Warehouse 13 (2009–2014): Season 4, Episode 13 - The Big Snag - full transcript
In a special, black and white noir episode, Pete and Myka are transported into an unfinished 1940s crime novel.
Previously, on
Warehouse 13...
Whatever the effects
of the astrolabe,
I'm afraid
it's caused Arthur
to have some sort
of psychotic break.
Artie killed Leena.
He's been whammied,
just like we've all
been whammied at some point.
We're reinstating you
as soon as possible.
We see no need for punishment
at this juncture.
You can't be serious.
She died by my hand.
And you will have
to live with that.
How many errant
static-electricity balls
are there?
Here comes another one!
Bring it,
electric boogaloo.
Whoa!
Okay, drop it
on the battery.
Ha ha ha!
Score one
for some Indian dude
whose name
I can't even pronounce.
Okay, Vyasa
wasn't some dude.
- He was the author of the Vedas.
- Yeah.
The oldest sacred text
ever written,
- the basis of Hinduism.
- Never read 'em.
I'm waiting
for the Bollywood version.
Now, how many mo sparkies
we got left?
You know what?
Don't ask me questions
that you don't want to know
the answer to, okay?
Pete?
Hope this bad boy
can handle four at once.
- Good job.
- Whoa.
Whoa.
I don't think
that bad boy does four.
This is not my fault!
We can talk
about blame later.
You're so gonna blame me.
Myka, you're
in black and white.
- You're in black and white.
- I am not!
Aah!
I'm in black and white!
Oh, my God, our clothes,
our clothes, they're like--
It's like 1940s.
Oh, come on,
not time travel again!
No, no,
it's not time travel.
The 1940s were in color,
much like the rest of history.
All right,
then where are we?
I don't know.
Okay, it's Chicago
in olden times.
Okay, okay, uh, focus.
Uh, retrace the steps.
Right, I had
the--the elephant.
It shot lightning
up into the stacks.
Right, and then it was
raining manuscript pages.
Manuscript pages.
All those pages were blank.
Not all of them--
look.
Okay, I'm gonna go with,
"No, that is not a good title."
I loved Anthony Bishop.
He was a '40s crime novelist,
hard-boiled.
I read every single one
of his books when I was a kid.
Okay, so did you read
Kiss Me, Forever?
No, that was his last one.
I don't--I don't think
he ever finished it.
That would explain
the blank pages.
Well, he went insane
from writer's block and then...
killed himself.
Turning the manuscript
into an artifact.
Swell.
Are you sure
this is a good idea?
He's been at that piano
for days.
It's not healthy.
Also, I'm sick of that tune.
It's gonna be hard
to trick Artie.
Please,
I always got the lead
at the psychodramas
at the institution.
Action.
I'm telling you,
it's a ping.
And I'm telling you,
it's a burglary.
Classic cars are vanishing
from locked garages
without a trace.
♪ Burglary
This one guy
had a '52 Desoto
on display in his living room
like a trophy.
Now, a burglar would have had
to take it apart
piece by piece
to get it out.
If something was hinky,
I'm sure Artie would know.
He's the ping king.
Isn't that right,
Your Majesty?
It's probably worth
checking out.
Don't forget
your neutralizer.
Meh.
Sounds like a waste of time.
Ow.
Yeah, I mean, the car was found
with clean vin numbers
at a dealer in Sioux Falls.
There's lots
of '52 Desotos.
Yeah, but this one had
a '53 hood emblem.
Makes it one of a kind.
It's not one of a kind.
It's flawed.
If the cars
are literally vanishing,
it is an artifact.
File.
Clearly I stand corrected.
Oh, mark the date.
Keep your Farnsworth handy
in case I need research
when I'm in the field.
What?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
You're going without us?
I can handle
a simple snag-and-bag.
Yes, of course you can,
but we should go with you.
Why?
Uh...
W-we'd miss you?
We'd miss a chance to learn
from the master.
The ping king.
Also, safety in numbers.
Doesn't he always say
safety first?
I-I've heard him
say that, yes.
We want to see
the cool hot rods.
Yeah, a-all right.
We'll take Scarlett.
What, you named
your new car?
You wear torn clothing.
We all have our quirks.
So how's my acting?
I'm not gonna lie to you.
Any luck?
I must've run for ten blocks.
The black and white
goes on forever.
And everything smells
like fudge.
What's our next move?
Pete.
I know my next move.
I hear you're
the best in town.
I like what you hear.
Please, I didn't know
where else to turn.
My husband has disappeared,
and I think it has
something to do with this.
Look what else
made the trip.
Resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne
4x13
The Big Snag
So, Miss...?
Carson.
Mrs. Rebecca Carson.
Mrs. Carson,
how can we help you?
Thank you.
You're very kind.
I would love a cup of joe.
Sorry?
I think Mrs. Carson
would like you, my secretary,
to get her a cup of coffee.
If it's not
too much trouble.
Two sugars in mine, doll.
Oh, I will put a little extra
something in yours, doll.
So your husband
likes elephants?
Oliver was an archaeologist.
He found this jade relic
in India.
He said
it had magical powers.
Hmm.
Magical powers?
Yes.
He was terrified it might end up
in the wrong hands,
and now he's gone.
And I'm--I'm just so--
I'm frightened.
- Well, I mean--
- Relax, toots.
Lattimer here
is the best shamus in town.
Thank you.
I'm a what now?
Excuse us a sec,
will you?
Uh-huh.
Myka, how does someone else
have our artifact?
I dropped it
before we got sucked in here.
Well, it must have gotten
pulled in with us.
And you and I fell
into--into the roles
of private detective
and his gal Friday.
- Secretary.
- His gal Friday!
Or you consult this case
by yourself
while I make coffee.
Our artifact is what
this story is about.
The case of the missing
jade elephant.
Exactly.
Myka, if this manuscript
got turned into an artifact
because of bishop's
writer's block...
And now we have
a case to solve.
Maybe the way to escape
is to do what the writer
couldn't do.
And finish the story.
And if "finish the story"
means "find an artifact,"
then that's good,
because that's what we do.
Yeah, except we don't have
any of our tools here, okay?
We don't have any goo.
We don't have a Tesla.
We don't have
any Warehouse backup.
Yeah, but we got
one thing going for us.
What's that?
Nobody finds artifacts
like we do, doll face.
Lady...
You got yourself
a gumshoe.
Ferrari 430 convertible.
Yeah, what's that?
Lamborghini Countach.
Yeah, and...
'67 Mustang Fastback.
Yeah, this place
is definitely moving cars.
It's nice.
Commission chaser at 9:00.
Hi.
I'm Amy.
So I see you're looking
at the Mustang here.
You've got a good eye.
Well, it is a V-8--
We're not here to buy.
Sorry.
Well, then you want
to sell a car.
Excellent, because
we are always looking--
No, we're
not selling either.
Oh, window shoppers.
You know, I always say
if you're looking, you're--
Just take us
to the owner, please.
Grand theft auto, fraud,
aiding and abetting.
You could do
serious jail time.
Or you could cooperate
and tell us
how you're stealing cars
from locked rooms.
Of course.
And you could cooperate
by showing me your warrant.
That's really
how you want to play this?
It really is.
Fine.
Artie, don't!
What the hell is that thing?
Does your insurance cover
"act of ray gun"?
'Cause I'm gonna shoot
every car in here.
He's not lying.
Whoa, okay, okay, okay.
I've got a guy.
He gets me any car I need.
It's like magic.
- What's his name?
- I never met him.
I wire money
into a Cayman account
with car requests.
I'm not giving you
my password.
Passwords
just slow me down.
What else can you tell us
about this phantom thief?
Nothing.
I get an anonymous email
telling me
where to pick up my car.
Yeah, no help here.
Stealy McThieferson
is just sitting on his money.
No way to track him
until he makes a withdrawal.
We're gonna have to identify
target cars in the area.
Or we could get him
to come to us tonight.
- Mr. Lambeth.
- Please don't shoot my cars.
No, no, no, no,
we need you to make a request
for a very specific car
that's only in town for tonight.
Very good, Jinksy.
Oh, Scarlett.
The dame said the last place
she saw her husband
was his office.
She may have said more,
but I was too busy
staring at her gams.
The only thing stopping them
going on forever was the floor.
Pete, are you narrating?
No, I'm just--
I'm getting into character.
When other people
are around.
Besides,
this isn't a cheesy movie.
This is
an Anthony Bishop novel.
Hey, noir films are awesome.
Yes, but Bishop's novels
are superb.
They had an elegance,
a beauty.
Myka Ophelia Bering,
are you actually
enjoying this?
No, I had a dog.
It doesn't mean I want
to be trapped in one.
Hello, handsome.
Pete, wake up.
Pete!
This book hurts.
Welcome to the Indigo Club...
My club.
I must apologize
for the manner
in which
you were escorted here.
The boys can be
a tad overzealous.
Sure.
Untie us,
and we'll call it Jake.
Of course.
After you tell me why you were
at Mr. Carson's office.
We were looking for dope
on who snatched him.
I guess we found it.
No, Pete, he's looking
for Carson too.
Aren't you, Mister...?
Barnabas.
Caspian Barnabas.
You're quite astute
for a woman.
I went to college.
I bet you did.
You're after
the jade elephant.
Aren't you?
There is such a thing
as too smart.
You want to know a secret?
I am awash
with anticipation.
Your goons went easy on me
'cause I'm a dame.
Mm-hmm.
They should've tied
my ropes tighter.
Now, untie him,
you big Jasper.
Jasper, ha ha!
Nice!
What's it mean?
There's been
a terrible misunderstanding.
Yeah, you misunderstood
how kick-ass my partner can be.
This club
is, uh, merely a hobby.
I am, by vocation,
shall we say,
a procurer of rare
and valuable artifacts.
Oh, yeah?
Us too.
Excellent.
Kindred spirits.
I hired Mr. Carson
to find the elephant.
But alas, once found
he decided to retain ownership.
Why do you think that is?
What motivates any man?
Greed.
I bet you know
all about that.
I paid him.
That means I am the owner
of the jade elephant
and the wronged party
in this sordid tale.
Yeah, tell that
to my aching jaw.
Again,
my sincere regrets.
Here, a retainer
to find my elephant.
Oh, please, dude,
we already have--
Eggs in the coffee, boss.
Come on,
this'll be duck soup.
You are enjoying this!
Carson may be our only lead,
but this place
has already been tossed.
Barnabas' goons
must have missed something,
otherwise
he wouldn't have hired us.
Yeah, and you took his money.
Why?
We're gonna need something,
some cash while
we're trapped in here and--
Kristieanne.
What?
Is that like Jasper?
Anthony Bishop,
the author--
his mother's name
was Kristieanne.
Yeah, so?
So...
Oh, right, so the goons
would never know that.
It's a plain old matchbook
to them,
an unintended clue for us.
Mm-hmm.
"You're quite astute
for a woman."
Ugh.
I need your guest book
and no questions.
You got that, ace?
Pete, it's the '40s.
You could have bribed him
with $5.
And I want change
from that "C" note, see?
He's not coming back, is he?
Someone's erased an entry.
- I think I got this one.
- What?
Raymond St. James
did it in Dark Memento.
Augustus Pitt Rivers, 204.
That is a noir name
if I ever heard one.
Pete, Augustus Rivers
is a real archaeologist.
And our missing Mr. Carson
is an archaeologist.
He must be using rivers
as his alias.
That remind you
of anything?
I'd say there's
a jade elephant in the room.
Pete?
The window.
Carson!
Carson's still got
the elephant.
I don't think so.
This is Oliver Carson,
and he's dead.
All right, well, whoever
killed Carson has the elephant.
Either way, we don't.
Pete, this isn't
just a story
about a missing relic.
If Carson's dead,
we're in a murder mystery.
Great. Now we got to find
the missing dingus
and put the finger
on whoever rubbed out Carson,
or we're locked up
in crazy town forever.
Why couldn't we have fallen
into a cookbook?
"Classic-car buff
Artie Weisfelt
"bids a fond farewell
to this 1964 convertible
"before it leaves
for its new home--
Sinsheim, Germany's
auto & technik museum."
Hey, some nice shades.
They're hiding his tears.
This is great.
Hotel's name
is clearly visible,
so the thief will know
exactly where to find it.
Yeah, Lambeth sent this link
with the money,
so all we have to do is wait
for the thief to show up.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
Tell me you are not messing
with one
of my Tesla grenades.
I'm not messing.
I'm making some improvements
so I can increase
the blast radius.
Okay, you know what?
First of all,
you don't improve perfection.
You turn up
the blast on this,
and it goes
from stun to fry.
Yeah, well,
I'm not taking any chances.
If we have--
And second,
a subtler plan.
Oh, you made
a GPS tracking device.
- Yes, I did.
- It's very impressive.
- Thank you.
- It says my car is in Spain.
- What?
- Brilliant plan.
Okay, your--
your little trick
with the Tesla grenade
must have bumped it
to a different frequency.
- This is my fault now?
- I forgive you.
Nothing you can break
that I can't unbreak.
Just let me know
when you get the signal.
All right.
This is very cool.
If Bishop couldn't solve
his own murder mystery,
how are we supposed to?
No idea,
but if we don't,
we'll be trapped
in black and white forever.
Great. And I just got
a good base tan.
Any chance you want to tell
Mrs. Carson her husband is dead?
Oh, I'm just the secretary.
Oh, fine.
'Cause blondes dig me.
Maybe she'll want me
to console her.
Please don't.
We need her to tell us something
she may have forgotten,
even if it's insignificant.
Can I help you?
Yeah, we're working
for Mrs. Rebecca Carson.
Is she home?
I'm sorry.
Who are you?
Mrs. Carson hired us
to find her husband.
May we speak with her?
Is this a joke?
I'm Rebecca Carson.
I'd say that's significant.
I never thought
he'd turn up at all.
Yeah, and how's that?
I assumed
I'd never see him again...
After he took all my money
and ran off
with that peroxide blonde.
Can you tell us
anything about her?
She has
terrible taste in men.
A name
would be more helpful.
All I know is he met
the little round heels
at the Indigo Club.
Oh, that joint again.
Say, Mykes...
When was the last time
I took you dancing?
Thanks, pal.
So it's got to be
the blonde, right?
She beat us to Carson,
killed him,
and took the artifact.
Or she's working
for Barnabas.
On the other hand,
why would she hire us
to solve a crime
that she committed?
It's a good plot device.
Pete...
Someone's not happy
to see us.
Nobody's been happy
to see us.
The '40s were rude.
♪ My darling
♪ after you've gone
♪ and left me crying
Well, surprise, surprise.
♪ There's no denying
♪ you'll feel blue
♪ you'll feel sad
♪ you'll miss the bestest pal
you ever had ♪
Yowza.
Talk about a triple threat.
We'll grab her
after the song.
Yeah, yeah, we'll, uh--
we'll blend...
Keep a low profile.
This is keeping
a low profile?
Well, everyone's
either dancing or drinking,
and drinking
isn't an option.
♪ Your heart will break
like mine, and you'll want me ♪
♪ only after you've gone
Detective Lattimer,
you cut a rug.
Even though
I'm incredibly manly,
that doesn't mean
I ain't got no rhythm.
♪ After you've gone
6:00.
♪ You're gonna
miss me baby ♪
If he killed Carson,
he's one cool customer.
♪ Maybe someday...
Yeah, and the hooch-slinger
with the evil eye
has lost interest in us.
♪ Your heart will break
like mine ♪
That canary--that's
one dame we know for sure
ain't on the square.
♪ After you've gone
Hands.
Sorry, Mykes.
It's a force of habit.
♪ Gone away
- She's made us.
- Yeah.
And instead of going
for an encore,
it looks like she's going
for a powder.
Let's go.
Good evening, Mrs. Carson.
Yes, I lied.
If I'd have told you the truth,
you wouldn't have helped me.
Now we'll never know,
will we?
Now, what's your real name?
Lily.
Lily Abbott.
Please,
I wasn't trying to--
Cut to the chase, Lil.
You admit to killing Carson,
tell us where
the elephant is,
we'll make sure
you don't get the chair.
But I didn't kill Carson.
I was here rehearsing.
It's time
to start singing, sister,
and I don't mean
no love song.
I never meant
for any of this to happen.
I'm not a bad girl.
That's a baloney sandwich,
and you know it.
Let me guess.
You're a small-town gal
caught up in the wrong crowd.
Now you're in
over your head,
and all you want
is a way out.
Disappear and leave
this life behind.
That the picture?
How did you know that?
I've heard that tune
a hundred times--
same song,
different key.
Now sing me the chorus.
But you already know
half of it.
Humor me.
I'll even start.
Barnabas has you
under his thumb.
He made me get close
to Mr. Carson,
to keep an eye on him
while he searched
for the jade elephant.
Get close, huh?
Is that '40s talk
for "have sex with"?
How dare you?
I am a lady.
When Oliver double-crossed
Mr. Barnabas,
I knew he was a goner.
That's why I hired you,
to keep him safe.
You fell for Carson.
I felt bad for Carson,
but I didn't love him.
I have a man,
and we're gonna run away
from all of this.
Sure you are, kitten.
Please.
Please, you've got to help me.
Aw.
Save it for the coppers.
You have been dying
to play that scene, haven't you?
- Since I was 12.
- Yeah.
I have to recalibrate
the whole thing.
What was Artie thinking?
He knows that he can't just mess
with a Tesla gren--
Oh, he can't hear me, can he?
That is correct.
What--what's correct?
- What's she saying?
- Nothing about you.
Okay, this--
this could be our guy.
Tell her to get out of there.
Claude, get out of there
before the thief sees you.
Come on, come on, come on,
come on, Claudia.
Get out of there!
Calm down,
I'll fix it en route.
Look, Artie,
she has a plan.
You've been overreacting
all day.
We'll use Claudia's computer
to hack into the traffic cams
and follow the car.
Artie, Artie,
your car drove through you.
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
Good.
Now, what were you thinking?
I was trying
to save Claudia.
How are you
gonna save Claudia
by jumping in front
of a moving car?
No one else is dying
on my watch!
Okay, she fixed
the tracker.
Let's go.
Do you mind opening the door?
Why would you rent the same car
you already own?
I didn't.
I rented the same car
that Claudia owns.
Very cute.
Does it also
tuck you in at night?
Tell me you didn't fall
for Lily's act.
I don't know.
It makes sense.
Barnabas kills Carson,
grabs the elephant.
Pete, don't be fooled
by a pretty face
and a bad dye job.
Excuse me.
Are you the private dick?
Uh, why, yes.
Yes, I am.
Mykes, did you notice how
I didn't make a joke there?
I think I'm maturing.
Look at this.
It's got to be a trap.
No, whoever wrote this--
we need to talk
to them right now.
Mykes, mykes.
Hey, Myka.
I don't know
how you got in here,
but you better take
to the air.
What do you mean,
how we got in here?
We--we used the front door
like everyone else.
No, he's not talking
about the club.
He's talking about the book.
So you're
a real person too.
Pete, this is Anthony Bishop,
the author.
Oh, my God,
I'm Myka Bering.
- I'm a big fan.
- I'm flattered, Miss.
Now drop this case,
or I shut both
your private eyes for good.
How'd you know
I was me anyway?
The handwriting
on your cocktail napkin.
It matched the notes
on your title page
of your book.
My manuscript.
How did you get in here?
Oh, man,
you wouldn't believe it.
How did you get in here?
I...
I just--
Oh, what's it matter?
Please, Mr. Bishop,
it's important.
Well, if you're a fan,
then you know
how I dedicate every book.
"With love to my love."
They're all dedicated
to your wife.
Right?
Something happened to her.
It happened so fast.
One day she was sick,
then she was gone.
I threw myself
into a new novel,
wrote a few chapters,
and then, well...
The story was wrong.
My wife was all
I could think about.
I'd sit in front of
my typewriter and close my eyes,
and I'd imagine this world.
Then one day
I opened my eyes.
I was here.
So it wasn't writer's block
that created the artifact.
It was grief.
Yes, but our way out
is still the same.
Mr. Bishop, in order for us
to get out of this world,
we need to--well, we think
we need to finish your story.
Yeah, yeah,
just tell us who did it,
we'll bring 'em to justice,
grab our elephant.
Bingo bango,
we all go home.
No, I don't want
this story to end.
Stop trying to solve it.
It was you.
You erased Carson's alias
from the--
from the hotel register,
didn't you?
Why?
Mr. Bishop,
what's here for you?
Not what, Mykes.
But who?
I saw you looking at Lily.
You're in love with her.
You stay away from Lily.
She's special.
She's--
She's based on your wife.
Look, Mr. Bishop, we just
want to get out of here, okay?
I mean, what's that
have to do with Lily?
All of his books end
with someone innocent dying
in a shootout.
In this one, it's supposed
to be Lily, isn't it?
That's why you couldn't
finish your story.
I couldn't save her
in the real world,
but I will in here.
So back off.
Quit waving that iron around,
you big palooka.
- You're a writer, not a killer.
- Pete.
Well, maybe not.
But I can stop you from ever
finishing this story.
I won't lose her again, see?
You're in this book
for good.
Mr. Bishop!
See, this is why
I don't read.
Pete.
Come on,
Barnabas is our only lead.
We're not safe here
anymore, darling.
We've got to skip town.
Where will we go?
Let's go there.
Bora Bora?
That's just a daffy dream.
Oh, it's a dream
I can make come true,
but we got to go tonight.
It takes a lot of clams
to get to Bora Bora.
Hmm.
Say, toots,
you seen Barnabas?
He got a phone call,
and he dusted out,
left me a lousy nickel.
But, uh,
I could keep you company
until he gets back.
Ah, rain check, sweetheart.
I promise.
Hmm.
Great.
They don't have star-69
or caller ID in the '40s.
And this is why
you should watch movies.
Operator.
Say, doll, what's your name?
Doris.
Ah, I love that name.
No, no, I really do.
Let me guess...
Sultry voice,
intoxicating laugh--
you're a redhead.
No, what do they say
about redheads?
Jeepers, I'd like to find out
if that's true.
Uh...
Say, Doris,
maybe you can help me out.
Any chance you listened in
on the last call?
Maybe--I don't know--
something about an elephant?
Oh, brains too.
You're
the whole package, Doris.
Thanks, doll.
You would've done great
in the '40s.
Charm is timeless.
Or women got smarter.
Hello, sparky.
Hello, artifact.
Window shopper!
Are you sure
this is the place?
According
to my new pal Doris,
he was buying an elephant
on the 4th Street Bridge.
And I quote, "I know.
It's weird, ain't it?"
Pete, it looks like
we're too late.
Electric burns,
just like Carson.
Pete, look at that.
The scratches--
they look like
they were made by fingernails.
Yeah, long ones.
It looks like he's been
attacked by a woman.
Mykes, look at this.
Barnabas fought back.
Myka, we know a woman
with long black hair.
A woman
who knew Carson well enough
to know where he'd hide out.
Yeah, who was really pissed
about her husband
abandoning her.
Rebecca Carson,
the jilted wife.
Man, can't anyone
in a Bishop novel be trusted?
Pete!
Rebecca, wait!
Don't do this!
I loved Oliver,
until he found
this stupid elephant
and dumped me for some
dopey dame with a voice.
What about Barnabas?
Did he deserve to die too?
Yes, Barnabas was loaded
with dough.
He promised to pay
for the elephant,
then decided
he could just take it.
So you killed Carson
because he had it.
You killed Barnabas
because he wanted it.
Now you're gonna kill me
just for looking at it?
You said it, sister.
Aah!
Pete!
Pete, come on, wake up.
Pete!
Pete!
Pete, come on, wake up.
Pete!
God, didn't CPR work
in the 1940s?
Aghh!
Thank God you made it.
That would have been
a lousy ending.
Did you get
the elephant lady?
No, I decided to stick around
and bring you back to life
instead.
Right.
Good choice. Thanks.
Mykes, she's gonna
need some dough
if she's gonna skip town.
Rebecca thought
Barnabas had loads of it.
- Pete, the Indigo Club.
- Let's beat it.
Tony,
that's not enough scratch
to get us to San Diego,
much less Bora Bora.
Relax, lil, I know
the combination to the safe,
and Barnabas
has got plenty.
You better know
the combination.
Getting me that cabbage
is all that's keeping
your little chippy alive.
I'll fry you both
before you can pull the trigger.
Nice scam, sales lady--
stealing cars and trying
to sell them back to your boss.
Cars deserve
to be driven, okay?
People who lock them up
like trophies
don't deserve them.
Sounds like stealing to me,
but who am I to judge?
I'm about to steal
those gloves from you.
Claudia!
Are you all right?
I am gonna be sore
tomorrow.
This place
is locked up tight.
We'll never get out of here
in time to catch up to her.
Oh, Steve of little faith.
Snagged one during the fight
because I'm awesome.
Okay, well, if she could--
you know what?
If she could make
one glove work,
I want to see
if this is safe.
- What?
- Artie?
What are you doing?
Old man totally tricked us.
Well, to be fair,
he wasn't lying.
You and your loogan
just made a trip for biscuits.
Now I'm putting you
in a wooden kimono.
That's not even English.
Doesn't matter,
because this is over.
You let Rebecca
walk out of here
so she lets Lily go,
or you both die.
The dame already fried
two people, Bishop.
The first chance she gets,
she'll drop you both
into deep freeze.
- I'll take my chances.
- Tony, are you bananas?
They're on our side.
Shut your trap,
you dumb broad!
Scram, or I throw lead.
You don't want to lose
someone you love.
I get it.
But this literally
has to end.
No, my life is here now,
with Lily.
Tony, I love you.
But if you think
I'd let you hurt anybody
just to save me, well...
You don't know me at all.
You're just like her...
Pure and sweet
and usually right.
I know.
- I love you, baby.
- You're all I care about.
Save it
for the boat ride.
Bishop, there's no way
that Rebecca is a real person
trapped in here too,
is there?
No, I based her
on my mother-in-law.
Well, you'll like this, then.
Now, that's hard-boiled.
The gloves belonged
to Carey Loftin.
He did all the stunt driving on
Vanishing Point and Bullitt.
That's why
they only work on cars.
He was a one-take wonder.
He got every stunt
the first try,
never got a scratch
on his cars.
Loftin must have endowed
the gloves
with the ability
to make any car untouchable.
What was that noise?
It looks like the gloves
can make any car untouchable
but just once.
Hence the one-take wonder.
So your cars
are crashable now?
Don't worry.
I've got a plan.
Oh, God!
- Artie, what are you doing?
- I'm charging her.
She'll get scared.
She'll brake.
Yeah, what if she doesn't?
Artie, what if she
doesn't stop?
Artie!
Ha!
Yeah, see this wasn't
my first drag race.
His first field mission
in a while
was bound to have
some hiccups.
He's fine.
Right.
Okay, so why
are we still here?
'Cause we didn't bring
the killer to justice?
In a noir,
a bullet is justice.
- Hey, Mykes.
- What?
I think I'm getting
some black-and-white vibage.
I'm working a hunch here,
but just cross
everything you got, sweetheart.
Nice.
How did you know that the fog
would be our ride home?
It's the end of Casablanca.
They stole that from Bishop,
you know?
And here he comes.
I guess they stole
the tearful good-bye too.
I don't understand.
We love each other.
We can go to Bora Bora now.
I can't stay.
I'm not from this world.
It's hard to explain.
Believe me,
I don't want to go.
Then stay with me.
Be good, kid.
What would happen
if he stayed?
The story's over.
I don't know if you get
your happily ever after
or you just fade away.
One more second with her
is a happier ending
than a lifetime without her.
Okay, now,
that is a good line.
All right, all right,
I'll read the books.
Go ahead.
You know you want to.
So...
The detective and his--
Intrepid gal Friday.
The detective
and his gal Friday
walked off into the fog
and left the lovers
in their embrace--
an embrace
that would last forever...
Maybe, just maybe.
Okay.
That was, um...
What was that?
That was the stuff
dreams are made of, sweetheart.
And also painful--
ah--
really, really painful.
All the pages
have writing on them now.
We finished the story.
It's just that jumping
in front of a speeding car
with Claudia in the trunk
and playing chicken
with a car thief,
Artie wasn't just
putting himself in danger.
It was everyone.
And I know that he says
that he was following his gut,
but I'm afraid that he's being
unnecessarily reckless,
and I'm really worried
about him.
Thank you for your candor.
We've been worried
about Agent Nielsen as well.
This confirms our fears.
What does that mean?
It's time
for the Regents to act.
When you asked me
to keep an eye on Artie,
you said it was to help him.
Trust us, Agent Jinks.
Well, wait a second.
Mr. Kosan, I know what
it's like to go through trauma.
And the last few months
are not something
that Artie will get through
easily or quickly.
We need to be there for him,
not bronze him or turn him
into some HG Wells hologram.
Noted, Agent Jinks.
The less you know,
the better it is
for Agent Nielsen.
As I say, trust us.
"He's very dashing."
I am dashing, aren't I?
What?
"With a big, dopey grin"?
What?
I don't have a dopey grin.
What?
Don't bogart the end.
Pete, listen to this.
"It was a long trip,
"but it was worth it
to see the look on Lily's face
"when she pressed her toes
into the sand of Bora Bora
"for the first time.
"Neither of them had ever seen
water this blue.
"She smiled,
brighter than the tropical sun.
It made him happier
than he'd been in a long time."
Good for Bishop.
Yeah.
But...
You know,
a warm, fuzzy ending
doesn't really make sense
for a gritty crime novel.
Well, maybe that's
why he had writer's block.
He, uh...
didn't realize
he was writing a love story.
Resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne
Warehouse 13...
Whatever the effects
of the astrolabe,
I'm afraid
it's caused Arthur
to have some sort
of psychotic break.
Artie killed Leena.
He's been whammied,
just like we've all
been whammied at some point.
We're reinstating you
as soon as possible.
We see no need for punishment
at this juncture.
You can't be serious.
She died by my hand.
And you will have
to live with that.
How many errant
static-electricity balls
are there?
Here comes another one!
Bring it,
electric boogaloo.
Whoa!
Okay, drop it
on the battery.
Ha ha ha!
Score one
for some Indian dude
whose name
I can't even pronounce.
Okay, Vyasa
wasn't some dude.
- He was the author of the Vedas.
- Yeah.
The oldest sacred text
ever written,
- the basis of Hinduism.
- Never read 'em.
I'm waiting
for the Bollywood version.
Now, how many mo sparkies
we got left?
You know what?
Don't ask me questions
that you don't want to know
the answer to, okay?
Pete?
Hope this bad boy
can handle four at once.
- Good job.
- Whoa.
Whoa.
I don't think
that bad boy does four.
This is not my fault!
We can talk
about blame later.
You're so gonna blame me.
Myka, you're
in black and white.
- You're in black and white.
- I am not!
Aah!
I'm in black and white!
Oh, my God, our clothes,
our clothes, they're like--
It's like 1940s.
Oh, come on,
not time travel again!
No, no,
it's not time travel.
The 1940s were in color,
much like the rest of history.
All right,
then where are we?
I don't know.
Okay, it's Chicago
in olden times.
Okay, okay, uh, focus.
Uh, retrace the steps.
Right, I had
the--the elephant.
It shot lightning
up into the stacks.
Right, and then it was
raining manuscript pages.
Manuscript pages.
All those pages were blank.
Not all of them--
look.
Okay, I'm gonna go with,
"No, that is not a good title."
I loved Anthony Bishop.
He was a '40s crime novelist,
hard-boiled.
I read every single one
of his books when I was a kid.
Okay, so did you read
Kiss Me, Forever?
No, that was his last one.
I don't--I don't think
he ever finished it.
That would explain
the blank pages.
Well, he went insane
from writer's block and then...
killed himself.
Turning the manuscript
into an artifact.
Swell.
Are you sure
this is a good idea?
He's been at that piano
for days.
It's not healthy.
Also, I'm sick of that tune.
It's gonna be hard
to trick Artie.
Please,
I always got the lead
at the psychodramas
at the institution.
Action.
I'm telling you,
it's a ping.
And I'm telling you,
it's a burglary.
Classic cars are vanishing
from locked garages
without a trace.
♪ Burglary
This one guy
had a '52 Desoto
on display in his living room
like a trophy.
Now, a burglar would have had
to take it apart
piece by piece
to get it out.
If something was hinky,
I'm sure Artie would know.
He's the ping king.
Isn't that right,
Your Majesty?
It's probably worth
checking out.
Don't forget
your neutralizer.
Meh.
Sounds like a waste of time.
Ow.
Yeah, I mean, the car was found
with clean vin numbers
at a dealer in Sioux Falls.
There's lots
of '52 Desotos.
Yeah, but this one had
a '53 hood emblem.
Makes it one of a kind.
It's not one of a kind.
It's flawed.
If the cars
are literally vanishing,
it is an artifact.
File.
Clearly I stand corrected.
Oh, mark the date.
Keep your Farnsworth handy
in case I need research
when I'm in the field.
What?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
You're going without us?
I can handle
a simple snag-and-bag.
Yes, of course you can,
but we should go with you.
Why?
Uh...
W-we'd miss you?
We'd miss a chance to learn
from the master.
The ping king.
Also, safety in numbers.
Doesn't he always say
safety first?
I-I've heard him
say that, yes.
We want to see
the cool hot rods.
Yeah, a-all right.
We'll take Scarlett.
What, you named
your new car?
You wear torn clothing.
We all have our quirks.
So how's my acting?
I'm not gonna lie to you.
Any luck?
I must've run for ten blocks.
The black and white
goes on forever.
And everything smells
like fudge.
What's our next move?
Pete.
I know my next move.
I hear you're
the best in town.
I like what you hear.
Please, I didn't know
where else to turn.
My husband has disappeared,
and I think it has
something to do with this.
Look what else
made the trip.
Resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne
4x13
The Big Snag
So, Miss...?
Carson.
Mrs. Rebecca Carson.
Mrs. Carson,
how can we help you?
Thank you.
You're very kind.
I would love a cup of joe.
Sorry?
I think Mrs. Carson
would like you, my secretary,
to get her a cup of coffee.
If it's not
too much trouble.
Two sugars in mine, doll.
Oh, I will put a little extra
something in yours, doll.
So your husband
likes elephants?
Oliver was an archaeologist.
He found this jade relic
in India.
He said
it had magical powers.
Hmm.
Magical powers?
Yes.
He was terrified it might end up
in the wrong hands,
and now he's gone.
And I'm--I'm just so--
I'm frightened.
- Well, I mean--
- Relax, toots.
Lattimer here
is the best shamus in town.
Thank you.
I'm a what now?
Excuse us a sec,
will you?
Uh-huh.
Myka, how does someone else
have our artifact?
I dropped it
before we got sucked in here.
Well, it must have gotten
pulled in with us.
And you and I fell
into--into the roles
of private detective
and his gal Friday.
- Secretary.
- His gal Friday!
Or you consult this case
by yourself
while I make coffee.
Our artifact is what
this story is about.
The case of the missing
jade elephant.
Exactly.
Myka, if this manuscript
got turned into an artifact
because of bishop's
writer's block...
And now we have
a case to solve.
Maybe the way to escape
is to do what the writer
couldn't do.
And finish the story.
And if "finish the story"
means "find an artifact,"
then that's good,
because that's what we do.
Yeah, except we don't have
any of our tools here, okay?
We don't have any goo.
We don't have a Tesla.
We don't have
any Warehouse backup.
Yeah, but we got
one thing going for us.
What's that?
Nobody finds artifacts
like we do, doll face.
Lady...
You got yourself
a gumshoe.
Ferrari 430 convertible.
Yeah, what's that?
Lamborghini Countach.
Yeah, and...
'67 Mustang Fastback.
Yeah, this place
is definitely moving cars.
It's nice.
Commission chaser at 9:00.
Hi.
I'm Amy.
So I see you're looking
at the Mustang here.
You've got a good eye.
Well, it is a V-8--
We're not here to buy.
Sorry.
Well, then you want
to sell a car.
Excellent, because
we are always looking--
No, we're
not selling either.
Oh, window shoppers.
You know, I always say
if you're looking, you're--
Just take us
to the owner, please.
Grand theft auto, fraud,
aiding and abetting.
You could do
serious jail time.
Or you could cooperate
and tell us
how you're stealing cars
from locked rooms.
Of course.
And you could cooperate
by showing me your warrant.
That's really
how you want to play this?
It really is.
Fine.
Artie, don't!
What the hell is that thing?
Does your insurance cover
"act of ray gun"?
'Cause I'm gonna shoot
every car in here.
He's not lying.
Whoa, okay, okay, okay.
I've got a guy.
He gets me any car I need.
It's like magic.
- What's his name?
- I never met him.
I wire money
into a Cayman account
with car requests.
I'm not giving you
my password.
Passwords
just slow me down.
What else can you tell us
about this phantom thief?
Nothing.
I get an anonymous email
telling me
where to pick up my car.
Yeah, no help here.
Stealy McThieferson
is just sitting on his money.
No way to track him
until he makes a withdrawal.
We're gonna have to identify
target cars in the area.
Or we could get him
to come to us tonight.
- Mr. Lambeth.
- Please don't shoot my cars.
No, no, no, no,
we need you to make a request
for a very specific car
that's only in town for tonight.
Very good, Jinksy.
Oh, Scarlett.
The dame said the last place
she saw her husband
was his office.
She may have said more,
but I was too busy
staring at her gams.
The only thing stopping them
going on forever was the floor.
Pete, are you narrating?
No, I'm just--
I'm getting into character.
When other people
are around.
Besides,
this isn't a cheesy movie.
This is
an Anthony Bishop novel.
Hey, noir films are awesome.
Yes, but Bishop's novels
are superb.
They had an elegance,
a beauty.
Myka Ophelia Bering,
are you actually
enjoying this?
No, I had a dog.
It doesn't mean I want
to be trapped in one.
Hello, handsome.
Pete, wake up.
Pete!
This book hurts.
Welcome to the Indigo Club...
My club.
I must apologize
for the manner
in which
you were escorted here.
The boys can be
a tad overzealous.
Sure.
Untie us,
and we'll call it Jake.
Of course.
After you tell me why you were
at Mr. Carson's office.
We were looking for dope
on who snatched him.
I guess we found it.
No, Pete, he's looking
for Carson too.
Aren't you, Mister...?
Barnabas.
Caspian Barnabas.
You're quite astute
for a woman.
I went to college.
I bet you did.
You're after
the jade elephant.
Aren't you?
There is such a thing
as too smart.
You want to know a secret?
I am awash
with anticipation.
Your goons went easy on me
'cause I'm a dame.
Mm-hmm.
They should've tied
my ropes tighter.
Now, untie him,
you big Jasper.
Jasper, ha ha!
Nice!
What's it mean?
There's been
a terrible misunderstanding.
Yeah, you misunderstood
how kick-ass my partner can be.
This club
is, uh, merely a hobby.
I am, by vocation,
shall we say,
a procurer of rare
and valuable artifacts.
Oh, yeah?
Us too.
Excellent.
Kindred spirits.
I hired Mr. Carson
to find the elephant.
But alas, once found
he decided to retain ownership.
Why do you think that is?
What motivates any man?
Greed.
I bet you know
all about that.
I paid him.
That means I am the owner
of the jade elephant
and the wronged party
in this sordid tale.
Yeah, tell that
to my aching jaw.
Again,
my sincere regrets.
Here, a retainer
to find my elephant.
Oh, please, dude,
we already have--
Eggs in the coffee, boss.
Come on,
this'll be duck soup.
You are enjoying this!
Carson may be our only lead,
but this place
has already been tossed.
Barnabas' goons
must have missed something,
otherwise
he wouldn't have hired us.
Yeah, and you took his money.
Why?
We're gonna need something,
some cash while
we're trapped in here and--
Kristieanne.
What?
Is that like Jasper?
Anthony Bishop,
the author--
his mother's name
was Kristieanne.
Yeah, so?
So...
Oh, right, so the goons
would never know that.
It's a plain old matchbook
to them,
an unintended clue for us.
Mm-hmm.
"You're quite astute
for a woman."
Ugh.
I need your guest book
and no questions.
You got that, ace?
Pete, it's the '40s.
You could have bribed him
with $5.
And I want change
from that "C" note, see?
He's not coming back, is he?
Someone's erased an entry.
- I think I got this one.
- What?
Raymond St. James
did it in Dark Memento.
Augustus Pitt Rivers, 204.
That is a noir name
if I ever heard one.
Pete, Augustus Rivers
is a real archaeologist.
And our missing Mr. Carson
is an archaeologist.
He must be using rivers
as his alias.
That remind you
of anything?
I'd say there's
a jade elephant in the room.
Pete?
The window.
Carson!
Carson's still got
the elephant.
I don't think so.
This is Oliver Carson,
and he's dead.
All right, well, whoever
killed Carson has the elephant.
Either way, we don't.
Pete, this isn't
just a story
about a missing relic.
If Carson's dead,
we're in a murder mystery.
Great. Now we got to find
the missing dingus
and put the finger
on whoever rubbed out Carson,
or we're locked up
in crazy town forever.
Why couldn't we have fallen
into a cookbook?
"Classic-car buff
Artie Weisfelt
"bids a fond farewell
to this 1964 convertible
"before it leaves
for its new home--
Sinsheim, Germany's
auto & technik museum."
Hey, some nice shades.
They're hiding his tears.
This is great.
Hotel's name
is clearly visible,
so the thief will know
exactly where to find it.
Yeah, Lambeth sent this link
with the money,
so all we have to do is wait
for the thief to show up.
Okay.
Oh, my God.
Tell me you are not messing
with one
of my Tesla grenades.
I'm not messing.
I'm making some improvements
so I can increase
the blast radius.
Okay, you know what?
First of all,
you don't improve perfection.
You turn up
the blast on this,
and it goes
from stun to fry.
Yeah, well,
I'm not taking any chances.
If we have--
And second,
a subtler plan.
Oh, you made
a GPS tracking device.
- Yes, I did.
- It's very impressive.
- Thank you.
- It says my car is in Spain.
- What?
- Brilliant plan.
Okay, your--
your little trick
with the Tesla grenade
must have bumped it
to a different frequency.
- This is my fault now?
- I forgive you.
Nothing you can break
that I can't unbreak.
Just let me know
when you get the signal.
All right.
This is very cool.
If Bishop couldn't solve
his own murder mystery,
how are we supposed to?
No idea,
but if we don't,
we'll be trapped
in black and white forever.
Great. And I just got
a good base tan.
Any chance you want to tell
Mrs. Carson her husband is dead?
Oh, I'm just the secretary.
Oh, fine.
'Cause blondes dig me.
Maybe she'll want me
to console her.
Please don't.
We need her to tell us something
she may have forgotten,
even if it's insignificant.
Can I help you?
Yeah, we're working
for Mrs. Rebecca Carson.
Is she home?
I'm sorry.
Who are you?
Mrs. Carson hired us
to find her husband.
May we speak with her?
Is this a joke?
I'm Rebecca Carson.
I'd say that's significant.
I never thought
he'd turn up at all.
Yeah, and how's that?
I assumed
I'd never see him again...
After he took all my money
and ran off
with that peroxide blonde.
Can you tell us
anything about her?
She has
terrible taste in men.
A name
would be more helpful.
All I know is he met
the little round heels
at the Indigo Club.
Oh, that joint again.
Say, Mykes...
When was the last time
I took you dancing?
Thanks, pal.
So it's got to be
the blonde, right?
She beat us to Carson,
killed him,
and took the artifact.
Or she's working
for Barnabas.
On the other hand,
why would she hire us
to solve a crime
that she committed?
It's a good plot device.
Pete...
Someone's not happy
to see us.
Nobody's been happy
to see us.
The '40s were rude.
♪ My darling
♪ after you've gone
♪ and left me crying
Well, surprise, surprise.
♪ There's no denying
♪ you'll feel blue
♪ you'll feel sad
♪ you'll miss the bestest pal
you ever had ♪
Yowza.
Talk about a triple threat.
We'll grab her
after the song.
Yeah, yeah, we'll, uh--
we'll blend...
Keep a low profile.
This is keeping
a low profile?
Well, everyone's
either dancing or drinking,
and drinking
isn't an option.
♪ Your heart will break
like mine, and you'll want me ♪
♪ only after you've gone
Detective Lattimer,
you cut a rug.
Even though
I'm incredibly manly,
that doesn't mean
I ain't got no rhythm.
♪ After you've gone
6:00.
♪ You're gonna
miss me baby ♪
If he killed Carson,
he's one cool customer.
♪ Maybe someday...
Yeah, and the hooch-slinger
with the evil eye
has lost interest in us.
♪ Your heart will break
like mine ♪
That canary--that's
one dame we know for sure
ain't on the square.
♪ After you've gone
Hands.
Sorry, Mykes.
It's a force of habit.
♪ Gone away
- She's made us.
- Yeah.
And instead of going
for an encore,
it looks like she's going
for a powder.
Let's go.
Good evening, Mrs. Carson.
Yes, I lied.
If I'd have told you the truth,
you wouldn't have helped me.
Now we'll never know,
will we?
Now, what's your real name?
Lily.
Lily Abbott.
Please,
I wasn't trying to--
Cut to the chase, Lil.
You admit to killing Carson,
tell us where
the elephant is,
we'll make sure
you don't get the chair.
But I didn't kill Carson.
I was here rehearsing.
It's time
to start singing, sister,
and I don't mean
no love song.
I never meant
for any of this to happen.
I'm not a bad girl.
That's a baloney sandwich,
and you know it.
Let me guess.
You're a small-town gal
caught up in the wrong crowd.
Now you're in
over your head,
and all you want
is a way out.
Disappear and leave
this life behind.
That the picture?
How did you know that?
I've heard that tune
a hundred times--
same song,
different key.
Now sing me the chorus.
But you already know
half of it.
Humor me.
I'll even start.
Barnabas has you
under his thumb.
He made me get close
to Mr. Carson,
to keep an eye on him
while he searched
for the jade elephant.
Get close, huh?
Is that '40s talk
for "have sex with"?
How dare you?
I am a lady.
When Oliver double-crossed
Mr. Barnabas,
I knew he was a goner.
That's why I hired you,
to keep him safe.
You fell for Carson.
I felt bad for Carson,
but I didn't love him.
I have a man,
and we're gonna run away
from all of this.
Sure you are, kitten.
Please.
Please, you've got to help me.
Aw.
Save it for the coppers.
You have been dying
to play that scene, haven't you?
- Since I was 12.
- Yeah.
I have to recalibrate
the whole thing.
What was Artie thinking?
He knows that he can't just mess
with a Tesla gren--
Oh, he can't hear me, can he?
That is correct.
What--what's correct?
- What's she saying?
- Nothing about you.
Okay, this--
this could be our guy.
Tell her to get out of there.
Claude, get out of there
before the thief sees you.
Come on, come on, come on,
come on, Claudia.
Get out of there!
Calm down,
I'll fix it en route.
Look, Artie,
she has a plan.
You've been overreacting
all day.
We'll use Claudia's computer
to hack into the traffic cams
and follow the car.
Artie, Artie,
your car drove through you.
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
Good.
Now, what were you thinking?
I was trying
to save Claudia.
How are you
gonna save Claudia
by jumping in front
of a moving car?
No one else is dying
on my watch!
Okay, she fixed
the tracker.
Let's go.
Do you mind opening the door?
Why would you rent the same car
you already own?
I didn't.
I rented the same car
that Claudia owns.
Very cute.
Does it also
tuck you in at night?
Tell me you didn't fall
for Lily's act.
I don't know.
It makes sense.
Barnabas kills Carson,
grabs the elephant.
Pete, don't be fooled
by a pretty face
and a bad dye job.
Excuse me.
Are you the private dick?
Uh, why, yes.
Yes, I am.
Mykes, did you notice how
I didn't make a joke there?
I think I'm maturing.
Look at this.
It's got to be a trap.
No, whoever wrote this--
we need to talk
to them right now.
Mykes, mykes.
Hey, Myka.
I don't know
how you got in here,
but you better take
to the air.
What do you mean,
how we got in here?
We--we used the front door
like everyone else.
No, he's not talking
about the club.
He's talking about the book.
So you're
a real person too.
Pete, this is Anthony Bishop,
the author.
Oh, my God,
I'm Myka Bering.
- I'm a big fan.
- I'm flattered, Miss.
Now drop this case,
or I shut both
your private eyes for good.
How'd you know
I was me anyway?
The handwriting
on your cocktail napkin.
It matched the notes
on your title page
of your book.
My manuscript.
How did you get in here?
Oh, man,
you wouldn't believe it.
How did you get in here?
I...
I just--
Oh, what's it matter?
Please, Mr. Bishop,
it's important.
Well, if you're a fan,
then you know
how I dedicate every book.
"With love to my love."
They're all dedicated
to your wife.
Right?
Something happened to her.
It happened so fast.
One day she was sick,
then she was gone.
I threw myself
into a new novel,
wrote a few chapters,
and then, well...
The story was wrong.
My wife was all
I could think about.
I'd sit in front of
my typewriter and close my eyes,
and I'd imagine this world.
Then one day
I opened my eyes.
I was here.
So it wasn't writer's block
that created the artifact.
It was grief.
Yes, but our way out
is still the same.
Mr. Bishop, in order for us
to get out of this world,
we need to--well, we think
we need to finish your story.
Yeah, yeah,
just tell us who did it,
we'll bring 'em to justice,
grab our elephant.
Bingo bango,
we all go home.
No, I don't want
this story to end.
Stop trying to solve it.
It was you.
You erased Carson's alias
from the--
from the hotel register,
didn't you?
Why?
Mr. Bishop,
what's here for you?
Not what, Mykes.
But who?
I saw you looking at Lily.
You're in love with her.
You stay away from Lily.
She's special.
She's--
She's based on your wife.
Look, Mr. Bishop, we just
want to get out of here, okay?
I mean, what's that
have to do with Lily?
All of his books end
with someone innocent dying
in a shootout.
In this one, it's supposed
to be Lily, isn't it?
That's why you couldn't
finish your story.
I couldn't save her
in the real world,
but I will in here.
So back off.
Quit waving that iron around,
you big palooka.
- You're a writer, not a killer.
- Pete.
Well, maybe not.
But I can stop you from ever
finishing this story.
I won't lose her again, see?
You're in this book
for good.
Mr. Bishop!
See, this is why
I don't read.
Pete.
Come on,
Barnabas is our only lead.
We're not safe here
anymore, darling.
We've got to skip town.
Where will we go?
Let's go there.
Bora Bora?
That's just a daffy dream.
Oh, it's a dream
I can make come true,
but we got to go tonight.
It takes a lot of clams
to get to Bora Bora.
Hmm.
Say, toots,
you seen Barnabas?
He got a phone call,
and he dusted out,
left me a lousy nickel.
But, uh,
I could keep you company
until he gets back.
Ah, rain check, sweetheart.
I promise.
Hmm.
Great.
They don't have star-69
or caller ID in the '40s.
And this is why
you should watch movies.
Operator.
Say, doll, what's your name?
Doris.
Ah, I love that name.
No, no, I really do.
Let me guess...
Sultry voice,
intoxicating laugh--
you're a redhead.
No, what do they say
about redheads?
Jeepers, I'd like to find out
if that's true.
Uh...
Say, Doris,
maybe you can help me out.
Any chance you listened in
on the last call?
Maybe--I don't know--
something about an elephant?
Oh, brains too.
You're
the whole package, Doris.
Thanks, doll.
You would've done great
in the '40s.
Charm is timeless.
Or women got smarter.
Hello, sparky.
Hello, artifact.
Window shopper!
Are you sure
this is the place?
According
to my new pal Doris,
he was buying an elephant
on the 4th Street Bridge.
And I quote, "I know.
It's weird, ain't it?"
Pete, it looks like
we're too late.
Electric burns,
just like Carson.
Pete, look at that.
The scratches--
they look like
they were made by fingernails.
Yeah, long ones.
It looks like he's been
attacked by a woman.
Mykes, look at this.
Barnabas fought back.
Myka, we know a woman
with long black hair.
A woman
who knew Carson well enough
to know where he'd hide out.
Yeah, who was really pissed
about her husband
abandoning her.
Rebecca Carson,
the jilted wife.
Man, can't anyone
in a Bishop novel be trusted?
Pete!
Rebecca, wait!
Don't do this!
I loved Oliver,
until he found
this stupid elephant
and dumped me for some
dopey dame with a voice.
What about Barnabas?
Did he deserve to die too?
Yes, Barnabas was loaded
with dough.
He promised to pay
for the elephant,
then decided
he could just take it.
So you killed Carson
because he had it.
You killed Barnabas
because he wanted it.
Now you're gonna kill me
just for looking at it?
You said it, sister.
Aah!
Pete!
Pete, come on, wake up.
Pete!
Pete!
Pete, come on, wake up.
Pete!
God, didn't CPR work
in the 1940s?
Aghh!
Thank God you made it.
That would have been
a lousy ending.
Did you get
the elephant lady?
No, I decided to stick around
and bring you back to life
instead.
Right.
Good choice. Thanks.
Mykes, she's gonna
need some dough
if she's gonna skip town.
Rebecca thought
Barnabas had loads of it.
- Pete, the Indigo Club.
- Let's beat it.
Tony,
that's not enough scratch
to get us to San Diego,
much less Bora Bora.
Relax, lil, I know
the combination to the safe,
and Barnabas
has got plenty.
You better know
the combination.
Getting me that cabbage
is all that's keeping
your little chippy alive.
I'll fry you both
before you can pull the trigger.
Nice scam, sales lady--
stealing cars and trying
to sell them back to your boss.
Cars deserve
to be driven, okay?
People who lock them up
like trophies
don't deserve them.
Sounds like stealing to me,
but who am I to judge?
I'm about to steal
those gloves from you.
Claudia!
Are you all right?
I am gonna be sore
tomorrow.
This place
is locked up tight.
We'll never get out of here
in time to catch up to her.
Oh, Steve of little faith.
Snagged one during the fight
because I'm awesome.
Okay, well, if she could--
you know what?
If she could make
one glove work,
I want to see
if this is safe.
- What?
- Artie?
What are you doing?
Old man totally tricked us.
Well, to be fair,
he wasn't lying.
You and your loogan
just made a trip for biscuits.
Now I'm putting you
in a wooden kimono.
That's not even English.
Doesn't matter,
because this is over.
You let Rebecca
walk out of here
so she lets Lily go,
or you both die.
The dame already fried
two people, Bishop.
The first chance she gets,
she'll drop you both
into deep freeze.
- I'll take my chances.
- Tony, are you bananas?
They're on our side.
Shut your trap,
you dumb broad!
Scram, or I throw lead.
You don't want to lose
someone you love.
I get it.
But this literally
has to end.
No, my life is here now,
with Lily.
Tony, I love you.
But if you think
I'd let you hurt anybody
just to save me, well...
You don't know me at all.
You're just like her...
Pure and sweet
and usually right.
I know.
- I love you, baby.
- You're all I care about.
Save it
for the boat ride.
Bishop, there's no way
that Rebecca is a real person
trapped in here too,
is there?
No, I based her
on my mother-in-law.
Well, you'll like this, then.
Now, that's hard-boiled.
The gloves belonged
to Carey Loftin.
He did all the stunt driving on
Vanishing Point and Bullitt.
That's why
they only work on cars.
He was a one-take wonder.
He got every stunt
the first try,
never got a scratch
on his cars.
Loftin must have endowed
the gloves
with the ability
to make any car untouchable.
What was that noise?
It looks like the gloves
can make any car untouchable
but just once.
Hence the one-take wonder.
So your cars
are crashable now?
Don't worry.
I've got a plan.
Oh, God!
- Artie, what are you doing?
- I'm charging her.
She'll get scared.
She'll brake.
Yeah, what if she doesn't?
Artie, what if she
doesn't stop?
Artie!
Ha!
Yeah, see this wasn't
my first drag race.
His first field mission
in a while
was bound to have
some hiccups.
He's fine.
Right.
Okay, so why
are we still here?
'Cause we didn't bring
the killer to justice?
In a noir,
a bullet is justice.
- Hey, Mykes.
- What?
I think I'm getting
some black-and-white vibage.
I'm working a hunch here,
but just cross
everything you got, sweetheart.
Nice.
How did you know that the fog
would be our ride home?
It's the end of Casablanca.
They stole that from Bishop,
you know?
And here he comes.
I guess they stole
the tearful good-bye too.
I don't understand.
We love each other.
We can go to Bora Bora now.
I can't stay.
I'm not from this world.
It's hard to explain.
Believe me,
I don't want to go.
Then stay with me.
Be good, kid.
What would happen
if he stayed?
The story's over.
I don't know if you get
your happily ever after
or you just fade away.
One more second with her
is a happier ending
than a lifetime without her.
Okay, now,
that is a good line.
All right, all right,
I'll read the books.
Go ahead.
You know you want to.
So...
The detective and his--
Intrepid gal Friday.
The detective
and his gal Friday
walked off into the fog
and left the lovers
in their embrace--
an embrace
that would last forever...
Maybe, just maybe.
Okay.
That was, um...
What was that?
That was the stuff
dreams are made of, sweetheart.
And also painful--
ah--
really, really painful.
All the pages
have writing on them now.
We finished the story.
It's just that jumping
in front of a speeding car
with Claudia in the trunk
and playing chicken
with a car thief,
Artie wasn't just
putting himself in danger.
It was everyone.
And I know that he says
that he was following his gut,
but I'm afraid that he's being
unnecessarily reckless,
and I'm really worried
about him.
Thank you for your candor.
We've been worried
about Agent Nielsen as well.
This confirms our fears.
What does that mean?
It's time
for the Regents to act.
When you asked me
to keep an eye on Artie,
you said it was to help him.
Trust us, Agent Jinks.
Well, wait a second.
Mr. Kosan, I know what
it's like to go through trauma.
And the last few months
are not something
that Artie will get through
easily or quickly.
We need to be there for him,
not bronze him or turn him
into some HG Wells hologram.
Noted, Agent Jinks.
The less you know,
the better it is
for Agent Nielsen.
As I say, trust us.
"He's very dashing."
I am dashing, aren't I?
What?
"With a big, dopey grin"?
What?
I don't have a dopey grin.
What?
Don't bogart the end.
Pete, listen to this.
"It was a long trip,
"but it was worth it
to see the look on Lily's face
"when she pressed her toes
into the sand of Bora Bora
"for the first time.
"Neither of them had ever seen
water this blue.
"She smiled,
brighter than the tropical sun.
It made him happier
than he'd been in a long time."
Good for Bishop.
Yeah.
But...
You know,
a warm, fuzzy ending
doesn't really make sense
for a gritty crime novel.
Well, maybe that's
why he had writer's block.
He, uh...
didn't realize
he was writing a love story.
Resync for WEB-DL by lost0ne