Welcome Back, Kotter (1975–1979): Season 2, Episode 23 - I Wonder Who's Kissing Gabe Now - full transcript

Epstein spies a sexy art teacher kiss Kotter and assumes that Kotter is cheating on Julie.

- HEY, JULIE, I EVER TELL YOU WHAT
HAPPENED TO MY COUSIN MARK?

- NO, TELL ME.

- OKAY.

HE'S IN THE ATTIC
AND HE'S LOOKIN'

THROUGH ONE OF HIS OLD SUITS

AND HE SEES A SHOE TICKET

FROM THE SHOES HE BROUGHT
IN TO FIX ABOUT 20 YEARS AGO.

SO, HE STARTS THINKING,
"MAYBE I'LL TRY TO GO BACK

TO THE OLD NEIGHBORHOOD
AND SEE IF THE SHOE STORE

IS STILL THERE.

THE PROPRIETOR'S NAME WAS
GUISEPPE AND HE WAS A NICE GUY.



EVERYONE LIKED HIM
IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD,"

AND HE FIGURES, "I
HAVEN'T BEEN BACK

TO THE OLD NEIGHBORHOOD
IN A LONG TIME ANYWAY.

I'LL TAKE A RIDE BACK THERE."

SO, HE GOES BACK TO
THE OLD NEIGHBORHOOD

AND HE SEES
GUISEPPE'S SHOE STORE

AND HE WALKS IN AND
THERE'S GUISEPPE,

20 YEARS OLDER BUT THE SAME GUY.

WALKS UP TO HIM AND SAYS,
"GUISEPPE, REMEMBER ME?"

HE SAYS, "WAIT A MINUTE.

HOLD ON. YEAH, I REMEMBER YOU.

YOU WERE A LITTLE BOY.
YOUR NAME IS, UH, UH...

- KOTTER, RIGHT?"

HE SAYS, "THAT'S RIGHT.



GUISEPPE, I WAS GOING
THROUGH THIS OLD SUIT OF MINE

AND I HAPPENED TO SEE I
HAD A TICKET FOR SHOES

THAT I LEFT HERE 20 YEARS AGO.

HOW ABOUT THAT?"

AND GUISEPPE SAYS, "LET ME SEE.

LET ME SEE THE TICKET."

SO, HE SHOWS HIM THE TICKET.

HE LOOKS.

"LET ME LOOK IN THE BACK.
MAYBE THEY'RE STILL THERE.

YOU WAIT HERE, KOTTER.
I'LL GO LOOK IN THE BACK."

SO, HE GOES IN THE BACK AND
HE HEARS ALL THIS RUMBLING

AND, YOU KNOW,
HE'S GOING AROUND,

HE'S LOOKING
THROUGH ALL THE SHOES

AND HE COMES OUT,
HE SAYS, "WAIT A SEC.

YOUR SHOES, BROWN SHOES?

YOU BROUGHT 'EM IN
FOR HEELS AND SOLES?"

MY COUSIN SAYS,
"YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT."

GUISEPPE SAYS, "WELL,
THEY'LL BE READY TUESDAY."

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪

♪ WELL THE NAMES HAVE ALL
CHANGED SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪

♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS
HAVE REMAINED ♪

♪ AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪

♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪

♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪

♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪

♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪

♪ YEAH WE TEASED HIM A LOT ♪

♪ 'CAUSE WE GOT
HIM ON THE SPOT ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK WELCOME
BACK WELCOME BACK ♪

- OKAY.

SO, THE SUPREME COURT HAS
LEFT IT UP TO EACH COMMUNITY

TO DETERMINE WHAT'S OBSCENE.

- WAS THE COMMUNITY AROUND

WHEN KIKI KORNBERG
TRIED TO SQUEEZE

INTO THEM SIZE 26 JEANS?

YEAH.

- NOW, THAT WAS OBSCENE,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

- MAN, YOU WANNA SEE OBSCENE?

YOU SHOULD SEE THE DRAWING
THAT EPSTEIN HANDED IN

IN ART CLASS.

- OOOH!
- OH YEAH, I SAW THAT.

THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL
CHICK YOU DREW.

- THANK YOU.
- HEY, COULD YOU FIX ME UP

WITH THAT DRAWING?

- EPSTEIN, ARE YOU DRAWING
RACY PICTURES IN ART CLASS?

- HEY! I'M NO RACIST.

MISS HOLTZGANG SAID WE
COULD DRAW OUR FAVORITE THING

SO I DREW THIS BEAUTIFUL GIRL.

OH!

- I DREW A PICTURE
OF A CHEESE WHOPPER.

- YEAH, AND I DREW A PICTURE
OF ARNOLD GETTING HEARTBURN.

- AND I DREW A PICTURE OF ME.

- LOOK, EPSTEIN, WHATEVER
YOU DO IN ART CLASS,

THAT'S MISS HOLTZGANG'S
JURISDICTION.

YOU'RE SAFE HERE

AS LONG AS YOU DON'T
DRAW A NAKED PICTURE

OF GEORGE WASHINGTON.

- HEY, COME ON, WHO
WOULD WANT TO SEE

A NAKED PICTURE OF
GEORGE WASHINGTON?

- MAYBE MARTHA.

- HORSHACK, I'M
SURPRISED AT YOU.

YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT
THE FATHER OF OUR COUNTRY.

MAN LIKE THAT NEVER
TOOK HIS CLOTHES OFF.

- THEN HOW DID HE GET TO BE
THE FATHER OF OUR COUNTRY?

- SAVED BY THE BELL.

SEE YA TOMORROW.

- SEE YA LATER, MR. KOTTER.

- BYE-BYE.
- BE COOL.

- HEY, LITTLE JUAN, HERE
COMES MISS HOLTZGANG.

I THINK SHE'S GONNA SHOW
YOUR X-RATED DRAWING

TO MR. KOTTER.

I'LL STALL HER.

- UH, JUAN, IF I WAS YOU,

I'D GO TO PUERTO RICO
AND CHECK OUT MY ROOTS.

- HI, GABE.

- OH, HI, PAULA.

- OH, I SEE YOU'RE BUSY.

ARE YOU BUSY? I CAN
COME BACK LATER.

- NO, NO. THAT'S OKAY. I
KNOW WHY YOU'RE HERE.

- REALLY?

YEAH, EPSTEIN TOLD ME ABOUT
HIS DRAWING IN ART CLASS.

- OH, WASN'T IT WONDERFUL?

SO EXPRESSIVE.

SUCH POWERFUL LINES.

- YOU LIKED IT? NO PROBLEMS?

- NONE AT ALL.

- OH.

- NICE DAY, HUH?

- I DON'T KNOW.

I HAVEN'T NOTICED.

- YOU THINK THERE'S GONNA
BE A GARBAGE STRIKE?

- I HOPE NOT.

- ME TOO. LAST ONE WAS AWFUL.

MOUNTAINS OF GARBAGE PILED UP
IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY'S HOUSE.

- GABE, I'VE FALLEN
IN LOVE WITH YOU.

- DOES THIS MEAN
WE'RE FINISHED TALKIN'

ABOUT THE GARBAGE STRIKE?

- GABE, LISTEN, IT WASN'T
EASY FOR ME TO SAY THAT.

- COME ON, PAULA.
STOP KIDDING AROUND.

- I'M NOT KIDDING.

- COME ON, PAULA.
YOU'RE KIDDING.

- I GUESS YOU'RE NOT KIDDING.

PAULA, LOOK, THIS IS CRAZY.

COME ON. WE HARDLY
KNOW EACH OTHER.

BELIEVE ME, IT'S JUST PHYSICAL.

- DON'T BE SILLY. IT'S
NOT AT ALL PHYSICAL.

- IT ISN'T?

- NO, NO, GABE.

IT'S JUST SOMETHING ABOUT YOU.

YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR,

THE WAY YOU HANDLE
THOSE KIDS, YOUR...

YOUR POISE, YOUR CHARM,

THE WAY YOU DRESS
ON A TEACHER'S SALARY.

ARGYLE!

IT ALWAYS MADE ME CRAZY.

- PAULA, I THINK I
SHOULD TELL YOU...

- I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
GOING TO SAY, GABE.

YOU'RE... YOU'RE MARRIED
AND YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE, BUT...

- PAULA, LOOK.

LET ME FINISH.

- ALL RIGHT, GABE. I'M SORRY.

GO AHEAD, WHAT WERE
YOU GOING TO SAY?

- I'M MARRIED.

I LOVE MY WIFE.

- YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN ABOUT YOU?

YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR.

OH, GABIE, GABIE,
YOU'RE WONDERFUL!

YOU'RE EVERYTHING I'VE
ALWAYS WANTED IN A MAN.

- PAULA, BELIEVE ME,
YOU WOULDN'T LIKE ME.

I MEAN, I GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS.

UH, UH, I TELL BAD JOKES.

- IT DOESN'T MATTER.

- I EAT CRACKERS IN BED.

- I EAT CRACKERS TOO.

I'M USED TO CRUMBS IN BED.

- PAULA, LOOK, I'M
FLATTERED BUT...

- ALL RIGHT, GABE.

I... I UNDERSTAND.

- PAULA?
- YES?

- YOU'RE SURE IT WAS
NOTHING PHYSICAL?

- YES, I'M SURE.

- OH.

- NOTHING PHYSICAL AT ALL.

NOTHING.

- ALL RIGHT, I HEARD
ABOUT EPSTEIN'S PICTURE.

WHERE IS THE PICASSO
OF PORNOGRAPHY?

- YOU KNOW, MR. WOODMAN,

PORNOGRAPHY IS DETERMINED
NOW BY COMMUNITY STANDARDS.

- WHO CAME UP WITH THAT GARBAGE?

- SUPREME COURT.

- WHAT CAN NINE OLD
MEN KNOW ABOUT SMUT?

I WANNA TAKE THAT PICTURE
TO A HIGHER AUTHORITY:

PRINCIPAL LAZARUS.

AT LAST I'VE GOT SOMETHING
TO NAIL ONE OF YOU SWEATHOGS.

- OH, BUT MR. WOODMAN,

REMBRANDT PAINTED
PLENTY OF NUDES.

- WELL, I WANNA SEE
REMBRANDT IN MY OFFICE TOO.

- YOU THINK HE'S A REAL PERSON?

- HEY!

HEY YOU GUYS DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON UP THERE.

- EPSTEIN?
- YEAH?

- I THINK YOU BETTER FORGET
ABOUT GOING TO PUERTO RICO.

MR. WOODMAN, HE FOUND OUT.

I THINK YOU BETTER GO TO ISRAEL

AND CHECK UP ON
YOUR OTHER ROOTS.

- WILL YOU JUST
FORGET ABOUT THAT?

LISTEN TO THIS:

MISS HOLTZGANG'S
HITTIN' ON KOTTER.

- WHAT?
- YOU BET! YEAH.

SHE JUST SAID THAT SHE'S
FALLEN IN LOVE WITH HIM.

- NOW WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT?

- 'CAUSE SHE'S AN ART TEACHER.

SHE SMELLS ALL THAT TURPENTINE.

MAKES YOU WEIRD.

- THEN WHAT HAPPENED?

THEY STARTED KISSIN'.

- WOW!
- KISSIN' WHAT?

- KISSIN' EACH OTHER.

- WHERE?

- IN THE CLASSROOM, DUMMY.

- YOU MEAN, THEY WAS KISSIN'
EACH OTHERS' CLASSROOMS?

- MAYBE IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY.

- HEY, LISTEN. IT WAS
NO BIRTHDAY KISS.

IT STRAIGHTENED HIS HAIR.

- OH!

MRS. KOTTER IS NOT
GOING TO BE TOO THRILLED

WHEN SHE HEARS ABOUT THIS.

- WHY... WHY WOULD
MR. KOTTER DO IT?

- HIM? WHY WOULD SHE DO IT?

- WELL, I'M SURE IT'S
NOTHING PHYSICAL.

- COME ON. COME ON.

THE MAN IS OBVIOUSLY TURNED ON.

NOW THE POINT IS, WE
GOTTA DO SOMETHING

OR ELSE IT'S GONNA
WRECK HIS MARRIAGE.

- YOU KNOW, HE'S RIGHT.

IF THE KOTTERS BROKE UP,
WHO'D GET CUSTODY OF US?

- OH!

SUPPOSE NOBODY WANTED US.

WE'D ALL END UP IN
A SWEAT-ORPHANAGE.

MAYBE WE COULD
FIND HER ANOTHER GUY.

- YEAH, SOMEBODY
SHE CAN'T RESIST, HUH?

- I KNOW WHAT YOU
GUYS ARE THINKIN'.

- WHAT?

- IT'S OBVIOUS TO ME.

YOU WANT ME TO DO IT, RIGHT?

YOU WANT ME TO GET
IN THERE AND GIVE HER

MY VINNIE BARBARINO SMILE,

MY VINNIE BARBARINO WALK. RIGHT?

- BYE, GUYS. I'LL
SEE YOU TOMORROW.

- SEE YA.
- WELL, GO ON! GET GOIN'.

- NAH.
- GO AHEAD.

- FOR MR. KOTTER,
FOR MRS. KOTTER.

- AND FOR THE LITTLE
INFANT KOTTER TOO.

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
I'LL DO IT. I'LL DO IT.

- BUT SHE'D BETTER NOT FALL
IN LOVE WITH ME TOO LONG.

I'VE GOT A DATE WITH
DOLORES ON TUESDAY.

- HEY, MISS HOLTZGANG.

- YES, VINNIE?

- VINNIE, DO YOU FEEL ALL RIGHT?

- JUST WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT RIGHT HERE.

I USED THE WRONG ONE.

I'VE GOTTA USE MY SPECIAL
VINNIE BARBARINO "OVER 21" WALK.

ALL RIGHT.

- VINNIE, ARE YOU SURE
YOU DON'T WANT A PASS

TO THE NURSE'S OFFICE?

- WELL, COME ON!

SEE, IT WORKED TOO GOOD.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?

SHE'LL NEVER GET
OVER ME BY TUESDAY.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

SHE WALKED AWAY FROM YOU.

- WELL, IT TAKES AWHILE.

BY THE TIME SHE
GETS TO THE CORNER,

IT'LL HIT HER.

SHE'LL COME RUNNIN' BACK.

SHE'S ALMOST AT THE CORNERRRR.

SHE'S WAITING FOR THE BUUUUUSSS.

- SHE'LL COME RUNNIN' BACK.

SHE'S WALKIN' ON THE BUS NOWWWW.

IT DON'T LOOK LIKE SHE'S
GOT THE EXACT CHANGE.

YES, SHE DOES.

THERE GOES THE BUS.

- WELL, COME ON!

- WELL, COME ON!

- HI, HONEY.

- HI.

- HEY, JUNIOR, HOW
YOU DOING TODAY?

FEEL ALRIGHT?

GET A JOB YET?

- STOP IT.

- DON'T TELL ME TO STOP IT.

I'M SICK OF SUPPORTING YOU.

WHEN I WAS HIS AGE, I
HAD MY OWN PAPER ROUTE.

HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

- OH, THE USUAL.

I SAT AROUND THINKING
ABOUT NAMES FOR THE BABY.

NOW, LOOK; I'VE THOUGHT
OF THIS NEW NAME

AND I WANT YOU TO SIT, OR STAND,

THINK ABOUT IT, AND
DON'T REACT. OKAY?

SYLVESTER!

- WHEN CAN I REACT?

- THINK ABOUT IT A LITTLE MORE.

- NOW?

- OKAY.

- I HATE IT.

- HONEY, I JUST DON'T WANT
OUR CHILD WALKING THROUGH LIFE

WITH AN ORDINARY NAME.

- WELL, HOW'S
THIS: IF IT'S A BOY,

WE'LL CALL HIM FARRAH
FAWCETT KOTTER.

- NO, WE CAN'T.

HE'LL HAVE TO HAVE HIS
HAIR DONE EVERY 15 MINUTES.

HOW WAS YOUR DAY, HONEY?

- OH THE USUAL.

KIDS GOT A LITTLE CRAZY.

WOODMAN GOT A LITTLE HOSTILE.

OH, YEAH, AND, UH,

THE ART TEACHER
TOLD ME SHE LOVES ME.

- OH, THAT'S NICE.

WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN
AND HAVE YOUR DINNER.

HERE, START ON THE GRAPEFRUIT.

- YOU KNOW, THOSE HIGH
SCHOOL INFATUATIONS

GO ON ALL THE TIME, HONEY.

- YEAH, I KNOW.

SMELLS GOOD, WHAT ARE
WE HAVING FOR DINNER?

- UH, LET'S SEE.

MEATLOAF AND BAKED
POTATO AND SPINACH.

ART TEACHER, HUH?

- YEAH.

DID YOU REMEMBER
THE FRENCH BREAD?

- MMM-HMM.

YES, IT'S HEATING UP.

DOES THIS ART
TEACHER HAVE A NAME?

- YEAH. DO I SMELL
GARLIC BUTTER?

DID YOU MAKE GARLIC
BUTTER, HONEY?

OH, THANK YOU.

- GABRIEL, WHAT IS THE
NAME OF THIS ART TEACHER

WHO SAYS SHE'S IN LOVE WITH YOU?

- HER NAME IS PAULA
HOLTZGANG. SHE'S 26 YEARS OLD.

I THINK I SAID TEN WORDS
TO HER MY ENTIRE LIFE.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, TODAY
SHE COMES IN MY CLASS

AND SHE TELLS ME
SHE'S IN LOVE WITH ME.

I TELL HER I'M HAPPILY
MARRIED, SHE LEAVES,

AND I HOPE THAT'S THE END OF IT.

I'M JUST BEING SILLY.

I'LL CHECK THE GARLIC BREAD.

SHE PRETTY?

- YES.

- SHE PRETTIER THAN ME?

- COULD I HAVE A PIECE
OF FRENCH BREAD?

- IS SHE PRETTIER THAN ME?

- DIFFERENT TYPE.

- SHE'S PRETTIER THAN ME.

- I DON'T KNOW,
JULIE. I DON'T CARE.

I DON'T LOVE HER. I LOVE YOU.

- WELL, GABE, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST GO OVER TO HER HOUSE

AND HAVE HER DRAW YOU
A PIECE OF GARLIC BREAD

BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT
GETTING ANY HERE,

OR ANYTHING ELSE
FOR THAT MATTER.

- I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

- I'M GOING WHERE I ALWAYS
GO WHEN WE HAVE AN ARGUMENT;

TO THE CANDY STORE.

I WILL GET A SODA, I'LL GIVE
YOU A CHANCE TO CALM DOWN,

I'LL CALM DOWN, AND I'LL
BE BACK IN 15 MINUTES.

- GOING SOMEWHERE, MR. KOTTER?

- WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?

- OH, WE WAS JUST,
UH, PASSING BY. HUH?

FIGURED YOU MIGHT
BE GOING OUT TONIGHT.

- YEAH, WOULDN'T WANT
YOU TO GET MUGGED

OR NOTHIN' LIKE THAT.

- YEAH, WE THOUGHT WE'D WALK
YOU WHEREVER YOU HAVE TO GO,

JUST IN CASE YOU GO
SOMEPLACE YOU SHOULDN'T BE.

- I AM GOING TO GET A SODA.

- A LIKELY STORY.

- WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

IS EVERYBODY CRAZY?

- GABE, WHAT IS ALL THIS ABOUT?

- I DON'T KNOW, BUT
I'M GOING TO FIND OUT.

GENTLEMEN, OVER
HERE ON THE DOUBLE.

LET'S GO.

- ALL RIGHT, AT EASE.

OUT WITH IT FAST.

WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?

- LISTEN, MR. KOTTER.

I HEARD EVERYTHING.

I WAS RIGHT OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR

AND WE KNOW ALL ABOUT
YOU AND MISS HOLTZGANG.

- YOU WERE OUTSIDE, UH, MY
DOOR EAVESDROPPING, HUH?

- OH, DON'T THINK OF
IT AS "EAVESDROPPING."

THINK OF IT AS "SPYING."

- WELL, WE'LL TALK ABOUT
THAT LATER, LITTLE BO PEEP.

RIGHT NOW, COME OVER
HERE; FOR YOUR INFORMATION,

I TOLD JULIE EVERYTHING
THAT WENT ON BETWEEN ME

AND MISS HOLTZGANG.

- JULIE, EPSTEIN WAS
OUTSIDE THE DOOR.

I WANT YOU TO TELL HER
EXACTLY WHAT YOU HEARD.

EVERY DETAIL, THE TRUTH.

GO AHEAD.

- WELL, IT ALL STARTED WITH
THIS HIGHLY EXPRESSIVE DRAWING

I DREW IN ART CLASS...
- FORGET ABOUT THAT DRAWING!

- WELL, MISS HOLTZGANG TOLD
MR. KOTTER SHE LOVED HIM,

AND THEN HE SAID HE HOPED THERE
WOULDN'T BE A GARBAGE STRIKE,

AND SHE SAID SHE
LOVED HIM AGAIN,

AND HE SAID HE HOPED
THERE WOULDN'T BE

A GARBAGE STRIKE AGAIN,

THEN SHE KISSED HIM,

AND, UH, THAT'S, UH,
THAT'S WHEN I LEFT.

TWENTY MINUTES LATER,
SHE CAME DOWNSTAIRS.

- WHAT?

- JULIE, I'M SORRY. I
FORGOT ABOUT THE KISS.

- YOU FORGOT ABOUT THE KISS.

IS THERE ANYTHING
ELSE YOU FORGOT,

LIKE HOMEWORK AT HER PLACE?

- GUYS, I THINK
YOU'D BETTER LEAVE.

I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

- SEE YA.

- LOOK, MR. KOTTER, I'D
NEVER RAT ON ANYBODY,

AND YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME

THE TRUTH WOULD NEVER
HURT ANYBODY, RIGHT?

- EPSTEIN, THERE'S A TIME
AND A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING.

- YEAH.

- OK, MR. KOTTER, WE GONNA
LEAVE BUT BEFORE WE LEAVE,

YOU WANT US TO MAKE YOUR
BED ON THE FIRE ESCAPE?

- AW, MRS. KOTTER, I
TRIED TO BREAK IT UP.

I USED MY "OVER 21"
WALK AND EVERYTHING,

BUT SHE WOULDN'T BUY IT.

THAT MISS HOLTZGANG,
SHE A VERY COLD PERSON.

SHE'LL DROP HIM IN A WEEK.

- BYE, VINNIE.
- MAYBE EVEN THREE DAYS.

- GOODNIGHT, VINNIE.

- MAYBE EVEN
TOMORROW SHE DROP HIM.

- BYE.

- MRS. KOTTER!

FRET NOT.

THE SAME THING HAPPENED
TO MARY HARTMAN.

MARY HARTMAN?

ONLY HER HUSBAND, HER HUSBAND,

CAME BACK, CAME BACK!

- GOODBYE!

GOODBYE!

- OKAY, OKAY.

- GOODBYE, GOODBYE!

- GET OUT!

- SO, 20 MINUTES LATER,
SHE CAME DOWNSTAIRS.

- JULIE, I DIDN'T TELL YOU
ABOUT THE KISS BECAUSE,

ONE, IT MEANT NOTHING TO ME,

AND TWO, I KNEW IT'D
PUT YOU IN A CHAIR,

STARING AT ME LIKE YOU ARE
NOW, LIKE I'M SOME KIND OF CRIMINAL.

JULIE, IF YOU DON'T TRUST ME,

ESPECIALLY AT A TIME
LIKE THIS IN OUR LIVES,

THEN WE'RE NOWHERE.

- OH, OKAY, HONEY.

I TRUST YOU. I'M SORRY.

NO, UH, NOT SO CHUMMY.

SEE, I PLANNED ON BEING MAD
FOR AT LEAST ANOTHER 15 MINUTES.

- CAN WE EAT FIRST AND
HAVE MAD FOR DESSERT?

- OKAY, I'LL GO CHECK
THE GARLIC BREAD.

SO, WHAT COLOR WERE HER EYES?

- PAULA, PLEASE, I GOT A
CLASS COMING IN FIVE MINUTES.

- DON'T WORRY, GABE,
THIS WON'T TAKE LONG.

I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHAT
I SAID TO YOU YESTERDAY AND...

AND I WAS WRONG.

WE WERE WRONG.

WE SHOULD'VE NEVER STARTED.

- WHO STARTED?

- DON'T YOU SEE? IT
WAS JUST A CRAZY FLING.

- IT WASN'T A FLING! IT
WASN'T EVEN A TOSS.

- WE WERE DOOMED FROM THE START.

DON'T ASK ME WHY.

SOMETHING YOU
SAID, SOMETHING I SAID.

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

- BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL
WE MEANT TO EACH OTHER?

- WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE
THE MEMORIES, GABE.

THAT'S WHAT'S IMPORTANT.

- TAKE CARE OF
YOURSELF, MR. KOTTER.

- BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?

- WE'RE HERE!

- SO SHE DUMPED
YOU, EH, MR. KOTTER?

- YEAH, SHE DUMPED ME.

- HEY, COME ON, BUBBIE,
DON'T FEEL BAD, NOW.

- YEAH.

YOU STILL GOT US.

- I FEEL A LOT BETTER NOW.

- JULIE, DID I EVER TELL
YOU ABOUT MY AUNT MABEL

WHO WENT TO SEE THIS BIG, FANCY
PSYCHIATRIST ON PARK AVENUE?

- NO.

GO AHEAD.

- OKAY, SHE GOES TO THIS
BIG, FANCY PSYCHIATRIST

ON PARK AVENUE, SHE
WALKS IN THE DOOR

AND SHE SEES TWO MORE DOORS!

- AMAZING.

- ISN'T IT AMAZING?
ONE SAYS "CONSULTANT"

THE OTHER SAYS "ANALYST."

- WELL, WHICH ONE
DOES SHE GO INTO?

- SHE GOES INTO THE
ONE THAT SAYS "ANALYST."

THEN AS SOON AS
SHE GETS IN THERE,

SHE SEES TWO MORE DOORS.

- YEAH?

- WANNA KNOW WHAT THEY SAY?
- SURE. WHAT DO THEY SAY?

- ONE SAYS "WITH COUCH,"
ONE SAYS "WITHOUT COUCH."

- WHICH ONE DOES SHE PICK?

- SHE GOES INTO THE ONE
THAT SAYS "WITH COUCH"

AND AS SOON AS
SHE GETS IN THERE,

SHE SEES TWO MORE DOORS.

- OH! SO MANY.
- ONE SAYS "REALLY SICK,"

AND THE OTHER SAYS
"JUST KIDDING AROUND."

- OKAY. WHICH ONE DOES SHE PICK?

- WELL, YOU KNOW MY FAMILY.

SHE GOES IN THE ONE
THAT SAYS "REALLY SICK."

- YES.
- OKAY.

THEN AS SOON AS
SHE GETS IN THERE,

SHE SEES TWO MORE DOORS.

- ONE SAYS "INCOME
OVER $35,000 A YEAR,"

AND ONE SAYS "INCOME
UNDER $35,000 A YEAR.

- COME ON.

- SHE GOES IN THE ONE THAT
SAYS "INCOME UNDER $35,000 A YEAR"

AND SHE FINDS HERSELF
BACK ON PARK AVENUE.

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪

♪ WELL THE NAMES HAVE ALL
CHANGED SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪

♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS
HAVE REMAINED ♪

♪ AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪

♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪

♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪

♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪

♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪

♪ YEAH WE TEASED HIM A LOT ♪

♪ 'CAUSE WE GOT
HIM ON THE SPOT ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK WELCOME
BACK WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK... ♪