WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 1, Episode 22 - Preacher - full transcript
The Rev. Little Ed Pembrook's Sunday morning religious show is creating problems with the religious community. It seems the Rev (a former wrestler) is selling all sorts of religious oriented merchandise. Even though everyone at WKRP is frightened of him, Andy & Carlson finally get him to move his show to 6AM on Sundays, shorten it, and stop selling stuff. How'd they do it? They threatened to call the IRS.
[Chorus] ♪ WKRP, CINCINNATI ♪♪
AND IT'S 8:26 ON A
MONDAY MORNING.
AND YOU GOT THE
DOCTOR, DR. JOHNNY FEVER.
AND THE DOCTOR IS NOT
FEELING TOO GOOD TODAY.
THE DOCTOR WAS A
BAD BOY LAST NIGHT.
THE DOCTOR OVERMEDICATED.
MAYBE THIS WILL HELP.
♪♪ [Rock]
HI, JENNIFER. MORNING, JOHNNY.
WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING FOR ME?
OH, MAYBE.
AND I DON'T PARTICULARLY
CARE IF I LIVE THROUGH IT.
- I'M SERIOUS, JOHNNY.
- SO AM I.
NOBODY'S IN YET. COULD
YOU GET THIS BUTTON FOR ME?
WHERE... IS THIS BUTTON?
RIGHT HERE.
WELL, I'LL DO MY BEST.
I AM A DOCTOR.
WHY IS THIS PLACE ALWAYS A MESS?
IS IT? YEAH.
GEE, IT-IT'S NOT ME,
JENNIFER, REALLY. IT'S...
YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S
THE REVEREND PEMBROOK...
AND THOSE RELIGIOUS FANATICS
THAT COME IN HERE ON SUNDAYS.
I DON'T KNOW. I... I GET THE FEELING
THEY'RE SACRIFICING SMALL VIRGINS.
I HAVE TO GO NOW.
WELL, YOU KNOW. I THINK WE
SHOULD TALK LIKE THIS MORE OFTEN.
EVEN IF WE DON'T
ACTUALLY SAY ANYTHING.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU THINK, BUT I FEEL
THAT PEOPLE JUST DON'T COMMUNICATE ANYMORE.
THEY JUST DON'T
TALK TO ONE ANOTHER.
I THINK PEOPLE SHOULD GET TOGETHER
TOGETHER, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
UH, IT'S JUST SO SAD. DON'T
YOU THINK SO, JENNIFER?
[Phonograph Needle Skipping]
I THINK IT'S VERY SAD.
♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪
♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪
♪ I'M LIVING ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪
♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪
♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪
♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪
♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪
♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪
♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪
♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪
YOU'RE IN EARLY, MR. CARLSON. YEAH,
WELL, I GOT A BIG DAY AHEAD OF ME.
UH, HOLD ALL THE
CALLS. NO VISITORS.
IS IT IN THERE? YES, SIR.
IT CAME THIS MORNING.
HOT DOG.
MORNING, JENNIFER.
OH, HI, BAILEY.
- HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND?
- QUIET. RETT'S OUT OF TOWN.
- WHO'S RETT?
- HE'S THE WHOLESALE APPLIANCE
KING OF WESTERN OHIO.
HE'S NOT VERY TALL, BUT I'VE GOT
THREE MICROWAVE OVENS SO FAR.
- YOU WANT ONE?
- UH, NO, THANKS.
HOW ABOUT A POPCORN
POPPER OR A TRASH MASHER?
- HOW LONG YOU BEEN
DATING THIS GUY?
- ABOUT A WEEK.
I LIKE YOUR STYLE, JENNIFER.
MORNING, JENNIFER. OH, HI, ANDY.
ANY MESSAGES? A
LOT OF COMPLAINTS.
ALL ABOUT THE SAME
THING? MMM, AFRAID SO.
THE REVEREND LITTLE ED
PEMBROOK AND HIS TOE-TO-TOE
WITH SATAN CHURCH OF
THE MIGHTY STRUGGLE.
I'VE GOT TO GET THAT GUY OFF THE AIR,
BUT I CAN'T EVEN GET CARLSON TO DISCUSS IT.
I DON'T BLAME HIM. HAVE
YOU EVER MET THE REVEREND?
NO, I'VE NEVER HAD THE PLEASURE,
BUT I'VE CERTAINLY HEARD HIM.
GOOD MORNING. MAY I
HELP YOU GENTLEMEN?
WE HAVE AN APPOINTMENT
WITH YOUR MR. CARLSON.
OH, I'M SORRY, BUT MR. CARLSON
DOESN'T MAKE APPOINTMENTS.
ARE YOU CALLING US LIARS?
OH, NO, THERE JUST
MUST BE A SCREWUP.
MESS-UP, A MISTAKE.
PERHAPS I COULD HELP YOU, GENTLEMEN.
I'M ANDY TRAVIS, WKRP PROGRAM DIRECTOR.
WE'RE FROM THE GREATER
CINCINNATI INTERRELIGIOUS COUNCIL.
TWO WEEKS AGO, WE WROTE
MR. CARLSON A LETTER.
OH, WELL, THAT EXPLAINS IT. THE
ONLY MAIL THE BIG GUY EVER OPENS...
IS THE KIND THAT SAYS, "YOU
MAY ALREADY BE A WINNER."
IT WAS A LETTER OF CONCERN ABOUT
YOUR SUNDAY MORNING RELIGIOUS PROGRAM.
- IT WAS A COMPLAINT.
- REVEREND PEMBROOK?
- THAT'S THE ONE.
- WELL, IN THAT CASE, GENTLEMEN,
PLEASE STEP RIGHT THIS WAY.
I'M SURE MR. CARLSON WOULD
BE DELIGHTED TO SEE YOU.
MR. CARLSON.
DON'T BOTHER ME NOW,
TRAVIS. I JUST GOT THIS THING.
YEAH, I HAVE SOME PEOPLE HERE,
SIR, WHO WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU.
WELL, TELL 'EM I'M BUSY, WILL YOU? I'M
TIRED OF YOU AND YOUR WEIRDO FRIENDS.
NO, I THINK YOU SHOULD SPEAK
WITH THESE GENTLEMEN, SIR.
[Chuckles] WHO YOU GOT WITH YOU
THIS TIME, THE THREE STOOGES?
NOT QUITE. THEY'RE FROM
THE INTERRELIGIOUS COUNCIL.
- OH, LORD.
- AND THEY'RE WITH ME RIGHT NOW.
IN THIS ROOM? UH-HUH.
OH, MY LORD.
AND WE'D APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU'D STOP SAYING THAT.
YES, OF-OF COURSE, FATHER. WHEN I SAY THAT,
I SAY IT WITH A GREAT DEAL OF RESPECT.
BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I
FEEL ABOUT... YOU KNOW.
THESE GENTLEMEN SAY THEY
HAVE A MEETING WITH YOU, SIR.
FATHER O'RILEY.
REVEREND DRINKWATER.
RABBI FISHBACK.
YOU'RE CATHOLIC, PROTESTANT,
JEW ALL TOGETHER, HUH?
[Chuckling] ISN'T THAT NICE?
I'M PRESBYTERIAN MYSELF.
ANDY, HOW ABOUT YOU?
UH, MR. CARLSON, THE INTERRELIGIOUS
COUNCIL HAS ASKED US TO COME DOWN HERE...
TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE
MAN WHO CALLS HIMSELF...
"REVEREND LITTLE ED."
LITTLE ED? YES.
LITTLE ED, UH... HE
BROADCASTS ON YOUR STATION.
[Chuckles] BY GOLLY, RABBI,
YOU'RE RIGHT. HE'S THE RABBI.
YOU SAY THAT LIKE MAYBE
IT'S NOT SO HOT TO BE A RABBI.
OH, I THINK IT'S A VERY NICE
THING FOR A JEWISH PERSON TO BE.
MAYBE WE SHOULD ALL
GO INTO THE COUNTRY AND
LOOK FOR A NICE LAKE
AND DUNK ONE ANOTHER.
GENTLEMEN, BEHAVE OURSELVES.
- WE DON'T NEED ROME
TO TELL US HOW TO ACT.
- THAT'S FOR SURE.
GENTLEMEN, COULD WE
JUST STICK TO THE POINT?
YES. THAT'S RIGHT.
WE LIKE TO TEASE.
NOW, UH, WHAT ABOUT
THIS LITTLE ED PERSON?
WHEN IS HE GONNA
BE TAKEN OFF THE AIR?
WELL, I'M SORRY, RABBI, BUT LITTLE ED'S GOT
A TWO-YEAR CONTRACT. MY HANDS ARE TIED.
MAYBE THERE'S A WAY AROUND THE
CONTRACT. YOU COULD TALK TO HIM.
[Chuckling] WELL, I DON'T THINK YOU
GENTLEMEN KNOW LITTLE ED LIKE I DO.
WELL, I'M SURE WE COULD MAKE HIM
LISTEN TO REASON. NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
YOU SEE, LITTLE ED'S... CRAZY.
WE CAN'T HAVE CRAZY
PEOPLE ON THE AIR.
THEN WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
GET RID OF THE WHOLE STAFF.
UH, MR. CARLSON, WE DID NOT COME HERE
TO POINT A FINGER OF BLAME AT ANYONE.
OF COURSE WE HAVE. THIS ED
FELLOW... HE'S A GANEF AND A SCHNOOK.
MAYBE I CAN INTERPRET THAT.
WHAT BROTHER FISHBACK IS SAYING
IS THAT THE REVEREND LITTLE ED...
MAY BE A WOLF IN
SHEEP'S CLOTHING,
A STUMBLING BLOCK TO THE WEAK,
YEA, EVEN A BALM UNTO THE WICKED.
LET ME INTERPRET THAT.
WELL, WE FEEL THAT LITTLE ED
HAS OVERSTEPPED THE BOUNDS...
OF GOOD TASTE, GOOD
SENSE AND GOOD RELIGION.
THAT'S NOT TO MENTION ALL
THE MONEY HE'S BEEN TAKING IN.
MONEY? HE SELLS THINGS.
YESTERDAY MORNING, IT WAS
JOHN THE BAPTIST SHOWER CURTAINS.
AND LAST WEEK, IT WAS THE SERMON ON
THE MOUNT LITTLE LEAGUE BATTING HELMETS.
HE CALLS THEM
"RELIGIOUS ARTIFACTS."
- UH-OH.
- PERHAPS THE F.C.C...
MIGHT BE INTERESTED TO
HEAR WHAT HE'S BEEN UP TO.
I DON'T THINK WE HAVE TO
RUSH INTO ANYTHING, FATHER.
I'LL GET REVEREND ED ON
THE PHONE, EXPLAIN THE FACTS.
- I'M SURE SOMETHING
CAN BE ARRANGED, ALL RIGHT?
- WELL, UH, I CERTAINLY HOPE SO.
AND, PLEASE, PLEASE,
LET US KNOW THE RESULTS.
WE'LL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING.
DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT THAT.
GENTLEMEN, I JUST CAN'T TELL YOU
HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME. OH,
YOU BET, RABBI. LET ME SHOW YOU OUT.
BEFORE YOU LEAVE, YOU
HEARD THE ONE ABOUT THE
PRIEST, THE RABBI AND
THE BAPTIST PREACHER?
[Chuckling, Clears Throat]
HANDLE THIS ONE FOR
ME, WILL YOU, TRAVIS?
[Door Closes]
YEAH, JENNIFER. GET
ME, UH, REVEREND...
HEY, YOU GUYS GOTTA GET
OUT OF HERE. I GOT A MEETING.
NO PROBLEM, ANDY. I'LL JUST
GO GET A STRETCHER FOR JOHNNY.
HE HAD A ROUGH MORNING.
YEAH, I KNOW. I HEARD HIM.
HEY, COME ON, JOHNNY. WAKE UP.
- WHO ARE YOU MEETING WITH?
- REVEREND PEMBROOK.
WELL, UH, WE BETTER BE
GETTING OUT OF HERE FAST.
- WHY, YOU KNOW HIM?
- I'VE, UH, SEEN HIM
A COUPLE TIMES.
- ALMOST TALKED TO HIM ONCE.
- WELL, I'VE GOT TO GIVE HIM
HIS WALKING PAPERS.
- SAY WHAT?
- SAY YEAH.
ANDY, LITTLE ED WEIGHS
ABOUT 300 POUNDS.
- HE DOES?
- THAT'S RIGHT.
WHY DO THEY CALL HIM LITTLE ED?
BECAUSE HIS WIFE IS BIG ED.
I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO
REASON WITH HIM. THAT'S ALL.
HOW DO YOU REASON
WITH A WRESTLER? WHAT?
- LITTLE ED USED TO BE
A PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER.
- NO.
I SAW HIM THROW HAYSTACK
CALHOUN OUT OF THE RING ONCE.
HAYSTACK WEIGHED ABOUT
500 POUNDS AT THE TIME.
LITTLE ED STUCK HIS HEAD
THROUGH A SODA POP MACHINE.
WOW-WEE! I GOT THE
DEVIL ON THE RUN!
WELL, LITTLE BROTHER,
HAVE NO FEAR.
THE REVEREND ED IS HERE.
THE DEVIL CAN RUN,
BUT HE CAN'T HIDE.
SOONER OR LATER, HE'S GOTTA COME OUT
AND THEN YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO?
NO.
I'M GONNA TWIST HIM.
I'M GONNA CHOP HIM.
I'M GONNA BREAK HIM IN TWO.
FOR THE DEVIL IS NO MATCH FOR LITTLE ED
AND THE CHURCH OF THE MIGHTY STRUGGLE.
AMEN. WHICH OF
YOU BOYS IS TRAVIS?
WHY, YOU SCARED LITTLE
ED MIGHTY BAD ON THE PHONE.
[Chuckles] SORRY.
TALKIN' ABOUT TAKIN' ME OFF
THE AIR. WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT?
WELL, I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD
JUST, YOU KNOW, UH, TALK THINGS OVER.
TALK AWAY. I AM AT YOUR SERVICE.
I AM THE WRESTLER FOR TRUTH.
I AM THE GRAPPLER FOR GOOD.
I AM THE MAN IN THE TAG-TEAM
MATCH WITH THE POWERS OF DARKNESS.
NO OFFENSE. NONE TAKEN.
ANDY, UH, I THINK, UH... I DON'T KNOW, I'LL
PROBABLY GO BUY A CAR OR SOMETHING.
- BYE, REVEREND.
- THAT'S A NICE OUTFIT.
THANKS.
UH, REVEREND. LISTEN, THE REASON THAT
I ASKED YOU TO COME DOWN HERE IS, UH...
[Chuckling] WE'VE BEEN GETTING A
LOT OF COMPLAINTS ON YOUR SHOW.
- WELL, THAT'S NOTHING NEW.
- I'VE BEEN LOOKING OVER
YOUR CONTRACT HERE,
AND I THINK WE HAVE
SUFFICIENT REASON TO... TO WHAT?
- VOID IT.
- WHAT?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE SOME OF
THE COMPLAINTS WE'VE BEEN GETTING?
YOUNG MAN,
ARE YOU AWARE OF THE
FORCES YOU'RE DEALING WITH?
I AM.
ARE YOU WILLING TO MAKE ANY
CHANGES IN YOUR SHOW? NOPE.
WELL, THEN I'M AFRAID THAT
YOU'RE... GONNA HAVE TO GO.
I SEE.
WELL, THEN THERE IS ONLY
ONE THING FOR ME TO DO.
WHAT? GO SEE THE HEAD MAN.
YOU CAN SEE HIM?
THE JERK WHO RUNS THIS STATION.
MR. CARLSON. WHOA!
YOU CAN RUN, BUT
YOU CANNOT HIDE.
NO, OF COURSE NOT.
WELL, LITTLE ED. THIS IS
A P-PLEASANT SURPRISE.
H-HOW ARE YOUR SISTERS?
MY SISTERS ARE FINE.
YOU STILL USE 'EM IN THE SHOW?
I ALWAYS LOVED THEIR SINGING.
THEY'RE WAITIN' FOR
ME DOWN IN THE HONDA.
[Indistinct]
THIS LITTLE FELLA SAYS
YOU WANT ME OFF THE AIR.
YOU'RE NOT WILLING TO MAKE
ANY CHANGES IN YOUR SHOW.
I'LL SUE. I MIGHT EVEN
DO WORSE THAN THAT.
C-CALM DOWN. EVERYBODY, JUST
KEEP CALM, HUH? S-SIT DOWN RIGHT HERE.
[Stammering] ANDY, YOU
SIT RIGHT OVER HERE.
COME ON, JUST SIT DOWN THERE,
AND LET'S TALK THIS THING OUT...
LIKE... LIKE REASONABLE ADULTS.
DON'T TRY ANYTHING, LITTLE ED.
PLEASE. I DON'T THINK
I CAN TAKE ANY MORE.
[Sobbing] MY LIFE IS SO HARD.
I... I CAN'T SEEM TO
MAKE ANY MONEY.
AND WITHOUT THESE STRANGE
YOUNG MEN AND THEIR STRANGE MUSIC...
YOU GONNA LEAVE ME ALONE OR NOT?
YOU BET YOUR SWEET LIFE, WE ARE.
WELL, GOOD. THERE'S
NO PROBLEM THEN.
THERE IS A PROBLEM.
YOU GUYS BETTER LEAVE ME ALONE OR I
AM GOING TO RAIN TOADS ON THIS STATION.
NO, NOT... NOT THAT. NO TOADS.
YOU BETTER NOT
PURSUE THIS ANY FURTHER.
MR. CARLSON AND I ARE NOT
GUYS YOU CAN PUSH AROUND.
NO? NO. NO?
NO. NO. GONNA GET TOUGH, EH?
YEAH. YEAH? YEAH?
WELL, I HOPE Y'ALL ARE BY
YOUR RADIOS ON SUNDAY,
'CAUSE I GOT SOMETHING
WORSE THAN TOADS.
WHAT COULD BE WORSE THAN TOADS?
♪♪ [Woman Vocalizing]
♪♪ [Women Vocalizing]
♪♪ [Continues]
WELCOME, FELLOW WRESTLERS, TO
THE TAG TEAM OF YOUR LIFE. ♪♪ [Humming]
ONCE AGAIN, THIS IS THE
REVEREND LITTLE ED PEMBROOK...
ALONG WITH THE MERCIFUL
SISTERS OF MELODY,
COMIN' TO YOU LIVE FROM
THE STUDIOS OF WKRP...
HIGH ATOP THE FLIMM BUILDING
IN DOWNTOWN CINCINNATI.
♪♪ [Vocalizing Ends]
FELLOW STRUGGLERS,
IT HAS BEEN A TROUBLED
WEEK FOR LITTLE ED.
I WAS ALMOST PINNED
TO THE MAT OF DESPAIR.
DESPAIR. OH, NO. BUT I ROSE...
TO STRUGGLE AGAINST THE VERY
MANAGEMENT OF THIS STATION.
AND, YES, THEY SAW
THE WISDOM OF MY WAYS.
FOR THOUGH THEY PLAY
THE HEATHEN HATEFUL NOISE...
KNOWN TO US AS THE
ABOMINATION OF ROCK AND ROLL,
I WILL NOT SPEAK
OUT AGAINST THEM.
PRAISE HIM. THOUGH THEY THREATENED
ME AND TRIED TO CAST ME OUT,
MY LIPS ARE SEALED.
[Together] SEALED.
NOR WILL I URGE YOU TO
INUNDATE THIS STATION...
WITH CARDS AND LETTERS
CONDEMNING THEIR ACTIONS.
NO, SIR. THAT IS NOT MY WAY.
- HIS WAY.
- AMEN.
- FOR IF YOU ARE GOOD AND TRUE,
YOU WILL WRITE THOSE
LETTERS WITHOUT MY ASKING.
AND WHEN YOU DO, YOU MIGHT INQUIRE
ABOUT OUR DEAD SEA SCROLLS STEAK KNIVES.
STEAK KNIVES. WHICH ARE FREE...
WHEN YOU MAKE A LOVE OFFERING
OF FIVE DOLLARS OR MORE.
AND NOW, BROTHERS AND SISTERS,
LET'S ME AND YOU GET THE
DEVIL IN A BULGARIAN HEADLOCK...
AND WHIP THAT SUCKER RIGHT THROUGH
THE GREAT SODA POP MACHINE IN THE SKY.
♪ OH ♪
♪ WE'VE GOT WE'VE
GOT THE DEVIL ♪ SING IT.
♪ WE'VE GOT HIM IN A BULGARIAN
HEADLOCK ♪ OH, YES, MY SISTERS.
♪ GONNA TOSS HIM TOSS
HIM RIGHT THROUGH ♪
♪ THE SODA POP
MACHINE IN THE SKY ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪♪
JENNIFER, I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO THANK YOU.
IT'S NOTHING. DO YOU
THINK ONE WILL BE ENOUGH?
I LIVE ALONE, SO ONE
TOASTER OUGHT TO DO IT.
WOULD YOU LIKE A LAWN MOWER?
I LIVE IN AN APARTMENT.
WELL, SO DO I, BUT I HAVE TWO RIDING
MOWERS WITH A SPECIAL BAG ATTACHMENT.
- MORNING.
- OH, HI, ANDY.
DO YOU WANT THE USUAL MONDAY
MORNING COMPLAINTS? NO, THANKS.
OH, THIS TIME, WE EVEN HAVE
COMPLAINTS IN FAVOR OF LITTLE ED.
THAT FIGURES. DID YOU
HEAR HIS BROADCAST?
AT 8:00, SUNDAY MORNING? NO.
HE SLAMMED US. HE MADE
A MOCKERY OF THE STATION.
I-I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE
GONNA GET RID OF MR. LITTLE ED.
WE WERE, BUT THE BIG GUY'S
SCARED TO DEATH OF HIM.
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I
GUESS I AM TOO, BUT NOW I'M MAD.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? GET HIM
OFF THE AIR IS WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
- AT LEAST OFF
OF WKRP ANYWAY.
- HOW?
- FIND HIS WEAKNESS.
- WHAT WEAKNESS?
I'VE NEVER MET A MAN
WHO DIDN'T HAVE ONE.
LOOK, YOU THINK OF SOMETHING,
YOU JUST LET ME KNOW, ALL RIGHT?
THE I.R.S.
WHAT? THE INTERNAL
REVENUE SERVICE.
WHAT DO YOU GOT IN MIND?
OH, I DON'T KNOW, ANDY.
IT'S PROBABLY A LOUSY IDEA.
- OH, COME ON, BAILEY. NOW'S
NOT THE TIME TO GET SHY ON US.
- WELL, I CAN'T HELP IT.
COME ON, BAILEY.
SPEAK UP FOR ONCE.
WELL, UH, IF IT WERE ME,
UH, I'D INVITE MR. LITTLE ED IN.
YOU KNOW, TO SEE
YOU AND MR. CARLSON.
AND THEN I'D JUST,
YOU KNOW, MENTION...
ALL THOSE THINGS THAT HE SELLS,
LIKE THOSE ST. PETER
AND PAUL SPICE RACKS.
THEN I'D... I'D REALLY LET HIM HAVE IT. I'D
TELL HIM HE WAS A SHAM AND A CROOK...
AND THAT HE DOES A DISSERVICE TO
EVERY HONEST EVANGELIST IN THIS COUNTRY.
AND JUST WHEN HE'S GETTING REALLY
MAD, I HIT HIM WITH AN I.R.S. AUDIT.
RIGHT BETWEEN THOSE
BEADY LITTLE EYES.
THAT WOULD COOL
HIM OFF REAL GOOD.
UH, OF COURSE I'M
PROBABLY WRONG.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, ANDY?
OH, THAT'S A PRETTY MEAN TRICK.
IT'S TOO MEAN. GOOD IDEA THOUGH.
IT'S PERFECT. GET THE GOOD REVEREND
ON THE PHONE THERE, WILL YOU?
YOU TWO OUGHT TO BE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES.
YOU SCARED? A LITTLE.
WANNA RIDE MY EXERCYCLE?
NO, THANKS.
IT'S SUPPOSED TO
RELIEVE TENSION.
OF COURSE ALL IT'S EVER DONE FOR ME IS
MAKE ME A LITTLE LIGHT-HEADED AND NAUSEOUS.
WELL, THE GOOD REVEREND WAS
SUPPOSED TO BE HERE FIVE MINUTES AGO.
WELL, IT'S OBVIOUS HE'S NOT
COMING. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
HEY, MAN, YOU OUGHT TO BE
USED TO THESE OUTFITS BY NOW.
WE WERE EXPECTING LITTLE ED.
OH, WELL. I CAME IN TO ASK
ABOUT A RAISE, BUT IT CAN WAIT.
I'LL TALK TO THE PEOPLE THAT TAKE
OVER WHEN YOU GUYS ARE GONE.
HEY, YOU WANNA BE A STATION
MANAGER? GOOD MONEY IN THAT. NO WAY.
YOU THINK HE'S REALLY GONNA STICK
OUR HEADS IN A SODA POP MACHINE?
WE DON'T HAVE ONE. OH, WELL, MAYBE
OUR LUCK'S BEGINNING TO CHANGE.
[Knock On Door] NO, IT'S NOT.
COME IN.
WELL, GOOD MORNING,
LITTLE BROTHERS.
ARE WE READY TO LET
BYGONES BE BYGONES?
YES.
NO. NO.
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
YESTERDAY WAS YOUR LAST SHOW.
OOH-WEE! LITTLE ED'S GOTTA KEEP
HIS TEMPER. OH, KEEP YOUR TEMPER.
LITTLE ED'S GOTTA STAY
CALM! OH, YEAH, BE CALM.
LITTLE ED'S GOTTA STAY COOL!
HALLELUJAH, BE COOL. PRAISE BE...
YOU BOYS GOT A SODA
POP MACHINE AROUND HERE?
NO! THERE'S NOT ONE IN THE
WHOLE BUILDING. LITTLE ED!
WHAT YOU DID ON YOUR
SHOW YESTERDAY WAS WRONG.
- I'M GONNA HAVE TO INSIST YOU
LET US OUT OF YOUR CONTRACT.
- DO I LOOK LIKE I'M CRAZY?
I'D RATHER NOT GO INTO THAT. I'M
NOT LETTING YOU OUT OF ANYTHING.
WELL, THEN AS A RESPONSIBLE
STATION WHOSE JOB IT IS...
TO MAKE SURE ITS
PROGRAMMING IS ABOVEBOARD,
I HAVE NO CHOICE...
BUT TO CALL FOR AN I.R.S. AUDIT
OF YOUR NONPROFIT ORGANIZATION.
I.R.S.?
YOU MIND IF I SIT
DOWN FOR A MINUTE?
YOU BOYS PLAY
HARDBALL, DON'T YOU?
THAT IS DEFINITELY
NOT SLOW-PITCH.
WE DON'T LIKE IT ANY BETTER THAN YOU, BUT
YOUR SHOW IS ABSOLUTELY IRRESPONSIBLE...
AND VERY OFFENSIVE TO A VERY
LARGE SEGMENT OF THIS POPULATION.
YEAH, MAYBE.
I BET I DO GET A LITTLE
OUT OF HAND NOW AND THEN.
BUT I HAVE MY FOLLOWERS
TOO, PEOPLE WHO WOULD
STILL BE SEARCHING
IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME.
MANY WRESTLING FANS
HAVE TOLD ME THAT.
THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT I
SINCERELY BELIEVE I REALLY DO HELP.
WELL, I'M... WE'RE
SORRY, REVEREND.
WOULD YOU REALLY DO
THAT? GO TO THE I.R.S.?
YES. REALLY?
OH, MY GOODNESS. YOU HAD ME PINNED
AND NOW YOU'RE GONNA LET ME UP.
AW, HECK, REVEREND. THAT'S
JUST THE KIND OF GUYS WE ARE.
ARE YOU WILLING... ARE YOU
WILLING TO MAKE A DEAL WITH US?
SHOOT, YEAH. WHAT
OTHER CHOICE HAVE I GOT?
NONE.
ALL RIGHT, HERE IT IS. WE MOVE
YOUR SHOW FROM 8:00 TO 6:00 A.M.
INSTEAD OF 60 MINUTES, YOU
GOT 30 MINUTES. [Stammering]
YOU CAN ASK FOR DONATIONS, BUT NO MORE
STEAK KNIVES, NO MORE SHOWER CURTAINS,
NO MORE MERCHANDISE OF ANY SORT.
BUT I GOT A WHOLE
WAREHOUSE FULL OF THAT STUFF.
I GOT 200 UNITS OF "THE WORLD IS
COMING TO AN END" LAWN FURNITURE ALONE.
YEAH, AND WE HAVE GOT THE I.R.S.
OKAY, IT'S A DEAL.
AW, YOU AIN'T SUCH A BAD
BUNCH OF GUYS AFTER ALL.
BUT YOU GO TO CHURCH NOW
EVERY SUNDAY, YOU HEAR ME?
- ALREADY DO, LITTLE ED. I SWEAR.
- OKAY.
OH, NO.
LITTLE ED'S GONNA MEND HIS WAYS.
AND HE'S GONNA PRAY FOR ALL OF YOU.
BUT MOST ESPECIALLY, HE'S GONNA
PRAY FOR THIS LITTLE FELLA HERE...
IN THE HOPES THAT THE LORD
WILL MEND THIS BROKEN BODY...
AND RESTORE TO THIS MAN
SOME, IF NOT ALL, OF HIS FACULTIES.
- THAT'S A BIG ORDER, LITTLE ED.
- NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER.
EVEN WHEN THINGS LOOK HOPELESS.
I CAN SEE!
♪♪ [Humming]
THIS SUNDAY, MY FRIENDS,
LITTLE ED HAS A NEW POLICY.
NO MORE SHOWER
CURTAINS, NO MORE KNIVES,
NO MORE MERCHANDISE OF ANY KIND.
BUT HERE'S AN INTERESTING IDEA.
WAY BACK IN THE MIDDLE AGES, THEY
HAD THESE THINGS CALLED INDULGENCES.
A PROGRAM WHEREBY
YOU COULD BUY...
A LOVED ONE OR A RELATIVE
OUT OF HELL AND INTO HEAVEN.
IT WAS KIND OF
LIKE LIFE INSURANCE.
EXCEPT IT WAS HEAVEN INSURANCE.
NOW HERE'S HOW IT WORKED.
YOU SEND ME...
♪♪ [Rock]
♪♪ [Man Singing, Indistinct]
♪♪ [Continues]
♪♪ [Ends]
[Mews]
AND IT'S 8:26 ON A
MONDAY MORNING.
AND YOU GOT THE
DOCTOR, DR. JOHNNY FEVER.
AND THE DOCTOR IS NOT
FEELING TOO GOOD TODAY.
THE DOCTOR WAS A
BAD BOY LAST NIGHT.
THE DOCTOR OVERMEDICATED.
MAYBE THIS WILL HELP.
♪♪ [Rock]
HI, JENNIFER. MORNING, JOHNNY.
WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING FOR ME?
OH, MAYBE.
AND I DON'T PARTICULARLY
CARE IF I LIVE THROUGH IT.
- I'M SERIOUS, JOHNNY.
- SO AM I.
NOBODY'S IN YET. COULD
YOU GET THIS BUTTON FOR ME?
WHERE... IS THIS BUTTON?
RIGHT HERE.
WELL, I'LL DO MY BEST.
I AM A DOCTOR.
WHY IS THIS PLACE ALWAYS A MESS?
IS IT? YEAH.
GEE, IT-IT'S NOT ME,
JENNIFER, REALLY. IT'S...
YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S
THE REVEREND PEMBROOK...
AND THOSE RELIGIOUS FANATICS
THAT COME IN HERE ON SUNDAYS.
I DON'T KNOW. I... I GET THE FEELING
THEY'RE SACRIFICING SMALL VIRGINS.
I HAVE TO GO NOW.
WELL, YOU KNOW. I THINK WE
SHOULD TALK LIKE THIS MORE OFTEN.
EVEN IF WE DON'T
ACTUALLY SAY ANYTHING.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU THINK, BUT I FEEL
THAT PEOPLE JUST DON'T COMMUNICATE ANYMORE.
THEY JUST DON'T
TALK TO ONE ANOTHER.
I THINK PEOPLE SHOULD GET TOGETHER
TOGETHER, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
UH, IT'S JUST SO SAD. DON'T
YOU THINK SO, JENNIFER?
[Phonograph Needle Skipping]
I THINK IT'S VERY SAD.
♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪
♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪
♪ I'M LIVING ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪
♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪
♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪
♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪
♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪
♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪
♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪
♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪
YOU'RE IN EARLY, MR. CARLSON. YEAH,
WELL, I GOT A BIG DAY AHEAD OF ME.
UH, HOLD ALL THE
CALLS. NO VISITORS.
IS IT IN THERE? YES, SIR.
IT CAME THIS MORNING.
HOT DOG.
MORNING, JENNIFER.
OH, HI, BAILEY.
- HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND?
- QUIET. RETT'S OUT OF TOWN.
- WHO'S RETT?
- HE'S THE WHOLESALE APPLIANCE
KING OF WESTERN OHIO.
HE'S NOT VERY TALL, BUT I'VE GOT
THREE MICROWAVE OVENS SO FAR.
- YOU WANT ONE?
- UH, NO, THANKS.
HOW ABOUT A POPCORN
POPPER OR A TRASH MASHER?
- HOW LONG YOU BEEN
DATING THIS GUY?
- ABOUT A WEEK.
I LIKE YOUR STYLE, JENNIFER.
MORNING, JENNIFER. OH, HI, ANDY.
ANY MESSAGES? A
LOT OF COMPLAINTS.
ALL ABOUT THE SAME
THING? MMM, AFRAID SO.
THE REVEREND LITTLE ED
PEMBROOK AND HIS TOE-TO-TOE
WITH SATAN CHURCH OF
THE MIGHTY STRUGGLE.
I'VE GOT TO GET THAT GUY OFF THE AIR,
BUT I CAN'T EVEN GET CARLSON TO DISCUSS IT.
I DON'T BLAME HIM. HAVE
YOU EVER MET THE REVEREND?
NO, I'VE NEVER HAD THE PLEASURE,
BUT I'VE CERTAINLY HEARD HIM.
GOOD MORNING. MAY I
HELP YOU GENTLEMEN?
WE HAVE AN APPOINTMENT
WITH YOUR MR. CARLSON.
OH, I'M SORRY, BUT MR. CARLSON
DOESN'T MAKE APPOINTMENTS.
ARE YOU CALLING US LIARS?
OH, NO, THERE JUST
MUST BE A SCREWUP.
MESS-UP, A MISTAKE.
PERHAPS I COULD HELP YOU, GENTLEMEN.
I'M ANDY TRAVIS, WKRP PROGRAM DIRECTOR.
WE'RE FROM THE GREATER
CINCINNATI INTERRELIGIOUS COUNCIL.
TWO WEEKS AGO, WE WROTE
MR. CARLSON A LETTER.
OH, WELL, THAT EXPLAINS IT. THE
ONLY MAIL THE BIG GUY EVER OPENS...
IS THE KIND THAT SAYS, "YOU
MAY ALREADY BE A WINNER."
IT WAS A LETTER OF CONCERN ABOUT
YOUR SUNDAY MORNING RELIGIOUS PROGRAM.
- IT WAS A COMPLAINT.
- REVEREND PEMBROOK?
- THAT'S THE ONE.
- WELL, IN THAT CASE, GENTLEMEN,
PLEASE STEP RIGHT THIS WAY.
I'M SURE MR. CARLSON WOULD
BE DELIGHTED TO SEE YOU.
MR. CARLSON.
DON'T BOTHER ME NOW,
TRAVIS. I JUST GOT THIS THING.
YEAH, I HAVE SOME PEOPLE HERE,
SIR, WHO WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU.
WELL, TELL 'EM I'M BUSY, WILL YOU? I'M
TIRED OF YOU AND YOUR WEIRDO FRIENDS.
NO, I THINK YOU SHOULD SPEAK
WITH THESE GENTLEMEN, SIR.
[Chuckles] WHO YOU GOT WITH YOU
THIS TIME, THE THREE STOOGES?
NOT QUITE. THEY'RE FROM
THE INTERRELIGIOUS COUNCIL.
- OH, LORD.
- AND THEY'RE WITH ME RIGHT NOW.
IN THIS ROOM? UH-HUH.
OH, MY LORD.
AND WE'D APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU'D STOP SAYING THAT.
YES, OF-OF COURSE, FATHER. WHEN I SAY THAT,
I SAY IT WITH A GREAT DEAL OF RESPECT.
BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I
FEEL ABOUT... YOU KNOW.
THESE GENTLEMEN SAY THEY
HAVE A MEETING WITH YOU, SIR.
FATHER O'RILEY.
REVEREND DRINKWATER.
RABBI FISHBACK.
YOU'RE CATHOLIC, PROTESTANT,
JEW ALL TOGETHER, HUH?
[Chuckling] ISN'T THAT NICE?
I'M PRESBYTERIAN MYSELF.
ANDY, HOW ABOUT YOU?
UH, MR. CARLSON, THE INTERRELIGIOUS
COUNCIL HAS ASKED US TO COME DOWN HERE...
TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE
MAN WHO CALLS HIMSELF...
"REVEREND LITTLE ED."
LITTLE ED? YES.
LITTLE ED, UH... HE
BROADCASTS ON YOUR STATION.
[Chuckles] BY GOLLY, RABBI,
YOU'RE RIGHT. HE'S THE RABBI.
YOU SAY THAT LIKE MAYBE
IT'S NOT SO HOT TO BE A RABBI.
OH, I THINK IT'S A VERY NICE
THING FOR A JEWISH PERSON TO BE.
MAYBE WE SHOULD ALL
GO INTO THE COUNTRY AND
LOOK FOR A NICE LAKE
AND DUNK ONE ANOTHER.
GENTLEMEN, BEHAVE OURSELVES.
- WE DON'T NEED ROME
TO TELL US HOW TO ACT.
- THAT'S FOR SURE.
GENTLEMEN, COULD WE
JUST STICK TO THE POINT?
YES. THAT'S RIGHT.
WE LIKE TO TEASE.
NOW, UH, WHAT ABOUT
THIS LITTLE ED PERSON?
WHEN IS HE GONNA
BE TAKEN OFF THE AIR?
WELL, I'M SORRY, RABBI, BUT LITTLE ED'S GOT
A TWO-YEAR CONTRACT. MY HANDS ARE TIED.
MAYBE THERE'S A WAY AROUND THE
CONTRACT. YOU COULD TALK TO HIM.
[Chuckling] WELL, I DON'T THINK YOU
GENTLEMEN KNOW LITTLE ED LIKE I DO.
WELL, I'M SURE WE COULD MAKE HIM
LISTEN TO REASON. NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
YOU SEE, LITTLE ED'S... CRAZY.
WE CAN'T HAVE CRAZY
PEOPLE ON THE AIR.
THEN WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
GET RID OF THE WHOLE STAFF.
UH, MR. CARLSON, WE DID NOT COME HERE
TO POINT A FINGER OF BLAME AT ANYONE.
OF COURSE WE HAVE. THIS ED
FELLOW... HE'S A GANEF AND A SCHNOOK.
MAYBE I CAN INTERPRET THAT.
WHAT BROTHER FISHBACK IS SAYING
IS THAT THE REVEREND LITTLE ED...
MAY BE A WOLF IN
SHEEP'S CLOTHING,
A STUMBLING BLOCK TO THE WEAK,
YEA, EVEN A BALM UNTO THE WICKED.
LET ME INTERPRET THAT.
WELL, WE FEEL THAT LITTLE ED
HAS OVERSTEPPED THE BOUNDS...
OF GOOD TASTE, GOOD
SENSE AND GOOD RELIGION.
THAT'S NOT TO MENTION ALL
THE MONEY HE'S BEEN TAKING IN.
MONEY? HE SELLS THINGS.
YESTERDAY MORNING, IT WAS
JOHN THE BAPTIST SHOWER CURTAINS.
AND LAST WEEK, IT WAS THE SERMON ON
THE MOUNT LITTLE LEAGUE BATTING HELMETS.
HE CALLS THEM
"RELIGIOUS ARTIFACTS."
- UH-OH.
- PERHAPS THE F.C.C...
MIGHT BE INTERESTED TO
HEAR WHAT HE'S BEEN UP TO.
I DON'T THINK WE HAVE TO
RUSH INTO ANYTHING, FATHER.
I'LL GET REVEREND ED ON
THE PHONE, EXPLAIN THE FACTS.
- I'M SURE SOMETHING
CAN BE ARRANGED, ALL RIGHT?
- WELL, UH, I CERTAINLY HOPE SO.
AND, PLEASE, PLEASE,
LET US KNOW THE RESULTS.
WE'LL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING.
DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT THAT.
GENTLEMEN, I JUST CAN'T TELL YOU
HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME. OH,
YOU BET, RABBI. LET ME SHOW YOU OUT.
BEFORE YOU LEAVE, YOU
HEARD THE ONE ABOUT THE
PRIEST, THE RABBI AND
THE BAPTIST PREACHER?
[Chuckling, Clears Throat]
HANDLE THIS ONE FOR
ME, WILL YOU, TRAVIS?
[Door Closes]
YEAH, JENNIFER. GET
ME, UH, REVEREND...
HEY, YOU GUYS GOTTA GET
OUT OF HERE. I GOT A MEETING.
NO PROBLEM, ANDY. I'LL JUST
GO GET A STRETCHER FOR JOHNNY.
HE HAD A ROUGH MORNING.
YEAH, I KNOW. I HEARD HIM.
HEY, COME ON, JOHNNY. WAKE UP.
- WHO ARE YOU MEETING WITH?
- REVEREND PEMBROOK.
WELL, UH, WE BETTER BE
GETTING OUT OF HERE FAST.
- WHY, YOU KNOW HIM?
- I'VE, UH, SEEN HIM
A COUPLE TIMES.
- ALMOST TALKED TO HIM ONCE.
- WELL, I'VE GOT TO GIVE HIM
HIS WALKING PAPERS.
- SAY WHAT?
- SAY YEAH.
ANDY, LITTLE ED WEIGHS
ABOUT 300 POUNDS.
- HE DOES?
- THAT'S RIGHT.
WHY DO THEY CALL HIM LITTLE ED?
BECAUSE HIS WIFE IS BIG ED.
I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO
REASON WITH HIM. THAT'S ALL.
HOW DO YOU REASON
WITH A WRESTLER? WHAT?
- LITTLE ED USED TO BE
A PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER.
- NO.
I SAW HIM THROW HAYSTACK
CALHOUN OUT OF THE RING ONCE.
HAYSTACK WEIGHED ABOUT
500 POUNDS AT THE TIME.
LITTLE ED STUCK HIS HEAD
THROUGH A SODA POP MACHINE.
WOW-WEE! I GOT THE
DEVIL ON THE RUN!
WELL, LITTLE BROTHER,
HAVE NO FEAR.
THE REVEREND ED IS HERE.
THE DEVIL CAN RUN,
BUT HE CAN'T HIDE.
SOONER OR LATER, HE'S GOTTA COME OUT
AND THEN YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO?
NO.
I'M GONNA TWIST HIM.
I'M GONNA CHOP HIM.
I'M GONNA BREAK HIM IN TWO.
FOR THE DEVIL IS NO MATCH FOR LITTLE ED
AND THE CHURCH OF THE MIGHTY STRUGGLE.
AMEN. WHICH OF
YOU BOYS IS TRAVIS?
WHY, YOU SCARED LITTLE
ED MIGHTY BAD ON THE PHONE.
[Chuckles] SORRY.
TALKIN' ABOUT TAKIN' ME OFF
THE AIR. WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT?
WELL, I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD
JUST, YOU KNOW, UH, TALK THINGS OVER.
TALK AWAY. I AM AT YOUR SERVICE.
I AM THE WRESTLER FOR TRUTH.
I AM THE GRAPPLER FOR GOOD.
I AM THE MAN IN THE TAG-TEAM
MATCH WITH THE POWERS OF DARKNESS.
NO OFFENSE. NONE TAKEN.
ANDY, UH, I THINK, UH... I DON'T KNOW, I'LL
PROBABLY GO BUY A CAR OR SOMETHING.
- BYE, REVEREND.
- THAT'S A NICE OUTFIT.
THANKS.
UH, REVEREND. LISTEN, THE REASON THAT
I ASKED YOU TO COME DOWN HERE IS, UH...
[Chuckling] WE'VE BEEN GETTING A
LOT OF COMPLAINTS ON YOUR SHOW.
- WELL, THAT'S NOTHING NEW.
- I'VE BEEN LOOKING OVER
YOUR CONTRACT HERE,
AND I THINK WE HAVE
SUFFICIENT REASON TO... TO WHAT?
- VOID IT.
- WHAT?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE SOME OF
THE COMPLAINTS WE'VE BEEN GETTING?
YOUNG MAN,
ARE YOU AWARE OF THE
FORCES YOU'RE DEALING WITH?
I AM.
ARE YOU WILLING TO MAKE ANY
CHANGES IN YOUR SHOW? NOPE.
WELL, THEN I'M AFRAID THAT
YOU'RE... GONNA HAVE TO GO.
I SEE.
WELL, THEN THERE IS ONLY
ONE THING FOR ME TO DO.
WHAT? GO SEE THE HEAD MAN.
YOU CAN SEE HIM?
THE JERK WHO RUNS THIS STATION.
MR. CARLSON. WHOA!
YOU CAN RUN, BUT
YOU CANNOT HIDE.
NO, OF COURSE NOT.
WELL, LITTLE ED. THIS IS
A P-PLEASANT SURPRISE.
H-HOW ARE YOUR SISTERS?
MY SISTERS ARE FINE.
YOU STILL USE 'EM IN THE SHOW?
I ALWAYS LOVED THEIR SINGING.
THEY'RE WAITIN' FOR
ME DOWN IN THE HONDA.
[Indistinct]
THIS LITTLE FELLA SAYS
YOU WANT ME OFF THE AIR.
YOU'RE NOT WILLING TO MAKE
ANY CHANGES IN YOUR SHOW.
I'LL SUE. I MIGHT EVEN
DO WORSE THAN THAT.
C-CALM DOWN. EVERYBODY, JUST
KEEP CALM, HUH? S-SIT DOWN RIGHT HERE.
[Stammering] ANDY, YOU
SIT RIGHT OVER HERE.
COME ON, JUST SIT DOWN THERE,
AND LET'S TALK THIS THING OUT...
LIKE... LIKE REASONABLE ADULTS.
DON'T TRY ANYTHING, LITTLE ED.
PLEASE. I DON'T THINK
I CAN TAKE ANY MORE.
[Sobbing] MY LIFE IS SO HARD.
I... I CAN'T SEEM TO
MAKE ANY MONEY.
AND WITHOUT THESE STRANGE
YOUNG MEN AND THEIR STRANGE MUSIC...
YOU GONNA LEAVE ME ALONE OR NOT?
YOU BET YOUR SWEET LIFE, WE ARE.
WELL, GOOD. THERE'S
NO PROBLEM THEN.
THERE IS A PROBLEM.
YOU GUYS BETTER LEAVE ME ALONE OR I
AM GOING TO RAIN TOADS ON THIS STATION.
NO, NOT... NOT THAT. NO TOADS.
YOU BETTER NOT
PURSUE THIS ANY FURTHER.
MR. CARLSON AND I ARE NOT
GUYS YOU CAN PUSH AROUND.
NO? NO. NO?
NO. NO. GONNA GET TOUGH, EH?
YEAH. YEAH? YEAH?
WELL, I HOPE Y'ALL ARE BY
YOUR RADIOS ON SUNDAY,
'CAUSE I GOT SOMETHING
WORSE THAN TOADS.
WHAT COULD BE WORSE THAN TOADS?
♪♪ [Woman Vocalizing]
♪♪ [Women Vocalizing]
♪♪ [Continues]
WELCOME, FELLOW WRESTLERS, TO
THE TAG TEAM OF YOUR LIFE. ♪♪ [Humming]
ONCE AGAIN, THIS IS THE
REVEREND LITTLE ED PEMBROOK...
ALONG WITH THE MERCIFUL
SISTERS OF MELODY,
COMIN' TO YOU LIVE FROM
THE STUDIOS OF WKRP...
HIGH ATOP THE FLIMM BUILDING
IN DOWNTOWN CINCINNATI.
♪♪ [Vocalizing Ends]
FELLOW STRUGGLERS,
IT HAS BEEN A TROUBLED
WEEK FOR LITTLE ED.
I WAS ALMOST PINNED
TO THE MAT OF DESPAIR.
DESPAIR. OH, NO. BUT I ROSE...
TO STRUGGLE AGAINST THE VERY
MANAGEMENT OF THIS STATION.
AND, YES, THEY SAW
THE WISDOM OF MY WAYS.
FOR THOUGH THEY PLAY
THE HEATHEN HATEFUL NOISE...
KNOWN TO US AS THE
ABOMINATION OF ROCK AND ROLL,
I WILL NOT SPEAK
OUT AGAINST THEM.
PRAISE HIM. THOUGH THEY THREATENED
ME AND TRIED TO CAST ME OUT,
MY LIPS ARE SEALED.
[Together] SEALED.
NOR WILL I URGE YOU TO
INUNDATE THIS STATION...
WITH CARDS AND LETTERS
CONDEMNING THEIR ACTIONS.
NO, SIR. THAT IS NOT MY WAY.
- HIS WAY.
- AMEN.
- FOR IF YOU ARE GOOD AND TRUE,
YOU WILL WRITE THOSE
LETTERS WITHOUT MY ASKING.
AND WHEN YOU DO, YOU MIGHT INQUIRE
ABOUT OUR DEAD SEA SCROLLS STEAK KNIVES.
STEAK KNIVES. WHICH ARE FREE...
WHEN YOU MAKE A LOVE OFFERING
OF FIVE DOLLARS OR MORE.
AND NOW, BROTHERS AND SISTERS,
LET'S ME AND YOU GET THE
DEVIL IN A BULGARIAN HEADLOCK...
AND WHIP THAT SUCKER RIGHT THROUGH
THE GREAT SODA POP MACHINE IN THE SKY.
♪ OH ♪
♪ WE'VE GOT WE'VE
GOT THE DEVIL ♪ SING IT.
♪ WE'VE GOT HIM IN A BULGARIAN
HEADLOCK ♪ OH, YES, MY SISTERS.
♪ GONNA TOSS HIM TOSS
HIM RIGHT THROUGH ♪
♪ THE SODA POP
MACHINE IN THE SKY ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪
♪ OH, YEAH ♪♪
JENNIFER, I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO THANK YOU.
IT'S NOTHING. DO YOU
THINK ONE WILL BE ENOUGH?
I LIVE ALONE, SO ONE
TOASTER OUGHT TO DO IT.
WOULD YOU LIKE A LAWN MOWER?
I LIVE IN AN APARTMENT.
WELL, SO DO I, BUT I HAVE TWO RIDING
MOWERS WITH A SPECIAL BAG ATTACHMENT.
- MORNING.
- OH, HI, ANDY.
DO YOU WANT THE USUAL MONDAY
MORNING COMPLAINTS? NO, THANKS.
OH, THIS TIME, WE EVEN HAVE
COMPLAINTS IN FAVOR OF LITTLE ED.
THAT FIGURES. DID YOU
HEAR HIS BROADCAST?
AT 8:00, SUNDAY MORNING? NO.
HE SLAMMED US. HE MADE
A MOCKERY OF THE STATION.
I-I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE
GONNA GET RID OF MR. LITTLE ED.
WE WERE, BUT THE BIG GUY'S
SCARED TO DEATH OF HIM.
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I
GUESS I AM TOO, BUT NOW I'M MAD.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? GET HIM
OFF THE AIR IS WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
- AT LEAST OFF
OF WKRP ANYWAY.
- HOW?
- FIND HIS WEAKNESS.
- WHAT WEAKNESS?
I'VE NEVER MET A MAN
WHO DIDN'T HAVE ONE.
LOOK, YOU THINK OF SOMETHING,
YOU JUST LET ME KNOW, ALL RIGHT?
THE I.R.S.
WHAT? THE INTERNAL
REVENUE SERVICE.
WHAT DO YOU GOT IN MIND?
OH, I DON'T KNOW, ANDY.
IT'S PROBABLY A LOUSY IDEA.
- OH, COME ON, BAILEY. NOW'S
NOT THE TIME TO GET SHY ON US.
- WELL, I CAN'T HELP IT.
COME ON, BAILEY.
SPEAK UP FOR ONCE.
WELL, UH, IF IT WERE ME,
UH, I'D INVITE MR. LITTLE ED IN.
YOU KNOW, TO SEE
YOU AND MR. CARLSON.
AND THEN I'D JUST,
YOU KNOW, MENTION...
ALL THOSE THINGS THAT HE SELLS,
LIKE THOSE ST. PETER
AND PAUL SPICE RACKS.
THEN I'D... I'D REALLY LET HIM HAVE IT. I'D
TELL HIM HE WAS A SHAM AND A CROOK...
AND THAT HE DOES A DISSERVICE TO
EVERY HONEST EVANGELIST IN THIS COUNTRY.
AND JUST WHEN HE'S GETTING REALLY
MAD, I HIT HIM WITH AN I.R.S. AUDIT.
RIGHT BETWEEN THOSE
BEADY LITTLE EYES.
THAT WOULD COOL
HIM OFF REAL GOOD.
UH, OF COURSE I'M
PROBABLY WRONG.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, ANDY?
OH, THAT'S A PRETTY MEAN TRICK.
IT'S TOO MEAN. GOOD IDEA THOUGH.
IT'S PERFECT. GET THE GOOD REVEREND
ON THE PHONE THERE, WILL YOU?
YOU TWO OUGHT TO BE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES.
YOU SCARED? A LITTLE.
WANNA RIDE MY EXERCYCLE?
NO, THANKS.
IT'S SUPPOSED TO
RELIEVE TENSION.
OF COURSE ALL IT'S EVER DONE FOR ME IS
MAKE ME A LITTLE LIGHT-HEADED AND NAUSEOUS.
WELL, THE GOOD REVEREND WAS
SUPPOSED TO BE HERE FIVE MINUTES AGO.
WELL, IT'S OBVIOUS HE'S NOT
COMING. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
HEY, MAN, YOU OUGHT TO BE
USED TO THESE OUTFITS BY NOW.
WE WERE EXPECTING LITTLE ED.
OH, WELL. I CAME IN TO ASK
ABOUT A RAISE, BUT IT CAN WAIT.
I'LL TALK TO THE PEOPLE THAT TAKE
OVER WHEN YOU GUYS ARE GONE.
HEY, YOU WANNA BE A STATION
MANAGER? GOOD MONEY IN THAT. NO WAY.
YOU THINK HE'S REALLY GONNA STICK
OUR HEADS IN A SODA POP MACHINE?
WE DON'T HAVE ONE. OH, WELL, MAYBE
OUR LUCK'S BEGINNING TO CHANGE.
[Knock On Door] NO, IT'S NOT.
COME IN.
WELL, GOOD MORNING,
LITTLE BROTHERS.
ARE WE READY TO LET
BYGONES BE BYGONES?
YES.
NO. NO.
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
YESTERDAY WAS YOUR LAST SHOW.
OOH-WEE! LITTLE ED'S GOTTA KEEP
HIS TEMPER. OH, KEEP YOUR TEMPER.
LITTLE ED'S GOTTA STAY
CALM! OH, YEAH, BE CALM.
LITTLE ED'S GOTTA STAY COOL!
HALLELUJAH, BE COOL. PRAISE BE...
YOU BOYS GOT A SODA
POP MACHINE AROUND HERE?
NO! THERE'S NOT ONE IN THE
WHOLE BUILDING. LITTLE ED!
WHAT YOU DID ON YOUR
SHOW YESTERDAY WAS WRONG.
- I'M GONNA HAVE TO INSIST YOU
LET US OUT OF YOUR CONTRACT.
- DO I LOOK LIKE I'M CRAZY?
I'D RATHER NOT GO INTO THAT. I'M
NOT LETTING YOU OUT OF ANYTHING.
WELL, THEN AS A RESPONSIBLE
STATION WHOSE JOB IT IS...
TO MAKE SURE ITS
PROGRAMMING IS ABOVEBOARD,
I HAVE NO CHOICE...
BUT TO CALL FOR AN I.R.S. AUDIT
OF YOUR NONPROFIT ORGANIZATION.
I.R.S.?
YOU MIND IF I SIT
DOWN FOR A MINUTE?
YOU BOYS PLAY
HARDBALL, DON'T YOU?
THAT IS DEFINITELY
NOT SLOW-PITCH.
WE DON'T LIKE IT ANY BETTER THAN YOU, BUT
YOUR SHOW IS ABSOLUTELY IRRESPONSIBLE...
AND VERY OFFENSIVE TO A VERY
LARGE SEGMENT OF THIS POPULATION.
YEAH, MAYBE.
I BET I DO GET A LITTLE
OUT OF HAND NOW AND THEN.
BUT I HAVE MY FOLLOWERS
TOO, PEOPLE WHO WOULD
STILL BE SEARCHING
IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME.
MANY WRESTLING FANS
HAVE TOLD ME THAT.
THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT I
SINCERELY BELIEVE I REALLY DO HELP.
WELL, I'M... WE'RE
SORRY, REVEREND.
WOULD YOU REALLY DO
THAT? GO TO THE I.R.S.?
YES. REALLY?
OH, MY GOODNESS. YOU HAD ME PINNED
AND NOW YOU'RE GONNA LET ME UP.
AW, HECK, REVEREND. THAT'S
JUST THE KIND OF GUYS WE ARE.
ARE YOU WILLING... ARE YOU
WILLING TO MAKE A DEAL WITH US?
SHOOT, YEAH. WHAT
OTHER CHOICE HAVE I GOT?
NONE.
ALL RIGHT, HERE IT IS. WE MOVE
YOUR SHOW FROM 8:00 TO 6:00 A.M.
INSTEAD OF 60 MINUTES, YOU
GOT 30 MINUTES. [Stammering]
YOU CAN ASK FOR DONATIONS, BUT NO MORE
STEAK KNIVES, NO MORE SHOWER CURTAINS,
NO MORE MERCHANDISE OF ANY SORT.
BUT I GOT A WHOLE
WAREHOUSE FULL OF THAT STUFF.
I GOT 200 UNITS OF "THE WORLD IS
COMING TO AN END" LAWN FURNITURE ALONE.
YEAH, AND WE HAVE GOT THE I.R.S.
OKAY, IT'S A DEAL.
AW, YOU AIN'T SUCH A BAD
BUNCH OF GUYS AFTER ALL.
BUT YOU GO TO CHURCH NOW
EVERY SUNDAY, YOU HEAR ME?
- ALREADY DO, LITTLE ED. I SWEAR.
- OKAY.
OH, NO.
LITTLE ED'S GONNA MEND HIS WAYS.
AND HE'S GONNA PRAY FOR ALL OF YOU.
BUT MOST ESPECIALLY, HE'S GONNA
PRAY FOR THIS LITTLE FELLA HERE...
IN THE HOPES THAT THE LORD
WILL MEND THIS BROKEN BODY...
AND RESTORE TO THIS MAN
SOME, IF NOT ALL, OF HIS FACULTIES.
- THAT'S A BIG ORDER, LITTLE ED.
- NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER.
EVEN WHEN THINGS LOOK HOPELESS.
I CAN SEE!
♪♪ [Humming]
THIS SUNDAY, MY FRIENDS,
LITTLE ED HAS A NEW POLICY.
NO MORE SHOWER
CURTAINS, NO MORE KNIVES,
NO MORE MERCHANDISE OF ANY KIND.
BUT HERE'S AN INTERESTING IDEA.
WAY BACK IN THE MIDDLE AGES, THEY
HAD THESE THINGS CALLED INDULGENCES.
A PROGRAM WHEREBY
YOU COULD BUY...
A LOVED ONE OR A RELATIVE
OUT OF HELL AND INTO HEAVEN.
IT WAS KIND OF
LIKE LIFE INSURANCE.
EXCEPT IT WAS HEAVEN INSURANCE.
NOW HERE'S HOW IT WORKED.
YOU SEND ME...
♪♪ [Rock]
♪♪ [Man Singing, Indistinct]
♪♪ [Continues]
♪♪ [Ends]
[Mews]