Welcome Back, Kotter (1975–1979): Season 4, Episode 14 - Bride and Gloom - full transcript

The word is out that Barbarino is getting married. But he isn't marrying his girlfriend and the secret marriage has something to do with Epstein.

- VINNIE.

VINNIE, YOU BETTER GET THE DOOR.

- OH, YEAH, THE DOOR.

LOOK, YOU STAY HERE AND YOU
COVER UP THE RIPS ON MY COUCH.

OH, HI, JUAN.

GOODNIGHT.

- VINNIE, WHO IS HE?

DON'T MAKE HIM
STAND IN THE DOORWAY.

- YEAH, OF COURSE NOT.

GO STAND DOWN IN THE STREET.

- I HATE TO HAVE TO
BOTHER YOU LIKE THIS, VINNIE,



BUT IT IS A MATTER
OF LIFE AND DEATH.

'SCUSE ME.

I'LL BRING HIM RIGHT BACK.

- VINNIE, DO YOU REMEMBER
WHEN WE WAS KIDS

AND YOU WAS TRAPPED
UNDERNEATH YOUR BICYCLE

AND I PULLED YOU OUT?

- NO.

- OKAY, FORGET THAT ONE.

DO YOU REMEMBER THAT
GANGLAND MURDER THAT WE SAW

OVER AT PASQUALI'S, HUH?

THIRTY-TWO BULLET HOLES.

- YEAH, AND WE THOUGHT THE
BLOOD WAS SPAGHETTI SAUCE,

REMEMBER THAT?

- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.



I HELD UP THE COPS
AND LET YOU RUN AWAY.

WHY?

BECAUSE WE LIKE YOU.

BECAUSE YOU'RE MY FRIEND.

YOU'RE MY BUDDY.

- YEAH, WELL, I DON'T
NEED A BUDDY NOW.

I NEED HER.

- HEY, LOOK, VINNIE, I'M CALLING
IN ALL MY FAVORS RIGHT NOW.

THE WAY I FIGURE IT,
YOU OWE ME ONE BIG ONE.

- OKAY, OKAY, FINE.
JUST MAKE IT QUICK.

- I'M TALKIN' MARRIAGE, VINNIE.

- LOOK, JUAN, I THINK
YOU'RE VERY CUTE

BUT YOU'RE TOO OLD FOR ME.

- NOT ME. MY COUSIN ANGELINA.

- OH, COME ON, NOW, YOU'RE
GETTING A LITTLE CRAZY

WITH YOUR FAVORS NOW HERE, JUAN.

- ALL RIGHT, ALL
RIGHT, I DIDN'T WANT TO

HAVE TO DO THIS

BUT I GUESS I'M GONNA HAVE
TO CALL IN THE BIG FAVOR.

REMEMBER LAST YEAR,
THE GIOVANNI TWINS, HUH?

- OH, NOW, DON'T BE
BRINGING THAT UP.

- THAT'S RIGHT, WE
COULDN'T SPLIT 'EM UP.

YOU WANTED TO BE
ALONE WITH JOSEPHINE

SO WHO TOOK THE OTHER
ONE OFF YOUR HANDS?

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, YOU DID.

- THAT'S RIGHT. I DID.

YOU GOT A CHANCE TO
GO UP TO THE BALCONY

AND MAKE OUT WITH JOSEPHINA.

I GOT A CHANCE TO
GO TO THE DOCKS

AND SHOOT RATS WITH DOMINIC.

- OKAY, I OWE YOU A TWIN
BUT I DON'T OWE YOU A LIFE.

I AIN'T MARRYING NOBODY.

- C'MON, VINNIE, LOOK.

RELAX.

IT'S ALL GONNA BE OVER
WITH IN THREE DAYS.

YOU SEE, ANGELINA'S
FROM GUATEMALA.

SHE GETS HER CITIZENSHIP,
YOU GET A DIVORCE.

BING, BANG, BONG,
FAVOR'S COMPLETED.

WHADDYA SAY?

- WHY DON'T YOU GET HORSHACK?

- C'MON, GOSH, HE'S SCARED
ENOUGH AS IT IS, HUH?

NOW LOOK, VINNIE,
THIS AIN'T JUST FOR ME.

IT'S FOR MY POOR
UNCLE SANCHEZ, OKAY?

- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

- HE SAID HE'D DIE A
HAPPY MAN IF ONLY

HIS DAUGHTER ANGELINA

WOULD BECOME AN
AMERICAN CITIZEN.

VINNIE, HE'S 96 YEARS OLD.

I MEAN, DON'T YOU
WANT TO SEE THE GUY

DIE WITH A SMILE ON HIS FACE?

- I MUST BE CRAZY.

- ALL RIGHT, VINNIE. YOU
WAIT RIGHT OVER HERE.

I'LL BRING HER RIGHT UP.

- WHAT, SHE'S HERE?

- EPSTEIN DELIVERS, GUY.

NOW GO ON.

GET RID OF SALLY.

- HOW?

- I DON'T KNOW. I
CAN'T DO EVERYTHING.

I GOT TO TAKE CARE OF
THE MARRIAGE CEREMONY

AND I HAVE TO TAKE
CARE OF THE RECEPTION.

- LOOK, DOLL BABY, I
GOT TO ASK YOU TO LEAVE.

I GOT TO DO A FAVOR FOR A
FRIEND, YOU UNDERSTAND?

- OKAY.
- YOU UNDERSTAND, DON'T YOU?

- YEAH, WELL, I'LL SEE
YOU TOMORROW, HUH?

- OKAY, I'LL CALL YOU LATER.

- OKAY. SOON?

- YEAH.

AS SOON AS I GET THE DIVORCE.

- WHAT?

- I'M GOING TO SEE A
MAN ABOUT A HORSE.

- VINNIE, MEET YOUR NEW BRIDE.

- BUENOS NOCHES.

- YEAH, BUENOS TACOS.

- DON'T SHE SPEAK ENGLISH?

- AH, NOT A BLESSED WORD.

SHE'S ONLY BEEN HERE ONE DAY.

HASN'T LEFT THAT BOX
SINCE SHE GOT HERE.

- MY NAME IS LITTLE
ORPHAN ANNIE.

MY CURLS ARE AUBURN
AND MY DOG IS SANDY.

WOOF, WOOF.

- AND YOU THOUGHT
SHE WAS GONNA BE DULL.

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪

♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED ♪

♪ SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪

♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS
HAVE REMAINED ♪

♪ AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪

♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪

♪ ♪

♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪

♪ ♪

♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT ♪

♪ 'CAUSE WE'VE GOT
HIM ON THE SPOT ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK WELCOME
BACK WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK WELCOME
BACK WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT ♪

♪ 'CAUSE WE'VE GOT
HIM ON THE SPOT ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK WELCOME
BACK WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK WELCOME
BACK WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK WELCOME
BACK WELCOME BACK ♪

- HEY, VINNIE, WHAT
ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?

I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL
OVER THE PLACE FOR YOU.

SCHOOL'S THE LAST
PLACE I FIGURE YOU'D BE.

- YEAH, WELL, LOOK, I
COULDN'T SLEEP LAST NIGHT.

I KEPT ON DREAMING
ABOUT ANGELINA.

- WELL, BEAUTY DOES
RUN IN THE EPSTEIN FAMILY.

- YEAH? WELL, IT'S
RUNNING DOWNHILL.

I WOKE UP SCREAMING.

I CAN'T MARRY YOUR COUSIN, JUAN.

YOU KNOW WHAT SHE
DID TO ME LAST NIGHT?

- WHAT?

- SHE TOOK THE PRETZELS
AND SHE LICKED THE SALT

OFF THE PRETZELS AND
PUT 'EM BACK IN A BAG.

- LOOK, GUY, YOU
AIN'T BACKING OUT NOW.

WE MADE A DEAL.

AND WITH US, A DEAL'S A DEAL.

BESIDES, I ALREADY GOT THE
WEDDING RING RIGHT OVER HERE.

HERE, TAKE A LOOK.

- OOH, THAT'S NICE,
A GIRL SCOUT RING.

- YEAH, YEAH.

SHE THINKS YOU'RE
RICH, YOU KNOW?

WORKING IN A HOSPITAL,
DOCTORS, MONEY, ALL THAT.

- YEAH, NO WONDER SHE ASKED ME

IF I COULD GET HER
TEETH DONE AT COST.

- HEY, LOOK, GUY,
ANGELINA JUST NEEDS

A LITTLE BRIDGE WORK, YOU KNOW?

THEY JUST GOT JARRED LOOSE IN
THE TRUCK ON THE WAY UP HERE.

NOW, LOOK, I'VE BEEN
THINKING ABOUT THE WEDDING

AND HOW ABOUT FREDDIE
WASHINGTON AS THE BEST MAN?

- JUAN!

NOBODY'S GOTTA KNOW ABOUT THIS.

THIS IS OUR LITTLE SECRET.

- NOT EVEN THE GUYS?

- ESPECIALLY NOT EVEN THE GUYS.

OH, HERE THEY COME. SHH.

- SHHH.

- I KNOW, I CAN'T
BELIEVE SHE SAID THAT.

- MORNING, JUAN.
MORNING, VINNIE.

- MORNING, MORNING.

- OH, GOOD MORNING, FELLAS.

- WELL, I GUESS IT'S TIME
FOR ME TO GET THESE BOOKS

DOWN TO THE LIBRARY.

- WHAT FOR?

THE PLACE IS FULL OF THEM.

- THESE BOOKS ARE
10 WEEKS OVERDUE.

PERHAPS I SHOULD LEARN
HOW TO READ FASTER.

JUAN, SHHH!

- VINNIE SEEMS A TRIFLE
BIT NERVOUS TODAY.

- COME ON, GUY,
HE AIN'T NERVOUS.

HE'S AS STEADY AS I AM.

- HEY, YOU DROPPED YOUR RING.

- C'MON, C'MON, GIMME THAT.

HEY.

- HA, HA.

NICE MERCHANDISE.

CHECK IT OUT.

- OHHH.

MY SISTER GETS A RING JUST
LIKE THIS IF SHE GRADUATES

FROM THE BROWNIES.

- PARDON ME ARNOLD HORSHACK.

IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, PLEASE.

- HEY, JUAN, JUAN.

JUAN, YOU GOT SOMETHING
GOING WITH A GIRL SCOUT?

- IT AIN'T MINE, IT'S
VINNIE BARBARINO'S.

- VINNIE AND A GIRL SCOUT?

AND HE DON'T EVEN LIKE COOKIES.

- FIRST IT'S NURSES AND
NOW IT'S GIRL SCOUTS.

HE'S TURNING INTO A
REGULAR UNIFORM FREAK.

- YEAH, MAN, PRETTY SOON

METER MAIDS WON'T
BE SAFE ON THE STREET.

- C'MON, C'MON, KNOCK IT OFF.

THIS IS VINNIE'S WEDDING RING.

- OH, GET OUT.

- WHAH, JUAN!

- YOU AIN'T GONNA
GO TO THE WEDDING

'CAUSE VINNIE DIDN'T
WANT YOU TO GO ANYWAY.

- DO YOU MEAN TO SAY
THOSE WEDDING BELLS

ARE BREAKING UP
THAT OLD GANG OF MINE?

- GUYS, DON'T SAY
ANYTHING TO VINNIE, OKAY?

'CAUSE HE'S GONNA DENY IT.

JUST DON'T SAY
ANYTHING THAT I TOLD YOU.

- LITTLE JUAN, MY
LIPS ARE SEALED.

- WHAT'S THE BIG SECRET ANYWAY?

LOOK, VINNIE'S BEEN GOING
OUT WITH SALLY FOR A LONG TIME.

- OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.

IT AIN'T SALLY, IT'S HIS
GIRL FROM OUT OF TOWN.

WAY OUT OF TOWN.

- LIKE AN OUT-OF-TOWN
MANICURIST,

IN TOWN ON A CUTICLE CONVENTION.

- WHAT ARE YOU,
SOME KIND OF JOKER?

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,
ARNOLD HORSHACK.

IF WORD GETS OUT AROUND SCHOOL

THAT VINNIE'S MARRYING
THE MANICURIST,

I'M GONNA SHOVE YOUR
CUTICLES ALL THE WAY UP

TO YOUR ARMPITS AND THAT
GOES FOR EVERY ONE OF YOU.

- AND HE'S JUST THE
GUY TO DO IT TOO.

MM-HM.

- MR. WOODMAN, YOU
WANTED TO SEE ME?

- SIT DOWN, BARBARINO.

- SIT DOWN, VINNIE.

- WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT
YOU GETTING MARRIED?

- WHAT?
- SIT DOWN, VINNIE.

IT'S ALL OVER SCHOOL.

- YOU'RE KIDDIN'?

I'M GONNA KILL EPSTEIN.

- SIT DOWN, BARBARINO.

SIT DOWN.

I DON'T APPROVE OF
HIGH SCHOOL MARRIAGES.

THEY ALL END UP IN THE SEWER.

- THAT'S RIGHT, VINNIE.

BOTH PARTIES GET HURT,
ESPECIALLY THE GIRL.

NOBODY EVER CUTS IN ON
HER AT THE SCHOOL DANCE.

Mr. Woodman: NOT EASY
ON THE BOY EITHER.

HE HAS TO DANCE ALL
NIGHT WITH HIS WIFE.

BUT ON SECOND THOUGHT, I
THINK HE SHOULD GET MARRIED.

- WHAT?

- YOU HEARD ME, JULIE.

BARBARINO'S AN
EXCEPTION TO THE RULE.

HE'S PLAYED THE
FIELD LONG ENOUGH,

HE'S HAD ENOUGH FUN.

LET HIM GET MARRIED.

- HE'S A BABY.

HE COULD BE RUINING
HIS WHOLE LIFE.

- SO? HE'S DATED
EVERY GIRL IN BROOKLYN.

HE'S BEEN BEHIND MORE BILLBOARDS

THAN A MOTORCYCLE COP.

IT'S TIME HE SETTLED DOWN.

- I AM TELLING YOU THAT HE IS
TOO YOUNG TO GET MARRIED.

HE LIVES ON STALE PIZZA.

HE DOESN'T HAVE TWO
SOCKS THAT MATCH.

HE IS NOT READY.

- I'M TELLING YOU HE IS.

- HE ISN'T.
- HE IS.

Julie: HE ISN'T.
Mr. Woodman: HE IS!

- I AM SO CONFUSED.

HERE YOU GO. HERE'S
YOUR ROOT BEER.

LOOK, JUAN, WHY DON'T YOU
TAKE MISS UNIVERSE HOME

SO I CAN SAVE SOME ROOT BEER?

- AH, NOW, NOW, VINNIE.

C'MON, WE GOT TO MAKE
THE FINAL ARRANGEMENTS

FOR THE WEDDING HERE.

- YEAH, WELL, YOU TELL HER
I AIN'T RENTING A TUXEDO.

I'M WEARING A RED TEE-SHIRT.

- ALL RIGHT.

LOOK, WHAT ABOUT THE RECEPTION?

- NO, NO. NO RECEPTION.

- VINNIE, GUY, COME OVER HERE.

COME OVER HERE AND SIT
DOWN RIGHT OVER HERE.

NOW YOU LOOK INTO MY
COUSIN ANGELINA'S EYES

AND YOU TELL HER NO RECEPTION.

- NO RECEPTION.

- HAH, C'MON, C'MON.

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. WE'LL
GET SOME CHEAP SANGRIA,

SOME BEAN DIP BUT NO GUACAMOLE.

- NO, NO, NO!

- HEY, GO EASY ON ME HERE.

I'M JUST INTERPOLATING HERE.

- SURE, SURE.

SHE SAYS SHE WANTS A
WEDDING LIKE HER SISTER'S:

22 HOT DISHES, NO SUBSTITUTES.

- SHE'S GETTIN' BEAN DIP!

- SHE WANTS YOU TO
USE THE BEAN DIP MONEY

TO HIRE A BAND.

- A BAND?
- THAT'S RIGHT, A BAND.

- FORGET IT. THE WEDDING'S OFF.

- ALL RIGHT, VINNIE.

HERE'S THE BOTTOM LINE.

NINE HOT DISHES AND
ONE MARIMBA PLAYER.

- NOW WHERE AM I GONNA
GET A MARIMBA PLAYER?

- OH, IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY.

ANGELINA MET ONE
IN MY APARTMENT.

C'MON, VINNIE, OPEN UP.

- YEAH, LET'S GET THIS
BACHELOR PARTY HAPPENIN'.

- IT'S YOUR LAST
NIGHT OF FREEDOM,

BACHELOR NUMBER ONE.

- JUST A MINUTE, GUYS.

I GOT TO PUT SOMETHING AWAY.

COME OUT WITH ME, ANGELINA.

C'MON, WE'LL GO
GET SOME ROOT BEER

AND PRETZELS AND
EVERYTHING NICE.

- ROOT BEER?

Arnold: HEY!

- NOW LOCK HER IN
HERE AND KEEP HER FACE

OUT OF MY REFRIGERATOR.

- I'M COMING, GUYS.

- HEY, GUYS!

- HEY. HOW YOU DOIN'?

- HEY, VIN, HOW YOU DOIN'?

- HEY, VINNIE, MAN, WE THOUGHT
WE'D START THE NIGHT OFF,

YOU KNOW, WITH A LITTLE BIT
OF LIGHT POKER, YOU KNOW?

- YEAH.

- THE WINNER GETS
TO KISS THE BRIDE.

- I WANTED TO GET A
GIRL COME OUT OF A CAKE.

I COULDN'T EVEN GET A GIRL
TO COME OUT OF HER HOUSE.

- OH, NO SALT.

- YOU'RE GONNA BREAK
A LOT OF HEARTS, VINNIE.

ESPECIALLY DOLORES.

SHE JUST HAD YOUR NAME
TATTOOED ON HER CHEST.

- YEAH, RIGHT UNDER
THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER.

- LOOK, GUYS, I'M
REALLY GETTING TIRED.

YOU KNOW, I'VE GOT A BIG
WEDDING DAY TOMORROW

AND I REALLY THINK IT'S
TIME FOR YOU GUYS TO SCAT.

- SAVING UP THE OLD STRENGTH
FOR TOMORROW NIGHT, HUH?

- YEAH, BUT TONIGHT,
WE'RE GONNA DRINK,

EAT AND GET CRAZY.

- FREDDIE, DON'T! DON'T,
DON'T GO IN THERE.

DON'T GO IN THERE.

THERE AIN'T
NOTHING IN THERE, NO.

THERE'S NO ROOT BEER.

THERE'S NO FOOD
FOR YOU OR NOTHING.

- SO WE'LL DO SOMETHING
WILD WITH COOL WHIP.

- VINNIE, I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU.

BUT WOULD YOU DO
ME ONE LITTLE FAVOR?

WOULD YOU NAME YOUR
FIRST ONE LITTLE ARNOLD?

- OH, COME OFF IT.

I AIN'T HAVING NO
BABIES WITH HER.

- THAT'S VERY WISE, VINCENT.

GET THAT HIGH
SCHOOL DIPLOMA FIRST.

- I TOLD YOU NOT TO GO IN THERE.

- I WISH I'D LISTENED.

HEY, YOUR BRIDE-TO-BE,
THAT'S A LOT OF WOMAN.

- HEY, C'MON. GET THAT
LITTLE FILLY OUT HERE, VINNIE.

- OH, NO, C'MON.

YOU'RE GONNA SEE THE
LITTLE FILLY TOMORROW.

- RIGHT AFTER SHE FINISHES
A BUCKET OF COOL WHIP.

- JUAN, GET HER
OUT OF MY FRIDGE.

Angelina: JUAN!

- COME ON, FREDDIE,
SPILL THE JALAPENOS.

WHAT'S SHE REALLY LIKE?

WELL, LET'S JUST
SAY, SHE GOES WELL

WITH THE APARTMENT.

- GUYS, I WANT YOU TO
MEET MY COUSIN ANGELINA.

ANGELINA, MIS AMIGOS.

- HOLA.

- C'MON, NOW EXPLAIN IT ALL.

GO ON.

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
GUYS, PULL UP A SOFA.

THE FACTS OF THIS CASE ARE THUS:

SHE'S ILLEGAL.

HE AIN'T.

SHE NEEDS A HUSBAND.

HE OWES ME A FAVOR.

SHE GETS HER CITIZENSHIP.

HE GETS A DIVORCE.

SHE GOES TO CONFESSION.

CASE DISMISSED.

- ISN'T THAT ILLEGAL?

- HEY, GUY, WHO'S
EVER GONNA KNOW?

- I THINK IT'S BEAUTIFUL THAT
SHE WANTS TO BECOME A CITIZEN.

- HEY, YOU KNOW, ME TOO.

HEY, CONGRATULATIONS, ANGELINA.

I THINK THAT'S PRETTY
HIP WHAT YOU'RE DOIN'.

YOU'RE GETTING HOOKED
UP TO A REAL GOOD GUY.

EL VINNIE, HOMBRE MUY BUENO.

- VINNIE, BUENO?

- WHAT'S SHE SAYING?

SHE ALWAYS KEEPS SAYING THAT.

- JUST SOME SILLY LITTLE
FANTASY SHE HAPPENS TO HAVE.

SHE SAYS SHE WISHES YOU
WERE SHORTER, CHUBBIER,

HAD A MOUSTACHE
AND PLAYED GUITAR.

- WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THE WAY I AM?

- HEY, GUY, CAN SHE HELP IT

IF SHE HAS A THING
FOR FREDDY FENDER?

- FREDDY FENDER, SI!

- ALL RIGHT, WELL, EPSTEIN SAID

THAT ANGELINA
WOULDN'T EVEN DO THIS

UNTIL THE MARIMBA PLAYER CAME.

- WELL, I HAVE NOTHING
AGAINST MARIMBA PLAYERS,

OF COURSE, BUT I DO HAVE
ANOTHER WEDDING TO GO TO AT 7:30.

- I'M SURE THEY'LL
BE HERE IN A MINUTE.

OH, THERE HE IS.

OH, SALLY, AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU.

DO YOU HAVE AN EXTRA
MARIMBA PLAYER ON YOU?

- NO, BUT JUAN
TOLD ME EVERYTHING

AND I THINK WHAT YOU'RE
DOING IS VERY NOBLE.

- AIN'T IT WILD?

LOOK, I EVEN GOT HER
A GIRL SCOUT RING TOO.

YEAH, LOOK AT THIS, I
PUT A PRESCRIPTION ON IT.

IT SAYS, "TORRES DE BARCELONE."

- THAT'S SO ROMANTIC.

- YEAH, AIN'T IT?

I GOT IT OFF ONE OF
THEM BULLFIGHT POSTERS.

- UH, EXCUSE ME.

REALLY, REALLY WE
MUST GET STARTED.

- YES, I KNOW.

LOOK, YOU JUST
KEEP AN EYE ON SALLY

'CAUSE I GOT A DATE WITH
HER AFTER THE WEDDING.

I'LL GET ANGELINA.

- WHAT'S WRONG NOW?

- NOTHING. SHE JUST WANTS
TO WAIT OUT IN THE HALL

FOR THE MARIMBA PLAYER.

- THAT'S THE BRIDE?

- I WOULD THINK SO.

- A BEAUTIFUL DRESS.

NICE GLOVES.

BROUGHT HIS MARIMBA WITH HIM

SO LET'S GET THIS
THING ROLLING, HUH?

- ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE.

FRIENDS OF THE GROOM
ON THIS SIDE, PLEASE.

- YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

- GEE, JUST LOOK AT THIS PLACE.

IT LOOKS SO FESTIVE, YOU KNOW?

TOO BAD THEY DON'T HAVE
A WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHER.

- OBVIOUSLY, VINNIE
DON'T WANT NO EVIDENCE.

- ALL RIGHT, MR. MUSIC,
IF YOU PLEASE.

♪ HAVA NAGILA, HAVA
NAGILA, VE' NISMECHA. ♪

♪ HAVA... ♪

- ALL RIGHT, C'MON.
CUT IT OUT, CUT IT OUT.

WRONG SIDE OF THE FAMILY, HERE.

ALL RIGHT, TRY THIS ONE.

DA, DA, DA-DA.

BEAUTIFUL.

OOOOH.

EVERYBODY, MAY I PRESENT

ANGELINA MARIA
CONCETTE MADRIA MADRIA...

- WE DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR HER WHOLE NAME.

HE'S GOT A WEDDING AT 7:30.

DEARLY BELOVED...

DEARLY BELOVED...

WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY
TO JOIN IN HOLY MATRIMONY...

MOMENTO, UN MOMENTO.

- COME ON!

OH, GREAT, GREAT.

NOW SHE TELLS ME.

- WILL YOU TELL HER TO SHUT UP

AND GET BACK TO THE WEDDING?

- HEY, VINNIE.

DOESN'T LOOK LIKE SHE'S
GONNA BE YOUR OLD LADY.

DOESN'T LOOK LIKE
SHE WANTS TO BE.

- WHAT, YOU MEAN
SHE'S NOT HAPPY STILL?

LOOK, YOU GOT YOUR WEDDING.

YOU GOT YOUR RECEPTION.

YOU GOT YOUR RING.

YOU EVEN GOT YOUR
MARIMBA PLAYER.

- VINNIE, NO. THAT'S
THE PROBLEM.

SHE'S IN LOVE WITH ROBERTO,
THE MARIMBA PLAYER.

SAYS HE LOOKS
LIKE FREDDY FENDER.

- HEY, UM, VINNIE?

YOU BEEN DUMPED.

- HEY, GANG, WHAT SAY
WE SAVE ALL OF THE RICE

AND EAT IT FOR DINNER?

- I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS. WHAT
ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT?

- VINNIE, LISTEN TO ME.

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND SPANISH?

SHE AIN'T IN LOVE WITH YOU.

SHE DON'T WANT TO MARRY YOU.

SHE'S IN LOVE WITH ROBERTO,
THE MARIMBA PLAYER.

- I LOVE YOU.

YOU'RE THE BEST THING
THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME.

I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU.

- GRACIAS, VINNIE.

- NOT YOU. HIM.

YEAH, YOU TOO. COME HERE.

- WELL, VINNIE, HOW DID IT
FEEL TO ALMOST GET MARRIED?

- AIN'T SO BAD, I IMAGINE.
Mr. Woodman: THANK YOU.

- I MIGHT GET MARRIED ONE DAY.

IF I CAN FIND A LADY
MARIMBA PLAYER.

- WITH A MOUSTACHE.

- WELL, YOU TWO CAN JOKE
BUT I KNOW HOW IT FEELS

TO BE LEFT AT THE ALTAR.

- NO KIDDING?

- THAT'S RIGHT.

I WAS ONLY 19.

SHE WAS 22, A
BARNSTORMING AVIATRIX.

FINISHED THIRD IN THE
POWDER PUFF DERBY.

LOVED TO WATCH HER
POUR IT ALL IN THE TURNS.

WE WERE TO BE MARRIED IN
MIDAIR BUT IT NEVER HAPPENED.

- WHAT WENT WRONG?

- WELL, ONE DAY THEY
FOUND HER GOGGLES,

HER LEATHER JACKET
AND HER WHITE SCARF

SCATTERED IN A CORNFIELD.

RAN OFF WITH A FIELD HAND.

I'LL NEVER GO NEAR IOWA AGAIN.

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪

♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED ♪

♪ SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪

♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS
HAVE REMAINED ♪

♪ AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪

♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪

♪ ♪

♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪

♪ ♪

♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT ♪

♪ 'CAUSE WE'VE GOT
HIM ON THE SPOT ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK WELCOME
BACK WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK WELCOME BACK

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ AND I SMILE WHEN I THINK
HOW IT MUST HAVE BEEN ♪

♪ AND I KNOW WHAT A
SCENE YOU WERE TURNING IN ♪

♪ WAS THERE SOMETHING THAT
MADE YOU COME BACK AGAIN ♪

♪ AND WHAT COULD EVER LEAD YA ♪

♪ ♪

♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA? ♪

♪ ♪