WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 1, Episode 6 - Bailey's Show - full transcript

WEATHER TODAY IN THE
GREATER CINCINNATI AREA...

♪ I LOVE YOU SO
BADLY I COULD... ♪

THEY'RE SOLID PLASTIC, SO
DON'T SETTLE FOR IMITATION...

BUT THE SENATOR, WHILE
INSISTING HE WAS NOT INTOXICATED,

COULD NOT EXPLAIN HIS NUDITY.

♪♪

♪♪

♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVING ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪



♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪

♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪

♪♪ ALL RIGHT, MY CHILDREN.

THIS IS WKRP IN CINCINNATI
WITH MORE MUSIC.

♪♪

- HI, VENUS.
- BAILEY! WH-WHAT ARE YOU
DOIN' HERE? EVERYBODY'S GONE.

OH, I'M WORKIN' ON A
SPECIAL PROJECT. OH.

- ANDY WANTS TO DO
A PUBLIC SERVICE PROGRAM.
- UH-HUH.

- AND HE'S ASKING EVERYBODY
FOR IDEAS, EVEN ME.
- HEY, THAT'S GREAT.

AND THE MEETING IS
TOMORROW MORNING. OH, WOW.



AND I HAVE COME UP WITH AN IDEA
THAT I REALLY LIKE. I LIKE IT TOO.

YOU DO? YEAH. I THINK IT'S
PERFECT. WAY TO GO, BAILEY.

BUT, UH, YOU HAVEN'T HEARD
IT. DON'T NEED TO. NOW...

WHY DON'T YOU, UH, JUST MOSEY ON
HOME AND REST UP FOR TOMORROW, HUH?

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. YEAH.

BOY, THIS REALLY MEANS
A LOT TO ME, VENUS. YEAH.

HERE ARE THE COCONUT
HURRICANES, VENUS, SUGAR. MMM.

- HI.
- HI.

DIG. UM, BAILEY, THIS
IS... MRS. OLSON. YEAH.

SHE'S A FRIEND OF MY,
UH, MOTHER'S. WHAT?

THIS IS BAILEY. SHE WORKS HERE,
BUT SHE'S GOT TO GO HOME NOW.

YES, THAT'S RIGHT. IT WAS
NICE TO MEET YOU, MRS. OLSON.

- GOOD LUCK, UH, BAILEY, TOMORROW.
- GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.

YEAH. - HMM.

UM... WHO WAS THAT?

I'M TELLIN' YOU, ROXANNE,
HONEY, SHE WORKS HERE.

HUH, AND WHO IS
"MRS. OLSON"? NOBODY.

I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE A
GUEST IN THE CONTROL BOOTH.

WELL, I THOUGHT YOU TOLD ME
YOU OWNED THIS RADIO STATION.

- I DO.
- HUH.

NOW WAIT A MINUTE, BABY.
YOU CAN GO AND GET...

YOUR OWN COCONUT
HURRICANES FROM NOW ON.

NOW WAIT A MINUTE.

♪♪

U-UM, GOT MY HEART
BURNIN' FOR LOVE, CHILDREN.

♪♪

WELL, GOOD MORNING,
BAILEY. GOOD MORNING, ANDY.

I-I'M A... A LITTLE
EARLY. FOR WHAT?

FOR THE BIG PUBLIC
SERVICE MEETING.

PUBLIC SERVICE? IS
THAT TODAY? UH-HUH.

GOOD MORNING. WEREN'T WE SUPPOSED
TO HAVE SOME SORT OF MEETING TODAY?

PUBLIC SERVICE
MEETING. WHERE'S HERB?

PROBABLY FORGOT.

WELL, LISTEN, OKAY, LET'S GET
STARTED WITHOUT HIM. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

OKAY, ANDY.

GOOD MORNING, EVERYBODY.
SORRY I'M LATE, UNLESS I'M NOT. NOW...

PERHAPS I SHOULD OPEN THIS MEETING
WITH A FEW VERY GOOD IDEAS OF MY OWN.

UH, FIRST, ANDY, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT'S WRONG WITH PUBLIC SERVICE?

UH, NO, HERB, NO. NO, I DON'T.

WE DON'T MAKE ANY
MONEY OFF OF IT.

WELL, THAT'S THE WHOLE IDEA, HERB.
SEE, PUBLIC SERVICE TIME IS FREE TIME.

- CAN'T WE CHANGE THAT?
- OF COURSE NOT.

WELL, THEN THE HELL WITH IT.

YEAH, WELL, OKAY, LISTEN. HOW
ABOUT YOU, LES? YOU GOT ANY IDEAS?

I HAVE A WONDERFUL IDEA, ANDY.

ONCE A WEEK ON THE AIR,
LIVE, I COULD READ OBITUARIES.

UH, LES, I-I DON'T...

YOU HAVEN'T HEARD
THE BEST PART YET, ANDY.

THEY WOULDN'T ONLY BE LOCAL OBITUARIES.
I'D READ THEM FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD.

AND WHAT TO WE CALL IT,
"LES NESSMAN'S DEATHWATCH"?

OOH. THAT'S GOOD.

UH, LES, I THINK WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO TABLE
THAT IDEA FOR THE TIME BEIN', ALL RIGHT?

- BAILEY?
- YES?

- HOW 'BOUT YOU? YOU GOT AN IDEA?
- YES, ANDY. I DO.

MY IDEA IS TO DO A 15-MINUTE TALK SHOW
ONCE A WEEK CALLED CINCINNATI BEAT.

BOR-ING.

WHAT WOULD MAKE THIS
SHOW FRESH AND DIFFERENT...

IS THAT WE WOULD TALK
TO THE AVERAGE CITIZEN...

WHO MIGHT NOT OTHERWISE
HAVE A VOICE TO THE PUBLIC.

- IT'S BEEN DONE.
- IT WOULD ALSO BE
AN UNUSUAL SHOW...

BECAUSE JOHNNY WOULD
BE DOING THE INTERVIEWS.

THAT'S NUTS!

AND, UH, I WOULD PRODUCE IT.

- I BEG YOUR PARDON?
- I-I WOULD PRODUCE IT?

- A LITTLE LOUDER, BAILEY.
- I SAID, I WOULD PRODUCE IT!

BUT YOU'RE JUST
A ROOKIE, BAILEY.

ANDY, THIS ISN'T THE OHIO
STATE JOURNALISM SCHOOL.

THIS IS THE BIG TIME.

- BAILEY.
- YES?

I LIKE IT. LET'S GO TALK
TO JOHNNY, ALL RIGHT?

OKAY. OKAY.

♪♪

HEY, JOHNNY. TALK WITH
YOU JUST A SECOND?

♪♪ JOHNNY.

♪♪

HAVE WE GOT A PROJECT TO DISCUSS
WITH YOU. IT'S A PUBLIC SERVICE PROJECT.

AW, COME ON, JOHNNY.

LOOK, MAN, I HAVE ENOUGH
TROUBLE STAYING AWAKE AS IT IS.

LOOK, YOU AND I BOTH KNOW, ALL
WE EVER RUN IS FOREST FIRE SPOTS.

- NOW WE WANNA DO SOMETHIN'
JUST A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT.
- I'LL BET.

WE WANNA DO AN INTERVIEW
PROGRAM WITH LOCAL CITIZENS.

IT COULD BE ANYBODY.
RIGHT. AND HERE'S THE PUNCH:

WE WANT YOU TO
DO THE INTERVIEWING.

- NOW WHAT DO YOU SAY
ABOUT THAT, HUH?
- I DON'T DO INTERVIEWS.

- THAT'S IN MY CONTRACT.
- YOU DON'T HAVE A CONTRACT.

WELL, IF I HAD ONE,
IT WOULD BE IN THERE.

SHOULDN'T I HAVE A
CONTRACT? COME ON, JOHNNY.

NO, MAN. I'M NOT DOING IT. I MEAN,
THOSE SHOWS ARE SO BORING.

- YOU DON'T EVEN WANT
TO TALK ABOUT IT?
- NO.

GREAT.

BAILEY'S FIRST CHANCE
TO PRODUCE A SHOW...

SOMETHIN' THAT SHE HAS
ALWAYS DREAMED ABOUT...

COURSE, NOW THAT'S
NO BIG DEAL TO YOU,

BUT IT MEANS EVERYTHING TO
THIS YOUNG LADY RIGHT HERE.

BUT THAT'S ALL RIGHT. FORGET
ABOUT IT. SHE'LL GET OVER IT.

OH, IT'LL... IT'LL TAKE TIME.

TIME EVENTUALLY
HEALS ALL WOUNDS.

THAT IS SO LOW.

♪♪

ATTENTION CONCERNED CITIZENS.

GOT A CAUSE? GOT A GRIPE? GOT
AN INTERESTING STORY TO TELL?

YOU WANNA MAKE BIG MONEY
AT HOME IN YOUR SPARE TIME,

OR YOU JUST WANNA BE INTERVIEWED LIVE
ON THE AIR BY YOUR VERY OWN DR. FEVER?

WELL, CALL OUR VETERAN PRODUCER,
BAILEY QUARTERS AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI.

THAT'S BAILEY QUARTERS.

CALL TODAY. OUR
OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY.

OH, MY...

- HELLO, MR. CARLSON.
- HELLO, JENNIFER.

LOOK, JENNIFER. I'M GOING DOWN
TO MY CLUB FOR LUNCH AND A SWIM.

- UH, THESE PEOPLE ARE HERE FOR...
- AH-AH-AH. DON'T TELL ME.

I... I DON'T WANNA
KNOW. I LOVE SURPRISES.

EXCUSE ME, JENNIFER. COULD I
SPEAK TO YOU FOR A SECOND? SURE.

JENNIFER, I HAVE INTERVIEWED
EIGHT PEOPLE SO FAR,

AND THEY ALL SEEM
TO BE RATHER... WEIRD.

SO? SO, I'M IN OVER MY
HEAD. I CAN'T DO THIS.

SURE YOU CAN. NO,
I CAN'T, JENNIFER.

LOOK, BAILEY. YOUR AMBITION IS TO BE A
BROADCAST EXECUTIVE. YOU TOLD ME THAT.

BUT I-I'M NOT GOOD AT
INTERVIEWING STRANGERS.

GET GOOD AT IT. THIS
IS YOUR BIG CHANCE.

OKAY. YOU'RE GONNA FIND
A GREAT GUEST, BELIEVE ME.

THEY CAN'T ALL BE CRAZY.

OKAY, JENNIFER. SEND IN
THE NEXT ONE. THAT'S A GIRL.

UM, MR. EISENHOWER?

YOU'RE NEXT.

OKAY, JENNIFER.
SEND IN THE NEXT ONE.

HOW'S IT GOIN', BAILEY?

- HI, VENUS. HOW'S MRS. OLSON?
- WHO?

- YOUR MOTHER'S FRIEND?
- OH, YEAH.

SHE'S FINE. UH, TOOK
THE BUS BACK ON HOME.

- HOW'S IT GOING?
- TERRIBLE.

- CAN I HELP?
- I DON'T THINK SO.

I'M MRS. WOODRUFF. UH, YOUR
RECEPTIONIST SENT ME BACK.

OH, HOW DO YOU
DO, MRS. WOODRUFF?

I'M BAILEY QUARTERS. HELLO.

- AND THIS IS VENUS FLYTRAP,
ONE OF OUR DEJAYS.
- HELLO.

- HI.
- WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE A SEAT?
- THANK YOU.

OKAY. NOW, MRS. WOODRUFF,

CAN YOU TELL ME BRIEFLY WHY YOU WOULD
LIKE TO BE INTERVIEWED ON OUR SHOW?

YES. I FEEL I HAVE A CERTAIN
RESPONSIBILITY TO OTHER EARTHLINGS.

- EARTHLINGS.
- UH, PEOPLE
WHO LIVE ON EARTH.

OH. RIGHT. I'M SORRY.

- THINK I'LL SPLIT.
- OKAY.

YOU SEE, MY HATCHBACK SUPREME BROKE
DOWN ON A DESERTED STRETCH OF HIGHWAY.

NOW THAT'S WHEN I SAW THE
INCREDIBLY BRIGHT LIGHT IN A FIELD...

AND FELT MYSELF COMPELLED
TO WALK TOWARD IT.

THINK I'LL STAY.

BEFORE I KNEW IT, I WAS SURROUNDED
BY A GROUP OF STRANGE PEOPLE...

IN GOLD LAMÉ SUITS.

THAT WOULD EITHER BE THE
TEMPTATIONS OR THE FOUR TOPS.

GO ON, MRS. WOODRUFF.

WELL, ANYHOW, TO MAKE A LONG,

UH, INTERNATIONALLY
COPYRIGHTED STORY SHORT, HEH-HEH,

I WAS BEAMED ABOARD THEIR SPACESHIP...
UH, WHAT THEY CALL A "GETGONE"...

AND TRANSPORTED TO, UH,
HA-CHA-CHA NUMBER THREE.

THAT'S WHAT YOU
PEOPLE CALL "MARS."

DID THIS PLACE HAVE HEAVY
METAL SCREENS ON THE WINDOWS?

- WHY, YES!
- LUCKY GUESS.

WELL, ANYHOW, I WAS HELD ON NUMBER
THREE FOR, OH, ABOUT TWO OR THREE WEEKS...

BEFORE I GAINED THE CONFIDENCE
OF ERNST, THE DIVISIONAL COMMANDER.

I GUESS IT WAS JUST A MATTER
OF KNOWING THE RIGHT PEOPLE,

BECAUSE ERNST GOT ME TRANSFERRED TO THE
CAVES OF GRIN, WHICH WAS MINIMUM SECURITY.

OH, STILL IS, I GUESS.

THAT WAS LUCKY. OOH, YES.

MMM. ANYHOW, ONE DAY I'M JUST SITTING
AROUND, MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS,

WHEN A DRELL COMES UP WHO'S OBVIOUSLY
HAD ONE TOO MANY WOWIES TO DRINK.

WELL, I GOT HIS
JOYSTOPPER AWAY FROM HIM...

AND SHOT HIM TWICE
RIGHT THROUGH THE KNORL.

AND THEN I MADE MY
WAY BACK TO CINCINNATI.

- BUT YOU'RE OKAY NOW.
- OH, YES.

WELL, EXCEPT
THEY'RE STILL AFTER ME.

UH, ERNST WANTS OUR SON BACK.

I CAN'T REALLY BLAME HIM.

OKAY, MRS. WOODRUFF. I THINK
THAT'S ALL I NEED TO KNOW RIGHT NOW.

I'LL BE IN TOUCH. OH, UH,
HERE'S MY TELEPHONE NUMBER.

IT'S UNLISTED, NATURALLY.

HEH. ARE ALL YOUR
INTERVIEWS LIKE THAT? YES.

LOOK, DON'T WORRY.

THE NEXT ONE COMES THROUGH THAT
DOOR IS GONNA BE GREAT. TRUST ME.

HI.

SPEAKING OF DRELLS.

HAVING TROUBLES, MISS PRODUCER?

NO. EVERYTHING'S JUST FINE.

COME ON, NOW. I'VE BEEN
WATCHIN' THESE NUTS COME AND GO.

- HERB, PLEASE. I'M BUSY.
- OKAY. BUT I KNOW
THE PERFECT GUEST.

- YOU DO?
- SURE.

I MEAN, NOT ONLY IS THIS
PERSON CHARMING, DYNAMIC,

BUT, UH, FAIRLY
ELOQUENT TO BOOT.

- WHO?
- ME.

YOU? - WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

I-I'M SORRY, BUT I DON'T THINK IT WOULD
BE QUITE RIGHT FOR THE FIRST SHOW.

- MAYBE LATER ON.
- I'M TRYIN' TO HELP YOU OUT,
AND YOU'RE LAUGHING AT ME.

BUT, HERB, YOU ARE ALWAYS
TRYING TO GET ON THE AIR.

THAT'S NOT TRUE. BESIDES, WHAT DO YOU
KNOW ABOUT PRODUCING A SHOW ANYWAY?

EXCUSE ME, IS ANDY AROUND?

HERE'S THE MAN WHO SHOULD BE IN CHARGE
OF THIS OPERATION. WHO? WHAT? WHERE?

LES SHOULD BE IN
CHARGE. WHEN? WHY?

SEE? HE'S A JOURNALIST. HE HAS
HIS EAR ON THE PULSE OF THE NATION.

WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT, HERB? I MEAN,
THIS MAN KNOWS THE INS AND OUTS.

HE HAS HIS NOSE TO THE
GROUND. WHAT'S HAPPENING?

COME ON, LES. ANDY'S
REALLY BLOWN IT THIS TIME.

LET'S GO TELL THE BIG GUY AND
PUT AN END TO THIS RIGHT NOW. RIGHT.

WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT, HERB?

- WE GOT A PROBLEM, BIG GUY.
- WELL, SOLVE IT. GO GET TRAVIS.

TRAVIS CAUSED THE PROBLEM.

HERB, TAKE THIS AND GO
STAND OVER IN THE CORNER.

LES, YOU TAKE THIS,
STAND RIGHT OVER THERE.

AND HOLD ON TO THAT LURE.
DON'T LET IT OUTTA YOUR HAND.

UH, BIG GUY, BAILEY'S MESSING UP THE
INTERVIEW SHOW. WHAT INTERVIEW SHOW?

- LES HAS MUCH MORE EXPERIENCE
THAN BAILEY.
- WHO'S BAILEY?

BAILEY'S PRODUCING THE INTERVIEW
SHOW THAT LES SHOULD BE PRODUCING,

AND I SHOULD BE HIS FIRST GUEST.

HERB, WHAT'D YOU
SAY TO UPSET BAILEY?

NOTHIN'. TRAVIS, I WANT YOU TO PULL
THIS BAILEY GUY OUTTA THAT NEW SHOW.

- WHAT?
- WELL, HE'S NOT
DOIN' A GOOD JOB.

- WELL, NOW WHO
TOLD YOU THAT?
- LES.

COME ON, LES. SHE'S GONNA
DO A GOOD JOB ON THIS THING.

I REALLY DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON, ANDY.

WELL, THEN IT MUST BE HERB. HERB,
WHAT DID YOU SAY TO MAKE BAILEY CRY?

- BAILEY'S CRYING?
- YEAH. RIGHT NOW IN MY OFFICE.

WELL, WE CAN'T HAVE THAT.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TELL THIS
MAN TO PULL HIMSELF TOGETHER!

MR. CARLSON, LOOK. BAILEY CAN GET THE
JOB DONE. OKAY. WELL, THEN BAILEY STAYS.

EVERYBODY ELSE OUT, OKAY? OUT. NOW
I'VE GOT... I'VE GOT A LOT OF WORK TO DO.

THANK YOU, MR. CARLSON. OH,
AND, HERB, LEAVE THE GIRL ALONE.

HERB, YOU FOOLIN' AROUND
WITH JENNIFER AGAIN?

- WHAT?
- UH, NOTHIN'. JUST G-GET
OUTTA HERE, WILL YA?

I'VE GOT A STATION
TO RUN. BUT, BIG GUY...

I DON'T WANNA HEAR ANY "BIG GUY."
JUST GET OUT. GO, GO. I'M A BUSY MAN.

LES!

- YES?
- EXCUSE ME, MISS. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YES. NO. OH, I DON'T KNOW.

- I'M A DOCTOR. CAN I HELP?
- NO.

DID SOMEBODY CALL FOR A DOCTOR?

- NO. I'M HERE TO BE
INTERVIEWED FOR A SHOW.
- REALLY?

- ARE YOU BAILEY QUARTERS?
- YES.

I'M DR. HYMAN MONROE. I'VE JUST
WRITTEN A BOOK ON JUVENILE DELINQUENCY.

OH, THAT'S NICE. THERE ARE
MORE INTERESTING FIELDS.

OH, THERE... NO, THERE'S
NOT EITHER. THANK YOU.

WELL, IS THERE ANYTHING
YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ME?

I HOLD SEVERAL DEGREES,
AND I'M PREPARED TO

DISCUSS INNOVATIVE THEORIES
ON CHILD PSYCHOLOGY.

THAT'S WONDERFUL. THANK YOU.

CAN YOU BE HERE AND READY TO
GO ON THE AIR TOMORROW AT NOON?

NOON TOMORROW... YES, I CAN.

OH, THANK YOU, DOCTOR. THANK YOU.
AND... ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE ALL RIGHT?

I HAVE NEVER BEEN
BETTER IN MY LIFE. GOOD.

I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW
THEN. OKAY. THANK YOU.

I DID IT!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
WELCOME TO CINCINNATI BEAT,

"THE SHOW THAT PROBES THE PSYCHE AND
THE SOUL OF CINCINNATI, CITY OF CONTRAST.

"I'M DR. JOHN FEVER, OUR
PRODUCER IS MISS BAILEY QUARTERS,

"AND OUR GUEST TODAY
IS DR. HYMAN MONROE,

ONE OF THE PEOPLE THAT
MAKES THIS CITY TICK." ♪♪

HI, HY.

HI. HI.

HI. HY...

- PERHAPS I SHOULD CALL YOU
"DR. MONROE."
- OKAY.

DR. MONROE, YOU ARE AN
AUTHORITY ON JUVENILE DELINQUENCY.

THAT IS CORRECT, DR. FEVER.

WELL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH
THESE KIDS TODAY, DOCTOR?

OH-HO-HO-HO-HO.

THERE ARE MYRIAD ANSWERS TO
THAT COMPLEX QUESTION, DOCTOR.

I SEE.

HOWEVER, I SHALL ENDEAVOR
TO EXPLAIN IN LAYMAN'S TERMS...

ALL OF THE PERTINENT
FACTORS INVOLVED.

FINE. I'LL JUST GET REAL
COMFORTABLE THEN.

NOW FIRST OF ALL, I HAVE
HERE DOCUMENTED PROOF...

THAT THE SUPRAMOLECULAR
STRUCTURE OF A CHILD...

IS MARKEDLY DISSIMILAR
TO THAT OF AN ADULT.

REALLY?

FURTHERMORE... IT
HAS BEEN SUGGESTED...

AND NOT WITHOUT, UH,
CREDIBILITY, I MIGHT ADD...

THAT THE TEMPORAL
LOBE OF EVERY CHILD...

IS UNDER CONSTANT BOMBARDMENT...

BY SYNAPTIC NERVE IMPULSES.

YOU SEE WHAT I'M
GETTING AT, DOCTOR?

CERTAINLY I DO, BUT, UH, PERHAPS
YOU COULD EXPLAIN TO OUR AUDIENCE.

OH, SURELY. YES.

WELL, UM, UH, THIS IS, UH...

CAN EVERYBODY SEE THIS?

THIS IS RADIO, DOCTOR.

OH. UM, UH, WELL...

WHAT THIS CHART SHOWS...

IS THAT THE CHROMOSOMAL
INFRINGEMENT OCCURS...

IN THE EARLY STAGES
OF MIOSIS, NOT LATER...

I REPEAT, NOT LATER!

TH-THAT'S WONDERFUL. UH,

DOCTOR, H-HOW DO YOU TIE THIS
IN WITH, SAY, STEALING HUBCAPS?

OH. WELL, MY
STUDIES ESTABLISH...

WITHOUT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT...

THAT CHILDREN ARE, BY
ADULT STANDARDS, INSANE.

AND MORE THAN A LITTLE IMMATURE!

A-AND THAT'S BAD?

WELL, SURE. WELL, SO WHAT
SHOULD WE DO ABOUT IT?

ROUND THE LITTLE
GUTTERSNIPES UP.

SO TELL ME, DOCTOR, WHERE...
WHERE DID YOU RECEIVE YOUR DEGREE?

IN LONG BEACH,
CALIFORNIA, DOCTOR.

- LONG BEACH STATE COLLEGE.
- OH-HO-HO, NO, NO, NO.

FROM A MAN AT THE CASA
DE SOMA APARTMENTS.

HIS NAME WAS BUDDY
OR, UH, JUNIOR...

OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

NO, IT WAS BUBBA!
BUBBA WEINBERGER.

AND BUBBA KNEW THAT I
KNEW ALL THERE WAS TO KNOW!

- BAILEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- I'M GETTIN' OUTTA HERE.

- YOU CAN'T LEAVE. YOUR SHOW'S ON.
- THE SHOW IS A DISASTER.

NO, IT ISN'T. IT IS,
JENNIFER. LISTEN.

THEIR FEEDING HABITS ARE

DISGUSTING. THE LITTLE
PIGS ARE ALWAYS DIRTY.

AND WHAT ABOUT SHORTNESS?
HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT?

WELL, I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE IN YOUR
MOCCASINS RIGHT NOW, YOUNG LADY.

- I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.
- COME ON, LES. LET'S SEE
IF THE BIG GUY IS LISTENING.

OH.

HOW CAN YOU LET THEM TALK TO
YOU LIKE THAT? I DON'T KNOW. I'M...

I'M JUST NOT VERY
GOOD AT TALKING BACK.

WELL, YOU SHOULD
STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.

OKAY, WHO'S RESPONSIBLE?
THAT'S ALL I WANNA KNOW.

BAILEY.

WELL, THAT'S IT FOR HIM.
HE'S OUT. MR. CARLSON.

NOT NOW, HONEY. I GOTTA
GET THIS NUT OFF THE AIR.

I'M GETTIN' OUTTA HERE. BAILEY,
STAY AND FACE UP TO THIS.

IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE HERB, LES AND THE
BIG GUY, WHO IN THIS WORLD CAN YOU HANDLE?

YOU'RE RIGHT. OKAY.

GET HIM, HERB! LET
ME AT HIM, BIG GUY.

I GOT HIM, BIG GUY.

WHY DON'T WE PAUSE NOW
FOR A CIVIL DEFENSE ALERT.

LOOK OUT! OH! THIS
IS NOT AN ATTACK.

JENNIFER, IF YOU DON'T
MIND, I THINK I'M GONNA CRY.

BAILEY, WOMEN WHO WANT TO BE
BROADCAST PRODUCERS DO NOT CRY IN PUBLIC.

THEN I'LL CRY IN MY CAR ON THE
WAY HOME. THAT'S THE WAY MEN DO IT.

THEY'RE CRAZY IN THERE.
THEY'RE JUST LIKE CHILDREN!

BYE, HY.

- JENNIFER, FIND THAT BAILEY GUY
AND SEND HIM INTO MY OFFICE.
- I'M BAILEY.

- WHAT? Y-YOU'RE A...
- I'M THE PRODUCER OF CINCINNATI BEAT.

BOY, BAILEY, YOU'RE
REALLY IN TROUBLE NOW.

SHUT UP, HERB!

- BAILEY, YOU CAN'T TALK
TO HERB LIKE THAT.
- YOU TOO, LES!

WAIT A MINUTE, YOUNG LADY.
THE LEAST YOU CAN DO GIVE US...

MR. CARLSON,

I CAN EXPLAIN THIS WHOLE THING. WHEN I
WANT AN EXPLANATION OUT OF YOU, YOUNG MAN,

I'LL ASK FOR IT. NO!
I'LL EXPLAIN IT, ANDY.

MR. CARLSON, I'M JUST STARTING
OUT, AND I MADE A MISTAKE.

BUT THIS SHOW WILL GET
BETTER IF YOU LET ME CONTINUE.

AW, GEE, BAILEY,
I-I DON'T KNOW. I...

MR. CARLSON, HAS EVERYTHING YOU'VE
EVER DONE ON THIS RADIO STATION...

ALWAYS WORKED PERFECTLY?

WELL, NOT PERFECTLY. I...

THEN I DESERVE THE SAME
CHANCE TO BE IMPERFECT.

I'M JUST A SHY
PERSON, THAT'S ALL.

YOU DON'T SEEM TOO SHY TO ME.

OH.

WELL, UH, THEN CAN YOU AND
ANDY AND I GO INTO YOUR OFFICE...

AND DISCUSS THIS THING CALMLY?

WELL, OKAY. THAT SOUNDS
LIKE A GOOD IDEA. UH, TRAVIS?

OH, THAT'S FINE WITH ME. HUH.

DID I SAY SEND IN THE
CLOWNS, HUH? HUH?

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪