Weeds (2005–2012): Season 7, Episode 3 - Game-Played - full transcript

Previously on "Weeds"...

They found Esteban's body.
You're safe now.

What are you doing?
Going to New York to find mom.

You're all going?
Yeah. We're going to America.

Go home. There will not be
any good photos today.

Come on, Gunder.

I've doubled the sales
of your weird flower water.

How's my baby boy?

Annancy!

What did he call me?

"Aunt Nancy."



Hi. I'm Nancy. I'm Zoya's --
I know who you are.

I was hoping
we could make a trade.

What do you want?
You want money?

I want weed.

Free taste.

Is that why
you were avoiding us all day,

to smoke a bowl with
some new crime buddies or...

Did you?
What?

Avoid us?
Yes.

Where am I going?

Urine sample,

drug test kit,
in my office now.

Redrum. Redrum.
Redrum. Redrum.

Redrum. Redrum.



It's 8:00 A.M., ladies.
Drug class is in session.

Shelby Keene --
wasted 28 years to smack,

did another seven
for sale and distribution.

Been where you are.

Heard about you, pretty.

Number.

Number!
81426-370.

You like crapping
in metal toilets, 370,

in full view of the world?

You like the stench
of disinfectant,

the lights on all night?

You miss it?

Not especially.

You piss positive again,
that's where you're going --

Right back, full sentence.

Pretty, sit.

Some of you
have been away for years.

You're going out
to a changed world.

The city's cleaned up, sentence
is twice as hard for possession.

Nice old pusher-man
in the park

is now a messenger
with a beeper and a gun.

Don't nobody use beepers
no more, Pocahontas.

That's stone-age shit.

When I used to work
for Magic Jim,

you call 1-800-get-magic,
and whoop, there it is.

Nah. The real joint's
the witch doctor.

Man's got a Twitter feed
and a fuckin' iPhone app.

Beep-bop.
He's at your door.

Beeper. Bitch should be wearing
a bone in her hair.

Jamaica Bay, Queens?

No. Too far out.
Stay on the island.

Easier to get
to Washington Heights.

Three-bedrooms
are really expensive.

We still have enough money
for return tickets.

Maybe we should all go back.

That money's for rent.
Here. Come on.

This is what you worked for --
no more flower-water ads.

Big Apple.
Get out and take a bite.

Ooh!
Bottomless bacon!

Yes!

Off to Wall Street.

Feeling bullish.

Bearish?

Is it for a gay
venture-capital firm?

Oh, you're just hatin'

'cause you never knew
I had such a fine ass.

Coming with us
to see your mother?

Nope. Job interview.
All right.

Well, I will send her
your regards.

Catch up with you later.

Let's get it done.

Three minutes.
Clayman's on break.

Hi.

So, um, last night?
Urine sample?

Any chance you're
going back to prison soon?

Counselor Ed pulled strings --
drug class, eight sessions.

W-where's Silas?

He had stuff he had to do.

Yeah, still mad at me.

Yeah.

Well, come on.
The Lars thing?

Something that, uh,

we should have a family
discussion about at some point,

a lifetime of deceit
and so forth.

So...

I-I really
wanted to tell you --

It was, um,
n-nice of you to come.

I'm glad to see you.
How's Copenhagen? Is it good?

How did --
I have a girlfriend.

Had.

I sent you pictures.

She's 34...

...Divorced, puppet theater,
baby crazy,

a whole sister thing --
Renata "Other shed."

Oddershede.
"Ooter shit."

Oddershede is her last name.

We won Best Children's Theater
by time out.

Oh, wow. Puppets.
Uh, marionette or hand?

Marionettes.

This is Sleipnir,
the eight-legged horse,

and this is Berteline,

the sheep princess
who danced her husband to death.

And Huginn and Muninn,
the gossipy, murderous crows.

Wow. Elaborate.

So, how long you in town for?

We're not -- we're not
going back. We're staying.

Clayman's back from break soon.

Yes. Okay.

You're gonna live here?

Don't sound so happy.

Oh, no. I'm...

I'm happy.

It's just things are different
now -- really different.

I'm not gonna be...

You're grown-ups.

Wow.
Retiring from motherhood.

I knew something had to give,
but I didn't, uh --

No. Everyone needs to be
responsible for themselves.

What do you think we've been
doing for the past three years?

Okay.

So, um,
what are you gonna do here?

What's your plan?
I don't want to hear puppets.

I don't know.
I'll get a job.

No. You had three years to play.
You're gonna give me four.

You're going to college.

I fucked up your high school.
I'm not --

Time, Botwin.

So...

Okay.

Bye.

Silas "Gun-nerd."

It's "Gun-nard."

Nard.

Hylde -- Hylde --

Hyldeblomst.

It's, uh -- it's a drink.
Refreshing.

Is this for print work?
My agent didn't really explain.

Hi.
I'm Maxeen, the artist.

I thought we weren't
supposed to talk about this.

In public, Yvonne is Maxeen.

I choose to not participate

in the commodification
of my persona.

I have two last names.

One is the product,
and one is the real me.

You are perfect for the gig.

Will you do it?
One night, 2,000 bucks.

Oh...

Up there, sweet party deck.

Over here,
Italian steam shower,

sub-zero
in the kitchen --

Yeah, big plans.

And then the economy tanked.

Suddenly, my nightclub
is a fucking tomb.

No one's ordering
bottle service,

no private parties --
no nothing.

Business goes bankrupt.

I tried to unload this place,
but nobody's buying.

Double fucked!
I give up. White flag.

I am going back upstate
and living in my brother's attic

until the market turns.

So what you see
is what you get.

I got nothing to put back
into it -- zero, as-is.

All repairs, you do yourself.

So exposed wires, no kitchen,

no bathroom wall,
and the elevator doesn't work.

Hoop!

Oh, game-played --

Knicks versus Nets, Meadowlands,
'88, epic game.

Don't fuck it up.

No, no, no, no!
No sofa dunk shots.

I will be back for that
eventually.

We'll take it.

Right here, New York shitty!

Oh, Scott
is being such a prick!

I don't know why
I got back together with him.

Maybe it was for the kids.

Maybe I was having a weak moment.

I didn't think
I could do it on my own.

It's good to see you.
Is Stevie around?

I would trade places with you
most days in a heartbeat --

hitting all the city hot spots,

not having to scrape mud off
of everybody's fucking cleats.

Jill.
What?

Where the fuck is my coffee?

Stevie --
I'd like to see him now.

I don't have
a whole lot of time.

Nancy, are you on acid?

It's 10:15.
Stevie's at music class.

I faxed you
his monthly schedule.

Look at the fucking fax.

Put it on
your fucking refrigerator

like the rest of us do, okay?

First of all,
I don't have a fridge.

Second of all,
I-I don't have a fax machine,

so wherever you're sending
these faxes --

Okay, news flash.

Stevie's at Music Land.
Then he's got Spanish class.

Then we have an interview
at the Waldorf Kindergarten,

which I'm really nervous
about because...

...I lost this crown,
and you can totally see it.

I was thinking of just
gluing it back myself,

maybe a little rubber cement.

I'm gonna try that.

What was I saying?

Money.

Do you have a job yet?

I'm working on it.

I'll call you back later.

'Cause Waldorf is $400 a week,
and Spanish is $180.

Jill, c-can you shut the fuck up
just for one second?

Stevie doesn't need
any of that crap.

My kids never had any --

And your kids turned out
so great, right?

Ándale, ándale.
This your girl?

Would be pretty
if she fixed her hair.

Take pride in yourself
before you lose your woman.

It's my turn. Move.

Hey.

Enough.

Not my fault.
Not engaging.

Bitch started it.
She get the strike, not me.

Nance, you're gonna be getting
some papers from my lawyer.

What papers?

Just for school enrollment,
to -- to make it legal.

Make what legal?
Custody,

so he can register for school.
Can you not hear me?

Custody?!

What is that woman doing
behind you?

I have to go glue my tooth.
No.

Try to get some sleep.
You look really tired.

Jill. Jill.

My God! Jill!

Botwin! My office!

Now!

Are you stupid?

No.

Yes.

Why?

You've been here 48 hours,
and already,

you've tested positive
for drugs,

you have two complaints on file
from your roommate,

and now you earned
an infraction for fighting.

And our dear, dim Counselor Ed

barely gave you
a slap on the wrist.

Drunk! The man is a drunk
and should be fired!

You tell me why I shouldn't
sign this right now

and send you back to prison.

Oh, well, I think I'm just
having trouble transitioning.

Oh, save it.

Don't! Stop!

I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.

I just found out
my asshole sister

is applying
for custody of my son.

She's doing it --

I read your file.
I know your story.

Where's your son's father?

He's dead.

Found...two weeks ago.

"Found" is what they said.
I suspect he was stabbed.

He's a Taurus.

Was.

Really stubborn, defiant,

probably didn't
make so many friends.

He was always
a little too macho, you know?

Like he was
trying to prove something.

And you never can tell
with people,

what they're really thinking.

I took this diet coke
from the staff fridge.

I realized just now
someone wrote "Eleanor" on it.

Will you tell Eleanor
I'll replace it today?

Please don't write it down
in my file.

The instant coffee thing is --
it's killing me.

Sign me out.

I need to go to California
and -- and get my son.

I haven't touched him
since he was a-a baby.

He talks now.
He looks just like his father.

It's so we--

...weird.

She dresses him
in these stupid outfits.

I knew she'd do that.
Of course she would.

Please.

Please.

Nancy, you are still
under the authority

of the Federal Bureau of Prisons,

serving out your sentence.

Then how do I get out of here?

Permanently.
Back into society.

You get a job, accrue savings,

establish a residence,
demonstrate family support,

become a real person.

I can be a real person.
I can.

I've been one before.
It was good.

Here's what I'm gonna do.

You are on
48-hour probation.

Goal one -- employment.

You are scheduled
for one job interview today,

but I'm gonna sign you out
for four hours

so that you can apply at every
"help wanted" sign you see.

You will call me before
and after every interview.

Phone.

If you can't get a job, you'll
be assigned one in the house,

which means you don't leave.

Understood?

Understood.

How, kemosabe.

Joke!

Sorry. Joke.

Plight of
the native Americans --

no laughing matter.

Of course.

Thank you.

Bye.

Doug-inator!

It is so good to see you,
brother.

Wow. I told the guys you were
coming. They're expecting you.

What -- Look at what you're wearing.

You're the king!
Aah.

Is this jacket orange chenille?

And -- and the shoes. You're
like a fucking elf prince.

Doug Wilson, everybody.
Doug Wilson.

These are just the kids.

Come on. Come on back.
I want you to meet the boys.

Gentlemen.

Is this the one?

The man, the myth,
the machine --

"Rocket Man", Doug Wilson,
pride of the alphas.

Sweet.

Greg Hillegas.
Heard many things.

Rick Levine. Jesus.

Never thought I'd get to meet
Rocket Doug.

Hey, you want to see
your office?

My what?

Why do you think
we got you down here, man?

You're fresh on American soil.

We're gonna snap you up
before the competition does.

Hey, you still keeping up with
those softball skills, right?

Yeah.
How's the old Rocket doing?

'Cause our team blows chunks.

You know, I played in Europe for
a while there with the Czechs.

Excellent. Excellent.
We need to crush those Bridgewater dickheads.

Hey.
Take a look at this.

Whoa!

You on the chrome demon, right
before you jumped that gorge.

Wow. You got one of these
in every office here?

This is awesome.
This is...

Seriously, man,
what's going on?

We need an accountant.
The old guy bailed last Friday.

He couldn't hit
worth shit anyway.

Listen, we were gonna
head-hunt, but no need.

The Rocket's here.
It's kismet, brother.

Like out of a dream,
you appeared.

You know, I'm not even
certified in New York.

Aah, Rick will handle that.

Listen, we need you -- on
the field and in the boardroom.

Come on.
Tell me you're in.

Well, you know,
like we said in college,

if there's grass
on the field...

Play ball! Play ball!

Fuckin' "A"!

Right on. Welcome.
Yeah. Yeah.

Welcome, man.

Wow. Collar. Large.

You live
on a cobblestone street.

Your elevator's broken.

This dress smells
of sweat and Jean Naté.

I have a case manager

who's going to send me back
to prison if I don't get a job,

and Jill's filing
for custody of Stevie.

Bathroom.

Bathroom. Corner.

Why would I expect walls?

Turn around.

Um...

Doesn't Jill kind of
already have custody?

It was temporary --
while I was gone.

Now I'm back.

I can't even pee.

Calm down. Relax.
Just urinate.

She won't get custody.

They never take it away
from the mother

unless there's good reason.

Contents...

of bag that rattles
when set down?

Oh, explosives.

Easily
detonate-able, or...

Of course not.

There's a pin.

You pull it,
and then you throw it.

Or maybe you don't have to
throw it at all.

I have no idea. Anyway,
there's definitely a pin.

Unless one came loose
on the train.

I did get shoved
a couple of times

by an enormous Indian woman
in a yellow sari

with a down jacket
over it --

Middle of summer.

Where are my children?

Oh, mellow out.

It's old war stuff
for a collector.

I'm selling it for a friend.

I like your new place.

So, what?

War collectibles
are your new trade?

Drug class
was good for something.

Find out if any of these dealers
are still around,

especially the one
with the messenger.

Order from them if you can.

Take notes.
I need to know what's out there.

Learned nothing
from three years behind bars?

Try again, fail better.

Got to go.
Electronic leash.

Bag.
Take your bag with you.

I'll come back
and get it later.

Yes, please,
leave your hand grenades here.

No land mines
you'd like me to babysit, too?

It's not gonna go off.

It hasn't yet.

Hi, Shelby --

Sorry, Mrs. Keene.
Yeah. I was in a ladies' room.

No transcripts,

no test scores,

no recommendations.

Where did you graduate
high school?

I was home-schooled.

Yeah.

Look, I'm afraid without
any records, I can't help.

Are you an in-state
resident?

I just moved here from Denmark.

Denmark?

Oh.

Entirely different ballgame.

We here at City College

welcome international students
with arms open wide.

Do you, uh,
carry a Danish passport?

Icelandic.

Icelandic!
Even better.

We are nowhere near
our Icelandic quota.

Now, as you can see,

tuition is considerably higher
for international students,

but most find
that an American education

is well worth the expense.

We do not offer scholarships.

However, student loans
are made readily available

at many banks.

Applications here.

Perhaps your home country
has a grant program.

My home country's California.

Stick with Iceland.

No other way
you're getting in here.

Minimum wage -- I like to give
you girls a break, huh?

What?

Applying at
Castle Hill Bank, too?

I'm going everywhere -- see
who can give me the best deal.

Let me see what I can do.

How'd it go, chief?

That good?

What happened
with the research?

Well...

First, Magic Jim --

He dismantled
his messenger service years ago

and went to Tobago, which
I think is in the Caribbean,

where he now owns
a Margaritaville franchise.

Evidently,
he's never been happier.

New guy who took over
does not have the same pride.

That's according to Hugo,

who's the delivery guy who's
worked with both of them --

No selection, high prices.

Witch doctor franchise --
closed.

However, Hugo did give me a lead
to its proprietor --

Ivory Fong, a Chinese-Jamaican
who has no messengers anymore

but grows one strain --
seedy, but cheaper.

We smoked together.

Ends up, years ago, he used to
play water polo for Nebraska.

Isn't that wild?
You got to meet this guy.

On second thought, no.
It's best that you don't.

Hey, do you, uh,
have any food with you?

Like, something salty?

So, in other words,
there's a hole in the market.

Chips or nuts or...

Where's the bag?

Bag?

Oh, your big bang boom.
Out on the roof.

What?

What?

I'm hungry.

There's a deli downstairs.
Get off your ass.

I'll get off my ass
as soon as I can stand.

Oh, there will probably be food
at that Silas thing.

What Silas thing?

The job gallery thing.

Tell him I said hi.

Will do.
Good luck with your explosives.

And your date --
I assume you're going on a date.

There's a spare key
on the nail.

Yep. That's it.

I'm glad you're out of prison.

Thank you.

And for you.

Nice.

Are you happy?

Uh...

Partially.

Only partially.

I could be happier.

Hi, Mrs. Keene.

No, I'm standing
in the l--

the lobby of, um,
a telemarketing place.

So...

There's, um, uh...

One, two, three, four people

ahead of me
waiting to be interviewed.

Mm. Mm.

He says he's gonna
try to get to me today.

At least that's what he said.

Ohh.

Oh, Zoya.

Oh, oh, um, Demetri.

No, I'm, um, I'm --

No, I'm not going anywhere.

I'm gonna stay here
as long as it takes.

♪ Well, the devil's got your boyfriend ♪

♪ he's got the one
who said he'd always love you ♪

♪ he's got your boy,
and he'll never let go ♪

Silas!

Hey.

Hey.

Hey, someone...

Somebody...

He can't breathe.

Can't breathe.

Hey!

He can't breathe.
Get him out.

Fuck.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Who are you?

Can you believe --
What the hell was that?

These people should be sued.

What is your name?
Andrew. Andrew Botwin.

All right, he's --
he's good over there.

What kind of asinine --

You acted.
No one ever acts.

Yeah, well, of course I acted.
Anybody would act.

No. This piece has been
performed all over the world.

You're --
you're amazing.

I -- yeah?

Yeah.

What the hell happened?

You were never in any danger.

I can re-inflate.

So that was supposed to happen?

Your point was to humiliate me?

You think I am
some he-doll meat puppet

who will take any crap you dish
out because you're "the artist"?

I am a person,
and I'm not okay with your lying

and your withholding
and your fucking attitude.

Whoa. Whoa.

Disproportionate response,
brother.

Innocent mistake.

I can re-inflate.

She can re-inflate.
No.

I want to put my clothes on,
and I-I want to get paid.

You're not meat to me.

I'm getting a cab to the loft.
Are you coming?

No, no.

You are the man who stepped up.

I want to feed you
and probe your higher self.

Are you hungry? Do you want
to get something to eat?

I have a car service outside.

Silas, please come, too.

I'm out of here.

All right.
I'll catch up with you later.

I'm gonna...
get my higher self probed.

You know how it is.

What's inside the radio?

You wouldn't hide it
if it was just a radio.

I know you.

And I know my pants.

You look good.

Older.

More like --

More like my father?

More like my father,
I was gonna say.

Hm.

I'd like the jeans back now.
They were expensive.

Um...okay.

Let me wash them first.

Hi. Who's this?

Hi, Mrs. Keene. I'm --

Yeah, I'm just leaving
an interview.

Can I call you in two minutes?

Thanks.

Can't wait to meet
your new friends.

So, why did you split?

'Cause you saw us,
and you split.

And don't lie.

I wasn't ready.

Please. Nancy Botwin
was born ready.

What's your, uh...plan?

There's no plan, Silas.

You want that weed to be here
when you come back?

I can't bring it back
to the halfway house with me.

No, y-you can't.

Yet you take a real chance
leaving it here.

Someone might sell it
out from under you,

someone with experience,

someone born and raised...
for the job.

Silas.

Nancy.

Half of that stash is now mine.

I'll cut you in on the profit.
I'll be fair.

Unlike you.

I have to get that.

Deal?

Okay. Deal.

Yeah, hi.

I'm just -- I'm just heading
to the bus stop right now.

Just heading to the bus stop.

It's gonna take me --

Take a cab.

Yeah.