WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 2, Episode 7 - Mike Fright - full transcript

When a garbage strike hits Cincinnati, Johnny jokingly tells the listeners to drop their garbage off on the steps of city hall. Hundreds of listeners do what he says and the city is threatening to sue. Johnny is told to apologize on-air, but he develops "mike fright" after seeing the power of his words.

(rock music plays)

Man (voice echoing):
AND THE NEWS.

IN WASHINGTON,
CONGRESS RECONVENES,

AND IN THE U.S.S.R...

IN THE U.S.S.R., PEOPLE
REMAIN POORLY DRESSED

AND RATHER HARDHEADED.

HERE IN CINCINNATI,

THE GARBAGE STRIKE MOVES
INTO ITS FIFTH CONSECUTIVE WEEK.

STAY TUNED FOR DETAILS
ON THIS AND ALL THE NEWS

AT 9:00 STRAIGHT UP.

YOU KNOW, THIS, UH,



GARBAGE STRIKE BUSINESS
IS STARTING TO ROT MY BRAIN.

MAYBE IF CITY HALL WON'T
COME TAKE YOUR GARBAGE,

YOU SHOULD TAKE YOUR
GARBAGE DOWN TO CITY HALL.

LEAVE IT ON THE FRONT STEPS
AS SORT OF A LOVE OFFERING.

UH, STAY TUNED FOR THIS
IMPORTANT COMMERCIAL "MASSAGE."

(upbeat music plays)

YOU KNOW, JOHNNY, I JUST
DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT.

- DO WHAT?
- A FOUR-HOUR SHOW
EVERY MORNING.

DUCK SOUP. JUST
TALK INTO THE MIKE,

AND YOUR VOICE GOES
OUT THROUGH THE WIRES,

AND ONCE A WEEK,
WHETHER YOU NEED IT OR NOT,

SOMEBODY COMES IN HERE AND, UH,

GIVES YOU A CHECK FOR $38.

DON'T YOU, UH, EVER GET SCARED?



YOU KNOW, LIKE, UH,
GET STAGE FRIGHT?

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU
A SECRET, BAILEY.

IF YOU EVER FIND
YOURSELF ON THE AIR,

AND YOU FEEL A LITTLE NERVOUS,

JUST IMAGINE THAT
YOU'RE SPEAKING

TO ONE SPECIFIC PERSON.

SEE?

WHICH, IN FACT, IS
PROBABLY THE CASE HERE.

THE MAIN THING IS,
DON'T THINK ABOUT IT.

JUST DO IT.

THINKING WILL KILL
YOU EVERY TIME.

(upbeat music plays)

(gasping)

WHENEVER ARE YOU ARE REELING
WITH A DISCONNECTED FEELING,

IN A MOOD THAT
DEFIES ALL DESCRIPTION,

GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK.

TAKE WHAT I TAKE.

DEMAND THE DOCTOR'S
PATENTED PRESCRIPTION.

(along with record)
SOMEBODY SAY, HEY.

JUST KIDDING.

♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN, UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI ♪

- IT'S NUTS, HERB. IT'S NUTS!
- IT IS NOT NUTS.

- IT IS BUSINESS.
- IT'S RIDICULOUS.

LOOK, ANDY, I'M
TELLING YOU THAT...

WILL YOU GUYS STOP
ARGUING? I HATE ARGUING.

I KNOW THAT, SIR.

EXACTLY WHAT DOES
MR. PROBONSKI WANT?

MR. PROBONSKI OWNS AND OPERATES

THE MERCHANT OF
VENICE PAWN SHOPS.

"MERCHANT OF VENICE."

THEY ARE ALL OVER
TOWN. AND, GET THIS,

HE IS PLANNING TO
OPEN ONE UP IN AKRON.

AKRON. I'M NOT KIDDING.

AND HE WANTS TO
ADVERTISE ON KRP.

- (knock at door)
- COME IN.

OH, JENNIFER, AM I
NEEDED ELSEWHERE?

- NO.
- OH.

BUT... I DO HAVE A COUPLE OF
RATHER STRANGE PHONE CALLS.

- OH? LIKE WHAT?
- WELL, ONE WOMAN

CALLED IN TO SAY SHE THANKS GOD

FOR MEN LIKE JOHNNY FEVER.

- (whistles) THAT IS STRANGE. WONDER WHO...
- AND ANOTHER ONE.

THIS ONE SAYS, "TELL DR. FEVER

WE'RE WITH HIM
TILL THE BITTER END.

AND THIS ONE SAYS...

THAT'S FOR ME.

- IS THAT IT, JENNIFER?
- SO FAR.

OKAY, WHY DON'T YOU
FIND OUT WHAT'S GOING ON?

AND HAVE IT STOPPED.

- OKEYDOKEY.
- GO AHEAD, HERB.

ALL RIGHT.

UH, MR. PROBONSKI
IS A PATRIOTIC MAN.

- CONTINUE.
- HE WILL ONLY
ADVERTISE WITH US

IF WE PLAY A CERTAIN RECORD

AFTER EACH OF HIS COMMERCIALS.

WHAT RECORD?

THE NATIONAL ANTHEM.

HERB, I THINK THIS GUY'S
ABOUT A DIME SHORT.

SO WHAT?

HERB, IF WE PLAY
THE NATIONAL ANTHEM,

PEOPLE ARE GONNA THINK
WE'RE SIGNING OFF THE AIR.

OR THAT A FOOTBALL
GAME IS ABOUT TO BEGIN.

- GET HIM OUT OF HERE.
- NOW, WAIT.

JUST WHAT IF I GOT MR. PROBONSKI

TO JUST FORGET ABOUT THIS WHOLE

NATIONAL ANTHEM THING AND,
UH, WE PLAY ANOTHER RECORD?

- HUH?
- LIKE WHAT?

WELL, UNLESS I MISS MY BET,

I THINK HE'LL SETTLE FOR "THE
BALLAD OF THE GREEN BERETS."

FOR THE LAST HOUR AND A
HALF, APPROXIMATELY 100 PEOPLE

HAVE DUMPED THEIR GARBAGE
ON THE STEPS OF CITY HALL.

WHY?

DON'T TELL, JENNIFER.
DON'T TELL WHY.

BECAUSE JOHNNY
FEVER TOLD THEM TO.

THERE, YOU SEE? YOU TOLD WHY.

- WHEN?
- THIS MORNING.

- WHO TOLD YOU THIS?
- THE MAYOR'S OFFICE.

(chuckles) THAT'S GOOD.

- ARE WE IN TROUBLE, JENNIFER?
- ABSOLUTELY.

- DO I NEED TO CALL
MY MOTHER'S ATTORNEY?
- DEFINITELY.

- BETTER GO TALK TO JOHNNY.
- IMMEDIATELY.

- I'D BETTER GO TOO.
- HERB, COULD YOU SLIP OUT

AND SEE IF YOU CAN GET ME ONE OF
THOSE SMALL, STEEL, GRAY ITALIAN PISTOLS?

GOTCHA.

HE'S KIDDING, HERB.

- I KNEW THAT.
- NO, YOU DIDN'T.

I DID TOO.

- SOUTHERN CAL.
- RIGHT.

- FLORIDA.
- WRONG.

- I DON'T KNOW, MAN. THEY'RE DUE.
- ALABAMA.

- AND GIVE 22 POINTS?
- SURE. WE'RE TALKING ALABAMA.

I DON'T GIVE ANYBODY 22 POINTS.

OOH-WEE! THE BEAR'S GONNA
MAKE A MONKEY OUT OF YOU.

ALL RIGHT, THIS IS IT.

COME ON, FEVER,
WHAT'S THE STORY?

WELL, WE'RE NOT GAMBLING,
SIR. WE JUST DO THIS FOR FUN.

BETTING ON FOOTBALL IS ILLEGAL.

YEAH, WELL, THE GAME'S OVER. GARBAGE ALL
OVER THE PLACE. WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS...

ART, HOLD IT, HOLD IT.

DID YOU TELL PEOPLE TO DUMP THEIR
GARBAGE ON THE CITY HALL STEPS?

(turns music down)

- UH, MAYBE.
- WHEN?

UH, A COUPLE OF
HOURS AGO. I JUST...

- THEY'RE DOING IT.
- THEY ARE?

- YEAH.
- LOTS OF 'EM.

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY DOING
WHAT I TOLD THEM TO DO?

- YEAH.
- OH, MY GOD!

I JUST MENTIONED IT CASUALLY.

COMING THROUGH. LET HIM
BY, LET HIM BY, LET HIM BY.

- EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.
- IT WAS LIKE A JOKE, YOU KNOW?

HOW MANY PEOPLE?

- 100, AT LAST COUNT.
- (whistles)

- HUNDRED PEOPLE?
- THAT'S RIGHT.

WE'VE GOT TO KEEP AS LOW A
PROFILE AS POSSIBLE ON THIS.

- DON'T SAY ANYTHING, AND CERTAINLY
DON'T SAY A WORD - THIS IS LES NESSMAN

- ON THE AIR.
- WITH A SPECIAL NEWS FLASH.

- RIGHT.
- GARBAGE HOLOCAUST
BRINGS CITY TO ITS KNEES.

THIS MORNING AT CITY
HALL, WITHOUT WARNING,

PEOPLE WERE TOSSING
EVERY FORM OF GARBAGE...

COFFEE GROUNDS, EGGSHELLS,
BANANA PEELS, MILK CARTONS,

AND A LIST FAR TOO
DISGUSTING TO DESCRIBE HERE

ONTO CITY HALL STEPS.

WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR
THESE GARBAGE GOONS?

WHAT KIND OF PLOT...

THE TWISTED LOGIC BEHIND
THIS GARBAGE CONSPIRACY

TO DEFACE THE QUEEN
CITY REMAINS A MYSTERY,

BUT ONE THING IS CLEAR:

THIS DARK WEDNESDAY
WILL LIVE IN INFAMY.

IT'S THURSDAY, LES.

THURSDAY.

- BOY, I'M GOOD.
- YEAH, YEAH.

(music powers up)

LOOK, WOULD YOU MIND
JUST CLEARING OUT OF HERE?

- I'M STILL ON THE AIR,
WITH NO THANKS TO LES.
- SURE, MAN.

HE CAN'T THROW ME
OUT OF THIS BOOTH.

MR. CARLSON, YOU WANT TO LEAVE.

OH. YEAH, YEAH. I'M GONNA GO
CALL MY LAWYER. FOLLOW ME, TRAVIS.

- YOU'RE FIRED, FEVER!
- NOT NOW, CARLSON.

- I GOT REAL PROBLEMS.
- HUH?

COME ON, MR. CARLSON.

A HUNDRED PEOPLE?

YOU'RE A POWERFUL DUDE.

- (turns music up)
- JOHNNY, THIS HAS GOT TO STOP.

YOU'RE GETTING MORE
CALLS THAN THE WHITE HOUSE.

- I JUST MENTIONED IT
CASUALLY. I DIDN'T...
- MM-HMM.

AT LAST COUNT, 300 PEOPLE
HAD DUMPED THEIR GARBAGE.

THESE CALLERS WANT TO KNOW
WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO DO NEXT.

DON'T EVER DO THIS TO ME AGAIN.

(gasping)

(R & B music plays)

♪ NOWHERE TO RUN TO, BABY ♪

♪ NOWHERE TO HIDE ♪

YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO GET THE GUN.

ANDY TOLD ME NOT TO.

HE'S KIDDING, HERB.

I KNOW.

WHERE'S MY LAWYER?

HE'D GET US OUT OF THIS MESS.

WELL, FEVER'S NOT HOME.

- WHAT ARE YOU SO CONCERNED
ABOUT HIS WELL BEING FOR?
- WHY?

BECAUSE WHEN HE HEARD
ABOUT THIS GARBAGE

THING, HE FROZE ON THE
AIR. HE COULDN'T TALK.

ISN'T THAT GOOD, TRAVIS? WE'VE
FINALLY GOT HIM WHERE WE WANT HIM.

OH, COME ON. VENUS WILL
KNOW WHERE TO FIND HIM.

MR. CARLSON?

- MR. NEESE IS HERE.
- OH. GOOD.

- ELGAR, THANKS FOR COMING OVER.
- NO PROBLEM, ARTHUR.

GENTLEMEN, THIS IS MY
LAWYER, ELGAR NEESE.

GENTLEMEN. NOW, HERE'S THE DEAL.

YOU DON'T SAY ANYTHING,
YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING.

ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY
OR DO, I'LL SAY AND DO FOR YOU.

- GOT THAT?
- I'VE GOT IT, YEAH.

- IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME.
- I THINK YOU'D BETTER STAY,
MISS MARLOWE.

WHY?

NO REASON.

- OKAY.
- NOW, HERE'S THE DEAL.

WE HAVE TO MAKE CLEAR
RIGHT FROM THE OUTSET

THAT THE PUBLIC IS IN
NO WAY LEGALLY BOUND

TO FOLLOW THE DICTA
THAT SOME RADIO BUFFOON

DECIDES TO SPEW FORTH.

Mr. Carlson: ELGAR, TALK TO ME.

THANK YOU, JENNIFER.

- TRAVIS... WHO'S TRAVIS?
- I AM.

TRAVIS, YOUR POSITION IN
THIS WHOLE GARBAGE INCIDENT

IS THAT IT WAS DONE CLEARLY
IN THE INTEREST OF HUMOR.

MY THINKING EXACTLY.

- YOU MUST BE TARLEK.
- (phone rings)

YES?

- (ringing)
- NEESE.

YEAH? YEAH?

UH-HUH. UH-HUH. UH-HUH.

UH-HUH.

HOW DOES IT LOOK, ELGAR?

NOT GOOD.

WHAT-WHAT SHOULD WE DO?

FIRST THING: FIRE
THAT DISC JOCKEY.

WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD IT.
WE'RE NOT FIRING ANYBODY.

IT WOULD BE A SHOW OF
GOOD FAITH ON OUR PART.

- TOO BAD.
- ARTHUR, LISTEN TO YOUR LAWYER.

I'LL THINK ABOUT IT, ELGAR.

ALL RIGHT. IN THE MEANTIME,

I'LL GO DOWN TO CITY HALL AND
SEE WHICH WAY THE WIND'S BLOWING.

(blues music plays)

HEY, MAN.

I WAS TALKING TO ANDY, AND HE WAS
SAYING YOU WERE HAVING SOME PROBLEMS,

SO I FIGURED YOU'D EITHER
BE HERE OR AT THE LIBRARY

OR AT YOUR CLUB.

I CAME HERE FIRST.

DON'T WANT TO
TALK ABOUT IT, HUH?

ARE YOU EVER GONNA TALK AGAIN?

OKAY, I'LL JUST STAND
HERE AND TALK TO MYSELF.

HOW ABOUT THAT, HUH?

"HOW ABOUT A DRINK,
VENUS?" "NO, MAN."

"HOW COME?"

"I'M HIGH ON LIFE."

"THAT'S STUPID, CHUMP."

"HEY, MAN, JUST COOL IT."

"WHAT'S THIS I HEAR ABOUT
FEVER CHOKING UP ON THE AIR?"

"I DON'T KNOW, MAN. YOU'D HAVE TO
TALK TO HIM. HE'S STANDING RIGHT THERE."

"HOW COME YOU WEAR THAT
EARRING?" "SHUT UP, MAN."

ARE YOU THROUGH?

AM I EVER.

- HEY, HE TALKED!
- HUH?

NOTHING.

WHAT'S HAPPENING, MAN?

WELL, I FROZE, VENUS.

I WENT UP ON THE AIR. I
COULDN'T GET IT BACK.

YOU KNOW WHAT
THAT MEANS. I MEAN,

YOU START CHOKING, IT
JUST GETS WORSE, YOU KNOW?

OH, COME ON, MAN.
DON'T TALK LIKE THAT.

- IT'S TRUE.
- IT IS NOT TRUE.

LOOK, JOHNNY, WHEN YOU
FALL OFF THE HORSE, MAN,

YOU'VE GOT TO GET RIGHT
BACK UP ON THAT THING. YEAH.

YOU REMEMBER THAT BASEBALL PLAYER...
WHAT'S HIS NAME? HERB, HERB SCORE.

YEAH.

YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO
HIM. HE GOT HIT BY A BALL, RIGHT?

- YEAH, AND HE CAME BACK.
- THAT'S RIGHT.

MM-HMM. SO WHAT? HE
WAS NEVER ANY GOOD.

OH, YEAH. LOOK, NOW,
THAT'S A BAD STORY, SEE?

YEAH.

- I'LL GIVE YOU
A GOOD STORY, PAL.
- ALL RIGHT.

DID YOU EVER KNOW ED TOWNE?

- WHO?
- BOOGIE-DOWN TOWNE,
NEW YORK DEEJAY?

- OH, SURE, YEAH.
- YEAH.

- WELL, HE FROZE.
- MM-HMM.

WENT UP ON THE AIR,
WENT OUT FOR SIX YEARS.

- YEAH, THAT'S THE STORY.
- THAT AIN'T HALF
THE STORY, MAN.

WHEN HE CAME BACK,

NOBODY WANTED HIM, YOU KNOW?

YOU KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING NOW?

NO, WHAT?

SPINNING DISCO IN SOME CLUB

IN FAR ROCKAWAY.

I CAN'T SPIN DISCO,
VENUS. I CAN'T DO IT.

NOT DISCO, MAN. I
MEAN, I'D RATHER

SELL VACUUM CLEANERS
DOOR TO DOOR.

- THEY MAKE BETTER MUSIC!
- WILL YOU COOL IT, MAN?

- JUST COOL IT.
- I'M SORRY.

HEY, MAN, THIS AIN'T
NO ROBERT HALL.

SNOOKY, HIT ME, WILL YOU?

A DOUBLE.

I'VE, UH... I'VE REALLY
BEEN THINKING

ABOUT A CAREER CHANGE, MAN.

- I'VE HAD IT WITH RADIO.
- RIGHT.

- IT'S THE TRUTH.
- MM-HMM.

WELL, YOU'RE MORE THAN
QUALIFIED FOR MANY THINGS.

LET'S SEE. YOU COULD
BE AN ASTRONAUT.

MAYBE A BRAIN SURGEON.
HOW ABOUT THE FLOWER SHOP?

WELL, I WAS THINKING I'D
LIKE TO WORK IN ONE OF THEM

LITTLE YELLOW
BUILDINGS, YOU KNOW?

FOLKS DRIVE UP,
LEAVE THEIR FILM,

COME BACK.

TWO DAYS LATER, THEY'VE GOT
LITTLE BRIGHT-COLORED PICTURES.

BESIDES, THE BUILDINGS ARE
AIR-CONDITIONED. I'D LIKE THAT.

THAT IS SOMETHING.

WANT TO PLAY ONE-BALL?

TWO BITS?

- YOU GOT TWO BITS?
- TWO WHOLE BITS?

SURE.

LOOK, WHY DON'T I
GIVE YOU FOUR BITS,

AND YOU BIG SPENDERS
CAN PLAY FOR BIG MONEY?

- FOUR BITS OKAY?
- SURE.

- YOU'RE ON.
- WOW. WHEN YOU GET OLD,
I'M GONNA GIVE YOU

A WHOLE DOLLAR TO BET WITH.

I THINK YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH
TO KNOW THIS NOW, PAL.

IN THIS BAR, TWO BITS IS $25,

FOUR BITS IS $50, AND SO ON.

PINBALL FOR $50?

- HOW ARE YOU DOING, JOHNNY.
- JUST FINE, ANDY.

DO YOU SUPPOSE YOU
COULD GO BACK ON THE AIR?

CAN YOU GO BACK ON THE AIR?

LET ME TELL YOU WHY I ASK THAT.

YOU SEE, I'VE HAD A
VERY TOUGH DAY, JOHNNY.

CARLSON'S RANTING AND RAVING,

HUNDREDS OF PHONE
CALLS COMING IN,

LITTLE TINY LAWYERS RUNNING
AROUND ALL OVER THE PLACE.

I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S
A CIRCUS OVER THERE.

SO I WAS WONDERING, COULD
YOU DO SOMETHING FOR ME?

HERE'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO.

WOULD YOU... WOULD...

- IS THAT YOUR BEER?
- YEAH.

COULD YOU APOLOGIZE ON THE AIR
FOR WHAT YOU SAID THIS MORNING?

HMM? YOU KNOW, JUST KIND
OF SAY THAT YOU'RE SORRY.

THE LAWYER SAYS WE CAN
GET OFF THE HOOK THAT WAY.

- HUH?
- LOOK, MAN, I CAN'T
EVEN TALK ON THE AIR,

LET ALONE
APOLOGIZE. (voice cracks)

YOU TALK WITH HIM, VENUS, LIKE YOU
WERE SUPPOSED TO TALK WITH HIM.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

JOHNNY,

JUST HOW GOOD ARE
YOU AT PINBALL, MAN?

WHAT? WAIT A MINUTE.

LOOK, DON'T DO IT FOR ME,

DON'T DO IT FOR THE STATION,
DO IT FOR MR. CARLSON.

WHAT'S HE EVER DONE FOR ME?

DID YOU HEAR THAT? WHAT'S
HE EVER DONE FOR YOU?

I'LL TELL YOU: HE HIRED YOU
WHEN NOBODY ELSE WOULD, PAL.

YEAH.

OKAY, MAN, BUT I JUST
WANT TO WARN YOU,

I'M ON A PERMANENT
CHOKE MODE HERE.

IT'S GONE.

- IT'S GONE? GONE?
- YEAH.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- I HAVE NO VOICE.

- YOU'RE THE DOCTOR.
- OH, MAN...

YOU'RE THE MAN. YOU'RE THE ONE.

YOU'RE THE ONE AND
ONLY. YOU'RE THE GUY.

YOU'RE ALONE ON A
RAINY, PARCHED BEACH.

IT'S RAINY AND PARCHED?

BLOODIED BUT NOT BOWED.

RUGGED CHIN STUCK OUT THERE
AGAINST THE COLD, HARSH BREEZE.

YOU CAN DO IT, AND
LET ME TELL YOU WHY:

YOU CAN DO IT BECAUSE
YOU'VE DONE IT BEFORE.

I'M SERIOUS. HE'S DONE IT
BEFORE. HE CAN DO IT AGAIN.

- LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING, MISTER.
- YEAH.

- THAT MAN HAS BEEN
DEALT SOME TOUGH CARDS.
- OH, YEAH.

(vocalizing dramatic theme)

BUT HE'S AT THE TABLE,

AND HE IS GOING TO WIN!

(vocalizing flourish)

YOU CAN DO IT, JOHNNY. I'M
TELLING YOU YOU CAN DO IT.

HEY!

58 MILLION, SPORT. YOUR TURN.

"MILLION"?

YOU WANT ME TO GO
TO WORK, PAY THE MAN.

- HOW MUCH DO YOU OWE HIM?
- UH, FOUR BITS.

- OH, I THINK I'VE GOT THAT.
- THANKS, THANKS, ANDY.

- I'M GONNA GO WITH JOHNNY.
- ALL RIGHT. I'LL CATCH YOU
IN A SEC.

HERE YOU GO, MY
FRIEND: TWO QUARTERS.

BUY YOURSELF AN OUTFIT.

(Venus vocalizing Rocky theme)

VENUS, IT'S GETTING
A LITTLE OLD,

IT'S GETTING A LITTLE FLAT.

- OKAY, OKAY. YOU'RE
GOING WITH ME, RIGHT?
- YEAH.

- OKAY.
- JOHNNY?

UH, COFFEE?

I KNOW THIS ISN'T
YOUR MUG, BUT STILL...

- THANK YOU.
- MY PLEASURE.

BOY, EVERYBODY SURE
WANTS ME TO APOLOGIZE.

NO, WE JUST WANT YOU TO
GO BACK ON THE AIR, JOHNNY.

THAT'S THE MAIN THING.

- TRUE?
- TRUE.

WELL, OKAY.

JENNIFER, YOU'LL
HAVE TO COME WITH US.

NO REASON.

(Venus vocalizing)

- VENUS...
- I'M SORRY, OKAY?

- HI, BAILEY.
- HI.

JUST PRETEND YOU'RE
TALKING TO ONE PERSON.

YEAH, RIGHT.

WILL I EVER SEE YOU AGAIN?

I THINK SO.

RIGHT IN THERE.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

I TRIED TO GIVE A GUY
50 CENTS, HE WANTED $50.

MEANWHILE, IN PHILADELPHIA,

LOCAL FIGHTER NEARLY
BEATEN TO DEATH.

NOW THIS.

- GET UP, LES.
- WHY?

'CAUSE I'LL KILL
YOU IF YOU DON'T.

SIT DOWN, JOHNNY, RIGHT THERE.

THE COMMERCIAL IS STILL ON. YOU TALK
RIGHT IN THAT THING WHEN IT'S OFF, RIGHT?

AND I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT.
I'VE SEEN YOU PLAY PINBALL.

WE'LL GET OUT OF THE BOOTH
HERE SO YOU WON'T GET NERVOUS.

- GOOD.
- COME ON.

- YOU OKAY, MAN?
- I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

COME ON, JOHNNY.

YOU CAN DO IT.

- YEAH.
- JUST PRETEND

YOU'RE TALKING TO ONE PERSON.

A FRIEND. ME.

OKAY.

THAT'S HOW YOU
TOLD ME HOW TO DO IT.

NOW YOU DO IT.

OKAY, I'LL GIVE IT A TRY.

JUST TALK TO ME.

UH-HUH.

(commercial theme plays)

TALK TO ME.

THIS... IS, UH, YOUR
DOCTOR SPEAKING.

HELLO AND GOOD
AFTERNOON, CINCINNATI.

I SURE WOULD LIKE
TO TAKE YOU HOME

AND KISS YOU ALL
OVER IN THE DARK.

BUT FIRST, UH...

I...

I...

I WANT TO APOLOGIZE

FOR WHAT I... SAID THIS MORNING.

UM... I TOLD YOU TO, UH,

TAKE ALL YOUR GARBAGE
DOWN TO CITY HALL

AND LEAVE IT ON THE
STEPS THERE, AND...

THAT DIDN'T... WORK OUT SO WELL.

IT'S A TERRIBLE WAY
TO TREAT YOUR TRASH.

ANYWAY, UH, DON'T, UH...

DON'T, UH, DO THAT
ANYMORE, OKAY?

AND, UH, NOW LET'S LISTEN
TO SOME MUSIC HERE.

(R & B plays)

SLY AND THE FAMILY STONE.

"REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE."

THAT'S A NICE PIECE OF ADVICE.

♪ WHEN WE KNOW WE ARE HEARING ♪

♪ EVERYTHING WE SAY ♪

♪ WHAT THEY THINK
THEY'RE FEELING ♪

♪ ARE THE GAMES THEY
THINK WE'RE PLAYING ♪

ATTENTION, FELLOW BABIES.

IF YOU'RE DRIVING
AROUND OUT THERE

WITH YOUR CAR FULL
OF GARBAGE RIGHT NOW,

AND YOU WERE ON YOUR
WAY DOWN TO CITY HALL,

WELL, THE DOCTOR FEELS KIND
OF RESPONSIBLE ABOUT THAT, SO...

WHY DON'T YOU CRUISE
ON BY THE MAYOR'S HOME...

OR MAYBE THE UNION
CHIEF'S HOME, YOU SEE?

AND WE'LL GET THOSE ADDRESSES FOR YOU
REAL SOON SO YOU CAN FIND 'EM REAL EASY.

THE POINT IS, SEE, IF
YOUR TRASH COMES

FLYING OUT ON THE LAWN
THERE, IT COULD BE AN ACCIDENT

OR IT COULD BE A
POLITICAL STATEMENT.

MY POINT HERE IS, WE
DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THIS

SH... GARBAGE ANYMORE.

MR. CARLSON... SIR,

I WANT YOU TO HEAR WHAT A
GOOD, DEAR FRIEND OF YOURS

IS DOING TO HELP YOU.

I'LL TELL YOU
SOMETHING ELSE TOO...

WE OUGHT TO ALL JUST STOP
PAYING OUR UTILITY BILLS.

NOW, WHAT'S THE UTILITY
COMPANY GONNA DO?

CLOSE ITS DOORS? LET'S
TALK ABOUT THE TELEPHONE.

NEVER MIND.

(rock music plays)

(man singing, indistinct)

(meows)