WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 3, Episode 17 - Secrets of Dayton Heights - full transcript

FROM WASHINGTON,
WHICH BY THE WAY

I'LL BE VISITING
NEXT WEEK IN PERSON

FOR A PRESIDENTIAL
PRESS CONFERENCE,

AN HONOR BY THE WAY,

WHICH IS NOT IMPLANTED
TO MANY REPORTERS

OUTSIDE OF THE
WASHINGTON PRESS CORPS.

FROM WASHINGTON, THE NEW
SECRETARY OF AGRICULTURE,

JOHN BLOCK, WHO BY
THE WAY IS A HOG FARMER,

ANNOUNCED THAT
PRESIDENT REGAN...

Johnny and Venus: REAGAN!

WHO BY THE WAY IS A RANCHER,



WOULD BE MAKING A FIRM
SUBSIDY ANNOUNCEMENT

AS SOON AS HE STUDIES
THE SUBSIDY STUDY.

THIS IS LES NESSMAN
SAYING, "THIS IS LES NESSMAN."

WHERE'S THE BUTTON?

- HEY, DON'T TOUCH IT...
- THEY'RE PROBABLY WIRES, LES.

NO, NO, DON'T TOUCH THE BUTTON.

Announcer on Radio:
THIS IS LES NESSMAN!

AND BOW LES NESSMAN COMMENTARY.

DO YOU MIND?

CINCINNATI'S AWARD WINNER,

OFFERS HIS PERSPECTIVE ON THE
EVENTS THAT SHAPED OUR WORLD,

OUR COMMUNITY, AND OUR LIVES.

AMERICA...

WHO WAS THAT LADY I
SAW YOU WITH LAST NIGHT?



COULD IT HAVE BEEN
THE SWEET SEDUCTRESS,

KNOWN AS THE
COMMUNIST CONSPIRACY?

WAS IT SHE, WHO STOOD
UNDER THE STREET LIGHT,

LURING THE FARM BOYS
WITH HER BROAD SHOULDERS?

BEWARE...

THINK ABOUT IT!

THIS IS LES NESSMAN.

AH, NOT AGAIN, LES, PLEASE.

HI, BOOKER T. & THE M.G.'S

- HELLO, LES.
- HELLO, ANDY.

LES, LES...

Les: ARE YOU ABOUT
TO YELL AT ME?

OF COURSE NOT,
LES, I DON'T YELL.

I'M AN EASYGOING GUY WITH
A NATURAL ABILITY TO LEAD.

PEOPLE JUST SEEM
WANNA DO WHAT I TELL 'EM.

LOOK, LES...

THANK YOU, ANDY.

AH, LES, I'M NOT HERE TO TALK
ABOUT YOUR COMMENTARY.

IN A MATTER OF FACT, I
WON'T EVEN MENTION IT

BEYOND SAYING THAT
IF YOU EVER DO IT AGAIN,

I WILL YELL AT YOU SEVERELY.

NOW WHAT I WANTED
TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT

WAS YOUR TRIP TO WASHINGTON FOR
THE PRESIDENTIAL PRESS CONFERENCE.

WE'VE RUN INTO A SNAG.

BUT MR. CARLSON SAID I COULD GO.

HE EVEN SUGGESTED I SPEND
THE WHOLE WEEK THERE.

WELL, LES, THAT WAS MY IDEA.

AND SNAG IS NOT IN OUR END.

- IT...
- WHAT IS IT, ANDY?

THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS
CONFERENCE CALLED ME

AND TOLD ME THEY'RE GONNA
HOLD YOUR CREDENTIALS.

THE SECRET SERVICE SEEMS
TO HAVE THE IMPRESSION

THAT YOU MIGHT POSE
SOME SORT OF THREAT.

IT'S CRAZY, YOU KNOW.

IT'S BECAUSE I WORK FOR A
ROCK AND ROLL STATION, ISN'T IT?

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.

LIKE I SAID WE HAVE REACHED
THE SNAG, BUT LISTEN...

WE'RE NOT ABOUT TO
JUST THROW IN OUR CARDS.

DON'T THEY KNOW WHO I AM?
DON'T I HAVE A REPUTATION?

BUT WE'RE NOT GONNA
LET THAT STAND IN OUR WAY.

HI.

YOU GUYS KNOW WHERE IS
THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER IS?

♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN, UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI ♪

THAT'S WHEN HE PROMISED ME

THE DREAM TRIP
TO PARIS IN APRIL.

OH, PARIS IN SPRING.

THAT'S WHY I WANNA SURPRISE HIM.

WOULD YOU HELP ME
BRUSH UP ON MY FRENCH?

SURE.

I PUT TOGETHER A FEW KEY PHRASES
THAT I THINK I JUST MIGHT NEED.

- THEY'RE RIGHT HERE.
- OKAY.

- GOOD MORNING, LADIES.
- NOT NOW, HERB.

THANK YOU FOR A LOVELY EVENING.

THAT'S PERFECT.

HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN TO TAKE
YOUR HARD PILLS, OH, JENNIFER?

- GOOD, THAT'S GOOD.
- MIGHT COME IN HANDY.

PLEASE DON'T SPOIL THIS SPECIAL
EVENING WITH SUCH SUGGESTIONS.

LIKE I'M TOO BUSY TO
PARLEY-VOO AROUND HERE ANYWAY.

- NO, HERB.
- WHAT?

MR. CARLSON IS HAVING
A VERY PRIVATE MEETING

AND HE TOLD ME NOT TO
LET JUST ANYONE ELSE IN.

WHO'S IN THERE?

ANDY, LES, AND MR. CARLSON.

I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU KNOW
WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT.

WELL, NOT EXACTLY,

BUT I'M PRETTY SURE
IT'S NOT A MEETING

TO BRING IN SOME
GUNG-HO GUY IN SALES

TO SELL THE STATION THE
WAY IT SHOULD BE SOLD.

AH, HECK, I'M REALLY TOO BUSY
TO HANG AROUND HERE ANYWAY.

IF ANYBODY ASK,

TELL THEM I'LL BE OUT ON
SALES CALLS ALL DAY LONG, AND

I PROBABLY WON'T BE
BACK TILL VERY, VERY LATE.

DOES THIS HAVE TO INVOLVE
ME, I MEAN RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT?

YES, SIR, I'M AFRAID IT DOES.

NOW WHAT HAS HAPPENED,
TO PUT THIS IN A NUT SHELL,

NO OFFENSE, LES.

IS THAT WKRP WILL
NOT BE REPRESENTED AT

THE PRESIDENTIAL PRESS
CONFERENCE NEXT WEEK.

OH, FINE. THANKS
FOR LETTING ME KNOW.

HEY, NO, NO, NO, SIR.

THE SECRET SERVICE HAS
REFUSED OUR NEWSMAN

BECAUSE THEY SAY HE
POSES SOME POSSIBLE THREAT.

THREAT? TO WHOM?

UH. THEY'RE AFRAID OF A
LITTLE HONEST JOURNALISM.

THEY KNOW ME FOR
THE HARD-HITTING,

BARE KNUCKLE KIND OF GUY I AM.

I AM SORRY ABOUT THIS,
LES, I MEAN I REALLY AM.

MAYBE WE COULD SEND YOU SOME
PLACE ELSE FOR A WEEK OR TWO.

YOU SEE, A FARM COMMUNITY WITH A
FAST BREAKING LIVESTOCK SCANDAL.

WELL, MR. CARLSON. IT'S
NO LONGER A QUESTION OF...

NO, JUST GETTING LES OUT
OF TIME FOR A FEW DAYS.

FAST BREAKING LIVESTOCK SCANDAL.

LES HAS THE RIGHT TO FIND OUT

WHY HE'S BEEN TURNED
DOWN BY THE SECRET SERVICE.

YOU KNOW, THERE
MIGHT BE A MISTAKE.

THEY'RE AFRAID OF
ME. AFRAID OF MY MIND.

THEN ON THE OTHER, THAT
MIGHT NOT BE A MISTAKE,

BUT THE POINT IT IS, LES...

WE SHOULD GO DOWN
TO THE FEDERAL BUILDING,

AND WE SHOULD GET TO
THE BOTTOM OF THIS THING.

AH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

AND I THINK A SHOW OF
SUPPORT FROM HIS EMPLOYER

WILL BE VERY HELPFUL, SIR.

THAT'LL BE REALLY, REALLY
GOOD. THANK YOU, TRAVIS.

I MEAN, NOBODY IS GONNA PUSH
ONE OF OUR REPORTERS AROUND

AT LEAST NOT WITHOUT A FIGHT.

WELL, YOU JUST GO
ON AND TAKE THE REST

THE AFTERNOON IF IT'S NECESSARY

AND IF YOU HAVE TO
CALL IN THE BIG ARTILLERY,

YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME.

AS I WAS SAYING, IN THE
WORDS OF HAL HOLBROOK,

WILL YOU EXPLAIN THE
PART OF MARK TWAIN?

LET'S GO.

I HAVE MY PASSPORT, MY
TICKET, AND MY OWN MONEY.

SO DON'T THREATEN ME.

YOU'RE DOING THE RIGHT
THING, MR. CARLSON.

YOU'RE GONNA THANK YOURSELF
WHEN THIS IS ALL OVER WITH.

IT'S POSSIBLE, I GUESS.

WE GOT A COACH,
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

YOU'RE GONNA WEAR
JEANS, ARE YOU?

JENNIFER... I'LL BE AWAY
FROM THE OFFICE FOR A WHILE.

AHA!

SORRY ABOUT ALL
THE SECRECY IN THERE.

WE JUST WOULDN'T
WANT TO EMBARRASS LES,

BEFORE IT WAS NECESSARY.

- AHA!
- THAT'S THE THINKING ANYWAY.

- AHA!
- NOT MINE OF COURSE.

OF COURSE SURE.

DON GRUSIN FOR THE FARM.

FINE, THAT'S OKAY.
COME, LET'S GO.

ANDY, THE INSURANCE
COMPANY CALLED.

THEY NEED AN ESTIMATE ON
THE DAMAGE CAUSED BY THE FIRE.

WHAT FIRE?

AH, EXCUSE ME, SIR.

I'M LOOKING FOR THE BRANCH
OFFICER OF THE SECRET SERVICE.

JUST A MINUTE.

- ANDY IS THIS IT OR NOT?
- UH JUST A MINUTE.

OH!

NOW... CAN I HELP YOU?

BUILDING DIRECTORY
SAID THAT THIS IS THE ROOM

BUT THEN IT SAYS TREASURE
DEPARTMENT HERE ON THE DOOR.

YOU SEE THE SECRET SERVICE IS
PART OF THE TREASURY DEPARTMENT

BUT VERY PEOPLE
SEEM TO KNOW THAT.

- I KNEW IT.
- WELL, GOOD.

AH, AH, THIS IS ARTHUR CARLSON,
GENERAL MANAGER OF WKRP RADIO,

LESS NESSMAN OVER
THERE OUR NEWSMAN,

AND I AM ANDY TRAVIS,
THE PROGRAM DIRECTOR.

- YOU ARE, UH...
- SPECIAL AGENT BERWICK.

TELL ME, SIR, YOU
FAMILIAR WITH OUR STATION?

IS IT HERE IN TOWN?

AH, YES, IT IS.

- LOOK. NOW, MR. BERWICK...
- SPECIAL AGENT BERWICK

- RIGHT - THANKS.

SPECIAL AGENT BERWICK,

THE OFFICER AT THE
WASHINGTON OFFICE SAID

YOU MIGHT BE ABLE
TO HELP US HERE.

- DC?
- YES.

WE WANT TO FIND OUT

WHY OUR NEWSMAN'S
CREDENTIALS WERE HELP UP

FOR PRESIDENT REGAN'S
PRESS CONFERENCE NEXT WEEK.

YOU PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF ME.

AH, HUH.

LES NESSMAN HERE IS
NO THREAT TO ANYONE.

WE STAND BY AND
WE VOUCH FOR HIM.

MR. CARLSON?

OH, YEAH. THAT'S EXACTLY
HOW WE'RE FEELING.

BY GOD, AND THANK
YOU FOR YOUR TIME.

NO WE ARE NOT GOING.

WE WOULD KINDA LIKE TO
GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.

SURE YOU WOULD.
IT'S A SERIOUS MATTER.

A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK WE GET

A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY IN
OUR SECURITY MEASURES, BUT...

NESSMAN...

A.K.A. THE NEWS BEACON
OF THE OHIO VALLEY, HUH.

OOOH!

WELL, HERE IT IS.

HERE WHAT IS?

IT'S YOUR RADICAL
AFFILIATIONS, MR. NESSMAN.

WHAT RADICAL AFFILIATIONS?

WELL, I'M A MEMBER OF THE
HOEDOWN SQUARE DANCING CLUB.

NO. NO, I'M TALKING
ABOUT YOUR FATHER.

DADDY?

TWICE ACCUSED OF SELLING
GOVERNMENT SECRETS.

MY FATHER RAN A
LAUNDROMAT IN DAYTON, OHIO.

WELL, ACCORDING
TO THIS INFORMATION

HE WAS ALSO A BARBER AT
THE PENTAGON FOR A TIME.

WHICH PENTAGON?

AS WELL AS APPROVING,
CARD-CARRYING COMMUNIST.

COMMUNIST?

WELL, OBVIOUSLY YOU HAVE
THE WRONG NEWS BEACON.

RIGHT.

AND IT DON'T RAIN IN
INDIANAPOLIS IN SUMMER TIME.

WE'RE NOT DOING TOO
GOOD, ARE WE, ANDY?

LES, THERE IS NOTHING
FUNNY ABOUT THIS.

I KNOW.

AND I DON'T WANNA HEAR ANYMORE
BOGUS INFORMATION ABOUT DADDY.

EXCUSE ME.

Andy: OH, NO, WAIT, WAIT, LES.

I HAVE TO GET BACK
TO WORK, ANDY,

AFTER WHICH SPECIAL
AGENT BERWICK,

I'LL BE WRITING A RATHER FIERY
LETTER TO MY CONGRESSMEN.

WAIT A MINUTE, LES. LES.

I'LL BE SEE ABOUT LES.

I'LL... I'LL SEE YOU
BACK AT THE STATION.

LES, A-ANDY, WAIT, WAIT.

GOOD CREEPY.

I HOPE YOU CAN BACKUP
YOUR ACCUSATIONS,

- MR. BERKHAUS...
- IT'S BERWICK.

BUT IT IS INCONCEIVABLE TO ME

THAT LES NESSMAN'S
FATHER WAS A COMMUNIST.

- WAS? HMM... IS.
- AH, HA.

WAIT YOU SEE THAT PROVES THAT
THIS THING IS FULL OF MISTAKES

BECAUSE HIS FATHER
DIED THREE YEARS AGO.

I WENT TO THE FUNERAL.

EVERY LAUNDROMAT MANAGER
IN DAYTON WAS AT THAT DAY.

NO, THAT WAS HIS STEPFATHER.

I'M TALKING ABOUT
HIS REAL FATHER.

FRANKLY I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT MISTER.

BUT I CAN TELL YOU
THIS, THAT KID IS NO MORE

A RADICAL COMMUNIST
SPEC THAN I AM.

YOUR NAME IS TRAVIS?

OH, NO, WAIT A MINUTE.

- ANDY TRAVIS?
- AH, HUH.

BONJOUR, WKRP.

MR. CARLSON...

HELLO?

- CAN'T PAY FOR IT.
- WELL, I'M NOT EITHER.

WELL, I'M NOT GONNA PAY FOR IT.

WELL, I'M GOING TO
PAY FOR IT EITHER.

YOU SAID YOU WERE AN
ELECTRICAL ENGINEER.

NO, I SAID I DATED AN
ELECTRICAL ENGINEER.

AH!

JENNIFER, DO YOU KNOW THAT
MAN ALMOST SINGLE-HANDEDLY

DESTROYED THE CONTROL ROOM
AND HE WON'T EVEN TAKE THE WROUGHT.

- WHAT?
- YES.

- SEE I CAN...
- I'M NOT GONNA PAY FOR IT.

JENNIFER, LES AND ANDY
GET BACK HERE, YET?

OUI.

THEN TELL THEM I WANNA SEE
THEM IN MY OFFICE RIGHT AWAY.

NO ON SECOND
THOUGHT, JUST TELL LES.

NOW JUST CALL THEM BOTH,
WEIRD TIME TO GET IN HERE.

LES, YOU CAN'T CONTINUE TO
GO ON HALF-CUFF LIKE THIS, HUH.

AH, MR. CARLSON,

HE'S STILL PRETTY SHOOK UP.

I TOLD HIM WE HAVE A LEGAL
RECOURSE IN THIS MATTER.

ANDY, WILL YOU PLEASE MY OFFICE?

I KNEW I WAS RIGHT
AT THE VERY BEGINNING,

THAT WE SHOULDN'T BE IN
IT. THIS IS PRIVATE MATTER.

LEAVE?

ME?

WELL, I... I ATTEND
ALL THE MEETINGS.

LES, YOU'RE PRETTY CLOSE
TO YOUR MOTHER, AREN'T YOU?

YES, OF COURSE.
EVERYBODY SHOULD BE.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. I KNOW THAT.

AH, THAT'S... THAT WAS...
NOT I WAS TRYING TO SAY.

WELL, WHAT IS IT, MR. CARLSON?

LES, HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO
YOUR MOTHER ABOUT YOUR DAD?

YES, OF COURSE, MR. CARLSON.

MOTHER HAS TOLD ME
ON NUMEROUS OCCASIONS,

HOW DADDY WAS PLANNING
TO BUILD AN EMPIRE

ON THE 25 CENT UNLIMITED DRY.

NO, LES, HUH...

IT'S NOT EXACTLY WHAT...
WOULD YOU SIT DOWN, PLEASE?

I TALKED TO SECRET
AGENT, BERHOUSE,

AFTER YOU LEFT AND...

BUT THERE'S NO WAY TO TELL
YOU THIS EXCEPT STRAIGHT OUT.

LES, YOUR FATHER... HE IS ALIVE.

WELL, HE IS BURIED.

I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT
LESTER NESSMAN SENIOR.

I HAVE SEEN ALL THE PAPERS.
I'VE SEEN THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE.

THE HEARING TRANSCRIPTS,
THE IRS REPORT...

I DON'T THINK I WANNA
HEAR ANYMORE OF THIS.

LISTEN.

YOUR FATHER'S REAL NAME
IS HARVEY MOORHOUSE.

HE'S COMMUNIST. OR BETTER-WAS.

HE DIVORCED YOUR MOTHER, JUST
ABOUT THE TIME YOU WERE BORN.

NOW THE SECRET SERVICE ASSUMES
THAT YOU KNOW ALL OF THESE

BECAUSE HE IS YOUR
RADICAL AFFILIATION,

AND THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE HIS
BARBER SHOP IS OVER KENTUCKY,

COUPLE OF HOURS AWAY.

WHY DIDN'T SHE TELL ME?

I DON'T KNOW.

MOTHER HATES DIVORCE.

SHE HATES IT JUST LIKE
SHE HATES COMMUNISM.

SHE ALWAYS TOLD ME
THAT COMMUNISTS ARE...

UNRELIABLE.

CALL HER LES. GO ON.

CALL YOUR MOTHER
RIGHT NOW AND ASK HER.

WILL YOU STAY WITH ME
WHILE I THINK ABOUT IT?

SURE.

PLEASE STOP POUNDING,
IT'S DEPRESSING.

I AM NOT POUNDING.

AND IT WASN'T YOU WHO WAS
KICKED OUT OF THIS OFFICE

SO THEY CAN HAVE
THEIR PRIVATE MEETING.

OH, DEAR.

ANDY, ANDY, ANDY, ANDY...

YOU ARE THOUGHT OF
AS AN EASYGOING GUY

WITH A NATURAL ABILITY TO LEAD.

PEOPLE SEEM TO WANNA DO
WHAT YOU TELL THEM TO DO.

EVERYTHING'S
STRAIGHTENED OUT IN THERE?

AH, WELL, YEAH.
YOU KNOW I GUESS.

LES IS ON THE PHONE. YOU
KNOW HOW THESE THINGS GO.

NOT FIRST HAND.

OH, HI.

HEYA, I'M NOT GONNA
GET RICH OF YOU, AM I?

AH, THERE'S NOT TOO
MUCH TO CUT THERE.

YOU... YOU HERE FOR
A HAIR CUT OR SHAVE.

HAIR CUT, I GUESS.

AH, THAT'S GOOD. YOU
CAME TO THE RIGHT PLACE.

SIT DOWN.

JUST A TRIM.

VERY GLAD YOU DIDN'T
ORDERED A FLAT TOP.

YOU'RE HARVEY
MOORHOUSE, AREN'T' YOU?

YOU HEARD OF MY SENSE OF HUMOR?

GLAD TO MEET YOU, MISTER?

NESSMAN. LES NESSMAN.

AH... TELL YOU THE TRUTH,

YOU'RE ONLY THE EIGHTH
CUSTOMER I'VE HAD WHOLE DAY.

MEN DON'T WANT TO
GET HAIRCUTS ANYMORE,

THEY JUST WANNA
GET STYLED, CURLS...

DOES THE NAME MEAN
ANYTHING TO YOU?

WHOSE?

NESSMAN.

NO. WHY? SHOULD IT?

YOU SOMEBODY IMPORTANT?

WHAT ARE YOUR
FEELINGS ABOUT POLITICS?

POLITICS!

YOU SURE LIKE TO JUMP RIGHT IN
THE CONVERSATION, DON'T YOU?

HEY, THAT'S OKAY. I...

NESSMAN. WAIT A MINUTE.

WEREN'T THERE A
NESSMAN WITH THE REDS,

BACK IN THE MID 50'S?

THE REDS?

YEAH, SECOND-BASE.
VERY SHORT STOP.

IS THAT YOUR FATHER?

I WENT TO THE BALL
GAMES WITH MY FATHER.

OH, WELL, IT WASN'T
HIM IN THE INFIELD, AH?

WASN'T REALLY MY FATHER.

HE WAS MY STEP-FATHER.

OH!

I THOUGHT OF HIM AS
MY FATHER AND I STILL DO.

GOOD FOR YOU.

AH, WOULD YOU
RELAX A MINUTE, EH?

YOU'RE SCREWED UP
TIGHTER THAN A PIG'S TAIL.

PIG'S TAIL? YOU'RE JUST
BATING ME, AREN'T YOU?

NO. WHY?

YOU HAVE ANY CHILDREN,
THAT YOU KNOW OF.

THAT'S A FUNNY JOKE.
PRETTY OLD, BUT IT'S FUNNY.

DO YOU HAVE ANY CHILDREN?

NO. NOT REALLY.

WELL, I HAVE A BOY BUT... I
DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.

I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM OR
HIS MOTHER SINCE HE WAS...

ONE MONTH OLD.

AH, BUT HE IS A
GOOD-LOOKING KID.

HOW... HOW DO YOU KNOW?

BECAUSE I AM HIS FATHER.

YOU DON'T LAUGH
AT ANYTHING, DO YOU?

I MEAN HOW DO YOU KNOW
YOU HAVEN'T SEEN HIM.

HE COULD'VE COME IN
HERE FOR A HAIRCUT.

NO, NO. HE DOESN'T
LIVE AROUND HERE.

HE LIVES IN DAYTON.

BESIDES I KNOW...

IT'D TAKE ME A WHILE
TO RECOGNIZE HIM,

BUT... I'D KNOW.

I AM FROM DAYTON.

NO, KIDDING, HEY,
MAYBE YOU KNOW HIM.

MOVED TO CINCINNATI.

YOU CAME ALL THE WAY FROM CINCI

FOR A HARVEY MOORHOUSE HAIRCUT?

HEY, WOW.

MR. MOORHOUSE, WHY
DON'T YOU FIND YOUR SON?

NO, AH... HE IS BETTER OFF

WHEREVER HE IS. I KNOW THAT.

MR. MOORHOUSE...

LOOK, CALL ME POPS.
EVERYONE DOES.

POPS!

IT'S FUNNY THAT'S YOUR
NICKNAME BECAUSE...

WAIT, WAIT, LET ME TELL YOU.

WHEN I GAVE UP MY
SON, YEARS AGO...

I DID IT TO SAVE THE
BOY A LOT OF TROUBLE.

I THOUGHT OF GETTING INTO IT.

I DIDN'T WANT ANY OTHER THINGS

THEY CLAIMED THAT I WAS DOING,

TO BE PUT ON HIM.

WOULD BE TERRIBLE TO.

START LIFE AS... ASHAMED
OF YOUR OWN FATHER.

TERRIBLE, YOU KNOW?

YES, I DO.

WELL, ANYTIME THAT I THINK
ABOUT FINDING HIM NOW...

I WOULD JUST KINDA... SAY
HELLO, YOU KNOW. I WANNA...

JUST AH... I'VE TO
REMIND MYSELF THAT I...

I COULDN'T DO ONE GOOD
THING I DID FOR THE BOY.

OH, THAT'S IT. COME
ON, THREE BUCKS.

SEE YOU'RE SLIPPING BACK
INTO YOUR TRANS AGAIN.

THREE OUT OF FIVE.

KEEP IT.

OH!

YOU CAN COME BACK ANYTIME.

THANK YOU, MR. MOORHOUSE.

POPS.

I WILL. I'LL BE BACK.

THAT'S GOOD. GOOD.

STRANGE KID.

GOOD-LOOKING, BOY.

NO SENSE OF HUMOR AT ALL THOUGH.

WKRP IN CINCINNATI.

WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS.

WELL, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

WELL, LOOSELY,
RENEE, IN MY EYES,

YOU'RE LESS THAN
A SINGLING WORM.

OH, THAT'S NICE.

WELL, THEY DON'T SEEM TO
AGREE ON WHO FAULT IT UP,

BUT I THINK WE
KNOW WHO FIXED IT.

- WELL, I HELPED.
- YEAH. READY?

OF COURSE.

DAMN IT.

- HI LES.
- HELLO, MR. CARLSON.

LES, HOW DID IT GO?

FINE.

OH, GEE, GOOD. REAL GOOD.

GUESS, I JUST A LITTLE CURIOUS.

YOU KNOW, I EVEN FANTASIZED

THAT MY MOTHER WASN'T
REALLY MY MOTHER.

BUT THAT WASN'T TOO BAD.

WAIT ABOUT 10
SECONDS AND TURN IT ON.

WHAT?