Welcome Back, Kotter (1975–1979): Season 3, Episode 7 - The Deprogramming of Arnold Horshack - full transcript
JULIE, I EVER TELL YOU
ABOUT MY COUSIN LESTER?
NO, AND I APPRECIATE IT.
WELL, YOUR LUCK HAS RUN OUT.
MY COUSIN LESTER ALWAYS
WANTED TO BE AN ENGINEER
ON A TRAIN, BUT HE
WAS KINDA STUPID.
ANYWAY, ONE DAY HE
GOES IN FOR AN INTERVIEW.
AND THE GUY SAYS,
"ALL RIGHT, LESTER.
NOW LISTEN TO THIS, I
WANT YOU TO TELL ME
WHAT TO DO."
TRAIN, YOU'RE THE
ENGINEER, RIGHT?
IT'S GOING DOWN THE TRACK,
YOU GO AROUND A BIG CURB,
ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU
SEE COMING AT YOU
100 MILES AN HOUR, ANOTHER
TRAIN ON THE SAME TRACK.
NOW WHAT DO YOU DO?
WHAT'D LESTER SAY?
WELL LESTER SAID, "LET
ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
I'M AN ENGINEER OF A TRAIN,
TRAIN IS GOING 90 MILES
AN HOUR AROUND A CURB,
AND THERE'S ANOTHER TRAIN
COMING ON THE SAME TRACK
RIGHT AT ME?"
GUY SAYS, "THAT'S RIGHT,
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?"
LESTER SAID, "WELL,
I'D CALL MY SISTER."
WHAT?
THAT'S WHAT HE
SAID, "I'LL MY SISTER."
AND THE GUY SAID, "WHY
WOULD YOU CALL YOUR SISTER?"
LESTER SAID, "WELL, SHE AIN'T
EVER SEEN A TRAIN WRECK BEFORE."
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪
♪
MORNING!
DON'T TELL ME ARNOLD'S
ABSENT AGAIN TODAY?
MR. KOTTER, ARNOLD'S
ABSENT AGAIN TODAY.
THANKS A LOT, VINNIE, LET
ME KNOW IF YOU GET HERE.
HEY, MR. KOTTER.
NOT ONLY HAS HORSHACK
BEEN OUT OF SCHOOL ALL WEEK,
HE AIN'T BEEN NOWHERE.
YEAH, HE'S JUST A
LITTLE NOWHERE, MAN.
YOU KNOW, ARNOLD
MIGHT BE STAYING AWAY
BECAUSE OF REMARKS
JUST LIKE THAT.
OH, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
HE CAN'T HEAR THOSE
REMARKS, HE AIN'T EVEN HERE.
LOOK, LET ME TRY
AND MAKE IT CLEAR.
HORSHACK TAKES A LOT
OF ABUSE FROM YOU GUYS.
LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE STORY.
OH COME ON, IT'S
EARLY IN THE MORNING.
IS THIS A BONZO MERETTI STORY?
NO, THIS IS A HAROLD
LAVINSKY STORY.
WHO'S THAT?
HAROLD LAVINSKY
WAS A SWEATHOG WHEN
I WENT TO SCHOOL HERE.
NOW, HAROLD HAD BIG EARS,
YOU KNOW, THAT STUCK OUT
FROM HIS HEAD.
SO ALL THE GUYS, INCLUDING ME,
USED TO SAY THINGS
LIKE, "HEY, LAVINSKY!
YOU LOOK LIKE A TAXI CAB
WITH THE DOORS OPEN!"
OH, THAT'S FUNNY.
TAXI CAB WITH THE DOORS OPEN!
THAT'S NOT THE POINT, VINNIE.
THE POINT IS, I DIDN'T
WANT TO HURT HAROLD.
I THOUGHT I WAS BEING CUTE,
LIKE YOU GUYS DON'T
WANT TO HURT ARNOLD,
BUT ARNOLD HAS
FEELINGS, HE'S A PERSON,
HE'S A HUMAN BEING.
♪ BA-BA-BEE-BEE ♪
♪ BA-BA-BEE-BEE BEE-BEE-BEE ♪♪
ARNOLD?
IT IS NOT ARNOLD, MR. KOTTER.
MY NAME IS ABU KAREEM HASSAN.
HEY ARNOLD, YOU'RE
ALWAYS FALLING
ASLEEP IN CLASS AND ALL,
BUT IT'S THE FIRST TIME HE
EVER WORE HIS NIGHTGOWN.
HA-HA-HA-HA!
A-HA-HA-HA-HA!
MR. KOTTER, I HAVE
FOUND RELIGION.
I NOW WALK IN THE
FOOTSTEPS OF THE MASTER,
THE GREAT PROPHET...
THE BA-BA-BEE-BEE.
MR. KOTTER, THAT BA-BA-BEE-BEE,
IS THAT LIKE JUNIOR ACHIEVEMENT?
NO, BA-BA-BEE-BEE'S
ARE A RELIGIOUS CULT,
RIGHT ARNOLD?
THE BEE-BEE'S ARE THE
ONLY TRUE CULT, MR. KOTTER.
IT ALL HAPPENED LAST
WEEK AS I WAS WALKING
DOWN LUDMON PLACE,
WHEN SUDDENLY...
I WAS APPROACHED BY THIS GIRL.
OH, A VISION OF
LOVELINESS, I MIGHT ADD.
WHO TOOK MY HAND
AND WALKED WITH ME.
I THOUGHT THE COPS
CLEANED UP THAT AREA.
HA-HA-HA!
SHE TOLD ME THAT
I WAS BEAUTIFUL.
KALEE KALOU.
FORMERLY MS. DEBBIE
ROTHENBERG OF FOREST HILLS.
SO WHAT HAPPENED THEN?
THEN... THEN SHE TOOK ME
TO THE BA-BA'S HOLY SHRINE
AND I LEARNED TWO THINGS,
WHICH I SHALL NEVER FORGET:
LOVE A LOT OF PEOPLE,
SELL A LOT OF FLOWERS.
UM, ARNOLD... ABU, COULD
YOU CHECK YOUR TAMBOURINE
AND SIT DOWN?
I'D LIKE TO DISCUSS THIS
WITH YOU LATER, OKAY?
BUT RIGHT NOW, UH, LET'S
OPEN OUR WORKBOOKS.
- NOW...
- KOTTER!
CLOSE YOUR WORKBOOK.
WHICH ONE OF
YOUR ANIMALS DID IT?
WHAT?
SOMEBODY'S PAINTED A
BIG SIGN ON THE FRONT DOOR
OF THE SCHOOL SAYING "BA-BA
LOVES THE WHOLE WORLD."
WHO IS THIS GIRL, BA-BA?
SHE MUST BE IN YOUR CLASS!
IT IS I, ABU KAREEM HASSAN,
WHO WROTE THAT MESSAGE
OF LOVE.
BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS
FOR A VERY BEAUTIFUL
PERSON, MR. WOODMAN.
THAT'LL BE 35 CENTS.
WHAT'S WITH THIS WEIRDO?
ARNOLD HAS HAD A RELIGIOUS
EXPERIENCE, MR. WOODMAN.
HE'S JOINED THE CULT
OF BA-BA-BEE-BEE.
BA-BA-BEE-BEE?
YOU MEAN THE ONE WHO
BRAINWASHES YOUNG PEOPLE?
MY KIND OF GUY!
ARNOLD!
ARNOLD!
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HIM?
I THINK HE'S IN A TRANCE.
OH, WOW, BOY, HE'S
REALLY OUT OF IT.
HE LOOKS LIKE THAT
THING MY FATHER'S GOT
IN THE BACK OF HIS CAR.
♪
HOW DOES THE PLACE LOOK, HONEY?
JULIE, RELAX, MRS.
HORSHACK IS A WOMAN
WITH FOUR KIDS.
TO HER, THIS PLACE
IS GONNA LOOK NEAT.
WELL, HONEY, WHAT WOULD
YOU DO IF ONE OF THE GIRLS
JOINED ONE OF THOSE
RELIGIOUS CULTS?
OKAY, GIRLS, NOW WHICH
ONE OF YOU TRIED TO SELL
YOUR MOTHER A FLOWER?
WAS IT YOU?
DID YOU DO IT?
YES, I THINK SOMEBODY
SHAVED YOUR HEAD.
OH, YES.
COME ON, YOU GO TO SLEEP NOW.
YOU GO TO SLEEP NOW.
MAYBE ARNOLD'S JUST
GOING THROUGH A PHASE.
YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS
A TEENAGER IN NEBRASKA,
I JOINED A HIPPIE
COMMUNE FOR THREE DAYS.
WHY ONLY THREE DAYS?
I GOT THROWN OUT.
THEY CAUGHT ME DOING MY NAILS.
I'LL GET IT.
THEY CAUGHT YOU
DOING YOUR NAILS...
MR. KOTTER, HELLO.
I'M ARNOLD HORSHACK'S MOTHER.
I WOULD'VE NEVER GUESSED.
NOW I KNOW WHERE HE GETS IT.
NO, I GOT IT FROM HIM.
COME ON IN, LET
ME TAKE YOUR COAT.
OKAY, THANK YOU.
THIS IS MY WIFE, JULIE,
JULIE, THIS IS MRS. HORSHACK.
OHH.
SO NICE TO MEET
YOU, MRS. HORSHACK.
OH, ACTUALLY IT'S MRS. O'HARA.
I HAD ARNOLD BY A
PREVIOUS MISTAKE.
OH, WELL, ARNOLD HAS
TOLD ME SO MUCH ABOUT YOU.
OH, AND HE'S TOLD ME
SO MUCH ABOUT YOU TOO.
AND CONGRATULATIONS
ON YOUR DOUBLE BLESSING.
OH, THANK YOU.
YOU WANNA SEE THE BABIES?
OH YEAH!
VIEWING ROOM IS RIGHT OVER HERE.
OHH, THEY'RE GORGEOUS.
A MATCHING SET.
MAY I?
SURE.
OOHH.
THEY'RE SO DARLING
WHEN THEY'RE LITTLE.
OH, SO PINK AND CUTE.
IT'S TOO BAD THEY
HAVE TO GROW UP.
AND TEAR YOUR HEART
OUT LIKE MY ARNOLD.
YOU THINK THE TIME I DROPPED HIM
HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT?
NO, UM, I'M SURE IT DIDN'T.
LET ME JUST PUT HER...
SHE WAS SLEEPING.
BACK TO SLEEP NOW.
YES, MWAH.
OH, COME SIT DOWN.
COME ON, YOU JUST
SIT DOWN OVER HERE.
NOW, BETWEEN THE THREE OF US,
WE WILL FIGURE THIS THING OUT.
YOU'RE VERY KIND.
DEAR, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS
KEEP A BOX OF KLEENEX OUT,
YOU KNOW?
- I'LL GET YOU SOME.
- THANK YOU.
HERE YOU GO.
FLOWER GRAM FROM THE BA-BA.
FOR YOU!
NO CHARGE.
- COME IN, ARNOLD.
- ABU.
IT HAS COME TO MY
EARS THAT THE MOTHER
OF THE FORMER ARNOLD
HORSHACK IS HERE.
LOOK WHO IT IS, MY SON
THE RELIGIOUS FANATIC.
MOTHER, YOU MUST
NOT RIDICULE SOMETHING
JUST BECAUSE IT'S DIFFERENT.
ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU
TEACH, MR. KOTTER?
WELL, I TRY TO TELL MY...
ARNOLD, I'M NOT
RIDICULING YOU BECAUSE
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
IT AND IT'S DIFFERENT,
I'M RIDICULING IT
BECAUSE IT'S CRAZY.
MOTHER, PLEASE, AS
THE GREAT ONE SAYS,
"WHAT IS, IS.
WHAT WAS WILL BE.
WHAT WILL BE WAS,
BUT WILL BE AGAIN."
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL
SENTIMENT, ARNOLD.
MAKE A GREAT BUMPER STICKER.
OH, MR. KOTTER, IT'S MORE
THAN MERE SENTIMENT.
IT IS THE VERY CORNERSTONE
WITH WHICH I WANT TO BUILD
MY ENTIRE LIFE.
ARNOLD, LISTEN TO ME.
YOU'RE MAKING A VERY
IMPORTANT DECISION.
DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE
BEING A LITTLE HASTY ABOUT IT?
ARE YOU LISTENING, ARNOLD?
ABU.
ARNOLD, THIS IS AN ADULT
MAN WITH A MUSTACHE TALKING.
BUT MOTHER, YOU
DO NOT UNDERSTAND.
NOW I HAVE A WHOLE NEW FAMILY
AND FRIENDS WHO TRULY LOVE ME.
ARNOLD, WHAT ABOUT
THE SWEATHOGS?
THEY'RE YOUR OLD FRIENDS,
THEY REALLY LOVE YOU.
LOVE ME?
LOVE ME?
LOVE ME, MR. KOTTER?!
THEY DO NOT LOVE ME.
WHAT AM I TO THEM EXCEPT SOMEONE
THAT THEY CAN LAUGH AT,
THAT THEY CAN POKE FUN OF,
THAT THEY CAN TAUNT AND TEASE.
OH, AT LEAST IT'S
A START, ARNOLD.
MOM, NO!
THEY HAVE PUT ME
DOWN FOR THE LAST TIME.
THAT IS WHY I HAVE
COME HERE TO TELL YOU,
THAT I AM QUITTING
SCHOOL AND MOVING TO
THE BA-BA'S HOLY COMMUNE,
JUST ADJACENT TO THE
SHOPPING CENTER IN NYACK.
COMMUNE? YOU'RE
GOING TO A COMMUNE?
ALL RIGHT.
JUST REMEMBER,
WHEN YOU'RE OUT THERE
ROLLING IN THE DIRT, AND
THE WHEEZING STARTS IN,
AS IT WILL, I JUST
PRAY YOUR BA-BA
KNOWS A GOOD ALLERGIST.
ARNOLD!
ARNOLD, WE'VE BEEN
FRIENDS FOR A LONG TIME.
LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS.
OH, MR. KOTTER,
WORDS MEAN NOTHING.
AND AS THE GREAT ONE
SAYS, "TALK IS CHEAP."
ARNOLD!
ARNOLD, COME BACK, COME BACK!
ARNOLD!
HE'S GONE.
OHH!
DON'T CRY, MRS. HORSHACK.
MRS. O'HARA, DEAR.
♪
♪
YOU!
HORSHACK!
WHY ARE YOU WEARING THAT DRESS?
AND WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE SO LATE?
OH, MR. CUMMINS, I
AM ABOUT TO DEPART
THESE HALLOWED HALLS FOR A PLACE
WHERE LOVE FLOURISHES.
AIN'T YOU A LITTLE
YOUNG TO BE GOING TO
A MASSAGE PARLOR?
AH, MR. CUMMINS, I
WILL NOT SAY FAREWELL,
FOR WE SHALL MEET
AGAIN IN A HIGHER PLACE.
NOT TONIGHT.
I ALREADY FINISHED
THE THIRD FLOOR.
OH, REALLY?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
LET GO OF MY BEING, PLEASE!
WE'RE GONNA DE-PROGRAM
YOU, ARNOLD HORSHACK,
FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
OH, YOU CAN TORTURE
ME, BUT I SHALL NEVER
REVEAL MY MANTRA.
WELL, NOBODY WANTS
TO SEE YOUR MANTRA.
FORGET ABOUT THAT, FREDDIE,
NOW I SAW HOW TO DO THIS
ON THE EYEWITNESS NEWS.
HEY, YOU, REPEAT AFTER ME:
"MY NAME IS ARNOLD HORSHACK."
NO, MY NAME IS
ABU KAREEM HASSAN.
WHAT IS, IS.
WHAT WAS WILL BE.
WHAT WILL BE WAS,
BUT WILL BE AGAIN.
WE YOU BETTER HURRY UP, I'M
STARTING TO UNDERSTAND HIM.
NOW, LOOK, ARNOLD.
WE'RE GONNA KEEP
YOU HERE ALL NIGHT
WITHOUT ANY FOOD,
WITHOUT ANY WATER.
WHAT CARE I FOR FOOD AND WATER?
FOR I AM NOURISHED BY THE
FRUIT OF THE BA-BA'S TEACHINGS.
IT KEEPS ME PURE
AND I DON'T BREAK OUT.
WELL, LET'S SEE IF
THERE'S ANY REALITY HERE.
PUT HIM IN THERE!
ALL RIGHT, YEAH!
YOU'RE GONNA LIVE
YOUR WHOLE LIFE, ARNOLD,
RIGHT HERE IN THE MEN'S ROOM.
THAT'S RIGHT, AND AFTER
WE'RE THROUGH WITH YOU,
YOU WON'T CARE WHAT
THE BA-BA TEACHES YOU.
'CAUSE WHEN YOU MESS
WITH THE SWEATHOGS,
YOUR BA-BA DON' MADE A BOO-BOO.
YOUR NAME IS ARNOLD HORSHACK.
YOUR NAME IS ARNOLD HORSHACK.
YOUR NAME IS ARNOLD HORSHACK.
YOUR NAME IS ARNOLD HORSHACK.
YOUR NAME IS ARNOLD HORSHACK.
YOUR NAME IS ARNOLD HORSHACK.
WHAT WAS, WAS.
WHAT ISN'T, ISN'T.
WHAT YOU DIDN'T
DO BEFORE YOU DID.
MY NAME IS ABU KAREEM HASSAN.
WHAT IS, IS.
WHAT WAS WILL BE.
WHAT WILL BE WAS,
BUT WILL BE AGAIN.
ARNOLD, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
OH!
OH, MR. KOTTER!
THANK THE BA-BA YOU'VE ARRIVED.
THESE BOYS HERE KEPT
ME AWAKE ALL NIGHT
TRYING TO FORCE ME
TO RENOUNCE MY FAITH.
COME ON, WAKE UP.
WAKE UP, LET'S GO, WAKE UP.
HEY, VINNIE, WHERE ARE WE?
COME ON, GET UP.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU GUYS?
YOU CAN'T FORCE
SOMEONE TO GIVE UP
THEIR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS JUST
BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE THEM.
WHAT'D I TEACH YOU
THREE WEEKS AGO
ABOUT FREEDOM OF RELIGION?
AIN'T NO FAIR
GIVING US A POP QUIZ
IN THE MEN'S ROOM.
YEAH!
GO AHEAD, GO TO CLASS,
I WANNA TALK TO ARNOLD.
YOUR NAME IS ARNOLD HORSHACK.
YOUR NAME IS ARNOLD HORSHACK!
GO ON!
YOUR NAME IS MR. KOTTER!
YOUR NAME IS MR. KOTTER!
FORGIVE THEM, MR. KOTTER,
THEY ARE BUT SHEEP, AND
YOU ARE THE SHEPHERD.
GUIDE THEM WELL TO
THE NEXT DAYS' GRAZING.
WHAT ABOUT YOU, ARNOLD?
ABU.
I MUST BE GOING
TO JOIN THE BA-BA.
ARNOLD, ARE YOU SURE
YOU'RE GONNA BE HAPPY THERE?
OH, MR. KOTTER, MAY
THE BA-BA BLESS YOU.
BUT AS THE MAJESTIC
ONE SAYS, "WHEN IT'S RIGHT,
YOU KNOW IT."
BA-BA WATCHES A LOT OF TV.
ARNOLD, YOU KNOW,
I'VE BEEN DOING
A LITTLE RESEARCH
ABOUT THE BA-BA
AND HIS BEE-BEE'S.
OH, AND YOU WISH TO JOIN US?
WHAT SIZE SHEET DO YOU WEAR?
DO YOU KNOW THAT
THE BA-BA TAKES CARE
OF YOUR CLOTHES, YOUR
MONEY, ALL YOUR WORLDLY
POSSESSIONS ARE HIS.
I AM AWARE OF THE BA-BA'S
YEARLY GARAGE SALE.
ARNOLD, HE CAN
TELL YOU EVERYTHING!
HE TELLS YOU... IF YOU
WANNA GET MARRIED,
HE TELLS YOU WHO TO MARRY.
HE TELLS YOU WHEN
YOU CAN GET MARRIED.
HE TELLS YOU HOW MANY
CHILDREN YOU CAN HAVE.
WELL, SOMEONE HAS TO TELL ME.
ARNOLD, LISTEN TO ME.
TRY AND UNDERSTAND
WHAT I'M SAYING.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
YOU WANT... IS THIS
WHAT YOU REALLY WANT?
DO YOU WANT SOMEONE
TELLING YOU WHAT TO DO
ALL THE TIME?
ARNOLD, THAT'S NOT
RELIGION, THAT'S SLAVERY.
PLEASE, MR. KOTTER,
YOU MUST HELP ME.
WHY, ARNOLD? YOU
WANNA CHANGE YOUR MIND?
NO, I WANNA STAND UP,
I'VE BEEN SITTING LIKE THIS
ALL NIGHT LONG.
GOODBYE MR. KOTTER.
AREN'T YOU GONNA SAY
GOODBYE TO YOUR FRIENDS?
AND LET THEM SINK
THEIR CLAWS INTO
MY FLESH ONCE MORE?
ARNOLD, LET'S NOT BE
DRAMATIC, ALL RIGHT?
I THINK YOU OWE THEM A GOODBYE.
AS YOU WISH.
NOW COME ON, WAKE UP
SCHOOL STARTS IN 10 MINUTES,
AND UH, ARNOLD HAS
SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU GUYS.
GOODBYE LITTLE JUAN.
GOODBYE FREDERIC.
GOODBYE VINCENT.
HEY ARNOLD! HEY ARNOLD!
AH, YOU REMEMBER THAT TIME
I TOLD YOU THE SCHOOL DANCE
WAS A COSTUME PARTY?
- OH YEAH.
- AND YOU BELIEVED ME?
YEAH, AND YOU CAME
WITH ALUMINUM FOIL
WRAPPED ALL AROUND YOU
LIKE YOU WAS A BAKED POTATO.
IT WASN'T SO BAD UNTIL YOU PUT
THE SOUR CREAM IN MY HAIR.
I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT, ARNOLD.
YOU DESERVE A LOT
BETTER THAN BEING TREATED
LIKE A SIDE DISH.
ARNOLD HORSHACK, UM...
HEY LOOK, UM, I'M SORRY ABOUT
ALL THOSE TIMES THAT
I'VE BEEN RANKING ON YOU.
LIKE THAT TIME, YOU
KNOW, LIKE THAT TIME
WHEN I SAID THAT
YOU WAS SO SKIDDY
THAT YOU NEED TO RENT A
SHADOW, YOU REMEMBER THAT?
AND THEN YOU SAID I
LOOKED LIKE A PELICAN
WITH A PERMANENT.
YEAH, I'M SORRY.
ABU! ABU!
ABU! ABU! ABU!
- I MUST GO NOW.
- WAIT A SECOND!
I AIN'T TALKED TO YOU YET.
NOW LOOK, I COULD
UNDERSTAND YOU LEAVING
TO GO DO SOMETHING
IMPORTANT LIKE, YOU KNOW,
THE ROLLER DERBY OR
BECOMING A PARKING
ATTENDANT OR
SOMETHING LIKE THAT,
YOU KNOW, SOMETHING
WITH A FUTURE.
BUT THIS IS GOING OFF WITH
THE TAMBOURINE BUMPS.
I MEAN, COME ON, WHERE
ARE YOUR SCRUPLES?
BUT THEY WANT ME, VINCENT.
ARNOLD, DO YOU THINK
THAT WE WOULD WASTE
OUR BEST RANKS ON YOU
IF WE DIDN'T WANT YOU?
BUT THEY SAY THEY LOVE ME.
- WE LOVE YOU TOO.
- ARNOLD, WE LOVE YOU TOO.
YEAH, BUT DON'T EXPECT
US TO TELL YOU THAT.
WHY AM I FINDING
ALL OF THIS OUT NOW?
WHEN IT'S TOO LATE.
GOODBYE.
MY FRIENDS.
WELL, I GUESS WE WERE
ABOUT A WEEK LATE
WITH OUR SENTIMENTS.
KOTTER, WE GOT 20 PEOPLE
IN FRONT OF THE SCHOOL
IN SHEETS!
IT LOOKS LIKE A
MUSICAL LAUNDRY LINE!
I'M RUNNING A HIGH
SCHOOL NOT A WHITE SALE!
OH WOW!
HEY, LOOK AT ALL THE HIPPIES!
WHERE'S ARNOLD?
I DON'T SEE ARNOLD NO PLACE.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.
BYE BYE BA-BA!
ALL RIGHT, GENTLEMEN, LET'S
SAY YOU REPEAT THE PART
ABOUT HOW YOU ALL LOVE
ME BUT YOU CAN'T SAY IT.
I'M GOING... I'M GOING
BACK TO MY OFFICE!
THIS DISPLAY OF LOVE
IS MAKING ME NAUSEAS.
HEY ARNOLD, IT'S GOOD
TO HAVE YOU BACK.
OH, MR. KOTTER, WELL,
YOU KNOW THE OLD SAYING.
WHAT IS, AIN'T.
WHAT WAS COULD NOT POSSIBLY BE.
AND WHAT WILL BE, IS
HAPPENING RIGHT HERE.
♪
MR. WOODMAN, BEFORE YOU LEAVE
THERE'S SOMETHING
I GOTTA TELL YOU.
NOT ANOTHER ONE
OF YOUR UNCLE JOKES.
NO, I CAN'T THINK
OF AN UNCLE JOKE.
THIS IS CUTE.
THESE TWO FLIES ARE
ON THE CEILING, RIGHT?
ONE LOOKS AT THE
OTHER ONE AND SAYS,
"HEY, YOUR MAN IS OPEN."
♪
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME... ♪♪
ABOUT MY COUSIN LESTER?
NO, AND I APPRECIATE IT.
WELL, YOUR LUCK HAS RUN OUT.
MY COUSIN LESTER ALWAYS
WANTED TO BE AN ENGINEER
ON A TRAIN, BUT HE
WAS KINDA STUPID.
ANYWAY, ONE DAY HE
GOES IN FOR AN INTERVIEW.
AND THE GUY SAYS,
"ALL RIGHT, LESTER.
NOW LISTEN TO THIS, I
WANT YOU TO TELL ME
WHAT TO DO."
TRAIN, YOU'RE THE
ENGINEER, RIGHT?
IT'S GOING DOWN THE TRACK,
YOU GO AROUND A BIG CURB,
ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU
SEE COMING AT YOU
100 MILES AN HOUR, ANOTHER
TRAIN ON THE SAME TRACK.
NOW WHAT DO YOU DO?
WHAT'D LESTER SAY?
WELL LESTER SAID, "LET
ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
I'M AN ENGINEER OF A TRAIN,
TRAIN IS GOING 90 MILES
AN HOUR AROUND A CURB,
AND THERE'S ANOTHER TRAIN
COMING ON THE SAME TRACK
RIGHT AT ME?"
GUY SAYS, "THAT'S RIGHT,
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?"
LESTER SAID, "WELL,
I'D CALL MY SISTER."
WHAT?
THAT'S WHAT HE
SAID, "I'LL MY SISTER."
AND THE GUY SAID, "WHY
WOULD YOU CALL YOUR SISTER?"
LESTER SAID, "WELL, SHE AIN'T
EVER SEEN A TRAIN WRECK BEFORE."
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪
♪
MORNING!
DON'T TELL ME ARNOLD'S
ABSENT AGAIN TODAY?
MR. KOTTER, ARNOLD'S
ABSENT AGAIN TODAY.
THANKS A LOT, VINNIE, LET
ME KNOW IF YOU GET HERE.
HEY, MR. KOTTER.
NOT ONLY HAS HORSHACK
BEEN OUT OF SCHOOL ALL WEEK,
HE AIN'T BEEN NOWHERE.
YEAH, HE'S JUST A
LITTLE NOWHERE, MAN.
YOU KNOW, ARNOLD
MIGHT BE STAYING AWAY
BECAUSE OF REMARKS
JUST LIKE THAT.
OH, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
HE CAN'T HEAR THOSE
REMARKS, HE AIN'T EVEN HERE.
LOOK, LET ME TRY
AND MAKE IT CLEAR.
HORSHACK TAKES A LOT
OF ABUSE FROM YOU GUYS.
LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE STORY.
OH COME ON, IT'S
EARLY IN THE MORNING.
IS THIS A BONZO MERETTI STORY?
NO, THIS IS A HAROLD
LAVINSKY STORY.
WHO'S THAT?
HAROLD LAVINSKY
WAS A SWEATHOG WHEN
I WENT TO SCHOOL HERE.
NOW, HAROLD HAD BIG EARS,
YOU KNOW, THAT STUCK OUT
FROM HIS HEAD.
SO ALL THE GUYS, INCLUDING ME,
USED TO SAY THINGS
LIKE, "HEY, LAVINSKY!
YOU LOOK LIKE A TAXI CAB
WITH THE DOORS OPEN!"
OH, THAT'S FUNNY.
TAXI CAB WITH THE DOORS OPEN!
THAT'S NOT THE POINT, VINNIE.
THE POINT IS, I DIDN'T
WANT TO HURT HAROLD.
I THOUGHT I WAS BEING CUTE,
LIKE YOU GUYS DON'T
WANT TO HURT ARNOLD,
BUT ARNOLD HAS
FEELINGS, HE'S A PERSON,
HE'S A HUMAN BEING.
♪ BA-BA-BEE-BEE ♪
♪ BA-BA-BEE-BEE BEE-BEE-BEE ♪♪
ARNOLD?
IT IS NOT ARNOLD, MR. KOTTER.
MY NAME IS ABU KAREEM HASSAN.
HEY ARNOLD, YOU'RE
ALWAYS FALLING
ASLEEP IN CLASS AND ALL,
BUT IT'S THE FIRST TIME HE
EVER WORE HIS NIGHTGOWN.
HA-HA-HA-HA!
A-HA-HA-HA-HA!
MR. KOTTER, I HAVE
FOUND RELIGION.
I NOW WALK IN THE
FOOTSTEPS OF THE MASTER,
THE GREAT PROPHET...
THE BA-BA-BEE-BEE.
MR. KOTTER, THAT BA-BA-BEE-BEE,
IS THAT LIKE JUNIOR ACHIEVEMENT?
NO, BA-BA-BEE-BEE'S
ARE A RELIGIOUS CULT,
RIGHT ARNOLD?
THE BEE-BEE'S ARE THE
ONLY TRUE CULT, MR. KOTTER.
IT ALL HAPPENED LAST
WEEK AS I WAS WALKING
DOWN LUDMON PLACE,
WHEN SUDDENLY...
I WAS APPROACHED BY THIS GIRL.
OH, A VISION OF
LOVELINESS, I MIGHT ADD.
WHO TOOK MY HAND
AND WALKED WITH ME.
I THOUGHT THE COPS
CLEANED UP THAT AREA.
HA-HA-HA!
SHE TOLD ME THAT
I WAS BEAUTIFUL.
KALEE KALOU.
FORMERLY MS. DEBBIE
ROTHENBERG OF FOREST HILLS.
SO WHAT HAPPENED THEN?
THEN... THEN SHE TOOK ME
TO THE BA-BA'S HOLY SHRINE
AND I LEARNED TWO THINGS,
WHICH I SHALL NEVER FORGET:
LOVE A LOT OF PEOPLE,
SELL A LOT OF FLOWERS.
UM, ARNOLD... ABU, COULD
YOU CHECK YOUR TAMBOURINE
AND SIT DOWN?
I'D LIKE TO DISCUSS THIS
WITH YOU LATER, OKAY?
BUT RIGHT NOW, UH, LET'S
OPEN OUR WORKBOOKS.
- NOW...
- KOTTER!
CLOSE YOUR WORKBOOK.
WHICH ONE OF
YOUR ANIMALS DID IT?
WHAT?
SOMEBODY'S PAINTED A
BIG SIGN ON THE FRONT DOOR
OF THE SCHOOL SAYING "BA-BA
LOVES THE WHOLE WORLD."
WHO IS THIS GIRL, BA-BA?
SHE MUST BE IN YOUR CLASS!
IT IS I, ABU KAREEM HASSAN,
WHO WROTE THAT MESSAGE
OF LOVE.
BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS
FOR A VERY BEAUTIFUL
PERSON, MR. WOODMAN.
THAT'LL BE 35 CENTS.
WHAT'S WITH THIS WEIRDO?
ARNOLD HAS HAD A RELIGIOUS
EXPERIENCE, MR. WOODMAN.
HE'S JOINED THE CULT
OF BA-BA-BEE-BEE.
BA-BA-BEE-BEE?
YOU MEAN THE ONE WHO
BRAINWASHES YOUNG PEOPLE?
MY KIND OF GUY!
ARNOLD!
ARNOLD!
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HIM?
I THINK HE'S IN A TRANCE.
OH, WOW, BOY, HE'S
REALLY OUT OF IT.
HE LOOKS LIKE THAT
THING MY FATHER'S GOT
IN THE BACK OF HIS CAR.
♪
HOW DOES THE PLACE LOOK, HONEY?
JULIE, RELAX, MRS.
HORSHACK IS A WOMAN
WITH FOUR KIDS.
TO HER, THIS PLACE
IS GONNA LOOK NEAT.
WELL, HONEY, WHAT WOULD
YOU DO IF ONE OF THE GIRLS
JOINED ONE OF THOSE
RELIGIOUS CULTS?
OKAY, GIRLS, NOW WHICH
ONE OF YOU TRIED TO SELL
YOUR MOTHER A FLOWER?
WAS IT YOU?
DID YOU DO IT?
YES, I THINK SOMEBODY
SHAVED YOUR HEAD.
OH, YES.
COME ON, YOU GO TO SLEEP NOW.
YOU GO TO SLEEP NOW.
MAYBE ARNOLD'S JUST
GOING THROUGH A PHASE.
YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS
A TEENAGER IN NEBRASKA,
I JOINED A HIPPIE
COMMUNE FOR THREE DAYS.
WHY ONLY THREE DAYS?
I GOT THROWN OUT.
THEY CAUGHT ME DOING MY NAILS.
I'LL GET IT.
THEY CAUGHT YOU
DOING YOUR NAILS...
MR. KOTTER, HELLO.
I'M ARNOLD HORSHACK'S MOTHER.
I WOULD'VE NEVER GUESSED.
NOW I KNOW WHERE HE GETS IT.
NO, I GOT IT FROM HIM.
COME ON IN, LET
ME TAKE YOUR COAT.
OKAY, THANK YOU.
THIS IS MY WIFE, JULIE,
JULIE, THIS IS MRS. HORSHACK.
OHH.
SO NICE TO MEET
YOU, MRS. HORSHACK.
OH, ACTUALLY IT'S MRS. O'HARA.
I HAD ARNOLD BY A
PREVIOUS MISTAKE.
OH, WELL, ARNOLD HAS
TOLD ME SO MUCH ABOUT YOU.
OH, AND HE'S TOLD ME
SO MUCH ABOUT YOU TOO.
AND CONGRATULATIONS
ON YOUR DOUBLE BLESSING.
OH, THANK YOU.
YOU WANNA SEE THE BABIES?
OH YEAH!
VIEWING ROOM IS RIGHT OVER HERE.
OHH, THEY'RE GORGEOUS.
A MATCHING SET.
MAY I?
SURE.
OOHH.
THEY'RE SO DARLING
WHEN THEY'RE LITTLE.
OH, SO PINK AND CUTE.
IT'S TOO BAD THEY
HAVE TO GROW UP.
AND TEAR YOUR HEART
OUT LIKE MY ARNOLD.
YOU THINK THE TIME I DROPPED HIM
HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT?
NO, UM, I'M SURE IT DIDN'T.
LET ME JUST PUT HER...
SHE WAS SLEEPING.
BACK TO SLEEP NOW.
YES, MWAH.
OH, COME SIT DOWN.
COME ON, YOU JUST
SIT DOWN OVER HERE.
NOW, BETWEEN THE THREE OF US,
WE WILL FIGURE THIS THING OUT.
YOU'RE VERY KIND.
DEAR, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS
KEEP A BOX OF KLEENEX OUT,
YOU KNOW?
- I'LL GET YOU SOME.
- THANK YOU.
HERE YOU GO.
FLOWER GRAM FROM THE BA-BA.
FOR YOU!
NO CHARGE.
- COME IN, ARNOLD.
- ABU.
IT HAS COME TO MY
EARS THAT THE MOTHER
OF THE FORMER ARNOLD
HORSHACK IS HERE.
LOOK WHO IT IS, MY SON
THE RELIGIOUS FANATIC.
MOTHER, YOU MUST
NOT RIDICULE SOMETHING
JUST BECAUSE IT'S DIFFERENT.
ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU
TEACH, MR. KOTTER?
WELL, I TRY TO TELL MY...
ARNOLD, I'M NOT
RIDICULING YOU BECAUSE
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
IT AND IT'S DIFFERENT,
I'M RIDICULING IT
BECAUSE IT'S CRAZY.
MOTHER, PLEASE, AS
THE GREAT ONE SAYS,
"WHAT IS, IS.
WHAT WAS WILL BE.
WHAT WILL BE WAS,
BUT WILL BE AGAIN."
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL
SENTIMENT, ARNOLD.
MAKE A GREAT BUMPER STICKER.
OH, MR. KOTTER, IT'S MORE
THAN MERE SENTIMENT.
IT IS THE VERY CORNERSTONE
WITH WHICH I WANT TO BUILD
MY ENTIRE LIFE.
ARNOLD, LISTEN TO ME.
YOU'RE MAKING A VERY
IMPORTANT DECISION.
DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE
BEING A LITTLE HASTY ABOUT IT?
ARE YOU LISTENING, ARNOLD?
ABU.
ARNOLD, THIS IS AN ADULT
MAN WITH A MUSTACHE TALKING.
BUT MOTHER, YOU
DO NOT UNDERSTAND.
NOW I HAVE A WHOLE NEW FAMILY
AND FRIENDS WHO TRULY LOVE ME.
ARNOLD, WHAT ABOUT
THE SWEATHOGS?
THEY'RE YOUR OLD FRIENDS,
THEY REALLY LOVE YOU.
LOVE ME?
LOVE ME?
LOVE ME, MR. KOTTER?!
THEY DO NOT LOVE ME.
WHAT AM I TO THEM EXCEPT SOMEONE
THAT THEY CAN LAUGH AT,
THAT THEY CAN POKE FUN OF,
THAT THEY CAN TAUNT AND TEASE.
OH, AT LEAST IT'S
A START, ARNOLD.
MOM, NO!
THEY HAVE PUT ME
DOWN FOR THE LAST TIME.
THAT IS WHY I HAVE
COME HERE TO TELL YOU,
THAT I AM QUITTING
SCHOOL AND MOVING TO
THE BA-BA'S HOLY COMMUNE,
JUST ADJACENT TO THE
SHOPPING CENTER IN NYACK.
COMMUNE? YOU'RE
GOING TO A COMMUNE?
ALL RIGHT.
JUST REMEMBER,
WHEN YOU'RE OUT THERE
ROLLING IN THE DIRT, AND
THE WHEEZING STARTS IN,
AS IT WILL, I JUST
PRAY YOUR BA-BA
KNOWS A GOOD ALLERGIST.
ARNOLD!
ARNOLD, WE'VE BEEN
FRIENDS FOR A LONG TIME.
LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS.
OH, MR. KOTTER,
WORDS MEAN NOTHING.
AND AS THE GREAT ONE
SAYS, "TALK IS CHEAP."
ARNOLD!
ARNOLD, COME BACK, COME BACK!
ARNOLD!
HE'S GONE.
OHH!
DON'T CRY, MRS. HORSHACK.
MRS. O'HARA, DEAR.
♪
♪
YOU!
HORSHACK!
WHY ARE YOU WEARING THAT DRESS?
AND WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE SO LATE?
OH, MR. CUMMINS, I
AM ABOUT TO DEPART
THESE HALLOWED HALLS FOR A PLACE
WHERE LOVE FLOURISHES.
AIN'T YOU A LITTLE
YOUNG TO BE GOING TO
A MASSAGE PARLOR?
AH, MR. CUMMINS, I
WILL NOT SAY FAREWELL,
FOR WE SHALL MEET
AGAIN IN A HIGHER PLACE.
NOT TONIGHT.
I ALREADY FINISHED
THE THIRD FLOOR.
OH, REALLY?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
LET GO OF MY BEING, PLEASE!
WE'RE GONNA DE-PROGRAM
YOU, ARNOLD HORSHACK,
FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
OH, YOU CAN TORTURE
ME, BUT I SHALL NEVER
REVEAL MY MANTRA.
WELL, NOBODY WANTS
TO SEE YOUR MANTRA.
FORGET ABOUT THAT, FREDDIE,
NOW I SAW HOW TO DO THIS
ON THE EYEWITNESS NEWS.
HEY, YOU, REPEAT AFTER ME:
"MY NAME IS ARNOLD HORSHACK."
NO, MY NAME IS
ABU KAREEM HASSAN.
WHAT IS, IS.
WHAT WAS WILL BE.
WHAT WILL BE WAS,
BUT WILL BE AGAIN.
WE YOU BETTER HURRY UP, I'M
STARTING TO UNDERSTAND HIM.
NOW, LOOK, ARNOLD.
WE'RE GONNA KEEP
YOU HERE ALL NIGHT
WITHOUT ANY FOOD,
WITHOUT ANY WATER.
WHAT CARE I FOR FOOD AND WATER?
FOR I AM NOURISHED BY THE
FRUIT OF THE BA-BA'S TEACHINGS.
IT KEEPS ME PURE
AND I DON'T BREAK OUT.
WELL, LET'S SEE IF
THERE'S ANY REALITY HERE.
PUT HIM IN THERE!
ALL RIGHT, YEAH!
YOU'RE GONNA LIVE
YOUR WHOLE LIFE, ARNOLD,
RIGHT HERE IN THE MEN'S ROOM.
THAT'S RIGHT, AND AFTER
WE'RE THROUGH WITH YOU,
YOU WON'T CARE WHAT
THE BA-BA TEACHES YOU.
'CAUSE WHEN YOU MESS
WITH THE SWEATHOGS,
YOUR BA-BA DON' MADE A BOO-BOO.
YOUR NAME IS ARNOLD HORSHACK.
YOUR NAME IS ARNOLD HORSHACK.
YOUR NAME IS ARNOLD HORSHACK.
YOUR NAME IS ARNOLD HORSHACK.
YOUR NAME IS ARNOLD HORSHACK.
YOUR NAME IS ARNOLD HORSHACK.
WHAT WAS, WAS.
WHAT ISN'T, ISN'T.
WHAT YOU DIDN'T
DO BEFORE YOU DID.
MY NAME IS ABU KAREEM HASSAN.
WHAT IS, IS.
WHAT WAS WILL BE.
WHAT WILL BE WAS,
BUT WILL BE AGAIN.
ARNOLD, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
OH!
OH, MR. KOTTER!
THANK THE BA-BA YOU'VE ARRIVED.
THESE BOYS HERE KEPT
ME AWAKE ALL NIGHT
TRYING TO FORCE ME
TO RENOUNCE MY FAITH.
COME ON, WAKE UP.
WAKE UP, LET'S GO, WAKE UP.
HEY, VINNIE, WHERE ARE WE?
COME ON, GET UP.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU GUYS?
YOU CAN'T FORCE
SOMEONE TO GIVE UP
THEIR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS JUST
BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE THEM.
WHAT'D I TEACH YOU
THREE WEEKS AGO
ABOUT FREEDOM OF RELIGION?
AIN'T NO FAIR
GIVING US A POP QUIZ
IN THE MEN'S ROOM.
YEAH!
GO AHEAD, GO TO CLASS,
I WANNA TALK TO ARNOLD.
YOUR NAME IS ARNOLD HORSHACK.
YOUR NAME IS ARNOLD HORSHACK!
GO ON!
YOUR NAME IS MR. KOTTER!
YOUR NAME IS MR. KOTTER!
FORGIVE THEM, MR. KOTTER,
THEY ARE BUT SHEEP, AND
YOU ARE THE SHEPHERD.
GUIDE THEM WELL TO
THE NEXT DAYS' GRAZING.
WHAT ABOUT YOU, ARNOLD?
ABU.
I MUST BE GOING
TO JOIN THE BA-BA.
ARNOLD, ARE YOU SURE
YOU'RE GONNA BE HAPPY THERE?
OH, MR. KOTTER, MAY
THE BA-BA BLESS YOU.
BUT AS THE MAJESTIC
ONE SAYS, "WHEN IT'S RIGHT,
YOU KNOW IT."
BA-BA WATCHES A LOT OF TV.
ARNOLD, YOU KNOW,
I'VE BEEN DOING
A LITTLE RESEARCH
ABOUT THE BA-BA
AND HIS BEE-BEE'S.
OH, AND YOU WISH TO JOIN US?
WHAT SIZE SHEET DO YOU WEAR?
DO YOU KNOW THAT
THE BA-BA TAKES CARE
OF YOUR CLOTHES, YOUR
MONEY, ALL YOUR WORLDLY
POSSESSIONS ARE HIS.
I AM AWARE OF THE BA-BA'S
YEARLY GARAGE SALE.
ARNOLD, HE CAN
TELL YOU EVERYTHING!
HE TELLS YOU... IF YOU
WANNA GET MARRIED,
HE TELLS YOU WHO TO MARRY.
HE TELLS YOU WHEN
YOU CAN GET MARRIED.
HE TELLS YOU HOW MANY
CHILDREN YOU CAN HAVE.
WELL, SOMEONE HAS TO TELL ME.
ARNOLD, LISTEN TO ME.
TRY AND UNDERSTAND
WHAT I'M SAYING.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
YOU WANT... IS THIS
WHAT YOU REALLY WANT?
DO YOU WANT SOMEONE
TELLING YOU WHAT TO DO
ALL THE TIME?
ARNOLD, THAT'S NOT
RELIGION, THAT'S SLAVERY.
PLEASE, MR. KOTTER,
YOU MUST HELP ME.
WHY, ARNOLD? YOU
WANNA CHANGE YOUR MIND?
NO, I WANNA STAND UP,
I'VE BEEN SITTING LIKE THIS
ALL NIGHT LONG.
GOODBYE MR. KOTTER.
AREN'T YOU GONNA SAY
GOODBYE TO YOUR FRIENDS?
AND LET THEM SINK
THEIR CLAWS INTO
MY FLESH ONCE MORE?
ARNOLD, LET'S NOT BE
DRAMATIC, ALL RIGHT?
I THINK YOU OWE THEM A GOODBYE.
AS YOU WISH.
NOW COME ON, WAKE UP
SCHOOL STARTS IN 10 MINUTES,
AND UH, ARNOLD HAS
SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU GUYS.
GOODBYE LITTLE JUAN.
GOODBYE FREDERIC.
GOODBYE VINCENT.
HEY ARNOLD! HEY ARNOLD!
AH, YOU REMEMBER THAT TIME
I TOLD YOU THE SCHOOL DANCE
WAS A COSTUME PARTY?
- OH YEAH.
- AND YOU BELIEVED ME?
YEAH, AND YOU CAME
WITH ALUMINUM FOIL
WRAPPED ALL AROUND YOU
LIKE YOU WAS A BAKED POTATO.
IT WASN'T SO BAD UNTIL YOU PUT
THE SOUR CREAM IN MY HAIR.
I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT, ARNOLD.
YOU DESERVE A LOT
BETTER THAN BEING TREATED
LIKE A SIDE DISH.
ARNOLD HORSHACK, UM...
HEY LOOK, UM, I'M SORRY ABOUT
ALL THOSE TIMES THAT
I'VE BEEN RANKING ON YOU.
LIKE THAT TIME, YOU
KNOW, LIKE THAT TIME
WHEN I SAID THAT
YOU WAS SO SKIDDY
THAT YOU NEED TO RENT A
SHADOW, YOU REMEMBER THAT?
AND THEN YOU SAID I
LOOKED LIKE A PELICAN
WITH A PERMANENT.
YEAH, I'M SORRY.
ABU! ABU!
ABU! ABU! ABU!
- I MUST GO NOW.
- WAIT A SECOND!
I AIN'T TALKED TO YOU YET.
NOW LOOK, I COULD
UNDERSTAND YOU LEAVING
TO GO DO SOMETHING
IMPORTANT LIKE, YOU KNOW,
THE ROLLER DERBY OR
BECOMING A PARKING
ATTENDANT OR
SOMETHING LIKE THAT,
YOU KNOW, SOMETHING
WITH A FUTURE.
BUT THIS IS GOING OFF WITH
THE TAMBOURINE BUMPS.
I MEAN, COME ON, WHERE
ARE YOUR SCRUPLES?
BUT THEY WANT ME, VINCENT.
ARNOLD, DO YOU THINK
THAT WE WOULD WASTE
OUR BEST RANKS ON YOU
IF WE DIDN'T WANT YOU?
BUT THEY SAY THEY LOVE ME.
- WE LOVE YOU TOO.
- ARNOLD, WE LOVE YOU TOO.
YEAH, BUT DON'T EXPECT
US TO TELL YOU THAT.
WHY AM I FINDING
ALL OF THIS OUT NOW?
WHEN IT'S TOO LATE.
GOODBYE.
MY FRIENDS.
WELL, I GUESS WE WERE
ABOUT A WEEK LATE
WITH OUR SENTIMENTS.
KOTTER, WE GOT 20 PEOPLE
IN FRONT OF THE SCHOOL
IN SHEETS!
IT LOOKS LIKE A
MUSICAL LAUNDRY LINE!
I'M RUNNING A HIGH
SCHOOL NOT A WHITE SALE!
OH WOW!
HEY, LOOK AT ALL THE HIPPIES!
WHERE'S ARNOLD?
I DON'T SEE ARNOLD NO PLACE.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.
BYE BYE BA-BA!
ALL RIGHT, GENTLEMEN, LET'S
SAY YOU REPEAT THE PART
ABOUT HOW YOU ALL LOVE
ME BUT YOU CAN'T SAY IT.
I'M GOING... I'M GOING
BACK TO MY OFFICE!
THIS DISPLAY OF LOVE
IS MAKING ME NAUSEAS.
HEY ARNOLD, IT'S GOOD
TO HAVE YOU BACK.
OH, MR. KOTTER, WELL,
YOU KNOW THE OLD SAYING.
WHAT IS, AIN'T.
WHAT WAS COULD NOT POSSIBLY BE.
AND WHAT WILL BE, IS
HAPPENING RIGHT HERE.
♪
MR. WOODMAN, BEFORE YOU LEAVE
THERE'S SOMETHING
I GOTTA TELL YOU.
NOT ANOTHER ONE
OF YOUR UNCLE JOKES.
NO, I CAN'T THINK
OF AN UNCLE JOKE.
THIS IS CUTE.
THESE TWO FLIES ARE
ON THE CEILING, RIGHT?
ONE LOOKS AT THE
OTHER ONE AND SAYS,
"HEY, YOUR MAN IS OPEN."
♪
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME... ♪♪