Welcome Back, Kotter (1975–1979): Season 1, Episode 12 - California Dreamin' - full transcript
A new girl sweathog arrives and has all the boy sweathogs in heat.
Hey, Julie, did I tell
you about the time
the teacher asked me
who signed the Declaration
of Independence?
No. Why don't you tell me?
Okay. I'm in school,
and the teacher says,
"Kotter, stand up." I stand up.
"Who signed the Declaration
of Independence?"
What did you say?
I said:
"I don't know.
But I know I didn't sign it."
She says, "Go home
and get your father.
Bring him into
school the next day."
Okay. Then what happened?
I had to bring my father
into school the next day.
She said, "Mr. Kotter,
watch this. Gabe, stand up ."
She said, "Who signed the
Declaration of Independence?"
I said, "I don't know.
But I know... I didn't sign it."
She looks at my father.
She says "You see that?"
Well, what did your father say?
My father said, "If
he says didn't sign it...
he didn't sign it."
Welcome Back,
Kotter is recorded live
before a studio audience.
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
♪ Well, the names
Have all changed ♪
♪ Since you hung around ♪
♪ But those dreams
Have remained ♪
♪ And they've turned around ♪
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪
♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪
♪ Yeah, we tease him A lot ♪
♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
Okay.
A, The Berber
tribes were Orientals.
B, The Berber tribes moved
across the polar ice caps
and became the first Eskimos.
So, it follows that:
C, Orientals were
the first Eskimos.
Well, I guess them igloos are
really made out of white rice.
Hey, you know, it
must be real murder
trying to eat whale with
chopsticks, you know?
Ah!
All right, ethnic jokes
like that aren't funny.
They show a lack
of intelligence.
Then let us hear
one of your jokes.
Okay. Did you hear about
the 500-pound parrot?
He says, "Polly
wants a cracker. Now."
Do you call that
teaching, Kotter?
No, I call it a joke.
See, it's a 500-pound parrot.
He said, "Polly
wants a cracker. Now."
Spare me, Kotter.
I just came by to tell you,
you're getting a new student.
New Sweathog?
That's right. From California.
Out there, they're
all Sweathogs.
The only difference is a suntan.
Where is this new,
uh, Sweathog of mine?
She's on her way here.
She was just in the
nurse's office getting shots.
I wouldn't let a child in this
environment without them.
Oh, boy. Hey!
W-ow-ow-ow!
Haven't you ever
seen a girl before?
Not that kind.
Well, what am I supposed to be?
Neck bones and gravy?
Make sure that these
Sweathogs behave.
At the end of the day,
I'm having her
dusted for fingerprints.
Hello.
Hi. Heh.
What's your first name?
It's Bambi. Heh.
But, uh...
My friends call
me Sunshine. Heh.
Ooh. Well, uh...
Let the sunshine in, darling.
Uh, what part of
California you come from?
The beach. Heh.
Hi.
I'm Vinnie Barbarino.
Head Sweathog here.
How do you think I'd
go over on the beach?
Ooh. You'd be great. Heh.
You should have
your own religion. Heh.
Oh, yeah. Ha, ha, ha.
Freddie Washington. Ahem.
Hi there.
Fredericko "Boom
Boom" at your service.
Hey, Boom Boom.
It's gonna be difficult
for you to kiss...
anybody's hand
with your... lip broken.
That's a-right, that's a-right.
Ooh. Ooh, ooh!
Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh!
We'll get to you, Arnold.
I promise, we'll get to you.
There's Thomas, there's Ricky,
Larry, Robert,
Joyce. This is Juan.
Hi. I'm Juan Epstein. Heh.
Didn't we live
together in another life?
Oh.
Oh.
I would've remembered that.
Oh, he's magic. Heh.
Yeah, maybe one
day he'll disappear.
Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh! Oh!
Yes, I know. Oh.
This is Arnold
Horshack, this is Bambi.
Don't talk.
Just feel the vibes.
Oh.
I think I just felt one.
Oh, wow. Heh.
He has an aura. Heh.
I got a aura!
Did you hear that,
Mr. Kotter? I got a aura!
I got a aura!
What's a aura?
Bambi, why don't
you sit over there.
So tell me, Bambi,
what do you think
of your new classmates?
They're nice. Heh.
But the guys in California
are so open and groovy. Heh.
You know, uh, Mr. Kotter,
you remind of this guy I
knew in California. Heh.
Who? Jim Nabors?
Wayne Newton, maybe.
Liberace?
Okay. Before, we were
discussing the cultural differences
between the Eskimos
and the Berbers.
Let's make that... California
against good old Brooklyn!
All right, Bambi,
start out by telling us,
what your typical
California day is like.
Sure.
Go ahead.
Well, uh... I usually roll out
of my waterbed at 8...
to see if the surf's up. Heh.
And, uh, if it's warm...
And it's always warm...
Ha, ha, ha. Yeah.
I, uh, put on my bikini
and... grab some
organic raisins and nuts.
And, um... go to the
beach where we swim
and play volleyball.
Us too.
Yeah. Ha, ha, ha.
Okay. Bambi has told us
about her typical California day.
She gets out of her water bed.
It's always warm.
She puts on a bikini,
she grabs some nuts
and she goes swimming.
Now, what are the differences?
Well, let's see now.
She sleeps on a waterbed...
and I sleep with my brother.
Yeah, man, me too.
I remember once...
when I was real little...
I slept in a waterbed.
Hey, look...
let's me and you get
together after school.
I'm gonna take you
waterskiing on the East River.
Mañana.
Hey, mañana.
Hey.
Baby. I'm gonna give
you a guided tour uptown
that ain't in no guidebooks.
Dig. New York City
on five ribs a day.
How would you
like five broken ribs?
Hi, Bambi. Can I help
you with something?
Mm, Mr. Kotter, uh...
What's your sign?
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Let me guess. Um...
Taurus. No.
Libra? No.
Cancer. Wrong.
Capricorn.
No, no. I'm Aquarius.
I just knew it!
I was born on a cusp.
Must have been very painful.
Oh. You're so funny
and together, Mr. Kotter.
I mean, your karma
is really heavy. Heh.
Yeah. Well, I'm gonna
go on a karma diet.
You remind me of my
teacher in California.
He let me call him,
uh... Jerry. Heh.
Okay. Call me Jerry.
You know, um,
Mr. Woodman said you
ought to show me around.
And, um...
I have no plans
after school. Heh.
Why don't you have one of the
Sweathogs show you around?
Oh, they're not
groovy like you, and...
Besides you're so much more...
mature than those kids.
Um... Well, Bambi,
those kids are mature.
You're making a mistake.
Uh, take Arnold
Horshack, for instance.
Once you get past that
Roy Rogers lunchbox,
he's all man.
But... I get such
good vibes from you.
Oh, these? Well, uh...
I mean, I don't really
have good vibes. Uh...
In fact, when I was young,
my mother had to put
braces on my vibes.
My wife. She calls
me Barry Bad Vibes.
You're married?
Yes, I'm married. I'm married.
How many times?
Just once. Oh, how boring.
My father's been
married five times. Eh-huh.
So, uh...
Wha... What are you
doing after school?
I'm gonna just finish
erasing the blackboard
with my sweater.
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Your dreams... ♪
Hi, honey.
Hi.
Anything interesting
happen today?
No, not much.
You're sure?
Sure I'm sure.
Good.
I knew I had nothing
to worry about.
Why?
Oh, nothing.
Just some girl named Sunshine
called four times.
Wanted to know if you could
go skinny-dipping with her.
Do you have anything
to say for yourself?
Yes.
Can I go?
Julie, Sunshine's this new
student of mine from California.
She's been really coming on.
You know, schoolgirl crush.
She's a real teenybopper.
Tell me... just how
"teeny" is this bopper?
She's, I would say,
your average bopper.
Mm-hm.
Look, she's really got
a terrific shape, and, uh,
all the kids in class are
climbing over each other
to get next to her. And, uh,
she's climbing over
them to get next to me.
Oh.
Well, all that climbing
should get her somewhere.
Julie, I told her I was married.
And that stopped her?
No. No.
She likes a man with
a little experience.
Mm-hm. Anybody that doesn't have
a picture of Trigger
on his lunchbox.
Julie, it's just an
adolescent flirtation.
Okay.
Why don't you
just explain to her
that you're too old for her?
Use the old Kotter charm.
Nothing else, she'll get
a good laugh out of it.
I think you're right.
I'll go up to her and
say, "I'm too old for you.
We can't run away together.
It just wouldn't work out."
Right. I think
she'll understand.
Mm-hm. I'll explain it to her.
And if she doesn't...
I promise I'll write.
Hi, Gabesy.
Oh, I see little Sunshine has
crept into your life, Epstein.
What are you doing?
Chanting.
Bambi says that if I chanted,
I can get whatever I want.
Bambi. Bambi.
Bambi. Bambi. Bambi. Bambi.
♪ Hoorah for Hollywood ♪
♪ La, la, la, la,
la, la Hollywood ♪
Hello, little girl.
Wanna make a movie?
Uh, Harry Hollywood...
would you mind, uh,
leaving Sunset and Vine,
and going back to your seat?
I mean, we're
about to start class.
Ready any time you say, CB. Heh.
Listen... we'll have
lunch someday.
Chicky baby.
♪ I don't care What
the white man say ♪
♪ Santa Claus Was a black man ♪
♪ I don't care What
the white man say ♪
♪ Santa Claus Was a black man ♪
Hey, man. All right,
Freddie, what's your trip?
No trip. Just good
health, nature's way.
A natural life...
of raisins, seeds, carrots.
I got the cola nut.
With a side order of ribs,
chitlin and potato salad,
ham hocks and collard greens.
And I'll wash it down
with some Kool-Aid.
I gonna live to be a hundred.
Terrific. You'll still
be in the 11th grade.
♪ I don't care What
the white man say ♪
♪ Santa Claus Is a black man ♪
Hey, man.
♪ I sing a-bar Bar, bar ♪
♪ Bar, Barbarino ♪
♪ A-bar, bar, bar ♪
♪ Bar, Barbarino ♪
♪ Bar, bar, bar ♪
♪ Bar, Barbarin... ♪
♪ You got me
rocki" And a-reelin' ♪
♪ And a-boppi" And a-beatin' ♪
♪ Barbarino ♪
♪ You got me
rocki" And a-reelin' ♪
♪ And a-boppin' and
a-beatin' Barbarino ♪
♪ You got me rocki" Whoa ♪
♪ You got me Reelin' ♪
Folks.
♪ Barbarino ♪
Yeah, yeah.
How do you like my song?
Well, it's got a good beat,
but you can't dance to it.
I give it a 35.
Sit down.
All right, show-and-tell
is over. Come on.
Everybody get in,
let's get to work.
Epstein, why don't you, uh,
float back into your chair.
Sure.
All right now.
Yesterday, Bambi said
she liked guys from California.
And today, you're
all Troy Donahue.
Can we start working
on social studies?
Anything you say, Gabesy.
All right, look.
Don't call me Gabesy.
Oh, you're right.
It doesn't fit you at all.
I'm gonna call you
Captain Cosmic.
On second thought,
call me Gabesy.
You know...
when I'm with you, I feel...
all... spacy and,
um, far-out weird.
You know, when I'm with you,
I feel all far-out spacy
and weird, Gabesy.
Sit down, Bambi.
All right, Juansy.
Let's get to work, okay?
Right you are, Gabesy!
All right, come on! That's it!
Oh, Gabesy.
You're so cute
when you're angry.
Isn't he cute?
Stop it.
Stop it!
Bambi, come outside
with me for minute.
Dynamite!
Whoa!
Hey, uh... Um, um... Gabesy.
Gabesy.
You better take some vitamin E,
'cause you're not as
young as you used to be.
Bambi, I want this
nonsense stopped right now.
What nonsense, Gabesy?
Look, don't call me
Gabesy! I'm your teacher.
My name is Mr. Kotter.
Don't have to get all huffy.
I thought you,
um... liked me. Heh.
Stop! Get back! Back! Back!
Sit down over there.
Bambi, I went to the
administration office
this morning, and
I got your records.
Seems that you're not
from California at all.
You're originally
from Lubbock, Texas.
And you cause trouble
wherever you go.
When in school in Wyoming,
you alone caused a
small-scale range war
between the cattlemen
and the sheep men.
Mr. Kotter...
there are a lot of things
my records don't say.
Like what?
Like along with 11 schools
came about 11
different relatives
I got... shuffled around to.
And then there were
also a lot of foster homes.
Nobody ever cared.
Especially my mother,
who couldn't wait
to get rid of me.
All right.
Look, I understand
it hasn't been easy.
What I'm just trying
to tell you is that
you don't have to put
on this big act to be liked.
I'm only giving 'em
what they want...
Gabesy.
It's not what they want.
It's not what anybody wants.
Bambi, that's not the
way to make friends.
You have all these
guys bananas over you.
What's gonna happen, though,
in 10 years when you're not 16.
In 20 years, when you're 36,
40? You're not so cute anymore.
The friends you're making now
are not the kind
of friends that last.
While you're swallowing,
try to think about what I said.
All right.
I've thought about it.
Hi, boys. Heh.
Could you get little
ol' me my pencil.
I forgot it.
I got it!
I got it! I got it!
I got it! All right, freeze!
Freeze!
Look at them, Bambi. Huh?
Not a pretty picture, is it?
Get out of my desk!
Come on, sit down!
Sit down.
You're gonna clean all this up.
Sit down, Epstein.
All right, Bambi, it's
your decision to make.
You want to cause
chaos wherever you go,
or do you wanna
make real friends?
Um...
Look. Um...
I-I've been doing a
number on all of you,
and, um...
I'd like to apologize for that.
I-I... lied.
I'm not from California.
I'm not from anywhere.
I just...
wanted you all to
like me, and, um...
I guess I just...
started trouble... again.
I'm sorry.
Hey.
Look.
It's not all your fault.
You see, sometimes, woman
have to do dumb things,
especially when men
start acting like idiots.
Well... I ain't gonna be eating
no more of these
organic raisins.
They go right through you.
Better take this towel
back to my gym locker. Heh.
Second thought, I better
take it home and get it washed.
What am I doing with a
surfboard in Brooklyn?
I mean, I could
have got a terrific tie.
It glows in the dark.
It said, "Italian power."
Bambi.
Does this mean I don't
got no aura no more?
No, Arnold.
You still have your aura.
And it's beautiful.
Maybe your aura can glow
in the dark like Vinnie's tie.
Everybody!
Attention, please!
We have a new student
here I'd like to introduce you to,
from Lubbock, Texas.
Uh, hello.
My name is Bambi
Forster, and um...
I hope we can all be friends.
Hello, how are you?
Now we got that out of the way,
what do you say we
get to social studies?
You're so funny, Mr. Kotter.
I just love W.C. Fields.
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
♪ Welcome... ♪
Did I ever tell you
about my Uncle Herbie?
No.
But you probably will.
Okay, my Uncle Herbie
likes to drink a lot, right?
So he comes home one night,
and my Aunt Estelle thinks
she's gonna teach him a lesson.
She runs into the
closet, puts on a sheet
and starts running around
the bedroom. She said,
"You better stop drinking.
"You better stop drinking.
Oh, boy, you
better stop drinking."
He Says, "Who are you?"
She says, "I'm the devil,
you better stop drinking."
"Shake hands. I
married your sister."
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket... ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
♪ Well, the names
Have all changed ♪
♪ Since you hung around ♪
♪ But those dreams
Have remained ♪
♪ And they've turned around ♪
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪
♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪
♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪
♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
♪ Yeah, we tease him A lot ♪
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
♪ Yeah, we tease him A lot ♪
♪ 'Cause we got
him On the spot... ♪
you about the time
the teacher asked me
who signed the Declaration
of Independence?
No. Why don't you tell me?
Okay. I'm in school,
and the teacher says,
"Kotter, stand up." I stand up.
"Who signed the Declaration
of Independence?"
What did you say?
I said:
"I don't know.
But I know I didn't sign it."
She says, "Go home
and get your father.
Bring him into
school the next day."
Okay. Then what happened?
I had to bring my father
into school the next day.
She said, "Mr. Kotter,
watch this. Gabe, stand up ."
She said, "Who signed the
Declaration of Independence?"
I said, "I don't know.
But I know... I didn't sign it."
She looks at my father.
She says "You see that?"
Well, what did your father say?
My father said, "If
he says didn't sign it...
he didn't sign it."
Welcome Back,
Kotter is recorded live
before a studio audience.
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
♪ Well, the names
Have all changed ♪
♪ Since you hung around ♪
♪ But those dreams
Have remained ♪
♪ And they've turned around ♪
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪
♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪
♪ Yeah, we tease him A lot ♪
♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
Okay.
A, The Berber
tribes were Orientals.
B, The Berber tribes moved
across the polar ice caps
and became the first Eskimos.
So, it follows that:
C, Orientals were
the first Eskimos.
Well, I guess them igloos are
really made out of white rice.
Hey, you know, it
must be real murder
trying to eat whale with
chopsticks, you know?
Ah!
All right, ethnic jokes
like that aren't funny.
They show a lack
of intelligence.
Then let us hear
one of your jokes.
Okay. Did you hear about
the 500-pound parrot?
He says, "Polly
wants a cracker. Now."
Do you call that
teaching, Kotter?
No, I call it a joke.
See, it's a 500-pound parrot.
He said, "Polly
wants a cracker. Now."
Spare me, Kotter.
I just came by to tell you,
you're getting a new student.
New Sweathog?
That's right. From California.
Out there, they're
all Sweathogs.
The only difference is a suntan.
Where is this new,
uh, Sweathog of mine?
She's on her way here.
She was just in the
nurse's office getting shots.
I wouldn't let a child in this
environment without them.
Oh, boy. Hey!
W-ow-ow-ow!
Haven't you ever
seen a girl before?
Not that kind.
Well, what am I supposed to be?
Neck bones and gravy?
Make sure that these
Sweathogs behave.
At the end of the day,
I'm having her
dusted for fingerprints.
Hello.
Hi. Heh.
What's your first name?
It's Bambi. Heh.
But, uh...
My friends call
me Sunshine. Heh.
Ooh. Well, uh...
Let the sunshine in, darling.
Uh, what part of
California you come from?
The beach. Heh.
Hi.
I'm Vinnie Barbarino.
Head Sweathog here.
How do you think I'd
go over on the beach?
Ooh. You'd be great. Heh.
You should have
your own religion. Heh.
Oh, yeah. Ha, ha, ha.
Freddie Washington. Ahem.
Hi there.
Fredericko "Boom
Boom" at your service.
Hey, Boom Boom.
It's gonna be difficult
for you to kiss...
anybody's hand
with your... lip broken.
That's a-right, that's a-right.
Ooh. Ooh, ooh!
Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh!
We'll get to you, Arnold.
I promise, we'll get to you.
There's Thomas, there's Ricky,
Larry, Robert,
Joyce. This is Juan.
Hi. I'm Juan Epstein. Heh.
Didn't we live
together in another life?
Oh.
Oh.
I would've remembered that.
Oh, he's magic. Heh.
Yeah, maybe one
day he'll disappear.
Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh! Oh!
Yes, I know. Oh.
This is Arnold
Horshack, this is Bambi.
Don't talk.
Just feel the vibes.
Oh.
I think I just felt one.
Oh, wow. Heh.
He has an aura. Heh.
I got a aura!
Did you hear that,
Mr. Kotter? I got a aura!
I got a aura!
What's a aura?
Bambi, why don't
you sit over there.
So tell me, Bambi,
what do you think
of your new classmates?
They're nice. Heh.
But the guys in California
are so open and groovy. Heh.
You know, uh, Mr. Kotter,
you remind of this guy I
knew in California. Heh.
Who? Jim Nabors?
Wayne Newton, maybe.
Liberace?
Okay. Before, we were
discussing the cultural differences
between the Eskimos
and the Berbers.
Let's make that... California
against good old Brooklyn!
All right, Bambi,
start out by telling us,
what your typical
California day is like.
Sure.
Go ahead.
Well, uh... I usually roll out
of my waterbed at 8...
to see if the surf's up. Heh.
And, uh, if it's warm...
And it's always warm...
Ha, ha, ha. Yeah.
I, uh, put on my bikini
and... grab some
organic raisins and nuts.
And, um... go to the
beach where we swim
and play volleyball.
Us too.
Yeah. Ha, ha, ha.
Okay. Bambi has told us
about her typical California day.
She gets out of her water bed.
It's always warm.
She puts on a bikini,
she grabs some nuts
and she goes swimming.
Now, what are the differences?
Well, let's see now.
She sleeps on a waterbed...
and I sleep with my brother.
Yeah, man, me too.
I remember once...
when I was real little...
I slept in a waterbed.
Hey, look...
let's me and you get
together after school.
I'm gonna take you
waterskiing on the East River.
Mañana.
Hey, mañana.
Hey.
Baby. I'm gonna give
you a guided tour uptown
that ain't in no guidebooks.
Dig. New York City
on five ribs a day.
How would you
like five broken ribs?
Hi, Bambi. Can I help
you with something?
Mm, Mr. Kotter, uh...
What's your sign?
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Let me guess. Um...
Taurus. No.
Libra? No.
Cancer. Wrong.
Capricorn.
No, no. I'm Aquarius.
I just knew it!
I was born on a cusp.
Must have been very painful.
Oh. You're so funny
and together, Mr. Kotter.
I mean, your karma
is really heavy. Heh.
Yeah. Well, I'm gonna
go on a karma diet.
You remind me of my
teacher in California.
He let me call him,
uh... Jerry. Heh.
Okay. Call me Jerry.
You know, um,
Mr. Woodman said you
ought to show me around.
And, um...
I have no plans
after school. Heh.
Why don't you have one of the
Sweathogs show you around?
Oh, they're not
groovy like you, and...
Besides you're so much more...
mature than those kids.
Um... Well, Bambi,
those kids are mature.
You're making a mistake.
Uh, take Arnold
Horshack, for instance.
Once you get past that
Roy Rogers lunchbox,
he's all man.
But... I get such
good vibes from you.
Oh, these? Well, uh...
I mean, I don't really
have good vibes. Uh...
In fact, when I was young,
my mother had to put
braces on my vibes.
My wife. She calls
me Barry Bad Vibes.
You're married?
Yes, I'm married. I'm married.
How many times?
Just once. Oh, how boring.
My father's been
married five times. Eh-huh.
So, uh...
Wha... What are you
doing after school?
I'm gonna just finish
erasing the blackboard
with my sweater.
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Your dreams... ♪
Hi, honey.
Hi.
Anything interesting
happen today?
No, not much.
You're sure?
Sure I'm sure.
Good.
I knew I had nothing
to worry about.
Why?
Oh, nothing.
Just some girl named Sunshine
called four times.
Wanted to know if you could
go skinny-dipping with her.
Do you have anything
to say for yourself?
Yes.
Can I go?
Julie, Sunshine's this new
student of mine from California.
She's been really coming on.
You know, schoolgirl crush.
She's a real teenybopper.
Tell me... just how
"teeny" is this bopper?
She's, I would say,
your average bopper.
Mm-hm.
Look, she's really got
a terrific shape, and, uh,
all the kids in class are
climbing over each other
to get next to her. And, uh,
she's climbing over
them to get next to me.
Oh.
Well, all that climbing
should get her somewhere.
Julie, I told her I was married.
And that stopped her?
No. No.
She likes a man with
a little experience.
Mm-hm. Anybody that doesn't have
a picture of Trigger
on his lunchbox.
Julie, it's just an
adolescent flirtation.
Okay.
Why don't you
just explain to her
that you're too old for her?
Use the old Kotter charm.
Nothing else, she'll get
a good laugh out of it.
I think you're right.
I'll go up to her and
say, "I'm too old for you.
We can't run away together.
It just wouldn't work out."
Right. I think
she'll understand.
Mm-hm. I'll explain it to her.
And if she doesn't...
I promise I'll write.
Hi, Gabesy.
Oh, I see little Sunshine has
crept into your life, Epstein.
What are you doing?
Chanting.
Bambi says that if I chanted,
I can get whatever I want.
Bambi. Bambi.
Bambi. Bambi. Bambi. Bambi.
♪ Hoorah for Hollywood ♪
♪ La, la, la, la,
la, la Hollywood ♪
Hello, little girl.
Wanna make a movie?
Uh, Harry Hollywood...
would you mind, uh,
leaving Sunset and Vine,
and going back to your seat?
I mean, we're
about to start class.
Ready any time you say, CB. Heh.
Listen... we'll have
lunch someday.
Chicky baby.
♪ I don't care What
the white man say ♪
♪ Santa Claus Was a black man ♪
♪ I don't care What
the white man say ♪
♪ Santa Claus Was a black man ♪
Hey, man. All right,
Freddie, what's your trip?
No trip. Just good
health, nature's way.
A natural life...
of raisins, seeds, carrots.
I got the cola nut.
With a side order of ribs,
chitlin and potato salad,
ham hocks and collard greens.
And I'll wash it down
with some Kool-Aid.
I gonna live to be a hundred.
Terrific. You'll still
be in the 11th grade.
♪ I don't care What
the white man say ♪
♪ Santa Claus Is a black man ♪
Hey, man.
♪ I sing a-bar Bar, bar ♪
♪ Bar, Barbarino ♪
♪ A-bar, bar, bar ♪
♪ Bar, Barbarino ♪
♪ Bar, bar, bar ♪
♪ Bar, Barbarin... ♪
♪ You got me
rocki" And a-reelin' ♪
♪ And a-boppi" And a-beatin' ♪
♪ Barbarino ♪
♪ You got me
rocki" And a-reelin' ♪
♪ And a-boppin' and
a-beatin' Barbarino ♪
♪ You got me rocki" Whoa ♪
♪ You got me Reelin' ♪
Folks.
♪ Barbarino ♪
Yeah, yeah.
How do you like my song?
Well, it's got a good beat,
but you can't dance to it.
I give it a 35.
Sit down.
All right, show-and-tell
is over. Come on.
Everybody get in,
let's get to work.
Epstein, why don't you, uh,
float back into your chair.
Sure.
All right now.
Yesterday, Bambi said
she liked guys from California.
And today, you're
all Troy Donahue.
Can we start working
on social studies?
Anything you say, Gabesy.
All right, look.
Don't call me Gabesy.
Oh, you're right.
It doesn't fit you at all.
I'm gonna call you
Captain Cosmic.
On second thought,
call me Gabesy.
You know...
when I'm with you, I feel...
all... spacy and,
um, far-out weird.
You know, when I'm with you,
I feel all far-out spacy
and weird, Gabesy.
Sit down, Bambi.
All right, Juansy.
Let's get to work, okay?
Right you are, Gabesy!
All right, come on! That's it!
Oh, Gabesy.
You're so cute
when you're angry.
Isn't he cute?
Stop it.
Stop it!
Bambi, come outside
with me for minute.
Dynamite!
Whoa!
Hey, uh... Um, um... Gabesy.
Gabesy.
You better take some vitamin E,
'cause you're not as
young as you used to be.
Bambi, I want this
nonsense stopped right now.
What nonsense, Gabesy?
Look, don't call me
Gabesy! I'm your teacher.
My name is Mr. Kotter.
Don't have to get all huffy.
I thought you,
um... liked me. Heh.
Stop! Get back! Back! Back!
Sit down over there.
Bambi, I went to the
administration office
this morning, and
I got your records.
Seems that you're not
from California at all.
You're originally
from Lubbock, Texas.
And you cause trouble
wherever you go.
When in school in Wyoming,
you alone caused a
small-scale range war
between the cattlemen
and the sheep men.
Mr. Kotter...
there are a lot of things
my records don't say.
Like what?
Like along with 11 schools
came about 11
different relatives
I got... shuffled around to.
And then there were
also a lot of foster homes.
Nobody ever cared.
Especially my mother,
who couldn't wait
to get rid of me.
All right.
Look, I understand
it hasn't been easy.
What I'm just trying
to tell you is that
you don't have to put
on this big act to be liked.
I'm only giving 'em
what they want...
Gabesy.
It's not what they want.
It's not what anybody wants.
Bambi, that's not the
way to make friends.
You have all these
guys bananas over you.
What's gonna happen, though,
in 10 years when you're not 16.
In 20 years, when you're 36,
40? You're not so cute anymore.
The friends you're making now
are not the kind
of friends that last.
While you're swallowing,
try to think about what I said.
All right.
I've thought about it.
Hi, boys. Heh.
Could you get little
ol' me my pencil.
I forgot it.
I got it!
I got it! I got it!
I got it! All right, freeze!
Freeze!
Look at them, Bambi. Huh?
Not a pretty picture, is it?
Get out of my desk!
Come on, sit down!
Sit down.
You're gonna clean all this up.
Sit down, Epstein.
All right, Bambi, it's
your decision to make.
You want to cause
chaos wherever you go,
or do you wanna
make real friends?
Um...
Look. Um...
I-I've been doing a
number on all of you,
and, um...
I'd like to apologize for that.
I-I... lied.
I'm not from California.
I'm not from anywhere.
I just...
wanted you all to
like me, and, um...
I guess I just...
started trouble... again.
I'm sorry.
Hey.
Look.
It's not all your fault.
You see, sometimes, woman
have to do dumb things,
especially when men
start acting like idiots.
Well... I ain't gonna be eating
no more of these
organic raisins.
They go right through you.
Better take this towel
back to my gym locker. Heh.
Second thought, I better
take it home and get it washed.
What am I doing with a
surfboard in Brooklyn?
I mean, I could
have got a terrific tie.
It glows in the dark.
It said, "Italian power."
Bambi.
Does this mean I don't
got no aura no more?
No, Arnold.
You still have your aura.
And it's beautiful.
Maybe your aura can glow
in the dark like Vinnie's tie.
Everybody!
Attention, please!
We have a new student
here I'd like to introduce you to,
from Lubbock, Texas.
Uh, hello.
My name is Bambi
Forster, and um...
I hope we can all be friends.
Hello, how are you?
Now we got that out of the way,
what do you say we
get to social studies?
You're so funny, Mr. Kotter.
I just love W.C. Fields.
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
♪ Welcome... ♪
Did I ever tell you
about my Uncle Herbie?
No.
But you probably will.
Okay, my Uncle Herbie
likes to drink a lot, right?
So he comes home one night,
and my Aunt Estelle thinks
she's gonna teach him a lesson.
She runs into the
closet, puts on a sheet
and starts running around
the bedroom. She said,
"You better stop drinking.
"You better stop drinking.
Oh, boy, you
better stop drinking."
He Says, "Who are you?"
She says, "I'm the devil,
you better stop drinking."
"Shake hands. I
married your sister."
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket... ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪
♪ Well, the names
Have all changed ♪
♪ Since you hung around ♪
♪ But those dreams
Have remained ♪
♪ And they've turned around ♪
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪
♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪
♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪
♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪
♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
♪ Yeah, we tease him A lot ♪
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪
♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪
♪ Yeah, we tease him A lot ♪
♪ 'Cause we got
him On the spot... ♪