WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 4, Episode 7 - Three Days of the Condo - full transcript

- ALL RIGHT. WE HAVE FOUR
STACKS OF MAIL HERE.
- RIGHT.

- NOW...
- (hissing)

THIS FIRST STACK IS JUNK MAIL.

WE CAN THROW
THIS PILE RIGHT OUT.

ALTHOUGH I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW
HOW YOUR NAME GOT ON A MAILING LIST

FOR FULL-FIGURED WOMEN.

I DON'T KNOW. I SWEAR.

UH-HUH.

NEXT COMES YOUR PERSONAL MAIL.

NOW, THIS FIRST LETTER'S
FROM A CALIFORNIA LAW FIRM.

- "LAW FIRM"?
- MM-HMM.



NEXT.

- AREN'T YOU
GONNA OPEN IT?
- NO.

- THEN MAY I OPEN IT?
- SURE, BUT FIRST TELL ME
WHAT'S IN THIS PILE.

AH. THESE ARE BILLS THAT
SHOULD BE PAID AT ONCE.

YOUR WATER, YOUR HEAT, YOUR
LIGHT, PHONE, CAR PAYMENT...

- "CAR PAYMENT"?
- YEAH.

CAN I SEE THAT?

I DON'T OWN A CAR.

WHAT'S IN THIS STACK HERE?

THESE ARE LETTERS FROM
PEOPLE WHO WOULD LIKE TO KNOW

WHY THE BILLS IN THIS PILE
HAVE NOT BEEN PAID YET.

GOT TO GO.

YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME
TRYING TO STRAIGHTEN THAT GUY OUT.

I KNOW.



Johnny: YEAH, THAT WAS
THE KILLER, JERRY LEE LEWIS,

"ROCKIN' MY LIFE AWAY,"
AND THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING.

I'M THE DOCTOR, AND THIS IS KRP,

WHERE IT'S 9:36 IN CINCINNATI.

I'M JUST SITTING UP HERE
READING ALL MY FAN MAIL.

I SEE THAT SOME OF YOU WERE
NICE ENOUGH TO WRITE TWICE.

AND YOU KNOW, I'M
TOUCHED. I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN.

MUSIC TILL 10:00,
RIGHT AFTER THIS.

Man: LAND: THE ONLY
THING WORTH FIGHTING FOR.

THE ONLY THING WORTH DYING FOR.

BECAUSE IT'S THE
ONLY THING THAT LASTS.

HERE AT GONE WITH
THE WIND ESTATES,

WE UNDERSTAND THAT.

IT'S CONDOMINIUM
LIVING, PLANTATION-STYLE.

- HOLY...
- WHAT THE HELL, YOU KNOW?

I DON'T NEED A PHONE.

I MEAN, ALEXANDER
GRAHAM BELL NEVER HAD ONE.

"YOU KNOW, I JUST INVENT
THEM," HE SAID. "I DON'T USE THEM."

LOOK.

WELL, THIS IS A MISTAKE.

THIS IS A CRUEL JOKE.

NO JOKE, MY FRIEND. THAT'S
24,000 SMACKAROONIES.

- I COULD HAVE
A HUNDRED PHONES.
- UH-HUH.

YOU CAN CALL LONG DISTANCE AND
NOT HAVE TO WAIT TILL AFTER 6:00.

I CAN GO THROUGH THE OPERATOR.
I DON'T HAVE TO DIAL MYSELF.

- THAT'S RIGHT.
- VENUS... VENUS,
TELL ME, WHAT DO I DO?

YOU'RE MY FINANCIAL
ADVISOR. COME ON.

FIRST, TAKE YOUR HANDS AWAY
FROM MY SHIRT EVER SO GENTLY.

- OH. RIGHT.
- THEN TAKE A DEEP BREATH.

- (inhales) RIGHT.
- NOW SIT DOWN.

RIGHT.

♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN, UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI ♪

- IT'S AN OUTRAGE, JENNIFER.
- I KNOW IT IS.

THE CINCINNATI REDS HAD THE BEST
RECORD IN BASEBALL, THE VERY BEST.

I KNOW THEY DID.

NOT THE DODGERS, NOT
THE ASTROS, BUT THE REDS.

WE'VE GOT TO STOP TALKING
ABOUT THAT SOMEDAY.

WHAT ELSE IS THERE
TO TALK ABOUT?

JOHNNY FEVER HAS COME
INTO A GREAT DEAL OF MONEY.

THAT SOFT-DRINK
MACHINE BREAK AGAIN?

NOT QUITE. WHEN JOHNNY WAS FIRED
FROM THAT RADIO STATION IN LOS ANGELES,

HE STILL HAD A YEAR LEFT
TO GO ON HIS CONTRACT.

YESTERDAY, HE RECEIVED
WORD THAT THE STATION

HAS SETTLED OUT OF COURT.

APPARENTLY SAYING
"BOOGER" ON THE AIR

IS NOT GROUNDS
FOR FIRING SOMEONE.

HOW MUCH DID HE GET?

24,000.

GOOD GOLLY.

FEVER WITH MONEY?

UH, COULD I BE OF
SOME ASSISTANCE?

NO, I'M JUST HANGING OUT.
JUST CHECKING OUT THINGS.

(chuckles)

I SEE, YEAH. UH...

NADYNE... ♪ HONEY,
IS THAT YOU? ♪

OH, A.C., JENNIFER,

PERMIT ME TO INTRODUCE
NADYNE PIOWATE.

SO HELP ME, THAT IS HER NAME.

AND, UH, THIS, UH...

THIS IS NADYNE'S PERSONAL
PHYSICIAN, ROBERTA.

UH, DOC, MEET THE FOLKS, HMM?

WHAT, LIKE, YOU
MEAN YOUR PARENTS?

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

I'M VERY SORRY THAT
THIS IS HAPPENING.

IT'S JUST KIND OF A LITTLE
TOUR OF THE STATION,

LIKE WHEN THE CUB
SCOUTS CAME BY, REMEMBER?

UH, NADYNE, ROBERTA,

WHY DON'T WE GO
IN THE LOBBY, OKAY?

UH, LADIES, I'LL
JOIN YOU SHORTLY...

INTO ONE BIG LADY.

UH, UH...

REALLY, MY BEHAVIOR IS
JUST INEXCUSABLE, A.C.,

AND THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH OF
THIS STUFF THAT YOU HAVE TO TAKE.

SO I THINK IT'S APPROPRIATE
THAT I JUST DOCK MYSELF,

SAY, $100, OKAY?

WHAT?

NOT ENOUGH? FINE,
FINE. MAKE IT 200, OKAY?

NOW WE'RE SQUARE.
I KNOW YOU ARE.

HERE, FEVER, YOU
KEEP YOUR MONEY. I

UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE
GOOD REASON TO CELEBRATE.

ARE YOU KIDDING? I CERTAINLY
DO. YOU KEEP IT, ALL RIGHT?

I HAVE JUST CONCLUDED
A LENGTHY LEGAL ACTION

TO THE TUNE OF $56,000,

IN WHICH MY LAWYER HAS TAKEN

HIS FAIR SHARE OF 51 PERCENT.

"ALL LAWYERS MUST BE SHOT SOON."

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE.

DOES LEAVE ME, THOUGH, $24,000.

JENNIFER, $24,000, HUH?

NADYNE, THE DOCTOR AND I ARE
FINALIZING OUR MARRIAGE PLANS,

BUT IF YOU WERE WILLING TO
JUST MERELY WINK IN MY DIRECTION,

I GUARANTEE YOU I WOULD CONSIDER

CANCELING THE WHOLE THING, HMM?

(groans, exclaiming)

OH, THAT WAS GOOD.
THAT WAS INCREDIBLE.

I DIDN'T THINK IT
COULD BE LIKE THAT.

WAS IT GOOD FOR YOU? WOULD
YOU CARE FOR A CIGARETTE?

I'M-I'M TALKING TOO FAST.

TALKING ENTIRELY TOO FAST HERE.

MANY, MANY WORDS A
MINUTE, AND YET I'M DIZZY.

I'M ABOUT TO PASS OUT. I
TELL YA, MONEY IS MURDER, A.C.

THEY SAY IT'LL KILL YOU,
BUT THEY DON'T SAY WHEN.

I HAVE NOT BEEN TO SLEEP, NOT
SINCE 10:00 A.M. YESTERDAY MORNING.

NO SLEEP AT ALL. I'M
JUST DIZZY, DIZZY, DIZZY.

AND THAT'S NOT REALLY
ALL THERE IS TO IT. I...

PROMISE ME YOU'LL WAIT FOR ME.

MY, MY.

YES. WELL PUT, YEAH.

A THOUSAND BUCKS? HOW COULD YOU
SPEND A THOUSAND BUCKS IN ONE DAY?

WELL, NADYNE NEEDED BRACES,
AND ROBERTA, THE DOCTOR,

UH, SHE WANTED TO
HAVE A TATTOO REMOVED.

I'VE SEEN IT. I DON'T BLAME HER.

LOOK, BAILEY, WHY DON'T YOU JUST

GET ME A GLASS OF WATER
AND THROW IT IN MY FACE, OKAY?

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH
A THOUSAND BUCKS IS?

WHO CARES, MAN? IT'S JUST MONEY.

LET ME TELL YOU ALL SOMETHING...
AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO FORGET THIS...

MONEY AND HAPPINESS AND LIFE

ARE NOT THE SAME THING.

FOR EXAMPLE, OTHELLO,
MONEY IS NOT LIFE,

AND LIFE IS NOT... IT'S... UH...

HAPPINESS...

I WAS KIDDING.

- OH, I'M SORRY.
- DAMN!

I WAS JUST DOING WHAT
NADYNE AND THE DOCTOR WOULD...

FOLLOWING ORDERS.

NOW, JOHN, YOU'VE GOT $24,000.

$23,000.

22 AND SOME CHANGE.

YOU KNOW, YOU CAN GET A
TAILOR THROUGH ROOM SERVICE.

OKAY, JOHN, YOU'VE
HAD A LITTLE FUN.

NOW IT'S TIME FOR SOME
HARD THINKING, MAN.

NO, NO, NO.

NOW, WHEN YOU'RE RICH,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO THINK.

THAT'S WHY IT'S SO
MUCH FUN TO BE RICH.

INVEST YOUR MONEY,
FEVER. DON'T BE AN IDIOT.

- THAT'S RIGHT, MAN.
- WELL,

LET ME SHOW YOU JUST
A FEW OF THE THINGS

THAT I HAVE ALREADY PURCHASED.

- JOHNNY...
- FOR EXAMPLE,

A GENUINE SIMULATED
DIAMOND MASONIC RING.

HUH? HUH?

- MAY I SEE THAT?
- SURE.

I WAS GONNA GET YOU A
SPORT JACKET AS A GIFT,

BUT, YOU KNOW, THEY JUST
DON'T MAKE THAT STUFF ANYMORE.

ANTI-POLLUTION LAWS.

NO, NO, NO. YOU CAN GET THEM AT A
GOLF PRO SHOP OVER IN KENTUCKY.

THAT'S THE ONLY PLACE
YOU CAN GET THEM.

MOVING ON. UH... (chuckles)

A HARMONICA... A LONG ONE,

JUST LIKE THE
HARMONICATS PLAYED.

SO DON'T TELL ME.

OKAY? AND... SOAP THAT
YOU CAN SEE THROUGH.

JOHNNY, THIS IS PIDDLING
AWAY YOUR MONEY, MAN.

YOU OUGHT TO INVEST THE
REST BEFORE IT'S ALL GONE.

YOU KNOW, JOHN,
BEANS ARE VERY GOOD.

WHAT?

INVEST YOUR MONEY
IN ANY BEAN FUTURE.

- LIMAS, FOR INSTANCE.
- THAT'S CRAZY.

CRAZY LIKE A FOX.

JOHNNY, ALL THIS TALK
YOU'VE BEEN HEARING

ABOUT A PROTEIN
SHORTAGE IS REALLY A MYTH.

NOW, I HATE TO SAY THIS,
BEING AS CLOSELY ASSOCIATED

AS I AM WITH PIGS,

BUT AMERICA IS GOING
TO A CARBOHYDRATE DIET.

YES. PROTEINS ARE OUT;

BEANS AND YOUR GREEN
VEGETABLES ARE IN.

- LES, YOU'RE ON
IN TWO MINUTES.
- OH, GOOD GOLLY.

JOHN, WHY DON'T YOU JUST
OPEN A SAVINGS ACCOUNT?

- NO, NOT ME.
- THEN REAL ESTATE.

WHAT ABOUT HERB'S
CONDOMINIUM CLIENT?

GONE WITH THE WIND ESTATES?

DON'T LAUGH, VENUS.
IT'S NICE OUT THERE.

LOOK, JOHN, REAL ESTATE
HAS NEVER FAILED, MAN.

THE MARKET'S DOWN RIGHT
NOW. WE CAN GET A GOOD BARGAIN.

- COME ON. LET'S GET A PAPER.
- WHY DON'T WE JUST PUBLISH ONE?

WE'D BETTER GET THIS MONEY
INVESTED FAST. THIS IS YOUR FUTURE.

GO TO GONE WITH THE WIND,
TELL 'EM HERB SENT YOU,

TELL 'EM YOU HEARD ABOUT IT RIGHT
HERE ON KRP RADIO IN CINCINNATI.

WELL, I'VE NEVER OWNED
LAND BEFORE, HERB.

LOOK, YOU BUY A CONDO,
YOU DON'T GET LAND.

OH, GOOD.

I'M NOT ON FOR ANOTHER HOUR.

WHY HIM?

I MEAN, WHY CAN'T...
WHY CAN'T I JUST GET

24 GRAND LIKE THAT,
OUT OF THE BLUE?

BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS
HAVE BAD LUCK,

AND YOU ALWAYS WILL HAVE.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

WELL, I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS AT ALL.

WELL, WHEN THE
LITTLE HAND REACHES...

STOP IT.

IT'S HERE BECAUSE I
BOUGHT IT AT AN ESTATE SALE,

AND THERE WAS NO
PLACE ELSE TO STORE IT.

WELL, WHY A GRANDFATHER CLOCK?

YOU ASKED ME TO
REDECORATE THE LOBBY,

TO GIVE IT STATURE AND PRESTIGE.

WELL, YEAH, BUT IT SHOULD LOOK
LIKE THE LOBBY OF A RADIO STATION,

NOT THE SWISS EMBASSY.

(scoffs) I DONATED IT.

I AM MERELY TRYING TO HELP.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO TAKE
OVER FOR ME, PLEASE DO.

PERHAPS YOU COULD PUT
BUMPER STICKERS EVERYWHERE.

THAT IS MY PRIZED COLLECTION.

ARE YOU SAYING THAT I
DON'T HAVE ANY TASTE?

NO.

BUT YOU'RE SAYING THAT I DON'T.

(sobs)

UH...

NOW, LOOK, I... NOW,
LOOK, I'M SORRY.

YOU CAN DECORATE THIS
LOBBY ANY WAY YOU WANT TO.

- YOU'RE SURE?
- I'M SURE.

- HEY.
- HI, VENUS. WHAT'S NEW?

JOHNNY JUST GOT A PLACE.
A CONDO. DEAL JUST CLOSED.

- WHERE?
- GONE WITH THE WIND ESTATES.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

- NICE CLOCK, HUH?
- UH, YEAH, YEAH. IT'S GREAT.

- YEAH.
- MR. CARLSON.

FEVER JUST BOUGHT A CONDO. I THOUGHT
I'D ROUND EVERYBODY UP AND GO LOOK AT IT.

VENUS, I'M A BUSINESS EXECUTIVE.

I DON'T JUST GO RUNNING
OFF WITH THE GANG

EVERY TIME ONE OF MY
EMPLOYEES BUYS SOMETHING NEW.

- YES, SIR.
- WELL, I WANT TO SEE IT.

MR. CARLSON, WILL YOU WATER
THE PLANTS AND ANSWER THE PHONE?

SURE.

- (harmonica plays)
- (doorbell rings)

- (harmonica flourish)
- JOHNNY, JOHN...

- OH, MY GOODNESS, - JOHNNY!

- IT'S FANTASTIC!
- WELCOME WAGON.

- SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
- THIS IS NICE. BOY, THIS IS GOOD.

- HOW MUCH?
- OH, LES, THAT'S TOO PERSONAL
A QUESTION TO ASK.

HOW MUCH?

UH, TALK TO VENUS. HE'S
MY BUDGET DIRECTOR.

WE PUT $15,000 DOWN.

THE REST I'M HOLDING BACK
FOR TAXES AND INCIDENTALS.

NICE CARPET.

THREE-PLY?

DO THESE LEAD UPSTAIRS?

DEPENDS ON WHICH
WAY YOU'RE GOING.

- UH, JOHN, I REALLY LIKE IT.
- SO DO I.

THANKS. JENNIFER?

YES, IT'S VERY NICE.

AND SUCH A FASHIONABLE
ADDRESS: PIDDY PAT LANE.

YEAH.

IT WAS EITHER THAT
OR PRISSY PARKWAY.

HERB, DID YOU PICK THE
NAMES FOR THIS PLACE?

I WISH.

THIS IS NEAT.

JOHN, YOU'VE GOT SOME YARD HERE.

OH, NO, NO, NO,
NO. IT'S NOT A YARD.

IT'S CALLED A
COMMUNITY GREENBELT.

THEY CALL IT "FRANKLY,
MY DEER" PARK,

SPELLED D-E-E-R.

- OH, THAT'S CUTE.
- HELL, IT'S ADORABLE.

CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT...
IT'S A GOOD INVESTMENT.

(low tone humming)

UH, I BELIEVE LES FOUND
THE TRASH SMASHER.

- (stops)
- OH, I LIKE THAT
TRASH SMASHER VERY MUCH.

HERB, GIVE ME SOME
TRASH TO PUT IN THERE.

I JUST PLUMB FORGOT TRASH, LES.

GIVE HIM YOUR BELT.

JOHN, THIS IS A
WONDERFUL INVESTMENT.

- I'M VERY IMPRESSED.
- THANKS.

I'D LIKE TO SEE THE POOL
AREA AND THE SAUNA, IF I MIGHT.

DOWN THE BACK
STAIRS, TO YOUR LEFT.

COME ALONG, EVERYONE.

- VERY NICE. VERY NICE, INDEED.
- YOU KNOW, JOHN,

I WAS THINKING OF MOVING
BACK INTO MY APARTMENT.

- THERE'S SO MUCH TO
TAKE CARE OF IN A HOUSE.
- REALLY?

I SAID, COME ON.

HE'S SUCH A CUTE LITTLE NAZI.

VENUS, HANG FOR A SECOND.
WE'LL CATCH UP WITH YOU.

YEAH, WE'LL ALL BE
DOWNSTAIRS IN THE HOT TUB.

- SAVE US A PLACE.
- YEAH.

- WELL, MY FRIEND, - YEAH.

I HATE THIS PLACE.

I MEAN, I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN DOING
YOUR BEST FOR ME ALL ALONG, MAN,

BUT, VENUS, I'M TELLING
YOU, SOME PEOPLE WERE BORN

NOT TO HAVE MONEY.

THIS... IS NOT ME.

I'M JUST NOT YOUR
BASIC CONDO-MANIAC.

WELL, JOHN, YOU CAN'T MAKE PAYMENTS
HERE AND RENT SOMEWHERE ELSE.

WELL, I'M NOT GONNA LIVE HERE.

I WENT TO TALK TO WAINWRIGHT
OVER AT THE SALES OFFICE,

AND I SAID I WANTED OUT.

WHAT DID HE SAY?

HE SAID NO.

WELL, YOU JUST HAVE
TO LIVE HERE FOR A WHILE.

OH, I CAN'T, MAN.

(blowing)

I WANT TO GO HOME.

COME ON, MAN. MAKE
'EM TAKE IT BACK.

I MEAN, TALK TO
WAINWRIGHT. YOU MET HIM.

OKAY, I'LL TRY.

I GOT YOU IN THIS, I'LL TRY
TO GET YOU OUT OF THIS.

CALL THE GUY AND SEE IF HE'LL
COME OVER HERE TOMORROW.

- I WANT THE MEETING
ON OUR OWN TURF.
- (doorbell rings)

AH, MR. WAINWRIGHT. COME IN.

THANK YOU, MR. CARAVELLA. A
PLEASURE SEEING YOU AGAIN.

OH, THE PLEASURE'S ALL MINE.

I'VE TAKING THE LIBERTY OF
INVITING OUR MISS ARCHER ALONG.

SHE'S ONE OF THE
COMPANY'S TOP PEOPLE.

NICE TO HAVE YOU
HERE, MS. ARCHER.

MAY I INTRODUCE MR. 'TRAP,

A TOP PERSON IN HIS OWN RIGHT.

WELL, WHY DON'T WE ALL SIT DOWN?

MR. CARAVELLA, I'M SORRY

IF I DIDN'T MAKE MYSELF
CLEAR THIS AFTERNOON.

YOU DID, MR. WAINWRIGHT.

I JUST THOUGHT THERE MIGHT BE
ROOM FOR FURTHER DISCUSSION.

YOU SEE, I FEEL A LITTLE
GUILTY ABOUT THIS.

I ADVISED MR. CARAVELLA
TO BUY HERE,

AND NOW I'M AFRAID
HE'S A LITTLE UNHAPPY.

THERE'S A PROBLEM?

WELL, YES.

YOU SEE, MR. CARAVELLA'S
LIFESTYLE IS SUCH

THAT HE FEELS SOMEWHAT OUT OF SORTS
HERE AT GONE WITH THE WIND ESTATES.

I THINK I'D BE HAPPIER AT

ON THE WATERFRONT ESTATES.

I'M SURE YOU'RE GOING TO COME

TO LOVE IT HERE.

OUR ARRANGEMENT HAS BEEN
CONSUMMATED, MR. CARAVELLA.

SEE, I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN
CONSUMMATED, MRS. ARCHER.

WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS JUST
A LITTLE MISUNDERSTANDING,

BUT I'M SURE WE CAN WORK IT OUT.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I THINK MR. FEVER HERE

MIGHT MAKE A CASH
PENALTY OF SOME SORT.

WHO'S FEVER?

UH, MR. CARAVELLA, I MEAN.

YES, HE'LL PAY A CASH PENALTY OF

LET'S SAY $1,000.

A THOUSAND DOLLARS?

I KNOW IT'S A SACRIFICE, BUT
ONE WE'RE WILLING TO MAKE.

BUT WE'RE NOT.

THIS UNIT IS YOURS,
MR. CARAVELLA...

YOURS TO KEEP.

ALL RIGHT. LET'S NOT BEAT
AROUND THE BUSH HERE.

I KNOW HOW THESE THINGS WORK.

THE DOCTOR GIVES YOU A THOUSAND,
FIVE, WE WALK, EVERYBODY'S HAPPY.

IF YOU'D LIKE TO SELL THIS
PROPERTY YOURSELF, FINE.

THAT'S YOUR BUSINESS.

THEN YOU KNOW WHAT?

WE'LL JUST HAVE TO RAFFLE THIS
PLACE OFF. YOU EVER HEARD OF THAT?

(chuckles) YEAH.

WELL, WE HAVE HEARD
OF THAT PROCEDURE.

THAT'S WHY THE AGREEMENT
THE DOCTOR SIGNED

SPECIFICALLY PROHIBITS
THAT TYPE OF RESALE.

IT DOES?

IT DOES.

WE HAVE A CERTAIN
IMAGE TO MAINTAIN.

NEXT POINT, VENUS YEAH.

SPEAKING OF IMAGE,

HE, THIS MAN, WILL
HAVE BIG PARTIES

AND PLAY LOUD MUSIC ALL NIGHT,

NIGHT AFTER NIGHT AFTER NIGHT.

THEN WE WILL HAVE
HIM, THIS MAN, ARRESTED,

NIGHT AFTER NIGHT AFTER NIGHT.

WE WILL CONTINUE
TO HAVE HIM ARRESTED

UNTIL HE LEARNS
TO BEHAVE HIMSELF

LIKE A GOOD GONE
WITH THE WIND-ER.

THAT'S WHAT WE CALL
THE RESIDENTS HERE...

"GONE WITH THE WIND-ERS."

GOOD GOD.

WELL, I JUST...

I JUST THINK THIS IS AN OUTRAGE.

I MEAN, THERE'S GOT TO BE
SOMETHING WE CAN DO HERE.

I MEAN, LET'S SEE.

JOHNNY, CAN YOU
THINK OF ANYTHING?

NO. UH...

BUT I THINK IT'S TIME WE STARTED
TELLING THE TRUTH, VENUS.

- IT IS?
- YES, IT IS.

NOW, LORD KNOWS

I DO WANT TO BE A GOOD
GONE WITH THE WIND-ER.

IT'S VENUS HERE
THAT'S REALLY UNHAPPY.

AND THAT IS HIS
FIRST NAME... VENUS,

JUST LIKE THE GODDESS
OF LOVE AND BEAUTY.

CROSS MY HEART, VEEN,

ONCE WE MOVE IN HERE TOGETHER,

YOU'RE GOING TO COME TO LOVE IT.

JUST THINK OF ALL THE THINGS
WE CAN DO WITH TEXTURES.

HMM? HMM? REMEMBER THOSE

DARLING LITTLE WALL HANGINGS WE
SAW IN THAT SHOP OFF DECKER STREET?

THEY WERE TO DIE,
VEEN. JUST TO DIE.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

JUST LOOSEN UP,
HUH? HOW ABOUT IT?

UH... (chuckles)

IT'S THAT "OLD SOUTH"
THING THAT'S GOT HIM UPSET.

YOU KNOW, THE SLAVERY BUGABOO.

AND THAT IS JUST SO SILLY.

NOW, WE'LL BLEND RIGHT IN HERE.

WE'LL... WE'LL JUST
GO TO ALL THE PARTIES,

WE'LL GET TO KNOW OUR NEIGHBORS,

WE'LL ENJOY THE
POOL AND THE SAUNA.

WE WILL PRACTICALLY
LIVE IN THE SAUNA.

THINK ABOUT IT, VEEN...
WE CAN TAKE LONG STROLLS

THROUGH "FRANKLY,
MY DEER PARK," HMM?

WE CAN HAVE MR. WAINWRIGHT AND MS.
ARCHER OVER FOR SOME OF YOUR SCAMPI.

- WOULDN'T THAT BE FUN?
- UH-HUH.

SO HOW ABOUT IT, YOU
TWO? WHAT DO YOU SAY?

LET'S JUST FORGET ALL
THIS TERRIBLE BUSINESS

AND JUST LIVE AND
CREATE AND JUST BE.

HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
I'LL TALK TO HIM.

Man: WKRP IN CINCINNATI

WILL BE BACK AFTER THIS.

NO KIDDING. AND THEN HE
STARTED SINGING REAL SOFTLY,

♪ AND BY YOUR TOUCH ♪

♪ I FOUND TRUE LOVE ♪

AND THEN I SWEAR, HE REACHED
OVER, GAVE ME A PECK ON THE CHEEK.

YUCK!

YOU DIDN'T TELL THEM YOU WERE FROM KRP,
DID YOU? THEY'RE CLIENTS OF MINE, YOU KNOW.

NO. BUT I DID TELL THEM
THAT I KNEW YOU VERY WELL.

DID YOU HAVE TO GIVE THEM
THE THOUSAND DOLLARS?

NAW. WE WENT OVER TO THE
OFFICE AND TORE UP THE CONTRACT.

THEN FEVER WAS
COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL.

HE WAS LIZA MINNELLI THIS
AND LIZA MINNELLI THAT.

WELL, THERE YOU
ARE, YOU DUSKY DEVIL.

STOP IT.

IT'S OVER. GO BUY YOURSELF
A THOUSAND HARMONICAS.

I CAN'T DO IT. I BLEW
THE WHOLE BUNDLE.

- GOOD.
- YOU WHAT?

- I PUT IT ALL
ON A LITTLE FILLY.
- OH, NO.

YOU ARE AN IDIOT,
FEVER... AN ABSOLUTE IDIOT.

I GAVE IT ALL TO
MY DAUGHTER, LES.

OH, I'M AN IDIOT THEN.

NO, NO, NOT REALLY.

ACTUALLY, LES,
YOU'RE AN INTELLIGENT,

OUTSPOKEN, AND VERY
ATTRACTIVE PERSON.

I LIKE YOU A LOT.

WELL, THANK YOU.

(humming tune)

(man singing rock, indistinct)

(meows)