Welcome Back, Kotter (1975–1979): Season 3, Episode 16 - Sweatwork - full transcript
JULIE, YOU KNOW I
HAVE AN AMAZING FAMILY.
YEAH, I KNOW.
MY FAMILY REACHES INTO
EVERY FIELD, EVERY ENDEAVOR,
SPORTS, EDUCATION, SHOW
BUSINESS, SCIENCE, EVERYTHING.
IN FACT, DO YOU KNOW,
JULIE, MY WIFE, MY LOVER,
DO YOU KNOW THAT
I HAVE AN UNCLE?
HIS NAME IS HERMAN.
AND MY UNCLE HERMAN
IS A SPORT'S MECHANIC.
A SPORT'S MECHANIC?
A SPORT'S MECHANIC, HE
FIXES BASKETBALL GAMES.
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
HEY, UM, MR. KOTTER, YOU WANTED
TO SEE ME ABOUT SOMETHING.
WHAT'S UP?
NOT ME FREDDIE,
WOODMAN WANTS TO SEE YA.
WELL, WHY HERE IN THE CLASSROOM?
I DON'T KNOW, HE'S BEEN
ACTING VERY STRANGE TODAY.
REAL ETHNIC.
HE ASKED ME WHERE HE
COULD BUY SOME AFRO SHEEN.
YEAH, YOU KNOW MR. WOODMAN,
MAN, HE'S REALLY OUT OF IT.
YOU KNOW, HE THINKS THAT
HANK AARON IS A COUNTRY SINGER.
WELL, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO FACE HIM ALONE, FREDDIE.
I'VE GOTTA TAKE THE
TWINS TO THE DOCTOR.
THEY'RE SIX MONTHS OLD.
YOU KNOW, THE WARRANTY'S
GONNA RUN OUT PRETTY SOON.
GOOD LUCK, SEE YOU TOMORROW.
OKAY, I'LL CHECK YOU OUT, MAN.
YOU BE COOL.
HEY, BLUD.
YOU TALKIN' TO ME?
RIGHT ON, BRO.
BRO?
SKIN, MAN.
SKIN.
YOU GOT IT, BABY.
NOW THAT THAT SQUARE'S
PUT OF THE ROOM,
MAYBE WE CAN GET DOWN TO IT.
YOU KNOW WHERE I'M COMIN' FROM?
YEAH, BUT I DON'T KNOW
WHERE YOU'RE GOIN'.
HAVE A SQUAT, BABY.
HAVE A SQUAT, BABY?
YOU HAD SOME EXPERIENCE WORKING
THE RADIO STATION, HAVEN'T YOU?
OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, I WORK
PART-TIME FOR WALLY THE WOW.
YOU STILL GOT YOUR CHOPS?
YEAH.
THAT'S GROOVY.
'CAUSE I WANT YOU TO
START A RADIO STATION
HERE AT BUCHANAN.
ME, SERIOUSLY?
OH, THAT'S COOL.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU SEE, THE BOARD OF
EDUCATION, THEY WANT YOUNG PEOPLE
TO GET INTO BROADCASTING.
SO THEY'RE WILLING TO PUT
UP THE MONEY TO ANY SCHOOL
THAT'LL START A STATION.
HEY, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
YOU COULD BE BOSS JOCK
OF YOUR OWN RADIO STATION!
YEAH, YEAH, I LIKE IT, I LIKE
IT, BUT, WAIT, WAIT A MINUTE.
WHY IS THIS RADIO STATION SO
IMPORTANT TO YOU, MR. WOODMAN?
WHY?
BECAUSE THEY'RE OFFERING
A TROPHY FOR THE STATION
WITH THE HIGHEST RATINGS.
YOU KNOW SOMETHIN', FREDDIE?
WE'VE NEVER HAD A TROPHY.
YOU MEAN, WE AIN'T
EVER WIN ANYTHING?
ALL I GOT IS A PICTURE
FROM CLEAN SKIN WEEK
OF ME SHAKING HANDS
WITH PETER THE PIMPLE.
I WANT THAT TROPHY, FREDDIE.
AND YOU'RE GONNA WIN IT FOR ME.
TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES, EXPOSE
YOUR FEET AND GET ON DOWN
TO THE FUNKY BEAT.
THIS IS WGIM.
THAT WAS A NEW GROUP,
ALONZO MESSEM AND THE LOOTERS
WITH THEIR LATEST
SINGLE, YOU'RE SO VAIN,
YOU PROBABLY THINK
THIS RIOT'S ABOUT YOU.
THAT'S RIGHT, YOU'RE LISTENING
TO WGIM COMING TO YOU
FROM OUR BRAND NEW STUDIO
AT JAMES BUCHANAN HIGH SCHOOL.
AND NOW, IT'S TIME FOR
OUR SPECIAL FEATURE,
JUAN EPSTEIN OUR
CONSUMER REPORTER.
JUAN EPSTEIN HERE,
YOUR CONSUMER REPORTER
AND COMPARATIVE SHOPPER.
IT'S MY JOB TO MAKE SURE YOUR
SHOPPING DOLLAR GOES FARTHEST.
SO YOU JUST SEND THEM
IN TO ME, AND I'LL TAKE CARE
OF IT FOR YOU.
NOW, TODAY'S
REPORT IS ON ERASERS.
WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES, DON'T WE?
SO, WHAT DO YOU LOOK
FOR IN A GOOD ERASER?
WELL, FIRST OF ALL, YOU
WANT ONE THAT'S GONNA LAST
A LONG TIME AND ERASES
REAL, REAL GOOD, YOU KNOW,
WITHOUT... PUTTIN' ANY
HOLES IN THE PAPER,
OR ELSE YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE A BIGGER MISTAKE
THAN THE ONE YOU
STARTED WITH, RIGHT?
AND, YOU WANT AN ERASER
THAT WHEN YOU'RE ERASIN'
THERE'S NOT LITTLE TINY LITTLE
PIECES OF ITSELF, YOU KNOW,
ALL OVER THE PAPER.
AND THEN WHAT HAPPENS IS,
YOU GOTTA TAKE ALL YOUR TIME
BLOWIN' 'EM OFF THE
PAPER, LIKE THIS, WATCH.
HEY, WHO KNOWS, YOU MIGHT
ACCIDENTLY BREATHE SOME
OF THIS STUFF IN.
YOU CAN WIND UP ERASIN'
A LUNG OR SOMETHIN', HUH?
NOW YOU THINK ABOUT THAT.
WASHINGTON, I WANNA TALK TO YOU.
WE'RE ON THE AIR, MR. WOODMAN.
GET HIM OUT OF HERE,
GER HIM OUT OF HERE.
COME ON, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
- WASHINGTON.
- WHAT?
NO ONE'S LISTENING TO WGIM.
LOOK AT THESE RATINGS?
NUMBERS NEVER LIE.
OH, LOOK, I'M STILL
HOLDIN' MY TIME SLOT.
KEEP READING.
OKAY, LOOK, SEE WE GOT ONE,
EPSTEIN, OUR CONSUMER REPORTER.
HE'S DOIN' VERY WELL, IT'S
A VERY INFORMATIVE SHOW.
AND WE GOT ARNOLD HORSHACK
IN THE FOUR O'CLOCK NEWS
WHICH TAKES US
RIGHT DOWN THE DRAIN.
HI, EVERYBODY.
HEY, I'M REAL SORRY I'M LATE.
- HI, FREDDIE.
- HEY, ARNOLD.
EXCUSE ME.
WELL, THAT'S ABOUT
IT FOR ERASERS.
NOW TOMORROW'S CONSUMER
REPORT IS ON WHERE TO BUY
GYM SOCKS NEW AND USED.
SO, UNTIL THEN, THIS
IS JUAN EPSTEIN SAYIN',
DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL.
I KNOW WHERE MOST OF YOU LIVE.
TAKE ME AWAY, ARNOLD.
WHY, THANK YOU, LITTLE JUAN.
YOU SURE LOOK GROOVY TODAY.
YOU LITTLE SCAMP.
HELLO, EVERYBODY.
THIS IS ARNOLD HORSHACK.
IT'S UH, 4:14, AND IT'S TIME
FOR THE FOUR O'CLOCK NEWS.
WELL, SPEAKING OF NEWS,
I GOT SOME GOOD NEWS,
AND I GOT SOME BAD NEWS.
THE GOOD NEWS IS I
HAVE NO BAD NEWS.
THE BAD NEWS IS, I
HAVE NO NEWS AT ALL.
HE'S COSTING US THE WHOLE NIGHT.
COULDN'T WE MOVE
HIM TO ANOTHER TIME?
GOOD, LET'S TRY THE ICE AGE.
DATELINE, BIG, BIG,
BIG TIME SQUARE.
WE WERE EXPECTING A VERY
SPECIAL HUMAN INTEREST REPORT
FROM OUR ROVING REPORTER,
VINCENT SCOOP BARBARINO
WHO HAS BEEN CONDUCTING
WOMEN IN THE STREET
INTERVIEWS SINCE LAST TUESDAY.
UNFORTUNATELY, WE HAVEN'T
HEARD FROM HIM SINCE LAST TUESDAY.
VINNIE, IF YOU CAN
HEAR MY VOICE, CALL
WHEN YOU CATCH YOUR BREATH.
HE'S THE WORST.
YEAH, BUT YOU GOTTA
LISTEN TO THAT VOICE, MAN.
HE COULD BE LIKE
ANOTHER CRONKITE
OR ANOTHER HARRY REASONER.
WELL HE DOES REMIND ME
OF A FAMOUS RADIO STAR,
TOKYO ROSE.
BYE, BYE, WJI.
SO, FOR THOSE OF YOU TRYIN' TO
MAKE YOUR SOCK BUDGET STRETCH,
HERE'S A HELPFUL, HANDY HINT.
USED SOCKS.
YEAH, LISTEN TO THAT AGAIN.
USED SOCKS.
THEY'RE REALLY EASY TO COME BY.
ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS CHECK
OUT THOSE SUPPOSEDLY
EMPTY DRYERS AT THE LAUNDRY MAT.
REMEMBER, WHAT YOU PUT ON
YOUR FEET IS YOUR BUSINESS.
YOU DUMP HORSHACK, YET?
WHY I GOTS TO BE THE ONE
TO DO IT, MR. WOODMAN?
WELL, I WOULD DO IT, WASHINGTON,
BUT I DON'T WANT TO DEPRIVE YOU
OF A CHANCE AT LEARNING ONE
OF LIFE'S GREATEST LESSONS,
HOW TO STEP ON A FRIEND.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I'LL
DO IT, ALL RIGHT, I'LL DO IT.
BUT ONLY BECAUSE I'LL LET
ARNOLD DOWN A LOT EASIER
THAN YOU WOULD.
HI, EVERYBODY, LOOK,
I'M REAL SORRY I'M LATE.
ARNOLD, I GOTTA
TALK TO YOU, MY MAN.
HEY, FREDDIE, COULD
IT... WAIT FOR LATER?
I GOTTA GET MY NOTES
ORGANIZED, AND I'M ALMOST...
RELAX, HORSHACK.
YOU GOT MORE
TIME THAN YOU THINK.
COME ON, ARNOLD.
I... SIT DOWN, ARNOLD, I
GOTTA TALK TO YOU, COME ON.
- YOU OKAY?
- YEAH, SURE.
- HOW'S YOUR DAY BEEN, MAN?
- WHAT'S UP, FREDDIE?
UH, WELL, HOW DO YA FEEL?
I FEEL FINE.
HEY, ARNOLD, HOW
LONG WE BEEN FRIENDS?
COME ON, FREDDIE, YOU KNOW THAT.
WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER
SINCE, SINCE THE FIFTH GRADE.
WE GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER REAL
GOOD 'CAUSE WE WAS BOTH IN THERE
FOR TWO AND A HALF YEARS.
WE'VE BEEN THROUGH
A LOT TOGETHER, RIGHT?
- WE SURE HAVE.
- WE'RE GOOD FRIENDS, RIGHT?
-WE'RE THE BEST FRIENDS...
I GOT SOME HEAVY STUFF
TO TELL YOU RIGHT NOW,
SO I HOPE YOU
CAN DEAL WITH THIS.
YOU CAN TELL ME
ANYTHING, FREDDIE.
YOU SEE, LIKE, UM, I GOTTA
TAKE YOU OFF THE RADIO SHOW
BECAUSE YOUR
RATINGS, THEY'RE LOUSY.
SEE, I... TIRED TALKIN'
MR. WOODMAN OUT OF IT,
BUT HE WOULDN'T LISTEN TO ME.
I MEAN, HE SAYS YOU'RE
BRINGIN' THE WHOLE SHOW DOWN.
CANCELLED?
BECAUSE OF LOUSY RATINGS?
I FEEL LIKE BETTY WHITE.
HEY, LISTEN, ARNOLD.
HEY, MAN, THERE'S
NOTHIN' I CAN DO ABOUT IT.
I REALLY TRIED TALKIN' TO HIM.
I REALLY DID, MAN.
HEY, LISTEN, FREDDIE,
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
DON'T FEEL BAD, REALLY.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO
GAVE ME MY START.
IT WAS GREAT WHILE IT LASTED.
YEAH.
HEY, FREDDIE?
COULD I ASK YOU ONE LAST FAVOR?
SURE, ARNOLD, ANYTHING YOU WANT.
GO 'HEAD, SHOOT, GO 'HEAD.
COULD I GO ON ONE LAST TIME?
JUST TO SAY GOOD-BYE.
SURE, MY MAN, YOU GOT IT.
THANK YOU, FREDDIE.
YOU GO IN AFTER
EPSTEIN, COME ON.
YOU ALL RIGHT.
AND THAT'S THE WAY OF THE WORLD.
SO STAY TUNED FOR
TOMORROW'S MY SPECIAL REPORT IS
HAIR IN THE CAFETERIA.
ALL RIGHT, IT'S 4:25, AND
HERE'S ARNOLD HORSHACK
WITH THE FOUR O'CLOCK NEWS.
THANK YOU, LITTLE JUAN.
HELLO, EVERYBODY.
THIS IS ARNOLD HORSHACK.
TODAY I HAVE A VERY
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT.
THIS IS MY LAST BROADCAST.
I AM BEING CANCELLED
BECAUSE OF BAD RATINGS.
OF COURSE, I'M NOT
REALLY SURPRISED.
THIS IS JUST ANOTHER
EXAMPLE OF THE WIN AT ANY COST
ATTITUDE OF OUR SCHOOL SYSTEM.
WIN AT BASKETBALL, WIN AT
BASEBALL, WIN THE RATINGS.
WE'RE SO BUSY WINNING, WE'RE
FORGETTING WHAT WE'RE LOSING.
OUR INTEGRITY, THAT'S WHAT!
SOMEBODY MUST'VE
SPIKED ARNOLD'S TWINKIES.
COME ON, COME ON, LET'S
JUST PULL THE PLUG ON HIM.
NAH, NAH, IF THIS IS THE WAY
ARNOLD WANTS TO GO OFF,
LET HIM.
LOOK, I'M JUST A LITTLE GUY.
AND I'M NOT SAYIN' I
GOT ALL THE ANSWERS.
BUT WE GOTTA START SOMEWHERE.
SO I WANT EVERYBODY WHO
CAN HEAR MY VOICE RIGHT NOW
TO GET UP,
GO OVER TO THEIR WINDOWS,
AND I WANT YOU TO YELL,
I'M FED UP, ARNOLD!
AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S
RIGHT, COME ON.
GET UP OUT OF YOUR
CHAIRS, OVER TO THE WINDOW.
OPEN IT UP, GO 'HEAD, GO 'HEAD.
AND I WANT YOU TO
YELL, I'M FED UP, ARNOLD!
AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'M FED UP, ARNOLD!
AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
ALL RIGHT!
BIG EXPOSE TOMORROW.
BIG, BIG BEEP.
THE SCHOOL DIETICIAN,
SHE CALLS IT CHICKEN,
I CALL IT SEAGULL.
LOOK AT THESE RATINGS.
HORSHACK'S A LIAR,
SCANDAL MONGER, A MAD MAN.
SO, YOU GONNA TAKE
THE MAD MAN OFF THE AIR?
ARE YOU KIDDING?
HE'S A HIT.
I'M EXPANDING HIS SHOW
AND CUTTING YOURS DOWN.
HEY, WAIT.
HEY, MY LISTENERS, MAN,
THEY GONNA BE UPSET.
HE'LL GET OVER IT.
QUIET, IT'S TIME.
AND NOW, THE MOMENT
YOU ALL BEEN WAITING FOR,
HERE HE IS, THAT MAD
BROADCASTER BUCHANAN HIMSELF,
ARNOLD HORSHACK!
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
WE'RE FED UP, ARNOLD!
AND WE DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
WHY CAN'T JOHNNY READ?
WE HAVE SCHOOLS, LIKE
THIS ONE, FILLED WITH BOOKS
AND TEACHERS, AND STILL,
JOHNNY CAN NOT READ.
WHY?
MAYBE JOHNNY'S DUMB.
JOHNNY CAN NOT READ BECAUSE
THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH BOOKS.
THERE ARE NOT
ENOUGH GOOD TEACHERS.
BECAUSE THERE IS
NOT ENOUGH MONEY.
THE KID'S GOLD!
I LOVE HIM, I LOVE HIM!
AND WHY ISN'T THERE
ENOUGH MONEY?
BECAUSE THE SCHOOL BOARD
HAS VOTED ON A PAY RAISE
FOR VICE PRINCIPLES.
IT'S A LONG, OVERDUE PAY RAISE.
BUT, WHO ARE THESE SO
CALLED, VICE PRINCIPLES?
WHERE DO THEY LIVE?
HOW DO THEY LIVE?
WITH WHOM AND WITH
WHAT DO THEY LIVE?
SHOCKING?
WELL, I SHOULD SAY.
IF A VICE PRINCIPLE WERE A
NICE PRINCIPLE, HE WOULD NOT BE
CALLED A VICE PRINCIPLE.
I WANT YOU TO SEND TELEGRAMS,
AND LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD.
GET ON YOUR FEET.
LET'S HEAR IT.
WE'RE FED UP, ARNOLD, AND
WE DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT.
WE'RE FED UP, ARNOLD, AND
WE DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT.
HALLELUJAH!
WE'RE FED UP, ARNOLD, AND
WE DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
WELL, I'M TELLING
YOU, MR. KOTAIR,
I'M FED UP, AND I DON'T
CARE WHO KNOWS IT.
FREDDIE, I AM SURPRISED AT YOU.
I SHOULD THINK YOU'D BE
HAPPY ABOUT ARNOLD'S SUCCESS.
JULIE, I DON'T
THINK IT'S JEALOUSY.
I THINK WE'RE ALL A
LITTLE TICKED OFF AT HOW
ARNOLD'S HANDLING THIS.
WELL, SPEAKIN' AS A
CONSUMER AFFAIRS PERSON,
I THINK YOU'RE USIN' THE
WRONG KIND OF PEANUT BUTTER.
JUAN, WE ARE TALKING
ABOUT ARNOLD'S PROBLEM.
AND, MR. CONSUMER REPORTER,
I DON'T SEE THAT 69 CENTS
IS THROWING OUR MONEY AWAY.
IT IS WHEN YOU CAN BY
MR. CHEAPS FOR 27 CENTS A JAR.
27 CENTS A JAR?
HOW DO THEY DO THAT?
HE LEAVES THE
PEANUTS IN THE SHELLS.
LOOK, FREDDIE,
THERE'S NOTHIN' I CAN DO.
WOODMAN IS NOT GONNA
TAKE ARNOLD OFF THE AIR.
HE'S GOT THE BIGGEST RATING
FOR A HIGH SCHOOL RADIO SHOW
SINCE NAME THAT STREET GANG.
I REMEMBER THAT SHOW.
I CAN NAME THAT
GANG IN TWO VICTIMS.
YEAH, WELL IT AIN'T
FAIR, ALL RIGHT?
YOU KNOW WHAT I
THINK, MR. KOTAIR?
I DON'T THINK ARNOLD KNOWS
WHAT HE'S TALKIN' ABOUT.
NOW, IN CLASS, THAT'S OKAY.
I MEAN, IN YOUR
CLASS, NOBODY KNOWS
WHAT HE'S TALKIN' ABOUT.
THANKS A LOT, FREDDIE.
THEY CALL THEM SCHOOLS.
BUT NO ONE LEARNS.
OH, THAT MUST BE ARNOLD.
WHAT'S HE DOIN' HERE?
I ASKED HIM TO COME HERE.
LISTEN, GUYS, GIVE ME A
FEW MINUTES ALONE WITH HIM.
I GOT AN IDEA, OKAY?
YEAH, OKAY.
BUT BELIEVE ME, ONE OF
YOUR STORIES AIN'T GONNA HELP
HIM THIS TIME.
WHY CAN'T JOHNNY READ?
WHY CAN'T ARNOLD SHUT UP?
HEY, ARNOLD, I GOT A
CONSUMER TIP FOR YOU.
CALL A PLUMBER.
YOUR MOUTH IS BACKIN' UP.
THEY LOOK FAMILIAR.
BUT, MAYBE NOT, I
KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE.
HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU SEE
HOW THE GIRLS ARE DOING?
I'D LIKE TO TALK TO THE
MAD BROADCASTER HERE.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, HONEY.
WHEN THE GIRLS ARE
READY FOR KINDERGARTEN,
WILL KINDERGARTEN
BE READY FOR THEM?
HE'S ALL YOURS.
ARNOLD, HOW YA DOIN'?
FINE.
GOOD, EVERYTHING ALL TOGETHER?
YOUR MIND, YOUR BODY ALL
FUNCTIONING AS ONE UNIT?
I GUESS SO.
OH, I'M HAPPY TO HEAR THAT.
YOU KNOW, ARNOLD, I'VE BEEN
A TEACHER NOW FOR ABOUT
THREE YEARS.
WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN?
OH, THANK YOU, VERY MUCH.
SOME FOLKS SAY I CAN TEACH
ANYBODY ALMOST ANYTHING.
WELL, THIS AFTERNOON
I'M GONNA TRY AND TEACH
YOU SOMETHING.
YOU READY?
GO 'HEAD, GO 'HEAD.
LAST WEEK YOU CAME OUT AGAINST
PAY RAISES FOR VICE PRINCIPLES
AND YOU GOT BIG RATINGS RIGHT?
RIGHT, RIGHT!
SO, THIS WEEK, YOU CAME OUT
AGAINST PAY RAISES FOR TEACHERS.
- YES?
- YES.
ARNOLD, YOU THINK
IT'S EASY FOR TEACHERS?
I'M A TEACHER.
I HAVE A WIFE AND TWO
CHILDREN TO SUPPORT.
I GOTTA BUY TWO SETS OF CLOTHES.
WHAT AM I GONNA TELL
THE GIRLS IF I CAN'T DO THAT?
THAT THEY'RE ONE PERSON
WITH A LOT OF ARMS AND LEGS?
WELL, MAYBE YOU
COULD TELL... QUIET!
ARNOLD, YOU KNOW WHO
MAKES MORE THAN A TEACHER?
EVERYBODY.
THE GIRLS WHO WORK
AT THE PHOTO MAT,
THEY MAKE MORE THAN A TEACHER.
GEE, I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT.
WELL, YOU KNOW IT NOW.
AND YOU, ARNOLD, ARE
NOT JUST A SWEATHOG.
AND I AM NOT JUST A TEACHER.
WE ARE THE CLASSROOMS
OF THE WORLD.
AND YOU HAVE TAMPERED
WITH THE PRIMAL FORCE
OF EDUCATION!
AND YOU WILL ATONE!
AM I GETTIN' THROUGH
TO YOU, ARNOLD?
ARNOLD, LET ME MAKE IT SIMPLE.
YOU CAN HAVE AS MUCH FLARE AND
AS MUCH PIZZAZZ AS YOU WANT TO.
BUT, YOU GOTTA BE HONEST.
YOU CAN'T BUILD A CAREER
BASED ON HALF TRUTHS.
BECAUSE IF YOU DO, YOUR
FAME AND YOUR POPULARITY
ARE JUST A FACADE
BASED ON A LIE.
I GUESS YOU'RE
RIGHT, MR. KOTTER.
OF COURSE I'M RIGHT.
AND YOU'RE LUCKY, AT LEAST
I DIDN'T TELL YA ANY STORIES.
IN THE DAYS THAT FOLLOWED,
ARNOLD HORSHACK REPORTED
THE COMPLETE STORY.
BUT WITH THE END OF
HIS BOMBASTIC TIRADES,
ALSO CAME THE END
OF HIS HIGH RATINGS.
THIS HAS BEEN ARNOLD HORSHACK
WITH THE FOUR O'CLOCK NEWS.
WE'RE FED UP WITH YOU, ARNOLD.
AND WE'RE NOT GONNA
LISTEN ANYMORE.
AND SHE'S THE
PRESIDENT OF MY FAN CLUB.
HEY, I'M SORRY IT'S GOIN'
THIS WAY FOR YOU, MY MAN.
YEAH, YOU KNOW, BEFORE
I WAS UNFAIR BUT FLASHY.
NOW, I'M FAIR AND A FLOP.
WELL, AT LEAST YOU DON'T
RESENT ME ANYMORE, FREDDIE.
I NEVER RESENTED YOU.
I JUST WANTED TO STUFF
YOU IN YOUR LUNCHBOX.
I GUESS I'M JUST
A FLASH IN A PAN.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO REALLY
BELONGS BEHIND THIS MIC.
HEY, THANKS, ARNOLD.
OKAY.
MORE LOUSY RATINGS.
YOU KNOW YOU GOT BEAT
BY JEFFERSON HIGH'S SPECIAL
THE ARMADILLO,
NATURE'S LITTLE TANK.
IT'S EXCITING, HUH?
PULL YOUR DOORS OFF, HORSHACK.
WE'LL NEVER WIN THAT TROPHY.
BUT, MR. WOODMAN, I THINK...
IT WON'T DO YOU
ANY GOOD, HORSHACK,
'CAUSE I GOT YOU NOW!
MS. FISHBACK TELLS ME THAT
YOU HAVE NOT BEEN DOING
YOUR ENGLISH HOMEWORK SINCE
YOU STARTED THIS RADIO STUFF.
AND NOW, YOU'RE STAYIN'
AFTER SCHOOL WITH ME
'TILL YOU CATCH UP IN ENGLISH.
THIS HAS BEEN THE STORY
OF ARNOLD HORSHACK,
THE FIRST PERSON IN HISTORY
TO BE KEPT AFTER SCHOOL
FOR BAD RATINGS.
MR. WOODMAN, DID I TELL
YOU MY UNCLE SIMON DIED?
OH, I'M SORRY TO
HERE THAT, KOTTER.
OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT, IT
HAPPENED 12 YEARS AGO.
TWELVE YEARS AGO?
YEAH, WELL ANYWAY, THERE'S
AN INTERESTING STORY.
YOU SEE, MY AUNT ROLLA,
SHE DIDN'T HAVE MUCH MONEY.
SO SHE ASKED MY FATHER IF
HE COULD PAY FOR THE FUNERAL.
AND HE WAS HAPPY TO.
ONLY, HE KEPT GETTING
THESE BILLS FOR $15 A MONTH.
HE CALLED HER UP, HE SAID,
LOOK, I WAS HAPPY TO PAY
FOR THE FUNERAL, BUT
WHAT'S ALL THESE BILLS
FOR $15 A MONTH?
MY AUNT ROLLA SAID,
WELL I HAD TO BURRY HIM
IN A RENTED TUXEDO.
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ AND I SMILE WHEN I THINK
HOW YOU MUST'VE BEEN ♪
♪ AND I KNOW WHAT A SCENE
YOU WERE LEARNIN' IN ♪
♪ WAS THERE
SOMETHING THAT MADE YOU
COME BACK AGAIN ♪
♪ THEN WHAT COULD EVER LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHAT COULD EVER LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪
HAVE AN AMAZING FAMILY.
YEAH, I KNOW.
MY FAMILY REACHES INTO
EVERY FIELD, EVERY ENDEAVOR,
SPORTS, EDUCATION, SHOW
BUSINESS, SCIENCE, EVERYTHING.
IN FACT, DO YOU KNOW,
JULIE, MY WIFE, MY LOVER,
DO YOU KNOW THAT
I HAVE AN UNCLE?
HIS NAME IS HERMAN.
AND MY UNCLE HERMAN
IS A SPORT'S MECHANIC.
A SPORT'S MECHANIC?
A SPORT'S MECHANIC, HE
FIXES BASKETBALL GAMES.
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
HEY, UM, MR. KOTTER, YOU WANTED
TO SEE ME ABOUT SOMETHING.
WHAT'S UP?
NOT ME FREDDIE,
WOODMAN WANTS TO SEE YA.
WELL, WHY HERE IN THE CLASSROOM?
I DON'T KNOW, HE'S BEEN
ACTING VERY STRANGE TODAY.
REAL ETHNIC.
HE ASKED ME WHERE HE
COULD BUY SOME AFRO SHEEN.
YEAH, YOU KNOW MR. WOODMAN,
MAN, HE'S REALLY OUT OF IT.
YOU KNOW, HE THINKS THAT
HANK AARON IS A COUNTRY SINGER.
WELL, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO FACE HIM ALONE, FREDDIE.
I'VE GOTTA TAKE THE
TWINS TO THE DOCTOR.
THEY'RE SIX MONTHS OLD.
YOU KNOW, THE WARRANTY'S
GONNA RUN OUT PRETTY SOON.
GOOD LUCK, SEE YOU TOMORROW.
OKAY, I'LL CHECK YOU OUT, MAN.
YOU BE COOL.
HEY, BLUD.
YOU TALKIN' TO ME?
RIGHT ON, BRO.
BRO?
SKIN, MAN.
SKIN.
YOU GOT IT, BABY.
NOW THAT THAT SQUARE'S
PUT OF THE ROOM,
MAYBE WE CAN GET DOWN TO IT.
YOU KNOW WHERE I'M COMIN' FROM?
YEAH, BUT I DON'T KNOW
WHERE YOU'RE GOIN'.
HAVE A SQUAT, BABY.
HAVE A SQUAT, BABY?
YOU HAD SOME EXPERIENCE WORKING
THE RADIO STATION, HAVEN'T YOU?
OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, I WORK
PART-TIME FOR WALLY THE WOW.
YOU STILL GOT YOUR CHOPS?
YEAH.
THAT'S GROOVY.
'CAUSE I WANT YOU TO
START A RADIO STATION
HERE AT BUCHANAN.
ME, SERIOUSLY?
OH, THAT'S COOL.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU SEE, THE BOARD OF
EDUCATION, THEY WANT YOUNG PEOPLE
TO GET INTO BROADCASTING.
SO THEY'RE WILLING TO PUT
UP THE MONEY TO ANY SCHOOL
THAT'LL START A STATION.
HEY, WHAT DO YOU SAY?
YOU COULD BE BOSS JOCK
OF YOUR OWN RADIO STATION!
YEAH, YEAH, I LIKE IT, I LIKE
IT, BUT, WAIT, WAIT A MINUTE.
WHY IS THIS RADIO STATION SO
IMPORTANT TO YOU, MR. WOODMAN?
WHY?
BECAUSE THEY'RE OFFERING
A TROPHY FOR THE STATION
WITH THE HIGHEST RATINGS.
YOU KNOW SOMETHIN', FREDDIE?
WE'VE NEVER HAD A TROPHY.
YOU MEAN, WE AIN'T
EVER WIN ANYTHING?
ALL I GOT IS A PICTURE
FROM CLEAN SKIN WEEK
OF ME SHAKING HANDS
WITH PETER THE PIMPLE.
I WANT THAT TROPHY, FREDDIE.
AND YOU'RE GONNA WIN IT FOR ME.
TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES, EXPOSE
YOUR FEET AND GET ON DOWN
TO THE FUNKY BEAT.
THIS IS WGIM.
THAT WAS A NEW GROUP,
ALONZO MESSEM AND THE LOOTERS
WITH THEIR LATEST
SINGLE, YOU'RE SO VAIN,
YOU PROBABLY THINK
THIS RIOT'S ABOUT YOU.
THAT'S RIGHT, YOU'RE LISTENING
TO WGIM COMING TO YOU
FROM OUR BRAND NEW STUDIO
AT JAMES BUCHANAN HIGH SCHOOL.
AND NOW, IT'S TIME FOR
OUR SPECIAL FEATURE,
JUAN EPSTEIN OUR
CONSUMER REPORTER.
JUAN EPSTEIN HERE,
YOUR CONSUMER REPORTER
AND COMPARATIVE SHOPPER.
IT'S MY JOB TO MAKE SURE YOUR
SHOPPING DOLLAR GOES FARTHEST.
SO YOU JUST SEND THEM
IN TO ME, AND I'LL TAKE CARE
OF IT FOR YOU.
NOW, TODAY'S
REPORT IS ON ERASERS.
WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES, DON'T WE?
SO, WHAT DO YOU LOOK
FOR IN A GOOD ERASER?
WELL, FIRST OF ALL, YOU
WANT ONE THAT'S GONNA LAST
A LONG TIME AND ERASES
REAL, REAL GOOD, YOU KNOW,
WITHOUT... PUTTIN' ANY
HOLES IN THE PAPER,
OR ELSE YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE A BIGGER MISTAKE
THAN THE ONE YOU
STARTED WITH, RIGHT?
AND, YOU WANT AN ERASER
THAT WHEN YOU'RE ERASIN'
THERE'S NOT LITTLE TINY LITTLE
PIECES OF ITSELF, YOU KNOW,
ALL OVER THE PAPER.
AND THEN WHAT HAPPENS IS,
YOU GOTTA TAKE ALL YOUR TIME
BLOWIN' 'EM OFF THE
PAPER, LIKE THIS, WATCH.
HEY, WHO KNOWS, YOU MIGHT
ACCIDENTLY BREATHE SOME
OF THIS STUFF IN.
YOU CAN WIND UP ERASIN'
A LUNG OR SOMETHIN', HUH?
NOW YOU THINK ABOUT THAT.
WASHINGTON, I WANNA TALK TO YOU.
WE'RE ON THE AIR, MR. WOODMAN.
GET HIM OUT OF HERE,
GER HIM OUT OF HERE.
COME ON, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
- WASHINGTON.
- WHAT?
NO ONE'S LISTENING TO WGIM.
LOOK AT THESE RATINGS?
NUMBERS NEVER LIE.
OH, LOOK, I'M STILL
HOLDIN' MY TIME SLOT.
KEEP READING.
OKAY, LOOK, SEE WE GOT ONE,
EPSTEIN, OUR CONSUMER REPORTER.
HE'S DOIN' VERY WELL, IT'S
A VERY INFORMATIVE SHOW.
AND WE GOT ARNOLD HORSHACK
IN THE FOUR O'CLOCK NEWS
WHICH TAKES US
RIGHT DOWN THE DRAIN.
HI, EVERYBODY.
HEY, I'M REAL SORRY I'M LATE.
- HI, FREDDIE.
- HEY, ARNOLD.
EXCUSE ME.
WELL, THAT'S ABOUT
IT FOR ERASERS.
NOW TOMORROW'S CONSUMER
REPORT IS ON WHERE TO BUY
GYM SOCKS NEW AND USED.
SO, UNTIL THEN, THIS
IS JUAN EPSTEIN SAYIN',
DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL.
I KNOW WHERE MOST OF YOU LIVE.
TAKE ME AWAY, ARNOLD.
WHY, THANK YOU, LITTLE JUAN.
YOU SURE LOOK GROOVY TODAY.
YOU LITTLE SCAMP.
HELLO, EVERYBODY.
THIS IS ARNOLD HORSHACK.
IT'S UH, 4:14, AND IT'S TIME
FOR THE FOUR O'CLOCK NEWS.
WELL, SPEAKING OF NEWS,
I GOT SOME GOOD NEWS,
AND I GOT SOME BAD NEWS.
THE GOOD NEWS IS I
HAVE NO BAD NEWS.
THE BAD NEWS IS, I
HAVE NO NEWS AT ALL.
HE'S COSTING US THE WHOLE NIGHT.
COULDN'T WE MOVE
HIM TO ANOTHER TIME?
GOOD, LET'S TRY THE ICE AGE.
DATELINE, BIG, BIG,
BIG TIME SQUARE.
WE WERE EXPECTING A VERY
SPECIAL HUMAN INTEREST REPORT
FROM OUR ROVING REPORTER,
VINCENT SCOOP BARBARINO
WHO HAS BEEN CONDUCTING
WOMEN IN THE STREET
INTERVIEWS SINCE LAST TUESDAY.
UNFORTUNATELY, WE HAVEN'T
HEARD FROM HIM SINCE LAST TUESDAY.
VINNIE, IF YOU CAN
HEAR MY VOICE, CALL
WHEN YOU CATCH YOUR BREATH.
HE'S THE WORST.
YEAH, BUT YOU GOTTA
LISTEN TO THAT VOICE, MAN.
HE COULD BE LIKE
ANOTHER CRONKITE
OR ANOTHER HARRY REASONER.
WELL HE DOES REMIND ME
OF A FAMOUS RADIO STAR,
TOKYO ROSE.
BYE, BYE, WJI.
SO, FOR THOSE OF YOU TRYIN' TO
MAKE YOUR SOCK BUDGET STRETCH,
HERE'S A HELPFUL, HANDY HINT.
USED SOCKS.
YEAH, LISTEN TO THAT AGAIN.
USED SOCKS.
THEY'RE REALLY EASY TO COME BY.
ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS CHECK
OUT THOSE SUPPOSEDLY
EMPTY DRYERS AT THE LAUNDRY MAT.
REMEMBER, WHAT YOU PUT ON
YOUR FEET IS YOUR BUSINESS.
YOU DUMP HORSHACK, YET?
WHY I GOTS TO BE THE ONE
TO DO IT, MR. WOODMAN?
WELL, I WOULD DO IT, WASHINGTON,
BUT I DON'T WANT TO DEPRIVE YOU
OF A CHANCE AT LEARNING ONE
OF LIFE'S GREATEST LESSONS,
HOW TO STEP ON A FRIEND.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I'LL
DO IT, ALL RIGHT, I'LL DO IT.
BUT ONLY BECAUSE I'LL LET
ARNOLD DOWN A LOT EASIER
THAN YOU WOULD.
HI, EVERYBODY, LOOK,
I'M REAL SORRY I'M LATE.
ARNOLD, I GOTTA
TALK TO YOU, MY MAN.
HEY, FREDDIE, COULD
IT... WAIT FOR LATER?
I GOTTA GET MY NOTES
ORGANIZED, AND I'M ALMOST...
RELAX, HORSHACK.
YOU GOT MORE
TIME THAN YOU THINK.
COME ON, ARNOLD.
I... SIT DOWN, ARNOLD, I
GOTTA TALK TO YOU, COME ON.
- YOU OKAY?
- YEAH, SURE.
- HOW'S YOUR DAY BEEN, MAN?
- WHAT'S UP, FREDDIE?
UH, WELL, HOW DO YA FEEL?
I FEEL FINE.
HEY, ARNOLD, HOW
LONG WE BEEN FRIENDS?
COME ON, FREDDIE, YOU KNOW THAT.
WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER
SINCE, SINCE THE FIFTH GRADE.
WE GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER REAL
GOOD 'CAUSE WE WAS BOTH IN THERE
FOR TWO AND A HALF YEARS.
WE'VE BEEN THROUGH
A LOT TOGETHER, RIGHT?
- WE SURE HAVE.
- WE'RE GOOD FRIENDS, RIGHT?
-WE'RE THE BEST FRIENDS...
I GOT SOME HEAVY STUFF
TO TELL YOU RIGHT NOW,
SO I HOPE YOU
CAN DEAL WITH THIS.
YOU CAN TELL ME
ANYTHING, FREDDIE.
YOU SEE, LIKE, UM, I GOTTA
TAKE YOU OFF THE RADIO SHOW
BECAUSE YOUR
RATINGS, THEY'RE LOUSY.
SEE, I... TIRED TALKIN'
MR. WOODMAN OUT OF IT,
BUT HE WOULDN'T LISTEN TO ME.
I MEAN, HE SAYS YOU'RE
BRINGIN' THE WHOLE SHOW DOWN.
CANCELLED?
BECAUSE OF LOUSY RATINGS?
I FEEL LIKE BETTY WHITE.
HEY, LISTEN, ARNOLD.
HEY, MAN, THERE'S
NOTHIN' I CAN DO ABOUT IT.
I REALLY TRIED TALKIN' TO HIM.
I REALLY DID, MAN.
HEY, LISTEN, FREDDIE,
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
DON'T FEEL BAD, REALLY.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO
GAVE ME MY START.
IT WAS GREAT WHILE IT LASTED.
YEAH.
HEY, FREDDIE?
COULD I ASK YOU ONE LAST FAVOR?
SURE, ARNOLD, ANYTHING YOU WANT.
GO 'HEAD, SHOOT, GO 'HEAD.
COULD I GO ON ONE LAST TIME?
JUST TO SAY GOOD-BYE.
SURE, MY MAN, YOU GOT IT.
THANK YOU, FREDDIE.
YOU GO IN AFTER
EPSTEIN, COME ON.
YOU ALL RIGHT.
AND THAT'S THE WAY OF THE WORLD.
SO STAY TUNED FOR
TOMORROW'S MY SPECIAL REPORT IS
HAIR IN THE CAFETERIA.
ALL RIGHT, IT'S 4:25, AND
HERE'S ARNOLD HORSHACK
WITH THE FOUR O'CLOCK NEWS.
THANK YOU, LITTLE JUAN.
HELLO, EVERYBODY.
THIS IS ARNOLD HORSHACK.
TODAY I HAVE A VERY
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT.
THIS IS MY LAST BROADCAST.
I AM BEING CANCELLED
BECAUSE OF BAD RATINGS.
OF COURSE, I'M NOT
REALLY SURPRISED.
THIS IS JUST ANOTHER
EXAMPLE OF THE WIN AT ANY COST
ATTITUDE OF OUR SCHOOL SYSTEM.
WIN AT BASKETBALL, WIN AT
BASEBALL, WIN THE RATINGS.
WE'RE SO BUSY WINNING, WE'RE
FORGETTING WHAT WE'RE LOSING.
OUR INTEGRITY, THAT'S WHAT!
SOMEBODY MUST'VE
SPIKED ARNOLD'S TWINKIES.
COME ON, COME ON, LET'S
JUST PULL THE PLUG ON HIM.
NAH, NAH, IF THIS IS THE WAY
ARNOLD WANTS TO GO OFF,
LET HIM.
LOOK, I'M JUST A LITTLE GUY.
AND I'M NOT SAYIN' I
GOT ALL THE ANSWERS.
BUT WE GOTTA START SOMEWHERE.
SO I WANT EVERYBODY WHO
CAN HEAR MY VOICE RIGHT NOW
TO GET UP,
GO OVER TO THEIR WINDOWS,
AND I WANT YOU TO YELL,
I'M FED UP, ARNOLD!
AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S
RIGHT, COME ON.
GET UP OUT OF YOUR
CHAIRS, OVER TO THE WINDOW.
OPEN IT UP, GO 'HEAD, GO 'HEAD.
AND I WANT YOU TO
YELL, I'M FED UP, ARNOLD!
AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'M FED UP, ARNOLD!
AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
ALL RIGHT!
BIG EXPOSE TOMORROW.
BIG, BIG BEEP.
THE SCHOOL DIETICIAN,
SHE CALLS IT CHICKEN,
I CALL IT SEAGULL.
LOOK AT THESE RATINGS.
HORSHACK'S A LIAR,
SCANDAL MONGER, A MAD MAN.
SO, YOU GONNA TAKE
THE MAD MAN OFF THE AIR?
ARE YOU KIDDING?
HE'S A HIT.
I'M EXPANDING HIS SHOW
AND CUTTING YOURS DOWN.
HEY, WAIT.
HEY, MY LISTENERS, MAN,
THEY GONNA BE UPSET.
HE'LL GET OVER IT.
QUIET, IT'S TIME.
AND NOW, THE MOMENT
YOU ALL BEEN WAITING FOR,
HERE HE IS, THAT MAD
BROADCASTER BUCHANAN HIMSELF,
ARNOLD HORSHACK!
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
WE'RE FED UP, ARNOLD!
AND WE DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
WHY CAN'T JOHNNY READ?
WE HAVE SCHOOLS, LIKE
THIS ONE, FILLED WITH BOOKS
AND TEACHERS, AND STILL,
JOHNNY CAN NOT READ.
WHY?
MAYBE JOHNNY'S DUMB.
JOHNNY CAN NOT READ BECAUSE
THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH BOOKS.
THERE ARE NOT
ENOUGH GOOD TEACHERS.
BECAUSE THERE IS
NOT ENOUGH MONEY.
THE KID'S GOLD!
I LOVE HIM, I LOVE HIM!
AND WHY ISN'T THERE
ENOUGH MONEY?
BECAUSE THE SCHOOL BOARD
HAS VOTED ON A PAY RAISE
FOR VICE PRINCIPLES.
IT'S A LONG, OVERDUE PAY RAISE.
BUT, WHO ARE THESE SO
CALLED, VICE PRINCIPLES?
WHERE DO THEY LIVE?
HOW DO THEY LIVE?
WITH WHOM AND WITH
WHAT DO THEY LIVE?
SHOCKING?
WELL, I SHOULD SAY.
IF A VICE PRINCIPLE WERE A
NICE PRINCIPLE, HE WOULD NOT BE
CALLED A VICE PRINCIPLE.
I WANT YOU TO SEND TELEGRAMS,
AND LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD.
GET ON YOUR FEET.
LET'S HEAR IT.
WE'RE FED UP, ARNOLD, AND
WE DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT.
WE'RE FED UP, ARNOLD, AND
WE DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT.
HALLELUJAH!
WE'RE FED UP, ARNOLD, AND
WE DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
WELL, I'M TELLING
YOU, MR. KOTAIR,
I'M FED UP, AND I DON'T
CARE WHO KNOWS IT.
FREDDIE, I AM SURPRISED AT YOU.
I SHOULD THINK YOU'D BE
HAPPY ABOUT ARNOLD'S SUCCESS.
JULIE, I DON'T
THINK IT'S JEALOUSY.
I THINK WE'RE ALL A
LITTLE TICKED OFF AT HOW
ARNOLD'S HANDLING THIS.
WELL, SPEAKIN' AS A
CONSUMER AFFAIRS PERSON,
I THINK YOU'RE USIN' THE
WRONG KIND OF PEANUT BUTTER.
JUAN, WE ARE TALKING
ABOUT ARNOLD'S PROBLEM.
AND, MR. CONSUMER REPORTER,
I DON'T SEE THAT 69 CENTS
IS THROWING OUR MONEY AWAY.
IT IS WHEN YOU CAN BY
MR. CHEAPS FOR 27 CENTS A JAR.
27 CENTS A JAR?
HOW DO THEY DO THAT?
HE LEAVES THE
PEANUTS IN THE SHELLS.
LOOK, FREDDIE,
THERE'S NOTHIN' I CAN DO.
WOODMAN IS NOT GONNA
TAKE ARNOLD OFF THE AIR.
HE'S GOT THE BIGGEST RATING
FOR A HIGH SCHOOL RADIO SHOW
SINCE NAME THAT STREET GANG.
I REMEMBER THAT SHOW.
I CAN NAME THAT
GANG IN TWO VICTIMS.
YEAH, WELL IT AIN'T
FAIR, ALL RIGHT?
YOU KNOW WHAT I
THINK, MR. KOTAIR?
I DON'T THINK ARNOLD KNOWS
WHAT HE'S TALKIN' ABOUT.
NOW, IN CLASS, THAT'S OKAY.
I MEAN, IN YOUR
CLASS, NOBODY KNOWS
WHAT HE'S TALKIN' ABOUT.
THANKS A LOT, FREDDIE.
THEY CALL THEM SCHOOLS.
BUT NO ONE LEARNS.
OH, THAT MUST BE ARNOLD.
WHAT'S HE DOIN' HERE?
I ASKED HIM TO COME HERE.
LISTEN, GUYS, GIVE ME A
FEW MINUTES ALONE WITH HIM.
I GOT AN IDEA, OKAY?
YEAH, OKAY.
BUT BELIEVE ME, ONE OF
YOUR STORIES AIN'T GONNA HELP
HIM THIS TIME.
WHY CAN'T JOHNNY READ?
WHY CAN'T ARNOLD SHUT UP?
HEY, ARNOLD, I GOT A
CONSUMER TIP FOR YOU.
CALL A PLUMBER.
YOUR MOUTH IS BACKIN' UP.
THEY LOOK FAMILIAR.
BUT, MAYBE NOT, I
KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE.
HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU SEE
HOW THE GIRLS ARE DOING?
I'D LIKE TO TALK TO THE
MAD BROADCASTER HERE.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, HONEY.
WHEN THE GIRLS ARE
READY FOR KINDERGARTEN,
WILL KINDERGARTEN
BE READY FOR THEM?
HE'S ALL YOURS.
ARNOLD, HOW YA DOIN'?
FINE.
GOOD, EVERYTHING ALL TOGETHER?
YOUR MIND, YOUR BODY ALL
FUNCTIONING AS ONE UNIT?
I GUESS SO.
OH, I'M HAPPY TO HEAR THAT.
YOU KNOW, ARNOLD, I'VE BEEN
A TEACHER NOW FOR ABOUT
THREE YEARS.
WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN?
OH, THANK YOU, VERY MUCH.
SOME FOLKS SAY I CAN TEACH
ANYBODY ALMOST ANYTHING.
WELL, THIS AFTERNOON
I'M GONNA TRY AND TEACH
YOU SOMETHING.
YOU READY?
GO 'HEAD, GO 'HEAD.
LAST WEEK YOU CAME OUT AGAINST
PAY RAISES FOR VICE PRINCIPLES
AND YOU GOT BIG RATINGS RIGHT?
RIGHT, RIGHT!
SO, THIS WEEK, YOU CAME OUT
AGAINST PAY RAISES FOR TEACHERS.
- YES?
- YES.
ARNOLD, YOU THINK
IT'S EASY FOR TEACHERS?
I'M A TEACHER.
I HAVE A WIFE AND TWO
CHILDREN TO SUPPORT.
I GOTTA BUY TWO SETS OF CLOTHES.
WHAT AM I GONNA TELL
THE GIRLS IF I CAN'T DO THAT?
THAT THEY'RE ONE PERSON
WITH A LOT OF ARMS AND LEGS?
WELL, MAYBE YOU
COULD TELL... QUIET!
ARNOLD, YOU KNOW WHO
MAKES MORE THAN A TEACHER?
EVERYBODY.
THE GIRLS WHO WORK
AT THE PHOTO MAT,
THEY MAKE MORE THAN A TEACHER.
GEE, I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT.
WELL, YOU KNOW IT NOW.
AND YOU, ARNOLD, ARE
NOT JUST A SWEATHOG.
AND I AM NOT JUST A TEACHER.
WE ARE THE CLASSROOMS
OF THE WORLD.
AND YOU HAVE TAMPERED
WITH THE PRIMAL FORCE
OF EDUCATION!
AND YOU WILL ATONE!
AM I GETTIN' THROUGH
TO YOU, ARNOLD?
ARNOLD, LET ME MAKE IT SIMPLE.
YOU CAN HAVE AS MUCH FLARE AND
AS MUCH PIZZAZZ AS YOU WANT TO.
BUT, YOU GOTTA BE HONEST.
YOU CAN'T BUILD A CAREER
BASED ON HALF TRUTHS.
BECAUSE IF YOU DO, YOUR
FAME AND YOUR POPULARITY
ARE JUST A FACADE
BASED ON A LIE.
I GUESS YOU'RE
RIGHT, MR. KOTTER.
OF COURSE I'M RIGHT.
AND YOU'RE LUCKY, AT LEAST
I DIDN'T TELL YA ANY STORIES.
IN THE DAYS THAT FOLLOWED,
ARNOLD HORSHACK REPORTED
THE COMPLETE STORY.
BUT WITH THE END OF
HIS BOMBASTIC TIRADES,
ALSO CAME THE END
OF HIS HIGH RATINGS.
THIS HAS BEEN ARNOLD HORSHACK
WITH THE FOUR O'CLOCK NEWS.
WE'RE FED UP WITH YOU, ARNOLD.
AND WE'RE NOT GONNA
LISTEN ANYMORE.
AND SHE'S THE
PRESIDENT OF MY FAN CLUB.
HEY, I'M SORRY IT'S GOIN'
THIS WAY FOR YOU, MY MAN.
YEAH, YOU KNOW, BEFORE
I WAS UNFAIR BUT FLASHY.
NOW, I'M FAIR AND A FLOP.
WELL, AT LEAST YOU DON'T
RESENT ME ANYMORE, FREDDIE.
I NEVER RESENTED YOU.
I JUST WANTED TO STUFF
YOU IN YOUR LUNCHBOX.
I GUESS I'M JUST
A FLASH IN A PAN.
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO REALLY
BELONGS BEHIND THIS MIC.
HEY, THANKS, ARNOLD.
OKAY.
MORE LOUSY RATINGS.
YOU KNOW YOU GOT BEAT
BY JEFFERSON HIGH'S SPECIAL
THE ARMADILLO,
NATURE'S LITTLE TANK.
IT'S EXCITING, HUH?
PULL YOUR DOORS OFF, HORSHACK.
WE'LL NEVER WIN THAT TROPHY.
BUT, MR. WOODMAN, I THINK...
IT WON'T DO YOU
ANY GOOD, HORSHACK,
'CAUSE I GOT YOU NOW!
MS. FISHBACK TELLS ME THAT
YOU HAVE NOT BEEN DOING
YOUR ENGLISH HOMEWORK SINCE
YOU STARTED THIS RADIO STUFF.
AND NOW, YOU'RE STAYIN'
AFTER SCHOOL WITH ME
'TILL YOU CATCH UP IN ENGLISH.
THIS HAS BEEN THE STORY
OF ARNOLD HORSHACK,
THE FIRST PERSON IN HISTORY
TO BE KEPT AFTER SCHOOL
FOR BAD RATINGS.
MR. WOODMAN, DID I TELL
YOU MY UNCLE SIMON DIED?
OH, I'M SORRY TO
HERE THAT, KOTTER.
OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT, IT
HAPPENED 12 YEARS AGO.
TWELVE YEARS AGO?
YEAH, WELL ANYWAY, THERE'S
AN INTERESTING STORY.
YOU SEE, MY AUNT ROLLA,
SHE DIDN'T HAVE MUCH MONEY.
SO SHE ASKED MY FATHER IF
HE COULD PAY FOR THE FUNERAL.
AND HE WAS HAPPY TO.
ONLY, HE KEPT GETTING
THESE BILLS FOR $15 A MONTH.
HE CALLED HER UP, HE SAID,
LOOK, I WAS HAPPY TO PAY
FOR THE FUNERAL, BUT
WHAT'S ALL THESE BILLS
FOR $15 A MONTH?
MY AUNT ROLLA SAID,
WELL I HAD TO BURRY HIM
IN A RENTED TUXEDO.
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ AND I SMILE WHEN I THINK
HOW YOU MUST'VE BEEN ♪
♪ AND I KNOW WHAT A SCENE
YOU WERE LEARNIN' IN ♪
♪ WAS THERE
SOMETHING THAT MADE YOU
COME BACK AGAIN ♪
♪ THEN WHAT COULD EVER LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHAT COULD EVER LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪