Weeds (2005–2012): Season 3, Episode 12 - The Dark Time - full transcript

Previously on Weeds...

Conrad, this is Celia.

I fucked a black man... Conrad.

Just a little something to say
thank you for all your help.

Welcome to your new home, Ms Hodes.

We'll have to keep it in the
corporation's name for six months.

- I thought Dean was out of your life.
- He was...

...till the handitard
went and drove off of a cliff.

The initial surgery was successful,
but he'll need several more.

There's no one else but you.

Oh, God.



I have to sell the Majestic house.

You can't sell the majestic house.

If you try, you'll go to
jail for accepting a bribe.

- How you doing, baby?
- Oh, I'm fucking pregnant again...

Some indian kid I
mercy-fucked for U-Turn.

God bless the new Majestic.

I quit.
Make this easy for me.

We can do it on the table.

- We need these votes.
- I'm thinking a golf membership.

Your membership's been revoked.

Sullivan Groff and this whole
fucking place can kiss my black ass.

I'm an elected official!

You were elected by a
city that no longer exists.

This council is not finished looking
into your investment in Aguatecture.



Aguatecture.
You're soaking in it.

- You can tell me what goes on here.
- Fountains.

- Celia came to Aguatecture.
- What does she know?

She knows you fucked her boyfriend,

And she knows you're dealing again,
and she'll be in touch.

Weeds - Season 3 - Episode 12
The Dark Time

Transcript by YDY

Synchro : Macanto / [dx]
Michvanilly / San-A

You should be very afraid of me...

Slut.

I watched you have sex with
the best man I've ever known.

- You watched?
- Yeah.

I've never been able to come vaginally.

- How long did you watch?
- I want in.

I want in on your action.

I know everything you're doing,
and I will tell the police.

That would not be advisable.

Not taking my threat seriously
would not be advisable.

Playing by the rules has gotten
me nowhere but fucked, so I am done.

And you will start paying
for the many, many sins against me...

In cash, right now.

Okay.

In my line of work, I realize...

... that I'm susceptible to blackmail,
shakedowns...

Whatever you want to call it.

And up to now, I've been accommodating
the extortionists in my life. But today.

Call it bad timing, call it karma...

I've reached a tipping point...

A critical mass, if you will.
And I'm done.

No more.

So, Celia...

If you go to the police...

If you continue to threaten
me or my family in any way...

I will kill you.

I will kill you.

- I will end your life.
- Mom!

Shane!

Say hello to Mrs Hodes.

You are a fucking sociopath.

Thanks for stopping by.

Were you really going to kill her?

She threatened mommy.
And we can't have that.

So I had to scare her.

This is kind of how it's
gonna be from now on.

Yeah.

I think it is.

- What are we doing here?
- He promised me golf.

He promised me power.

Then he bent me over and he
fucked me up the ass

like an innocent altar boy alone
in the vestry after services,

lured by promises of juice and cookies.

- That's some vivid imagery there, Doug.
- With his stupid hair.

What grown man has blond hair?

All right, time to go, come with me

- we'll get Dean, sell some wacky.
- No.

It's time for Doug to
rise from the ashes.

I must reclaim what's
rightfully mine, Andy.

and I must fuck his shit up.

As God is my witness, I will get him.

Well, I see you're in the disturbing
throes of revenge-scheming

And you're not letting go, so
I'm gonna leave you to it.

Catch you later, man.

Victory will be mine, Andy.

Dumb name will know my wrath...
the wrath of Doug.

It's comin'.

So, now I come back once, twice a year,

Get a pastrami on rye down
at langer's, see the kids,

See the grandkids.

Then I can't wait to get
back to my place in Maui.

I got a girlfriend...
name is Hepualaha'ole.

Roasts whole pigs in her backyard.
She's crazy.

Anyway, so, I get a call
from the fire department,

Said they got to do an inspection.

Said they left a bunch of cards.

I said,"come by tomorrow morning."

- Tomorrow?
- Yeah, got to be tomorrow.

I'm going back to Hawaii tomorrow night,

And I promised them I would
personally let them in.

I got a lot of buildings
down here, Mrs James.

I got to stay in good with the L.A.F.D.

Tomorrow?

You got some illegals back there.

Everybody does.
It's the way business is done.

Don't worry.

We'll come by in the morning.

We'll be out of your hair by first bell.

No, it's not that. It's just, we...

You know, we work with
polymers and resins.

You box them, you get them out of here,

You pull them back in
as soon as they're gone.

It's the cost of doing business,
darling. And what is this.

Once a year? It's not so bad.

Anyway, thank you for the coffee.
It was absolutely delicious.

But I'm gonna send you some Kona.

And I'm gonna see you in the morning,
bright and early.

I love the...

That didn't take too long.

You charm the slacks off the landlord,
Heylia?

He bringing the fire marshal
in here first thing tomorrow.

- We all going to jail.
- Holy shit.

Says it's every building, every year.

Now, how the fuck you
didn't know about this?

How am I supposed to know
about the fire marshal?

- You in charge, big man.
- You're supposed to find this shit out.

What do we do?

Don't look at me.
I just work here.

Silas? All right, I'm coming right now.

Mommy's got to go somewhere.

Of course you do. There's an emergency.

- Can I come?
- No.

You suck.

I know.

But...

one day, I'm gonna make it
all up to you.

I swear.

I'm gonna babysit your kids,

Give you the down payment
for your first house.

I'm gonna send you to
Europe... after college.

We'll rent a house at the
beach one summer, take walks.

We'll look back on
this as the dark time.

- Where are you taking me?
- Therapy.

What kind of therapy?

Special therapy.

Dad, the doctor has you on a
graduated-step program.

- I have your exercises charted
in a binder... - What? Beer?

What kind of therapy requires beer?

Regression therapy.

It takes you all the way back
to high school.

Cold!

You can feel that. Sorry.

And that's excellent.
I'm happy for you, man.

Take this and give it to the therapist
So she knows what plan you've been on.

We're parking close and partying hard.

- Bye, honey.
- Bye, dad.

- Mom's here.
- Yeah.

Like I can wave my magic
wand, make it all better.

We got 8 hours til these
need to be back under light,

there's 8 hours to break it all down,
find a new growhouse,

and set it up again,
so, where we taking it?

Where are we taking it?

I'm just the buyer.

It's your crop. You pay for it.

Dying plant, coming through.

That's bullshit.

You gave us money. We
planted a crop with it.

The crop is yours.

Can't smoke it yet. I suggest
you find us someplace to move it.

Oh, so you jump, and I'm the net.

Pretty much.

Kind of strange role
reversal we got going on, huh?

Fuck you.

Fine, but you got to find us someplace
tonight, or we out of business --

Actually, you out of business.

I also need some people who can help,

Not stand there slack-jawed, arguing
about who fucked up.

Shit.

You got to be kidding me.

Nope.

See that biker chick over there?

She's been eyeing me for weeks.

I sell here all the time.

You are using me to get laid?

You've been cooped up in
that house for how long?

Here's a chance for some
exercise, some socializing.

You'll have fun.

My bones are still healing.

No, no, you'll be fine.

A lot of these guys
got fucked up in Iraq,

And they're basically
heads on sacks of numb meat.

But you, you can feel your
laps, so you got total advantage.

Ball in. One more man.

Got him.

- I-I don't know about this.
- Don't worry,

they'll go easy on
you. They're all high.

Your hospital has got to
understand one thing --

I... Have... No... Money.

Fine. Fine. Turn it over
to a collection agency.

They can take my fillings.

Have a nice...

Fucking day.

- I need to discuss something with you.
- Do it out there.

I'd prefer not to.

If you think I'm gonna let you
into my house after what you did...

See? I have knives, too.

Celia.

I need to rent your empty house.

What for?

None of your goddamn business. But...

I'll make it worth your while.

How worth my while?

3 grand a month.

- That doesn't even cover my nut.
- Fine.

You want to do something
illegal with it.

- 10.
- Okay.

You want in on my action, you got it.

We need a grow house.

Can you deal with that?

And you have to use
this house -- this house.

Your other house is empty.

And it's also in my name.

This house is still under some
Sullivan shell-corp bullshit name.

Slut.

Okay.

Do we have a deal?

I will have all my stuff
out by the end of the month.

No, I need it now, as in right now.

Uh, what about my furniture?

Where do you want it? We'll
move it anywhere you want.

No, fuck it. It's only
rental crap anyway.

Just... Stick it outside.

Hey. Everything comes in here.

All right, if we're doing it,
let's do it.

Back the truck up into the garage.
We're loading through the kitchen.

Nice to see you again, Celia.

Do I know you?

Probably not.

What the hell?

- We're moving back to the old house.
- Why?

Because you need to be in a more...

Wholesome environment.

- I'm Andy.
- Denise.

Andy. Little help.

That's my buddy. I brought him.

Andy?

He's working it out.

He's getting his ass
kicked into Tuesday.

Oh, is it getting too hard to watch?

Oh, no, absolutely not.

Oh, really? Like a little dirt
in our sandwich, do we?

It's probably about my father.

- He was an amateur boxer.
- Yes.

I like a little dirt in
my sandwich, too.

Probably all about my mother.

She was a terrible cook.

Denise, come on. Let's go.

Got to go.

Wait! At least leave me
a glass slipper, something.

Come on, sis'.

239 West Hill road. Pick me up at 10:00.

Tonight?

Shit, I have a very
bad short-term memory.

You don't have a pen, do you?

Oh, sorry, baby. No pen.

Hope to see you later.

Hi. I'm Isabel.

Hi, Isabel. Vaneeta.

- Heylia.
- Good to meet you both.

- Good luck with your operation.
- Thank you!

Ain't that a nice little girl?

I think I seen her on TV.

- Isn't she that Huskeroo girl?
- Yeah.

She look thinner in person.
You think they pad her for that?

Trust me -- they
don't pad her.

Hey!

You the crazy bitch drowned our weed.

What the fuck you doing?

All right, take it easy.

I'm on yo' side now.

Where do you want these, Conrad?

Over there.

Clinique, just hear me out.

Ain't nothing to say, faggot,
except "send money."

Maybe we should get married.

Where the fuck is it?

I have no idea what
you're talking about.

What kind of man tears a cross off
the roof of a church, a house of God?

An impressive one, I'm guessing.

That's a big fucking cross.

It's not just a cross.

It's an $80,000 piece of art,

a Nathan Arnault original, registered.

So if anyone were to try to
sell it, say,

it's traceable.

Hey, I went to bed early tonight.

Care to join me?

You're cute when you're mad.

You're fucking with the wrong man.

I promise I'll be gentle.

Your wife dumped you.

You're living out of
your goddamn office,

Pulling lame fraternity pranks.

You're pathetic, Wilson.

I'll send you a bill
for that bong, Sully.

That was handblown glass.

Everyone's taxes are gonna
smell like bong water now. Fuck.

Hi.

Come on in.

This is ripper. Sit.

Hey, ripper.

Please don't eat my remaining toes.

Well.

This the guy?

- Andy, meet Chess.
- Hey. What's up?

All righty.

Ah, look.

He's got a card.

Ah, okay.

Okay. That's cool.

I'm cool, unarmed, pro-gun control.

What's going on?

Hey, Chess, would you like some?

Or is this disapproval

that'll morph into ass-kicking?

Please tell me you want to smoke out.

Ripper, come here.

Yeah,you got a good grip there?

- Where do you get it?
- Where do I get it?

Downtown. I buy downtown, corner
of Pico and Alvarado,

from different guys, whoever's
on the corner --

A guy named Pablo, a guy named Ortiz.

There's Ramon, too.

Ramon's got a scar across his
forehead -- knife wound, self-inflected.

So the story goes.

Pablo plays mandolin --
same song over and over.

- Maybe i can save you a trip.
- Really? How's that?

Denise...

Hold Ripper.

Come here.

Come here. Sit.

Denise, new friend of
mine, what the fuck is going on?

Don't worry. It's all cool.

Look at that.

So...

You want to buy from me?

You know, I'm good right now, but
if I'm ever running low...

I'll tell you what --

why don't you let mrs. Botwin know
it's available if she's interested?

I mean, after all, we're local.

It's the right thing to do.

Right, yeah.

Makes perfect sense. I'll tell the boss.

Okay. You can go now.

- But...
- Denise will call you.

She thinks you're funny.

Okay, then.

- This was fun.
- Ain't done yet.

Got to get rid of that generator,

figure out a way to tap the power lines,

Surround the house with
rosemary, lavender...

Ward off the smell.

We got a whole fucking
load of work ahead of us.

Can't we just move them back
after the fire marshal comes?

Not for at least two weeks.

We lost 20 in the move.

This here's like a halfway
house for traumatized plants.

Got to let them relax awhile.

You can use my crew if you want.

Might have to.

Don't know how the family
gonna take to commuting.

Heylia gets carsick.
Vaneeta's got road rage.

There goes our road trip to las vegas.

What about you? You okay?

- You need a place to sleep?
- Sleep?

I'm a black man living on a golf course.

I'm about to spark up the barbecue,
make Mojitos.

How's Silas doing?

Boy's gifted.

Got a future if he
chooses to go this way.

Do you think I'm a bad person?

I don't think you're a bad person.

No?

No.

Thanks.

What about now?

You're fucking evil.