Welcome Back, Kotter (1975–1979): Season 1, Episode 3 - Welcome Back - full transcript
Gabriel Kotter is a teacher in Brooklyn, New York who ends up teaching at his old alma mater: Buchanan High School. He has been assigned to teach the remedial students, better known as the Sweathogs, a group to which he used to belong.
Julie, come on.
Get out of bed. Come on.
I was having a
really great dream.
Oh, come on.
Take the pillows out.
Come on.
What'd you do that for?
You're stalling.
I'm not stalling.
I'm not going.
Ugh. Again?
Honey, just be happy that you
have been assigned anywhere.
A lot of new teachers
can't find jobs at all.
Julie, James Buchanan
is not anywhere.
It's in Bensonhurst,
which is in Brooklyn,
which is where I spent
four degenerate
years as a student.
Do you know how rough that is?
The gangs there don't use guns.
They insert the
bullets manually.
Welcome Back, Kotter has
been recorded live on tape
before a studio audience.
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
♪ Well, the names
Have all changed ♪
♪ Since you hung around ♪
♪ But those dreams
Have remained ♪
♪ And they've turned around ♪
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪
♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪
♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪
♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
I'll never forget that first day
back at Buchanan as a teacher.
That's me, the
cute one on the left.
That's Vice Principal Woodman.
He's the kind of guy
who drinks prune juice
'cause he likes the taste.
When I was a student,
he always blamed
me for the cafeteria riot.
Well, that was 10 years ago.
I'm sure the man has
forgotten all about it by now.
What about the cafeteria riot?
He hasn't forgotten.
The cafeteria riot?
I was there, okay.
I was an innocent bystander.
Were it not for
my faulty memory,
I would seem to
remember you bystanding
on top of the table
shouting, "Charge!"
That wasn't me, Mr. Woodman,
that was Crazy Delaney.
No, no, Kotter. No, no.
No, Delaney was the maniac
who dropped two
teachers of different weights
from the gymnasium window
to see if they hit the
ground at the same time.
He said it was a
physics experiment.
Look, Mr. Woodface...
These things, they
happened a long time ago.
I'm a different person.
You're a different person.
Things change. No, you're wrong.
No, you're wrong.
Nothing changes.
Remember my motto.
Conquer thyself, Kotter.
Conquer thyself.
Right here in the hall?
You haven't
changed a bit, Kotter.
You still have street mouth.
I have a degree in
teaching, Mr. Woodman.
That's why I'm here.
You wanna teach?
All right, teach.
I'm giving you back your own.
The special guidance
remedial academics group.
You're giving me the Sweathogs?
To you, whose class
launched that revolting name,
they're Sweathogs.
To me, they're...
remedial Sweathogs.
Mr. Woodman, do
you really think it's...
Mr. Kotter, you'll
find that first aid
is still in Room 118.
Good morning.
I'm your, uh, new
homeroom teacher.
My name is Mr. Kotter.
I am looking forward
to a meaningful learning
experience for everybody.
A meaningful learning
experience, Mr. Kotter?
Wow, tell us more.
Oh, I'd be delighted to.
I'll also be your social
studies instructor.
Social studies? That's
one of our favorites.
Can we begin right now?
Well, as soon as
I get your names,
I guess we'll get right into it.
Great. Oh, goody, goody, goody!
Now that I have succeeded
in establishing a relationship,
a rapport between
myself and myself,
I'd like to know who you are.
Let us begin over here.
No, no.
We're gonna start over here.
Okay, we'll start over here.
Barbarino.
Vinnie Barbarino.
This is my place and these,
these are my people.
Thank you, uh,
Chairman Barbarino.
Who is this?
That.
That is Epstein.
The toughest kid in school.
Voted "Most
likely to take a life."
Epstein, huh?
Juan Luis Pedro Phillipo
de Huevos Epstein,
from San Juan.
You're mother's Puerto Rican?
No. My father.
My mother's name is Bibberman.
I really didn't know, you know,
that there were
Epsteins in Puerto Rico.
Oh, there weren't
until the winter of '38.
When a boat carrying
a shivering Lou Epstein
from Odessa to the Bronx
stopped in San Juan.
"Oy," my grandfather said,
"look at the palm trees.
"Feel this heat.
Look at this tan.
Hey, who needs Miami?"
From that day on,
there were Epsteins in San Juan.
That's very
interesting, uh, Epstein.
What's your favorite subject?
Assault.
Yeah, you tell him Puerto Rico.
Hi, there.
My name's Freddie Washington.
Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington.
What's the "Boom Boom" for?
♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom
Boom, boom, boom, boom ♪
I get it. I get it.
You play the bass.
No, man, I just
like to be doing this.
Who are you?
He's Horshack.
Horshack doesn't talk?
He talks when
I tell him to talk.
Is that so, Horshack?
You need him
to tell you to talk?
You say nothing on
your own volition?
Tell him to talk.
Talk, Horshack.
Hello.
How are ya?
I'm Arnold Horshack.
Which Arnold Horshack?
Arnold Horshack, the last.
Why the last, Horshack?
Because, uh, after they made me,
they broke the mold.
What else, uh, can
you make him do?
Oh, the hunchback.
Ask me to do the
hunchback of Notre-Dame.
All right, all right, all right.
Horshack, would you do the
hunchback of Notre-Dame?
It's great.
Esmeralda, come ring my bells.
Well, look, you're a very
interesting group of kids,
and I love to go on
talking to you forever.
But it's time to play
Let's Go to School.
I'm sorry, Barbarino,
but this is my class.
Okay. I want you to listen
to me and listen closely.
Pick up your chairs and move
them to wherever you like to sit
and sit with anybody you
have a relationship with.
Why should we
do that, Mr. Kotter?
Why should we move
our chairs? Huh? Huh?
This way, you'll be
more inclined to study,
you'll be in study groups.
Do it!
Okay. This is what
you call a study group.
This, uh, study
group. To study what?
You study whatever grabs you.
Wanna study
American history? Great.
Civics? Far out. Current
events? Fantastic.
On the other hand,
if you'd like to study
how to look innocent
in a lineup, that's great.
If you'd like to study
how to speak clearly
with a stocking over
your head, terrific.
Whatever grabs you.
The only thing
that grabs Horshack
is in a brown paper wrapper.
Come on! Give it! Come on!
You twits!
All right, all right,
all right, all right.
Give me that book. All right.
Ooh.
I'm into recycling paper.
I was about to turn it in.
Mr. Kotter, I have an idea.
Why don't we take
one of those chicks
and put her up on the wall
so our study group
may study her?
Mr. Kotter?
Mr. Kotter, what you looking at?
I was just, uh,
reading her biography.
Sit down, Horshack.
I might do that, Barbarino,
if your study group would
write a report on censorship.
The effect on the male teenager.
Yeah, well, Barbarino
don't write no reports
for no one.
Barbarino don't
write no reports.
What does Barbarino
do beside give orders?
Hey, Vinnie's the ranking
champ for Brooklyn.
Take a bow, Vinnie.
You mean, insulting,
chopping, sounding.
The doesn'ts.
The doesn'ts.
Okay, Barbarino, let's see
how much talent you got.
You're asking for it, Kotter.
You're right, I'm asking for it.
Up your nose with a rubber hose.
Whoa!
Washington, go
to the blackboard,
write that down under "1975."
Another one, Barbarino.
I heard you had an idea once,
but it died of loneliness.
All right.
Come on, Barbarino,
that the best you can do?
Hey, off my case, toilet face.
I'm doing terrific.
Okay.
Now, Washington,
go to the other
side of the board.
Write down "1965."
Hey, Barbarino,
I understand your
sister's rotten to the core.
But wonderful to the infantry.
Whoa!
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
And they tell me your father
got a new job last week.
He became a skin
diver for Roto-Rooter.
And...
And the word's out
that your mother...
Hey, not my mother.
Your aunt.
Not my mother.
Your aunt
is so low she plays
handball against a curb.
Not my mother.
That woman is completely holy.
Okay. Thank you, Washington.
Now, I think we
have some clues here
to how our society has
changed in the last 10 years.
This is very
interesting. Notice 1975.
The attack is direct upon me.
I am described as a toilet face
whose one idea has
died of loneliness.
And who, if
Mr. Barbarino had his way,
would be walking
around with a rubber hose
sticking out of his nose.
However, in
1965, it's different.
The attack is not upon
me but upon my family.
My sister who is described as...
Mr. Woodman.
Kotter, what's going on here?
What's happened to this room?
The seats, the
blackboard, this desk?
Your mouth?
Have you gone berserk?
I'm trying to teach my
class, Mr. Woodman.
Pollute, Kotter,
the word's pollute.
You're a maniac.
You were a maniac
remedial academic student.
Now you're a maniac
remedial academic teacher.
Ten years has changed nothing.
You're a Sweathog now.
You were a Sweathog then.
Mr. Woodman, I'm
trying to reach these kids.
I'm using whatever works,
and I think it's working.
Horshack, tell him why
you're sitting over there?
Barbarino, why did
you move your chair?
Washington...
Turkey.
What was that you
were saying, Kotter?
I will not allow you
or anybody else
to come in this room
and chew me out
in front of my class.
I am a respectable human being.
I am a teacher. I am a husband.
I am not a 16-year-old Sweathog.
Anything else, Kotter?
Yes.
Up your nose with a rubber hose.
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
You copped out, Gabe.
Hey, off my case, toilet face.
What?
I'm sorry, baby.
Julie, I tried.
I really tried.
It just didn't happen.
Thomas Wolfe was right.
You can't go home again.
Don't worry, something
will come along.
Bills will come along.
And then bill collectors.
Large, meaty fellows
who feed on other
people's furniture and cars.
We don't have a car.
They'll eat our subway.
We're not gonna
starve. I know what to do.
Tomorrow morning,
sew rubber pockets
on all my pants,
and I'll go to the
Automat and steal soup.
Julie, I want to be a teacher
more than anything in the world.
But I wanna go to a place
where I can have some effect
on my students.
Basically, that's what I want.
I want students, real
students, not hit men in waiting.
Uh... Kotter, how you doing?
Hey, Mr. Kotter, man,
y-you should keep
your windows locked.
There's a whole
lot of ghetto trash
out and about these days.
All right, look.
Barbarino, Washington,
you came in through the window
you have no right to be here.
You're leaving. Don't
ever come back here again.
This is my home,
you understand that?
Okay, all right. I understand.
I know why you're all here,
and I really appreciate it.
I think it's a very
nice gesture of you,
but it didn't work out.
There's no way I'm going back.
There's just no
way I'll go back.
No one wants you back, Kotter.
Why did you come here?
Well, we just wanted to see
how the founding Sweathog lives.
Hey, look, we can't stay long,
we got a cab waiting downstairs.
You took a cab?
We're gonna give it back.
You stole a cab?
No, no, no, no, no. It's
Horshack's father's cab.
You can't steal a
guy's father's cab.
You can't.
Then why'd we
tie him up, Vinnie?
Huh? Hey. Hey,
why'd we tie him up?
Wow, I bet you get a
lot of action around here.
That chick in your study group?
That happens to be
my wife, Barbarino.
Hi, everybody.
I'm Julie.
I'm leaving your
mother out of it,
you leave my wife out of it.
The woman's holy,
completely holy.
You know, I think
it's just terrific
that you guys are married.
Every so often, Vinnie
wants to marry me.
Last time, it was behind
the billboards on 84th Street.
Hey, everybody. Photo album.
Ooh. Great.
Okay, wait a second.
If you want something,
you ask for it, you don't grab.
Come on, honey, show them.
Ask, don't grab.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
Come on.
All right. All right.
Just for a couple of minutes.
Yeah, let's see
what we have here.
Aw.
Isn't that a cute flower.
Did you wear it to
the senior prom?
I bet it looked lovely
on your organdy gown.
That was my date's.
Well, what's it doing here?
She didn't show up.
Aww.
Oh, honey.
Hey, yo, Mr. Kotter.
You got any pictures
in that book of when
you didn't have your afro?
Let me see. I think
we have a few.
That? That guy is you?
What a schlepp.
That's... That's not me.
Uh, that's not me,
that's my friend.
Morty the Schlepp.
Cut it.
Who's the chick?
Her name's Ellen.
You got nothing to worry
about with this one, Mrs. Kotter.
She's a dog. FREDDIE: Yeah.
My sister is not
a dog, Barbarino.
We can't stay.
We would love to
stay, but we can't.
And you know why?
'Cause Horshack is buying
us all hotdogs at Nathan's.
Yeah, we just wanted to see
what happens to a Sweathog
who leaves Buchanan
without handcuffs on.
What do you think?
It ain't any different, right?
You got one room,
you sleep on a sofa,
your, uh, kitchen's in the
middle of the living room
and you still got
to lock the windows
to keep the bums out.
- Thanks a lot, Epstein.
- Yeah.
Mr. Kotter, it was
very nice meeting you.
It really was. And I'm
sorry about that job.
But you know what?
You're gonna find one
that's better suited for you.
And Mrs. Kotter. You
know, I'm gonna come back,
and I'm gonna teach
you how to make lasagna.
Great. Good. We'll
come back, have a party,
and we'll have a good
time. See you later.
Later, bro. All right, let's go.
Out the door.
Washington, will
you go out the door?
Come on, you two.
Get away from that apartment.
It's all cheap stuff over there.
Those people are on a budget.
That's it, pack your things,
we're leaving tomorrow.
I like them.
We'll go to Nebraska.
Okay, honey.
Whatever you
decide, I'll be there.
What are you laughing at?
Somebody just
stole your television,
and you're laughing.
He brought it back.
That makes a big difference.
Gabe, did you expect to
win them all over in one day?
You know what's
bothering you, honey?
The fact that it is very
hard for you to accept
that the best part of you
grew up in the streets.
Julie, baby, if it
wasn't for you... What?
I would've married
somebody else.
Oh, no, please, no.
Hi.
You quit, Kotter.
Like a prayer that was
answered, you quit.
You said up my nose
with a rubber hose.
Remove the hose,
Mr. Woodman. I'm back.
You want me out,
you gotta fire me.
I don't want trouble with
the Board of Education.
You know how I hate trouble
with the the Board of Education.
I guess you're stuck
with me then, huh?
Hey, look who's back.
Here we go again.
Round two. Hey, Mr. Kotter.
What's happening, bro?
Good morning.
Hey, Mr. Kotter,
I'm glad you're back.
You know what? I've decided.
I wanna do a report
on male chauvinism.
Yeah, I'm gonna do a report on
the rip-off women's movement.
Hey, Mr. Kotter, I'm
gonna do a report
on the implications
of socializations
of Puerto Rican Jews.
You got it, Epstein.
Hey, yo, Mr. Kotter.
Dig.
♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom
Boom, boom, boom, boom ♪
I got it. I got it, Washington.
You wanna write a
report on playing the bass.
No, man. I want to
pretend to write a report
on playing the bass.
Uh, Kotter, I, uh...
I don't quite know
what's going on here,
but I will say this.
Yes?
I am one hell of a principal.
You?
I finally got them motivated.
Didn't I have... You, Kotter,
you're a perfect
example of what I can do
once I put my mind to
it. I mean, think about it.
If not for me, you'd have
turned out to be another hood.
I don't know what to
say, Mr. Woodman,
except as principals go,
you certainly don't have any.
Now, keep up the good
work, won't you, children?
We still have a ways
to go here, Kotter.
Welcome back.
Did you really go to
school here, Mr. Kotter?
Oh, yes...
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
♪ Well, the names
Have all changed ♪
♪ Since you hung around ♪
♪ But those dreams
Have remained ♪
♪ And they've turned around ♪
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪
♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪
♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪
♪ 'Cause we've got him... ♪
Get out of bed. Come on.
I was having a
really great dream.
Oh, come on.
Take the pillows out.
Come on.
What'd you do that for?
You're stalling.
I'm not stalling.
I'm not going.
Ugh. Again?
Honey, just be happy that you
have been assigned anywhere.
A lot of new teachers
can't find jobs at all.
Julie, James Buchanan
is not anywhere.
It's in Bensonhurst,
which is in Brooklyn,
which is where I spent
four degenerate
years as a student.
Do you know how rough that is?
The gangs there don't use guns.
They insert the
bullets manually.
Welcome Back, Kotter has
been recorded live on tape
before a studio audience.
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
♪ Well, the names
Have all changed ♪
♪ Since you hung around ♪
♪ But those dreams
Have remained ♪
♪ And they've turned around ♪
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪
♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪
♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪
♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
I'll never forget that first day
back at Buchanan as a teacher.
That's me, the
cute one on the left.
That's Vice Principal Woodman.
He's the kind of guy
who drinks prune juice
'cause he likes the taste.
When I was a student,
he always blamed
me for the cafeteria riot.
Well, that was 10 years ago.
I'm sure the man has
forgotten all about it by now.
What about the cafeteria riot?
He hasn't forgotten.
The cafeteria riot?
I was there, okay.
I was an innocent bystander.
Were it not for
my faulty memory,
I would seem to
remember you bystanding
on top of the table
shouting, "Charge!"
That wasn't me, Mr. Woodman,
that was Crazy Delaney.
No, no, Kotter. No, no.
No, Delaney was the maniac
who dropped two
teachers of different weights
from the gymnasium window
to see if they hit the
ground at the same time.
He said it was a
physics experiment.
Look, Mr. Woodface...
These things, they
happened a long time ago.
I'm a different person.
You're a different person.
Things change. No, you're wrong.
No, you're wrong.
Nothing changes.
Remember my motto.
Conquer thyself, Kotter.
Conquer thyself.
Right here in the hall?
You haven't
changed a bit, Kotter.
You still have street mouth.
I have a degree in
teaching, Mr. Woodman.
That's why I'm here.
You wanna teach?
All right, teach.
I'm giving you back your own.
The special guidance
remedial academics group.
You're giving me the Sweathogs?
To you, whose class
launched that revolting name,
they're Sweathogs.
To me, they're...
remedial Sweathogs.
Mr. Woodman, do
you really think it's...
Mr. Kotter, you'll
find that first aid
is still in Room 118.
Good morning.
I'm your, uh, new
homeroom teacher.
My name is Mr. Kotter.
I am looking forward
to a meaningful learning
experience for everybody.
A meaningful learning
experience, Mr. Kotter?
Wow, tell us more.
Oh, I'd be delighted to.
I'll also be your social
studies instructor.
Social studies? That's
one of our favorites.
Can we begin right now?
Well, as soon as
I get your names,
I guess we'll get right into it.
Great. Oh, goody, goody, goody!
Now that I have succeeded
in establishing a relationship,
a rapport between
myself and myself,
I'd like to know who you are.
Let us begin over here.
No, no.
We're gonna start over here.
Okay, we'll start over here.
Barbarino.
Vinnie Barbarino.
This is my place and these,
these are my people.
Thank you, uh,
Chairman Barbarino.
Who is this?
That.
That is Epstein.
The toughest kid in school.
Voted "Most
likely to take a life."
Epstein, huh?
Juan Luis Pedro Phillipo
de Huevos Epstein,
from San Juan.
You're mother's Puerto Rican?
No. My father.
My mother's name is Bibberman.
I really didn't know, you know,
that there were
Epsteins in Puerto Rico.
Oh, there weren't
until the winter of '38.
When a boat carrying
a shivering Lou Epstein
from Odessa to the Bronx
stopped in San Juan.
"Oy," my grandfather said,
"look at the palm trees.
"Feel this heat.
Look at this tan.
Hey, who needs Miami?"
From that day on,
there were Epsteins in San Juan.
That's very
interesting, uh, Epstein.
What's your favorite subject?
Assault.
Yeah, you tell him Puerto Rico.
Hi, there.
My name's Freddie Washington.
Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington.
What's the "Boom Boom" for?
♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom
Boom, boom, boom, boom ♪
I get it. I get it.
You play the bass.
No, man, I just
like to be doing this.
Who are you?
He's Horshack.
Horshack doesn't talk?
He talks when
I tell him to talk.
Is that so, Horshack?
You need him
to tell you to talk?
You say nothing on
your own volition?
Tell him to talk.
Talk, Horshack.
Hello.
How are ya?
I'm Arnold Horshack.
Which Arnold Horshack?
Arnold Horshack, the last.
Why the last, Horshack?
Because, uh, after they made me,
they broke the mold.
What else, uh, can
you make him do?
Oh, the hunchback.
Ask me to do the
hunchback of Notre-Dame.
All right, all right, all right.
Horshack, would you do the
hunchback of Notre-Dame?
It's great.
Esmeralda, come ring my bells.
Well, look, you're a very
interesting group of kids,
and I love to go on
talking to you forever.
But it's time to play
Let's Go to School.
I'm sorry, Barbarino,
but this is my class.
Okay. I want you to listen
to me and listen closely.
Pick up your chairs and move
them to wherever you like to sit
and sit with anybody you
have a relationship with.
Why should we
do that, Mr. Kotter?
Why should we move
our chairs? Huh? Huh?
This way, you'll be
more inclined to study,
you'll be in study groups.
Do it!
Okay. This is what
you call a study group.
This, uh, study
group. To study what?
You study whatever grabs you.
Wanna study
American history? Great.
Civics? Far out. Current
events? Fantastic.
On the other hand,
if you'd like to study
how to look innocent
in a lineup, that's great.
If you'd like to study
how to speak clearly
with a stocking over
your head, terrific.
Whatever grabs you.
The only thing
that grabs Horshack
is in a brown paper wrapper.
Come on! Give it! Come on!
You twits!
All right, all right,
all right, all right.
Give me that book. All right.
Ooh.
I'm into recycling paper.
I was about to turn it in.
Mr. Kotter, I have an idea.
Why don't we take
one of those chicks
and put her up on the wall
so our study group
may study her?
Mr. Kotter?
Mr. Kotter, what you looking at?
I was just, uh,
reading her biography.
Sit down, Horshack.
I might do that, Barbarino,
if your study group would
write a report on censorship.
The effect on the male teenager.
Yeah, well, Barbarino
don't write no reports
for no one.
Barbarino don't
write no reports.
What does Barbarino
do beside give orders?
Hey, Vinnie's the ranking
champ for Brooklyn.
Take a bow, Vinnie.
You mean, insulting,
chopping, sounding.
The doesn'ts.
The doesn'ts.
Okay, Barbarino, let's see
how much talent you got.
You're asking for it, Kotter.
You're right, I'm asking for it.
Up your nose with a rubber hose.
Whoa!
Washington, go
to the blackboard,
write that down under "1975."
Another one, Barbarino.
I heard you had an idea once,
but it died of loneliness.
All right.
Come on, Barbarino,
that the best you can do?
Hey, off my case, toilet face.
I'm doing terrific.
Okay.
Now, Washington,
go to the other
side of the board.
Write down "1965."
Hey, Barbarino,
I understand your
sister's rotten to the core.
But wonderful to the infantry.
Whoa!
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
And they tell me your father
got a new job last week.
He became a skin
diver for Roto-Rooter.
And...
And the word's out
that your mother...
Hey, not my mother.
Your aunt.
Not my mother.
Your aunt
is so low she plays
handball against a curb.
Not my mother.
That woman is completely holy.
Okay. Thank you, Washington.
Now, I think we
have some clues here
to how our society has
changed in the last 10 years.
This is very
interesting. Notice 1975.
The attack is direct upon me.
I am described as a toilet face
whose one idea has
died of loneliness.
And who, if
Mr. Barbarino had his way,
would be walking
around with a rubber hose
sticking out of his nose.
However, in
1965, it's different.
The attack is not upon
me but upon my family.
My sister who is described as...
Mr. Woodman.
Kotter, what's going on here?
What's happened to this room?
The seats, the
blackboard, this desk?
Your mouth?
Have you gone berserk?
I'm trying to teach my
class, Mr. Woodman.
Pollute, Kotter,
the word's pollute.
You're a maniac.
You were a maniac
remedial academic student.
Now you're a maniac
remedial academic teacher.
Ten years has changed nothing.
You're a Sweathog now.
You were a Sweathog then.
Mr. Woodman, I'm
trying to reach these kids.
I'm using whatever works,
and I think it's working.
Horshack, tell him why
you're sitting over there?
Barbarino, why did
you move your chair?
Washington...
Turkey.
What was that you
were saying, Kotter?
I will not allow you
or anybody else
to come in this room
and chew me out
in front of my class.
I am a respectable human being.
I am a teacher. I am a husband.
I am not a 16-year-old Sweathog.
Anything else, Kotter?
Yes.
Up your nose with a rubber hose.
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
You copped out, Gabe.
Hey, off my case, toilet face.
What?
I'm sorry, baby.
Julie, I tried.
I really tried.
It just didn't happen.
Thomas Wolfe was right.
You can't go home again.
Don't worry, something
will come along.
Bills will come along.
And then bill collectors.
Large, meaty fellows
who feed on other
people's furniture and cars.
We don't have a car.
They'll eat our subway.
We're not gonna
starve. I know what to do.
Tomorrow morning,
sew rubber pockets
on all my pants,
and I'll go to the
Automat and steal soup.
Julie, I want to be a teacher
more than anything in the world.
But I wanna go to a place
where I can have some effect
on my students.
Basically, that's what I want.
I want students, real
students, not hit men in waiting.
Uh... Kotter, how you doing?
Hey, Mr. Kotter, man,
y-you should keep
your windows locked.
There's a whole
lot of ghetto trash
out and about these days.
All right, look.
Barbarino, Washington,
you came in through the window
you have no right to be here.
You're leaving. Don't
ever come back here again.
This is my home,
you understand that?
Okay, all right. I understand.
I know why you're all here,
and I really appreciate it.
I think it's a very
nice gesture of you,
but it didn't work out.
There's no way I'm going back.
There's just no
way I'll go back.
No one wants you back, Kotter.
Why did you come here?
Well, we just wanted to see
how the founding Sweathog lives.
Hey, look, we can't stay long,
we got a cab waiting downstairs.
You took a cab?
We're gonna give it back.
You stole a cab?
No, no, no, no, no. It's
Horshack's father's cab.
You can't steal a
guy's father's cab.
You can't.
Then why'd we
tie him up, Vinnie?
Huh? Hey. Hey,
why'd we tie him up?
Wow, I bet you get a
lot of action around here.
That chick in your study group?
That happens to be
my wife, Barbarino.
Hi, everybody.
I'm Julie.
I'm leaving your
mother out of it,
you leave my wife out of it.
The woman's holy,
completely holy.
You know, I think
it's just terrific
that you guys are married.
Every so often, Vinnie
wants to marry me.
Last time, it was behind
the billboards on 84th Street.
Hey, everybody. Photo album.
Ooh. Great.
Okay, wait a second.
If you want something,
you ask for it, you don't grab.
Come on, honey, show them.
Ask, don't grab.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
Come on.
All right. All right.
Just for a couple of minutes.
Yeah, let's see
what we have here.
Aw.
Isn't that a cute flower.
Did you wear it to
the senior prom?
I bet it looked lovely
on your organdy gown.
That was my date's.
Well, what's it doing here?
She didn't show up.
Aww.
Oh, honey.
Hey, yo, Mr. Kotter.
You got any pictures
in that book of when
you didn't have your afro?
Let me see. I think
we have a few.
That? That guy is you?
What a schlepp.
That's... That's not me.
Uh, that's not me,
that's my friend.
Morty the Schlepp.
Cut it.
Who's the chick?
Her name's Ellen.
You got nothing to worry
about with this one, Mrs. Kotter.
She's a dog. FREDDIE: Yeah.
My sister is not
a dog, Barbarino.
We can't stay.
We would love to
stay, but we can't.
And you know why?
'Cause Horshack is buying
us all hotdogs at Nathan's.
Yeah, we just wanted to see
what happens to a Sweathog
who leaves Buchanan
without handcuffs on.
What do you think?
It ain't any different, right?
You got one room,
you sleep on a sofa,
your, uh, kitchen's in the
middle of the living room
and you still got
to lock the windows
to keep the bums out.
- Thanks a lot, Epstein.
- Yeah.
Mr. Kotter, it was
very nice meeting you.
It really was. And I'm
sorry about that job.
But you know what?
You're gonna find one
that's better suited for you.
And Mrs. Kotter. You
know, I'm gonna come back,
and I'm gonna teach
you how to make lasagna.
Great. Good. We'll
come back, have a party,
and we'll have a good
time. See you later.
Later, bro. All right, let's go.
Out the door.
Washington, will
you go out the door?
Come on, you two.
Get away from that apartment.
It's all cheap stuff over there.
Those people are on a budget.
That's it, pack your things,
we're leaving tomorrow.
I like them.
We'll go to Nebraska.
Okay, honey.
Whatever you
decide, I'll be there.
What are you laughing at?
Somebody just
stole your television,
and you're laughing.
He brought it back.
That makes a big difference.
Gabe, did you expect to
win them all over in one day?
You know what's
bothering you, honey?
The fact that it is very
hard for you to accept
that the best part of you
grew up in the streets.
Julie, baby, if it
wasn't for you... What?
I would've married
somebody else.
Oh, no, please, no.
Hi.
You quit, Kotter.
Like a prayer that was
answered, you quit.
You said up my nose
with a rubber hose.
Remove the hose,
Mr. Woodman. I'm back.
You want me out,
you gotta fire me.
I don't want trouble with
the Board of Education.
You know how I hate trouble
with the the Board of Education.
I guess you're stuck
with me then, huh?
Hey, look who's back.
Here we go again.
Round two. Hey, Mr. Kotter.
What's happening, bro?
Good morning.
Hey, Mr. Kotter,
I'm glad you're back.
You know what? I've decided.
I wanna do a report
on male chauvinism.
Yeah, I'm gonna do a report on
the rip-off women's movement.
Hey, Mr. Kotter, I'm
gonna do a report
on the implications
of socializations
of Puerto Rican Jews.
You got it, Epstein.
Hey, yo, Mr. Kotter.
Dig.
♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom
Boom, boom, boom, boom ♪
I got it. I got it, Washington.
You wanna write a
report on playing the bass.
No, man. I want to
pretend to write a report
on playing the bass.
Uh, Kotter, I, uh...
I don't quite know
what's going on here,
but I will say this.
Yes?
I am one hell of a principal.
You?
I finally got them motivated.
Didn't I have... You, Kotter,
you're a perfect
example of what I can do
once I put my mind to
it. I mean, think about it.
If not for me, you'd have
turned out to be another hood.
I don't know what to
say, Mr. Woodman,
except as principals go,
you certainly don't have any.
Now, keep up the good
work, won't you, children?
We still have a ways
to go here, Kotter.
Welcome back.
Did you really go to
school here, Mr. Kotter?
Oh, yes...
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
♪ Well, the names
Have all changed ♪
♪ Since you hung around ♪
♪ But those dreams
Have remained ♪
♪ And they've turned around ♪
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪
♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪
♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪
♪ 'Cause we've got him... ♪