WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 3, Episode 16 - I Am Woman - full transcript

MORNING.

GOOD MORNING, HERB. DID
YOU HAVE A NICE WEEKEND?

YEAH, PRETTY GOOD. I
TOOK THE KIDS TO SEE

THAT WALT DISNEY
CARTOON, "FANTASTIC."

- FANTASIA.
- OH, RIGHT.

BUT YOU KNOW, THE
FUNNY THING ABOUT IT WAS,

THERE WAS NO GOOFY,
NO DONALD, NO PLUTO.

AND MICKEY WASN'T
HIMSELF AT ALL.

WELL, YOU KNOW MICE.

YEAH.

GOOD MORNING, LES.



OH, HI, LES. HOW
WAS YOUR WEEKEND?

FINE. WHAT HAVE YOU HEARD?

NOTHING. I WAS JUST ASKING.

WELL, I HAD MY DOG FIXED.

PHIL?

PHYLLIS.

GOOD MORNING, BAILEY. DID
YOU HAVE A NICE WEEKEND?

OH, I SURE DID. I MARCHED
20 MILES FOR THE E.R.A.

- WHY?
- BECAUSE, LES,

PEOPLE DONATE SO
MUCH MONEY PER MILE.

HERB, FOR INSTANCE,
PLEDGED $2 PER MILE.

- WHAT?
- YOU DID.

- WHEN?
- FRIDAY.

- I HEARD YOU.
- I DIDN'T.



YOU DID, RIGHT OUT
HERE IN THIS VERY LOBBY,

AFTER ONE OF YOUR MANY
THREE-MARTINI LUNCHES.

- OH, WAS THAT THE E.R.A.?
- YEAH.

OH, I THOUGHT IT WAS THE
NATIONAL RIFLE ASSOCIATION.

- NO, IT WASN'T.
- WELL, I'M NOT PAYING.

- YOU'LL PAY.
- $2 TIMES 20.

THAT'S, UH... OH, GOLLY, UH...

TWO TIMES 20.
CARRY THE 10. IT'S...

- FORTY, LES.
- FORTY.

- MAIL?
- IN A SECOND.

DID YOU HAVE ANOTHER
WILD AND WOOLY WEEKEND?

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I
DID. I GROUTED MY BATHTUB.

- OOH.
- HOW ABOUT YOURSELF?

WELL, I WENT TO A
WONDERFUL ANTIQUE AUCTION.

- IN THIS COUNTRY?
- UH-HUH. AND I BOUGHT
A SPINNING WHEEL.

- OOH. HOW OLD?
- CIRCA 1814.

1814, WHICH WOULD PUT US

RIGHT AROUND THE WAR OF 1812.

GOOD MORNING,
EVERYBODY. ANY MAIL FOR ME?

AS A MATTER OF FACT, YES.

REALLY?

HEY, HEY, HEY.

THIS IS GONNA BE A GREAT WEEK
FOR ME. IT EVEN LOOKS IMPORTANT.

- IT'S REGISTERED.
- REGISTERED?

- HEY, I GOT
A REGISTERED LETTER.
- WAY TO GO.

- WHO'S IT FROM?
- THE OWNER OF
THE FLIMM BUILDING.

- MR. FLIMM?
- YEAH, PROBABLY.

"DEAR MR. CARLSON.

"HI. HOW'S IT GOING? JUST
WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW..."

OH, NO.

NO, THEY'RE GOING TO BUILD
A BRAND-NEW OFFICE BUILDING.

WHERE?

HERE, RIGHT WHERE
WE'RE STANDING.

- THEY'RE GONNA TEAR
THIS BUILDING DOWN?
- UH-HUH.

- THREE MONTHS FROM NOW.
- THREE MONTHS FROM TODAY?

THREE MONTHS FROM
TODAY. LET'S SEE. THAT'S, UH...

THAT'S, UM...

♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN, UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI ♪

- DID YOU GET MY ORDER, ANDY?
- YEAH, YEAH, LES.

THANK YOU.

AND THERE WAS NO ONE IN
THERE I COULD IDENTIFY WITH.

NOT EVEN HUEY, DEWEY OR LOUIE.

HEY, HERB, FANTASIA'S JUST

MORE THAN JUST
ANOTHER DISNEY CARTOON.

IT'S A CLASSIC
ACHIEVEMENT IN ANIMATION.

YEAH, STUPID.

GOSH, I'VE SEEN IT AT
LEAST TWO DOZEN TIMES,

AND EVERY TIME, I
SEE... DIFFERENT THINGS.

BUT DO YOU EVER TAKE ME? NO.

BOY, WHAT A JAM, WHAT A MESS,

WHAT A PICKLE, WHAT A FIX.

I HAD MY DOG FIXED.

- I LOVE THIS
BUILDING, JENNIFER.
- OH, SO DO I.

WHERE DO THEY GET OFF TEARING
IT DOWN? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

- THEY OWN IT.
- WHAT DO THEY KNOW?

I'LL BET MAMA'S GONNA BE MAD.
IT'S GONNA DOUBLE OUR RENT,

GOING INTO A NEW BUILDING.

MAYBE MAMA WILL LET YOU BUILD YOUR
DREAM OFFICE BUILDING NOW, MR. CARLSON.

- THE ONE WITH
THE SAUNA? UH-HUH.
- UH-HUH.

I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS
PLACE SO CROWDED.

EVERY TENANT IN THE BUILDING IS DOWN
HERE, AND THEY'RE MAD AS HELL TOO.

THEY OUGHT TO BE. THEY'RE
TURNING US OUT IN THE STREET.

ALL THESE PEOPLE... WHERE
WILL THEY GO? WHAT WILL THEY DO?

PROBABLY JUST WHAT
WE'RE GONNA DO...

MOVE INTO SOME
VERTICAL ICE CUBE TRAY.

HEY, WHERE'S MY OLD-FASHIONED?

IT'S RIGHT IN FRONT
OF YOU, BAILEY.

OH. THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.

- HOW OLD IS THIS BUILDING?
- YEAH.

WELL, LET'S SEE.
IT WAS BUILT IN 1931,

- SO THAT WOULD MAKE IT, UH...
- FIFTY, LES.

I'M JUST GUESSING.

THANK YOU. AS I RECALL,

THE FLIMM BUILDING WAS
FINANCED BY THE FLIMM FIRM,

WHICH WAS FORMED BY
FLOYD FLIMM THE FIFTH,

WHO INHERITED THE FLIMM FORTUNE
FROM HIS FATHER, FLOYD FLIMM THE FOURTH,

WHOSE FOREFATHER, FLOYD THE
FIRST, WAS ONE OF OUR CITY'S FOUNDERS.

- INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH...
- SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.

INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH,
THIS BUILDING ONCE HOUSED

ONE OF CINCINNATI'S
FIRST RADIO STATIONS

AND ITS MOST FAMOUS
BURLESQUE THEATER.

- A RADIO STATION?
- YES.

HEY, THAT'S HISTORY.

"BURLESQUE THEATER"? WHY
WOULD THEY CLOSE THAT DOWN?

I SNUCK INTO THAT
BURLESQUE THEATER AS A KID

TO SEE SHEILA
"BOMBS AWAY" MORGAN

DO HER FAMOUS B-29 NUMBER.

PUT HER ARMS OUT
LIKE AN AIRPLANE

AND THEN STARTED TO...

SHE-SHE... SHE LOOKED
LIKE AN AIRPLANE.

THIS BUILDING IS A
CINCINNATI LANDMARK.

YOU CANNOT TEAR DOWN A LANDMARK.

BAILEY'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
THIS BUILDING IS A LANDMARK.

LET'S PUT TOGETHER A
CAMPAIGN TO SAVE THE FLIMM.

COME ON. WE'RE A RADIO
STATION, AREN'T WE?

LET'S GET THE SHOW ON
THE ROAD. MORE DRINKS, MEN!

LISTEN, BAILEY, THERE'S A
LOT OF MONEY AT STAKE HERE.

IT'S POWERFUL PEOPLE,
IT'S BIG BUSINESS.

NOW, THEY DON'T...

I HAD BIG BUSINESS FOR LUNCH.

FINE. I'M JUST SAYING, YOU'VE
GOT TO UNDERSTAND THOSE...

WE NEED A PLAN. WE
NEED TO ORGANIZE.

- BAILEY'S RIGHT.
- BAILEY IS DRUNK.

SO WHAT? LISTEN, TRAVIS,

WE'VE GOT HERE A HISTORICAL
BUILDING OF HISTORICAL CONSEQUENCE.

AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I'M PUTTING ALL MY WEIGHT

BEHIND THE LADY FROM CHICAGO.

WHY, THANK YOU, MR. C.

NOW, I ASK YOU... WHAT DO WE DO?

- YOU SPEAKING TO ME?
- YEAH.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS WE COULD
PROMOTE THE SIGNING OF PETITIONS.

THANK YOU, 'TRAP. WHAT ELSE?

WELL, I COULD BEGIN TO ILLUMINATE
THIS ISSUE IN MY NEWS REPORTS.

- WHAT ELSE?
- I'LL GIVE SOME
OF MY EDITORIALS.

AND I'LL TYPE THOSE EDITORIALS.

YEAH.

- YOU TYPE?
- UH-HUH.

THIS IS REAL ESTATE MEGA-BUCKS
HERE. IT'S BIG BUSINESS.

- I'M NOT AFRAID
OF BIG BUSINESS.
- BOY, I AM.

I SAY, LET'S GET ON THE STICK.

I SAY, LET'S SAVE THIS
BUILDING RIGHT NOW.

COME ON, EVERYBODY
UP ON THEIR FEET!

I SAY WE GO BACK UP
TO THE OFFICE AND...

- PASS OUT.
- NO. WORK.

- LET'S HIT IT!
- UNITED WE STAND,
DIVIDED WE FALL.

- YEAH, TIPPECANOE
AND TYLER TOO.
- I AM WOMAN!

- WE SHALL OVERCOME.
- LOOSE LIPS SINK SHIPS.

HOW ABOUT, "WE HAVE
NOT YET BEGUN TO FIGHT"?

DIAMONDS ARE A
GIRL'S BEST FRIEND.

WAIT-WAIT A MINUTE. YOU'RE NOT
GONNA GO WITH THEM, ARE YOU?

- SURE.
- WHY?

HERB, THE INTELLIGENT MAN

ALWAYS FIGHTS
FOR THE LOST CAUSE,

REALIZING ALL OTHERS
ARE MERELY EFFECTS.

WHAT?

E.E. CUMMINGS.

OBVIOUSLY, I'M THE ONLY ONE
SMART ENOUGH AROUND HERE

TO SIT TIGHT.

AND FINALLY, IN CINCINNATI,
TRAGEDY STRIKES.

THIS REPORTER HAS JUST LEARNED
THAT YET ANOTHER SENSELESS HIGH-RISE

WILL MALIGN OUR
FAIR CITY'S SKYLINE.

ACCORDING TO THIS REPORTER,
THE FABULOUS FLIMM BUILDING,

A VERITABLE DOWNTOWN LANDMARK

HAS BEEN TARGETED FOR DESTRUCTION,
LEAVING HUNDREDS HOMELESS.

QUOTING BENJAMIN DISRAELI, "WHEN A
PEOPLE FORGET THEIR OWN HISTORY..."

THEY'RE IN... BIG TROUBLE, BOY.

CARLSON EDITORIAL, TAKE ONE.

I REALLY LIKE CINCINNATI.
IT'S BEEN GOOD TO ME.

HUH?

YEAH, I FEEL LIKE I
WANT TO PAY IT BACK.

YOU KNOW?

WELL, YOU SHOULD.

CARLSON EDITORIAL, TAKE TWO.

SHOULD I GO NOW?

- THAT'S RIGHT. THE HOME
OF THE MIGHTY KRP - ♪♪

IS SCHEDULED FOR DEMOLITION.

NOW, THIS PLACE SHOULD BE A
LANDMARK FOR A LOT OF REASONS,

AND I WANT TO ASK YOU,
ARE YOU GONNA TAKE

SOMETHING LIKE THIS LYING DOWN,

OR ARE YOU GONNA
TAKE IT STANDING UP?

OR IN A CROUCHED POSITION?

CARLSON EDITORIAL, TAKE THREE.

ROLLING.

OKAY.

OKAY, I'M READY NOW.

OKAY.

Venus: HERE'S ANOTHER
FLASH ON THE FLIMM,

THAT ENDANGERED SPECIES
I LIKE TO CALL ART DECO.

AT LAST COUNT, WE HAD OVER
200 CALLS FOR PETITION FORMS,

AND THAT MEANS 200 FREE
"SAVE THE FLIMM" T-SHIRTS.

NOW, WE'RE TALKING TWO-COLOR-DYE
TRANSFER, PRE-SHRUNK, FLIMM FANS.

SO FOR ALL YOU DUDES
WHO DIG DECO, START DIALING.

CARLSON EDITORIAL, TAKE 40.

I REALLY LIKE WHAT
WE'RE DOING. HUH?

- ME TOO. IT'S FUN.
- YEAH.

JENNIFER, I'LL BE AT MOTHER'S.

UH, THIS COULDN'T BECOME,

YOU KNOW, A HABIT, COULD IT?

I SUPPOSE NOT.

WHAT ARE THESE?

UH, NOTHING.

JUST A COUPLE OF
LETTERS THAT NEED TYPING,

SINGLE-SPACED, IN TRIPLICATE.

DOES THIS CONCERN
THE FLIMM CAMPAIGN?

- YEAH, SURE.
- I DON'T SEE BAILEY'S APPROVAL.

- IT WAS VERBAL.
- I'LL JUST CALL HER.

SURE, GO AHEAD.

LOOK, UH,

NOT EVERYTHING AROUND HERE
CONCERNS THAT STUPID CAMPAIGN.

- THIS IS A PLACE OF BUSINESS.
- TYPE YOUR OWN LETTERS, HERB.

NOWHERE IN MY JOB DESCRIPTION
DOES IT SAY THAT I HAVE TO TYPE.

- SAME HERE.
- I THOUGHT YOU WERE
A SECRETARY.

I AM A RECEPTIONIST.

RECEPTIONISTS RECEIVE.

THEY OFFER COMFORT,
PROVIDE SUPPORT,

ANSWER A FEW PHONE
CALLS, BUT THEY DO NOT TYPE

UNLESS IT'S FOR A
VERY GOOD CAUSE.

SAVE THE FLIMM. UH-HUH.

- HI.
- BAILEY, I'D LIKE
YOUR APPROVAL ON SOMETHING.

- OH, NOT NOW, HERB.
- NOW, BAILEY.

NO, I DON'T THINK IT'S NECESSARY

FOR YOU TO CHAIN YOURSELF
TO THE BUILDING JUST YET.

WELL, IF THAT'S WHAT
YOU WANT TO DO, OKAY.

- ANDY?
- YO.

- BAILEY STRUCK ME.
- WHAT?

NO, SHE DIDN'T STRIKE ME,
BUT SHE BUMPED INTO ME,

THEN THREATENED TO SET
THE WHOLE CITY ON FIRE

BY SETTING MATCHES TO MY SUIT.

YOU GUYS THINK IT'S FUNNY,
HUH? IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, TRAVIS,

FOR PUTTING HER IN CHARGE OF THIS
"SAVE THE FLIMM BUILDING" BUSINESS.

I'VE NEVER SEEN HER SO TURNED
ON BY ANYTHING IN ALL MY LIFE.

SHE'S A LITTLE HITLER,
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

- HEY, HERB.
- WHAT?

DID YOU ORDER THOSE PETITIONS?

NO. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT?

ANDY, DO YOU HAVE ANY MATCHES?

WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU GET OFF

BEING IN CHARGE OF THIS
WHOLE THING ANYWAY, HUH?

GO AHEAD, ANS...
ANSWER THE QUESTION.

COME ON, SPEAK... SPEAK UP.

VENUS, COME ON,
TELL HER. IN FACT,

YOU KNOW, IN FACT, I
THINK I'D LIKE TO MOVE

INTO ONE OF THESE... ONE
OF THESE NEW BUILDINGS.

ALL THAT STEEL AND
GLASS TURNS ME ON...

ALL RIGHT, I'LL ORDER
YOUR PETITIONS!

INTERESTING MANAGEMENT CONCEPT.

- ANDY, WHERE'S CARLSON?
- HE WENT TO SEE HIS MAMA.

- OKAY. VENUS, MENTION
THE BUILDING TONIGHT?
- YOU GOT IT.

LES, KEEP HITTING THE FLIMM
WITH YOUR BROADCASTS.

- SURE.
- OKAY. ANDY...

I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE
TO SAY, SO I GUESS I'LL LEAVE.

WHATEVER YOU SAY, BOSS.

THANK YOU.

BOY, I LOVE WHEN BAILEY GETS
ALL KICKED UP ABOUT SOMETHING.

- SHE'S ALWAYS ONTO SOMETHING.
- YEAH.

WHALES OR BABY
SEALS OR POLLUTION

OR NUCLEAR WASTE.

YOU KNOW, NUCLEAR WASTE IS A
PARTICULARLY INTERESTING SUBJECT.

HERE WE ARE, CREATING THIS
HIGHLY DANGEROUS MATERIAL

THAT HAS A LIFE OF 500
TO FIVE MILLION YEARS,

AND WE ONLY KNOW HOW TO
STORE IT FOR 20 YEARS OR SO.

IT KEEPS BUILDING UP, MORE
AND MORE OF IT ALL THE TIME.

AND NOBODY... I MEAN, NOBODY...
KNOWS WHAT TO DO WITH IT.

- IS THAT TRUE?
- YEAH!

HEY, TRAVIS, I JUST WENT
OVER TO SEE MOTHER

ABOUT THE RENTS GOING
UP, AND GUESS WHAT?

- WHAT?
- WE'RE GONNA BUILD
MY DREAM BUILDING.

"LEASE CARS, OWN PROPERTY."
THAT'S WHAT MOTHER ALWAYS SAID.

SO WE'RE GONNA GO THROUGH
WITH IT. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.

THE WKRP BUILDING,
MY DREAM COME TRUE!

- HEY!
- YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS,
DON'T YOU, LES?

- WHAT?
- YOU'RE GONNA HAVE WALLS.

I GET WALLS? OH, VENUS!

AND, TRAVIS, YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE YOUR OWN

BIG, PRIVATE OFFICE
WITH A RECORD LIBRARY.

IN MY PRIVATE OFFICE, I'VE GOT
A SECRET ENTRANCE THERE, SEE?

AND, VENUS, WE GOT A
ROOM FOR YOU DISC JOCKEYS

WHERE YOU CAN JUST SIT AND
DO WHATEVER DISC JOCKEYS DO.

AND OF COURSE JENNIFER CAN
HAVE WHATEVER SHE WANTS.

THIS IS MY DREAM COME TRUE.

MR. CARLSON, ARE YOU EXCITED?

YES, BAILEY, I AM!

LET'S GET GOING ON EDITORIAL
NUMBER TWO. COME ON.

EDITORIAL NUMBER TWO...

- GOOD MORNING, BAILEY.
- GOOD MORNING.

HOW WAS YOUR EVENING?

- OH, BAILEY, TRY TO
UNDERSTAND. MR. CARLSON...
- WHAT ARE ALL THESE?

THEY'RE PHONE MESSAGES FROM PEOPLE
WHO WANT TO HELP SAVE THE FLIMM BUILDING.

JENNIFER, IS BAILEY IN YET?

BAILEY, LISTEN TO ME.
TRY AND UNDERSTAND.

NO, MR. CARLSON, I DO
NOT WANT TO UNDERSTAND.

I KNOW THAT YOU'RE A GOOD MAN,

AND THAT YOU HAVE YOUR REASONS.

BAILEY, LISTEN. WHO KNOWS
IF MAMA'S GONNA WANT

TO BUILD THE CARLSON PLAZA
FIVE YEARS FROM NOW OR NOT?

- I'VE GOT TO STRIKE
WHILE SHE'S HOT!
- IT'S ALL RIGHT.

OH, BAILEY, THIS IS
MY DREAM BUILDING.

I DIDN'T THINK I WAS GONNA GET THIS THING
BUILT UNTIL MAYBE THE TURN OF THE CENTURY.

BUT CAN'T WE SAVE
THE FLIMM BUILDING TOO?

WELL, YEAH, BUT YOU SEE,

IF WE DO THAT, THEN
WE DON'T HAVE TO MOVE,

AND... IF WE DON'T...

I MEAN, I CAN'T
HAVE... I UNDERSTAND.

SHE UNDERSTANDS.

♪♪ HERE'S ANOTHER
POWERHOUSE BAND FROM THE '60s.

THEY'RE BACK, THEY'RE REFORMED,
THEY'VE GOT A NEW RECORD OUT.

IT'S THE SIR DOUGLAS
QUINTET, TEXAS ROCK AND ROLL.

- HOW'S IT GOING?
- I GUESS I SHOULD ASK YOU.

WELL, I'M A LITTLE MAD.

- JUST A LITTLE?
- YEAH.

WE WERE FINALLY GONNA DO
SOMETHING OF SUBSTANCE AROUND HERE.

OH, COME ON, BAILEY.

ALL WE WERE DOING WAS
BLOWING SMOKE UP OUR... NOSES.

NO, WE WEREN'T! IT
COULD'VE WORKED.

- I DON'T THINK SO.
- WHY NOT?

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BEAT THE
SYSTEM, SWEETHEART. TAKE IT FROM ME.

YOU CAN BEAT THE SYSTEM.

LOOK, WE'LL NEVER
KNOW NOW, WILL WE?

- WE NEVER GOT
STARTED, DID WE?
- FORGET IT, BAILEY.

- I CANNOT FORGET IT.
- OKAY, DON'T FORGET IT.

GET REAL MAD ABOUT IT. DEVELOP
AN ULCER. THAT'LL BE HELPFUL.

- I LIKE ULCERS.
- FINE.

- WHERE IS CARLSON'S EDITORIAL?
- OH, GET SERIOUS, BAILEY.

- WHERE IS IT?
- FORGET IT. I'M NOT GONNA
LET YOU DO THIS. GO ON.

OKAY. YOU'RE RIGHT.

- YES, I AM RIGHT.
- OH.

I ALMOST FORGOT THE REASON WHY
I CAME IN HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

YOU HAVE A PHONE CALL
ON THE BULLPEN PHONE.

SURE, I DO.

SHE SAID HER NAME WAS "BABY."

UH-HUH.

- AND THAT SHE HAS A BOAT.
- BOAT?

YEAH. TWIN-ENGINE INBOARD.

TWINS?

SHE SAID SHE REALLY LIKES
LISTENING TO YOUR SHOW,

AND SHE WANTS TO KNOW

IF YOU LIKE CUT-OFF JEANS,

SKINNY-DIPPING, AND,
UM, GETTING WEIRD.

- "GETTING WEIRD"?
- THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

BAILEY?

I'M TELLING YOU,
SHE'S ON THE PHONE.

UH, B-SIDE, THIRD
TRACK. JUST CROSS-FADE.

I'LL BE GONE FOR JUST A MINUTE.

IT SOUNDS LIKE A CODED
MESSAGE FOR HELP.

Mr. Carlson: WHAT IS A LANDMARK?

HI, THIS IS ARTHUR CARLSON,
GENERAL MANAGER OF WKRP,

SPEAKING ON BEHALF
OF THE ENTIRE STATION.

- YOU MAD?
- "MAD"?

OH, NO, I'M NOT MAD. OF COURSE,
I TALKED WITH BAILEY'S FATHER,

AND HE SAID I COULD SHOOT HER.

COME ON, MR. CARLSON.
TRY TO RELAX.

IF ONE MORE PERSON TELLS
ME THAT, THEY GET FIRED.

I MEAN... RIGHT
OFF THE PREMISES.

- MR. CARLSON?
- YEAH, WHAT?

TRY TO RELAX.

OKAY.

BAILEY'S ON HER WAY UP.

WELL, I AM NOT GOING
TO ACCEPT HER APOLOGY.

IF YOU DON'T, I'LL QUIT.

RIGHT AWAY. I THINK I'LL MULL
IT OVER IN MY MIND A LITTLE BIT.

MR. CARLSON, I AM NOT
GOING TO APOLOGIZE.

WHY NOT?

YOU WANT TO FIRE ME, PLEASE DO.

I DON'T WANT TO FIRE YOU.

I WANT TO SHOOT YOU, OF COURSE,
BUT I DON'T WANT TO FIRE YOU.

FIRING'S NOT MY
STYLE, IS IT, TRAVIS?

YOU'RE RIGHT, MR. CARLSON.

AND BEFORE I GO,
WELL, GOSH DARN IT,

I'D JUST LIKE TO SING
ALL OF YOU A LITTLE SONG.

♪ PACK UP ALL YOUR
CARES AND WOE ♪

KNOCK IT OFF, TRAVIS! THIS IS
NO TIME TO BE KIDDING AROUND.

CAN'T YOU BE SERIOUS? I'M
TRYING TO BE SERIOUS HERE.

BOTH YOU AND JENNIFER SIT OVER THERE
AND TRY TO ACT LIKE A COUPLE OF ADULTS.

- I'M GAME.
- WHY NOT?

AND AS FOR YOU, YOUNG LADY,

SURE, I LIKE THIS BUILDING.
SURE, I'D LIKE TO SAVE IT.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THESE, HUH?
WHAT ABOUT THESE PLANS?

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO FOR THESE?

THIS FLIMM BUILDING IS JUST ANOTHER
ONE OF YOUR CAUSES, ISN'T IT, HUH?

HUH? COME ON. TELL ME THE TRUTH.

- YES.
- AHA! YOU SEE?

AND JUST WHY SHOULD I PUT
FORTH ONE OUNCE OF EFFORT...

JUST WHY IN THE WORLD
SHOULD I CONTRIBUTE ANYTHING

TO SAVING THIS HEAP OF BRICKS?

WELL, SIR, ART DECO
WAS JUST ABOUT

THE LAST ARCHITECTURAL STYLE

IN WHICH HUMANISTIC DESIGN
AND FINE CRAFTSMANSHIP

WERE VALUABLE CONSIDERATIONS.

AFTER THAT CAME THE
GLASS-AND-STEEL BOX.

ORIGINALLY IT WAS
CONSIDERED AN ART FORM,

BUT IT CAUGHT ON MAINLY
BECAUSE IT WAS CHEAPER

TO HANG CURTAINS OF GLASS
THAN HAVE LOAD-BEARING WALLS.

THE MACHINE WAS A METAPHOR
FOR THESE CONSTRUCTIONS.

THE MACHINE WAS
IN; PEOPLE WERE OUT.

SPACE BECAME MORE
IMPORTANT THAN THE PLACE.

SINGULARITY OF DESIGN
REPLACED VARIETY,

WHICH, OF COURSE, IS
THE VERY ESSENCE OF LIFE.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT
I'M SAYING, MR. CARLSON?

YEAH.

AND I'M SORRY I ASKED, BAILEY.

THANKS FOR STOPPING BY.

MY PLEASURE.

BAILEY, I'D LIKE TO
PERSONALLY THANK YOU

FOR POSTPONING MR. CARLSON'S
DREAM BUILDING TO THE YEAR 2000

AND PERHAPS BANISHING
FOR TIME IMMEMORIAL

MY CHANCE FOR WALLS.

YOU'LL GET YOUR WALLS, LES.

I'M THE LOST-CAUSE
LADY, REMEMBER?

SOLAR ENERGY,
THE WHALES, E.R.A...

LET'S JUST TALK ABOUT THE E.R.A.
FOR A SECOND, WHY DON'T WE?

I'LL GIVE YOU 40 BUCKS NOT TO.

- LET'S SEE IT.
- ALL RIGHT.

AND DO NOT TELL ANYBODY

WHERE THIS CAME FROM.

HOW YOU DIDN'T GET
FIRED IS BEYOND ME.

IF I SAID NO TO THE BIG
GUY, I'D BE GONE IN A MINUTE.

THE THRESHOLD OF YOUR
TERMINATION IS MUCH LOWER, HERB.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW
BADLY I WANT TO KNOW A WOMAN

WITH TWIN INBOARD ENGINES?

I'M SORRY.

IT'S OKAY. I HAD IT COMING.

ANYWAY, SOMEBODY'S
GOT TO PLAY EDITORIALS

WHEN THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO.

YOU KNOW, DIVE IN
WHEN THEY HAVE NO IDEA

HOW DEEP THE WATER IS.

THROW CAUTION TO THE WINDS.
TAKE COMMAND OF A SITUATION

WHEN THEY HAVE NO
CONCEPT OF WHAT'S GOING ON.

NESSMAN CAN'T CARRY
THE WHOLE LOAD HIMSELF.

THANK YOU, I GUESS.

YEAH. I JUST WANT
TO SAY, BAILEY,

THAT I ADMIRE YOU
FOR WHAT YOU DID,

AND I WOULD LIKE TO
ASK YOU A QUESTION.

SURE.

IF I WERE TO GIVE YOU

A PAIR OF CUT-OFF
JEANS, AND I GOT A BOAT...

ANYTIME.

THANK YOU, SIR. I
WON'T FORGET THIS ONE.

THE BIG GUY'S AT IT AGAIN.

I'D ALSO LIKE TO SAY TOO THAT

OFTEN MY EDITORIALS ARE
WRITTEN BY BAILEY QUARTERS.

BAILEY QUARTERS IS A WOMAN,

ALTHOUGH I HAVE KNOWN
TWO BAILEYS THAT WERE MEN.

ANYHOW, BAILEY IS THE HEAD

OF OUR "SAVE THE FLIMM
BUILDING" CAMPAIGN,

AND I WANT YOU TO SEND
YOUR PETITIONS, CARDS,

LETTERS AND REMARKS TO HER.

ARCHITECTURE NOT
ONLY REFLECTS OUR TIMES,

IT IS THE ART OF OUR TIMES.

I'D ALSO LIKE TO SUBMIT THAT

PROGRESS IS NOT ALWAYS
A WONDERFUL THING.

TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,

RECENTLY I HAVEN'T BEEN
TOO HOT ON PROGRESS.

THOSE BIG, NEW, GLASS BUILDINGS

MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE.

YOU CAN'T EVEN GET A COMFORTABLE
CHAIR IN ONE OF THOSE PLACES.

OF COURSE, I COULD BE WRONG,

BECAUSE OFTENTIMES

I REALLY DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

THIS IS ARTHUR CARLSON SPEAKING.

WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

WELL, I GUESS WE'LL JUST, UM,

HAVE SOME FUN SAVING A BUILDING.

- IT IS FUN, ISN'T IT?
- UH-HUH.

UH, THAT PRECEDING
MOMENT OF SILENCE

WAS PRESENTED AS A SERVICE

TO THE HEARING-IMPAIRED
LISTENERS OF OUR STATION.

AND THIS IS VENUS
AGAIN, AND, UH...

AND I'D JUST LIKE
TO SAY I'LL BE GLAD

WHEN ALL THESE
WHITE FOLKS GO HOME.