE THEY MOVED IN
TO THE BUCHANAN SCHOOL DISTRICT.
THAT I AM THE NEW PRINCIPAL
OF BUCHANAN HIGH SCHOOL.
NOW THAT YOUR PARTNER
IN CRIME IS A VICE PRINCIPAL
YOU THINK YOU CAN GET
AWAY WITH ANYTHING YOU WANT.
THE POSSIBILITIES
ARE MIND-BOGGLING.
WELL, THEY GAVE YOU
WOODMAN'S OLD JOB
AND HIS OLD FACE.
JULIE, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
I'M A TEACHER, NOT
AN ADMINISTRATOR.
SURPRISE!
I'M GIVING YOU
DETENTION FOR ONE WEEK.
I GET THAT ALL OF A SUDDEN
YOU AIN'T ONE OF US ANYMORE.
YOU USED TO COVER FOR
US WITH MR. WOODMAN,
BUT NOW YOU ARE MR. WOODMAN.
I GOT A JOB.
YOU GOT A JOB?
MAN, I QUIT SCHOOL, I'M
THROUGH WITH IT NOW.
I GUESS I'LL BE SEEING
YOU, MR. KOTTER.
FROM NOW ON YOU CAN
CONSIDER ME OUT TO LUNCH,
PERMANENTLY.
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪
I'LL SEND SOMEONE
UP AS SOON AS I CAN.
YES, I'M SHORTHANDED RIGHT NOW.
YES, ONE OF MY ORDERLIES
DIDN'T SHOW UP YET.
I KNOW IT'S A
MESS, BUT I'LL GET...
BARBARINO.
I'LL CALL YOU BACK.
HEY, NURSE BAKER, YOU
BEEN THERE ALL THE TIME?
I DIDN'T SEE YOU.
I'VE BEEN HERE SINCE 8:00,
THE SAME TIME YOU WERE
SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.
YOU KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS,
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
THE PROBLEM IS.
ALL THE STUFF IN THE
HOSPITAL IS PAINTED WHITE
AND THEN YOU PUT YOUR
NURSES IN WHITE UNIFORMS.
IT'S A WONDER WHY WE
DON'T LOSE MORE NURSES.
WHEN YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO BE HERE AT EIGHT,
I WANT YOU HERE AT EIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY OUGHT TO DO,
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
THEY OUGHT TO DO,
THEY OUGHT TO
PAINT THE STUFF BLACK
AND THEN YOU NURSES WILL
STICK OUT LIKE SORE THUMBS.
LOOK, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO STAND
AROUND HERE AND ARGUE WITH YOU.
GET THAT GURNEY DOWN
TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM,
DROP THESE DIRTY LINENS
OFF AT THE LAUNDRY ROOM,
GET UP TO THE OPERATING
ROOM AS SOON AS YOU CAN.
THEY NEED HELP IN
GETTING IT CLEANED UP.
RIGHT, NURSE BAKER, NURSE BAKER.
YES?
THE OPERATING
ROOM, COULD I SKIP IT?
WHY?
ICKY.
WELL, BARBARINO,
DO IT FOR ME TODAY AND
TOMORROW I'LL TELL THE DOCTORS
TO TRY AND BE NEATER.
DR. BARBARINO WANTED IN SURGERY.
DR. BARBARINO WANTED IN SURGERY.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
WOO-WOO, VINNIE BARBARINO,
YOU'RE LOOKIN' GOOD.
GIMME A DOUBLE DIP OF PISTACHIO.
COME ON.
VINNIE, YOU LOOK JUST
LIKE A REGULAR DOCTOR.
HE OUGHT TO, HE'S
BEEN PLAYIN' DOCTOR
SINCE THE SIXTH GRADE.
HEY, LOOK, IF YOU
GUYS CAME TO HANG OUT,
THIS AIN'T NO HANG OUT,
SO YOU SHOULD LEAVE.
HEY, YO, VINNIE, IS
THAT A DEAD GUY?
NO, THIS IS JUST SOME...
IT'S A PATIENT OF MINE.
AND HE AIN'T DEAD?
HOW COME HIS FACE IS
ALL COVERED UP LIKE THAT?
HE'S PROBABLY SICK
OF LOOKING AT VINNIE.
WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING HERE?
OH, HOW DO?
OH, MY, BUT THAT IS
A VERY SMART OUTFIT.
WHITE.
WELL, WE CAME HERE
BECAUSE WE WANT TO GET A JOB
LIKE OUR FRIEND VINCENT.
YOU DO THAT AT THE
PERSONNEL OFFICE.
BARBARINO, I TOLD YOU THEY
NEED YOU IN THE OPERATING ROOM.
BARBARINO, YOU'RE THE
ONLY ONE ON THIS FLOOR
WHO CAN TAKE CARE
OF THESE THINGS,
SO DO IT.
OKAY, FINE.
WOW, VINNIE, MAN, YOU'RE
REALLY A BIG MAN AROUND HERE,
AIN'T YOU?
YEAH.
GOT YOUR OWN PATIENTS, HUH?
HEY, LOOK, DO YOU
THINK THEY PUT YOU
IN THESE WHITE
SUITS FOR NOTHING?
NOW, LOOK, VINNIE,
WE CAME DOWN HERE
BECAUSE WE WANTED
TO FILL OUT APPLICATIONS
TO GET A JOB JUST LIKE YOU.
WE FIGURE ALL YOU GOTTA DO
IS TALK TO SOMEBODY
IN THE FRONT OFFICE
AND WE'RE IN.
YEAH, WELL, YEAH, I COULD,
BUT I DON'T KNOW.
HEY, VINNIE, CHECK IT OUT.
JUST CHECK IT OUT.
ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS YOU
JUST GOTTA GO DOWN THERE
AND TELL THEM THAT WE DO
AS GOOD A JOB AS YOU, MAN,
AND THEN WE'D BE OVER LIKE
FAT RATS IN A CHEESE FACTORY.
YEAH, YEAH, I COULD DO THAT,
BUT IT WOULDN'T BE FAIR
TO YOU OR THE PATIENTS.
VINNIE, WHAT ARE
YOU TRYING TO SAY?
THAT YOU CAN'T HELP US?
I'M NOT... LOOK, I
COULD HELP YOU, SURE,
I MEAN, ONE WORD FROM ME
AND BOOM YOU'RE IN LIKE FLINT,
ALL RIGHT?
I DON'T KNOW, I FEEL
A RESPONSIBILITY
TO ME AND THE PATIENT
AS A MEDICINAL PERSON.
I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS
GUY, LOOK AT THIS.
I MEAN, THIS GUY,
HOW WOULD HE FEEL
IF HE KNEW THAT THE
ONLY CHANCE HE HAD
WAS ON A GUY WHO GOT
HIS JOB JUST BECAUSE
HE KNEW SOMEONE IMPORTANT, HUH?
YEAH, I GOT YOU, I DIG WHERE
YOU'RE COMING FROM, VINNIE.
I'VE GOT IT, MAN.
HEY, Y'ALL, VINNIE'S RIGHT, MAN.
HEY, UM, WHERE DO WE GO, MAN,
TO GET THOSE
DOCTOR APPLICATIONS?
ALL RIGHT, YOU GO DOWN
TO THE END OF THIS CORRIDOR,
YOU GO DOWNSTAIRS TO
THE BOTTOM OF THE STEPS,
YOU GOT A LAUNDRY
ROOM ON YOUR RIGHT,
NEXT TO THAT IS A BROOM CLOSET
WITH A BUNCH OF TRASH BARRELS.
MAKE A LEFT, AND
IT'S DOWN THE HALL,
YOU CAN'T MISS IT.
BOY, VINNIE, YOU REALLY
KNOW YOUR WAY AROUND HERE.
YEAH.
- RIGHT ON, MAN.
- THANKS A LOT, VINNIE.
RIGHT ON.
OKAY, SEE YOU LATER, GUYS.
BOY, ONE DAY THIS REALLY IS
GONNA BE A PATIENT OF MINE.
I'M REALLY GONNA
MAKE HIM BETTER.
OH, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'LL BE
GOING HOME PRETTY SOON,
MR. JOHNSON.
YEAH, IT WAS TOUCH AND
GO THERE FOR A WHILE,
YOU KNOW, IT REALLY WAS.
YOU HAD A PRETTY BAD
CASE OF THAT PRIAPISM THERE.
BUT, UH... I DON'T KNOW,
IN LAYMAN'S TERMS
THAT MEANS SHE'S
ALL BENT UP AND STUFF.
BUT, UH, I GOT YOU
THROUGH IT THIS TIME
AND YOU'LL BE GOING
HOME BEFORE YOU KNOW.
DOCTOR BARBARINO,
TAKE YOUR PATIENT
DOWN TO THE LAUNDRY ROOM
AND TELL THEM NO STARCH, NOW!
RIGHT, RIGHT.
HIYA, VINNIE.
HI, MR. KOTTER.
VINNIE, I GOTTA TALK TO YOU.
WHAT ABOUT?
ABOUT QUITTING SCHOOL.
OH, GEE, MR. KOTTER,
YOU THINK IT'S THE
RIGHT DECISION?
NOT ME, VINNIE.
I WANNA TALK TO YOU
ABOUT YOU AND THE GUYS
QUITTIN' SCHOOL.
OH, THAT, YEAH, THE GUYS
CAME IN HERE THIS MORNING
LOOKIN' FOR APPLICATIONS,
AIN'T THAT GREAT?
NO, I DON'T THINK
IT'S GREAT, VINNIE.
LISTEN, CAN YOU TAKE A
MINUTE OFF SO WE CAN TALK?
OH, YEAH, SURE, LOOK, I
MAKE MY OWN HOURS HERE.
ALL RIGHT, COME ON, SIT DOWN.
ALL RIGHT, NOW WHAT
CAN I DO FOR YOU?
VINNIE, YOU KNOW THAT
THE GUYS LOOK UP TO YOU.
WELL, YEAH, I MEAN,
THEY AIN'T NO DUMMIES.
WELL, THINGS HAVE
CHANGED AROUND THE SCHOOL,
YOU SEE, I'VE BECAME
VICE PRINCIPAL.
HEY, YEAH, I HEARD!
HEY, CONGRATULATIONS,
RIGHT ON, HEAVY DUTY STUFF.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU!
NOW, AS VICE PRINCIPAL...
YEAH, I HEARD, CONGRATULATIONS!
ALL RIGHT!
AS VICE PRINCIPAL, I'M
IN CHARGE OF DISCIPLINE.
AND IF SOMEBODY DOES
SOMETHING WRONG,
I GOTTA REPRIMAND THEM.
THE GUYS DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS,
THEY THINK THAT
I'M DESERTING THEM.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU
WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?
VINNIE, I WANT YOU
TO TALK TO THE GUYS
ABOUT QUITTIN' SCHOOL.
IT'S GONNA AFFECT
THEIR WHOLE LIFE.
AND IF YOU SAID SOMETHIN',
IF YOU TOLD THEM NOT TO,
THEY MIGHT LISTEN.
OH, I DON'T THINK
I COULD DO THAT.
IT'D BE DISHONEST.
I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO
BE DISHONEST, VINNIE,
I'M JUST ASKING YOU
TO TELL 'EM THE FACTS.
MR. KOTTER, THE FACTS
ARE THAT I QUIT HIGH SCHOOL
AND I GOT MYSELF A
GOOD JOB WITH GOOD PAY.
THAT'S ANOTHER THING I
WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.
YOU, MY FRIEND, ARE
MAKING A BIG MISTAKE, TOO.
HEY, LOOK, THERE AIN'T
NOTHIN' I LEARNED IN SCHOOL
THAT'S GONNA HELP
ME WITH THIS HERE JOB.
VINNIE, IF THIS IS THE KIND OF
JOB YOU WANTED TO WIND UP WITH,
YOU NEVER HAD TO GO TO
SCHOOL IN THE FIRST PLACE.
NOW YOU TELL ME.
VINNIE, THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG WITH DOING THIS,
IT'S HONEST WORK, BUT I
THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN THIS.
LOOK, DON'T TELL ME
WHAT I'M BETTER THAN.
LOOK, YOU AIN'T MY
TEACHER NO MORE,
SO YOU JUST CAN'T
TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER, MR. KOTTER.
COME ON, COME ON, GUYS,
LET'S FILL OUT
THESE APPLICATIONS
AND THEN THE MONEY IS
GONNA START ROLLIN' IN.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
THAT LADY IN THE
PERSONNEL DEPARTMENT
DIDN'T SEEM TOO HAPPY TO SEE US.
WELL, I THOUGHT SHE
WAS RATHER JOVIAL.
WE WALKED IN, WE
ASKED HER FOR JOBS,
AND SHE WAS STILL
LAUGHING WHEN WE LEFT.
COME ON, COME ON, LET'S GET
DOWN TO BUSINESS HERE, ALL RIGHT?
HERE WE ARE.
NAME, PLEASE PRINT.
MIDDLE NAME.
HEY, LOOK, THERE'S ONLY
ROOM HERE FOR ONE NAME.
I KNOW THAT.
WHAT DID YOU DO,
FREDDIE, JUST PUT "BOOM?"
LOOK, MAN, DON'T LOOK
OVER MY SHOULDER,
I'M TRYIN' TO WRITE.
GIVE ME WHAT YOU GOT HERE
SO I KNOW WHAT TO WRITE.
YEAH, BUT, COME ON, DON'T COPY.
COME ON, LET ME
SEE IT, LET ME SEE IT.
FREDERICK PERCY WASHINGTON.
- PERCY.
- PERCY.
IT WAS MY GRANDDADDY'S NAME.
PERCY.
DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME
THAT THE LAST THREE YEARS
I HAVE ALLOWED MYSELF
TO BE PUSHED AROUND
BY A PERCY?
WELL, IT'S A LOT BETTER THAN
BEING KILLED BY ONE, HUH?
OH.
THIS IS TRUE.
COME ON, COME ON,
LET'S SETTLE DOWN HERE,
LET'S RECTIFY THE REST OF
THESE APPLICATIONS HERE.
- PERCY.
- PERCY.
I HATE SHORT PEOPLE.
OKAY, HERE'S THE
FIRST QUESTION HERE.
"DO YOU HAVE SOCIAL SECURITY?"
YES.
BUT ONLY AMONG CLOSE FRIENDS.
"HOW FAR HAVE YOU
GONE IN SCHOOL?"
NOT TOO FAR IN SCHOOL,
BUT I HAD A COUPLE OF
GOOD NIGHTS AT THE DRIVE-IN.
"WHAT JOB ARE YOU APPLYING FOR
AND HOW MUCH DO
YOU EXPECT TO MAKE?"
WELL, IF I GOTTA GUESS
WHAT I'M GONNA MAKE,
LET THEM GUESS
WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
"HAVE YOU HAD ANY
NURSING EXPERIENCE?"
NO.
I WAS A BOTTLE BABY.
GRADE POINT AVERAGE.
I'D SAY WE AVERAGE A
GRADE EVERY TWO YEARS.
- PUT THAT DOWN.
- I'LL PUT THAT DOWN.
OH.
HERE COMES A HARDY.
HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATED?
JUST LEAVE IT BLANK.
- YEAH, THAT'S IT.
- THAT'S GOOD, THAT'S GOOD.
PREVIOUS EMPLOYMENT.
BLANK.
X-RAY, LAB TECHNICIAN,
COMPUTER OPERATIONS, CLERICAL.
BLANKETY-BLANK-BLANK-BLANK.
CHANCES OF GETTING
A JOB AROUND HERE.
MR. HOWARD, ARE YOU AWAKE?
YEAH.
GOOD.
YOU'RE KINDA LATE TODAY, VINNIE.
I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE COMING.
DIDN'T THINK I WAS
COMING, ARE YOU KIDDING?
WOULD I DO THAT?
LOOK, HOW ELSE WOULD YOU
GET YOUR BASEBALL SCORES?
ALL RIGHT, LAST NIGHT
THE METS LOST AGAIN.
SORRY TO TELL YOU THIS.
BASES LOADED, NINTH
INNING, TWO MEN OUT,
THEY DIDN'T SCORE.
I CAN'T DO IT... I'D GIVE
YOU BETTER NEWS,
BUT IF THOSE GUYS WON'T HIT,
YOU CAN'T HELP IT, YOU KNOW?
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
NOT REAL GOOD TODAY, VINNIE.
YOU KNOW WHY?
'CAUSE I'VE BEEN PUTTING
STUFF IN YOUR WATER.
YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN
OUT OF HERE A WEEK AGO
IF IT WASN'T FOR ME.
YOU'RE SUCH A KIDDER.
WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO KEEP AN
OLD GROUCH LIKE ME AROUND HERE?
WELL, WHY SHOULD
I WANT YOU TO GO,
YOU'RE MY FAVORITE PATIENT.
I BET YOU SAY THAT TO
ALL YOUR PATIENTS, VINNIE.
WELL, ALMOST ALL.
I WAS ONLY KIDDING.
LOOK, NO, THE REAL REASON IS
'CAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY PATIENT
THAT SAVES ME THEIR PUDDING.
DO YOU MIND IF I STICK
AROUND AND MAKE A BED?
I LOVE TO MAKE BEDS.
YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY
MY FAVORITE THING HERE.
NURSE BAKER ALSO
SAYS THAT I'M PROBABLY
THE BEST BED MAKER SHE'S GOT.
I EVEN TOOK BED IN SCHOOL.
SEE, THE TRICK OF ALL THIS,
IS THAT IT'S IN THE WRISTS.
YOU SEE, LIKE THIS.
IT'S REAL FINESSE LIKE.
YOU GO LIKE THIS.
SEE, THAT'S WHY
THEY GIVE YOU TWO,
IN CASE THE FIRST
ONE GETS DIRTY.
YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE,
I ALSO LIKE UP IN
THE THIRD FLOOR
WITH ALL THOSE LITTLE KIDS.
THE OTHER DAY, THIS
LITTLE KID CAME IN TO SEE ME,
HE HAD A BROKEN LEG,
AND HE ASKED ME IF I
WOULD SIGN HIS CAST.
SO, I SIGNED IT "BURT REYNOLDS."
NOW YOU'VE GOTTA GET
THE HOSPITAL CORNERS.
THE LITTLE KID NEXT
TO HIM THOUGHT
THAT I REALLY WAS
BURT REYNOLDS, RIGHT?
SO...
I FIGURED I'M KIDDIN' HIM, BUT
WHAT THE HECK, YOU KNOW?
SO...
YOU KNOW, BEFORE I GOT THIS JOB,
I COULDN'T EVEN MAKE A BED.
MR. HOWARD, YOU SLEEPIN'?
MR. HOWARD, ARE YOU SLEEPIN'?
MR. HOWARD, ARE YOU OKAY?
OH NO.
MR. HOWARD, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
OH NO.
WHAT DO I DO?
NURSE, DOCTOR!
50 CC'S ADRENALINE, STAT.
HOW LONG HAS THIS
MAN BEEN LIKE THIS?
I WAS JUST TELLING HIM A
STORY, I WAS MAKING A BED, RIGHT,
AND THEN I THOUGHT
HE WAS SLEEPING,
I CAME OVER AND THEN
HE STARTED TO MOAN
AND THAT'S WHEN I
RAN AND GOT YOU GUYS.
WHY DIDN'T YOU PUSH
THE EMERGENCY BUTTON?
I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE IT WAS.
EVERYBODY WHO
WORKS IN THIS HOSPITAL
SHOULD KNOW WHERE THAT IS.
OXYGEN, NURSE, QUICKLY.
ARE YOU MOVING HIM TO
INTENSIVE CARE, DOCTOR?
WE CAN'T MOVE THIS PATIENT.
- BARBARINO?
- YES?
GET A CRASH CART
DOWN HERE IMMEDIATELY.
RIGHT AWAY.
WHERE IS IT?
IT'S DOWN THE HALL.
WHAT IS IT?
A CRASH CART, YOU IDIOT.
I'M SO CONFUSED.
NURSE BAKER, HOW'S MR. HOWARD?
HE'S GONNA BE FINE.
I WAS SORT OF WORRIED
ABOUT HIM, YOU KNOW?
I KNOW YOU WERE.
CAN I TALK TO YOU?
YES, WHAT IS IT?
WELL, I FEEL LIKE
EVERYTHING IN THERE
WAS SORT OF MY FAULT, YOU KNOW?
I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE THE
EMERGENCY BUTTON WAS,
I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE
THE CRASH CART WAS.
IT WAS SO STUPID.
VINNIE, EVERYBODY'S STUPID
WHEN THEY FIRST START.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS WATCH AND LEARN.
YEAH, WELL, I DON'T
THINK I CAN DO THAT.
VINNIE, IF YOU CAN
LEARN IN HIGH SCHOOL,
YOU CAN LEARN HERE.
YEAH, WELL, I GUESS I GOTTA
LEARN SOMEWHERE, YOU KNOW?
SO IS MR. HOWARD
UP, CAN I TALK TO HIM?
YES, HE WAS EVEN
TALKING WHEN I LEFT.
HE DIDN'T MAKE
MUCH SENSE THOUGH.
HE TOLD ME TO SAY
HELLO TO BURT REYNOLDS.
THANKS, MRS. BAKER.
HEY, VINNIE.
VINNIE, WE NEED A
LITTLE HELP, BUDDY.
YEAH, WE'RE NOT
HAVING SUCH GOOD LUCK
DOWN THERE AT PERSONNEL.
OH, YOU GUYS ARE
WASTING YOUR TIME.
LOOK, IF YOU'D GO DOWN AND
PUT IN A GOOD WORD FOR US,
WE WOULDN'T HAVE
TO WASTE ANY TIME.
WHY DO YOU EVEN WANT THIS JOB?
TO MAKE A LOT OF CASH MONEY.
I MAKE $68.50 A WEEK AND $10
OF THAT GOES TO UNCLE SAM.
OH, SURE, YOU GET
YOUR UNCLE A JOB HERE
BUT NOT YOUR FRIENDS.
HEY, VINNIE, CHECK IT OUT, MAN.
WE WANT TO GET A JOB HERE SO
WE CAN GET OVER LIKE YOU, MAN.
YEAH, YOU KNOW HOW I GET OVER?
THIS IS HOW I GET OVER.
WATCH THIS.
I MOP ALL DAY.
YOU THINK YOU CAN DO THIS, HUH?
WE COULD LEARN.
YEAH, WELL, THIS AIN'T
THE PLACE TO DO IT.
THAT'S WHY THEY GOT SCHOOLS
AND THAT'S WHY THEY
GOT TEACHERS LIKE KOTTER.
MAN.
I HAVE HERE BEFORE ME
YOUR FIRST ASSIGNMENT,
WHICH WAS TO WRITE A
ONE PAGE COMPOSITION
ON THE MOST IMPORTANT CURRENT
EVENT DURING THE SUMMER.
AND I AM VERY HAPPY TO SAY
THAT EVERYBODY HANDED ONE IN.
HEY, A NEW RECORD.
YES, A NEW RECORD.
UNFORTUNATELY, SOME OF
THEM ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE.
LIKE THIS ONE OVER
HERE BY RICHARD.
MOST IMPORTANT CURRENT
EVENT DURING THE SUMMER.
"I REACHED PUBERTY."
AND THIS ONE OVER HERE I
DON'T UNDERSTAND AT ALL.
"EIGHT HUBCAPS, THREE
SIDE-VIEW MIRRORS,
AND ONE EIGHT-TRACK
TAPE PLAYER."
EXCUSE ME, MR. KOTTER,
I THINK THERE'S BEEN
A LITTLE MISTAKE HERE.
THAT'S NOT MY HOMEWORK,
THAT'S MY SHOPPING LIST.
HERE, HERE'S MY
HOMEWORK RIGHT HERE.
THAT'S OUR HOMEWORK RIGHT THERE.
CARVELLI, DO YOU REALLY
INTEND TO STEAL THESE THINGS?
I WAS GONNA LEASE 'EM.
I ASKED YOU A
QUESTION, CARVELLI.
DO YOU REALLY INTEND TO
STEAL WHAT'S ON THAT PAPER?
I REFUSE TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION
ON THE GROUNDS I
MIGHT INCINERATE MYSELF.
HE SAID WE TAKE THE FIFTH.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST
TAKE YOUR SEAT, GO AHEAD.
SURE.
WAS TRYING FOR A LITTLE
BIT OF LEVITY, MR. KOTTER.
WE ARE NOT HERE
TO LEVITATE, CARVELLI.
OKAY, NOW TURN TO PAGE
23 IN YOUR WORK BOOK.
BUT I DON'T WANT TO TURN
TO PAGE 23, MR. KOTTER.
SEE, THOSE ARE THE
FIRST TWO NUMBERS
OF MY OLD MAN'S PRISON UNIFORM.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET
SOMETHING STRAIGHT RIGHT NOW.
IF YOU WANT TO GET
ANYTHING OUT OF SCHOOL,
YOU'VE GOTTA DO THE WORK.
YOU DON'T WANNA DO THE WORK,
I WANNA TELL YOU SOMETHING.
WHAT'S OUT THERE
CAN BE PRETTY UGLY.
THANKS A LOT, MR. KOTTER.
SEE, I TOLD YOU I SHOULD
HAVE BEEN IN FRONT.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
I MISS MY LUCKY CHAIR.
AND I JUST COULDN'T
STAY AWAY, BIG BUCKAROO.
I GUESS I GOT CHALK
DUST IN MY VEINS.
HEY, YO, CHECK IT
OUT, MR. KOTTER,
WE DECIDED TO GIVE
YOU ONE MORE CHANCE.
YEAH, BUT THIS IS
YOUR LAST CHANCE
'CAUSE IF WE'RE STILL
STUPID NEXT YEAR,
FORGET IT.
OKAY, NOW, YOUR
ASSIGNMENT FOR TOMORROW
WILL BE TO READ PAGES 32
THROUGH THE END OF THE CHAPTER
WHICH IS ON PAGE 58, AND
WRITE A BRIEF SUMMARY ON THEM.
MR. KOTTER, I'VE GOTTA BE
EXCUSED FROM HOMEWORK TONIGHT.
I'M WORKING AT THE
HOSPITAL, NIGHT SHIFT.
YEAH, VINNIE WORKS
MUCH BETTER AFTER DARK.
VINNIE, LISTEN, IF YOU
REALLY WANT TO BE A DOCTOR,
I SUGGEST THAT
YOU FINISH SCHOOL,
SO YOU BETTER FIND SOME
TIME TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK.
IF THIS GUY BECOMES A DOCTOR,
THE NEWSPAPER'S GONNA NEED
MUCH BIGGER OBITUARY COLUMNS.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
VINNIE'S GONNA BE
A GREAT DOCTOR.
HE ALREADY KNOWS TWO THINGS
YOU CAN SAY TO ANY PATIENT.
"WHERE DOES IT HURT?"
AND "THAT'LL BE $35."
YEAH, VINNIE MIGHT EVEN
FIND A CURE FOR ACNE.
OKAY, OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH.
LET'S GET TO WORK.
YEAH, WELL, WE DIDN'T COME
BACK TO SCHOOL TO WORK,
WE CAME BACK FOR THE ANNUAL
WOODMAN LOOKALIKE CONTEST.
CHECK IT OUT, MR. WOODMAN.
KOTTER, I GOT GOOD
NEWS FOR YOUR CLASS.
FLEA COLLARS ARE NOW
COMING OUT IN SCHOOL COLORS.
HEY, FREDDIE, FREDDIE,
THAT WAS GOOD,
BUT IT WASN'T SURLY ENOUGH.
YOU GOTTA GET REAL SURLY.
KOTTER, LET ME SAY
ONE THING, KOTTER.
WE'RE GONNA FUMIGATE THE SCHOOL,
SO WE HAVE TO GET RID OF
THE SWEATHOGS FOR A WEEK.
UNDERSTAND THAT, KOTTER?
I HATE SWEATHOGS,
THEY'RE NOT PEOPLE.
THEY'RE LIL' MONSTERS.
THEY'RE LIL' MONSTERS, KOTTER,
THEY'RE JUST LIL' MONSTERS.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, KOTTER?
WE HAVE A WINNER!
YOU LITTLE MONSTERS.
OKAY, EVERYBODY, TURN TO PAGE 23
AND WELCOME BACK.
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ AND I SMILE WHEN I THINK
HOW YOU MUST'VE BEEN ♪
♪ AND I KNOW ♪♪
WHERE'S VINNIE?
I DON'T KNOW, ARNOLD,
I REALLY HAVEN'T SEEN
HIM IN ABOUT A WEEK.
MURRAY AND CARVELLI, WHAT
ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
WELL, IT LOOKS
LIKE THEY MOVED IN
TO THE BUCHANAN SCHOOL DISTRICT.
THAT I AM THE NEW PRINCIPAL
OF BUCHANAN HIGH SCHOOL.
NOW THAT YOUR PARTNER
IN CRIME IS A VICE PRINCIPAL
YOU THINK YOU CAN GET
AWAY WITH ANYTHING YOU WANT.
THE POSSIBILITIES
ARE MIND-BOGGLING.
WELL, THEY GAVE YOU
WOODMAN'S OLD JOB
AND HIS OLD FACE.
JULIE, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
I'M A TEACHER, NOT
AN ADMINISTRATOR.
SURPRISE!
I'M GIVING YOU
DETENTION FOR ONE WEEK.
I GET THAT ALL OF A SUDDEN
YOU AIN'T ONE OF US ANYMORE.
YOU USED TO COVER FOR
US WITH MR. WOODMAN,
BUT NOW YOU ARE MR. WOODMAN.
I GOT A JOB.
YOU GOT A JOB?
MAN, I QUIT SCHOOL, I'M
THROUGH WITH IT NOW.
I GUESS I'LL BE SEEING
YOU, MR. KOTTER.
FROM NOW ON YOU CAN
CONSIDER ME OUT TO LUNCH,
PERMANENTLY.
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪
I'LL SEND SOMEONE
UP AS SOON AS I CAN.
YES, I'M SHORTHANDED RIGHT NOW.
YES, ONE OF MY ORDERLIES
DIDN'T SHOW UP YET.
I KNOW IT'S A
MESS, BUT I'LL GET...
BARBARINO.
I'LL CALL YOU BACK.
HEY, NURSE BAKER, YOU
BEEN THERE ALL THE TIME?
I DIDN'T SEE YOU.
I'VE BEEN HERE SINCE 8:00,
THE SAME TIME YOU WERE
SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.
YOU KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS,
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
THE PROBLEM IS.
ALL THE STUFF IN THE
HOSPITAL IS PAINTED WHITE
AND THEN YOU PUT YOUR
NURSES IN WHITE UNIFORMS.
IT'S A WONDER WHY WE
DON'T LOSE MORE NURSES.
WHEN YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO BE HERE AT EIGHT,
I WANT YOU HERE AT EIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY OUGHT TO DO,
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
THEY OUGHT TO DO,
THEY OUGHT TO
PAINT THE STUFF BLACK
AND THEN YOU NURSES WILL
STICK OUT LIKE SORE THUMBS.
LOOK, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO STAND
AROUND HERE AND ARGUE WITH YOU.
GET THAT GURNEY DOWN
TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM,
DROP THESE DIRTY LINENS
OFF AT THE LAUNDRY ROOM,
GET UP TO THE OPERATING
ROOM AS SOON AS YOU CAN.
THEY NEED HELP IN
GETTING IT CLEANED UP.
RIGHT, NURSE BAKER, NURSE BAKER.
YES?
THE OPERATING
ROOM, COULD I SKIP IT?
WHY?
ICKY.
WELL, BARBARINO,
DO IT FOR ME TODAY AND
TOMORROW I'LL TELL THE DOCTORS
TO TRY AND BE NEATER.
DR. BARBARINO WANTED IN SURGERY.
DR. BARBARINO WANTED IN SURGERY.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
WOO-WOO, VINNIE BARBARINO,
YOU'RE LOOKIN' GOOD.
GIMME A DOUBLE DIP OF PISTACHIO.
COME ON.
VINNIE, YOU LOOK JUST
LIKE A REGULAR DOCTOR.
HE OUGHT TO, HE'S
BEEN PLAYIN' DOCTOR
SINCE THE SIXTH GRADE.
HEY, LOOK, IF YOU
GUYS CAME TO HANG OUT,
THIS AIN'T NO HANG OUT,
SO YOU SHOULD LEAVE.
HEY, YO, VINNIE, IS
THAT A DEAD GUY?
NO, THIS IS JUST SOME...
IT'S A PATIENT OF MINE.
AND HE AIN'T DEAD?
HOW COME HIS FACE IS
ALL COVERED UP LIKE THAT?
HE'S PROBABLY SICK
OF LOOKING AT VINNIE.
WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING HERE?
OH, HOW DO?
OH, MY, BUT THAT IS
A VERY SMART OUTFIT.
WHITE.
WELL, WE CAME HERE
BECAUSE WE WANT TO GET A JOB
LIKE OUR FRIEND VINCENT.
YOU DO THAT AT THE
PERSONNEL OFFICE.
BARBARINO, I TOLD YOU THEY
NEED YOU IN THE OPERATING ROOM.
BARBARINO, YOU'RE THE
ONLY ONE ON THIS FLOOR
WHO CAN TAKE CARE
OF THESE THINGS,
SO DO IT.
OKAY, FINE.
WOW, VINNIE, MAN, YOU'RE
REALLY A BIG MAN AROUND HERE,
AIN'T YOU?
YEAH.
GOT YOUR OWN PATIENTS, HUH?
HEY, LOOK, DO YOU
THINK THEY PUT YOU
IN THESE WHITE
SUITS FOR NOTHING?
NOW, LOOK, VINNIE,
WE CAME DOWN HERE
BECAUSE WE WANTED
TO FILL OUT APPLICATIONS
TO GET A JOB JUST LIKE YOU.
WE FIGURE ALL YOU GOTTA DO
IS TALK TO SOMEBODY
IN THE FRONT OFFICE
AND WE'RE IN.
YEAH, WELL, YEAH, I COULD,
BUT I DON'T KNOW.
HEY, VINNIE, CHECK IT OUT.
JUST CHECK IT OUT.
ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS YOU
JUST GOTTA GO DOWN THERE
AND TELL THEM THAT WE DO
AS GOOD A JOB AS YOU, MAN,
AND THEN WE'D BE OVER LIKE
FAT RATS IN A CHEESE FACTORY.
YEAH, YEAH, I COULD DO THAT,
BUT IT WOULDN'T BE FAIR
TO YOU OR THE PATIENTS.
VINNIE, WHAT ARE
YOU TRYING TO SAY?
THAT YOU CAN'T HELP US?
I'M NOT... LOOK, I
COULD HELP YOU, SURE,
I MEAN, ONE WORD FROM ME
AND BOOM YOU'RE IN LIKE FLINT,
ALL RIGHT?
I DON'T KNOW, I FEEL
A RESPONSIBILITY
TO ME AND THE PATIENT
AS A MEDICINAL PERSON.
I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS
GUY, LOOK AT THIS.
I MEAN, THIS GUY,
HOW WOULD HE FEEL
IF HE KNEW THAT THE
ONLY CHANCE HE HAD
WAS ON A GUY WHO GOT
HIS JOB JUST BECAUSE
HE KNEW SOMEONE IMPORTANT, HUH?
YEAH, I GOT YOU, I DIG WHERE
YOU'RE COMING FROM, VINNIE.
I'VE GOT IT, MAN.
HEY, Y'ALL, VINNIE'S RIGHT, MAN.
HEY, UM, WHERE DO WE GO, MAN,
TO GET THOSE
DOCTOR APPLICATIONS?
ALL RIGHT, YOU GO DOWN
TO THE END OF THIS CORRIDOR,
YOU GO DOWNSTAIRS TO
THE BOTTOM OF THE STEPS,
YOU GOT A LAUNDRY
ROOM ON YOUR RIGHT,
NEXT TO THAT IS A BROOM CLOSET
WITH A BUNCH OF TRASH BARRELS.
MAKE A LEFT, AND
IT'S DOWN THE HALL,
YOU CAN'T MISS IT.
BOY, VINNIE, YOU REALLY
KNOW YOUR WAY AROUND HERE.
YEAH.
- RIGHT ON, MAN.
- THANKS A LOT, VINNIE.
RIGHT ON.
OKAY, SEE YOU LATER, GUYS.
BOY, ONE DAY THIS REALLY IS
GONNA BE A PATIENT OF MINE.
I'M REALLY GONNA
MAKE HIM BETTER.
OH, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'LL BE
GOING HOME PRETTY SOON,
MR. JOHNSON.
YEAH, IT WAS TOUCH AND
GO THERE FOR A WHILE,
YOU KNOW, IT REALLY WAS.
YOU HAD A PRETTY BAD
CASE OF THAT PRIAPISM THERE.
BUT, UH... I DON'T KNOW,
IN LAYMAN'S TERMS
THAT MEANS SHE'S
ALL BENT UP AND STUFF.
BUT, UH, I GOT YOU
THROUGH IT THIS TIME
AND YOU'LL BE GOING
HOME BEFORE YOU KNOW.
DOCTOR BARBARINO,
TAKE YOUR PATIENT
DOWN TO THE LAUNDRY ROOM
AND TELL THEM NO STARCH, NOW!
RIGHT, RIGHT.
HIYA, VINNIE.
HI, MR. KOTTER.
VINNIE, I GOTTA TALK TO YOU.
WHAT ABOUT?
ABOUT QUITTING SCHOOL.
OH, GEE, MR. KOTTER,
YOU THINK IT'S THE
RIGHT DECISION?
NOT ME, VINNIE.
I WANNA TALK TO YOU
ABOUT YOU AND THE GUYS
QUITTIN' SCHOOL.
OH, THAT, YEAH, THE GUYS
CAME IN HERE THIS MORNING
LOOKIN' FOR APPLICATIONS,
AIN'T THAT GREAT?
NO, I DON'T THINK
IT'S GREAT, VINNIE.
LISTEN, CAN YOU TAKE A
MINUTE OFF SO WE CAN TALK?
OH, YEAH, SURE, LOOK, I
MAKE MY OWN HOURS HERE.
ALL RIGHT, COME ON, SIT DOWN.
ALL RIGHT, NOW WHAT
CAN I DO FOR YOU?
VINNIE, YOU KNOW THAT
THE GUYS LOOK UP TO YOU.
WELL, YEAH, I MEAN,
THEY AIN'T NO DUMMIES.
WELL, THINGS HAVE
CHANGED AROUND THE SCHOOL,
YOU SEE, I'VE BECAME
VICE PRINCIPAL.
HEY, YEAH, I HEARD!
HEY, CONGRATULATIONS,
RIGHT ON, HEAVY DUTY STUFF.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU!
NOW, AS VICE PRINCIPAL...
YEAH, I HEARD, CONGRATULATIONS!
ALL RIGHT!
AS VICE PRINCIPAL, I'M
IN CHARGE OF DISCIPLINE.
AND IF SOMEBODY DOES
SOMETHING WRONG,
I GOTTA REPRIMAND THEM.
THE GUYS DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS,
THEY THINK THAT
I'M DESERTING THEM.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU
WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?
VINNIE, I WANT YOU
TO TALK TO THE GUYS
ABOUT QUITTIN' SCHOOL.
IT'S GONNA AFFECT
THEIR WHOLE LIFE.
AND IF YOU SAID SOMETHIN',
IF YOU TOLD THEM NOT TO,
THEY MIGHT LISTEN.
OH, I DON'T THINK
I COULD DO THAT.
IT'D BE DISHONEST.
I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO
BE DISHONEST, VINNIE,
I'M JUST ASKING YOU
TO TELL 'EM THE FACTS.
MR. KOTTER, THE FACTS
ARE THAT I QUIT HIGH SCHOOL
AND I GOT MYSELF A
GOOD JOB WITH GOOD PAY.
THAT'S ANOTHER THING I
WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.
YOU, MY FRIEND, ARE
MAKING A BIG MISTAKE, TOO.
HEY, LOOK, THERE AIN'T
NOTHIN' I LEARNED IN SCHOOL
THAT'S GONNA HELP
ME WITH THIS HERE JOB.
VINNIE, IF THIS IS THE KIND OF
JOB YOU WANTED TO WIND UP WITH,
YOU NEVER HAD TO GO TO
SCHOOL IN THE FIRST PLACE.
NOW YOU TELL ME.
VINNIE, THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG WITH DOING THIS,
IT'S HONEST WORK, BUT I
THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN THIS.
LOOK, DON'T TELL ME
WHAT I'M BETTER THAN.
LOOK, YOU AIN'T MY
TEACHER NO MORE,
SO YOU JUST CAN'T
TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER, MR. KOTTER.
COME ON, COME ON, GUYS,
LET'S FILL OUT
THESE APPLICATIONS
AND THEN THE MONEY IS
GONNA START ROLLIN' IN.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
THAT LADY IN THE
PERSONNEL DEPARTMENT
DIDN'T SEEM TOO HAPPY TO SEE US.
WELL, I THOUGHT SHE
WAS RATHER JOVIAL.
WE WALKED IN, WE
ASKED HER FOR JOBS,
AND SHE WAS STILL
LAUGHING WHEN WE LEFT.
COME ON, COME ON, LET'S GET
DOWN TO BUSINESS HERE, ALL RIGHT?
HERE WE ARE.
NAME, PLEASE PRINT.
MIDDLE NAME.
HEY, LOOK, THERE'S ONLY
ROOM HERE FOR ONE NAME.
I KNOW THAT.
WHAT DID YOU DO,
FREDDIE, JUST PUT "BOOM?"
LOOK, MAN, DON'T LOOK
OVER MY SHOULDER,
I'M TRYIN' TO WRITE.
GIVE ME WHAT YOU GOT HERE
SO I KNOW WHAT TO WRITE.
YEAH, BUT, COME ON, DON'T COPY.
COME ON, LET ME
SEE IT, LET ME SEE IT.
FREDERICK PERCY WASHINGTON.
- PERCY.
- PERCY.
IT WAS MY GRANDDADDY'S NAME.
PERCY.
DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME
THAT THE LAST THREE YEARS
I HAVE ALLOWED MYSELF
TO BE PUSHED AROUND
BY A PERCY?
WELL, IT'S A LOT BETTER THAN
BEING KILLED BY ONE, HUH?
OH.
THIS IS TRUE.
COME ON, COME ON,
LET'S SETTLE DOWN HERE,
LET'S RECTIFY THE REST OF
THESE APPLICATIONS HERE.
- PERCY.
- PERCY.
I HATE SHORT PEOPLE.
OKAY, HERE'S THE
FIRST QUESTION HERE.
"DO YOU HAVE SOCIAL SECURITY?"
YES.
BUT ONLY AMONG CLOSE FRIENDS.
"HOW FAR HAVE YOU
GONE IN SCHOOL?"
NOT TOO FAR IN SCHOOL,
BUT I HAD A COUPLE OF
GOOD NIGHTS AT THE DRIVE-IN.
"WHAT JOB ARE YOU APPLYING FOR
AND HOW MUCH DO
YOU EXPECT TO MAKE?"
WELL, IF I GOTTA GUESS
WHAT I'M GONNA MAKE,
LET THEM GUESS
WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
"HAVE YOU HAD ANY
NURSING EXPERIENCE?"
NO.
I WAS A BOTTLE BABY.
GRADE POINT AVERAGE.
I'D SAY WE AVERAGE A
GRADE EVERY TWO YEARS.
- PUT THAT DOWN.
- I'LL PUT THAT DOWN.
OH.
HERE COMES A HARDY.
HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATED?
JUST LEAVE IT BLANK.
- YEAH, THAT'S IT.
- THAT'S GOOD, THAT'S GOOD.
PREVIOUS EMPLOYMENT.
BLANK.
X-RAY, LAB TECHNICIAN,
COMPUTER OPERATIONS, CLERICAL.
BLANKETY-BLANK-BLANK-BLANK.
CHANCES OF GETTING
A JOB AROUND HERE.
MR. HOWARD, ARE YOU AWAKE?
YEAH.
GOOD.
YOU'RE KINDA LATE TODAY, VINNIE.
I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE COMING.
DIDN'T THINK I WAS
COMING, ARE YOU KIDDING?
WOULD I DO THAT?
LOOK, HOW ELSE WOULD YOU
GET YOUR BASEBALL SCORES?
ALL RIGHT, LAST NIGHT
THE METS LOST AGAIN.
SORRY TO TELL YOU THIS.
BASES LOADED, NINTH
INNING, TWO MEN OUT,
THEY DIDN'T SCORE.
I CAN'T DO IT... I'D GIVE
YOU BETTER NEWS,
BUT IF THOSE GUYS WON'T HIT,
YOU CAN'T HELP IT, YOU KNOW?
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
NOT REAL GOOD TODAY, VINNIE.
YOU KNOW WHY?
'CAUSE I'VE BEEN PUTTING
STUFF IN YOUR WATER.
YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN
OUT OF HERE A WEEK AGO
IF IT WASN'T FOR ME.
YOU'RE SUCH A KIDDER.
WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO KEEP AN
OLD GROUCH LIKE ME AROUND HERE?
WELL, WHY SHOULD
I WANT YOU TO GO,
YOU'RE MY FAVORITE PATIENT.
I BET YOU SAY THAT TO
ALL YOUR PATIENTS, VINNIE.
WELL, ALMOST ALL.
I WAS ONLY KIDDING.
LOOK, NO, THE REAL REASON IS
'CAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY PATIENT
THAT SAVES ME THEIR PUDDING.
DO YOU MIND IF I STICK
AROUND AND MAKE A BED?
I LOVE TO MAKE BEDS.
YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY
MY FAVORITE THING HERE.
NURSE BAKER ALSO
SAYS THAT I'M PROBABLY
THE BEST BED MAKER SHE'S GOT.
I EVEN TOOK BED IN SCHOOL.
SEE, THE TRICK OF ALL THIS,
IS THAT IT'S IN THE WRISTS.
YOU SEE, LIKE THIS.
IT'S REAL FINESSE LIKE.
YOU GO LIKE THIS.
SEE, THAT'S WHY
THEY GIVE YOU TWO,
IN CASE THE FIRST
ONE GETS DIRTY.
YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE,
I ALSO LIKE UP IN
THE THIRD FLOOR
WITH ALL THOSE LITTLE KIDS.
THE OTHER DAY, THIS
LITTLE KID CAME IN TO SEE ME,
HE HAD A BROKEN LEG,
AND HE ASKED ME IF I
WOULD SIGN HIS CAST.
SO, I SIGNED IT "BURT REYNOLDS."
NOW YOU'VE GOTTA GET
THE HOSPITAL CORNERS.
THE LITTLE KID NEXT
TO HIM THOUGHT
THAT I REALLY WAS
BURT REYNOLDS, RIGHT?
SO...
I FIGURED I'M KIDDIN' HIM, BUT
WHAT THE HECK, YOU KNOW?
SO...
YOU KNOW, BEFORE I GOT THIS JOB,
I COULDN'T EVEN MAKE A BED.
MR. HOWARD, YOU SLEEPIN'?
MR. HOWARD, ARE YOU SLEEPIN'?
MR. HOWARD, ARE YOU OKAY?
OH NO.
MR. HOWARD, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
OH NO.
WHAT DO I DO?
NURSE, DOCTOR!
50 CC'S ADRENALINE, STAT.
HOW LONG HAS THIS
MAN BEEN LIKE THIS?
I WAS JUST TELLING HIM A
STORY, I WAS MAKING A BED, RIGHT,
AND THEN I THOUGHT
HE WAS SLEEPING,
I CAME OVER AND THEN
HE STARTED TO MOAN
AND THAT'S WHEN I
RAN AND GOT YOU GUYS.
WHY DIDN'T YOU PUSH
THE EMERGENCY BUTTON?
I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE IT WAS.
EVERYBODY WHO
WORKS IN THIS HOSPITAL
SHOULD KNOW WHERE THAT IS.
OXYGEN, NURSE, QUICKLY.
ARE YOU MOVING HIM TO
INTENSIVE CARE, DOCTOR?
WE CAN'T MOVE THIS PATIENT.
- BARBARINO?
- YES?
GET A CRASH CART
DOWN HERE IMMEDIATELY.
RIGHT AWAY.
WHERE IS IT?
IT'S DOWN THE HALL.
WHAT IS IT?
A CRASH CART, YOU IDIOT.
I'M SO CONFUSED.
NURSE BAKER, HOW'S MR. HOWARD?
HE'S GONNA BE FINE.
I WAS SORT OF WORRIED
ABOUT HIM, YOU KNOW?
I KNOW YOU WERE.
CAN I TALK TO YOU?
YES, WHAT IS IT?
WELL, I FEEL LIKE
EVERYTHING IN THERE
WAS SORT OF MY FAULT, YOU KNOW?
I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE THE
EMERGENCY BUTTON WAS,
I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE
THE CRASH CART WAS.
IT WAS SO STUPID.
VINNIE, EVERYBODY'S STUPID
WHEN THEY FIRST START.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS WATCH AND LEARN.
YEAH, WELL, I DON'T
THINK I CAN DO THAT.
VINNIE, IF YOU CAN
LEARN IN HIGH SCHOOL,
YOU CAN LEARN HERE.
YEAH, WELL, I GUESS I GOTTA
LEARN SOMEWHERE, YOU KNOW?
SO IS MR. HOWARD
UP, CAN I TALK TO HIM?
YES, HE WAS EVEN
TALKING WHEN I LEFT.
HE DIDN'T MAKE
MUCH SENSE THOUGH.
HE TOLD ME TO SAY
HELLO TO BURT REYNOLDS.
THANKS, MRS. BAKER.
HEY, VINNIE.
VINNIE, WE NEED A
LITTLE HELP, BUDDY.
YEAH, WE'RE NOT
HAVING SUCH GOOD LUCK
DOWN THERE AT PERSONNEL.
OH, YOU GUYS ARE
WASTING YOUR TIME.
LOOK, IF YOU'D GO DOWN AND
PUT IN A GOOD WORD FOR US,
WE WOULDN'T HAVE
TO WASTE ANY TIME.
WHY DO YOU EVEN WANT THIS JOB?
TO MAKE A LOT OF CASH MONEY.
I MAKE $68.50 A WEEK AND $10
OF THAT GOES TO UNCLE SAM.
OH, SURE, YOU GET
YOUR UNCLE A JOB HERE
BUT NOT YOUR FRIENDS.
HEY, VINNIE, CHECK IT OUT, MAN.
WE WANT TO GET A JOB HERE SO
WE CAN GET OVER LIKE YOU, MAN.
YEAH, YOU KNOW HOW I GET OVER?
THIS IS HOW I GET OVER.
WATCH THIS.
I MOP ALL DAY.
YOU THINK YOU CAN DO THIS, HUH?
WE COULD LEARN.
YEAH, WELL, THIS AIN'T
THE PLACE TO DO IT.
THAT'S WHY THEY GOT SCHOOLS
AND THAT'S WHY THEY
GOT TEACHERS LIKE KOTTER.
MAN.
I HAVE HERE BEFORE ME
YOUR FIRST ASSIGNMENT,
WHICH WAS TO WRITE A
ONE PAGE COMPOSITION
ON THE MOST IMPORTANT CURRENT
EVENT DURING THE SUMMER.
AND I AM VERY HAPPY TO SAY
THAT EVERYBODY HANDED ONE IN.
HEY, A NEW RECORD.
YES, A NEW RECORD.
UNFORTUNATELY, SOME OF
THEM ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE.
LIKE THIS ONE OVER
HERE BY RICHARD.
MOST IMPORTANT CURRENT
EVENT DURING THE SUMMER.
"I REACHED PUBERTY."
AND THIS ONE OVER HERE I
DON'T UNDERSTAND AT ALL.
"EIGHT HUBCAPS, THREE
SIDE-VIEW MIRRORS,
AND ONE EIGHT-TRACK
TAPE PLAYER."
EXCUSE ME, MR. KOTTER,
I THINK THERE'S BEEN
A LITTLE MISTAKE HERE.
THAT'S NOT MY HOMEWORK,
THAT'S MY SHOPPING LIST.
HERE, HERE'S MY
HOMEWORK RIGHT HERE.
THAT'S OUR HOMEWORK RIGHT THERE.
CARVELLI, DO YOU REALLY
INTEND TO STEAL THESE THINGS?
I WAS GONNA LEASE 'EM.
I ASKED YOU A
QUESTION, CARVELLI.
DO YOU REALLY INTEND TO
STEAL WHAT'S ON THAT PAPER?
I REFUSE TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION
ON THE GROUNDS I
MIGHT INCINERATE MYSELF.
HE SAID WE TAKE THE FIFTH.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST
TAKE YOUR SEAT, GO AHEAD.
SURE.
WAS TRYING FOR A LITTLE
BIT OF LEVITY, MR. KOTTER.
WE ARE NOT HERE
TO LEVITATE, CARVELLI.
OKAY, NOW TURN TO PAGE
23 IN YOUR WORK BOOK.
BUT I DON'T WANT TO TURN
TO PAGE 23, MR. KOTTER.
SEE, THOSE ARE THE
FIRST TWO NUMBERS
OF MY OLD MAN'S PRISON UNIFORM.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET
SOMETHING STRAIGHT RIGHT NOW.
IF YOU WANT TO GET
ANYTHING OUT OF SCHOOL,
YOU'VE GOTTA DO THE WORK.
YOU DON'T WANNA DO THE WORK,
I WANNA TELL YOU SOMETHING.
WHAT'S OUT THERE
CAN BE PRETTY UGLY.
THANKS A LOT, MR. KOTTER.
SEE, I TOLD YOU I SHOULD
HAVE BEEN IN FRONT.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
I MISS MY LUCKY CHAIR.
AND I JUST COULDN'T
STAY AWAY, BIG BUCKAROO.
I GUESS I GOT CHALK
DUST IN MY VEINS.
HEY, YO, CHECK IT
OUT, MR. KOTTER,
WE DECIDED TO GIVE
YOU ONE MORE CHANCE.
YEAH, BUT THIS IS
YOUR LAST CHANCE
'CAUSE IF WE'RE STILL
STUPID NEXT YEAR,
FORGET IT.
OKAY, NOW, YOUR
ASSIGNMENT FOR TOMORROW
WILL BE TO READ PAGES 32
THROUGH THE END OF THE CHAPTER
WHICH IS ON PAGE 58, AND
WRITE A BRIEF SUMMARY ON THEM.
MR. KOTTER, I'VE GOTTA BE
EXCUSED FROM HOMEWORK TONIGHT.
I'M WORKING AT THE
HOSPITAL, NIGHT SHIFT.
YEAH, VINNIE WORKS
MUCH BETTER AFTER DARK.
VINNIE, LISTEN, IF YOU
REALLY WANT TO BE A DOCTOR,
I SUGGEST THAT
YOU FINISH SCHOOL,
SO YOU BETTER FIND SOME
TIME TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK.
IF THIS GUY BECOMES A DOCTOR,
THE NEWSPAPER'S GONNA NEED
MUCH BIGGER OBITUARY COLUMNS.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
VINNIE'S GONNA BE
A GREAT DOCTOR.
HE ALREADY KNOWS TWO THINGS
YOU CAN SAY TO ANY PATIENT.
"WHERE DOES IT HURT?"
AND "THAT'LL BE $35."
YEAH, VINNIE MIGHT EVEN
FIND A CURE FOR ACNE.
OKAY, OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH.
LET'S GET TO WORK.
YEAH, WELL, WE DIDN'T COME
BACK TO SCHOOL TO WORK,
WE CAME BACK FOR THE ANNUAL
WOODMAN LOOKALIKE CONTEST.
CHECK IT OUT, MR. WOODMAN.
KOTTER, I GOT GOOD
NEWS FOR YOUR CLASS.
FLEA COLLARS ARE NOW
COMING OUT IN SCHOOL COLORS.
HEY, FREDDIE, FREDDIE,
THAT WAS GOOD,
BUT IT WASN'T SURLY ENOUGH.
YOU GOTTA GET REAL SURLY.
KOTTER, LET ME SAY
ONE THING, KOTTER.
WE'RE GONNA FUMIGATE THE SCHOOL,
SO WE HAVE TO GET RID OF
THE SWEATHOGS FOR A WEEK.
UNDERSTAND THAT, KOTTER?
I HATE SWEATHOGS,
THEY'RE NOT PEOPLE.
THEY'RE LIL' MONSTERS.
THEY'RE LIL' MONSTERS, KOTTER,
THEY'RE JUST LIL' MONSTERS.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, KOTTER?
WE HAVE A WINNER!
YOU LITTLE MONSTERS.
OKAY, EVERYBODY, TURN TO PAGE 23
AND WELCOME BACK.
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ AND I SMILE WHEN I THINK
HOW YOU MUST'VE BEEN ♪
♪ AND I KNOW ♪♪