Weeds (2005–2012): Season 3, Episode 5 - Bill Sussman - full transcript
U-turn continues to drag Nancy deeper into his world; Sullivan courts Doug and Celia for support of his plans; Andy goes to strange lengths to hide from the military; Nancy puts Shane in a ...
Weeds - Sesion 3- Episode 5
Bill Sussman
Transcript: Testexam
Synchro et relecture:
Macanto/Michvanilly/[dx]Samael/San-A/
Now point the camera
at my ass. Hurry.
I don't want to
see your balls, man!
Tuck 'em away!
All right. There. There. Fine.
Ready? Okay.
It's coming.
oh, and it's a good one.
Hey, what is that?
It's showtime!
Wow! That was Rodriguez?
Yeah. And they
fucking killed him.
For trying to light farts?
They don't
need a reason, Doug.
It's Pat Tillman
all over again.
I got to forward this
to my fraternity brothers.
Forward it to Lowell Bergman, all right?
Forward it to Harry Reid.
Are they beta phi omegas?
Ok. I love you.
And I thank you for the pants
and the chinese food
and, what, 70, 80 bucks
that you got here.
But uninformed Doug, Doug
of the disengaged electorate,
that Doug needs to remove
himself from the room
'cause I'm
riding the edge here.
D'you want me to answer it?
That's how they track you.
That's how they got Rodriguez.
If you answer it,
I could be a dead man.
- Hello?
- Mr. Botwin.
He's not available right now.
Who, may I ask, is calling?
You know who this is.
What? What?
Scary. Deep voice.
Very deep.
Very scary.
You can't stay here.
They are going to kill you, Andy.
I sold Jesus a quarter ounce
at the fast mart.
He's a mexican guy
who's on roadkill with me,
working off a D.U.I.
He loves the lord,
and he loves weed.
And so does his cousin Javier,
who works in the kitchen
at Amechi's.
I only sold him a dime,
but two of the delivery guys
bought a half ounce each.
Got a free meatball sub,
does that happen to you a lot?
- Free food?
- Not really.
Happened to me twice today.
Want some jerky?
Thank you, no.
After the sub, I drove back,
and checked in with my supervisor,
- and he sent me to bingo.
- Bingo.
At the retirement home,
run by church volunteers
and misdemeanor felons.
Three customers there.
Mr. Mertes.
You sell to Mertes?
Any cars following you?
No.
You sold $2,000 in a day.
- Impressive, huh?
- Temporary.
This is not a career path.
This is a family in crisis.
And I'm being the good son.
I'm assuming you burned
through your client base.
Kinda.
Okay.
I'll make some calls.
But if you sell to these people,
you're not the good son.
You're some random punk
who sells for me.
Pick an alias, work your deliveries
around your community service.
Will do.
Give some jerky to your brother.
He's mad at me.
- Why this time?
- I put him in Majestic Summer School,
to keep him off the streets,
away from drugs.
I love that sound.
Hammer the nails,
pour the cement down.
Good men are gonna raise
their families here.
Of course, it's that kind
of missionary zeal
that's got us into
this mess, isn't it?
We need these sewer lines.
We need these votes.
And the word around town says,
"You get Doug Wilson's vote...
The rest will follow. "
Well, that's beautiful.
I'm thinking a golf membership.
Ok.
Now, I know a lot of you
are looking up at this board
and you're thinking in
yourselves, "Critical Thinking?
That sounds kind of square,
sounds kind of whack. "
Ok.
Who here can tell Bob
what "Critical Thinking" means?
Anybody?
Hit me.
Critical thinking is the
process of conceptualizing
and analyzing information,
gathered from observation
or communication
as a guide
to belief in action. "
You got a name, friend?
Shane Botwin.
Dap?
Blow it up.
Shane Botwin,
let me ask you a question.
Do you want to spend the next couple
of weeks reading out of a textbook,
or would you rather
keep it real?
I guess -keep it real.
'Cause I can assign you pages
from the textbook. You can copy
them into your notebooks,
regurgitate them later for a test.
I can do that
if that's what you want.
Or...
Maybe you and I
can solve a murder.
Cool.
Two Gs.
That's right.
The agreement was $12,500.
You breaking the social contract.
Well, I'm working
with some new people.
It takes time.
10 grand light.
Usually get a nigga shot.
Oh, good thing I'm white.
I've been shot!
I've been shot!
What the fuck happened?
I was getting the mail,
a truck comes by.
Blam! Blam! Blam!
Shot in the ass!
- Hi, Marvin.
- Hi, Nancy.
You two, go outside and start rousting
niggas. Find out who saw what.
Man, you think it was the mexicans?
Cucaracha motherfuckers
need to get stomped!
Fuck you man!
You bleeding all over, man!
Put your hand over your ass!
Blot that shit, man! Blot it!
I need a doctor!
You ain't getting in
my leather seats with that ass.
Oh, no.
No, no. No way.
- This one of these hybrids, huh?
- Yes.
How are you doing
back there, Marvin?
Got a fuckin' bullet
in my ass!
Are we sure this is
the way to the hospital?
We ain't going to
no motherfuckin' hospital.
Charge you 50 bucks for an aspirin,
treat you like shit...
...if you don't have insurance.
Make a right.
We got our own guy...
Dr. Tupelo.
He don't ask no questions.
And he real good at
takin' bullets out of people.
Lovely.
Can't wait to meet him.
Marvin, what's the gang sign
for those tres seis bitches?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
- Make a right.
- Who's tres seis?
The three sixes.
Guillermo's crew.
Little bitch is all moody 'cause
he thinks I jacked his horse.
You did.
That don't give him permission
to shoot you in your ass!
That motherfucker gonna get his.
You don't mean "horse"
like, like, horse like "neigh"?
Don't play that Doe-eye
cute shit with me.
I know you know better.
Oh, honey, it's gonna be okay.
- You buy or lease this car?
- Uh, I bought.
Hmm. How much.
I don't really recall right now!
There's a man bleeding in my backseat!
I have to pick up my son
from summer school!
Make another right.
I have to get this.
Hello?
I just want to make sure
those packets went out this morning.
- Oh, yeah, absolutely.
- Liar!
- Who's that?
- Who the fuck is you, nigga?!
Oh, sorry, I'm losing you. Bye!
- Make another right and slow down.
- Okay, now we're driving in a circle.
Yeah, but we're about
to go straight in a second.
Yeah, motherfucker!
Drive, bitch, drive!
We need these sewer lines.
We need these votes.
And the word around town says,
"you get Celia Hodes' vote,
the rest will follow. "
I hear Doug Wilson
is getting a golf membership.
I love a woman
who does her homework.
Would you like
a golf membership, too?
- I don't play golf.
- Oh. Well.
What is it you do play, Celia?
I play house.
Hey, sweetie.
- How was your first day?
- Mostly sucky.
Only mostly?
Hello.
You must be Shane's mother.
- Hi.
- Yeah, hi.
Eve Meriweather,
Education Coordinator.
Well, Shane had a fabulous first day.
Bob really took a shine to him.
Bob. That's great.
- What happened to the backseat?
- Mom spilled some coffee.
And this is for you.
It's just some forms
and permission slips.
It covers everything
you'll need to know
about the absolute truth
ministries campus.
We got some super-great programs,
"Prayer Power" meetings.
And not just for Shane
but for the whole family.
You're a jewish, right?
Um, no. I'm not.
Shane's father was a jewish.
Did he pass?
Most people thought
he was italian.
Yes!
Yes, he's no longer with us!
- Yes.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
Losing your husband...
I just can't imagine.
- Well, God bless you.
- Are these shell casings?
Oh, Eve, in a rush!
Got to go. Got to make dinner.
Buckle up, honey.
All right. We'll see you. Bye!
So, when you cast your vote tonight,
rubber-stamping
another environmental holocaust
the name of "Urban Renewal,"
I want you to remember
the san acitos dirt shrew.
How could we forget him?
Their beauty was here
long before we were.
This sewer is soaked in their blood.
Thank you, Jane Chaffin,
founder, president, and sole member
of the Agrestic Eco-Warriors.
Your passion humbles us.
And that concludes
the public debate on motion 412,
proposal to expand the sewer
and water reclamation systems
of greater Agrestic.
Let's do this.
- All of those...
- All in favor of more pipe, say "aye".
Aye.
- Aye.
- The "Ayes" have it.
A moment of silence
for the dirt shrew.
The motion is passed.
What the fuck did you get?
House still for sale?
Andy?
Andy's dead.
I'm Bill. Bill Sussman.
Here is your mail.
How's the army?
They killed Rodriguez.
I think I killed a Hernandez.
That's a wig!
Yeah that's all they had at rite aid...
Mostly wigs for black women.
Are these bullet
holes back here?
What? Oh those?
I was in a drive-by shooting yesterday.
I was...
driving the car, this car!
I may be a murderer!
Murderess.
Actually I think we only clipped him,
you know, hit him in the leg.
- Hit who in the leg?
- One of the Mexicans, Tres Seis.
They shot Marvin.
Who's Marvin?
I'm scrubbing his blood
out of the backseat.
It won't come out!
Are you ok?
- Actually Andy..
- Bill Sussman.
I think I am ok.
I mean, stuff keeps
piling on, piling on...
And while,
tomorrow is another day.
I'm pretty sure it's only giving more
heinous is gonna happen to me
because that just seems
to be the way it rolls.
I really think i'm finding myself!
Look at my hand!
Nerves of steel.
- Pretty steady.
- That's what I'm talking about.
Well, this is all good.
Meanwhile, a reconnaissance
drone killed my battle buddy.
And, I'm going to die.
I know too much.
I was hoping for a shower.
Maybe a little nap.
But...
You obviously are having a
slow psychotic breakdown
so I'll just ask...
Do you have any money?
No I don't...
I have a backseat full of blood...
I have two licence plates.
I may have to remove.
I have an assistance's job that
a monkey could do.
I have a death wish.
You're welcome to any
of those sparkly gems.
But as far as money goes...
Bill.
Everything that comes in,
goes out!
I'm gonna go now
I like this new you.
She's a winner.
Tell the kids I miss them.
You betcha.
Where d'you hear that?
You're sure about that?
That's good news!
Cool.
And?
Gunfire in the streets.
Brown fighting black.
Black fighting brown all on account of
somebody shot Marvin in the ass.
Something about a Mexican,
and a tinted truck...
Driving up and... pop pop pop:
right in Marvin's ass.
That's one big ass.
Maybe if that Mexican had a better aim,
he wouldn't have needed three shots.
Maybe if he had'n't used his auntie's
snubnose piece of shit you'll be right.
Still...
War is on.
War is on...?
- More males..?
- I think that's the last of them.
And why are you doing that?
Got to separate the males
from the females,
or they'll fuck up the whole crop.
How d'you know they male?
They got a little plant dick?
No dicks, just sacs.
Plants looking good in there.
That's because it's a room
full of women!
Steppin' up.
And we're sitting out there like lambs.
And Rodriguez, he's got the cellphone
up in his hands, just like that.
When it struck.
Right in the chest,
into his heart.
Tell them.
- What did he say?
- He says "Wow"!
- Shocking...
- Shocking!
Shocking!
A naive kid, a great kid.
Who only wanted to serve his country.
eating our vindaloo,
Watching "dancing with the stars",
And we don't wanna know about it!
You tell that to Rodrigez
tell it to his fucking corpse
Hey Mom.
Hey you.
Got a lots of calls from clients today.
- Oh yeah?
- People seems to like the new guy.
Judah.
Tip of the hat to the old man.
We're gonna need
more product soon.
I'm having homework issues.
Come here, let me see.
The day after prom,
A murder has taken place,
and blood has been found.
Principal Paul calls up
detective Dan to investigate.
It's like an episode of CSI.
I have to use my power
of critical thinking...
- ... to solve a murder.
- Who's that?
That's Kyle. He disappeared
right after the murder.
This is Jill.
Her blood matches the blood
found at the crime scene and...
...this is Mia, the cheerleader.
Kyle promised to
take her to the prom...
...then dumped her hard.
Jealous Mia murdered Jill.
- That's what I thought too.
- So what's the problem?
Every day we get new clues,
and today we got this one.
Two days later,
Jill, arrived at school.
I though Jill was
murdered, that's bogus.
No body, no murder.
It doesn't add up.
- W- w-v-m-d
- W-w-v...
What would Vic Mackey do?
He'd plant evidence
and coerce a confession.
Okay but, what's
detective Dan gonna do?
Drink myself
into a stupor and,
sleep with my prostitute/informer.
No more cable for you.
Mr Botwin.
This is my lawyer, Dean Hodes.
Gentlemen, we called this meeting
because my client is tired of...
- We don't care.
- Go fuck yourself.
You're in possession of US
military hardware Mr Botwin.
Where's the phone?
My client neither
confirms nor denies...
- Shut up.
- Suck yourself!
I'm setting in front
of you documents...
which when signed,
will honorably discharge you
from United States army reserves.
You're the drone guy, right?
Lawyer, for the contractor?
Your machine killed Rodriguez.
You forced him
out in the field.
We were gonna strap that
phone to a fucking mule..
till we found
your two sorry asses
And then we figured
why waste a good mule?
Private Rodriguez died a hero.
Sign the documents, Mr Botwin.
I'll need to look these over.
There's no time to look
over anything Mr Hodes.
Suck yourself!
You see that windows
washer outside,
cleaning the windows
Mr Botwin?
Notice, anything unusual?
I don't know, should I?
He's a white guy?
Actually, he's a lithuanian.
And that squeegee he's
holding is a remote,
currently erasing your
hard drive, Mr Wilson.
Would you confirm that for me?
That's because...
...that window washer,
is not a window washer.
He works for us.
And that janitor in the
hallway, he works for us too.
Turn on your vacuum Ivan.
Turn it off.
Turn it on.
Turn it off.
Two vans in the
parking lot, helicopters...
You're fucking
surrounded,dipshit!
And we can
make you disappear faster
than a mule can shit itself.
What's with him and the mules?
Do you think we're
fucking around here?!
You return our
property pronto, dickhead!
Give him the phone.
Give him the phone Doug!
What am I signing here?
You're not signing anything.
You're not here right now.
You were never at Fort Irwin
and the only man named
Rodriguez you know is
some asshole in the Yankees
thinks he's better than Graig Nettles.
Suck yourself!
Okay, you've walked
the crime scene.
You've interrogated
your suspects.
You've gathered your evidence.
Which one of you,
is ready to put
your critical mind,
to the ultimate, test.
Who here has solved,
the strange case, of Cordull high.
Crimes, are solved
by hard evidence.
Blood samples point to Kyle and Jill,
but, since both of them
showed up at school later,
there can be
only one solution.
There was no murder.
Ah, but there was...
A murder of the worst kind.
For you see,
Jill had an abortion.
It's horrible,
it's disgusting,
but I have no place else
to put you.
You're just going to have
to fake it for a bit.
Hey Mom.
What's up Nance?
What are you doing here?
Oh, just dropping off
some business,
getting a rundown
on the operation,
meeting the family.
Uncle andy's back.
He has a bag of ice
on his balls.
What's up little man?
Shane, go in the house
with your brother
Listen to your mother, Shane.
She's a gangster
she'll keep you staight.
U- Turn, why don't you and I
have a little walk and talk?
You can't come to my house,
you're not welcome here.
Aw, come on girl,
we tied you and me.
I'm not fucking kidding.
Save it.
I was just dropping off
some bricks for your boy.
Oh, and I left you
a package in the garage.
I need you to hold onto
it for a spell, that's all.
Things are starting to
heat up over the hill.
You bought a Prius?
I bought seven of them.
I got my whole crew
driving them.
They're real quiet.
Good for sneaking up
on motherfuckers.
Ah, check this out.
Hands free.
What up Doe?
Where you at U-Turn? You late.
You bitch ass
gonna have to wait,
I got business going on,
fuck you.
See the shit
I'm surrounded by?
That's why I need more
bitches like you Nancy.
Oh!
And you could use this.
Watch it tonight.
Heroin...
Bill Sussman
Transcript: Testexam
Synchro et relecture:
Macanto/Michvanilly/[dx]Samael/San-A/
Now point the camera
at my ass. Hurry.
I don't want to
see your balls, man!
Tuck 'em away!
All right. There. There. Fine.
Ready? Okay.
It's coming.
oh, and it's a good one.
Hey, what is that?
It's showtime!
Wow! That was Rodriguez?
Yeah. And they
fucking killed him.
For trying to light farts?
They don't
need a reason, Doug.
It's Pat Tillman
all over again.
I got to forward this
to my fraternity brothers.
Forward it to Lowell Bergman, all right?
Forward it to Harry Reid.
Are they beta phi omegas?
Ok. I love you.
And I thank you for the pants
and the chinese food
and, what, 70, 80 bucks
that you got here.
But uninformed Doug, Doug
of the disengaged electorate,
that Doug needs to remove
himself from the room
'cause I'm
riding the edge here.
D'you want me to answer it?
That's how they track you.
That's how they got Rodriguez.
If you answer it,
I could be a dead man.
- Hello?
- Mr. Botwin.
He's not available right now.
Who, may I ask, is calling?
You know who this is.
What? What?
Scary. Deep voice.
Very deep.
Very scary.
You can't stay here.
They are going to kill you, Andy.
I sold Jesus a quarter ounce
at the fast mart.
He's a mexican guy
who's on roadkill with me,
working off a D.U.I.
He loves the lord,
and he loves weed.
And so does his cousin Javier,
who works in the kitchen
at Amechi's.
I only sold him a dime,
but two of the delivery guys
bought a half ounce each.
Got a free meatball sub,
does that happen to you a lot?
- Free food?
- Not really.
Happened to me twice today.
Want some jerky?
Thank you, no.
After the sub, I drove back,
and checked in with my supervisor,
- and he sent me to bingo.
- Bingo.
At the retirement home,
run by church volunteers
and misdemeanor felons.
Three customers there.
Mr. Mertes.
You sell to Mertes?
Any cars following you?
No.
You sold $2,000 in a day.
- Impressive, huh?
- Temporary.
This is not a career path.
This is a family in crisis.
And I'm being the good son.
I'm assuming you burned
through your client base.
Kinda.
Okay.
I'll make some calls.
But if you sell to these people,
you're not the good son.
You're some random punk
who sells for me.
Pick an alias, work your deliveries
around your community service.
Will do.
Give some jerky to your brother.
He's mad at me.
- Why this time?
- I put him in Majestic Summer School,
to keep him off the streets,
away from drugs.
I love that sound.
Hammer the nails,
pour the cement down.
Good men are gonna raise
their families here.
Of course, it's that kind
of missionary zeal
that's got us into
this mess, isn't it?
We need these sewer lines.
We need these votes.
And the word around town says,
"You get Doug Wilson's vote...
The rest will follow. "
Well, that's beautiful.
I'm thinking a golf membership.
Ok.
Now, I know a lot of you
are looking up at this board
and you're thinking in
yourselves, "Critical Thinking?
That sounds kind of square,
sounds kind of whack. "
Ok.
Who here can tell Bob
what "Critical Thinking" means?
Anybody?
Hit me.
Critical thinking is the
process of conceptualizing
and analyzing information,
gathered from observation
or communication
as a guide
to belief in action. "
You got a name, friend?
Shane Botwin.
Dap?
Blow it up.
Shane Botwin,
let me ask you a question.
Do you want to spend the next couple
of weeks reading out of a textbook,
or would you rather
keep it real?
I guess -keep it real.
'Cause I can assign you pages
from the textbook. You can copy
them into your notebooks,
regurgitate them later for a test.
I can do that
if that's what you want.
Or...
Maybe you and I
can solve a murder.
Cool.
Two Gs.
That's right.
The agreement was $12,500.
You breaking the social contract.
Well, I'm working
with some new people.
It takes time.
10 grand light.
Usually get a nigga shot.
Oh, good thing I'm white.
I've been shot!
I've been shot!
What the fuck happened?
I was getting the mail,
a truck comes by.
Blam! Blam! Blam!
Shot in the ass!
- Hi, Marvin.
- Hi, Nancy.
You two, go outside and start rousting
niggas. Find out who saw what.
Man, you think it was the mexicans?
Cucaracha motherfuckers
need to get stomped!
Fuck you man!
You bleeding all over, man!
Put your hand over your ass!
Blot that shit, man! Blot it!
I need a doctor!
You ain't getting in
my leather seats with that ass.
Oh, no.
No, no. No way.
- This one of these hybrids, huh?
- Yes.
How are you doing
back there, Marvin?
Got a fuckin' bullet
in my ass!
Are we sure this is
the way to the hospital?
We ain't going to
no motherfuckin' hospital.
Charge you 50 bucks for an aspirin,
treat you like shit...
...if you don't have insurance.
Make a right.
We got our own guy...
Dr. Tupelo.
He don't ask no questions.
And he real good at
takin' bullets out of people.
Lovely.
Can't wait to meet him.
Marvin, what's the gang sign
for those tres seis bitches?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
- Make a right.
- Who's tres seis?
The three sixes.
Guillermo's crew.
Little bitch is all moody 'cause
he thinks I jacked his horse.
You did.
That don't give him permission
to shoot you in your ass!
That motherfucker gonna get his.
You don't mean "horse"
like, like, horse like "neigh"?
Don't play that Doe-eye
cute shit with me.
I know you know better.
Oh, honey, it's gonna be okay.
- You buy or lease this car?
- Uh, I bought.
Hmm. How much.
I don't really recall right now!
There's a man bleeding in my backseat!
I have to pick up my son
from summer school!
Make another right.
I have to get this.
Hello?
I just want to make sure
those packets went out this morning.
- Oh, yeah, absolutely.
- Liar!
- Who's that?
- Who the fuck is you, nigga?!
Oh, sorry, I'm losing you. Bye!
- Make another right and slow down.
- Okay, now we're driving in a circle.
Yeah, but we're about
to go straight in a second.
Yeah, motherfucker!
Drive, bitch, drive!
We need these sewer lines.
We need these votes.
And the word around town says,
"you get Celia Hodes' vote,
the rest will follow. "
I hear Doug Wilson
is getting a golf membership.
I love a woman
who does her homework.
Would you like
a golf membership, too?
- I don't play golf.
- Oh. Well.
What is it you do play, Celia?
I play house.
Hey, sweetie.
- How was your first day?
- Mostly sucky.
Only mostly?
Hello.
You must be Shane's mother.
- Hi.
- Yeah, hi.
Eve Meriweather,
Education Coordinator.
Well, Shane had a fabulous first day.
Bob really took a shine to him.
Bob. That's great.
- What happened to the backseat?
- Mom spilled some coffee.
And this is for you.
It's just some forms
and permission slips.
It covers everything
you'll need to know
about the absolute truth
ministries campus.
We got some super-great programs,
"Prayer Power" meetings.
And not just for Shane
but for the whole family.
You're a jewish, right?
Um, no. I'm not.
Shane's father was a jewish.
Did he pass?
Most people thought
he was italian.
Yes!
Yes, he's no longer with us!
- Yes.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
Losing your husband...
I just can't imagine.
- Well, God bless you.
- Are these shell casings?
Oh, Eve, in a rush!
Got to go. Got to make dinner.
Buckle up, honey.
All right. We'll see you. Bye!
So, when you cast your vote tonight,
rubber-stamping
another environmental holocaust
the name of "Urban Renewal,"
I want you to remember
the san acitos dirt shrew.
How could we forget him?
Their beauty was here
long before we were.
This sewer is soaked in their blood.
Thank you, Jane Chaffin,
founder, president, and sole member
of the Agrestic Eco-Warriors.
Your passion humbles us.
And that concludes
the public debate on motion 412,
proposal to expand the sewer
and water reclamation systems
of greater Agrestic.
Let's do this.
- All of those...
- All in favor of more pipe, say "aye".
Aye.
- Aye.
- The "Ayes" have it.
A moment of silence
for the dirt shrew.
The motion is passed.
What the fuck did you get?
House still for sale?
Andy?
Andy's dead.
I'm Bill. Bill Sussman.
Here is your mail.
How's the army?
They killed Rodriguez.
I think I killed a Hernandez.
That's a wig!
Yeah that's all they had at rite aid...
Mostly wigs for black women.
Are these bullet
holes back here?
What? Oh those?
I was in a drive-by shooting yesterday.
I was...
driving the car, this car!
I may be a murderer!
Murderess.
Actually I think we only clipped him,
you know, hit him in the leg.
- Hit who in the leg?
- One of the Mexicans, Tres Seis.
They shot Marvin.
Who's Marvin?
I'm scrubbing his blood
out of the backseat.
It won't come out!
Are you ok?
- Actually Andy..
- Bill Sussman.
I think I am ok.
I mean, stuff keeps
piling on, piling on...
And while,
tomorrow is another day.
I'm pretty sure it's only giving more
heinous is gonna happen to me
because that just seems
to be the way it rolls.
I really think i'm finding myself!
Look at my hand!
Nerves of steel.
- Pretty steady.
- That's what I'm talking about.
Well, this is all good.
Meanwhile, a reconnaissance
drone killed my battle buddy.
And, I'm going to die.
I know too much.
I was hoping for a shower.
Maybe a little nap.
But...
You obviously are having a
slow psychotic breakdown
so I'll just ask...
Do you have any money?
No I don't...
I have a backseat full of blood...
I have two licence plates.
I may have to remove.
I have an assistance's job that
a monkey could do.
I have a death wish.
You're welcome to any
of those sparkly gems.
But as far as money goes...
Bill.
Everything that comes in,
goes out!
I'm gonna go now
I like this new you.
She's a winner.
Tell the kids I miss them.
You betcha.
Where d'you hear that?
You're sure about that?
That's good news!
Cool.
And?
Gunfire in the streets.
Brown fighting black.
Black fighting brown all on account of
somebody shot Marvin in the ass.
Something about a Mexican,
and a tinted truck...
Driving up and... pop pop pop:
right in Marvin's ass.
That's one big ass.
Maybe if that Mexican had a better aim,
he wouldn't have needed three shots.
Maybe if he had'n't used his auntie's
snubnose piece of shit you'll be right.
Still...
War is on.
War is on...?
- More males..?
- I think that's the last of them.
And why are you doing that?
Got to separate the males
from the females,
or they'll fuck up the whole crop.
How d'you know they male?
They got a little plant dick?
No dicks, just sacs.
Plants looking good in there.
That's because it's a room
full of women!
Steppin' up.
And we're sitting out there like lambs.
And Rodriguez, he's got the cellphone
up in his hands, just like that.
When it struck.
Right in the chest,
into his heart.
Tell them.
- What did he say?
- He says "Wow"!
- Shocking...
- Shocking!
Shocking!
A naive kid, a great kid.
Who only wanted to serve his country.
eating our vindaloo,
Watching "dancing with the stars",
And we don't wanna know about it!
You tell that to Rodrigez
tell it to his fucking corpse
Hey Mom.
Hey you.
Got a lots of calls from clients today.
- Oh yeah?
- People seems to like the new guy.
Judah.
Tip of the hat to the old man.
We're gonna need
more product soon.
I'm having homework issues.
Come here, let me see.
The day after prom,
A murder has taken place,
and blood has been found.
Principal Paul calls up
detective Dan to investigate.
It's like an episode of CSI.
I have to use my power
of critical thinking...
- ... to solve a murder.
- Who's that?
That's Kyle. He disappeared
right after the murder.
This is Jill.
Her blood matches the blood
found at the crime scene and...
...this is Mia, the cheerleader.
Kyle promised to
take her to the prom...
...then dumped her hard.
Jealous Mia murdered Jill.
- That's what I thought too.
- So what's the problem?
Every day we get new clues,
and today we got this one.
Two days later,
Jill, arrived at school.
I though Jill was
murdered, that's bogus.
No body, no murder.
It doesn't add up.
- W- w-v-m-d
- W-w-v...
What would Vic Mackey do?
He'd plant evidence
and coerce a confession.
Okay but, what's
detective Dan gonna do?
Drink myself
into a stupor and,
sleep with my prostitute/informer.
No more cable for you.
Mr Botwin.
This is my lawyer, Dean Hodes.
Gentlemen, we called this meeting
because my client is tired of...
- We don't care.
- Go fuck yourself.
You're in possession of US
military hardware Mr Botwin.
Where's the phone?
My client neither
confirms nor denies...
- Shut up.
- Suck yourself!
I'm setting in front
of you documents...
which when signed,
will honorably discharge you
from United States army reserves.
You're the drone guy, right?
Lawyer, for the contractor?
Your machine killed Rodriguez.
You forced him
out in the field.
We were gonna strap that
phone to a fucking mule..
till we found
your two sorry asses
And then we figured
why waste a good mule?
Private Rodriguez died a hero.
Sign the documents, Mr Botwin.
I'll need to look these over.
There's no time to look
over anything Mr Hodes.
Suck yourself!
You see that windows
washer outside,
cleaning the windows
Mr Botwin?
Notice, anything unusual?
I don't know, should I?
He's a white guy?
Actually, he's a lithuanian.
And that squeegee he's
holding is a remote,
currently erasing your
hard drive, Mr Wilson.
Would you confirm that for me?
That's because...
...that window washer,
is not a window washer.
He works for us.
And that janitor in the
hallway, he works for us too.
Turn on your vacuum Ivan.
Turn it off.
Turn it on.
Turn it off.
Two vans in the
parking lot, helicopters...
You're fucking
surrounded,dipshit!
And we can
make you disappear faster
than a mule can shit itself.
What's with him and the mules?
Do you think we're
fucking around here?!
You return our
property pronto, dickhead!
Give him the phone.
Give him the phone Doug!
What am I signing here?
You're not signing anything.
You're not here right now.
You were never at Fort Irwin
and the only man named
Rodriguez you know is
some asshole in the Yankees
thinks he's better than Graig Nettles.
Suck yourself!
Okay, you've walked
the crime scene.
You've interrogated
your suspects.
You've gathered your evidence.
Which one of you,
is ready to put
your critical mind,
to the ultimate, test.
Who here has solved,
the strange case, of Cordull high.
Crimes, are solved
by hard evidence.
Blood samples point to Kyle and Jill,
but, since both of them
showed up at school later,
there can be
only one solution.
There was no murder.
Ah, but there was...
A murder of the worst kind.
For you see,
Jill had an abortion.
It's horrible,
it's disgusting,
but I have no place else
to put you.
You're just going to have
to fake it for a bit.
Hey Mom.
What's up Nance?
What are you doing here?
Oh, just dropping off
some business,
getting a rundown
on the operation,
meeting the family.
Uncle andy's back.
He has a bag of ice
on his balls.
What's up little man?
Shane, go in the house
with your brother
Listen to your mother, Shane.
She's a gangster
she'll keep you staight.
U- Turn, why don't you and I
have a little walk and talk?
You can't come to my house,
you're not welcome here.
Aw, come on girl,
we tied you and me.
I'm not fucking kidding.
Save it.
I was just dropping off
some bricks for your boy.
Oh, and I left you
a package in the garage.
I need you to hold onto
it for a spell, that's all.
Things are starting to
heat up over the hill.
You bought a Prius?
I bought seven of them.
I got my whole crew
driving them.
They're real quiet.
Good for sneaking up
on motherfuckers.
Ah, check this out.
Hands free.
What up Doe?
Where you at U-Turn? You late.
You bitch ass
gonna have to wait,
I got business going on,
fuck you.
See the shit
I'm surrounded by?
That's why I need more
bitches like you Nancy.
Oh!
And you could use this.
Watch it tonight.
Heroin...