WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 4, Episode 20 - The Impossible Dream - full transcript

DIDN'T LES SAY SHE
WAS SHRINKING?

- WHAT?
- YEAH.

HE SAID HE FELT BAD ABOUT LEAVING
HER ALL ALONE IN THAT HOUSE IN DAYTON,

WHAT, WITH MOTHER GETTING
SMALLER AND SMALLER ALL THE TIME.

THAT'S WHAT HE SAID.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE LES. I'D LIKE
TO MEET HER, WOULDN'T YOU, JOHN?

OH, YEAH. SURE.
GOLLY, GEE, GOSH.

BOY, OH, BOY, THAT
WOULD BE REALLY NEAT.

WELL, I LIKE MEETING
PEOPLE'S PARENTS.

YOU GET TO SEE WHAT THEY
LOOK LIKE, HOW THEY ACT.

MAYBE I'LL THROW A LITTLE
PARTY FOR LES WHILE SHE'S HERE.



TODAY IS LES'S BIRTHDAY.

THAT'S PERFECT. I'LL
MAKE IT A SURPRISE PARTY.

- JENNIFER...
- WHY NOT?

DON'T YOU LIKE PUTTING
ON A STUPID-LOOKING HAT

AND HIDING BEHIND FURNITURE
AND GENERALLY STRIPPING YOURSELF

OF EVERY SHRED OF HUMAN DIGNITY?

GEE, NOW THAT YOU
MENTION IT, I DO LIKE THAT.

THEN IT IS SETTLED.
BE AT MY HOUSE AT 7:00.

SPREAD THE WORD AROUND. AND I'LL
INVITE LES AND HIS MOTHER TO COME AT 8:00.

- HE MIGHT NOT ACCEPT.
- HE'LL ACCEPT. HERB?

- HMM?
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?

ACTUALLY, I'M PRETTY FREE.

BE AT MY HOUSE AT 7:00.

I'M THROWING A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY
PARTY FOR LES AND HIS MOM.



OH, YOU BET.

AW. THAT'S NICE...

LES AND HIS MOM HAVING BIRTHDAYS
ON THE SAME DAY. YOU TWO GOING?

- YEP.
- SURE. WE LOVE
DEBASING OURSELVES.

YEAH. HMM. YOU KNOW,

JENNIFER WAS GONNA GIVE
ME A PARTY ONCE, A BIG ONE.

BUT THEN I DECIDED NOT TO QUIT,

AND IT JUST KIND
OF GOT CALLED OFF.

- TOUGH LUCK FOR ALL OF US.
- Andy: LOOK AT THESE BABIES.

LOOK AT THIS STUFF, HUH?
THIS IS EXPENSIVE STUFF, BOY.

THERE'S AN EIGHT-FOOT BASE
WITH A TWO-FOOT POWDER AT ASPEN.

HEY, SKI TALK. I LOVE IT.

YOU WANT SKI TALK?
I'LL GIVE YOU SKI TALK.

MOGUL, SKI LIFT,
SLALOM, GIRLS, DRUNK.

FEVER, IN EXACTLY 12
SECONDS, THE AIR WILL BE DEAD.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST
GONNA MURDER THE NEWS.

BAILEY, I'M GOING OUT OF TOWN
TONIGHT FOR A SHORT VACATION.

PLEASE TAKE OVER FOR ME.

BUNNY SLOPE, SKI LODGE, GIRLS.

HERB, I COULD USE YOUR
ASSISTANCE OVER HERE.

ANDY, I WISH YOU WOULDN'T
BRING YOUR TOYS TO THE OFFICE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M TAKING DOWN MY TROPHIES

AND PACKING THEM IN MY SUITCASE.

- WHY?
- YEAH, WHY?

BECAUSE I'M GOING TO
NEW YORK CITY TONIGHT.

- WHAT ABOUT THE PARTY?
- WHAT PARTY?

I DON'T KNOW.

BAILEY, YOU'LL BE IN CHARGE OF
THE NEWS FOR TWO FULL WEEKS,

AND I'M SURE YOU'LL
DO A WONDERFUL JOB.

OH, WELL, THANK
YOU. CAN HE DO THAT?

NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT. LES,
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

YOU CAN'T TAKE VACATION NOW. I'VE
HAD MY VACATION PLANNED FOR MONTHS.

YOU KNOW THE RULES.

ANDY, FOR THE
FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE,

I'M DOING SOMETHING THAT'S
MORE IMPORTANT TO ME

THAN FOLLOWING RULES.

PLEASE NOTIFY MR. CARLSON
THAT I'M LEAVING TONIGHT.

YOU'RE NOT LEAVING TONIGHT,
I'M LEAVING TOMORROW.

THEN WE'D BETTER
GO SEE MR. CARLSON

AND STRAIGHTEN
THIS OUT RIGHT NOW.

HERB, FINISH WRAPPING
UP THOSE TROPHIES...

BE CAREFUL!

I'LL HAVE JENNIFER
CONFIRM MY RESERVATIONS.

BAILEY, YOU GET TO
WORK ON THE NEWS.

ANDY, COME WITH ME.

I'LL GO WITH HIM.

♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN, UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI ♪

YEAH, JENNIFER? SEND
NESSMAN IN HERE IMMEDIATELY.

MR. CARLSON?

TELL TRAVIS I'D
LIKE TO SEE HIM TOO.

THANKS, JENNIFER.

MR. CARLSON,

LES HERE HAS DECIDED TO TAKE
HIS VACATION STARTING TONIGHT.

- CAN HE DO THAT?
- NO.

IT IS SCHEDULED FOR AUGUST.
MINE IS SCHEDULED FOR TOMORROW.

LES, YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

WELL, I'VE GOT TO GO
NOW. IT'S NOW OR NEVER.

I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME.

WHAT'S UP, LES?

WELL, LAST NIGHT, MOTHER
AND I WERE TALKING, AND...

MY MOTHER'S IN TOWN, YOU KNOW.

NO, I DIDN'T.

WELL, SHE DOESN'T COME
TO CINCINNATI ALL THAT OFTEN

BECAUSE MY APARTMENT'S
NOT BIG ENOUGH, AND...

ACTUALLY,

SHE DOESN'T LIKE THE
WAY I KEEP IT DUSTED.

UH, ANYWAY, UM...

DO YOU MIND IF I SIT DOWN?

SURE. ANYTHING YOU WANT.

THANK YOU. YOU KNOW,
THIS ISN'T EASY FOR ME.

I DON'T USUALLY SPILL
MY GUTS, AS THEY SAY.

OH, NO.

- MR. CARLSON...
- YES?

EVER SINCE I WAS A LITTLE BOY,

MY MOTHER AND I
HAVE HAD THIS DREAM...

OUR SPECIAL DREAM...

THAT SOMEDAY I WOULD GROW UP,

AND... AND THAT...

AND THAT I WOULD GO TO NEW YORK,

AND I WOULD GET
A JOB ON THE TIMES.

THE TIMES... THE NEW YORK TIMES?

- THAT'S RIGHT.
- UH-HUH.

YOU THINK THAT'S
CRAZY, DON'T YOU?

OH, NO, NO, NO, LES.

JUST, I THOUGHT,
YOU KNOW, FIRST,

YOU MIGHT TRY THE POST.

I'M NOT GONNA TRY
EITHER ONE OF THEM.

NEWSPAPERS HAVE HAD IT.

MOTHER SAYS THIS IS
THE ELECTRONIC AGE,

SO THAT'S WHY I'VE DECIDED
TO GO INTO NETWORK NEWS.

LIKE CBS NEWS?

- UH-HUH.
- UH-HUH. YES.

MR. CARLSON, THERE IS AN EIGHT-FOOT
BASE WITH A TWO-FOOT POWDER AT ASPEN.

TRAVIS, DON'T BE A BABY.

I'M NOT BEING A BABY!
I WANT MY VACATION!

ANDY, BE REASONABLE!

"REASONABLE"? "REASONABLE"?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, LES? PASSED
UP A JOB AT THE NEW YORK TIMES

FOR WHAT, TO REPLACE DAN RATHER?

MAYBE.

"MAYBE"? AND YOU'RE
ASKING ME TO BE REASONABLE?

ANDY, NOW, PLEASE.

MR. CARLSON, I'M BEGGING
YOU FOR TWO WEEKS,

AND LES NESSMAN
NEVER BEGS, DOES HE?

NO, NO, HE DOESN'T.

AND I BOUGHT ALL THIS EQUIPMENT.

I CAN'T SKI.

YOU'RE CONCERNED ABOUT SNOW

WHEN A MAN'S
DESTINY IS AT STAKE?

I TELL YOU WHAT,
LES: YOU CALL THEM.

GO AHEAD, CALL THEM.
CALL CBS NEWS, NEW YORK.

SAY, "HELLO, I'M OUT
HERE IN CINCINNATI.

I WAS WONDERING IF YOU HAD ANY
NETWORK NEWS ANCHORMAN JOBS OPEN."

NO. I WANT TO GO IN PERSON.

I JUST WANT TO TRY.

THAT'S ALL.

JUST TRY.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING,
DON'T YOU, MR. CARLSON?

YES, LES, I THINK I DO.

I HAD A DREAM ONCE, LES,

OF ONE DAY BECOMING
GENERAL MANAGER OF WKRP,

AND I WORKED HARD AT THAT.

THEN ONE DAY, MOTHER
GAVE ME THE JOB.

BOY, DON'T TELL ME
DREAMS DON'T COME TRUE.

EXCUSE ME. I HAVE LES'S
TRAVEL ARRANGEMENTS.

- CAN I GO, MR. CARLSON?
- ANDY?

OKAY.

JUST TRADE OFF YOUR VACATIONS.

WHEN ARE YOU SCHEDULED, LES?

- AUGUST.
- OH. ANDY?

AUGUST WOULD BE PERFECT.

THANK YOU BOTH VERY, VERY MUCH.

LES, I'VE CONFIRMED
YOUR FIRST-CLASS FLIGHT.

I'M GOING FIRST
CLASS ALL THE WAY.

AND THEY DO HAVE
A ROOM AT THE "Y."

BETTER BE A GOOD ONE.

YO. EXCUSE ME. I GUESS
THE PARTY'S OFF, HUH?

- WHAT PARTY?
- I DON'T KNOW.

- NEITHER DO I.
- I DON'T KNOW EITHER.

LES, WOULD YOU AND YOUR
MOTHER LIKE TO COME OVER

TO MY APARTMENT
AROUND 8:00 TONIGHT?

GOSH, I DON'T KNOW, JENNIFER.
I'VE GOT A LOT OF THINGS TO DO.

WELL, YOUR FLIGHT
DOESN'T LEAVE UNTIL 3:06 A.M.

WELL, OKAY.

THANK YOU AGAIN, MR. CARLSON.

AND THANK YOU TOO, ANDY.

NEW YORK'S GONNA EAT HIM ALIVE.

WELL, AT LEAST HE'S
WILLING TO TAKE A CHANCE.

MOST OF US JUST SETTLE
FOR WHAT'S COMFORTABLE.

ARE YOU KIDDING? THEY'RE
GONNA SHIP HIM BACK IN A BODY BAG.

LOOK, IF A MAN'S GOT COURAGE
ENOUGH TO TRY TO CHANGE HIS LIFE,

THEN I THINK WE SHOULD SUPPORT
HIM. ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU SAY, JENNIFER?

OF COURSE, MR. CARLSON. NOW,
THIS IS A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY,

SO BE AT MY APARTMENT AT 7:00.

WE'LL TALK ABOUT ALL
THIS NONSENSE THEN.

- WHO IS IT?
- LES NESSMAN.

LES? WHAT ARE YOU...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE,
AND WHERE IS YOUR MOTHER?

- WELL, SHE'S...
- YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED
TO BE HERE UNTIL 8:00.

- I KNOW, BUT I...
- IT'S NOT EVEN 7:00 YET.

SHOULD I GO AWAY
AND COME BACK LATER?

OH, UH, NO. NO, OF
COURSE NOT. COME IN.

- WHERE IS SHE?
- WHO?

YOUR MOTHER.

- SHE'S AT MY HOUSE.
- WHY?

WELL, SHE DOESN'T LIKE TO
GO OUT AT NIGHT, JENNIFER.

IT'S A NEW RULE
OF HERS. I'M SORRY.

OH.

WELL... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LES.

HOW DID YOU KNOW
IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY?

- WELL...
- I HATE HAVING BIRTHDAYS.

OH, PLEASE DON'T TELL ANYONE
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, JENNIFER.

PROMISE ME YOU'LL
KEEP IT A SECRET.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

OH... NO.

SUDDENLY I HAVE A HEADACHE.

- PEANUTS?
- OH, SURE.

THEY'RE OVER THERE.

- GUESS WHAT I'VE GOT.
- I GIVE.

IT'S A VIDEOTAPE SAMPLE REEL

OF ME DOING THE NEWS ON TV.

- OH.
- I JUST HAD IT MADE.

I WISH I HAD
SOMEPLACE TO SEE IT.

WELL, I HAVE FIVE TAPE MACHINES.

OH, I'M SORRY, JENNIFER.

I GUESS I'M NERVOUS
ABOUT GOING TO NEW YORK.

- I UNDERSTAND.
- HAVE YOU EVER
BEEN TO NEW YORK?

NOT SINCE LAST WEEKEND.

EXCUSE ME.

- HI, JENNIFER.
- HIYA, JENNIFER.

- ANDY AND I WERE TALKING...
- YEAH, WE WERE THINKING

MAYBE WE OUGHT TO JUST
TELL LES WHAT WE REALLY THINK.

WHAT YOU REALLY
THINK ABOUT WHAT?

- IT ISN'T HIS BIRTHDAY.
- WHAT?

NO BIRTHDAY.

OH. WELL, UH, LES,

WHAT WE REALLY
THINK ABOUT THAT, UH,

BODY BAG THING.

WHAT BODY BAG THING?

LES, I THINK WHAT MR. CARLSON
HERE'S TRYING TO SAY IS THAT, UH...

NEW YORK ISN'T YOUR BAG.

WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.

I HAD A VIDEOTAPE
AUDITION SAMPLE REEL MADE.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IT?

UH, YEAH. SURE, WE WOULD.

- HOW ABOUT... WE'LL HAVE A DRINK.
- GO GET A DRINK?

JUST PLEASE HELP YOURSELVES
TO ANYTHING THAT YOU'D LIKE.

EXCUSE ME.

DON'T WE LOOK RIDICULOUS?

LES, THEY KNOW
IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY.

OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

PUT IT ON. PUT IT ON, JENNIFER.

WE GOT ENOUGH FOR EVERYBODY.

JUST STRIP YOURSELF OF
EVERY SHRED OF HUMAN DIGNITY

AND ANYTHING ELSE
THAT YOU CAN THINK OF.

LOOK AT THIS,
EVERYBODY: SERPENTINA!

NEAT! JOHNNY REALLY KNOWS
HOW TO PARTY, DOESN'T HE?

REALLY GREAT TO SEE YOU, LES.

NOW WE DON'T HAVE TO
HIDE BEHIND THE FURNITURE.

EVERYBODY PUT ON A HAT.

MR. CARLSON, HERE YOU GO.

OH, THANKS. THAT'S
REALLY ME, BAILEY.

YEAH. TOO BAD
VENUS IS ON THE AIR.

HE REALLY GETS INTO HATS. ANDY?

OH, NO, NO, NO, THANK YOU.

JENNIFER, MAKE HIM PUT ON A HAT.

UH, NO, JENNIFER, REALLY.

PUT ON THE DAMN HAT.

AM I EARLY, JENNY-P...

I THOUGHT IT WAS 7:00.

IT IS 7:00. GET A HAT
AND STAND OVER THERE.

OKAY.

- PEANUTS?
- THANKS.

THERE YOU GO.

WOW. I GUESS IT'S TIME TO PLAY

"PIN THE TAIL ON
THE JACKASS," HUH?

ALL RIGHT. LET ME
GET A DRINK FIRST.

YOU KNOW, THIS IS REALLY A
GREAT SENDOFF FOR NEW YORK.

I WANT TO THANK YOU ALL, AND I WANT YOU ALL
TO KNOW THAT I AM GONNA DO MY DARNEDEST.

HEY, UH, LES, UM, SIT
DOWN HERE A SECOND.

YOU GOT ANY GOOD CONTACTS
UP THERE IN NEW YORK CITY?

OH, NOT REALLY, ANDY, BUT...

I DON'T MIND KNOCKING
ON A FEW DOORS.

BESIDES, I'M TAKING
ALONG ALL MY AWARDS

SO PEOPLE WILL BE IMPRESSED
WITH MY BACKGROUND.

I THINK I HAVE TO GO CRY NOW.

LES, UH,

ALONG WITH YOUR SILVER
SOW AND ALL THIS OTHER STUFF,

ARE YOU GONNA TAKE SOME AIR
CHECKS SO THE NETWORK BRASS

HAS A CHANCE TO HEAR YOUR STYLE?

I'VE GOT SOMETHING A WHOLE
LOT BETTER THAN THAT, JOHNNY.

- JENNIFER.
- YES, LES?

I'D LIKE TO SHOW EVERYONE
MY VIDEOTAPE AUDITION

SAMPLE REEL OF ME ON TV

OH, LES, MAYBE WE
SHOULD WAIT A LITTLE WHILE.

YOU KNOW, I'VE
BEEN SO BLUE LATELY.

OH, NO. THIS IS PERFECT. I WANT
TO GET EVERYBODY'S OPINION.

JOHNNY, THE TV
IS IN THE BEDROOM.

I'LL GET IT.

HEY, LES, WHERE DID YOU
SHOOT THIS REEL ANYWAY?

AT A PLACE CALLED
TWILIGHT VIDEO ARTS.

HERB KNEW THE GUY. THEY DO, UH,

LOW-BUDGET FILMS
FOR PRIVATE USE.

MOSTLY INFORMATIONAL
PROGRAMS, I THINK.

YEAH, YEAH. TWILIGHT VIDEO ARTS?

HE WANTED SOMETHING CHEAP.

DOES ANYBODY KNOW HOW
TO WORK THIS MACHINE?

YEAH, I DO, LES.

WELL, THERE MAY BE
A FEW ROUGH EDGES.

IN FACT, I HAVEN'T SEEN
THE FINAL EDIT YET MYSELF.

BUT I THINK THIS'LL GIVE
EVERYONE A PRETTY GOOD IDEA

OF MY ABILITY.

- GOT THE PLUG, JOHN?
- YEAH, IT'S IN
THE WALL SOCKET, LES.

OH, GOOD. ROLL 'EM.

OKAY. ROLLING.

Herb: ALL RIGHT, HUH?

GOOD EVENING.

THIS IS THE EVENING
NEWS WITH LES NESSMAN.

TODAY IN WASHINGTON,

THE PRESIDENT AND MRS. REAGAN
ARE MEETING BEHIND CLOSED DOORS,

STILL WORRIED ABOUT
THEIR EXPENSIVE DISHES,

WHICH WERE BOUGHT
WITH PRIVATE MONEY,

NOT GOVERNMENT MONEY,

EVEN THOUGH POOR
PEOPLE STILL RESENT IT.

WE GO NOW TO OUR CORRESPONDENT
IN WASHINGTON FOR THAT STORY.

OH, THIS IS GOOD.
WATCH THIS. WATCH.

ON THIS RAW, BLUSTERY
DAY, AS YOU CAN SEE,

THE DOORS OF THE
WHITE HOUSE ARE CLOSED.

A SOURCE CLOSE TO THE WHITE
HOUSE SAID THE PRESIDENT

MAY BE INSIDE.

IT IS TOO SOON TO TELL
WHETHER THE PRESIDENT IS INSIDE

OR WHETHER HE IS
COMING OR GOING.

THIS IS LES NESSMAN,
EVENING NEWS,

WASHINGTON.

THANK YOU.

IN DETROIT TODAY,
AUTO MANUFACTURERS

REVEALED A REVOLUTIONARY
NEW CAR FOR THE '80s.

ROOMY AND COMFORTABLE,
YET FUEL EFFICIENT,

THIS NEW PRODUCT
OF AMERICAN INGENUITY

SHOULD DRAW CROWDS
TO DEALER SHOWROOMS.

AND FINALLY, IN CLOSING,

THIS LITTLE FELLOW WAS
FOUND WANDERING ON A HIGHWAY

NEAR THE ST. LOUIS ZOO.

TALK ABOUT YOUR
ENDANGERED SPECIES.

LUCKILY, ZOO
OFFICIALS CAPTURED IT

AND PUT IT BACK
WHERE IT BELONGED.

THIS IS LES NESSMAN SAYING

GOOD NIGHT, AND MAY
THE GOOD NEWS BE YOURS.

INTERESTING, LES.

I LIKED THE END OF
YOUR PART, BUT...

LES... LES...

WHAT DO YOU SAY, GUYS... TRIPLE
VODKAS ALL THE WAY AROUND?

- MORE MOO SHOO?
- MAYBE MORE MOO GOO.

MORE MOO GOO FOR YOU TOO?

NO, NO. I'M STUFFED.

TELL YOU WHAT, THOUGH: I'M
GONNA OPEN UP MY COOKIE.

- BRING ON THAT COOKIE.
- LET'S SEE WHAT
THE FORTUNE SAYS.

ALL RIGHT.

"YOU WILL GAIN SOMETHING
YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED."

- OH, EXCUSE ME.
- LES! WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE, MAN?

I'M SORRY, VENUS. I DIDN'T
KNOW YOU HAD COMPANY.

- OH, NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT. THIS IS
ADELE, MY BROKER, - HOW DO YOU DO?

AND THIS IS TIFFANY,
MY BOOKKEEPER.

- I SWEAR. I'M NOT KIDDING.
- I BELIEVE YOU.

SEE? HERE'S MY INCOME TAX FORM
RIGHT HERE, AND WE'RE WORKING ON IT.

OKAY.

I WANT YOU TO TELL ANDY
THIS. I'M NOT KIDDING, MAN.

HEY, VENUS, WE'LL
JUST STEP OUTSIDE.

- SURE, NO PROBLEM.
- THAT'S ALL RIGHT. YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO.

WELL, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME TEA?

MAYBE A LITTLE.

THANK YOU.

VENUS, I MADE A FOOL OF
MYSELF AT THAT PARTY TONIGHT.

- WHAT HAPPENED?
- I SHOWED THIS VIDEOTAPE
AUDITION REEL,

AND IT WAS AWFUL.

OH, MAN, FORGET
ABOUT THAT STUFF.

AND NEW YORK... WHY YOU
WANT TO GO WAY UP THERE?

MY MOTHER'S IN TOWN, YOU KNOW,

AND SHE AND I WERE TALKING,
AND SHE'D JUST LIKE FOR M...

VENUS, DO YOU THINK I'M GOOD
ENOUGH TO GO TO NEW YORK?

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY...

IF YOU CAN MAKE IT THERE,
YOU CAN MAKE IT ANYWHERE.

WELL, MOTHER TOLD ME IF I JUST
TOOK A CHANCE FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE,

- IF I TOOK THAT CHANCE...
- WAIT A MINUTE, LES.

COMING OUT HERE. MIKE UP.

ALL RIGHT. YOU'VE COME A LITTLE
CLOSER WITH MR. STANLEY TURRENTINE.

THIS IS VENUS, MY CHILDREN,

AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT

I HEAR YOU CRYING OUT
THERE IN THE DARKNESS,

ASKING YOURSELF,
"AM I GOOD ENOUGH?

SHOULD I TAKE THE
CHANCE? WILL I FAIL?"

WELL, VENUS DOESN'T HAVE THE
ANSWERS TO THOSE QUESTIONS.

ONLY YOU KNOW YOUR TRUE WORTH.

SO SEEK NOT REFLECTIONS
IN ANOTHER'S EYES.

- LET THE CHURCH SAY "AMEN."
- AMEN.

AMEN, BROTHER.

DOES THAT HELP YOU, LES?

OH, I'M SORRY, VENUS.
I WASN'T LISTENING.

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? I MEAN,
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH BEING HERE?

WELL, YOU SEE,
I'VE GOT THIS DREAM.

I WANT MY NAME ON
THAT BIG ROLL CALL.

MARTIN AGRONSKY, CHARLES OSGOOD,

ROGER MUDD...

LES, WILL YOU FORGET
ABOUT NEW YORK?

YOU KNOW, LES, NEW YORK
IS REALLY A TOUGH PLACE.

I KNOW 'CAUSE I WENT THERE.

I WANTED TO BE A
BALLERINA ALL MY LIFE,

AND I FOUND OUT I COULD NEVER
BE MORE THAN A CHORUS GIRL.

SO I JUST HAD TO FACE THE FACT
AND TAKE A SECOND LOOK AT MYSELF.

SHE'S RIGHT, LES,
FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH.

YOU'VE GOT TO START
BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF.

- RIGHT.
- YEAH, MAYBE THOSE GUYS

ARE JUST 50 TIMES
BETTER THAN YOU ARE.

WELL, IT HAPPENS. SOME TEA?

YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY, I'M HUNGRY.

ALL RIGHT. WHY DON'T YOU
HAVE THE REST OF THIS?

WE WON'T BE HUNGRY
FOR ANOTHER HOUR.

THINK HE WENT?

- I DON'T KNOW.
- HMM.

I'VE GOT TO TAKE BACK THE SKI
EQUIPMENT, AND I BOUGHT THIS INSTEAD.

- DO YOU THINK LES
WENT TO NEW YORK?
- SURE, HE DID. HE'S NUTS.

EH, EH, EH, EH!

I WAS JUST GONNA SET IT DOWN THERE
FOR A SECOND, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE.

TRAVIS, YOU SHOULD'VE
HEARD BAILEY WITH THE NEWS.

- OH, YEAH?
- YEAH. IT'S THE FIRST
TIME IN YEARS

THAT IT'S MADE ANY SENSE.

I LIKE IT WHEN LES
DOES THE NEWS.

IT'S ALWAYS SO SURREAL THEN.

NESSMAN,

ARE YOU GOING TO NEW
YORK OR SAN FRANCISCO?

I BEG YOUR PARDON.

MAY I HELP YOU?

I'M LESTER NESSMAN'S MOTHER.
I CAME HERE ON THE BUS.

OH. WELL... HELLO.
I'M ARTHUR CARLSON.

OH, YES.

I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE
YOU TO ANDY TRAVIS.

- YES, MA'AM.
- THE SELFISH ONE.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

THIS IS DR. JOHNNY FEVER.

OH, YES. THE
BEATNIK. YOU'RE CUTE.

I-I HAVE TO GO BACK
ON THE AIR NOW,

OR I'D STAY AND GET
BETTER ACQUAINTED, OKAY?

OH, AND THIS IS OUR
RECEPTIONIST, JENNIFER MARLOWE.

- HELLO.
- STAY AWAY FROM MY SON.

HE'S TOLD ME EVERYTHING.

I'LL TRY.

- DID, UH, LES
GO TO NEW YORK?
- NO.

WHEN I LEFT MY BOY, HE WAS
SOUND ASLEEP IN HIS LITTLE BED,

TRYING TO RECOVER FROM A VERY,

VERY TRYING NIGHT.

AND I WOULD THANK YOU
ALL TO STOP PUTTING THESE

SILLY DREAMS INTO MY BOY'S
HEAD AND GETTING HIM ALL UPSET.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

I THOUGHT NEW YORK
WAS KIND OF YOUR IDEA.

MOTHERS DON'T CREATE
FALSE EXPECTATIONS

IN THEIR CHILDREN'S MINDS.

ALTHOUGH LESTER WOULD

MAKE AN INTERESTING
ANCHORMAN, WOULDN'T HE?

YES, MA'AM.

- WELL, THAT'S
ALL I HAD TO SAY.
- YES, MA'AM.

YOU HAVE LOVELY MANNERS.

YOU MUST HAVE A VERY
NICE MOTHER YOURSELF.

OH, UH... WELL...

WOULD YOU PERHAPS LIKE TO
HAVE A TOUR OF THE STATION?

I WOULD NOT.

WELL, IT WAS NICE
MEETING YOU ANYWAY.

I'M SURE.

LORD, NESSMAN! WHAT NOW?

- GOOD DAY.
- GOOD DAY.

HERB, THAT WAS LES'S MOTHER.

OH, COME ON. GET IN THE GAME.

THE GUY'S READY
FOR THE LOONY BIN.

FIRST HE WANTS TO BE
A NETWORK ANCHORMAN,

NOW HE'S DRESSING UP LIKE
SOMEBODY'S MOTHER... THE GUY'S NUTS!