Walker, Texas Ranger (1993–2001): Season 9, Episode 22 - Reel Rangers - full transcript

A show played largely for laughs (and with Walker not involved in the story; he has a few scenes checking in with Alex's obstetrician to try to find the sex of their upcoming baby): Trivette leads a group of Rangers backstage at Las Colinas Studios (and the actors' trailers for this show) to investigate skulduggery on a movie being filmed in Dallas.

That... see, that
there, that's a hot bike.

Oh, wait until you
see the other one.

Look at that.

How do you convince a dealership

to loan us brand-new bikes?

Well, everybody knows
about the Laredo Love Ride,

to fight birth
defects, you know?

So it's, uh, it's
great publicity

for them to sponsor us.

I'm not asking any questions.

I just can't wait
to hit the road.

Hey, Walker, you
going to pass this up?

GAGE: Look at this.

Well, I really don't want to,

but you know, Alex is
getting ready to have the baby

and I've got to get
the baby's room ready.

Hmm... GAGE: It must be

hard to pick a color

not knowing whether the baby's

going to be a boy or a girl.

Yeah, it is. SYDNEY:
Aren't you anxious?

I mean, I'd be dying to know.

Well... You're curious.

GAGE: I am telling you,

I would have to know.

I just don't think about it.

You know, I've got to
hand it to you and Alex.

I'd be thinking about that

and that's all I'd
be thinking about.

Sydney, all it
takes is will power.

The same discipline I
learned in the martial arts.

It's not that hard.

Excuse me.

I'm impressed.

Me, too.

DR. BATES Check her
vital signs every 30 minutes.

Notify me immediately of
any change. Right, Doctor.

Dr. Bates? Ranger Walker.

You just missed Alex.

Yeah, I know.

Well, the sonogram went fine.

Both she and the baby
are perfectly healthy.

Oh, that's great.
That's really good.

Dr. Bates...

are we having a boy or a girl?

Well, I thought you and
Alex wanted to be surprised.

Alex wants to be surprised.

The suspense is killing me.

Ranger Walker, I promised
your wife I wouldn't tell you.

Oh, you did?

Oh, well.

If I saw the sonogram you
wouldn't be telling me, right?

Well, that's true.

Well, can I take a
little peek, please?

Okay.

Oh, wow.

Oh, wow.

Well, now I know what
color to paint the baby's room.

Uh, don't tell Alex
I saw this okay?

Believe me, I won't.

( uptempo music playing)

( yelling)

( horn honking)

Who are these guys?

Keep rolling.
Keep... keep rolling.

Keep ro... keep
rolling up there.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

( tires squealing) ( man yells)

( groans)

Hey, man, what are you doing?

We're shooting a movie here.

What? Man, we're
filming a movie here.

Yeah, right. Come on.

♪ Yeah... ♪

Cut, cut, cut, cut!

Harley, are you okay?

I hope you're okay
because that was incredible.

Are you stupid?
I'm the star of this.

How dare you touch me. Shut up!

Look what you did to me.

DIRECTOR: Look, I don't know who

you guys are, but those
stunts were absolutely amazing.

We're Texas Rangers.

What is going on here?

Who are you?

I'm Wes Tyson.

I'm the writer and director

of this whole thing, man.

You guys could be movie stars.

74 Charm, take two. Mark!

♪ In the eyes of a ranger ♪

♪ The unsuspecting stranger ♪

♪ Had better know the truth ♪

♪ Of wrong from right ♪

♪ 'Cause the eyes of
the ranger are upon you ♪

♪ Any wrong you
do he's going to see ♪

♪ When you're in
Texas, look behind you ♪

♪ 'Cause that's where
the ranger's going to be. ♪

( applause)

Wait, wait.

It's a movie shoot?

Yes, it is.

Why didn't you stop us?

I'm glad we didn't,

'cause we got it
all on film, baby.

Brilliant, you guys. That
was great. Uh, Frank Locke.

I'm the stunt coordinator.
Nice to meet you.

Uh, aren't these

kinds of stunts usually really

carefully planned out?

Well, this wasn't
supposed to be a stunt.

I'm going to go
check on the bikes.

WES: Okay.

Thanks, Frank. Yeah, you
guys kind of changed all that.

Aren't you guys supposed to have

cops monitoring the set

to make sure this
stuff doesn't happen?

Yeah, we do. They're
right back there.

But it all happened
so fast, you know?

We're on a shoestring budget
over here and everything.

It turned out to be an
awesome stunt sequence.

Wow!

I had no idea rangers could be

so beautiful.

HARLEY: Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Yeah, wait a second.

Have you ever thought
about doing stunt work?

Because... No...

No, excuse me, I'm hurt here.

You think the star of the film
could have a little attention?

Hey, I'm sorry about
that, buddy. Oh, he's fine,

don't worry about him.

You all right?

Come on, Harley, suck it up.

HARLEY: My ankle's hurt.

Look what he did to my ankle.

Well, you're always bragging

how you like to
do your own stunts.

HARLEY: You know what?

I'd like to see you fall off
a motorcycle, sweetheart.

This beautiful young
lady, as you probably

already recognized,
is Lily Jenner.

Femme fatale of
our little epic here.

You're drooling.

I love what you guys did here.

It was absolutely riveting.

Hi.

Hi.

Are you staying for the day?

( giggles)

Oh, yeah. Why don't

you guys stay? Stick around.

You could help me
with the coverage.

That would be great.

( all agreeing)

Folks, we've got to
get to Laredo. Thanks.

GAGE: No, no, you
know, we don't have to be

in Laredo until
tomorrow morning,

so we could probably stay for

another couple of
minutes or hours.

( crew murmuring agreement)

Maybe? Come on!

Come on. Come on.

Yeah, all right.

( cheering)

That's fabulous.

That's the kind of
action sequence

that can turn my
film into a huge epic.

What is your film about, anyway?

( chuckling): Oh,
this baby is going

to be a cult classic.

It's called 13 Coffins.

13 Coffins.

13 Coffins.

Vampire bank robbers.

They suck you dry in
more ways than one.

If it's called 13 Coffins,

how come you only have,
uh, four vampires in your shot?

You know, it's... it's amazing

how quickly you figured
out my budget problems.

Thank you for pointing that out.

I appreciate that.

We could only afford
four motorcycles.

But I've got that
problem covered.

I've got everybody waiting
over in Vampire Village.

What's a... what's
a vampire village?

Oh, man, it's this
great little town

south of the border in Mexico.

Wheel me over there.

Come on, now. Come on.

It's beautiful. You'd
be so impressed.

We're shooting there tomorrow.

You know what?
Maybe you guys could...

Guys, I don't understand this.

I don't understand why

everyone is falling
all over these people

after what they did.

I'm practically crippled here.

Oh, Harley, it's a mild sprain.

Okay, I can't possibly
film again today.

Whoa, whoa, Harley.
This is our last day here.

You have to shoot
today. You have to.

( hushed murmurs)

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Come here, come here,
come here. Aw... aw...

Let me look at this face. Look
at this face. He's touching me.

It's uncanny.

The resemblance is
amazing. Look at this.

Can you see the resembl...?

This is fantastic.

You could be
Harley's stunt double.

You could be his stunt
double. That's perfect.

Yes! That's perfect!

Oh, this is perfect!
This is perfect!

Do you know why this is perfect?

It's perfect because
I am perfect.

Well, I can see you're ready

to rock and roll
with the baby's room.

Yeah. And I don't
want you going in there

because I want
it to be a surprise.

Well, are you sure you
have the right colors?

Oh, yeah.

I've got the right colors.

So when do I get
to see the room?

When I'm finished.

Oh, come on.

When I'm finished.

Walker, please.

When I'm finished.

What the hell is this?

Get back to work.

I don't pay people
to stand around.

Hey, Sam, you'll never
guess what happened.

This is great, listen to this.

I know all about your rangers.

What the hell are you thinking?

Sam, it's going to take the
film to a whole new level.

I don't need rangers
peeping around here

checking to see if
we have permits.

Okay, Sam, don't worry.
Listen, these... they don't

know anything about
the movie business.

I want them out of here now.

( phone ringing)

If you ever make
another decision like this

without consulting me, I'll...

MAN: Mr. Carter, you have a call

from a Harry Blackman.

( screaming)

No, wait, wait, wait.

Hold, hold, hold.

I'm a Texas Ranger,
all right? Just relax.

Get out of my way.

GAGE: Now come on. Now come on.

Come on, now.
Just play... play nice.

For crying out loud. Come on.

Don't hurt him. Don't
hurt him, all right?

Just relax. Relax.

Oh, I can't thank you
enough. It's all right.

It's all right. Oh, Lily, I'd...

Lily, I'd never hurt
you. I love you.

Lily, you okay?

Yeah, thanks to Ranger Gage.

Ranger Gage, this
is my brother Doug.

How you doing?

DOUG: If I'd known
Johnny was back on set, I...

TRIVETTE: Hold it,
just... Who are you?

He's obsessed with her.

He writes her
letters all the time.

That's because I love her.

And I told you before
to stay off my set.

We'll turn him
over to the sheriff.

Lily, don't let
them do this to me.

It's all right. It's all right.

JOHNNY: Lily!

Stop them, Lily. I love you.

I'm Sam Cardinal.

Executive producer of the film.

Thanks for your quick work.

How are you? No
problem, no problem.

Okay, everybody.

Okay, show's over.

Come on, now. Back to work.

You got something to do?

Yeah, well, Lily might need me.

Hey, look, let's get
something straight.

You may be new in the business.

When the executive producer

tells a lousy
production assistant

to get to work, you
do it. It's okay, Doug.

I'm fine. I'm fine.

I'm sorry, honey. Don't...
don't let these hurts upset you.

You know, if he's
done this before,

you might want to
get a restraining order.

Do you really think so?

No, no, he's just a fan.

He's eccentric,
but he's harmless.

He didn't seem harmless to me.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

Maybe you're right. I'll, uh...

I'll help Lily with the process.

You should know something

about the business, though.

This is the third film
she's done for me.

She's a star.

Devoted fans go with the
territory, don't they, honey?

Get out.

Stay away from the set, or else.

Hey, Swails.

Hey, Sam.

Thanks for calling
me about the rangers.

That idiot director.

Yeah, don't worry about it.

I'll keep my eye on him.

Got a million dollars riding
on tomorrow's transaction,

and he brings rangers
in on the picture.

D-oh!

Could blow the whole deal.

All right. All right.

Let's get the shot.

Action! ( yelling)

Cut!

( rock music playing)

♪ Who'd ever thought
I would be a star? ♪

( engines revving,
tires screeching)

Cut!

( clapper strikes board)

Action!

Cut!

Whoa!

♪ I just can't get enough ♪

Wow.

That's a big name.
( phone ringing)

Hello?

Kind of cool, huh?

Wow.

I want to suck your blood.

Why do you have fangs if
you're wearing a helmet, man?

I'm trying to get
into character, okay?

Don't you know anything
about method acting?

( engine revving)

Take two.

( applause)

WES: All right, Gage,
let's do Harley's stunt.

( grunts)

And cut!

You okay?

Ow.

That was great.

Let's set up for a closer
angle before we do it again.

Again?

Again?!

Yeah, again.

Welcome to show biz.

Ow.

( rock song continues)

♪ I just can't get enough. ♪

Syd, you want some lunch?

Yeah, sure.

Ooh, thank you.

You guys mind if I sit with you?

Sure.

Hand that stalker over
to the police, did you?

Oh, yeah.

Got back pretty fast.

They didn't make you wait
around and give a statement?

They said we could do it later.

Police can't book him if you
don't make a statement, though.

So you didn't turn
him in, did you?

Which means you guys
aren't really security guards.

Look, we're just
extras playing guards.

Cardinal paid us to
wear these uniforms

so we'd look like security.

So what did you do with the guy?

I dropped him
off outside of town

and told him not to come back.

So where's Lily?

( knocking)

( sighs)

I thought I had 15 more minutes.

( screams)

That's enough...
Shh, shh, shh...

You're mine, Lily.

Nobody's going to
take you away from me.

Johnny, don't do this.

It's the only way, Lily.

We're meant to be together.

You're mine, Lily...

forever.

Hey, Johnny!

Help!

Leave us alone. She's mine.

You can't take her away.

I just came to talk to Lily.

Leave us alone!

I'm not trying to take
her away from you.

I just came to talk to Lily.

Okay, I tell you what.

I'm gonna leave.

Lily, you should tell him what
we talked about this morning.

She really cares about you.

Don't lie to me.

I'm not lying to you.

She loves you.

Lily, tell him.

Tell him!

Really?

Of course, I love you.

I wish I could believe you.

I saved...

I saved all of your
letters right over here.

Let me show you.

You lie!

Ow.

( panting whimpers)

You want to see a doctor?

I'm fine, Doug.

Really, I'm fine.

Lily. Lily.

I am so sorry.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Oh, God, you're such a trooper.

You should be very proud of her.

Look, we've got a lot
of work left to do today.

Work?

No, Lily should
go back to the hotel

and rest after what
she's been through.

Thank you for your input, Doug.

Look, honey.

We've got to get this
one scene done today,

and I know what
you've been through,

but you've got to remember

the old saying: "The
show must go on."

You're right.

That a girl.

( tires squeal)

Well, guys, you were right
about Johnny, and I was wrong.

When I'm wrong, I admit it.

GAGE: You were also wrong

for not hiring real
security guards.

Yeah, I realize that, you know.

Trying to save some money.

Foolish. Won't happen again.

You know, according
to the officers,

if you contact DPS right away,

you should only be shut
down for about an hour or so.

You want to give me that again?

You'll only be shut
down for about an hour.

But that's really the
least of your problems.

What the hell are
you talking about?

She's saying you don't have

the permits for what
you're doing here.

Oh, come on. Give me a break.

This is a low-budget production.

Permits are-are a
needless expense.

GAGE: Police and permits are

safeguards against the very
thing that happened here today.

You can't do this to me.

I'm shutting this place down

till you get the proper
permits and real police.

WALKER: I can't
wait to see them.

Okay, I'll talk to you later.

Trivette promises

to bring back pictures of
Gage dressed as a vampire.

( laughs)

Well, I've heard that
life on a movie set

can be melodramatic,

but it sounds like they've
had more than their fair share.

Yeah, actually, they are.

Trivette subdued some crazed
fan who attacked the female star.

Wow, lucky all three of
them were there today.

Yeah, but according to Trivette,

the executive
producer, Sam Cardinal,

doesn't feel quite that way.

Why not?

Well, I guess he's using

fake security and no permits.

Well, that doesn't sound like a
legitimate production company.

No, it doesn't, does it?

Maybe I'll check
into this Sam Cardinal

and his production company.

Okay.

You know if they have
any more of those oranges?

Oranges? Are you kidding me?

You're asking me about oranges?

You're talking to
me about oranges?

Here, take these, please.

Where is Cardinal, man?

This is our last day here.

If I don't get this shot
with Lily being kidnapped,

I don't have a movie!

Hey, hey, hey. This is
my big scene today, too.

Well, Gage, looks like that's
the end of your acting career.

Would you guys come with
me tomorrow to Vampire Village?

Please? Seriously, you
could save my movie.

Come on. It really
would. Please?

Laredo. we've got
to get to Laredo.

Laredo, man?

You're killing me with
this Laredo thing, man.

Here's your damn permit.

You got the real police?

In back of you.

Satisfied?

Back in business.
Back in business.

Okay, back to work.
Everyone back to work.

Come on. Chop chop.

♪ ♪

And action.

Come to me... my love.

Yes.

Oh, cut, please, cut, please.

Harley, thanks for
doing the close ups.

That was, uh... some
really good acting.

Yeah, I'm here for you, man.

Yeah.

Where's my chair?

Gage, could I please
get Gage on the set?

A and B cameras, today.

Mr. Cardinal.

What?

Look, I really appreciate

the opportunities that you...

Look, I'm pretty busy, kid.

I really am.

I think I saw Swails
stealing from you.

What?

I saw him slip into your office

and take a load of
cash out of the safe.

You sure?

Yeah.

That's a pretty serious charge.

Just you, nobody else saw him?

No, I was... I was alone.

I came straight here.

Good boy.

I tell you what you do.

We keep quiet about all of this

until we find out
what Swails is up to

and then when production is over

we'll have him arrested, okay?

Yes, sir.

Oh, don't say anything
to anybody yet.

Right.

( dialing phone)

( phone ringing)

We've got a problem.

Now remember,
you're the stunt double

so we don't want
to see your face.

Right, right, right. Okay.

Oh, listen, where's Lily anyway?

She doesn't do this stuff.

She has her own stunt double.

Oh, okay.

Oh, my.

Sydney, you look great.

Let's get you on the
bike and we'll get going.

Shut up.

Syd.

Okay, why don't you
move in a little bit closer?

You know, put your
arms around his waist.

Even closer, I want you to
really snuggle up with him.

You're supposed
to be in love, so...

That's great,
that's great. Okay.

Come on, Syd, get in character.

You're supposed to be
madly in love with me.

Mad... ( grunts)
not quite that mad.

Let's roll!

And action!

And cut.

Perfect.

( knocking)

Come on in.

You wanted to see
me, Mr. Cardinal?

Yeah, Doug, yeah.

Sit down. Sit down.

Well, you were right

about the money
missing from the safe.

I talked to the rangers about
what you said about Swails

and they're checking in to
it, so we'll see what happens.

Good.

Listen, uh...

I had to make some
changes in the script

so we could finish
shooting tomorrow.

But you know how bad Harley
is about memorizing lines.

Yeah, he's terrible.

Okay, I had a good idea.

What we'll do is, or you will,

write one or two lines on
separate sheets of paper.

We'll tape them all around the
set and use them like cue cards.

Yeah, that's a good idea. Good.

You can work right
here on my desk.

When you're done, leave
everything here, all right?

I'll be out on the set.

He's in the trailer.

Wait till he comes out.

( whispers): All right.

Don't make a sound.

Cut! Print!

That was awesome, Gage.

You know, Syd, I kind of like

having you on the
back of my bike.

Well, don't get used to it.

I've got my own bike.

Thank you, everybody!

That is a wrap for today.

I will see you tomorrow
at Vampire Village!

Have you seen Doug?

He was supposed
to run lines with me.

No.

I saw him talking to
Mr. Cardinal a while ago.

Maybe he knows where he is.

Huh.

It's not like Doug to not show.

SWAILS: Should have
minded your own business, boy.

You had no business sticking
your nose where it don't belong.

What are you going to do?

You know that expression
about curiosity and the cat?

We're gonna find out.

Hey!

Look out! Let go of the wheel!

Get him!

I got him!

You go around
back. He can't get out.

All right.

Did you check his room?

Yeah, they haven't
seen him at the hotel

since this morning.

Lily, I didn't want to upset you

while you were working.

It's about Doug.

Did something happen?

No, no, he took off.

He quit.

What?

The only reason I hired him

was because it was her brother.

This is the thanks I get?

Wait, I don't understand.

I mean, he wouldn't
leave without telling me.

Baby, there's a lot of
things he wasn't telling you.

Look, he was complaining

about the pay, about the hours,

you name it, he's been
complaining about it.

I didn't want to tell you

because I didn't
want to upset you.

Is something wrong?

Yeah, looks like Doug left.

He came to me this afternoon

and he said if I didn't
give him a pay raise

and a co-producer
credit on my next picture,

he'd make sure you'd
never work for me again.

Doug isn't like that.

Honey, come on.

You know the business.

It makes people crazy.

Take a look at
the note he wrote.

"Fools like you never listen.

"I've wasted enough time here.

Good-bye."

Is that Doug's handwriting?

Looks like it.

It doesn't pay to
be Mr. Nice Guy.

Listen, thanks a lot.

I hate to rush you, but
I've got to leave, though.

You have a good trip and
take care of yourself, okay?

It's going to be okay.

He sure seems
anxious to see us leave.

He's just a little...
whoo. Personality thing.

I'm sure he's just as
appreciative as I am, so...

You know what, Wes?

It's been such a harrowing day

I think we're just going
to spend the night.

Great! Great. Listen, uh...

I'll get you some
rooms at the same hotel

we're at and meet me in
the bar at 7:00 and we'll

buy you all a drink,
how about that?

It's a deal. Hey, listen.

Gage is really gung-ho

and uh, boy, if you guys
could see it in your heart

to be gung-ho, too,

I could really, really
use your help tomorrow.

What do you say?

You betcha.

We'll see you at
Vampire Village.

Bye.

Bye.

And I thought you
were anxious to leave.

I think there's
something going on here.

I think you're right.

CARDINAL: All
right... one more time.

Is he dead?

He's got to be.

I don't hear a straight answer.

I don't know.

Sam, I-I hit him at least once.

Let me clarify.

You two better pray

that this kid doesn't show up.

Because if he does,

two of those
coffins will be stuffed

with more than just drugs.

( sign buzzing)

Looks okay to me.

Thanks, Gage.

I know it's silly now
that Johnny's in jail, but...

No, no, no.

It's better to be safe.

( sighs)

What a day.

Mm...

I can't wait to step
into a hot shower.

Uh, I better go.

I am in room

516 if you need anything at all.

Don't leave before I have a
chance to thank you properly.

Well... Uh... Good night.

You don't have to leave so fast.

I better go.

I'm sorry.

I didn't realize there
was someone else.

Oh, no, there's-there's
nobody else. I mean...

Uh-huh. Really.

Whatever you say.

I'll see you later.

Thanks again.

It looks like Sam
Cardinal always films

in small towns in Mexico.

Small towns appreciate
extra business,

ask you fewer questions.

But the big question is,
why is he making these films?

They go straight to video.

They hardly make a
profit, if a profit at all.

I don't think making movies
is his only business, Walker.

What do you think he's up to?

I don't know. I don't know.

But I think we should stick
around and try to find out.

Okay, keep me posted.

Everything okay?

Well, I'm not sure.

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah.

Did you paint the room
or did the room paint you?

Alex, this is not my
profession, all right?

Besides, I can't
get this paint off.

You look adorable.

Yeah, right.

SWAILS: Let's go.

( whispers): Come on, come on.

( loud crash)

What the hell was that?

I don't know.

See anything?

No, it was nothing.

( knocking)

DOUG: Lily! It's me.

Oh, my God, Doug. What happened?

Swails and Ritchie
tried to kill me.

What?

Look, I think Cardinal
might be in on this, too.

So we've got to get
you out of here right now.

( knocking)

Shh.

Who is it?

TRIVETTE: It's the rangers.

What happened to you, son?

Swails, the prop
guy, tried to kill him.

He and Ritchie
pulled a gun on me

and took me out to
shoot me, but I got away.

Why would he do that?

I saw Swails taking money

from Mr. Cardinal's safe.

So I thought he was
stealing from him.

SYDNEY: So you told Cardinal,

and he said to keep quiet

'cause he would
take care of it, right?

Yeah. How'd you know that?

That's probably the cash I saw

them hiding in the coffins.

What cash? What's going on?

We think Cardinal's
involved in some kind

of smuggling operation.

He's using those coffins to
move cash across the border.

They're probably
smuggling drugs back in.

We were just coming
here to warn you

that Doug's disappearance

probably had
something to do with that.

So you can arrest
them then, right?

No, not yet.

We don't have enough
evidence against Cardinal.

We'd like to wait and
nail everyone involved.

We're going to
need your help, Lily.

TRIVETTE: Our hunch was right.

Cardinal is definitely running
a smuggling operation, Walker.

What are you going to do?
Gonna follow him to Mexico.

That's where they're
shooting tomorrow.

Well, whatever his plan is,

he'll be keeping a
close eye on you three.

You got that right.

I'll call you first
thing in the morning.

All right, thanks.

So can I take a look and see

what you've done with
the baby's room so far?

Nope.

Just a peek?

Nope.

Oh, Walker.

No.

Fine. I'm going to bed.

And don't peek.

Sam, can I talk to you
for a minute privately?

What's up, honey?

I just wanted to apologize

for the way Doug acted.

Don't mention it.

No, I mean, I'm embarrassed.

I mean, you hired him
because of me, and...

( sighs) I guess he's just
got a lot of growing up to do.

I guess so.

Look, don't let
this get you down.

You got your big scene today.

Let's get back to work.

Forget all about it.

Okay?

Give me a big hug.

That a girl.

That was incredible.

LILY: Really?

Yeah, I don't think
he suspects a thing.

Good. Okay, I'll see you later.

Yeah.

She was really
convincing, don't you think?

She's an actress...

Well, yeah... ( huffs)

( chuckles)

Garcia, how's it going today?

Good to see you again.

What do you got today?

Ah, the usual... props.

Hey, we're running a little
late so, you know, muy rapido.

( chuckles)

All right, everybody, listen up!

This is our final battle
scene, so it's got to be huge!

Let's see.

You, pay attention!

Director talking!

Lily here is being held
captive by the vampires,

and they are about to
make her one of their own.

But I'll be saved by the
vampire who loves me.

Oh, yes, sweetheart.

I'll battle all the other
vampires to save your soul.

( forced laugh)

Anyway, in the close-ups, maybe.

Okay, it all looks good.

Gage here, who is our new
hero and my new best friend,

will handle all the
action, all right?

You can count on me, boss.

Yes, I can.

Yeah, whatever, man.

( mocking): Yeah, whatever man.

Get these coffee
cups off my set!

We're out.

Okay, Gage, this is the
big motorcycle jump stunt.

You've just pulled
up to block the path

between Lily, who's tied

at the stake behind you there,
and the approaching vampires.

Okay, everybody! Let's do it.

You got it?

Let's see. This is it.

All right, let's
do it over here.

Action!

Whoo!

Oh, beautiful.

Cut, cut, cut, cut!

That was beautiful!

I love it! Okay,
let's get set up

for the vampire
jousting sequence.

Come on, guys. Shake it up.

I don't want those three
rangers seeing anything.

Relax, they got no juice here.

They can still cause trouble.

I want that coke loaded
before we finish shooting.

Ready!

MAN: B mark.

WES: Okay, Gage,
lots of energy now!

Action!

( loud grunt)

You must be Sam Cardinal.

And who the hell are you?

I'm your fourth ranger,
and you're all under arrest.

( chuckles)

You don't have any
jurisdiction here in Mexico.

Really?

Mm. Gentlemen, he's all yours.

Let's get him.

CARDINAL: Get him, you idiots.

Turn the camera on!

Turn it. Come on.
Roll film! Roll film!

Move it, you idiots! Come on...

WES: Are you
getting this stuff?!

Let's go, let's go!

( man groans)

So what happens now, huh, pal?

They won't let you
forcibly extradite me.

( siren approaching)

Who said I was going to?

Come on, guys. Move, move, move!

We got to get
this. Push in close.

Come on now. Let's go,
let's go, let's go, let's go.

Walker, good to see you again.

Hernandez.

Are these the drug smugglers

you told me about? Sure are.

Hernandez, these
three are all yours.

They have no jurisdiction here.

I demand to be released.

Whatever you want, Walker,

you have our full cooperation.

We'll be more than
happy to have him rot

in one of our jails.

We know how to
handle drug dealers.

WALKER: Well, Cardinal,

looks to me like you
have two choices.

One is to rot in
jail like he said,

or American justice.

Which will it be?

I'm a U.S. citizen.

I demand to be sent
to my own country.

That's what I figured.

We'll take him to the border.

Okay, thanks.

Hey, guys.

Hey.

I have to get home
and finish the nursery,

so I'll see you at
headquarters. All right.

All right, go for it.

See ya.

Hi.

Hey.

We both just
wanted to say thanks.

Yeah, thanks, man.

Ah, you're welcome.

Hey, Gage, can I talk
to you for a minute?

Sure. What's up?

Well...

( both chuckle)

You're the best.

Thank you.

I'm sorry things couldn't
work out between us.

Ah, well... She's very lucky.

GAGE: Who?

LILY: Come on!

I can see you
have a thing for her.

You really want to
make her jealous?

Make her...

Thanks again.

Uh, thank you.

I mean, uh, you're welcome.

Bye.

DOUG: We'll see ya.

That was some kiss.

I've had better.

Hey, Gage.

Yeah?

Want to star in 14 Coffins?

( laughs)

I'm thinking 13 Coffins is
plenty for me, thank you.

Well, thanks, man.
You saved my movie.

You guys be safe.

You bet. Bye.

Let's go home.

Let's go home!

Hey, wait a minute.
What are we going

to tell the charity people
about why the bikes are

all banged up and
dirty and everything?

Uh, why don't you just tell them

we got chased by a
bunch of vampires?

Okay.

( laughs)

Okay, close your eyes.

( chuckles)

Keep them closed.

Okay.

I'll guide you.

( chuckles)

This is so much fun.

Hey, can I open my eyes yet?

Okay, open them.

What do you think?

( soft gasp)

Oh, Walker, it's beautiful!

I can't believe
you did all this.

I mean, it's
absolutely perfect...

for a girl.

But... what if we have a boy?

♪ Da, da, da, da ♪

♪ Ha, da, ha, na... ♪

♪ 'Cause the eyes of
the ranger are upon you ♪

♪ Any wrong you
do he's going to see ♪

♪ When you're in
Texas, look behind you ♪

♪ 'Cause that's where
the ranger's going to be. ♪