WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 4, Episode 19 - The Creation of Venus - full transcript

♪♪

AND NOW THE SHADOWS OF EVENING

WRAP THEIR SILKEN ARMS AROUND
THE TROUBLES OF THE DAY, MY CHILDREN.

THIS IS VENUS, ALL ALONE
UP HERE IN THE NIGHT,

RIDING THE CHARIOTS OF FIRE

AND KEEPING WATCH
OVER YOUR DREAMS

AND MAYBE EVEN A
STRAY FANTASY OR TWO.

HERE'S THE MAGNIFICENCE
OF MR. ERNIE WATTS.

ANDY, YOU'RE MESSING WITH FIRE!

AAH!

HA! HEY, HE'S GOT MY CHAIR.



COME HERE, YOU.

GOTCHA!

I'M SORRY.

♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN, UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI ♪

HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?

YES, MA'AM. YES, I...



I THINK I HAVE LOST MY MIND.

JUST FOR A SECOND THERE,
THOUGH, BUT I THINK I'M OKAY NOW.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO
GRAB ME, DO IT NICELY...

IN THE BACKSEAT OF MY ROLLS.

HI.

I'M REALLY SORRY, MRS. CARLSON.

VENUS AND I WERE JUST
PLAYING A LITTLE GAME, THAT'S ALL.

YOU TWO GO AROUND
GRABBING EACH OTHER?

OH, YEAH. NO, NO. NO, JUST
TO RELIEVE THE TENSION.

- WHAT TENSION?
- YOU DON'T FEEL IT?

WHY ISN'T MR. FLYTRAP
ON THE AIR?

THAT'S A DARN GOOD
QUESTION. EXCUSE ME.

MRS. CARLSON, I
WAS WONDERING, UH...

CAN I GET YOU A CUP OF COFFEE?

WHERE'S MY SON? I HAD AN
APPOINTMENT TO MEET HIM HERE AT 6:30.

WELL, GOODNESS, GRACIOUS, HE
MUST'VE FORGOT AND GONE HOME.

HE'S HAD SO MUCH
ON HIS MIND LATELY.

LISTEN, THERE'S NO SENSE IN YOU
HANGING AROUND THIS OLD HALLWAY HERE.

LET'S, UH...

WELL, HE'LL BE BACK IF HE
KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR HIM.

I'LL WAIT.

YEAH, I CAN SEE THAT
YOU'RE INTERESTED.

HOW ABOUT IF I SHOW YOU HOW
THINGS WORK AROUND HERE?

I THINK I'VE JUST SEEN
HOW THINGS WORK.

TOP OF THE EVENING
TO YOU FINE FOLKS.

HELLO, MR. FLYTRAP.

ALL RIGHT, MRS.
CARLSON, LET'S SEE.

FIRST OF ALL, THIS IS
WHAT WE CALL THE BOARD.

VERY COMPLICATED STUFF HERE.

AHA! YOU SEE THAT?

THE TWO TURNTABLES HERE. VENUS
CAN CUE UP A RECORD ON ONE TURNTABLE.

AS YOU CAN SEE, THE RECORD IS
PLAYING ON THE OTHER TURNTABLE.

- SHOW HER THE MICROPHONE.
- ♪ TA-DA ♪

THERE'S THE MICROPHONE.

AND NOW, UH,

YOU KNOW JUST ABOUT
AS MUCH AS WE DO.

WHERE DOES HE SIT?

I SEE.

MRS. CARLSON, THIS IS NOT WHAT IT
SEEMS. IF YOU WOULD GIVE ME A CHANCE...

OH, KNOCK IT OFF, ANDREW.
I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR.

IN FACT, I'M KNOWN
FOR MY HEARTY GUFFAW.

YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T HAD AN
AMUSING EXPERIENCE LIKE THIS

SINCE...

WELL, SINCE I FIRED
YOUR PREDECESSOR.

JUST A LITTLE HORSEPLAY
HERE, THAT WAS ALL.

JUST TWO GUYS PLAYING
HORSE. BOOGITY-BOOGITY.

I UNDERSTAND.

WELL, HE STARTED IT.

OF COURSE, I KNEW
MR. TRAVIS LIKED GAMES,

BUT YOU, MR. FLYTRAP, WELL...

- I THOUGHT YOU WERE
MORE CONSERVATIVE.
- OH, I AM.

OH, HE IS. HE'S A VERY
CONSERVATIVE KIND OF GUY.

YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN ME FOUR YEARS AGO,
WHEN I WAS TEACHING SCHOOL IN NEW ORLEANS.

- I USED TO WEAR
A THREE-PIECE SUIT...
- FOUR YEARS AGO,

YOU WERE A SCHOOLTEACHER?

WHEN I HIRED YOU FOUR YEARS AGO,
YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE A DISC JOCKEY.

WELL, I WAS, PART-TIME.

YOU SAID YOUR AUDIENCE IN
NEW ORLEANS WAS THE BIGGEST.

- I REMEMBER THE QUOTE.
- WELL...

AND MR. TRAVIS HERE
CONFIRMED THE FACT.

I EVER CLEAR UP THAT
LITTLE MISUNDERSTANDING?

NO, YOU DIDN'T.

WELL, SINCE I HAVE TO WAIT

FOR MY SON TO
REALIZE WHAT DAY IT IS,

WHY DON'T YOU
TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT?

WELL, I'M WAITING.

WELL, I GUESS I SHOULD
START FROM THE BEGINNING.

- IT BETTER BE GOOD.
- WE'RE COUNTING
ON YOU, YOU NUT.

YOU SEE, MRS. CARLSON, WHEN
I FIRST CAME TO CINCINNATI,

I HAD GOTTEN KIND
OF TIRED OF, UH,

PACKING AND UNPACKING, TOWN
TO TOWN, UP AND DOWN THE DIAL.

SO LET'S JUST SAY I
KNEW I WAS HERE TO STAY,

AND I NEVER, EVER
WANTED TO LEAVE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "BREAK THE
LEASE"? YOU'RE HERE FOR GOOD!

DID I SAY "BREAK"? MAYBE THAT
WAS THE WRONG WORD THERE, MA'AM.

OH, YOU BET YOUR
NEW MEXICO BUNS IT IS!

WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME
IN? COME RIGHT ON IN HERE.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A DIET SODA?

THAT'S NOT TO SAY THAT
YOU NEED A DIET SODA.

UH, HOW ABOUT A BEER? WOULD YOU
LIKE MAYBE A BEER? THAT'D BE GOOD.

OKAY, BUT IT'S NOT
GONNA DO YOU ANY GOOD!

ONE BEER COMING RIGHT ON UP.

COME TO THINK OF IT, IT'S NOT
GONNA DO ME ANY GOOD EITHER.

YOU KNOW, MA'AM, I
HAVE COME 2,000 MILES

TO A JOB THAT IS
NOT WORKING OUT.

NOW, YOU KNOW HOW THAT IS.

NO. YOU SAID SOMETHING
ABOUT A BEER?

YEAH, RIGHT, I DID.

- ONE BEER, COMING UP.
- COULD YOU MAKE IT TWO?

TWO BEERS, COMING UP.

MA'AM, I KNOW I SIGNED
THAT LEASE AND EVERYTHING,

BUT IF THIS JOB DOESN'T WORK
OUT AT THAT RADIO STATION,

I JUST MIGHT HAVE TO...

I JUST MIGHT HAVE
TO GET RIGHT ON BACK

TO SANTA FE.

AH, HERE.

IT'S A LITTLE WARM, BUT
TAKE THE WHOLE THING.

HEY, THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU.

I'LL SAVE THESE FOR
MASTERPIECE THEATRE.

I'LL TELL YOU, THAT ALISTAIR
COOKE'S A REAL CUTUP, ISN'T HE?

EH, BUT ALL KIDDING ASIDE...

I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR
LISTENING TO THE RAMBLINGS

OF AN OH, SO VERY UNHAPPY MAN,

AND I THANK YOU SO MUCH

FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING
IN THIS MATTER HERE.

A LEASE IS A LEASE,
MR. TRAVIS. IT'S GOD'S LAW.

PLEASE, STAY FOR A WHILE.

AH, LOOK AT THAT.
THERE'S THE DOOR.

MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.
MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.

- ANDY, YOU NUT!
- MAN, THANK YOU
SO MUCH FOR COMING.

- HOW YOU DOIN'?
- GORDON SIMS, THIS IS
MY LANDLADY HERE, MRS. MURPHY.

- HOWDY.
- GORDON IS A DISC JOCKEY.

HE'S GONNA HELP ME OUT AT THAT
STATION I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT.

AW.

SO SORRY TO HEAR THAT, MR. SIMS.

COME ON, HELP ME
UP, BOYS. COME ON.

I'VE GOT A BUSINESS TO
RUN, AND I CAN'T FEEL SORRY

FOR EVERY POOR LOUSE
WHO COMES AROUND.

THANKS FOR THE LIFT.

- WHAT DID SHE MEAN BY "AW"?
- DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT THAT.

HEY, MAN, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU. I
WAS AFRAID YOU WOULDN'T COME.

ARE YOU KIDDING? THIS IS WHERE I
GET MY BIG BREAK: A DEEJAY FULL-TIME.

YES, THAT'S RIGHT, AND
YOU DO INDEED DESERVE IT.

YEAH. IT'S A LITTLE SCARY, THOUGH,
COMING TO WORK FOR A TOP-RANKED STATION.

YOU'VE GOT NOTHING TO
WORRY ABOUT. HERE, SIT DOWN.

TOMORROW MORNING I'M GONNA
MAKE A FORMAT CHANGE HERE.

- I'M GONNA TAKE THIS
DOWN-AND-OUT RADIO STATION...
- "DOWN-AND-OUT"?

SIT DOWN.

WHEN I HEARD YOU ON THAT
STATION IN NEW ORLEANS,

I KNEW YOU HAD IT, BUT THEY
DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT.

- WHAT?
- YOU.

PART-TIME, SATURDAY MORNINGS?

THAT'S ALL WRONG FOR
YOUR KIND OF MUSIC.

I'M TELLING YOU, I KNOW
HOW TO PROGRAM YOU RIGHT.

YEAH? HOW?

"GORDON SIMS AND THE
SOUNDS OF THE NIGHT."

HOLD IT. I DON'T
USE MY REAL NAME.

THAT'S RIGHT. OF COURSE.
NOBODY DOES. YOU SHOULDN'T.

WHAT WAS THE NAME YOU
USED IN NEW ORLEANS?

THE DUKE OF FUNK.

"THE DUKE OF FUNK"?

YOU NEED SOMETHING A
LITTLE MORE COSMIC THAN THAT.

LET ME ASK YOU,
WHAT IS YOUR SIGN?

- WHO WANTS TO KNOW?
- WHAT IS YOUR SIGN?

- LIBRA.
- LIBRA? THAT STINKS.

IT DOES NOT.

IT'S A LOVE SIGN,
RULED BY VENUS.

THAT'S IT.

THAT'S PERFECT.

YOUR NEW NAME... IS VENUS.

ANDY,

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU
THIS, BUT VENUS IS A GIRL'S NAME.

YOU KNOW THAT REAL
WHITE LADY WITH NO ARMS?

DON'T WORRY ABOUT
THAT. I'M TELLING YOU,

IT HAS THAT COSMIC FEEL TO IT.

COULDN'T IT HAVE A COSMIC
NAME FOR A BOY, LIKE "PLUTO"?

NO, NO. THAT'S A DOG'S NAME.

- "MERCURY"?
- THAT GUY BRINGS FLOWERS. NOW, LISTEN.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF WHEN
YOU HEAR THE NAME "VENUS"?

FLYTRAP.

THE PLANT THAT EATS
BUGS? DON'T BE AN IDIOT.

OKAY, THINK. "VENUS"
WHAT? VENUS...

- "RISING."
- RISING.

"VENUS RISING."

I KIND OF LIKE
THAT. THAT'S GOOD.

"VENUS RISING." I LOVE IT.

YOU TALK ABOUT LOVE, AND
YOU TALK ABOUT THE STARS, MAN,

AND YOU WILL BE FAMOUS.

- YOU THINK SO?
- ABSOLUTELY.

ABSOLUTELY. AND WHEN I MAKE THAT
FORMAT CHANGE TOMORROW MORNING,

YOU AND I, PAL,
ARE HERE TO STAY.

MAYBE IT'S THE BEERS, OR...

OR MAYBE MY HEART'S
BIGGER THAN MY HEAD,

BUT, WELL, HELL, YOU CAN
GET OUT OF YOUR LEASE.

YEAH, WELL, LET'S TALK
ABOUT THIS LATER, ALL RIGHT?

SUIT YOURSELF, BUT THIS
WARM FEELING MAY NOT LAST.

YEAH, WELL...

ANDY, IF YOU'RE SO
SURE OF YOURSELF,

WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO
GET OUT OF YOUR LEASE?

ANOTHER THING, VENUS,
THAT SUIT HAS GOT TO GO.

- WHAT?
- IT'S WRONG FOR THE IMAGE.

THIS IS RADIO. YOU
CAN'T SEE RADIO.

YEAH, BUT YOU CAN FEEL IT.

AND WE'RE GONNA DO THIS
NEW FORMAT WITH STYLE

AND GRACE AND CLASS ALL THE WAY.

ALL RIGHT, CINCINNATI,

IT IS TIME FOR THIS
TOWN TO GET DOWN!

NOW, YOU GOT JOHNNY...
DR. JOHNNY FEVER,

AND I AM BURNING UP IN HERE!

WHOO! WHOO!

WE ALL IN CRITICAL
CONDITION, BABIES,

BUT YOU CAN TELL
ME WHERE IT HURTS,

'CAUSE I GOT THE
HEALING PRESCRIPTION

FROM THE BIG KRP
MUSICAL MEDICINE CABINET.

NOW, I AM TALKING
ABOUT YOUR 5,000-WATT

INTENSIVE CARE UNIT, BABIES!

SO JUST SIT RIGHT DOWN, RELAX,

OPEN YOUR EARS
REAL WIDE, AND SAY,

"GIVE IT TO ME STRAIGHT,
DOCTOR. I CAN TAKE IT."

- TRAVIS IS A DEAD MAN.
- I KNOW, BIG GUY.

I'LL SAY. WHEN MOTHER GETS HERE,

TELL HER WE THREW
TRAVIS OFF THE ROOF.

HOW'S IT GOING, ANDY?

HOLD MY CALLS.

WKRP, SOOTHING SOUNDS
FOR SENIOR CITIZENS.

NO, THIS IS NOT THE
EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM.

WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME ALL THIS?

OH, YOU WERE RIGHT, JENNIFER.

HE DIDN'T EVEN LAST TILL NOON.

- OH, BAILEY, I HATE TO
TAKE YOUR MONEY, BUT...
- OKAY.

BOY,

WE FINALLY GET A CHANCE TO
TURN THIS MORTUARY AROUND.

I DON'T KNOW WHY
EVERYBODY IS SO SCARED

OF A LITTLE OLD LADY.

IF SHE WERE MY
MOTHER, I'D DUKE HER OUT.

- TURN THAT OFF.
- YES, MA'AM.

SHE'S NOT MY MOTHER.

WELL, YOU'RE
PROBABLY LOOKING FOR

THE DANCE STUDIO UPSTAIRS.

NO, I NEED TO SEE MY MAN.

WHICH MAN IS YOURS?

THE DUDE'S NAME IS TRAVIS.

UH-HUH. WELL, I'M AFRAID THE
DUDE IS IN CONFERENCE RIGHT NOW.

- I'M COOL.
- I'M SURE YOU ARE.

I'M THE NEW NIGHTTIME DEEJAY.

OH, DEAR.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?
I MEAN, SAY WHAT?

I'M JENNIFER MARLOWE.
THIS IS BAILEY QUARTERS. MR...

VENUS RISING. WHAT DO
YOU MEAN, "OH, DEAR"?

- HOW, HOW DO WE TELL HIM?
- JUST SAY IT. I CAN TAKE IT.

YOUR DUDE IS ABOUT TO BE ON
THE FIRST STAGE OUT OF TOWN.

OH... WHERE'S THE NEAREST
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL?

SAY WHAT?

- WHAT HAPPENED TO ANDY?
- MAMA.

WHO'S MAMA?

MR. CARLSON'S MOTHER.
SHE OWNS THIS STATION.

HATES ROCK AND ROLL AND
EVERYTHING CONNECTED WITH IT.

- AND EVERYONE
CONNECTED WITH IT.
- NO KIDDING?

OH, I GUESS YOU'RE USED TO THIS
KIND OF THING IN THE RADIO GAME.

NO, THIS IS MY FIRST...

WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU
NEVER GET USED TO IT.

JENNIFER, I AM NOT GONNA
STAND BY WITHOUT A FIGHT.

UM, MR. RISING, WOULD
YOU LIKE TO GO IN THERE?

IS THE BIG, BAD MAMA IN THERE?

- YEAH.
- NOT ME.

MR. RISING, ANDY IS
BEING FIRED IN THERE.

AND IF HE'S FIRED, YOU'RE FIRED.

BUT I DON'T KNOW ANY OF
THOSE PEOPLE. HOW CAN I HELP?

OH, YOU'LL SCARE
THE HELL OUT OF HER.

YEAH. YOU KNOW, SHOCK IS
A VERY EFFECTIVE WEAPON.

YOU'VE GOT THAT GOING FOR YOU.

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO
LOSE? CERTAINLY NOT A JOB.

IF I WAS IN NEW ORLEANS
NOW, IT'D BE RECESS.

I'D BE WORKING ON
MY LESSON PLAN.

JUST GO RIGHT IN.

DON'T KNOCK. I WOULD.

GO AHEAD. YOU'RE COOL.

I'M THINKING.

MA'AM, I HATE
TO SAY IT, BUT I...

I PERSONALLY CANNOT
WORK THAT WAY.

- I GUESS I AM FIRED.
- WAIT A MINUTE!

MAMA, YOU'VE BEEN ON MY BACK
FOR YEARS TO TURN A PROFIT HERE.

NOW, WHEN I FINALLY START DOING SOMETHING
ABOUT IT, YOU WANT TO DUMP THE STATION.

LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING: IF HE GOES, I GO.

- WHAT?
- YEAH. YOU GOT IT.

ARTHUR, YOU'VE NEVER SPOKEN TO
ME IN THAT TONE OF VOICE BEFORE.

YEAH, WELL... DO YOU LIKE IT?

- I HATE IT.
- OH.

BUT IT'S THE FIRST HINT OF
BACKBONE I'VE EVER SEEN IN YOU.

YOUNG MAN, WE'LL PLAY IT YOUR
WAY FOR A WHILE. YOU'VE GOT THE DEAL.

- THANK YOU, MA'AM.
- BUT PROCEED CAREFULLY.

NOTHING WEIRD, NOTHING STRANGE.

OH, YES, MA'AM. NO, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME.

ANDY, MY MAN! WHAT'S GOING DOWN?

- HOW'S IT GOING?
- WHAT IS THAT?

MAY I INTRODUCE
MR. VENUS FLYTRAP?

UH, HEY, LITTLE MAMA.

I BEG YOUR PARDON.

VENUS IS THE BEST NIGHTTIME
DEEJAY IN THIS COUNTRY.

I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF HIRING HIM
AWAY FROM A STATION IN NEW ORLEANS.

- DID YOU HAVE
A BIG AUDIENCE THERE?
- THE BIGGEST.

WELCOME TO
CINCINNATI, MR. FLYTRAP.

- ARTHUR...
- YES, MOTHER?

IF THIS DOESN'T WORK,

I'LL TEAR YOU DOWN
BRICK BY BRICK. I'LL...

WE GET THE PICTURE, MAMA.

NICE TO HAVE MET YOU TWO.

- THAT'S A MEAN LITTLE MAMA.
- YOU BET.

HERB, LES, WHY DON'T YOU SHOW
VENUS AROUND THE STATION?

- DO IT.
- YOU KNOW, MR. FLYTRAP,

I HAVE SOME IDEAS ABOUT
THAT NIGHTTIME SHOW.

- YEAH?
- I DO THE SPORTS NEWS
HERE, MR. FLYTRAP.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE NOTICED, BUT THERE
CERTAINLY ARE A LOT OF NEGROES IN SPORTS.

SAY WHAT?

WILLIE MAYS, JESSIE OWENS,

CASSIUS CLAY, AND MUHAMMAD ALI.

YEAH, I GET THE POINT.

NOW, IN HERE IS WHAT WE IN
THE BUSINESS CALL THE, UH...

- DEEJAY BOOTH.
- RIGHT.

WHAT IS HE DOING?

IT'S WHAT WE IN THE BUSINESS
CALL "BREAKING RECORDS."

YEAH, WE'VE GOT THE LARGEST
COLLECTION OF MITCH MILLER,

MANTOVANI AND
MONTENEGRO... NO OFFENSE.

UH, I'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU
THE NERVE CENTER OF KRP.

THAT WOULD BE THE
NEWS DEPARTMENT.

MR. FLYTRAP, THIS IS MY OFFICE.

STEP RIGHT OVER HERE
AND LET ME SHOW IT TO YOU.

THIS IS THE DOOR.

SEE? DOOR.

NOW, THESE LINES REPRESENT

WHERE WALLS WILL SOMEDAY BE.

WALLS!

THESE ARE MY BUCKEYE
NEWS HAWK AWARDS.

I HAVE MORE AWARDS THAN
ANYONE ELSE AT THIS STATION.

YOU SEE, WKRP IS JUST A STEPPING
STONE IN THIS REPORTER'S CAREER.

LES, YOU'VE BEEN HERE 24 YEARS.

SO?

THIS DESK...

IS THE NERVE
CENTER, MR. CLAPTRAP.

MR. CLAPTRAP...

I COULD TELL YOU FARMING STORIES

THAT WOULD CURL YOUR HAIR.

HELLO, FELLOW BABIES.

DID YOU KNOW THAT SOME
CHICKENS DON'T HAVE TEETH?

LISTEN, YOU GUYS BEEN
LISTENING TO MY SHOW?

OH, THAT'S JOHNNY CARAVELLA.

I USED TO BE JOHNNY CARAVELLA.

NO, NO. YOU'RE JOHNNY CARAVELLA.

HMM-MM. I CHANGED MY
NAME THIS MORNING ON THE AIR.

NOW, I'M... "FETUS CLAPTRAP."

NO, THAT'S NOT IT.

VENUS FLYTRAP.

NO, NO. UH... PROFESSOR
SOMETHING, I THINK.

ANYWAY, ABOUT THAT
NIGHTTIME SHOW OF YOURS,

- WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS?
- PLAY SOME RECORDS.

BROTHER BIBE...

"SUNSHINE," "DUKE,"
"STYLE," "COOL," "MIDNIGHT."

NO. UH...

OFFICER... NO, I
WOULD NEVER DO THAT.

IT WAS DR. JOHNNY FEVER. I HEARD YOU
THIS MORNING. YOU WERE GREAT, MAN.

"FEVER." HA! I'D BETTER
WRITE THAT DOWN.

- HOW'S IT GOING, LESTER?
- HELLO, MR. TRAVIS.

HEY. HOW'S IT
GOING, MR. FLYTRAP?

- ANDY, MAY I SPEAK
WITH YOU PRIVATELY?
- SURE.

- YOU CAN USE MY OFFICE.
- I'VE GOT SOMETHING
TO TELL YOU, PAL.

- JUST GET ME OUT
OF HERE, PLEASE.
- GOOD JOB, JOHN.

"JOHNNY BLISTER." I LIKE IT.

- ANDY, WHAT
THE HELL'S GOING ON?
- WE DID IT.

I JUST GOT THROUGH TALKING WITH
CARLSON. HE IS FULLY COMMITTED.

HE SHOULD BE. ALL
OF YOU SHOULD BE.

OLD LADY CARLSON LOVES YOU.
SHE BOUGHT THE ENTIRE ACT.

- WHERE DID YOU GET "FLYTRAP"?
- I DON'T KNOW, MAN. IT JUST POPPED OUT.

IT'S WEIRD.

IT'S "VENUS FLYTRAP"
NOW. YOU'RE A NEW MAN.

AND RIGHT IN THERE TONIGHT IN THAT
BOOTH, YOU'RE GONNA BECOME A STAR.

STARTING TONIGHT, I'M
A PLANT THAT EATS BUGS.

- "TONIGHT"? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- THAT'S RIGHT. 8:00.

TONIGHT? BUT I'M NOT
READY. I'M SCARED.

- YOU'RE A HIT.
- I'M SCARED.

CONGRATULATIONS,
ANDY. YOU TOO, MR. RISING.

NO, NO, NO. IT'S "FLYTRAP."
IT'S MR. VENUS FLYTRAP.

OH, LIKE THE PLANT THAT
EATS BUGS. HOW EXOTIC.

- SEE?
- DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.

I'M GOING ON, I'M NOT READY.

YOU JUST LET YOURSELF GO. YOU'VE
GOT THE TALENT FOR IT. IT'S WHAT'S INSIDE.

PROPS. I NEED SOME
PROPS. MUSICAL PROPS.

- OKAY, HOW ABOUT A FLUTE.
- FINE. I CAN'T PLAY THE FLUTE.

- HOW ABOUT AN ACCORDION?
- NAH. HOW ABOUT WIND CHIMES?

- I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO PLAY WIND CHIMES.
- ANYBODY CAN PLAY...

DO I KNOW YOU?

YEAH, I'M VENUS... FLYTRAP.

RIGHT, VENUS FLYTRAP.

I'VE BEEN HEARING ABOUT
YOU FOR YEARS, MAN.

REALLY. WE FINALLY MEET AT LAST.

WE'RE GONNA GET ALONG JUST FINE.

I'M JOHNNY...

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

THAT GUY'S GREAT. HE DOESN'T
KNOW HIS NAME, BUT HE'S STILL GREAT.

AND BESIDES, HE'S GOT A GIMMICK.
HE CALLS HIS PEOPLE "FELLOW BABIES."

- THAT'S A NICE GIMMICK.
- YES, IT SURE IS. I'VE GOT TO GO.

I NEED TO SEE A MAN
ABOUT WIND CHIMES.

I NEED A GIMMICK! WHAT AM
I GONNA CALL THE PEOPLE?

ANYTHING. WHAT DID YOU USED
TO CALL YOUR KIDS IN SCHOOL?

"IMPS," "RASCALS,"

"LITTLE BRATS,"

"DISGUSTING LITTLE
STUFF AND THINGS."

"HOODLUMS." "HOODLUMS."

♪♪

Venus: AND SO, STUDENTS...
UH, MY CHILDREN,

THIS IS VENUS FLYTRAP
INVITING YOU TO JOIN ME

ON A TELESCOPE RIDE
OF INCREDIBLE DISTANCES

AND JOYOUS HARMONIES AS WE SPIN,

SOAR, AND SOMERSAULT INTO
THE NIGHT OF KNEE-DEEP VELVET.

NOW A LITTLE TASTE OF HONEY.

SO YOU SEE, MRS. CARLSON,
WE DID BEND THE TRUTH

JUST A LITTLE BIT,
BUT WE HAD TO.

THE STATION NEEDED VENUS. IT
NEEDED TO KNOW IT HAD A SURE WINNER.

- YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.
- NO.

WE DID IT FOR THE STATION.

OH, KNOCK IT OFF,
ANDREW. I HATE NOBILITY.

YOU WERE THINKING OF YOUR
OWN HIDE, AND YOU KNOW IT.

WELL, I... NO.

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY
FOR YOURSELF, MR. FLYTRAP?

I GUESS WE WERE FOOLING
AROUND JUST A LITTLE.

INDEED YOU WERE, WITH
MY MONEY AND MY STATION.

BUT IT WORKED. IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR THAT
LITTLE GAME I WOULD'VE NEVER FOUND VENUS.

YOU'RE BOTH A
COUPLE OF CON ARTISTS,

BUT YOU NEVER
FOOLED ME FOR A MINUTE.

COME ON, NOW, MRS.
CARLSON, ADMIT IT:

YOU BOUGHT THE ACT.

I NEVER BUY ANYTHING.

AFTER I HEARD YOUR
PREPOSTEROUS STORY,

I DID A LITTLE DIGGING.

- SHALL I TELL YOU
WHAT I LEARNED?
- ANDY?

YOU TAUGHT CHEMISTRY FULL-TIME.

YOU WORKED AT A
RADIO STATION PART-TIME.

YOU LOVE THE CLASSICS,
YOU'VE NEVER BEEN MARRIED,

YOUR PARENTS DIVORCED
WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG,

YOU WERE RAISED BY
YOUR GRANDMOTHER,

AND YOU PLAY THE ACCORDION.

COME ON, YOU DO
PLAY THE ACCORDION?

AND YOU, MR. TRAVIS,
COLLECT BASEBALL CARDS.

THERE'S NOTHING
FUNNY ABOUT THAT.

AND YOU WET THE BED
TILL YOU WERE SEVEN.

I THINK, UH, I'VE HAD

ENOUGH TRUTH FOR ONE DAY.

I WAS JUST GETTING WARMED UP.

WELL, I THINK I'LL MOTOR
OVER TO MY SON'S HOUSE

AND TELL HIM A FEW THINGS
HE'D RATHER NOT HEAR.

NICE TALKING TO
YOU, MRS. CARLSON.

I WOULDN'T HAVE
MISSED IT FOR THE WORLD.

THAT IS A MEAN LITTLE MAMA.

TILL YOU WERE SEVEN!

SEVEN!

SEV...

GOTCHA!