Welcome Back, Kotter (1975–1979): Season 3, Episode 10 - Barbarino in Love: Part 1 - full transcript
HONEY, DID I EVER TELL
YOU ABOUT MY UNCLE BART?
BART KOTTER?
YES, BART KOTTER, THE
FAMOUS PROSPECTOR.
OKAY.
ONE TIME HE WAS
PROSPECTING FOR GOLD
WITH HIS FRIEND JESUS
AND HIS FRIEND JESUS GETS
BITTEN BY A RATTLESNAKE
RIGHT ON THE FOOT!
- THE FOOT!
- YES.
SO HE SAYS, "BART,
YOU GOTTA HELP ME,
I GOT BITTEN BY A
RATTLESNAKE RIGHT ON MY FOOT.
GO GET A DOCTOR
QUICK, DO SOMETHIN'!"
WHAT DID BART DO?
BART RIDES INTO TOWN TO GET
A DOCTOR AND THE DOCTOR SAID,
"I CAN'T GO NOW, I'VE GOT TO
DELIVER A BABY THIS AFTERNOON.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
YOU DO THOUGH,
YOU GOTTA CUT OPEN THE WOUND
AND YOU GOTTA SUCK
OUT ALL THE POISON,
OTHERWISE YOUR
FRIEND IS GONNA DIE."
MY, MY.
SO, UNCLE BART RIDES BACK THERE
AND JESUS IS THERE AND HE SAYS,
"HEY, BART, DID YOU
SEE THE DOCTOR?
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT
THE RATTLESNAKE BITE ON MY FOOT?
WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY?"
AND BART SAYS, "DOCTOR
SAID YOU'RE GONNA DIE."
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪
♪
YOU READY, MY MAN?
YEAH? YOU READY?
FREDDIE IS READY ALSO.
OKAY, HERE WE GO.
♪ SHADA-DADA DIG, DIG, DIG ♪
HOLD IT, HOLD IT,
THIS IS THE PART WHERE
I'M SUPPOSED TO SING
"DIG, DIG, DIG" ALL BY MYSELF.
NO, IT AIN'T BECAUSE
YOU AIN'T BEEN DOING
THE "DIG, DIGS" RIGHT, YOU DIG?
IT DOESN'T SOUND
LIKE MUCH TO ME.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- THIS IS GOLD HERE!
IT'S NOT THE DIGS,
IT JUST LAYS THERE.
IT GOTTA SET IN
THE GROOVE, BE HEP,
HOPPA, HOPPA, FLOY, FLOY.
FLOY, FLOY?
HEY, MR. WOODMAN,
THIS IS FOR THE CITY
SEMI-FINAL TALENT COMPETITION,
NOT FOR THE OVER-30 CROWD.
WELL, YOU GUYS BETTER BE GOOD,
THE COMPETITION'S
IN THREE HOURS.
WELL, DON'T WORRY, MR. WOODMAN.
WE'LL GRAB 'EM
BY THE FLOY FLOYS.
FREDDIE IS READY, HERE WE GO.
♪ SHADA-DADA, DIG, DIG ♪
GABE COME ON, WE
DON'T WANT TO BE LATE.
HONEY.
RACHEL WENT TO
SLEEP AN HOUR AGO,
BUT ROBIN DOESN'T
LIKE THE BABYSITTER.
SHE SAYS ESTHER'S WEIRD.
ESTHER'S RIGHT IN
THE OTHER ROOM,
SHE'S GONNA HEAR YOU.
DID YOU EXPLAIN TO ROBIN
THAT ESTHER TOOK CARE OF YOU
WHEN YOU WERE A BABY?
I KNOW, THAT'S WHAT I TOLD HER.
BUT SHE SAYS THAT'S
WHAT'S MAKIN' HER NERVOUS.
COME ON, HONEY, GIVE
ROBIN BACK TO ESTHER.
WE DON'T WANT TO BE LATE
FOR THE TALENT CONTEST.
COME ON, ROBIN BOBBIN',
TIME TO GO TO SLEEP.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
YOU KNOW, I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE
THE SWEATHOGS MADE
IT TO THE SEMI-FINALS.
JULIE, HOW COULD THEY MISS?
THEY WERE SO GREAT IN THE
BATHING SUIT COMPETITION.
BESIDES, IT'S NOT THE SWEATHOGS.
OH, HOW COULD I FORGET,
"THREE DO'S AND A DON'T."
WHERE DID THEY EVER
COME UP WITH THAT NAME?
VINNIE'S IDEA.
I THINK IT WAS THE ANSWERS
HE GOT FROM HIS GIRLFRIENDS
ON FRIDAY NIGHT.
GET IT?
- I GOT IT.
- GOOD.
I'M GONNA GIVE ESTHER SOME
LAST-MINUTE INSTRUCTIONS.
- BE RIGHT BACK.
- HONEY!
YOU HAVE GIVEN HER ALL
THE INSTRUCTIONS SHE NEEDS.
YOU HAVE TOLD HER TO MAKE
SURE THE DOOR IS DOUBLE LOCKED,
TO PULL DOWN THE CURTAINS,
AND YOU'VE MADE HER
MEMORIZE THE NUMBERS
OF THE FIRE DEPARTMENT,
THE POLICE, AND THE FBI.
OKAY, BUT WHAT, JUST WHAT IF A
HELICOPTER LANDS ON THE ROOF
AND A REGIMENT OF
ARMED VULCANS COME OVER
AND TAKE SIEGE OF
THIS APARTMENT, HUH?
WHAT IF THAT HAPPENS?
IT COULD HAPPEN, YOU KNOW,
VULCANS ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE.
I KNOW THEY ARE, LET'S GO.
- YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT THIS.
- I DON'T CARE ABOUT THIS.
WATCH OUT FOR THE
VULCANS, ESTHER!
MR. WOODMAN, WHEN
ARE THE GUYS GOING ON?
THEY'RE GOING AFTER THIS GUY.
WHO'S HE?
SAYS HERE, "NUMBER SEVEN:
EUGENE 'BLOWFISH' BIGALOW."
HE'S A NOVELTY ACT FROM
ERASMUS HIGH SCHOOL.
WHAT'S HE DOING? HE'S
JUST STANDING THERE.
NO, HE'S NOT, HE'S
HOLDING HIS BREATH.
YEAH?
HE'S BEEN DOING
IT FOR 70 SECONDS,
HE'S GONE FROM
WHITE TO RED TO BLUE.
A VERY PATRIOTIC ACT, KOTTER.
IF HE DOESN'T WIN THE CONTEST,
HE CAN FIND WORK
AS AN INNER TUBE.
THREE DO'S.
THREE DO'S, ONE, TWO,
THREE, AND A DON'T.
FEATURING VINNIE BARBARINO.
- ♪ DO ♪
- ♪ DO ♪
- ♪ DO ♪
- ♪ DON'T ♪
VERY CATCHY.
SO, HOW DO YOU LIKE
THESE SNAPPY OUTFITS?
THEY'RE 10 PERCENT POLYESTER,
20 PERCENT GLITTER,
AND 70 PERCENT RENTED.
ALL RIGHT, GET
YOUR ACT TOGETHER.
THIS IS THE FIRST
CHANCE BUCHANAN'S HAD
AT THE CITY
CHAMPIONSHIP SINCE '54
WHEN CRAZY DELANEY PLAYED
THREE MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS.
YEAH, SO... WHAT'S SO
DIFFICULT ABOUT THAT?
HE NEVER TOOK THEM
OUT OF THE CASE.
AH, DON'T YOU
WORRY, MR. WOODMAN,
WHEN WE WIN, YOU'RE GONNA BE
THE FIRST PERSON WE BRUSH OFF.
HEY, NOT ME, MR. WOODMAN.
WHEN I BUY MY ESTATE, YOU'RE
GONNA BE MY LAWN ORNAMENT.
WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT
THAT ALL OF MY HOPES
WOULD BE RIDIN' ON
THREE DO'S AND A DON'T.
- ♪ DO ♪
- ♪ DO ♪
- ♪ DO ♪
- ♪ DON'T ♪
NO, NO, NO, NO!
HEY, GUYS, I THINK YOU'RE ON.
BLOWFISH JUST PASSED OUT.
SO, NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
WE BRING YOU OUR LAST ENTRY
IN THE CITYWIDE SEMI-FINALS.
FROM BUCHANAN HIGH
SCHOOL, THREE DO'S AND A DON'T.
FEATURING VINNIE BARBARINO.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
LOOK, COME ON, COME
ON, GO OUT THERE, GET ON!
WAIT, WAIT, WE CAN'T
GO ON, WE CAN'T GO ON.
WHY NOT?
I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM.
GET OUT THERE!
BEFORE WE START, I HAVE TO SAY
THANK YOU, THANK YOU,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I REALLY APPRECIATE IT, YOU
BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE.
BEAUTIFUL.
HOW COME THEY'RE
JUST SITTING THERE?
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO
APPLAUD AFTER THE ACT.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
OKAY, MR. PIANO-TYPE
MAN PERSON, HIT IT!
♪ I DON'T CARE WHAT
THE WEATHER MAN SAYS ♪
♪ WHEN THE WEATHER
MAN SAYS IT'S RAINING ♪
♪ YOU NEVER HEAR
US COMPLAINING ♪
♪ COMPLAINING ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M CERTAIN
THE SUN WILL SHINE ♪
♪
♪ JEE, JEE, JEE-JEE, JEE ♪
♪ JEE, JEE, JEE-JEE, JEE ♪
♪ JEE, JEE, AH-JEE-JEE, JEE ♪
♪ HUBDA HUBDA HUBDA HUBDA ♪
♪ JEEPERS, CREEPERS ♪
JEEPERS, CREEPERS!
♪ WHERE'D YOU GET THEM PEEPERS ♪
WHERE'D YOU GET THOSE PEEPERS?
♪ JEEPERS, CREEPERS ♪
♪ WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE EYES ♪
♪ GOLLY GEE NO HOPE FOR ME ♪
♪ WHEN YOU START TO
TURN THOSE HEATERS ON ♪
♪ CAN'T YOU SEE OH WOE IS ME ♪
♪ I GOT TO PUT MY
NEAT-O CHEATERS ON ♪
♪
♪ GOLLY GEE NO HOPE FOR ME ♪
♪ WHEN YOU START TO
TURN THOSE HEATERS ON ♪
♪ CAN'T YOU SEE OH WOE IS ME ♪
♪ I GOTTA PUT MY
NEAT-O CHEATERS ON ♪
♪ DIG, DIG, DIG ♪
♪ JEEPERS, CREEPERS ♪
♪ WHERE'D YOU GET
THOSE PEEPERS ♪
♪ OH THOSE WEEPERS YEAH
YEAH THOSE CREEPERS ♪
♪ WHERE... DID YOU
GET THOSE... EYES ♪♪
♪
♪
THEY'LL NEVER WIN, KOTTER.
IT'S GONNA BE BLOWFISH
BIGALOW ALL THE WAY.
YEAH.
MAYBE THE NEWS'LL
SNAP HIM OUT OF HIS COMA.
OUR JUDGES HAVE
SELECTED THE WINNER
WHO WILL GO ON TO
REPRESENT THE CITY
AT THE STATEWIDE FINALS.
AND THE WINNER IS...
THREE DO'S AND A DON'T.
GO ON, GET OUT
THERE, GET OUT THERE!
CONGRATULATIONS, KOTTER,
I KNEW WE COULD DO IT.
"WE", MR. WOODMAN?
WELL, OF COURSE, I
HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN
YOUR PART IN IT.
YOU SHOULD BE OUT
THERE TAKING BOWS, TOO.
YOU REALLY THINK I
SHOULD GO OUT THERE?
I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.
LOOKY HERE, I DON'T CARE
WHAT THE FIRST OFFER IS,
WE SAY NO.
WELL, ALL I KNOW IS I
WANT TO CHANGE MY NAME.
ELTON HORSHACK.
I'VE GOT A BETTER ONE THAN THAT.
HOW ABOUT ARNOLD
BLOOD, SWEAT, AND TEARS?
YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT?
I WANT ONE OF THEM SNAKES
LIKE ALICE COOPER GOT.
YOU CAN KEEP THE SNAKES,
I'LL TAKE HIS GROUPIES.
HEY, GUYS, IT'S ONTO
THE STATE FINALS.
I'M REALLY HAPPY YOU WON.
I GOTTA GO HOME,
I GOT A BABYSITTER
THAT CHARGES BY THE DIAPER.
DID YOU REALLY
THINK WE WAS GOOD?
OH, LOOK AT THIS, LOOK AT THIS,
THE HEARTBREAK STARTS ALREADY.
HI, I'M CASSY, I'M THE
WINNER FROM UPSTATE.
OH, I BET YOU'RE
WINNING DOWNSTATE TOO.
I KNOW THAT WE'LL BE COMPETING
AGAINST EACH
OTHER IN THE FINALS,
BUT I JUST WANTED
TO COME BACKSTAGE
AND WISH YOU GUYS LUCK ANYWAY.
- THANK YOU!
- ALL RIGHT, THANKS A LOT!
HEY, LISTEN, YOU BETTER
KISS ME REAL QUICK,
'CAUSE THERE'S GONNA BE A
BIG LINE FORMING IN BACK OF YOU.
KISS YOU? WE'RE BARELY
AT THE HANDSHAKING STAGE.
WHOA, OH, VINCENT.
A HANDSHAKE INSTEAD OF A KISS.
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING
ME IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS.
JUST GIVE ME A BIG WET
ONE IN BETWEEN MY PETALS.
REALLY?
I AM NOT INTERESTED
IN YOUR PETALS.
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I DON'T EVEN WANT TO
SHAKE YOUR HAND ANYMORE.
HEY, GUYS, SHE LIKES TO GET
RIGHT INTO THE HEAVY STUFF.
HEAVY STUFF?
MAN, I HAVE NEVER
MET ANYONE LIKE YOU
IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
OH, WELL, THANK YOU, PEOPLE
TELL ME THAT ALL THE TIME.
AND I NEVER WANT TO.
HEY, VINNIE, MY MAN, I
KNOW YOU AIN'T NEVER HEARD
ONE LIKE THAT
BEFORE, DID YOU, RIGHT?
HEY, YOU GUYS, COME HERE.
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
YOUR FRIEND HERE
AND PUT HIM IN FRONT OF A MIRROR
AND WATCH HIM
WEAR OUT HIS PETALS.
I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT
I HAVE JUST WITNESSED.
A LITTLE BEE WHO HAS TASTED
VINCENT BARBARINO'S HONEY...
AND GAGGED.
THAT WAS NOTHING.
YOU DON'T GOTTA
TELL US IT WAS NOTHING.
WE WAS STANDING RIGHT HERE.
♪
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU, YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
I'M VINNIE BARBARINO.
NOBODY PUTS VINNIE
BARBARINO DOWN.
WELL, NOW SOMEONE HAS.
WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU ANYWAY?
YOU KNOW, VINNIE, YOU
JUST SEEM TO TREAT GIRLS
LIKE THEY'RE THINGS, YOU
KNOW, LIKE THEY'RE JUST OBJECTS
THAT ARE AUTOMATICALLY
GONNA FALL DOWN
AND KISS YOUR FEET.
YOU BEEN TALKIN' TO DELORES?
FORGET HER, SHE'S GOT NO CLASS.
SHE'S GOT NO CLASS?
THEN WHO ARE YOU,
THE DUKE OF WINDSOR?
OH, I SEE YOU LIKE
THE GENTLEMAN TYPE
THE KIND THAT'LL KISS
YOUR HANDS HELLO
AND GIVE YOU FLOWERS, RIGHT?
OW.
YOU HAD SOMETHING IN YOUR EYE,
I HAD TO GET IT.
YEAH, YOUR FINGER.
THAT IS NOT HOW
A GENTLEMAN ACTS.
YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT I DO
NOT KNOW HOW A GENTLEMAN ACTS?
YES, THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I'M TELLING YOU.
WELL, THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST
SHOW ME HOW A GENTLEMAN ACTS?
ALL RIGHT, I WILL.
COME HERE.
COME OVER HERE AND SIT DOWN.
MAYBE YOU CAN
TEACH ME SOMETHIN'.
YEAH.
READY?
OKAY.
HI, I'M VINNIE BARBARINO.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
I WANT TO THANK YOU
FOR COMING BACKSTAGE
AND CONGRATULATING ME.
WELL, VINNIE, YOU
WERE SO GOOD, I HAD TO.
DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING, CASSY?
YOU ARE VERY PRETTY.
THERE'S SOMETHING SO
WARM AND FEMININE ABOUT YOU.
OH, THANK YOU.
MY MAMA, SHE ALWAYS
TOLD ME TO BE FEMININE.
WELL, IF SHE COULD SEE YOU NOW,
SHE'D BE VERY PROUD
OF HER LOVELY DAUGHTER.
OH, VINCENT, LET'S
STOP THIS CRAZINESS.
VINNIE, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST STOP THE PHONINESS
AND ASK ME OUT FOR A DATE?
ASK YOU OUT?
YEAH.
YOU WANNA GO OUT
WITH A GUY LIKE ME?
WELL, YOU'RE SUCH A GENTLEMAN.
AND I AM, I'M SUCH A LADY.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, CASSY?
YOU WANNA SEE BROOKLYN?
I COULD BE YOUR GUIDE.
WELL... WHY NOT?
I'VE NEVER BEEN OUT WITH
ANYONE LIKE ME BEFORE.
YEAH, ME EITHER.
OH, VINCENT, VINCENT, WAIT,
I FORGOT MY PURSE.
♪
HERE'S YOUR CHANGE,
MR. GABE, TEACH.
THANKS, PROFESSOR.
I HAD A WONDERFUL
EVENING, HONEY.
THANKS.
YOU MEAN IT'S OVER?
YOU'RE NOT GONNA INVITE
ME BACK TO YOUR PLACE.
ONLY IF YOU PROMISE
NOT TO WAKE MY BABIES.
BABIES? YOU HAVE BABIES?
YOU PROBABLY HAVE
A HUSBAND, TOO, HUH?
HONEY, WHAT'S WITH
YOU AND MELODY MISHKIN?
WHO'S MELODY MISHKIN?
AND AFTER WHAT YOU
DID TO THAT POOR GIRL.
WHAT DID I DO?
IT SAYS RIGHT
HERE, "JULY 5, 1962."
GRAFFITI DOESN'T LIE.
JULIE, YOU CANNOT BELIEVE
EVERYTHING YOU READ
ON THE TOP OF A TABLE.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
BYE, LOU, SEE YA!
SEE YA LATER, TEACH!
OKAY, BYE-BYE.
HEY, THE KOTTERS!
HOW YOU DOIN', VIN?
SORRY.
IT'S OKAY, VINNIE.
THE GENTLEMAN IN
YOU ISN'T VERY OLD.
- HI, CASSY, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY WIFE.
JULIE, THIS IS CASSY.
- HI, CASSY.
- HI.
SO, YOU BEEN HAVING
FUN WITH VINNIE?
OH YEAH, WE'RE
HAVING A LOT OF FUN.
I TOOK HER TO ALL THE
HIP PLACES IN BROOKLYN.
YEAH, WE WENT TO THE
FULTON FISH MARKET
AND HE TOOK ME TO THE BARBERSHOP
WHERE "CLAMS" CASSINI
GOT BUMPED OFF.
I LET HER SIT IN THE
CHAIR AND EVERYTHING.
YOU KNOW, WHEN "CLAMS"
WENT INTO THAT BARBERSHOP
AND SAID, "TAKE A
LITTLE BIT OFF THE TOP,"
HE DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT HE WAS IN FOR.
JOKE.
SO, YOU BEEN
REHEARSING ALL WEEKEND?
OH YEAH, IT'S BEEN GREAT, HUH?
WE'VE BEEN REHEARSIN' A LOT.
GOOD, WE'VE GOT
SOME STIFF COMPETITION.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S A
GUY FROM SYRACUSE
THAT PULLS HATS OUT OF A RABBIT.
WE BETTER GO, WE'VE
GOTTA BE IN BY 11.
MY FATHER IS VERY STRICT.
YOU LIVIN' WITH YOUR FATHER NOW?
JOKE. VINNIE, JOKE.
SEE YOU AROUND.
BYE, NICE TO MEET YOU.
NICE MEETING YOU, CASSY.
I DIDN'T ORDER THIS.
THOSE KOTTERS ARE
NICE PEOPLE, YOU KNOW.
YEAH.
THEY ALWAYS ASK ME
FOR ADVICE AND STUFF.
VINNIE, UM, WHY DID YOU TELL
'EM YOU'VE BEEN REHEARSING?
YOU'VE BEEN WITH ME ALL WEEKEND.
WELL, LISTEN, SWEETHEART,
THE REASON I DID THAT
WAS BECAUSE, YOU SEE,
HE DON'T UNDERSTAND WHEN
SOMEONE DIGS SOMEONE ELSE, YOU DIG?
I MEAN, HE'S MARRIED.
I'D ASK YOU WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND,
BUT SINCE YOU HAVEN'T GOT ONE...
WHAT'S ON YOUR STOMACH'S MIND?
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME
IN FRONT OF THIS LADY HERE.
JUST GIVE ME THE USUAL.
SEPARATE CHECKS?
WHAT'LL YOU HAVE?
I THINK I'LL HAVE A
BANANA SPLIT PLEASE.
ALL RIGHT, MAKE IT
TWO BANANA SPLITS
WITH THE PISTACHIO
AND THE LEMON ICE CREAM
AND A STRAWBERRY.
YOU'RE OUT WITH A BABOON.
HE KNOWS I ONLY GOT
CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA.
CASSY, DON'T PAY NO
ATTENTION TO THEM,
THEY'RE BABIES,
THEY'RE JUST BABIES.
VINNIE.
YOU'RE STILL TRYING
TO HOLD MY HAND?
NO, I THINK IT'S TIME THAT
WE WENT BEYOND THAT STAGE.
OOH.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
IF I CAN DO THAT,
YOU SEE, I'M A GENTLEMAN
AND YOU'RE A LADY.
AND THIS IS A PUBLIC PLACE.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU JUST PRETEND
THAT YOU'RE VINNIE BARBARINO
AND GIVE ME A GREAT BIG, WET ONE
RIGHT BETWEEN THE PETALS?
HELLO.
YOU ARE... YOU ARE DISGUSTING.
I JUST CAME BY TO INFORM YOU
THAT SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS
ARE SITTING OVER
IN THE NEXT BOOTH.
BYE.
WELL, NEXT TIME,
HAVE THE MAITRE D'
BRING ME A NOTE.
GO ON, GO ON AND
SIT WITH YOUR FRIENDS.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE
KNUCKLEHEADS, ALL OF YA,
CAN'T YOU SEE I'M ENTERTAINING
A LOVELY YOUNG LADY?
OH YEAH? WHERE?
ON THE ROOF OR
BEHIND THE BILLBOARDS?
THIS AIN'T LIKE THAT, EPSTEIN,
SO YOU BETTER WATCH IT.
WE DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S
LIKE, I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S LIKE,
ALL RIGHT?
ONLY THING I KNOW IS THAT
SINCE YOU MET THAT CHICK,
YOU AIN'T BEEN TO
REHEARSALS ONCE, MAN.
NOW THE FINALS,
THEY'RE THIS FRIDAY,
AND WE WANT TO WIN,
IT'S IMPORTANT TO US.
WELL, I WANT TO WIN, TOO.
YEAH, WELL, TO BE
BRUTALLY FRANK, VINCENT,
YOU SURE DON'T ACT LIKE IT.
YEAH, YEAH, AND YOU CAN BET
THAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND OVER THERE,
SHE WANTS TO WIN MORE
THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT, I GUESS SHE
PROBABLY DOES WANT TO WIN, HUH?
YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT.
I FORGOT. I FORGOT, GUYS.
I FORGOT THAT SHE WAS
EVEN IN THE CONTEST.
NO, NO, NO, NO, YOU FORGOT
THAT YOU WAS IN THE CONTEST.
YEAH.
I CAN'T DO IT, GUYS.
YOU CAN'T DO WHAT, VINCENT?
I CAN'T BE IN THE CONTEST.
WHAT?
HOW CAN I COMPETE AGAINST CASSY?
OH, MAN.
OH, WOW.
SHOO.
OH, WAIT... COME ON, EPSTEIN,
YOU UNDERSTAND THESE
MEN-WOMEN LOVE STORY THINGS.
I'LL CATCH YOU LATER, VINNIE.
OH, COME ON, HORSHACK,
COME ON, BUDDY.
VINNIE, I GOT CAUGHT IN
THE MIDDLE ONCE TOO OFTEN.
YOU MAKE YOUR OWN DECISION.
HER OR US.
♪
HAS TRUE LOVE FINALLY
COME TO VINNIE BARBARINO?
WILL THE THREE DO'S AND A DON'T
BECOME THE THREE
DO'S AND A NO-SHOW?
HAS THIS FACE TAKEN THE
PLACE OF THESE FACES?
WHY DOES THIS GIRL KEEP
TURNING VINNIE'S HEAD?
WHY DOES THIS MAN'S FOOD KEEP
TURNING EVERYONE'S STOMACH?
IS THIS THE GIRL
WHO COMES BETWEEN
THE SWEATHOGS AND VINNIE?
FOR THE ANSWERS TO
THIS TWO PART QUESTION,
SEE PART TWO OF
"WELCOME BACK, KOTTER."
I DON'T HAVE A QUESTION
FOR THESE TWO,
BUT I THOUGHT THEY WERE SO
CUTE YOU'D LIKE TO SEE THEM.
♪
RACHEL, DID I EVER
TELL YOU THE STORY
ABOUT THE FATHER WHO WAS
ABOUT TO PUT HIS SON TO SLEEP?
LISTEN TO THIS,
RACHEL, IT'S GOOD.
THE SON SAYS, "DADDY, IS IT TRUE
THAT THE STORK
BRINGS US BABIES?"
THE FATHER SAYS, "YES."
HE SAYS, "DADDY, IS IT
TRUE THAT SANTA CLAUS
BRINGS US CHRISTMAS PRESENTS?"
HE SAYS, "YES."
HE SAYS, "DADDY, IS
IT TRUE THAT THE LORD
GIVES US OUR DAILY BREAD?"
AND THE FATHER SAYS, "YES."
SO THEN THE SON SAYS, "DADDY,
WHAT DO WE NEED YOU FOR?"
♪
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ AND I SMILE WHEN I THINK
HOW YOU MUST'VE BEEN ♪
♪ AND I KNOW WHAT A SCENE
YOU WERE LEARNIN' IN ♪
♪ WAS THERE
SOMETHING THAT MADE YOU
COME BACK AGAIN ♪
♪ THEN WHAT COULD
EVER LEAD YA ♪♪
YOU ABOUT MY UNCLE BART?
BART KOTTER?
YES, BART KOTTER, THE
FAMOUS PROSPECTOR.
OKAY.
ONE TIME HE WAS
PROSPECTING FOR GOLD
WITH HIS FRIEND JESUS
AND HIS FRIEND JESUS GETS
BITTEN BY A RATTLESNAKE
RIGHT ON THE FOOT!
- THE FOOT!
- YES.
SO HE SAYS, "BART,
YOU GOTTA HELP ME,
I GOT BITTEN BY A
RATTLESNAKE RIGHT ON MY FOOT.
GO GET A DOCTOR
QUICK, DO SOMETHIN'!"
WHAT DID BART DO?
BART RIDES INTO TOWN TO GET
A DOCTOR AND THE DOCTOR SAID,
"I CAN'T GO NOW, I'VE GOT TO
DELIVER A BABY THIS AFTERNOON.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
YOU DO THOUGH,
YOU GOTTA CUT OPEN THE WOUND
AND YOU GOTTA SUCK
OUT ALL THE POISON,
OTHERWISE YOUR
FRIEND IS GONNA DIE."
MY, MY.
SO, UNCLE BART RIDES BACK THERE
AND JESUS IS THERE AND HE SAYS,
"HEY, BART, DID YOU
SEE THE DOCTOR?
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT
THE RATTLESNAKE BITE ON MY FOOT?
WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY?"
AND BART SAYS, "DOCTOR
SAID YOU'RE GONNA DIE."
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪
♪
YOU READY, MY MAN?
YEAH? YOU READY?
FREDDIE IS READY ALSO.
OKAY, HERE WE GO.
♪ SHADA-DADA DIG, DIG, DIG ♪
HOLD IT, HOLD IT,
THIS IS THE PART WHERE
I'M SUPPOSED TO SING
"DIG, DIG, DIG" ALL BY MYSELF.
NO, IT AIN'T BECAUSE
YOU AIN'T BEEN DOING
THE "DIG, DIGS" RIGHT, YOU DIG?
IT DOESN'T SOUND
LIKE MUCH TO ME.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- THIS IS GOLD HERE!
IT'S NOT THE DIGS,
IT JUST LAYS THERE.
IT GOTTA SET IN
THE GROOVE, BE HEP,
HOPPA, HOPPA, FLOY, FLOY.
FLOY, FLOY?
HEY, MR. WOODMAN,
THIS IS FOR THE CITY
SEMI-FINAL TALENT COMPETITION,
NOT FOR THE OVER-30 CROWD.
WELL, YOU GUYS BETTER BE GOOD,
THE COMPETITION'S
IN THREE HOURS.
WELL, DON'T WORRY, MR. WOODMAN.
WE'LL GRAB 'EM
BY THE FLOY FLOYS.
FREDDIE IS READY, HERE WE GO.
♪ SHADA-DADA, DIG, DIG ♪
GABE COME ON, WE
DON'T WANT TO BE LATE.
HONEY.
RACHEL WENT TO
SLEEP AN HOUR AGO,
BUT ROBIN DOESN'T
LIKE THE BABYSITTER.
SHE SAYS ESTHER'S WEIRD.
ESTHER'S RIGHT IN
THE OTHER ROOM,
SHE'S GONNA HEAR YOU.
DID YOU EXPLAIN TO ROBIN
THAT ESTHER TOOK CARE OF YOU
WHEN YOU WERE A BABY?
I KNOW, THAT'S WHAT I TOLD HER.
BUT SHE SAYS THAT'S
WHAT'S MAKIN' HER NERVOUS.
COME ON, HONEY, GIVE
ROBIN BACK TO ESTHER.
WE DON'T WANT TO BE LATE
FOR THE TALENT CONTEST.
COME ON, ROBIN BOBBIN',
TIME TO GO TO SLEEP.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
YOU KNOW, I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE
THE SWEATHOGS MADE
IT TO THE SEMI-FINALS.
JULIE, HOW COULD THEY MISS?
THEY WERE SO GREAT IN THE
BATHING SUIT COMPETITION.
BESIDES, IT'S NOT THE SWEATHOGS.
OH, HOW COULD I FORGET,
"THREE DO'S AND A DON'T."
WHERE DID THEY EVER
COME UP WITH THAT NAME?
VINNIE'S IDEA.
I THINK IT WAS THE ANSWERS
HE GOT FROM HIS GIRLFRIENDS
ON FRIDAY NIGHT.
GET IT?
- I GOT IT.
- GOOD.
I'M GONNA GIVE ESTHER SOME
LAST-MINUTE INSTRUCTIONS.
- BE RIGHT BACK.
- HONEY!
YOU HAVE GIVEN HER ALL
THE INSTRUCTIONS SHE NEEDS.
YOU HAVE TOLD HER TO MAKE
SURE THE DOOR IS DOUBLE LOCKED,
TO PULL DOWN THE CURTAINS,
AND YOU'VE MADE HER
MEMORIZE THE NUMBERS
OF THE FIRE DEPARTMENT,
THE POLICE, AND THE FBI.
OKAY, BUT WHAT, JUST WHAT IF A
HELICOPTER LANDS ON THE ROOF
AND A REGIMENT OF
ARMED VULCANS COME OVER
AND TAKE SIEGE OF
THIS APARTMENT, HUH?
WHAT IF THAT HAPPENS?
IT COULD HAPPEN, YOU KNOW,
VULCANS ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE.
I KNOW THEY ARE, LET'S GO.
- YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT THIS.
- I DON'T CARE ABOUT THIS.
WATCH OUT FOR THE
VULCANS, ESTHER!
MR. WOODMAN, WHEN
ARE THE GUYS GOING ON?
THEY'RE GOING AFTER THIS GUY.
WHO'S HE?
SAYS HERE, "NUMBER SEVEN:
EUGENE 'BLOWFISH' BIGALOW."
HE'S A NOVELTY ACT FROM
ERASMUS HIGH SCHOOL.
WHAT'S HE DOING? HE'S
JUST STANDING THERE.
NO, HE'S NOT, HE'S
HOLDING HIS BREATH.
YEAH?
HE'S BEEN DOING
IT FOR 70 SECONDS,
HE'S GONE FROM
WHITE TO RED TO BLUE.
A VERY PATRIOTIC ACT, KOTTER.
IF HE DOESN'T WIN THE CONTEST,
HE CAN FIND WORK
AS AN INNER TUBE.
THREE DO'S.
THREE DO'S, ONE, TWO,
THREE, AND A DON'T.
FEATURING VINNIE BARBARINO.
- ♪ DO ♪
- ♪ DO ♪
- ♪ DO ♪
- ♪ DON'T ♪
VERY CATCHY.
SO, HOW DO YOU LIKE
THESE SNAPPY OUTFITS?
THEY'RE 10 PERCENT POLYESTER,
20 PERCENT GLITTER,
AND 70 PERCENT RENTED.
ALL RIGHT, GET
YOUR ACT TOGETHER.
THIS IS THE FIRST
CHANCE BUCHANAN'S HAD
AT THE CITY
CHAMPIONSHIP SINCE '54
WHEN CRAZY DELANEY PLAYED
THREE MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS.
YEAH, SO... WHAT'S SO
DIFFICULT ABOUT THAT?
HE NEVER TOOK THEM
OUT OF THE CASE.
AH, DON'T YOU
WORRY, MR. WOODMAN,
WHEN WE WIN, YOU'RE GONNA BE
THE FIRST PERSON WE BRUSH OFF.
HEY, NOT ME, MR. WOODMAN.
WHEN I BUY MY ESTATE, YOU'RE
GONNA BE MY LAWN ORNAMENT.
WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT
THAT ALL OF MY HOPES
WOULD BE RIDIN' ON
THREE DO'S AND A DON'T.
- ♪ DO ♪
- ♪ DO ♪
- ♪ DO ♪
- ♪ DON'T ♪
NO, NO, NO, NO!
HEY, GUYS, I THINK YOU'RE ON.
BLOWFISH JUST PASSED OUT.
SO, NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
WE BRING YOU OUR LAST ENTRY
IN THE CITYWIDE SEMI-FINALS.
FROM BUCHANAN HIGH
SCHOOL, THREE DO'S AND A DON'T.
FEATURING VINNIE BARBARINO.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
LOOK, COME ON, COME
ON, GO OUT THERE, GET ON!
WAIT, WAIT, WE CAN'T
GO ON, WE CAN'T GO ON.
WHY NOT?
I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM.
GET OUT THERE!
BEFORE WE START, I HAVE TO SAY
THANK YOU, THANK YOU,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I REALLY APPRECIATE IT, YOU
BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE.
BEAUTIFUL.
HOW COME THEY'RE
JUST SITTING THERE?
THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO
APPLAUD AFTER THE ACT.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
OKAY, MR. PIANO-TYPE
MAN PERSON, HIT IT!
♪ I DON'T CARE WHAT
THE WEATHER MAN SAYS ♪
♪ WHEN THE WEATHER
MAN SAYS IT'S RAINING ♪
♪ YOU NEVER HEAR
US COMPLAINING ♪
♪ COMPLAINING ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I'M CERTAIN
THE SUN WILL SHINE ♪
♪
♪ JEE, JEE, JEE-JEE, JEE ♪
♪ JEE, JEE, JEE-JEE, JEE ♪
♪ JEE, JEE, AH-JEE-JEE, JEE ♪
♪ HUBDA HUBDA HUBDA HUBDA ♪
♪ JEEPERS, CREEPERS ♪
JEEPERS, CREEPERS!
♪ WHERE'D YOU GET THEM PEEPERS ♪
WHERE'D YOU GET THOSE PEEPERS?
♪ JEEPERS, CREEPERS ♪
♪ WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE EYES ♪
♪ GOLLY GEE NO HOPE FOR ME ♪
♪ WHEN YOU START TO
TURN THOSE HEATERS ON ♪
♪ CAN'T YOU SEE OH WOE IS ME ♪
♪ I GOT TO PUT MY
NEAT-O CHEATERS ON ♪
♪
♪ GOLLY GEE NO HOPE FOR ME ♪
♪ WHEN YOU START TO
TURN THOSE HEATERS ON ♪
♪ CAN'T YOU SEE OH WOE IS ME ♪
♪ I GOTTA PUT MY
NEAT-O CHEATERS ON ♪
♪ DIG, DIG, DIG ♪
♪ JEEPERS, CREEPERS ♪
♪ WHERE'D YOU GET
THOSE PEEPERS ♪
♪ OH THOSE WEEPERS YEAH
YEAH THOSE CREEPERS ♪
♪ WHERE... DID YOU
GET THOSE... EYES ♪♪
♪
♪
THEY'LL NEVER WIN, KOTTER.
IT'S GONNA BE BLOWFISH
BIGALOW ALL THE WAY.
YEAH.
MAYBE THE NEWS'LL
SNAP HIM OUT OF HIS COMA.
OUR JUDGES HAVE
SELECTED THE WINNER
WHO WILL GO ON TO
REPRESENT THE CITY
AT THE STATEWIDE FINALS.
AND THE WINNER IS...
THREE DO'S AND A DON'T.
GO ON, GET OUT
THERE, GET OUT THERE!
CONGRATULATIONS, KOTTER,
I KNEW WE COULD DO IT.
"WE", MR. WOODMAN?
WELL, OF COURSE, I
HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN
YOUR PART IN IT.
YOU SHOULD BE OUT
THERE TAKING BOWS, TOO.
YOU REALLY THINK I
SHOULD GO OUT THERE?
I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.
LOOKY HERE, I DON'T CARE
WHAT THE FIRST OFFER IS,
WE SAY NO.
WELL, ALL I KNOW IS I
WANT TO CHANGE MY NAME.
ELTON HORSHACK.
I'VE GOT A BETTER ONE THAN THAT.
HOW ABOUT ARNOLD
BLOOD, SWEAT, AND TEARS?
YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT?
I WANT ONE OF THEM SNAKES
LIKE ALICE COOPER GOT.
YOU CAN KEEP THE SNAKES,
I'LL TAKE HIS GROUPIES.
HEY, GUYS, IT'S ONTO
THE STATE FINALS.
I'M REALLY HAPPY YOU WON.
I GOTTA GO HOME,
I GOT A BABYSITTER
THAT CHARGES BY THE DIAPER.
DID YOU REALLY
THINK WE WAS GOOD?
OH, LOOK AT THIS, LOOK AT THIS,
THE HEARTBREAK STARTS ALREADY.
HI, I'M CASSY, I'M THE
WINNER FROM UPSTATE.
OH, I BET YOU'RE
WINNING DOWNSTATE TOO.
I KNOW THAT WE'LL BE COMPETING
AGAINST EACH
OTHER IN THE FINALS,
BUT I JUST WANTED
TO COME BACKSTAGE
AND WISH YOU GUYS LUCK ANYWAY.
- THANK YOU!
- ALL RIGHT, THANKS A LOT!
HEY, LISTEN, YOU BETTER
KISS ME REAL QUICK,
'CAUSE THERE'S GONNA BE A
BIG LINE FORMING IN BACK OF YOU.
KISS YOU? WE'RE BARELY
AT THE HANDSHAKING STAGE.
WHOA, OH, VINCENT.
A HANDSHAKE INSTEAD OF A KISS.
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING
ME IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS.
JUST GIVE ME A BIG WET
ONE IN BETWEEN MY PETALS.
REALLY?
I AM NOT INTERESTED
IN YOUR PETALS.
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I DON'T EVEN WANT TO
SHAKE YOUR HAND ANYMORE.
HEY, GUYS, SHE LIKES TO GET
RIGHT INTO THE HEAVY STUFF.
HEAVY STUFF?
MAN, I HAVE NEVER
MET ANYONE LIKE YOU
IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
OH, WELL, THANK YOU, PEOPLE
TELL ME THAT ALL THE TIME.
AND I NEVER WANT TO.
HEY, VINNIE, MY MAN, I
KNOW YOU AIN'T NEVER HEARD
ONE LIKE THAT
BEFORE, DID YOU, RIGHT?
HEY, YOU GUYS, COME HERE.
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
YOUR FRIEND HERE
AND PUT HIM IN FRONT OF A MIRROR
AND WATCH HIM
WEAR OUT HIS PETALS.
I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT
I HAVE JUST WITNESSED.
A LITTLE BEE WHO HAS TASTED
VINCENT BARBARINO'S HONEY...
AND GAGGED.
THAT WAS NOTHING.
YOU DON'T GOTTA
TELL US IT WAS NOTHING.
WE WAS STANDING RIGHT HERE.
♪
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU, YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
I'M VINNIE BARBARINO.
NOBODY PUTS VINNIE
BARBARINO DOWN.
WELL, NOW SOMEONE HAS.
WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU ANYWAY?
YOU KNOW, VINNIE, YOU
JUST SEEM TO TREAT GIRLS
LIKE THEY'RE THINGS, YOU
KNOW, LIKE THEY'RE JUST OBJECTS
THAT ARE AUTOMATICALLY
GONNA FALL DOWN
AND KISS YOUR FEET.
YOU BEEN TALKIN' TO DELORES?
FORGET HER, SHE'S GOT NO CLASS.
SHE'S GOT NO CLASS?
THEN WHO ARE YOU,
THE DUKE OF WINDSOR?
OH, I SEE YOU LIKE
THE GENTLEMAN TYPE
THE KIND THAT'LL KISS
YOUR HANDS HELLO
AND GIVE YOU FLOWERS, RIGHT?
OW.
YOU HAD SOMETHING IN YOUR EYE,
I HAD TO GET IT.
YEAH, YOUR FINGER.
THAT IS NOT HOW
A GENTLEMAN ACTS.
YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT I DO
NOT KNOW HOW A GENTLEMAN ACTS?
YES, THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I'M TELLING YOU.
WELL, THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST
SHOW ME HOW A GENTLEMAN ACTS?
ALL RIGHT, I WILL.
COME HERE.
COME OVER HERE AND SIT DOWN.
MAYBE YOU CAN
TEACH ME SOMETHIN'.
YEAH.
READY?
OKAY.
HI, I'M VINNIE BARBARINO.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
I WANT TO THANK YOU
FOR COMING BACKSTAGE
AND CONGRATULATING ME.
WELL, VINNIE, YOU
WERE SO GOOD, I HAD TO.
DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING, CASSY?
YOU ARE VERY PRETTY.
THERE'S SOMETHING SO
WARM AND FEMININE ABOUT YOU.
OH, THANK YOU.
MY MAMA, SHE ALWAYS
TOLD ME TO BE FEMININE.
WELL, IF SHE COULD SEE YOU NOW,
SHE'D BE VERY PROUD
OF HER LOVELY DAUGHTER.
OH, VINCENT, LET'S
STOP THIS CRAZINESS.
VINNIE, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST STOP THE PHONINESS
AND ASK ME OUT FOR A DATE?
ASK YOU OUT?
YEAH.
YOU WANNA GO OUT
WITH A GUY LIKE ME?
WELL, YOU'RE SUCH A GENTLEMAN.
AND I AM, I'M SUCH A LADY.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, CASSY?
YOU WANNA SEE BROOKLYN?
I COULD BE YOUR GUIDE.
WELL... WHY NOT?
I'VE NEVER BEEN OUT WITH
ANYONE LIKE ME BEFORE.
YEAH, ME EITHER.
OH, VINCENT, VINCENT, WAIT,
I FORGOT MY PURSE.
♪
HERE'S YOUR CHANGE,
MR. GABE, TEACH.
THANKS, PROFESSOR.
I HAD A WONDERFUL
EVENING, HONEY.
THANKS.
YOU MEAN IT'S OVER?
YOU'RE NOT GONNA INVITE
ME BACK TO YOUR PLACE.
ONLY IF YOU PROMISE
NOT TO WAKE MY BABIES.
BABIES? YOU HAVE BABIES?
YOU PROBABLY HAVE
A HUSBAND, TOO, HUH?
HONEY, WHAT'S WITH
YOU AND MELODY MISHKIN?
WHO'S MELODY MISHKIN?
AND AFTER WHAT YOU
DID TO THAT POOR GIRL.
WHAT DID I DO?
IT SAYS RIGHT
HERE, "JULY 5, 1962."
GRAFFITI DOESN'T LIE.
JULIE, YOU CANNOT BELIEVE
EVERYTHING YOU READ
ON THE TOP OF A TABLE.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
BYE, LOU, SEE YA!
SEE YA LATER, TEACH!
OKAY, BYE-BYE.
HEY, THE KOTTERS!
HOW YOU DOIN', VIN?
SORRY.
IT'S OKAY, VINNIE.
THE GENTLEMAN IN
YOU ISN'T VERY OLD.
- HI, CASSY, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
- HI, HOW ARE YOU?
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET MY WIFE.
JULIE, THIS IS CASSY.
- HI, CASSY.
- HI.
SO, YOU BEEN HAVING
FUN WITH VINNIE?
OH YEAH, WE'RE
HAVING A LOT OF FUN.
I TOOK HER TO ALL THE
HIP PLACES IN BROOKLYN.
YEAH, WE WENT TO THE
FULTON FISH MARKET
AND HE TOOK ME TO THE BARBERSHOP
WHERE "CLAMS" CASSINI
GOT BUMPED OFF.
I LET HER SIT IN THE
CHAIR AND EVERYTHING.
YOU KNOW, WHEN "CLAMS"
WENT INTO THAT BARBERSHOP
AND SAID, "TAKE A
LITTLE BIT OFF THE TOP,"
HE DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT HE WAS IN FOR.
JOKE.
SO, YOU BEEN
REHEARSING ALL WEEKEND?
OH YEAH, IT'S BEEN GREAT, HUH?
WE'VE BEEN REHEARSIN' A LOT.
GOOD, WE'VE GOT
SOME STIFF COMPETITION.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S A
GUY FROM SYRACUSE
THAT PULLS HATS OUT OF A RABBIT.
WE BETTER GO, WE'VE
GOTTA BE IN BY 11.
MY FATHER IS VERY STRICT.
YOU LIVIN' WITH YOUR FATHER NOW?
JOKE. VINNIE, JOKE.
SEE YOU AROUND.
BYE, NICE TO MEET YOU.
NICE MEETING YOU, CASSY.
I DIDN'T ORDER THIS.
THOSE KOTTERS ARE
NICE PEOPLE, YOU KNOW.
YEAH.
THEY ALWAYS ASK ME
FOR ADVICE AND STUFF.
VINNIE, UM, WHY DID YOU TELL
'EM YOU'VE BEEN REHEARSING?
YOU'VE BEEN WITH ME ALL WEEKEND.
WELL, LISTEN, SWEETHEART,
THE REASON I DID THAT
WAS BECAUSE, YOU SEE,
HE DON'T UNDERSTAND WHEN
SOMEONE DIGS SOMEONE ELSE, YOU DIG?
I MEAN, HE'S MARRIED.
I'D ASK YOU WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND,
BUT SINCE YOU HAVEN'T GOT ONE...
WHAT'S ON YOUR STOMACH'S MIND?
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME
IN FRONT OF THIS LADY HERE.
JUST GIVE ME THE USUAL.
SEPARATE CHECKS?
WHAT'LL YOU HAVE?
I THINK I'LL HAVE A
BANANA SPLIT PLEASE.
ALL RIGHT, MAKE IT
TWO BANANA SPLITS
WITH THE PISTACHIO
AND THE LEMON ICE CREAM
AND A STRAWBERRY.
YOU'RE OUT WITH A BABOON.
HE KNOWS I ONLY GOT
CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA.
CASSY, DON'T PAY NO
ATTENTION TO THEM,
THEY'RE BABIES,
THEY'RE JUST BABIES.
VINNIE.
YOU'RE STILL TRYING
TO HOLD MY HAND?
NO, I THINK IT'S TIME THAT
WE WENT BEYOND THAT STAGE.
OOH.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
IF I CAN DO THAT,
YOU SEE, I'M A GENTLEMAN
AND YOU'RE A LADY.
AND THIS IS A PUBLIC PLACE.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU JUST PRETEND
THAT YOU'RE VINNIE BARBARINO
AND GIVE ME A GREAT BIG, WET ONE
RIGHT BETWEEN THE PETALS?
HELLO.
YOU ARE... YOU ARE DISGUSTING.
I JUST CAME BY TO INFORM YOU
THAT SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS
ARE SITTING OVER
IN THE NEXT BOOTH.
BYE.
WELL, NEXT TIME,
HAVE THE MAITRE D'
BRING ME A NOTE.
GO ON, GO ON AND
SIT WITH YOUR FRIENDS.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE
KNUCKLEHEADS, ALL OF YA,
CAN'T YOU SEE I'M ENTERTAINING
A LOVELY YOUNG LADY?
OH YEAH? WHERE?
ON THE ROOF OR
BEHIND THE BILLBOARDS?
THIS AIN'T LIKE THAT, EPSTEIN,
SO YOU BETTER WATCH IT.
WE DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S
LIKE, I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S LIKE,
ALL RIGHT?
ONLY THING I KNOW IS THAT
SINCE YOU MET THAT CHICK,
YOU AIN'T BEEN TO
REHEARSALS ONCE, MAN.
NOW THE FINALS,
THEY'RE THIS FRIDAY,
AND WE WANT TO WIN,
IT'S IMPORTANT TO US.
WELL, I WANT TO WIN, TOO.
YEAH, WELL, TO BE
BRUTALLY FRANK, VINCENT,
YOU SURE DON'T ACT LIKE IT.
YEAH, YEAH, AND YOU CAN BET
THAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND OVER THERE,
SHE WANTS TO WIN MORE
THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT, I GUESS SHE
PROBABLY DOES WANT TO WIN, HUH?
YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT.
I FORGOT. I FORGOT, GUYS.
I FORGOT THAT SHE WAS
EVEN IN THE CONTEST.
NO, NO, NO, NO, YOU FORGOT
THAT YOU WAS IN THE CONTEST.
YEAH.
I CAN'T DO IT, GUYS.
YOU CAN'T DO WHAT, VINCENT?
I CAN'T BE IN THE CONTEST.
WHAT?
HOW CAN I COMPETE AGAINST CASSY?
OH, MAN.
OH, WOW.
SHOO.
OH, WAIT... COME ON, EPSTEIN,
YOU UNDERSTAND THESE
MEN-WOMEN LOVE STORY THINGS.
I'LL CATCH YOU LATER, VINNIE.
OH, COME ON, HORSHACK,
COME ON, BUDDY.
VINNIE, I GOT CAUGHT IN
THE MIDDLE ONCE TOO OFTEN.
YOU MAKE YOUR OWN DECISION.
HER OR US.
♪
HAS TRUE LOVE FINALLY
COME TO VINNIE BARBARINO?
WILL THE THREE DO'S AND A DON'T
BECOME THE THREE
DO'S AND A NO-SHOW?
HAS THIS FACE TAKEN THE
PLACE OF THESE FACES?
WHY DOES THIS GIRL KEEP
TURNING VINNIE'S HEAD?
WHY DOES THIS MAN'S FOOD KEEP
TURNING EVERYONE'S STOMACH?
IS THIS THE GIRL
WHO COMES BETWEEN
THE SWEATHOGS AND VINNIE?
FOR THE ANSWERS TO
THIS TWO PART QUESTION,
SEE PART TWO OF
"WELCOME BACK, KOTTER."
I DON'T HAVE A QUESTION
FOR THESE TWO,
BUT I THOUGHT THEY WERE SO
CUTE YOU'D LIKE TO SEE THEM.
♪
RACHEL, DID I EVER
TELL YOU THE STORY
ABOUT THE FATHER WHO WAS
ABOUT TO PUT HIS SON TO SLEEP?
LISTEN TO THIS,
RACHEL, IT'S GOOD.
THE SON SAYS, "DADDY, IS IT TRUE
THAT THE STORK
BRINGS US BABIES?"
THE FATHER SAYS, "YES."
HE SAYS, "DADDY, IS IT
TRUE THAT SANTA CLAUS
BRINGS US CHRISTMAS PRESENTS?"
HE SAYS, "YES."
HE SAYS, "DADDY, IS
IT TRUE THAT THE LORD
GIVES US OUR DAILY BREAD?"
AND THE FATHER SAYS, "YES."
SO THEN THE SON SAYS, "DADDY,
WHAT DO WE NEED YOU FOR?"
♪
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ AND I SMILE WHEN I THINK
HOW YOU MUST'VE BEEN ♪
♪ AND I KNOW WHAT A SCENE
YOU WERE LEARNIN' IN ♪
♪ WAS THERE
SOMETHING THAT MADE YOU
COME BACK AGAIN ♪
♪ THEN WHAT COULD
EVER LEAD YA ♪♪