Welcome Back, Kotter (1975–1979): Season 3, Episode 26 - The Return of Hotsy Totsy - full transcript
MR. WOODMAN.
HOW YA DOIN'?
OH, GOOD, I SEE YOU'RE
YOUR USUAL CHEERFUL SELF.
MR. WOODMAN,
DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT
MY UNCLE, BARTHOLOMEW?
NO.
OH, HE WAS ONE OF THE
WEALTHIEST MEN IN THE WORLD.
BARTHOLOMEW KOTTER.
AND, HIS DAUGHTER
WAS GETTING MARRIED,
AND HE DECIDED THAT HE WANTED
TO HAVE A VERY UNUSUAL WEDDING.
SO, HE DECIDED, HE WAS
GONNA HAVE THE WEDDING
IN THE MIDDLE OF KENYA.
THE DEEPEST, DARKEST
JUNGLE IN AFRICA.
HE FLEW 400
PEOPLE... RENTED A 747,
FLEW 400 PEOPLE OVER TO AFRICA.
BUILD THE HOTEL,
THE KENYA KOTTER.
PUT HIS GUESTS UP THERE.
THE DAY OF THE WEDDING,
EVERYBODY GOT OUT.
400 PEOPLE... 400 GUYS,
WALKED TWO HOURS
INTO THE JUNGLE,
JUST ABOUT TO REACH THE SITE,
WHERE HE'S ABOUT
TO HAVE THE WEDDING.
THE MOST UNUSUAL
WEDDING IN HISTORY.
AND THE GUIDE SAID,
"MUST STOP HERE."
MY UNCLE SAID, "WHAT
ARE WE WAITING FOR?"
"TWO WEDDINGS IN FRONT OF US."
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
NOW WHAT WE'RE GONNA
DO IS WE'RE GONNA MEET
OVER AT FREDDIE'S
HOUSE AT SEVEN THIRTY.
YEAH, THAT'S NICE.
OKAY, IF MY MOTHER
ASKS WHERE I'M GOIN',
WHAT DO I SAY?
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST TELL HER THE TRUTH?
TELL HER THAT YOU'RE
GONNA SEE SOME GO GO GIRLS
DOWN AT THE TORSO TRAP.
OH, YEAH.
AND, WHEN SHE COMES
OUT OF THE COMA,
TELL HER YOU WAS ONLY KIDDING.
NOW, LOOK, ALL YOU GOTTA DO
IS TELL HER YOU'RE
GOING TO MANHATTAN
TO SEE A MOVIE THAT AIN'T
COME TO BROOKLYN, YET.
OH, UH... THE SOUND OF MUSIC!
NOT QUITE.
GET A LOAD OF THIS, HERE.
- WHAT WE GOT HERE.
- GET ON.
WHAT WE GOT FOR
YOU, ARNOLD HORSHACK,
IS LYLA LUST.
PEACHY TREE.
WE GOT BUBBLES BARONSKI.
WE GOT KITTY LITTER.
THOSE DON'T SOUND
LIKE MOVIES, TO ME.
'CAUSE THEY AIN'T MOVIES,
ARNOLD, THEY'RE DANCERS.
DIDN'T YOU GET A
LOAD OF THEIR NAMES?
HERE, CHECK IT OUT.
OH YEAH, ARNOLD, COME
ON, CHECK IT OUT, ARNOLD.
GO AHEAD, ARNOLD,
YOU CAN TOUCH IT.
THIS DON'T BITE,
COME ON, TOUCH IT.
OKAY, NOW CHECK IT
OUT, LISTEN TO THIS.
A BOMBASTIC REVUE OF
TITILLATING, TITANIC TORSOS.
- OOH.
- OH, YEAH.
YEAH, IT'S RIGHT HERE, IT SAYS:
20 EXOTIC DANCERS
WITH ONLY NINETEEN COSTUMES.
OOH!
HEY, I DON'T THINK I'M
OLD ENOUGH TO SEE THIS.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
THAT WHY I BOUGHT
THESE ID'S HERE.
UH, HERE YOU ARE.
UH, THIS IS YOU.
RAUL EPSTEIN?
JUST THINK RICE, BEANS,
AND MATZO BALLS, OKAY?
OKAY, NOW.
YOU'RE, UH, SANCHEZ EPSTEIN.
- OH, WOW, SANCHEZ EPSTEIN.
- UH-HUH.
I BETTER CHECK OUT MY SPANISH.
ALL RIGHT, GO AHEAD.
BUENO, VERY, VERY
BUENO, FREDDIE.
ALL RIGHT, NOW,
YOU'RE SIDNEY EPSTEIN.
SID... SID...
HOW COME I ALWAYS
GOTTA BE SIDNEY?
I HATE BEIN' SIDNEY.
IT SOUNDS LIKE SOME
GUY WITH NO HAIR.
SEE YOU TOMORROW, GUYS.
YO, MR. KOT-TAIRE.
HEY, YO, MR. KOTTER.
YOU, UH, UH, DOIN'
ANYTHING TONIGHT?
TONIGHT, OH YEAH.
HOT NIGHT, TONIGHT.
TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT JULIE
AND I GO TO THE LAUNDERETTE.
WHAT DO YOU DO TOMORROW NIGHT?
GO TO PHOTOMAT TO
SEE WHAT DEVELOPS?
HEY, YOU KIDDING... IT REALLY
IS EXCITING AT THE LAUNDROMAT.
- YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS AFTER 10?
- WHAT?
THEY TURN DOWN THE LIGHTS,
AND THE PEOPLE TOUCH
EACH OTHERS LAUNDRY.
HEY, MR. KOTTER, AS
LONG AS YOU'RE GOIN'
ON A CHEAP DATE, TONIGHT,
CAN I BORROW TEN DOLLARS?
TEN DOLLARS, WHY?
OH, IT'S NOT FOR ME.
IT'S FOR SIDNEY.
♪
ALL RIGHT, BABY.
GO AHEAD, BABY, SPEAK TO ME.
YEAH, YEAH.
I CAN HEAR YA, I CAN HEAR YA.
YEAH, HA-HA.
I CAN HEAR, BUT I WOULDN'T MIND
IF SHE TALKED A
LITTLE BIT LOUDER.
TELL ME WHEN IT'S OVER.
YEAH, BABY.
I'M VINNIE BARBARINO.
OOH.
THANKS, I NEEDED THAT.
YEAH, YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
HEY, HEY, HEY.
WHERE YA GOIN'?
WHAT?
I'M GOIN' TO ASK
FOR THE NEXT DANCE.
COME ON, SIT DOWN, SHE
OBVIOUSLY WORKS ALONE.
IS IT OVER, YET?
YOU MEAN, YOU AIN'T
SEEN NONE OF THAT, YET?
I JUST CAME BY TO LISTEN
TO THE SNAPPY MUSIC.
HEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH
YOU, YOU CRAZY OR SOMETHIN'?
WELL, WHAT DID I MISS
THAT WAS SO GREAT?
WHAT'D YOU MISS?
WHAT'D THE KID MISS?
LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT
YOU MISSED, DEAR ARNOLD.
WHAT YOU MISSED
WAS A LITTLE OF THIS.
AND, A LITTLE OF THIS.
AND, A LITTLE OF THIS!
THAT'S WHAT YOU MISSED,
ARNOLD HORSHACK.
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT I MISSED.
HEY, BABY, DO SOME MORE,
BABY, GIVE ME SOME MORE!
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS,
WEIRDOS, OR WHAT, HUH?
AND NOW, THE TORSO TRAP
TAKES YOU WAY OUT WEST.
SO, LET'S HEAR A BIG
YAHOO FOR MISS HONEY PIE.
♪
SHE SPEAKS THE
LANGUAGE OF MY PEOPLE!
YOU KNOW SOMETHIN',
UH, I KNOW THAT GIRL.
WHAT ARE YA TALKIN' ABOUT,
WHAT ARE YA TALKIN' ABOUT?
LOOK AT HER OUTFIT.
SHE'S OBVIOUSLY
FROM OUT OF TOWN.
NO, MAN, I'M TELLIN' YOU, MAN.
I'VE SEEN THAT... I'VE
SEEN THAT CHICK BEFORE.
VINNIE, CHECK OUT HER FACE, MAN.
YOU CHECK OUT HER FACE.
I'M CHECKIN' OUT
THE REST OF HER.
THAT'S HOTSY TOTSY.
WHERE?
RIGHT THERE.
OH, MY!
WHAT IS ROSALIE TOTSY
DOING IN AN OUTFIT LIKE THAT?
SHE'S OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO
WEAR IT OUT FROM THE INSIDE.
OH, NO WONDER SHE LEFT
BUCHANAN HIGH SCHOOL.
TO BECOME A COWGIRL.
WELL, I BET YOU THE
STUDENT PLACEMENT PROGRAM
DIDN'T GET HER THAT JOB.
HEY, HOTSY, YOO-HOO!
YOO-HOO!
ROSALIE!
SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP.
YOU WANT HER TO KNOW WE'RE HERE?
IT'S TOO LATE.
SHE ALREADY KNOWS.
WELL, DON'T YOU GUYS
WANNA TALK TO HER?
HEY, ROSALIE!
WE DON'T WANT PEOPLE
TO THINK THAT WE KNOW HER.
BUT, WE DO KNOW HER...
SHE USED TO BE A SWEATHOG!
NO!
HEY, WILL YOU CUT
OUT WITH THAT JIVE?
SWEATHOGS, THEY DON'T
WIND UP IN A JOINT LIKE THIS.
WE DID.
YEAH, BUT WE DECENT PEOPLE.
WE JUST CAME TO WATCH.
YEAH, BUT, ROSALIE'S
OVER THERE...
HEY, I'M GONNA STOP YOU
FROM LOWERIN' YOURSELF.
COME ON, COME ON.
WAIT A MINUTE, I
DIDN'T FINISH MY MILK!
ROSALIE!
ROSALIE!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO
EMBARRASSED IN MY LIFE.
WHAT HAPPENED, HONEY?
DID YOU EVER HAVE ANYBODY
SHOW UP IN THE AUDIENCE
THAT YOU DIDN'T EXPECT TO SEE?
YEAH, MY FIRST HUSBAND.
WHAT'D YOU DO?
I SENT HIM A DRINK.
OH, THAT WON'T WORK.
THESE GUYS ARE IN HIGH SCHOOL.
SO, SEND 'EM A SNOW CONE.
LOOK, WHEN I WENT TO
SCHOOL WITH THESE GUYS,
THEY USED TO GET THEIR
KICKS BY TELLIN' PEOPLE
THAT I WAS FAST AND EASY.
I WISH I HAD FRIENDS LIKE THAT.
BUT, OLGA, IT WASN'T TRUE.
NOW, THEY SEE ME
WORKIN' AT A DUMP LIKE THIS,
PUTTING ON A SHOW FOR GUYS WHO
WEAR RAINCOATS IN NICE WEATHER!
YOU NEVER CAN TELL ABOUT
THE MAN BEHIND THE RAINCOAT.
ONE GUY TOLD ME HE WAS A BANKER.
HE SAID HE WANTED TO PUT MY
PICTURE ON HIS SCENIC CHECKS.
ARNOLD.
ROSALIE.
UH... I JUST CAME BACK TO...
APOLOGIZE TO YOU, FOR THE
WAY THAT THE GUYS ACTED BEFORE.
SO, UH... I'M SORRY, ROSALIE.
THANKS FOR LISTENING TO ME.
ARNOLD, WAIT, WAIT.
COME HERE.
COME UP HERE AND SIT WITH ME.
HEY, ROSALIE, YOU WAS REALLY
TERRIFIC TONIGHT, REALLY.
THE-THE-THE MUSIC.
THE-THE COSTUME... THE DANCING.
THE COSTUME.
HEY, THAT'S ONE TERRIFIC
COSTUME, ROSALIE.
ARNOLD, YOU'RE EMBARRASSED.
WELL, I JUST DIDN'T
WANT YOU TO THINK
THAT I ALWAYS COME
TO PLACES LIKE THIS.
ARNOLD, YOU WERE WORRIED
ABOUT WHAT I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU?
I WAS WORRIED WHAT
YOU GUYS THOUGHT OF ME.
OH, LISTEN, WHAT DO
YOU THOSE GUYS KNOW
ABOUT INTERPRETIVE DANCING?
ESPECIALLY WESTERN-STYLE.
OH, ARNOLD, IT'S SO
GOOD TO SEE YOU, AGAIN.
LISTEN, DO YOU STILL GO OOH-OOH?
AH, COME ON.
THAT'S KIDS STUFF.
SO... ROSALIE TOTSY
IN SHOW BUSINESS?
HEY, HOW DID IT HAPPEN,
WHEN WAS YOUR BIG BREAK?
WELL, LISTEN, IF I TELL YOU,
WILL YOU HELP ME
EXPLAIN TO THE GUYS?
WELL, CAN'T YOU EXPLAIN
IT TO THEM, YOURSELF?
WELL, IT'LL BE EASY TO EXPLAIN
HOW I BECAME A DANCER.
THE HARD PART IS
GONNA BE EXPLAININ'
HOW I BECAME A MOTHER.
OH.
ROSALIE.
YOU'RE A LITTLE MOTHER.
WELL, THAT'S IT.
THAT'S THE LAST TIME
FOR THE TORSO TRAP.
I DON'T MIND DRAGGIN'
ARNOLD HORSHACK,
BUT THE CHECK CAME TO 30 BUCKS.
YEAH, IT WAS A GOOD THING
THAT GUY AT THE NEXT TABLE
PICKED UP OUR CHECK.
YEAH, AND IT WAS A GOOD
THING I PUT IT ON HIS TABLE.
COME ON, ROSALIE,
IT'S GONNA BE OKAY.
THE GUYS ARE VERY UNDERSTANDING.
LISTEN, YOU GUYS.
ROSALIE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.
OH, IS THAT ROSALIE TOTSY?
YES, YES, IT IS, YES.
I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE HER
WITH SO MANY CLOTHES ON.
HEY, UM, WHAT YOU DOIN'
HERE, HOTSY TOTSY, BABY?
CAME HERE TO COME DO YOUR
ACT IN THE CAFETERIA, HUH?
YEAH, YEAH, WELL, I HOPE
ALL THE FLIES ARE OVER 18.
LOOK, IF YOU GUYS ARE FINISHED
I GOT SOMETHING
I'D LIKE TO EXPLAIN.
WELL, DON'T YOU NEED
MUSIC FOR THAT, BABY?
WILL YOU GUYS, AT
LEAST, GIVE HER A CHANCE?
ALL RIGHT, THEN WHY DON'T
YOU TELL US IN BODY LANGUAGE?
WHAT DO YOU GUYS KNOW
ABOUT MAKIN' A LIVIN'?
YEAH, ROSALIE HAS
A VERY GOOD REASON
FOR TAKING THAT SLEAZY JOB.
I'M SORRY.
LOOK, ROSALIE, THERE
AIN'T NO GOOD REASON
FOR A SWEATHOG TO
TAKE A JOB LIKE THAT.
YEAH, OR ANY OTHER KIND
OF JOB, FOR THAT MATTER.
OH, YEAH?
WELL, WHAT ABOUT A
SIX-MONTH-OLD BABY?
OH, COME ON, WHY WOULD
A SIX-MONTH-OLD BABY
WANT A JOB LIKE THAT?
YOU DUMMY.
I'M A MOTHER...
I'VE GOT THE BABY!
NOW, ARE YOU GUYS
READY TO LISTEN?
WHEN ROSALIE, HERE, QUIT
SCHOOL TWO YEARS AGO,
SHE THOUGHT THAT LIFE WAS
GONNA BE ONE BIG ADVENTURE.
ALL THAT SHE CARED
ABOUT WERE CHEAP THRILLS.
ROSALIE, MAYBE YOU
BETTER TELL THE STORY.
SLIDE OVER GUYS, MOVE OVER.
WELL, THE NEXT THING I
KNOW, I WAS MARRIED TO HARRY,
AND, LIVING ABOVE HIS
ALL NIGHT MUFFLER SHOP.
WELL, YOU KNOW, I
THOUGHT HE WAS A NICE GUY.
TILL THE NIGHT HE LEFT.
I DIDN'T EVEN HEAR HIM.
THE CREEP... HE MUST'VE
GOT A NEW MUFFLER.
SO, THEN,
ROSALIE HAD TO COME
HOME AND FIND A JOB.
YEAH, AND DO YOU KNOW HOW
MANY GOOD JOBS THERE ARE
FOR 17 YEAR-OLD
DROPOUTS, LIKE ME?
I HAD TO TAKE A JOB AS A
WAITRESS IN A PANCAKE HOUSE.
DID YOU EVER TRY SCRAPING A TIP
OFF OF A TABLE SOAKED
IN BLUEBERRY SYRUP?
AW, THAT AIN'T NOTHIN' MAN.
I KNOW THIS CHICK, MAN, THAT
WORKS AT ONE OF THEM PIE PLACES.
YEAH, THE HOUSE DU CRUST.
LAST WEEK, MAN, SHE CAME
DOWN WITH DUTCH APPLE DISEASE.
SHE WAS ROTTEN TO THE CORE.
I DON'T KNOW WHY I
BOTHERED COMING HERE.
YOU GUYS'LL NEVER GROW UP.
♪ WE'LL NEVER GROW UP ♪
♪ NEVER GROW UP ♪
♪ NEVER GROW UP ♪
♪ NOT US ♪♪
ROSALIE, WAIT A MINUTE.
ROSALIE?
ROSALIE TOTSY.
HI, HOW ARE YA?
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?
WASTING MY TIME.
ROSALIE, WILL YOU COME ON?
WHO'S THAT GIRL, KOTTER?
I'VE SEEN HER SOMEWHERE.
SHE USED TO GO TO SCHOOL,
HERE, DON'T YOU REMEMBER HER?
ALL RIGHT, GUYS, COME
ON, WHAT HAPPENED?
IT'S HORSHACK'S FAULT.
IT IS NOT.
ALL RIGHT, COME ON,
THEN IT'S ALL OF OUR FAULT.
HEY, LOOK, MR. KOT-TAIRE, WE
WAS JOKIN' AROUND WITH ROSALIE
FOR WORKIN' IN THE TORSO TRAP.
OH, THAT'S WHERE I SAW HER.
MR. WOODMAN, YOU GO TO
PLACES LIKE THE TORSO TRAP?
I GO THERE FOR THE FOOD.
MR. KOTTER, IT'S NOT ROSALIE'S
FAULT THAT SHE TOOK THAT JOB.
BABIES ARE EXPENSIVE.
BABIES?
YEAH, SHE HAD TO FIND A JOB
WHERE SHE COULD
MAKE THE MOST MONEY.
OH, COME ON, HORSHACK.
KOTTER HERE'S GOT TWO BABIES,
YOU DON'T SEE HIM
DANCIN' ON NO BAR.
WELL, OF COURSE NOT.
WHO'S GONNA PAY FIVE DOLLARS
TO WATCH AN OX IN
FISHNET STOCKINGS?
YOU GET THAT, KOTTER?
AN OXE IN FISHNET STOCKINGS?
LITTLE ROSALIE TOTSY HAS A BABY.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS, WHY DON'T
YOU TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED?
- HI.
- HI.
COME ON IN.
UH, I'M LOOKING
FOR ROSALIE TOTSY.
WELL, I'M LOOKING
FOR BURT REYNOLDS.
BUT, SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO BE
SATISFIED WITH WHAT'S AVAILABLE.
UH, I'M AN OLD FRIEND OF HERS.
WELL, UH, DON'T YOU EVER
WANNA MAKE NEW FRIENDS?
NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I'M HER OLD HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER.
OH, YEAH?
I WAS ALWAYS GOOD IN SCHOOL.
IN FACT, TEACHERS
WAS MY BEST SUBJECT.
I'M MARRIED.
SO AM I.
IT'S JUST A PHASE.
MR. KOTTER.
AH, ROSALIE.
WELL, I BETTER GO.
IF I DON'T GET OUT
THERE ON TIME,
THE DRUMMER DOES MY ACT.
SHE ALWAYS THAT SHY?
OH, NO, OLGA WARMS UP
WHEN SHE GETS TO KNOW YOU.
COME ON, HAVE A
SEAT, MR. KOTTER.
SO, UH, ROSALIE.
THE GUYS TELL ME THAT,
UH, YOU HAVE A BABY...
IS IT A BOY, OR A DRUMMER?
UM.
IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL?
LOOK, MR. KOTTER, I KNOW
EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY.
I CAN EVEN DO IT FOR YOU.
ROSALIE.
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO TELL YOU
IF YOU WERE RIGHT OR WRONG.
I CAME HERE JUST TO
SEE IF YOU'RE HAPPY.
I HAVE A WAY WITH
WORDS, DON'T I?
AND THEN, YOU'D GO
INTO A CORNY STORY
ABOUT YOUR AUNT,
WHO WAS A STRIPPER.
DID SHE WORK IN A
CLUB, MR. KOTTER?
NO, SHE WORKED ON A STREET.
SHE WAS A CAR STRIPPER.
BADABUM.
LOOK, IF I EVER BECOME FAMOUS
YOU CAN MAKE A LIVING
IMPERSONATING ME.
LOOK, MR. KOTTER, I DON'T
LIKE WHAT I'M DOING HERE,
BUT, I HAVE A BABY TO SUPPORT.
AND, THIS PLACE PAYS
200 DOLLARS A WEEK.
ROSALIE, THAT'S
NOT THE... REALLY?
AND, THAT'S FOR THREE
SHOWS A NIGHT, NOTHING ELSE.
YOU THINK I COULD
FIT INTO THIS OUTFIT?
ROSALIE, GIVE YOURSELF A CHANCE.
IF YOU WENT BACK TO SCHOOL,
YOU CAN MAKE 200
DOLLARS A WEEK, OR MORE,
DOING SOMETHING
THAT YOU'RE PROUD OF.
WELL, I'D LOVE TO
GO BACK TO SCHOOL,
BUT, I HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT RIGHT NOW.
LOOK, ROSALIE, COME
OVER TO MY HOUSE,
TOMORROW, AT ABOUT THREE THIRTY.
WE'LL TALK SOME MORE.
AND, JULIE WOULD LOVE
TO SAY HELLO TO YOU.
I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT WAS THAT?
WHAT?
SILENCE.
I THINK, UH, PEACE
HAS BEEN DECLARED.
EITHER THAT, OR
WE'RE BEING RAIDED.
OKAY, THREE THIRTY, TOMORROW.
GREAT, I'LL SEE YOU AT
THREE THIRTY, TOMORROW.
I WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE
BEFORE, UH, OLGA COMES BACK.
SEE YOU TOMORROW.
BUT, COME ON, UNCLE
MORRIS, YOU GOT A HUGE STORE,
YOU MUST NEED SOMEBODY.
I MEAN, BESIDE CUSTOMERS.
ALL RIGHT, MORRIS.
OKAY, THANKS, ANYWAY.
BYE.
NOTHIN' FOR ROSALIE, HUH?
NOPE, NOT UNLESS THE
DOUBLE-KNITS START MOVING.
WHAT ABOUT YOUR FAMILY?
GABE, MY FAMILY IS IN NEBRASKA.
SOMEHOW, I JUST CAN'T SEE
ROSALIE ON A CATTLE DRIVE.
WELL, WHAT ARE
WE GONNA DO, JULIE?
I MEAN, WE CAN'T LET HER SPEND
THE NEXT TEN YEARS OF HER LIFE
BOUNCING OFF RIM
SHOTS AT THE TORSO TRAP.
WELL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
I'D PROBABLY DO THE SAME THING.
YOU WOULD?
SURE, HONEY, I WOULD.
YOU KNOW, IF I WASN'T LUCKY
AND MARRIED TO AN
UNDERPAID TEACHER,
I WOULD DO ANYTHING THAT I COULD
TO PUT FOOD ON THE
TABLE FOR MY KIDS.
JULIE, YOU'RE NOT HELPING ME.
YES, SHE IS.
MRS. KOTTER KNOWS
EXACTLY WHAT IT'S LIKE, FOR ME.
I'LL GET IT.
YOU WOULD?
HEY, MR. KOTTER.
HEY, LOOK, ROSALIE, WE'VE
BEEN THINKIN' ABOUT IT.
YEAH, BABY, OKAY, NOW, LOOK.
WE TRIED TO DISLOCATE
YOU INTO A NEW GIG, BUT, UM...
WE'RE HAVIN' A REAL TOUGH TIME.
SINCE WHEN DO YOU GUYS CARE?
COME ON, COME ON...
WE CARE, WE CARE.
WE JUST HAVEN'T BEEN
ABLE TO FIND MUCH.
BUT, UH, HAVE YOU EVER DONE
ANY UNDERWATER WELDING?
ARE YOU KIDDING...
OF COURSE NOT.
YEAH, WELL, UM,
HOW 'BOUT METER
MAIDIN' A PAY TOILET?
NO.
WELL, I'LL TELL YA SOMETHIN',
I COULDA GOTTEN YA THE
BEST JOB IN THE WORLD,
BUT YOU CAN'T DO IT.
WHY NOT?
'CAUSE MOTHERS CAN'T BE NUNS.
LOOK, ROSALIE, WHAT'S
GOIN' ON HERE, I THINK,
IS THAT THEY'RE TRYIN' TO
SAY THEY'RE SORRY IN, UH,
SWEATHOG-ESE.
WELL, I'LL TALK IN ENGLISH.
I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY.
HI, EVERYBODY, IS ROSALIE HERE?
ROSALIE!
ROSALIE.
I FOUND A JOB.
WHAT'D YOU GET FOR ME?
OH, IT'S NOT A JOB
FOR YOU, ROSALIE.
IT'S A JOB FOR ME.
I WANNA SUPPORT
YOU AND YOUR BABY.
OH, ARNOLD.
I'LL GET IT.
MR. WOODMAN.
HELLO, KOTTER.
OH, UH, ROSALIE,
I UNDERSTAND THESE
FEEBS HAVE BEEN TRYING
TO GET YOU A NEW
JOB... FORGET IT.
THANKS TO ME, YOU
ARE NOW EMPLOYED.
WHAT DID YOU DO,
UH, GET HER A JOB
AS A WINE STEWARD ON SKID ROW?
YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU GIVE
HER YOUR JOB, MR. WOODMAN?
IT AIN'T NOBODY DOIN' IT.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS, COME
ON, THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT.
WHAT KIND OF JOB
DID YOU GET HER?
TERRIFIC JOB, KOTTER.
STARTS FIRST THING
MONDAY MORNING.
SHE'S GONNA BE A RECEPTIONIST
AT BROOKLYN COLLEGE.
I'M TALKIN' SECOND
FLOOR, 135 DOLLARS A WEEK.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT MY DANCING?
WELL, YOU CAN BE A
DANCING RECEPTIONIST.
AND, WHILE YOU'RE WORKING THERE,
YOU CAN GET
COURSES, TUITION, FREE.
WELL... COME ON,
ROSALIE, IT'S A START.
ROSALIE, YOU GOTTA
START SOMEWHERE.
OKAY, I SUPPOSE SO.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
BUT, WAIT, WHAT DO I TELL
'EM AT THE TORSO TRAP?
AH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT A THING.
I GOT THE PERFECT
ACT TO REPLACE 'EM.
ALL RIGHT, BOYS, SHOW
US YOUR LEGS, HERE.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
ROSALIE.
LISTEN, TAKE CARE, AND GOOD LUCK
WITH YOUR JOB AS A RECEPTIONIST.
AW, YEAH, THANK YOU AND
MRS. KOTTER FOR HELPIN' ME OUT.
- UH, ROSALIE.
- HM.
DID I EVER TELL YOU I HAD AN
AUNT WHO WAS A RECEPTIONIST?
NO.
WELL, SHE WAS
RECEPTIONIST IN A HOSPITAL.
AND, ONE DAY, SHE
GETS A PHONE CALL,
AND SHE PICKS UP THE
PHONE, AND A GUY SAYS,
"HOW'S MR. MURPHY?"
SHE SAID, "MR. MURPHY?"
"HEY, YEAH, MR. MURPHY, 319,
HOW'S MR. MURPHY?"
SHE LOOKS UP, SHE SAYS,
"WELL, MR. MURPHY'S
CONDITION IS STEADILY IMPROVING.
WHO'S THIS... ARE
YOU A RELATIVE?"
HE SAID, "NO, THIS IS MURPHY.
THEY WON'T TELL ME
ANYTHING UP HERE."
THANK YOU, MR. KOTTER.
ROSALIE.
YOU KNOW, YOU WERE KIDDIN'
AROUND IN THE DRESSIN' ROOM
WHEN YOU SAID, "I
BET YOU HAD A JOKE
ABOUT YOUR AUNT
WHO WAS A STRIPPER."
UH, I REALLY DID HAVE AN
AUNT WHO WAS A STRIPPER.
I HOPE SHE'S FUNNIER
THAN THE RECEPTIONIST.
OH, YEAH, OH, YEAH.
SHE HAD A... SHE HAD
A REALLY FUNNY ACT.
YOU SEE, SHE WOULD DO
AN ACT WITH THESE BIRDS,
THESE BIG, UH, SWALLOWS.
OH.
WHAT HAPPENED?
WELL, UH, SHE COULD ONLY
WORK FOR SIX MONTHS A YEAR,
BECAUSE EVERY SPRING,
HER ACT WOULD GO
BACK TO CAPISTRANO.
DON'T YOU GET IT, ROSALIE?
THE SWALLOWS GO
BACK TO CAPISTRANO... ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ AND I SMILE WHEN I THINK
HOW YOU MUST'VE BEEN ♪
♪ AND I KNOW WHAT A SCENE
YOU WERE LEARNIN' IN ♪
♪ WAS THERE
SOMETHING THAT MADE YOU
COME BACK AGAIN ♪♪
HOW YA DOIN'?
OH, GOOD, I SEE YOU'RE
YOUR USUAL CHEERFUL SELF.
MR. WOODMAN,
DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT
MY UNCLE, BARTHOLOMEW?
NO.
OH, HE WAS ONE OF THE
WEALTHIEST MEN IN THE WORLD.
BARTHOLOMEW KOTTER.
AND, HIS DAUGHTER
WAS GETTING MARRIED,
AND HE DECIDED THAT HE WANTED
TO HAVE A VERY UNUSUAL WEDDING.
SO, HE DECIDED, HE WAS
GONNA HAVE THE WEDDING
IN THE MIDDLE OF KENYA.
THE DEEPEST, DARKEST
JUNGLE IN AFRICA.
HE FLEW 400
PEOPLE... RENTED A 747,
FLEW 400 PEOPLE OVER TO AFRICA.
BUILD THE HOTEL,
THE KENYA KOTTER.
PUT HIS GUESTS UP THERE.
THE DAY OF THE WEDDING,
EVERYBODY GOT OUT.
400 PEOPLE... 400 GUYS,
WALKED TWO HOURS
INTO THE JUNGLE,
JUST ABOUT TO REACH THE SITE,
WHERE HE'S ABOUT
TO HAVE THE WEDDING.
THE MOST UNUSUAL
WEDDING IN HISTORY.
AND THE GUIDE SAID,
"MUST STOP HERE."
MY UNCLE SAID, "WHAT
ARE WE WAITING FOR?"
"TWO WEDDINGS IN FRONT OF US."
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
NOW WHAT WE'RE GONNA
DO IS WE'RE GONNA MEET
OVER AT FREDDIE'S
HOUSE AT SEVEN THIRTY.
YEAH, THAT'S NICE.
OKAY, IF MY MOTHER
ASKS WHERE I'M GOIN',
WHAT DO I SAY?
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST TELL HER THE TRUTH?
TELL HER THAT YOU'RE
GONNA SEE SOME GO GO GIRLS
DOWN AT THE TORSO TRAP.
OH, YEAH.
AND, WHEN SHE COMES
OUT OF THE COMA,
TELL HER YOU WAS ONLY KIDDING.
NOW, LOOK, ALL YOU GOTTA DO
IS TELL HER YOU'RE
GOING TO MANHATTAN
TO SEE A MOVIE THAT AIN'T
COME TO BROOKLYN, YET.
OH, UH... THE SOUND OF MUSIC!
NOT QUITE.
GET A LOAD OF THIS, HERE.
- WHAT WE GOT HERE.
- GET ON.
WHAT WE GOT FOR
YOU, ARNOLD HORSHACK,
IS LYLA LUST.
PEACHY TREE.
WE GOT BUBBLES BARONSKI.
WE GOT KITTY LITTER.
THOSE DON'T SOUND
LIKE MOVIES, TO ME.
'CAUSE THEY AIN'T MOVIES,
ARNOLD, THEY'RE DANCERS.
DIDN'T YOU GET A
LOAD OF THEIR NAMES?
HERE, CHECK IT OUT.
OH YEAH, ARNOLD, COME
ON, CHECK IT OUT, ARNOLD.
GO AHEAD, ARNOLD,
YOU CAN TOUCH IT.
THIS DON'T BITE,
COME ON, TOUCH IT.
OKAY, NOW CHECK IT
OUT, LISTEN TO THIS.
A BOMBASTIC REVUE OF
TITILLATING, TITANIC TORSOS.
- OOH.
- OH, YEAH.
YEAH, IT'S RIGHT HERE, IT SAYS:
20 EXOTIC DANCERS
WITH ONLY NINETEEN COSTUMES.
OOH!
HEY, I DON'T THINK I'M
OLD ENOUGH TO SEE THIS.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
THAT WHY I BOUGHT
THESE ID'S HERE.
UH, HERE YOU ARE.
UH, THIS IS YOU.
RAUL EPSTEIN?
JUST THINK RICE, BEANS,
AND MATZO BALLS, OKAY?
OKAY, NOW.
YOU'RE, UH, SANCHEZ EPSTEIN.
- OH, WOW, SANCHEZ EPSTEIN.
- UH-HUH.
I BETTER CHECK OUT MY SPANISH.
ALL RIGHT, GO AHEAD.
BUENO, VERY, VERY
BUENO, FREDDIE.
ALL RIGHT, NOW,
YOU'RE SIDNEY EPSTEIN.
SID... SID...
HOW COME I ALWAYS
GOTTA BE SIDNEY?
I HATE BEIN' SIDNEY.
IT SOUNDS LIKE SOME
GUY WITH NO HAIR.
SEE YOU TOMORROW, GUYS.
YO, MR. KOT-TAIRE.
HEY, YO, MR. KOTTER.
YOU, UH, UH, DOIN'
ANYTHING TONIGHT?
TONIGHT, OH YEAH.
HOT NIGHT, TONIGHT.
TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT JULIE
AND I GO TO THE LAUNDERETTE.
WHAT DO YOU DO TOMORROW NIGHT?
GO TO PHOTOMAT TO
SEE WHAT DEVELOPS?
HEY, YOU KIDDING... IT REALLY
IS EXCITING AT THE LAUNDROMAT.
- YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS AFTER 10?
- WHAT?
THEY TURN DOWN THE LIGHTS,
AND THE PEOPLE TOUCH
EACH OTHERS LAUNDRY.
HEY, MR. KOTTER, AS
LONG AS YOU'RE GOIN'
ON A CHEAP DATE, TONIGHT,
CAN I BORROW TEN DOLLARS?
TEN DOLLARS, WHY?
OH, IT'S NOT FOR ME.
IT'S FOR SIDNEY.
♪
ALL RIGHT, BABY.
GO AHEAD, BABY, SPEAK TO ME.
YEAH, YEAH.
I CAN HEAR YA, I CAN HEAR YA.
YEAH, HA-HA.
I CAN HEAR, BUT I WOULDN'T MIND
IF SHE TALKED A
LITTLE BIT LOUDER.
TELL ME WHEN IT'S OVER.
YEAH, BABY.
I'M VINNIE BARBARINO.
OOH.
THANKS, I NEEDED THAT.
YEAH, YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
HEY, HEY, HEY.
WHERE YA GOIN'?
WHAT?
I'M GOIN' TO ASK
FOR THE NEXT DANCE.
COME ON, SIT DOWN, SHE
OBVIOUSLY WORKS ALONE.
IS IT OVER, YET?
YOU MEAN, YOU AIN'T
SEEN NONE OF THAT, YET?
I JUST CAME BY TO LISTEN
TO THE SNAPPY MUSIC.
HEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH
YOU, YOU CRAZY OR SOMETHIN'?
WELL, WHAT DID I MISS
THAT WAS SO GREAT?
WHAT'D YOU MISS?
WHAT'D THE KID MISS?
LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT
YOU MISSED, DEAR ARNOLD.
WHAT YOU MISSED
WAS A LITTLE OF THIS.
AND, A LITTLE OF THIS.
AND, A LITTLE OF THIS!
THAT'S WHAT YOU MISSED,
ARNOLD HORSHACK.
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT I MISSED.
HEY, BABY, DO SOME MORE,
BABY, GIVE ME SOME MORE!
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS,
WEIRDOS, OR WHAT, HUH?
AND NOW, THE TORSO TRAP
TAKES YOU WAY OUT WEST.
SO, LET'S HEAR A BIG
YAHOO FOR MISS HONEY PIE.
♪
SHE SPEAKS THE
LANGUAGE OF MY PEOPLE!
YOU KNOW SOMETHIN',
UH, I KNOW THAT GIRL.
WHAT ARE YA TALKIN' ABOUT,
WHAT ARE YA TALKIN' ABOUT?
LOOK AT HER OUTFIT.
SHE'S OBVIOUSLY
FROM OUT OF TOWN.
NO, MAN, I'M TELLIN' YOU, MAN.
I'VE SEEN THAT... I'VE
SEEN THAT CHICK BEFORE.
VINNIE, CHECK OUT HER FACE, MAN.
YOU CHECK OUT HER FACE.
I'M CHECKIN' OUT
THE REST OF HER.
THAT'S HOTSY TOTSY.
WHERE?
RIGHT THERE.
OH, MY!
WHAT IS ROSALIE TOTSY
DOING IN AN OUTFIT LIKE THAT?
SHE'S OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO
WEAR IT OUT FROM THE INSIDE.
OH, NO WONDER SHE LEFT
BUCHANAN HIGH SCHOOL.
TO BECOME A COWGIRL.
WELL, I BET YOU THE
STUDENT PLACEMENT PROGRAM
DIDN'T GET HER THAT JOB.
HEY, HOTSY, YOO-HOO!
YOO-HOO!
ROSALIE!
SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP.
YOU WANT HER TO KNOW WE'RE HERE?
IT'S TOO LATE.
SHE ALREADY KNOWS.
WELL, DON'T YOU GUYS
WANNA TALK TO HER?
HEY, ROSALIE!
WE DON'T WANT PEOPLE
TO THINK THAT WE KNOW HER.
BUT, WE DO KNOW HER...
SHE USED TO BE A SWEATHOG!
NO!
HEY, WILL YOU CUT
OUT WITH THAT JIVE?
SWEATHOGS, THEY DON'T
WIND UP IN A JOINT LIKE THIS.
WE DID.
YEAH, BUT WE DECENT PEOPLE.
WE JUST CAME TO WATCH.
YEAH, BUT, ROSALIE'S
OVER THERE...
HEY, I'M GONNA STOP YOU
FROM LOWERIN' YOURSELF.
COME ON, COME ON.
WAIT A MINUTE, I
DIDN'T FINISH MY MILK!
ROSALIE!
ROSALIE!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO
EMBARRASSED IN MY LIFE.
WHAT HAPPENED, HONEY?
DID YOU EVER HAVE ANYBODY
SHOW UP IN THE AUDIENCE
THAT YOU DIDN'T EXPECT TO SEE?
YEAH, MY FIRST HUSBAND.
WHAT'D YOU DO?
I SENT HIM A DRINK.
OH, THAT WON'T WORK.
THESE GUYS ARE IN HIGH SCHOOL.
SO, SEND 'EM A SNOW CONE.
LOOK, WHEN I WENT TO
SCHOOL WITH THESE GUYS,
THEY USED TO GET THEIR
KICKS BY TELLIN' PEOPLE
THAT I WAS FAST AND EASY.
I WISH I HAD FRIENDS LIKE THAT.
BUT, OLGA, IT WASN'T TRUE.
NOW, THEY SEE ME
WORKIN' AT A DUMP LIKE THIS,
PUTTING ON A SHOW FOR GUYS WHO
WEAR RAINCOATS IN NICE WEATHER!
YOU NEVER CAN TELL ABOUT
THE MAN BEHIND THE RAINCOAT.
ONE GUY TOLD ME HE WAS A BANKER.
HE SAID HE WANTED TO PUT MY
PICTURE ON HIS SCENIC CHECKS.
ARNOLD.
ROSALIE.
UH... I JUST CAME BACK TO...
APOLOGIZE TO YOU, FOR THE
WAY THAT THE GUYS ACTED BEFORE.
SO, UH... I'M SORRY, ROSALIE.
THANKS FOR LISTENING TO ME.
ARNOLD, WAIT, WAIT.
COME HERE.
COME UP HERE AND SIT WITH ME.
HEY, ROSALIE, YOU WAS REALLY
TERRIFIC TONIGHT, REALLY.
THE-THE-THE MUSIC.
THE-THE COSTUME... THE DANCING.
THE COSTUME.
HEY, THAT'S ONE TERRIFIC
COSTUME, ROSALIE.
ARNOLD, YOU'RE EMBARRASSED.
WELL, I JUST DIDN'T
WANT YOU TO THINK
THAT I ALWAYS COME
TO PLACES LIKE THIS.
ARNOLD, YOU WERE WORRIED
ABOUT WHAT I THOUGHT ABOUT YOU?
I WAS WORRIED WHAT
YOU GUYS THOUGHT OF ME.
OH, LISTEN, WHAT DO
YOU THOSE GUYS KNOW
ABOUT INTERPRETIVE DANCING?
ESPECIALLY WESTERN-STYLE.
OH, ARNOLD, IT'S SO
GOOD TO SEE YOU, AGAIN.
LISTEN, DO YOU STILL GO OOH-OOH?
AH, COME ON.
THAT'S KIDS STUFF.
SO... ROSALIE TOTSY
IN SHOW BUSINESS?
HEY, HOW DID IT HAPPEN,
WHEN WAS YOUR BIG BREAK?
WELL, LISTEN, IF I TELL YOU,
WILL YOU HELP ME
EXPLAIN TO THE GUYS?
WELL, CAN'T YOU EXPLAIN
IT TO THEM, YOURSELF?
WELL, IT'LL BE EASY TO EXPLAIN
HOW I BECAME A DANCER.
THE HARD PART IS
GONNA BE EXPLAININ'
HOW I BECAME A MOTHER.
OH.
ROSALIE.
YOU'RE A LITTLE MOTHER.
WELL, THAT'S IT.
THAT'S THE LAST TIME
FOR THE TORSO TRAP.
I DON'T MIND DRAGGIN'
ARNOLD HORSHACK,
BUT THE CHECK CAME TO 30 BUCKS.
YEAH, IT WAS A GOOD THING
THAT GUY AT THE NEXT TABLE
PICKED UP OUR CHECK.
YEAH, AND IT WAS A GOOD
THING I PUT IT ON HIS TABLE.
COME ON, ROSALIE,
IT'S GONNA BE OKAY.
THE GUYS ARE VERY UNDERSTANDING.
LISTEN, YOU GUYS.
ROSALIE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.
OH, IS THAT ROSALIE TOTSY?
YES, YES, IT IS, YES.
I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE HER
WITH SO MANY CLOTHES ON.
HEY, UM, WHAT YOU DOIN'
HERE, HOTSY TOTSY, BABY?
CAME HERE TO COME DO YOUR
ACT IN THE CAFETERIA, HUH?
YEAH, YEAH, WELL, I HOPE
ALL THE FLIES ARE OVER 18.
LOOK, IF YOU GUYS ARE FINISHED
I GOT SOMETHING
I'D LIKE TO EXPLAIN.
WELL, DON'T YOU NEED
MUSIC FOR THAT, BABY?
WILL YOU GUYS, AT
LEAST, GIVE HER A CHANCE?
ALL RIGHT, THEN WHY DON'T
YOU TELL US IN BODY LANGUAGE?
WHAT DO YOU GUYS KNOW
ABOUT MAKIN' A LIVIN'?
YEAH, ROSALIE HAS
A VERY GOOD REASON
FOR TAKING THAT SLEAZY JOB.
I'M SORRY.
LOOK, ROSALIE, THERE
AIN'T NO GOOD REASON
FOR A SWEATHOG TO
TAKE A JOB LIKE THAT.
YEAH, OR ANY OTHER KIND
OF JOB, FOR THAT MATTER.
OH, YEAH?
WELL, WHAT ABOUT A
SIX-MONTH-OLD BABY?
OH, COME ON, WHY WOULD
A SIX-MONTH-OLD BABY
WANT A JOB LIKE THAT?
YOU DUMMY.
I'M A MOTHER...
I'VE GOT THE BABY!
NOW, ARE YOU GUYS
READY TO LISTEN?
WHEN ROSALIE, HERE, QUIT
SCHOOL TWO YEARS AGO,
SHE THOUGHT THAT LIFE WAS
GONNA BE ONE BIG ADVENTURE.
ALL THAT SHE CARED
ABOUT WERE CHEAP THRILLS.
ROSALIE, MAYBE YOU
BETTER TELL THE STORY.
SLIDE OVER GUYS, MOVE OVER.
WELL, THE NEXT THING I
KNOW, I WAS MARRIED TO HARRY,
AND, LIVING ABOVE HIS
ALL NIGHT MUFFLER SHOP.
WELL, YOU KNOW, I
THOUGHT HE WAS A NICE GUY.
TILL THE NIGHT HE LEFT.
I DIDN'T EVEN HEAR HIM.
THE CREEP... HE MUST'VE
GOT A NEW MUFFLER.
SO, THEN,
ROSALIE HAD TO COME
HOME AND FIND A JOB.
YEAH, AND DO YOU KNOW HOW
MANY GOOD JOBS THERE ARE
FOR 17 YEAR-OLD
DROPOUTS, LIKE ME?
I HAD TO TAKE A JOB AS A
WAITRESS IN A PANCAKE HOUSE.
DID YOU EVER TRY SCRAPING A TIP
OFF OF A TABLE SOAKED
IN BLUEBERRY SYRUP?
AW, THAT AIN'T NOTHIN' MAN.
I KNOW THIS CHICK, MAN, THAT
WORKS AT ONE OF THEM PIE PLACES.
YEAH, THE HOUSE DU CRUST.
LAST WEEK, MAN, SHE CAME
DOWN WITH DUTCH APPLE DISEASE.
SHE WAS ROTTEN TO THE CORE.
I DON'T KNOW WHY I
BOTHERED COMING HERE.
YOU GUYS'LL NEVER GROW UP.
♪ WE'LL NEVER GROW UP ♪
♪ NEVER GROW UP ♪
♪ NEVER GROW UP ♪
♪ NOT US ♪♪
ROSALIE, WAIT A MINUTE.
ROSALIE?
ROSALIE TOTSY.
HI, HOW ARE YA?
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?
WASTING MY TIME.
ROSALIE, WILL YOU COME ON?
WHO'S THAT GIRL, KOTTER?
I'VE SEEN HER SOMEWHERE.
SHE USED TO GO TO SCHOOL,
HERE, DON'T YOU REMEMBER HER?
ALL RIGHT, GUYS, COME
ON, WHAT HAPPENED?
IT'S HORSHACK'S FAULT.
IT IS NOT.
ALL RIGHT, COME ON,
THEN IT'S ALL OF OUR FAULT.
HEY, LOOK, MR. KOT-TAIRE, WE
WAS JOKIN' AROUND WITH ROSALIE
FOR WORKIN' IN THE TORSO TRAP.
OH, THAT'S WHERE I SAW HER.
MR. WOODMAN, YOU GO TO
PLACES LIKE THE TORSO TRAP?
I GO THERE FOR THE FOOD.
MR. KOTTER, IT'S NOT ROSALIE'S
FAULT THAT SHE TOOK THAT JOB.
BABIES ARE EXPENSIVE.
BABIES?
YEAH, SHE HAD TO FIND A JOB
WHERE SHE COULD
MAKE THE MOST MONEY.
OH, COME ON, HORSHACK.
KOTTER HERE'S GOT TWO BABIES,
YOU DON'T SEE HIM
DANCIN' ON NO BAR.
WELL, OF COURSE NOT.
WHO'S GONNA PAY FIVE DOLLARS
TO WATCH AN OX IN
FISHNET STOCKINGS?
YOU GET THAT, KOTTER?
AN OXE IN FISHNET STOCKINGS?
LITTLE ROSALIE TOTSY HAS A BABY.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS, WHY DON'T
YOU TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED?
- HI.
- HI.
COME ON IN.
UH, I'M LOOKING
FOR ROSALIE TOTSY.
WELL, I'M LOOKING
FOR BURT REYNOLDS.
BUT, SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO BE
SATISFIED WITH WHAT'S AVAILABLE.
UH, I'M AN OLD FRIEND OF HERS.
WELL, UH, DON'T YOU EVER
WANNA MAKE NEW FRIENDS?
NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I'M HER OLD HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER.
OH, YEAH?
I WAS ALWAYS GOOD IN SCHOOL.
IN FACT, TEACHERS
WAS MY BEST SUBJECT.
I'M MARRIED.
SO AM I.
IT'S JUST A PHASE.
MR. KOTTER.
AH, ROSALIE.
WELL, I BETTER GO.
IF I DON'T GET OUT
THERE ON TIME,
THE DRUMMER DOES MY ACT.
SHE ALWAYS THAT SHY?
OH, NO, OLGA WARMS UP
WHEN SHE GETS TO KNOW YOU.
COME ON, HAVE A
SEAT, MR. KOTTER.
SO, UH, ROSALIE.
THE GUYS TELL ME THAT,
UH, YOU HAVE A BABY...
IS IT A BOY, OR A DRUMMER?
UM.
IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL?
LOOK, MR. KOTTER, I KNOW
EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY.
I CAN EVEN DO IT FOR YOU.
ROSALIE.
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO TELL YOU
IF YOU WERE RIGHT OR WRONG.
I CAME HERE JUST TO
SEE IF YOU'RE HAPPY.
I HAVE A WAY WITH
WORDS, DON'T I?
AND THEN, YOU'D GO
INTO A CORNY STORY
ABOUT YOUR AUNT,
WHO WAS A STRIPPER.
DID SHE WORK IN A
CLUB, MR. KOTTER?
NO, SHE WORKED ON A STREET.
SHE WAS A CAR STRIPPER.
BADABUM.
LOOK, IF I EVER BECOME FAMOUS
YOU CAN MAKE A LIVING
IMPERSONATING ME.
LOOK, MR. KOTTER, I DON'T
LIKE WHAT I'M DOING HERE,
BUT, I HAVE A BABY TO SUPPORT.
AND, THIS PLACE PAYS
200 DOLLARS A WEEK.
ROSALIE, THAT'S
NOT THE... REALLY?
AND, THAT'S FOR THREE
SHOWS A NIGHT, NOTHING ELSE.
YOU THINK I COULD
FIT INTO THIS OUTFIT?
ROSALIE, GIVE YOURSELF A CHANCE.
IF YOU WENT BACK TO SCHOOL,
YOU CAN MAKE 200
DOLLARS A WEEK, OR MORE,
DOING SOMETHING
THAT YOU'RE PROUD OF.
WELL, I'D LOVE TO
GO BACK TO SCHOOL,
BUT, I HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT RIGHT NOW.
LOOK, ROSALIE, COME
OVER TO MY HOUSE,
TOMORROW, AT ABOUT THREE THIRTY.
WE'LL TALK SOME MORE.
AND, JULIE WOULD LOVE
TO SAY HELLO TO YOU.
I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT WAS THAT?
WHAT?
SILENCE.
I THINK, UH, PEACE
HAS BEEN DECLARED.
EITHER THAT, OR
WE'RE BEING RAIDED.
OKAY, THREE THIRTY, TOMORROW.
GREAT, I'LL SEE YOU AT
THREE THIRTY, TOMORROW.
I WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE
BEFORE, UH, OLGA COMES BACK.
SEE YOU TOMORROW.
BUT, COME ON, UNCLE
MORRIS, YOU GOT A HUGE STORE,
YOU MUST NEED SOMEBODY.
I MEAN, BESIDE CUSTOMERS.
ALL RIGHT, MORRIS.
OKAY, THANKS, ANYWAY.
BYE.
NOTHIN' FOR ROSALIE, HUH?
NOPE, NOT UNLESS THE
DOUBLE-KNITS START MOVING.
WHAT ABOUT YOUR FAMILY?
GABE, MY FAMILY IS IN NEBRASKA.
SOMEHOW, I JUST CAN'T SEE
ROSALIE ON A CATTLE DRIVE.
WELL, WHAT ARE
WE GONNA DO, JULIE?
I MEAN, WE CAN'T LET HER SPEND
THE NEXT TEN YEARS OF HER LIFE
BOUNCING OFF RIM
SHOTS AT THE TORSO TRAP.
WELL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
I'D PROBABLY DO THE SAME THING.
YOU WOULD?
SURE, HONEY, I WOULD.
YOU KNOW, IF I WASN'T LUCKY
AND MARRIED TO AN
UNDERPAID TEACHER,
I WOULD DO ANYTHING THAT I COULD
TO PUT FOOD ON THE
TABLE FOR MY KIDS.
JULIE, YOU'RE NOT HELPING ME.
YES, SHE IS.
MRS. KOTTER KNOWS
EXACTLY WHAT IT'S LIKE, FOR ME.
I'LL GET IT.
YOU WOULD?
HEY, MR. KOTTER.
HEY, LOOK, ROSALIE, WE'VE
BEEN THINKIN' ABOUT IT.
YEAH, BABY, OKAY, NOW, LOOK.
WE TRIED TO DISLOCATE
YOU INTO A NEW GIG, BUT, UM...
WE'RE HAVIN' A REAL TOUGH TIME.
SINCE WHEN DO YOU GUYS CARE?
COME ON, COME ON...
WE CARE, WE CARE.
WE JUST HAVEN'T BEEN
ABLE TO FIND MUCH.
BUT, UH, HAVE YOU EVER DONE
ANY UNDERWATER WELDING?
ARE YOU KIDDING...
OF COURSE NOT.
YEAH, WELL, UM,
HOW 'BOUT METER
MAIDIN' A PAY TOILET?
NO.
WELL, I'LL TELL YA SOMETHIN',
I COULDA GOTTEN YA THE
BEST JOB IN THE WORLD,
BUT YOU CAN'T DO IT.
WHY NOT?
'CAUSE MOTHERS CAN'T BE NUNS.
LOOK, ROSALIE, WHAT'S
GOIN' ON HERE, I THINK,
IS THAT THEY'RE TRYIN' TO
SAY THEY'RE SORRY IN, UH,
SWEATHOG-ESE.
WELL, I'LL TALK IN ENGLISH.
I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY.
HI, EVERYBODY, IS ROSALIE HERE?
ROSALIE!
ROSALIE.
I FOUND A JOB.
WHAT'D YOU GET FOR ME?
OH, IT'S NOT A JOB
FOR YOU, ROSALIE.
IT'S A JOB FOR ME.
I WANNA SUPPORT
YOU AND YOUR BABY.
OH, ARNOLD.
I'LL GET IT.
MR. WOODMAN.
HELLO, KOTTER.
OH, UH, ROSALIE,
I UNDERSTAND THESE
FEEBS HAVE BEEN TRYING
TO GET YOU A NEW
JOB... FORGET IT.
THANKS TO ME, YOU
ARE NOW EMPLOYED.
WHAT DID YOU DO,
UH, GET HER A JOB
AS A WINE STEWARD ON SKID ROW?
YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU GIVE
HER YOUR JOB, MR. WOODMAN?
IT AIN'T NOBODY DOIN' IT.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS, COME
ON, THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT.
WHAT KIND OF JOB
DID YOU GET HER?
TERRIFIC JOB, KOTTER.
STARTS FIRST THING
MONDAY MORNING.
SHE'S GONNA BE A RECEPTIONIST
AT BROOKLYN COLLEGE.
I'M TALKIN' SECOND
FLOOR, 135 DOLLARS A WEEK.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT MY DANCING?
WELL, YOU CAN BE A
DANCING RECEPTIONIST.
AND, WHILE YOU'RE WORKING THERE,
YOU CAN GET
COURSES, TUITION, FREE.
WELL... COME ON,
ROSALIE, IT'S A START.
ROSALIE, YOU GOTTA
START SOMEWHERE.
OKAY, I SUPPOSE SO.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
BUT, WAIT, WHAT DO I TELL
'EM AT THE TORSO TRAP?
AH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT A THING.
I GOT THE PERFECT
ACT TO REPLACE 'EM.
ALL RIGHT, BOYS, SHOW
US YOUR LEGS, HERE.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
ROSALIE.
LISTEN, TAKE CARE, AND GOOD LUCK
WITH YOUR JOB AS A RECEPTIONIST.
AW, YEAH, THANK YOU AND
MRS. KOTTER FOR HELPIN' ME OUT.
- UH, ROSALIE.
- HM.
DID I EVER TELL YOU I HAD AN
AUNT WHO WAS A RECEPTIONIST?
NO.
WELL, SHE WAS
RECEPTIONIST IN A HOSPITAL.
AND, ONE DAY, SHE
GETS A PHONE CALL,
AND SHE PICKS UP THE
PHONE, AND A GUY SAYS,
"HOW'S MR. MURPHY?"
SHE SAID, "MR. MURPHY?"
"HEY, YEAH, MR. MURPHY, 319,
HOW'S MR. MURPHY?"
SHE LOOKS UP, SHE SAYS,
"WELL, MR. MURPHY'S
CONDITION IS STEADILY IMPROVING.
WHO'S THIS... ARE
YOU A RELATIVE?"
HE SAID, "NO, THIS IS MURPHY.
THEY WON'T TELL ME
ANYTHING UP HERE."
THANK YOU, MR. KOTTER.
ROSALIE.
YOU KNOW, YOU WERE KIDDIN'
AROUND IN THE DRESSIN' ROOM
WHEN YOU SAID, "I
BET YOU HAD A JOKE
ABOUT YOUR AUNT
WHO WAS A STRIPPER."
UH, I REALLY DID HAVE AN
AUNT WHO WAS A STRIPPER.
I HOPE SHE'S FUNNIER
THAN THE RECEPTIONIST.
OH, YEAH, OH, YEAH.
SHE HAD A... SHE HAD
A REALLY FUNNY ACT.
YOU SEE, SHE WOULD DO
AN ACT WITH THESE BIRDS,
THESE BIG, UH, SWALLOWS.
OH.
WHAT HAPPENED?
WELL, UH, SHE COULD ONLY
WORK FOR SIX MONTHS A YEAR,
BECAUSE EVERY SPRING,
HER ACT WOULD GO
BACK TO CAPISTRANO.
DON'T YOU GET IT, ROSALIE?
THE SWALLOWS GO
BACK TO CAPISTRANO... ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ AND I SMILE WHEN I THINK
HOW YOU MUST'VE BEEN ♪
♪ AND I KNOW WHAT A SCENE
YOU WERE LEARNIN' IN ♪
♪ WAS THERE
SOMETHING THAT MADE YOU
COME BACK AGAIN ♪♪