WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 2, Episode 11 - Jennifer's Home for Christmas - full transcript

Christmas is coming up and everyone at the station is anxious to leave and start their holiday plans...everyone, except for Jennifer. Jennifer seems as if she has no holiday plans and is dismayed that the rest of the staff don't want to celebrate Christmas as a family. The gang joins together to give Jennifer a warm Christmas.

♪ PICK UP THOSE FEET ♪

♪ JINGLE AROUND THE BLOCK ♪

♪ MIX AND A-MINGLE
IN THE JINGLING BEAT ♪

♪ THAT'S THE JINGLE BELL ♪

♪ THAT'S THE JINGLE BELL ♪

♪ THAT'S THE JINGLE BELL ROCK ♪

OKAY, BABIES, I
DON'T GET IT EITHER,

BUT SOMEBODY OUT THERE LIKES IT.

SO WE'LL JUST KEEP
SHOVELING THROUGH

THE SEASONAL SYRUP
HERE FOR A FEW MORE DAYS.

NOT TOO MUCH TIME
LEFT OF THIS GOOD CHEER



AND BAD MUSIC.

Man: HEY, MOM, WHEN
YOU'RE THINKING OF

THAT LAST-MINUTE STOCKING
STUFFER, HERE'S SOMETHING DIFFERENT:

SHOES.

- MERRY CHRISTMAS.
- YEAH.

OH, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH
YOU? WHATEVER HAPPENED TO

"JOY TO THE WORLD," "ADESTE
FIDELIS," "O TANNENBAUM"?

VISA, MASTER CHARGE,
AMERICAN EXPRESS.

LISTEN, JENNIFER, I'M GONNA BE
SITTING HERE FOR 12 HOURS STRAIGHT

ON CHRISTMAS DAY, LISTENING
TO "THE LITTLE DRUMMER BOY"

OVER AND OVER AND OVER.

OH, I'M SORRY, JOHN.

WELL, I VOLUNTEERED.

I'VE GOT NOTHING
BETTER TO DO. I'M ALONE.



YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS
TO FIND A TWO-POUND TURKEY?

NO.

IT'S HARD.

I'LL BET YOU'VE GOT SOME
SPECTACULAR PLANS, HUH?

MASKED BALLS, FORMAL
BANQUETS, ALL OF IT.

- NO, NONE OF THAT.
- OH, COME ON.

WELL, WE DO HAVE THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS
PARTY THIS AFTERNOON TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

- THAT'LL BE FUN.
- NO, IT WON'T.

PUMPS, WING TIPS,
GYM, OR SPIKES.

DELIGHT YOUR LOVED ONES
WITH THE UNEXPECTED GIFT:

SHOES... A GREAT CHRISTMAS IDEA.

(Christmas music flourish)

OKAY, X-MAS BABIES,
HERE'S A LITTLE TUNE

THAT, FOR ME, JUST KIND
OF SUMS UP THE SPIRIT

OF CHRISTMAS PAST,
PRESENT AND FUTURE.

(dog barking "Jingle Bells")

♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN, UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI ♪

- MORNING, JENNIFER.
- GOOD MORNING, MR. CARLSON.

UH, BET YOU'RE
WONDERING WHAT I'M DOING.

I COULDN'T BEGIN TO GUESS.

- OKAY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- DECKING THE HALLS.

Both: ♪ WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY ♪

YOUR ANNUAL CHRISTMAS
JOKE. FUNNY AS EVER.

OH, THANK YOU. I ENJOY DOING IT.

HOW ARE YOU AND MRS. CARLSON
GONNA SPEND CHRISTMAS EVE?

- WITH MAMA.
- OH.

EVERY YEAR, WE HAVE DINNER.

EVERY YEAR, SHE SENDS
ME OUT FOR A TREE.

EVERY YEAR, I COME BACK
WITH THE BEST ONE I CAN FIND.

AND EVERY YEAR, SHE SAYS TO ME,

"ARTHUR, YOU'VE
LET ME DOWN AGAIN."

HOW ABOUT YOU?

OH, NOTHING TO
COMPARE WITH THAT.

AH, COME ON. I'LL BET YOU'VE
GOT YOURSELF A HONEY OF A TREE.

NO, I DIDN'T GET A
CHRISTMAS TREE THIS YEAR.

JENNIFER, COME ON. WHAT IS
CHRISTMAS WITHOUT A TREE?

- WELL.
- OH, HI, BAILEY.

- GUESS WHAT I'M DOING.
- TALKING TO JENNIFER.

OTHER THAN THAT.

OKAY, EVERYBODY, LET'S
CLEAR OFF THOSE DESKS

AND SET UP FOR THE PARTY SO
WE ALL CAN HAVE A VERY GOOD TIME

AND GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE.

- HEY, LESTER.
- HMM?

I WANT YOU TO DO A RUNNING STORY ON
YOUR NEWSCAST ABOUT SANTA AND HIS SLEIGH

BEING SIGHTED ON
THE WAY TO CINCINNATI.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

YEAH. IT'S CUTE, LES.
IT ALWAYS WORKS.

"CUTE"?

ANDY, NEWS IS NOT CUTE.

POIGNANT, DRAMATIC, YES,

SOMETIMES IRONIC,
BUT NEVER CUTE.

- SEASONS GREETINGS, EVERYONE.
- WHY CAN'T YOU COOPERATE, LES?

TRUTH IS A STERN
MISTRESS, TRAVIS.

WELL, NOEL TO YOU TOO.

- MERRY CHRISTMAS, ANDY.
- WELL, MERRY CHRISTMAS,
JENNIFER.

IT'S NICE TO SEE SOMEONE
WITH A LITTLE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT.

THIS STINKS.

I CAN'T GET A FLIGHT OUT
OF HERE. I'M ON STANDBY.

WHO DO THOSE
AIRLINES THINK THEY ARE?

SHOULD'VE PLANNED AHEAD, BAILEY.

I MADE MY RESERVATIONS IN JULY.

NONSTOP SERVICE TO DAYTON.

WELL, I'VE GOT TO
GET TO CHICAGO.

IT'LL WORK OUT. YOU'LL GET HOME.

OH, YEAH, JUST IN TIME FOR
A ROOMFUL OF RELATIVES

ASKING ME IF I'M
ENGAGED... (gasps)

INVOLVED... (gasps)

PREGNANT. (gasps)

- BUT YOU'LL BE HOME.
- YEAH.

I'M WITH YOU, BAILEY. ALL OF
LUCILLE'S PEOPLE BLEW IN LAST NIGHT.

- HOW MANY?
- I DON'T KNOW. I LOST COUNT.

BUT THERE ARE BEDS AND COTS

AND HUNGRY, OVERWEIGHT
RELATIVES ALL OVER THE PLACE.

- MERRY CHRISTMAS.
- WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

YOU'LL BE WITH YOUR
FAMILIES AT CHRISTMAS.

(scoffs) I TOOK A SHOWER

WITH A BALDHEADED
MAN THIS MORNING.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING, ANDY?

HUH? OH, HOME. SANTA FE.

LEAVE TONIGHT. MIGHTY NICE
PLACE TO BE THIS TIME OF YEAR.

I CAN'T WAIT TO GET HOME.

CHRISTMAS EVE, MOTHER
AND I GATHER BY THE FIRE.

IT'S NOT A REAL FIRE.

THEY MAKE TOO MUCH OF A MESS.

BUT IT LOOKS REAL. MOTHER
DOESN'T LIKE A MESSY HEARTH.

WE'LL HAVE SOME HOT CIDER

AND COOKIES, AND THEN

MOTHER WILL ASK ME
THAT SAME QUESTION

SHE ASKS ME EVERY YEAR:

"LESTER, IF YOU
WERE A NEWSCASTER

"WHEN JESUS WAS BORN,

HOW WOULD YOU REPORT IT?"

HOW WOULD YOU?

UH, WELL...

HI. I'M STANDING HERE

OUTSIDE OF A
BARN-LIKE STRUCTURE.

INSIDE, ALL THE
LITTLE FARM ANIMALS

ARE FAST ASLEEP,

EXCEPT, OF COURSE, FOR
THE EVER-ALERT HOGS.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO
HEAR SOME MORE?

OH, NO, LES. THAT'S
SUCH A CUTE ENDING.

OH, THANK YOU, JENNIFER.
I'LL REMEMBER THAT.

JENNIFER, ARE YOU FLYING
HOME FOR CHRISTMAS?

OH, NO, NOT THIS YEAR.
MAMA WENT TO MY BROTHER'S,

AND THEY HAVE THIS REALLY SMALL
PLACE, AND THERE ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE.

YOU KNOW, IT DOESN'T SEEM QUITE RIGHT
THAT WE'RE ALL SPLITTING UP FOR CHRISTMAS.

WELL, THAT'S WHAT THE
OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY IS FOR.

- (sardonic chuckle)
- IT'LL BE FUN.

WE CAN OPEN OUR GIFTS.

- "GIFTS"?
- UH-HUH.

NO, NO, NO. NO. NO. WE DECIDED.

WE AGREED, NO GIFTS THIS YEAR.

YOU DECIDED THAT, I DIDN'T.

BESIDES, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO GET ANYTHING.

I JUST WANTED TO GET A LITTLE
SOMETHING FOR EACH OF YOU.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

IS THAT A LITTLE ROTTEN OR WHAT?

WELL, I TELL YOU WHAT,
PAL, IF MISS BLONDIE THINKS

I'M GONNA RUSH RIGHT OUT AND
GET HER A CHRISTMAS PRESENT

JUST BECAUSE SHE
GOT ME ONE... HO, HO, HO,

GOT ANOTHER THING COMING.

- ABSOLUTELY.
- WE SAID "NO GIFTS."

THAT'S TRUE. WE AGREED.

RIGHT.

WELL, THAT'S IT
FOR ME. I'M BUSHED.

(rural twang) I'LL MISS
YOU TOO, MAMA.

NO, I'LL MAKE IT HOME NEXT
YEAR FOR SURE. I PROMISE.

YOU JUST ALL HAVE A MERRY
CHRISTMAS, NOW, YOU HEAR?

- NO, I'M FINE. BYE, NOW.
- ♪ HERE COMES SANTA CLAUS ♪

(vocalizing tune) HI, JENNIFER.

- (rural twang) HEY, HOW ARE YOU?
- HUH?

(normal voice) I MEAN,
HELLO, MR. CARLSON.

I THINK IT'S TIME FOR
THE CHRISTMAS PARTY.

- OH, SO DO I.
- WHO'S SANTA THIS YEAR?

VENUS.

- VENUS?
- IS THAT A PROBLEM?

NO, I'M JUST TRYING TO GET A
MENTAL PICTURE OF THAT IN MY HEAD.

WHAT IT IS?

BOTTOMS UP WITH THAT
PUNCH. WE'RE ALMOST DONE.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE,
BAILEY. WHAT'S THE RUSH?

THERE'S NO RUSH. (gasps)

SOMEBODY COME OVER HERE AND
EAT THESE COOKIES. LET'S GO, LET'S GO.

HEY, BIG GUY, THESE ARE FROM ME.

OH, GOSH, HERB.

WORMS?

NOT JUST ANY
WORMS... RED WIGGLERS.

THEY'RE OUR BIGGEST
CLIENT. AND BESIDES, YOU FISH.

OH, BAILEY!

THANK YOU FOR THIS
GREAT PIGGY BANK!

YOU'RE WELCOME. AND, LES,

WINNING THROUGH
INTIMIDATION... THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME. IT
CERTAINLY HELPED ME.

IT CHANGED MY LIFE.

OH, HERB, THANK YOU

FOR THESE GREAT,
GREAT THUMBTACKS.

NO SWEAT. BESIDES,
YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.

OH, AND, LES, THANKS
FOR THE ROSARY.

THESE WORMS ARE DEAD.

OKAY.

HEY, EVERYBODY, HOW
ABOUT A CHRISTMAS CAROL?

"GOOD KING WENCESLAS."

♪ GOOD KING
WENCESLAS WENT OUT... ♪

HOLD ON, FEVER. WE
JOKE AROUND A LOT HERE,

AND WE HAVE A LOT OF
FUN TOGETHER, BUT, UH,

THE TIME HAS COME, AND, UH,

WITH CHRISTMAS JUST A FEW
DAYS AWAY, I THINK THIS IS IT

TO TELL EACH AND
EVERY ONE OF YOU

EXACTLY WHAT I THINK ABOUT YOU.

OH, PLEASE DON'T DO
THAT AGAIN THIS YEAR.

WE'RE NOT JUST COWORKERS
HERE IN THIS STATION.

WE'RE...

WELL, DOGGONE IT, I'M GONNA
SAY IT: WE'RE FAMILY. LOOK...

I'VE GOT TO GO OR I'M GONNA
TURN INTO PUDDING, OKAY?

AT THIS TIME OF YEAR,

WITH CHESTNUTS
ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE

AND JACK FROST
NIPPING AT YOUR NOSE,

ALTHOUGH IT'S BEEN SAID

MANY TIMES, MANY WAYS,

MERRY CHRISTMAS,
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU.

I BELIEVE WE WERE GOING TO SING.

Andy: YEAH. ♪ GOOD KING
WENCESLAS WENT OUT... ♪

LOOK, NO SINGING. WE'VE GOT
TO GO IF YOU WANT A RIDE HOME.

Les: OH, OKAY, HERB.

THAT SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY.

- MERRY CHRISTMAS.
- WAIT A MINUTE. WE HAVEN'T
HAD OUR CHRISTMAS TOAST.

- THAT'S RIGHT.
- ALL RIGHT. TOAST.

LET ME HANDLE
THIS. I'LL HANDLE THIS.

OKAY, UH, NESSMAN?

ALL RIGHT. UH... TO
CHRISTMAS... WELL...

- LET'S GO.
- OKAY. MERRY CHRISTMAS.

WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT
A MINUTE. IS THAT IT?

A 10-MINUTE CHRISTMAS PARTY?

WELL, THAT'S JUST
FINE. THAT'S PERFECT.

I'M SORRY YOU'VE ALL
BEEN SO INCONVENIENCED.

ENJOY YOURSELVES. MERRY
CHRISTMAS. HO, HO, HO.

GEEZ. SHE SURE KNOWS
HOW TO RUIN A GOOD PARTY.

- I WONDER WHAT'S
THE MATTER WITH HER.
- I DON'T KNOW.

SHE SAID SHE WASN'T
GOING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS.

MAYBE THIS PARTY IS
ALL SHE HAD PLANNED.

YEAH, SHE SAID SHE
DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A TREE.

YOU DUDES ARE CRAZY.

THAT'S ONE LADY THAT'S NEVER GONNA
BE ALONE UNLESS SHE WANTS TO BE.

WELL, LET'S GO, LES.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.

Johnny: MERRY CHRISTMAS.
HAVE A GOOD SHOW, 'TRAP.

- OKAY, MAN, THANKS.
- MERRY CHRISTMAS.

- I WANT ALL OF YOU
BACK HERE ON WEDNESDAY.
- Bailey: OKAY, GOOD NIGHT.

- GOOD NIGHT.
- ALL RIGHT. TAKE IT EASY.

♪ I'M DREAMING OF A WH... ♪

♪ JINGLE BELLS,
JINGLE BELLS... ♪

(slow blues music plays)

THEY SAY THE STAR THAT ROSE IN THE
EAST THAT NIGHT WAS ACTUALLY VENUS.

NOW, WHO AM I TO DISPUTE
SUCH A GOOD STORY LIKE THAT?

IT'S THE CHRISTMAS
SEASON IN CINCINNATI,

AND THIS IS THE 'TRAP,

HERE TO COOL YOUR
ROASTING CHESTNUTS.

I'M WISHING ALL YOU, MY
CHILDREN, PEACE ON EARTH.

♪ MERRY CHRISTMAS, BABY ♪

♪ YOU REALLY DID TREAT ME NICE ♪

- HI.
- HEY, BABY. JENNIFER! OH, I'M SORRY.

IS IT OKAY IF I COME IN?

SURE. OF COURSE. I THOUGHT
EVERYBODY WAS GONE.

- WELL, THEY ARE.
- OH?

- I LIKE THAT.
- YEAH. CHUCK BERRY.

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME
OF MR. CARLSON'S BREW?

THANKS.

- VENUS?
- MM-HMM?

DO YOU THINK I RUINED
THE PARTY THIS AFTERNOON?

- I MEAN, PEOPLE DO HAVE PLACES
TO GO AND THINGS TO DO.
- NO.

I GUESS I JUST EXPECT EVERYBODY TO
FEEL ABOUT CHRISTMAS THE WAY I DO.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT JOY
WE USED TO HAVE WHEN WE WERE KIDS?

YOU KNOW, I USED TO LEAVE COOKIES
AND MILK OUT FOR SANTA CLAUS.

(chuckles) YEAH.

I REMEMBER MY GRANDMOTHER ALWAYS
DRESSING UP AS SANTA EVERY YEAR.

- YOUR GRANDMOTHER?
- YEAH.

YOU SEE, MY GRANDFATHER DID IT,

AND AFTER HE DIED, SHE KIND
OF KEPT UP THE TRADITION.

- THAT'S NICE.
- YEAH.

THAT'S REALLY THE ONLY REASON
WHY I DECIDED TO BE SANTA THIS YEAR.

SO, WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS?

OH, I HAVE VERY SPECIAL PLANS.

YEAH? LIKE WHAT?

YOU KNOW. PLANS.

YEAH. WELL, YOU
HAVE A GOOD TIME.

YEAH. MERRY CHRISTMAS, VENUS.

- YOU TOO. TAKE CARE
OF YOURSELF, NOW.
- MM-HMM.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

HELLO, JOHN. LOOK, I
THINK BAILEY'S RIGHT.

I THINK JENNIFER'S GONNA BE
ALL ALONE THIS CHRISTMAS. REALLY.

AND SHE'S SO DAMN GOOD
LOOKING, WE JUST TAKE IT

FOR NATURAL THAT SHE'S
GONNA HAVE A GOOD TIME

WHEN SHE'S PROBABLY JUST GONNA
BE SITTING AROUND ALL BY HERSELF.

I THINK YOU AND I OUGHT TO GET
TOGETHER, DO SOMETHING RIGHT NOW.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, HUH? HMM?

OH, I'M SORRY, MA'AM.

- (doorbell tones ring)
- Jennifer:
IT'S OPEN.

COME ON IN AND PUT
IT WITH THE OTHERS.

OH, ANOTHER TELEVISION
SET. ISN'T THAT SWEET?

YOU'VE GOT A REGULAR
DEPARTMENT STORE UP HERE.

- WELL, 'TIS THE SEASON.
- YEAH, FOR SOME OF US.

OH, MERRY CHRISTMAS.

- HEY, THANKS, LADY.
- MY PLEASURE.

BYE.

GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO PUT THAT
IN THE BATHROOM OR SOMETHING.

- (doorbell tones ring)
- COME ON IN. IT'S OPEN.

- WATCH THE TOP. YOU GOT THE TOP?
- YEAH, I GOT THE TOP.

- HI. MERRY CHRISTMAS.
- MERRY CHRISTMAS.

MERRY CHRISTMAS. WHAT
ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?

- WE WERE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
- YEAH.

IN THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS,
WE KILLED A TREE FOR YOU.

THANK YOU.

WELL, WE THOUGHT, YOU KNOW... JOHNNY
AND I FIGURED THAT YOU BEING HERE,

WE WANTED TO COME
OVER, KIND OF CHEER YOU UP.

ACTUALLY, VENUS BOUGHT THE TREE.

HERE'S A LITTLE MUSIC BOX. I
DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO WRAP IT.

OH, JOHNNY, THANK
YOU. IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

WELL, AREN'T YOU TWO
JUST THE SWEETEST THINGS.

(doorbell tones ring)

EXCUSE ME. COME IN.

HI! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I WAS ON MY WAY TO SANTA
FE, AND I SAID, "DOGGONE IT,

"I'M GONNA STOP OVER AND SEE
IF JENNIFER NEEDS WHATEVER..."

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?

UH, WE BROUGHT JENNIFER A TREE.

OH, YOU GUYS ARE SO SWEET.

YOU CALL THAT A TREE? CHECK
THIS OUT. NOW, THIS IS A TREE.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU CAN'T
HOLD A CANDLE TO THAT TREE. LOOK AT THAT.

- BULL!
- (all talking at once)

SAM, COME ON IN.

- OUT OF THE WAY, SPORT?
- HUH? YEAH, EXCUSE ME.

I FIGURE THIS ONE'S EITHER A
TRASH MASHER OR ANOTHER TV.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID SHE
WAS GONNA BE ALONE TONIGHT.

- WELL, SHE WOULD'VE, MAN.
- UH-HUH.

- I FEEL KIND OF SILLY.
- WELL, YOU SHOULD,
BRINGING A TREE UP HERE.

- MERRY CHRISTMAS AGAIN.
- OH, THANK YOU, MISS MARLOWE.

- BYE-BYE.
- JUST THINK: JENNIFER
COULD'VE BEEN BURIED

UNDER AN AVALANCHE OF THESE
GIFTS, AND NO ONE HERE TO HELP HER.

HOW SAD THAT WOULD'VE BEEN.

THE THREE WISE MEN. WOULD
YOU LIKE SOME EGGNOG?

WELL, I DON'T, NORMALLY,
BUT IF YOU INSIST.

IT'S CHRISTMAS. WE JUST
WANTED TO MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD.

(doorbell tones ring)

COME ON IN. IT'S OPEN.

- BONSOIR, JENNIFER!
- HENRI! OH!

(speaking French)

OH? UH-HUH.

OH! OH, DEAR! OH!

OH, THANK YOU, HENRI.

THAT'S SO NICE.

BONSOIR, JENNIFER.

ET JOYEUX NOEL A TOUS.

OH, PARDON. EXCUSEZ-MOI.

- JOYEUX NOEL.
- MERRY CHRISTMAS, JENNI...

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?

DELIVERING TREES. PUT YOURS
OVER THERE WITH THE REST.

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? I
THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T HAVE A TREE.

ARE YOU KIDDING? IT'S YOUR
BASIC BLACK FOREST IN HERE.

OH, BAILEY, THIS IS
JUST TOO INCREDIBLE.

YEAH, WELL, MR. CARLSON AND
I DECIDED TO GET YOU A TREE.

OH, THANK YOU BOTH SO MUCH.

HEY, JENNIFER, YOU NEVER
TOLD US YOU SPOKE FRENCH.

- I DON'T.
- (doorbell tones ring)

EXCUSE ME.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, BABY.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, HERB!

AND EVERYONE ELSE.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, HERB.

I THOUGHT YOU'D BE ALONE.
THAT'S WHY I DROPPED BY.

WHERE'S YOUR TREE, HERB?

WHAT?

TAKE A LOOK, HERB. YOU CAN'T
GET IN HERE WITHOUT A TREE.

OH, WOW. UM... WELL,
I DIDN'T BRING ONE.

WELL, HERB, I GUESS YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE TO LEAVE.

I DID BRING SOME MISTLETOE.

I'M SORRY, THAT'S NOT ENOUGH. IF YOU
DON'T HAVE A TREE, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GO.

SEE, WE ALL BROUGHT A TREE.

UM, WELL, I'LL GO GET
ONE, AND I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT A MINUTE.

WHAT DO YOU SAY? CAN HERB STAY,
EVEN THOUGH HE DOESN'T HAVE A TREE?

- OH, GEE, THE REST OF US...
- I DON'T KNOW, MAN.

WHAT THE HELL. IT'S CHRISTMAS.

OKAY. HERB...

THANKS, EVERYONE. EVERYONE'S
SO NICE AT CHRISTMAS.

EXCUSE ME.

OH, HI, LES. COME ON
IN. MERRY CHRISTMAS.

OH, THANK YOU.

HERB TOLD ME TO WAIT
DOWNSTAIRS IN THE CAR

BECAUSE HE HAD TO COME UP HERE
AND GIVE YOU YOUR CHRISTMAS GOOSE.

WHERE'S THE GOOSE,
HERB? I DON'T SEE ANY GOOSE.

SHUT UP, LES.

THANKS.

OH, YOU'RE ALL JUST TOO MUCH.

I MEAN, THIS IS
REALLY SO TOUCHING.

WE WANT YOU TO HAVE AS WONDERFUL
A HOLIDAY AS WE'RE GONNA HAVE.

- RIGHT?
- (all agreeing)

THANK YOU. THANK
YOU, ALL OF YOU.

I MEAN, YOU'RE
ALL SO VERY SWEET,

AND I AM SO TOUCHED.

WHICH JUST MAKES
IT ALL THE MORE...

DIFFICULT TO TELL
YOU THAT I HAVE TO GO.

- HUH?
- GO WHERE?

BETHLEHEM.

THE ADMIRAL IS FLYING ME
TO BETHLEHEM IN HIS JET.

OH.

BETHLEHEM, PENNSYLVANIA?

NO, HERB. THE BETHLEHEM.

NOW, THAT IS A
DOWN-HOME CHRISTMAS.

THE ADMIRAL WANTED TO GO,

AND AT FIRST I SAID
I DIDN'T WANT TO GO,

AND THEN I SAID, "OH, ALL RIGHT,
I'LL GO, AS LONG AS WE CAN TAKE

ABOUT A DOZEN KIDS
FROM ST. AMBROSE WITH US."

OH! YOU'RE FLYING ORPHANS

TO BETHLEHEM FOR CHRISTMAS?

- UH-HUH.
- OH, MY GOODNESS.

WELL, I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL YOU

BECAUSE IT JUST
SOUNDED SO... SO...

- PERFECT.
- YEAH.

- THANK YOU.
- NOW, IS THAT
A CHRISTMAS OR WHAT?

JENNIFER IN BETHLEHEM. YOU KNOW?

I MEAN, WE DON'T NEED TO BE OVER
HERE FEELING SORRY FOR HER. HUH? RIGHT?

- HERE'S TO CHRISTMAS.
- I'LL DRINK TO THAT.

WE OUGHT TO BE OVER AT MY
PLACE. I'M THE ONE WITH PROBLEMS.

WELL, YOU KNOW, THE
ADMIRAL'S LIMOUSINE

IS PROBABLY
DOWNSTAIRS RIGHT NOW.

DOES ANYONE NEED A
RIDE TO THE AIRPORT?

WELL, I DO. EXCEPT MY
BAGS ARE AT MY APARTMENT.

- WE'LL JUST STOP BY
AND PICK THEM UP.
- THAT'S GREAT.

WHAT ABOUT YOU, BAILEY?

WELL, I STILL DON'T
HAVE A FLIGHT.

WELL, I'LL JUST HAVE THE
ADMIRAL DROP YOU OFF IN CHICAGO.

- YOU CAN DO THAT?
- OH, SURE. WOULD SOMEBODY
HELP ME WITH MY BAGS?

- COME ON, GUYS.
- THEY'RE IN THE BEDROOM.

- WHAT ARE WE GONNA
DO WITH THE TREES?
- OH, I WANT 'EM.

I'LL TAKE 'EM ALL. MOTHER'S
NOT GONNA GET ME THIS YEAR.

- LES, CAN YOU
GIVE ME A HAND?
- OH, SURE.

JENNIFER, I COULD USE A
RIDE TO THE AIRPORT TOO.

- OH, SURE, LES. COME ON ALONG.
- THANK YOU.

BOY, CARRYING ALL THOSE TREES KIND OF
GIVES YOU THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT, DOESN'T IT?

(all talking at once)

- MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY!
- BYE!

All: ♪ GOOD KING
WENCESLAS WENT OUT ♪

- ♪ ON THE FEAST
OF STEPHEN ♪
- BE CAREFUL, LES.

- (singing continues) - WATCH OUT.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, MR. CARLSON.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU.

OH, MY.

UM... YOU KNOW, IT-IT'S,

I DON'T KNOW, KIND
OF CRAZY, BUT, UH,

WELL, WE ALL THOUGHT
YOU WERE GONNA BE ALONE,

SO THAT'S WHY WE ALL DROPPED BY.

I KNOW, HERB.

THAT'S WHY THIS IS
ALREADY THE MOST

SPECIAL CHRISTMAS I'VE EVER HAD.

- REALLY?
- WHERE'S THAT MISTLETOE?

- HERE.
- PUT IT OVER YOUR HEAD.

(exhales)

EVERY YEAR,

CHRISTMAS JUST KEEPS
GETTING BETTER AND BETTER.

(" The Little
Drummer Boy" plays)

(rock music plays)

(man singing, indistinct)

(meows)