Wakaalat from Home (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Divorce - full transcript

Hello, is everybody here?

Eh, hi! I’m here. I can see you.

Ah, Mr. Kohli, hi.

Hi.

Can you see me?

Yeah, yeah.

I said prawns asshole.

Who’s that?

Good morning. We’re all here
because of the Coronavirus.

I am the host and moderator for the arbitration.

Uh… divorce proceedings.



First, an arbitration.Then, the divorce.

As per the Mumbai Family Court

we will now commence the arbitration proceedings.

Sujin! You bastard!

Radhika, please!

I will swear, okay!

Okay! Fuck it, then! Let’s swear!

Is she with you?

Who?!

Shut up! You dog!

What the

Enough, madam!

Language! Please mind your language.

I’m not just the counsel for the respondent.



I’m also the court appointed mediator.

We’re short staffed right now.

Please maintain decorum.

The Honourable Justice Khurana has decided that

decided that during this lockdown…

… that for this case, in particular,

since it isn’t a matter of life and death…

…all the arguments will be video recorded.

He’s going to see the recordings later.

You do your sex chats on these video calls, don’t you?

Why don’t you do it in front of me, right now?

We are here on the 29th day of March, 2020

and the applicants are…

Hi, my name is Sujin Kohli, and here are my profiles.

Sorry, I thought I was in an audition. Old habit

I’m Sujin Kohli…

Sir…

and, I’m here… yeah.

Wear a shirt, sir. Please.

This is a court matter, wear a shirt.

The thing is, I don’t wear a shirt on Thursdays.
It’s religious

Okay, I’ll wear a shirt.

Ma’am?

Uh… well, I’m Miss Radhika Sen.

I used to be a Mrs., now I’m a Miss.

Hey! She’s sneezing! She has Corona.

Radhika, you should get it tested

I’m sure you wish I
had Corona, right?

I don’t have Corona, okay?
I didn’t go to to Dubai.

Dubai? What does this
have to do with Dubai?

You’re sneezing into the camera.
Now, everything is wet.

That’s why I’m asking you to get tested.

I’m Rajni Tacker, I’m representing Mr. Sujin Kohli.

Representing Ms. Radhika Sen is -

Oye! Take Cash only, never cheques.

Last time I had to pay tax on cheques.

Sorry, sorry...I’m Lobo Tripathi, and my client
is innocent. She was drunk. It’s a crime of passion.

Sir, it’s a divorce case.

Oh sorry, I got mixed up. The last
one was a murder case, so… uh… sorry.

Hi Radhika! Hi!

But, my client is innocent.

Her husband is completely adulterated, totally spoilt.

You know how milk rots?

He’s just like that in his case, his character is rotten.

Who is this guy?

What is he saying?

Why are you dragging rotting
milk into the middle of this divorce?

He has slept with so many women!

One woman.

Yes! One woman, but many times.

And that’s why my client demands

she gets the flat that he currently lives in.

No! I live there. I want the one I live in.

Exactly! Where she currently lives,

and she wants to continue.

Ma’am, why don’t you show us the flat, please?

Why?

Just... It’s a beautiful flat.

This is the hall.

Oh! What a sexy hall.

Wow, lovely! Ma’am, why don’t you give us a
glimpse of the bedroom too?

But, why?

I think this man is adulterated.

Ma’am, it’s not that. This isn’t a dirty request.

The thing is, you have a sexy balcony-

I like Bandra flats, somehow.

Mr. Lobo, you have to prove that my client is a cheat.

What’s there to prove? He looks like a cheat.

But that’s not an argument.

My client thinks his wife is a lesbian.

So what? We all have hobbies.

In my spare time, I like to make candles.

Sir, the dispute is over property.

Its a two bedroom apartment in Bandra…

which is currently in the name of my client’s grandmother

It used to be.

We have eight sessions, following which, we’ll own it.

Radhika, the flat is all yours!

We have ten sessions.

And in those ten sessions, you have to prove
to the court, that your client, Ms. Radhika Sen…

…actually has a worthy claim to this apartment.

Oh… now you’re trying to say I have
no right to claim this home as mine?

This home is our temple which we built
together over the course of our 18-year-marriage.

Ten years, Radhika. We’ve been
married for ten years.

Sujin, as far as I’m concerned, we were
married the day…

you took me to Softy Corner
on our first date.

Mocha, that’s when were in the 9th grade!

If you start counting from there,
our whole marriage is illegal.

Whatever! And still, you cheated.

And now you want to kick me out
of my own house?

This isn’t your house.

It belongs to my grandmother.

Are you my grandmother?

What?

How dare you?

What do you mean ‘how dare you’?

You can’t be my grandmother and
my wife at the same time.

It’s not biologically possible.

How dare you say this isn’t my house.

Rajni, tell me something,
you’re a woman, aren’t you?

This man is running around town having affairs,

and I get kicked out of my house?

What kind of justice is that?!

Relax! Relax, Radhika!

The apartment is ours.

You start looking at interior designers.

Just a minute, guys! Kalpesh! Kalpesh!

Prawns, yes?

Yes, sir.

What are you doing? Are you in a restaurant?

He’s fine dining in quarantine?

There’s a pandemic outside!

People are trapped in the homes.

Do you even watch the news?

Look, this is about an apartment.

Not some lottery.

And look at how you’re eating food.

It’s not just any kind of food. I’m eating prawns.

They’re really hard to get during the lockdown

Why are you eating them like
some kind of wild animal?

This is a court matter.
Think of what the Judge will say when he watches this.

Judge Khurana loves prawns himself!

What’ll he say? He’ll ask for some.

Mocha, hear me out.

Fuck this shit, okay.

Let’s just sell the flat and divide the money.

Isn’t that what you really want?

Dhangka! This is exactly why you
failed at Marathi in class 9

Who will buy a flat in the middle of a pandemic?

Hang on,

who are Dhangka and Mocha?

Dhangka is my nickname for…

What am I even supposed to call him now?

I’m your husband!.

So that’s what you’ll call me.

Or The Eternal One, or Protector,

What do you mean “What am I even
supposed to call him now?!”

I’m a person, for god’s sake!

Basically, she would always tell me that

I didn’t have a Proper nick name.

So, I told her to give me one.

She said your nickname is Proper (Dhang Ka)

And well, Dhangka calls me Mocha because,

Mocha means banana flower, in Bengali.

She cooked me a Mocha curry on our first date.

She used to believe that in order to
get a banana flower,

you’d have to mix a banana and a flower.

But that’s not the case, Mocha.

A banana flower is a separate thing, okay?

I know now.

My parents really scolded me.

It’s okay, Mocha. We were nubile back then.

You asshole! Why didn’t you think about all this

before having an affair with your…
Bhavya! Bhavna!

Don’t get carried away.
There’s no Bhavya or Bhavna!

Why are you making up these stories?

Oh yeah? “I am going to play badminton”?

Who goes to play badminton
in the middle of a pandemic?

Firstly, understand the concept of badminton.

Social distancing is in practice
when you play badminton.

There is a net in the middle,
and the players are on either side.

And I was playing badminton with Vishal.

Vishal wears skirts or what?

I called the club, okay?

Which club did you call?

Which club?

I called…

I called the Bandra Badminton Club.

Fuck off! There is no such club called
Bandra Badminton Club.

Shit!

(grumbles) Bandra Badminton Club.

You know that there’s the Saina Nehwal biopic
in the works, and I’m practicing everyday…

…because I want to nail the audition for
the role of her coach.

And even then, you’re saying all this?

Now because of you, they’re
considering Neena Gupta for the same part!

Neena Gupta is good

She’s very good

Neena Gupta is good.

For the last five years, my salary
has been running this house.

Who the hell is even watching your auditions?

You’re always telling me you’re going to an audition

Why the hell aren’t you ever going to a shoot?

When do you ever work?

What do you mean I never go on a shoot?

Who starred in that world
famous butter ad? I did

The one where the girl goes and hugs the bear.

I played that bear

Even when I go to auditions now, the casting
directors refer to me as Bear Uncle.

Don’t be jealous because I’m a celebrity

If you want to live with Shilpi

and you want to be a lesbian…

…then just come out as a lesbian

Why are you insulting my
profession, and badminton?!

Can you come here?

No!

Who is that?

Who’s in my house?

Rajni! There’s someone living in my house.

“My house?”

So it’s your house now?

It was you who said, “Covid! Covid!
I can’t come back home”

Seven days before the lockdown, Dhangka.

I didn’t say that,
the Chief Minister said that.

I was trying to come back home.

I was on my scooter when the cops caught me.

They hit me and made me do sit ups.

They even shot a video.

It’s now playing on news channels.

Do you have any idea how difficult
it is to be a celebrity in this town?

Whatever! I’m glad! You deserve it.

Now you tell us, who’s house are you living in?

I can’t tell you that.

Why can’t you?

I want to know where my husband has been
for the last seven days.

Mr. Lobo! I want to know!

Just tell me, and prove my point to the judge!

Yeah! Yes! Yeah yeah yeah! Yes!

What do you mean, “yes yes, yeah yeah!”

This is not relevant to the case.

Don’t scream, Sujin!
I can scream too!

You gave me those Tsunami speakers,
should I put them on?

You don’t need to put the speakers on.

If you just open your mouth, there
will be a Tsunami! So stop shouting!

I’m not shouting, okay?

Okay!

Nothing will come out of screaming like this.

What kind of accusations are these?

This is a formal case. Can we at least
try to present it in a formal manner?

What do you plan to present?

What can you even present?

Your client is a gigolo.

What did he just call me?

He just called you a gigolo

We can’t just look things in isolation.

We have to look at the whole marriage,
the full past.

What’s the point of looking at the past?

All you’ll get to know is that your
client has always been a gigolo.

Hang on, just a minute.

Hey! Yeah Take out? Hang it around the
watchman’s neck.

Don’t touch him. Contact-less.
He’s been sneezing since yesterday.

Yeah, I’m just coming.

This is too much

I can’t even-

Who the hell is this man?

He’s wearing chequered undies and calling me a gigolo?

Rajni, you have to defend me.You are my lawyer.

Yes! I’m on it, Mr. Kohli

Please, let me handle it.

Sujin, I know you’re just trying to act
all innocent in front of the lawyers.

The truth is going to come out, okay?

You son of a pig! (In Bengali)

Translate! Translate what you just said

Rajni, this is what she does!

She always abuses me in Bengali, and later
tells me she was complimenting me.

Translate what you just said.

I said, you are a son of a pig!

And you are a son of a… uh…

You are a daughter of a…

..of a?

Take the baby inside! Take it in!

I’m getting divorced over here.

Sujin! You have a -

Is that a -

You have a bastard child?!

Sujin, don’t you dare!

Sujin, don’t you dare hang up on me!

I can do it too, okay?

Just wait! Just wait! Just wait!

I will just do it. I will show you.

Sir? Ma’am?

I’m just a bit technologically challenged.

I just need to…

I’ll just show you! I’ll -

Sir? Ma’am?

Sir? Ma’am?

Our time isn’t up.

Please come back. Where have you gone?

Sir!

Ow!

I’d said no chilli sauce, you asshole!

Has everyone left?