WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 4, Episode 4 - Rumors - full transcript

AND A GOOD, GOOD
MORNING TO YOU. IT'S 10:06.

YOU'VE GOT YOUR
HUSBAND OFF TO WORK

AND YOUR KIDS OFF TO SCHOOL,

SO IT'S JUST YOU AND
ME. (exhales seductively)

ME? I'M REX,

REX ERHARDT,

AND I'LL BE WITH YOU TILL 2:00.

(seductive growl)

SO COME ON. LET'S YOU AND ME

HAVE A BATH TOGETHER
WITH THE IAN THOMAS BAND.

(pop music plays)



SO WHY CAN'T YOU STAY
IN YOUR OWN APARTMENT?

THEY'RE FUMIGATING
IT. YOU KNOW, SPRAYING.

- FOR WHAT?
- LIZARDS.

- LIZARDS?
- YEAH. I'VE SEEN 'EM.

- BIG ONES?
- SOMETIMES.

DON'T YOU WISH YOU
HADN'T ABUSED YOUR YOUTH

- WITH CHEMICALS
AND FAST LIVING?
- SOMETIMES.

- TOO LATE NOW, OF COURSE.
- YEAH.

A WILD, MISSPENT YOUTH

HAS MADE YOU OLD
BEFORE YOUR TIME.

YOU'RE LUCKY TO EVEN BE ALIVE.

AND YET, I'M HOMELESS.

YES, I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT, BUT I'M
AFRAID YOU CAN'T STAY WITH ME, JOHNNY.

- WHY NOT?
- YOU'RE MESSY.



HEY, GUYS.

- ANDY. PERFECT.
- THANK YOU.

LISTEN, I NEED A
COUPLE OF THINGS.

I NEED TOMORROW OFF,
AND I NEED TO STAY WITH YOU

FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS, HUH?

UH, YES AND NO.

YES, YOU CAN HAVE TOMORROW OFF,
AND NO, YOU CANNOT STAY WITH ME.

- WHY NOT?
- BECAUSE THERE'S SOMEONE
STAYING WITH ME ALREADY.

- OH? WHO?
- ELDERLY GENTLEMAN. ASIAN.

THOSE ARE ALL THE DETAILS I
CAN GIVE YOU RIGHT NOW, JOHN.

- HEY, COME ON, TRAVIS.
- I GAVE YOU THE DAY OFF,
DIDN'T I?

I DON'T REALLY NEED IT, YOU KNOW.
IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE SOMETHING TO DO.

WELL, FIND SOMETHING TO
DO. I THINK YOU NEED A REST.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, WHY
DON'T YOU TAKE A FULL WEEK OFF?

- HUH?
- YEAH, YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING
A LITTLE TIRED LATELY.

I'LL GET REX TO SIT IN FOR YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO,
TEST ERHARDT IN MY TIME SLOT?

RUN A LITTLE PHONE SURVEY? MAYBE
SLIP ME INTO SUNDAY MORNINGS?

- YOU'RE PARANOID.
- HEY, TRAVIS,

WHEN EVERYBODY IS OUT TO GET
YOU, "PARANOID" IS JUST GOOD THINKING.

LOOK, JUST CALM DOWN. I
WANT YOU TO TAKE A WEEK OFF.

I WANT YOU TO GET SOME REST.

OKAY. BUT I NEED
A PLACE TO REST IN.

WHAT ABOUT VENUS?

"ELDERLY ASIAN GENTLEMAN,"
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

I SURE DO.

TARLEK...

WHATEVER IT IS, I DIDN'T DO IT.

AND EVEN IF I DID, I DON'T THINK
I'D HAVE TO ANSWER TO YOU FOR IT.

NO. NOW, YOU REMEMBER
A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO?

YEAH.

WHEN YOUR WIFE THREW YOU OUT?

YEAH.

YEAH. I LET YOU
STAY AT MY PLACE.

- YEAH?
- AND YOU SAID

IF YOU COULD EVER RETURN
THE FAVOR, YOU WOULD.

I WAS LYING.

AREN'T YOU ASHAMED, HAVING
THE ETHICS OF A FUNGUS?

- NOPE.
- HERB, I'M DESPERATE.

I NEED A PLACE TO STAY.

OH. WELL, YOU CAN
STAY AT MY PLACE.

- REALLY?
- SURE.

BAILEY, YOU SAVED MY
LIFE. BLESS YOUR HEART.

WELL, IT IS A MESSY BUSINESS,

BUT SOMEBODY'S GOT TO DO IT.

- HERE'S MY KEY.
- SERIOUS?

- MM-HMM.
- OKAY. THIS IS GREAT.

I'M GONNA GET MY STUFF, AND
I'LL SEE YOU WHEN YOU GET HOME.

AND LISTEN, BAILEY, DON'T
WORRY. I CAN BE VERY GOOD.

- I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.
- OKAY.

- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- WHAT?

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE
GOING OUT OF TOWN.

- I'M NOT.
- WHAT?

"WHAT" WHAT?

- WELL?
- "WELL" WHAT?

YOU'RE A WOMAN. HE'S A MAN.

DON'T BE AN ANIMAL, HERB.

CALL 'EM THE WAY I SEE 'EM.

- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS.
- WELL, I'M SHOCKED.

- I'M AMAZED.
- I'M STUNNED.

WELL, I GUESS
EVERYTHING'S NORMAL HERE.

♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN, UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI ♪

Jingle singers: ♪ WKRP ♪

♪ FEVER IN THE MORNING
FEVER IN THE MORNING ♪

HEY, WHOOPS. NO DOCTOR TODAY,

BUT GOOD MORNING
TO YOU, MY FRIENDLIES.

THIS IS ERHARDT...

ON THE EARLY SIDE FOR
YOU, HOPING TO HELP YOU

START YOUR DAY WITH
A SMILE ON YOUR FACE

AND LOVE IN YOUR HEART.

- (rock music plays)
- AND, HEY, JOHNNY,

IF YOU'RE LISTENING,
AND I KNOW YOU ARE,

DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT A THING,
'CAUSE US YOUNG GUYS ARE ON THE CASE,

PICKING UP THE PIECES
YOU OLD GUYS LET FALL.

HEY, YOU KNOW I'M KIDDING.

OOH, 7:45 IN THE A.M. RIGHT NOW.

51 DEGREES, LOOKING
FOR A HIGH OF 68.

IT'S GONNA BE A BEAUTIFUL
DAY IN CINCINNATI.

BE PART OF IT. AND
BE PART OF THIS.

NUMBER 15 ON OUR
SUPER-HITS SURVEY.

("Our Lips Are Sealed" plays)

"OLD GUYS"? WHAT'S THAT
SUPPOSED TO MEAN? "OLD"?

MORNING, JOHN.

WANT SOME VITAMIN-ENRICHED
BITS OF CARDBOARD?

NO, THANKS. WHAT
ARE YOU DOING UP?

- IT'S YOUR VACATION.
- (scoffs)

- HOW'D YOU SLEEP?
- OH, FINE.

YOU LOOK GREAT IN THE MORNING.

WELL, THANK YOU. SO DO
YOU. CAN WE TURN THIS DOWN?

- OH, WITH PLEASURE.
- GREAT.

LISTEN, I HOPE I
DIDN'T WAKE YOU UP.

I'VE BEEN UP SINCE 4:00.

I'M JUST IN THE HABIT OF
GETTING UP THEN, I GUESS.

WELL, I GUESS YOU CAN'T
TEACH AN OLD DOG NEW TRICKS.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "OLD DOG"?

THAT'S A FIGURE OF SPEECH.
THERE'S NO DOG INVOLVED.

OH. YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING?

THEY'RE TRYING TO GET RID OF ME.

- UH-HUH.
- YEAH, VERY SOON.

OH, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

SO YOUNG, BAILEY.

BUT THEN, SO AM I IN A WAY.

JOHN, IF THEY WERE
GONNA FIRE YOU,

THEY WOULD'VE DONE
IT A LONG TIME AGO.

NOT "FIRE." IT'S WORSE.

THEY'RE GONNA MOVE
ME TO ANOTHER TIME SLOT.

YEAH, WELL, I
GUESS IT'S POSSIBLE.

BAILEY! IT'S LIKE COLD STEEL

THROUGH THE LOWER INTESTINES.

JOHNNY, PLEASE.

TRAVIS IS TESTING ERHARDT, SEE?

THE TOP MAN ALWAYS HAS
THE MORNING DRIVE TIME SLOT.

I'M THE TOP MAN. I PULL
THE NUMBERS AT KRP.

EXCEPT THEY THINK
I'M GETTING OLD.

ERHARDT EVEN SAYS SO ON THE AIR.

AND TRAVIS? I CAN
UNDERSTAND, YOU KNOW.

IT'S BUSINESS WITH HIM.
IT'S LOWER-INTESTINE STUFF.

THIS IS TRULY THE MORNING
OF THE LONG KNIVES

FOR JOHN CARAVELLA.

FIRST IT'S THE 10:00 A.M. SLOT,

AND THEN IT'LL BE 2:00
IN THE AFTERNOONS.

THEN I'LL BE DOING SUNDAY
MORNING INTERVIEWS

WITH PSYCHICS WHO WORK
FOR THE WATER DEPARTMENT.

JOHN, NOTHING IS GOING ON.

- I WOULD'VE HEARD.
- OH.

LOOK, YOU ARE ON YOUR VACATION.

YOU ARE HERE IN MY APARTMENT.

IT'S REALLY CUTE, I
KNOW, BUT I LIKE IT.

ENJOY YOUR STAY HERE.

ENJOY YOUR LIFE.

GO FOR WALKS, READ,
TAKE A SECOND AND NOTE

THE BEAUTY THAT'S AROUND YOU.

SEE IT. FEEL IT.

REACH OUT AND TOUCH THAT BEAUTY.

TAKE ADVANTAGE
OF YOUR SITUATION.

FEEL WHAT'S REALLY
IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE.

FOR ONCE, REACH OUT AND GRAB IT.

YOU'VE GOT TO GO FOR IT, JOHN.

NOW, I'VE GOT TO GO
PUT SOME CLOTHES ON.

I MEAN IT. I THINK IT'S TIME
WE FIXED THIS PLACE UP.

WE'RE A TOP-TEN STATION NOW.
IT'S TIME WE START LOOKING LIKE IT,

AND I BELIEVE WE SHOULD
START WITH THIS ROOM.

THAT'S WONDERFUL. DO
YOU HAVE THE MONEY?

YEP.

WELL, PERHAPS I
COULD HELP, THEN.

I'VE BEEN TOLD I
HAVE A CERTAIN FLAIR.

WELL, THEN, YOU DO IT.

YOU DO WHATEVER IT TAKES
TO MAKE THIS LOBBY SAY,

"HI. WE'RE SUCCESSFUL.

"THIS IS AN IMPORTANT
PLACE TO BE.

WE ARE SUBSTANTIAL..."

KEEPING IN MIND, OF COURSE,
THAT IT MUST SAY, "WE'RE RADIO."

- OKAY. CONSIDER IT DONE.
- YOU DO IT. GET RIGHT ON IT.

THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE THAT.

VISITORS WILL BE VERY IMPRESSED

UNTIL THEY TALK TO SOMEONE.

GREAT IDEA, BUT I ALREADY
PITCHED IT TO TRAVIS, AND HE LIKES IT.

YOU KNOW, YOU CAN CALL IT, UH,

"BUSINESS ABOUT BUSINESS."

INTERVIEW A FEW BUSINESSMEN.
THEY TELL YOU ABOUT THEIR COMPANIES,

HOW MORAL THEY
ARE... IT'S INTERESTING.

YOU ONLY WANT ME TO INTERVIEW
PEOPLE THAT ADVERTISE WITH US.

- YEAH.
- I DON'T THINK THAT'S RIGHT.

(scoffs) YOU DON'T KNOW HOW
ANYTHING WORKS, DO YOU?

GOOD MORNING, GENTLEMEN.

- GOOD MORNING.
- HIYA, GORGEOUS. ANYTHING GOING ON?

THERE IS THAT PROBLEM
IN THE MIDDLE EAST.

- YEAH.
- GOOD MORNING.

- BRIGHT-EYED
AND BUSHY-TAILED?
- OH, NOT REALLY. LATE NIGHT.

I'LL BET THAT'S RIGHT.

CONTINUITY IS SO IMPORTANT.

THANK YOU FOR
ALWAYS BEING A JERK.

DON'T GET SO UPSET. YOU'RE THE
TALK OF THE TOWN, SWEETHEART.

- COME ON, LES.
- BUZZ OFF, HERB.

- SO HOW'S EVERYTHING?
- PRETTY GOOD.

- THAT'S GOOD.
- MM-HMM.

- EVERYTHING GOING WELL?
- GREAT.

- THAT'S GREAT.
- MM-HMM.

- GOOD?
- REALLY GOOD.

- HOW'S JOHNNY?
- WEIRD.

OH, GOLLY!

THAT'S INTERESTING. HOW WEIRD?

YOU TOO? JENNIFER,
WHAT IS GOING ON

WITH EVERYBODY AROUND HERE?

WHAT EXACTLY IS THIS?

THIS IS A RADIO STATION.

MR. CARLSON, I CAN PROMISE YOU

I AM DOING NOTHING WRONG.

WELL, THAT'S GOOD, BAILEY.

THANKS FOR TELLING ME THAT.

(door shuts)

LISTEN, WHAT DO YOU
THINK OF HERB TARLEK'S

BUSINESS INTERVIEW SHOW?

ANDY, AS IDEAS GO,

I THINK IT'S PERFECTLY IRANIAN.

OH, YEAH?

WELL, IT MIGHT BRING SOME
BUSINESS BACK INTO THIS PLACE.

BESIDES, I'M GONNA GIVE IT
TO BAILEY INSTEAD OF LES,

SO IT MIGHT WORK.

DID YOU KNOW THAT, UH,

JOHNNY'S STAYING AT BAILEY'S?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

JOHNNY'S STAYING AT
BAILEY'S APARTMENT. HUH?

- REALLY?
- YEAH. OF COURSE,
NOTHING'S HAPPENING.

- NO.
- NO.

GEEZ.

AND SHE'S GOT A
PRETTY SMALL PLACE TOO.

HEY, MAN, LISTEN,
NOTHING'S GOING ON.

- OH, IT'S NOT. OF COURSE NOT.
- NAH!

- REALLY?
- CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT, HUH?

THAT OLD FOX.

OLD WEREWOLF, HUH?

(howling)

(howls)

AM I INTERRUPTING ANYTHING?

- UH, NO, MA'AM.
- NO.

- VENUS...
- HMM?

I DON'T BELIEVE I'VE EVER
HEARD YOU HOWL BEFORE.

OH, YEAH. I DO IT ALL THE TIME.

IT'S AN OLD MEDICAL
PROBLEM. A LUNAR THING.

ANDY, FIRST I'D LIKE TO TELL
YOU SOMETHING ABOUT JOHNNY.

(sputtering laugh)

WHO?

WHAT'S... WHAT'S WITH YOU GUYS?

- MM!
- NOTHING.

LISTEN, YOU TWO
GO AHEAD AND TALK.

I'M JUST GONNA LAY
DOWN HERE A SECOND.

(laughing)

DOES THIS HAVE SOMETHING
TO DO WITH THE FACT

THAT JOHNNY'S STAYING
AT MY APARTMENT?

NO. (laughing)

ABSOLUTELY NOT. (snickers)

WHAT IS EVERYBODY
THINKING AROUND HERE?

- OOH!
- SORRY.

I LIKED IT.

FEEL FREE TO TOUCH ME ANYTIME.

OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE I SAID
THAT. THAT'S NOT REALLY ME.

- I MEAN, GUYS PROBABLY SAY THAT
TO YOU ALL THE TIME.
- YOU TOO?

WHAT?

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS,
11 YEARS OLD OR WHAT?

WHAT?

(Johnny, Venus laughing)

NICE-LOOKING CHICK.

KIND OF CRANKY, THOUGH.

I HEAR JOHNNY'S SQUEEZING HER.

HE'S STAYING AT HER HOUSE.

HE IS A GUEST IN HER HOME.

NOTHING MORE THAN THAT, REX.

- OBVIOUSLY YOU DO NOT KNOW
BAILEY QUARTERS VERY WELL.
- GEEZ!

OKAY, OKAY, I'M SORRY.

HEY, YOU GUYS CATCH
MY SHOW THIS MORNING?

IT WAS A GOOD SHOW, MAN.
IT WAS SOME FUNNY STUFF.

SO YOU WANT ME TO
KEEP DOING IT ALL WEEK?

I'LL LET YOU KNOW THAT
LATER ON THIS AFTERNOON.

I'LL BE AROUND.

THANKS FOR THE WARNING.

WHAT DO YOU SEE IN THAT GUY?

AH, HE'S ALL RIGHT.

ALL DEEJAYS ARE CRAZY.

♪ SHE'S SO FINE ♪

♪ DOODLE-ANG,
DOODLE-ANG, DOODLE-ANG ♪

OKAY, SEE THE BEAUTY
THAT'S ALL AROUND YOU.

TAKE ADVANTAGE
OF YOUR SITUATION.

WHAT DO I CARE ABOUT WORK?

I KNOW WHAT'S IMPORTANT
TO ME, AND I'M GOING FOR IT.

- (chuckles)
- (door opens)

- YOU'RE HOME.
- I KNOW.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS
GOING ON AT THE STATION?

- I COULDN'T CARE LESS.
- WELL, YOU'D BETTER.

WELL, I KNOW WHAT'S
IMPORTANT TO ME NOW.

- YOU THINK
YOU KNOW PEOPLE.
- YEAH.

YOU THINK YOU KNOW HOW THEY
FEEL ABOUT YOU. YOU DON'T KNOW.

I HAVE BEEN TAKING THE HEAT ALL DAY
FOR SOMETHING I HAVEN'T EVEN DONE.

BAILEY, THAT'S WHY I WANT TO
TELL YOU HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY THINK? THEY
THINK THAT WE'RE UP TO SOMETHING HERE.

THEY THINK THAT WE'RE CARRYING
ON, LIKE I'M SOME SORT OF FLOOZY.

THEY THINK THAT WE'RE
PROBABLY SLEEPING TOGETHER.

OH, DEAR, NO.

IT'S TRUE.

IT'S AN INSULT TO ME,

AND IT'S AN INSULT
TO YOU IN PARTICULAR.

WE'LL JUST HAVE TO
LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT.

OH, NO, JOHN. I WON'T HAVE THEM
THINK THAT ABOUT ME OR YOU.

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

- AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
- WHAT?

I TALKED TO VENUS.

HE SAYS THAT HE'S SURE
ANDY IS NOT THINKING

OF MOVING REX
INTO YOUR TIME SLOT,

BUT IF HE WERE,

THIS WOULD BE A
PERFECT WAY TO DO IT.

REALLY?

I THINK I'LL JUST TAKE A LONG,
HOT BATH AND GO TO BED.

YEAH.

I'LL JUST SLIP INTO MY ROBE

SO AS NOT TO CATCH A CHILL.

NEATLY PRESSED ALWAYS WORKS.

SO, THIS IS HOW IT
ENDS... NOT WITH A BIG

SLAM-BANG OUT-CHORUS

BUT JUST A SLOW CROSS-FADE

SEGUE TO SENILITY.

YEAH.

STILL, WON'T BE ALL BAD

DOING THE ALL-SUNDAY SHOW.

TELL ME, MRS. DeVONDHAVEN,

HOW LONG HAS THE WATER
DEPARTMENT BEEN HIRING PSYCHICS?

EXCUSE ME, DARLING. I'M SORRY.

RIGHT NOW WE'VE GOT TO
JOIN OUR REGULAR BROADCAST

LIVE FROM THE CHURCH OF OUR LADY

OF PERPETUAL MISERY
IN MT. HEALTHY, OHIO.

- JOHN...
- YES?

- YOU KNOW WHAT?
- YEP. YEP. I KNOW.

GETTING OLD. ON A DOWNHILL SLIDE

TO DROOLING ON MYSELF.

IF THAT'S WHAT THEY
THINK IS GOING ON HERE,

IF THEY WANT TO INDULGE IN THEIR

PETTY LITTLE MORES,
LET'S LET THEM.

- REALLY?
- YES, REALLY.

LET'S GIVE THEM
THEIR MONEY'S WORTH.

EXCUSE THE DROOL HERE.

I'M WITH YOU,
BAILEY, I REALLY AM.

TOMORROW AT THE
OFFICE, I'LL TELL THEM

THAT SOMETHING REALLY
DID GO ON HERE TONIGHT.

GOOD. THAT'S VERY GOOD.

WHY BE PUNISHED FOR SOMETHING
WE HAVEN'T EVEN DONE YET?

LET'S GIVE THEM
EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT.

- LET'S.
- I'M GONNA DO IT, TOO.

ME TOO. (chuckles)

GOOD NIGHT.

LIZARDS OR NO
LIZARDS, I'M GOING HOME.

(humming tune)

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

TAKING STUFF.

JENNIFER, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

WE'RE GETTING NEW
FURNITURE FOR THE LOBBY.

- REALLY?
- ANDY ORDERED IT.

- HE WHAT?
- I'M SURE WITH YOUR APPROVAL.

OH. WELL, YEAH, OF COURSE. UH...

THE CARPET. I WANT THE CARPET.

- OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.
- WAIT.

LESTER, YOU GET THE DESK.

- HA-HA!
- I LIKED THE CARPET.

OH, NO, MR. CARLSON.
IT'S TERRIBLE.

- WELL, I KNOW,
BUT STILL, I COULD...
- Herb: BAILEY,

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING

THE "BUSINESS ABOUT
BUSINESS" INTERVIEWS TODAY.

I KNOW.

WELL, THESE ARE MY
CLIENTS YOU'RE INTERVIEWING.

WHAT ARE YOU
DRESSED LIKE THAT FOR?

LIKE WHAT?

THAT-THAT'S FEVER'S T-SHIRT.

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

I JUST GRABBED THE FIRST THING
WHEN I GOT OUT OF BED THIS MORNING.

I WAS NAKED, HERB,

AND THIS WAS ON THE
BED, SO... I PUT IT ON.

YOU HAVE TO HAVE
SOMETHING TO KEEP YOU WARM.

HI, LES. (clicks tongue)

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE MEANS?

YES, I DO, MR. CARLSON,

AND IT'S VERY PERSONAL.

IT HAS TO DO WITH RUMORS AND
ROMANCE AND, I'M SORRY, SEX.

NOW, LET'S GO INTO YOUR OFFICE,
AND I'LL EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO YOU.

GUYS, LEAVE THE
COFFEE AND THE SIGN.

- WHAT ABOUT THE LIGHT BULBS?
- THEY'RE YOURS.

- (door shuts)
- (exclaims)

WELL, BECAUSE I
SAID SO, THAT'S WHY.

- HEY, JOHN,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- I THINK YOU KNOW.

- UH, NO, I DON'T.
- SURE, YOU DO.

- OKAY.
- AND IT BETTER STOP.

- WHAT?
- ALL THESE RUMORS
ABOUT BAILEY, PAL.

DON'T THINK SHE
HASN'T HEARD 'EM.

I MEAN, SHE IS A VERY
NICE PERSON, MAN.

SHE'S LIKE A LITTLE
FLOWER, YOU KNOW?

SHE GENEROUSLY OFFERS
HER HOSPITALITY TO SOMEONE,

AND SUDDENLY SHE'S
A BRAZEN HUSSY.

LOOK, NO ONE EVER
CALLED HER THAT.

THAT'S NOT THE POINT. THE POINT
IS, SHE'S BEEN HURT. AND WHY?

LOOK, JOHN, I'M SORRY.

YOU KNOW HOW PEOPLE
ARE. IT'S JUST GOSSIP.

NO, I DON'T. I DON'T DEAL
IN GOSSIP AND RUMORS.

I DEAL IN PLAIN, SIMPLE TRUTH.

AND SPEAKING OF
PLAIN, SIMPLE TRUTH,

DON'T THINK FOR ONE MINUTE
THAT I AM UNAWARE OF YOUR PLANS

TO RELEGATE ME TO
SUNDAY-MORNING INTERVIEWS

WITH DEMENTED CRAZE-OIDS
WHO CONDUCT SEANCES

FOR UTILITY COMPANIES, OKAY?

ONCE IN A WHILE, I'D LIKE
IT IF PEOPLE AROUND HERE

WOULD JUST OFFER THE TRUTH.

ALL RIGHT. YOU WANT SOME TRUTH?

THERE'S GONNA BE SOME
CHANGES AROUND HERE.

I KNOW THAT.

AND HERE IS A CHECK.

- SEVERANCE PAY.
- NO.

JOHN, IT IS A RAISE.

$200 A MONTH.

- REALLY?
- REALLY.

I GET TO KEEP MY TIME SLOT?

YOUR TIME SLOT? OF COURSE.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

NOTHING.

THAT'S IT, ANDY.

I WAS MAD BEFORE...
REALLY MAD...

BUT I JUST HEARD
THAT THE ONLY REASON

YOU GAVE ME HERB'S BUSINESS SHOW

WAS BECAUSE LES WOULDN'T DO IT.

- IS THAT TRUE?
- UH, WELL, YEAH.

WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH,

BECAUSE I'M GONNA
GO AHEAD AND DO IT.

I'LL SHOW YOU GUYS.

AH. BAILEY.

JENNIFER JUST TOLD ME
ABOUT YOUR SITUATION.

GEE, I FEEL BADLY ABOUT IT.

- WELL, THANK YOU, MR. CARLSON.
- WELL, IT'S UNFAIR.

OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT,

BECAUSE I LIKE DOING WHAT I DO.

I GET OFF ON IT.

LES WOULDN'T DO IT, BUT
IF LES WON'T DO IT, I'LL DO IT.

- RIGHT, JOHN?
- RIGHT. SHE LIKES IT.

YOU SWINE.

NO, IT'S FUN.

I DON'T HAVE TO TELL
YOU THAT, MR. CARLSON.

OH, WELL, NO.

IT'S, UH, FUN, I GUESS. UH...

I LIVE FOR THE OPPORTUNITY.

THANK YOU.

(door opens, shuts)

SHE SHOULD GET SOME
HELP. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

ARE YOU KIDDING? SHE'S
FINE ALL BY HERSELF.

OH, YOU DISGUST ME.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO
BUTTER ME UP, MR. CARLSON.

I'LL LEAVE, OKAY? THANKS
A LOT, ANDY. I MEAN IT.

MY PLEASURE, JOHN.

- DID YOU STRAIGHTEN HIM OUT?
- YEP.

I GAVE HIM A RAISE.

- A RAISE?
- FOR THE GOOD JOB HE'S DONE.

MAYBE I'D BETTER GO
TALK TO JENNIFER AGAIN.

YOU KNOW, BETTER YET, I THINK
I'M JUST GONNA GO RIGHT ON HOME.

AH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

THEY'RE, UH...

THEY'RE TEARING UP THINGS
IN THE LOBBY, YOU KNOW THAT?

I KNOW.

WHAT'S NEXT, TRAVIS?

I MEAN, JUST ASKING.

WELL, I GOT A VERY
INTERESTING IDEA

FOR JOHNNY AND VENUS TOGETHER.

(man singing rock, indistinct)

(meows)