Welcome Back, Kotter (1975–1979): Season 2, Episode 13 - A Love Story - full transcript
Juan's younger sister is enrolled in Kotter's class and Arnold is immediately attracted to her, but so is Vinnie, and this drives Juan crazy. Freddie is also in a romantic mood and Kotter sees it as an opportunity to teach the Sweathogs about love.
JULIA, DID I EVER TELL
YOU ABOUT MY UNCLE PETE
AND MY AUNT PRISCILLA?
NO, GO AHEAD.
OKAY, THEY WON A LOT OF
MONEY IN THE SWEEPSTAKES,
ABOUT $10,000.
NOW, THEY HAD A
LITTLE DISAGREEMENT
BECAUSE PRISCILLA
WANTED TO BUY A MINT COAT
AND PETE WANTED TO
BUY THIS FANCY, NEW CAR.
WELL, WHO WON?
THEY COMPROMISED,
THEY BOUGHT A MINT COAT,
BUT THEY KEEP IT IN THE GARAGE.
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪
♪
EPSTEIN, FOR THE LAST TIME,
I DON'T KNOW IF THEY SERVED
BURRITOS DURING THE
SPANISH-AMERICAN WAR.
SHE LOVES ME.
SHE LOVES ME.
SHE LOVES ME.
WHAT HAPPENED TO
"SHE LOVES ME NOT?"
THE ODDS ARE JUST
BETTER THIS WAY.
I'M IN LOVE.
KOTTER, NEW ANIMAL FOR YOUR ZOO.
MR. WOODMAN, YOU
HAVE A MARVELOUS WAY
OF EXPRESSING YOURSELF.
- HI.
- HI.
WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE?
"DEAR MR. KOTTER, PLEASE EXCUSE
MY DAUGHTER'S UGLY TEMPER.
DON'T GET HER MAD AND
SHE WON'T HAVE TO DECK YOU."
SIGNED EPSTEIN'S
SISTER'S MOTHER.
EPSTEIN'S SISTER?
I'M GONNA HAVE TWO
EPSTEINS IN MY CLASS?
YOUR MOTHER'LL
GET WRITERS CRAMP.
THE NAME'S CARMEN.
HEY, MR. KOTTER, WHAT'S
MY BABY SISTER DOIN' HERE?
I AIN'T YOUR BABY SISTER,
I'M ONLY TEN MONTHS
YOUNGER THAN YOU.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME
YOUR GRADES DROPPED,
YOU HAD TO BECOME A SWEATHOG?
WELL, I WAS SAVIN'
IT FOR A SURPRISE.
SURPRISE!
YOU AIN'T KIDDIN' ME,
ARE YOU, BABY SISTER?
SAY I'M NOT YOUR BABY
SISTER, SAY IT OR YOU'VE
BREATHED YOUR LAST NOTE, SAY IT!
SAY IT!
- LOUDER!
- YOU'RE NOT MY BABY SISTER!
BABY SISTER!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
IN THE CENTER ARENA,
THE TWO EPSTEINS SHALL NOW
ATTEMPT FOR THE FIRST TIME
A THREE AND A HALF
GAINER INTO A GARBAGE CAN.
PUT HER DOWN, JUAN.
YOU THINK THIS IS SOMETHIN',
YOU SHOULD SEE HER
WHEN SHE'S MAD.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK, MR. KOTTER'S
GONNA INTRODUCE YOU AROUND,
SO TRY AND ACT LIKE YOU
IS A REAL PERSON, OKAY?
TAKE IT EASY, TAKE IT
EASY, COME ON, TAKE IT EASY.
SIT DOWN, JUAN, SIT DOWN.
CARMEN, I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE
THE WHOLE CLASS TO YOU.
OKAY, THIS IS PRISCILLA.
THAT'S RICKY, THAT'S MARK.
- THIS IS FREDDIE WASHINGTON.
- EH, I ALREADY KNOW HER.
MAN, CARMEN, CARMEN IS
THE ONLY EPSTEIN TO EVER
HIT ME IN MY MOUTH.
WE KNOW JUAN.
STOP.
VINNIE BARBARINO,
THIS IS CARMEN EPSTEIN.
I KNOW CARMEN.
SO, CARMEN, YOU FILLED OUT.
FILLED?
HELLO.
HOW ARE YA?
I'M ARNOLD HORSHACK.
I WANNA HAVE YOUR BABY.
ALL RIGHT, HONEYMOON'S
OVER, SEE YA FOR SOCIAL STUDIES.
SEE YOU, TOO, CARMEN.
SO LISTEN, CARMEN, YOU
KNOW VINNIE BARBARINO
ALWAYS GETS CRACK
AT THE NEW STUFF.
- WHAT STUFF?
- OUTSIDE, LET'S GO.
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKIN' ABOUT, "STUFF?"
HEY, SISTERS AIN'T
INCLUDED IN STUFF.
JUAN, ARE YOU
CRAZY, I'M OPERATIN'.
OPERATE OUTSIDE.
JUAN, ISN'T LOVE A
BOWL OF CHERRIES?
CHERRIES OUTSIDE.
I THINK IT'S THE PITS.
PITS ARE OUTSIDE WITH
THE CHERRIES, LET'S GO.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HEY, MR. KOTTER, DO YOU
BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
SURE, ARNOLD, IT WAS LOVE AT
FIRST SIGHT FOR JULIE AND ME.
- YEAH?
- WE MET AT A COSTUME PARTY.
SHE CAME AS A POT ROAST AND
I CAME AS AN ELECTRIC KNIFE.
OH, MR. KOTTER, I JUST FELL
IN LOVE WITH CARMEN EPSTEIN.
AND SHE'S GONNA BECOME
ANOTHER FEATHER IN VINNIE'S CAP.
MR. KOTTER, I DON'T GOT
NO FEATHERS IN MY CAP.
I'M FEATHERLESS,
MR. KOTTER, FEATHERLESS!
ARNOLD, COME ON,
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
YOU'VE GOT FEATHERS.
ARNOLD, LET ME TELL
YOU A LITTLE STORY, OKAY?
WHEN I WAS YOUR
AGE, I WAS SHY ALSO.
THERE WAS THIS GIRL
I WAS CRAZY ABOUT.
HER NAME WAS LELANI SHAPIRO.
NEVER HAD THE NERVE
TO ASK HER TO GO OUT.
FINALLY, ONE DAY I'M
SITTIN' IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE
AND FEELIN' SORRY FOR MYSELF.
THIS LITTLE, OLD ITALIAN
MAN, WHO LIVED UPSTAIRS,
MR. PANETTERI,
COMES DOWN, HE SAYS,
"WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU, GABEY?
YOU A NICE BOY, YOU GO
UP TO THIS GIRL, YOU SAY,
I'M A GABEY KOTTER,
I'M A NICE BOY,
AND I WANNA GO OUT WITH
YOU, I HAVE CONFIDENCE."
SO NEXT DAY, I WENT
UP TO LELANI, I SAID,
"LELANI, MY NAME'S
A GABEY KOTTER,
I'M A NICE BOY, I
HAVE CONFIDENCE."
SHE TOLD ME SHE
DIDN'T LIKE ITALIAN GUYS.
IT'S A JOKE,
ARNOLD, IT'S A JOKE.
COME ON, HAVE FAITH IN
YOURSELF, I HAVE FAITH IN YOU.
OH, MR. KOTTER, I AM NOT
ONE OF LIFE'S HEAVY WINNERS.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK, ARNOLD,
YOU WANNA BE A LOSER?
GO AHEAD, BE A LOSER.
HEY, MR. KOTTER, I DO NOT
LIKE TO BE CALLED THAT.
ARNOLD, LET'S FACE THE
FACTS, I MEAN, THE TRUTH
IS THAT YOU ARE A LOSER.
DON'T CALL ME THAT!
THEN GO OUT THERE AND
SHOW ME SOME CONFIDENCE!
OKAY, MR. KOTTER, YOU
WANNA SEE CONFIDENCE?
I'LL SHOW YOU CONFIDENCE!
THERE'S CONFIDENCE!
ARNOLD, THAT IS NOT
CONFIDENCE, THAT'S KURT DOUGLAS.
STOMACH IN, NOW SMILE.
THAT'S CONFIDENCE.
I'LL SHOW YOU, MR. KOTTER.
I'LL SHOW YOU THAT
I'M A SOMETHING,
THAT I'M A SOMEBODY.
I AM ARNOLD HORSHACK!
♪
BUCHANAN HIGH.
OH, I'M SORRY, HE'S NOT
IN, MAY I TAKE A MESSAGE?
LOOK, CARM, I KNOW HOW
VINNIE'S BEEN TRYIN' TO HIT ON YA.
I WANT YOU TO PROMISE ME
YOU AIN'T GONNA GO OUT WITH HIM.
IF YOU DON'T BUG OFF,
YOU ARE GONNA FIND
YOUR NOSE IN TOLEDO.
HEY, EPSTEIN, PRINCIPAL
LAZARUS IS WAITIN' FOR YA.
I BET YOU'RE REALLY
IN FOR IT THIS TIME.
NOW, YOU WAIT RIGHT HERE.
DON'T MOVE FROM THIS SPOT.
YOU MOVE FROM THIS SPOT,
LIGHTNING'S GONNA STRIKE YA.
IT WILL NOT.
THEN I WILL.
HEY, JACK.
- HI.
- HI.
I JUST BECAME A
FULL-FLEDGED SWEATHOG.
I'D RATHER BE GLUED TO A TREE.
YOU LOOK LIKE SOMEBODY
REMOVED YOUR BRAIN.
UH, NO!
MY BRAIN IS RIGHT HERE, WITH ME.
I HARDLY GO
ANYWHERES WITHOUT IT.
KEEP HONKIN' LIKE THAT,
YOU'RE GONNA ATTRACT GEESE.
FUNNY YOU SHOULD MENTION GEESE.
YOU GOT ANY HOBBIES?
I BLOW TRUMPET.
YOU BLOW TRUMPET, OH,
WILL WONDERS NEVER CEASE?
- WE GOT SOMETHING IN COMMON.
- YOU PLAY?
I LISTEN.
ARE YOU IN LUCK
OR ARE YOU IN LUCK?
- WHAT DO YOU WANT TO HEAR?
- OH, I DON'T KNOW...
I KNOW THREE BLIND
MICE, TAKE YOUR CHOICE.
ANOTHER THING IN
COMMON, I LOVE MICE.
♪
OH, YEAH.
PLAY IT FOR ME.
♪
OH, I TELL YA, CATCHY
TUNE, CARMEN.
UH, HEY, CARMEN,
WOULD YOU LIKE
TO GO OUT WITH ME?
ON SATURDAY, MAYBE
WE COULD GO TO A MOVIE?
HEY, CARMEN, YOU WANNA
GO OUT WITH ME SOME PLACE?
I GOT SOME FREE TIME
IN BETWEEN DATES.
UH, JUAN SAID NOT LEAVE HERE.
DON'T YOU WANNA GO?
GO, WANNA, WANNA GO.
CARMEN, IF YOUR
PERSONALITY KEEPS UP LIKE THIS,
I MIGHT LET YOU ASK
ME OUT ON SATURDAY.
BYE, CARMEN.
BYE, SWEATHOGS.
GOODBYE, BROOKLYN.
GOODBYE, JUDY.
- HI, JUDY.
- HI, MR. KOTTER.
WHERE ARE THE ABSENTEE FORMS?
THANKS, ARNOLD.
ARNOLD, YOU'RE NOT GONNA
FIND ANY CONFIDENCE IN THERE.
OH, I KNOW, MR. KOTTER.
OH, JUDY, I FOUND YOUR LUNCH.
I THINK I SAT ON YOUR DING DONG.
THANKS A LOT, ARNOLD.
NOW MY LUNCH IS SQUISHED.
THINGS DIDN'T GO
EXACTLY AS PLANNED, HUH?
OH, MR. KOTTER, I DIDN'T
EVEN FINISH ASKING HER.
MR. KOTTER, HORSHACK,
Y'ALL GOTTA HEAR THIS POEM
I WROTE IN HONOR OF MY NEW LOVE.
LISTEN.
"MY LOVE IS LIKE
A RED, RED ROSE,
WHICH SURE BEATS A RUBBER HOSE
UP YOUR NOSE."
MAKES SENSE TO ME.
ALL RIGHT, YEAH,
YEAH, SURE THING, JACK.
ANY OTHER PROBLEMS, YOU
FEEL FREE TO LET ME KNOW.
WE WAS JUST IN THERE
SHOOTIN' THE BREEZE.
PRINCIPAL LAZARUS SAID I WAS
IN HIS OFFICE SO MUCH LAST YEAR,
IT'S LIKE WE'RE OLD
BUDDIES, YOU KNOW.
HEY, MR. WOODMAN, PRINCIPAL
LAZARUS WANTS TO SEE YA.
YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
THE MAN DOESN'T LIKE YA.
DOESN'T LIKE ME?
DOESN'T LIKE ME, PRINCIPAL...
YOU KNOW, I COULD'VE
BEEN PRINCIPAL.
NO, BUT THEY PICKED HIM.
AND THEN HE MADE SURE
MY DOOR WAS SMALLER.
AND THE LETTERING
ON MY DOOR IS SMALLER.
MY DESK, MY CHAIR, MY
WASTEBASKET, ALL SMALLER.
MY AMERICAN FLAG HAS 13 STARS.
I'M PLANNING A MUTINY, KOTTER.
LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT IN.
HEY, WHERE'S CARMEN?
OH, I SAW HER DOWN
THE HALL WITH VINNIE.
HE WAS SAYIN' SOMETHIN'
ABOUT UNDER THE BOARDWALK
AT CONEY ISLAND.
VINNIE, YOU'RE
GONNA DIE, VINNIE.
I'M GONNA KILL YA, VINNIE,
I'M GONNA KILL YA, VINNIE!
IT'S ALL OVER, I
WANT HIM, FRANKIE!
♪
HEY, JUAN, YOU CALM
DOWN ENOUGH YET NOW?
NAH, I STILL WANNA KILL VINNIE.
I SHALL DEVOTE MY LIFE TO
WORSHIPPING CARMEN EPSTEIN
FROM AFAR UNTIL THE
FUNERAL OF HER NINTH HUSBAND,
WHEN SHE WILL FINALLY
REALIZE THAT IT I WHOM
AM HER OWN TRUE LOVE.
THE SHOCK WILL
OF COURSE KILL ME.
SHOCK!
ARNOLD, YOU'RE OVERREACTING.
I'M SORRY, MR. KOTTER,
BUT WHEN I FALL IN LOVE,
THAT'S IT, I'M A FOR
KEEPS KIND OF GUY.
ARNOLD, DID I TELL YOU THE
STORY ABOUT LELANI SHAPIRO?
YEAH.
OKAY, I GOT ANOTHER STORY.
WHEN I WAS ABOUT FOUR,
THERE WAS THIS GIRL,
BABSIE, SHE WAS FIVE.
I ALWAYS LIKED OLDER WOMEN.
ANYWAY, WE GO AND PLAY
DOCTOR, WE GO UNDER THE PORCH,
PLAY DOCTOR, SHE GIMME
HER BILL, I GIVE HER MY BILL,
WE'D SUE EACH OTHER
FOR MALPRACTICE.
FOR YEARS, I THOUGHT
THAT WAS SEX.
ANYWAY, MY POINT IS, AT
ONE TIME I LOVED BABSIE,
THEN I LOVED LELANI
SHAPIRO, AND NOW I LOVE JULIE.
A PERSON IS CAPABLE OF MORE
THAN ONE GREAT LOVE IN THEIR LIFE.
OH, I KNOW, MR. KOTTER, BUT
FIRST, I'D LIKE TO LOVE ONCE.
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A
MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
JUST LET ME GET THIS
STRAIGHT, ALL RIGHT?
NOW, EPSTEIN DON'T WANT VINNIE
TO GO OUT WITH CARMEN, RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL
RIGHT, I GOT THAT, OKAY.
HORSHACK WANTS TO GO
OUT WITH CARMEN, RIGHT?
RIGHT?
THEN WHY DON'T Y'ALL TWO
JUST PUT YOUR HEADS TOGETHER?
WELL, HALF A BRAIN
IS BETTER THAN NONE.
WELL, THAT'S A
GOOD IDEA, KOTTER.
HEY, ARNOLD, COME HERE.
WHAT?
I GUESS YOU'RE
BETTER THAN NOTHIN'.
I MEAN, UH, NOTHIN' WOULD
EVER HAPPEN WITH YOU ON A DATE.
- WOULD IT?
- NO.
ALL RIGHT, YOU GOT MY BLESSING.
OH, THANK YOU, JUAN.
HEY, FREDDIE, HOW WE GONNA
FIX HIM UP WITH MY SISTER?
OOO, OOO, OOO,
OOO, I GOT IT, I GOT IT.
HORSHACK, PRETEND THAT
MR. KOTTER, HERE, IS CARMEN.
GO AHEAD, JUST SHOW US WHAT
YOUR BASIC APPROACH WOULD BE.
GO AHEAD, SHOW ME WHAT YOUR
BASIC APPROACH IS GONNA BE.
I'VE GOT YOUR BACK.
ARNOLD, TAKE ME
OUT A FEW TIMES FIRST.
I LOVE YOU, CARMEN, I
LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU...
GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY SISTER!
GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY SISTER!
OH, THANK YOU, JUAN.
NO ONE EVER TOLD ME TO GET
AWAY FROM THEIR SISTER BEFORE.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO,
GO TO YOUR NEXT CLASS.
COME ON, SEE YOU LATER.
SEE YOU LATER,
MR. KOTTER, I'M SO HAPPY!
♪
YEAH, I GUESS EVERYBODY'S
HERE EXCEPT FOR FREDDIE, HUH?
SHE DOESN'T LOVE ME NO MORE.
SHE DON'T LOVE ME
NO MORE, READ THAT.
"ROSES ARE RED,
VIOLETS ARE BLUE,
I MET A GUY, WHO I
LIKE, BETTER THAN YOU.
BYE-BYE."
SEE, MAN, IF I WASN'T SURE
SHE WAS CRAZY ABOUT ME,
I'D THINK THIS WAS A KISS OFF.
DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION,
FREDDIE, UNTIL YOU GET
YOUR THIRD NOTICE.
I WANNA USE THIS PERIOD,
OR WHAT WE HAVE LEFT OF IT,
TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING
THAT WE DON'T TEACH IN SCHOOL,
BUT I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD
KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT.
LOVE!
NOW, WHAT DOES LOVE MEAN TO YOU?
VINNIE?
LOVE, CLASS,
MEANS NEVER HAVING
TO HEAR "I'M PREGNANT."
PLEASE, LET ME KILL
HIM, I PROMISE THE MAN
WON'T FEEL A THING, IT'S
GONNA BE PAINLESS, VINNIE.
JUAN, YOU'VE BEEN
ACTING LIKE A NUT LATELY.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
VINNIE, IF YOU BELIEVE
IN THE FIST FAIRY,
YOU'RE GONNA STOP
HITTIN' ON MY SISTER!
JUAN, I CAN'T DO THAT,
I WANT TO, BUT I CAN'T.
I GOT A DISEASE.
YOU GOT A DISEASE?
YES, IT'S CALLED GIRL-ITOUS.
EVERY TIME I SEE
A BEAUTIFUL GIRL,
MY TEETH, THEY
AUTOMATICALLY FLASH.
MY HIPS, THEY
AUTOMATICALLY SHAKE.
AND MY EYES, THEY
AUTOMATICALLY SPARKLE.
HOW'D YOU LIKE YOUR EYES
AUTOMATICALLY BLACK, HUH?
ALL RIGHT, COME ON, WHAT'S
THE MATTER WITH YOU GUYS?
IT'S LIKE IN
KINDERGARTEN, SIT DOWN!
I'M TRYIN' TO TEACH
ABOUT LOVE, NOT WAR.
RIGHT YOU ARE, MR. KOTTER.
LOVE IS A MANY SPLENDID THING.
IT'S BEEN GOOD TO ME.
OH, SURE, VINCENT.
GO AHEAD, MAKE MOCK, TREAT
LOVE LIGHTLY LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO.
YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT LOVE IS, VINNIE!
HORSHACK, I THINK YOU'VE
FORGOTTEN WHO YOU'RE TALKIN' TO.
VINNIE BARBARINO!
UP YOUR NOSE WITH A RUBBER HOSE!
ARNOLD, THAT WAS CONFIDENCE.
NO, IT WAS KURT DOUGLAS.
HEY, ARNOLD, YOU GOT GUTS.
I LIKE A MAN WITH GUTS.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, I GOT GUTS.
I GOT GUTS ALL OVER THE PLACE.
VINNIE, YOU AND YOUR GUTS HAVE
GOT A LOT TO LEARN ABOUT WOMEN.
NOW, SIT DOWN.
AND YOU, MY VERY OWN
BROTHER, WHO I LOVE,
IS ONLY INTERESTED
IN WHO WON'T LOVE ME.
DON'T YOU THINK I CAN
TAKE CARE OF MYSELF?
YEAH, SURE... I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, YOU
CAN TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
HEY, CARM, LOOK,
I'M SORRY, OKAY.
IT'S JUST, UH, JUST MY
WAY OF SHOWIN' I LOVE YA.
I LOVE YOU.
NOBODY'S EVER TURNED DOWN
VINNIE BARBARINO BEFORE.
YEAH, WELL MY SISTER DID.
MR. KOTTER, YOU THINK I'M
LOSIN' MY TOUCH OR SOMETHIN'?
NO, VINCENZO, YOU JUST GOT
A LITTLE TO LEARN ABOUT LOVE.
OH, YEAH.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
EXCUSE ME, I GOTTA GO PRACTICE.
PRACTICE OUTSIDE.
HEY, CARMEN, WHY
DON'T YOU COME WITH ME?
I WANNA SHOW YOU MY SHELL
COLLECTION UNDER THE BOARDWALK,
AT CONEY ISLAND.
ARNOLD, YOU'RE
GONNA DIE, ARNOLD.
I'M GONNA GET YOU.
♪
TOMORROW'S ANOTHER DAY,
YOU'LL MEET SOMEBODY ELSE.
BYE-BYE.
ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER THREE
DOLLARS AND FORTY CENTS.
♪
- HI, HONEY.
- HI, HONEY.
HEY, HOW'S CARMEN EPSTEIN DOING?
WELL, MR. WOODMAN FIGURED
THAT ONE EPSTEIN WAS ENOUGH
FOR ONE CLASS AND I
KIND OF AGREE WITH HIM.
SHE'S BACK IN HER OLD CLASS.
YEAH, I THINK
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
YEAH, HEY, DID I EVER TELL
YOU ABOUT MY SISTER, EILEEN?
GABE, WHAT DOES THAT HAVE
TO DO WITH CARMEN EPSTEIN?
NOTHIN', BUT I'VE BEEN
HOME FOR TEN SECONDS,
I HAVEN'T TOLD ONE JOKE.
MY SISTER, EILEEN, WHEN
SHE WAS A LITTLE KID,
SHE LOST HER FIRST TOOTH, RIGHT,
SHE COMES UP TO ME, SHE SAYS,
"GABEY, WHAT SHOULD
I DO, I LOSE MY TOOTH?"
I SAID, "PUT IT UNDER
YOUR PILLOW AND THE GOOD
FAIRY'LL GIVE YOU A QUARTER."
SO, THAT NIGHT, I
SNUCK IN HER ROOM,
I TOOK THE TOOTH AND
I PUT A QUARTER THERE.
DID SHE SEE YOU?
I DIDN'T THINK SO,
BUT NEXT MORNING
SHE'S RUNNING AROUND THE
HOUSE, "MY BROTHER'S A GOOD FAIRY,
MY BROTHER'S A GOOD FAIRY,
MY BROTHER'S A GOOD FAIRY!"
♪
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WE GOT
HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪
YOU ABOUT MY UNCLE PETE
AND MY AUNT PRISCILLA?
NO, GO AHEAD.
OKAY, THEY WON A LOT OF
MONEY IN THE SWEEPSTAKES,
ABOUT $10,000.
NOW, THEY HAD A
LITTLE DISAGREEMENT
BECAUSE PRISCILLA
WANTED TO BUY A MINT COAT
AND PETE WANTED TO
BUY THIS FANCY, NEW CAR.
WELL, WHO WON?
THEY COMPROMISED,
THEY BOUGHT A MINT COAT,
BUT THEY KEEP IT IN THE GARAGE.
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪
♪
EPSTEIN, FOR THE LAST TIME,
I DON'T KNOW IF THEY SERVED
BURRITOS DURING THE
SPANISH-AMERICAN WAR.
SHE LOVES ME.
SHE LOVES ME.
SHE LOVES ME.
WHAT HAPPENED TO
"SHE LOVES ME NOT?"
THE ODDS ARE JUST
BETTER THIS WAY.
I'M IN LOVE.
KOTTER, NEW ANIMAL FOR YOUR ZOO.
MR. WOODMAN, YOU
HAVE A MARVELOUS WAY
OF EXPRESSING YOURSELF.
- HI.
- HI.
WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE?
"DEAR MR. KOTTER, PLEASE EXCUSE
MY DAUGHTER'S UGLY TEMPER.
DON'T GET HER MAD AND
SHE WON'T HAVE TO DECK YOU."
SIGNED EPSTEIN'S
SISTER'S MOTHER.
EPSTEIN'S SISTER?
I'M GONNA HAVE TWO
EPSTEINS IN MY CLASS?
YOUR MOTHER'LL
GET WRITERS CRAMP.
THE NAME'S CARMEN.
HEY, MR. KOTTER, WHAT'S
MY BABY SISTER DOIN' HERE?
I AIN'T YOUR BABY SISTER,
I'M ONLY TEN MONTHS
YOUNGER THAN YOU.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME
YOUR GRADES DROPPED,
YOU HAD TO BECOME A SWEATHOG?
WELL, I WAS SAVIN'
IT FOR A SURPRISE.
SURPRISE!
YOU AIN'T KIDDIN' ME,
ARE YOU, BABY SISTER?
SAY I'M NOT YOUR BABY
SISTER, SAY IT OR YOU'VE
BREATHED YOUR LAST NOTE, SAY IT!
SAY IT!
- LOUDER!
- YOU'RE NOT MY BABY SISTER!
BABY SISTER!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
IN THE CENTER ARENA,
THE TWO EPSTEINS SHALL NOW
ATTEMPT FOR THE FIRST TIME
A THREE AND A HALF
GAINER INTO A GARBAGE CAN.
PUT HER DOWN, JUAN.
YOU THINK THIS IS SOMETHIN',
YOU SHOULD SEE HER
WHEN SHE'S MAD.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK, MR. KOTTER'S
GONNA INTRODUCE YOU AROUND,
SO TRY AND ACT LIKE YOU
IS A REAL PERSON, OKAY?
TAKE IT EASY, TAKE IT
EASY, COME ON, TAKE IT EASY.
SIT DOWN, JUAN, SIT DOWN.
CARMEN, I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE
THE WHOLE CLASS TO YOU.
OKAY, THIS IS PRISCILLA.
THAT'S RICKY, THAT'S MARK.
- THIS IS FREDDIE WASHINGTON.
- EH, I ALREADY KNOW HER.
MAN, CARMEN, CARMEN IS
THE ONLY EPSTEIN TO EVER
HIT ME IN MY MOUTH.
WE KNOW JUAN.
STOP.
VINNIE BARBARINO,
THIS IS CARMEN EPSTEIN.
I KNOW CARMEN.
SO, CARMEN, YOU FILLED OUT.
FILLED?
HELLO.
HOW ARE YA?
I'M ARNOLD HORSHACK.
I WANNA HAVE YOUR BABY.
ALL RIGHT, HONEYMOON'S
OVER, SEE YA FOR SOCIAL STUDIES.
SEE YOU, TOO, CARMEN.
SO LISTEN, CARMEN, YOU
KNOW VINNIE BARBARINO
ALWAYS GETS CRACK
AT THE NEW STUFF.
- WHAT STUFF?
- OUTSIDE, LET'S GO.
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKIN' ABOUT, "STUFF?"
HEY, SISTERS AIN'T
INCLUDED IN STUFF.
JUAN, ARE YOU
CRAZY, I'M OPERATIN'.
OPERATE OUTSIDE.
JUAN, ISN'T LOVE A
BOWL OF CHERRIES?
CHERRIES OUTSIDE.
I THINK IT'S THE PITS.
PITS ARE OUTSIDE WITH
THE CHERRIES, LET'S GO.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
HEY, MR. KOTTER, DO YOU
BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
SURE, ARNOLD, IT WAS LOVE AT
FIRST SIGHT FOR JULIE AND ME.
- YEAH?
- WE MET AT A COSTUME PARTY.
SHE CAME AS A POT ROAST AND
I CAME AS AN ELECTRIC KNIFE.
OH, MR. KOTTER, I JUST FELL
IN LOVE WITH CARMEN EPSTEIN.
AND SHE'S GONNA BECOME
ANOTHER FEATHER IN VINNIE'S CAP.
MR. KOTTER, I DON'T GOT
NO FEATHERS IN MY CAP.
I'M FEATHERLESS,
MR. KOTTER, FEATHERLESS!
ARNOLD, COME ON,
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
YOU'VE GOT FEATHERS.
ARNOLD, LET ME TELL
YOU A LITTLE STORY, OKAY?
WHEN I WAS YOUR
AGE, I WAS SHY ALSO.
THERE WAS THIS GIRL
I WAS CRAZY ABOUT.
HER NAME WAS LELANI SHAPIRO.
NEVER HAD THE NERVE
TO ASK HER TO GO OUT.
FINALLY, ONE DAY I'M
SITTIN' IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE
AND FEELIN' SORRY FOR MYSELF.
THIS LITTLE, OLD ITALIAN
MAN, WHO LIVED UPSTAIRS,
MR. PANETTERI,
COMES DOWN, HE SAYS,
"WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU, GABEY?
YOU A NICE BOY, YOU GO
UP TO THIS GIRL, YOU SAY,
I'M A GABEY KOTTER,
I'M A NICE BOY,
AND I WANNA GO OUT WITH
YOU, I HAVE CONFIDENCE."
SO NEXT DAY, I WENT
UP TO LELANI, I SAID,
"LELANI, MY NAME'S
A GABEY KOTTER,
I'M A NICE BOY, I
HAVE CONFIDENCE."
SHE TOLD ME SHE
DIDN'T LIKE ITALIAN GUYS.
IT'S A JOKE,
ARNOLD, IT'S A JOKE.
COME ON, HAVE FAITH IN
YOURSELF, I HAVE FAITH IN YOU.
OH, MR. KOTTER, I AM NOT
ONE OF LIFE'S HEAVY WINNERS.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK, ARNOLD,
YOU WANNA BE A LOSER?
GO AHEAD, BE A LOSER.
HEY, MR. KOTTER, I DO NOT
LIKE TO BE CALLED THAT.
ARNOLD, LET'S FACE THE
FACTS, I MEAN, THE TRUTH
IS THAT YOU ARE A LOSER.
DON'T CALL ME THAT!
THEN GO OUT THERE AND
SHOW ME SOME CONFIDENCE!
OKAY, MR. KOTTER, YOU
WANNA SEE CONFIDENCE?
I'LL SHOW YOU CONFIDENCE!
THERE'S CONFIDENCE!
ARNOLD, THAT IS NOT
CONFIDENCE, THAT'S KURT DOUGLAS.
STOMACH IN, NOW SMILE.
THAT'S CONFIDENCE.
I'LL SHOW YOU, MR. KOTTER.
I'LL SHOW YOU THAT
I'M A SOMETHING,
THAT I'M A SOMEBODY.
I AM ARNOLD HORSHACK!
♪
BUCHANAN HIGH.
OH, I'M SORRY, HE'S NOT
IN, MAY I TAKE A MESSAGE?
LOOK, CARM, I KNOW HOW
VINNIE'S BEEN TRYIN' TO HIT ON YA.
I WANT YOU TO PROMISE ME
YOU AIN'T GONNA GO OUT WITH HIM.
IF YOU DON'T BUG OFF,
YOU ARE GONNA FIND
YOUR NOSE IN TOLEDO.
HEY, EPSTEIN, PRINCIPAL
LAZARUS IS WAITIN' FOR YA.
I BET YOU'RE REALLY
IN FOR IT THIS TIME.
NOW, YOU WAIT RIGHT HERE.
DON'T MOVE FROM THIS SPOT.
YOU MOVE FROM THIS SPOT,
LIGHTNING'S GONNA STRIKE YA.
IT WILL NOT.
THEN I WILL.
HEY, JACK.
- HI.
- HI.
I JUST BECAME A
FULL-FLEDGED SWEATHOG.
I'D RATHER BE GLUED TO A TREE.
YOU LOOK LIKE SOMEBODY
REMOVED YOUR BRAIN.
UH, NO!
MY BRAIN IS RIGHT HERE, WITH ME.
I HARDLY GO
ANYWHERES WITHOUT IT.
KEEP HONKIN' LIKE THAT,
YOU'RE GONNA ATTRACT GEESE.
FUNNY YOU SHOULD MENTION GEESE.
YOU GOT ANY HOBBIES?
I BLOW TRUMPET.
YOU BLOW TRUMPET, OH,
WILL WONDERS NEVER CEASE?
- WE GOT SOMETHING IN COMMON.
- YOU PLAY?
I LISTEN.
ARE YOU IN LUCK
OR ARE YOU IN LUCK?
- WHAT DO YOU WANT TO HEAR?
- OH, I DON'T KNOW...
I KNOW THREE BLIND
MICE, TAKE YOUR CHOICE.
ANOTHER THING IN
COMMON, I LOVE MICE.
♪
OH, YEAH.
PLAY IT FOR ME.
♪
OH, I TELL YA, CATCHY
TUNE, CARMEN.
UH, HEY, CARMEN,
WOULD YOU LIKE
TO GO OUT WITH ME?
ON SATURDAY, MAYBE
WE COULD GO TO A MOVIE?
HEY, CARMEN, YOU WANNA
GO OUT WITH ME SOME PLACE?
I GOT SOME FREE TIME
IN BETWEEN DATES.
UH, JUAN SAID NOT LEAVE HERE.
DON'T YOU WANNA GO?
GO, WANNA, WANNA GO.
CARMEN, IF YOUR
PERSONALITY KEEPS UP LIKE THIS,
I MIGHT LET YOU ASK
ME OUT ON SATURDAY.
BYE, CARMEN.
BYE, SWEATHOGS.
GOODBYE, BROOKLYN.
GOODBYE, JUDY.
- HI, JUDY.
- HI, MR. KOTTER.
WHERE ARE THE ABSENTEE FORMS?
THANKS, ARNOLD.
ARNOLD, YOU'RE NOT GONNA
FIND ANY CONFIDENCE IN THERE.
OH, I KNOW, MR. KOTTER.
OH, JUDY, I FOUND YOUR LUNCH.
I THINK I SAT ON YOUR DING DONG.
THANKS A LOT, ARNOLD.
NOW MY LUNCH IS SQUISHED.
THINGS DIDN'T GO
EXACTLY AS PLANNED, HUH?
OH, MR. KOTTER, I DIDN'T
EVEN FINISH ASKING HER.
MR. KOTTER, HORSHACK,
Y'ALL GOTTA HEAR THIS POEM
I WROTE IN HONOR OF MY NEW LOVE.
LISTEN.
"MY LOVE IS LIKE
A RED, RED ROSE,
WHICH SURE BEATS A RUBBER HOSE
UP YOUR NOSE."
MAKES SENSE TO ME.
ALL RIGHT, YEAH,
YEAH, SURE THING, JACK.
ANY OTHER PROBLEMS, YOU
FEEL FREE TO LET ME KNOW.
WE WAS JUST IN THERE
SHOOTIN' THE BREEZE.
PRINCIPAL LAZARUS SAID I WAS
IN HIS OFFICE SO MUCH LAST YEAR,
IT'S LIKE WE'RE OLD
BUDDIES, YOU KNOW.
HEY, MR. WOODMAN, PRINCIPAL
LAZARUS WANTS TO SEE YA.
YOU BETTER WATCH OUT,
THE MAN DOESN'T LIKE YA.
DOESN'T LIKE ME?
DOESN'T LIKE ME, PRINCIPAL...
YOU KNOW, I COULD'VE
BEEN PRINCIPAL.
NO, BUT THEY PICKED HIM.
AND THEN HE MADE SURE
MY DOOR WAS SMALLER.
AND THE LETTERING
ON MY DOOR IS SMALLER.
MY DESK, MY CHAIR, MY
WASTEBASKET, ALL SMALLER.
MY AMERICAN FLAG HAS 13 STARS.
I'M PLANNING A MUTINY, KOTTER.
LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT IN.
HEY, WHERE'S CARMEN?
OH, I SAW HER DOWN
THE HALL WITH VINNIE.
HE WAS SAYIN' SOMETHIN'
ABOUT UNDER THE BOARDWALK
AT CONEY ISLAND.
VINNIE, YOU'RE
GONNA DIE, VINNIE.
I'M GONNA KILL YA, VINNIE,
I'M GONNA KILL YA, VINNIE!
IT'S ALL OVER, I
WANT HIM, FRANKIE!
♪
HEY, JUAN, YOU CALM
DOWN ENOUGH YET NOW?
NAH, I STILL WANNA KILL VINNIE.
I SHALL DEVOTE MY LIFE TO
WORSHIPPING CARMEN EPSTEIN
FROM AFAR UNTIL THE
FUNERAL OF HER NINTH HUSBAND,
WHEN SHE WILL FINALLY
REALIZE THAT IT I WHOM
AM HER OWN TRUE LOVE.
THE SHOCK WILL
OF COURSE KILL ME.
SHOCK!
ARNOLD, YOU'RE OVERREACTING.
I'M SORRY, MR. KOTTER,
BUT WHEN I FALL IN LOVE,
THAT'S IT, I'M A FOR
KEEPS KIND OF GUY.
ARNOLD, DID I TELL YOU THE
STORY ABOUT LELANI SHAPIRO?
YEAH.
OKAY, I GOT ANOTHER STORY.
WHEN I WAS ABOUT FOUR,
THERE WAS THIS GIRL,
BABSIE, SHE WAS FIVE.
I ALWAYS LIKED OLDER WOMEN.
ANYWAY, WE GO AND PLAY
DOCTOR, WE GO UNDER THE PORCH,
PLAY DOCTOR, SHE GIMME
HER BILL, I GIVE HER MY BILL,
WE'D SUE EACH OTHER
FOR MALPRACTICE.
FOR YEARS, I THOUGHT
THAT WAS SEX.
ANYWAY, MY POINT IS, AT
ONE TIME I LOVED BABSIE,
THEN I LOVED LELANI
SHAPIRO, AND NOW I LOVE JULIE.
A PERSON IS CAPABLE OF MORE
THAN ONE GREAT LOVE IN THEIR LIFE.
OH, I KNOW, MR. KOTTER, BUT
FIRST, I'D LIKE TO LOVE ONCE.
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A
MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
JUST LET ME GET THIS
STRAIGHT, ALL RIGHT?
NOW, EPSTEIN DON'T WANT VINNIE
TO GO OUT WITH CARMEN, RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL
RIGHT, I GOT THAT, OKAY.
HORSHACK WANTS TO GO
OUT WITH CARMEN, RIGHT?
RIGHT?
THEN WHY DON'T Y'ALL TWO
JUST PUT YOUR HEADS TOGETHER?
WELL, HALF A BRAIN
IS BETTER THAN NONE.
WELL, THAT'S A
GOOD IDEA, KOTTER.
HEY, ARNOLD, COME HERE.
WHAT?
I GUESS YOU'RE
BETTER THAN NOTHIN'.
I MEAN, UH, NOTHIN' WOULD
EVER HAPPEN WITH YOU ON A DATE.
- WOULD IT?
- NO.
ALL RIGHT, YOU GOT MY BLESSING.
OH, THANK YOU, JUAN.
HEY, FREDDIE, HOW WE GONNA
FIX HIM UP WITH MY SISTER?
OOO, OOO, OOO,
OOO, I GOT IT, I GOT IT.
HORSHACK, PRETEND THAT
MR. KOTTER, HERE, IS CARMEN.
GO AHEAD, JUST SHOW US WHAT
YOUR BASIC APPROACH WOULD BE.
GO AHEAD, SHOW ME WHAT YOUR
BASIC APPROACH IS GONNA BE.
I'VE GOT YOUR BACK.
ARNOLD, TAKE ME
OUT A FEW TIMES FIRST.
I LOVE YOU, CARMEN, I
LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU...
GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY SISTER!
GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY SISTER!
OH, THANK YOU, JUAN.
NO ONE EVER TOLD ME TO GET
AWAY FROM THEIR SISTER BEFORE.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO,
GO TO YOUR NEXT CLASS.
COME ON, SEE YOU LATER.
SEE YOU LATER,
MR. KOTTER, I'M SO HAPPY!
♪
YEAH, I GUESS EVERYBODY'S
HERE EXCEPT FOR FREDDIE, HUH?
SHE DOESN'T LOVE ME NO MORE.
SHE DON'T LOVE ME
NO MORE, READ THAT.
"ROSES ARE RED,
VIOLETS ARE BLUE,
I MET A GUY, WHO I
LIKE, BETTER THAN YOU.
BYE-BYE."
SEE, MAN, IF I WASN'T SURE
SHE WAS CRAZY ABOUT ME,
I'D THINK THIS WAS A KISS OFF.
DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION,
FREDDIE, UNTIL YOU GET
YOUR THIRD NOTICE.
I WANNA USE THIS PERIOD,
OR WHAT WE HAVE LEFT OF IT,
TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING
THAT WE DON'T TEACH IN SCHOOL,
BUT I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD
KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT.
LOVE!
NOW, WHAT DOES LOVE MEAN TO YOU?
VINNIE?
LOVE, CLASS,
MEANS NEVER HAVING
TO HEAR "I'M PREGNANT."
PLEASE, LET ME KILL
HIM, I PROMISE THE MAN
WON'T FEEL A THING, IT'S
GONNA BE PAINLESS, VINNIE.
JUAN, YOU'VE BEEN
ACTING LIKE A NUT LATELY.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
VINNIE, IF YOU BELIEVE
IN THE FIST FAIRY,
YOU'RE GONNA STOP
HITTIN' ON MY SISTER!
JUAN, I CAN'T DO THAT,
I WANT TO, BUT I CAN'T.
I GOT A DISEASE.
YOU GOT A DISEASE?
YES, IT'S CALLED GIRL-ITOUS.
EVERY TIME I SEE
A BEAUTIFUL GIRL,
MY TEETH, THEY
AUTOMATICALLY FLASH.
MY HIPS, THEY
AUTOMATICALLY SHAKE.
AND MY EYES, THEY
AUTOMATICALLY SPARKLE.
HOW'D YOU LIKE YOUR EYES
AUTOMATICALLY BLACK, HUH?
ALL RIGHT, COME ON, WHAT'S
THE MATTER WITH YOU GUYS?
IT'S LIKE IN
KINDERGARTEN, SIT DOWN!
I'M TRYIN' TO TEACH
ABOUT LOVE, NOT WAR.
RIGHT YOU ARE, MR. KOTTER.
LOVE IS A MANY SPLENDID THING.
IT'S BEEN GOOD TO ME.
OH, SURE, VINCENT.
GO AHEAD, MAKE MOCK, TREAT
LOVE LIGHTLY LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO.
YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT LOVE IS, VINNIE!
HORSHACK, I THINK YOU'VE
FORGOTTEN WHO YOU'RE TALKIN' TO.
VINNIE BARBARINO!
UP YOUR NOSE WITH A RUBBER HOSE!
ARNOLD, THAT WAS CONFIDENCE.
NO, IT WAS KURT DOUGLAS.
HEY, ARNOLD, YOU GOT GUTS.
I LIKE A MAN WITH GUTS.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, I GOT GUTS.
I GOT GUTS ALL OVER THE PLACE.
VINNIE, YOU AND YOUR GUTS HAVE
GOT A LOT TO LEARN ABOUT WOMEN.
NOW, SIT DOWN.
AND YOU, MY VERY OWN
BROTHER, WHO I LOVE,
IS ONLY INTERESTED
IN WHO WON'T LOVE ME.
DON'T YOU THINK I CAN
TAKE CARE OF MYSELF?
YEAH, SURE... I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, YOU
CAN TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
HEY, CARM, LOOK,
I'M SORRY, OKAY.
IT'S JUST, UH, JUST MY
WAY OF SHOWIN' I LOVE YA.
I LOVE YOU.
NOBODY'S EVER TURNED DOWN
VINNIE BARBARINO BEFORE.
YEAH, WELL MY SISTER DID.
MR. KOTTER, YOU THINK I'M
LOSIN' MY TOUCH OR SOMETHIN'?
NO, VINCENZO, YOU JUST GOT
A LITTLE TO LEARN ABOUT LOVE.
OH, YEAH.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
EXCUSE ME, I GOTTA GO PRACTICE.
PRACTICE OUTSIDE.
HEY, CARMEN, WHY
DON'T YOU COME WITH ME?
I WANNA SHOW YOU MY SHELL
COLLECTION UNDER THE BOARDWALK,
AT CONEY ISLAND.
ARNOLD, YOU'RE
GONNA DIE, ARNOLD.
I'M GONNA GET YOU.
♪
TOMORROW'S ANOTHER DAY,
YOU'LL MEET SOMEBODY ELSE.
BYE-BYE.
ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER THREE
DOLLARS AND FORTY CENTS.
♪
- HI, HONEY.
- HI, HONEY.
HEY, HOW'S CARMEN EPSTEIN DOING?
WELL, MR. WOODMAN FIGURED
THAT ONE EPSTEIN WAS ENOUGH
FOR ONE CLASS AND I
KIND OF AGREE WITH HIM.
SHE'S BACK IN HER OLD CLASS.
YEAH, I THINK
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
YEAH, HEY, DID I EVER TELL
YOU ABOUT MY SISTER, EILEEN?
GABE, WHAT DOES THAT HAVE
TO DO WITH CARMEN EPSTEIN?
NOTHIN', BUT I'VE BEEN
HOME FOR TEN SECONDS,
I HAVEN'T TOLD ONE JOKE.
MY SISTER, EILEEN, WHEN
SHE WAS A LITTLE KID,
SHE LOST HER FIRST TOOTH, RIGHT,
SHE COMES UP TO ME, SHE SAYS,
"GABEY, WHAT SHOULD
I DO, I LOSE MY TOOTH?"
I SAID, "PUT IT UNDER
YOUR PILLOW AND THE GOOD
FAIRY'LL GIVE YOU A QUARTER."
SO, THAT NIGHT, I
SNUCK IN HER ROOM,
I TOOK THE TOOTH AND
I PUT A QUARTER THERE.
DID SHE SEE YOU?
I DIDN'T THINK SO,
BUT NEXT MORNING
SHE'S RUNNING AROUND THE
HOUSE, "MY BROTHER'S A GOOD FAIRY,
MY BROTHER'S A GOOD FAIRY,
MY BROTHER'S A GOOD FAIRY!"
♪
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WE GOT
HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪