Welcome Back, Kotter (1975–1979): Season 4, Episode 1 - The Drop-Ins: Part 1 - full transcript
♪
OH MY!
WHAT A SEA OF BRIGHT
AND SHINY FACES.
WELL, COME ON,
COMING BACK TO SCHOOL
ISN'T SO BAD.
WE CAN ALL USE THE SLEEP.
MAN, YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE
ABOUT THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL?
WHAT?
IT'S TOO FAR AWAY FROM
THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL.
I LOVE THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.
IT'S THE ONLY DAY
I DON'T GOTTA LIE
ABOUT WHAT I DID YESTERDAY.
HEY, WHERE'S VINNIE?
I DON'T KNOW, ARNOLD.
I REALLY HAVEN'T SEEN
HIM IN ABOUT A WEEK.
OH, DON'T WORRY, MAN.
VINNIE, HE'S GONNA BE HERE.
SOMETIMES HE JUST
LIKES TO STRAGGLE IN
A MONTH OR TWO LATE.
YOU KNOW, ARNOLD, THE OLD SCHOOL
STILL LOOKS THE SAME, DON'T IT?
YEAH, JUST LIKE
THEY TORE IT DOWN,
BUT FORGOT TO HAUL IT AWAY.
GEE, IT EVEN SMELLS THE SAME.
YEAH, WELL THAT'S EITHER
EPSTEIN'S OLD LOCKER
OR MR. KOTTER'S OLD JOKES.
WELL, WELL, WELL,
WELL, WELL, WELL.
GOOD MORNING, MR. KOTTER.
HAVE A NICE SUMMER VACATION?
OH, HELLO MR. WASHINGTON.
HI THERE.
LISTEN, I'M READY FOR
A GREAT SCHOOL YEAR!
OH, THAT MAKES ME FEEL
SO GREAT, MR. WASHINGTON.
NOW, WHY DON'T
YOU JUST HAVE A SEAT
RIGHT OVER THERE.
- YES, SIR.
- OUR LESSON FOR TODAY...
WILL YOU SHUT UP!?
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪
HEY, MR. KOTTER,
ARE YOU GLAD TO BE
BACK IN SCHOOL?
ARNOLD, THIS IS THE
SECOND MOST PAINFUL DAY
IN A SCHOOL TEACHER'S LIFE.
WHAT'S THE FIRST?
PAY DAY.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
COME ON, SIT DOWN,
EVERYBODY, LET'S GO, GO, GO!
MOVE IT, MOVE IT, MOVE IT!
I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT
ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.
YOU'RE IN MY CHAIR, MISSY.
RELAX, EPSTEIN WHAT'S
THE DIFFERENCE?
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?!
THIS IS THE CHAIR
I FLUNKED MATH.
THIS IS THE CHAIR I
FLUNKED HISTORY.
THIS IS THE CHAIR I
FLUNKED BIOLOGY.
SO?
SO, IT'S MY LUCKY CHAIR.
MISS, IF YOU'RE NOT TERRIBLY
ATTACHED TO THIS CHAIR,
WOULD YOU MIND
SITTING SOMEWHERE ELSE?
AS YOU CAN SEE, THIS YOUNG
MAN IS SLIGHTLY DISTURBED.
SIT DOWN, EPSTEIN,
SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.
YOU GOT YOUR
CHAIR, YOU FEEL OKAY?
AH, THAT'S MUCH BETTER.
- CAN I CONTINUE?
- OH, PLEASE DO.
PLEASE DO.
NOW, AS I SAID, I HAVE AN
ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.
ANOTHER ANNOUNCEMENT, YOU
NEVER FINISHED THE LAST ONE.
THIS IS THE LAST ONE!
ALL RIGHT EVERYBODY,
KOTTER'S GONNA MAKE
HIS LAST ANNOUNCEMENT! YEAH!
THANK YOU FREDDIE WASHINGTON
AND THE BUCHANAN BRASS.
NOW, CAN I CONTINUE?
CERTAINLY.
I'D LIKE TO SAY THAT THERE
ARE WORSE THINGS IN LIFE
THAN LISTENING TO
MY ANNOUNCEMENTS.
AND HERE COMES TWO OF THEM NOW.
MURRAY AND CARVELLI, WHAT
ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
THEY CLEANING OUT YOUR
CAGES OVER AT YOUR SCHOOL?
HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT,
A JOKE FROM THE HUMAN
BRILLO PAD.
HE SAID HE GOT A JOKE
FROM A HUMAN BRILLO PAD.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
YEAH, YOU SEE, WE
GOT TRANSFERRED,
IT'S ALL IN THERE.
OH, MR. KOTTER,
I'M SORRY I'M LATE.
YOU SEE, I HAD TO HELP
MY AUNT THROW SOME STUFF
OUT OF THE APARTMENT.
TWO CHAIRS AND MY UNCLE.
HE SAID HE'S TALKING 'BOUT...
I HEARD WHAT HE SAID, MURRAY.
ALL RIGHT, CARVELLI, WHY
DON'T YOU AND YOUR ECHO
FIND A SEAT.
SO, WHAT ARE THEY
DOING HERE, MR. KOTTER.
WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE
THEY MOVED INTO
THE BUCHANAN SCHOOL DISTRICT.
SO, WHY'D YOU MOVE?
VIGILANTES?
OH NO!
IT JUST SO HAPPENS, ARNOLD,
THAT THE CITY TORE DOWN
THE BUILDING WHERE I LIVE.
NOW AIN'T THAT
JUST LIKE THE CITY?!
THEY TEAR DOWN A
PERFECTLY GOOD BUILDING
AND THEY LEAVE YOU STANDING.
HEY, YOU THINK I
GOTTA SIT HERE AND GET
INSULTED BY YOU, WASHINGTON?
YEAH, YOU THINK
HE GOT TO SIT THERE
AND GET INSULTED
BY YOU, WASHINGTON?
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, LOOK!
THAT'S ENOUGH.
THAT IS ENOUGH, YOU
UNDERSTAND CARVELLI?
YEAH, YOU WANNA KNOW
WHAT I UNDERSTAND?!
ANY TIME, ANY THREE OF YOU GUYS,
I'LL TAKE ALL THREE
OUTSIDE AND PERSONALLY
SWITCH YOUR NOSES.
YEAH, CARVELLI SAID HE'LL
PUT YOUR NOSE ON HIM,
AND YOUR NOSE ON
HIM, AND YOUR NOSE ON...
HEY, CARVELLI, I
THINK WE GONNA HAVE
ONE NOSE LEFT OVER.
THAT'S IT!
I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.
IS THIS ANNOUNCEMENT
GONNA BE GOOD NEWS?
YES AND NO.
OH WOW, MAN, THEN
YOU BETTER GIVE US
THE BAD NEWS FIRST.
BOY, THAT WAS FAST.
MAY I HAVE YOUR
ATTENTION PLEASE?
NO.
THANK YOU.
I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE
AN ANNOUNCEMENT.
WHEN I STARTED TEACHING
HERE WE HAD 73 TEACHERS.
BY THE SECOND
YEAR 23 OF THEM LEFT
TO GO INTO OTHER OCCUPATIONS.
OH, OH, OH, CALL ON ME!
I KNOW THIS ONE, CALL ON ME!
I DO, I KNOW THIS ONE, I DO!
OH, CALL ON ME
PLEASE, CALL ON ME!
WHAT IS IT?
IS THIS THE ONE WHERE
YOU HAVE TO GUESS
THE AGE OF THE BUS DRIVER?
THIS IS NOT A RIDDLE, ARNOLD.
THIS IS AN ANNOUNCEMENT,
YOU ARE A RIDDLE.
THE ANNOUNCEMENT
IS THAT I AM THE NEW
PRINCIPAL OF
BUCHANAN HIGH SCHOOL.
OH, TELL ME IT ISN'T SO!
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT HAPPENED TO
PRINCIPAL LAZARUS?
HE GOT AN EASIER JOB.
WARDEN AT A HIGH
SECURITY PRISON.
PRINCIPAL LAZARUS RETIRED.
SCHOOL BOARD IN
ITS INFINITE WISDOM
SELECTED THE MOST TALENTED,
THE MOST CAPABLE,
AND THE MOST ABLE MAN
FOR THE JOB.
OH, SO WHERE IS HE?
I'M GOING AROUND MAKING
THIS ANNOUNCEMENT
TO ALL THE CLASSES, KOTTER,
AND I THOUGHT I'D
START AT THE BOTTOM.
OH, MR. WOODMAN.
LET ME BE THE FIRST ONE
TO CONGRATULATE YOU.
THANK YOU.
AND I'M HAPPY TO
SEE THAT SUCCESS
HAS NOT GONE TO YOUR HEAD.
IN FACT, I DON'T SEE IT ON
ANY PART OF YOUR BODY.
I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO ANNOUNCE...
NO, NO! NO, I'LL DO IT!
YOU WANT TO TELL THEM
THAT YOU'RE THE NEW
VICE PRINCIPAL?
YOU DID IT, YOU HAD TO
COME IN HERE AND DO IT!
YOU HAD TO COME IN HERE
AND BLOW MY WHOLE SURPRISE!
WOW, MR. KOTTER,
MAN, IS THAT TRUE?
YOU'RE THE NEW VP?
YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S THE
ANNOUNCEMENT I WAS GONNA MAKE.
BUT I'M ALSO GONNA
BE TEACHING THIS CLASS
AND A FEW OTHERS.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU.
YOU'RE THE FIRST
ONE OF US TO MAKE IT.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
A MAZEL TOV ON YOUR FACE.
THIS IS GREAT,
REALLY, REALLY GREAT.
WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT IT?
WELL, THEY'RE HAPPY MR. WOODMAN.
YOU REMEMBER THE WAY YOU
WERE WHEN YOU WERE NAMED
POSTER BOY FOR POISON OAK?
HA-HA-HA-HA.
OH, I GET IT, YOU
PUNKS ARE DELIGHTED
BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU
HAVE A FRIEND IN HIGH PLACES.
- I NEVER SAID THAT!
- WELL, NOW THAT YOU SAY THAT.
I DIDN'T SEE IT LIKE THAT.
I SAID IT!
SAID WHAT?
NOW THAT YOU'RE PARTNER IN CRIME
IS THE VICE PRINCIPAL, YOU
THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY
WITH ANYTHING YOU WANT!
THE POSSIBILITIES
ARE MIND BOGGLING.
HI HONEY.
HOW'S MY HUSBAND
THE VICE PRINCIPAL?
FINE.
AH, THIS IS GONNA
LOOK JUST LIKE HOME
JUST AS SOON AS I PUT
UP A FEW MORE PICTURES.
AND IF I DON'T RUN OUT OF NAILS.
OR THUMBS.
AH, WELL, THEY GAVE
YOU WOODMAN'S OLD JOB
AND HIS OLD FACE.
JULIE, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
I'M A TEACHER NOT
AN ADMINISTRATOR.
BEEN IN THIS JOB
FOR LESS THAN A DAY,
AND I THINK I'M IN
OVER MY HEAD ALREADY.
YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT IT, HONEY?
- NO.
- OKAY.
YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT!
FIRST OF ALL, MY
SECRETARY MS. SHERBECK
DOESN'T SHOW UP
TODAY, SO I HAVE NO ONE
TO SCHEDULE MY APPOINTMENTS.
CONSEQUENTLY, THE
PRESIDENT OF THE PTA
AND THE ROTO ROOTER MAN
SHOW UP AT THE SAME TIME.
YOU EVER TRY TO TALK TO
A MAN ABOUT THE MORALITY
OF OUR YOUTH IN FRONT OF
ANOTHER MAN STANDING THERE
WITH A DRIPPING PLUNGER?
I'M GLAD YOU DIDN'T
WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
ON TOP OF ALL THAT!
WOODMAN WALTZES INTO MY CLASS,
BLURTS OUT THAT
I'M VICE PRINCIPAL
BEFORE I HAVE A
CHANCE TO TELL ANYBODY,
AND THEN EPSTEIN GOES
RUNNING AROUND THE SCHOOL
LIKE PAUL REVERE
YELLING, "KOTTER'S A VP!
KOTTER'S A VP!"
IT'S NOT FUNNY, JULIE.
COME ON!
WHERE'S THE OLE
KOTTER SENSE OF HUMOR?
I'M GONNA NEED MORE THAN
MY OLD SENSE OF HUMOR
TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEM.
WELL GABE, I CAN SOLVE
ONE OF YOUR PROBLEMS
RIGHT NOW.
I'M HERE ALREADY,
I MIGHT AS WELL
JUST STAY FOR THE
REST OF THE DAY
AND SUB FOR MS. SHERBECK.
I CAN JUST CALL THE
SITTER AND HAVE HER STAY
WITH THE TWINS THE
REST OF THE DAY, OKAY?
OH, THANKS A LOT, HONEY,
THAT'S GONNA REALLY HELP.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO
ABOUT THE SWEAT HOGS?
I COULD GET THE SITTER
TO STAY WITH THEM, TOO.
I'M SERIOUS!
NOW THAT I'M VICE PRINCIPAL
THEY THINK THEY'RE GONNA
GET AWAY WITH MURDER.
THAT IS SOMETHING YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE TO DEAL WITH
WHEN THE TIME COMES.
I FEEL LIKE I'M TWO
DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'M MR. KOTTER THEIR OLD FRIEND,
AND I'M ALSO MR. KOTTER
THEIR NEW ENEMY.
EXCUSE ME, MR. KOTTER,
YOUR VICE PRINCIPALSHIP,
I AM MR. KOTTER THE
TEACHER OF THE SWEAT HOGS.
AND I'M HERE IN THE
VICE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE
BECAUSE I WANNA TELL
YOU THAT YOU HAVE TO TREAT
THE SWEAT HOGS A LITTLE
DIFFERENTLY BECAUSE
YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT
THEY HAVE SPECIAL PROBLEMS.
SPECIAL PROBLEMS
MY BIG TOE, KOTTER.
IN THE VICE PRINCIPAL
BUSINESS EVERYBODY
GETS TREATED THE SAME.
EVERYBODY GETS
TREATED AS AN EQUAL.
NOW, GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!
AND DON'T DARE ASK FOR A RAISE.
WHY, IN MY DAY I...
I GET THE PICTURE, I GET IT.
DID YOU LIKE MY ACT?
I LOVED HIM, I HATED HIM.
HOW'S IT GOING, KOTTER?
SMOOTH, UNDER CONTROL.
JUST GIVE IT TIME, KOTTER.
THAT'S WHAT GENERAL CUSTER SAID.
WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO!
SURPRISE!
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
WE GOT YOU PRESENTS.
A MATCHING SET OF DUMMIES.
IT WAS THE STRANGEST
THING, MR. KOTTER.
WE WERE ALL JUST SITTING AROUND
WHEN SUDDENLY CARVELLI
SAYS, "I THINK I'D LIKE
TO TIE MYSELF UP."
THAT'S RIGHT MR. KOTTER,
AND THEN MURRAY SAID,
"I THINK I'D LIKE TO
TIE MYSELF UP, TOO."
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, NOW
UNTIE CARVELLI AND MURRAY,
AND I WANT YOU GUYS TO MEET ME
IN THE VICE PRINCIPAL'S
OFFICE IN FIVE MINUTES.
EXCITED MR. KOTTER.
SO THIS IS WHAT THE
NEW VICE PRINCIPAL'S
OFFICE LOOKS LIKE?
THIS IS ALL RIGHT.
VERY NICE LAYOUT YA
GOT HERE, VERY NICE.
WELL, I FOR ONE
AM VERY IMPRESSED.
WHY THANK YOU, ARNOLD.
WHY, TO GET AN
OFFICE LIKE THIS I TOO
MIGHT STEP ON SOME
OF THE LITTLE PEOPLE.
WHY DID YOU GUYS PULL
A CHEAP TRICK LIKE THAT?
COME ON, MR. KOTTER, IT WAS
ONLY CARVELLI AND MURRAY.
YEAH, MR. KOTTER,
IT'S NOT LIKE WE TIED UP
REAL PEOPLE.
WELL, YOU GUYS BROKE
THE RULES OF THE SCHOOL.
YOU GOTTA SUFFER
THE CONSEQUENCES.
THESE ARE DETENTION SLIPS.
I'M GIVING YOU
DETENTION FOR ONE WEEK.
OHH!
YOU ALMOST FOOLED US!
OH, WOW!
I GET IT, I GET IT, YOU'RE JOKE
IS MUCH FUNNIER THAN OUR JOKE.
SURE, SURE.
I GET IT, MR. KOTTER,
HERE YOU GO.
NO JOKE, EPSTEIN.
SCOTCH TAPE THIS BACK TOGETHER
AND REPORT TO THE DETENTION HALL
AFTER YOUR LAST PERIOD.
ARE YOU FOR REAL?
HEY, MR. KOTTER, LOOK.
I GET THAT ALL OF A SUDDEN
YOU AIN'T ONE OF US ANYMORE.
YOU'RE ONE OF THEM.
I NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D
TURN INTO A "THEM" MR. KOTTER.
HEY, WOW, MAN.
YOU'RE DESERTING US.
GUYS, I'M NOT
DESERTING YOU AT ALL.
I JUST HAVE TO DO MY
JOB AS VICE PRINCIPAL.
ARE YOU DROPPING
OUT ON US, MR. KOTTER?
LOOK, I'M NOT DOING
ANYTHING OF THE KIND.
I'M GONNA BE HERE
WHENEVER YOU NEED ME.
WELL, WHAT HAPPENS, UH,
IF WE AIN'T GONNA BE HERE
WHEN YOU NEED US?
THAT'S RIGHT, YOU
WANNA DROP OUT ON US,
WELL, WE CAN DROP
OUT ON YOU TOO.
I'M GONNA TELL YOU
SOMETHING, MAN.
I WAS THINKING OF
QUITTING ANYHOW.
RIGHT, AND AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I WAS THINKING ABOUT
DROPPING OUT THREE YEARS AGO.
- I GUESS I WAS TOO.
- THERE IT IS.
ALL THIS IS HAPPENING
BECAUSE I GAVE YOU DETENTION?
THAT AIN'T THE
REASON, MR. KOTTER.
WE IN TRIPPIN' OVER THAT, MAN.
THE THING IS THAT
IS IF WE USED TO GET
IN TROUBLE OR SOMETHING
LIKE THAT BEFORE
YOU USED TO COVER FOR
US WITH MR. WOODMAN.
BUT NOW, YOU ARE MR. WOODMAN.
SO YOU'RE GONNA DROP
OUT OF SCHOOL, HUH?
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
WHERE ARE YOU GONNA GO?
DON'T WORRY ABOUT
IT, WE CAN ALL FIND JOBS.
WHAT KIND OF JOBS?
WE CAN GET GOOD
JOBS FOR BIG BUCKS.
THAT'S RIGHT!
THAT'S RIGHT, YOU
TELL HIM FREDDIE.
WELL, UM, OKAY PERSONALLY,
I AIN'T GOT NO JOB RIGHT NOW,
BUT I GUARANTEE
YOU THIS MUCH, MAN,
I'M GONNA BE RICH AND FAMOUS
IN THREE YEARS.
WHAT A COINCIDENCE, JUST
THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME
IT TOOK YOU TO PASS GEOMETRY.
HA-HA-HA-HA!
LOOK GUYS, IF YOU WANNA
DO ANYTHING WITH YOUR LIFE,
YOU GOTTA GET A
HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA,
AND THE ONLY PLACE
YOU CAN GET THAT
IS RIGHT HERE.
OH GREAT, WE'LL BE
BY THIS AFTERNOON
TO PICK IT UP!
IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE, EPSTEIN!
YOU GOTTA EARN IT.
I KNEW THERE WAS A CATCH.
LOOK, YOU KNOW, I CAN
MAKE SOME BIG SPEECH,
BUT I'M JUST GONNA
TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
THE WAY IT IS.
YOU GOTTA STAY IN SCHOOL
AND THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT.
WE ARE QUITTING
SCHOOL AND THAT'S ALL
THERE IS TO THAT.
THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S
ALL THERE IS TO THAT.
I GUESS THAT'S ALL
THERE IS TO THAT.
LOOK, GUYS, I'M THE
VICE PRINCIPAL NOW.
IF YOU GUYS DO SOMETHING
WRONG I GOTTA REPRIMAND YOU.
BUT ALSO AS VICE
PRINCIPAL I CAN HELP YOU.
LIKE, IF YOU NEED
SOME WORK EXPERIENCE,
I CAN HELP YOU GET
THAT EXPERIENCE.
OH WOW, MR. KOTTER,
YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME...
YOU'RE GONNA TELL US
THAT YOU CAN GO OUT
AND GET US JOBS, MAN?
NO, NO, I CAN'T GET YOU
JOBS ON THE OUTSIDE, FREDDIE.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID.
BUT THERE ARE JOBS
RIGHT HERE IN SCHOOL
THAT HAVE TO BE DONE.
YEAH, SURE, SURE, LIKE WHAT?
LIKE WHAT? THERE'S DOZENS!
YOU COULD WORK IN THE CAFETERIA!
WHAT COULD WE DO THERE?
LOTS OF THINGS,
YOU CAN CLEAN UP,
YOU CAN SERVE LUNCH TO THE KIDS.
GREAT, AND AFTER LUNCH WE
GET TO SCRAPE IT OFF THE COOK.
YOU DON'T LIKE THE CAFETERIA,
YOU CAN WORK IN THE SCHOOL STORE
THERE'S VISUAL AIDS, YOU
CAN RUN THE PROJECTOR.
AND WHAT DO YOU GET FOR THAT?
YOU GET CREDIT, ARNOLD.
IT COUNTS LIKE GOING
TO A REGULAR CLASS.
HEY, HEY WHAT DO
YOU SAY YOU GUYS?
A CLASS WHERE THERE'S NO TESTS.
NO HOMEWORK, NO
TEACHERS... NO OFFENSE.
NO OFFENSE TAKEN, ARNOLD.
YOU LEARN WHAT IT'S
LIKE TO HAVE A BUSINESS.
YOU DEAL WITH CUSTOMERS,
YOU TAKE INVENTORY,
AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL,
YOU GET THAT DIPLOMA.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
WE'LL STAY IF
THERE'S NO DETENTION.
THREE DAYS DETENTION.
ONE DAY FIRM.
TWO DAYS THAT'S MY FINAL OFFER.
YOU GOT YOURSELF A DEAL.
(HONK)
HI THERE.
WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?
MY MAN, MR. KOTTER.
I DON'T WANT ANY SWEAT
HOGS IN MY SCHOOL STORE.
IT'S BAD ENOUGH I HAVE
ONE AS VICE PRINCIPAL.
WELL, PERHAPS YOU'D
LIKE TO SPEAK TO THE HEAD
OF OUR COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT.
(RINGS BELL)
SO, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
THE PROBLEM IS I THINK
I'M LOSING MY MIND.
SORRY, WE DON'T
HANDLE SMALL APPLIANCES.
HA-HA!
MONSTERS!
KOTTER! KOTTER!
WELL, WELL, WELL.
HEY LOOK, MURRAY, IT'S
OUR PUNCH AND JEWY.
(LOUD HONK)
(HONK)
HEY, MURRAY MURRAY,
ONCE IS ENOUGH.
YOU GUYS GOT A NICE
LITTLE SETUP HERE.
IT'S CUTE, YOU
KNOW, LITTLE BELLS,
BUT WHAT YOU NEED IS
SOMETHING YOU CAN MAKE
A LITTLE MONEY ON, YOU KNOW,
A LITTLE CHRISTMAS
CLUB MONEY, YOU KNOW?
YEAH, LIKE WHAT?
JUST SO HAPPENS, I
GOT THE MOST EXTENSIVE
LINE OF AUTO PARTS
IN ALL OF BROOKLYN.
IF I DON'T HAVE IT, JUST
SHOW ME WHERE IT'S PARKED.
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN CARVELLI,
WE HAVE NO INTENTION OF...
RIGHT, WHAT HORSHACK
IS SAYING IS THAT WE HAVE
NO INTENTIONS OF
LETTING YOU DOWN.
WE'LL SEE YOU ON
YOUR OFFER, RIGHT?
NOW I COULD LIKE...
OH, HE SAID HE'D LIKE
TO START WITH SOME MAD WHEELS.
BEAUTIFUL, WRITE
THIS DOWN, MURRAY.
THE RACING CAR
TYPE, YOU GOT THOSE?
- THE ROUND ONES?
- YEAH, THE OVALS, RIGHT OKAY.
COULD THEY BE STEEL BELTED?
HEY, NO PROBLEM.
I KNEW YOU COULD
DO IT, ALL RIGHT.
AND WE WANT THEM IN RAISED
WHITE LETTER, YOU GOT THAT?
BEAUTIFUL CHOICE.
OKAY, THERE'S ONE
MORE THING THOUGH.
ONE MORE.
WE WANT YOU TO GET
THEM OFF A MOVING CAR.
HA-HA-HA!
OH NO! OH NO!
(HONKING)
YOU GUYS ARE WASTING
MY TIME, YOU KNOW THAT?
COME ON, MURRAY!
(HONKING)
YOU OUGHT TO BE IN PICTURES.
YOU OUGHT TO BE A STAR!
JUAN EPSTEIN, TELL ME ABOUT IT.
JUAN EPSTEIN'S MY NAME,
VISUAL AIDS IS MY GAME.
OH, SURE, SURE, CHECK
IT OUT, CHECK IT OUT.
HEY, HEY, DON'T MONKEY
WITH IT, DON'T MONKEY WITH IT.
TOOK ME HOURS TO LEARN
HOW TO USE THIS MACHINE.
OH, COME ON, CAN YOU
REALLY WORK THAT THING?
OH, SURE, SURE I CAN.
I JUST RAN THIS FILM OVER
HERE FOR BIOLOGY CLASS.
WHICH ONE IS THAT?
THIS ONE RIGHT OVER HERE.
SEE WHAT YOU STARTED, KOTTER?
MONKEYS!
THE SCHOOL IS BEING
RUN BY MONKEYS!
ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
I'M SHOWING A
FILM, CAN'T YOU SEE?
LOOK AT THIS! LOOK!
COME HERE!
LOOK WHAT YOUR LITTLE
CREEPY CRAWLIES ARE DOING!
LOOK AT THAT STORE!
THIS PROJECTOR!
THEY'RE DESTROYING
SCHOOL PROPERTY!
YOU GAVE THEM
THESE JOBS, KOTTER,
THIS IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!
I WANT THIS MESS CLEANED UP!
NOW, GET IT... GET IT DONE NOW.
RIGHT NOW KOTTER!
WOO, BOY THAT LITTLE MIDGET
STILL GOT A LOT OF FIGHT
LEFT IN HIM, CHECK HIM OUT!
HA-HA.
MR. WOODMAN IS RIGHT.
- WHAT?
- WHAT?
MR. WOODMAN IS 100% RIGHT.
YOU GUYS ARE DESTROYING
SCHOOL PROPERTY.
COME ON, MR. KOTTER,
I CAN ROLL THIS FILM UP
BLIND FOLDED.
YEAH, MR. KOTTER, WE'LL
TAKE CARE OF THAT MESS.
- WE'LL CLEAN IT UP.
- LOOK!
THAT'S NOT THE POINT
AND YOU KNOW IT.
HEY, COME ON MR. KOTTER,
IT'S NOT LIKE THIS IS
GONE WITH THE WIND.
IT'S JUST SOME
CRUMMY NATURE FILM.
THE ARMADILLO:
NATURE'S LITTLE TANK.
ALL RIGHT, I WANT YOU
TO CLEAN EVERYTHING UP
INSIDE THE STORE, I
WANT YOU TO CLEAN
THE PROJECTOR AND THE FILM UP,
AND I WANT YOU ALL
TO MEET ME IN MY OFFICE
IN FIVE MINUTES.
YOUR OFFICE?
YEAH, YEAH, YOU KNOW.
HIS HIGHNESS, THE VICE
PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE, RIGHT?
OH BOY, MR. KOTTER.
YOU REALLY HAVE GONE
OVER TO THE OTHER SIDE.
IT'S A SAD DAY IN BROOKLYN.
HEY!
HEY GUYS, MR. KOTTER,
HOW'S IT GOING?
HI YOU, VINNIE,
WHERE YOU'VE BEEN.
- HOW YOU DOING?
- WHAT'S HAPPENING VINNIE?
CHECK IT OUT!
YOU DIG MY NEW THREADS, HUH?
WHERE'D YOU GET THE
MONEY TO BUY THOSE
NEW CLOTHES, VINNIE?
I GOT A JOB.
- YOU GOT A JOB?!
- YEAH.
LOOK MAN, I QUIT SCHOOL,
I'M THREW WITH IT NOW.
I GOT ME A GOOD JOB
IN A COUNTY HOSPITAL.
- YA DON'T SAY!
- VINNIE, CONGRATULATIONS!
HEY VINNIE, MAN,
HOW'D YOU GET A JOB
IN A HOSPITAL?
YOU GOT EXPERIENCE
IN DOCTOR STUFF?
NAH, JUST... I JUST WALKED
IN I GOT THIS TERRIFIC JOB.
VINNIE, WHAT KIND OF
JOB DO YOU GET BY JUST
WALKING IN AND ASKING FOR IT?
YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T
HAVE TO PLAY STORE?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU MEAN TO TELL ME
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO WHEEL
AROUND A PROJECTOR FOR A YEAR?
VINNIE, THIS JOB,
IS THERE ANY ROOM
FOR ADVANCEMENT?
WHAT KIND OF MONEY YOU MAKING?
MONEY, CHECK THIS OUT.
ALL RIGHT, 47 BIG ONES.
- WOW!
- LOOK AT THAT!
YEAH, WOW, THAT'S
ALMOST A MILLION DOLLARS.
GEE, HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?
WE GET CREDIT AND
VINNIE GETS CASH.
VINNIE, YOU STILL DIDN'T TELL
US WHAT KIND OF JOB YOU GOT.
OH, HE'S A BUMMER.
COME ON, I'LL TAKE YOU
GUYS OUT FOR PIZZA.
YEAH, I DON'T GOTTA
TAKE THIS NEGATIVITY.
FROM NOW ON YOU CAN
CONSIDER ME OUT TO LUNCH.
PERMANENTLY.
YEAH, ME TOO.
COME ON, HORSHACK.
I GUESS I'LL BE SEEING
YOU, MR. KOTTER.
WAIT A MINUTE, YOU
GUYS ARE MAKING
A BIG MISTAKE HERE.
YOU JUST SAY GOODBYE
TO MY LUCKY CHAIR.
(HONK)
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ AND I... ♪♪
OH MY!
WHAT A SEA OF BRIGHT
AND SHINY FACES.
WELL, COME ON,
COMING BACK TO SCHOOL
ISN'T SO BAD.
WE CAN ALL USE THE SLEEP.
MAN, YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE
ABOUT THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL?
WHAT?
IT'S TOO FAR AWAY FROM
THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL.
I LOVE THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.
IT'S THE ONLY DAY
I DON'T GOTTA LIE
ABOUT WHAT I DID YESTERDAY.
HEY, WHERE'S VINNIE?
I DON'T KNOW, ARNOLD.
I REALLY HAVEN'T SEEN
HIM IN ABOUT A WEEK.
OH, DON'T WORRY, MAN.
VINNIE, HE'S GONNA BE HERE.
SOMETIMES HE JUST
LIKES TO STRAGGLE IN
A MONTH OR TWO LATE.
YOU KNOW, ARNOLD, THE OLD SCHOOL
STILL LOOKS THE SAME, DON'T IT?
YEAH, JUST LIKE
THEY TORE IT DOWN,
BUT FORGOT TO HAUL IT AWAY.
GEE, IT EVEN SMELLS THE SAME.
YEAH, WELL THAT'S EITHER
EPSTEIN'S OLD LOCKER
OR MR. KOTTER'S OLD JOKES.
WELL, WELL, WELL,
WELL, WELL, WELL.
GOOD MORNING, MR. KOTTER.
HAVE A NICE SUMMER VACATION?
OH, HELLO MR. WASHINGTON.
HI THERE.
LISTEN, I'M READY FOR
A GREAT SCHOOL YEAR!
OH, THAT MAKES ME FEEL
SO GREAT, MR. WASHINGTON.
NOW, WHY DON'T
YOU JUST HAVE A SEAT
RIGHT OVER THERE.
- YES, SIR.
- OUR LESSON FOR TODAY...
WILL YOU SHUT UP!?
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪
HEY, MR. KOTTER,
ARE YOU GLAD TO BE
BACK IN SCHOOL?
ARNOLD, THIS IS THE
SECOND MOST PAINFUL DAY
IN A SCHOOL TEACHER'S LIFE.
WHAT'S THE FIRST?
PAY DAY.
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
COME ON, SIT DOWN,
EVERYBODY, LET'S GO, GO, GO!
MOVE IT, MOVE IT, MOVE IT!
I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT
ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.
YOU'RE IN MY CHAIR, MISSY.
RELAX, EPSTEIN WHAT'S
THE DIFFERENCE?
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?!
THIS IS THE CHAIR
I FLUNKED MATH.
THIS IS THE CHAIR I
FLUNKED HISTORY.
THIS IS THE CHAIR I
FLUNKED BIOLOGY.
SO?
SO, IT'S MY LUCKY CHAIR.
MISS, IF YOU'RE NOT TERRIBLY
ATTACHED TO THIS CHAIR,
WOULD YOU MIND
SITTING SOMEWHERE ELSE?
AS YOU CAN SEE, THIS YOUNG
MAN IS SLIGHTLY DISTURBED.
SIT DOWN, EPSTEIN,
SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.
YOU GOT YOUR
CHAIR, YOU FEEL OKAY?
AH, THAT'S MUCH BETTER.
- CAN I CONTINUE?
- OH, PLEASE DO.
PLEASE DO.
NOW, AS I SAID, I HAVE AN
ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.
ANOTHER ANNOUNCEMENT, YOU
NEVER FINISHED THE LAST ONE.
THIS IS THE LAST ONE!
ALL RIGHT EVERYBODY,
KOTTER'S GONNA MAKE
HIS LAST ANNOUNCEMENT! YEAH!
THANK YOU FREDDIE WASHINGTON
AND THE BUCHANAN BRASS.
NOW, CAN I CONTINUE?
CERTAINLY.
I'D LIKE TO SAY THAT THERE
ARE WORSE THINGS IN LIFE
THAN LISTENING TO
MY ANNOUNCEMENTS.
AND HERE COMES TWO OF THEM NOW.
MURRAY AND CARVELLI, WHAT
ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
THEY CLEANING OUT YOUR
CAGES OVER AT YOUR SCHOOL?
HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT,
A JOKE FROM THE HUMAN
BRILLO PAD.
HE SAID HE GOT A JOKE
FROM A HUMAN BRILLO PAD.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?
YEAH, YOU SEE, WE
GOT TRANSFERRED,
IT'S ALL IN THERE.
OH, MR. KOTTER,
I'M SORRY I'M LATE.
YOU SEE, I HAD TO HELP
MY AUNT THROW SOME STUFF
OUT OF THE APARTMENT.
TWO CHAIRS AND MY UNCLE.
HE SAID HE'S TALKING 'BOUT...
I HEARD WHAT HE SAID, MURRAY.
ALL RIGHT, CARVELLI, WHY
DON'T YOU AND YOUR ECHO
FIND A SEAT.
SO, WHAT ARE THEY
DOING HERE, MR. KOTTER.
WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE
THEY MOVED INTO
THE BUCHANAN SCHOOL DISTRICT.
SO, WHY'D YOU MOVE?
VIGILANTES?
OH NO!
IT JUST SO HAPPENS, ARNOLD,
THAT THE CITY TORE DOWN
THE BUILDING WHERE I LIVE.
NOW AIN'T THAT
JUST LIKE THE CITY?!
THEY TEAR DOWN A
PERFECTLY GOOD BUILDING
AND THEY LEAVE YOU STANDING.
HEY, YOU THINK I
GOTTA SIT HERE AND GET
INSULTED BY YOU, WASHINGTON?
YEAH, YOU THINK
HE GOT TO SIT THERE
AND GET INSULTED
BY YOU, WASHINGTON?
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, LOOK!
THAT'S ENOUGH.
THAT IS ENOUGH, YOU
UNDERSTAND CARVELLI?
YEAH, YOU WANNA KNOW
WHAT I UNDERSTAND?!
ANY TIME, ANY THREE OF YOU GUYS,
I'LL TAKE ALL THREE
OUTSIDE AND PERSONALLY
SWITCH YOUR NOSES.
YEAH, CARVELLI SAID HE'LL
PUT YOUR NOSE ON HIM,
AND YOUR NOSE ON
HIM, AND YOUR NOSE ON...
HEY, CARVELLI, I
THINK WE GONNA HAVE
ONE NOSE LEFT OVER.
THAT'S IT!
I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.
IS THIS ANNOUNCEMENT
GONNA BE GOOD NEWS?
YES AND NO.
OH WOW, MAN, THEN
YOU BETTER GIVE US
THE BAD NEWS FIRST.
BOY, THAT WAS FAST.
MAY I HAVE YOUR
ATTENTION PLEASE?
NO.
THANK YOU.
I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE
AN ANNOUNCEMENT.
WHEN I STARTED TEACHING
HERE WE HAD 73 TEACHERS.
BY THE SECOND
YEAR 23 OF THEM LEFT
TO GO INTO OTHER OCCUPATIONS.
OH, OH, OH, CALL ON ME!
I KNOW THIS ONE, CALL ON ME!
I DO, I KNOW THIS ONE, I DO!
OH, CALL ON ME
PLEASE, CALL ON ME!
WHAT IS IT?
IS THIS THE ONE WHERE
YOU HAVE TO GUESS
THE AGE OF THE BUS DRIVER?
THIS IS NOT A RIDDLE, ARNOLD.
THIS IS AN ANNOUNCEMENT,
YOU ARE A RIDDLE.
THE ANNOUNCEMENT
IS THAT I AM THE NEW
PRINCIPAL OF
BUCHANAN HIGH SCHOOL.
OH, TELL ME IT ISN'T SO!
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT HAPPENED TO
PRINCIPAL LAZARUS?
HE GOT AN EASIER JOB.
WARDEN AT A HIGH
SECURITY PRISON.
PRINCIPAL LAZARUS RETIRED.
SCHOOL BOARD IN
ITS INFINITE WISDOM
SELECTED THE MOST TALENTED,
THE MOST CAPABLE,
AND THE MOST ABLE MAN
FOR THE JOB.
OH, SO WHERE IS HE?
I'M GOING AROUND MAKING
THIS ANNOUNCEMENT
TO ALL THE CLASSES, KOTTER,
AND I THOUGHT I'D
START AT THE BOTTOM.
OH, MR. WOODMAN.
LET ME BE THE FIRST ONE
TO CONGRATULATE YOU.
THANK YOU.
AND I'M HAPPY TO
SEE THAT SUCCESS
HAS NOT GONE TO YOUR HEAD.
IN FACT, I DON'T SEE IT ON
ANY PART OF YOUR BODY.
I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO ANNOUNCE...
NO, NO! NO, I'LL DO IT!
YOU WANT TO TELL THEM
THAT YOU'RE THE NEW
VICE PRINCIPAL?
YOU DID IT, YOU HAD TO
COME IN HERE AND DO IT!
YOU HAD TO COME IN HERE
AND BLOW MY WHOLE SURPRISE!
WOW, MR. KOTTER,
MAN, IS THAT TRUE?
YOU'RE THE NEW VP?
YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S THE
ANNOUNCEMENT I WAS GONNA MAKE.
BUT I'M ALSO GONNA
BE TEACHING THIS CLASS
AND A FEW OTHERS.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU.
YOU'RE THE FIRST
ONE OF US TO MAKE IT.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
A MAZEL TOV ON YOUR FACE.
THIS IS GREAT,
REALLY, REALLY GREAT.
WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT IT?
WELL, THEY'RE HAPPY MR. WOODMAN.
YOU REMEMBER THE WAY YOU
WERE WHEN YOU WERE NAMED
POSTER BOY FOR POISON OAK?
HA-HA-HA-HA.
OH, I GET IT, YOU
PUNKS ARE DELIGHTED
BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU
HAVE A FRIEND IN HIGH PLACES.
- I NEVER SAID THAT!
- WELL, NOW THAT YOU SAY THAT.
I DIDN'T SEE IT LIKE THAT.
I SAID IT!
SAID WHAT?
NOW THAT YOU'RE PARTNER IN CRIME
IS THE VICE PRINCIPAL, YOU
THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY
WITH ANYTHING YOU WANT!
THE POSSIBILITIES
ARE MIND BOGGLING.
HI HONEY.
HOW'S MY HUSBAND
THE VICE PRINCIPAL?
FINE.
AH, THIS IS GONNA
LOOK JUST LIKE HOME
JUST AS SOON AS I PUT
UP A FEW MORE PICTURES.
AND IF I DON'T RUN OUT OF NAILS.
OR THUMBS.
AH, WELL, THEY GAVE
YOU WOODMAN'S OLD JOB
AND HIS OLD FACE.
JULIE, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
I'M A TEACHER NOT
AN ADMINISTRATOR.
BEEN IN THIS JOB
FOR LESS THAN A DAY,
AND I THINK I'M IN
OVER MY HEAD ALREADY.
YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT IT, HONEY?
- NO.
- OKAY.
YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT!
FIRST OF ALL, MY
SECRETARY MS. SHERBECK
DOESN'T SHOW UP
TODAY, SO I HAVE NO ONE
TO SCHEDULE MY APPOINTMENTS.
CONSEQUENTLY, THE
PRESIDENT OF THE PTA
AND THE ROTO ROOTER MAN
SHOW UP AT THE SAME TIME.
YOU EVER TRY TO TALK TO
A MAN ABOUT THE MORALITY
OF OUR YOUTH IN FRONT OF
ANOTHER MAN STANDING THERE
WITH A DRIPPING PLUNGER?
I'M GLAD YOU DIDN'T
WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
ON TOP OF ALL THAT!
WOODMAN WALTZES INTO MY CLASS,
BLURTS OUT THAT
I'M VICE PRINCIPAL
BEFORE I HAVE A
CHANCE TO TELL ANYBODY,
AND THEN EPSTEIN GOES
RUNNING AROUND THE SCHOOL
LIKE PAUL REVERE
YELLING, "KOTTER'S A VP!
KOTTER'S A VP!"
IT'S NOT FUNNY, JULIE.
COME ON!
WHERE'S THE OLE
KOTTER SENSE OF HUMOR?
I'M GONNA NEED MORE THAN
MY OLD SENSE OF HUMOR
TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEM.
WELL GABE, I CAN SOLVE
ONE OF YOUR PROBLEMS
RIGHT NOW.
I'M HERE ALREADY,
I MIGHT AS WELL
JUST STAY FOR THE
REST OF THE DAY
AND SUB FOR MS. SHERBECK.
I CAN JUST CALL THE
SITTER AND HAVE HER STAY
WITH THE TWINS THE
REST OF THE DAY, OKAY?
OH, THANKS A LOT, HONEY,
THAT'S GONNA REALLY HELP.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO
ABOUT THE SWEAT HOGS?
I COULD GET THE SITTER
TO STAY WITH THEM, TOO.
I'M SERIOUS!
NOW THAT I'M VICE PRINCIPAL
THEY THINK THEY'RE GONNA
GET AWAY WITH MURDER.
THAT IS SOMETHING YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE TO DEAL WITH
WHEN THE TIME COMES.
I FEEL LIKE I'M TWO
DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'M MR. KOTTER THEIR OLD FRIEND,
AND I'M ALSO MR. KOTTER
THEIR NEW ENEMY.
EXCUSE ME, MR. KOTTER,
YOUR VICE PRINCIPALSHIP,
I AM MR. KOTTER THE
TEACHER OF THE SWEAT HOGS.
AND I'M HERE IN THE
VICE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE
BECAUSE I WANNA TELL
YOU THAT YOU HAVE TO TREAT
THE SWEAT HOGS A LITTLE
DIFFERENTLY BECAUSE
YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT
THEY HAVE SPECIAL PROBLEMS.
SPECIAL PROBLEMS
MY BIG TOE, KOTTER.
IN THE VICE PRINCIPAL
BUSINESS EVERYBODY
GETS TREATED THE SAME.
EVERYBODY GETS
TREATED AS AN EQUAL.
NOW, GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!
AND DON'T DARE ASK FOR A RAISE.
WHY, IN MY DAY I...
I GET THE PICTURE, I GET IT.
DID YOU LIKE MY ACT?
I LOVED HIM, I HATED HIM.
HOW'S IT GOING, KOTTER?
SMOOTH, UNDER CONTROL.
JUST GIVE IT TIME, KOTTER.
THAT'S WHAT GENERAL CUSTER SAID.
WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO!
SURPRISE!
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
WE GOT YOU PRESENTS.
A MATCHING SET OF DUMMIES.
IT WAS THE STRANGEST
THING, MR. KOTTER.
WE WERE ALL JUST SITTING AROUND
WHEN SUDDENLY CARVELLI
SAYS, "I THINK I'D LIKE
TO TIE MYSELF UP."
THAT'S RIGHT MR. KOTTER,
AND THEN MURRAY SAID,
"I THINK I'D LIKE TO
TIE MYSELF UP, TOO."
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, NOW
UNTIE CARVELLI AND MURRAY,
AND I WANT YOU GUYS TO MEET ME
IN THE VICE PRINCIPAL'S
OFFICE IN FIVE MINUTES.
EXCITED MR. KOTTER.
SO THIS IS WHAT THE
NEW VICE PRINCIPAL'S
OFFICE LOOKS LIKE?
THIS IS ALL RIGHT.
VERY NICE LAYOUT YA
GOT HERE, VERY NICE.
WELL, I FOR ONE
AM VERY IMPRESSED.
WHY THANK YOU, ARNOLD.
WHY, TO GET AN
OFFICE LIKE THIS I TOO
MIGHT STEP ON SOME
OF THE LITTLE PEOPLE.
WHY DID YOU GUYS PULL
A CHEAP TRICK LIKE THAT?
COME ON, MR. KOTTER, IT WAS
ONLY CARVELLI AND MURRAY.
YEAH, MR. KOTTER,
IT'S NOT LIKE WE TIED UP
REAL PEOPLE.
WELL, YOU GUYS BROKE
THE RULES OF THE SCHOOL.
YOU GOTTA SUFFER
THE CONSEQUENCES.
THESE ARE DETENTION SLIPS.
I'M GIVING YOU
DETENTION FOR ONE WEEK.
OHH!
YOU ALMOST FOOLED US!
OH, WOW!
I GET IT, I GET IT, YOU'RE JOKE
IS MUCH FUNNIER THAN OUR JOKE.
SURE, SURE.
I GET IT, MR. KOTTER,
HERE YOU GO.
NO JOKE, EPSTEIN.
SCOTCH TAPE THIS BACK TOGETHER
AND REPORT TO THE DETENTION HALL
AFTER YOUR LAST PERIOD.
ARE YOU FOR REAL?
HEY, MR. KOTTER, LOOK.
I GET THAT ALL OF A SUDDEN
YOU AIN'T ONE OF US ANYMORE.
YOU'RE ONE OF THEM.
I NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D
TURN INTO A "THEM" MR. KOTTER.
HEY, WOW, MAN.
YOU'RE DESERTING US.
GUYS, I'M NOT
DESERTING YOU AT ALL.
I JUST HAVE TO DO MY
JOB AS VICE PRINCIPAL.
ARE YOU DROPPING
OUT ON US, MR. KOTTER?
LOOK, I'M NOT DOING
ANYTHING OF THE KIND.
I'M GONNA BE HERE
WHENEVER YOU NEED ME.
WELL, WHAT HAPPENS, UH,
IF WE AIN'T GONNA BE HERE
WHEN YOU NEED US?
THAT'S RIGHT, YOU
WANNA DROP OUT ON US,
WELL, WE CAN DROP
OUT ON YOU TOO.
I'M GONNA TELL YOU
SOMETHING, MAN.
I WAS THINKING OF
QUITTING ANYHOW.
RIGHT, AND AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I WAS THINKING ABOUT
DROPPING OUT THREE YEARS AGO.
- I GUESS I WAS TOO.
- THERE IT IS.
ALL THIS IS HAPPENING
BECAUSE I GAVE YOU DETENTION?
THAT AIN'T THE
REASON, MR. KOTTER.
WE IN TRIPPIN' OVER THAT, MAN.
THE THING IS THAT
IS IF WE USED TO GET
IN TROUBLE OR SOMETHING
LIKE THAT BEFORE
YOU USED TO COVER FOR
US WITH MR. WOODMAN.
BUT NOW, YOU ARE MR. WOODMAN.
SO YOU'RE GONNA DROP
OUT OF SCHOOL, HUH?
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
WHERE ARE YOU GONNA GO?
DON'T WORRY ABOUT
IT, WE CAN ALL FIND JOBS.
WHAT KIND OF JOBS?
WE CAN GET GOOD
JOBS FOR BIG BUCKS.
THAT'S RIGHT!
THAT'S RIGHT, YOU
TELL HIM FREDDIE.
WELL, UM, OKAY PERSONALLY,
I AIN'T GOT NO JOB RIGHT NOW,
BUT I GUARANTEE
YOU THIS MUCH, MAN,
I'M GONNA BE RICH AND FAMOUS
IN THREE YEARS.
WHAT A COINCIDENCE, JUST
THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME
IT TOOK YOU TO PASS GEOMETRY.
HA-HA-HA-HA!
LOOK GUYS, IF YOU WANNA
DO ANYTHING WITH YOUR LIFE,
YOU GOTTA GET A
HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA,
AND THE ONLY PLACE
YOU CAN GET THAT
IS RIGHT HERE.
OH GREAT, WE'LL BE
BY THIS AFTERNOON
TO PICK IT UP!
IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE, EPSTEIN!
YOU GOTTA EARN IT.
I KNEW THERE WAS A CATCH.
LOOK, YOU KNOW, I CAN
MAKE SOME BIG SPEECH,
BUT I'M JUST GONNA
TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
THE WAY IT IS.
YOU GOTTA STAY IN SCHOOL
AND THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT.
WE ARE QUITTING
SCHOOL AND THAT'S ALL
THERE IS TO THAT.
THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S
ALL THERE IS TO THAT.
I GUESS THAT'S ALL
THERE IS TO THAT.
LOOK, GUYS, I'M THE
VICE PRINCIPAL NOW.
IF YOU GUYS DO SOMETHING
WRONG I GOTTA REPRIMAND YOU.
BUT ALSO AS VICE
PRINCIPAL I CAN HELP YOU.
LIKE, IF YOU NEED
SOME WORK EXPERIENCE,
I CAN HELP YOU GET
THAT EXPERIENCE.
OH WOW, MR. KOTTER,
YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME...
YOU'RE GONNA TELL US
THAT YOU CAN GO OUT
AND GET US JOBS, MAN?
NO, NO, I CAN'T GET YOU
JOBS ON THE OUTSIDE, FREDDIE.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID.
BUT THERE ARE JOBS
RIGHT HERE IN SCHOOL
THAT HAVE TO BE DONE.
YEAH, SURE, SURE, LIKE WHAT?
LIKE WHAT? THERE'S DOZENS!
YOU COULD WORK IN THE CAFETERIA!
WHAT COULD WE DO THERE?
LOTS OF THINGS,
YOU CAN CLEAN UP,
YOU CAN SERVE LUNCH TO THE KIDS.
GREAT, AND AFTER LUNCH WE
GET TO SCRAPE IT OFF THE COOK.
YOU DON'T LIKE THE CAFETERIA,
YOU CAN WORK IN THE SCHOOL STORE
THERE'S VISUAL AIDS, YOU
CAN RUN THE PROJECTOR.
AND WHAT DO YOU GET FOR THAT?
YOU GET CREDIT, ARNOLD.
IT COUNTS LIKE GOING
TO A REGULAR CLASS.
HEY, HEY WHAT DO
YOU SAY YOU GUYS?
A CLASS WHERE THERE'S NO TESTS.
NO HOMEWORK, NO
TEACHERS... NO OFFENSE.
NO OFFENSE TAKEN, ARNOLD.
YOU LEARN WHAT IT'S
LIKE TO HAVE A BUSINESS.
YOU DEAL WITH CUSTOMERS,
YOU TAKE INVENTORY,
AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL,
YOU GET THAT DIPLOMA.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
WE'LL STAY IF
THERE'S NO DETENTION.
THREE DAYS DETENTION.
ONE DAY FIRM.
TWO DAYS THAT'S MY FINAL OFFER.
YOU GOT YOURSELF A DEAL.
(HONK)
HI THERE.
WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?
MY MAN, MR. KOTTER.
I DON'T WANT ANY SWEAT
HOGS IN MY SCHOOL STORE.
IT'S BAD ENOUGH I HAVE
ONE AS VICE PRINCIPAL.
WELL, PERHAPS YOU'D
LIKE TO SPEAK TO THE HEAD
OF OUR COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT.
(RINGS BELL)
SO, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
THE PROBLEM IS I THINK
I'M LOSING MY MIND.
SORRY, WE DON'T
HANDLE SMALL APPLIANCES.
HA-HA!
MONSTERS!
KOTTER! KOTTER!
WELL, WELL, WELL.
HEY LOOK, MURRAY, IT'S
OUR PUNCH AND JEWY.
(LOUD HONK)
(HONK)
HEY, MURRAY MURRAY,
ONCE IS ENOUGH.
YOU GUYS GOT A NICE
LITTLE SETUP HERE.
IT'S CUTE, YOU
KNOW, LITTLE BELLS,
BUT WHAT YOU NEED IS
SOMETHING YOU CAN MAKE
A LITTLE MONEY ON, YOU KNOW,
A LITTLE CHRISTMAS
CLUB MONEY, YOU KNOW?
YEAH, LIKE WHAT?
JUST SO HAPPENS, I
GOT THE MOST EXTENSIVE
LINE OF AUTO PARTS
IN ALL OF BROOKLYN.
IF I DON'T HAVE IT, JUST
SHOW ME WHERE IT'S PARKED.
ALL RIGHT, LISTEN CARVELLI,
WE HAVE NO INTENTION OF...
RIGHT, WHAT HORSHACK
IS SAYING IS THAT WE HAVE
NO INTENTIONS OF
LETTING YOU DOWN.
WE'LL SEE YOU ON
YOUR OFFER, RIGHT?
NOW I COULD LIKE...
OH, HE SAID HE'D LIKE
TO START WITH SOME MAD WHEELS.
BEAUTIFUL, WRITE
THIS DOWN, MURRAY.
THE RACING CAR
TYPE, YOU GOT THOSE?
- THE ROUND ONES?
- YEAH, THE OVALS, RIGHT OKAY.
COULD THEY BE STEEL BELTED?
HEY, NO PROBLEM.
I KNEW YOU COULD
DO IT, ALL RIGHT.
AND WE WANT THEM IN RAISED
WHITE LETTER, YOU GOT THAT?
BEAUTIFUL CHOICE.
OKAY, THERE'S ONE
MORE THING THOUGH.
ONE MORE.
WE WANT YOU TO GET
THEM OFF A MOVING CAR.
HA-HA-HA!
OH NO! OH NO!
(HONKING)
YOU GUYS ARE WASTING
MY TIME, YOU KNOW THAT?
COME ON, MURRAY!
(HONKING)
YOU OUGHT TO BE IN PICTURES.
YOU OUGHT TO BE A STAR!
JUAN EPSTEIN, TELL ME ABOUT IT.
JUAN EPSTEIN'S MY NAME,
VISUAL AIDS IS MY GAME.
OH, SURE, SURE, CHECK
IT OUT, CHECK IT OUT.
HEY, HEY, DON'T MONKEY
WITH IT, DON'T MONKEY WITH IT.
TOOK ME HOURS TO LEARN
HOW TO USE THIS MACHINE.
OH, COME ON, CAN YOU
REALLY WORK THAT THING?
OH, SURE, SURE I CAN.
I JUST RAN THIS FILM OVER
HERE FOR BIOLOGY CLASS.
WHICH ONE IS THAT?
THIS ONE RIGHT OVER HERE.
SEE WHAT YOU STARTED, KOTTER?
MONKEYS!
THE SCHOOL IS BEING
RUN BY MONKEYS!
ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
I'M SHOWING A
FILM, CAN'T YOU SEE?
LOOK AT THIS! LOOK!
COME HERE!
LOOK WHAT YOUR LITTLE
CREEPY CRAWLIES ARE DOING!
LOOK AT THAT STORE!
THIS PROJECTOR!
THEY'RE DESTROYING
SCHOOL PROPERTY!
YOU GAVE THEM
THESE JOBS, KOTTER,
THIS IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!
I WANT THIS MESS CLEANED UP!
NOW, GET IT... GET IT DONE NOW.
RIGHT NOW KOTTER!
WOO, BOY THAT LITTLE MIDGET
STILL GOT A LOT OF FIGHT
LEFT IN HIM, CHECK HIM OUT!
HA-HA.
MR. WOODMAN IS RIGHT.
- WHAT?
- WHAT?
MR. WOODMAN IS 100% RIGHT.
YOU GUYS ARE DESTROYING
SCHOOL PROPERTY.
COME ON, MR. KOTTER,
I CAN ROLL THIS FILM UP
BLIND FOLDED.
YEAH, MR. KOTTER, WE'LL
TAKE CARE OF THAT MESS.
- WE'LL CLEAN IT UP.
- LOOK!
THAT'S NOT THE POINT
AND YOU KNOW IT.
HEY, COME ON MR. KOTTER,
IT'S NOT LIKE THIS IS
GONE WITH THE WIND.
IT'S JUST SOME
CRUMMY NATURE FILM.
THE ARMADILLO:
NATURE'S LITTLE TANK.
ALL RIGHT, I WANT YOU
TO CLEAN EVERYTHING UP
INSIDE THE STORE, I
WANT YOU TO CLEAN
THE PROJECTOR AND THE FILM UP,
AND I WANT YOU ALL
TO MEET ME IN MY OFFICE
IN FIVE MINUTES.
YOUR OFFICE?
YEAH, YEAH, YOU KNOW.
HIS HIGHNESS, THE VICE
PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE, RIGHT?
OH BOY, MR. KOTTER.
YOU REALLY HAVE GONE
OVER TO THE OTHER SIDE.
IT'S A SAD DAY IN BROOKLYN.
HEY!
HEY GUYS, MR. KOTTER,
HOW'S IT GOING?
HI YOU, VINNIE,
WHERE YOU'VE BEEN.
- HOW YOU DOING?
- WHAT'S HAPPENING VINNIE?
CHECK IT OUT!
YOU DIG MY NEW THREADS, HUH?
WHERE'D YOU GET THE
MONEY TO BUY THOSE
NEW CLOTHES, VINNIE?
I GOT A JOB.
- YOU GOT A JOB?!
- YEAH.
LOOK MAN, I QUIT SCHOOL,
I'M THREW WITH IT NOW.
I GOT ME A GOOD JOB
IN A COUNTY HOSPITAL.
- YA DON'T SAY!
- VINNIE, CONGRATULATIONS!
HEY VINNIE, MAN,
HOW'D YOU GET A JOB
IN A HOSPITAL?
YOU GOT EXPERIENCE
IN DOCTOR STUFF?
NAH, JUST... I JUST WALKED
IN I GOT THIS TERRIFIC JOB.
VINNIE, WHAT KIND OF
JOB DO YOU GET BY JUST
WALKING IN AND ASKING FOR IT?
YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T
HAVE TO PLAY STORE?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU MEAN TO TELL ME
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO WHEEL
AROUND A PROJECTOR FOR A YEAR?
VINNIE, THIS JOB,
IS THERE ANY ROOM
FOR ADVANCEMENT?
WHAT KIND OF MONEY YOU MAKING?
MONEY, CHECK THIS OUT.
ALL RIGHT, 47 BIG ONES.
- WOW!
- LOOK AT THAT!
YEAH, WOW, THAT'S
ALMOST A MILLION DOLLARS.
GEE, HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?
WE GET CREDIT AND
VINNIE GETS CASH.
VINNIE, YOU STILL DIDN'T TELL
US WHAT KIND OF JOB YOU GOT.
OH, HE'S A BUMMER.
COME ON, I'LL TAKE YOU
GUYS OUT FOR PIZZA.
YEAH, I DON'T GOTTA
TAKE THIS NEGATIVITY.
FROM NOW ON YOU CAN
CONSIDER ME OUT TO LUNCH.
PERMANENTLY.
YEAH, ME TOO.
COME ON, HORSHACK.
I GUESS I'LL BE SEEING
YOU, MR. KOTTER.
WAIT A MINUTE, YOU
GUYS ARE MAKING
A BIG MISTAKE HERE.
YOU JUST SAY GOODBYE
TO MY LUCKY CHAIR.
(HONK)
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ AND I... ♪♪