WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 2, Episode 14 - A Family Affair - full transcript

♪ EASE THE PAIN OF NOWHERE ♪

♪ STOP MY HEART FROM BREAKING ♪

♪ JUST LIE TO ME ♪

♪ TRUTH COULDN'T HELP ME NOW ♪

LIE TO ME! THE TRUTH
COULDN'T HELP ME NOW.

WHEW! SOME STONE-COLD
TRUTH IN THAT, BABIES.

THAT IS THE DUROCS,
AND THIS IS THE DOCTOR,

AND YOU KNOW I
WOULDN'T LIE TO YOU.

I WANT TO TELL YOU
IT'S 8:10 IN THE A.M.

I TOLD YOU THE
TRUTH WOULDN'T HELP.

THAT MEANS IT'S WAKE-UP TIME!



IT'S YOUR LAST CALL FOR
MEANINGFUL EMPLOYMENT,

SO YOU'VE JUST GOT TIME
TO JUMP OUT OF YOUR JAMMIES

AND POUR YOURSELF A NICE, HOT,

STEAMING CUP OF...
Man: CHEMICALS.

WHAT DO THEY MEAN? HOW
HAVE THEY TOUCHED YOUR LIFE?

Child: MOMMY, ARE THESE
GREEN PORK CHOPS STILL GOOD?

Man: A FEW SHORT YEARS AGO, THE ANSWER
WOULD'VE BEEN AN UNFORTUNATE "NO,"

BUT TODAY, GREEN MEAT IS...

GOOD MORNING, GOOD
MORNING, GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

- WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE SO EARLY?
- WELL, I WORK HERE, REMEMBER?

OH, YES. TRAVIS. (chuckles)

JOHN, ALLOW ME TO JUST
TAKE A MOMENT HERE, SIR,

TO SAY TO YOU, A, WHAT A
SPECIAL HUMAN BEING YOU ARE,



AND B, WHAT A WONDERFUL
JOB YOU CONTINUE TO DO...

TRAVIS...

- WHAT?
- IT'S EARLY. WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU MIGHT
BE IN THE MARKET FOR A FAVOR.

- GIVING OR TAKING?
- MAYBE BOTH.

MM-HMM. COMING OUT HERE.

Child: OH, MOMMY, NONE OF THESE
APPLES HAVE UGLY, BROWN SPOTS.

Man: THAT'S RIGHT. AND
THEY WON'T, EVEN LONG AFTER

THE APPLES ARE UNSAFE TO EAT.

CHEMICALS:

A NATURAL PART OF LIFE.

- HEY, LET'S TALK FUN.
- LET'S NOT.

YOU'RE A GOOD-LOOKING GUY. AS
YOU KNOW, MY SISTER'S IN TOWN,

AND I'VE BEEN SHOWING HER AROUND FOR
FOUR DAYS NOW AND HAVING A GREAT TIME.

- WHY? 'CAUSE SHE'S
A LOT OF FUN.
- SWELL.

BUT I'M HER BROTHER, SO I WAS
WONDERING IF MAYBE YOU COULD...

TRAVIS, GIVE ME A BREAK, HUH?

WELL, WHY NOT?

- BLIND DATES?
- I'M WILLING TO PAY FOR IT.

YOU'LL PAY?

WELL, SHE'S NOT
HAVING ANY FUN WITH ME.

HOW CAN YOU DO THAT,
MAN? HOW CAN YOU PUT

A DOLLAR VALUE ON
YOUR SISTER'S COMPANY?

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, HOW MUCH?

30 BUCKS.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR SISTER?

- ALL RIGHT, 40.
- UP FRONT?

WHAT'S SHE LOOK LIKE?

IS SHE A LARGE WOMAN?

- NO, SHE'S CUTE, SHE'S
CHARMING, SHE'S FUN COMPANY.
- MM-HMM.

- WHAT DOES SHE LOOK LIKE?
- LIKE ME.

- FIFTY.
- YOU GOT IT.

♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN, UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI ♪

IT'S VERY, VERY SIMPLE.

S-S-SIX BUTTONS?

NO, ACTUALLY, THERE
ARE JUST FIVE BUTTONS.

THIS LITTLE RED
ONE HERE ON THE END

IS USED TO PUT PEOPLE ON HOLD.

- OH.
- MY PERSONAL FAVORITE.

OKAY. I THINK I'VE GOT IT.

I'M SURE YOU HAVE.

NOW, YOU TAKE GOOD CARE OF MY
TELEPHONE AND HAVE A LOT OF FUN.

- I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
- OKAY. (chuckles)

AND YOU HAVE A
GOOD TIME SHOPPING.

OH, I WILL. I ALWAYS HAVE A
WONDERFUL TIME SPENDING MONEY.

OH, JENNIFER, WHAT
IF THE CALL'S FOR ME?

OH, DON'T BE AN OLD SILLY.

I'M SORRY. I CERTAINLY DON'T
WANT TO BE AN OLD SILLY.

(ringing)

GOOD MORNING. WKRP RADIO.

OH, I'M SORRY.
JENNIFER'S NOT IN TODAY.

OH, SHE'S GONE SHOPPING.

WELL, SHOES, I THINK.

WHERE? OH, FROM NEW YORK?

WELL, LISTEN, CAN
I TAKE A MESSAGE?

I COULDN'T TELL HER
ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

I HAVE TO HANG UP.

BOY.

(clears throat)

OH, GOOD MORNING,
YOUNG LADY. MAY I HELP YOU?

- YES, I WAS LOOKING FOR...
- (phone rings)

EXCUSE ME JUST A MOMENT.

- GOOD MORNING. WKRP RADIO.
- (ringing)

YEAH, HOLD ON. I'VE GOT
TO ANSWER THE PHONE.

GOOD MORNING, WKRP RADIO.

WHAT? OH, I'M SORRY.

- YOU AREN'T THE PERSON I WAS
JUST TALKING TO, ARE YOU?
- (ringing)

HOLD ON A MINUTE.

GOOD MORNING. WKRP RADIO.

WHAT? WELL, LOOK,
WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES.

I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANY CAUSE
TO USE THAT KIND OF LANGUAGE.

YEAH, WELL, SO ARE YOU.

- NOW, WHERE WERE WE?
- (whistles)

OH.

SO, - I AM CAROL TRAVIS,
ANDY'S SISTER.
- AH.

ANDY WHO? OH,
TRAVIS, TRAVIS, YEAH.

I'M ARTHUR CARLSON,
AND I'M IN CHARGE HERE.

OH. NICE TO MEET
YOU, MR. CARLSON.

IT LOOKS LIKE THEY
KEEP YOU VERY BUSY.

OH, YOU MEAN THIS? OH, I
DON'T DO WHAT I'M DOING HERE.

USUALLY WHAT I DO, I DO
IN THERE. BUT THE LADY

THAT DOES HERE WHAT
I'M DOING HERE ISN'T HERE,

AND SO I'M ACTUALLY DOING WHAT
SHE DOES HERE INSTEAD OF IN THERE.

- OH.
- I LOOK AT THIS
AS AN OPPORTUNITY

TO COME OUT HERE AND GET A TASTE
OF WHAT IT'S LIKE IN THE TRENCHES.

OH, SORT OF LIKE FRONT-LINE
ACTION, IN THERE WITH THE TROOPS.

THAT'S IT EXACTLY.

AND THAT'S WHY I'M NOT
EMBARRASSED ABOUT IT EITHER.

DON'T TOUCH ME,
LES, AND I MEAN IT.

WELL, I'M SORRY.

- HI, BIG GUY.
- WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOU?

HERB FELL FROM THE SKY, BIG GUY.

NOW HE'S TRYING TO
BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHING.

YOU BET I AM.

WE WENT OUT TO DO BAILEY'S
HANG-GLIDING PROMOTION YESTERDAY...

YOU KNOW, WHERE I GO UP
IN THE AIR IN THE FISH SUIT?

- OH.
- WELL, THIS JERK HERE

IS DRIVING THE CAR
THAT'S PULLING ME.

I GET ABOUT 20 FEET
OFF THE GROUND,

AND HE DECIDES TO
STOP FOR A STOP SIGN.

- THAT'S THE LAW, HERB.
- (whiny voice) "THAT'S THE LAW, HERB."

TELL IT TO MY BACK, LES.

OH, HEY, LISTEN, GUYS, I GOT
SOMEBODY I WANT YOU TO MEET.

THIS IS ANDY'S
LITTLE SISTER, CAROL.

- HI.
- HI.

AH, A LITTLE TRAVIS-ETTE, HUH?

THIS IS HERB TARLEK,
AND THIS IS LES NESSMAN.

YES, I'VE HEARD A LOT
ABOUT BOTH OF YOU.

- NO DOUBT.
- LISTEN, GUYS,

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE CAROL
ON BACK TO ANDY'S OFFICE?

CERTAINLY. THIS
WAY, MISS TRAVIS.

(groans) BOY, I'M IN A
LOT OF PAIN, CAROL.

- REALLY?
- YEAH, BUT MY HEAD'S CLEAR,
AND I THANK GOD FOR THAT.

(ringing)

GOOD MORNING. WKRP RADIO.

OH, I'M SORRY, BUT
ARTHUR CARLSON'S NOT IN.

NO, HE'S IN WASHINGTON,

LUNCHING WITH THE
HEAD OF THE FCC.

SURE, IT'S SILLY, BUT
THAT'S WHERE HE IS.

VENUS, YOU WILL HAVE FUN.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PUT ON THIS
FISH SUIT AND HOLD ON TO THE BAR.

- THEN WHY DON'T YOU DO IT?
- WHAT WOULD THAT PROVE?

PEOPLE WANT TO SEE A STAR.

NOW, YOU ARE A
STAR. THINK OF IT...

YOU'LL BE FLYING
WAY UP HIGH IN THE AIR,

YOUR HAIR WILL BE
FLOWING IN THE BREEZE...

OR NOT.

VENUS, UH, THIS IS

MY PROMOTIONAL IDEA,
AND I NEED YOUR HELP.

NOW, I SENT HERB UP THIS
PAST WEEKEND, BUT WHO'S HERB?

A NOBODY. I NEED A
STAR. I WANT A STAR.

- BUT IS IT DANGEROUS?
- OH, OF COURSE NOT.

- HEY, VENUS.
- Venus: WHAT'S HAPPENING?

HEY, VENUS IS GOING UP IN
THE HANG GLIDER THIS WEEKEND.

- GOOD.
- I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.

- THINK ABOUT THIS.
- WHAT'S THIS?

THIS IS YOUR PLAYLIST
FROM LAST WEEK.

NOW, IN MY HUMBLE OPINION,
YOU'RE NOT PLAYING ENOUGH HITS.

- I DON'T PLAY HITS, I MAKE 'EM.
- NO, VENUS, LET ME
TELL YOU SOMETHING.

SEE, THIS IS A TOP-40
STATION. WE PLAY THE HITS.

WHAT ABOUT JOHNNY?
YOU TALK TO HIM?

I THOUGHT I'D TALK TO SOMEONE
FROM OUR SOLAR SYSTEM FIRST.

ANDY! PICTURE YOURSELF FLYING

WAY UP HIGH IN THE AIR.

YOUR HAIR IS FLOWING IN THE
BREEZE. NOW, THAT STUFF WILL FLOW.

NOT NOW, BAILEY.

OKAY, I'LL JUST GO ASK JOHNNY.

ANDY, I'LL BET YOU THINK I
PLAY TOO MANY BLACK SONGS.

COME ON, VENUS. THIS HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH RACE, AND YOU KNOW IT.

PLAY SOMETHING WHITE.

I PLAY THE BEST MUSIC,
MAN. MUSIC HAS NO COLOR.

ANDY, LOOK. YOUR SISTER'S HERE.

- HIYA, SIS.
- HI, BRO.

MISS TRAVIS,

THIS IS VENUS
FLYTRAP, AND HE'S A...

A DISC JOCKEY.

HI.

OH, TRAVIS, THIS MUST BE THE
"A" SIDE OF THE FAMILY, HUH?

- OH, YEAH.
- GUESS WHAT HAPPENED
TO ME THIS WEEKEND.

SO, HAVE YOU ENJOYED
YOUR VISIT HERE IN CINCINNATI?

OH, YEAH. AND SO
FAR WE'VE SEEN, UH,

KING'S ISLAND, THE ZOO,
AND THEN ON SUNDAY,

WE WATCHED A WHOLE BUNCH OF
FOOTBALL GAMES ON ANDY'S TV SET.

ALL RIGHT, SO I'M NOT
MUCH OF A TOUR GUIDE.

WELL, I AM.

- THIS IS THE AWARD-WINNING
NEWS ROOM OVER HERE.
- OH, BOY, I'D BETTER SIT DOWN.

I'M IN A GREAT DEAL OF PAIN, ESPECIALLY
AFTER WHAT HAPPENED TO ME THIS WEEKEND.

WHAT HAPPENED TO
YOU THIS WEEKEND, HERB?

HUH? OH, NOTHING.

OH. COME ON, COME ON, HERBERT.

NO. NO, REALLY, ANDY.

(groans) I'D RATHER
NOT TALK ABOUT IT.

WELL, ALL RIGHT. IN THAT CASE, COME
ON, CAROL, I'LL SHOW YOU AROUND.

- TRAVIS, LES TRIED TO KILL ME.
- TELL ME ABOUT IT.

VENUS, WILL YOU SHOW
CAROL AROUND THE STATION?

MY PLEASURE.

WELL?

TELL HIM, LES.

WELL, ANDY, HERB FELL
DOWN AND WENT BOOM.

"BOOM"?

"BOOM"? "BOOM"?

TAKE IT EASY,
HERB. TAKE IT EASY.

OH, I JUST THANK
GOD MY HEAD IS CLEAR.

- YEAH. EXCUSE ME.
- (phone ringing)

- HELLO? HELLO?
- (other line ringing)

- (ringing continues)
- HELLO?

- HELLO, HERB TARLEK HERE.
- (ringing continues)

- LES NESSMAN HERE. HELLO?
- WHAT IN THE HELL
IS GOING ON? HELLO?

- SO, THIS IS
OUR HALLWAY HERE.
- OH.

THAT'S THE BROADCASTING BOOTH,
AND THAT'S JOHNNY FEVER ON THE AIR.

- HMM.
- THESE ARE OUR WINDOWS.

- (whistles)
- THERE'S ACTUALLY A NICE VIEW
OF THE CITY RIGHT THERE.

- YOU SEE THE OHIO RIVER?
- UH-HUH.

- THAT'S RIVERFRONT STADIUM.
- OH.

THAT'S THE NEGMANN
BUILDING RIGHT THERE.

AND THERE'S A MAN EXERCISING IN
THE NUDE. MOVING RIGHT ALONG...

- SO, ARE YOU HAVING
A NICE TIME?
- OH, YEAH.

UH, NO. ACTUALLY NOT.

IT HAS BEEN SO BORING. YOU
KNOW BROTHERS AND SISTERS.

OH, HECK, I'D BE GLAD TO SHOW
YOU AROUND ALL THE HOT SPOTS.

- OH, YEAH?
- YEAH. YOU LIKE
TO ROLLER SKATE?

- WELL, I HAVEN'T DONE IT
SINCE I WAS A LITTLE KID.
- WELL, LET'S GO.

- YOU'RE SERIOUS?
- SURE. RIGHT NOW.

- WHAT IF I FALL DOWN
OR SOMETHING?
- I'LL ROLL OVER YOU.

OH, NICE GUY.

Les: SO LET ME LEAVE YOU
WITH THIS ONE QUESTION:

WHY ARE THE OLYMPICS
BEING HELD IN RUSSIA?

TIME AFTER TIME, IN COMMERCE,
IN TREATIES, IN WHEAT,

IN INTERNATIONAL
DEALINGS OF ALL KINDS,

THESE GODLESS RUSSIANS
HAVE PROVED THEMSELVES

TO BE LESS THAN TRUTHFUL.

HOW DO WE KNOW THEY WILL
REPORT THE OLYMPIC SCORES...

FAITHFULLY?

IS THERE A CONSPIRACY HERE?

IF SO, BETWEEN WHOM?

WHAT ABOUT THE WATER?

THINK ABOUT IT.

THIS IS LES NESSMAN SAYING GOOD
NIGHT, AND MAY THE GOOD NEWS BE YOURS.

NOW STAY TUNED FOR THE
VENUS FLYTRAP MUSICAL PROGRAM,

FOLLOWING THIS.

- LES, WHERE'S VENUS.
- I DON'T KNOW, ANDY.

HE LEFT WITH MY SISTER
ABOUT 10:00 THIS MORNING.

I HAVEN'T SEEN THEM
SINCE, AND IT'S DARK OUTSIDE.

- IT IS?
- YEAH, I GOT HER A DATE
WITH JOHNNY TONIGHT.

WELL, I'M SURE SHE'LL SHOW UP.

RIGHT NOW, I THINK YOUR
MAIN CONCERN IS VENUS.

HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE ON
THE AIR IN SEVEN SECONDS.

SIX, FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO...

Jingle singers: ♪ WKRP ♪

♪ CINCINNATI ♪

HELLO. VENUS FLYTRAP
IS NOT HERE THIS EVENING.

HOWEVER, A VERY GOOD FRIEND
OF HIS WILL BE TAKING OVER...

APOLLO FLYTRAP... SO
TAKE IT AWAY, APOLLO.

(funny voice) YES, IS THE
LAID-BACK SOUL SOUND.

LET'S LISTEN TO SOME REALLY
HEAVY RHYTHM AND BLUES.

ONCE AGAIN, THIS IS THE
LAID-BACK SOUL SOUND

OF WKRP IN CINCINNATI.

♪ I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR... ♪

- WHERE IS VENUS?
- I DON'T KNOW.

HE LEFT WITH MY
SISTER HOURS AGO.

- SO?
- SO, SO...

SO HE'S SUPPOSED TO
BE ON THE AIR RIGHT NOW.

OH, MY GOD! DO YOU WANT ME TO
GO GET A SUBSTITUTE-TYPE GUY?

- COULD YOU DO THAT
FOR ME, PLEASE?
- YES, OF COURSE.

- AND HE CAN CALL IN.
- (Song continues)

BOY, WHAT A DAY. GEE, IT'S
ROUGH OUT THERE, TRAVIS.

ALL THE LIGHTS ON THAT PHONE,
ALL THOSE CALLS COMING IN.

SOMETIMES ALL FIVE OF
THOSE BUTTONS LIT UP AT ONCE.

I'LL TELL YOU, I AM JUST BEGINNING
TO APPRECIATE THE INCREDIBLE JOB

THAT JENNIFER MARLOWE'S
BEEN DOING FOR THIS STATION.

SHE'S THE KEY, THE NERVE CENTER,

THE INFORMATION
CENTRAL, THAT'S WHAT SHE IS,

AND BY GOLLY, NONE OF
US EVER BETTER FORGET IT.

I'M KIND OF BUSY NOW. IS THERE SOMETHING
SPECIFIC YOU WANTED TO TALK ABOUT?

HUH? WHAT? OH, NO.

I'VE GOT A MESSAGE
HERE FOR VENUS.

WHAT'D HE SAY?

"FOR," FROM"...
GEE, I DON'T KNOW.

- BOY, THOSE WORDS ARE SO CLOSE.
- WHAT'D HE SAY?

- HE SAYS, "I WON'T
BE IN TONIGHT."
- WHY NOT?

- I DON'T REMEMBER.
- YOU DON'T REMEMBER.

LOOK, I ANSWERED SOME 48 CALLS
OUT THERE THIS AFTERNOON, TRAVIS.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. DOES IT
SAY WHAT TIME HE CALLED IN?

(whistles) IT'S NOT ON THERE.

IS IT ON THERE AS TO WHERE
THEY WENT, WHAT THEY'RE DOING?

NOPE, THAT'S IT.

- THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
- UH-HUH.

I'M GOING HOME,
TAKE A HOT SHOWER.

IF JENNIFER EVER WALKS OUT ON
MY LIKE THIS AGAIN, I'M QUITTING.

♪ I AM INVINCIBLE... ♪

(funny voice) YES, AND THE MELLOW
SOUND JUST KEEP ON COMING.

HERE'S ANOTHER RECORD FOR
ALL MY SOUL BROTHERS OUT THERE.

YOU'RE LISTENING TO WKRP.

HEY, LET'S GET... FUN-KAY!

♪ THE NIGHT ♪

♪ THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE DOWN ♪

♪ AND ALL THE
BELLS WERE RINGIN' ♪

♪ THE NIGHT ♪

♪ THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE DOWN ♪

- (exhales)
- (phone ringing)

KRP. UH-HUH.

UH-HUH. UH, YES, SIR,

THE DEEJAY ON THE
AIR TONIGHT WAS BLACK.

HE JUST GREW UP IN AN
ALL-WHITE NEIGHBORHOOD,

AND HE'S HAVING A TOUGH
TIME WORKING THINGS OUT.

YEAH. OKAY, I'LL TELL HIM.

- (phone hangs up)
- WELL, I'M HERE.

WHY?

"WHY"? I HAVE A DATE
WITH YOUR SISTER.

SHE'S OUT WITH VENUS.

UH-HUH.

I USUALLY DATE GIRLS THREE TIMES

BEFORE THEY START
DATING OTHER GUYS.

WELL, THEY'RE NOT
DATING, THEY'RE LOST.

OH, NO, THEY'RE NOT.

I'VE BEEN BLOWN OUT
OF THE SADDLE AGAIN.

- QUIT TALKING
NONSENSE, WILL YOU?
- RIGHT.

- I'M NOT GONNA
PAY YOU BACK THE $50.
- OH, YES, YOU ARE.

- YOU SAID YOU DON'T
TALK NONSENSE, SO...
- HEY, MAN, WHAT'S GOING ON?

- WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
- WE HAD SO MUCH FUN.

- HI.
- HI.

- I THINK THESE ARE FOR YOU.
- OH, THANK YOU.

- WAIT A MINUTE. GIVE ME THOSE.
- THOSE ARE MY FLOWERS, MAN.

- VENUS?
- THANKS, MAN.

- WHERE HAVE YOU TWO BEEN?
- AROUND. WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

I CALLED IN ENOUGH TIME TO GET A
SUBSTITUTE. WHO WAS THAT GUY, ANYWAY?

THAT WAS ME.

I HAD TO DO THE FIRST
HOUR OF YOUR SHOW.

WE HEARD YOU, ANDY.
THAT'S WHY WE CAME OVER.

BOY, DO YOU STINK.

YOU SOUND LIKE SAMURAI NEGRO.

ALL RIGHT, YOU TWO.
LOOK, I ASKED VENUS

TO SHOW YOU AROUND
THE STATION, NOT THE STATE.

I GOT YOU A DATE WITH THIS
GUY. THIS GUY RIGHT HERE.

HI.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR
SISTER BEING OUT WITH ME?

- NOTHING. YOU DIDN'T CALL.
- I CALLED.

- I DIDN'T GET THE MESSAGE.
- THAT'S CARLSON'S FAULT.

- OH, OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
- YEAH. WHAT'S THE REAL
PROBLEM HERE, ANYWAY?

- YOU'RE LATE, THAT'S ALL.
- HEY, COME ON, YOU GUYS, F...

HI.

ANDY, I'M NOT YOUR
LITTLE KID SISTER ANYMORE.

YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

YOU STAY OUT OF THIS, CAROL.

I KNOW WHY YOU DON'T WANT ME TO
GO OUT WITH YOUR SISTER, YOU KNOW.

COME ON, GUYS. WHY
DON'T WE SING, HUH?

YOU KNOW, A SING-ALONG.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?

- THAT IS NOT THE REASON.
- OH, YES, IT IS.

♪ VIVA LAS VEGAS ♪

COME ON, YOU GUYS KNOW IT, HUH?

ANDY, VENUS WAS
REALLY NICE TO ME.

OH. WELL, I APOLOGIZE.

LOOK, HE'S APOLOGIZING.
THAT'S GREAT.

NOW, WHY DON'T WE ALL
GO OUT AND GET SOME PIZZA.

I GOT 50 BUCKS. THAT'LL
BUY A LOT OF PIZZA.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?
COME ON. YUM-YUM, HUH?

- WELL, I'M UP FOR IT.
- GREAT. WHY DON'T WE ALL GO?

- I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT.
- NEITHER DO I.

OKAY, CAROL, IT'S YOU AND ME.
IT'S RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET.

- UM, I... I... I...
- NO, YOU'LL LIKE IT.

IT'S A VERY SOPHISTICATED
LITTLE PLACE.

SO, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

THANKS, SNOOKY.

I THINK THESE ARE FOR YOU.

SO, THE THING IS, CAROL,

YOUR BROTHER REALLY IS
UNDER SOME PRESSURE, SEE?

YEAH, I KNOW. BUT HE LOVES VENUS.
THEY'VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR YEARS.

IT'S JUST A LITTLE
MISUNDERSTANDING. IT'LL PASS.

NOPE. NOPE, IT'S RACIAL. BUT
MY BROTHER'S NOT A BIGOT.

WE'RE ALL BIGOTS, OKAY?

BIGOTRY STARTED A LONG TIME AGO.

NOBODY KNOWS WHERE.

I THINK THE FRENCH STARTED IT.

THE THING IS...
(continues, indistinct)

CAROL, EXCUSE ME. I'M SORRY.

- OH, HEY, YOU DON'T HAVE...
- OH, SIS, I'M SORRIER THAN HE IS.

- NO, YOU'RE NOT, MAN.
- I AM.

- NO, YOU'RE NOT.
- I AM!

EITHER WAY, WHY
DON'T YOU SIT DOWN?

SO, UH, YOU GUYS ARE
FRIENDS AGAIN, HUH?

Both: OH, YEAH.

YOU SEE, I WAS JUST REALLY MAD

BECAUSE VENUS DIDN'T
SHOW UP FOR HIS SHOW.

WHEN IN FACT, WHAT HE WAS WORRIED ABOUT
WAS HIS SISTER GOING OUT WITH A BLACK GUY.

- (scoffs) WHICH IS WHAT VENUS THINKS.
- AND WHAT ANDY WON'T ADMIT.

- BECAUSE IT'S NUTS.
- BUT IT'S TRUE.

ARE YOU SURE YOU GUYS GOT
THIS THING STRAIGHTENED OUT?

Both: OH, YEAH.

BECAUSE I SHOULD'VE
COME INTO WORK.

AND BECAUSE THERE'S
SOMETHING TO WHAT VENUS SAYS.

I HATE TO ADMIT
IT, BUT IT'S TRUE.

I JUST THOUGHT WE'D PUT ALL THAT
BLACK AND WHITE JUNK BEHIND US.

WE CUT DOWN THE TREE, BUT
THE ROOTS RUN PRETTY DEEP.

- ANDY, I GOT 'EM TOO.
- YEAH?

YEAH. YOU THINK I'D WANT MY SISTER
TO GO OUT WITH THAT GUY THERE?

WHAT DID I DO?

VENUS, THAT'S NOT RACE.
THAT'S JUST GOOD TASTE.

YOU KNOW, I'M NOT REALLY
BLACK. I'M SORT OF COCOA BROWN.

- AND YOU'RE BEIGE.
- OH, WELL...

BUT THAT DUDE IS
WHITE. NOW, THAT'S WHITE.

I'M JUST PALE, OKAY?

SEE, THEY'RE PALS AGAIN, SO
THEY WANT TO GANG UP ON ME.

VENUS, YOU CAN GO OUT WITH
MY SISTER ANYTIME YOU WANT TO.

- THANKS, ANDY.
- (Country song begins
on juke box)

WHOA.

NOW, THERE IS A GOOD SONG.

- YOU TWO OUGHT TO DANCE.
- I DON'T KNOW, ANDY.

WAIT A MINUTE. YOU ACT
LIKE I'M NOT EVEN HERE.

I MEAN, TALK ABOUT PREJUDICE.

I'M SORRY, SIS. I THOUGHT
YOU LIKED TO DANCE.

- WELL, I DO, BUT...
- WELL, THEN, VENUS,
DANCE WITH MY SISTER.

- I DON'T WANT TO DANCE.
- IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA, MAN.

I DON'T MIND.

ANDY, YOU'RE NOT
A BIGOT. IT'S OKAY.

- HEY, I DON'T MIND. REALLY, I DON'T MIND.
- I DON'T WANT TO DANCE!

DANCING IS OUT, TRAVIS.
FORGET THE DANCING.

- DANCE, VENUS.
- I DON'T...

VENUS, DANCE WITH MY SISTER.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL DANCE.
DO YOU WANT TO DANCE?

- YES.
- ALL RIGHT. HERE WE GO. DANCIN'.

- GON' DANCE NOW, BOSS.
- ALL RIGHT.

HOW CAN I DANCE TO THAT
MUSIC, MAN? THAT'S NOT MUSIC.

- MUSIC HAS NO COLOR.
- (grumbles)

I THINK THAT'S GREAT. NO
RACIAL PROBLEMS HERE.

- Carol: JITTERBUG?
- Venus: OH, YEAH.

(chattering)

JUST WHAT THE HELL DO
YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, BOY?

WHO ARE YOU CALLING "BOY"?

- THIS GIRL'S WHITE, BOY.
- I'M BEIGE.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS. WHO
ARE YOU CALLING "BOY," BOY?

- NO, I CAN HANDLE THIS.
- I'LL HANDLE THIS.

- NO, I'LL HANDLE THIS.
- LET ME HANDLE THIS.

NO, I'M THE BOY
HERE. I'LL HANDLE THIS.

BOYS, BOYS, BOYS,

NOW, WE CAN SETTLE
THIS, SURELY, LIKE MEN...

(raspy voice) OH, JENNIFER,
JENNIFER, I'M GLAD TO SEE YOU BACK.

OH, BOY, AM I GLAD
TO SEE YOU HERE!

- WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR VOICE?
- I LOST IT YESTERDAY
ON THE PH-PH-PHONE.

ASIDE FROM THAT, DID ANYTHING
ELSE HAPPEN WHILE I WAS GONE?

NO, NO, NO. BUSINESS AS USUAL.

MORNING, JENNIFER, BIG GUY.

- MORNING.
- HI, HERB.

HI, JENNIFER.

- MR. CARLSON, CAN WE TALK?
- SURE.

WELCOME BACK, JENNIFER.

- MORNING.
- MORNING.

- JOHNNY?
- YEAH?

WHAT HAPPENED HERE YESTERDAY?

ANDY'S SISTER
STOPPED BY FOR A WHILE.

OH.

OH, YEAH.

- HELLO, JENNIFER.
- HI.

WELCOME BACK.

THANK YOU.

(rock music plays)

(man singing, indistinct)

(meows)