Weird Science (1994–1998): Season 5, Episode 5 - Forbidden Janet - full transcript

[ screaming ]

[ screaming continues ]

Don't worry, I've got you.

You've got me?
Who's for you?!

[ romantic saxophone music playing ]

- Who are you?
- I'm Janet.

I'm... everything you've
ever wanted in a woman.

I'm your dream girl.

Guess that explains
the superhero costume.

So... this is a dream, huh?

I guess that's why everything's so perfect.



You, the candlelight...

Principal Scampi.

Principal Scampi?

What are you doing here?

Just kissing some brass, baby.

Laying down some fine lines on my horn.

Carry on.

For a high school principal,
he sure can blow.

- I beg your pardon, Mr. Donnelly?
- Huh?

[ laughter ]

- I sure can what?
- Uh...

My office. Now.

Three weeks' detention
but it was worth it.

Wyatt, I got to know.
What were you dreaming about?



A girl.
Oh, she was unbelievable.

Smart, sexy and she could
hover like a huey chopper.

- That's always fun on a first date.
- No, I'm telling you...

Janet is everything
I've ever wanted in a girl.

Loves White Zombie,
hates Hootie.

She beat "Quake" in three days
without looking at the faq

and she thoughfully puts
the seat back up when she's done.

Sounds like a major score.

Wyatt, do you know the difference
between Janet and a real,

alive, walking, talking girl?

I know she's not real... yet.

It's a magic dream helmet.

- What's that do?
- Well, it turns... Litha...

I need thome help here.

[ screams ]

I meant magic help.

- Hey, what's with the hardware?
- It's a magic helmet

that's going to pluck
Wyatt's dream girl out of his head

and make her real.

Oh, goody.
Just what the world needs--

Another near-sighted cellist with zits.

- Now what?
- Go to sleep.

Just like that?
It's impossible.

[ buzzing ]

LISA:
Come on.

Let him sleep.

Janet?

Janet?

Damn. Didn't work.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm, uh... not still dreaming, am I?

I love you, Wyatt Donnelly--
now and forever.

- So, where is she?
- Yeah, where is the dream tease?

Her name is Janet.

So, you two monkeys stay up
all night studying for your SAT's?

Or maybe she just helped him
polish his chess pieces.

JANET:
Wyatt, I'm wearing my hot pants.

Oh, hi.
Um, I'm Wyatt's dream girl.

You must be Chett and Gary, right?

[ laughs ]

Honey, I packed us a lunch
to take to the beach--

- All your favorites.
- Mm.

Fried chicken? Extra crispy?

And all the passion fruit
you can handle.

WYATT:
Sounds passionate.

You ready to go, fun buns?

WYATT:
Oh, uh...

If you two have one-tenth
of the day I'm going to have...

[ whispering ]: You will die.
Later.

I need a girl like that.

[ laughing quietly ]

This is going to be good.

[ buzzing ]

Girl of my dreams...
girl of my dreams...

girl of my dreams...
girl of my...

[ snoring ]

- Having fun?
- It's great.

- Just don't let go.
- Never.

[ yelling ]

[ electric guitar playing ]

You're hella righteous,
Gary Wallace.

[ plays chord ]

- I love you now and forever.
- [ plays chord ]

- Jade. Let's mosh.
- There's two of you.

Awesome.

Sorry about Janet, Wy.
I have no idea what happened.

She couldn't have
just vanished into thin air.

She did,
but you know what I mean.

Maybe it's the helmet.

Hey, bud.

Looks like you and I
are double-dating tonight.

- Meet Jade.
- Yo.

Janet?
I can't believe you're back.

- Watch the hands!
- Ow! Janet, what's wrong?

Who is Janet?
Is she bringing the keg?

What have you done to her?

This isn't Janet.
It's Jade.

- Hey, I'm bored.
- Whoa!

Hey. Hey, stop that!

Lisa, make them stop.

Relax.
She just looks like Janet.

- Jade's my dream girl.
- It's Janet, and I want her back!

Gary, you didn't dream up a double.
You stole the real deal.

When you put on the helmet
you reprogrammed Janet.

Oh. I-I did?
I'm sorry, Wyatt.

Look, I-I'd give her back...
but there's no way in hell.

[ chortling ]

I'm getting her back.

It's a real bad idea to use
the dream helmet while you're angry.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, well,

it was a real bad idea
to steal my girlfriend!

If your alpha waves are at
a hyperkinetic frequency

when you reach rem
the electrical impulses will...

Look, just don't do it, okay?

- What is so funny?
- My underwear hiked up on me.

[ pounding locker ]

I'm going to kill him.

- I tell you, I didn't do it!
- You are such a liar.

You dreamed her back.
I know you did.

Maybe you were so dull she dozed off
and dreamed herself back!

If Jade dozed off it would have
been because she was exhausted.

Hey, trot squats...

keep it down.
I'm entertaining Jena here.

I'm loving you, Chester P.
Donnelly, now and forever.

Olympic gymnast.

She's a keeper.

No way!
She belongs to me!

Hey! She's my dream girl
plucked out of my head!

Poached off my own brother.
Bonus!

Oh, give me that.

[ pounding on door ]

- Open up the door!
- Wyatt, don't be a wuss!

Too late, morons!
I snooze, you lose.

- [ pounding continues ]
- GARY: Coming in there!

- CHETT: Open up the door!
- Wyatt, open up!

Wyatt, open the door!

No!!!

Wyatt, I'm back.

I'll love you now and forever.

Come here, honey
and light my torch.

Janet!
I-I thought you loved me!

Come, my child, of darkness.

Together, we shall sail the breeze.
The night is our canopy.

The city, our playground.

No!

No!!!

I'll get you! Both of you!

[ roaring ]

[ screaming ]

Destroy them.

[ gasping ]

CHETT: Okay, this time
we're really going to break it down.

Janet. You're back.

Now and forever.

- One, two, three!
- One, two, three!

Oh, dreaming her back, eh?

No problem.

Hey! You said if I helped you
break the door down

- you'd help me get Jade back.
- I lied.

Say good-bye to Janet.
Say hello, Jena.

No, don't.

Damn thing's broke.
What'd you do to it?

Uh, nothing.

It worked for me.

Maybe you're not
hitting it hard enough.

- Oops.
- You're dead.

- That was close.
- No kidding.

- So, how did it break?
- Oh. It didn't.

I, uh, I snagged the batteries.

- Mmm, you're very good.
- Well, I try.

- Mmm.
- Let's go make up for lost time.

[ roaring ]

[ low growling ]

[ Chett screams ]

Lisa!

Lisa!

[ growling ]

[ screams ]

This does not bode well.

Something just tried to kill me.

- Join the club.
- What the hell's going on?

Where's Wyatt?
Where's Lisa?

Don't know, don't care.
I got a jeep-wreckin' bogey to frag.

- We don't even know what it is.
- Oh, I know what it is.

It's dead.

It's too late.
It's already been here.

Wyatt?

- Do you think it ate him?
- Why would it eat him?

I don't know.
Why would it thrash your jeep?

Wyatt's been eaten.
Wyatt's been eaten!

Check for body parts!

Dear God.

What'd you find?

"Die, Gary and Chett."

- What do you suppose that means?
- Simple.

Wyatt sent that thing to kill us.

- Well...
- Why would he want to do that?

The monster had Wyatt-hair.
It all adds up.

We tried to steal the little
poozer's dream squeeze.

Don't blame him.

I'd off you two losers in a second
if I thought it'd get me horizontal.

- I hear you, I hear you.
- Hey!

- Hey, what'd you do to my room?
- Some big, ugly thing

with bad hair just tried to waste us
and we want answers

and don't tell me
you weren't involved.

I had nothing to do with this!

- It's all Wyatt's fault.
- Told you so.

I warned you about using
that helmet in a bad mood.

You overloaded it
and your rage got loose.

What are we going to do about this...
this id monster?

We're going to kill it.

Okay, here's the plan:

loser: check out the north corridor.

Gorgeous:
check out the east corridor.

It's-all-your-fault:
head south.

I'll go with Wyatt.
I know I'll be safe with him.

- Thank you.
- Oh, how sweet.

Of course,
you'll be safe with Wyatt.

That thing's not trying to kill him.
It's trying to kill us!

You two'll be knocking tonsils and
we'll be lying with our heads ripped off.

It's much more likely to rip
the spine from out of your back.

- Id monsters do that.
- [ growling ]

Yup. That's him.

Uh, Wy?

I've really come to know
and love my spine.

- Do something.
- [ growling ]

Like what?
There's nothing I can do.

- Let's get ready to rumble.
- [ gunshots ]

Isn't there anything we can do
to stop this thing?

Let me see.
Guns, grenades...

Wait!
Does the school have an auto shop?

- Yeah. So?
- Then we've got one last chance.

Okay.
Whatever it is, it's finished.

"It" is an electro-magnetic
disintegration field.

- A what?
- A big electric shock thingy

that will fry that monster
to a crispy golden brown.

How do we power it?
Hook it to the school's

man electrical grid
or zap us a nuclear reactor?

Even better. Pinto power.

Wyatt, kick it.

Wyatt?

Uh, sorry.

[ engine starts ]

[ beeping and crackling ]

Here.
Give it your best shot.

[ electrical buzzing ]

All that from a pinto?

I think they got
a bad rap back in the '70s.

They make great time machine, too.

[ growling ]

[ screams ]

LISA:
Go get behind it.

Okay, it's time.
What do we do now?

Stay where you are.
You're the bait.

Uh, I'd like to put in for a job
reassignment, please.

[ banging ]

Could somebody explain
the difference between "bait"

- and "human sacrifice"?
- Six and two threes.

[ bloodcurdling scream ]

[ roaring ]

[ both screaming ]

[ growling ]

[ blowing whistle ]

[ electric buzzing ]

Why isn't it going away?

The engine's not strong
enough to kill it.

There's only one thing left to do.

Dream beanie?

It's our last chance.
If we destroy the helmet

it'll suck the monster
back into Wyatt's head.

- JANET: Great!
- Why didn't we do it earlier?

Because it's also going to suck
Janet back into your head...

forever.
You'll never see her again.

- No.
- There must be another way.

There isn't, and if you're not
going to take charge, then I will!

- No!
- This is Wyatt's decision.

If he says no that means no!

WYATT:
Lisa, watch out!

[ growling ]

Crush it, Wyatt!
Do it now!

- You got to do it.
- I know.

It doesn't make it any easier.

We'll always have the pinto.

[ growling ]

Hello!
Big monster about to eat us!

No!

You okay?

No, not really.

Where are you going?

Home.

To get some sleep.

[ laughing ]

Hey!
Come on, get off me!

Janet! Save me!

Janet... a little help here.

Janet!

Captioned by Grant Brown