WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 1, Episode 3 - Les on a Ledge - full transcript
When a local athlete overhears other reporters refer to Les as a "Queer Little Guy", Les gets banned from the locker room at the stadium for being gay. Whether true or not, the rumors prompt Les to contemplate suicide by jumping off the building. Meanwhile, Jennifer asks Johnny to get Herb off her back. Johnny does it by telling Herb that Jennifer used to be a man!
WEATHER TODAY IN THE
GREATER CINCINNATI AREA...
♪ I LOVE YOU SO
BADLY I COULD... ♪
THEY'RE SOLID PLASTIC, SO
DON'T SETTLE FOR IMITATION...
BUT THE SENATOR, WHILE
INSISTING HE WAS NOT INTOXICATED,
COULD NOT EXPLAIN HIS NUDITY.
♪♪
♪♪
♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪
♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪
♪ I'M LIVING ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪
♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪
♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪
♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪
♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪
♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪
♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪
♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪
♪♪
ALL RIGHT, BABIES. IT'S TIME FOR THE
DOCTOR TO LIE DOWN FOR A LITTLE WHILE,
JUST TILL THIS
DIZZY SPELL PASSES,
AND THAT MEANS I'LL BE BACK
TOMORROW MORNING COME 6:00 A.M...
RIGHT HERE HOVERING
OVER THE OPERATING TABLES.
SO, IN THE MEANTIME, YOU REMEMBER
TO DO WHAT THE DOCTOR SAYS...
DON'T BE CRUEL.
AND RIGHT NOW IT'S TIME FOR MR. LES
NESSMAN WITH A WHOLE MESS OF NEWS.
♪ WKRP ♪
GOOD MORNING, LES.
GOOD MORNING,
JOHNNY. ♪ CINCINNATI ♪
IT'S ALL YOURS. ♪♪
LONDON, MADRID, BANGKOK, MOSCOW,
CINCINNATI.
FROM THE FOUR
CORNERS OF THE WORLD.
FROM THE NEWS CAPITALS
AT HOME AND ABROAD.
THE DAY'S HEADLINES
BROUGHT INTO FOCUS.
THE ISSUES AND EVENTS
THAT SHAPE OUR TIME.
WKRP, INFORMATION BEACON
OF THE OHIO VALLEY, PRESENTS...
LES NESSMAN AND THE NEWS.
AN UP-TO-THE-MINUTE COMMENTARY FROM
ONE OF JOURNALISM'S MOST TRUSTED VOICES.
FIVE-TIME WINNER OF THE
BUCKEYE NEWSHAWK AWARD.
- IS THAT NEW?
- I JUST HAD IT MADE.
- VERY NICE.
- I LIKE IT.
NOW HERE'S LES
NESSMAN AND THE NEWS.
GOOD MORNING. THIS IS
LES NESSMAN REPORTING.
IN THE TOP STORY OF THE DAY,
GENERAL WALLACE NASAMI, HEAD
OF THE EMERGING NATION OF NIBIA,
DENIED HIS NEW GOVERNMENT WAS A
DICTATORSHIP AND PROMISED FREE ELECTIONS...
AS SOON AS EACH CITIZEN
OF THE SMALL COUNTRY...
LEARNED TO PLAY A
MUSICAL INSTRUMENT.
NASAMI SAID THIS WAS PART
OF A NEW CULTURAL PROGRAM.
TURNING TO SPORTS...
WINNER OF THIS WEEK'S GULF
COAST GOLF CLASSIC WAS...
"CHAI CHAI RODRIGUEEZ."
"CHAI CHAI" FINISHED WITH
A NINE-UNDER PAR SCORE.
IT'S CHI CHI RODRIGUEZ.
HOPEFULLY, MR. "RODRIGUEEZ" WILL
PLAY UP TO PAR IN HIS NEXT COMPETITION.
TURNING TO THE COMMODITIES...
SOY BEANS SAGGED, WHILE
CORN POPPED TO AN ALL-TIME HIGH.
HI. HI.
SO, HOW'S IT GOING? OH, SAME
OLD THING. ANSWERING THE PHONE...
AND FIGHTING OFF HERB.
HERB OUGHT TO BE
ASHAMED OF HIMSELF.
I'M REALLY GETTING TIRED OF IT.
HE WANTS TO TAKE ME TO LUNCH.
HE WANTS TO TAKE ME TO DINNER.
HE WANTS TO TAKE ME DANCING.
AND EVERY TIME I SAY NO, HE
SAYS THERE'S "YES" IN MY EYES.
DO YOU SEE "YES"
IN THERE ANYWHERE?
NO. UH...
LISTEN, DO YOU WANT
ME TO TALK TO HIM?
IT WOULDN'T DO ANY
GOOD. WHERE IS HE?
OH, IN THERE, PROBABLY GOING
THROUGH MR. CARLSON'S DESK.
I'LL SPEAK TO HIM.
I'D DO ANYTHING IF YOU
COULD GET HIM OFF MY BACK.
- FIND ANYTHING
INTERESTING?
- NO.
DON'T YOU EVER KNOCK?
LISTEN, I'M, UH, PUTTING
TOGETHER THE KRP SOFTBALL TEAM.
YOU WANNA PLAY? NO.
OKAY, I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO FIND
SOMEBODY ELSE TO BAT BEHIND JENNIFER.
NO. WAIT A MINUTE.
SHE'S ON THE TEAM?
- YEAH.
- I'LL PLAY.
WHAT THE HECK? IT'S
GOOD FOR THE STATION.
YOU KNOW, HERB, YOU'RE
AN ALL RIGHT GUY. YEAH.
WELL, WHAT IS IT, MIXED LEAGUE?
GUYS AND GIRLS TOGETHER?
NO, JENNIFER'S THE ONLY
WOMAN I KNOW ABOUT.
- SHE'S OUR SHORTSTOP. SHE BATS CLEANUP.
- SHE DOES?
- WHY NOT? SHE'S OUR BEST PLAYER.
- SHE IS?
- YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT?
- I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
WE HAD A SOFTBALL TEAM.
YOU PROBABLY DON'T KNOW...
WELL, I GUESS MOST PEOPLE DON'T.
KNOW, KNOW... KNOW WHAT?
WELL, IT'S SORT OF A
SECRET. I'M SORRY, HERB.
WAIT A MINUTE. IS IT
ABOUT JENNIFER? YEAH.
WELL, COME ON, TELL
ME. I NEED TO KNOW.
OH, SURE, SO YOU CAN BLAB IT
TO EVERYBODY ELSE. NO, NO, NO.
NO, NO, I... I SWEAR I WON'T. I... I
WON'T. YOU... YOU HAVE MY WORD.
YOU PROMISE? PROMISE.
NAH, YOU'D NEVER
BELIEVE IT. OH, PLEASE! HUH?
OKAY, BUT THIS BETTER
NOT GET AROUND.
TRUST ME.
HERB...
OUR RECEPTIONIST,
THE BEAUTIFUL JENNIFER MARLOWE,
IS A RESULT OF THE MOST
CUNNINGLY SUCCESSFUL...
SEX CHANGE OPERATION
IN MEDICAL HISTORY.
- GET OUTTA HERE.
- OKAY.
OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU MEAN TO TELL
ME THAT JENNIFER...
THAT... THAT SHE'S A...
A GUY... OR AT LEAST
SHE USED TO BE.
GET OUTTA HERE. OKAY.
OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
NOW, WHAT YOU'RE SAYING...
I... I MEAN YOU'RE
TELLING ME THAT SHE...
GET OUT OF HERE. ALL RIGHT.
WAIT A MINUTE. I
DON'T BELIEVE IT.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO, MAN.
ALL I'M SAYING IS JUST DON'T TELL
ANYBODY ELSE. THAT'S ALL I ASK.
THAT'S... THAT'S THE MOST
RIDICULOUS THING I'VE EVER HEARD.
LISTEN, ANDY, LES NEVER WAS VERY GOOD AT
SPORTS ANYWAY. WELL, THAT DOESN'T MATTER.
MAYBE HE'D BE GLAD JUST TO
DO NEWS AND THE FARM REPORT.
THIS IS NOT LES'S FAULT. IT'S
A TOTAL MISUNDERSTANDING.
WHO'S GONNA EXPLAIN THAT TO LES?
WE'RE BOTH GONNA HAVE TO EXPLAIN IT TO LES.
THIS IS THE ONLY WAY IT'LL
WORK, IF WE BOTH TALK WITH HIM.
YOU TALK TO HIM. I DON'T LIKE
TALKING ABOUT THINGS LIKE THAT.
THIS IS A RIDICULOUS
SITUATION. WE BOTH HAVE
TO TALK WITH LES AND
STRAIGHTEN THIS THING OUT.
- MORNING, BIG GUY.
- HI, HERB. TAKE A WALK,
WILL YA, HERB?
REALLY? OH, UM...
- I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
- NEITHER DO WE.
WAIT A MINUTE. YOU
KNOW ABOUT THIS?
WELL, I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO
TELL, BUT, UH, YEAH, I KNOW.
WELL, THAT'S JUST GREAT. THIS
IS GONNA GET ALL OVER TOWN.
- WHO TOLD YOU?
- I CAN'T SAY.
- YEAH, WELL,
WE UNDERSTAND.
- JOHNNY TOLD ME.
DOES LES KNOW YET?
I DON'T KNOW.
- DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL HIM?
- YEAH, COULD YOU?
WE SHOULD BOTH TELL HIM.
HERB IS LES'S BEST FRIEND.
- WHY CAN'T HERB BE
THE ONE THAT TELLS HIM?
- I GET TO TELL HIM.
YOU GET TO TELL HIM? YOU
SOUND LIKE YOU'RE ENJOYING THIS.
LOOK, I'M AS SHOCKED
AS EVERYONE ELSE.
WOULD YOU SEND
LES IN, PLEASE? YEAH.
AND I'LL TELL YOU
SOMETHING ELSE.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT, NOT FOR A
MINUTE. WELL, NEITHER DO WE.
IT IS JUST A MISTAKE.
IT'S GOT TO BE.
LET ME ASK YOU THIS.
IF THIS IS TRUE, CAN YOU DEAL
WITH SOMETHING LIKE THIS?
SURELY. YEAH?
I GUESS. I MEAN,
WHAT'S DONE IS DONE.
HERB, YOU'RE AN
ALL RIGHT GUY. HMM?
EVERYBODY KEEPS TELLING ME THAT.
- YOU WANTED TO SEE ME?
- OH, YES, OF COURSE
WE DO, LES.
WOULD YOU JUST SIT DOWN
RIGHT OVER HERE, PLEASE?
RIGHT HERE IN THE CHAIR, 'CAUSE HERB
HAS SOMETHING THAT HE WANTS TO TELL YOU.
COME ON, ANDY. LET'S YOU AND I
LEAVE. NO, YOU AND I SHOULD BOTH STAY.
OKAY, UH... HERB,
YOU... YOU TELL HIM.
LES, JENNIFER'S A GUY.
WHAT?
THAT'S WHAT I SAID. OH, YEAH.
HERB, THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR TELLING
LES THAT. NOW GO TO YOUR OFFICE, WILL YA?
SURELY. LOOK, IF YOU GUYS NEED
ANY MORE HELP, JUST LET ME KNOW.
- YEAH, RIGHT.
- NOW WHAT'S GOING ON?
I SHOULD KNOW. I'M
THE NEWS DIRECTOR.
LISTEN, LES... HMM? HMM?
UH, LES, UH...
UH, LES, UH...
LES, ANDY HAS SOMETHING HE
WANTS TO TELL YOU. TELL HIM, TRAVIS.
OH, LISTEN. LES...
LES, YOU'VE BEEN BARRED FROM
THE LOCKER ROOMS AT THE STADIUM.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WELL, WE GOT A
PROBLEM HERE. UH...
LES, HOW THESE THINGS GET
STARTED I-I-I REALLY DON'T KNOW.
WHAT IS IT, ANDY?
ONE OF THE PLAYERS HAS GONE TO THE
COACH INSISTING THAT YOU NOT BE ALLOWED...
TO CONDUCT POSTGAME
INTERVIEWS IN THE LOCKER ROOM.
WHY?
BECAUSE...
THE GUY THINKS
YOU'RE HOMOSEXUAL.
THAT'S WHAT HE SAYS, AND THE ORGANIZATION'S
GONE ALONG WITH HIM ON THAT ONE.
LES, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THIS THING.
THOSE GUYS OVER THERE ARE CRAZY.
TO HECK WITH THEM. WE JUST
WON'T REPORT THEIR GAMES.
NOW THAT'LL SHOW 'EM. HUH? HUH?
DO MY FELLOW JOURNALISTS
KNOW ABOUT THIS?
NO, IT'S NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. BUT
THEY'LL FIND OUT. THEY'RE REPORTERS.
LES, WAIT A MINUTE. WE'RE
GONNA GET THIS STRAIGHTENED OUT.
YOU BET WE WILL,
BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT A...
A... A... UH, WHAT
THEY SAY YOU ARE.
UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU ARE,
WHICH WE... WE KNOW YOU'RE NOT.
ARE YOU?
DOES THAT EVEN MATTER? PEOPLE
THINK WHAT THEY WANT TO THINK.
WHEN THIS GETS AROUND, THE
TRUTH WON'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.
NOW, LES, LISTEN.
WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS, AND
WE'RE GONNA STAND BEHIND YOU.
WE'RE GONNA GET TO
THE BOTTOM OF THIS THING.
THANK YOU, ANDY.
I THINK I NEED TO BE ALONE FOR
A MOMENT TO COLLECT MYSELF.
SURE.
IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND. UH, NO.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT THIS THING, LES.
HAVE A SEAT. SIT DOWN HERE.
LOOK, LES, UH, MY OFFICE IS YOUR
OFFICE FOR AS LONG AS YOU NEED IT.
OKAY? HUH?
UH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT
THIS THING NOW, LES.
COME ON.
POOR GUY. OH, YEAH.
MAN, OH, MAN.
POOR, POOR GUY.
IT'S... IT'S TOUGH.
- WHAT IS GOING ON?
- NOTHING.
HELLO? WKRP. MAY I HELP YOU?
HOW'S HE TAKING IT? WELL,
NOT WELL, I CAN TELL YOU THAT.
SOMEHOW I THOUGHT I'D
BE THE ONE MOST UPSET.
I'VE GOT TO TALK WITH THAT
PLAYER AT THE STADIUM...
AND SEE WHAT HE
SAYS ABOUT THIS. HEY.
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THAT LADY
TENNIS PLAYER WHO USED TO BE A GUY?
WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND ALL
THIS SEX CHANGE STUFF? SHH.
THAT WAS A MR. NEESE IN THE
NEGMAN BUILDING ACROSS THE STREET.
HE WANTED TO KNOW IF THAT
WAS YOU OUT ON THE LEDGE.
- WHAT IS GOING ON?
- I DON'T KNOW. YOU WANNA GO BOWLING?
HI, MR. CARLSON.
HI, LES. HOW'S IT GOIN'?
- HI, ANDY.
- YEAH, HOW YOU DOIN', LES?
COME ON IN, AND
LET'S TALK. OKAY?
THERE'S NO POINT IN TALKING,
ANDY. OH, OF COURSE THERE IS.
I'VE ALWAYS CONSIDERED MYSELF
A FAIRLY MACHO KIND OF GUY.
NOW MY REPUTATION IS RUINED,
AND MY REPUTATION
IS ALL THAT I AM.
WE'LL GO DOWN TO THE STADIUM.
WE'LL TALK WITH THOSE GUYS.
EVEN IF WE DID,
THERE'D ALWAYS BE...
A BLACK MARK BESIDE MY
NAME WHICH TIME CANNOT ERASE.
HE'S STARTING TO GET
POETIC. IS THAT A GOOD SIGN?
I DON'T KNOW. KEEP HIM TALKING.
I'M GONNA CALL THE POLICE. ME?
"TO BE, OR NOT TO BE"...
I... I'M SORRY, LES.
I MISSED THAT, UH...
I SAID, "TO BE, OR NOT TO BE:
THAT IS THE QUESTION."
YEAH. YEAH, IT...
IT CERTAINLY IS.
YES. THAT'S RIGHT. THE NINTH
FLOOR OF THE FLEM BUILDING.
PLEASE HURRY, SERGEANT. OKAY,
THE, UH, POLICE ARE ON THEIR WAY.
THAT'S THE STADIUM
NUMBER. IS THERE ANYTHING
ELSE I CAN DO? I DON'T
THINK SO RIGHT NOW.
- WHAT'S ALL
THE EXCITEMENT ABOUT?
- LES IS OUT ON THE LEDGE.
WHAT? SOME JERK ACCUSED
LES OF BEING A HOMOSEXUAL.
A HOMO SEXUAL? THAT'S RIGHT.
AND YOU KNOW... YOU KNOW LES.
APPARENTLY NOT. I MEAN...
AT LEAST I DIDN'T KNOW
HE WAS, YOU KNOW, FUNNY.
THE WORD IS "GAY," NOT
"FUNNY." AND SO WHAT IF HE IS?
HE COMES TO WORK. HE DOES
HIS JOB. HE'S A FINE PERSON.
HIS SEX LIFE IS
HIS OWN BUSINESS.
SURE. YOU'D SAY THAT.
WHAT?
I NEED A DICTIONARY.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL HOLD!
DO WE HAVE A DICTIONARY?
YOU HAVE TO KEEP HIM TALKING.
I AM KEEPING HIM TALKING, BUT HE
WANTS TO KNOW WHAT FARDELS ARE.
WHAT? "FARDEL"... IT'S... IT'S A WORD.
IT'S HERE IN HAMLET'S SOLILOQUY.
"WHEN HE HIMSELF MIGHT HIS
QUIETUS MAKE WITH A BARE BODKIN,
WHO WOULD FARDELS BEAR"?
THERE'S A DICTIONARY
IN MY DESK. OH, OKAY.
LOOK UP "BODKIN"
WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.
OH. HI, JOHNNY. HI.
HEY, LISTEN, WILL YOU TALK TO LES
FOR A MINUTE. SURE. UH, WHERE IS HE?
HE'S ON THE LEDGE. INTERESTING.
THIS IS AN EMERGENCY. HAVE
HIM CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU CAN.
I'LL BE RIGHT BY THE PHONE.
LES WOULDN'T BE OUT THERE RIGHT
NOW IF IT WEREN'T FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
ME? WHAT'D I DO? IT'S YOUR
ATTITUDE, HERB... YOUR PREJUDICES.
PREJUDICE? I DON'T HAVE A
PREJUDICE BONE IN MY BODY.
PROVE IT SOMETIME,
HERB. PROVE IT TO LES.
AND THEN THERE WAS THIS GUY THAT
DOVE OFF THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE,
AND HE HIT A BARGE.
PANCAKE! I DON'T WANNA
TALK ABOUT THAT, JOHNNY.
LES, I...
I JUST THINK YOU OUGHTA KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE GETTING YOURSELF INTO, PAL.
- MAYBE I SHOULD COME IN.
- THAT'S A REAL GOOD IDEA, LES.
WHY DON'T YOU START BY JUST
TURNING AROUND SO YOU CAN SEE ME?
REAL SLOW. REAL SLOW.
PUT YOUR LEFT HAND ON THIS
WALL OVER HERE. I'M RIGHT HERE.
JUST COME AROUND. COME
TO ME REAL SLOW. OKAY?
PERHAPS A LITTLE
MORE SLOWLY NOW.
TRY STEPPING OVER HERE. WHY
DON'T YOU GIVE ME YOUR RIGHT HAND?
YOU DON'T HAVE TO. OKAY, JUST
LOOK AT ME, AND I'LL WATCH DOWN HERE.
JUST STEP RIGHT ACROSS
HERE, OKAY? TAKE IT EASY.
THAT'S GOOD. MOVING YOUR
LEG IS A GOOD WAY TO STEP.
THAT'S GOOD. COME
ON. YEAH. COME ON.
HEY, LES, I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT
IT, AND IT'S OKAY IF YOU'RE A GAY!
A FARDEL, LES...
LOOK AT THOSE GUYS
MOVIN' AROUND DOWN THERE!
THE FIRE DEPARTMENT IS STRINGING UP
NETS. I HOPE WE DON'T HAVE TO USE THEM.
IT'S MY FAULT HE'S
STILL OUT THERE.
HE'LL COME IN. JUST GIVE HIM
TIME. IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO LES...
TAKE IT EASY. I SHOULDN'T
HAVE PICKED ON YOU LIKE THAT.
IT'S OKAY. YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT
YOURSELF SINCE THE OPERATION.
HE WANTS... HE WANTS TO
TALK WITH YOU AGAIN. OH, SURE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. I
EXPLAINED HOW THIS MESS GOT STARTED,
AND IT DOESN'T SEEM TO MAKE A
DIFFERENCE. WHAT DID HAPPEN?
LES AND A COUPLE REPORTERS WERE
INTERVIEWING THIS
BALLPLAYER AFTER THE GAME.
NOW, LES DOESN'T KNOW
THAT MUCH ABOUT SPORTS.
SO HE ASKS A COUPLE
OF CRAZY QUESTIONS.
WHEN HE SPLITS, ONE REPORTER
TURNS TO THE OTHER AND SAYS,
"QUEER LITTLE FELLOW, ISN'T HE?"
AND THE BALLPLAYER
MISUNDERSTOOD THE REMARK.
- THEN IT'S ALL JUST
A SILLY MISUNDERSTANDING.
- RIGHT, BUT TELL LES THAT.
I'LL TELL LES THAT.
LES IS MY BEST FRIEND.
I'LL GET HIM BACK IN HERE. YOU
KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME.
THIS TIME IT'LL BE DIFFERENT.
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
BUT I KNOW I COULD DO IT.
"FAREWELL, A LONG FAREWELL
TO ALL MY GREATNESS!
"THIS IS THE STATE OF MAN:
"TODAY HE PUTS FORTH THE
TENDER LEAVES OF HOPES,
"TOMORROW BLOSSOMS AND BEARS
HIS BLUSHING HONORS THICK UPON HIM.
"THE THIRD DAY COMES
A FROST, A KILLING FROST.
"AND WHEN HE THINKS,
GOOD EASY MAN,
"FULL SURELY HIS GREATNESS
IS A-RIPENING, NIPS HIS ROOT,
AND THEN HE FALLS, AS I DO!"
NO! NO!
LOOK, LES, COULDN'T WE QUOTE
SOMETHING FROM HELLO, DOLLY?
LES, THIS IS HERB SPEAKING. I
JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT...
IF YOU JUMP, I'LL JUMP TOO.
THANKS, HERB.
MR. CARLSON? WHAT IS IT, LES?
I LOVE SPORTS. I
KNOW YOU DO, LES.
I JUST DON'T SEEM TO
UNDERSTAND THEM VERY WELL.
LOOK, LES. I'LL TELL
YOU SOMETHING.
YOU COME BACK
INSIDE THIS BUILDING,
AND YOU CAN DO ANYTHING
YOU WANT ON THIS RADIO STATION.
THAT'S VERY NICE
OF YOU, MR. CARLSON,
BUT MY REPUTATION IS STILL
BESMIRCHED AND SULLIED.
DICTIONARY!
LES! I SAID, A "DICTIONARY"!
- NO, NO, NO! IT'S A PHONE CALL FOR LES.
- COULD YOU TAKE A MESSAGE?
IT'S THE PLAYER AT
THE STADIUM. IT'S THE
ONE WHO HAD YOU BANNED
FROM THE LOCKER ROOM.
- I THINK HE WANTS
TO APOLOGIZE.
- OKAY, ANDY.
HELLO? LES NESSMAN SPEAKING.
NOT MUCH.
UH-HUH. YEAH.
WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
LISTEN, WE... WE ALL
MAKE MISTAKES SOMETIMES.
I-I DON'T WANT YOU TO
WORRY ABOUT IT ANYMORE.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
YES, THEY DO LOOK
LIKE LITTLE ANTS.
SO, TELL ME.
WHAT ARE THE TEAM'S CHANCES
OF GOING ALL THE WAY THIS YEAR?
REALLY? OH, THAT'S TERRIFIC.
CAN I QUOTE YOU ON THAT?
REALLY? WELL, THAT'S JUST GREAT.
WELL, ARE YOU OUTTA YOUR SLUMP?
OH, GREAT.
WELL, SURE, I'LL SEE YOU OUT AT THE
STADIUM FOR THE NEXT TOURNAMENT.
WHAT?
GAME!
WELL, GOOD-BYE. GOOD
LUCK TO YOU TOO, BRUCE.
THANK YOU, ANDY.
HEY, LES, NO PROBLEM.
THANK YOU, MR. CARLSON.
THAT'S OKAY, LES. HERE, TAKE THIS.
WHY DON'T YOU COME ON
IN NOW, LES? HUH? HUH?
I CAN'T. - WHAT?
SURE YOU CAN. IT'S OVER
NOW. EVERYTHING IS FINE. YEAH.
I'M AFRAID TO MOVE. AS A MATTER
OF FACT, I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA FALL!
NO, LES! DON'T DO
THAT! NO, NO, NO!
JUST RELAX! DON'T
LOOK DOWN, LES!
SOMEBODY SAY
SOMETHING, WILL YA? UH, LES?
NOW, IF YOU FALL, ALL YOUR
NEWSPAPER BUDDIES WILL THINK...
YOU JUMPED BECAUSE
THAT PLAYER WAS RIGHT!
HERB! I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
SINCE WHEN? DO YOU HEAR ME, LES?
- I HEAR YOU, HERB.
- YOU BETTER GET YOUR TAIL
BACK IN HERE...
OR ELSE IT'S GONNA, WELL, LOOK,
YOU KNOW, FUNNY. ALL RIGHT, HERB.
I'M COMING TO GET YOU,
LES! OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT.
GIVE HIM ROOM. GIVE HIM ROOM.
HURRY, HERB! ALL RIGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING,
HERB? IF YOU'RE GAY...
YOU'RE GAY.
IT DOESN'T MATTER. TAKE IT
EASY. HANG ON, FOR PETE'S SAKE.
BUT, IF YOU'RE NOT
GAY, THEN... OOH. OH!
THEN PEOPLE SHOULDN'T
GO AROUND SAYING YOU ARE!
SO GIVE ME YOUR HAND. JUST REACH
RIGHT OUT AND TAKE THAT HAND.
LES, ON THREE. CLOSE
YOUR EYES AND JUST GRAB.
ONE, TWO, THREE!
DO IT, LES!
STEP ACROSS! WE
GOT HIM! WE GOT HIM!
ATTABOY, LES! ALL RIGHT.
COME ON IN HERE, LES,
AND SHOW ME WHAT KIND
OF MAN YOU REALLY ARE!
REALLY? OH!
HI, JOHNNY. HI.
I SAW HERB THIS
MORNING. HOW IS HE?
HE'S A LITTLE DOPED UP,
BUT HE'LL BE FINE. SAME HERE.
WHAT? IT'S JUST A JOKE.
UH, SPEAKING OF JOKES,
WHAT DID YOU TELL HERB ABOUT ME?
NOTHING MUCH.
- MORNING, EVERYONE.
- OH, HI, LES.
I WAS JUST AT THE HOSPITAL. THE DOCTOR
SAYS THAT HERB CAN GO HOME IN A WEEK.
- I KNOW. I SAW HIM TOO.
- DID HE SEEM ALL RIGHT
TO YOU?
AS WELL AS CAN BE EXPECTED.
WELL, I THINK HE MUST HAVE
HIT THAT NET HEADFIRST.
HE KEPT ASKING ME THE SAME
QUESTION OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
THIS IS PRETTY COMPLICATED,
BUT HE WANTED TO KNOW...
IF A GUY DATES A GIRL WHO USED
TO BE A GUY BUT ISN'T ANYMORE,
WHAT DOES THAT MAKE THE GUY WHO
DATES THE GIRL WHO USED TO BE A GUY?
IT'S A TOUGHIE.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
GREATER CINCINNATI AREA...
♪ I LOVE YOU SO
BADLY I COULD... ♪
THEY'RE SOLID PLASTIC, SO
DON'T SETTLE FOR IMITATION...
BUT THE SENATOR, WHILE
INSISTING HE WAS NOT INTOXICATED,
COULD NOT EXPLAIN HIS NUDITY.
♪♪
♪♪
♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪
♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪
♪ I'M LIVING ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪
♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪
♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪
♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪
♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪
♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪
♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪
♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪
♪♪
ALL RIGHT, BABIES. IT'S TIME FOR THE
DOCTOR TO LIE DOWN FOR A LITTLE WHILE,
JUST TILL THIS
DIZZY SPELL PASSES,
AND THAT MEANS I'LL BE BACK
TOMORROW MORNING COME 6:00 A.M...
RIGHT HERE HOVERING
OVER THE OPERATING TABLES.
SO, IN THE MEANTIME, YOU REMEMBER
TO DO WHAT THE DOCTOR SAYS...
DON'T BE CRUEL.
AND RIGHT NOW IT'S TIME FOR MR. LES
NESSMAN WITH A WHOLE MESS OF NEWS.
♪ WKRP ♪
GOOD MORNING, LES.
GOOD MORNING,
JOHNNY. ♪ CINCINNATI ♪
IT'S ALL YOURS. ♪♪
LONDON, MADRID, BANGKOK, MOSCOW,
CINCINNATI.
FROM THE FOUR
CORNERS OF THE WORLD.
FROM THE NEWS CAPITALS
AT HOME AND ABROAD.
THE DAY'S HEADLINES
BROUGHT INTO FOCUS.
THE ISSUES AND EVENTS
THAT SHAPE OUR TIME.
WKRP, INFORMATION BEACON
OF THE OHIO VALLEY, PRESENTS...
LES NESSMAN AND THE NEWS.
AN UP-TO-THE-MINUTE COMMENTARY FROM
ONE OF JOURNALISM'S MOST TRUSTED VOICES.
FIVE-TIME WINNER OF THE
BUCKEYE NEWSHAWK AWARD.
- IS THAT NEW?
- I JUST HAD IT MADE.
- VERY NICE.
- I LIKE IT.
NOW HERE'S LES
NESSMAN AND THE NEWS.
GOOD MORNING. THIS IS
LES NESSMAN REPORTING.
IN THE TOP STORY OF THE DAY,
GENERAL WALLACE NASAMI, HEAD
OF THE EMERGING NATION OF NIBIA,
DENIED HIS NEW GOVERNMENT WAS A
DICTATORSHIP AND PROMISED FREE ELECTIONS...
AS SOON AS EACH CITIZEN
OF THE SMALL COUNTRY...
LEARNED TO PLAY A
MUSICAL INSTRUMENT.
NASAMI SAID THIS WAS PART
OF A NEW CULTURAL PROGRAM.
TURNING TO SPORTS...
WINNER OF THIS WEEK'S GULF
COAST GOLF CLASSIC WAS...
"CHAI CHAI RODRIGUEEZ."
"CHAI CHAI" FINISHED WITH
A NINE-UNDER PAR SCORE.
IT'S CHI CHI RODRIGUEZ.
HOPEFULLY, MR. "RODRIGUEEZ" WILL
PLAY UP TO PAR IN HIS NEXT COMPETITION.
TURNING TO THE COMMODITIES...
SOY BEANS SAGGED, WHILE
CORN POPPED TO AN ALL-TIME HIGH.
HI. HI.
SO, HOW'S IT GOING? OH, SAME
OLD THING. ANSWERING THE PHONE...
AND FIGHTING OFF HERB.
HERB OUGHT TO BE
ASHAMED OF HIMSELF.
I'M REALLY GETTING TIRED OF IT.
HE WANTS TO TAKE ME TO LUNCH.
HE WANTS TO TAKE ME TO DINNER.
HE WANTS TO TAKE ME DANCING.
AND EVERY TIME I SAY NO, HE
SAYS THERE'S "YES" IN MY EYES.
DO YOU SEE "YES"
IN THERE ANYWHERE?
NO. UH...
LISTEN, DO YOU WANT
ME TO TALK TO HIM?
IT WOULDN'T DO ANY
GOOD. WHERE IS HE?
OH, IN THERE, PROBABLY GOING
THROUGH MR. CARLSON'S DESK.
I'LL SPEAK TO HIM.
I'D DO ANYTHING IF YOU
COULD GET HIM OFF MY BACK.
- FIND ANYTHING
INTERESTING?
- NO.
DON'T YOU EVER KNOCK?
LISTEN, I'M, UH, PUTTING
TOGETHER THE KRP SOFTBALL TEAM.
YOU WANNA PLAY? NO.
OKAY, I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO FIND
SOMEBODY ELSE TO BAT BEHIND JENNIFER.
NO. WAIT A MINUTE.
SHE'S ON THE TEAM?
- YEAH.
- I'LL PLAY.
WHAT THE HECK? IT'S
GOOD FOR THE STATION.
YOU KNOW, HERB, YOU'RE
AN ALL RIGHT GUY. YEAH.
WELL, WHAT IS IT, MIXED LEAGUE?
GUYS AND GIRLS TOGETHER?
NO, JENNIFER'S THE ONLY
WOMAN I KNOW ABOUT.
- SHE'S OUR SHORTSTOP. SHE BATS CLEANUP.
- SHE DOES?
- WHY NOT? SHE'S OUR BEST PLAYER.
- SHE IS?
- YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT?
- I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
WE HAD A SOFTBALL TEAM.
YOU PROBABLY DON'T KNOW...
WELL, I GUESS MOST PEOPLE DON'T.
KNOW, KNOW... KNOW WHAT?
WELL, IT'S SORT OF A
SECRET. I'M SORRY, HERB.
WAIT A MINUTE. IS IT
ABOUT JENNIFER? YEAH.
WELL, COME ON, TELL
ME. I NEED TO KNOW.
OH, SURE, SO YOU CAN BLAB IT
TO EVERYBODY ELSE. NO, NO, NO.
NO, NO, I... I SWEAR I WON'T. I... I
WON'T. YOU... YOU HAVE MY WORD.
YOU PROMISE? PROMISE.
NAH, YOU'D NEVER
BELIEVE IT. OH, PLEASE! HUH?
OKAY, BUT THIS BETTER
NOT GET AROUND.
TRUST ME.
HERB...
OUR RECEPTIONIST,
THE BEAUTIFUL JENNIFER MARLOWE,
IS A RESULT OF THE MOST
CUNNINGLY SUCCESSFUL...
SEX CHANGE OPERATION
IN MEDICAL HISTORY.
- GET OUTTA HERE.
- OKAY.
OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU MEAN TO TELL
ME THAT JENNIFER...
THAT... THAT SHE'S A...
A GUY... OR AT LEAST
SHE USED TO BE.
GET OUTTA HERE. OKAY.
OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
NOW, WHAT YOU'RE SAYING...
I... I MEAN YOU'RE
TELLING ME THAT SHE...
GET OUT OF HERE. ALL RIGHT.
WAIT A MINUTE. I
DON'T BELIEVE IT.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO, MAN.
ALL I'M SAYING IS JUST DON'T TELL
ANYBODY ELSE. THAT'S ALL I ASK.
THAT'S... THAT'S THE MOST
RIDICULOUS THING I'VE EVER HEARD.
LISTEN, ANDY, LES NEVER WAS VERY GOOD AT
SPORTS ANYWAY. WELL, THAT DOESN'T MATTER.
MAYBE HE'D BE GLAD JUST TO
DO NEWS AND THE FARM REPORT.
THIS IS NOT LES'S FAULT. IT'S
A TOTAL MISUNDERSTANDING.
WHO'S GONNA EXPLAIN THAT TO LES?
WE'RE BOTH GONNA HAVE TO EXPLAIN IT TO LES.
THIS IS THE ONLY WAY IT'LL
WORK, IF WE BOTH TALK WITH HIM.
YOU TALK TO HIM. I DON'T LIKE
TALKING ABOUT THINGS LIKE THAT.
THIS IS A RIDICULOUS
SITUATION. WE BOTH HAVE
TO TALK WITH LES AND
STRAIGHTEN THIS THING OUT.
- MORNING, BIG GUY.
- HI, HERB. TAKE A WALK,
WILL YA, HERB?
REALLY? OH, UM...
- I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
- NEITHER DO WE.
WAIT A MINUTE. YOU
KNOW ABOUT THIS?
WELL, I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO
TELL, BUT, UH, YEAH, I KNOW.
WELL, THAT'S JUST GREAT. THIS
IS GONNA GET ALL OVER TOWN.
- WHO TOLD YOU?
- I CAN'T SAY.
- YEAH, WELL,
WE UNDERSTAND.
- JOHNNY TOLD ME.
DOES LES KNOW YET?
I DON'T KNOW.
- DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL HIM?
- YEAH, COULD YOU?
WE SHOULD BOTH TELL HIM.
HERB IS LES'S BEST FRIEND.
- WHY CAN'T HERB BE
THE ONE THAT TELLS HIM?
- I GET TO TELL HIM.
YOU GET TO TELL HIM? YOU
SOUND LIKE YOU'RE ENJOYING THIS.
LOOK, I'M AS SHOCKED
AS EVERYONE ELSE.
WOULD YOU SEND
LES IN, PLEASE? YEAH.
AND I'LL TELL YOU
SOMETHING ELSE.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT, NOT FOR A
MINUTE. WELL, NEITHER DO WE.
IT IS JUST A MISTAKE.
IT'S GOT TO BE.
LET ME ASK YOU THIS.
IF THIS IS TRUE, CAN YOU DEAL
WITH SOMETHING LIKE THIS?
SURELY. YEAH?
I GUESS. I MEAN,
WHAT'S DONE IS DONE.
HERB, YOU'RE AN
ALL RIGHT GUY. HMM?
EVERYBODY KEEPS TELLING ME THAT.
- YOU WANTED TO SEE ME?
- OH, YES, OF COURSE
WE DO, LES.
WOULD YOU JUST SIT DOWN
RIGHT OVER HERE, PLEASE?
RIGHT HERE IN THE CHAIR, 'CAUSE HERB
HAS SOMETHING THAT HE WANTS TO TELL YOU.
COME ON, ANDY. LET'S YOU AND I
LEAVE. NO, YOU AND I SHOULD BOTH STAY.
OKAY, UH... HERB,
YOU... YOU TELL HIM.
LES, JENNIFER'S A GUY.
WHAT?
THAT'S WHAT I SAID. OH, YEAH.
HERB, THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR TELLING
LES THAT. NOW GO TO YOUR OFFICE, WILL YA?
SURELY. LOOK, IF YOU GUYS NEED
ANY MORE HELP, JUST LET ME KNOW.
- YEAH, RIGHT.
- NOW WHAT'S GOING ON?
I SHOULD KNOW. I'M
THE NEWS DIRECTOR.
LISTEN, LES... HMM? HMM?
UH, LES, UH...
UH, LES, UH...
LES, ANDY HAS SOMETHING HE
WANTS TO TELL YOU. TELL HIM, TRAVIS.
OH, LISTEN. LES...
LES, YOU'VE BEEN BARRED FROM
THE LOCKER ROOMS AT THE STADIUM.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WELL, WE GOT A
PROBLEM HERE. UH...
LES, HOW THESE THINGS GET
STARTED I-I-I REALLY DON'T KNOW.
WHAT IS IT, ANDY?
ONE OF THE PLAYERS HAS GONE TO THE
COACH INSISTING THAT YOU NOT BE ALLOWED...
TO CONDUCT POSTGAME
INTERVIEWS IN THE LOCKER ROOM.
WHY?
BECAUSE...
THE GUY THINKS
YOU'RE HOMOSEXUAL.
THAT'S WHAT HE SAYS, AND THE ORGANIZATION'S
GONE ALONG WITH HIM ON THAT ONE.
LES, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THIS THING.
THOSE GUYS OVER THERE ARE CRAZY.
TO HECK WITH THEM. WE JUST
WON'T REPORT THEIR GAMES.
NOW THAT'LL SHOW 'EM. HUH? HUH?
DO MY FELLOW JOURNALISTS
KNOW ABOUT THIS?
NO, IT'S NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. BUT
THEY'LL FIND OUT. THEY'RE REPORTERS.
LES, WAIT A MINUTE. WE'RE
GONNA GET THIS STRAIGHTENED OUT.
YOU BET WE WILL,
BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT A...
A... A... UH, WHAT
THEY SAY YOU ARE.
UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU ARE,
WHICH WE... WE KNOW YOU'RE NOT.
ARE YOU?
DOES THAT EVEN MATTER? PEOPLE
THINK WHAT THEY WANT TO THINK.
WHEN THIS GETS AROUND, THE
TRUTH WON'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.
NOW, LES, LISTEN.
WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS, AND
WE'RE GONNA STAND BEHIND YOU.
WE'RE GONNA GET TO
THE BOTTOM OF THIS THING.
THANK YOU, ANDY.
I THINK I NEED TO BE ALONE FOR
A MOMENT TO COLLECT MYSELF.
SURE.
IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND. UH, NO.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT THIS THING, LES.
HAVE A SEAT. SIT DOWN HERE.
LOOK, LES, UH, MY OFFICE IS YOUR
OFFICE FOR AS LONG AS YOU NEED IT.
OKAY? HUH?
UH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT
THIS THING NOW, LES.
COME ON.
POOR GUY. OH, YEAH.
MAN, OH, MAN.
POOR, POOR GUY.
IT'S... IT'S TOUGH.
- WHAT IS GOING ON?
- NOTHING.
HELLO? WKRP. MAY I HELP YOU?
HOW'S HE TAKING IT? WELL,
NOT WELL, I CAN TELL YOU THAT.
SOMEHOW I THOUGHT I'D
BE THE ONE MOST UPSET.
I'VE GOT TO TALK WITH THAT
PLAYER AT THE STADIUM...
AND SEE WHAT HE
SAYS ABOUT THIS. HEY.
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THAT LADY
TENNIS PLAYER WHO USED TO BE A GUY?
WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND ALL
THIS SEX CHANGE STUFF? SHH.
THAT WAS A MR. NEESE IN THE
NEGMAN BUILDING ACROSS THE STREET.
HE WANTED TO KNOW IF THAT
WAS YOU OUT ON THE LEDGE.
- WHAT IS GOING ON?
- I DON'T KNOW. YOU WANNA GO BOWLING?
HI, MR. CARLSON.
HI, LES. HOW'S IT GOIN'?
- HI, ANDY.
- YEAH, HOW YOU DOIN', LES?
COME ON IN, AND
LET'S TALK. OKAY?
THERE'S NO POINT IN TALKING,
ANDY. OH, OF COURSE THERE IS.
I'VE ALWAYS CONSIDERED MYSELF
A FAIRLY MACHO KIND OF GUY.
NOW MY REPUTATION IS RUINED,
AND MY REPUTATION
IS ALL THAT I AM.
WE'LL GO DOWN TO THE STADIUM.
WE'LL TALK WITH THOSE GUYS.
EVEN IF WE DID,
THERE'D ALWAYS BE...
A BLACK MARK BESIDE MY
NAME WHICH TIME CANNOT ERASE.
HE'S STARTING TO GET
POETIC. IS THAT A GOOD SIGN?
I DON'T KNOW. KEEP HIM TALKING.
I'M GONNA CALL THE POLICE. ME?
"TO BE, OR NOT TO BE"...
I... I'M SORRY, LES.
I MISSED THAT, UH...
I SAID, "TO BE, OR NOT TO BE:
THAT IS THE QUESTION."
YEAH. YEAH, IT...
IT CERTAINLY IS.
YES. THAT'S RIGHT. THE NINTH
FLOOR OF THE FLEM BUILDING.
PLEASE HURRY, SERGEANT. OKAY,
THE, UH, POLICE ARE ON THEIR WAY.
THAT'S THE STADIUM
NUMBER. IS THERE ANYTHING
ELSE I CAN DO? I DON'T
THINK SO RIGHT NOW.
- WHAT'S ALL
THE EXCITEMENT ABOUT?
- LES IS OUT ON THE LEDGE.
WHAT? SOME JERK ACCUSED
LES OF BEING A HOMOSEXUAL.
A HOMO SEXUAL? THAT'S RIGHT.
AND YOU KNOW... YOU KNOW LES.
APPARENTLY NOT. I MEAN...
AT LEAST I DIDN'T KNOW
HE WAS, YOU KNOW, FUNNY.
THE WORD IS "GAY," NOT
"FUNNY." AND SO WHAT IF HE IS?
HE COMES TO WORK. HE DOES
HIS JOB. HE'S A FINE PERSON.
HIS SEX LIFE IS
HIS OWN BUSINESS.
SURE. YOU'D SAY THAT.
WHAT?
I NEED A DICTIONARY.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL HOLD!
DO WE HAVE A DICTIONARY?
YOU HAVE TO KEEP HIM TALKING.
I AM KEEPING HIM TALKING, BUT HE
WANTS TO KNOW WHAT FARDELS ARE.
WHAT? "FARDEL"... IT'S... IT'S A WORD.
IT'S HERE IN HAMLET'S SOLILOQUY.
"WHEN HE HIMSELF MIGHT HIS
QUIETUS MAKE WITH A BARE BODKIN,
WHO WOULD FARDELS BEAR"?
THERE'S A DICTIONARY
IN MY DESK. OH, OKAY.
LOOK UP "BODKIN"
WHILE YOU'RE AT IT.
OH. HI, JOHNNY. HI.
HEY, LISTEN, WILL YOU TALK TO LES
FOR A MINUTE. SURE. UH, WHERE IS HE?
HE'S ON THE LEDGE. INTERESTING.
THIS IS AN EMERGENCY. HAVE
HIM CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU CAN.
I'LL BE RIGHT BY THE PHONE.
LES WOULDN'T BE OUT THERE RIGHT
NOW IF IT WEREN'T FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
ME? WHAT'D I DO? IT'S YOUR
ATTITUDE, HERB... YOUR PREJUDICES.
PREJUDICE? I DON'T HAVE A
PREJUDICE BONE IN MY BODY.
PROVE IT SOMETIME,
HERB. PROVE IT TO LES.
AND THEN THERE WAS THIS GUY THAT
DOVE OFF THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE,
AND HE HIT A BARGE.
PANCAKE! I DON'T WANNA
TALK ABOUT THAT, JOHNNY.
LES, I...
I JUST THINK YOU OUGHTA KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE GETTING YOURSELF INTO, PAL.
- MAYBE I SHOULD COME IN.
- THAT'S A REAL GOOD IDEA, LES.
WHY DON'T YOU START BY JUST
TURNING AROUND SO YOU CAN SEE ME?
REAL SLOW. REAL SLOW.
PUT YOUR LEFT HAND ON THIS
WALL OVER HERE. I'M RIGHT HERE.
JUST COME AROUND. COME
TO ME REAL SLOW. OKAY?
PERHAPS A LITTLE
MORE SLOWLY NOW.
TRY STEPPING OVER HERE. WHY
DON'T YOU GIVE ME YOUR RIGHT HAND?
YOU DON'T HAVE TO. OKAY, JUST
LOOK AT ME, AND I'LL WATCH DOWN HERE.
JUST STEP RIGHT ACROSS
HERE, OKAY? TAKE IT EASY.
THAT'S GOOD. MOVING YOUR
LEG IS A GOOD WAY TO STEP.
THAT'S GOOD. COME
ON. YEAH. COME ON.
HEY, LES, I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT
IT, AND IT'S OKAY IF YOU'RE A GAY!
A FARDEL, LES...
LOOK AT THOSE GUYS
MOVIN' AROUND DOWN THERE!
THE FIRE DEPARTMENT IS STRINGING UP
NETS. I HOPE WE DON'T HAVE TO USE THEM.
IT'S MY FAULT HE'S
STILL OUT THERE.
HE'LL COME IN. JUST GIVE HIM
TIME. IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO LES...
TAKE IT EASY. I SHOULDN'T
HAVE PICKED ON YOU LIKE THAT.
IT'S OKAY. YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT
YOURSELF SINCE THE OPERATION.
HE WANTS... HE WANTS TO
TALK WITH YOU AGAIN. OH, SURE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. I
EXPLAINED HOW THIS MESS GOT STARTED,
AND IT DOESN'T SEEM TO MAKE A
DIFFERENCE. WHAT DID HAPPEN?
LES AND A COUPLE REPORTERS WERE
INTERVIEWING THIS
BALLPLAYER AFTER THE GAME.
NOW, LES DOESN'T KNOW
THAT MUCH ABOUT SPORTS.
SO HE ASKS A COUPLE
OF CRAZY QUESTIONS.
WHEN HE SPLITS, ONE REPORTER
TURNS TO THE OTHER AND SAYS,
"QUEER LITTLE FELLOW, ISN'T HE?"
AND THE BALLPLAYER
MISUNDERSTOOD THE REMARK.
- THEN IT'S ALL JUST
A SILLY MISUNDERSTANDING.
- RIGHT, BUT TELL LES THAT.
I'LL TELL LES THAT.
LES IS MY BEST FRIEND.
I'LL GET HIM BACK IN HERE. YOU
KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME.
THIS TIME IT'LL BE DIFFERENT.
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
BUT I KNOW I COULD DO IT.
"FAREWELL, A LONG FAREWELL
TO ALL MY GREATNESS!
"THIS IS THE STATE OF MAN:
"TODAY HE PUTS FORTH THE
TENDER LEAVES OF HOPES,
"TOMORROW BLOSSOMS AND BEARS
HIS BLUSHING HONORS THICK UPON HIM.
"THE THIRD DAY COMES
A FROST, A KILLING FROST.
"AND WHEN HE THINKS,
GOOD EASY MAN,
"FULL SURELY HIS GREATNESS
IS A-RIPENING, NIPS HIS ROOT,
AND THEN HE FALLS, AS I DO!"
NO! NO!
LOOK, LES, COULDN'T WE QUOTE
SOMETHING FROM HELLO, DOLLY?
LES, THIS IS HERB SPEAKING. I
JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT...
IF YOU JUMP, I'LL JUMP TOO.
THANKS, HERB.
MR. CARLSON? WHAT IS IT, LES?
I LOVE SPORTS. I
KNOW YOU DO, LES.
I JUST DON'T SEEM TO
UNDERSTAND THEM VERY WELL.
LOOK, LES. I'LL TELL
YOU SOMETHING.
YOU COME BACK
INSIDE THIS BUILDING,
AND YOU CAN DO ANYTHING
YOU WANT ON THIS RADIO STATION.
THAT'S VERY NICE
OF YOU, MR. CARLSON,
BUT MY REPUTATION IS STILL
BESMIRCHED AND SULLIED.
DICTIONARY!
LES! I SAID, A "DICTIONARY"!
- NO, NO, NO! IT'S A PHONE CALL FOR LES.
- COULD YOU TAKE A MESSAGE?
IT'S THE PLAYER AT
THE STADIUM. IT'S THE
ONE WHO HAD YOU BANNED
FROM THE LOCKER ROOM.
- I THINK HE WANTS
TO APOLOGIZE.
- OKAY, ANDY.
HELLO? LES NESSMAN SPEAKING.
NOT MUCH.
UH-HUH. YEAH.
WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
LISTEN, WE... WE ALL
MAKE MISTAKES SOMETIMES.
I-I DON'T WANT YOU TO
WORRY ABOUT IT ANYMORE.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
YES, THEY DO LOOK
LIKE LITTLE ANTS.
SO, TELL ME.
WHAT ARE THE TEAM'S CHANCES
OF GOING ALL THE WAY THIS YEAR?
REALLY? OH, THAT'S TERRIFIC.
CAN I QUOTE YOU ON THAT?
REALLY? WELL, THAT'S JUST GREAT.
WELL, ARE YOU OUTTA YOUR SLUMP?
OH, GREAT.
WELL, SURE, I'LL SEE YOU OUT AT THE
STADIUM FOR THE NEXT TOURNAMENT.
WHAT?
GAME!
WELL, GOOD-BYE. GOOD
LUCK TO YOU TOO, BRUCE.
THANK YOU, ANDY.
HEY, LES, NO PROBLEM.
THANK YOU, MR. CARLSON.
THAT'S OKAY, LES. HERE, TAKE THIS.
WHY DON'T YOU COME ON
IN NOW, LES? HUH? HUH?
I CAN'T. - WHAT?
SURE YOU CAN. IT'S OVER
NOW. EVERYTHING IS FINE. YEAH.
I'M AFRAID TO MOVE. AS A MATTER
OF FACT, I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA FALL!
NO, LES! DON'T DO
THAT! NO, NO, NO!
JUST RELAX! DON'T
LOOK DOWN, LES!
SOMEBODY SAY
SOMETHING, WILL YA? UH, LES?
NOW, IF YOU FALL, ALL YOUR
NEWSPAPER BUDDIES WILL THINK...
YOU JUMPED BECAUSE
THAT PLAYER WAS RIGHT!
HERB! I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
SINCE WHEN? DO YOU HEAR ME, LES?
- I HEAR YOU, HERB.
- YOU BETTER GET YOUR TAIL
BACK IN HERE...
OR ELSE IT'S GONNA, WELL, LOOK,
YOU KNOW, FUNNY. ALL RIGHT, HERB.
I'M COMING TO GET YOU,
LES! OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT.
GIVE HIM ROOM. GIVE HIM ROOM.
HURRY, HERB! ALL RIGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING,
HERB? IF YOU'RE GAY...
YOU'RE GAY.
IT DOESN'T MATTER. TAKE IT
EASY. HANG ON, FOR PETE'S SAKE.
BUT, IF YOU'RE NOT
GAY, THEN... OOH. OH!
THEN PEOPLE SHOULDN'T
GO AROUND SAYING YOU ARE!
SO GIVE ME YOUR HAND. JUST REACH
RIGHT OUT AND TAKE THAT HAND.
LES, ON THREE. CLOSE
YOUR EYES AND JUST GRAB.
ONE, TWO, THREE!
DO IT, LES!
STEP ACROSS! WE
GOT HIM! WE GOT HIM!
ATTABOY, LES! ALL RIGHT.
COME ON IN HERE, LES,
AND SHOW ME WHAT KIND
OF MAN YOU REALLY ARE!
REALLY? OH!
HI, JOHNNY. HI.
I SAW HERB THIS
MORNING. HOW IS HE?
HE'S A LITTLE DOPED UP,
BUT HE'LL BE FINE. SAME HERE.
WHAT? IT'S JUST A JOKE.
UH, SPEAKING OF JOKES,
WHAT DID YOU TELL HERB ABOUT ME?
NOTHING MUCH.
- MORNING, EVERYONE.
- OH, HI, LES.
I WAS JUST AT THE HOSPITAL. THE DOCTOR
SAYS THAT HERB CAN GO HOME IN A WEEK.
- I KNOW. I SAW HIM TOO.
- DID HE SEEM ALL RIGHT
TO YOU?
AS WELL AS CAN BE EXPECTED.
WELL, I THINK HE MUST HAVE
HIT THAT NET HEADFIRST.
HE KEPT ASKING ME THE SAME
QUESTION OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
THIS IS PRETTY COMPLICATED,
BUT HE WANTED TO KNOW...
IF A GUY DATES A GIRL WHO USED
TO BE A GUY BUT ISN'T ANYMORE,
WHAT DOES THAT MAKE THE GUY WHO
DATES THE GIRL WHO USED TO BE A GUY?
IT'S A TOUGHIE.
♪♪
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