WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 1, Episode 2 - Pilot: Part 2 - full transcript
Andy looks for a way to publicize the station's new format, while elderly listeners invade the station to protest the removal of their favorite music.
WEATHER TODAY IN THE
GREATER CINCINNATI AREA...
♪ I LOVE YOU SO
BADLY I COULD... ♪
THEY'RE SOLID PLASTIC, SO
DON'T SETTLE FOR IMITATION...
BUT THE SENATOR, WHILE
INSISTING HE WAS NOT INTOXICATED,
COULD NOT EXPLAIN HIS NUDITY.
♪♪
♪♪
♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪
♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪
♪ I'M LIVING ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪
♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪
♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪
♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪
♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪
♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪
♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪
♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪
♪♪
GOOD MORNING, MR. CARLSON.
AH, GOOD MORNING, JENNIFER. YOU
TELL TRAVIS I WANT TO SEE HIM IN MY...
HEY, IS THAT US? NO. THIS IS US.
HANG ON TO YOUR BRAINS, FELLOW
BABIES. THIS IS DR. JOHNNY FEVER,
AND HAVE I GOT A
CONTEST FOR YOU.
WHAT? FIRST PRIZE IS
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DIE.
SECOND PRIZE... A POCKET COMB.
SHUT THAT OFF.
TELL TRAVIS I WANT TO
SEE HIM IN MY OFFICE.
- ALL RIGHTY.
- AND I'D ALSO LIKE TO SEE
HERB IN THERE TOO.
OKEYDOKEY.
WELL, JUST SEND 'EM RIGHT ON IN.
- AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
- NO PROBLEM.
HERB... AND TRAVIS. WHAT
ARE YOU GUYS DOIN' IN HERE?
WELL, JENNIFER SAID
YOU WANTED TO SEE US.
- WHEN?
- YESTERDAY.
- OH. OH.
- YOU DON'T REMEMBER
CALLING THIS MEETING?
GET OUT OF THAT
CHAIR, JUGHEAD. SURE.
REASON I'M LATE IS BECAUSE WE'VE
GOT A LITTLE PROBLEM AT HOME.
OUR MAID SEEMS TO THINK HER MIND IS
BEING CONTROLLED BY WALLY SCHIRRA.
THE ASTRONAUT?
YEAH. THIS MORNING
HE TOLD HER...
TO LAY IN CANNED WATER
AND DEHYDRATED FRUIT.
- HOW LONG'S THAT
BEEN GOING ON?
- AH, ABOUT SIX YEARS.
EXCUSE ME. I KNOW WE'VE ALL
GOT OUR LITTLE PROBLEMS AT HOME,
BUT COULD WE GET TO THE
SUBJECT OF THE MEETING.
OKAY.
HERB, I THINK WE'RE
GONNA HAVE TO LET YOU GO.
- WH... WHY?
- WELL, FOR TWO REASONS.
REASON NUMBER ONE IS
YOU'RE THE SALES MANAGER.
REASON NUMBER TWO...
THERE ARE NO SALES.
THERE'S GOT TO BE A CONNECTION
THERE. WELL, THAT'S NOT MY FAULT!
IT'S HIS FAULT. ANDY
CHANGED THE FORMAT.
- GOOD POINT. WHAT ABOUT THAT, TRAVIS?
- WELL, NOW WAIT A MINUTE.
I TOLD YOU THERE'D BE SOME
LEAN MONTHS IN THE BEGINNING.
LEAN? HERE'S A LIST OF CLIENTS
WE'VE LOST SINCE YOU'VE BEEN HERE.
HEY, LET ME SEE THAT LIST.
SHADY HILLS REST HOME GONE.
SINCERITY SAVINGS AND LOAN GONE.
ROLLING THUNDER EUROPEAN
REGULARITY TONIC'S GONE.
I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS.
WELL, IT'S SOMETHING THAT OLD
PEOPLE TAKE... I MEAN THE CLIENT LIST.
OH. TALK TO HIM.
LOOK. SIR, WE WILL
GET NEW CLIENTS.
- I PROMISE YOU THAT.
- WHEN?
WELL, RIGHT NOW, IF YOU'D LET
ME ADVERTISE THE FORMAT CHANGE.
BUT THAT TAKES MONEY,
AND YOU WON'T GIVE ME ANY.
EXACTLY. NOW WHAT ELSE
HAVE YOU GOT IN MIND?
I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS SOME SORT OF PUBLICITY
STUNT OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
- A FREE ONE?
- WELL, IT'S GOT TO BE. RIGHT?
I LIKE THAT.
LET'S HAVE A PUBLICITY STUNT.
BELIEVE ME, SIR, THAT IS NOT
AS EASY AS IT MIGHT SOUND.
HEY, ANDY, IF IT WAS EASY, THE BIG
GUY WOULD DO IT. AM I RIGHT, SIR?
LIKE HERE'S WHAT WE
NEED... WE NEED A BIG IDEA.
SOMETHIN' THAT'S GONNA MAKE THE
NEWSPAPERS. WHAT DO YOU THINK, JOHNNY?
- HEY, JOHNNY.
- YES?
GOT ANY IDEAS? NO.
I TRY NOT TO HAVE ANY IDEAS.
THEY ONLY LEAD TO COMPLICATIONS.
I TELL YOU, YOU ARE A BIG HELP.
SUPPOSE I GIVE YOU A GREAT IDEA.
LET'S SUPPOSE THAT
THIS GREAT IDEA WORKS...
AND THE STATION STARTS
MAKING A LOT OF MONEY.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT
THAT CAN LEAD TO, ANDY?
MEMOS.
AND THEN BEFORE YOU KNOW
IT, ASSIGNED PARKING SPACES.
THEN, CHROME FURNITURE.
LOTS OF PAINTINGS...
OF WISTFUL CHILDREN
WITH BIG EYES.
BELIEVE ME, I'VE SEEN
IT HAPPEN BEFORE.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. LISTEN,
DON'T GET ALL SHOOK UP.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO HELP. BUT
DON'T YOU SEE? NO ONE SHOULD.
SO, WHAT'S HAPPENIN',
WHITE FOLKS?
YOU A LITTLE EARLY THIS
MORNING, AREN'T YOU, VENUS?
YEAH. I HAD TO COME DOWNTOWN,
HAVE MY SUIT WORKED ON. IT'S ITALIAN.
WELL, I GUESS AN OUTFIT LIKE THAT'S
IN THE SHOP MOST OF THE TIME, HUH?
I GOT SUITS I CAN'T
EVEN GET PARTS FOR.
EXCUSE ME. ANDY, UH, AM I
INTERRUPTING ANYTHING IMPORTANT?
- UH, BELIEVE ME,
IT'S NOTHING IMPORTANT.
- WELL, ANDY, I, UH...
I SORT OF HAD AN IDEA.
IT'S, UH, PRETTY BAD, I BET.
PROBABLY SOMETHING
WE SHOULDN'T DO. BAILEY.
BUT I READ ABOUT IT
SOMEWHERE... BAILEY.
YES? WHAT'S THE IDEA?
WELL, THERE'S A STATION IN
ATLANTA THAT SPONSORS A RAFT RACE.
MAYBE WE SHOULD DO
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
OH, WELL, ACTUALLY,
THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD IDEA.
EXCEPT I'M AFRAID THE OHIO RIVER RUNS
A LITTLE FAST. PEOPLE COULD GET KILLED.
NOBODY SAID IT
WAS GONNA BE EASY.
- NEXT PROBLEM.
- JOHNNY, PLEASE.
OKAY. I GOT A PERFECT IDEA.
THE WAY I SEE IT, WE START
WITH, UH, BAILEY AND JENNIFER,
A SIZABLE CROWD,
A CERTAIN AMOUNT
OF NUDITY. HEAR! HEAR!
- JOHNNY, SIT DOWN.
- THANK YOU.
EXCUSE ME. I DON'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT, BUT
I HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT MY NEWS PROGRAM.
- OH, SURE, LES.
- YOU KNOW, WE COULD
BLOW THE STATION UP.
THAT WOULD GRAB THE HEADLINES.
OR WE COULD JUST BURN IT DOWN.
I LIKE THE NUDITY IDEA BETTER.
PERHAPS I COULD COME BACK LATER.
- SOMEBODY KNOCK?
- IT'S LES NESSMAN,
MR. CARLSON.
- WHAT DO YOU WANT?
- MAY I COME IN?
OKAY.
MR. CARLSON, I MUST SPEAK TO
YOU ON A VERY URGENT MATTER.
- OH, NO.
- I WOULD JUST
LIKE TO SAY...
THAT AS NEWS DIRECTOR OF THIS
STATION, I KEEP MY EAR TO THE GROUND.
WELL, I'M GLAD TO
HAVE HEARD THAT, LES.
THANKS FOR DROPPING BY.
SO AS A RESPONSIBLE JOURNALIST,
I NEVER JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS.
THAT'S MY STYLE.
THAT... THAT'S
JUST THE WAY I AM.
LES, COULD WE KIND OF
STEP THIS UP A LITTLE, HMM?
MR. CARLSON, I HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE
THAT A PLOT IS BEING PERPETRATED...
BY A CERTAIN ELEMENT
OF EMPLOYEES HERE...
WHOSE INTENTION IS TO BURN
DOWN OR BLOW UP THIS STATION.
WHAT? AT THE VERY LEAST,
I BELIEVE THIS GROUP PLANS
TO COME TO WORK NAKED.
GOOD LORD. THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
LOOK, LES. I-I KNOW YOU
GOT A GREAT NOSE FOR NEWS,
BUT, UH, YOU'RE ALSO A LITTLE
CONSPIRACY-MINDED, NOW AREN'T YA, HUH?
I WOULDN'T SAY SO.
COME ON, LES. REMEMBER THE WAY
YOU BROADCAST BING CROSBY'S DEATH?
"FIRST PRESLEY, NOW CROSBY.
JUST A COINCIDENCE? I WONDER."
BUT THIS TIME SOMETHING STRANGE
IS GOING ON. I CAN JUST FEEL IT.
LOOK, LES. NOTHING STRANGE
IS GOING ON. BELIEVE ME.
HELLO. UH-HUH.
BUTTER AND CHEESE. MM-HMM.
NO, WALLY SCHIRRA IS INNOCENT.
OH, AND OLIVES. UH-HUH. YEAH.
THANKS. BYE.
- NOW WHERE WERE WE?
- WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?
SORRY FOR THE INTERRUPTION. I
GOTTA SEE THE BIG GUY RIGHT AWAY.
HERB, SOMETHING STRANGE IS
GOING ON HERE. I CAN JUST FEEL IT.
GOOD FOR YOU, LES.
HOW ABOUT EXCUSING US?
YES, OF COURSE.
I HAVE A GREAT
DEAL OF WORK TO DO.
YOU KNOW, I'M AFRAID LES IS
HEADING FOR A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.
TOUGH BREAK. BIG GUY,
I GOT SOME BAD NEWS
FOR YOU. AW, COME ON.
WE JUST LOST THE BO
PEEP SAFETY SHOE ACCOUNT.
I, UH, DIDN'T WANT YOU TO
HEAR IT FROM A STRANGER.
MR. CARLSON,
THERE'S A MR. WAYNE
R. COE HERE TO SEE YOU.
OH, YEAH, FINE. SEND HIM AWAY.
ALL RIGHT. I'LL TELL
HIM YOU'RE DEAD.
GOLLY. ISN'T SHE GOOD?
OH, JENNIFER. JUST A MINUTE.
UH, THIS GUY MIGHT
BE A NEW CUSTOMER.
IS THAT LIKELY? I THINK
WE OUGHT TO SEE HIM.
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
EH, SEND HIM IN.
I'LL DO MOST OF THE TALKING.
MR. CARLSON?
M-MAYBE. UH...
WHAT'S THE NATURE
OF YOUR BUSINESS?
I REPRESENT A GROUP OF
YOUR FORMER LISTENERS,
DEVOTED FANS OF THE KIND
OF MUSIC YOU USED TO PLAY,
HATERS OF ROCK AND ROLL.
WE'RE A SMALL BUNCH ADMITTEDLY,
BUT WE'RE A DETERMINED
FRINGE ELEMENT...
THAT CANNOT BE COUNTED
UPON TO DO THE SENSIBLE THING.
I SEE. I DON'T THINK
THIS GUY'S A CUSTOMER.
FURTHERMORE, MY GROUP HAS PETITIONED
THE FEDERAL COMMUNICATIONS COMMISSION...
TO HAVE YOUR LICENSE
REVOKED UNLESS YOU
IMMEDIATELY RETURN TO
YOUR PREVIOUS FORMAT...
AND APOLOGIZE LIVE ON
THE AIR TO LAWRENCE WELK.
MR. COE, MR. CARLSON'S DEAD.
SOMETHING HEAVY
FELL ON HIM. UH... PIANO.
A PIANO, WE THINK. WE
DON'T HAVE ALL THE DETAILS.
WELL, I'M NOT BUYING THAT.
OH, YOU'RE NOT... UH...
UH... OKAY. YOU WIN.
HE'S CARLSON.
MR. CARLSON, FAILING
GOVERNMENT SUPPORT,
MY GROUP GOES
IMMEDIATELY TO PLAN "B."
- WHAT'S THAT?
- THAT'S A SECRET.
- OH.
- LET'S JUST SAY...
WE PLAN TO BRING THIS
STATION TO ITS KNEES.
I'D LIKE TO SEE YA TRY IT. HERB!
THOSE ARE FIGHTING
WORDS, MR. CARLSON.
WELL, I WILL NOT BE INTIMIDATED,
PARTICULARLY BY THE LIKES OF YOU.
- THIS IS WAR THEN.
- UP YOUR NOSE, MR. COE.
HERB! YOU DON'T KNOW
WHO YOU'RE DEALING WITH.
YEAH, WELL, NEITHER
DO YOU, DUMBO.
HE'S CARLSON, YOU JERK!
- YOU PEOPLE ARE
IN REAL TROUBLE NOW!
- WHO CARES?
HOW'D I DO?
GOOD MORNING, MR. CARLSON.
HERE ARE YOUR
TELEPHONE MESSAGES.
OH, THANK YOU, JENNIFER.
LISTEN, I'VE BEEN THINKING. IF I WERE
GONNA PUT ANOTHER DOOR IN HERE,
UH, WHERE WOULD YOU PUT IT? UH,
PROBABLY OVER THERE.
IT WOULD LEAD OUT INTO THE HALL.
AND THAT WAY, IF ANYTHING
IMPORTANT CAME UP,
YOU COULD LEAVE THROUGH
THERE AND HIDE IN THE BACK.
YOU KNOW, JENNIFER,
YOU'RE A VERY SMART WOMAN.
I'LL BET MOST MEN ARE
AMAZED BY YOUR, UH...
I MEAN, WELL, THE FIRST THING...
THE FIRST THING THEY
NOTICE, OF COURSE, IS YOUR B...
UH, YOUR-YOUR
PRESENCE, SHALL WE SAY...
AH... OH...
- OH, TRAVIS. THANK GOODNESS.
- MAY I SEE YOU, SIR?
BY ALL MEANS. COME IN. COME IN.
WOULD YOU EXCUSE US FOR
JUST A MINUTE? OH, CERTAINLY.
L-LISTEN, JENNIFER. WHAT
I WAS TRYING TO SAY...
I KNOW, AND THANK YOU.
OH. OH, THANK YOU.
WHAT DO YOU WANT, TRAVIS? COULDN'T
YOU SEE I WAS HAVING A MEETING IN HERE?
I, UH, CHECKED ON
THE F.C.C. PETITION, SIR.
YEAH. THEY ONLY HAD 12 SIGNATURES
AND ONE NAME WAS LISTED TWICE.
THANK GOODNESS. SOME
GOOD NEWS FOR ONCE, HUH?
YEAH. NOW HERE'S THE
BAD NEWS. OH, DARN.
SIR, WE HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO COME UP
WITH ANY, UH, PROMOTIONAL IDEAS YET.
I THINK WE'RE SIMPLY GONNA
HAVE TO ADVERTISE IN THE PAPERS.
WELL, HOW ABOUT THIS INSTEAD?
WE GO BACK TO OUR OLD FORMAT,
AND THEN ALL MY
PROBLEMS ARE OVER. NO, SIR.
I DON'T THINK
THAT... MR. CARLSON?
I THINK YOU BETTER
HAVE A LOOK AT THE LOBBY.
UH, I-I'VE SEEN THE
LOBBY BEFORE, JENNIFER.
- THANKS.
- NOT LATELY.
OH, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE!
THIS IS PLAN "B," MR. CARLSON.
TAKE A LOOK. NOT A
PRETTY SIGHT, IS IT?
ALL RIGHT, FOLKS. HIT IT!
HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
HOLD IT. WAIT A
MINUTE. NOW, FOLKS, UH,
WHAT DO YOU ALL WANT?
- JUSTICE.
- GIRLS.
UH, YEAH. LISTEN, WE-WE CHECKED
WITH THE F.C.C. THIS MORNING...
THE HECK WITH THE F.C.C. THIS IS
A SIT-IN FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES.
MAYBE LONGER. WE LIKE IT HERE.
DON'T UNDERESTIMATE
US, MR. CARLSON.
THIS IS THE SAME
BATTLE-SAVVY BUNCH...
THAT SHUT DOWN
BINGO IN WAPAKONETA.
WELL, LISTEN. WHAT, UH,
SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM?
YOUR STATION IS THE ONLY ONE IN TOWN
THAT PLAYS THE KIND OF MUSIC WE LIKE.
YEAH. RIGHT? RIGHT, EVERYBODY?
HOLD IT. HOLD IT. CAN'T WE HANDLE
THIS THING A LITTLE MORE QUIETLY?
NO, I CAME HERE
YESTERDAY TO TALK QUIETLY.
I WAS INSULTED,
THREATENED AND ABUSED.
IS THAT RIGHT? H-HANDLE THIS
ONE FOR ME, WILL YOU, TRAVIS?
♪♪
♪♪ ARE YOU AWAKE? WHOO!
ARE YOU AWAKE NOW? BECAUSE
IT'S 10:15 IN THE MORNING,
FOR THOSE OF YOU
WHO ARE STILL INTO TIME.
YOU KNOW, IT REALLY FLIES WHEN
YOU'RE HAVING FUN, DOESN'T IT?
I KNOW I AM. I KNOW
I'M OUT OF CONTROL.
WHOO! I KNOW MY PULSE
IS STARTIN' TO POUND,
AND THE BLOOD IS RUSHIN' AROUND,
AND I FEEL FEVERISH,
AND I AM THE DOCTOR.
AND I KNOW ALL YOU BABIES,
YOU SITTIN' AT HOME AND
YOU'RE SAYING TO YOURSELVES,
"TELL ME, DOCTOR... WHEN YOU
FEEL LIKE THIS, WHAT DO YOU TAKE?"
WELL, I'LL TELL YA... ♪♪
♪♪
WE SEEM TO BE EXPERIENCING SOME
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES HERE IN THE STUDIO.
PLEASE STAY TUNED. WE'LL BE BACK
AS SOON AS WE GET IT FIXED, OKAY?
ALL RIGHT, YOU TWO.
UP AGAINST THE WALL!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT HERE,
BUT I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT
I'VE KILLED A LOT OF OLD PEOPLE IN MY TIME.
AND I'M NOT ABOVE
DOING IT AGAIN.
YOUNG MAN, HAVE YOU SEEN MY CAT?
- UH, NO, MA'AM, I HAVEN'T. I HAVEN'T.
- THANK YOU.
MM-HMM.
HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
BOY, THIS IS A FINE KETTLE OF FISH
WE GOT OURSELVES INTO THIS TIME.
IT'S LIKE BEING UP TO YOUR
BELT BUCKLE IN ALLIGATORS.
HELLO.
HI, MOTHER. HOW ARE YOU, DEAR?
AW, GEE. THAT'S GREAT.
ME? AH, I'M-I'M FINE.
OH, YOU-YOU-YOU
MEANT THE STATION.
WELL, THE-THE STATION IS,
UH, AS GOOD AS IT CAN BE.
OH, THE PLACE IS JUST
LIKE A BEEHIVE, MOTHER.
PEOPLE EVERYWHERE. YOU
KNOW, BUSY, BUSY, BUSY.
YEAH, WELL, IT'S THIS
NEW PROGRAM CHANGE.
BOY, IT'S REALLY
MADE A DIFFERENCE.
YOU-YOU WOULDN'T EVEN
RECOGNIZE THE PLACE.
LOOK, UH, I-I'VE GOT TO RUN NOW.
NO. NO, I'VE GOT
ANOTHER MEETING.
HUH?
YOU-YOU WANT TO STOP BY?
YOU WANT TO STOP
BY THE STATION TODAY?
OH, WELL, GEE, MOTHER.
I'M SORRY, BUT YOU CAN'T.
HUH? YES, I KNOW
YOU OWN THE STATION,
BUT YOU CAN'T STOP BY TODAY.
WHY? WELL, UH... UH... UH...
BECAUSE WE'RE-WE'RE CLOSED.
YEAH. HUH? RIGHT. MM-HMM.
WHY ARE WE CLOSED?
IT'S CHUCK BERRY'S BIRTHDAY.
NO, MOTHER, WE'RE-WE'RE CLOSED
BECAUSE IT'S CHUCK BERRY'S BIRTHDAY.
OH, YEAH, WE ALWAYS
CLOSE FOR THAT.
IT'S, UH, SORT OF BECOME
A TRADITION HERE AT WKRP.
W-WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW THEN?
ALL RIGHT. BYE NOW.
HMPH.
WHO'S CHUCK BERRY?
ALL RIGHT. LET'S TRY IT AGAIN.
NOW, WHO WANTS COFFEE?
YEAH, AND WHO WANTS TEA?
RIGHT. WAIT A MINUTE.
FERGUSON'S VOTED TWICE AGAIN.
MR. FERGUSON, REALLY.
YOUNG LADY, MY CAT IS MISSING.
I'VE LOOKED EVERYWHERE.
I'M SORRY, MRS.
BURSTYN, I HAVEN'T SEEN IT.
I'M NOT AS OLD AS I LOOK.
REALLY? ARE YOU ANY
RICHER THAN YOU LOOK?
YOU KNOW, I COULD GO ALONG
WITH ALL THIS NONSENSE, TRAVIS,
IF IT WAS MAKING
ME RICH, BUT IT ISN'T.
- SO WHY DO IT?
- I CAN GET RID OF THOSE
PEOPLE IN THE LOBBY SOMEHOW.
WELL, LISTEN. I HAVEN'T GOT ANY
CLIENTS. I DON'T HAVE ANY LISTENERS.
BOY, WE GOT A BUNCH OF CRAZY
PEOPLE OUT THERE IN THE LOBBY.
AT HOME I'VE GOT A
MAID WHO'S GOING INSANE.
TRAVIS, THIS WASN'T WHAT I
HAD IN MIND WHEN I HIRED YOU.
COULD YOU STOP PACING FOR JUST A
SECOND, PLEASE, SIR, AND LISTEN TO ME?
WHAT?
I HAVE ONLY BEEN IN THIS
TOWN FOR TWO WEEKS.
I'M LIVING IN AN APARTMENT THAT
DOESN'T HAVE ANY FURNITURE.
I'VE BEEN FIGHTING WITH YOUR MOTHER.
I'VE BEEN FIGHTING WITH-WITH-WITH LES.
I'VE BEEN FIGHTING WITH HERB.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHERE MY LAUNDRY IS, SIR.
OH, SETTLE DOWN.
FRANKLY, SIR, I'M... I'M JUST AS
TIRED OF ALL THIS AS YOU ARE.
YEAH. WELL, I GUESS SO.
LISTEN, FOR WHATEVER IT'S WORTH,
I DON'T KNOW WHERE
MY LAUNDRY IS EITHER.
LET'S TRY IT ONE MORE TIME
NOW. HECK NO, WE WON'T GO, HMM?
WE WANT TO GO HOME NOW!
- WE'RE TIRED OF THIS, WAYNE R.
- COME ON, BUZZY.
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A SMALL
BUT DETERMINED FRINGE ELEMENT.
LET'S TRY TO ACT LIKE ONE.
WHERE'S MY CAT? OH,
THE HECK WITH YOUR CAT.
WHY, YOU FILTHY NAZI!
THIS ISN'T FUN.
LET'S GO CHASE THE HARE
KRISHNAS OUT OF THE AIRPORT AGAIN.
JENNIFER, WHAT'S
GOING ON HERE? NOTHING.
COME ON. LET'S-LET'S TRY
IT ONE MORE TIME, OKAY?
HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
- HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
- LET'S JUST GO HOME.
I AM CERTAINLY NOT GOING
TO CHANT THIS BY MYSELF.
I'LL CHANT WITH YOU, MR. COE.
IT WOULDN'T BE THE SAME THING.
MR. CARLSON,
AS NEWS DIRECTOR
OF THIS STATION,
I DEMAND TO KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.
WELL, YOUR WORST FEARS
HAVE BEEN REALIZED, LES.
THAT GROUP OUT IN THE LOBBY...
THEY'RE CUBANS.
OH, NO.
YEP, IT'S A PLOT. I THINK THE
RED CHINESE ARE BEHIND IT.
SOMEHOW I ALWAYS
THOUGHT WE'D BE SAFE...
FROM THAT SORT OF
THING HERE IN CINCINNATI.
NO. LISTEN. THERE'S
NO PROBLEM, LES.
THOSE PEOPLE IN THE
LOBBY... THEY'RE PROTESTERS.
WHAT? RIGHT. THEY'RE PROTESTING
OUR NEW FORMAT CHANGE.
PROTESTERS. WELL, I BETTER
GET MY TAPE RECORDER THEN.
THIS IS NEWS, ISN'T
IT? WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
I THINK WE OUGHT TO
KEEP THIS JUST AS QUIET...
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, LES.
YOU GET YOUR TAPE RECORDER.
AND BETTER YET, YOU SET UP A
LIVE MIKE IN THE LOBBY, ALL RIGHT?
- WHAT?
- GET ON THE AIR AS QUICK
AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN.
- I WILL.
- ARE YOU CRAZY?
NO, SIR.
THEN I'VE MISSED
SOMETHING, HAVEN'T I? YES, SIR.
YEAH, HI. JENNIFER, ANDY. LISTEN,
GET ME THE, UH, TWO NEWSPAPERS...
AND ALL THE TV STATIONS IN
TOWN. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT WE HAVE, SIR, IS A GENUINE PUBLICITY
STUNT RIGHT OUT THERE IN OUR LOBBY.
AND IT'S FOR FREE.
OH? OH.
OH!
IF YOU SEE MY CAT, HIS
NAME IS MR. HARRISON.
YES, MA'AM. WE'LL TRY OUR BEST.
OF COURSE HE'S REALLY
NOT A "HE" ANYMORE.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
WHERE'S EVERYBODY GOING?
- TO THE AIRPORT.
- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
LISTEN, WE'VE CALLED ALL THE
NEWSPAPERS AND THE TV STATIONS.
THEY'RE COMING DOWN
HERE TO INTERVIEW YOU.
REALLY? REALLY.
OH. SO WHAT YOU OUGHT
TO DO IS GO AND STAND...
RIGHT UNDERNEATH THOSE CALL
LETTERS OVER THERE. YOU SEE WKRP?
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
RIGHT OVER THERE.
I'LL HELP YOU OUT, SIR.
COME ON OVER HERE.
NOW, LISTEN. EVERYBODY
BUNCH UP TOGETHER.
ALL RIGHT? NOW WHAT
I WANT YOU TO DO...
WHEN THE NEWSPAPERMEN GET HERE, I WANT YOU
TO TELL THEM THAT YOU ARE MAD AS HECK...
THAT WKRP IS PLAYING
ROCK-AND-ROLL MUSIC, OKAY?
NOW WAIT A MINUTE.
I SMELL A RAT.
MY PEOPLE ARE NOT GOING TO COOPERATE.
THIS IS SOME KIND OF A TRICK, ISN'T IT?
WELL, BUT YOU ALL ARE GONNA GET
YOUR PICTURES IN THE PAPER AND ON TV.
- HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
- - HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
- HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
- HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
BOY, OH, BOY, OH, BOY.
- HEY, MR. CARLSON.
- HIYA, VENUS.
WHAT'S HAPPENIN'?
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
I LOST TRACK ABOUT 3:30.
DID A BOMB GO OFF
IN HERE? SORT OF.
WE HAD A PRESS CONFERENCE. WE HAD TV
CREWS AND REPORTERS ALL OVER THE PLACE.
OUTTA SIGHT. YEAH, IT WAS
PRETTY FAR OUT OF SIGHT.
I'LL TELL YA, WE HAD A GROUP OF
CRACKPOTS STANDING OVER THERE.
THEY WERE... THEY WERE
ATTACKING EVERYTHING.
THEY WERE ATTACKING ROCK AND
ROLL, WKRP, ME AND PAY TOILETS.
ONE OLD LADY SAID
I STOLE HER CAT.
YOU CAN HANDLE IT.
AW, YOU BET WE CAN.
LISTEN, TRAVIS AND I GOT
EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL.
WELL, I BETTER GET ON
THE AIR. WHO KNOWS?
SOMEBODY MIGHT BE LISTENING.
YEAH, COULD BE.
WELL, ENJOY THE
QUIET WHILE YOU CAN.
♪♪
AW, YEAH.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
GREATER CINCINNATI AREA...
♪ I LOVE YOU SO
BADLY I COULD... ♪
THEY'RE SOLID PLASTIC, SO
DON'T SETTLE FOR IMITATION...
BUT THE SENATOR, WHILE
INSISTING HE WAS NOT INTOXICATED,
COULD NOT EXPLAIN HIS NUDITY.
♪♪
♪♪
♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪
♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪
♪ I'M LIVING ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪
♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪
♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪
♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪
♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪
♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪
♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪
♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪
♪♪
GOOD MORNING, MR. CARLSON.
AH, GOOD MORNING, JENNIFER. YOU
TELL TRAVIS I WANT TO SEE HIM IN MY...
HEY, IS THAT US? NO. THIS IS US.
HANG ON TO YOUR BRAINS, FELLOW
BABIES. THIS IS DR. JOHNNY FEVER,
AND HAVE I GOT A
CONTEST FOR YOU.
WHAT? FIRST PRIZE IS
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DIE.
SECOND PRIZE... A POCKET COMB.
SHUT THAT OFF.
TELL TRAVIS I WANT TO
SEE HIM IN MY OFFICE.
- ALL RIGHTY.
- AND I'D ALSO LIKE TO SEE
HERB IN THERE TOO.
OKEYDOKEY.
WELL, JUST SEND 'EM RIGHT ON IN.
- AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
- NO PROBLEM.
HERB... AND TRAVIS. WHAT
ARE YOU GUYS DOIN' IN HERE?
WELL, JENNIFER SAID
YOU WANTED TO SEE US.
- WHEN?
- YESTERDAY.
- OH. OH.
- YOU DON'T REMEMBER
CALLING THIS MEETING?
GET OUT OF THAT
CHAIR, JUGHEAD. SURE.
REASON I'M LATE IS BECAUSE WE'VE
GOT A LITTLE PROBLEM AT HOME.
OUR MAID SEEMS TO THINK HER MIND IS
BEING CONTROLLED BY WALLY SCHIRRA.
THE ASTRONAUT?
YEAH. THIS MORNING
HE TOLD HER...
TO LAY IN CANNED WATER
AND DEHYDRATED FRUIT.
- HOW LONG'S THAT
BEEN GOING ON?
- AH, ABOUT SIX YEARS.
EXCUSE ME. I KNOW WE'VE ALL
GOT OUR LITTLE PROBLEMS AT HOME,
BUT COULD WE GET TO THE
SUBJECT OF THE MEETING.
OKAY.
HERB, I THINK WE'RE
GONNA HAVE TO LET YOU GO.
- WH... WHY?
- WELL, FOR TWO REASONS.
REASON NUMBER ONE IS
YOU'RE THE SALES MANAGER.
REASON NUMBER TWO...
THERE ARE NO SALES.
THERE'S GOT TO BE A CONNECTION
THERE. WELL, THAT'S NOT MY FAULT!
IT'S HIS FAULT. ANDY
CHANGED THE FORMAT.
- GOOD POINT. WHAT ABOUT THAT, TRAVIS?
- WELL, NOW WAIT A MINUTE.
I TOLD YOU THERE'D BE SOME
LEAN MONTHS IN THE BEGINNING.
LEAN? HERE'S A LIST OF CLIENTS
WE'VE LOST SINCE YOU'VE BEEN HERE.
HEY, LET ME SEE THAT LIST.
SHADY HILLS REST HOME GONE.
SINCERITY SAVINGS AND LOAN GONE.
ROLLING THUNDER EUROPEAN
REGULARITY TONIC'S GONE.
I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS.
WELL, IT'S SOMETHING THAT OLD
PEOPLE TAKE... I MEAN THE CLIENT LIST.
OH. TALK TO HIM.
LOOK. SIR, WE WILL
GET NEW CLIENTS.
- I PROMISE YOU THAT.
- WHEN?
WELL, RIGHT NOW, IF YOU'D LET
ME ADVERTISE THE FORMAT CHANGE.
BUT THAT TAKES MONEY,
AND YOU WON'T GIVE ME ANY.
EXACTLY. NOW WHAT ELSE
HAVE YOU GOT IN MIND?
I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS SOME SORT OF PUBLICITY
STUNT OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
- A FREE ONE?
- WELL, IT'S GOT TO BE. RIGHT?
I LIKE THAT.
LET'S HAVE A PUBLICITY STUNT.
BELIEVE ME, SIR, THAT IS NOT
AS EASY AS IT MIGHT SOUND.
HEY, ANDY, IF IT WAS EASY, THE BIG
GUY WOULD DO IT. AM I RIGHT, SIR?
LIKE HERE'S WHAT WE
NEED... WE NEED A BIG IDEA.
SOMETHIN' THAT'S GONNA MAKE THE
NEWSPAPERS. WHAT DO YOU THINK, JOHNNY?
- HEY, JOHNNY.
- YES?
GOT ANY IDEAS? NO.
I TRY NOT TO HAVE ANY IDEAS.
THEY ONLY LEAD TO COMPLICATIONS.
I TELL YOU, YOU ARE A BIG HELP.
SUPPOSE I GIVE YOU A GREAT IDEA.
LET'S SUPPOSE THAT
THIS GREAT IDEA WORKS...
AND THE STATION STARTS
MAKING A LOT OF MONEY.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT
THAT CAN LEAD TO, ANDY?
MEMOS.
AND THEN BEFORE YOU KNOW
IT, ASSIGNED PARKING SPACES.
THEN, CHROME FURNITURE.
LOTS OF PAINTINGS...
OF WISTFUL CHILDREN
WITH BIG EYES.
BELIEVE ME, I'VE SEEN
IT HAPPEN BEFORE.
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. LISTEN,
DON'T GET ALL SHOOK UP.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO HELP. BUT
DON'T YOU SEE? NO ONE SHOULD.
SO, WHAT'S HAPPENIN',
WHITE FOLKS?
YOU A LITTLE EARLY THIS
MORNING, AREN'T YOU, VENUS?
YEAH. I HAD TO COME DOWNTOWN,
HAVE MY SUIT WORKED ON. IT'S ITALIAN.
WELL, I GUESS AN OUTFIT LIKE THAT'S
IN THE SHOP MOST OF THE TIME, HUH?
I GOT SUITS I CAN'T
EVEN GET PARTS FOR.
EXCUSE ME. ANDY, UH, AM I
INTERRUPTING ANYTHING IMPORTANT?
- UH, BELIEVE ME,
IT'S NOTHING IMPORTANT.
- WELL, ANDY, I, UH...
I SORT OF HAD AN IDEA.
IT'S, UH, PRETTY BAD, I BET.
PROBABLY SOMETHING
WE SHOULDN'T DO. BAILEY.
BUT I READ ABOUT IT
SOMEWHERE... BAILEY.
YES? WHAT'S THE IDEA?
WELL, THERE'S A STATION IN
ATLANTA THAT SPONSORS A RAFT RACE.
MAYBE WE SHOULD DO
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
OH, WELL, ACTUALLY,
THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD IDEA.
EXCEPT I'M AFRAID THE OHIO RIVER RUNS
A LITTLE FAST. PEOPLE COULD GET KILLED.
NOBODY SAID IT
WAS GONNA BE EASY.
- NEXT PROBLEM.
- JOHNNY, PLEASE.
OKAY. I GOT A PERFECT IDEA.
THE WAY I SEE IT, WE START
WITH, UH, BAILEY AND JENNIFER,
A SIZABLE CROWD,
A CERTAIN AMOUNT
OF NUDITY. HEAR! HEAR!
- JOHNNY, SIT DOWN.
- THANK YOU.
EXCUSE ME. I DON'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT, BUT
I HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT MY NEWS PROGRAM.
- OH, SURE, LES.
- YOU KNOW, WE COULD
BLOW THE STATION UP.
THAT WOULD GRAB THE HEADLINES.
OR WE COULD JUST BURN IT DOWN.
I LIKE THE NUDITY IDEA BETTER.
PERHAPS I COULD COME BACK LATER.
- SOMEBODY KNOCK?
- IT'S LES NESSMAN,
MR. CARLSON.
- WHAT DO YOU WANT?
- MAY I COME IN?
OKAY.
MR. CARLSON, I MUST SPEAK TO
YOU ON A VERY URGENT MATTER.
- OH, NO.
- I WOULD JUST
LIKE TO SAY...
THAT AS NEWS DIRECTOR OF THIS
STATION, I KEEP MY EAR TO THE GROUND.
WELL, I'M GLAD TO
HAVE HEARD THAT, LES.
THANKS FOR DROPPING BY.
SO AS A RESPONSIBLE JOURNALIST,
I NEVER JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS.
THAT'S MY STYLE.
THAT... THAT'S
JUST THE WAY I AM.
LES, COULD WE KIND OF
STEP THIS UP A LITTLE, HMM?
MR. CARLSON, I HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE
THAT A PLOT IS BEING PERPETRATED...
BY A CERTAIN ELEMENT
OF EMPLOYEES HERE...
WHOSE INTENTION IS TO BURN
DOWN OR BLOW UP THIS STATION.
WHAT? AT THE VERY LEAST,
I BELIEVE THIS GROUP PLANS
TO COME TO WORK NAKED.
GOOD LORD. THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
LOOK, LES. I-I KNOW YOU
GOT A GREAT NOSE FOR NEWS,
BUT, UH, YOU'RE ALSO A LITTLE
CONSPIRACY-MINDED, NOW AREN'T YA, HUH?
I WOULDN'T SAY SO.
COME ON, LES. REMEMBER THE WAY
YOU BROADCAST BING CROSBY'S DEATH?
"FIRST PRESLEY, NOW CROSBY.
JUST A COINCIDENCE? I WONDER."
BUT THIS TIME SOMETHING STRANGE
IS GOING ON. I CAN JUST FEEL IT.
LOOK, LES. NOTHING STRANGE
IS GOING ON. BELIEVE ME.
HELLO. UH-HUH.
BUTTER AND CHEESE. MM-HMM.
NO, WALLY SCHIRRA IS INNOCENT.
OH, AND OLIVES. UH-HUH. YEAH.
THANKS. BYE.
- NOW WHERE WERE WE?
- WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?
SORRY FOR THE INTERRUPTION. I
GOTTA SEE THE BIG GUY RIGHT AWAY.
HERB, SOMETHING STRANGE IS
GOING ON HERE. I CAN JUST FEEL IT.
GOOD FOR YOU, LES.
HOW ABOUT EXCUSING US?
YES, OF COURSE.
I HAVE A GREAT
DEAL OF WORK TO DO.
YOU KNOW, I'M AFRAID LES IS
HEADING FOR A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.
TOUGH BREAK. BIG GUY,
I GOT SOME BAD NEWS
FOR YOU. AW, COME ON.
WE JUST LOST THE BO
PEEP SAFETY SHOE ACCOUNT.
I, UH, DIDN'T WANT YOU TO
HEAR IT FROM A STRANGER.
MR. CARLSON,
THERE'S A MR. WAYNE
R. COE HERE TO SEE YOU.
OH, YEAH, FINE. SEND HIM AWAY.
ALL RIGHT. I'LL TELL
HIM YOU'RE DEAD.
GOLLY. ISN'T SHE GOOD?
OH, JENNIFER. JUST A MINUTE.
UH, THIS GUY MIGHT
BE A NEW CUSTOMER.
IS THAT LIKELY? I THINK
WE OUGHT TO SEE HIM.
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
EH, SEND HIM IN.
I'LL DO MOST OF THE TALKING.
MR. CARLSON?
M-MAYBE. UH...
WHAT'S THE NATURE
OF YOUR BUSINESS?
I REPRESENT A GROUP OF
YOUR FORMER LISTENERS,
DEVOTED FANS OF THE KIND
OF MUSIC YOU USED TO PLAY,
HATERS OF ROCK AND ROLL.
WE'RE A SMALL BUNCH ADMITTEDLY,
BUT WE'RE A DETERMINED
FRINGE ELEMENT...
THAT CANNOT BE COUNTED
UPON TO DO THE SENSIBLE THING.
I SEE. I DON'T THINK
THIS GUY'S A CUSTOMER.
FURTHERMORE, MY GROUP HAS PETITIONED
THE FEDERAL COMMUNICATIONS COMMISSION...
TO HAVE YOUR LICENSE
REVOKED UNLESS YOU
IMMEDIATELY RETURN TO
YOUR PREVIOUS FORMAT...
AND APOLOGIZE LIVE ON
THE AIR TO LAWRENCE WELK.
MR. COE, MR. CARLSON'S DEAD.
SOMETHING HEAVY
FELL ON HIM. UH... PIANO.
A PIANO, WE THINK. WE
DON'T HAVE ALL THE DETAILS.
WELL, I'M NOT BUYING THAT.
OH, YOU'RE NOT... UH...
UH... OKAY. YOU WIN.
HE'S CARLSON.
MR. CARLSON, FAILING
GOVERNMENT SUPPORT,
MY GROUP GOES
IMMEDIATELY TO PLAN "B."
- WHAT'S THAT?
- THAT'S A SECRET.
- OH.
- LET'S JUST SAY...
WE PLAN TO BRING THIS
STATION TO ITS KNEES.
I'D LIKE TO SEE YA TRY IT. HERB!
THOSE ARE FIGHTING
WORDS, MR. CARLSON.
WELL, I WILL NOT BE INTIMIDATED,
PARTICULARLY BY THE LIKES OF YOU.
- THIS IS WAR THEN.
- UP YOUR NOSE, MR. COE.
HERB! YOU DON'T KNOW
WHO YOU'RE DEALING WITH.
YEAH, WELL, NEITHER
DO YOU, DUMBO.
HE'S CARLSON, YOU JERK!
- YOU PEOPLE ARE
IN REAL TROUBLE NOW!
- WHO CARES?
HOW'D I DO?
GOOD MORNING, MR. CARLSON.
HERE ARE YOUR
TELEPHONE MESSAGES.
OH, THANK YOU, JENNIFER.
LISTEN, I'VE BEEN THINKING. IF I WERE
GONNA PUT ANOTHER DOOR IN HERE,
UH, WHERE WOULD YOU PUT IT? UH,
PROBABLY OVER THERE.
IT WOULD LEAD OUT INTO THE HALL.
AND THAT WAY, IF ANYTHING
IMPORTANT CAME UP,
YOU COULD LEAVE THROUGH
THERE AND HIDE IN THE BACK.
YOU KNOW, JENNIFER,
YOU'RE A VERY SMART WOMAN.
I'LL BET MOST MEN ARE
AMAZED BY YOUR, UH...
I MEAN, WELL, THE FIRST THING...
THE FIRST THING THEY
NOTICE, OF COURSE, IS YOUR B...
UH, YOUR-YOUR
PRESENCE, SHALL WE SAY...
AH... OH...
- OH, TRAVIS. THANK GOODNESS.
- MAY I SEE YOU, SIR?
BY ALL MEANS. COME IN. COME IN.
WOULD YOU EXCUSE US FOR
JUST A MINUTE? OH, CERTAINLY.
L-LISTEN, JENNIFER. WHAT
I WAS TRYING TO SAY...
I KNOW, AND THANK YOU.
OH. OH, THANK YOU.
WHAT DO YOU WANT, TRAVIS? COULDN'T
YOU SEE I WAS HAVING A MEETING IN HERE?
I, UH, CHECKED ON
THE F.C.C. PETITION, SIR.
YEAH. THEY ONLY HAD 12 SIGNATURES
AND ONE NAME WAS LISTED TWICE.
THANK GOODNESS. SOME
GOOD NEWS FOR ONCE, HUH?
YEAH. NOW HERE'S THE
BAD NEWS. OH, DARN.
SIR, WE HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO COME UP
WITH ANY, UH, PROMOTIONAL IDEAS YET.
I THINK WE'RE SIMPLY GONNA
HAVE TO ADVERTISE IN THE PAPERS.
WELL, HOW ABOUT THIS INSTEAD?
WE GO BACK TO OUR OLD FORMAT,
AND THEN ALL MY
PROBLEMS ARE OVER. NO, SIR.
I DON'T THINK
THAT... MR. CARLSON?
I THINK YOU BETTER
HAVE A LOOK AT THE LOBBY.
UH, I-I'VE SEEN THE
LOBBY BEFORE, JENNIFER.
- THANKS.
- NOT LATELY.
OH, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE!
THIS IS PLAN "B," MR. CARLSON.
TAKE A LOOK. NOT A
PRETTY SIGHT, IS IT?
ALL RIGHT, FOLKS. HIT IT!
HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
HOLD IT. WAIT A
MINUTE. NOW, FOLKS, UH,
WHAT DO YOU ALL WANT?
- JUSTICE.
- GIRLS.
UH, YEAH. LISTEN, WE-WE CHECKED
WITH THE F.C.C. THIS MORNING...
THE HECK WITH THE F.C.C. THIS IS
A SIT-IN FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES.
MAYBE LONGER. WE LIKE IT HERE.
DON'T UNDERESTIMATE
US, MR. CARLSON.
THIS IS THE SAME
BATTLE-SAVVY BUNCH...
THAT SHUT DOWN
BINGO IN WAPAKONETA.
WELL, LISTEN. WHAT, UH,
SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM?
YOUR STATION IS THE ONLY ONE IN TOWN
THAT PLAYS THE KIND OF MUSIC WE LIKE.
YEAH. RIGHT? RIGHT, EVERYBODY?
HOLD IT. HOLD IT. CAN'T WE HANDLE
THIS THING A LITTLE MORE QUIETLY?
NO, I CAME HERE
YESTERDAY TO TALK QUIETLY.
I WAS INSULTED,
THREATENED AND ABUSED.
IS THAT RIGHT? H-HANDLE THIS
ONE FOR ME, WILL YOU, TRAVIS?
♪♪
♪♪ ARE YOU AWAKE? WHOO!
ARE YOU AWAKE NOW? BECAUSE
IT'S 10:15 IN THE MORNING,
FOR THOSE OF YOU
WHO ARE STILL INTO TIME.
YOU KNOW, IT REALLY FLIES WHEN
YOU'RE HAVING FUN, DOESN'T IT?
I KNOW I AM. I KNOW
I'M OUT OF CONTROL.
WHOO! I KNOW MY PULSE
IS STARTIN' TO POUND,
AND THE BLOOD IS RUSHIN' AROUND,
AND I FEEL FEVERISH,
AND I AM THE DOCTOR.
AND I KNOW ALL YOU BABIES,
YOU SITTIN' AT HOME AND
YOU'RE SAYING TO YOURSELVES,
"TELL ME, DOCTOR... WHEN YOU
FEEL LIKE THIS, WHAT DO YOU TAKE?"
WELL, I'LL TELL YA... ♪♪
♪♪
WE SEEM TO BE EXPERIENCING SOME
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES HERE IN THE STUDIO.
PLEASE STAY TUNED. WE'LL BE BACK
AS SOON AS WE GET IT FIXED, OKAY?
ALL RIGHT, YOU TWO.
UP AGAINST THE WALL!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT HERE,
BUT I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT
I'VE KILLED A LOT OF OLD PEOPLE IN MY TIME.
AND I'M NOT ABOVE
DOING IT AGAIN.
YOUNG MAN, HAVE YOU SEEN MY CAT?
- UH, NO, MA'AM, I HAVEN'T. I HAVEN'T.
- THANK YOU.
MM-HMM.
HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
BOY, THIS IS A FINE KETTLE OF FISH
WE GOT OURSELVES INTO THIS TIME.
IT'S LIKE BEING UP TO YOUR
BELT BUCKLE IN ALLIGATORS.
HELLO.
HI, MOTHER. HOW ARE YOU, DEAR?
AW, GEE. THAT'S GREAT.
ME? AH, I'M-I'M FINE.
OH, YOU-YOU-YOU
MEANT THE STATION.
WELL, THE-THE STATION IS,
UH, AS GOOD AS IT CAN BE.
OH, THE PLACE IS JUST
LIKE A BEEHIVE, MOTHER.
PEOPLE EVERYWHERE. YOU
KNOW, BUSY, BUSY, BUSY.
YEAH, WELL, IT'S THIS
NEW PROGRAM CHANGE.
BOY, IT'S REALLY
MADE A DIFFERENCE.
YOU-YOU WOULDN'T EVEN
RECOGNIZE THE PLACE.
LOOK, UH, I-I'VE GOT TO RUN NOW.
NO. NO, I'VE GOT
ANOTHER MEETING.
HUH?
YOU-YOU WANT TO STOP BY?
YOU WANT TO STOP
BY THE STATION TODAY?
OH, WELL, GEE, MOTHER.
I'M SORRY, BUT YOU CAN'T.
HUH? YES, I KNOW
YOU OWN THE STATION,
BUT YOU CAN'T STOP BY TODAY.
WHY? WELL, UH... UH... UH...
BECAUSE WE'RE-WE'RE CLOSED.
YEAH. HUH? RIGHT. MM-HMM.
WHY ARE WE CLOSED?
IT'S CHUCK BERRY'S BIRTHDAY.
NO, MOTHER, WE'RE-WE'RE CLOSED
BECAUSE IT'S CHUCK BERRY'S BIRTHDAY.
OH, YEAH, WE ALWAYS
CLOSE FOR THAT.
IT'S, UH, SORT OF BECOME
A TRADITION HERE AT WKRP.
W-WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW THEN?
ALL RIGHT. BYE NOW.
HMPH.
WHO'S CHUCK BERRY?
ALL RIGHT. LET'S TRY IT AGAIN.
NOW, WHO WANTS COFFEE?
YEAH, AND WHO WANTS TEA?
RIGHT. WAIT A MINUTE.
FERGUSON'S VOTED TWICE AGAIN.
MR. FERGUSON, REALLY.
YOUNG LADY, MY CAT IS MISSING.
I'VE LOOKED EVERYWHERE.
I'M SORRY, MRS.
BURSTYN, I HAVEN'T SEEN IT.
I'M NOT AS OLD AS I LOOK.
REALLY? ARE YOU ANY
RICHER THAN YOU LOOK?
YOU KNOW, I COULD GO ALONG
WITH ALL THIS NONSENSE, TRAVIS,
IF IT WAS MAKING
ME RICH, BUT IT ISN'T.
- SO WHY DO IT?
- I CAN GET RID OF THOSE
PEOPLE IN THE LOBBY SOMEHOW.
WELL, LISTEN. I HAVEN'T GOT ANY
CLIENTS. I DON'T HAVE ANY LISTENERS.
BOY, WE GOT A BUNCH OF CRAZY
PEOPLE OUT THERE IN THE LOBBY.
AT HOME I'VE GOT A
MAID WHO'S GOING INSANE.
TRAVIS, THIS WASN'T WHAT I
HAD IN MIND WHEN I HIRED YOU.
COULD YOU STOP PACING FOR JUST A
SECOND, PLEASE, SIR, AND LISTEN TO ME?
WHAT?
I HAVE ONLY BEEN IN THIS
TOWN FOR TWO WEEKS.
I'M LIVING IN AN APARTMENT THAT
DOESN'T HAVE ANY FURNITURE.
I'VE BEEN FIGHTING WITH YOUR MOTHER.
I'VE BEEN FIGHTING WITH-WITH-WITH LES.
I'VE BEEN FIGHTING WITH HERB.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHERE MY LAUNDRY IS, SIR.
OH, SETTLE DOWN.
FRANKLY, SIR, I'M... I'M JUST AS
TIRED OF ALL THIS AS YOU ARE.
YEAH. WELL, I GUESS SO.
LISTEN, FOR WHATEVER IT'S WORTH,
I DON'T KNOW WHERE
MY LAUNDRY IS EITHER.
LET'S TRY IT ONE MORE TIME
NOW. HECK NO, WE WON'T GO, HMM?
WE WANT TO GO HOME NOW!
- WE'RE TIRED OF THIS, WAYNE R.
- COME ON, BUZZY.
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A SMALL
BUT DETERMINED FRINGE ELEMENT.
LET'S TRY TO ACT LIKE ONE.
WHERE'S MY CAT? OH,
THE HECK WITH YOUR CAT.
WHY, YOU FILTHY NAZI!
THIS ISN'T FUN.
LET'S GO CHASE THE HARE
KRISHNAS OUT OF THE AIRPORT AGAIN.
JENNIFER, WHAT'S
GOING ON HERE? NOTHING.
COME ON. LET'S-LET'S TRY
IT ONE MORE TIME, OKAY?
HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
- HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
- LET'S JUST GO HOME.
I AM CERTAINLY NOT GOING
TO CHANT THIS BY MYSELF.
I'LL CHANT WITH YOU, MR. COE.
IT WOULDN'T BE THE SAME THING.
MR. CARLSON,
AS NEWS DIRECTOR
OF THIS STATION,
I DEMAND TO KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.
WELL, YOUR WORST FEARS
HAVE BEEN REALIZED, LES.
THAT GROUP OUT IN THE LOBBY...
THEY'RE CUBANS.
OH, NO.
YEP, IT'S A PLOT. I THINK THE
RED CHINESE ARE BEHIND IT.
SOMEHOW I ALWAYS
THOUGHT WE'D BE SAFE...
FROM THAT SORT OF
THING HERE IN CINCINNATI.
NO. LISTEN. THERE'S
NO PROBLEM, LES.
THOSE PEOPLE IN THE
LOBBY... THEY'RE PROTESTERS.
WHAT? RIGHT. THEY'RE PROTESTING
OUR NEW FORMAT CHANGE.
PROTESTERS. WELL, I BETTER
GET MY TAPE RECORDER THEN.
THIS IS NEWS, ISN'T
IT? WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
I THINK WE OUGHT TO
KEEP THIS JUST AS QUIET...
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, LES.
YOU GET YOUR TAPE RECORDER.
AND BETTER YET, YOU SET UP A
LIVE MIKE IN THE LOBBY, ALL RIGHT?
- WHAT?
- GET ON THE AIR AS QUICK
AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN.
- I WILL.
- ARE YOU CRAZY?
NO, SIR.
THEN I'VE MISSED
SOMETHING, HAVEN'T I? YES, SIR.
YEAH, HI. JENNIFER, ANDY. LISTEN,
GET ME THE, UH, TWO NEWSPAPERS...
AND ALL THE TV STATIONS IN
TOWN. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT WE HAVE, SIR, IS A GENUINE PUBLICITY
STUNT RIGHT OUT THERE IN OUR LOBBY.
AND IT'S FOR FREE.
OH? OH.
OH!
IF YOU SEE MY CAT, HIS
NAME IS MR. HARRISON.
YES, MA'AM. WE'LL TRY OUR BEST.
OF COURSE HE'S REALLY
NOT A "HE" ANYMORE.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
WHERE'S EVERYBODY GOING?
- TO THE AIRPORT.
- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
LISTEN, WE'VE CALLED ALL THE
NEWSPAPERS AND THE TV STATIONS.
THEY'RE COMING DOWN
HERE TO INTERVIEW YOU.
REALLY? REALLY.
OH. SO WHAT YOU OUGHT
TO DO IS GO AND STAND...
RIGHT UNDERNEATH THOSE CALL
LETTERS OVER THERE. YOU SEE WKRP?
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
RIGHT OVER THERE.
I'LL HELP YOU OUT, SIR.
COME ON OVER HERE.
NOW, LISTEN. EVERYBODY
BUNCH UP TOGETHER.
ALL RIGHT? NOW WHAT
I WANT YOU TO DO...
WHEN THE NEWSPAPERMEN GET HERE, I WANT YOU
TO TELL THEM THAT YOU ARE MAD AS HECK...
THAT WKRP IS PLAYING
ROCK-AND-ROLL MUSIC, OKAY?
NOW WAIT A MINUTE.
I SMELL A RAT.
MY PEOPLE ARE NOT GOING TO COOPERATE.
THIS IS SOME KIND OF A TRICK, ISN'T IT?
WELL, BUT YOU ALL ARE GONNA GET
YOUR PICTURES IN THE PAPER AND ON TV.
- HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
- - HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
- HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
- HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
HECK NO, WE WON'T GO!
BOY, OH, BOY, OH, BOY.
- HEY, MR. CARLSON.
- HIYA, VENUS.
WHAT'S HAPPENIN'?
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
I LOST TRACK ABOUT 3:30.
DID A BOMB GO OFF
IN HERE? SORT OF.
WE HAD A PRESS CONFERENCE. WE HAD TV
CREWS AND REPORTERS ALL OVER THE PLACE.
OUTTA SIGHT. YEAH, IT WAS
PRETTY FAR OUT OF SIGHT.
I'LL TELL YA, WE HAD A GROUP OF
CRACKPOTS STANDING OVER THERE.
THEY WERE... THEY WERE
ATTACKING EVERYTHING.
THEY WERE ATTACKING ROCK AND
ROLL, WKRP, ME AND PAY TOILETS.
ONE OLD LADY SAID
I STOLE HER CAT.
YOU CAN HANDLE IT.
AW, YOU BET WE CAN.
LISTEN, TRAVIS AND I GOT
EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL.
WELL, I BETTER GET ON
THE AIR. WHO KNOWS?
SOMEBODY MIGHT BE LISTENING.
YEAH, COULD BE.
WELL, ENJOY THE
QUIET WHILE YOU CAN.
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AW, YEAH.
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