WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 3, Episode 2 - Jennifer Moves - full transcript

OH!

GOOD MORNING, LITTLE
MISS GOODY TWO-SHOES.

STILL OUT BEATING THE
PAVEMENT FOR SIGNATURES?

STILL TRYIN' TO MAKE THIS
GREAT, BIG, GOVERNMENT

OF OURS RESPONSIVE
TO THE PEOPLE?

YES, I AM.

YOU NUT.

HERB, I AM TRYING TO EXERT
THE CHANGE IN OUR SOCIETY

- WHICH I BELIEVE...
- I KNOW, I KNOW.

AND I KNOW THIS IS RIDICULOUS,

BUT WOULD YOU CONSIDER
SIGNING ONE OF OUR PETITIONS?



ABSOLUTELY NOT.

HERBERT R. TARLEK
DOESN'T SIGN ANYTHING.

BESIDES, I READ SOMEWHERE
THAT SOLAR ENERGY IS DANGEROUS.

IT LEAKS OR SOMETHING.

IT'S NUCLEAR ENERGY THAT LEAKS.

EVERYTHING LEAKS.
WATER, OIL, YOU NAME IT...

IT'S NATURE OF THINGS.

HONEY, WHERE IS MY COMB?
SOMEBODY STOLE MY COMB.

- HERB...
- WHAT?

AT THIS VERY MOMENT,

I DESPISE YOU WITH
EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING.

- HI, BAILEY.
- HI.

HERE HERB. THANKS.

LES, GET YOUR OWN COMB.



COMBS ARE PERSONAL.

THIS IS VERY UPSETTING,
LES. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

MORE UPSETTING THAN A
NUCLEAR POWER PLANT LEAK?

- DARN RIGHT.
- OH, MY GOD!

I HAD TO LOOK MY BEST,
I WAS GOING ON THE AIR.

IT'S RADIO. YOU IDIOT.

- GUESS WHAT?
- THERE'S BEEN A LEAK.

I BOUGHT A HOUSE.

IT'S ACROSS THE
RIVER, IN LANDISVILLE.

OH, IT'S LOVELY.

A BIG OLD VICTORIAN WITH
A WONDERFUL BACKYARD,

I CAN'T WAIT TO FIX IT
UP. IT WILL BE BEAUTIFUL.

OH, JENNIFER, THAT'S WONDERFUL.

- CONGRATULATIONS JENNIFER!
- THANK YOU.

- HOW MUCH?
- 125.

SORRY, LES.

I WAS WONDERING

IF ANY OF YOU BIG STRONG
MEN HERE AT THE STATION

COULD HELP ME MOVE THIS WEEKEND?

- YOU CAN COUNT ON ME.
- THANK YOU.

ALWAYS LISTEN THROUGH THE
DOOR BEFORE YOU COME INTO A ROOM.

OLD TRICK I PICKED UP
YEARS AGO DOWN IN JUAREZ.

OR WAS IT VERACRUZ? IF...

LES, YOU OUGHT TO TRY TO
CONTROL YOUR DROOLING.

JOHNNY, WOULD YOU HELP
ME MOVE THIS WEEKEND?

I'LL BE THERE, AND
I'LL BE EXCLUSIVELY

IN-CHARGE OF YOUR
BEDROOM FURNITURE.

- OKAY.
- OH, MY GOD.

SORRY.

I GET THE BEDROOM FURNITURE.

SORRY PAL, TOO LATE.

SORRY PAL, TOO LATE!

WHAT DO I GET JENNIFER?

THE PIANO...

EITHER THAT OR THE
KITCHEN UTENSILS...

THINK ABOUT IT, HERB.

PIANO OR KITCHEN UTENSILS.

WHAT TO DO? WHAT TO DO?

♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN AND
UP AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP IN
CINCINNATI... ♪♪

OH! THANK YOU.

BAILEY, ARE YOU SURE YOU
DON'T WANT ANOTHER GRINDER?

NO, THANKS. YOU GAVE
ME TWO LAST YEAR.

YOU KNOW, I OFTEN HEARD THAT

MOVING IS A DREADFUL EXPERIENCE.

BUT SO FAR THIS HAS
BEEN KIND OF EASY.

SO FAR.

TA TA!

WELL. MISS MARLOWE,
MY ASSISTANT SMEDLEY

AND I HAVE BROUGHT
THIS FRIGHTFULLY HEAVY,

BUT CHARMING PIECE OF FURNITURE

ALL THE WAY FROM THE TRUCK.

THANKS AWFULLY, REG.

HEY, MAMMA, WHERE
YOU WANT DIS SUCKA?

- UPSTAIRS.
- UPSTAIRS?

- THAT'S RIGHT.
- AND YOU KNOW WHAT,

I THINK IT LOOKS GOOD
RIGHT DOWN HERE.

HECK, YEAH, YOU CAN COME
DOWN HERE IN THE MORNING,

COOK BREAKFAST AND GET DRESSED
RIGHT DOWN HERE IN THE KITCHEN.

YOU'RE CUTE.

WHERE DO YOU WANT IT UPSTAIRS?

- THIRD FLOOR.
- ON THE THIRD FLOOR.

COMING THROUGH, MAKE
WAY, JENNIFER'S JEWELRY.

I'M THE GUARD.

I JUST LIKE TO GO
ON RECORD AS SAYING

THAT I'VE NEVER MET PEOPLE
LIKE YOU BEFORE. NEVER.

NOW, I HAVE ASK EACH
OF YOU AT LEAST SIX TIMES,

AND IF SOMEONE
DOESN'T COME OUT HERE

AND HELP ME PRETTY SOON,

I'M GOING HOME AND LEAVING
THE PIANO IN THE STREET.

TRYIN' TO LEAVE, HERB!

YOU MEAN TO TELL US

THAT YOU CAN'T LIFT THE
PIANO ALL BY YOURSELF?

I SAY SMEDLEY, I THINK
OF HERB IS A LITTLE SISSY.

THAT'S REAL FUNNY,
YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY.

WHEN I MOVED NO ONE HELPED ME.

HELL, I COULDN'T EVEN GET
MAYFLOWER INTERESTED.

Andy: ASK LES, TO HELP YOU.

I CAN'T.

HE HASN'T SPOKEN TO
ME SINCE I SPIT ON HIM.

- HERB.
- WHAT?

PLEASE DON'T GO HOME.

PLEASE DON'T LEAVE
MY PIANO IN THE STREET.

HUH-HUH.

NOT GONNA WORK THIS TIME.

DAMN!

- JENNIFER! JEN-JENNIFER...
- LES! LES! PUT THE KNIFE DOWN.

HERB, SHOW ME THIS PIANO.

- YOU CAN'T LIFT IT.
- I KNOW. I WANT TO PLAY IT.

THIS IS A REALLY
NICE HOUSE, JENNIFER.

THANK YOU, LES.

SEEMS LIKE A RATHER LARGE
HOME FOR JUST ONE PERSON.

YES, IT IS.

YOU KNOW, MY GREAT
AUNT EUREKA NESSMAN

LIVED IN A HOUSE
VERY LIKE THIS ONCE...

ALL ALONE.

SHE HAD A LITTLE PARAKEET

AND USED TO LET IT FLY
FREE THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE.

REALLY!

AND THEN SHE BOUGHT
ANOTHER PARAKEET,

AND ANOTHER, AND MORE AND MORE

UNTIL FINALLY THERE WERE
THOUSANDS OF PARAKEETS.

AND THE MESS THEY
MADE WAS BEYOND BELIEF.

AUNT EUREKA HAD
GONE INSANE OF COURSE,

LIVING ALL ALONE IN A HOUSE
VERY MUCH LIKE THIS ONE.

- JENNIFER.
- WHAT?

OH! I'M SORRY. WHAT?

- DO YOU HAVE ANY SOFT DRINKS?
- YES, YES I DO.

- LES, WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK.
- NO, THANK YOU.

I THINK I'LL HAVE A LOOK AROUND
THAT DARK CELLAR OF YOURS.

YOU DO THAT.

SIT-DOWN GUYS.

YOU KNOW, LES IS A
VERY STRANGE PERSON.

EH-HE... HOPE YOU DIDN'T
MOVE JUST TO FIND THAT OUT.

HEY, WHAT IS THIS? A STRIKE.

TWO MORE DRINKS COMING UP.

- HEY, YOU KNOW, WHAT?
- WHAT?

THAT DRESSER LOOKS GREAT
SITTING RIGHT THERE ON THE STEPS.

I'D LEAVE IT THERE,
IF I WAS YOU.

HI, I'M KEN DAHLQUIST.
I LIVE NEXT-DOOR.

OH, HELLO, I'M JENNIFER MARLOWE,

YOUR NEW NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR.

- REALLY?
- YES.

THESE ARE MY FRIENDS.

- HEY. - HI. - HEY.
- HI.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

NO. YOU KNOW,

I THINK I'M GONNA TO
LOVE YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD.

IT'S SO QUIET AND ALL
THE STREETS ARE LINED

WITH THOSE BIG
BEAUTIFUL OAK TREES.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

I REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE
THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME.

- DO YOU LIKE TO SIT DOWN?
- OKAY.

- COULD I GET YOU A DRINK?
- YEAH. SURE, ANYTHING.

- OKAY. OH I'M SORRY.
- I AM ALL OUT.

THAT'S JUST FINE. THAT'S GREAT.

I THINK WE OUGHT TO GET A
BLANKET AND COVER HIM UP.

UNLESS SOMEONE COMES
OUT HERE RIGHT NOW

AND HELPS ME WITH THIS PIANO,

I AM NEVER EVER GONNA SPEAK

TO ANY OF YOU AGAIN
FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE.

SOMEONE REALLY
SHOULD HELP, HERB.

OH, THAT'S NO PROBLEM.

KIM! KIM!

HUH?

JENNIFER WANTS YOU
GO ON TO THE STREET

AND HELP MOVE THE PIANO.

YES, OF COURSE.

I THINK, YOU'RE GONNA
LIKE IT HERE, JENNIFER.

KEN'LL COME OVER EVERY NIGHT,

DRAW YOUR BATH, DO YOUR NAILS.

YOU'RE A SICK BOY, FEVER.

YEAH.

THAT'S THE FRONT DOOR.

WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE GET THAT?

- GET THAT, WEBBY.
- WHY DON'T YOU GET THAT?

BECAUSE I'M TIRED.

I THINK I GOT A
DOUBLE HERNIA HERE.

- LET JOHNNY GET IT.
- I CAN'T.

'CAUSE I'M DEALING WITH A
MENTAL PICTURE RIGHT NOW.

WELL, I AM CERTAINLY
NOT GOING TO GET IT.

I AM THE SENIOR OFFICER OF LOAD.

I'LL GET IT.

HI, NO ONE ANSWERED THE
DOOR. SO I JUST CAME IN.

I AM DOTTIE DAHLQUIST.
I LIVE NEXT-DOOR.

OH I JUST MET YOUR HUSBAND.

I'M JENNIFER MARLOWE, YOUR
NEW NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR.

- REALLY?
- YES.

THESE ARE MY FRIENDS.

All:
HI. HEY, HI.
- HI.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

NO. YOU KNOW I THINK I'M
REALLY GONNA LIKE IT HERE.

IT'S SO QUIET.

AND ALL THE STREETS ARE
LINED WITH THOSE BIG BIG...

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. I
REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS
IS HAPPENING TO ME.

- WOULD YOU LIKE TO SIT DOWN?
- THANKS.

JENNIFER, WHERE DO YOU
KEEP THOSE BLANKETS?

HERE TRY DRINKING
A LITTLE BIT OF THIS.

LISTEN, DOTTY.

JENNIFER IS ONE OF THE
FINEST PEOPLE I'VE MET.

AND I'D LOVE TO HAVE A
FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD.

I KNOW. I'M SORRY.

WELL, PLEASE FORGIVE
ME, I'M SO EMBARRASSED.

THAT WAS SO RUDE OF
ME TO BEHAVE THAT WAY.

WELCOME TO THE
NEIGHBORHOOD, JENNIFER.

I MEAN, BY GOSH!
YOU CAN'T HELP IT

IF YOU ARE THE BEST LOOKING
WOMAN I'VE EVER SEEN.

DOTTY, I PREDICT THAT

YOU AND JENNIFER ARE GONNA
BE REALLY GOOD FRIENDS.

AND I CAN SEE BOTH OF YOU
BORROWING SUGAR FROM EACH OTHER,

OUT THERE GARDENING TOGETHER.

- YOU'RE RIGHT.
- GOING SHOPPING.

YEAH, THEN SOME DAY YOU
GO SUN BATHING TOGETHER.

OH, MY GOD!

- WAY TO GO, TRAVIS.
- I'M SORRY. THAT WAS STUPID.

I TELL YOU SOMETIMES I
THINK YOU GOT A MEAN STREAK.

I'M NOT MEAN. I'M STUPID.

DOTTY! DON'T EVER SUN
BATHE WITH JENNIFER, TRUST ME.

TRAVIS!

DOTTY, I'M SURE EVERYTHING IS
GOING TO WORK OUT. JUST FINE.

OH I'M SURE TOO JENNIFER,
I'M JUST BEING SO SILLY.

- COULD I GET YOU
A CUP OF COFFEE?
- THANK YOU.

- ANYBODY HOME?
- MAY I HELP YOU.

I AM WAYNE CRAVEN
FROM THE PHONE COMPANY.

I REPRESENT A NEW SERVICE WE
HAVE CALLED "WELCOME NEIGHBOR."

JUST OUR FRIENDLY
LITTLE WAY OF SAYING,

"HI. HOW IS IT GOING?
WE'RE HERE TO HELP."

- WELL, ISN'T THAT NICE?
- YES, IT IS.

HAVE YOU CONSIDERED
THE CONVENIENCE OF HAVING

A PHONE IN EVERY ROOM?

EACH ONE COLOR COORDINATED
AND STYLED TO MATCH

YOUR CHOSEN DECOR?

JUST ASKING THIS
IS NOT A SALES PITCH.

NO, I HAVEN'T.

WOULD YOU LIKE A CUP OF COFFEE?

- IS ANYBODY ELSE HAVING ONE?
- YES.

OH-UH. THANK YOU. FINE.

MISTER...
- CRAVEN.
- CRAVEN!

THESE ARE MY FRIENDS
AND MY NEIGHBOR DOTTY.

All:
HEY, WAYNE, HI, HEY.
- YOU ALL HAVE PHONES, DO YA?

I WILL GET IT ACCESSED.

JENNIFER, I HEARD
NOISES IN THE CELLAR.

NOT THE NORMAL KIND,
BUT DISEMBODIED VOICES.

SO I WOULD SUGGEST THIS HOUSE
IS NOT NECESSARILY HAUNTED,

BUT CERTAINLY CONTAINS
SOME TYPE OF FORCE.

SOME REMNANT OF
THE PREVIOUS OWNER.

- MAY I CHECK THE ATTIC?
- I GUESS SO.

THANK YOU.

LET'S GO GET THAT BUREAU.

OKAY, BOSS. BUT IT WORKS
THERE ON THE STEPS.

- MAY I SIT DOWN?
- HELP YOURSELF PAL.

DOTTY HOW'RE YOU FEELING NOW?

FEEL JUST TERRIBLE.

EVERYTHING IS
GONNA BE JUST FINE.

WHAT SEEMS TO BE
THE PROBLEM HERE.

WELL, HER LAVENDER PRINCESS
PHONE EXPLODED THIS MORNING.

- THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
- I'M TELLING YOU IT HAPPENED.

OH, MY GOD!

EH... YOU KNOW I'M
SURE THAT YOU'RE.

I'M SURE YOUR MARRIAGE
IS STRONG ENOUGH

TO WRESTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

WELL, OF COURSE IT
IS. IT'S JUST A PHONE.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED?

- 11 YEARS.
- THERE YOU SEE, HUH.

- ANY KIDS?
- YEAH, A BOY AND A GIRL.

AH... A BOY AND A
GIRL. OH, THAT'S GREAT.

TH-THA... THAT'S
THE TIE THAT BINDS.

- RIGHT, FEVER?
- MORE OR LESS.

IT IS, IT IS. HE IS
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

AND WE'LL REPLACE THAT
DARN THING FREE OF CHARGE.

THANK YOU.

WELL, YOU KNOW
YOU'RE ALL BEING SO KIND.

GEE, I FEEL MUCH BETTER NOW.

THAT'S GREAT.

COME ON FEVER. LET'S
GET THIS THING FINISHED.

COME ON, ARTHUR, I'VE HAD
ENOUGH OF THIS PHYSICAL ACTION.

WHAT ABOUT THE LIFE OF THE MIND?

HEY... YOU KNOW WHAT,

WE'VE GOT TO HAVE
BARBEQUES TOGETHER.

LOTS AND LOTS OF BARBEQUES
AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK.

LOOK, KEN, DOTTY IS HERE.

- HI DOTTY, HOW IS IT GOING?
- FINE.

GOOD.

WELL, WE GOT THE
PIANO IN THE DRIVEWAY.

IT WON'T BE LONG NOW.

HEY, KEN, WE BETTER GET GOING.

"SIXTY MINUTES" IS COMING ON.

SO, WE'LL MISS IT.

SO WE'LL MISS IT!

HE HASN'T MISSED "SIXTY
MINUTES" IN EIGHT YEARS.

HE EVEN LIKED TO
POINT COUNTER POINT.

DOTTY, HERE.

MR. CRAVEN, I WOULD LIKE
TO ASK YOU A QUESTION

ABOUT THE PHONE COMPANY.

WELL, THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR.

FIRE AWAY.

YOU KNOW THE PHONE COMPANY
WON'T GIVE YOU A SPECIFIC TIME

WHEN THEY'LL COME
TO INSTALL YOUR PHONE.

SEE YOU HAVE TO
WAIT ALL DAY LONG

AND LIKE MOST PEOPLE I WORK,

AND CAN'T TAKE
THE WHOLE DAY OFF.

UH-HA.

SO, SATURDAY IS THE
ONLY DAY, I'LL BE HERE.

BUT BECAUSE SO MANY
PEOPLE HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM

YOU CAN WAIT UP TO THREE
WEEKS OR MORE FOR SERVICE.

THAT'S CORRECT.

SO IT'S POSSIBLE FOR A PERSON

TO BE WITHOUT PHONE
SERVICE FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH.

YES.

WELL, COULD YOU
TELL ME WHY THAT IS?

OF COURSE, IT'S LIKE THAT

BECAUSE WE DON'T
HAVE ANY COMPETITION.

I SEE.

JENNIFER. JENNIFER.
THIS IS MR. FURGOOD.

- HELLO.
- HI.

MR. FURGOOD HAS A PETITION,

I SIGNED IT AND I THINK
YOU SHOULD SIGN IT.

- WHAT'S IT FOR?
- WHAT?

- WHAT'S IT FOR?
- WHAT'S IT FOR?

WE'RE PETITIONING TO
CITY COUNCIL TO HELP US

TO STOP THE 14TH
STOREY OFFICE BUILDING

THAT'S GOING UP ON THE CORNER.

UH-HA. WHAT CORNER?

YOUR CORNER, FOUR
HOUSES FROM HERE.

THE CORNER OF THIS STREET?

- THAT'S RIGHT.
- I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.

NONE OF US DID.

WELL, OF COURSE, I'LL
SIGN YOUR PETITION.

WE'LL ALL SIGN IT.

SURELY THE CITY
COUNCIL WILL HELP?

HALF THE CITY COUNCIL MEMBERS

ARE IN THE BACK POCKET
OF REAL ESTATE DEVELOPERS.

IT'S LIKE THAT IN MOST CITIES.

BUT THERE MUST BE SOME
HONEST COUNCIL MEMBERS.

A FEW, BUT MOST OF THEM
GET POLITICAL CONTRIBUTIONS

FROM THE BUILDERS.

MONEY TALKS IN THE WORLD.

THIS EARTH OF OURS
IS NO GARDEN OF EDEN.

IT'S MORE LIKE A DARK
FOREBODING PLACE

WHERE VIRTUE IS OFTEN
RIPPED APART BY INCISIVE GREED.

YEAH, YOU KNOW MY WIFE
SAYS I AM A DOWN GUY,

A REAL DRAG-BUTT-PESSIMIST.

WHO KNOWS MAYBE FOR
ONCE THE PEOPLE CAN WIN.

HARD TO SAY.

YOU DON'T FIND OUT ABOUT

THE ROTTEN SCAB OF
LOCAL GOVERNMENT

YOU GET KNEE DEEP IN IT.

BUT MAYBE I'M WRONG,

MAYBE IT'LL BE A
REAL NICE EXPERIENCE.

- NIGHT.
- GOOD NIGHT.

HAVE YOU NOTICED
THAT ALL THE MEN

IN LANDISVILLE ARE GOING BALD?

I WONDER IF THERE IS A NUCLEAR
POWER PLANT IN THIS AREA.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS IS
HAPPENING TO ME OF ALL PEOPLE.

EVERYTHING ALWAYS GOES MY WAY.

- HE WAS THE SIGMA CHI.
- WHAT?

HE WAS!

BUT NONE OF THAT
MATTERS ANY MORE.

I'M GETTING THE HOUSE, THE
KIDS, THE CARS AND THE ICE MAKER.

OH, NO, WAIT A MINUTE, DOTTY.

YOU ARE NOT TALKING DIVORCE
JUST BECAUSE I MOVED HERE.

OH, NO. THIS ALL STARTED
WAY BEFORE THAT.

AT THE COUNTRY CLUB DANCE.

I SAW KEN OUT ON THE 18TH GREEN

WITH MADGE PENDER.

THEY SAID THEY WERE PUTTYING,
BUT THEY DIDN'T HAVE PUTTERS.

OH, DOTTY, WHAT CAN I SAY?

I'VE MADE UP MY MIND, MADGE.

NO MORE SLOW HITCH.
WE'RE PLAYING HARDBALL NOW.

I GIVE UP.

I'M GOING TO GET
MYSELF A GOOD LAWYER

AND I'M GOING TO NAIL KENS HIGH

TO THE NEAREST HOLIDAY INN.

GOOD NIGHT, JENNIFER,
WELCOME TO LANDISVILLE.

- WHERE IS HE?
- OUT THERE.

THANKS.

I NEED A DRINK.

I THINK THERE IS A BOTTLE OF
SHERRY IN ONE OF THOSE BOXES.

I'LL FIND IT.

MR. CARLSON, THIS
IS NOT WORKING OUT.

- IT'S NOT?
- NO.

THERE HAS BEEN A DIVORCE
AND AN OFFICE BUILDING,

IN THE PAST FIVE MINUTES.
I THINK WE OUTTA BE GOING.

LET'S GO GET THIS
MOVING THING FINISHED.

UH...

JENNIFER, UH, I GUESS IT'S ABOUT
TIME FOR ALL OF US TO LEAVE.

I GUESS SO. THANK
YOU ALL SO MUCH.

AH-HA, TWO BOTTLES OF SHERRY.

UH, I WILL TAKE ONE
AND YOU TAKE ONE.

YOU'RE A CLASSY DAME, MARLOWE.

- SO ARE YOU JOHNNY.
- EXCUSE ME?

WELL, THAT'S IT FOR US.

AND WE ARE NOT COMING BACK
HERE UNTIL YOU GET AN ELEVATOR.

THANKS GUYS.

- WHAT'S THAT?
- THIS?

- THIS IS A NEW KIND OF SHOVEL.
- GIVE ME THAT.

WELL, I LOST IT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LOST IT?

I LOST IT. KEN AND I
JUST ABOUT HAD IT,

AND THEN THIS WOMAN
JUST SORT OF GRABBED, KEN,

AND THE PIANO ROLLED
OUT OF THE DRIVEWAY

AND DOWN THE STREETS.

I-I-I CHASED IT. I CHASED
IT FOR ABOUT TWO BLOCKS,

BUT YOU LIVE ON AN INCLINE,

AND THE THING JUST KEPT
GETTING FASTER AND FASTER.

- YOU RACED A PIANO?
- YEAH.

THAT DAMN, HERB'S ALL RIGHT.

- MY BEAUTIFUL PIANO IS GONE?
- YEAH.

WELL, YOU TRIED.

I WAS HOPING YOU'D
SEE IT THAT WAY.

- LET'S GO, EVERYBODY.
- YEAH.

- GOOD NIGHT, JENNIFER.
- OH, THANK YOU.

- SEE YOU TOMORROW, JENIFER.
- THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH REALLY.

- BYE.
- BYE, BYE.

YOU'RE OKAY?

NOW I'M SURE, JENNIFER,

THIS HOUSE IS DEFINITELY
EMITTING SOMETHING.

IF I WERE YOU, I'D BE
VERY, VERY CAREFUL.

THANK YOU, LES.
GET HIM OUT OF HERE.

- YEAH, ALRIGHT.
- OH, COME ON LESTER.

LET'S YOU AND ME SLIP ON
DOWN TO THE GRAVE YARD.

YOU DON'T JOKE ABOUT
THINGS LIKE THAT, TRAVIS.

WELL, BABY, I GUESS
IT'S JUST YOU AND ME.

- TAKE OFF, WAYNE.
- SURE.

HEY YOU KNOW, WHAT'D
BE FUN? I MEAN REALLY FUN,

THE KIND OF FUN YOU
DON'T SEE EVERYDAY...

JENNIFER?

AT LEAST WE'VE GOT YOUR BENCH.

THANKS, ANDY.

GOOD NIGHT, WAYNE.

GOOD NIGHT, WAYNE.

GOOD NIGHT.

HEY, SORRY THINGS
DIDN'T TURN OUT SO WELL.

THAT'S NOT SO BAD.

I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL
VICTORIAN HOME,

AND NEIGHBORHOOD
WITH OAK TREES AND KIDS,

AND I CAN HANDLE
THE CITY COUNCIL.

OH YEAH, HOW ABOUT
KEN AND DOTTY?

I'LL THINK ABOUT THAT TOMORROW.

GOOD NIGHT.

EXCUSE ME, MISS, YOU LIVE HERE?

- WHO WANTS TO KNOW?
- LANDISVILLE POLICE.

THIS WOMAN CLAIMS YOUR PIANO

ROLLED DOWN THE STREET
AND REAR-ENDED A HATCHBACK.

EXPLODE IT.

THE PIANO IS IN PRETTY
GOOD SHAPE BUT CAR IS GONE.

SIT DOWN, FOLKS.

- SHERRY?
- NO, SORRY. I'M ON DUTY.

I WOULDN'T MIND SOME.

IGNORE IT.

OH, BY THE WAY,

THERE'S A SEX PERVERT
IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

POSING AS AN EMPLOYEE
OF THE PHONE COMPANY.

HE'S QUITE NICE.

WKRP IN CINCINNATI

WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS.

- GOOD MORNING, JOHNNY.
- YES, IT IS.

WELL... WHAT HAPPENED?

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

LAST NIGHT IN THAT HOUSE.
DID ANYTHING HAPPEN?

WELL, I MET A LADY WHOSE
CAR I HAVE TO REPLACE

AND I DISCOVERED WE
HAVE A SEX PERVERT

IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

NO, NO, I MEAN DID
ANYTHING UNUSUAL HAPPEN?

OH, YOU MEAN UNUSUAL?

YES, YOU KNOW.

WELL, THERE WAS THE
SOUND OF A DOOR SLAMMING

OR MAYBE IT WAS A SHATTER.

AND THEN SUDDENLY
LIGHTNING AND THUNDERING.

THEN THE LIGHTNING AND
THUNDERING WIND DISAPPEARED

AS QUICKLY AS THEY CAME.

AFTER MY GUESTS HAD GONE,

I CHECKED WITH
THE TELEVISION NEWS

AND THEY REPORTED THAT
THE SKIES HAVE BEEN CLEAR

THROUGHOUT CINCINNATI
AREA ALL NIGHT LONG.

NO, INCLEMENT WEATHER AT ALL.

I KNEW IT.

SO I DECIDED TO TURN
IN AROUND MIDNIGHT.

MIDNIGHT? NEVER
TURN IN AT MIDNIGHT!

- IS THAT WRONG?
- WELL, OF COURSE, IT IS!

- WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
- GROW UP, JENNIFER!

ALL RIGHT.

ANYHOW, I START TO HEAR
THESE NOISES ON THE THIRD FLOOR.

SUCH STRANGE NOISES!

I COULDN'T DECIDE IF IT
WAS A SOUND OR A VOICE.

YOU HAVE A VERY EVIL
HOUSE! I KNEW THAT! I KNEW IT!

- GO ON.
- YEAH.

THEN I STARTED TO CLIMB THE
STAIRS TO THE THIRD FLOOR,

AND AS I DID, THE
HALL LIGHT WENT OUT.

I JUST FROZE!

I COULDN'T GO BACK,
BECAUSE I COULDN'T SEE.

BUT I COULD GO
FORWARD, BECAUSE...

BECAUSE FROM UNDER THE
THIRD FLOOR BEDROOM DOOR

A LIGHT APPEARED.

SOMETHING OR SOMEONE
WAS IN THAT ROOM.

BUT THAT DOOR IS ALWAYS LOCKED!

I DON'T REALLY KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT.

I THOUGHT I MIGHT FAINT,

BECAUSE THERE WAS
A FORCE-A POWER!

SO I TURNED AROUND AND
THE THING SPOKE TO ME.

OH, WHAT DID IT SAY?

IT SAID, "WHERE'S LES?"

WHAT?

IT SAID, "WHERE'S LES NESSMAN?"

SO I SAID, "HE'S GONE HOME.

BUT IF YOU COME
DOWN TO THE KITCHEN,

I'LL GIVE YOU HIS PHONE
NUMBER AND ADDRESS."

AND SO I DID, AND THE THING
THANKED ME, AND IT WENT AWAY.

WKRP.

LES, IT'S FOR YOU.