Warehouse 13 (2009–2014): Season 2, Episode 8 - Merge with Caution - full transcript

Previously on Warehouse 13...

Knock, knock.

You're going with Myka
as a backup.

My first official assignment
as an Agent?

As...An Apprentice.

I'm ready to begin
my Apprentice education.

You want juice, or are you
a milk person?

You know what I'd really like?

Oh I do indeed. But falling off
the wagon, may not be the best option

at this point.

No, no, what?



We're just asking
because we're worried about you.

I'm not drinking.

How do we not end up
with our brains scrambled

or whatever new way to die
there could be?

Well, I mean,
look at the bright side.

I'm usually
within ten feet of you,

so whatever terrible thing
happens to you,

will probably happen
to me too.

Comforting.

[Both panting]

What is this guy,
a jewel thief or a marathoner?

If the artifact
let the thief

walk into a jewelry store
and vanish,

then why
isn't he vanishing now?



Maybe he can't activate it
on the run,

or maybe it doesn't do
what Artie thinks it does.

[Cell phone rings]
That's Kelly.

I told her I'd call
to discuss the weekend.

I totally forgot.

Whoa.

Hello.

Ah, careful,
just don't damage

the one thing that Kelly's
looking forward to.

Nah, little Pete's
made of steel.

You go right,
I'll go left.

Leena, this one is ready
to be shelved.

A tin of sardines?

Yes, it was part
of the Shackleton Expedition.

They were trapped in the ice,
you know, for two years.

They still had the good sense
not to open that.

Had the sardines gone bad?

Very bad.

[Computer beeping]

Artie, I-I just found
an anomaly.

Uh, survey says
that insurance V.P.s in Hartford

are donating big bucks
to charity,

and it doesn't compute.

It's not an anomaly.
It's a tax write-off.

Yeah, but these guys gave away
50% of their bank accounts.

I mean, the most
they donated before is 1%.

That's a difference
of 49--

I can subtract 1 from 50.

That's why you're the boss.
Hartford.

Artie, Artie, that could be
a Robin Hood artifact.

Yes, it could.

And the prize
for finding a case

is a spin around
the Warehouse

in Steve McQueen's
motorbike?

No, but try
a free trip to Hartford,

because Pete and Myka
are on the trail

of a vanishing jewel thief
in Denver.

So you and I will do
this investigation.

You and I?
Really?

Yeah.

Well, I mean, I haven't had
a lot of time in the field,

and you're--
I'm what?

Uh, nothing.

That was the end
of my sentence.

Pack, 'cause we're leaving
right away.

Where are my sunglasses?

[Sighs] This is why
I pimped your specs.

Just tap the ends
of the glasses together

to complete the circuit.

[Beeping]

Oh.

[Beeping continues]

Ha.

[Chuckles]

Brava.

That is, uh, very well done.
Well, we're a team.

Claudia and Artie.

"Clartie."
"Artia"?

Pack.
Yeah.

[Groaning]

Pete!

I got the bag!
You get him!

[Groans]

Secret Service!

What happened?

Asian guy...

Went out that window.

What is with this guy
and windows?

Hey.
Are you all right?

Hey, Pete, this way!
[groans]

Got it covered.

Whoa.

Oh, ow. Oh, ow.

Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Ow, further than I thought.

We lost him.

Ow, but I bet we got
the artifact.

Well, let's take a look
at it, then.

Jeez, where's the drummer
and the fife?

I just hurt my knee, okay?
And my shoulder.

And I'm probably gonna have
a huge bruise on my--

what is that?

That is the world's smallest
purple violin.

Oh.

You know, one day
you're gonna make some lucky guy

a very sarcastic wife.

Ah.

Half lion, half eagle.

A Griffin.
I know.

Well, did you know
that in Chinese Mythology

they were used
to guard treasure?

But somehow this one
helps people steal treasure

and then make
a clean getaway.

Oh, hey, speaking of,

now that the mission
is accomplished,

you can go
to your High-School Reunion

and see some
of your old friends.

[Both cheer sarcastically]

You did--you did have friends
in High School, right?

Oh, as a matter of fact,
Kurt Smoller,

who is the Captain
of the football team,

emailed me
and invited me personally.

Wow, you and
a football Captain, huh?

Yeah, yeah,
we hung out.

Okay, I tutored him
in math.

[Chuckles]
Well, that's perfect.

Now you can go back
and show big, fat Kurt Smoller

that smart girls
grow up pretty.

Fine, I will go.

Excellent.
[sighs]

Now let's bag
old, uh, Kathy Griffin there,

shall we?

[Both chuckle]

Ready?
Yep.

Nothing to it.

And now for two days,

we get to pretend
we're normal.

[Ethereal music]

♪ Warehouse 13 2x08 ♪
Merge With Caution
Original Air Date on August 24, 2010

Leena.

[Echoing]
Leena?

Pete!

I have a good name.

Hey, Leena.
Hey, Pete.

Wow, I didn't know
the Warehouse

had a canned-food aisle.

Ooh, red herrings, huh?

Bet that case
was really hard to solve.

Did you hurt your leg?

I did.

I, uh, twisted it
nabbing the Griffin,

which I put
on Artie's desk.

I didn't see him
or Claudia.

They're in Hartford
on a mission.

Pete, put that back.

That's the original
can of worms.

All right,
well, 3:00 on a Friday,

so I'm calling it.

I will see you on Monday.

Take care of that leg.

And you should stay
in bed all weekend.

My plan exactly.

Ow, ow, ow.

I think that the donation
is suspicious, that's all.

I've done nothing wrong.

I gave money to fund
free clinics across the country.

That's a good thing.

Yeah, it's a good thing,

if you did it
of your own free will,

but I get a feeling
that your wife

wasn't too thrilled
with that decision.

Well, what makes you
think that?

Okay, she was upset
with my sudden generosity,

but that's because she didn't
understand why I did it.

Why did you do it?

I don't have to answer
to you or my wife.

Is there another woman?

No.

There's only one woman
for me.

Okay.

Claudia, I think
that we could be dealing

with a home-wrecking
artifact.

Two of the V.P.s
have filed for divorce.

Oh, make that three.

The V.P. of Product Operations

just called off
his engagement.

You got that
off the Internet?

Social networking,
but old school.

Teri the receptionist
is chatty.

Hansen's.
So if, uh, Lewis calls--

listen, aside
from these donations,

what else do these
Truehart executives

have in common?

Well, one thing.

I cross-checked their
recent credit card charges.

Hansen's Bar showed up
on all three expense accounts.

Can you pull up
the receipts?

Observe.

Okay.

Well, each of these guys met
with the same person.

You know that how?

Because look,
on each receipt,

apple moto.

Are any of these Truehart
executives not affected?

John Donley.

Oh, wait.
Oh, pickles!

That was just him with teri.
We should go warn him.

No, no, no,
we should track him,

'cause he could be
the mojito drinker.

See if you can hack
into the garage cameras--

Hey, Teri.

John say where he was headed?

Hansen's Bar for a drink
with a client.

You should try it.

They have the best
happy-hour clam bar.

You feel like clams?

I feel a little clammy, yes.
Yeah, okay.

Let...Me...

Just...Say...

T.G.I.F.

Hey, sorry about the knee--

kind of, you know,
limits my moves a little.

No complaints,

unless you were faking it

so I had to do
most of the work.

Why--

why don't women
ever believe me?

Let's not get into that.

Don't worry.

We won't go dancing tonight.

Good...

'Cause there's nothing I want
that isn't right here

in this bed.

Go, scorpions!

[Laughing]

Megan.
Wait, let me guess.

I have no idea.

Myka Bering.

Myka...

Great.

Okay, so tonight's
cocktail party plus a room

is $120...

Unless of course you plan
to hook up with someone

and don't need the room.

[Chuckles]
I'll take the room.

So, um, is, um...

Kurt Smoller here yet?

Right over there.

[Pop music]

♪ ♪

Isn't it disgusting?

He's in better shape
and has more hair

than he did in High School.

Yeah.

Oh, come on,
give us a smile.

Just take the picture.

There's the apple mojito.

[Sighs] We're dealing
with a femme fatale.

I thought
you were interested

in Group Insurance,
Miss Andrews,

and if you're buying,
I'm selling.

But if you're selling,
I'm not buying.

You haven't heard
the whole pitch.

I've heard enough.

I'm a happily married man.

And John's reaching
for his briefcase.

Now he's walking out.

Okay, I'm gonna
follow him.

You stay here.
Whoa, flag on the play.

Now he's heading
back to her.

You fascinate me.

[Pop music]

♪ ♪

Excuse me.

Could I get another
vodka tonic, please?

Vodka tonic?

That's a grown-up drink.

Kurt.

Myka Bering,

the Algebra girl?
Yeah.

I'm glad
you could make it.

Really?

Well, you know,
I-I mostly came

because of that nice email
that you sent me.

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

Uh, Megan sent those out.

We're co-chairs.

Ah.

So you two still a couple?

No, not since senior prom.

I think once you see
somebody vomit that much

for that long...

It changes everything.
[chuckles]

Well, maybe we should
catch up sometime.

Yeah, well, you want
to join us for a drink?

I mean,
you remember the guys--

Royboy and Gabers
and Phil.

Yeah, I-I remember them.

Maybe later.

Maybe later.

♪ ♪

Okay, what the hell?

Well, she must be using
some kind of seduction artifact.

There's so many
that it could be--

Valentino's cigarette,

Helen of Troy's
cuff bracelet.

You know, JFK had a--

he had a tie pin
that drove women--

what the hell
are you doing?

I'm setting an alarm,
in case there's any activity

in John's bank account.

Very good idea.

[Electricity crackling]

Whoa.

You've still got
some kick in you, huh?

What was that about?

[Keys clacking]

So, uh, sure you don't want
a bowl of cereal?

Mm-mm.
Just another bowl of you.

Ooh.

[Pop music]

♪ ♪

Hey, I'll have another one.

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

[Groans]

♪ ♪

[groaning]

[Pop music]

♪ ♪

[gasps]

[Breathing heavily]

Whoa.

[Cell phone rings]

Hello, is this Pete?

Whoa.

Well, I-I'm not sure.

I mean, is this, uh, Myka?

I don't know.

I-I look like Pete,

but I don't feel like Pete.

You feel like me, right?

I-I mean, like...

Myka.

Pete...

What the hell happened?

Uh...

Jeez, I-I don't know.

I would say we, uh...

Switched bodies.

Pete?

Am I you?

Oh, yeah, we definitely
switched bodies.

Pete, get your hands
off my breasts.

Myka, how'd you know that?

Because you're still you,
and I'm still me,

even though
we're in different bodies.

Okay, we got to figure--ow!

Myka, what is it?

You really did
hurt your knee.

Okay, this body whammy

is definitely
artifact-related.

I mean, I saw a flash
of the Griffin.

Me too, Pete.

Okay, now, we've got to get
back to the Warehouse.

Here's your drink, miss.

Hold on.

Hey, pal, uh,
how many of those have I had?

This'll be four.

Ah.

Holy crap.

Myka, listen,
I drank three...

[Sniffs]

I drank three vodka tonics.

No, no, no, Pete.

I drank three vodka tonics.

Okay, so y-you feel
my knee pain,

and I feel
your booze buzz.

Oh, my God, Pete,
I am so sorry.

I would've had juice
if I'd have known

we were gonna
switch bodies.

This is gonna be
tough to explain

at my next A.A. Meeting.

Promise me
you won't drink any more.

Don't worry,
I remember this feeling,

and it doesn't end well.

And don't drive, okay?

You're a bad enough
driver already.

I'll come get you.
It's not that far.

Who's that on the phone?

Pete.

Hey, is that Kelly?

Myka.

I mean, it's my--
my partner, Myka.

It's the girl.

Myka, hi, uh, Hmm, yes,

I will go to the office

to pick up the file.

I'll be there
in about three hours, okay?

And in the meantime, don't do
anything that I wouldn't do,

and I mean that.

Hey, the same
goes for you.

Kelly, I got to go.

Now?

But we were gonna spend
the whole weekend together.

I know.

I'm, uh--you know,
the I.R.S. never sleeps.

So, um, I'll be back
as soon as I can.

May I remind you
that you still owe me one?

Why don't we even out
the score before you leave?

Oh, gosh.

Uh, no, no, I--

no, I'm sorry.

I-I wish I could,
sweetie...

Pie...

Cake.

But I just
wouldn't be able to...

Concentrate.

Oh.

Okay.

Fine.

Go.

Sorry.

Mwah.

I'll--I'll call you
from the road.

And it's not like
I'm a guy

saying I'll call you.

I mean it.

Okay.

Oh, my God, I have got
to put a shirt on.

Bye.

What have I said
about the Rockies all season?

It all comes down to--

pitching.

Yep.

Runs don't matter.

The Rocks can't win
without the bullpen.

Exactly
what I was gonna say.

Mm-hmm.
Let me get you a chair.

Hey, hey, hey.
Too slow.

[Laughter]

Anyway, with
de La Rosa and Jimenez,

you have strength--

strength on the, uh--
[Clears throat] On the mound.

But depth?

Man, I don't think so.

Clearly she knows
more than you guys.

Ooh, anyone want hot wings?

Hey, Sam, wing us.
[clears throat]

Did it go through?

It's done.

[Computer chirps]

Well, looky that.

He just marked
a $3 million chunk of Bonds

to sell when the market ops.

And she's sending him away.
Why would she do that?

Because she got
what she wanted.

I'm going in.

But first, precautions...

To neutralize
any tainted cigarette smoke.

This should block
any pheromone-related

or perfume-borne substances.

And just to be safe,

these are in-ear
noise cancelers

that will void

any kind
of siren-related artifacts,

and that should be that.

Cover me.

Pardon me, miss,
I'm a Federal Agent.

And I know that you somehow

forced executives
from Truehart

to donate to free clinics,
and before you deny it,

we just traced some activity
on John Donley's bank account.

That's some pickup line.

Something
has entered your life

that's giving you power
over men.

I know that.

And I want to know
what that thing is,

because you've been abusing
that power. Haven't You?

I'm not the bad guy here.

In fact,
once you get to know me,

I'm actually quite nice.

Oh, your charms
aren't gonna work on me, Lady.

Sorry.

You sure you don't see
something you like?

No, I'm here on business.

It's time you start
answering my questions.

It's done.

That's why
you're the master.

Did you get the artifact?
No, no, she's clean.

Let's go.

Hold on.

So, Artie, what's our next move?
Who's our next suspect?

I told you,
the investigation is over.

Well, those men
gave their fortunes away.

For a good cause.
You stay away from her.

What?
She's mine.

Artie!

Back off, Donley.
She loves me now.

What? Artie?

I am gonna Tesla him
until he is impotent.

Artie, stop.
She's gotten to you.

Just stay out of this.

I'm taking you down.

Guys, listen.
Claudia, get out of my way.

Hey, that's her car.

Lauren!

Lauren, wait for me!
Lauren!

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

Call 911!

Oh, my God.

She should be more careful.
She could get hurt.

[Sighs, belches]
Seriously, though,

you--you actually like
The Three Stooges?

Yeah.

Who's your favorite Joe?

Well, I would have
to go with Besser

over de Rita,

although nobody can hold
a candle to Curly.

"Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
A wise guy, eh?"

[Rolls tongue]

[Chuckles]

[Barking]

[Laughs]

Okay, don't take this
the wrong way,

but until tonight,
I had no idea

you were so much fun.

Dude, until tonight,
I wasn't that much fun.

Okay, there's something
special happening here, right?

Do you feel this?

You don't know
the half of it.

Dude.

What the hell?

I thought you wanted me to.

No! Jeez!

Crap.

I'm a chick.

Pete!

I got to go.

Ugh.

Okay.

O-okay, Pete, Pete, Pete.

Just let me do it.

Jeez, I haven't had a drink
in eight years.

The buzz lasts a little bit
longer than I remember.

Oh, is that why you kissed
my High-School crush?

Ow, I didn't kiss him.
He kissed me.

Wait, Kurt likes me?

No, he likes me.

He thinks
you're a giganto-nerd.

Right.

We'll fix this.

Whoa, me first,
I gotta take a leak.

Don't forget to sit down.

And don't touch anything.

Dark reeling feeling...

Artie, I just found
something huge.

What rhymes with "adorable"?

Deplorable.

No.

More--more able to--
passionate.

Stop writing poetry.
No, I can't stop.

Hey, I need your brain.

I just found out
Lauren's brother died

six months ago
of liver disease.

His request
for a transplant

was denied
by his insurance.

Do you want to guess
who the provider was?

Truehart.

Yes.
So it was a revenge thing.

And who can blame her?

We can!
No.

Apparently
the money's not enough.

She wants their lives.
You know, when I see her,

I'll ask her to stop
wanting their lives,

and she'll do it
because she's sweet.

Holy gams, Batman,
that's how she's doing it.

"Rangel"?
Artie, look at this.

You touched Lauren's leg.
John Donley touched it too.

I think "adorable" is better.
Look at that.

Don't show me another man
groping my Lauren.

Oh, that man's
in the hospital

with five broken ribs,
and you could be next.

What can you tell me
about Lauren's leg?

That the only thing
that stops it going on forever

is the floor.

Silky smooth
and subtly soft.

Ooh, I like "subtly soft."

Silky smooth.

Ah, so maybe
it's a body cream

that she's using
to turn men into stalkers.

Stalker...

No.

Would a stalker go to her house
in the middle of the night

to read her poetry?

Oh, Artie,
you can't go over there...

Without a shower.

You're all stinky
from artifact hunting.

Oh, yes,
it has been a long day.

Gamy, right?

Take a shower, yeah,
but not a cold one.

Well, Leena's looking
into it,

but what do we do
in the meantime?

Let's go over the Griffin.

There could be something.

All right.

Just--

a metal flap.

That's it.

Is it?

Yes. Yes, it means
it's--it's a bookend

and not a statue.

And bookends
come in pairs.

And if there's another one,
the thief probably has it.

He could be anywhere by now.

No, uh, wait, Leena said

that when she put
the Griffin down

it rotated.

[Gasps]

It--it looks like--
like it's pointing,

like--like a compass.

Well, maybe it'll lead us
to its mate

in some dualistic attraction.

Come on,
let's hit the road.

Oh, and could you change
out of my dress?

I just bought that today.

Jeez.

[Cell phone rings]

[Gasps]

Oh, that's--that's Kelly.

Oh, shoot.

I said I'd call her.

Aha.

So it's not
just a guy thing.

Hi, Kelly.

Yeah, it's--it's me...

Pete.

Um...

Hey, you know, I-I know
that I said that I'd call you,

but I forgot.

And, uh, so I want to make--

I want to make it up to you
with this promise.

What?
No promises.

No, Myka.

Myka, no promises.

Uh, yes, let me--

let me get
someplace private.

Fresh as a Daisy

and a little less formal

and slightly slimming.

And all you need
is your hat.

Ooh, good idea.

All right--
what are you doing?

No, Claudia!
Knock, knock.

Just like old times.

Claudia!

It's for your own
protection, Artie.

I'm going to Lauren's to do
what Warehouse agents do--

get the artifact.

If you hurt Lauren,
I will hunt you down.

Mm-hmm.

Pwned.

God, how can you stand
this hair?

I just want
to cut it off.

You do that, and I will
shave your entire body.

Ugh.
Use the hair tie.

It's on my right arm.

So--I just thought
it was an ugly bracelet.

So what do--what do I do?

Turn.

[Sighs]
So what'd you promise Kelly?

Well, you will find out.

Oh, my God, your hands
are so clumsy.

Ow!

There.

Look at that.

What is it doing?

Hey.

You have
the other Griffin.

You were right.
There are two of 'em.

Security guard.

You and the thief
were working together.

Wrong again.

We are together.

And we've been looking
all over town for you.

I really don't like
where this is going.

I need
the other Griffin now.

No!
First you show us--

there's no time.

Myka, grab the Griffin.

Whoa, I'm me again.

Myka, where are you?

I'm back to myself.

This just got easier.

Wrong.
He's the nice one.

So am I.

Now we're
sharing one body too.

Pete?

Pete, we have got
to fix this.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Oh, hi.
I work with Artie.

Get out of here.
No can do.

Two men are in the hospital,
and you're still on the loose.

That wasn't my fault.

I saw you hit John Donley
with your car.

That wasn't me driving.
Then who was it?

Me.

Told you to get
out of here.

[Groaning]

Sharing the same body now.
Great.

Should make Myka do this.

[Grunts]

Really?

Just when I could've used
the upper-body strength.

[Knock at door]

[Breathing heavily]

Hey, you're still up.

Kurt.

This is a really bad time
for a Booty call.

What makes you think
it's a Booty call?

Well, what else
would it be?

Busted.

Can I come in?

No, no, you can't.

And just believe me when I say
it's not you, it's me.

Myka, I promise,
I just want to talk.

The Lady said good night.

Wait, Myka didn't tell me
she was involved.

You went for it, man.

That's cool.
Now get lost.

Look, man, you really
don't have to do this.

I'm not after you.

I'm not taking any chances

until Lauren and I
are on that plane.

What plane?

One that's taking us
far away, my love.

I don't want to go anywhere
with you, Howard.

You do.

You're just distracted
by all these people.

Is that why
you handcuffed me?

I won't allow
any of these other men

to steal you away.

I'm gonna go pack your bags,

and then we'll get
out of here.

I am so sorry.

I had no idea these guys
would turn violent.

Yeah, well, just let me think
about this for a minute.

If Artie is a Federal Agent,
won't he come after you?

He would...

Except I kind of handcuffed him
in his hotel room.

Fastest-working karma ever.

Karma. Yeah, that's how
this whole thing got started.

I wanted that insurance company
to pay back to others

what they took from me.

I never wanted anyone hurt.

So how are you doing it?

I mean, it's something to do
with your legs, right?

Stockings.

I don't know
why or how they work,

but when men touch them,
they'll do anything I ask.

Which is cool...

You know, until they become
obsessed stalkers,

and you can't control them.

Where are the stockings now?

On a rod in the bathroom.

Oh.

Right.

Like I don't know how
to improvise an electromagnet.

I was doing this

when MacGyver
was still trapped in his crib.

Now come to papa.

Ah.

Oh, yes, come to papa.

Yes, yes.

Come, baby.
Come, come, come.

Yes.

Okay.

Okay.

And this is only
one of 23 ways

that I could have escaped.

[Groans]
I don't feel so good.

We can help.

Just tell us what to--
the Griffins.

I got them.
They're right here.

Quick--
this is bad.

[Groans]

Just tell us what to do.

You...
Just...

[Both groan, scream]

Oh.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, I sure wish he'd...

Finished that sentence.

All set.
By this time tomorrow,

we'll be relaxing
in a villa near Lisboa.

And as for you...

Lauren, come on,
say something.

Howard, don't hurt her.

I have no choice.
She would get between us.

And I can't allow anything
to come between us.

You?

You?

[Groaning]

Lauren,
are you all right?

Yes, but what
did you do to him?

Temporary blindness.

This is a shard
from the lens

of the Pharos Lighthouse,
Alexandria.

And there's the Phoenix.

Oh, so many things
that I could show you.

Artie, thank God.
He was about to shoot me and--

Claudia.

That prism
was meant for you.

She thought
that she could outsmart me,

but I've got moves
she's never even dreamt of.

We're out of here.

No, no,
first unlock Claudia.

Unlock the girl
that tried to come between us?

Never.

Let's go.

Leena,
you're out last hope.

We just learned the hard way

that two things
can't occupy the same space.

Okay, I looked
into split personalities,

which led me
to Robert Louis Stevenson,

who wrote
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Going through his notes,

I found a picture
of him in his study.

Can we move this along?

I'm starting to get
a really...

Bad vibe.

So that's what
vibes feel like.

Huh.

On the shelf behind him,

there's two bookends.

Griffins?

No, one is an eagle.

And the other is a lion.

It seemed like such
a coincidence--

maybe the bookends
on the mantel

are in an inactive state.

What if the heads
can be switched,

and the duality...
Could be reversed?

We need to make the eagle
and the lion whole again.

I'll call you back.
Okay.

It worked.

All right.
Come on, birdie.

You'll have to kill me.

Nothing but a bullet
will stop me

from trying
to be with Lauren.

Artie, don't.

Lauren, go get
the stockings, now!

I know exactly
how you feel, Howard.

Then you know I'll follow her
to the ends of the earth.

As would I.

Get on your knees.
I'll make it quick.

Artie, stop this! You're not
a cold-blooded killer!

Lauren!

Come on, little birdie.

Got it.

Oh, yeah, that's 'cause
I loosened it for you.

Put the eagle head
on the eagle.

Okay.

[Both groaning]

Just get it over with.

What do I do with them?

Put a run in them.
Use your nails, anything.

Then the lion head
on the...

Oh, my God.

Howard, are you okay?

I'm not sure.

My eyes hurt, ow.

Oh, my God, I've got
to get home to my wife.

That was too close.

In so many ways.

So I guess
we can't even pretend

to be normal, huh?

Normal...

Not really
in our wheelhouse.

[Chuckles]

Both: Good job.

[Laughs]

Hey, look,
I found the artifact.

Where did you get those?

My great-grandfather's
estate.

More details.

You turned several of us
into blabbering fools.

I'd like to know how.

Who was
your great-grandfather?

He was a diplomat
during World War I.

They were in a box
with a card.

"Souviens-toi de moi,
mon amour."

"Remember me, my love."

World War I?
Yeah.

And the card--
was it signed "Margaretha"?

Yes.

How did you know that?

Margaretha Zelle.

Otherwise known
as Mata Hari.

The spy?

And a world-class
seductress.

There's no way to tell
whether they worked on her

or she worked on them.

Either way, they worked.

I need to call
the hospital,

find out
if John Donley's okay.

I hope he doesn't have
his company's insurance.

And "Clartie" saves the day.

Kiddo,
I want to thank you

for focusing on your job
and trying to protect me.

Well, I learned
from the master.

You know,
the keys are over there.

From here, I can count

eight ways
that you can escape.

Okay, look,
I'm really sorry I--

the spatula,
make that nine.

Claudia...

Knock, knock.

Oh.

Open.

Then the thief walks
into the jewelry store, right?

Asks the clerk
to see something pricey.

The clerk turns around.

Poof, he turns
into the other one.

I got to say,
it's a pretty cool plan.

Yeah, until they exploded,
it was perfect.

Now the Griffins are back
in their dormant state?

Yes, the eagle
and the lion.

And the Myka
and the Pete.

Hey, um, I, uh...

I'll be right back.

[Pop music]

♪ ♪

Hey.

Hey.

Where's your boyfriend?

Oh, I don't have one.

All right, obviously
you're seeing someone.

You know what, Kurt?
Nothing--

nothing is really
obvious about me.

And I just--
I wanted to tell you

that, um, I'm not
who I seemed to be before.

Okay, well,
whoever that was,

she was a lot of fun.

I really enjoyed talking
to you too.

Do you want to--

do you want to keep
in touch?

Definitely.

Would it be okay
if I kissed you good-bye?

So okay.

♪ ♪

You know what?
I just really have to ask you--

which kiss was better,
this one or--or the one before?

Uh, honestly?

Yeah.
This one.

The one before,

you burped
in the middle of it.

Bye, Kurt.

Email you.

Ta-da.

Rose petals...

And candles...

And balloons.

And, uh, chocolates...

As promised.

Who needs candy?

I want you.

Mmm.

So--so everything's okay
between us?

Are you kidding?

What you said on the phone

is the sweetest thing
a guy has ever said to me.

I bet you don't even remember
the exact words.

Oh, I remember.

No man has ever understood me
like that.

I'm so glad that--

that you're...

You.

Me too.

But--but--but, uh, you know
what would be really fun?

Oh-oh.

Oh!
[giggles]

Yeah, yeah.

Why don't you say back to me

what I said on the phone?

And then I'll grade you
for accuracy.

Or--or not.