Welcome Back, Kotter (1975–1979): Season 4, Episode 17 - Come Back, Little Arnold - full transcript
HEY, JUAN EPSTEIN, JUST THE
GUY I'VE BEEN WANTING TO SEE.
OKAY, NOW, YOU
SEE THIS RIGHT HERE?
PICK A CARD, ANY CARD, GO AHEAD.
ALL RIGHT NOW, BOTH OF
Y'ALL LOOK AT THAT CARD.
Y'ALL LOOKIN' AT IT?
OKAY, RIP IT IN HALF.
OKAY, RIP IT IN HALF AGAIN.
OKAY, THROW IT OVER
YOUR RIGHT SHOULDER.
THAT CARD WAS
THE... SEVEN OF CLUBS.
WRONG.
OKAY, PICK ANOTHER CARD.
- OKAY, RIP IT IN HALF.
- GUYS, GUYS, OH, GUYS.
BOY AM I IN TROUBLE,
YOU GOTTA HELP ME.
THIS IS THE WORST THING
THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME.
DON'T TELL ME.
YOU WORE OUT A FOOT
IN YOUR DR. DENTONS.
WILL YOU COME
ON? THIS IS SERIOUS.
OH, YOU WORE OUT BOTH FOOTS.
LOOK, ARNOLD, DON'T MIND
THESE CLOWNS OVER HERE.
YOU JUST TELL UNCLE
JUAN WHAT AILS YA.
WELL, UNCLE JUAN,
LAST NIGHT, MARY
JOHNSON CALLED ME UP
AND ASKED ME TO
THAT PARTY TONIGHT.
OH, YOU... YOU TURNED
HER DOWN, HUH?
OH, WORSE, I SAID YES.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
WELL, FOR STARTERS, YOU
CAN GO TO THE PARTY WITH HER.
I CAN'T DO THAT!
EVERY TIME... I'M AROUND HER,
I-I FREEZE UP, MY... MY...
MY TONGUE GETS ALL TIED
AND MY HANDS GET ALL SWEATY.
OOH, ARNOLD.
SOUNDS LIKE, UH, YOU IN LOVE.
OOH!
EITHER THAT,
OR YOU GOT A CASE OF
HOOF-AND-MOUTH DISEASE.
THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT.
EVERY TIME I'M AROUND
HER, I OPEN MY MOUTH
AND I PUT MY HOOF IN IT.
I MEAN, IT WAS A LOT EASIER
TO TALK TO HER WHEN WE
WAS JUST FRIENDS, YOU KNOW,
BUT NOW, NOW SHE'S A DATE
AND EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT.
ARNOLD, ARNOLD, NOW LOOK.
COMMUNICATING WITH THE
OPPOSITE SEX ISN'T THAT DIFFICULT.
JUST FORGET THEY'RE GIRLS AND
PRETEND THEY'RE REGULAR PEOPLE.
YEAH, COME ON, GUY.
YOU'RE A MAN, SHE'S A WOMAN.
YOU'RE TOUGH, SHE'S SOFT.
BLOW IN HER EAR, SHE'LL LOVE IT.
BUT WHAT IF IT MAKES HER MAD?
OH, ARNOLD, DON'T
WORRY ABOUT NOTHIN', MAN.
MOST CHICKS DON'T THROW
A PUNCH ON THE FIRST DATE.
OKAY, OKAY, I'LL
TRY, I'LL BE TOUGH.
I'LL BE MEAN.
I'LL BE MACHO MAN.
MACHO MAN, ALL
RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
HI, GUYS.
CAN ARNOLD COME OUT AND PLAY?
HI, ARNOLD.
IS OUR DATE STILL
ON FOR TONIGHT?
WHAT TIME WILL YOU PICK ME UP.
OKAY.
SEE YA AT SEVEN.
BYE.
YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?
IF I DON'T FIND SOME WAY
TO IMPRESS HER AT
THAT PARTY TONIGHT,
SHE'S NEVER GONNA
GO OUT WITH ME AGAIN.
OH, ARNOLD, COME ON.
RELAX, TAKE IT EASY,
YOU'RE GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
YOU'RE GONNA DO JUST FINE,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT NOTHIN'.
YEAH, BUT, WHAT AM
I GONNA SAY TO HER
WHEN SHE ASKS
WHY I'M NOT TALKING?
JUST TELL HER YOU'RE
A LITTLE HOARSE.
HEY, ARNOLD.
LISTEN, I COULDN'T
HELP BUT OVERHEAR.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE
HAVING A LITTLE PROBLEM
WITH THE FEMALES OF
THE OPPOSITE SEX, HUH?
THAT'S NONE OF YOUR
BUSINESS, CARVELLI.
WELL, ARNOLD, COME ON, LOOK,
I'M NOT GONNA SPREAD THIS
AROUND THE SCHOOL, YOU KNOW?
LOOK, I'M NOT THAT KIND OF GUY.
YEAH, THERE AIN'T
NO MONEY IN THAT.
LOOK, FOR A SMALL FEE,
I CAN FIX YOU UP
WITH A MAGIC POTION
THAT WILL GIVE YOU
THE, UH, THE COURAGE
THAT YOU NEED.
YEAH, WHAT IS IT?
COME OVER HERE.
MURRAY.
ARNOLD, CHECK IT OUT.
LIQUID BACKBONE.
THIS IS WHISKEY, I
DON'T WANT THIS.
YOU DON'T WANT IT?
HEY, NO PROBLEM, LOOK, ARNOLD,
THERE'S LOTS OF PEOPLE WHO
PAY CASH FOR THIS, YOU KNOW?
IT'S FINE, LOOK,
YOU WANT TO MAKE A FOOL
OUTTA YOURSELF IN FRONT OF MARY,
THAT'S ALL RIGHT WITH ME.
HERE, I'LL BILL YA.
COME ON, MURRAY,
LET'S GO... HEY, CARVEL...
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪
HAVE YOU SEEN
ARNOLD THIS MORNING?
HE WAS ACTING SO STRANGELY
AT THE PARTY LAST NIGHT.
BERSERK WAS MORE LIKE IT.
YOU KNOW, HE WAS EVEN ACTING
WEIRD WHEN HE PICKED ME UP.
KEPT CALLING MY
MOTHER "TOOTSIE."
YOU THINK THAT'S WEIRD?
THAT'S WHAT HE WAS CALLING
ME ALL LAST NIGHT, TOO.
WHEN I GOT A RIDE
HOME WITH SALLY,
HE WAS DANCING ON A TABLETOP.
YEAH, WELL, YOU
SHOULDA STUCK AROUND
TILL TWO O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING.
HE CHALLENGED THE
FOOTBALL TEAM TO A FIGHT.
ARNOLD?
THAT'S CRAZY!
NO, THE CRAZY THING
WAS THAT HE HAD
THE WHOLE FOOTBALL
TEAM ALL SCARED.
GOOD MORNING.
- GOOD MORNING.
- GOOD MORNING.
AS YOU KNOW, YOUR
POETRY ASSIGNMENTS
ARE DUE THIS MORNING.
MR. EPSTEIN, I THINK
WE'LL START WITH YOU.
EPSTEIN!
YOUR POEM.
THE TITLE OF MY POEM IS "FLEAS."
ADAM HAD 'EM.
I SEE.
IN THAT CASE, THE TITLE
OF YOUR MARK IS "F."
TOUGH STUFF.
ALL RIGHT, TREMAINE,
WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA
STARTING CLASS WITHOUT ME?
WELL, YOU'LL HAVE TO
FORGIVE ME, ARNOLD,
I JUST DON'T KNOW
WHAT CAME OVER ME.
THE BELL RANG, AND
BEFORE I KNEW IT,
I'D STARTED THE CLASS.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL
RIGHT, I'LL LET IT PASS THIS TIME.
BUT NEXT TIME, YOU WATCH IT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
NOW, I'M NOT TRYING
TO PUSH MY LUCK HERE,
BUT, UH, YOU WOULDN'T
HAPPEN TO HAVE
A TARDY EXCUSE
ON YOU, WOULD YOU?
YOU WANT A TARDY EXCUSE?
I'LL GIVE YOU A TARDY EXCUSE.
I'M TARDY, EXCUSE ME!
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO EXCUSE ARNOLD.
HE GETS A LITTLE CRANKY
WHEN HIS MALT-O-MEAL IS LUMPY.
YEAH, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
A LUMPY LIP, SHEEP HEAD?
BOY, YOU PEOPLE ARE DREARY.
NOT YOU, BABY.
ALL RIGHT, MR. HORSHACK.
SINCE YOU SEEM TO HAVE
THE ATTENTION OF THE CLASS,
WHY DON'T YOU JUST
GET UP ON YOUR FEET
AND GIVE US YOUR
POETRY ASSIGNMENT?
IT WOULD BE MY PLEASURE.
THERE WAS AN OLD
MAN FROM NANTUCKET
WHO GOT HIS HEAD
STUCK IN A BUCKET...
- ARNOLD, THAT IS ENOUGH!
- OH, COME ON!
COME ON, LOOSEN
UP, THIS IS A KILLER.
ARNOLD, THAT'S ENOUGH.
I WANT YOU TO SIT DOWN.
I WILL NOT SIT DOWN, I
WANT TO READ MY POEM,
AND ANYBODY THAT TRIES TO STOP
ME IS LOOKING FOR BIG TROUBLE.
WELL, TROUBLE IS MY MIDDLE NAME.
ARNOLD, GUY, COME ON, HUH?
GRAB A SEAT, IT AIN'T
WORTH ALL THIS, HUH?
ARE YOU GONNA LET ME
READ MY POEM OR NOT?
HEY, ARNOLD, COME
ON, MAN, CUT IT OUT, MAN.
SHE SAID SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.
I WILL NOT SIT DOWN!
ARNOLD, PLEASE.
YOU PEOPLE ARE
ALL MAKIN' FUN OF ME.
DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW IT,
YOU'VE BEEN MAKIN' FUN OF ME
ALL MY LIFE, BUT YOU'RE
NOT GONNA DO IT ANYMORE.
NOBODY'S MAKING
FUN OF YOU, ARNOLD.
AND ANOTHER THING!
YOU'RE GOING TO THE PROM
WITH ME ON FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'LL PICK YOU UP AT 8:30.
WELL, HE SURE GOT OVER
HIS SHYNESS WITH GIRLS.
- HERE, TWO BUCKS?
- YEAH.
SAY, ARNOLD, WE'RE HERE TO
PICK UP OUR TICKETS FOR THE PROM.
OH, GEE, I'M SORRY, GUYS,
BUT WE SOLD OUT THE
PROM TICKETS YESTERDAY.
WELL, WHAT ARE
YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA SAVE
THOSE DISCOUNT TICKETS FOR US
SO WE CAN GET OUR CASH TOGETHER.
YEAH, NOW WE GOTTA PAY
FULL PRICE AT THE DOOR.
YEAH, I-I NEVER
SAID ANY SUCH THING.
YOU DID TO, HOW
COULD YOU FORGET?
IT WAS JUST THE DAY
BEFORE YESTERDAY.
LOOK, ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?
I'M NOT CALLING YOU A LIAR.
I'M CALLING YOU
A PEA BRAIN, PAL.
ANYBODY WITH HALF A MIND WOULD
REMEMBER A PROMISE TO A FRIEND.
OH, JUAN, JUAN, YOU KNOW ME.
I DON'T FORGET MY PROMISES...
TO MY FRIENDS.
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
I GOTTA GET GOING HERE,
MR. BENEDICT ARNOLD HORSHACK.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
LOOKS TO ME LIKE ARNOLD'S
HAD A BLOWOUT OF THE BRAIN
AND HE'S RIDIN' ON THE RIMS.
HEY, GUYS!
GUYS!
GUYS, DON'T YOU RUN AWAY MAD!
JUST RUN AWAY.
"JUST RUN AWAY," THAT'S
PRETTY GOOD, "JUST RUN AWAY."
"JUST RUN AWAY."
HEY, HEY, FREDDIE, MY MAIN MAN!
WHAT'S SHAKIN', HUH?
YOUR TEETH IF YOU
DON'T STRAIGHTEN UP.
ARNOLD, WHERE'S
YOUR HEAD AT, MAN?
YOU'RE LEAVING THE COUNTER
HERE WITH NOBODY HERE.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
HEY, COME ON, MAN, EASE
UP, DON'T BLOW A GASKET.
I WAS JUST... I WAS JUST AROUND
THE CORNER AT MY LOCKER.
LOOK, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU WAS
DOING, YOU UNDERSTAND ME, MAN?
YOU'RE NEVER SUPPOSED TO LEAVE
THE COUNTER WITH MONEY ON IT.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
OH.
YOU DON'T LIKE THE
MONEY ON THE COUNTER.
NO, I DON'T LIKE THE
MONEY ON THE COUNTER.
- THAT'S THE PROBLEM?
- YEAH, THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
END OF PROBLEM.
WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU, ARNOLD?
- ARE YOU CRAZY OR SOMETHING?
- YEAH, I'M CRAZY.
I'M CRAZY TO THINK THAT I COULD
EVER BE PARTNERS WITH YOU.
LOOK, YOU WANT TO RUN THE
STORE SCHOOL, YOU GOT IT!
RUN IT INTO THE
GROUND FOR ALL I CARE.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, I'LL
TAKE CARE OF THIS.
HERE, FREDDIE, LET ME HELP YOU.
YOU WANT TO HELP ME?
YOU JUST KEEP
ARNOLD OUT OF MY SIGHT
BEFORE I MAKE HIM A
PERMANENT PART OF THAT LOCKER.
JUST COOL DOWN A LITTLE BIT NOW.
LET ME SEE WHAT I
CAN DO ABOUT THIS.
YOU REDECORATING, ARNOLD?
WHAT'S IT TO YOU?
WELL, I'VE BEEN WONDERING
WHAT'S BEEN KEEPING YOU
OUT OF MY CLASS FOR
THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS.
IS SOMETHING THE MATTER?
YES, SOMETHING IS THE
MATTER, MRS. TREMAINE.
YOU SEE...
I'M SICK AND TIRED OF
EVERYBODY ASKING ME
IF SOMETHING'S THE MATTER.
I'M FINE, OKAY? I'M JUST FINE.
NEVER BETTER.
NOW WHY DON'T YOU JUST
GO PEDDLE YOUR POETRY
AND LEAVE ME ALONE?
AND I'M TELLING YOU
IF YOU DON'T COUGH UP
MORE MONEY FOR LAB ANIMALS,
THE STUDENTS ARE GONNA
START DISSECTING EACH OTHER!
HEY, THAT'S NOT A BAD IDEA.
MR. WOODMAN, I HATE
TO INTERRUPT YOU
WHEN YOU'RE HAVING
SUCH A GOOD TIME.
I HAVE TO SPEAK TO YOU
ON A VERY SERIOUS MATTER.
UH, IT HAS TO DO WITH
A DRINKING PROBLEM.
WELL, IF IT'S A STUDENT WHO'S
DRINKING, WE'LL EXPEL HIM.
THAT WASN'T SO TOUGH, WAS IT?
MR. WOODMAN, LET'S JUST
FORGET THAT YOU'RE THE PRINCIPAL
AND THAT I'M THE
TEACHER FOR A MOMENT,
AND LET'S JUST SAY I'M
TALKING ABOUT A FRIEND OF MINE.
OH.
OH, I GET IT.
HAVE A SEAT, JEAN.
UH, THANK YOU.
NOW, UH,
TELL ME ALL ABOUT
YOUR FRIEND'S TROUBLES.
WELL, THIS JUST
STARTED RECENTLY,
BUT ALREADY I'VE SEEN SOME
SIGNS OF ALCOHOL ABUSE,
AND THERE'S BEEN A
PERSONALITY CHANGE
AND A LOT OF SNAPPING
AT THE, UM, KIDS IN CLASS
AND JUST A GENERAL
DECLINE IN THE SCHOOL WORK.
OH, SORRY.
WHAT ABOUT... LOSS
OF COORDINATION?
YES, AND THAT, TOO.
UH, MR. WOODMAN, THIS PERSON
HAS ALREADY COME
TO SCHOOL DRUNK.
TELL ME, DEAR.
DOES THIS PERSON TAKE A DRINK
FIRST THING IN THE MORNING?
I DON'T KNOW, ONLY MY FRIEND
COULD ANSWER THAT FOR SURE.
WELL, OF COURSE, YOUR
FRIEND IS VERY CLEVER.
MR. WOODMAN, I JUST
DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I FEEL SO HELPLESS.
WELL, OF COURSE YOU DO,
BUT AT LEAST YOU
RECOGNIZE THERE'S A PROBLEM.
THAT'S HALF THE
BATTLE RIGHT THERE.
NOW WHAT DO I DO ABOUT IT?
WELL, THE FIRST THING YOU
HAVE TO DO IS GET OFF THE SAUCE.
GET OFF THE SAUCE?
YOU'RE TOO BRIGHT A WOMAN
TO DROWN YOUR
FUTURE IN A BOTTLE.
OH, MR. WOODMAN,
THIS IS NOT ABOUT...
I SAY PULL YOURSELF
UP BY YOUR BOOTSTRAPS
AND NEVER LOOK BACK!
BUT MR. WOODMAN,
YOU'VE GOT THIS ALL WRONG.
I HAVE NOT!
I READ THE SAME ADVICE
IN ANN LANDERS' COLUMN
YESTERDAY MORNING,
AND ANNIE'S NEVER WRONG!
GOD, I LOVE THAT WOMAN!
ALL RIGHT, NOW, ALL RIGHT.
NOW, LISTEN TO ME.
I'VE ASKED YOU ALL HERE
BECAUSE I'M VERY CONCERNED
ABOUT ARNOLD.
WHY DIDN'T YOU MAKE
ARNOLD MISS HIS LUNCH?
YEAH, COULDN'T MAKE
HIM ACT ANY MEANER
THAN HE'S BEEN ACTING ANYWAY.
YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.
I'VE CALLED YOU HERE BECAUSE
YOU'RE ALL ARNOLD'S FRIENDS.
THAT LETS US OUT, MURRAY.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
YEAH, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
SIT DOWN.
AND AS ARNOLD'S FRIENDS, I
THINK YOU SHOULD BE MADE AWARE
THAT, WELL, ARNOLD'S
GOT A DRINKING PROBLEM.
YOU MEAN HE HAS
TROUBLE SWALLOWING?
I MEAN THAT THIS PERSONALITY
CHANGE THAT'S COME OVER HIM
IS BECAUSE OF ALCOHOL.
COME ON, COME ON, HORSHACK
DOESN'T TOUCH ANYTHING
STRONGER THAN OVALTINE.
THAT'S RIGHT, AND
EVEN THEN HE SAYS
THE BUBBLES TICKLE HIS NOSE.
WELL, CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG,
BUT I FOUND THIS
IN ARNOLD'S LOCKER,
AND I JUST DO NOT
THINK THIS IS OVALTINE.
IT AIN'T OVALTINE.
THIS IS LOUISIANA STUNT BLOWER.
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE,
WAIT A MINUTE, LET
ME SEE THAT HERE.
LET ME SEE IT, BEAU.
I BEG TO DIFFER WITH YOU, BEAU.
THIS IS THE FINEST KENTUCKY
WHISKEY YOU CAN BUY
FOR A DOLLAR AND 37 CENTS.
YEAH, HE SAY IT'S
HIGH-CLASS ROTGUT.
JUST HOW MUCH DO YOU
KNOW ABOUT THIS, CARVELLI?
ALL I KNOW IS I SOLD THE GUY
A LITTLE SOMETHING
BEFORE A PARTY
TO HELP HIM CALM
HIS NERVES, THAT'S ALL.
HOW MUCH HAVE
YOU SOLD HIM SINCE?
MADAM, YOU OFFEND ME DEEPLY.
NOW, CARVELLI IS AN
ENTREPRENEUR, SURE,
I'M ALWAYS OUT TO
MAKE A FAST BUCK,
BUT I'M NOT A
CORRUPTOR OF YOUTH.
NOW, LOOK, ARNOLD MAY
BE DRINKING LIKE A FISH,
BUT HE'S NOT GETTIN'
IT FROM ME ANYMORE.
HE HASN'T EVEN PAID ME
FOR THE FIRST BOTTLE YET.
MAYBE HE'S COLLECTING THE
EMPTIES FOR A REFUND, HUH?
I THINK ARNOLD'S PROBLEM IS
TOO SERIOUS TO BE LAUGHED OFF.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT
ARNOLD IS A... ALCOHOLIC?
NO, I DON'T THINK HE HAS
A PHYSICAL
DEPENDENCY ON ALCOHOL,
BUT HE MAY BE DEVELOPING
AN EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCY
THAT COULD LEAD TO A
PHYSICAL DEPENDENCY.
WHY HAVEN'T WE SEEN HIM DRUNK?
OH, YOU HAVE, BEAU.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE
SLOPPY TO BE DRUNK.
ALCOHOL AFFECTS
EVERYBODY DIFFERENTLY,
AND WITH ARNOLD, IT'S
A PERSONALITY CHANGE.
ARE YOU ACCUSING ARNOLD
HORSHACK OF HAVING A PERSONALITY?
I HAVEN'T TOLD
MR. WOODMAN ABOUT THIS YET,
BUT I WILL IF ARNOLD
DOESN'T STOP DRINKING.
NOW, THAT'S WHERE
YOU GUYS COME IN.
YOU'RE ARNOLD'S FRIENDS.
HE LOOKS UP TO
YOU, HE TRUSTS YOU.
NOT ANYMORE, HE DOESN'T.
ARNOLD, I WAS JUST
SAYING TO YOUR...
WHAT WERE YOU GONNA SAY?
"ARNOLD, I'VE BEEN GOING
THROUGH YOUR PERSONAL PROPERTY
SO I CAN GET EVIDENCE
AGAINST YOU"?
"ARNOLD, I GATHERED YOUR
FRIENDS... YOUR FRIENDS...
SO THAT THEY COULD
STAB YOU IN THE BACK"?
ARNOLD, COME ON,
NOW, BACK OFF, MAN.
YOU GOT THE WRONG IDEA.
COME ON, ARNOLD. WE'RE
HERE, WE CARE ABOUT YOU.
ARNOLD, MAN, DRINKING
THAT JUNK, MAN,
THAT'S NOT YOUR ANSWER,
MAN, THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
COME ON, GIVE IT TO HIM!
THE ONLY PROBLEM I'VE
GOT IS FINDING MYSELF
A NEW SET OF FRIENDS.
ARNOLD!
ARNOLD, WAIT.
ARNOLD, WAIT!
NOW, I CAN'T STOP
YOU FROM DRINKING,
BUT I WON'T STAND FOR
YOU DOING IT ON MY TIME.
YOU BRING ONE MORE
BOTTLE INTO THIS SCHOOL,
AND I'LL PERSONALLY SEE TO
IT THAT YOU AND THE BOTTLE
ARE TOSSED OUT.
ALL RIGHT, NOW,
YOU LISTEN TO ME.
I AM SICK AND TIRED
OF YOUR INTERFERENCE.
YOU STAY OUT OF MY LOCKER,
AND YOU STAY OUT OF MY LIFE!
WHAT'S ALL THE COMMOTION?
I CAN HEAR YOU
CLEAR DOWN THE HALL.
IT'S NOTHING, MR. WOODMAN,
JUST A PERSONAL PROBLEM.
SO I SEE.
OH, MR. WOODMAN.
THAT'S A GOOD START, JEAN.
♪
♪ SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE ♪
♪ SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE ♪
♪ SHAKE YOUR BOOTY ♪
♪ SHAKE YOUR... ♪
OH, JEAN.
I WANT TO ASK YOU A QUESTION.
- YEAH?
- WHAT'S A BOOTY?
WHY DO YOU ASK?
I WANT TO MAKE SURE I'M
SHAKIN' THE RIGHT THING.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT
IT, MR. WOODMAN.
IF YOU SHAKE IT, YOU'LL KNOW IT.
♪ SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE ♪
THE BOYS HAS ARRIVED.
LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL.
MY, YOU LOOK FINE.
YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S ONE OF
THE ADVANTAGES OF HAVING
AN UNCLE IN THE DRY
CLEANING BUSINESS, YOU KNOW?
YEAH, IT'S JUST A SHAME
THAT WE GOTTA GET 'EM
BACK IN THEIR PLASTIC
BAGS BY THE MORNING.
HEY, MRS. TREMAINE, HAVE
YOU SEEN ARNOLD YET?
NO, BUT I'M KEEPING
AN EYE OUT FOR HIM.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.
EIGHT EYES ARE BETTER THAN TWO,
SO WE'LL HELP YOU.
ALL RIGHT.
HEY, WHY DON'T
YOU TAKE THE GIRLS
AND POWDER YOUR CORSAGES.
WE'LL MEET YOU OVER HERE IN
A COUPLE MINUTES, ALL RIGHT?
SEE YOU LATER, BABY.
NEVER FEAR, THE
HORSHACK IS HERE.
MARY, MARY, WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
EPSTEIN.
WHERE'S THE FUNERAL?
ARNOLD, ARNOLD, PLEASE.
UM, UH, MARY, UH,
YOU LOOK LOVELY.
SHE LOOKS LOVELY, DOESN'T SHE?
MARY, YOU LOOK GREAT, AND, UM...
YOU MIND IF, UM, IF
WE HAVE A LITTLE TALK
WITH ARNOLD FOR A FEW MINUTES?
WE HAVE A LITTLE
UNFINISHED BUSINESS.
WE'LL BRING HIM RIGHT BACK,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, ALL RIGHT?
GUYS, GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!
YOU BETTER SHAPE UP, PAL.
IF MRS. TREMAINE FINDS
YOU IN THIS CONDITION,
SHE'S GONNA KICK
YOU OUT THE DANCE.
FORGET ABOUT THE DANCE, SHE'S
GONNA KICK YOU OUT OF SCHOOL.
ARNOLD HORSHACK,
KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL?
I'LL DRINK TO THAT.
NOT IN FRONT OF ME, YOU AIN'T.
ALL RIGHT, EPSTEIN,
GIVE ME THAT BOTTLE!
COME ON, YOU DON'T
NEED THAT STUFF!
WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
YOU'VE BEEN ASKING
FOR THIS ALL WEEK LONG!
MARY!
OH, MARY!
MARY, WHAT HAVE I DONE?
MARY!
IT'S ONLY OUR SECOND
DATE, AND I'VE KILLED HER!
SOMEBODY CALL A DOCTOR, QUICK!
ARNOLD, ARNOLD, LISTEN TO
SEE IF HER HEART IS BEATING.
LISTEN TO SEE IF
HER HEART IS BEATING!
MARY, FORGIVE ME!
IT'S BEATING, IT'S BEATING!
IT'S BEATING, SHE'S ALIVE!
SHE'S ALIVE!
SO WHY DON'T SHE WAKE UP?
SHE'S KNOCKED OUT, GIVE
HER SOME AIR, ARNOLD.
GIVE HER AIR.
GIVE HER AIR, EVERYBODY.
MOVE BACK, GIVE HER AIR.
MARY, MARY, PLEASE.
MARY, I'M SO SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN, REALLY I DIDN'T.
MARY, PLEASE. MARY, WAKE UP!
MARY, WHY WON'T YOU SPEAK TO ME?
ARNOLD?
I DON'T GO THIS FAR
ON A SECOND DATE.
MARY?
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I'VE BEEN BETTER.
MARY, I'M... I'M SO SORRY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
HAPPENED, IT'S JUST...
IT'S JUST THAT YOU
WERE DRINKING, ARNOLD,
AND YOU'VE GOT TO STOP.
I ONLY DID IT TO IMPRESS YOU.
I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING
TO HURT YOU, MARY, NEVER EVER.
ARNOLD, DON'T YOU SEE,
WHEN YOU HURT YOURSELF,
YOU HURT ME THE MOST.
BESIDES, IT'S THE REAL
YOU I'M IMPRESSED WITH.
YOU REALLY MEAN THAT?
I REALLY DO.
WHO NEEDS LIQUOR?
I GOT LOVE.
NICE, HUH?
WHAT'S WRONG, FREDDIE?
OH, I-I JUST GOT
SOMETHING IN MY EYE.
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ AND I SMILE WHEN I THINK
HOW YOU MUST'VE BEEN ♪
♪ AND I KNOW WHAT A SCENE
YOU WERE LEARNIN' IN ♪
♪ WAS THERE
SOMETHING THAT MADE YOU
COME BACK AGAIN ♪
♪ THEN WHAT COULD EVER LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHAT COULD EVER LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪♪
GUY I'VE BEEN WANTING TO SEE.
OKAY, NOW, YOU
SEE THIS RIGHT HERE?
PICK A CARD, ANY CARD, GO AHEAD.
ALL RIGHT NOW, BOTH OF
Y'ALL LOOK AT THAT CARD.
Y'ALL LOOKIN' AT IT?
OKAY, RIP IT IN HALF.
OKAY, RIP IT IN HALF AGAIN.
OKAY, THROW IT OVER
YOUR RIGHT SHOULDER.
THAT CARD WAS
THE... SEVEN OF CLUBS.
WRONG.
OKAY, PICK ANOTHER CARD.
- OKAY, RIP IT IN HALF.
- GUYS, GUYS, OH, GUYS.
BOY AM I IN TROUBLE,
YOU GOTTA HELP ME.
THIS IS THE WORST THING
THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME.
DON'T TELL ME.
YOU WORE OUT A FOOT
IN YOUR DR. DENTONS.
WILL YOU COME
ON? THIS IS SERIOUS.
OH, YOU WORE OUT BOTH FOOTS.
LOOK, ARNOLD, DON'T MIND
THESE CLOWNS OVER HERE.
YOU JUST TELL UNCLE
JUAN WHAT AILS YA.
WELL, UNCLE JUAN,
LAST NIGHT, MARY
JOHNSON CALLED ME UP
AND ASKED ME TO
THAT PARTY TONIGHT.
OH, YOU... YOU TURNED
HER DOWN, HUH?
OH, WORSE, I SAID YES.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
WELL, FOR STARTERS, YOU
CAN GO TO THE PARTY WITH HER.
I CAN'T DO THAT!
EVERY TIME... I'M AROUND HER,
I-I FREEZE UP, MY... MY...
MY TONGUE GETS ALL TIED
AND MY HANDS GET ALL SWEATY.
OOH, ARNOLD.
SOUNDS LIKE, UH, YOU IN LOVE.
OOH!
EITHER THAT,
OR YOU GOT A CASE OF
HOOF-AND-MOUTH DISEASE.
THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT.
EVERY TIME I'M AROUND
HER, I OPEN MY MOUTH
AND I PUT MY HOOF IN IT.
I MEAN, IT WAS A LOT EASIER
TO TALK TO HER WHEN WE
WAS JUST FRIENDS, YOU KNOW,
BUT NOW, NOW SHE'S A DATE
AND EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT.
ARNOLD, ARNOLD, NOW LOOK.
COMMUNICATING WITH THE
OPPOSITE SEX ISN'T THAT DIFFICULT.
JUST FORGET THEY'RE GIRLS AND
PRETEND THEY'RE REGULAR PEOPLE.
YEAH, COME ON, GUY.
YOU'RE A MAN, SHE'S A WOMAN.
YOU'RE TOUGH, SHE'S SOFT.
BLOW IN HER EAR, SHE'LL LOVE IT.
BUT WHAT IF IT MAKES HER MAD?
OH, ARNOLD, DON'T
WORRY ABOUT NOTHIN', MAN.
MOST CHICKS DON'T THROW
A PUNCH ON THE FIRST DATE.
OKAY, OKAY, I'LL
TRY, I'LL BE TOUGH.
I'LL BE MEAN.
I'LL BE MACHO MAN.
MACHO MAN, ALL
RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
HI, GUYS.
CAN ARNOLD COME OUT AND PLAY?
HI, ARNOLD.
IS OUR DATE STILL
ON FOR TONIGHT?
WHAT TIME WILL YOU PICK ME UP.
OKAY.
SEE YA AT SEVEN.
BYE.
YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?
IF I DON'T FIND SOME WAY
TO IMPRESS HER AT
THAT PARTY TONIGHT,
SHE'S NEVER GONNA
GO OUT WITH ME AGAIN.
OH, ARNOLD, COME ON.
RELAX, TAKE IT EASY,
YOU'RE GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
YOU'RE GONNA DO JUST FINE,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT NOTHIN'.
YEAH, BUT, WHAT AM
I GONNA SAY TO HER
WHEN SHE ASKS
WHY I'M NOT TALKING?
JUST TELL HER YOU'RE
A LITTLE HOARSE.
HEY, ARNOLD.
LISTEN, I COULDN'T
HELP BUT OVERHEAR.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE
HAVING A LITTLE PROBLEM
WITH THE FEMALES OF
THE OPPOSITE SEX, HUH?
THAT'S NONE OF YOUR
BUSINESS, CARVELLI.
WELL, ARNOLD, COME ON, LOOK,
I'M NOT GONNA SPREAD THIS
AROUND THE SCHOOL, YOU KNOW?
LOOK, I'M NOT THAT KIND OF GUY.
YEAH, THERE AIN'T
NO MONEY IN THAT.
LOOK, FOR A SMALL FEE,
I CAN FIX YOU UP
WITH A MAGIC POTION
THAT WILL GIVE YOU
THE, UH, THE COURAGE
THAT YOU NEED.
YEAH, WHAT IS IT?
COME OVER HERE.
MURRAY.
ARNOLD, CHECK IT OUT.
LIQUID BACKBONE.
THIS IS WHISKEY, I
DON'T WANT THIS.
YOU DON'T WANT IT?
HEY, NO PROBLEM, LOOK, ARNOLD,
THERE'S LOTS OF PEOPLE WHO
PAY CASH FOR THIS, YOU KNOW?
IT'S FINE, LOOK,
YOU WANT TO MAKE A FOOL
OUTTA YOURSELF IN FRONT OF MARY,
THAT'S ALL RIGHT WITH ME.
HERE, I'LL BILL YA.
COME ON, MURRAY,
LET'S GO... HEY, CARVEL...
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪
HAVE YOU SEEN
ARNOLD THIS MORNING?
HE WAS ACTING SO STRANGELY
AT THE PARTY LAST NIGHT.
BERSERK WAS MORE LIKE IT.
YOU KNOW, HE WAS EVEN ACTING
WEIRD WHEN HE PICKED ME UP.
KEPT CALLING MY
MOTHER "TOOTSIE."
YOU THINK THAT'S WEIRD?
THAT'S WHAT HE WAS CALLING
ME ALL LAST NIGHT, TOO.
WHEN I GOT A RIDE
HOME WITH SALLY,
HE WAS DANCING ON A TABLETOP.
YEAH, WELL, YOU
SHOULDA STUCK AROUND
TILL TWO O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING.
HE CHALLENGED THE
FOOTBALL TEAM TO A FIGHT.
ARNOLD?
THAT'S CRAZY!
NO, THE CRAZY THING
WAS THAT HE HAD
THE WHOLE FOOTBALL
TEAM ALL SCARED.
GOOD MORNING.
- GOOD MORNING.
- GOOD MORNING.
AS YOU KNOW, YOUR
POETRY ASSIGNMENTS
ARE DUE THIS MORNING.
MR. EPSTEIN, I THINK
WE'LL START WITH YOU.
EPSTEIN!
YOUR POEM.
THE TITLE OF MY POEM IS "FLEAS."
ADAM HAD 'EM.
I SEE.
IN THAT CASE, THE TITLE
OF YOUR MARK IS "F."
TOUGH STUFF.
ALL RIGHT, TREMAINE,
WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA
STARTING CLASS WITHOUT ME?
WELL, YOU'LL HAVE TO
FORGIVE ME, ARNOLD,
I JUST DON'T KNOW
WHAT CAME OVER ME.
THE BELL RANG, AND
BEFORE I KNEW IT,
I'D STARTED THE CLASS.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL
RIGHT, I'LL LET IT PASS THIS TIME.
BUT NEXT TIME, YOU WATCH IT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
NOW, I'M NOT TRYING
TO PUSH MY LUCK HERE,
BUT, UH, YOU WOULDN'T
HAPPEN TO HAVE
A TARDY EXCUSE
ON YOU, WOULD YOU?
YOU WANT A TARDY EXCUSE?
I'LL GIVE YOU A TARDY EXCUSE.
I'M TARDY, EXCUSE ME!
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO EXCUSE ARNOLD.
HE GETS A LITTLE CRANKY
WHEN HIS MALT-O-MEAL IS LUMPY.
YEAH, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE
A LUMPY LIP, SHEEP HEAD?
BOY, YOU PEOPLE ARE DREARY.
NOT YOU, BABY.
ALL RIGHT, MR. HORSHACK.
SINCE YOU SEEM TO HAVE
THE ATTENTION OF THE CLASS,
WHY DON'T YOU JUST
GET UP ON YOUR FEET
AND GIVE US YOUR
POETRY ASSIGNMENT?
IT WOULD BE MY PLEASURE.
THERE WAS AN OLD
MAN FROM NANTUCKET
WHO GOT HIS HEAD
STUCK IN A BUCKET...
- ARNOLD, THAT IS ENOUGH!
- OH, COME ON!
COME ON, LOOSEN
UP, THIS IS A KILLER.
ARNOLD, THAT'S ENOUGH.
I WANT YOU TO SIT DOWN.
I WILL NOT SIT DOWN, I
WANT TO READ MY POEM,
AND ANYBODY THAT TRIES TO STOP
ME IS LOOKING FOR BIG TROUBLE.
WELL, TROUBLE IS MY MIDDLE NAME.
ARNOLD, GUY, COME ON, HUH?
GRAB A SEAT, IT AIN'T
WORTH ALL THIS, HUH?
ARE YOU GONNA LET ME
READ MY POEM OR NOT?
HEY, ARNOLD, COME
ON, MAN, CUT IT OUT, MAN.
SHE SAID SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.
I WILL NOT SIT DOWN!
ARNOLD, PLEASE.
YOU PEOPLE ARE
ALL MAKIN' FUN OF ME.
DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW IT,
YOU'VE BEEN MAKIN' FUN OF ME
ALL MY LIFE, BUT YOU'RE
NOT GONNA DO IT ANYMORE.
NOBODY'S MAKING
FUN OF YOU, ARNOLD.
AND ANOTHER THING!
YOU'RE GOING TO THE PROM
WITH ME ON FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'LL PICK YOU UP AT 8:30.
WELL, HE SURE GOT OVER
HIS SHYNESS WITH GIRLS.
- HERE, TWO BUCKS?
- YEAH.
SAY, ARNOLD, WE'RE HERE TO
PICK UP OUR TICKETS FOR THE PROM.
OH, GEE, I'M SORRY, GUYS,
BUT WE SOLD OUT THE
PROM TICKETS YESTERDAY.
WELL, WHAT ARE
YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA SAVE
THOSE DISCOUNT TICKETS FOR US
SO WE CAN GET OUR CASH TOGETHER.
YEAH, NOW WE GOTTA PAY
FULL PRICE AT THE DOOR.
YEAH, I-I NEVER
SAID ANY SUCH THING.
YOU DID TO, HOW
COULD YOU FORGET?
IT WAS JUST THE DAY
BEFORE YESTERDAY.
LOOK, ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?
I'M NOT CALLING YOU A LIAR.
I'M CALLING YOU
A PEA BRAIN, PAL.
ANYBODY WITH HALF A MIND WOULD
REMEMBER A PROMISE TO A FRIEND.
OH, JUAN, JUAN, YOU KNOW ME.
I DON'T FORGET MY PROMISES...
TO MY FRIENDS.
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.
I GOTTA GET GOING HERE,
MR. BENEDICT ARNOLD HORSHACK.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
LOOKS TO ME LIKE ARNOLD'S
HAD A BLOWOUT OF THE BRAIN
AND HE'S RIDIN' ON THE RIMS.
HEY, GUYS!
GUYS!
GUYS, DON'T YOU RUN AWAY MAD!
JUST RUN AWAY.
"JUST RUN AWAY," THAT'S
PRETTY GOOD, "JUST RUN AWAY."
"JUST RUN AWAY."
HEY, HEY, FREDDIE, MY MAIN MAN!
WHAT'S SHAKIN', HUH?
YOUR TEETH IF YOU
DON'T STRAIGHTEN UP.
ARNOLD, WHERE'S
YOUR HEAD AT, MAN?
YOU'RE LEAVING THE COUNTER
HERE WITH NOBODY HERE.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
HEY, COME ON, MAN, EASE
UP, DON'T BLOW A GASKET.
I WAS JUST... I WAS JUST AROUND
THE CORNER AT MY LOCKER.
LOOK, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU WAS
DOING, YOU UNDERSTAND ME, MAN?
YOU'RE NEVER SUPPOSED TO LEAVE
THE COUNTER WITH MONEY ON IT.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
OH.
YOU DON'T LIKE THE
MONEY ON THE COUNTER.
NO, I DON'T LIKE THE
MONEY ON THE COUNTER.
- THAT'S THE PROBLEM?
- YEAH, THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
END OF PROBLEM.
WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU, ARNOLD?
- ARE YOU CRAZY OR SOMETHING?
- YEAH, I'M CRAZY.
I'M CRAZY TO THINK THAT I COULD
EVER BE PARTNERS WITH YOU.
LOOK, YOU WANT TO RUN THE
STORE SCHOOL, YOU GOT IT!
RUN IT INTO THE
GROUND FOR ALL I CARE.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, I'LL
TAKE CARE OF THIS.
HERE, FREDDIE, LET ME HELP YOU.
YOU WANT TO HELP ME?
YOU JUST KEEP
ARNOLD OUT OF MY SIGHT
BEFORE I MAKE HIM A
PERMANENT PART OF THAT LOCKER.
JUST COOL DOWN A LITTLE BIT NOW.
LET ME SEE WHAT I
CAN DO ABOUT THIS.
YOU REDECORATING, ARNOLD?
WHAT'S IT TO YOU?
WELL, I'VE BEEN WONDERING
WHAT'S BEEN KEEPING YOU
OUT OF MY CLASS FOR
THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS.
IS SOMETHING THE MATTER?
YES, SOMETHING IS THE
MATTER, MRS. TREMAINE.
YOU SEE...
I'M SICK AND TIRED OF
EVERYBODY ASKING ME
IF SOMETHING'S THE MATTER.
I'M FINE, OKAY? I'M JUST FINE.
NEVER BETTER.
NOW WHY DON'T YOU JUST
GO PEDDLE YOUR POETRY
AND LEAVE ME ALONE?
AND I'M TELLING YOU
IF YOU DON'T COUGH UP
MORE MONEY FOR LAB ANIMALS,
THE STUDENTS ARE GONNA
START DISSECTING EACH OTHER!
HEY, THAT'S NOT A BAD IDEA.
MR. WOODMAN, I HATE
TO INTERRUPT YOU
WHEN YOU'RE HAVING
SUCH A GOOD TIME.
I HAVE TO SPEAK TO YOU
ON A VERY SERIOUS MATTER.
UH, IT HAS TO DO WITH
A DRINKING PROBLEM.
WELL, IF IT'S A STUDENT WHO'S
DRINKING, WE'LL EXPEL HIM.
THAT WASN'T SO TOUGH, WAS IT?
MR. WOODMAN, LET'S JUST
FORGET THAT YOU'RE THE PRINCIPAL
AND THAT I'M THE
TEACHER FOR A MOMENT,
AND LET'S JUST SAY I'M
TALKING ABOUT A FRIEND OF MINE.
OH.
OH, I GET IT.
HAVE A SEAT, JEAN.
UH, THANK YOU.
NOW, UH,
TELL ME ALL ABOUT
YOUR FRIEND'S TROUBLES.
WELL, THIS JUST
STARTED RECENTLY,
BUT ALREADY I'VE SEEN SOME
SIGNS OF ALCOHOL ABUSE,
AND THERE'S BEEN A
PERSONALITY CHANGE
AND A LOT OF SNAPPING
AT THE, UM, KIDS IN CLASS
AND JUST A GENERAL
DECLINE IN THE SCHOOL WORK.
OH, SORRY.
WHAT ABOUT... LOSS
OF COORDINATION?
YES, AND THAT, TOO.
UH, MR. WOODMAN, THIS PERSON
HAS ALREADY COME
TO SCHOOL DRUNK.
TELL ME, DEAR.
DOES THIS PERSON TAKE A DRINK
FIRST THING IN THE MORNING?
I DON'T KNOW, ONLY MY FRIEND
COULD ANSWER THAT FOR SURE.
WELL, OF COURSE, YOUR
FRIEND IS VERY CLEVER.
MR. WOODMAN, I JUST
DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I FEEL SO HELPLESS.
WELL, OF COURSE YOU DO,
BUT AT LEAST YOU
RECOGNIZE THERE'S A PROBLEM.
THAT'S HALF THE
BATTLE RIGHT THERE.
NOW WHAT DO I DO ABOUT IT?
WELL, THE FIRST THING YOU
HAVE TO DO IS GET OFF THE SAUCE.
GET OFF THE SAUCE?
YOU'RE TOO BRIGHT A WOMAN
TO DROWN YOUR
FUTURE IN A BOTTLE.
OH, MR. WOODMAN,
THIS IS NOT ABOUT...
I SAY PULL YOURSELF
UP BY YOUR BOOTSTRAPS
AND NEVER LOOK BACK!
BUT MR. WOODMAN,
YOU'VE GOT THIS ALL WRONG.
I HAVE NOT!
I READ THE SAME ADVICE
IN ANN LANDERS' COLUMN
YESTERDAY MORNING,
AND ANNIE'S NEVER WRONG!
GOD, I LOVE THAT WOMAN!
ALL RIGHT, NOW, ALL RIGHT.
NOW, LISTEN TO ME.
I'VE ASKED YOU ALL HERE
BECAUSE I'M VERY CONCERNED
ABOUT ARNOLD.
WHY DIDN'T YOU MAKE
ARNOLD MISS HIS LUNCH?
YEAH, COULDN'T MAKE
HIM ACT ANY MEANER
THAN HE'S BEEN ACTING ANYWAY.
YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.
I'VE CALLED YOU HERE BECAUSE
YOU'RE ALL ARNOLD'S FRIENDS.
THAT LETS US OUT, MURRAY.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
YEAH, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
SIT DOWN.
AND AS ARNOLD'S FRIENDS, I
THINK YOU SHOULD BE MADE AWARE
THAT, WELL, ARNOLD'S
GOT A DRINKING PROBLEM.
YOU MEAN HE HAS
TROUBLE SWALLOWING?
I MEAN THAT THIS PERSONALITY
CHANGE THAT'S COME OVER HIM
IS BECAUSE OF ALCOHOL.
COME ON, COME ON, HORSHACK
DOESN'T TOUCH ANYTHING
STRONGER THAN OVALTINE.
THAT'S RIGHT, AND
EVEN THEN HE SAYS
THE BUBBLES TICKLE HIS NOSE.
WELL, CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG,
BUT I FOUND THIS
IN ARNOLD'S LOCKER,
AND I JUST DO NOT
THINK THIS IS OVALTINE.
IT AIN'T OVALTINE.
THIS IS LOUISIANA STUNT BLOWER.
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE,
WAIT A MINUTE, LET
ME SEE THAT HERE.
LET ME SEE IT, BEAU.
I BEG TO DIFFER WITH YOU, BEAU.
THIS IS THE FINEST KENTUCKY
WHISKEY YOU CAN BUY
FOR A DOLLAR AND 37 CENTS.
YEAH, HE SAY IT'S
HIGH-CLASS ROTGUT.
JUST HOW MUCH DO YOU
KNOW ABOUT THIS, CARVELLI?
ALL I KNOW IS I SOLD THE GUY
A LITTLE SOMETHING
BEFORE A PARTY
TO HELP HIM CALM
HIS NERVES, THAT'S ALL.
HOW MUCH HAVE
YOU SOLD HIM SINCE?
MADAM, YOU OFFEND ME DEEPLY.
NOW, CARVELLI IS AN
ENTREPRENEUR, SURE,
I'M ALWAYS OUT TO
MAKE A FAST BUCK,
BUT I'M NOT A
CORRUPTOR OF YOUTH.
NOW, LOOK, ARNOLD MAY
BE DRINKING LIKE A FISH,
BUT HE'S NOT GETTIN'
IT FROM ME ANYMORE.
HE HASN'T EVEN PAID ME
FOR THE FIRST BOTTLE YET.
MAYBE HE'S COLLECTING THE
EMPTIES FOR A REFUND, HUH?
I THINK ARNOLD'S PROBLEM IS
TOO SERIOUS TO BE LAUGHED OFF.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT
ARNOLD IS A... ALCOHOLIC?
NO, I DON'T THINK HE HAS
A PHYSICAL
DEPENDENCY ON ALCOHOL,
BUT HE MAY BE DEVELOPING
AN EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCY
THAT COULD LEAD TO A
PHYSICAL DEPENDENCY.
WHY HAVEN'T WE SEEN HIM DRUNK?
OH, YOU HAVE, BEAU.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE
SLOPPY TO BE DRUNK.
ALCOHOL AFFECTS
EVERYBODY DIFFERENTLY,
AND WITH ARNOLD, IT'S
A PERSONALITY CHANGE.
ARE YOU ACCUSING ARNOLD
HORSHACK OF HAVING A PERSONALITY?
I HAVEN'T TOLD
MR. WOODMAN ABOUT THIS YET,
BUT I WILL IF ARNOLD
DOESN'T STOP DRINKING.
NOW, THAT'S WHERE
YOU GUYS COME IN.
YOU'RE ARNOLD'S FRIENDS.
HE LOOKS UP TO
YOU, HE TRUSTS YOU.
NOT ANYMORE, HE DOESN'T.
ARNOLD, I WAS JUST
SAYING TO YOUR...
WHAT WERE YOU GONNA SAY?
"ARNOLD, I'VE BEEN GOING
THROUGH YOUR PERSONAL PROPERTY
SO I CAN GET EVIDENCE
AGAINST YOU"?
"ARNOLD, I GATHERED YOUR
FRIENDS... YOUR FRIENDS...
SO THAT THEY COULD
STAB YOU IN THE BACK"?
ARNOLD, COME ON,
NOW, BACK OFF, MAN.
YOU GOT THE WRONG IDEA.
COME ON, ARNOLD. WE'RE
HERE, WE CARE ABOUT YOU.
ARNOLD, MAN, DRINKING
THAT JUNK, MAN,
THAT'S NOT YOUR ANSWER,
MAN, THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
COME ON, GIVE IT TO HIM!
THE ONLY PROBLEM I'VE
GOT IS FINDING MYSELF
A NEW SET OF FRIENDS.
ARNOLD!
ARNOLD, WAIT.
ARNOLD, WAIT!
NOW, I CAN'T STOP
YOU FROM DRINKING,
BUT I WON'T STAND FOR
YOU DOING IT ON MY TIME.
YOU BRING ONE MORE
BOTTLE INTO THIS SCHOOL,
AND I'LL PERSONALLY SEE TO
IT THAT YOU AND THE BOTTLE
ARE TOSSED OUT.
ALL RIGHT, NOW,
YOU LISTEN TO ME.
I AM SICK AND TIRED
OF YOUR INTERFERENCE.
YOU STAY OUT OF MY LOCKER,
AND YOU STAY OUT OF MY LIFE!
WHAT'S ALL THE COMMOTION?
I CAN HEAR YOU
CLEAR DOWN THE HALL.
IT'S NOTHING, MR. WOODMAN,
JUST A PERSONAL PROBLEM.
SO I SEE.
OH, MR. WOODMAN.
THAT'S A GOOD START, JEAN.
♪
♪ SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE ♪
♪ SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE ♪
♪ SHAKE YOUR BOOTY ♪
♪ SHAKE YOUR... ♪
OH, JEAN.
I WANT TO ASK YOU A QUESTION.
- YEAH?
- WHAT'S A BOOTY?
WHY DO YOU ASK?
I WANT TO MAKE SURE I'M
SHAKIN' THE RIGHT THING.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT
IT, MR. WOODMAN.
IF YOU SHAKE IT, YOU'LL KNOW IT.
♪ SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE ♪
THE BOYS HAS ARRIVED.
LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL.
MY, YOU LOOK FINE.
YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S ONE OF
THE ADVANTAGES OF HAVING
AN UNCLE IN THE DRY
CLEANING BUSINESS, YOU KNOW?
YEAH, IT'S JUST A SHAME
THAT WE GOTTA GET 'EM
BACK IN THEIR PLASTIC
BAGS BY THE MORNING.
HEY, MRS. TREMAINE, HAVE
YOU SEEN ARNOLD YET?
NO, BUT I'M KEEPING
AN EYE OUT FOR HIM.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.
EIGHT EYES ARE BETTER THAN TWO,
SO WE'LL HELP YOU.
ALL RIGHT.
HEY, WHY DON'T
YOU TAKE THE GIRLS
AND POWDER YOUR CORSAGES.
WE'LL MEET YOU OVER HERE IN
A COUPLE MINUTES, ALL RIGHT?
SEE YOU LATER, BABY.
NEVER FEAR, THE
HORSHACK IS HERE.
MARY, MARY, WHAT HAVE WE HERE?
EPSTEIN.
WHERE'S THE FUNERAL?
ARNOLD, ARNOLD, PLEASE.
UM, UH, MARY, UH,
YOU LOOK LOVELY.
SHE LOOKS LOVELY, DOESN'T SHE?
MARY, YOU LOOK GREAT, AND, UM...
YOU MIND IF, UM, IF
WE HAVE A LITTLE TALK
WITH ARNOLD FOR A FEW MINUTES?
WE HAVE A LITTLE
UNFINISHED BUSINESS.
WE'LL BRING HIM RIGHT BACK,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, ALL RIGHT?
GUYS, GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!
YOU BETTER SHAPE UP, PAL.
IF MRS. TREMAINE FINDS
YOU IN THIS CONDITION,
SHE'S GONNA KICK
YOU OUT THE DANCE.
FORGET ABOUT THE DANCE, SHE'S
GONNA KICK YOU OUT OF SCHOOL.
ARNOLD HORSHACK,
KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL?
I'LL DRINK TO THAT.
NOT IN FRONT OF ME, YOU AIN'T.
ALL RIGHT, EPSTEIN,
GIVE ME THAT BOTTLE!
COME ON, YOU DON'T
NEED THAT STUFF!
WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
YOU'VE BEEN ASKING
FOR THIS ALL WEEK LONG!
MARY!
OH, MARY!
MARY, WHAT HAVE I DONE?
MARY!
IT'S ONLY OUR SECOND
DATE, AND I'VE KILLED HER!
SOMEBODY CALL A DOCTOR, QUICK!
ARNOLD, ARNOLD, LISTEN TO
SEE IF HER HEART IS BEATING.
LISTEN TO SEE IF
HER HEART IS BEATING!
MARY, FORGIVE ME!
IT'S BEATING, IT'S BEATING!
IT'S BEATING, SHE'S ALIVE!
SHE'S ALIVE!
SO WHY DON'T SHE WAKE UP?
SHE'S KNOCKED OUT, GIVE
HER SOME AIR, ARNOLD.
GIVE HER AIR.
GIVE HER AIR, EVERYBODY.
MOVE BACK, GIVE HER AIR.
MARY, MARY, PLEASE.
MARY, I'M SO SORRY.
I DIDN'T MEAN, REALLY I DIDN'T.
MARY, PLEASE. MARY, WAKE UP!
MARY, WHY WON'T YOU SPEAK TO ME?
ARNOLD?
I DON'T GO THIS FAR
ON A SECOND DATE.
MARY?
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
I'VE BEEN BETTER.
MARY, I'M... I'M SO SORRY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
HAPPENED, IT'S JUST...
IT'S JUST THAT YOU
WERE DRINKING, ARNOLD,
AND YOU'VE GOT TO STOP.
I ONLY DID IT TO IMPRESS YOU.
I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING
TO HURT YOU, MARY, NEVER EVER.
ARNOLD, DON'T YOU SEE,
WHEN YOU HURT YOURSELF,
YOU HURT ME THE MOST.
BESIDES, IT'S THE REAL
YOU I'M IMPRESSED WITH.
YOU REALLY MEAN THAT?
I REALLY DO.
WHO NEEDS LIQUOR?
I GOT LOVE.
NICE, HUH?
WHAT'S WRONG, FREDDIE?
OH, I-I JUST GOT
SOMETHING IN MY EYE.
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ AND I SMILE WHEN I THINK
HOW YOU MUST'VE BEEN ♪
♪ AND I KNOW WHAT A SCENE
YOU WERE LEARNIN' IN ♪
♪ WAS THERE
SOMETHING THAT MADE YOU
COME BACK AGAIN ♪
♪ THEN WHAT COULD EVER LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHAT COULD EVER LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪♪