Warehouse 13 (2009–2014): Season 3, Episode 6 - Don't Hate the Player - full transcript

Previously on
Warehouse 13...

Hello there.
Agent Sally Stukowski. FBI.

I'm in charge
of this investigation.

We're trying to help.

Well,
we specialize in "weird."

We can help you.
We--we know stuff.

I'm Claudia.

Douglas.
Douglas Fargo.

Everyone just calls me Fargo.

Okay. Doug.

I spent some time in
a psychic...Research facility.



And I just told you
I was in an institution,

so I guess today's
sharing day.

♪ Try not
to think about you ♪

♪ try not to feel
this way at all ♪

No more agents, dude.

What the warehouse needs
are interns.

Is that the whole order?

Yeah, party fuel

for a super-fun night
of inventory reports.

You know, Claude,
I think sometime

you ought to bring
your guilt-box down here

and rock out the locals.

[Imitates guitar]

No.



- No?
- No.

Come on.
You're really good.

You got to get out
of your comfort zone.

You play at the B&B
all the time.

Where no one can hear me.

Especially you.
Quit eavesdropping on me.

What's wrong with you?
[Cell phone ringing]

Here. Hold this.
What's wrong with you?

Artie,
unblock your number.

Yes, I made sure
they used the vanilla sprinkles

as well as the soy whip.

Soy whip? No, no, no,
I don't need soy whip.

I need to speak
with someone named Claudia.

- Who is this?
- This is Gibson.

And he told me
to call this number

in case something went wrong
with the beta test,

and something has gone wrong,
really, really wrong,

and I'm the only one
that's not vegging.

Hey, hey, hey, Gibson,
de-spaz for a second.

Who told you to call me?

Fargo.
And I think he's gonna die.

[Device beeping]

[Mysterious music]

♪ Warehouse 13 3x06 ♪
Don't Hate the Player
Original Air Date on August 15, 2011

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

This is the address
that Gibson dude gave me.

Ugh.
It reminds me of college.

Hey, Gibson?

Back here!

Oh,
thank God you guys came.

They're, like,
freaking out right now.

I don't know what's going on.
I don't know what to do.

Oh, my God, Fargo.

Oh, no,
don't touch the headband!

[Electricity crackles]

What do you think
was the first thing I tried?

Is this his heart rate?

How long
has it been that high?

Few minutes.
It goes up and down.

All right, uh,
Gibson, is it?

Who are you,
why are we here,

and why is Fargo
jacked into the matrix?

They're playing
a video game,

and I don't know
how to get them to stop.

Oh.
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.

In here.

This way...Fargo
can tell you himself.

Greetings,
potential investors.

Ni hao.

My name
is Dr. Douglas Fargo,

world renowned scientist,

inventor...Dreamer.

I'm here today
to talk to you

about an exciting
new business venture,

one that will
change the standard

of video game entertainment
for all humankind.

Welcome to Fargames.

Six months ago,
two M.I.T. graduates,

Jerry Hoffler
and Gibson Ryce

came to me with an idea.

They called it the braid--

braid.

The braid creates
artificial feelings--

sights, sounds, smells.

A full sensory experience.

You don't just play the game,
you live it.

Fargames--
imagining greater.

So, uh, Fargo and Jerry
were beta testing this game?

Yeah.
Things were going great,

but after a few hours,
their...

Pulses started to spike.

Look, Gibson,

I.T. problems really aren't
our area of expertise.

Isn't there someone
at Eureka that could--

The braid never worked,
did it?

[Dramatic music]

The human brain

wouldn't accept the lie
of artificial reality.

But Fargo thought he found
something that would help.

They drank out of it
before they started the test.

Damn.

That little geek
found an artifact.

Agent Jinks.

Thanks so much for coming
on such short notice.

Agent Stukowski.

Considering you tried
to have me arrested

the first time we met,

I was a little surprised
to get an S.O.S. call from you.

Oh, no,
that thing in Denver,

honey,
water under the bridge.

Reason I called is I've got
a real humdinger here,

and since your organization
specializes in "weird,"

I thought I'd take a chance.

So you came alone?

Not...quite.

How'd that little nerd
get his hands on an artifact?

I'll kill him!

I'll call Leena
and she can help.

Eureka.

Oh, did you just
figure something out?

What?
Uh, no. Who's this?

FBI Agent Sally Stukowski,
this is Artie--

Agent Nielsen.

Pleasure, yes.

Thanks again for taking time
out of your schedule.

Y'all must be busy
with whatever it is you do.

You want to just
walk us through the scene?

Yes.
Eric Johnson, 47,

curator of the Hobbes Gallery,

takes a dive
out of this window here.

Official ruling is suicide,
but I don't think so.

Coworkers and family
say that he was excited

about the exhibit
opening next week.

No signs of depression
of erratic behavior.

Hmm.

And...And, uh,
were there any witnesses?

Uh, no,
he was working late.

Report says he was
the only one in the building.

I'm sort of missing
the weirdness here.

Coroner's report.

That's Mr. Johnson?

He only fell two stories,

but the impact trauma,

it's like he was skydiving
without a parachute.

That is weird.
And disgusting.

So thoughts, ideas,
suggestions, hypotheses?

I got nothing.

Coroner's right.

Suicide.

Oh, beg your pardon.

No, that's safety glass.

He couldn't have
just jumped through it.

Oh, he took a running jump

from all the way
across the room,

built up enough force, and
went right through the glass.

What?
Saw it on Mythbusters.

So that's it, then?

'Fraid so.
Good luck. Steve?

[Cell phone rings]

Oh.
Oh, you know what?

This is the manager
of the building.

Man thinks I work for him.
I'll show you out in a second.

We'll show ourselves out.
Thanks.

Perfect.

I could tell
you were lying.

Yeah,
that never gets old.

Take a look
at that oil painting.

It's right across
from the broken window.

It is a van Gogh.
Stormy Night.

Been missing for years.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

It's bounced around Europe
since World War I,

and death has followed
that painting

wherever it's been spotted.

If it's an artifact,
why don't we just take it?

And tell them what?

"Your priceless painting
murdered a man,

please can we have it"?

Oh,
Stukowski called us in.

Yeah,
and I have no intention

of giving her any more clues
as to what it is we do.

No, no, no, no.

If we're gonna
get that painting...

We're gonna
have to steal it.

Does it look
anything like this?

It's an exact match.

No effect
on Fargo or Jerry.

The warehouse
has the fourth cup.

All right,
so what's the story?

Well, the tea set
belonged to Beatrix Potter,

19th century English writer.

Peter Rabbit.
I love that book.

Yeah, the league of evil
British writers strikes again.

The rest of the set

has been on Artie's
most wanted list for years.

Hey,
"Used for brewing teas

"derived from rare fungi

"cultivated by Potter
during her time as a mycologist.

"The tea is known
to stimulate

the precuneus region
of the brain."

It's the imagination center.

I bet that's why Potter got
into writing children's stories.

So, what? The tea set
made her trip bunnies?

Fargo must have figured it'd
help do what the brain couldn't.

You know, make the brain
experience total reality

inside the game.

I've seen Potter's
first editions

in the warehouse library.

Leena,
can you send us the scans?

- You got it.
- Claudia!

[Gasping]

Uh, he just
started doing this.

We got to get him
out of there.

I've been reading
the schematics,

and I don't think
there's anything we can do...

From out here.

So if you could never
get 'em to work,

why'd you make so many?

Yeah, well, Fargo's
not the most linear thinker.

Hey,
I upgraded the hardware.

You should be able to
incorporate that into the game.

- You did this in 20 minutes?
- Quicker than Domino's.

Myka, that's an
in-game communicator,

so you'll be able
to talk to us

once we go inside.

Claudia and I'll go in,
find them,

and boogie on
back out to reality.

Game on,
urban warrior.

Yup.

Okay. You both need avatars
to play in the game.

What do you want to be?

Make me a badass.

What kind of game
is this anyway?

I just did the hardware.

It's some sword and sorcery
thing that Fargo wrote.

Think he's a wizard?

I was gonna be
a warlock priest.

I'll just be myself.

Okay.

Are you sure it won't work
without the tea?

We tried.
If you don't drink,

the game's just a game.

Fargo wanted
more than that.

[Continues gasping]

Yeah,
looks like he got it.

Well, I'll be here to make
sure that nothing goes wrong.

Or...More wrong.

Oh,
uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.

No, no, no.

I was playing Frogger
when you were just a tadpole.

Just to make sure
the pop out works, right?

Mm. Oh, man.
That--that's minty.

I hope there's no caffeine
in there, 'cause--

Well, his--his pulse
is still normal.

Uh, dude?
Dude? You there?

Yeah, yeah.
Hello?

- Can you hear me?
- Loud and clear.

Oh, wow.
It's awesome in here.

Is that the--?
Oh, man.

Dude, uh,
look down at your belt.

You see the controller?

The white thing
with the button on top?

Right.
Push the button.

Ooh,
you guys got to see this.

Fill 'er up.

Is it me, or does that
look a little bit like...?

Yep, Fargo made
a Warehouse 13 video game.

And somewhere in there,
Fargo's having a seizure.

[Sighs]

Whoa.
And you're a stripper.

- What?
No, I'm--I'm a gladiator.

It's cool, right?

Yeah.
Nice skirt.

Nice ears.

Huh?

Poi--pointy?

I'm an elf?
I said "myself."

Well,
you need to enunciate.

Now run to your tree
and get me some cookies.

Halt, players!

Artie?

I am General Arthur
of the Queen's Royal Best.

Now, players, prepare
for a life-ending quest

through bleak, barren lands.

You will stumble and blunder,

trying to find a world
of bizarre, endless wonder.

[Both scream]

Whoa.
You see this?

Yeah.
Don't really believe it, though.

[Laughs]

Welcome, players,
to Fortress 13,

the most wondrous place
that's never been seen,

hidden deep in the valley

of the Land of Bad.

Filled with dangerous relics.

Some evil, some...
[Laughs] Mad.

[Laughs]
Artie's gonna be deeply pissed.

The princess is imprisoned
high in the Black Tower,

her life slipping away
with each passing hour.

True heroes you are

to take this brave test.

Now, will you accept
your dangerous quest?

Your generalness,
I am Pete-imus Maximus

of the Lattimer Legion.

This is my faithful squire...
Claudi-elf.

We would love
to save your princess,

but are looking
for two royal geeks.

True heroes you are
to take this grave test.

Now will you accept
your dangerous quest?

Short, glasses, unnatural
attraction to computers?

Now, will you accept
your dangerous--

Pete,
it's just a program.

Fargo and Jerry must be
further on in the game.

We're just gonna
have to play along

if we're gonna find 'em.

Now, will you accept
your dangerous...

Sure, sure, why not?

Welcome, players,
to Fortress--

- Both: Yes!
- Ah.

Follow the path to the cave
of forbidden mystery.

There you must collect
the Black Tower key,

and with it
free the princess,

and so save the day.

Great rewards await those

who act the right way.

Cave of forbidden
mystery, huh?

Sounds cheery.

[Device buzzing]

Myka-mus.

Pete,
how's it going in there?

Well, so far, so good.

No sign of
the Parker Brothers yet,

but we're on a quest,
and I have a really cool sword.

Oh, oh.
What did I get?

I got a...
Vial of purple goo. Great.

I wanted nunchucks.

Okay, look, you have
to find Fargo and Jerry.

I don't know
how much longer

their hearts
can beat at this rate.

Copy that.
Crash Bandicoot out.

Okay. Let's go find
the scarecrow, shall we?

Come, Toto.

[Adventurous music]

♪ ♪

Artie! Hey!

Will you listen to me?

I've been up and down
this place.

I know security systems.

And this one
is far too sophisticated,

and probably--

[security system beeps]

Wasting my time?

I know.
I never get tired of that.

Ah, ah.

Oh, I'm sorry.
My burglary skills are rusty.

We're warehouse agents.

This isn't burglary.
This is creative snagging.

Well, I'll be getting
my own lawyer.

Wha--whoa, whoa, whoa.

What is that?
Some sort of weapon?

You know, you just add more time
to the sentence, right?

[Clang]

Three, two, one.

[Snaps]

It's called an eclipse.

Deactivates
all laser protection

for 42 minutes
and 59 seconds.

Why 42 minutes
and 59 seconds?

That's how long
Dark Side of the Moon is.

You're a Floyd fan?

Dude,
have you seen laser Floyd?

Dude, I've got Roger Waters'
name tattooed on my neck.

No, I'm not a Floyd fan.

Thought you two
might be back.

Guess I was right about
all that weirdness after all.

Uh, Agent Stukowski,
this isn't...

Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve.

Agent Nielsen,
either you include me,

or I activate the alarm.

Your choice.

[Gasping]

[Computer beeps]

This is not
the Peter Rabbit I remember.

Oh, man.

There's some serious copyright
infringement going on here.

Wait.

We passed Seabiscuit here
20 minutes ago.

Oh, nertz.
We've been going in circles.

Classic video game trope.

We should have
seen this coming.

[Woman groaning]

Hey, are you all right?

Wait, Claudia,
we don't know what it is.

Well,
it's obviously trapped.

And didn't
General Arthur say

that great rewards await those
who act the right way?

And helping this
whatever that is could be--

Acting the right way.
Fair enough.

Stand back.

I'll use my trusty sword.

[Video game beeps]

[Yells]

Ah!

Ah, yow!

There's that
full-sensory experience

Fargo was talking about.

Silly gladiator.

Disco ball's an artifact.

And artifacts
need to be neutralized, right?

[Groans]

Thank you, player.

Leena.

Look, wings.

Yes, wings.

You freed me
from Carter's curse,

and in return, I will show you
the way to your destination.

Great.
More yellow road.

For you, young elf,

a special reward for using
your wits to solve my plight,

instead of thuggish force.

Thuggish
can be good sometimes.

[Video game beeps]

High score.

That is a boon.

Should you find yourself
in need,

you may call on Leena
of the eagle people.

How does she get off
the ground with those things?

They're wings.

Yeah,
the wings probably help.

Hey, wait up.

[Growls softly]

Oh, no, he didn't.

He actually copied
the dark vault.

So not cool.
Fargo!

Get out here right now!

Hey, hey.
Key.

The key.

"There you must collect
the Black Tower key.

"With it, free the princess,

and so save the day."

Claudia, wait!

Quicksand?

This must be the deathy
part of the game

General Artie talked about.

Hey,
there's someone in there.

[Video game beeps]

Oh. Oh.

Come on. That's it.

[Gasps]

Come on! Come on.

Dougie.

[Both grunt]

Oh, thank you.
Thank you.

Okay, okay, okay.
Hugs later.

Both of you
still have your controllers.

Hey, hey, hey,
easy there, grabby.

We have to find Jerry.
Where is he?

Yeah, and what happened
to your controller?

He happened.

[Ominous music]

Holy crap.
Who invited the Grim Reaper?

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey.

Look, I am a gladiator,

and I demand that you--

okay...

You know,
sometimes in a video game,

I think it's all right
to run!

You know, I was kind of
digging Fortress 13--

neat costumes, rhyming Artie--

but that in there,
not okay.

That was not
part of the game.

The quicksand,
that executioner guy,

none of this
is supposed to be happening.

Me and Jerry
were just playing along,

and then all of a sudden
things got weird and scary.

Weird and scary.

Sounds like the artifact
did something.

Yeah, which is why we don't
play with them, Fargo,

or mix 'em with video games.

Yeah, okay, I'll admit,
not my finest idea,

but it was so innocent.
Beatrix Potter's tea set.

What's the worst
that could happen?

Talking bunnies?

I think we just met
the worst that could happen,

and that talking bunny
has a very big axe.

[Device buzzes]

Hey.

Pete, Fargo's breathing
is back to normal.

Yeah, yeah,
we found the little guy.

Jerry's still awol.

And I think the tea set's

starting to put a little bit
of a whammy on us.

You find anything else out?

Potter's first editions

are more like dream journals
than stories,

and they're dark.

In this one story,

Peter Rabbit chews off
his own leg

to escape
farmer McGregor's trap.

That was not
on Reading Rainbow.

Guys, what if the tea set

doesn't just
enhance your imagination?

What if it also
brings out the darker parts

of--of your subconscious?

I used to have nightmares
about drowning.

And you wound up
in quicksand.

That must be
what's happening.

The tea set brings your fears
to life in the game.

Fantastic.
What about the executioner?

Well,
that must come from Jerry.

Most of my nightmares
are about me losing my hair.

- Me too!
- Really?

Yeah, do ever put the--

Hey, you can trade
beauty tips later.

I'll figure out what's
going on in Jerry's head,

and you guys just find him,
and then get out of there.

So without the controllers,
how do we get out of the game?

Well, the only way
to shut off the braid

would be to finish the game.

Which Jerry would know.

He must have gone
to the Black Tower.

[Thunder rumbles]

Right.

Save the princess,
finish the game.

To the Black Tower!

[Thunder rumbles]

I never thought
I'd say this,

but let's save us
a princess.

How am I supposed to know
what's in Jerry's subconscious?

All we ever talk about

is video games
and fantasy football.

Why are all men
emotionally stunted?

I need a woman.

Yeah, you and me both.

No, no, I mean,
I need to find...

Are you gonna
get me a woman?

Because if you are,
I'd like to change.

Okay, Jerry's girlfriend,
the girl on the mug,

who is she?

Oh, uh, Sarah.
Or Susan. Melissa?

You don't know her name?

Hey, look,
for the last year,

I've been working 24/7
on building the braid.

I don't even really
remember your name.

What are you doing?

I am going
through Jerry's calls.

Okay, most of them
are from Fargo.

Aha. Hannah.

He called Hannah last week.

Right. Hannah.

Yeah, right.
Hannah.

So you're just gonna
substitute a forgery

for a priceless work of art,

and hope nobody notices?

Shh, shh.

There--there's someone there.

Can you check?

You know it's blank,
right?

Observe.

Nice.

It's memory paper

from Johannes Gutenberg's
printing press.

Van Gogh himself
wouldn't know the difference.

No one.
You're hearing things.

Shut my mouth!
How'd you do that?

- It's from Johannes Guten--
- Really?

I...Don't know.

Yeah, let's just
make the swap, shall we?

Here.
Put these on.

Ooh,
we gonna do some dishes?

Just kidding.

So is this like
that thing in Denver?

It's a work of art
with bad juju?

Yeah.

No.

So how we gonna
get it out of here?

We have to cut it out, or--

[sneezes]

Oh, sorry.
Dust.

Artie.
Artie, look.

[Thunder booms]

Get down!

No, no, no!
No, no, no, no...

Hold on!
Hold on!

No, no, no!

Ah!

[Moans]

This thing is activated
by a puff of air.

When you sneezed,

that's what triggered
the effect.

Who in the hell
are you people?

Ha, yeah,
well, if I had a nickel.

Come on.
We're gonna swap this out still.

Hello?

What's going on?

Hannah, I--I'm...

Jerry?
Oh, my God.

Uh,
don't touch the headband.

Jerry. Jerry.

Jerry, come on, wake up.

Jerry. Jerry.

What's wrong with him?

Look, I can't even pretend
to understand

what you're trying
to tell me.

Lost in the game?

Do you work for Fargo too?

No. No, no, no.
God no.

I'm just here to lend a hand.

Hannah, look, what's going on
in there with them,

it has to do with your
boyfriend's subconscious.

I need to know
more about him.

Jerry's not
my boyfriend anymore.

We broke up last week.

Last week?

What, you think our breakup
has something to do with this?

Just--just tell me
what happened, okay?

I wanted more.
Something serious.

Jerry kept saying
that he wanted the same thing,

but the time wasn't right.

He wanted Fargames
to get off the ground,

and I believed him.

I even found the ring
that he bought me,

but he never asked.

I waited for months,

and finally
I just told him it was over.

I haven't really
talked to him since.

Is he gonna be okay?

Well, not as smooth as when
we got Whistler's Mother,

but not a bad grab.

Oh, well, that's something
I'd rather not know about.

No--

[electricity crackles,
alarm wailing]

Dark Side of the Moon
is longer than that.

Sally!

She's got the van Gogh.

Ooh, man.
My kilt is chafing.

Thanks for coming,
by the way.

Believe me,
if a black hole or an evil robot

shows up at the warehouse,

you're on my speed dial too.

I hope the princess
has some gold bond.

Just let me open the door,
okay?

Can't wait
to meet this princess.

Uh, before we go inside,

there's something
I should tell you.

[Video game beeps]

What?

Brave heroes!

You've come to save me!

I'm the princess?

Really?
You didn't see this coming?

I will compose a ballad
in your honor.

[Giggles]

[Bike horn honks]

What are those things
on my chest?

Freckles?

Okay, uh, game over.
Princess saved.

What are we--
what are we doing here?

[Man crying]

[Video game beeps]

Jerry?

Jerry!
Guys, this is Jerry.

It--how did you get here?

What's wrong with him?

Aah! Aah!

Oh, crap.

Brave hero.

You've come to rescue me.

Aah!

Okay. All right.

It's just you and me.

It's just you.

Pete, come on, wake up.

Wake up.

[Growling]

Wait, Hannah, please--

Pete.
Pete, Pete, Pete.

Who's Hannah?

- Pete.
- Come on, wake up, Pete.

No, no, no.

[Grunts]

Aah!

Whew.

Somebody needs a tic tac.

Um, okay,
what is happening?

What's going on?

Uh, everyone's heart rates
just started elevating.

Oh, God.
Jerry's is almost at 230.

How much faster can it go
before it just explodes?

Pete, can you hear me?
What's going on in there?

Myka,
is Jerry still alive?

Yes, but his pulse
is skyrocketing.

Listen,
I think his anxiety

comes from his ex-girlfriend.

Yeah, whose doesn't?

Hannah, yeah,
I think we just met her.

Nice girl. Big axe.

Pete, listen,
you need to stay calm.

In the story...
[Static interfering]

...literally consumed...

...his fears...

Uh, what--
am I--am I losing you?

[Sharp static]

Ugh.

Of course I am.
Great.

The line went dead.

Myka, Gibson, is anyone
in reality reading me?

I don't understand.
It should be working.

Possibly my fault.

Well, I started thinking about
how much scarier it'd be

if we lost communications.

Did you not hear the part

about this place
making our fears real?

Hey, it's your fault
we're stuck in here, Paul.

And what's the deal with Puff
the Magic Dragon out there?

Yeah?
Whose fear is that?

Uh, well, no, that's actually
just part of the game.

What?
Dragons are awesome.

Besides,
to get past it,

all we need
is the Dagger of Josephine!

[Buzzer]

[Clears throat]

I said,
"The Dagger of Josephine!"

[Buzzer]

Which I may have forgot
to program into the game.

A game. A game.

That's right.
This is a game.

So how about
if I just close my eyes,

jump, and float
gently to the ground?

Wait.
Hold the phone, Spartacus.

Boon goes the dynamite.

Excellent.
I'll get to see them again.

Her. Leena.
I'll get to see Leena again.

[Wings flutter]

Greetings, player.
Have you chosen your boon?

And her two
humongous wings.

Can you fly us out of here
to where Jerry is?

If that is your wish,
my steed will aid you.

Steed?

[Creature roars]

[Creature screeches]

Shotgun.

- Oh.
- Yes.

[Police radio chatters]

Stukowski played us.

Why would she
want an artifact?

That van Gogh's worth
hundreds of millions of dollars.

Probably doesn't even care
it's an artifact.

She's a sworn FBI Agent.

Hundreds of millions.

Look, why don't we
just tell the cops who we are?

We're on the same team.

Yeah. NSA and ATF, both
burglarizing an art gallery.

That won't lead
to too many questions.

[Door opens]
All right, gents.

Let's all go down
to 1 Police Plaza, shall we?

My boss wants to meet you.

Hold it.
Sally Stukowski, FBI.

These men are working for me

on a very important
terrorism case.

Terrorism.
In an art gallery?

Black market sale of art

has been used
to fund numerous

radical organizations
in the past few years.

These men were helping me
to identify a potential forgery.

We're nearing the end
of a ten-month operation,

and I need
a confirmation tonight.

I already have full authority
on this crime scene

from my field office.

Do I need to take it up
with your Lieutenant?

Um, take 'em.

Chop, chop.

Told you.

Hannah,
why are you doing this?

Look, I'm sorry.
I couldn't ask.

I just--

I just--
look, I was afraid.

I was afraid you'd say no.

I--I wanted to.
I was afraid!

I couldn't commit.

I've had so many relationships
that ended like that.

She can't really cut off
his head, though, right?

I mean, not for real.

I don't know.

I mean, if his fear
kills him in here,

it might be able
to kill him out there.

You okay?

It's just this fear thing.

You ever try so hard
not to think about something

till it's all
you can think about?

Yeah, all the time.

Miss Donovan.

This is another delusion,
dear.

Dr. Michener?

Who's that?

No, he's nobody.
He's not real.

He's not here.

None of this is real,
Claudia.

You're just an emotionally
troubled young woman.

No.

Your brother is dead.

[Screaming]

No! No!

Let me go!

You're not real!

You've been living
a delusion.

One you created
to make yourself feel safe,

a warehouse where you could hide
from the real world.

But it's a lie, Claudia.

You've been in this institution
the whole time.

With me.

- Don't listen to him, Claudia.
- No, Claudia, we're real.

Please!
[Electricity crackling]

No! Don't!

You need your treatment,
Claudia.

Aah!

Aah!

You've been hiding.

You'll feel better
after your treatment.

You always do.

You know what, Doc?

I do feel better now.

Myka.

Is that really you?

Yeah.

Oh.
You went with dominatrix, huh?

Good choice.

Don't make me get my whip.

- Are you okay?
- Mm-hmm.

Are you okay?

[Laughs]

I wasn't expecting
a catharsis today,

but that actually felt
pretty good.

Yeah, thanks, Mykes.

Okay, guys, look,
we have to save Jerry,

and get our controllers
back from evil Hannah.

But how?

I mean, she's been kicking
our butt since we got here.

Wait.
I was stuck in the quicksand,

but when I saw you guys,

it gave me the courage
to pull myself out.

Right.
And Myka distracted him,

but I had to be the one
to finish the Doc.

You have to take down
your own fears.

Right. Okay.
We got to get traumatized Jerry

to nut up
before he loses his head.

Myka, Claudia,
you go talk to him.

We'll distract the ex.

Let's go get
medieval on her ass.

One, two, three, break!

- Break.
- Okay, that's...

Just--

Sorry I ran off.

Didn't really have
much of a choice.

Figured I'd catch up
with you two

once I got the painting
back to a safe place.

I don't really like
lying to policemen.

Well, trust me,
you're good at it.

You have our number,
Agent Stukowski?

All right, then.

So catch you later.

What is it, Artie?

Something.

[Groaning]

Hannah,
I never wanted it to end.

I just--I just--

I just wanted
to be more for you.

Hey, you old battle axe!

Hyah!

Oh, you gonna make the
super-scary monster face, huh?

She's gonna make
the super-scary monster face.

[Both mocking]

Bring it, bi-atch.

How am I doing?

Jerry,
everything's gonna be okay.

Doesn't matter.

I'll never be good enough
for her or anybody.

Hey, lady!

You had that thing
the whole time?

I think we've established

I haven't thought this through
very well.

You shall not pass!

Or...After you.

Aah!

Cheater.

Come on.

Jerry, listen,

I know what happened
with Hannah, the real one.

You love her,
but you couldn't propose.

She just would have said no.

This place,
it magnifies your fear,

your--your anxieties.

The proposal, okay?
That's your demon.

Don't let it kill us all.

Come on, Jerry.
Dig deep.

What do you want more than
anything in the world right now?

I--I want Hannah.

Then make it happen.

Go over to her.
Okay.

- Look her in the eye.
- Okay.

And tell her how you feel.

Okay. Okay.

[Video game beeps]
All right.

Let's go.

Aah!

Now, Jerry.

Hannah,
will you marry me?

Jerry.

Congratulations,
players.

The game is complete.

And now let's all
get something to eat.

It's about freakin' time.

Aah, she's back!

Hannah. Hannah.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

- It's okay.
- I love you.

I love you too.

I love you,
I love you, I love you.

I like this Hannah better.

Well,
I thought the giant axe

was kind of a turn-on.

I officially know
way too much about you.

[Laughs]

Hi.
I, um...

This is my first time
doing anything like this.

Uh,
a really good friend of mine

told me I needed
to get out of my comfort zone.

Um, and then my worst nightmare
sort of told me the same thing,

so it's been
a weird couple of days.

Um, anyway...

Ti--yeah,
tip your barista.

Here we go.

Playing Pixies'
"Where is my Mind?"

♪ ♪

♪ oh with your feet
on the air ♪

♪ and your head
on the ground ♪

♪ try this trick
then spin it ♪

♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ your head'll collapse ♪

♪ because there's
nothing in it ♪

♪ you'll ask yourself ♪

♪ where is my mind ♪

♪ where is my mind ♪

♪ where is my mind ♪

♪ way out in the water ♪

♪ see it swimming ♪

♪ well I was swimming
in the Caribbean ♪

♪ animals were hiding
behind the rocks ♪

♪ oh, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ except a little fish ♪

♪ and he told me
he swears ♪

♪ he's trying to talk to me,
to me ♪

♪ where is my mind ♪

♪ where is my mind ♪

♪ where is my mind ♪

♪ way out in the water ♪

♪ see it swimming ♪

[Cheers and applause]

It's done.

Now we wait.

[Ominous music]

♪ ♪

== sync, corrected by elderman ==