WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 1, Episode 12 - Tornado - full transcript
A tornado is striking Cincinnati! Les' warning system didn't work cause Herb unplugged it...and Les' disaster file is "What to do if the Communists attack Cincinnati!" Meanwhile, a group of Japanese radio executives arrive for a tour of WKRP, but a mix-up has them with a Spanish translator instead. Johnny gets drunk due to fear of tornadoes, Andy gets injured, and Mr. Carlson talks a scared child through the storm.
WHAT'S THE BIG NEWS
STORY OF THE DAY, LES?
BILLY CARTER THREW
UP ON PRINCE CIANOOK.
THAT'S NEWS? NO.
BUT THIS IS. WHAT IS IT?
A SPECIAL REPORT
ON CIVIL DEFENSE.
AH, NOBODY CARES
ABOUT THAT JUNK.
HERB, I'VE ASKED YOU A
THOUSAND TIMES TO USE THE DOOR.
THIS IS NUTS. TILL MR. CARLSON
GETS ME MY PRIVATE OFFICE,
THOSE YELLOW LINES ARE WALLS.
ALL RIGHT. OKAY, FINE.
WHAT DO YOU GOT HERE?
"WHAT TO DO IN CASE OF AN
ENEMY ATTACK IN CINCINNATI." RIGHT.
WHO'S GONNA ATTACK
US, DAYTON? MAYBE.
WELL, IF THEY COME DOWN
HERE, WE'LL KICK THEIR BUTTS.
YOU MAY NOT REALIZE THIS, HERB, BUT CIVIL
DEFENSE IN THIS COUNTRY HAS BECOME A JOKE.
YEAH.
AT THE VERY TIME THE GODLESS
COMMUNISTS HAVE CREATED A WAR ARSENAL...
OF INDETERMINATE
DOOM AND DESTRUCTION.
OH. YOU SURE ARE FUN
TO HANG AROUND WITH, LES.
WELL, SOMEBODY'S GOTTA
THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS, HERB.
PEOPLE ARE SO CONCERNED
WITH THEIR OWN LIVES,
THEIR OWN DAY-TO-DAY AFFAIRS,
THEIR OWN PETTY INTERESTS,
THEY NEVER TAKE TIME TO THINK
ABOUT THE REALLY IMPORTANT THINGS.
YOU SEE WHAT I'M GETTING AT?
OH. SORRY, LES. I
WASN'T LISTENING.
HERB, DO YOU REALIZE THAT BECAUSE
OF SOME PETTY THIEVES IN THIS BUILDING,
SOMEBODY'S LOCKED THE
DOOR TO THE STAIRWELL?
HOLY COW.
WELL, THOSE STAIRS
ARE IMPORTANT, HERB.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IN
CASE OF AN EMERGENCY?
TAKE THE ELEVATOR.
NOBODY CARES.
NOBODY IS PREPARED.
MORNING, HERB, LES.
GOOD MORNING, BIG GUY.
OH, MR. CARLSON, I'VE GOT
SOMETHING YOU'LL BE INTERESTED IN.
I'VE JUST COMPLETED A DETAILED PLAN OF
"WHAT TO DO IN CASE OF AN ENEMY ATTACK."
YEAH, FINE. UH...
GENTLEMEN, UH, THIS MORNING I'M EXPECTING
A GROUP OF JAPANESE RADIO EXECUTIVES...
TO TAKE A TOUR OF OUR STATION.
MORE RUBBERNECKERS?
AH, COME ON, HERB. I'M EXPECTING
YOU GUYS TO BE ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR.
JAPANESE, EH?
LES, THE JAPANESE
ARE OUR ALLIES NOW.
I MEAN, AS NEWS DIRECTOR, I KIND OF EXPECT
YOU TO PICK UP ON LITTLE THINGS LIKE THAT.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, BIG GUY.
I KNOW HOW TO HANDLE
THESE FOREIGNERS.
OUR MAID'S A KRAUT.
I'M GOING DOWNSTAIRS TO SEE THE BUILDING
SUPERINTENDENT ABOUT THAT LOCKED STAIRWELL.
WELL, IF HE GIVES YOU ANY
TROUBLE, LES, PUNCH HIM OUT.
HEY, LES! YOUR DUMB
MACHINE'S BROKEN!
I GOTTA FIX EVERYTHING MYSELF.
THE MACHINE'S WORTHLESS.
♪♪
♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪
♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪
♪ I'M LIVING ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪
♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪
♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪
♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪
♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪
♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪
♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪
♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪
LOOK, WE'LL JUST GO
OUT TOGETHER. WRONG.
IT'LL BE NICE. WE CAN LEAVE
RIGHT AFTER WORK. WRONG. WRONG.
AND I WON'T EVEN
TOUCH YOU. RIGHT.
YEAH.
JENNIFER, WHAT TIME YOU GOT?
9:35 A.M.
YEAH. BOY, IT SURE IS DARK OUTSIDE.
THIS IS STRANGE WEATHER WE'RE HAVING.
I KNOW. I THINK WE'RE IN
FOR A GOOD THUNDERSTORM.
OH, UH, HEY, LISTEN,
ANDY. I'VE WRITTEN A
FEW WORDS OF WELCOME
TO OUR JAPANESE GUESTS.
NOW HOW DOES THIS SOUND TO YOU?
"WE AT WKRP ARE HAPPY
TO EXTEND OUR HANDS...
ACROSS THE BORDER TO GREET YOU."
- HUH?
- VERY GOOD.
AW. SOMEBODY
HELPED YOU WRITE THAT.
NO. UH-UH. HONEST.
WELL, THAT'S VERY NICE,
MR. CARLSON. VERY NICE.
EXCEPT, YOU SEE,
JAPAN IS NOT ACROSS THE
BORDER. IT'S ON THE
OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD.
OH, YEAH. WELL, IT'S JUST,
YOU KNOW, A ROUGH DRAFT.
YOU IRON OUT THE FACTS,
BIG GUY, AND YOU GOT IT.
I MEAN, THE FEELING IS TERRIFIC.
YEAH? AW, THANKS,
HERB. YEAH. SURELY.
GOTTA GIVE HIM ENCOURAGEMENT
FROM TIME TO TIME.
YOU KNOW, BUILDS
UP HIS CONFIDENCE.
YEAH, WE'D... WE'D BE LOST
WITHOUT YOU, HERB. TELL ME ABOUT IT.
HELLO.
I AM MR. JOSE JORGE
RODRIGUEZ, THE INTERPRETER.
HELLO. I'M JENNIFER ELIZABETH
MARLOWE, THE RECEPTIONIST.
AND I'M, UH... I'M ANDY TRAVIS,
THE PROGRAM DIRECTOR.
AH, SENORITA. IT IS A
GREAT PLEASURE. OH.
WHAT ARE THEY
SAYING? I DON'T KNOW.
I WAS HIRED TO TRANSLATE FOR A
GROUP OF SPANISH-SPEAKING VISITORS.
IN MY OPINION, THESE
PEOPLE ARE NOT SPANISH.
WATCH THIS.
TU MADRE...
SEE? IN MY COUNTRY,
THERE WOULD BE A FISTFIGHT.
I GUESS I'D BETTER
CALL MR. CARLSON.
MR. CARLSON?
OUR JAPANESE GUESTS ARE HERE.
OUR STATION MANAGER
WILL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.
IT'S VERY NICE TO HAVE YOU HERE.
WELL, IT IS.
MR. CARLSON, THIS IS
MR. RODRIGUEZ, THE INTERPRETER.
WELL, HOW DO YOU DO, SIR? HELLO.
SEÑORES, THIS IS MR. CARLSON.
OH, YEAH. UH, GENTLEMEN,
IT'S OUR PLEASURE TO
WELCOME YOU TO WKRP.
THEY DON'T SPEAK
ENGLISH. WE... HMM?
NO ENGLISH. OH.
UH, WELL, M-MAYBE
HE COULD INTERPRET.
SURE, SURE. SEÑORES...
WKRP.
IS THAT JAPANESE? SPANISH.
MAYBE YOU COULD FILL ME
IN. THERE'S BEEN A MISTAKE.
UH-HUH. SOMEWHERE
IN CINCINNATI...
A BUNCH OF CHIROPRACTORS
FROM ECUADOR...
ARE BEING TAKEN AROUND
BY AKIRA YAMAGUCHI.
PERHAPS WE SHOULD POSTPONE
THIS. WHAT DO YOU SAY?
NOW-NOW WAIT-WAIT-WAIT A MINUTE.
I LEARNED A LITTLE JAPANESE
WHEN I WAS IN THE MARINES.
UH, LET ME THINK
ABOUT THIS. UH...
THE, UH... THE ACCENT
MAY BE OFF, BUT, UH...
OH, BOY.
UH, G-G-G-GUYS, UH, HANDS DOWN.
H-HANDS DOWN. UH... UH... BR-BRING...
BR-BRING THE HANDS DOWN, GUYS.
UH... H-HANDS... AH,
THAT'S-THAT'S GREAT.
GENTLEMEN, UH... THAT'S YOU.
IT GIVES US A GREAT PLEASURE.
SEE? UH... PLEASURE?
FOR US... WE'RE-WE'RE US.
UH... UH, TO WELCOME
YOU, UH, HERE.
UH, NO. IN-IN CINCINNATI, OHIO.
OHIO! OHIO!
- OH-OHIO?
- OHIO! OHIO!
HEY, WHAT-WHAT-WHAT'S
GOING ON HERE?
I'M NO EXPERT, OF COURSE, BUT I
THINK "HELLO" IN JAPANESE IS "OHIO."
OHIO! OHIO!
OHIO! OHIO! ♪♪
♪♪ GENTLEMEN,
THIS IS A DISC JOCKEY.
A DISC JOCKEY.
"DISC-A" JOCKEY? RIGHT.
YOU GOT IT. DISC JOCKEY.
DISC JOCKEY.
OOH. "DISC-A" JOCKEY. AH.
UH, I GUESS WE'VE SEEN ALL WE NEED
TO SEE HERE IN THE BOOTH, GENTLEMEN.
UH, IF YOU'LL FOLLOW ME, UH...
SAYONARA, GUYS.
SAME HERE.
THERE YOU GUYS ARE. THOUGHT
I LOST YOU THERE FOR A MINUTE.
ANYWAY, FELLAS, THIS
IS THE HALL. THE HALL.
WHAT? HUH? WHAT DO YOU SEE OUT
THERE? WHAT? WAIT. LET ME TAKE A LOOK.
PROBABLY THINKS
HE SPOTS A FOTOMAT.
OH, OH. THAT'S A TORNADO.
UH, CAN YOU SAY THAT?
A TORNADO. A TORNADO?
♪♪
♪♪
HEY, ANDY, SOMETHING'S WRONG
WITH THE LIGHTS. THEY JUST FLICKERED.
WHERE IN THE HELL
IS THE DISASTER FILE?
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
TROUBLE WITH THE JAPANESE?
- JENNIFER, SEE IF YOU CAN FIND
THE DISASTER FILE. WHERE'S LES?
- DOWNSTAIRS.
OH, THAT'S JUST GREAT. BOY, YOU
GUYS SURE GET RUFFLED EASILY.
WE'RE NOT AS COURAGEOUS
AS YOU ARE, HERB.
YEAH. HERE. PICK A CARD.
I JUST CRAWLED OFF THE ELEVATOR.
IT'S STUCK UNDERNEATH THIS FLOOR.
LES! THERE IS A
TORNADO OUT THERE!
- TORNADO?
- THAT'S RIGHT.
WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
ANDY, THERE CAN'T BE A TORNADO. I'M
THE NEWS DIRECTOR. I'D KNOW ABOUT IT.
THERE'S THIS LITTLE BELL ON MY
TELETYPE MACHINE THAT GOES OFF...
IT STOPPED. WHO
UNPLUGGED MY MACHINE?
WE DON'T KNOW!
ALL RIGHT, HERB. GET UP FROM
UNDERNEATH THERE. COME ON! GET UP!
LES! LES! GET 'EM UP! COME ON!
LES! WHERE IS THE EMERGENCY
FILE? IN THE CABINET, I GUESS, ANDY.
WHERE IN THE CABINET,
LES? TRY "APOCALYPSE."
BIGGEST NEWS STORY
OF THE YEAR, AND I MISS IT?
COME ON OUT.
LES. I'M GONNA WANT
YOU TO GO ON AIR.
WHAT FOR, ANDY?
IT'S ALL OVER NOW.
ANDY. ANDY, WE CAN'T
GET OFF THIS FLOOR.
YEAH, I KNOW THAT.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
LISTEN, TAKE EVERYONE TO THE
LOBBY. THAT'S THE SAFEST PLACE.
RIGHT, THE LOBBY.
WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
WHO SAID THAT? HERB. HERB!
COME ON OUT OF THERE! WHAT'RE YOU
DOING UNDER THERE, HERB? GET OUT.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? GO
TO THE LOBBY WITH MR. CARLSON.
WHAT'RE WE GONNA DO,
BIG GUY? GO TO THE LOBBY!
WHAT? GO TO THE LOB... PULL
YOURSELF TOGETHER, HERB!
HEY.
I'M SORRY. I SAW
THAT IN A WAR FILM.
UH, HI. UH...
ANDY, MAN, UH, I HAVE
TO GO HOME NOW.
UH, MY SHIFT'S ALMOST OVER, AND
I WANNA WATER MY PLANTS, OKAY?
- YEAH, OKAY. GOOD-BYE.
- UH,
GOOD-BYE, EVERYONE,
AND GOOD LUCK FOREVER.
HOLD-HOLD... WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I HAVE TO GET OUT, ANDY. I PUT
ON A LONG RECORD. LET IT PLAY.
I NEED YOU. I NEED
YOU ON THE AIR.
OKAY, LOOK. I'M GONNA TRY TO BE
CALM AND TELL YOU SOMETHING, OKAY?
JOHNNY, WE'RE TRYING TO... AND YOU
JUST TRY TO BE CALM AND LISTEN TO ME, HMM?
OKAY. OKAY.
UH, LOOK, MAN, I'VE
BEEN IN JAIL IN MEXICO.
UH, MY FATHER CALLED
ME "WHAT'S-HIS-FACE"...
FOR 17 HORRIFYING YEARS.
UH, MY SECOND WIFE TRIED TO
KILL ME WITH A RONCO VEG-O-MATIC.
WE ARE VERY BUSY HERE.
MY MOTHER AND I WERE
IN A TORNADO ONCE.
UH, WE WERE IN A MOBILE HOME.
AND, UH, I THINK GOD MUST
REALLY HATE MOBILE HOMES, ANDY,
'CAUSE TORNADOES
ALWAYS ATTACK THEM FIRST.
THEY GET VERY MOBILE. UH...
HOLD IT. HOLD. I
UNDERSTAND. I-I DON'T...
NOW LISTEN TO ME. WE CAN'T
GET OFF THE FLOOR. OH, GOOD.
THE ELEVATOR IS
STUCK. STUCK. GOOD.
RIGHT. WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS
GO TO THE LOBBY. GO TO THE LOBBY.
THAT'S THE SAFEST PLACE.
IT'S THE SAFEST PLACE.
RIGHT. GO TO THE LOBBY.
I'LL GO TO THE LOBBY. IT'S
THE SAFEST PLACE. RIGHT.
OKAY.
UH, LISTEN, JENNIFER,
I-I'M NOT A COWARD.
I KNOW.
THE WALLS MOVED!
THE WALLS MOVED!
JOHNNY, THE OTHER WAY!
OH, RIGHT.
I CAN'T FIND A DISASTER FILE.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK. GO HELP
JOHNNY, ALL RIGHT? OKAY.
LES. LES.
LES, PLEASE, GO ON THE AIR.
WHAT FOR, ANDY? IT'S ALL OVER.
BIGGEST NEWS STORY
OF THE YEAR, AND I MISS IT.
TORNADO'S GONE, AND I MISS IT.
LES! SOMETIMES THESE THINGS
COME IN CLUSTERS. OH, SURE, SURE.
THIS MIGHT NOT BE
OVER WITH YET, LES.
YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT TO MAKE ME FEEL
BETTER. LES, I'M NOT JUST SAYING THAT...
WHAT IS THAT? IT SOUNDS LIKE A
TRAIN. MAYBE IT'S ANOTHER TWISTER.
UNDER YOUR DESK, LES. NO,
LES, DON'T DO THAT! NO, LES!
OH, HOT DOG! WE'RE IN BUSINESS!
GET AWAY FROM THE WINDOW!
OH, THIS IS NEWS!
DY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
ANDY, SPEAK TO ME. ANDY.
ANDY? ANDY, THAT
TORNADO, IT CAME RIGHT PAST
THE BUILDING. WE
GOTTA GET OUT. COME ON.
OH, NO. HE'S UNCONSCIOUS. HE
WAS STANDING BESIDE THE WINDOW.
COME ON. LET'S GET HIM OUT OF
HERE, AWAY FROM THAT WINDOW.
I GOT YA. GO AHEAD. GOT HIM.
FINE. RIGHT OVER HERE. GOT HIM.
YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED
TO MOVE AN INJURED PERSON.
SON OF A GUN, SHE'S RIGHT.
RIGHT. LET'S GET HIM BACK.
ANYBODY KNOW...
ANYBODY KNOW FIRST AID?
UH, YEAH. I-I TOOK THE ADVANCED
COURSE, BIG GUY. OH, GREAT.
- WH-WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
- WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? YOU IDIOT.
THIS MAN NEEDS
MOUTH-TO-MOUTH RESUSCITATION.
MOUTH-TO-MOUTH WITH ANOTHER GUY?
- HERB!
- I LIKE ANDY AND ALL,
BUT I DON'T THINK I SHOULD...
HERB, I'M ORDERING YOU TO GET THIS
JOB DONE. HERE. JUST A MINUTE. I'LL DO IT.
- YOU KNOW MOUTH-TO-MOUTH?
- I KNOW ALL SORTS OF THINGS.
GET THE FEELING THEY'VE
DONE THIS BEFORE?
SHUT UP, HERB. THIS
IS AN EMERGENCY.
WE'VE ALL GOTTA PITCH IN.
WHY HIM?
WHY COULDN'T THAT BE ME?
UH, NOW WAIT-WAIT-WAIT A
MINUTE. I THINK HE'S COMING AROUND.
ARE YOU OKAY, ANDY? YOU
OKAY? S-S-SAY SOMETHING.
OH.
WHAT'D HE SAY? DON'T STOP.
I THINK HE'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT. COME
ON. SIT UP. COME ON. COME ON. COME ON.
HUH? YOU OKAY, HUH? YOU OKAY?
I-I SAID ARE YOU OKAY?
THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME.
THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE...
ALL RIGHT. I'M IN
CHARGE HERE NOW.
LES, YOU GET THAT EMERGENCY FILE
AND YOU GET ON THE AIR RIGHT AWAY.
ALL RIGHT, MR. CARLSON, BUT
WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM WITH THIS PLAN.
I DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT YOUR
PROBLEMS. I WANT YOU ON THE AIR NOW.
YES, SIR.
JENNIFER, I WANT YOU TO STAY
HERE AND TAKE CARE OF ANDY.
RIGHT. 'CAUSE I'M
GOING TO THE BRIDGE.
BRIDGE? UH, THE BOOTH.
I THINK THE BIG GUY
SAID HE WAS FINE.
I-I THINK HE'S OKAY NOW.
WHAT THE DEVIL ARE YOU
DOING? WHY AREN'T WE ON THE AIR?
I'M GONNA PLAY A RECORD, MR. CARLSON.
WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR RECORDS.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I TOLD YOU
THERE WAS A PROBLEM WITH THIS PLAN.
WHAT PROBLEM? IT
DOESN'T COVER TORNADOES.
IT'S FOR WHAT TO DO
WHEN THE RUSSIANS ATTACK.
THE RUSSIANS? OR CHINESE.
LES, YOU TAKE THAT EMERGENCY
FILE AND GET ON THE AIR.
AND WHEN YOU SEE THE WORD "RUSSIANS"
YOU SUBSTITUTE THE WORD "TORNADO."
OOH. THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
THIS IS A SPECIAL EMERGENCY
REPORT FROM WKRP IN CINCINNATI.
NOW HERE WITH THAT
REPORT IS LES NESSMAN.
SOMEBODY ELSE IS SUPPOSED TO READ
THAT LINE. JUST GET BACK ON THE AIR.
THE CITY OF CINCINNATI HAS JUST BEEN
ATTACKED BY THE GODLESS TORNADOES.
CITIZENS ARE ADVISED TO
ARM THEMSELVES IMMEDIATELY.
GIVE ME THAT THING. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THERE'S BEEN A REPORT OF TWO TORNADOES...
IN THE IMMEDIATE AREA
AND THERE COULD BE OTHERS.
NOW, WE'RE ASKING YOU
TO TAKE COVER... WHATEVER
COVER YOU CAN... AND
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE,
EVEN IF YOU'RE LIVING IN AN AREA
THAT SEEMS CLEAR AT THE PRESENT TIME.
STAY OUT OF THOSE STREETS SO THAT EMERGENCY
VEHICLES AND THEIR STAFF CAN GET...
IF YOU SPOT AN ENEMY TORNADO IN
YOUR AREA, PLEASE CALL US IMMEDIATELY.
OUR NUMBER IS 555-WKRP.
NOW, THIS IS THE BEST WAY FOR US TO KEEP
ADVISED OF ANY ENEMY TORNADO MOVEMENTS.
THAT'S GREAT, LES. NOW THAT
NUMBER TO CALL ONCE AGAIN.
NOW I'M GOING READ YOU A LIST OF HOSPITALS
AND EMERGENCY... GET THAT PHONE, PLEASE.
LISTEN CLOSELY. GENERAL HOSPITAL ON
THE UNIVERSITY CAMPUS. UH, HELLO. WKRP.
PLEASE, CALM-CALM DOWN. CALM DOWN.
WHERE DID YOU SEE THE FUNNEL CLOUD?
WHAT DIRECTION DO YOU THINK IT WAS
HEADING? CHRIST HOSPITAL IN MT. AUBURN.
- GOT IT. FINE. THANKS A LOT.
- GOOD SAMARITAN HOSPITAL NEAR
THE UNIVERSITY OF CINCINNATI.
GOOD SAMARITAN NEAR
THE UNIVERSITY OF CINC...
ALL RIGHT! WE HAVE A SIGHTING!
THERE IS A TORNADO
IN THE HAMILTON AREA.
IF YOU ARE IN THAT
AREA, TAKE SHELTER NOW.
I REPEAT, THE HAMILTON AREA.
NOW HERE ARE SOME HELPFUL TIPS ON
HOW TO CARE FOR THE INJURED OR IN SHOCK.
HELLO? DO NOT MOVE THE VICTIM.
PLEASE, PLEASE. SWEETHEART, JUST
CALM DOWN. DO NOT MOVE THE VICTIM.
TELL ME HOW OLD YOU ARE.
KEEP THE VICTIM LYING FLAT.
KEEP THAT VICTIM LYING
FLAT. SEVEN YEARS OLD?
I'VE GOT A GIRL. COVER
TO AVOID LOSS OF HEAT.
COME ON. COME ON.
COME ON. GIVE NO FLUIDS.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I AM TALKING
TO A LITTLE SEVEN-YEAR-OLD GIRL...
WHOSE MOMMY'S NOT AT HOME.
IF THERE ARE OTHER KIDS OUT
THERE ALONE, UH, LISTEN CLOSELY TOO.
OKAY? UH, NOW, SWEETHEART,
UNCLE ARTHUR WANTS YOU TO KNOW
THAT EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
Y-YOUR MOMMY'S FINE. YOU SEE, SHE'S
JUST TAKEN SHELTER WHERE SHE IS.
YES. AND SHE KNOWS THAT SHE MUST STAY
THERE UNTIL THIS WHOLE THING'S BLOWN OVER.
UH, NO. N-NO, NO, NO, NO. D-DON'T...
DON'T TRY TO GO OUT AND FIND HER.
STAY WHERE YOU ARE.
SHE'S GONNA BE HOME SOON.
AW. PLEASE. SHE'S CRYING.
SWEETHEART. SHH, SHH,
SHH, SHH. CALM DOWN, NOW.
I KNOW IT'S TERRIBLE TO BE ALONE,
AND TORNADOES ARE SCARY THINGS.
BUT, YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES...
SOMETIMES WE GOTTA BE
BRAVE, EVEN WHEN WE'RE NOT.
OH, UH, LES NESSMAN WANTS TO KNOW
IF YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR BASEMENT IS.
YOU DO? GOOD!
NOW, I'LL BET EVERYBODY OUT THERE
KNOWS WHERE HIS OR HER BASEMENT IS, RIGHT?
WELL, UNCLE ARTHUR WANTS
YOU TO GO THERE RIGHT NOW.
YEAH. YES, YOU TOO, DEAR.
WHAT? YEAH, I-I KNOW
IT'S DARK DOWN THERE.
BUT UNCLE ARTHUR WANTS YOU TO
GO THERE RIGHT NOW, SWEETHEART.
OH, ALL RIGHT. IF-IF YOU GO THERE, I'LL
SEND YOU FIVE DOLLARS THROUGH THE MAIL.
KIDS. WHAT?
YEAH, PLEASE, JUST PUT
THE PHONE ON THE TABLE,
AND I WANNA HEAR YOU
WALK TO THE BASEMENT.
AND THEN WHEN YOU GET
THERE, SLAM THE DOOR REAL LOUD.
SHE'S GOING. GOOD.
I CAN HEAR HER WALKING.
HUH. I HEARD THE DOOR.
SHE'S GONNA BE SAFE.
AT LEAST I HOPE SO.
THE PHONE JUST WENT DEAD.
MR. CARLSON, YOU
SAVED THAT CHILD'S LIFE.
HUH? OH!
THAT-THAT'S ENOUGH, LES. NOW
GET BACK ON THE AIR. RIGHT. RIGHT.
THIS IS LES NESSMAN AGAIN, PART OF
YOUR GUTSY WKRP EMERGENCY NEWS TEAM.
NOW I WANNA SEE THE
PHONES IN HERE LIGHT UP.
I WANNA SEE THIS CITY
GET OFF THE CANVAS AND
START FIGHTING THE
WAY ONLY CINCINNATI CAN.
WE'RE NOT GONNA LET THOSE
GODLESS AGGRESSORS FROM THE...
I MEAN, THOSE TORNADOES...
GET THE BEST OF US, ARE WE?
HECK, NO, BOY. NOT WITH MEN LIKE
ARTHUR "BIG GUY" CARLSON ON OUR SIDE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK ON WITH MORE NEWS
AND INFORMATION THE MOMENT WE GET IT.
RIGHT NOW, UM, I'M GOING
TO, UH, UM, UH, PLAY A RECORD.
YEAH, SURE. WHY NOT? ♪♪
♪♪
LES NESSMAN SPEAKING.
LISTEN, TRANSLATE THAT,
JOSE. THEY'LL LOVE IT.
AH, BUT SERIOUSLY, GUYS.
SEE, I AM TERRIFIED
BY TORNADOES.
I MEAN, THEY PARALYZE ME.
AND, UH, WELL, YOU GUYS
SHOW UP HERE TODAY AND YOU...
YOU LISTENED TO ALL MY PROBLEMS.
SO, UH, GOD BLESS
EVERY ONE OF YOU.
AND I HOPE THAT YOU
SELL A BILLION TV SETS.
ANDY, WHAT HAPPENED?
OH, HE HAD A LITTLE ACCIDENT, BUT
HE'S JUST FINE NOW. AREN'T YOU, ANDY?
SURE. LISTEN, HAS ANYBODY
SEEN MY LITTLE DOG?
WELL, ANDY, IT'S ALL OVER. NOBODY
WAS KILLED. ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL?
HELLO.
OVER? DAMN! I'M READY NOW.
WHY, I GOTTA GO ON THE AIR.
I'M NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING.
THE BOOTH IS GONE.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
STORY OF THE DAY, LES?
BILLY CARTER THREW
UP ON PRINCE CIANOOK.
THAT'S NEWS? NO.
BUT THIS IS. WHAT IS IT?
A SPECIAL REPORT
ON CIVIL DEFENSE.
AH, NOBODY CARES
ABOUT THAT JUNK.
HERB, I'VE ASKED YOU A
THOUSAND TIMES TO USE THE DOOR.
THIS IS NUTS. TILL MR. CARLSON
GETS ME MY PRIVATE OFFICE,
THOSE YELLOW LINES ARE WALLS.
ALL RIGHT. OKAY, FINE.
WHAT DO YOU GOT HERE?
"WHAT TO DO IN CASE OF AN
ENEMY ATTACK IN CINCINNATI." RIGHT.
WHO'S GONNA ATTACK
US, DAYTON? MAYBE.
WELL, IF THEY COME DOWN
HERE, WE'LL KICK THEIR BUTTS.
YOU MAY NOT REALIZE THIS, HERB, BUT CIVIL
DEFENSE IN THIS COUNTRY HAS BECOME A JOKE.
YEAH.
AT THE VERY TIME THE GODLESS
COMMUNISTS HAVE CREATED A WAR ARSENAL...
OF INDETERMINATE
DOOM AND DESTRUCTION.
OH. YOU SURE ARE FUN
TO HANG AROUND WITH, LES.
WELL, SOMEBODY'S GOTTA
THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS, HERB.
PEOPLE ARE SO CONCERNED
WITH THEIR OWN LIVES,
THEIR OWN DAY-TO-DAY AFFAIRS,
THEIR OWN PETTY INTERESTS,
THEY NEVER TAKE TIME TO THINK
ABOUT THE REALLY IMPORTANT THINGS.
YOU SEE WHAT I'M GETTING AT?
OH. SORRY, LES. I
WASN'T LISTENING.
HERB, DO YOU REALIZE THAT BECAUSE
OF SOME PETTY THIEVES IN THIS BUILDING,
SOMEBODY'S LOCKED THE
DOOR TO THE STAIRWELL?
HOLY COW.
WELL, THOSE STAIRS
ARE IMPORTANT, HERB.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IN
CASE OF AN EMERGENCY?
TAKE THE ELEVATOR.
NOBODY CARES.
NOBODY IS PREPARED.
MORNING, HERB, LES.
GOOD MORNING, BIG GUY.
OH, MR. CARLSON, I'VE GOT
SOMETHING YOU'LL BE INTERESTED IN.
I'VE JUST COMPLETED A DETAILED PLAN OF
"WHAT TO DO IN CASE OF AN ENEMY ATTACK."
YEAH, FINE. UH...
GENTLEMEN, UH, THIS MORNING I'M EXPECTING
A GROUP OF JAPANESE RADIO EXECUTIVES...
TO TAKE A TOUR OF OUR STATION.
MORE RUBBERNECKERS?
AH, COME ON, HERB. I'M EXPECTING
YOU GUYS TO BE ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR.
JAPANESE, EH?
LES, THE JAPANESE
ARE OUR ALLIES NOW.
I MEAN, AS NEWS DIRECTOR, I KIND OF EXPECT
YOU TO PICK UP ON LITTLE THINGS LIKE THAT.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, BIG GUY.
I KNOW HOW TO HANDLE
THESE FOREIGNERS.
OUR MAID'S A KRAUT.
I'M GOING DOWNSTAIRS TO SEE THE BUILDING
SUPERINTENDENT ABOUT THAT LOCKED STAIRWELL.
WELL, IF HE GIVES YOU ANY
TROUBLE, LES, PUNCH HIM OUT.
HEY, LES! YOUR DUMB
MACHINE'S BROKEN!
I GOTTA FIX EVERYTHING MYSELF.
THE MACHINE'S WORTHLESS.
♪♪
♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪
♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪
♪ I'M LIVING ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪
♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪
♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪
♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪
♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪
♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪
♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪
♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪
LOOK, WE'LL JUST GO
OUT TOGETHER. WRONG.
IT'LL BE NICE. WE CAN LEAVE
RIGHT AFTER WORK. WRONG. WRONG.
AND I WON'T EVEN
TOUCH YOU. RIGHT.
YEAH.
JENNIFER, WHAT TIME YOU GOT?
9:35 A.M.
YEAH. BOY, IT SURE IS DARK OUTSIDE.
THIS IS STRANGE WEATHER WE'RE HAVING.
I KNOW. I THINK WE'RE IN
FOR A GOOD THUNDERSTORM.
OH, UH, HEY, LISTEN,
ANDY. I'VE WRITTEN A
FEW WORDS OF WELCOME
TO OUR JAPANESE GUESTS.
NOW HOW DOES THIS SOUND TO YOU?
"WE AT WKRP ARE HAPPY
TO EXTEND OUR HANDS...
ACROSS THE BORDER TO GREET YOU."
- HUH?
- VERY GOOD.
AW. SOMEBODY
HELPED YOU WRITE THAT.
NO. UH-UH. HONEST.
WELL, THAT'S VERY NICE,
MR. CARLSON. VERY NICE.
EXCEPT, YOU SEE,
JAPAN IS NOT ACROSS THE
BORDER. IT'S ON THE
OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD.
OH, YEAH. WELL, IT'S JUST,
YOU KNOW, A ROUGH DRAFT.
YOU IRON OUT THE FACTS,
BIG GUY, AND YOU GOT IT.
I MEAN, THE FEELING IS TERRIFIC.
YEAH? AW, THANKS,
HERB. YEAH. SURELY.
GOTTA GIVE HIM ENCOURAGEMENT
FROM TIME TO TIME.
YOU KNOW, BUILDS
UP HIS CONFIDENCE.
YEAH, WE'D... WE'D BE LOST
WITHOUT YOU, HERB. TELL ME ABOUT IT.
HELLO.
I AM MR. JOSE JORGE
RODRIGUEZ, THE INTERPRETER.
HELLO. I'M JENNIFER ELIZABETH
MARLOWE, THE RECEPTIONIST.
AND I'M, UH... I'M ANDY TRAVIS,
THE PROGRAM DIRECTOR.
AH, SENORITA. IT IS A
GREAT PLEASURE. OH.
WHAT ARE THEY
SAYING? I DON'T KNOW.
I WAS HIRED TO TRANSLATE FOR A
GROUP OF SPANISH-SPEAKING VISITORS.
IN MY OPINION, THESE
PEOPLE ARE NOT SPANISH.
WATCH THIS.
TU MADRE...
SEE? IN MY COUNTRY,
THERE WOULD BE A FISTFIGHT.
I GUESS I'D BETTER
CALL MR. CARLSON.
MR. CARLSON?
OUR JAPANESE GUESTS ARE HERE.
OUR STATION MANAGER
WILL BE RIGHT WITH YOU.
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.
IT'S VERY NICE TO HAVE YOU HERE.
WELL, IT IS.
MR. CARLSON, THIS IS
MR. RODRIGUEZ, THE INTERPRETER.
WELL, HOW DO YOU DO, SIR? HELLO.
SEÑORES, THIS IS MR. CARLSON.
OH, YEAH. UH, GENTLEMEN,
IT'S OUR PLEASURE TO
WELCOME YOU TO WKRP.
THEY DON'T SPEAK
ENGLISH. WE... HMM?
NO ENGLISH. OH.
UH, WELL, M-MAYBE
HE COULD INTERPRET.
SURE, SURE. SEÑORES...
WKRP.
IS THAT JAPANESE? SPANISH.
MAYBE YOU COULD FILL ME
IN. THERE'S BEEN A MISTAKE.
UH-HUH. SOMEWHERE
IN CINCINNATI...
A BUNCH OF CHIROPRACTORS
FROM ECUADOR...
ARE BEING TAKEN AROUND
BY AKIRA YAMAGUCHI.
PERHAPS WE SHOULD POSTPONE
THIS. WHAT DO YOU SAY?
NOW-NOW WAIT-WAIT-WAIT A MINUTE.
I LEARNED A LITTLE JAPANESE
WHEN I WAS IN THE MARINES.
UH, LET ME THINK
ABOUT THIS. UH...
THE, UH... THE ACCENT
MAY BE OFF, BUT, UH...
OH, BOY.
UH, G-G-G-GUYS, UH, HANDS DOWN.
H-HANDS DOWN. UH... UH... BR-BRING...
BR-BRING THE HANDS DOWN, GUYS.
UH... H-HANDS... AH,
THAT'S-THAT'S GREAT.
GENTLEMEN, UH... THAT'S YOU.
IT GIVES US A GREAT PLEASURE.
SEE? UH... PLEASURE?
FOR US... WE'RE-WE'RE US.
UH... UH, TO WELCOME
YOU, UH, HERE.
UH, NO. IN-IN CINCINNATI, OHIO.
OHIO! OHIO!
- OH-OHIO?
- OHIO! OHIO!
HEY, WHAT-WHAT-WHAT'S
GOING ON HERE?
I'M NO EXPERT, OF COURSE, BUT I
THINK "HELLO" IN JAPANESE IS "OHIO."
OHIO! OHIO!
OHIO! OHIO! ♪♪
♪♪ GENTLEMEN,
THIS IS A DISC JOCKEY.
A DISC JOCKEY.
"DISC-A" JOCKEY? RIGHT.
YOU GOT IT. DISC JOCKEY.
DISC JOCKEY.
OOH. "DISC-A" JOCKEY. AH.
UH, I GUESS WE'VE SEEN ALL WE NEED
TO SEE HERE IN THE BOOTH, GENTLEMEN.
UH, IF YOU'LL FOLLOW ME, UH...
SAYONARA, GUYS.
SAME HERE.
THERE YOU GUYS ARE. THOUGHT
I LOST YOU THERE FOR A MINUTE.
ANYWAY, FELLAS, THIS
IS THE HALL. THE HALL.
WHAT? HUH? WHAT DO YOU SEE OUT
THERE? WHAT? WAIT. LET ME TAKE A LOOK.
PROBABLY THINKS
HE SPOTS A FOTOMAT.
OH, OH. THAT'S A TORNADO.
UH, CAN YOU SAY THAT?
A TORNADO. A TORNADO?
♪♪
♪♪
HEY, ANDY, SOMETHING'S WRONG
WITH THE LIGHTS. THEY JUST FLICKERED.
WHERE IN THE HELL
IS THE DISASTER FILE?
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
TROUBLE WITH THE JAPANESE?
- JENNIFER, SEE IF YOU CAN FIND
THE DISASTER FILE. WHERE'S LES?
- DOWNSTAIRS.
OH, THAT'S JUST GREAT. BOY, YOU
GUYS SURE GET RUFFLED EASILY.
WE'RE NOT AS COURAGEOUS
AS YOU ARE, HERB.
YEAH. HERE. PICK A CARD.
I JUST CRAWLED OFF THE ELEVATOR.
IT'S STUCK UNDERNEATH THIS FLOOR.
LES! THERE IS A
TORNADO OUT THERE!
- TORNADO?
- THAT'S RIGHT.
WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
ANDY, THERE CAN'T BE A TORNADO. I'M
THE NEWS DIRECTOR. I'D KNOW ABOUT IT.
THERE'S THIS LITTLE BELL ON MY
TELETYPE MACHINE THAT GOES OFF...
IT STOPPED. WHO
UNPLUGGED MY MACHINE?
WE DON'T KNOW!
ALL RIGHT, HERB. GET UP FROM
UNDERNEATH THERE. COME ON! GET UP!
LES! LES! GET 'EM UP! COME ON!
LES! WHERE IS THE EMERGENCY
FILE? IN THE CABINET, I GUESS, ANDY.
WHERE IN THE CABINET,
LES? TRY "APOCALYPSE."
BIGGEST NEWS STORY
OF THE YEAR, AND I MISS IT?
COME ON OUT.
LES. I'M GONNA WANT
YOU TO GO ON AIR.
WHAT FOR, ANDY?
IT'S ALL OVER NOW.
ANDY. ANDY, WE CAN'T
GET OFF THIS FLOOR.
YEAH, I KNOW THAT.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
LISTEN, TAKE EVERYONE TO THE
LOBBY. THAT'S THE SAFEST PLACE.
RIGHT, THE LOBBY.
WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
WHO SAID THAT? HERB. HERB!
COME ON OUT OF THERE! WHAT'RE YOU
DOING UNDER THERE, HERB? GET OUT.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? GO
TO THE LOBBY WITH MR. CARLSON.
WHAT'RE WE GONNA DO,
BIG GUY? GO TO THE LOBBY!
WHAT? GO TO THE LOB... PULL
YOURSELF TOGETHER, HERB!
HEY.
I'M SORRY. I SAW
THAT IN A WAR FILM.
UH, HI. UH...
ANDY, MAN, UH, I HAVE
TO GO HOME NOW.
UH, MY SHIFT'S ALMOST OVER, AND
I WANNA WATER MY PLANTS, OKAY?
- YEAH, OKAY. GOOD-BYE.
- UH,
GOOD-BYE, EVERYONE,
AND GOOD LUCK FOREVER.
HOLD-HOLD... WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I HAVE TO GET OUT, ANDY. I PUT
ON A LONG RECORD. LET IT PLAY.
I NEED YOU. I NEED
YOU ON THE AIR.
OKAY, LOOK. I'M GONNA TRY TO BE
CALM AND TELL YOU SOMETHING, OKAY?
JOHNNY, WE'RE TRYING TO... AND YOU
JUST TRY TO BE CALM AND LISTEN TO ME, HMM?
OKAY. OKAY.
UH, LOOK, MAN, I'VE
BEEN IN JAIL IN MEXICO.
UH, MY FATHER CALLED
ME "WHAT'S-HIS-FACE"...
FOR 17 HORRIFYING YEARS.
UH, MY SECOND WIFE TRIED TO
KILL ME WITH A RONCO VEG-O-MATIC.
WE ARE VERY BUSY HERE.
MY MOTHER AND I WERE
IN A TORNADO ONCE.
UH, WE WERE IN A MOBILE HOME.
AND, UH, I THINK GOD MUST
REALLY HATE MOBILE HOMES, ANDY,
'CAUSE TORNADOES
ALWAYS ATTACK THEM FIRST.
THEY GET VERY MOBILE. UH...
HOLD IT. HOLD. I
UNDERSTAND. I-I DON'T...
NOW LISTEN TO ME. WE CAN'T
GET OFF THE FLOOR. OH, GOOD.
THE ELEVATOR IS
STUCK. STUCK. GOOD.
RIGHT. WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS
GO TO THE LOBBY. GO TO THE LOBBY.
THAT'S THE SAFEST PLACE.
IT'S THE SAFEST PLACE.
RIGHT. GO TO THE LOBBY.
I'LL GO TO THE LOBBY. IT'S
THE SAFEST PLACE. RIGHT.
OKAY.
UH, LISTEN, JENNIFER,
I-I'M NOT A COWARD.
I KNOW.
THE WALLS MOVED!
THE WALLS MOVED!
JOHNNY, THE OTHER WAY!
OH, RIGHT.
I CAN'T FIND A DISASTER FILE.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK. GO HELP
JOHNNY, ALL RIGHT? OKAY.
LES. LES.
LES, PLEASE, GO ON THE AIR.
WHAT FOR, ANDY? IT'S ALL OVER.
BIGGEST NEWS STORY
OF THE YEAR, AND I MISS IT.
TORNADO'S GONE, AND I MISS IT.
LES! SOMETIMES THESE THINGS
COME IN CLUSTERS. OH, SURE, SURE.
THIS MIGHT NOT BE
OVER WITH YET, LES.
YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT TO MAKE ME FEEL
BETTER. LES, I'M NOT JUST SAYING THAT...
WHAT IS THAT? IT SOUNDS LIKE A
TRAIN. MAYBE IT'S ANOTHER TWISTER.
UNDER YOUR DESK, LES. NO,
LES, DON'T DO THAT! NO, LES!
OH, HOT DOG! WE'RE IN BUSINESS!
GET AWAY FROM THE WINDOW!
OH, THIS IS NEWS!
DY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
ANDY, SPEAK TO ME. ANDY.
ANDY? ANDY, THAT
TORNADO, IT CAME RIGHT PAST
THE BUILDING. WE
GOTTA GET OUT. COME ON.
OH, NO. HE'S UNCONSCIOUS. HE
WAS STANDING BESIDE THE WINDOW.
COME ON. LET'S GET HIM OUT OF
HERE, AWAY FROM THAT WINDOW.
I GOT YA. GO AHEAD. GOT HIM.
FINE. RIGHT OVER HERE. GOT HIM.
YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED
TO MOVE AN INJURED PERSON.
SON OF A GUN, SHE'S RIGHT.
RIGHT. LET'S GET HIM BACK.
ANYBODY KNOW...
ANYBODY KNOW FIRST AID?
UH, YEAH. I-I TOOK THE ADVANCED
COURSE, BIG GUY. OH, GREAT.
- WH-WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
- WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? YOU IDIOT.
THIS MAN NEEDS
MOUTH-TO-MOUTH RESUSCITATION.
MOUTH-TO-MOUTH WITH ANOTHER GUY?
- HERB!
- I LIKE ANDY AND ALL,
BUT I DON'T THINK I SHOULD...
HERB, I'M ORDERING YOU TO GET THIS
JOB DONE. HERE. JUST A MINUTE. I'LL DO IT.
- YOU KNOW MOUTH-TO-MOUTH?
- I KNOW ALL SORTS OF THINGS.
GET THE FEELING THEY'VE
DONE THIS BEFORE?
SHUT UP, HERB. THIS
IS AN EMERGENCY.
WE'VE ALL GOTTA PITCH IN.
WHY HIM?
WHY COULDN'T THAT BE ME?
UH, NOW WAIT-WAIT-WAIT A
MINUTE. I THINK HE'S COMING AROUND.
ARE YOU OKAY, ANDY? YOU
OKAY? S-S-SAY SOMETHING.
OH.
WHAT'D HE SAY? DON'T STOP.
I THINK HE'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT. COME
ON. SIT UP. COME ON. COME ON. COME ON.
HUH? YOU OKAY, HUH? YOU OKAY?
I-I SAID ARE YOU OKAY?
THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME.
THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE...
ALL RIGHT. I'M IN
CHARGE HERE NOW.
LES, YOU GET THAT EMERGENCY FILE
AND YOU GET ON THE AIR RIGHT AWAY.
ALL RIGHT, MR. CARLSON, BUT
WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM WITH THIS PLAN.
I DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT YOUR
PROBLEMS. I WANT YOU ON THE AIR NOW.
YES, SIR.
JENNIFER, I WANT YOU TO STAY
HERE AND TAKE CARE OF ANDY.
RIGHT. 'CAUSE I'M
GOING TO THE BRIDGE.
BRIDGE? UH, THE BOOTH.
I THINK THE BIG GUY
SAID HE WAS FINE.
I-I THINK HE'S OKAY NOW.
WHAT THE DEVIL ARE YOU
DOING? WHY AREN'T WE ON THE AIR?
I'M GONNA PLAY A RECORD, MR. CARLSON.
WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR RECORDS.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I TOLD YOU
THERE WAS A PROBLEM WITH THIS PLAN.
WHAT PROBLEM? IT
DOESN'T COVER TORNADOES.
IT'S FOR WHAT TO DO
WHEN THE RUSSIANS ATTACK.
THE RUSSIANS? OR CHINESE.
LES, YOU TAKE THAT EMERGENCY
FILE AND GET ON THE AIR.
AND WHEN YOU SEE THE WORD "RUSSIANS"
YOU SUBSTITUTE THE WORD "TORNADO."
OOH. THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
THIS IS A SPECIAL EMERGENCY
REPORT FROM WKRP IN CINCINNATI.
NOW HERE WITH THAT
REPORT IS LES NESSMAN.
SOMEBODY ELSE IS SUPPOSED TO READ
THAT LINE. JUST GET BACK ON THE AIR.
THE CITY OF CINCINNATI HAS JUST BEEN
ATTACKED BY THE GODLESS TORNADOES.
CITIZENS ARE ADVISED TO
ARM THEMSELVES IMMEDIATELY.
GIVE ME THAT THING. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THERE'S BEEN A REPORT OF TWO TORNADOES...
IN THE IMMEDIATE AREA
AND THERE COULD BE OTHERS.
NOW, WE'RE ASKING YOU
TO TAKE COVER... WHATEVER
COVER YOU CAN... AND
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE,
EVEN IF YOU'RE LIVING IN AN AREA
THAT SEEMS CLEAR AT THE PRESENT TIME.
STAY OUT OF THOSE STREETS SO THAT EMERGENCY
VEHICLES AND THEIR STAFF CAN GET...
IF YOU SPOT AN ENEMY TORNADO IN
YOUR AREA, PLEASE CALL US IMMEDIATELY.
OUR NUMBER IS 555-WKRP.
NOW, THIS IS THE BEST WAY FOR US TO KEEP
ADVISED OF ANY ENEMY TORNADO MOVEMENTS.
THAT'S GREAT, LES. NOW THAT
NUMBER TO CALL ONCE AGAIN.
NOW I'M GOING READ YOU A LIST OF HOSPITALS
AND EMERGENCY... GET THAT PHONE, PLEASE.
LISTEN CLOSELY. GENERAL HOSPITAL ON
THE UNIVERSITY CAMPUS. UH, HELLO. WKRP.
PLEASE, CALM-CALM DOWN. CALM DOWN.
WHERE DID YOU SEE THE FUNNEL CLOUD?
WHAT DIRECTION DO YOU THINK IT WAS
HEADING? CHRIST HOSPITAL IN MT. AUBURN.
- GOT IT. FINE. THANKS A LOT.
- GOOD SAMARITAN HOSPITAL NEAR
THE UNIVERSITY OF CINCINNATI.
GOOD SAMARITAN NEAR
THE UNIVERSITY OF CINC...
ALL RIGHT! WE HAVE A SIGHTING!
THERE IS A TORNADO
IN THE HAMILTON AREA.
IF YOU ARE IN THAT
AREA, TAKE SHELTER NOW.
I REPEAT, THE HAMILTON AREA.
NOW HERE ARE SOME HELPFUL TIPS ON
HOW TO CARE FOR THE INJURED OR IN SHOCK.
HELLO? DO NOT MOVE THE VICTIM.
PLEASE, PLEASE. SWEETHEART, JUST
CALM DOWN. DO NOT MOVE THE VICTIM.
TELL ME HOW OLD YOU ARE.
KEEP THE VICTIM LYING FLAT.
KEEP THAT VICTIM LYING
FLAT. SEVEN YEARS OLD?
I'VE GOT A GIRL. COVER
TO AVOID LOSS OF HEAT.
COME ON. COME ON.
COME ON. GIVE NO FLUIDS.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I AM TALKING
TO A LITTLE SEVEN-YEAR-OLD GIRL...
WHOSE MOMMY'S NOT AT HOME.
IF THERE ARE OTHER KIDS OUT
THERE ALONE, UH, LISTEN CLOSELY TOO.
OKAY? UH, NOW, SWEETHEART,
UNCLE ARTHUR WANTS YOU TO KNOW
THAT EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
Y-YOUR MOMMY'S FINE. YOU SEE, SHE'S
JUST TAKEN SHELTER WHERE SHE IS.
YES. AND SHE KNOWS THAT SHE MUST STAY
THERE UNTIL THIS WHOLE THING'S BLOWN OVER.
UH, NO. N-NO, NO, NO, NO. D-DON'T...
DON'T TRY TO GO OUT AND FIND HER.
STAY WHERE YOU ARE.
SHE'S GONNA BE HOME SOON.
AW. PLEASE. SHE'S CRYING.
SWEETHEART. SHH, SHH,
SHH, SHH. CALM DOWN, NOW.
I KNOW IT'S TERRIBLE TO BE ALONE,
AND TORNADOES ARE SCARY THINGS.
BUT, YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES...
SOMETIMES WE GOTTA BE
BRAVE, EVEN WHEN WE'RE NOT.
OH, UH, LES NESSMAN WANTS TO KNOW
IF YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR BASEMENT IS.
YOU DO? GOOD!
NOW, I'LL BET EVERYBODY OUT THERE
KNOWS WHERE HIS OR HER BASEMENT IS, RIGHT?
WELL, UNCLE ARTHUR WANTS
YOU TO GO THERE RIGHT NOW.
YEAH. YES, YOU TOO, DEAR.
WHAT? YEAH, I-I KNOW
IT'S DARK DOWN THERE.
BUT UNCLE ARTHUR WANTS YOU TO
GO THERE RIGHT NOW, SWEETHEART.
OH, ALL RIGHT. IF-IF YOU GO THERE, I'LL
SEND YOU FIVE DOLLARS THROUGH THE MAIL.
KIDS. WHAT?
YEAH, PLEASE, JUST PUT
THE PHONE ON THE TABLE,
AND I WANNA HEAR YOU
WALK TO THE BASEMENT.
AND THEN WHEN YOU GET
THERE, SLAM THE DOOR REAL LOUD.
SHE'S GOING. GOOD.
I CAN HEAR HER WALKING.
HUH. I HEARD THE DOOR.
SHE'S GONNA BE SAFE.
AT LEAST I HOPE SO.
THE PHONE JUST WENT DEAD.
MR. CARLSON, YOU
SAVED THAT CHILD'S LIFE.
HUH? OH!
THAT-THAT'S ENOUGH, LES. NOW
GET BACK ON THE AIR. RIGHT. RIGHT.
THIS IS LES NESSMAN AGAIN, PART OF
YOUR GUTSY WKRP EMERGENCY NEWS TEAM.
NOW I WANNA SEE THE
PHONES IN HERE LIGHT UP.
I WANNA SEE THIS CITY
GET OFF THE CANVAS AND
START FIGHTING THE
WAY ONLY CINCINNATI CAN.
WE'RE NOT GONNA LET THOSE
GODLESS AGGRESSORS FROM THE...
I MEAN, THOSE TORNADOES...
GET THE BEST OF US, ARE WE?
HECK, NO, BOY. NOT WITH MEN LIKE
ARTHUR "BIG GUY" CARLSON ON OUR SIDE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK ON WITH MORE NEWS
AND INFORMATION THE MOMENT WE GET IT.
RIGHT NOW, UM, I'M GOING
TO, UH, UM, UH, PLAY A RECORD.
YEAH, SURE. WHY NOT? ♪♪
♪♪
LES NESSMAN SPEAKING.
LISTEN, TRANSLATE THAT,
JOSE. THEY'LL LOVE IT.
AH, BUT SERIOUSLY, GUYS.
SEE, I AM TERRIFIED
BY TORNADOES.
I MEAN, THEY PARALYZE ME.
AND, UH, WELL, YOU GUYS
SHOW UP HERE TODAY AND YOU...
YOU LISTENED TO ALL MY PROBLEMS.
SO, UH, GOD BLESS
EVERY ONE OF YOU.
AND I HOPE THAT YOU
SELL A BILLION TV SETS.
ANDY, WHAT HAPPENED?
OH, HE HAD A LITTLE ACCIDENT, BUT
HE'S JUST FINE NOW. AREN'T YOU, ANDY?
SURE. LISTEN, HAS ANYBODY
SEEN MY LITTLE DOG?
WELL, ANDY, IT'S ALL OVER. NOBODY
WAS KILLED. ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL?
HELLO.
OVER? DAMN! I'M READY NOW.
WHY, I GOTTA GO ON THE AIR.
I'M NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING.
THE BOOTH IS GONE.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪