Weeds (2005–2012): Season 7, Episode 8 - Synthetics - full transcript

When Nancy is visited by her ex-cell mate Zoya, things get complicated with her supplier Demetri. Meanwhile, Andy and Silas battle over the use of Andy's bike shop, while Shane gets an education he never expected.

Previously on "Weeds"...

Zoya, they're releasing me.

Make a plan for both of us.

I'm Nancy.

I'm here as a free agent.

I want weed.

You remind me of your sister.

You are on probation.
Goal one -- employment.

You start tomorrow.

Denny, Nancy.
Nancy, Denny.

Tell him
what kind of weed you want.



Oops.

- Doug?
- Dana.

It must be hard, Doug,
seeing Dana settled.

Name's Detective Ouellette.
25th Precinct.

Come work for me.
Internship.

Fuck, yeah.

I'm opening
a neighborhood bike shop

that sells the Copenhagen wheel.

This is gonna be
a legitimate business.

The main space is all yours.

Drug stuff in the back.

This isn't what I wanted.

I need messengers --

good-looking messengers.



Midtown, West Village,
Lower East Side.

Who's that guy?

That's Klein, the C.E.O,

I built it from the ground up.

I like you.

What are you?
D.E.A.? FBI?

S.E.C. The accounting division
at your firm

reported illegal activity.

Are you suggesting a deal?

We need files.
Proof, if you will.

Somebody's no fun today.

Zoya.

Hello, lover.

Now I know why you never came
to visit.

Slower, please.
I mean, I get the gist.

I trusted you!

Shut up, Gusenitza!

You have no idea
what you're doing.

What are you gonna do,
Osliha? Hit me?

I'm not 5 years old anymore.

Could we do English?

Did you just call her a donkey?

Go ahead, Zoy.
Show her those ears, huh?

Hee-haw, hee-haw!

T-that's not nice.

How did you get out?

I can make deals, too.

Go to your room, little boy,

and take your shit with you!

Hee-haw!

Unh!

H-he smelled like you.

He is not me.

What happened to our dream,
Nancitchka?

Huh?

Vermont?

I-I just needed to make
a little money...

Who do you belong to?

Nancitchka...

Tell me.

Who?

You.

Good answer.

Modern transportation for modern times.

Two wheels good.
Four wheels bad.

Hey, want a picture of me next to the bike?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

The back door's jammed.
There's...

...a padlock on it now.

Hmm.

Wonder who put that there.

Keeping spaces separate...
respectfully.

It's a warehouse back there.
It's industry secrets.

Bix Mullen. Hi.

I'm doing a style section piece
on the Copenhagen wheel.

Can I ask a couple questions
just about the bike --

Uh, what are you doing?

It's for the bike, the wheel.
Free publicity.

But we don't want publicity.

We don't -- we don't want
more people here.

I want more people here.

Andy...

You're not gonna
mess up my business

with your --
your silly wheel.

"Silly wheel," you say.
Well...

Perhaps lessening our reliance
on foreign oil is silly.

Hmm?

We're treading lightly
on the earth

so future generations

can enjoy our limited
natural resources.

In fact, if living rationally
and responsibly

on this planet is silly,

crown me the prince of silly,

ruling cleanly and kindly
over all of Sillyopolis.

That last part,
I'm not so sure about,

but the stuff before
was very good.

Yeah. Do you think we could get
one of him by the bike?

- Yeah. Stand next to the bike, Silas.
- No.

One sec. Hold on.

Come here.
I got a --

Hey, I have a great idea.

Why don't you take a break

from thinking about yourself
all the time

and contribute
to someone else's dream?

Like mine...Right now.

Smile for the camera.
Come on. Model.

Live green.
Save the earth.

Good?

Thank you.

With beauty comes temperament.

Where was I?
Ah, carbon footprint.

Feed the world. Yes.
So...

Poor baby didn't get
what she came for, did she?

No. She didn't.

Why didn't you tell me
she was here?

I called.
It went to voicemail.

You must have been on the subway.

You didn't tell her anything,
did you?

She can't -- Ahh!

She can't know anything
about me --

where I live or work
or where my family is.

I know her. She --

Stop it! Get away from me!

She talks in her sleep.

I know.

Ahh!

Ahh!

Let's make this quick.

As if.

Ahh.

Leave the drugs.

Leave them.

Okay.

Good night.

Botwin!

Oh, hi.

Sit down.

I want to tell you a story.

At 6:30 this morning,
upon seeing your empty bed,

I made a call
arranging your transportation

back to prison.

And I felt all right about it.

Had my coffee, read some files.

And at 7:00,
I got a call back informing me

that not only had my petition
been denied,

but that you were
to be released today...

From this halfway house
into the real world

due to an arrangement
they could not share.

You know, from time to time,

I have a client
in whom I believe I see promise.

I was wrong about you.

You're a lifer.

You will always work a system.

I don't know why.

I don't know what happened to you

or who made you this way.

But I hope you understand someday

everything you lost
by living the way you do.

I'm very...

disappointed...

I couldn't help you.

Yeah, I don't need your help...

Or your judgment.

I-I'm fine
with what I've done,

and I'm not pretending
to be anybody else.

I know who I am.

I'm gonna go clear out my stuff.

So, who are we staking out?

Red pants.

Drug dealer?
Teen pimp?

I read about a kid who was
running a prostitution ring

out of the motel
next to his high school.

All the hookers were girls
from his French class,

and the Johns
were these middle-aged guys --

That's my stepson.

His graduation present.

Go and give it to him.

Oh. Oh. Um...Sure.

Sorry.

Wait.

Tell him his dad
wants to talk to him.

Not his biological,
piece of shit, fuckhead dad

who banged his mother once,

then disappeared for 14 years

to find his fucking bliss
in Boca Raton,

but the other one...

Who taught him how to ride a bike

wants to talk to him.

Um...Okay.

And tell him
he's got to open it first,

and then he can come
and talk to me.

All right?

Okay. Yeah. Sure.

Um...

I-I'm not gonna say
the other stuff.

Yeah. That's probably
a good idea.

Okay.

She put up new ones today?

Mm. Oh, yeah.

I'm looking at them right now.

She -- she looks tan.

Yeah, she'll never get tan
enough for him.

Download them all and put them

in the file marked
"Bitch Ex-Wife."

You see his yacht,
the Miss Daisy?

Oh, yeah. It's big.

Who goes on a fishing trip
with Morgan Freeman anyway?

You think Dana's doing the oreo

with both of them below deck?

You ever do the oreo, Nance?

I did
a half-oreo-banana once.

I just did 26 minutes on mine.
New record.

My abs are like granite.
Hit me.

Go ahead. Hit me.

I'm gonna go check on whit.

Okay.
Keep going on this.

- Don't let the timer stop.
- Will do.

Hey, Rick.
Check out my six-pack.

Wow.

That's quite a hickey.

Looks fresh.

It's a rash.

I really shouldn't
wear synthetics.

I used to get rashes
like that, too.

Back when I wore synthetics.

What are you working on?

Uh, do I know you?

Foster Grant?
Um, Calvin Klein?

You can call me
whatever you like.

Oh. Okay.

Um, then I'm gonna
call you Chuck.

Okay.
And you shall be...

This handle.

He's asked me to fix it
for two weeks.

I'm a bad, bad secretary, Chuck.

It's good, yes?

Yeah, no.
No, this is crap.

These are backups
of their bullshit documents.

I-I need the real shit --

Where the money's going,
how the C.E.O. filters it,

how many levels down it goes,
who knows what.

Most importantly, I-I'm confused
about your hickeys,

'cause they seem to be of two
very different mouth sizes.

The left is small, but the one
on the right is quite a bit --

Yes. Yeah, okay.

Listen.

Whoever targeted you
as an informant

was asleep at the wheel.

It's no shock, given the way
my department is run.

I'm sorry you'll be going
back to that halfway house.

Or maybe directly back to prison.

I-I forget your details.

At any rate, your sentence
wasn't that long, right?

What?

Women usually make friends
behind bars.

That's what I read.
It shouldn't be too bad.

- What are you talking about?!
- What?

I'm not going back to prison,
that's what!

I'll get you...

anything you need.

I'll go higher --
C.E.O.

W-whatever information
you need --

personal life, bank accounts.

You have access to the C.E.O.'s
bank accounts?

Maybe.

Where do you think
this came from?

So the other one?

He opened wider.

He said it's okay.

What's okay?

He doesn't want it right now.

Said he didn't
want to offend Roy.

You know what that is?

That's my dad's watch.

He gave it to me
on my 18th birthday.

Y-your breath is fine.

Ahh.

But my soul is
a fucking train wreck.

Psst! Chuck.

Hey, there, cherry pie.

Cherry pie?
That's good. I like that.

How you doing?

Um, so, if cherry
could get a pass

to go out tonight,
would Chuck be game?

Sure.

Where would cherry want to go?

Um, somewhere very expensive...

With, um, endangered species
on the menu.

Cherry wants panda soup.

Ah. You know what?
Chuck knows just the place.

Okay.

Thanks for doing this, man.
15% on every sale, all right?

Hey.

We have orders when you're done

laying down the fresh beats.

Hi.

I don't work here.

Yeah, well, uh, you do, actually.

We saw you
in the style section online.

It's a great photo of you.

Agreed, agreed.
So, listen.

From one industry professional
to another,

it's really stupid to have

all your messengers
ride the same bike

and dress the same, too,

though I don't think
that's intentional.

Wait, who are you?

Emissaries.
From Pouncy House.

- What?
- Pouncy House Party Rentals.

That's us.

We supply everything you need
for the party...

Except the Pouncy House.

Uh, do you mean Bouncy House?

No, we pounce.
We don't bounce.

Specialize in party favors.

We're the big boy on the block
with the stick.

We know that behind this door

is your processing room
and call center.

We know who your messengers are.
We know their territories.

We know their clients.
They used to be ours.

And they will be again...
very soon.

Is that a threat?

Consider this a friendly
cease-and-desist notice.

It's not gonna be
friendly next time.

Price you pay to be in this game.

I don't usually get
to do the shakedowns.

It's very exciting.

We cool?

Cool.

I'm digging the beats,
by the way.

Retro.

You know, you look like this guy

I once saw on a billboard
at the Copenhagen airport

at a stopover once.

You could be his cousin.
It's crazy.

I'm Emma.

You don't have a jacket
or something, do you?

N-no.

Oh. My first
crocheting project.

It's alpaca yarn.

Be careful with it.

It's really something.

Thank you...so much.

Questions to ask him.

Guess it's too late to back out.

I'd say so.

You have no idea

the favors I had to pull
to get this table.

You know, everything
on the menu here is illegal.

Curried Malabar grouper
croquettes.

Mm-hmm.

And pureed blue mountain
water skink

on a bed of mint-infused
basmati rice.

Ohh.
Enjoy.

Wow.

Mmm.
Very, uh...skinky.

Interesting. Very.

Yeah.

Ah.

So, uh, how did you start
vehement capital?

Well, Nancy,
I was the child in high school

who had
the computer-repair business.

I also had a lawn-mowing service.

And before that,
I delivered newspapers.

If you want this shit, it's
in the Fast Company article.

Just read it.

No, so,
say an investor wanted --

No work talk, please.

Boyfriend?

Synthetics.

I'm glad you asked me out.

I didn't ask you out.

Oh, yes, you did.

I like that
you've rewritten history.

Why don't you rewrite
the next two minutes

so that I'm doing
something more poetic

than going to the ladies' room?

There I was, in the bathroom,

doing my hair,
when all of a sudden, oh, no!

So terrible.

So...clumsy.

I knew the minute
I heard it cut out.

I didn't put it on tight enough.

Oh. Happened before,
and it ended up in a toilet.

He made me pay for it.

Ohh.

I am so sorry. He's gonna have
my head one of these days.

Turn around.

Lift up your arms.

Mm.

Fuck this 30-day chip.

Give him time.

Who -- asswipe?

No, Billy.

Evidently he wants to
be called Will now.

How did he seem?

Cool.

He said to tell you
he's doing the 440 now.

He's gonna get a scholarship
somewhere. He's really good.

You want another one?
No, I'm okay.

You got it.

So, what's your old man
like, Botwin?

Dead.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't know.

Y-you got a stepdad,
or...?

Two. One's dead,
and...one's dead.

Jesus. Uh, y-your mom
a serial killer, or...

My dad died of a heart attack
when we were out jogging.

Well, I-I wouldn't have made you
go onto the track, then.

Listen, if Will's dad
is a fuckhead asswipe,

he'll figure it out soon enough.

Just be there when he does...

Preferably not stinking
of beer and mouthwash.

Point taken, o wise little shit.

But tell me about your stepdads.

One was killed
by Armenian gangsters,

and one was stabbed in prison.

Christ, where -- where
the fuck you from, kid?

The suburbs.

I would invite you in,
but, uh, my kids are up.

You have to close the gate...

- Oh, right.
- ...Or the elevator won't move.

Yeah.

To pick up people who might
be waiting for it...

Downstairs.

Hi. Excuse me.
Hi.

- Uh, Silas, this is --
- You have to press

both buttons at the same time.

Aha.
Good night, whoever you are.

Not even gonna ask.

So, tonight,
uh, Denny the drug dealer,

whose building you stole,

paid me a little visit
at the bike shop --

called it a friendly
cease-and-desist notice.

He didn't see
the back room, but --

Silas. Whoever I am?
I'm Foster Klein.

Yeah.

Your mother and I work together.

Together.

You can
call me "Chuck."

Oh, hi. Look at this.
Your date.

Andy, brother-in-law.
You are...

Foster Klein.

They work together.
You can call him "Chuck."

Chuck, pleasure. Hey.

Um, your friend Demetri
stopped by.

Him, I like.
Very cool guy. No issues.

We can totally coexist.

So, listen.
Made a decision.

Uh, Demetri and I
have been talking about it.

He agrees.
Here it is.

Number-one son is really putting
a damper on my legit bike biz.

I'm not interested
in being the cover anymore.

So I wanted --
I wanted to talk to you

about splitting off, maybe.

Silas.

Demetri.

Chuck.

Is he cool?

Oh, yeah.

Not asking you.

You know, it's been
a long night, and --

brought you a present.

Whoa.
My kind of present.

Pride of the Afghan fields.

Nance, turn that down.

That is some really healthy bud.

Smells super potent. How'd you
get it here on the subway?

Drakkar Noir. It's the best
for moving products.

Powerful stuff.

All right,
let's sample the wares.

Here, load this guy up.

You know what?
Everybody, everybody.

We have neighbors
that are probably sleeping.

How much you gonna sell it for,

like $150 a quarter, or...

Hey, Chuck.
You smoke?

Sure.

All right, seems like a good time

to, uh, dissipate the tensions
of the day, boys.

It's a good time for many things.

- Uh, who is this person?
- Oh, my God.

Silas!

I recognize you
from the pictures.

Oh!

Andy, you too.

Such a pleasure to finally
meet you in person.

I've heard so much.

- Where's Shane? Not at home?
- Mnh-mnh.

My little brother is here,
of course.

I knew he couldn't stay away.

Nancitchka, what are you doing?

Come out.

Tell them who I am.

She's...

so shy.

New business partner.

And love of her life.

Although I almost
had reason to doubt that,

seeing that little kiss
downstairs, hmm?

Anyway, I'm very excited
about our new enterprise.

It's not a dog kennel
in Vermont, but it's a start.

I-I'm sorry.
You might want to go away.

Because I don't like you,
and I have a bad habit

of losing things I don't like
in fires.

Mm.

You have had a very tiring day.

So get some sleep.