Welcome Back, Kotter (1975–1979): Season 2, Episode 12 - Hark, the Sweatkings - full transcript
- JULIE.
- WHAT?
DID I EVER TELL YOU
ABOUT MY UNCLE MORRIS,
WHO WAS DRUNK AT THE ZOO?
BABE, THEY DON'T SELL
LIQUOR AT THE ZOO.
SO, HE GOT THE LIQUOR
BEFORE HE WENT TO THE ZOO
AND THEN HE WENT TO THE ZOO.
ANYWAY, HE WAS DRUNK
AND HE WAS AT THE ZOO.
AND WE WERE STANDING IN
FRONT OF THE LION'S CAGE,
AND THE LION WAS ROARING.
ROAR!
ROAR!
AND HE SAID, "GO AHEAD,
FELLA, ROAR SOME MORE."
ROAR!
AND, MY AUNT EILEEN SAYS,
"COME ON, I'M TAKIN' YOU HOME."
"NOT YET,
THE MOVIE'S JUST
ABOUT TO START."
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪
♪
HEY, YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS,
IT'S ONLY TWO DAYS TO
CHRISTMAS AND I CAN HARDLY WAIT.
OH, I HOPE SANTA COMES ACROSS
WITH THAT MARIE OSMOND DOLL.
HEY, YOU KNOW,
LAST YEAR I SENT AWAY
FOR ONE OF THEM, UH,
RAQUEL WELCH DOLLS,
THEY COULDN'T FIT ALL
OF HER IN A MAILBOX.
HEY,
ANGIE'S HERE FOR HIS
ANNUAL CHRISTMAS HANDOUT,
YOU GOTTA KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS!
HEY, ANGELO!
LONG TIME, NO SEE, ANGE.
YEAH, ANGE, YOU, UM,
NEXT TIME WHY DON'T
YOU TIP THE MAITRE D'.
YOU GET A BETTER TABLE.
YEAH, ONE WITHOUT SNOW.
HEY, DID I ASK YOU
GUYS FOR A FLOORSHOW?
YOU'RE OFF MY CHRISTMAS LIST.
- AW, YOU PROMISED.
- ANGIE, DON'T DO IT, PLEASE.
WHAT WERE YOU GONNA GET US?
A SUBSCRIPTION TO
SKID ROW ILLUSTRATED?
I TOLD YOU GUYS, LAST YEAR.
I AM NOT A BUM.
I AM A CORPORATE EXECUTIVE
KEEPING A VERY LOW PROFILE.
YEAH, AND I'M RUDOLPH
THE RED-NOSED REINDEER.
CORPORATE EXECUTIVE.
(LAUGHING)
OH, COME ON, VINCENT.
CAN'T YOU SEE THAT
WE ARE DEALING
WITH A SENSITIVE
HUMAN BEING, HERE?
A MAN WHO HAS FALLEN OFF OF
THE MERRY-GO-ROUND OF LIFE.
KID, YOU ARE DEPRESSING ME!
♪ 'TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY ♪
♪ FA LA LA LA LA LA ♪
♪ LA LA LA ♪
HOW YOU DOIN'?
THESE KIDS GIVIN'
YOU A ROUGH TIME?
IT'S ME, GABE KOTTER.
SKINNY KID, NO MUSTACHE?
KOTTER.
AIN'T YOU GRADUATED, YET?
YEAH, ELEVEN YEARS AGO.
I'M A TEACHER, NOW.
ANGIE USED TO COME HERE
WHEN I WAS A SWEATHOG.
YOU KNEW HIM WHEN
HE WAS A SWEATHOG?
MAN, YOU BEEN AROUND
HERE A LONG TIME.
18 YEARS!
TWO MORE YEARS,
AND THE SCHOOL BOARD
GIVES ME A GOLD WATCH.
YEAH, WELL, MAYBE YOU CAN SELL
IT AND BUY YOURSELF A NEW SUIT.
YOU'RE VERY FUNNY.
YOU GUYS ARE AS FUNNY AS A
PORK CHOP AT A BAR MITZVAH.
THAT'S PRETTY GOOD, MAN.
THIS MAN KNOWS FUNNY.
THEY'RE A REGULAR RIOT,
COULD I SEE YOU GUYS A SECOND?
SURE, YOU BETCHA, SURE.
EXCUSE US, ANGIE.
YEAH, SEE YOU IN A
MINUTE, ANGIE, OKAY?
HE'S THE JOKE THAT
I IMAGINED HE IS.
(LAUGHING)
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU GUYS?
WHAT?
WHY ARE YOU COMIN'
DOWN ON HIM, LIKE THIS?
I MEAN, THE MAN IS
DOWN ON HIS LUCK.
I MEAN, HE COMES AND GETS
THAT MEAL AT THE CAFETERIA
'CAUSE THAT'S PROBABLY THE
ONLY GOOD ONE HE GETS ALL YEAR.
BOY, HE IS DOWN ON HIS LUCK.
C'MON, MR. KOTTER.
WE LIKE HIM, HE LIKES US.
WE KID HIM, HE KIDS US.
WE WAS JUST HAVIN' A LITTLE
FUN WITH 'EM, THAT'S ALL.
YEAH, THAT'S ALL.
HEY, MR. KOT-TAIRE,
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
WE ALL STREET PEOPLE.
YEAH, I'M AFRAID
THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE.
YOU GUYS HANG OUT IN THE STREET.
ANGIE LIVES THERE.
OH, BUT, REALLY, HE
DON'T MIND, MR. KOTTER.
REALLY, LET ME SHOW YOU, OKAY?
HEY, ANGIE, ANGIE.
HEY, LISTEN, YOU MIND WHEN WE,
WHEN WE FOOL AROUND
YOU AND KID YOU LIKE THAT?
WHO CARES WHAT YOU SAY?
YOU KIDS ARE THE WORST!
SEE THAT?
HE LIKES US.
THERE IT IS.
BE COOL, ANGIE,
CHECK IN A WHILE.
HEY, MERRY CHRISTMAS, ANGIE.
MR. KOTTER, DON'T FORGET
THE CHRISTMAS PARTY GRAB BAG.
WE'LL CATCH YOU ON THE
NEXT TIME AROUND, ANGE.
BYE!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
GET ON.
UH, ANGIE, LOOK, I'M
SORRY ABOUT THOSE KIDS,
- BUT, YOU KNOW HOW IT IS...
- FORGET IT!
I MEAN, THEY'RE... THEY'RE
NO DIFFERENT THAN YOU WERE.
YOU... YOU REMEMBER?
YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU USED
TO SAY TO ME, WHEN YOU WERE A KID?
WHO REMEMBERS?
THAT WAS ELEVEN YEARS
AGO, I DON'T REMEM...
I REMEMBER ONE OF
THE THINGS I USED TO SAY.
I USED TO SAY, "HEY, ANGIE,
EVERY TIME YOU COME AROUND HERE
YOU LOWER THE PROPERTY VALUES
FOR THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD."
YOU SAID THAT, YOU DID.
I REMEMBER ANOTHER
THING I USED TO SAY.
I USED TO SAY, "HEY, ANGIE,
WHY DON'T YOU GIVE US A BREAK
AND ROTATE YOUR
SHORTS ONCE IN A WHILE."
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, GABE?
YOU WERE, REALLY, A ROTTEN KID.
YEAH.
I GUESS I WAS.
SO, TELL ME, ANGIE.
HOW'S EVERYTHING GOING...
A LITTLE ROUGH, HUH?
NO ROUGHER THAN USUAL.
CAN YOU USE ANY HELP?
NAH, YOU KNOW ME, GABE.
NAH, I MANAGE.
YEAH, BUT, LOOK,
IT'S THE HOLIDAY.
EVERYBODY COULD USE
A FEW EXTRA DOLLARS.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOIN'... WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?
LET ME GIVE YOU A LITTLE
TASTE, HERE, GO AHEAD, TAKE IT,
- WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'... COME ON.
- NO, NO, NO.
EVERYONE COULD USE A LITTLE
EXTRA CASH ON THE HOLIDAY.
YEAH, ESPECIALLY TEACHERS.
NOW, YOU HANG ONTO THAT.
YOU KNOW, I GOT A RULE
ABOUT PANHANDLING FRIENDS.
YOU UNDERSTAND, GABE.
YEAH, I UNDERSTAND, ANGIE.
SURE.
OUT THERE IS OUR CITY.
IT'S COMPRISED OF THE
PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN IT.
NOW, LAST MONTH,
AS A GUEST SPEAKER
WE HAD DR. HARRY BEAMISH,
WHO TOLD US WHAT IT'S
LIKE TO BE A PROFESSIONAL.
I THOUGHT IT'D BE INTERESTING IF
WE HAD ANOTHER SPEAKER TODAY.
SOMEBODY WHO
REPRESENTED THE NAKED CITY.
BOY, THIS GUY'S FLIPPED OUT.
HE'S GONNA BRING A
NAKED GUY IN HERE.
NOW, CALM DOWN, I'M NOT
BRINGIN' A NAKED GUY IN HERE.
AW.
NOW, RELAX, GIRLS.
MYSTERY GUEST, WILL YOU
ENTER AND SIGN IN, PLEASE.
GREETINGS, FROM
THE GREAT OUTDOORS.
ANGIE?
WHAT'S HE DOIN' IN
OUR CLASSROOM?
HEY, I THINK WE CAN LEARN
JUST AS MUCH FROM ANGIE
AS WE DID FROM DR. BEAMISH.
WHAT'S HE GON' TEACH
US, ADVANCED VAGRANCY?
I THINK WE SHOULD HEAR HIM OUT.
YOU'RE RIGHT,
BUT FIRST WE GOTTA AIR HIM OUT.
ALL RIGHT, SETTLE DOWN, COME ON!
I INVITED ANGIE HERE, TODAY,
BECAUSE I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT
THAT WE HEAR HIS STORY.
ANGIE, GO AHEAD.
THANK YOU, GABE.
NOW, I THINK THE MOST
IMPORTANT POINT...
UH, KOTTER, HERE'S
THAT FILE YOU ASKED FOR.
WHAT'S THIS?
BOWERY SHOW AND TELL?
MR. WOODMAN, THAT'S ANGIE.
I KNOW WHO HE IS.
HE'S OUR ANNUAL SCHOOLYARD HOBO.
YOU WERE ALWAYS EXTRA NICE
AT CHRISTMAS, MR. WOODMAN.
WHAT DO YOU DO CHRISTMAS EVE?
GO DOOR TO DOOR AND
TELL KIDS THERE'S NO SANTA?
WELL, SOMEONE HAS TO DO IT.
LOOK, MR. WOODMAN,
I, PERSONALLY,
INVITED ANGIE
HERE TODAY TO TALK.
WHAT ARE YOU
STUDYING, URBAN DECAY?
JUST TAKE A PICTURE
OF YOUR SWEATHOGS.
(LAUGHING)
URBAN DECAY, SWEATHOGS,
YOU GET IT, KOTTER?
(LAUGHING)
SORRY FOR THE
INTERRUPTION... GO AHEAD, ANGIE.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, GABE.
NOW, THE TURNING
POINT OF MY LIFE
WAS IN CHICAGO IN 1954,
WHEN I TOOK CONTROL
OF THE SYNDICATE.
AH, COME ON, ANGE.
ANGE, GET OFF IT, ANGE.
NO, IT'S THE TRUTH.
LISTEN, ANGIE.
YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULD COME
HERE AND TELL YOUR STORY.
I WANTED YOU TO DO IT
AND YOU WANTED TO DO IT.
WE'RE OLD FRIENDS, HUH?
THERE'S NO NEED
TO MAKE THINGS UP.
ALL RIGHT, GABE, BUT ARE YOU
SURE THESE KIDS WANNA HEAR IT?
(EXCITED CHATTER)
WELL, THERE'S YOUR ANSWER.
UM, MY NAME IS ANGELO DEMORA.
I USED TO BE, UH, A BUTCHER.
I HAD, UH, MY OWN MARKET.
NOTHING FANCY.
BUT, I DID ALL RIGHT.
I HAD TO.
I HAD, UH, A WIFE AND FOUR KIDS.
UH.
THREE GIRLS AND A BOY.
UM.
WE WERE HAPPY.
YOU KNOW, I WORKED HARD.
UH, BUT, I HAD MY FUN, TOO.
YOU KNOW, I USED TO
GO TO THE RACETRACK
WITH THE BOYS ON MONDAY NIGHTS.
AND, UH, PUT A FEW
DOLLARS ON THE EXACTOR.
AND, THEN, UH,
I'D GO HOME AND MY WIFE, CELIA,
SHE'D BE WAITIN' UP FOR ME.
AND THEN, I STARTED TO
GO ON TUESDAY NIGHTS,
AND WEDNESDAY NIGHTS.
LOSIN' MORE AND MORE MONEY.
AND, UH, ONE NIGHT,
I, UH, I CAME HOME,
BROKE AS USUAL,
YOU KNOW, AND, UH,
THERE WAS NO CELIA,
AND THERE WAS NO, UH,
KIDS.
UH, JUST A NOTE.
I GUESS SHE GOT TIRED OF WAITING
FOR THAT EXACTOR TO COME IN.
UH.
THE REST OF IT IS,
UM, QUITE OBVIOUS.
UH, ANY QUESTIONS?
YEAH.
YOU GOT A HANKY?
UH, I'M AFRAID I DON'T HAVE ONE.
I-I DON'T SEEM TO HAVE
VERY MUCH OF ANYTHING.
ANGIE.
HEY, MR. KOT-TAIRE,
I GUESS THERE'S A LOT MORE
TO ANGIE THAN WE THOUGHT.
HEY, LOOK, MR. KOTTER,
I WOULDN'T WANT THIS KINDA
THING GETTIN' AROUND, BUT, UH,
I'M FEELIN' KINDA BAD FOR ANGIE.
WELL, WOULD YOU LIKE TO
DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?
WHAT?
HE FEELS BAD, AIN'T THAT ENOUGH?
WELL, IT AIN'T EXACTLY
WHAT I WOULD CALL
A CHRISTMAS PRESENT.
OOH, I GOT IT, I GOT IT.
HOW ABOUT IF WE ADD HIM
TO OUR SHOPLIFTIN' LISTS?
(LAUGHING)
JOKE.
IT'S NOT A JOKE.
WELL, IT'S UP TO YOU GUYS.
I MEAN, WOULD YOU LIKE TO
DO SOMETHING TO HELP ANGIE?
HEY, WHAT IF WE POOLED THE MONEY
THAT WE WAS GONNA USE TO BUY
EACH OTHER CHRISTMAS PRESENTS
AND SPEND IT ON ANGIE.
THAT'S NOT A BAD IDEA.
YOU KNOW SOMETHIN',
I'M PROUD OF YOU PEOPLE.
AN OLD GUY SHOWS UP
HERE IN A TATTERED SUIT,
AND IN FIVE MINUTES THIS GUY,
WHO WAS JUST A JOKE TO YOU,
BECOMES A MAN.
A HUMAN BEING.
I GUESS THAT'S WHAT THE MIRACLE
OF THIS SEASON'S ALL ABOUT, HUH?
TOUCHE.
YEAH, ANGIE, NICE SHOWER.
WE FINISH UP THIS SHAVE,
IT'S GONNA BE A NEW MAN.
THERE YA GO... -OOH, OOH. -AH.
OH, I HOPE THAT WASN'T
A BIRTH MARK, THERE.
I STILL DON'T KNOW HOW I LET
YOU GUYS TALK ME INTO THIS.
OH, ANGIE, YOU JUST THINK
OF US AS MICHELANGELO
AND WE'LL THINK OF
YOU AS A LUMP OF CLAY.
MAY I HAVE A FANFARE, PLEASE?
(IMITATING TRUMPETS)
AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
PRESENTING THE ALL NEW,
FACTORY-RECONDITIONED,
1977 MODEL,
ANGELO DEMORA!
VOILA!
ALL RIGHT.
DID WE DO THAT?
VERY IMPRESSIVE, MR. DEMORA!
BY JOVE, WE'VE DONE IT.
AH, CONGRATULATIONS,
PROFESSOR HIGGINS.
- HERE, HERE.
- UH, THERE, THERE.
HEY GUYS, WE'VE GOT THE
JACKET AND I'VE GOT THE TIE.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
WOW!
DO YOU EVER LOOK SHARP!
OH, VERY PRETTY TIE, VINNIE.
SO, WHERE'D YOU GET IT?
I GOT IT AT MEL'S USED TIE SHOP.
IT'S GOT PIZZA
STAINS ALL OVER IT.
SO, WHAT... WHEN HE
GETS TIRED OF WEARIN' IT,
HE CAN LICK IT.
IS THIS TOO TIGHT?
ONLY IF I WANNA BREATHE!
ALL RIGHT.
NOW, FOR THE
PIECE OF RESISTANCE.
WHAT?
THERE YA ARE, ANGE.
ALL RIGHT.
OH, LOOK, A VELOUR LINING.
CRUSHED VELOUR.
HEY, THAT AIN'T CRUSHED VELOUR.
AH, WE'LL CRUSH IT LATER.
GABE, HOW DO I LOOK?
ANGIE, YOU LOOK GREAT.
YOU GUYS, YOU
DID A TERRIFIC JOB.
ALL RIGHT.
I HAVE, RIGHT HERE,
THE FINAL TOUCH.
HOT STUFF!
PUT IT ON, PUT IT ON!
HANDSOME!
CHECK IT OUT.
MY CROWNING GLORY!
THANK YOU, GABE.
OH, ABOUT THE PARTY
TONIGHT, MR. KOTTER.
WHAT TIME DOES THE
MRS. WANT US OVER?
SHE SAID, UH,
ANYTIME AFTER 1980.
OR, MAYBE ABOUT
NINE O'CLOCK, OKAY?
HEY, MERRY CHRISTMAS, ANGELO.
ANGIE, YOU LOOK SHARP.
REAL SHARP.
BYE, MR. K.
YOU CLEANER THAN
THE BOARD OF HEALTH.
REALLY NICE, ANGIE,
SEE YOU LATER.
GET ON.
HEY, ANGE, YOU'RE GONNA
COME, HUH, TONIGHT,
NINE O'CLOCK, YOU
BE AT MY HOUSE?
ARE YOU KIDDING?
I'LL BE THE FIRST ONE THERE.
I WOULDN'T MISS
IT FOR THE WORLD!
♪ I'M PUTTIN' ON MY TOP HAT ♪
♪ TYIN' UP MY WHITE TIE ♪
♪ DANCIN' ON MY TAIL ♪
I LIKE THAT I HELP
YOU OUT, BUT, UH,
I DON'T DO GINGER ROGERS.
WHERE'D YOU GET THE
RECIPE FOR THIS PUNCH?
YOUR MOTHER.
IT'S DELICIOUS.
GABE,
I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA
BE ALONE, THIS CHRISTMAS EVE.
LOOK, HONEY, THE SWEATHOGS
HAVE DONE A LOT TO HELP ANGIE,
AND, I HAVE TO LET 'EM SEE
WHAT THEY'VE ACCOMPLISHED.
WE'LL BE ALONE AS
SOON AS THEY LEAVE.
THE SWEATHOGS NEVER LEAVE.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER
LAST CHRISTMAS EVE?
ARNOLD HORSHACK
FELL ASLEEP ON MY LAP.
WELL, HE WAS TIRED.
I MEAN, YOU'D BE TIRED, TOO,
IF YOU WERE UP ON THE ROOF
TILL 2 AM, WAVING AT REINDEER.
LET ME GET YOU
YOUR PRESENT, OKAY?
- OKAY.
- CLOSE YOUR EYES.
I'LL GET YOUR PRESENT,
CLOSE YOUR EYES.
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
WHAT IS IT?
WELL, COME ON!
HIDE YOUR EYES, KEEP
YOUR EYES CLOSED.
OH, COME ON, I
WANNA SEE IT, NOW!
OKAY, OPEN 'EM!
(GASPS)
THE CHRISTMAS TREE YOU WANTED.
OH, HONEY.
OH, OKAY, OKAY, THANK YOU.
OKAY NOW, NOW YOU
CLOSE YOUR EYES.
- YOU GOT A PRESENT FOR ME?
- YES, CLOSE YOUR EYES.
OKAY, THEY'RE CLOSED.
- OKAY, ARE THEY CLOSED?
- YEAH, THEY'RE CLOSED.
- ARE YOU SURE?
- CLOSED!
YOU'RE GONNA BE SO SURPRISED,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE IT!
THERE IT IS.
- THERE IT IS.
- WHAT IS IT?
IT'S A HANUKKAH BUSH.
THAT'S A HANUKKAH BUSH, OH!
- YES!
- THANK YOU, THANK YOU, HONEY.
I THOUGHT WE COULD
CROSS-POLLINATE THEM.
NO, THOSE MIXED
MARRIAGES NEVER WORK.
OKAY, GRAB THE
BUSH, I'LL GET THE TREE.
- OKAY.
- COME ON, PUT IT UP THERE.
- WHERE?
- UP THERE.
OH, OKAY.
OH, THEY LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
LOOK, HONEY, I WANTED TO
GET YOU THAT SILVER BRACELET,
BUT, I HAD TO GIVE IT TO ANGIE.
YOU GAVE ANGIE MY
SILVER BRACELET?
WHY?
BECAUSE, HE WOULDN'T
WEAR THE EARRINGS I GOT HIM.
NO, I GAVE HIM THE MONEY
SO HE COULD, UH, YOU KNOW,
TRY AND FIND A NEW LIFE.
HONEY, I LOVE YOUR TREE.
I LOVE YOUR BUSH.
OH.
♪ WE WISH YOU A
MERRY CHRISTMAS ♪
♪ WE WISH YOU A
MERRY CHRISTMAS ♪
♪ WE WISH YOU A
MERRY CHRISTMAS ♪
♪ AND A PARTRIDGE
IN A PEAR TREE ♪♪
COME IN.
THERE THEY ARE,
THE MORMON TABERNACLE SWEATHOGS.
HEY, WHERE'S ANGIE?
I THOUGHT HE WAS
COMIN' WITH YOU GUYS?
AH, WE COULDN'T FIND HIM.
WE EVEN LOOKED, ON
HIS FAVORITE BENCH.
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S 9:30, NOW, I DON'T
THINK HE'S GONNA SHOW.
YEAH.
ANGIE CONNED YOU AND
NOW YOU CONNED US.
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT,
MR. KOT-TAIRE.
HE PROBABLY TOOK ALL OUR MONEY,
WENT OUT TO THE TRACK
AND PUT IT ON SOME LOSER.
LOOK, I THINK YOU GUYS
ARE MISSING THE POINT.
I MEAN, EVEN IF HE DID THAT,
THE MONEY'S NOT
WHAT'S IMPORTANT.
THE IMPORTANT THING
IS YOU REACHED OUT
TO HELP SOMEBODY IN TROUBLE.
THAT'S WHAT COUNTS.
THERE'S NO GUARANTEE HE'S
GONNA ACCEPT THAT HELP.
GABE'S RIGHT, GUYS.
YOU GAVE IT A SHOT,
YOU COULDN'T DO
ANY MORE THAN THAT.
NAH?
I THINK WE COULD FIND
HIM AND GIVE HIM A SHOT.
(DOOR KNOCKING)
HEY, THAT'S ANGIE.
HI.
SORRY I'M LATE.
- ANGIE.
- ANGIE!
YOU GOT YOUR OLD CLOTHES BACK.
IT WASN'T EASY, 'CAUSE
THE SANITATION DEPARTMENT
WAS ACTUALLY GONNA
BURY THEM AT SEA.
ANGIE, UH, I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WELL, IT WAS LIKE THIS, YOU
SEE, I WAS LOOKIN' IN THE MIRROR,
COMBIN' MY HAIR,
PUTTIN' ON MY TIE,
AND THE SNAZZY-LOOKIN' GUY
IN THE MIRROR LOOKIN' AT ME,
IT WASN'T ME.
BUT, THAT GUY WAS YOU, ONCE.
YEAH, ONCE, BUT NOT ANYMORE.
IT TOOK ME 20 YEARS TO GET HERE.
THIS IS ME, THIS IS ANGIE.
BUT, BUT, YOU'RE A BUM.
BUT, I'M A HAPPY BUM.
LOOK AT THE ADVANTAGES.
LOOK, I'M FREE TO TRAVEL.
I DON'T HAVE TO
PUNCH ANY TIME CLOCK.
NO COMPANY PICNICS.
I DON'T HAVE TO WAIT
TILL I'M 65 TO RETIRE.
BOY, THAT SOUNDS GOOD.
WHERE DO YA SIGN UP
FOR SOMETHIN' LIKE THAT?
ANGE.
YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT?
LOOK, I GOT THAT SUIT
TUCKED AWAY IN A SAFE PLACE.
NOW, MAYBE SOMEDAY
I'LL WANT TO WEAR IT.
BUT, NOT RIGHT NOW.
LOOK, THIS IS ALL I AM.
LOOK, I WANNA THANK
YOU GUYS FOR EVERYTHING.
AND GABE, YOU REALLY
WERE A ROTTEN KID.
BUT, YOU'RE A VERY NICE MAN.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
HOW COULD HE LET US
DO ALL THIS STUFF FOR HIM?
I THINK IT WAS BECAUSE
HE DIDN'T WANT TO, UH,
SPOIL YOUR CHRISTMAS.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU MEAN
SPOIL OUR CHRISTMAS?
YEAH, WHAT ARE
YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
YEAH, I MEAN, LIKE, WE
TOOK ALL OF OUR MONEY
THAT WE WERE GONNA
USE FOR CHRISTMAS,
WE GO AND SPEND IT ON HIM.
- YEAH.
- AND, WHAT DOES HE GIVE US?
EPSTEIN,
HOW DID YOU FEEL WHEN
YOU WERE SHAVIN' ANGIE,
GETTIN' HIM READY?
I FELT GREAT.
VINNIE, HOW'D YOU FEEL WHEN
YOU WERE GETTIN' THAT TIE FOR HIM,
PICKIN' IT OUT?
REALLY NICE.
AND FREDDIE, HOW'D YOU FEEL
WHEN YOU PUT ON THAT JACKET?
REALLY TOGETHER.
AND ARNOLD, HOW
YOU FEEL, RIGHT NOW?
SPECIAL.
VERY SPECIAL.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT
ANGIE GAVE YOU GUYS.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
YOU WANT IT GIFT-WRAPPED?
OH!
HEY LOOK, WE DIDN'T
HAVE MUCH MONEY LEFT,
BUT WE GOT YOU ALL
SOME PRESENTS, ALL RIGHT?
(EXCITED CHATTER)
♪
SANTA, DID I EVER TELL YOU
ABOUT MY COUSIN, EILEEN?
WELL, SHE WAS REALLY SKINNY.
SHE WAS SO SKINNY,
WHEN SHE TOOK A SHOWER
SHE HAD TO WEAR SNOW SHOES.
OTHERWISE, SHE'D GET
SUCKED DOWN THE DRAIN.
HO, HO, HO, HO, HO, HO!
WHERE'D YOU GO, HONEY?
OH, WENT OVER TO THE TABLE,
SANTA WAS THERE, HAVIN'
SOME MILK AND COOKIES,
AND I TOLD HIM ABOUT
MY COUSIN, EILEEN.
THAT'S NICE, HONEY.
(JINGLE BELLS)
♪
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ AND I SMILE WHEN I THINK ♪♪
- WHAT?
DID I EVER TELL YOU
ABOUT MY UNCLE MORRIS,
WHO WAS DRUNK AT THE ZOO?
BABE, THEY DON'T SELL
LIQUOR AT THE ZOO.
SO, HE GOT THE LIQUOR
BEFORE HE WENT TO THE ZOO
AND THEN HE WENT TO THE ZOO.
ANYWAY, HE WAS DRUNK
AND HE WAS AT THE ZOO.
AND WE WERE STANDING IN
FRONT OF THE LION'S CAGE,
AND THE LION WAS ROARING.
ROAR!
ROAR!
AND HE SAID, "GO AHEAD,
FELLA, ROAR SOME MORE."
ROAR!
AND, MY AUNT EILEEN SAYS,
"COME ON, I'M TAKIN' YOU HOME."
"NOT YET,
THE MOVIE'S JUST
ABOUT TO START."
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪
♪
HEY, YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS,
IT'S ONLY TWO DAYS TO
CHRISTMAS AND I CAN HARDLY WAIT.
OH, I HOPE SANTA COMES ACROSS
WITH THAT MARIE OSMOND DOLL.
HEY, YOU KNOW,
LAST YEAR I SENT AWAY
FOR ONE OF THEM, UH,
RAQUEL WELCH DOLLS,
THEY COULDN'T FIT ALL
OF HER IN A MAILBOX.
HEY,
ANGIE'S HERE FOR HIS
ANNUAL CHRISTMAS HANDOUT,
YOU GOTTA KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS!
HEY, ANGELO!
LONG TIME, NO SEE, ANGE.
YEAH, ANGE, YOU, UM,
NEXT TIME WHY DON'T
YOU TIP THE MAITRE D'.
YOU GET A BETTER TABLE.
YEAH, ONE WITHOUT SNOW.
HEY, DID I ASK YOU
GUYS FOR A FLOORSHOW?
YOU'RE OFF MY CHRISTMAS LIST.
- AW, YOU PROMISED.
- ANGIE, DON'T DO IT, PLEASE.
WHAT WERE YOU GONNA GET US?
A SUBSCRIPTION TO
SKID ROW ILLUSTRATED?
I TOLD YOU GUYS, LAST YEAR.
I AM NOT A BUM.
I AM A CORPORATE EXECUTIVE
KEEPING A VERY LOW PROFILE.
YEAH, AND I'M RUDOLPH
THE RED-NOSED REINDEER.
CORPORATE EXECUTIVE.
(LAUGHING)
OH, COME ON, VINCENT.
CAN'T YOU SEE THAT
WE ARE DEALING
WITH A SENSITIVE
HUMAN BEING, HERE?
A MAN WHO HAS FALLEN OFF OF
THE MERRY-GO-ROUND OF LIFE.
KID, YOU ARE DEPRESSING ME!
♪ 'TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY ♪
♪ FA LA LA LA LA LA ♪
♪ LA LA LA ♪
HOW YOU DOIN'?
THESE KIDS GIVIN'
YOU A ROUGH TIME?
IT'S ME, GABE KOTTER.
SKINNY KID, NO MUSTACHE?
KOTTER.
AIN'T YOU GRADUATED, YET?
YEAH, ELEVEN YEARS AGO.
I'M A TEACHER, NOW.
ANGIE USED TO COME HERE
WHEN I WAS A SWEATHOG.
YOU KNEW HIM WHEN
HE WAS A SWEATHOG?
MAN, YOU BEEN AROUND
HERE A LONG TIME.
18 YEARS!
TWO MORE YEARS,
AND THE SCHOOL BOARD
GIVES ME A GOLD WATCH.
YEAH, WELL, MAYBE YOU CAN SELL
IT AND BUY YOURSELF A NEW SUIT.
YOU'RE VERY FUNNY.
YOU GUYS ARE AS FUNNY AS A
PORK CHOP AT A BAR MITZVAH.
THAT'S PRETTY GOOD, MAN.
THIS MAN KNOWS FUNNY.
THEY'RE A REGULAR RIOT,
COULD I SEE YOU GUYS A SECOND?
SURE, YOU BETCHA, SURE.
EXCUSE US, ANGIE.
YEAH, SEE YOU IN A
MINUTE, ANGIE, OKAY?
HE'S THE JOKE THAT
I IMAGINED HE IS.
(LAUGHING)
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU GUYS?
WHAT?
WHY ARE YOU COMIN'
DOWN ON HIM, LIKE THIS?
I MEAN, THE MAN IS
DOWN ON HIS LUCK.
I MEAN, HE COMES AND GETS
THAT MEAL AT THE CAFETERIA
'CAUSE THAT'S PROBABLY THE
ONLY GOOD ONE HE GETS ALL YEAR.
BOY, HE IS DOWN ON HIS LUCK.
C'MON, MR. KOTTER.
WE LIKE HIM, HE LIKES US.
WE KID HIM, HE KIDS US.
WE WAS JUST HAVIN' A LITTLE
FUN WITH 'EM, THAT'S ALL.
YEAH, THAT'S ALL.
HEY, MR. KOT-TAIRE,
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
WE ALL STREET PEOPLE.
YEAH, I'M AFRAID
THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE.
YOU GUYS HANG OUT IN THE STREET.
ANGIE LIVES THERE.
OH, BUT, REALLY, HE
DON'T MIND, MR. KOTTER.
REALLY, LET ME SHOW YOU, OKAY?
HEY, ANGIE, ANGIE.
HEY, LISTEN, YOU MIND WHEN WE,
WHEN WE FOOL AROUND
YOU AND KID YOU LIKE THAT?
WHO CARES WHAT YOU SAY?
YOU KIDS ARE THE WORST!
SEE THAT?
HE LIKES US.
THERE IT IS.
BE COOL, ANGIE,
CHECK IN A WHILE.
HEY, MERRY CHRISTMAS, ANGIE.
MR. KOTTER, DON'T FORGET
THE CHRISTMAS PARTY GRAB BAG.
WE'LL CATCH YOU ON THE
NEXT TIME AROUND, ANGE.
BYE!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
GET ON.
UH, ANGIE, LOOK, I'M
SORRY ABOUT THOSE KIDS,
- BUT, YOU KNOW HOW IT IS...
- FORGET IT!
I MEAN, THEY'RE... THEY'RE
NO DIFFERENT THAN YOU WERE.
YOU... YOU REMEMBER?
YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU USED
TO SAY TO ME, WHEN YOU WERE A KID?
WHO REMEMBERS?
THAT WAS ELEVEN YEARS
AGO, I DON'T REMEM...
I REMEMBER ONE OF
THE THINGS I USED TO SAY.
I USED TO SAY, "HEY, ANGIE,
EVERY TIME YOU COME AROUND HERE
YOU LOWER THE PROPERTY VALUES
FOR THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD."
YOU SAID THAT, YOU DID.
I REMEMBER ANOTHER
THING I USED TO SAY.
I USED TO SAY, "HEY, ANGIE,
WHY DON'T YOU GIVE US A BREAK
AND ROTATE YOUR
SHORTS ONCE IN A WHILE."
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, GABE?
YOU WERE, REALLY, A ROTTEN KID.
YEAH.
I GUESS I WAS.
SO, TELL ME, ANGIE.
HOW'S EVERYTHING GOING...
A LITTLE ROUGH, HUH?
NO ROUGHER THAN USUAL.
CAN YOU USE ANY HELP?
NAH, YOU KNOW ME, GABE.
NAH, I MANAGE.
YEAH, BUT, LOOK,
IT'S THE HOLIDAY.
EVERYBODY COULD USE
A FEW EXTRA DOLLARS.
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOIN'... WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?
LET ME GIVE YOU A LITTLE
TASTE, HERE, GO AHEAD, TAKE IT,
- WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'... COME ON.
- NO, NO, NO.
EVERYONE COULD USE A LITTLE
EXTRA CASH ON THE HOLIDAY.
YEAH, ESPECIALLY TEACHERS.
NOW, YOU HANG ONTO THAT.
YOU KNOW, I GOT A RULE
ABOUT PANHANDLING FRIENDS.
YOU UNDERSTAND, GABE.
YEAH, I UNDERSTAND, ANGIE.
SURE.
OUT THERE IS OUR CITY.
IT'S COMPRISED OF THE
PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN IT.
NOW, LAST MONTH,
AS A GUEST SPEAKER
WE HAD DR. HARRY BEAMISH,
WHO TOLD US WHAT IT'S
LIKE TO BE A PROFESSIONAL.
I THOUGHT IT'D BE INTERESTING IF
WE HAD ANOTHER SPEAKER TODAY.
SOMEBODY WHO
REPRESENTED THE NAKED CITY.
BOY, THIS GUY'S FLIPPED OUT.
HE'S GONNA BRING A
NAKED GUY IN HERE.
NOW, CALM DOWN, I'M NOT
BRINGIN' A NAKED GUY IN HERE.
AW.
NOW, RELAX, GIRLS.
MYSTERY GUEST, WILL YOU
ENTER AND SIGN IN, PLEASE.
GREETINGS, FROM
THE GREAT OUTDOORS.
ANGIE?
WHAT'S HE DOIN' IN
OUR CLASSROOM?
HEY, I THINK WE CAN LEARN
JUST AS MUCH FROM ANGIE
AS WE DID FROM DR. BEAMISH.
WHAT'S HE GON' TEACH
US, ADVANCED VAGRANCY?
I THINK WE SHOULD HEAR HIM OUT.
YOU'RE RIGHT,
BUT FIRST WE GOTTA AIR HIM OUT.
ALL RIGHT, SETTLE DOWN, COME ON!
I INVITED ANGIE HERE, TODAY,
BECAUSE I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT
THAT WE HEAR HIS STORY.
ANGIE, GO AHEAD.
THANK YOU, GABE.
NOW, I THINK THE MOST
IMPORTANT POINT...
UH, KOTTER, HERE'S
THAT FILE YOU ASKED FOR.
WHAT'S THIS?
BOWERY SHOW AND TELL?
MR. WOODMAN, THAT'S ANGIE.
I KNOW WHO HE IS.
HE'S OUR ANNUAL SCHOOLYARD HOBO.
YOU WERE ALWAYS EXTRA NICE
AT CHRISTMAS, MR. WOODMAN.
WHAT DO YOU DO CHRISTMAS EVE?
GO DOOR TO DOOR AND
TELL KIDS THERE'S NO SANTA?
WELL, SOMEONE HAS TO DO IT.
LOOK, MR. WOODMAN,
I, PERSONALLY,
INVITED ANGIE
HERE TODAY TO TALK.
WHAT ARE YOU
STUDYING, URBAN DECAY?
JUST TAKE A PICTURE
OF YOUR SWEATHOGS.
(LAUGHING)
URBAN DECAY, SWEATHOGS,
YOU GET IT, KOTTER?
(LAUGHING)
SORRY FOR THE
INTERRUPTION... GO AHEAD, ANGIE.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, GABE.
NOW, THE TURNING
POINT OF MY LIFE
WAS IN CHICAGO IN 1954,
WHEN I TOOK CONTROL
OF THE SYNDICATE.
AH, COME ON, ANGE.
ANGE, GET OFF IT, ANGE.
NO, IT'S THE TRUTH.
LISTEN, ANGIE.
YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULD COME
HERE AND TELL YOUR STORY.
I WANTED YOU TO DO IT
AND YOU WANTED TO DO IT.
WE'RE OLD FRIENDS, HUH?
THERE'S NO NEED
TO MAKE THINGS UP.
ALL RIGHT, GABE, BUT ARE YOU
SURE THESE KIDS WANNA HEAR IT?
(EXCITED CHATTER)
WELL, THERE'S YOUR ANSWER.
UM, MY NAME IS ANGELO DEMORA.
I USED TO BE, UH, A BUTCHER.
I HAD, UH, MY OWN MARKET.
NOTHING FANCY.
BUT, I DID ALL RIGHT.
I HAD TO.
I HAD, UH, A WIFE AND FOUR KIDS.
UH.
THREE GIRLS AND A BOY.
UM.
WE WERE HAPPY.
YOU KNOW, I WORKED HARD.
UH, BUT, I HAD MY FUN, TOO.
YOU KNOW, I USED TO
GO TO THE RACETRACK
WITH THE BOYS ON MONDAY NIGHTS.
AND, UH, PUT A FEW
DOLLARS ON THE EXACTOR.
AND, THEN, UH,
I'D GO HOME AND MY WIFE, CELIA,
SHE'D BE WAITIN' UP FOR ME.
AND THEN, I STARTED TO
GO ON TUESDAY NIGHTS,
AND WEDNESDAY NIGHTS.
LOSIN' MORE AND MORE MONEY.
AND, UH, ONE NIGHT,
I, UH, I CAME HOME,
BROKE AS USUAL,
YOU KNOW, AND, UH,
THERE WAS NO CELIA,
AND THERE WAS NO, UH,
KIDS.
UH, JUST A NOTE.
I GUESS SHE GOT TIRED OF WAITING
FOR THAT EXACTOR TO COME IN.
UH.
THE REST OF IT IS,
UM, QUITE OBVIOUS.
UH, ANY QUESTIONS?
YEAH.
YOU GOT A HANKY?
UH, I'M AFRAID I DON'T HAVE ONE.
I-I DON'T SEEM TO HAVE
VERY MUCH OF ANYTHING.
ANGIE.
HEY, MR. KOT-TAIRE,
I GUESS THERE'S A LOT MORE
TO ANGIE THAN WE THOUGHT.
HEY, LOOK, MR. KOTTER,
I WOULDN'T WANT THIS KINDA
THING GETTIN' AROUND, BUT, UH,
I'M FEELIN' KINDA BAD FOR ANGIE.
WELL, WOULD YOU LIKE TO
DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?
WHAT?
HE FEELS BAD, AIN'T THAT ENOUGH?
WELL, IT AIN'T EXACTLY
WHAT I WOULD CALL
A CHRISTMAS PRESENT.
OOH, I GOT IT, I GOT IT.
HOW ABOUT IF WE ADD HIM
TO OUR SHOPLIFTIN' LISTS?
(LAUGHING)
JOKE.
IT'S NOT A JOKE.
WELL, IT'S UP TO YOU GUYS.
I MEAN, WOULD YOU LIKE TO
DO SOMETHING TO HELP ANGIE?
HEY, WHAT IF WE POOLED THE MONEY
THAT WE WAS GONNA USE TO BUY
EACH OTHER CHRISTMAS PRESENTS
AND SPEND IT ON ANGIE.
THAT'S NOT A BAD IDEA.
YOU KNOW SOMETHIN',
I'M PROUD OF YOU PEOPLE.
AN OLD GUY SHOWS UP
HERE IN A TATTERED SUIT,
AND IN FIVE MINUTES THIS GUY,
WHO WAS JUST A JOKE TO YOU,
BECOMES A MAN.
A HUMAN BEING.
I GUESS THAT'S WHAT THE MIRACLE
OF THIS SEASON'S ALL ABOUT, HUH?
TOUCHE.
YEAH, ANGIE, NICE SHOWER.
WE FINISH UP THIS SHAVE,
IT'S GONNA BE A NEW MAN.
THERE YA GO... -OOH, OOH. -AH.
OH, I HOPE THAT WASN'T
A BIRTH MARK, THERE.
I STILL DON'T KNOW HOW I LET
YOU GUYS TALK ME INTO THIS.
OH, ANGIE, YOU JUST THINK
OF US AS MICHELANGELO
AND WE'LL THINK OF
YOU AS A LUMP OF CLAY.
MAY I HAVE A FANFARE, PLEASE?
(IMITATING TRUMPETS)
AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
PRESENTING THE ALL NEW,
FACTORY-RECONDITIONED,
1977 MODEL,
ANGELO DEMORA!
VOILA!
ALL RIGHT.
DID WE DO THAT?
VERY IMPRESSIVE, MR. DEMORA!
BY JOVE, WE'VE DONE IT.
AH, CONGRATULATIONS,
PROFESSOR HIGGINS.
- HERE, HERE.
- UH, THERE, THERE.
HEY GUYS, WE'VE GOT THE
JACKET AND I'VE GOT THE TIE.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
WOW!
DO YOU EVER LOOK SHARP!
OH, VERY PRETTY TIE, VINNIE.
SO, WHERE'D YOU GET IT?
I GOT IT AT MEL'S USED TIE SHOP.
IT'S GOT PIZZA
STAINS ALL OVER IT.
SO, WHAT... WHEN HE
GETS TIRED OF WEARIN' IT,
HE CAN LICK IT.
IS THIS TOO TIGHT?
ONLY IF I WANNA BREATHE!
ALL RIGHT.
NOW, FOR THE
PIECE OF RESISTANCE.
WHAT?
THERE YA ARE, ANGE.
ALL RIGHT.
OH, LOOK, A VELOUR LINING.
CRUSHED VELOUR.
HEY, THAT AIN'T CRUSHED VELOUR.
AH, WE'LL CRUSH IT LATER.
GABE, HOW DO I LOOK?
ANGIE, YOU LOOK GREAT.
YOU GUYS, YOU
DID A TERRIFIC JOB.
ALL RIGHT.
I HAVE, RIGHT HERE,
THE FINAL TOUCH.
HOT STUFF!
PUT IT ON, PUT IT ON!
HANDSOME!
CHECK IT OUT.
MY CROWNING GLORY!
THANK YOU, GABE.
OH, ABOUT THE PARTY
TONIGHT, MR. KOTTER.
WHAT TIME DOES THE
MRS. WANT US OVER?
SHE SAID, UH,
ANYTIME AFTER 1980.
OR, MAYBE ABOUT
NINE O'CLOCK, OKAY?
HEY, MERRY CHRISTMAS, ANGELO.
ANGIE, YOU LOOK SHARP.
REAL SHARP.
BYE, MR. K.
YOU CLEANER THAN
THE BOARD OF HEALTH.
REALLY NICE, ANGIE,
SEE YOU LATER.
GET ON.
HEY, ANGE, YOU'RE GONNA
COME, HUH, TONIGHT,
NINE O'CLOCK, YOU
BE AT MY HOUSE?
ARE YOU KIDDING?
I'LL BE THE FIRST ONE THERE.
I WOULDN'T MISS
IT FOR THE WORLD!
♪ I'M PUTTIN' ON MY TOP HAT ♪
♪ TYIN' UP MY WHITE TIE ♪
♪ DANCIN' ON MY TAIL ♪
I LIKE THAT I HELP
YOU OUT, BUT, UH,
I DON'T DO GINGER ROGERS.
WHERE'D YOU GET THE
RECIPE FOR THIS PUNCH?
YOUR MOTHER.
IT'S DELICIOUS.
GABE,
I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA
BE ALONE, THIS CHRISTMAS EVE.
LOOK, HONEY, THE SWEATHOGS
HAVE DONE A LOT TO HELP ANGIE,
AND, I HAVE TO LET 'EM SEE
WHAT THEY'VE ACCOMPLISHED.
WE'LL BE ALONE AS
SOON AS THEY LEAVE.
THE SWEATHOGS NEVER LEAVE.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER
LAST CHRISTMAS EVE?
ARNOLD HORSHACK
FELL ASLEEP ON MY LAP.
WELL, HE WAS TIRED.
I MEAN, YOU'D BE TIRED, TOO,
IF YOU WERE UP ON THE ROOF
TILL 2 AM, WAVING AT REINDEER.
LET ME GET YOU
YOUR PRESENT, OKAY?
- OKAY.
- CLOSE YOUR EYES.
I'LL GET YOUR PRESENT,
CLOSE YOUR EYES.
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
WHAT IS IT?
WELL, COME ON!
HIDE YOUR EYES, KEEP
YOUR EYES CLOSED.
OH, COME ON, I
WANNA SEE IT, NOW!
OKAY, OPEN 'EM!
(GASPS)
THE CHRISTMAS TREE YOU WANTED.
OH, HONEY.
OH, OKAY, OKAY, THANK YOU.
OKAY NOW, NOW YOU
CLOSE YOUR EYES.
- YOU GOT A PRESENT FOR ME?
- YES, CLOSE YOUR EYES.
OKAY, THEY'RE CLOSED.
- OKAY, ARE THEY CLOSED?
- YEAH, THEY'RE CLOSED.
- ARE YOU SURE?
- CLOSED!
YOU'RE GONNA BE SO SURPRISED,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE IT!
THERE IT IS.
- THERE IT IS.
- WHAT IS IT?
IT'S A HANUKKAH BUSH.
THAT'S A HANUKKAH BUSH, OH!
- YES!
- THANK YOU, THANK YOU, HONEY.
I THOUGHT WE COULD
CROSS-POLLINATE THEM.
NO, THOSE MIXED
MARRIAGES NEVER WORK.
OKAY, GRAB THE
BUSH, I'LL GET THE TREE.
- OKAY.
- COME ON, PUT IT UP THERE.
- WHERE?
- UP THERE.
OH, OKAY.
OH, THEY LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
LOOK, HONEY, I WANTED TO
GET YOU THAT SILVER BRACELET,
BUT, I HAD TO GIVE IT TO ANGIE.
YOU GAVE ANGIE MY
SILVER BRACELET?
WHY?
BECAUSE, HE WOULDN'T
WEAR THE EARRINGS I GOT HIM.
NO, I GAVE HIM THE MONEY
SO HE COULD, UH, YOU KNOW,
TRY AND FIND A NEW LIFE.
HONEY, I LOVE YOUR TREE.
I LOVE YOUR BUSH.
OH.
♪ WE WISH YOU A
MERRY CHRISTMAS ♪
♪ WE WISH YOU A
MERRY CHRISTMAS ♪
♪ WE WISH YOU A
MERRY CHRISTMAS ♪
♪ AND A PARTRIDGE
IN A PEAR TREE ♪♪
COME IN.
THERE THEY ARE,
THE MORMON TABERNACLE SWEATHOGS.
HEY, WHERE'S ANGIE?
I THOUGHT HE WAS
COMIN' WITH YOU GUYS?
AH, WE COULDN'T FIND HIM.
WE EVEN LOOKED, ON
HIS FAVORITE BENCH.
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S 9:30, NOW, I DON'T
THINK HE'S GONNA SHOW.
YEAH.
ANGIE CONNED YOU AND
NOW YOU CONNED US.
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT,
MR. KOT-TAIRE.
HE PROBABLY TOOK ALL OUR MONEY,
WENT OUT TO THE TRACK
AND PUT IT ON SOME LOSER.
LOOK, I THINK YOU GUYS
ARE MISSING THE POINT.
I MEAN, EVEN IF HE DID THAT,
THE MONEY'S NOT
WHAT'S IMPORTANT.
THE IMPORTANT THING
IS YOU REACHED OUT
TO HELP SOMEBODY IN TROUBLE.
THAT'S WHAT COUNTS.
THERE'S NO GUARANTEE HE'S
GONNA ACCEPT THAT HELP.
GABE'S RIGHT, GUYS.
YOU GAVE IT A SHOT,
YOU COULDN'T DO
ANY MORE THAN THAT.
NAH?
I THINK WE COULD FIND
HIM AND GIVE HIM A SHOT.
(DOOR KNOCKING)
HEY, THAT'S ANGIE.
HI.
SORRY I'M LATE.
- ANGIE.
- ANGIE!
YOU GOT YOUR OLD CLOTHES BACK.
IT WASN'T EASY, 'CAUSE
THE SANITATION DEPARTMENT
WAS ACTUALLY GONNA
BURY THEM AT SEA.
ANGIE, UH, I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WELL, IT WAS LIKE THIS, YOU
SEE, I WAS LOOKIN' IN THE MIRROR,
COMBIN' MY HAIR,
PUTTIN' ON MY TIE,
AND THE SNAZZY-LOOKIN' GUY
IN THE MIRROR LOOKIN' AT ME,
IT WASN'T ME.
BUT, THAT GUY WAS YOU, ONCE.
YEAH, ONCE, BUT NOT ANYMORE.
IT TOOK ME 20 YEARS TO GET HERE.
THIS IS ME, THIS IS ANGIE.
BUT, BUT, YOU'RE A BUM.
BUT, I'M A HAPPY BUM.
LOOK AT THE ADVANTAGES.
LOOK, I'M FREE TO TRAVEL.
I DON'T HAVE TO
PUNCH ANY TIME CLOCK.
NO COMPANY PICNICS.
I DON'T HAVE TO WAIT
TILL I'M 65 TO RETIRE.
BOY, THAT SOUNDS GOOD.
WHERE DO YA SIGN UP
FOR SOMETHIN' LIKE THAT?
ANGE.
YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT?
LOOK, I GOT THAT SUIT
TUCKED AWAY IN A SAFE PLACE.
NOW, MAYBE SOMEDAY
I'LL WANT TO WEAR IT.
BUT, NOT RIGHT NOW.
LOOK, THIS IS ALL I AM.
LOOK, I WANNA THANK
YOU GUYS FOR EVERYTHING.
AND GABE, YOU REALLY
WERE A ROTTEN KID.
BUT, YOU'RE A VERY NICE MAN.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
HOW COULD HE LET US
DO ALL THIS STUFF FOR HIM?
I THINK IT WAS BECAUSE
HE DIDN'T WANT TO, UH,
SPOIL YOUR CHRISTMAS.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU MEAN
SPOIL OUR CHRISTMAS?
YEAH, WHAT ARE
YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
YEAH, I MEAN, LIKE, WE
TOOK ALL OF OUR MONEY
THAT WE WERE GONNA
USE FOR CHRISTMAS,
WE GO AND SPEND IT ON HIM.
- YEAH.
- AND, WHAT DOES HE GIVE US?
EPSTEIN,
HOW DID YOU FEEL WHEN
YOU WERE SHAVIN' ANGIE,
GETTIN' HIM READY?
I FELT GREAT.
VINNIE, HOW'D YOU FEEL WHEN
YOU WERE GETTIN' THAT TIE FOR HIM,
PICKIN' IT OUT?
REALLY NICE.
AND FREDDIE, HOW'D YOU FEEL
WHEN YOU PUT ON THAT JACKET?
REALLY TOGETHER.
AND ARNOLD, HOW
YOU FEEL, RIGHT NOW?
SPECIAL.
VERY SPECIAL.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT
ANGIE GAVE YOU GUYS.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
YOU WANT IT GIFT-WRAPPED?
OH!
HEY LOOK, WE DIDN'T
HAVE MUCH MONEY LEFT,
BUT WE GOT YOU ALL
SOME PRESENTS, ALL RIGHT?
(EXCITED CHATTER)
♪
SANTA, DID I EVER TELL YOU
ABOUT MY COUSIN, EILEEN?
WELL, SHE WAS REALLY SKINNY.
SHE WAS SO SKINNY,
WHEN SHE TOOK A SHOWER
SHE HAD TO WEAR SNOW SHOES.
OTHERWISE, SHE'D GET
SUCKED DOWN THE DRAIN.
HO, HO, HO, HO, HO, HO!
WHERE'D YOU GO, HONEY?
OH, WENT OVER TO THE TABLE,
SANTA WAS THERE, HAVIN'
SOME MILK AND COOKIES,
AND I TOLD HIM ABOUT
MY COUSIN, EILEEN.
THAT'S NICE, HONEY.
(JINGLE BELLS)
♪
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ AND I SMILE WHEN I THINK ♪♪