WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot: Part 1 - full transcript

WEATHER TODAY IN THE
GREATER CINCINNATI AREA...

♪ I LOVE YOU SO
BADLY I COULD... ♪

THEY'RE SOLID PLASTIC, SO
DON'T SETTLE FOR IMITATION...

BUT THE SENATOR, WHILE
INSISTING HE WAS NOT INTOXICATED,

COULD NOT EXPLAIN HIS NUDITY.

♪♪

♪♪

♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVING ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪



♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪

♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪

GOOD MORNING,
JENNIFER. MORNING, HERB.

ANY CALLS? NO.

MESSAGES? NOPE.

MAIL? NONE.

OKAY, HOW ABOUT
LUNCH? NO LUNCH EITHER.

DINNER? BUSY.

- HOW ABOUT LATER
AT MY PLACE?
- YOU'RE MARRIED, HERB.

OH, YEAH.



WHAT'S IT GONNA TAKE
WITH YOU, JENNIFER?

I MEAN, YOU'RE TALKING TO
THE SALES MANAGER HERE.

I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU
WANT, WATCHES, JEWELRY,

A SIDE OF BEEF, FULLY DRESSED?

I CAN FIX ANYTHING. YOU WANNA
MEET BERT CONVY IN PERSON?

I MEAN, THEY DON'T CALL ME
MR. KICKBACK FOR NOTHING. HI.

HOWDY. I'M ANDY TRAVIS, THE,
UH, NEW PROGRAM DIRECTOR.

BUT KICKBACKS ARE WRONG.

HERB TARLEK. SORRY, GOT A
MEETING. WE'LL TALK LATER,

IF YOU LAST THAT LONG.

- NICE FELLOW.
- ONE OF THE BEST.

- WOULD YOU LIKE
TO SEE THE BIG GUY?
- THE BIG GUY?

THE SKIPPER, THE
CHIEF, THE HEAD HONCHO,

THE JERK WHO RUNS THIS PLACE.

WELL, YES. YES, I WOULD.

MR. CARLSON, MR. TRAVIS
IS HERE TO SEE YOU.

TRAVIS. I DON'T KNOW.

HE CLAIMS TO BE THE
NEW PROGRAM DIRECTOR.

I'M FROM SANTA FE, NEW MEXICO.

YOU KNOW, I NEVER REALLY MET THE BIG
GUY BEFORE. HE HIRED ME ON THE PHONE.

WELL, THEN YOU HAVE
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

YES, HE'S STILL HERE.

GOOD MORNING, JENNIFER. HI, LES.

UH, LES, THIS IS ANDY TRAVIS,
OUR NEW PROGRAM DIRECTOR.

WELL, HOWDY. SO YOU'RE TRAVIS?

- YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
- OH, LES IS IN CHARGE
OF NEWS, WEATHER, SPORTS.

THE LAST PROGRAM DIRECTOR LASTED 30
MINUTES BEFORE THE BIG GUY FIRED HIM.

TRAFFIC AND... WHAT ELSE, LES?

AWARD-WINNING FARM REPORTS.

SO WATCH YOUR STEP, MISTER.

SO, LES IS A GREAT GUY TOO. OF COURSE, HE'S
NO HERB, BUT HE'S STILL ONE OF THE BEST.

HE'S ALL RIGHT.

AT LEAST HE'S NOT ALWAYS
PAWING AND MAULING YOU,

CONSTANTLY ON THE MAKE,

DYING FOR SOME STEAMY,
ONE-NIGHT STAND...

OF UNBRIDLED PASSION...

AT SOME OUT-OF-THE-WAY
HOTEL ROOM.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I SURE DO.

- YOU'RE NOT
LIKE THAT, ARE YOU?
- WHO, ME? OH, NO. HECK, NO.

HOW COME? I DON'T KNOW.

- TRAVIS?
- UH, YES, SIR.

I'M CARLSON. WELL,
IT'S NICE TO FINALLY...

GET IN HERE. SEE YOU IN PERSON.

HE'S A GREAT GUY TOO,
RIGHT? ONE OF THE BEST.

SO, YOU FISH? UH,
NO, SIR. NO. NO, I DON'T.

NO?

- I FISH.
- UH, MR. CARLSON,

YOU KNOW, IT STRIKES ME THAT YOU
DON'T REALLY REMEMBER HIRING ME.

OF COURSE I DO. YOU KNOW,
I QUIT MY JOB IN SANTA FE.

YOU DID? YEAH. I TOOK AN
APARTMENT HERE IN CINCINNATI TOO.

OOH, DO YOU THINK THAT'S WISE?

MR. CARLSON, WE TALKED
ON THE PHONE. YOU

PROMISED ME A FREE
HAND TO RUN THIS STATION.

I SHOULD NEVER USE THE PHONE... CUT THAT
THING IN HALF, JUST USE IT FOR LISTENING.

I THINK I MADE A BIG
MISTAKE COMING HERE.

- WHERE YA GOIN', COWBOY?
- I DON'T REALLY KNOW,
BUT I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOIN'.

- YEAH?
- YES, SIR.

YOU'RE GOIN' BACK TO PLAYIN'
MUSIC ON THIS STATION...

THAT WAS WAY OUT-OF-DATE 20
YEARS AGO AND LOSIN' 100 GRAND A YEAR.

WHERE'D YOU GET A
FIGURE LIKE THAT? FROM YOU.

OH, YEAH. RIGHT. UH...

SIT DOWN FOR A
SECOND. ALL RIGHT.

I SUPPOSE YOU'VE WORKED AT STATIONS
THAT MAKE REALLY BIG MONEY, HUH?

OH, YES, SIR. YES, I
HAVE. A LOT OF 'EM.

WE USED TO MAKE MONEY
AROUND HERE, YOU KNOW.

OF COURSE, THAT WAS BACK IN
THE DAYS WHEN MUSIC WAS MUSIC...

AND MEN WERE MEN
AND FISH WERE FISH.

NOW I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THE HELL'S GOIN' ON.

COME ON, MR. CARLSON. I THINK
I CAN SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU.

- YOU CAN?
- SURE. YOU KNOW WHAT'S
GOIN' ON AROUND HERE.

I DO? OH, OF COURSE I DO. HOW
DO YOU SEE IT THOUGH, TRAVIS?

WELL, I SEE BEFORE ME A
VERY SHREWD MANAGER. TRUE.

A MAN SMART ENOUGH TO HIRE THE
RIGHT PEOPLE. THAT'S VERY ASTUTE.

AND THEN YOU JUST STEP ASIDE,
AND YOU LET THEM RUN THE OPERATION.

SON OF A GUN. YOU
READ ME LIKE A BOOK.

I CAN BE TOUGH. I CAN BE MEAN.

AND I CAN MAKE THOSE HARD
DECISIONS. THE FIRST DECISION...

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO MAKE AROUND
HERE IS WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO ABOUT MAMA.

MAMA? YEAH, MY MOTHER.
SHE OWNS THIS STATION.

I GOTTA ANSWER TO HER FOR
EVERYTHING THAT GOES ON AROUND HERE.

WE DO? I THOUGHT YOU
SAID YOU'RE IN CHARGE HERE?

I AM IN CHARGE HERE, AND
DON'T YOU FORGET IT, BUSTER!

BUT SOMETIMES, MAMA
SCARES ME A LITTLE BIT.

UH, YEAH. UH, MR. CARLSON,
LET ME ASK YOU ANOTHER THING.

DOES YOUR MOTHER WANT
THIS STATION TO MAKE MONEY?

BOY, DOES SHE!

SHE GETS THIS LOOK IN HER EYE
WHEN SHE TALKS ABOUT MONEY.

STARTS MAKING THIS... NOISE
DOWN DEEP IN HER THROAT.

OH, WELL, GOOD. BECAUSE I THINK SHE'S
GONNA LIKE WHAT WE DO AROUND HERE.

- HUH?
- YEAH. BECAUSE I KNOW I CAN
TURN THIS STATION AROUND.

- TURN IT AROUND?
- MAKE MONEY.

OH. WELL, IN THAT CASE, ANDREW, YOU'VE
GOT A FREE HAND FROM HERE ON OUT,

FOR THE TIME BEING. THAT'S
GOOD. WHERE'S MY OFFICE?

OUT THAT DOOR, DOWN THE HALL TO
YOUR LEFT. THINK YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT.

- ONE MORE THING.
- YES, SIR?

THESE CHANGES... THEY, UH... THEY
WOULDN'T NECESSITATE THE, UH,

PLAYING OF ROCK-AND-ROLL
MUSIC, WOULD THEY?

POSSIBLY.

DEAR GOD. SHE'S
GONNA KILL US ALL.

- YOU'RE TRAVIS?
- YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

I'M JOHNNY CARAVELLA.

I'M ALSO KNOW AS JOHNNY
MIDNIGHT, JOHNNY COOL,

JOHNNY DUKE, JOHNNY
STYLE AND JOHNNY SUNSHINE.

YOU CAN CALL ME "JOHNNY," OKAY?

WELL, IT'S NICE TO
MEET YOU, JOHNNY.

- YOU MIND
IF I SIT DOWN?
- NO, PLEASE.

I'M THE MORNING MAN. I,
UH, JUST GOT OFF THE AIR.

GOT INSOMNIA, YOU KNOW.
CAN'T GO TO SLEEP BEFORE 3:00.

I GOTTA GET UP ABOUT 5:00, GET
IN HERE, BE ON THE AIR BY 6:00.

THIS COFFEE KEEPS
ME SHARP AS A TACK.

YOU MIND IF I LIE DOWN?

GO RIGHT AHEAD.

SUNSHINE. HAVEN'T
I HEARD OF YOU?

YOU'RE NOT A COP, ARE YA?

JOHNNY SUNSHINE.

JOHNNY SUNSHINE!
I REMEMBER. YEAH.

IT WAS LOS ANGELES
IN THE LATE '60s.

"JOHNNY SUNSHINE, BOSS JOCK." YOU
WERE, UH... YOU WERE VERY HOT, MAN.

YEAH. SOMETHIN'
HAPPENED THERE THOUGH.

STATION FIRED YOU
FOR SOME REASON.

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU
SOMETHING, BABY...

THEY ALL FIRE YOU
SOONER OR LATER.

YEAH, I KNOW. BUT THIS WAS
SOMETHIN' THAT YOU, UH...

SOMETHIN' YOU DID. YEAH,
WELL, WE ALL DO THINGS, RIGHT?

UH-HUH. IT WAS
SOMETHIN' THAT YOU SAID.

YEAH. "BOOGER."

WHAT? I USED THE WORD
"BOOGER" ON THE AIR.

THAT'S RIGHT. YEAH.

I WAS MAKIN' ABOUT 100
GRAND A YEAR OUT THERE.

THEN ONE DAY I SAID "BOOGER,"

BUNCH OF BOZOS
CALLED THE STATION,

NEXT THING I KNOW, I'M IN
AMARILLO HOSTING A GARDEN SHOW.

MIND IF I GET SOME
COFFEE? NO, HELP YOURSELF.

- WHERE'D YOU GO FROM THERE?
- DENVER, BOISE, FARGO.

IT'S ALL A BLUR TO ME.

I'LL TELL YOU THIS THOUGH, I
NEVER THOUGHT I'D END UP...

AT WKRP IN PITTS...

- CINCINNATI?
- YEAH, CINCINNATI.

THIS IS ROCK-BOTTOM.

MR. TRAVIS? YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

I'M LES NESSMAN, WINNER OF FIVE
REGIONAL BROADCASTING AWARDS.

UH, YEAH. I KNOW. WE,
UH... WE MET IN THE LOBBY.

THAT'S RIGHT. I WANTED TO CHAT,

BUT I HAD TO GET ON THE
AIR WITH THE HOG FUTURES.

HOGS HAVE FUTURES, I DON'T.

THE PLEASURE IS ALL
MINE. WELL, THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW, I SENSED THIS
MORNING, SOMEHOW THAT I, UH...

I RUBBED YOU THE WRONG WAY.

ME? OH, NO, I JUST HAD THE HOGS.

TRAVIS? THAT'S RIGHT.

HERB TARLEK HERE, HEAD OF SALES AND
PROMOTION. WELCOME TO WKRP IN CINCINNATI.

WH... CAN'T TALK NOW. GOT
MEETINGS ALL DAY LONG.

BUT WE'LL GET TOGETHER REAL SOON.
LOOK FORWARD TO IT. OUT OF THE WAY, LES.

I GUESS I BETTER BE GOING TOO.

GOOD DAY, AND MAY THE
GOOD NEWS BE YOURS.

WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

HEY... HEY, JOHNNY!
YEAH, AM I ON?

NO, MAN. IT'S OKAY.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.

- WHO ARE YOU?
- I-I'M ANDY TRAVIS.

OH, YEAH.

- WHAT'S WITH THOSE
TWO GUYS ANYWAY?
- WHAT TWO GUYS?

HERB AND LES THERE.

- WHAT, NASTY THIS MORNING,
NICE NOW?
- YEAH.

AH, COME ON, ANDY.
YOU'VE BEEN AROUND.

- THEY WERE UP FOR YOUR JOB.
- OH.

LES WANTS AN
ALL-NEWS-AND-HOG FORMAT.

ON THE OTHER HAND, HERB WOULD
LIKE AN ALL-TALK-SHOW FORMAT.

I, PERSONALLY, WAS
HOPING FOR... ALL-HAWAIIAN.

- WHAT DO YOU GOT IN MIND?
- OH, I DON'T KNOW.

I HAVEN'T QUITE,
UH, DECIDED YET.

LISTEN, UH, DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT CARLSON'S MOTHER?

- UH-HUH.
- UH-HUH?

YOU'RE GONNA
LOVE IT IN AMARILLO.

- LISTEN, YOU MIND
IF I LEAVE?
- NOT AT ALL.

♪♪

♪♪

OKAY. THAT WAS...

FELIX MANDEL'S ORCHESTRA...

WITH THEIR BEAUTIFUL VERSION
OF THE ALL-TIME FAVORITE...

"HOW CAN I MISS YOU
IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY."

I'M SURE ALL YOU DOUGHBOYS
OUT THERE REMEMBER THAT ONE.

AND, FOR SOME REASON,
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK...

WITH MORE OF YOUR FAVORITE
RECORDED MELODIES AFTER THIS...

VERY IMPORTANT WORD FROM...

SHADY HILLS, CINCINNATI'S
FINEST REST HOME.

MANY PEOPLE ASK THIS
AGE-OLD QUESTION...

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I CAN
NO LONGER FEED MYSELF?

HI, JOHNNY. BAILEY,
YOU'VE COME TO FEED ME.

NO, BUT HERE ARE TODAY'S
NEW COMMERCIALS. UH-HUH.

- YOU MIND IF I
WATCH YOU WORK?
- NO, NOT AT ALL.

LISTEN, UH, WHAT'S THE
WEATHER LIKE OUT THERE?

- UH, IT'S RAINING.
- EXCUSE ME A MINUTE.

SO CALL SHADY HILLS TODAY.

REMEMBER, THERE JUST
MIGHT NOT BE A TOMORROW.

AND ON THAT HAPPY NOTE, LET'S
TAKE A LOOK AT THE WEATHER.

WE HAVE REPORTS THAT IT'S
COMING DOWN IN BUCKETS OUT THERE...

IN OTHER PARTS OF THE STATE.

HOWEVER, EXPERTS
ARE PREDICTING...

THAT SUNNY SKIES WILL
RETURN BY NOON. NO.

BUT NOT HERE.

SO, IF YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY TO WORK,
YOU MIGHT WANT TO TAKE AN UMBRELLA.

OR YOU MIGHT NOT.

YOU'RE LISTENING TO THE
"JOHNNY... CARAVELLA SHOW"...

ON WKRP IN CINCINNATI.

AND NOW IT'S TIME TO LISTEN TO
ONE OF MY PERSONAL FAVORITES.

IT'S THE... HALLELUJAH
TABERNACLE CHOIR...

WITH THEIR BEAUTIFUL
RENDITION OF...

"YOU'RE HAVING MY BABY."

♪ YOU'RE HAVING OUR BABY ♪
♪ RIGHT NOW ♪

♪ WHAT A LOVELY,
LOVELY WAY TO SAY ♪

♪ YOU LOVE US ♪

♪ YOU'RE HAVING OUR BABY ♪
♪ RIGHT NOW ♪

♪ WHAT A LOVELY,
LOVELY WAY TO SAY ♪

♪ YOU LOVE US ♪

♪ YOU'RE HAVING OUR BABY ♪

♪ RIGHT NOW ♪

♪ WHAT A LOVELY,
LOVELY WAY TO SAY Y... ♪♪

JOHNNY. HI, ANDY.

HEY, LISTEN, I'VE BEEN THINKIN'. I WANNA
GO AHEAD AND CHANGE YOUR FORMAT TODAY.

- TODAY?
- SURE.

- JUST LIKE THAT?
- WHY NOT?

WELL, I DON'T HAVE ANY RECORDS.

NOW YOU DO.

UH, LISTEN, ANDY, UH,

IT'S BEEN QUITE A WHILE SINCE
I WORKED IN A ROCK STATION.

SO? SO, I THINK MAYBE YOU
SHOULD LOOK FOR SOMEBODY ELSE,

ABOUT 15 YEARS YOUNGER.
NO. YOU'RE MY MAN.

LISTEN, I REALLY APPRECIATE
IT. I DO. YOU CAN DO IT.

YEAH, I DON'T KNOW.
I-I-I... JUST DO IT.

OKAY. OKAY.

BAILEY, I'M HAVIN' A MEETIN' WITH NESSMAN
AND TARLEK. I WANT YOU TO BE THERE.

ME? WELL, YOU
WORK HERE, DON'T YA?

WELL, YEAH, B-BUT I'VE NEVER
GONE TO A MEETING BEFORE.

WELL, THAT'S BEEN A MISTAKE.
WELL, I ALWAYS THOUGHT SO.

LET'S GO. UH, LISTEN,
YOU DO MEAN NOW? YES.

AND... YOU CAN SAY
"BOOGER" IF YOU WANT TO.

WELL, IT'S GOOD-BYE
TO THE ELEVATOR MUSIC.

DO IT.

ALL RIGHT,
CINCINNATI! IT IS TIME...

FOR THIS TOWN TO GET DOWN!

NOW, YOU'VE GOT JOHNNY...

DR. JOHNNY FEVER, AND
I AM BURNIN' UP IN HERE.

WHOA! WHOO! WE ALL IN
CRITICAL CONDITION, BABIES.

BUT YOU CAN TELL
ME WHERE IT HURTS.

BECAUSE I GOT THE HEALIN'
PRESCRIPTION HERE...

FROM THE BIG KRP
MUSICAL MEDICINE CABINET.

NOW, I AM TALKIN' ABOUT YOUR
50,000-WATT INTENSIVE CARE UNIT, BABIES!

SO JUST SIT RIGHT DOWN, RELAX,
OPEN YOUR EARS REAL WIDE AND SAY,

"GIVE IT TO ME STRAIGHT,
DOCTOR. I CAN TAKE IT!"

♪♪

♪♪ ALMOST FORGOT, FELLOW BABIES.

BOOGER!

♪♪

ANDY! HOW'S IT GOIN'?

GOSH DARN IT. YOU KNOW, YOU'VE
ONLY BEEN HERE, WHAT, THREE DAYS,

AND ALREADY I CAN FEEL A... HOW DO
YOU DESCRIBE IT... ELECTRICITY IN THE AIR.

WELL, THANK YOU. OH, HI, BAILEY.
ANYBODY WANT ANY COFFEE?

NO. NO? OKAY.

BAILEY, RUN ALONG. WE'VE GOT
IMPORTANT BUSINESS TO DISCUSS.

NO, NO, NO. BAILEY'S HERE
FOR THE MEETING, HERB.

AND WHY NOT? MOVE OVER, LES.

WHAT'S THIS MEETING
ALL ABOUT, MR. TRAVIS?

OH, "ANDY," PLEASE. ANDY.

I JUST WANTED TO ANNOUNCE TO YOU ALL
THAT STARTING JUST A FEW MINUTES AGO,

I CHANGED THE FORMAT OF
WKRP TO TOP 40 ROCK AND ROLL.

THAT'S JUST THE BEGINNING. THERE'S GONNA
BE A LOT OF OTHER CHANGES AROUND HERE TOO.

- I KNEW IT. WE'RE FIRED.
- NO, NO. NOBODY'S FIRED.

WE ARE GONNA MAKE SOME
CHANGES IN THE WAY YOU

GUYS BEEN RUNNIN' YOUR
INDIVIDUAL DEPARTMENTS.

LES... WHAT?

YOU HAVE THIS THING YOU CALL
"EYEWITNESS WEATHER." WHAT IS THAT?

WELL, I JUST LOOK OUT THE
WINDOW AND WITNESS THE WEATHER.

UH-HUH. WELL, WHAT ABOUT THIS
STATION'S TRAFFIC HELICOPTER?

- WE DON'T HAVE ONE.
- SO WHY DO WE HAVE
HELICOPTER REPORTS?

THAT'S JUST ME. I GET
ON THE AIR, AND I DO THIS...

THE TRAFFIC TODAY IS LIGHT TO
HEAVY ON ALL MAIN THOROUGHFARES.

YEAH, UH, GOOD
FOR YOU, LES. GOOD.

NOW, ANDY, WHAT
ABOUT MY CLIENT LIST?

I MEAN, DO YOU THINK SHADY HILLS REST
HOME, OUR OLDEST AND DEAREST CLIENT,

IS GONNA ADVERTISE ON A
ROCK-AND-ROLL STATION?

WELL, FOR EVERY
ONE CLIENT WE LOSE,

WE GAIN THREE MORE AND
DOUBLE YOUR COMMISSIONS.

I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW
ANYONE DOWN THERE.

EXCUSE ME, ANDY...

I AM SWAMPED WITH PHONE CALLS OUT THERE
ABOUT WHATEVER JOHNNY IS DOING ON THE AIR.

- OH, HOW MANY?
- THREE.

YOU JUST DO THE
BEST YOU CAN, OKAY?

OKAY. UH, LISTEN, ANDY,

WE'VE NEVER HAD
ANY CALLS BEFORE,

AND IF THIS PRESSURE KEEPS UP, I'M
GOING TO HAVE TO HAVE MORE MONEY.

WOULD YOU SETTLE
FOR A SIDE OF BEEF?

LES... WHAT?

- SHARPEN THE NEWS. AND I WANT
RELIABLE SOURCES, OKAY?
- OKAY.

DON'T GIVE ME ANY MORE TRAFFIC
REPORTS UNTIL I GET YOU A REAL HELICOPTER.

GEE, THANKS, ANDY.
MY CHEST IS KILLING ME.

OKAY. AND, HERB... NOW, THIS
STATION'S RATINGS ARE GONNA GO UP.

SO BE READY. THAT MEANS
MORE CUSTOMERS, NOT LESS.

WHAT? NO.

OKAY. BAILEY...

YES? I'M GONNA NEED
YOU TO HELP ME WITH...

ON-THE-AIR PROMOTIONS...
YOU KNOW, ROCK CONCERTS,

RECORD GIVEAWAYS, WHATEVER
ELSE YOU CAN THINK OF.

- ANDY, THAT'S MY AREA.
- BECAUSE HERB IS GONNA BE
MUCH TOO BUSY...

WITH SALES MEETINGS
AND BUSINESS LUNCHES.

OH.

BAILEY, YOU THINK
YOU CAN HANDLE THAT?

YEAH. YEAH, I THINK I CAN DO IT.

- YOU CAN COUNT ON ME, ANDY.
- I KNOW I CAN.

OKAY, WELL, LISTEN,
THAT'S JUST ABOUT IT.

WE'LL CONTINUE MEETIN'
LIKE THIS AND MAKIN' PLANS,

BUT I TELL YOU, I THINK
WE'RE OFF TO A SMOOTH START.

ANDY, I LIKE IT. I'VE
SEEN 'EM COME AND GO,

BUT YOU'RE THE BEST.
I'M WITH YOU 100%, ANDY.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
HERB, LES, FOLLOW ME.

- TRAVIS, YOU'RE FIRED.
- GOOD MOVE, BIG GUY.

I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T LAST.

MAMA JUST CALLED. SHE'S ON
HER WAY DOWN HERE. NOW, LOOK...

THIS IS THE PLAN. WE'LL
TELL HER JOHNNY WENT

CRAZY, MIND SNAPPED
WHILE HE WAS ON THE AIR.

SHE'LL BUY THAT. THAT
HAPPENED ONCE TO US HERE.

SPORTSCASTER WENT NUTS RIGHT
IN THE MIDDLE OF A SWIMMING MEET.

STARTED BARKING LIKE A DOG.

CAN'T YOU TAKE A HINT? YOU'RE
GONE, FIRED. GET OUTTA HERE.

LISTEN, WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT
HAPPENED? I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED.

MAMA HEARD JOHNNY ON THE
AIR. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.

I THINK WE SHOULD
JUST TRY TO CALM DOWN.

CALM DOWN, YOU
JUGHEAD? MAMA'S COMIN'!

- YOU'RE RIGHT. THIS IS
NO TIME FOR CALMNESS.
- I'M CERTAINLY NOT CALM.

OF COURSE YOU'RE NOT,
YOU LILY-LIVERED, GUTLESS...

I OUGHTA TAKE YOU
APART BRICK BY BRICK.

I OUGHTA CHOP YOU OFF AT
THE ANKLES, THAT'S WHAT...

MOTHER!

SWEETHEART, COME IN. YOU
KNOW HERB AND LES, DON'T YA?

HELLO, MOTHER CARLSON. MAMA.

GEE, MOM, YOU LOOK
LIKE A MILLION BUCKS.

KEEP AWAY FROM ME!
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

WELL, YOU KNOW, MOM, THE
DARNEDEST THING JUST HAPPENED.

NOW, HOW IT HAPPENED, I'M NOT
JUST TOO SURE, BUT... WHO ARE YOU?

HIM? HE'S NOBOD... WHO IS
THIS? GET HIM OUT OF HERE.

WE CAN'T HAVE PEOPLE
WANDERING IN OFF THE STREETS.

MRS. CARLSON, I'M ANDY TRAVIS,
THE NEW PROGRAM DIRECTOR.

YOU'RE THE OLD
PROGRAM DIRECTOR! HERB

TARLEK OVER HERE'S THE
NEW PROGRAM DIRECTOR.

MOM, HERB IS JUST LIKE
A SON TO ME. STOP THAT!

WHAT ABOUT ME? YOU CAN BE
PROGRAM DIRECTOR AFTER HERB'S GONE.

MR. TRAVIS,

ARE YOU RESPONSIBLE FOR
THE STRANGE SOUNDS I HEARD...

EMANATING FROM MY
RADIO THIS MORNING?

- I AM.
- EXPLAIN YOURSELF.

I LIKE THE SOUNDS YOU
HEARD THIS MORNING.

YOUNG MAN, THIS RADIO
STATION IS A BUSINESS.

IT IS NOT HERE FOR YOUR
PERSONAL LISTENING PLEASURE.

WELL, IF-IF I MAY, MA'AM.

I KNOW IT'S A BUSINESS.
SEE, THAT WHY THIS STATION...

HAS NO CHOICE BUT
TO CHANGE ITS FORMAT.

THERE ARE ALREADY LOTS OF
ROCK-AND-ROLL STATIONS IN CINCINNATI.

WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS, LES?

WELL, I PERSONALLY THINK
IT'S A PLOT OF SOME SORT.

NO, MRS. CARLSON, ROCK AND
ROLL IS WHERE THE MONEY IS.

HOW MUCH MONEY?

I THINK WE CAN BREAK EVEN THE
FIRST YEAR. THE SECOND YEAR...

- SECOND YEAR? I'M TALKING ABOUT NOW.
- WELL, THESE THINGS TAKE TIME.

WE BREAK EVEN THE FIRST YEAR, THE SECOND
YEAR, WE CLEAR MAYBE 800,000 AFTER TAXES...

TOO LITTLE AND TOO
LATE. TOO LITTLE?

MAMA, THAT 800,000 IS
PROFITS, NOT LOSSES.

I CAN SELL THIS STATION FOR FIVE
TIMES THAT AMOUNT RIGHT NOW.

I WANT A FASTER
TURNAROUND. MA'AM...

WELL, I HATE TO SAY IT, BUT I...

I PERSONALLY CANNOT
WORK THAT WAY.

- I GUESS I AM FIRED.
- NO, WAIT A MINUTE.

MAMA, LOOK. YOU'VE BEEN ON MY
BACK FOR YEARS TO TURN A PROFIT HERE.

NOW, WHEN I'M FINALLY GETTING
STARTED, Y-YOU WANNA DUMP THE STATION.

LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING. IF HE GOES, I GO.

WHAT? THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

ARTHUR, YOU'VE NEVER
SPOKEN TO ME THAT WAY BEFORE.

YEAH, WELL... DO YOU LIKE IT?

I HATE IT. BUT IT'S
THE FIRST TIME...

I'VE SEEN ANY SIGN
OF BACKBONE IN YOU.

YEAH, WELL, WHILE I'M AT IT,

I'VE GOT A FEW OTHER
THINGS... DON'T PUSH IT, ARTHUR.

YES, MAMA.

YOUNG MAN, WE'LL TRY
IT YOUR WAY FOR A WHILE.

- YOU'VE GOT A DEAL.
- THANK YOU, MA'AM.

ANDY, MY MAN! WHAT'S GOIN' DOWN?

VENUS, HOW YOU DOIN'?

- WHAT IS THAT?
- OH, MAY I INTRODUCE
MR. VENUS FLYTRAP.

- HEY, LITTLE MAMA.
- I BEG YOUR PARDON.

VENUS IS THE BEST NIGHTTIME
DEEJAY IN THIS COUNTRY.

I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF HIRING HIM
AWAY FROM A STATION IN NEW ORLEANS.

- DID YOU HAVE
A BIG AUDIENCE THERE?
- THE BIGGEST.

WELCOME TO
CINCINNATI, MR. FLYTRAP.

ARTHUR... YES, MOTHER?

IF THIS DOESN'T WORK, I'LL
TEAR YOU DOWN BRICK BY BRICK.

I'LL... WE GET THE
PICTURE, MAMA.

NICE TO HAVE MET YOU TWO.

THAT'S A MEAN LITTLE MAMA.

YOU BET.

HERB, LES, WHY DON'T YOU SHOW
VENUS AROUND THE STATION?

DO IT. YOU KNOW, MR. FLYTRAP,

I HAVE SOME IDEAS ABOUT
THAT NIGHTTIME SHOW. YEAH?

I DO THE SPORTS NEWS
HERE, MR. FLYTRAP.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE NOTICED, BUT THERE
CERTAINLY ARE A LOT OF NEGROES IN SPORTS.

YEAH, WELL... SAY WHAT?

MR. CARLSON. YEAH?

THANK YOU VERY MUCH
FOR STANDING UP FOR ME.

YEAH, WELL, UH...

THANK YOU FOR
GIVIN' ME A REASON TO.

HEY, BABIES.

MIND IF I COME IN?

DR. FEVER, I PRESUME.

YEAH, I'M FIRED, RIGHT?

LISTEN, MAN, I DON'T CARE,
BECAUSE I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS TOWN.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT,
JOHNNY? YOU CAN'T LEAVE.

LOOK, MR. CARLSON'S
GOING WITH OUR FORMAT.

- JOHNNY? JOHNNY!
- HEY, YOU!

- HMM, YEAH?
- HEY, YOU'RE NEEDED
IN CINCINNATI.

CINCINNATI!

LISTEN, IF I LEAVE NOW, I CAN
BE THERE BY NOON TOMORROW.

♪♪

IT'S THE HOUR OF
DARKNESS, CHILDREN.

AND VENUS IS ON THE
RISE IN CINCINNATI.

THE MOON IS HIGH.

AND SO AM I.

SO LET'S GET DOWN, PRETTY
BROTHERS AND SISTERS.

TOGETHER WE WILL
GROWL AND HOWL...

RIGHT AFTER THIS WORD
FROM SHADY HILLS REST HOME.

MANY PEOPLE ASK THIS
AGE-OLD QUESTION...

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I CAN
NO LONGER FEED MYSELF?

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

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